And Now For Something...

A is for Ass

Geoff — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 14:25:54 +0000

Time Warner seem to have cocked up fine style in the US state of North Carolina, showing some naughty video on kids TV. Sure, this has happened many times before (such as during sporting events), but the experience is usually short lived as someone frantically searches for the ‘off’ button while their boss screams in their ear incessantly. Not this time!

No, this little educational program continued for 2 hours, over 2 kids entertainment channels. OK, so the video was only covering part of the screen, and it was naked women discussing sex and various acts which would make Ron Jeremy blush, but I’m damn sure that approximately 18.2 billion children have been irreparably harmed by this little escapade and Time Warner’s lawyers will be receiving a lot of lawsuits over it.

On a final note, why is porn in the news so much recently?! Next we’ll have Jenna Jameson presenting the News at Ten!

Porn in Parliament – except this time the taxpayer isn’t paying for it

Geoff — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 10:54:49 +0000

Last time the topics of porn films and the UK Parliament were linked together was over Home Secretary Jacqui Smith’s husband buying a couple of naughty films on her expenses privilege – cue embarrassment all round. Now the unlikely combination is back out there with the news that Anna Arrowsmith, aka Anna Span, will be running for Parliament in this years election under the Liberal Democrat Banner.

She maintains that her motives are centred around the number of female MPs, not the interests of her industry. Nick Clegg, the leader of the Lib Dems (allegedly), has said while her work is “not his cup of tea” he thinks she is well worth a chance.

I’m all for it – its not like she’s threatening to turn PM’s Questions into an orgy or impose a law in Kent saying all people must get naked at 12:43 every other Wednesday. Its not like she could actually hurt the Lib Dem’s chances anyway!

Swiss don’t want animal lawyers

Geoff — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:42:23 +0000

The Swiss. They’re an odd bunch. So it comes as no surprise that they were the ones who came up with the idea of animal laywers.

No, this is not the idea of animals being lawyers, more the idea of animals getting legal representation in matters which might affect them, like cruelty cases. Proponents claimed that it would help in prosecuting cases which would have otherwise never made it to court and gone unpunished. The vote on the issue was this weekend and got turned down, with a 70% majority.

SURPRISE SURPRISE.

Seriously, what would be the point? Something tells me that all this would be is a way for some failed law student to finally make some money back towards his mountainous college fees.

Moss Side beekeepers? Give me a break

Geoff — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 16:22:52 +0000

Bees are important – without their pollinating efforts, we would have even greater problems in growing enough food to feed everyone. Bee numbers are unfortunately declining, for various reasons. This means some bad juju for everyone on the planet, really.

But wait – help is at hand. A drive to educate people on how important the bee really is to our way of life is taking place as we speak, but not where you would expect. No, this drive is taking place in Manchester of all places!

The funny thing is that as part of this drive, people are being trained up as bona fide beekeepers, complete with “my first beehive” style kit to get people going with their own yellow-and-black harbingers of death.

All this just makes me envisage some Moss Side gangster chav tending to a hive of bees in his spare time, keeping it quiet in case someone finds out and steals all his honey to pay for their heroin habit. Either that or they’d just use it like some kind of attack animal.

Cheryl Cole finally realises Ashley is a tw*t

Geoff — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 17:25:32 +0000

Cheryl Cole has finally realised that her soon-to-be ex-husband is a twat, being quoted as saying “I can’t believe I’ve been with him for 4 years – he can barely tie his own shoelaces”. Well, she might have said that if she were able to string more than 5 coherent words together.

Why the rest of the world should care about this story is a mystery, however. Somewhere along the way, the girl who once appeared in court for a racially aggravated assault and sounds like a tone-deaf squirrel being put through a clothes wringer has become the new “Angel of the North” and Britain’s Darling.

All we know is that finally, that mong Ashley Cole finally got what was coming to him.