The Prince of Darkness himself has now been given even more credit for abusing our eyes and ears with his talentless wannabes by BAFTA who plan to give him an award for… well, being him.

They seem to wish to reward him for his contributions to the arts, which is pretty interesting since there are none. About the only thing he can claim to have actually had a positive impact on is the ratings of other TV channels with real content.

It just means the BAFTA has lost even more credibility.

Yes, this guy is clearly insane. But not as insane as his wife, who planned the whole thing. According to them, the gig will be mostly inaudible if you’re a human (which raises the question how do they know it is actually any good). The gig will take place outside the iconic Sydney Opera House in Australia and will last 20 minutes.

Regardless, they know it will succeed because they have a dog and it seems to like the music they’ve made. Allow me to keep my skepticism on this one.

Sure, there is stuff going on in politics, but I’ve had enough of politics for now so I can’t be bothered. Then there’s a massive argument over the (now ex-) FA chief saying the Spanish and Russians are all dirty cheating buggers, which they are.

But perhaps the biggest story I saw is that a dog was revitalised with Lucozade. The previously starving and dehydrated German Shepherd was on Death’s door when rescue centre staff gave him some fizzy energy drink. Lo and behold, it gave the dog energy. Aint science amazing.

Unless you’ve been doing better things over the last month or so, you might know there was an election in the UK recently. The outcome of said election was far from clear and we’re still going through the arduous process of listening to politicians talk about coalitions and majorities and “mandates from the people” – all very enthralling stuff if you’re a rock.

Anyway, I digress. The point of my rant is that a hung parliament sounded cool. A call back to the times of the Tudors and Stewarts, dragging traitors through the streets by their figgin before hauling their now-detached heads on top of a shiny spike on the King’s house. But no – it just means that politicians get to have EVEN MORE dull, meaningless and utterly confusing discussions about sweet F.A. while the rest of us expire of boredom.

All I wanted was an MP or two hanging from Nelson’s Column. Was it really that much to ask!?

“But how?” I hear you cry. Well, those crazy buggers up north are selling volcanic ash by the jar to those individuals who simply must have a healthy supply of powered rock at all times. Yes, I don’t know either.

Apparently it is meant as a keepsake. You know, for those who live nowhere near a volcano yet will treat the whole event as if it happened in their back yard – Daily Mail readers are prime candidates I guess.

Still not sure what to make of it though – after all, the Icelanders need all the money they can get hold of right now with their banks all collapsing. And at the price they’re asking – £75 for 160 grams of ash – they’ll probably make enough!