AND ROLL OUT OF MY SKIN

It's A Boy

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 14:29:00 +0000

I had a dream last night that my kids grew to adults in less than a few weeks. I am fairly certain that this has something to do with the fact that i spend way to many hours at the day job. It would seem i give about 9 hours a day to the day job, and only about 3 and a half hours to my kids. Maybe I should start keeping a scrapbook of my day job. It will be called, How I Raised My Child Wells Fargo Home Mortgage. I can start treating it like the kid it is. Make sure it doesn't do bad things like take drugs, wreck the car, or hang out with bad influences, like Bank of America. That Bank of America, they are a shitty bunch. Last thing I want is my kid hanging out with them. Yep, that's my boy, he plans on taking over the world some day. Hes gonna do it to, just needs to make sure he doesn't take anymore government loans. Those are a bitch to pay back, but everyone needs a student loan every now and then. Maybe he will grow up to be a doctor or something. Who knows. He has a flare for finances. Maybe he'll be an accountant.

Yep, yep, yep... this makes sense. Yep.

Gonna have to take a harder look at things. Get some organization in place this year to get to my family more. Need a machine that tells me how to make every moment of my days more productive.

So heres a pic of me and the kid...

Actually, here is the real pic of the fam...

PS- This photo was taken by Nisa Fiin at Shootings Stars Portraits. She rocks with the camera, so check her out.
PSS-Thanks to Mama's Alright for blogging about Shooting Stars Portraits.

(o) (o)

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 03:53:00 +0000

Just Peeking.

The Price of a Mystic

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 30 May 2009 19:39:00 +0000

***He looked in her eyes. He knew that doing so would cause her temperament to flair. Nonetheless, there was no other choice. It wouldn't be the first time that he did, but it felt like it could be the last. He noticed that her visits were much shorter than when they were younger. She rarely ever sat down to reminisce or make a new impression. These days, she seemed more annoyed to be in his presence. He yearned to turn it around, but life had him going in a different direction. He shook the thought of losing her, as he had her right at this moment. He could taste her on his tongue. He had to savor every second of it, as she would be gone soon. The sour taste of metal, slowly causing adrenalin to move. How could he hold her? Convince her to stay? He couldn't. She wouldn't listen. The mere contemplation of how, made her dissolve. He was adapting.***

The beast burps and spits. It screams when I push on it from inside. People fear its call, as it can split an eardrum. It fights with me. I urge it to continue, even in its pain. It limps along, begging for mercy. Finally, even i can no longer take the shrill. I take it to a shaman who knows this beast. He exercises its demons, and the diagnosis is not good. The shaman tells me that the best needs $2500 in magic. I tell him the beast isn't worth it. I agree to $1092.58 in magic. The beast lives another day to soar among the other beasts. The shaman urges me that all future magic will be free, should the beasts new parts fail. I walk away skeptical and call to my beast. We RIDE.

Inmate 1 Alcatraz 0

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 03:12:00 +0000

***Its quiet. Catching my breath. Watching the steam pass my lips as it freezes and grips on to my beard. I can taste and smell the stale cold. I can hear my heart beating in my chest. I try to take a deep breath, but the thinness of the air pushes back, and instead of relief I feel pain. My eyes start to water. Time and body temperature is slipping. My brain scrambles to measure how close death is. Its not favorable.***

Sunday morning brought a new chapter to the household.

Logan woke in his crib at 7 am. He started to call out for Mommmmy and then Daaaaaadddy. We thought if we waited he might go to sleep, and after about 15 minutes, it seemed like we might catch a few more winks. I laid there trying to fall back to sleep. After about thirty minutes, i was about to doze off when it happened. A door handle started to rattle. My heart jumped, especially since i saw no one out in the hallway. Instead what i saw was my 2 year old's door start to open ever so slightly. He did it. He finally reached a point where the sturdy wood bars would no longer hold him. Aside from that, he clearly has the skills of a baby ninja, as not a sound was made during his escape.

The greater question is how did he do it? Did he finally discover his mutant power to move through solid objects? Did he have some amazing gymnastic feat? Did he dismantle part of the frame? Whatever his secret, he is not telling.

With that, we will probably have to start shopping a bed. I can only imagine all the new things that will come with this. What i am trying to say is that its not going to be easy raising a mutant. But we will love him none the less.

Mentally AWOL

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:50:00 +0000

Its late. Im tired. Tired. That word makes me feel angry and disappointed. Everyone knows it, everyone feels it at some point. It comes on when you least need it to be there, but that is its wiley ways. I am trying to hook into my brain that gives into this "tired" and turn it off, but i have not had any luck. If you have a secret for it, please share.

There is sickness in the house. Hopefully that is going to turn soon. Sick. Another word that makes me feel angry and a dash of exhausted. Feels like i am constantly watching the horizon for the next infestation. Whether it be from the daycare of death or the fish bowl job. Ugh.

Vacation. I like that word, and yet it always seems to not enter my vocabulary. Even Mini-vacation. I could use that word too, but there has not been that oppurtunity. That word makes me feel giddy and like a failure. Maybe a failure because it has been four years since i have had anything that would be considered a real vacation, and that was only for three days.

I think i am reaching a superior festering of the mental and physical. Its to the point where the body is rejecting me. My body doesnt want to hang out with me anymore.

On a side note, Chris Cornell put a new album out- Scream - Lets just say...unfortunate.

Quality or Lack of Quantity

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 02:50:00 +0000

There are times when work is overwhelming, and then there are times when work is consuming.

These past couple weeks have been a blur for me. It feels like my focus has been on other peoples lives and not on mine or my family. Granted, having the power over a persons biggest purchase in life does have some importance, but when you are sitting at a desk approaching your 10th hour of work, you cant help but think how you are cheating your children of their memories, and vice-versa. Plugging away at the revolving door called job is a constant mental battle. You know you are there so that you can provide the necessities of life to you and your family, but you cant help but think in some ways it is so counter productive. Its not a new story. Its the same story. Every one lives through it.
You wake up the kids so that you can spend about 45 minutes with them before they have to be at daycare. You work diligently with overtime so that you can afford the things everyone needs. This in turn means you only have enough time to pick the kids up, race home, make dinner, eat, bathe the kids (on a slower night) and then off to bed. Roughly about 2 hours with the kids. This cycle continues. I cant help but think of all the things i am missing during the day while they are at their best. I get them in their tired hours. Sure, we are happy to see each other, but there is just a little steam left before the crankiness kicks in. Its too bad the kids have to see me that way.
Then there is my wonderful wife. I can only imagine how much we are missing out with each other. Between both of us having second jobs, there isn't much face time. A lot of the time its tag team parenting. I miss her. I miss the quality time. I miss the alone time. Again, you can only hope there will be a greater reward later, but with the economy on its way down, a long way down, three jobs might be in order. As if relationships don't have enough challenges.

Tonight, i let the kids play a little longer. I got to be the giant stalking the princess and prince. Giggles were aplenty. I did my best to burn the images and sounds on my brain, but after a long day, i don't have high hopes for retention. Thank god for the phone video camera.

Maybe Mommy and Daddy will see if we can squeeze in a late night movie for a little bonding.

I cant see this pattern being fruitful.

Thanksvalentineing Day

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 18:47:00 +0000

What a very full week of crazy, and i meant to blog about it, but the date with my wife last night made up for all of it, so it deserves the moment

It isn't as easy to get an outing with two small children and a teen, but last night was a date made early, and i was looking forward to it.

Getting connected has been a bit of a challenge over the past year and a half due to so many different reasons (past blogs), but lately we seem to be getting our bearings about things, which has helped us tremendously in coming together. I feel like we have grown stronger with each passing day and it feels nice to be able to really talk to each other again.

Last night was just a casual dinner with talking and having fun. There was a good prime rib, wine, and seared mushrooms. Not to mention a beautiful woman sitting across from me. An evening to remind me why i love this woman so much. Here's to you Karen. I love you.

PS- We'd make it, they wouldn't

Hairy Sucker

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:27:00 +0000

Sometimes you feel like it is all going better than it should, and that something is around the corner that is going to bring it to a break your nose halt.

And so it does.

Things have been starting to look up around the old home front lately. Financially, i believe we are starting to hold a little ground. Not that we are gaining any, just holding, which is better then falling deeper then we already are. I feel i have taken a more concentrated effort to watching every dollar (with more room for improvement).

The kids are doing great. All of them. The little ones delight me on a regular basis with their new found words and facial expressions. Logan received his first haircut as a human being, and was a champ. Not to mention amazingly adorable. I believe i rounded the photos off at 128.

The teen seems to be getting somewhat serious about the downward spiral he was in. I have great hope that he can find it in himself to make better choices. Hard to watch someone with so much intelligence become furniture. Maybe that is all apart of being "Scene"

Karen and I have had a pretty great couple of weeks. She celebrated a birthday, and we really got to spend some real one on one time this weekend, and it was well overdue. Was great to be able to do things for her. I love when she smiles more. Not to mention we got to see 3 movies. One good, one renter, and one that should be avoided at all costs (Hes Just Not That Into You)

But then there is that bleeding nose halt.

A friend of ours lost her battle with cancer this week. She is my sister-in-laws best friend, and even though i had only hung out with her a handful of times, i know she will be greatly missed by all. She always had a smile for everyone, and I'm not just writing a cliche phrase. She was always cheerful in my perspective and a delight to be around. Where most people would have to work hard at caring and doing for others, she did with ease and grace. A particular memory i will always have of her is that she could bake wonderful mini cupcakes. She had a great talent in the baked goods area. There aren't enough people in this world like her, and so it is with great sadness that she is no longer here with us. My heart goes out to Monica's husband and two kids as well as all her family. Unfortunately i am unable to attend the Memorial service with my wife, but thoughts will truly be with her.

Stage Fright

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 02:26:00 +0000

The space has been converted. All teams for Stevie Rays have christened it with their own brand of humor.

The space feels like it has been converted to a rec room basement for the visually impaired. The carpet could swallow you with its Corinthian swirls serpentine through blood red, and the faux candle chandeliers really bring a mid evil touch. The walls are a beautiful... beige. The stage has about two more feet of space. Overall, it is awesome. It is great to have something new, even if it looks like it was designed by a three year old.

So if you haven't been out to Stevie Ray's for a while, now is the time. The new room will hypnotize you, and the performances will mesmerize you.

See you there.

Bounded Heart

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 04:44:00 +0000

There are a hundred different types of fireworks going off. Each one of them can be felt through every fiber. Every cell through the membrane is reawakening. My lungs expand. They promise life again as they question my motive. My reason. My need to test their capacity. They don't realize it wasn't my choice. They continue to do what they do without question. The rest of my body sends gratitude by truly experiencing all my senses. The suns warmth on my head. The bitter and salty taste of blood and ocean. The smell of the crosswinds from the pacific. There is no greater moment. When you push on death, life pushes back harder.

There are moments when you look at your children and you get a chance to look into the future. It is a future without you. It is beyond you. You look at them and you see possibilities beyond your grave. You get to measure your past, present, and future in the eyes of these beautiful creatures. You wish that you could move them past the experience of pain that life will inevitably play upon them and guide them into all the joys it holds behind the corners.

When I leave home in the morning, my thoughts are no longer about my own adventures, but the small discoveries that they will encounter throughout the day. How will they experience the words and guidance of a daycare teacher. How will they absorb the actions of their miniature peers. They devour everything put in front of them, and piece by piece it adds to their being.

I will return home, hoping that they have not forgotten me. I hope that they have not found something in their day that makes them forget their smiles when they see me. Will they have learned something that fills their tiny heads with joy, in turn taking one more step away from me? It is inevitable. They hold tight at first and then slowly learn to let go. With that, I will long for the first day I left them alone. That day my heart was broken to leave them behind in the unknown. As I walked out of the care facility, I hope and prayed that they would forgive me.

I tread water. Revel in the moment. Take still pictures in my mind. Never forget this moment... life embraced me once more. Time to swim for shore.

Holiday Haul

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 17:20:00 +0000

Chest is tight. There is no more air for my lungs to bathe in. The pressure starts to affect my vision. Blackness is creeping in. My hand is within inches of breaking the surface. Thoughts are racing with images of past and images yet unseen. Panic is starting to set in. The question of death creeps in. Painful? Easy? Quiet? Violent? Will it be there in the next moment...

Christmas was very enjoyable. It started out with the traditional homemade cinnamon rolls, sent to me by my mother. They were delicious.

Right after that, the gift annihilation began. The kids got a nice handful of toys courtesy of family and second hand stores. They have spent many hours with all of them already. Overall, i think they got everything they could have dreamt up for a three and two year old.

The generosity from our family is unmeasurable. From immediate to extended, everyone has been very giving. We cant thank everyone enough for all of their contributions. It really helped in making a great Christmas.

It was decided early on that my wife and i would not exchange any gifts, as we didn't really have the money this year. None the less, she still managed to buy me a few things, which makes her the sweetest and most lovable wife out there. It was enough to make me feel great.

My wonderful wife also made a great dinner that included a turkey ham. It sounds odd, but tasted great, and was healthier. Even Logan seemed to enjoy it.

The kids played hard, we had great food, finished the night with a movie, and just generally relaxed.

Grand Christmas. With that, i leave you with a little funny something. Enjoy.

Edge of Life

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:15:00 +0000

The waves push and pull. The salt water fills my lungs. I frantically churn under the water, trying to find my way to the surface for air. The water is murky from the dark skies and the sand. Before i know it, i have hit bottom. I feel the blood start to flow from my forehead from the impact on the millions of small glass like shards on the ocean floor. In my fight to save my lungs from exploding in my chest, i have swam the wrong way. Now i have to push off the underside of earth, and hope that everything in the universe will help me reach the surface before i become a part of the abyss...

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I was informed that my notification of being laid off was rescinded. Nice to know that i will have a job in the new year. One less thing to worry about, and every little bit helps.

Stevie Ray's Cabaret had a great show last night. A lot of fun, and we were informed that the hotel is going to remodel the space. I am sure it will look something like this when it is done...

...or something like that.

Trying to get the kids ready for Christmas. They have had more fun destroying the tree rather then decorating it. As long as it is a good time for them. Both kids are suffering through a raspy cold, so they are constantly in an emotional flux. Currently they are watching Rudolph... what a cruel little show.

We had a lengthy conversation with the teen the other day. Hopefully we have made some connection that allows him to take on some self responsibility. Hope is about all you can rely on as you never know when you are actually making any headway.

The new minivan is working out fine. The only thing that is not working out is how you become invisible on the road. Minivans do not get any respect. A true prejudice exists out there for them. I came to a four way stop on more then one occasion yesterday, and each time it was my turn, other cars snaked me. I am thinking i am going to have to beef up the minivan to give it some notice ability. Please leave your suggestions under the comment section.

...even now i can see the surface. Through the blood and sand that surrounds me, i see a possibility. There are only seconds left...

Beast of Burden

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 17:58:00 +0000

It sits outside. It is patient. I have watched it sleep, and it has watched back. It waits for the moment to fill its belly with flesh. Flesh of old and young. Its capacity to consume is greater then anything that has taken me before. Do i fear it? Maybe. It is still young in experience even though it has a solid ten years since its creation. Even at this moment it taunts me. It begs for me to bring my children out, as i have no way of keeping them from its clutches. It will raise its heart to great speed, and even though it is a giant, it will go unnoticed. Do i hate it? Maybe. There is no escaping it. I have spent many years avoiding its gaze, and now it sits outside my door. Do i need it??..... YES.

Weapons and Bouquets

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 20:07:00 +0000

Well, tomorrow is an interesting occasion.

As some of you may know, i carry an unusual passion for Guns N Roses, and some of you may not know that, but i assume i will be judged accordingly. This is a passion that stems from my youth obviously, and because of that, i have mixed feelings about the release of Chinese Democracy tomorrow. I am currently listening to it, as it is streamed from the GNR MySpace page. So far my hopes are not being met, but they are not being dashed either.

I know that Axl is not necessarily the most liked rock icon, but an icon none the less. As is with most individuals who ascend to greatness, they descend even greater amd often times quicker. Original band members are gone. New band members have come and gone. Critics of all sorts have laid their judgements on this eccentric individual. I think of Machiavelli's, The Prince when i think of the history of Axl Rose, just a modern version. None the less, they have had to take notice.

13 years later this man has decided to lower the draw bridge and let the masses in. And so we enter. Some enter with joy, some with intrigue, some with alterior motives, and some with the intent to say they were there. Whatever the reason, the masses are entering. If anything we enter to see how this play ends.

So i sit here passing my own judgement. Definitely not recapturing my youth, but pleased the story continues.

Dual Processing the Whine

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 17:29:00 +0000

Breathe old friend. Though you are just a piece of fruit, I have lightened your load. Breathe. I know it has been a while, and I am sure you thought that you may have lost the ability to run a faster path, but I have not forsaken you.

That’s right; the computer is running at the speed it was intended for. Turns out all those delicious videos of small children really chew up the gigabytes. With a bulk of them removed, as well as a handful of Larynx performance videos, I am once again enjoying my computer.

The weekend was spent doing some all around cleaning. Not only did I cut the clutter off the computer, but I cleared it off the office desk, home office desk, the kitchen desk, the kitchen counter, the kitchen nook, and the dining room table.

After all the de-cluttering, I proceeded to give the home shredder a complete workout. So much so, that it overheated on my three times. By the time I was done, I had enough confetti to set off Times Squares New Years Eve party. I’m sure the recycling lady will think I am covering up some unwanted documents for Lehman Brothers and give the government a call. (How fun would it be to have the job of trying to piece all of that together? The ultimate puzzle.)

Aside from the cleaning, the majority of the weekend was spent enjoying the kids. The levels of disagreements between the two are starting to soar. They are both becoming very clever as to how to antagonize the other. With that, comes a higher level of whining. Oh the whining. It is almost like art. The way they are able to make their statements so sing songy, yet brain piercing at the same time. You could send an army of whiney toddlers to a battle and they would have victory in seconds flat.

Outside of that, it was great to bond and play with my children. They remind me of how easy it is to get to the play when you are kids. Anything goes, and I love it. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have to kick parent mode back in, just so I could see how far we could go, but jumping off the arms of the couch while naked could be dangerous for everyone.

Speaking of playing, The Outtakes had a great rehearsal. Great collective exercises and homework seems to be coming along swimmingly.

The evenings found my wife and me watching some comedy. Caught a few flicks. One worth mentioning was Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It caught me by surprise. Didn’t think I would like it, but I did. We also got to watch The Worst Week of My Life. It was funny and worth blowing a little time on. Basically turned Meet the Parents in to a week long show. (Thanks Larry B for the link).

Lots of improv on the brain as well this weekend, so maybe it is time to kick some of it in gear and implement. Time to bring in some new ideas.

Alas my fair fruit, you have endured my banter long enough. I shall relinquish my post and let your keys breathe.

Karmange

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 02:37:00 +0000

And with each new day comes change. Change. Change that can be great. Change that can be hard. Change that can be tiresome.

The great. President elect Barack Obama. A president who has the potential to breathe life back into a country. I know everyone has been discussing the possibilities for our country, so i wont belabor you with another opinion.

The hard. The hard is feeling as though you had a foot hold on your life and the ability to support your family financially after years of suffering through our economy, only to have that foot hold give way. Translation, I was given my 60 day notice.

The Tiresome. The sad part about it is that i feel as though i am getting use to being "seperated" from a failing company. The mortgage industry has created a vast graveyard of careers, and no matter how fast i find myself climbing out of a 6 foot hole, im falling into another.

Im drained. Im tired. I need to seek a motivation that is beyond my reach. There is clearly some great misalignment in my karmic universe. Wait... what's that? Felix? Is that you? It is! Can't say that i am happy to see you.

Hallowersary

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 19:06:00 +0000

Leather on Halloween.

That is the third year tradition.

It was a wonderful day. While at work my wife text me many pictures of a frog trick-or-treating throughout business buildings. Was great to see this amphibian gather candy for the first time.

Later on my wife and i would have a couple hours to ourselves to enjoy our anniversary together. We went and had some gourmet pizza at The California Kitchen. While there, we had some fun conversation and watched Nick Swardson* eat spaghetti like a pig. Hopefully he was doing it to impress the child he was with.

We then went and picked up the little ones. Got them home and prepped them for their big night out. They ate their dinner while my amazing wife let me catch about 30 min of sleep.

We headed out and started our neighborhood canvas. The kids were great and very polite. Jessie was eager to scream "Trick-or-Treat" while Logan was eager to pass out his candy at each house. I think all the neighbors were taken by surprised when Logan through candy back in their bowls. He was a generous puppy.

The teenager went to a Halloween party. When he got home, he was out of sorts. He claims "really happy" mood, we claim a mood enhancer. The joys of teenage parenting.

The night was capped off with some soup containing MSG and House on Haunted Hill and House on Haunted Hill 2**.

A great anniversary as the majority of the day was spent with my lovely and beautiful wife. Oh yeah, she gave me some leather, but that's between us.

*Amazing what LA passes for "talent" these days
**These movies sucked for horror. Could anyone recommend a truly good horror film. Maybe a blog devoted to these bad films are on the horizon.

Mental Raking

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 19:04:00 +0000

nos·tal·gi·a (nŏ-stāl'jə, nə-) Pronunciation Key
n.

1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.

Fall brings it on. Not sure why, but it does.

There are just particular times that i truly wish that Mr. Peabody and his boy Sherman really had invented the WABAC Machine. I would jump in there and revisit some of the cherished moments of life. Let me reflect on a few...

The first time i caught air at the Fort Kam half pipe in Hawaii.

The time i caught a winning touchdown pass for my block "Lufberry Players" against our neighboring block on Seymour Johnson AFB in Goldsboro NC.

The first, second, and third time i wend to Disneyworld with family.

My first award for a relief print i created at the Ala Moana Mall.

My first kiss that took way to long to happen because i was not good at reading girls and when I finally did it she gave me a look that told me I should have done that about twenty minutes early. All while sitting in her cool car outside of my house in Grand Forks AFB, ND.

A kiss that took place in Bloomington MN next to an old blueChevy Cavalier with the same girl as the first kiss, but this one was much better, passionate, and waaaay less awkward.

The first time i got a huge laugh while doing stand up at Hot Rox's in Minneapolis.

Watching both my children being born at a local Fairview hospital.

My first roller coaster ride on the Wild Thing with my best friend.

Attending my first Guns N Roses concert. Then my second... and my third and fourth.

There are so many other things, some of them not appropriate for all readers (feel free to ask).
Well, less time being spent in the past, and time to make some future. None the less, if you run across the WABAC Machine, let me know.

Im Flirting With Her Again

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 01:43:00 +0000

I was pounding nine inch nails in the garden of sound while standing next to some gorillaz.

Today was a long day, and when push came to shove, i had to lean on some music. Its strange how all the daily activities of life can pull you away from the things you love, something like music. I use to have a serious relationship with music. We would hang out most of my days, always finding a way to spend time together at any cost. She was always there for me. She could turn any mood i had at the moment into something else because she knew how to reach me. Most of it was my choice, but sometimes she would surprise me with something when the shuffle was on. Without a doubt, it was a love affair that i never thought would dwindle, but it did.

This morning, i woke from some seriously messed up dreams, and i had an edginess to me that made everything seem like it was in slow motion and a slight feeling of panic. The remedy... music. I grabbed my ipod, that has been dormant for some time, and took it with me out the door as i headed for the bus. I hit play hoping it was on a song that would enlighten me. Sure enough, i was grasped by Trent Reznor, and the timing couldn't be better. The sun was just starting to kiss the skyline so there was a sharp contrast. Just above the black trees the color was an off purple that slowly blended to a grey and then black. Truly something out of the surreal world of NIN. I could feel my body start to embrace the morning as the song Everyday is Exactly the Same pumped through my veins. No coffee needed.

I hammered through my work day with little to no break. I was relieved when it came time to catch the bus home as it would be my only break. There were some cherubs at home waiting to be loved and fed. I immediately hit the shuffle at the bus stop and was greeted with some cartoon love. People by the Gorillaz to be exact. It just seem to kick the unwind right in the gut. The afternoon held for a true fall day. Visually everything was in the grey zone, as was all the greyies (9 to 5er's with no life in them). Not to be pulled in to that zone, it was time for a mix of four different Soundgarden albums. It was pleasing to me, but i believe not so pleasant for those around me. As i was rekindling my love with music, my body was sharing in its presence by holding rhythm. Greyies don't like this.

I got off the bus, and finished the walk home next to Peter Murphy. It was truly a lasting kiss from my lover to hold the day.

For everything that was trying to pull my into the abyss, my love help me stay rooted and make the most of the day. Most of all, it inspired me to visit my other mistress... painting.

I'm coming for you honey. Pucker up.

The Grand Mother

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 01:34:00 +0000

A mothers love is great.

It is amazing how fast time can go by. My mother arrived a month ago to visit and help with the kids, and today she left to go back home. It is always a treat to have her here. She is wonderful with the kids, and they love all the attention they get from her, not to mention all the great things she does for the rest of the family. Cooking, laundry, cleaning. She is a non-stop domestic machine. Her generosity is never ending and there just seems no great way to thank her for all she does. She knows how to make things that can be a burden seem lighter. My heart is saddened when she has to go home. Her disappearance here is quite noticable. Even the home itself seems to breathe a heavy sadness with out her.

Well, we will carry on. The family will miss her greatly, especially the great food. Jessie will miss the trips to the park, Logan will miss the early morning one on one time, Jeff will miss the freedom of having to watch the kids, Karen will miss the extra sleep, Axl and Marla will miss the food dish always being full, and I will miss her.

Thanks Mom, we love you.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 21:51:00 +0000

The financial front is not better, but getting there. Things have been filed, and are well underway. The constant phone calls have started to subside.

The phone calls. Though i have found them highly annoying, i know somewhere deep inside me i will miss them. I have found that i have developed a certain sense of belonging every time my phone rings. I have never been this popular. To get four to five calls a day was something i never experienced until things went sour financially. Granted, the first phone calls were very ugly with a lot of aggressive language that would make the average person squirm or cry. As time went by though, i found them amusing. Since the economy started tanking, the tone on the other end of the phone has become somewhat nurturing. I believe with so many people not able to pay their bills, the creditors decided to take a different approach, especially if they still wanted to get paid themselves. Amusingly enough, i actually felt more compelled to try and get money to them (but i didn't) when they treated me like a human being with respect. So now, in the next step in my financial adventure, the phone calls have ceased, and so my popularity has waned. I find myself checking my phone on a regular basis to make sure it is still working. It is.

It has come to this. I say farewell to my creditors calls. I will miss the feeling of being needed, but not the reason for the call. I will be okay. It is for the best. Our break up is complete.

Late Night Metaphor

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 05:32:00 +0000

There are only so many balls you can juggle.

We all have our own capacity. No matter how hard you may try to get more balls in the air, you can only handle a set amount. Eventually you get to many in the mix, and you will drop one or more. It will be the one you drop that you will struggle with. Why, because that is the only one people will notice. Never mind the fact that you are still coordinating ten other balls, its that ONE...

As we all go through our daily lives juggling, let us show compassion and most of all forgiveness for the dropped ball, because eventually you will drop one. Along with forgiveness let us also bring apologies, because you never know when you have been the cause for the dropped ball.

Late Night Metaphor brought to you by Calgon.

Radio Flyer

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 20:06:00 +0000

"Cart!" "Cart!" "Cart!"

This is the one thing that my 19 monthe old son remembers most of his 4 days in the Children's Hospital. It also seems to be the only word he wants to say since we have been home.

A week ago Friday, he came home from daycare with what looked to be a bug bite or small scratch on his knee. At the time, it didnt seem like anything serious, but over the next two days his knee slowly swelled and became red. By Monday morning, he was limping and doing his best to guard it. He would let nothing come in contact with it, and when something or someone did, you knew by the screech that soundedd like a seal being crushed.

I immediately made an appt with his pediatrician for noon that day. In the meantime, i dropped him off at daycare and headed to work. I headed back to his daycare about 1130 to find his room playing outside. The interesting thing was that he managed to get himself to the top of the playcenter(not sure what they are called any more... jungle gym, monkey house, plastic structure of death), but could not get back down. Apparently it hurt his knee to much to climb down. This was told to me by the crack daycare staff, that apparently had enough brains to figure out what was happening with him, but not enough brains to help him get down. I feel so secure knowing they are caring for my children, but that is another blog for another day.

I arrived at the pediatricians office, and the fun began. He couldnt see his regular doctor due to the short notice, so we saw the doctor who had a "im suspicious of you as a parent" attitude. Wonderful. After she aggressively checked all of my childs vitals, making him cry non stop, she recommended that they he be admitted right away.

The reason for this actually started a handful of months ago. Logan had a rash that started out much like pimples. After everything being done for him, the rash did not go away, it evolved. It started being more like small blisters and exzema. This in turn became two boils on his groin area and buttock. These had to be lanced and drained. Another unfortunate experience that my wife had to handle solo. They finally cultured the infection to discover that he had MRSA.

I will not go into everthing about MRSA, but i will say that it is a staph infection that does not respond well to antibiotics. There are different degrees of MRSA, and some can be deadly. We all carry a form of MRSA, but there are strains that you definitely dont want. And Logan has one of those strains.

The reason the doctor at the pediatricians office wanted to send him to the Children's Hospital is because the infection he had was over his knee, and therefore could have moved into his joint. She wanted him seen by an orthopedic surgeon, as she believed his knee might need surgery. First they needed to take blood. That was a fiasco. The new nurse started her vein fishing on his left arm, and after about 3 minutes of not hitting a vein and daddy getting a little more then perturbed with having to pin his child down while he begged for mercy, the other nurse recommended the other arm. GREAT. The other arm did not prove fruitful for that nurse either. That is when the other nurse jumped in and nailed the vein in seconds flat. This only served to upset me. I realize that the new nurse has to learn, but if she cant do it on the first arm, i think that the child needs to be given a break. Im just thinking that would be along the lines of COMMON SENSE. With that over, we could leave.

I headed back to daycare, picked up his sister and headed to the CH. We checked in the roller coaster of doctors, nurses, and needles began.

Once we were in the back, they immediately decided to hook Logan to an IV. That would be his third stick within two hours. Rough day. Luckily, this nurse had a little more compassion and was a little more prepared to make it easy. Though it hurt, it only lasted about 3 minutes compared to the 10 minutes earlier that day. Later that evening, the doctors decided that they would go with an MRI before the surgery to see if it was necessary. This would mean anesthia, and then another IV in the foot. He got through that. By the end of the day, my name was no longer Daddy, it was Daaaaaaaddyyyyyyyyy. Heartbreaking every time he pleaded to me.

Another rough part about all of this is that my wife was out of town. Her grandfather had died and she and our teenager went to the funeral. Needless to say, she was having more then an emotional week. Knowing her baby was in the hospital and she couldnt be there was driving her crazy. She would arrive on the second day.

They admitted us that night to the hospital. The Drs decided that he would not need surgery, and would just receive antibiotics in the hospital until they felt he was ready to go home.

He would spend the next four days in the hospital, having his vitals taken every three hours, and having his knee squeezed regularly, the crushed seal returning every time. He fell in love with the wagon that he could be pulled around in the hospital, better known as "Cart". Grandma also showed up on Tuesday, helping us greatly by dealing with the other kids. Thanks Mom!

Thankfully the MRSA responded to the antibiotic they chose. Giving our family great relief. He is well on his way to recovery. We have had to clean the house top to bottom, and still are not finished. We have to wash the linens in the whole house seven days in a row. Everyone in the house has to put a topical antibiotic on their nose and we have to wash with a special soap. All this to try and reduce the chances of continuing to sread MRSA.

A very tiring and exhausting week. Many details in between, but that is the short version.

So what did i learn out of all of this? That my wife was right a couple years ago when she said the kids really need a wagon, or as Logan calls it "CART"!

Dont Call It a Comeback

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 02:15:00 +0000

I am going to be returning. I have had a busy couple weeks, so much to blog about.
Stay tuned.

SS of Summer

noreply@blogger.com (JKB) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 02:08:00 +0000

There is a sweet spot between summer and fall. It is anywhere between 4 to 10 days on average. Its where the temperature is cool at night and gets very warm during the day. These are the days that remind me most of my childhood and obviously make me the most nostalgic. I'm reminded of nights i would spend on a cement pier on Hickam Air Force Base with the cool trade winds cutting across the water. If everyday of the year could be like this, I would be a very happy individual.
The unfortunate part is that it can not.
Fall is inevitable. Through my many years of living in the upper Midwest, i have come to dislike fall, as it is the introduction to winter. If there is one thing people know about me, it is that i don't enjoy winter. I have tried, but it is clearly not in me. So with that, i have to hold for the Sweet Spot.
I have tried to advise my wife that we should move to a beach. This is where i would be most happy. To be able to interact with a wave on a regular basis would be perfection. To hear the surf pounding in the morning over and over as the sun rises is like being next to a warm heart beat of a lover. My wife responds with the greatest of emotion. I can tell she is overwhelmed with my desire by the way she first looks to the floor and then to the heavens and then to the floor again. All this in one fell swoop. Probably more commonly known as an "eye roll". I will keep hoping. For now, the Sweet Spot.
So with that said or written, I wish everyone a Happy Sweet Spot time of year. Go outside. Roll in the grass with your children or loved one. Adore the flowers. Admire the green on the landscape. Breathe in the many final smells of summer. Catch a glimpse of a collector car before it gets put in storage. Take your dog to a park. Bake in the sun. Go for a bike ride around a lake. Just realize the Sweet Spot can be unpredictable, so don't put it off. May you use these final days of summer wisely and breathe the air in deep, as its about to get a little thinner.