And Then Girl....

Walmart Love Affair

2013-11-22T23:29:00.001-06:00

I am fucking tired of this Walmart Love society.

Where every person can be returned and no one knows the value of “as is”.

“As Is” is such a foreign concept. When you buy a car “as is”, this means that it is yours. No matter what breaks. No matter if it has a meltdown as soon as you leave the lot. It belongs to you. You are responsible. You are its owner and you have to take care of it.

With this Walmart love, after every argument you are wondering, are we still together? Does he still love me? Is he going to call me?

It’s hard, fucking impossible to build a long term relationship in a constant fear that you are disposable.

A friend of mind dated this guy for 6 years. SIX YEARS. They spoke about marriage and moving in together. The day before they were to sign the lease, he called her and told her that he wasn’t ready. WASN’T READY. Six years and he wasn’t ready to commit to living together.

What the hell! She was still disposable after committing 6 years of her life to this man. Bonkers! Ridiculous!

How can you ever let your guard down? How do you know that you can ever exhale and be in a relationship, if we are all disposable?

This Love and Hip Hop NY shit just took the cake. After 13 years, he marries another woman in less than a year of knowing her.

They need to parade Steve Harvey out here to explain this shit to me!

Where is his ass!??!?? I would love to hear how the lady didn’t set standards for herself. How it is ultimately her fault that she allowed herself to love a man for those many years without guidelines or ultimatums. And he married this chick in less than a year.

Fucking Walmart Love. Buy back. Return easily. Lowest price guaranteed.

You don’t have to commit to anything or anyone. As long as you know that once you are upset or confused, you can trade them in.

All want for Christmas is a BOOTY blocker!

2013-10-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

I think that every woman wants this. And if they do not, well….
They might want it after this post.

My booty is sacred. So are my breast.
I like that I can pick and choose who I would like to see them.

I like that I am in control of my body.

But I'm not. And neither are you… Sorry to tell you.

Your body is free and on public display for OGGLING!

Free for ANYONE to roam your body WITHOUT permission with their eyes!

Its not that women do not like being appreciated it. We do!

BUT not by everyone.

Creepy Uncle… I will pass

Bum on the street.... using me walking past as material for a late night monkey session… PUKE!

Co-worker, Dad’s Friends, Old Man, Panhandler… GROSSSSSSSSS! Please stop looking!

So for these reasons, I plan to develop a new product:

A BOOTY BLOCKER!

Which can also be used for the breast area as well.

The way that it works is kinda like a censor.

Anyone that you does not meet your acceptable radar (i.e. Crush, Boyfriend, Police officer while trying to get out of a ticket) are excluded from being able to view your booty or breast!

A censor will appear out of no where, ultimately blocking their view of your booty or breast!

Trust me ladies, you will thank me later.

What Kim Kardashian Taught Me...

2013-10-14T13:45:00.000-05:00

Kim Kardashian biggest fan might be Kanye West, which it should be.

But I think that I am the biggest fan of her casual style.

Like when she is going to the store or to visit family. That style is effortlessly chic.

So here are some things that I (and some of the world) has learned from Kim Kardashian.

1) How to contour your face:

2) How to wear a blazer:

3) A T-Shirt is never just a T-Shirt:

4) Its okay to out dress your boyfriend ;)

5) Sexy isnt all about what they can see, but what they can not

She (and Beyonce) are my favs for everyday style. They have taught me that being a girly fashionista is not as much about WHAT your are wearing, but HOW you wear it!

Check out my Tumblr!

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/goldpinkleo

As long as you keep exchanging 100% of yourself for 50% of someone else, you will always lose.

2013-10-09T17:29:00.003-05:00

In my life I have had the chance to fall in love a few times. There are a few different types of love: mutual and unrequited.

For all of the people who mutually loved me at the same time that I loved me, I will always cherish those moments.

The love that hurts the most is the unrequited love. This is a love where you are willing to do anything to prove your love, loyalty and worthiness without the same in return.

Today’s topic is: Are you giving 100% of yourself to someone and in return only receiving 50% of them?

There is this lady that I know and like so many of us, she is in love with Man who has admitted that he is not able to love her 100%.

Yet, she is conflicted on whether she should stay or go. She loves him; his rejection followed by love pattern has her confused on what to do. Sometimes he pushes her away, not understanding why she isn’t okay with only having half of his time. Then he misses her and/or wants to smash and he contacts her. She goes to him, because this is all that she wants in return… his love and attention.

In this situation, there are only 2 things that you can do, walk away and hope that he follows you. Or stay and suffer through with hopes that he will eventually give you 100%.

My advice is to know your worth. Know what makes you happy. And if the present agreement doesn’t satisfy you, LEAVE.

I was in love with this ~~asshole~~ guy once, and no matter what I did to try to “show” him that I was worthy of his commitment, he never became my boyfriend.

That love hurt the worse, because I knew what great of a girl I was, and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see it as well. So I left. He didn’t come after. He ended up getting into another relationship afterwards.

Then I fell in love with this guy who was a bit of an asshole as well. Sidenote: I don’t why cocky men are so damn attractive.

Anywho, he did a similar thing as guy #1, I kept trying to convince him that I was worthy to be made his girlfriend. He didn’t budge and I left. I dated other people and after a few months, he realized that he was in love with me. And we lived happily ever after.

I tell my story to say this, if in the beginning I understood my worth I would have left much sooner. You should not have to convince anyone of your worthiness. You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to be with you. Receiving half of a man is nothing compared to receiving his all.

Trust me, there is nothing compared to it.

And the fact that I, and many others are willing to settle for 50% of what we deserve is sad.

Most times when we end up in these 50% relationships, it’s a result of us not listening or only hearing the parts that we want to hear.

He said that he only could offer you 50%, but instead of taking that as the truth, we take it as a challenge.

Know your worth. Leave. Love is a 100% deal. Settle for that and nothing less.

2013-10-01T17:05:00.002-05:00

I love chocolate chip cookies. Actually that might be an understatement. If I was on an island, stranded, and could choose between water and cookies.... well I would be one thirsty lady!

Often, I dislike the commercialism of chocolate chip cookies. There is nothing worse than tasting a cookie that is stale or hard or not the gooey goodness that cookies are supposed to be.

So I went on a search for the best cookie recipe! Well I found it! Here: http://www.justataste.com/2013/09/secret-ingredient-best-chocolate-chip-cookies-recipe/

They are super easy to make! And lets just say, he won't get enough of you OR these cookies! Good Luck!

Welcome to our site!

2013-10-01T12:52:00.002-05:00

Welcome Back!

Thank you for coming to visit, AndThenGirl, where the conversation is just beginning.

We still plan to bring you thought provoking topics, fun how-tos, and a NEW! What is he thinking??? section!

Feel free to inbox me questions to get a man's perspective on your situation! andthengirl@gmail.com

Thank you for the continuous support and welcome back!

Fantasy Love vs Reality Love

2013-09-27T12:00:00.000-05:00

I wouldn't categorize myself as a vixen. I think that I am just a woman who is aware of her aura and owns it.

But over the years, I have met many men who are more in love with the “idea” of me and not the reality.

The idea of me playing to whatever mental fantasy of how perfect our relationship would be, rarely translates to reality. In the fantasy I am gentle and coy. I am strong but submissive. Smart and witty, but not overshadowing his manliness. I am a sexual beast in the bedroom, but attends church every Sunday and rarely curse.

In fantasy, our love, our lives and our world is perfect. No one cries and no one gets hurt. The man feels fulfilled, empowered to take on the universe and come home to me.

But in reality, I am some and maybe none of those things. In reality, I get on my boyfriend’s nerves. I’m not perfect and I am sometimes rude. Fantasy love is magical. No one is needed for anything besides pleasure. Bills and other responsibilities do not exist.

In reality, we aren't a good match because you have trust issues or money issues or commitment issues. In reality, it would never work because I need a partner and you are used to be alone and only being responsible for yourself. In reality, you haven’t left your mother’s house or haven’t challenged yourself professionally.

In reality, our love would never work. So instead of living in reality, I remain your fantasy love.

What is your girlfriend time limit?

2013-09-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

I love my job. I get to be-friend women and get an all access pass to their lives, all because we share one common thread: We are employed by the same company. These women are different ages and come from different paths, which of course, often spark interesting conversation.

This brings me to today’s conversation. What is your girlfriend time limit?

One girl recently broke up with her boyfriend because after 5 years, he was still not ready to commit and go to the next step. Her friend remarked that she should have left a long time ago. This made me start thinking.

What is my girlfriend time limit? 3 years, 5 years, 10 years?!?!?

What was the time frame limit that you would leave a happy successful relationship because you are tired of only being a girlfriend and not a wife? After spending years with someone accumulating memories and materials, is it ever okay to walk away because he hasn't bought you a ring?

So many things run through my mind. Like, why are we willing to throw away what we have, just to start over with someone else? To restart your marriage timer, with a new guy.

Let’s say you live in a fabulous home. Do you break the lease to make your point?

And if not, how long will you wait? And if you are willing to stay, how long?

The funny thing is that I asked a man his opinion. He says that men know that women have a time limit. Sometimes your time limit and his time limit are the same. But often it may not be.

Was she right to leave after 6 years? Who is to blame for allowing 6 years to go by and no one admit that their marriage timer was out of wack?

Is Success A Race? Are you winning?

2013-09-26T13:58:00.002-05:00

I'm back. But instead of talking about where I have been. Let’s just jump right back into being besties and keep going.

Lately I have witnessed many of us defining our own personal success in relation to how successful others around us are.

Your best friend is going through a bad break up, but you are relatively happy with your boyfriend and the sex is moderate. So compared to her, you are doing successfully. Your old college roommate just got married and you privately judge her Facebook photos. Deciding how happy could she really be? I bet her parents paid for that wedding? Who cares they will be divorced in a year? She will be fat with kids in 2 years? I won’t be divorced or fat from kids, so even though I can’t even get my boyfriend to ask me what day it is, let alone to marry him.

I am still more successful compared to her.

Your Instagram friend just got 69 likes on her photo. Must’ve been the filter or the makeup and weave she has on. I don’t wear a weave or make up. So by default I am more successful than she is.

The problem with this is that we are struggling. We all have our own life issues. In comparison to someone else failures or success, shouldn’t make your feelings about your own situation better or worse. There is no need to compete or tear yourself down because you aren’t where you thought you would be in comparison to someone else.

If more of us focused on our own lane, our own lives. We would be happier with them.

No matter what road we take we all started and will end in the same place. Your life is what you make it, even if someone else “appears” to have it better. Don’t allow that discount your own happiness.

Are you ready to forgive?

2012-01-11T12:30:00.000-06:00

Lately, I have thought about Forgiveness and how it pertains in our everyday relationships.

I have a forgiving heart. It doesnt take me that long to forgive and it takes an even shorter amount of time for me to begin to forget. Some may say it is a problem that I have, being so forgiving. Yet, I realize that sometimes we need to forgive, it will make you feel much better. Just imagine have to walk around with your face all screwed up because you are too busy showing that you havent forgiven someone?

Below I listed the MOST important reasons to to Forgive and (really) Forget.

After thinking about it, it wasn’t that big of a deal in the first place
The good times outweigh the bad.
Holding on to it does way more damage than you can imagine
You really miss/love them
They arent worth your time and energy in the first place!

Carry on and Forgive!

50 Things You Need To Give Up Today →

2011-10-12T07:26:00.000-05:00

Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn't reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.

Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.

Give up complaining. – Do something about it.

Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.

Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.

Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.

Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”

Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.

Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.

Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.

Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.

Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.

Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.

Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.

Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.

Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.

Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.

Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.

Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.

Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.

Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.

Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.

Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.

Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Etc.

Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.

Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.

Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.

Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.

Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.

Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.

Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.

Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.

Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.

Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.

Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.

Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren’t so lucky.

Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.

Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.

Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.

Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.

Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.

Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive. So keep learning, loving and living. Never give up on yourself.

Source: skinny-but-curvy, via xdot)

Validation (Originally from June 1st 2011)

2011-09-16T07:55:00.000-05:00

Validation: to make valid; substantiate; confirm.
Or as Oprah said..."Can you hear me? Can you see me? Is what I am saying worth something?"

For the longest time.... I can actually remember the exact moment, when I started to want his validation. Looking back, I never would have known that validation was what I was seeking.

It was the summertime, about 3 years ago. I had just met him a week or so earlier. I had been calling him and he wasnt answering. When he finally returned my call I told him "I wish I had never met you"... I heard it on tv somewhere and it had made perfect sense to me. If I had never met him, I would be in such a flux over some Man I barely knew.

His response was hurt. He replied "How can you say that to someone? That shit hurts. Im not sure if I want keep talking to you"

Oh damn! Wait Wait!! That wasnt my intent. I intended him to feel bad that he hadnt talked to me.

I had to turn it around, and do it fast! Not sure of what I said, but we continued dating afterwards. But the cycle had begun. The moment he decided that I wasnt the girl for him, I was on a mission to prove to him that I was the best woman for the job.

Who could love him more than I could, treat him better than I could, Look Look Look at me! Look how great of a girlfriend I could be.... only he could validate me. The ball was indefinitely in his court.

There was no limit to what I would do, I would be there for him when others had deserted him, gave up the goods in search of his validation.

For him to prove that I was worthy.

Validation is a tricky thing. We all seek it. Whether it is being the best at work, and receiving acknowledgement because of it. Or validation from your family, that all of your hardwork and time had been appreciated.

Seeking the approval of others to validate what we should already know ourselves.
Validation.

Honestly, it isnt his responsibility to validate me. And I am sure that he wasnt aware that I was seeking it in the first place.

I am currently working on validating myself.

Style Notes: Impending Autumn

2011-09-16T07:32:00.001-05:00

There are certain things that i do to prep myself for a season. Some rules that I kinda like to live by. I will tell you some of mine and then you think of some of yours.

1. White tees have an expiration date. So buy them cheap. I spend no more than 8 bucks for a white tee, and I often go get a fresh one before an event, to ensure they are white.

2. Jeans should never be cheap. I used to believe that low quality denim was the same as the higher quality, but now I know they can never compare. You spend 20 bucks on cheaper denim, but they go outta style or dont even retain their color for an entire season. I love Dark denim for the fall and Light denim for the spring.

3. I am partial on cheap shoes. Some shoes look just the same cheap as they do expensive, and depending upon how good you treat them, they will last. You dont have to only go to Akira and Aldo for heels, there are other places that have just as cute shoes. But you should always splurge on a good quality heel from time to time. (Hopefully its on sale when you do it)

4. You cant figure out your own look, unless you know what you wanna look like. Its hard to sometimes visualize the type of look that you wanna go for, and actually get it together. It helps to have a Fashion Idol, who wears the earrings that you like, the shoes you would kill for, or who just puts together an amazing freaking outfit - that you know would look too damn good on you.

5. Last but not least- accessories can be bought cheap - Bags cant! I know that I carry my life in my bag, from sunglass cases to lipsticks, to newspapers, and receipts. You need something that is sturdy and wont break on you in DIVA mid stride!

How Im Feeling...

2011-09-14T11:25:00.001-05:00

If i had to write a letter to myself 5yrs ago. What would i tell myself???

2011-06-20T18:16:00.000-05:00

June 2006

Hey Ash.

Its 2006.You are in the process of moving out of the studio downtown.You are getting ready to give birth to a beautiful baby girl... Don't worry childbirth isn't as bad as you think it is... But the shit does hurt. Ask for the epidural... Or don't. You did fine without it... I want you to know that some days will be harder than others. But you will persevere. And win!!! Keep your positive attitude and don't let "you know who's" antics deprive you of your happiness. It wasn't meant to be, but together you will something way more magical-- Saniah P.

She will become your best friend... She will sit up and watch more movies than you ever could. She will look up to you, so stay on the right track... Finish school. Don't worry about finding love again... Cuz you will. Don't worry about friends... Because they come and go... But your sisters will remain forever.

In regards to love.... It will be a long road to happiness... Paved with many frogs and dead ends. Stay away from the ones who demand more from you than they are willing to give. I cant tell you who not to date... Cuz each teach you something more about yourself. But a quick heads up.... He will be worth the wait... I won't spoil it for you... But he will love you more than you can imagine and it will complete you in a way that you never knew a love could.... I'm not gonna send you off... Because there will be bad days... But they will be soooo worth it.

I cant tell you who not to be friends with. Because you grow from each friendship... But when you are faced with that hard decision of who to believe... I will tell you this... Don't make a selfish decision... fight for your friendship because she has been your longest friend.

Finally, develop your relationship with God earlier. Thank him for everything. Just know that he will deliver you from so many situations. He will guide you through... I will give you this last piece in advance-- Remember to walk by faith... It will become your mantra!

I love you more than anything.

Ash

The 10 weave commandments...

2011-06-07T08:35:00.000-05:00

"Whether you wear a weave to add fullness to your natural mane, as a protective style, or to simply change up your look—here’s what every weave-wearing woman should live by.

1. Thou shall blend. There’s nothing worse than a weave with conflicting textures. If you’re unable to manipulate your true texture to mimic that of your weave, then you should get a weave that replicates your true strands.

2. Thou shall not let thy tracks be visible. You might as well leave the house with a pack of Remy 1B 14-inch in your hand. If you’re unable to properly conceal your weave, just skip it all together.

3. Thou shall have thy tracks sewn on securely. Over time, tracks will loosen as you style your weave. But there’s no reason for them to be hanging on for dear life by a single strand of weaving thread after one week of wear.

4. Thou shall not leave the salon in discomfort. I’ve witnessed too many women leaving the salon with a headache because their tracks were sewn on too tight. Not only is it painful, but it also puts you at risk of traction alopecia.

5. Thou shall not wear a shiny weave. A quality weave will have a natural luster to it. There is no need to weigh it down with tons of product. This will only make it look fake. The more lightness and bounce your weave has, the more authentic it will look and feel.

6. Thou shall use the proper products for maintenance. Each weave has different needs. A curly weave might require a leave-in conditioner to reduce frizz, while a straight one might call for a lightweight moisturizer, or nothing at all. It varies, so do your research.

7. Thou shall care for thy weave as if it were thy real hair. Maximize the life of your weave by properly protecting it at night, avoiding over-processing with heat, and cleansing it regularly. Consult your hairstylist about how often you should shampoo and condition your extensions.

8. Thou shall protect thy edges and scalp. We’ve all seen the photos of Naomi floating around the web. Ladies, this doesn’t have to be your fate! Massage an oil, such as olive or jojoba oil, infused with a stimulating herb, like rosemary, along your edges, nape, and scalp, to prevent breakage.

9. Thou shall not wear a weave beyond its expiration date. It’s recommended that you keep your extensions in for 6 to 8 weeks. Any longer than that can lead to matting (of your actual hair) and result in hair loss.

10. Thou shall not become attached to thy weave. We’re not talking about having a styling preference. We’re talking about feeling that you need a weave to be attractive. At the end of the day, beauty exudes from the inside. Your weave should be an accessory not a mask for your insecurity."

Source: http://cocoandcreme.com/2010/11/the-10-weave-commandments/

Should be sleep but...

2011-06-01T23:45:00.002-05:00

Im thinking about you...
Thinking about the times that I spent with you...
When I should have told you the truth...
Told you that my heart belonged to some one else
And I had not even attempted to escape from their release...

Im thinking about the way you looked at me...
Feeling that your words had some how sank in...
How you told me that you loved me and caressed my skin...
I said it back, but didnt fully mean it.
The right thing to do at the time... at least it seemed it.

Im thinking about the stories that you told me...
How you said I broke your heart... Which I didnt know
And how painful it was for you... Which you didnt show.

Im thinking about the nights that we sat across from each other
Dreaming up this life to be...
How you were gonna whisk me away and marry me.

We never had a fighting chance, because my heart,
this heart of mine still belongs to this Man.

Why Get Married In The First Place?

2011-03-30T15:22:00.001-05:00

Im selfish. Stubborn. Honestly I wouldnt even marry myself.

But soon, One day, In the next few years or so, I will be getting married.

After reading this article and reading all the things that marriage takes, this statement sums it up
"Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for punks"

She was right. And frankly im a little nervous about it. It is the ultimate commitment.

The article continues to mention that you have to be willing to accept that the person wont change. The things you dont like now, will still be there when you get married. Can you deal with that?

Can I deal with how he analyzes things and assumes that he knows best?

Can he deal with me NOT listening to him and ALWAYS doing the opposite?

Read the excerpt below and consider what it actually takes to not only get married but stay married.

So, why get married in the first place?

Well, only you can answer that. But I can tell you one indispensable prerequisite for a successful marriage: be prepared to work. Marriage is beautiful, blessed, and sacred, but it’s not for punks. They say it takes work, but I say it more than requires work — it is work personified. It is a full-time job requiring a lot of spiritual, mental, and emotional strength. When you hear the words “for better or for worse,” imagine what the “worse” could possibly look like and honestly ask yourself if you have the wherewithal to thrive in those situations. If you don’t have it, that’s fine. There are far worse fates in life than to live it as a single person. But if you feel you have the fortitude to fully submit to another person until one of you leaves this earth, by all means go for it.

There is honestly no nobler thing than to dedicate your life to someone other than yourself, which is essentially what marriage is. You have to have the heart of a servant to do this thing correctly. Can you still fix him a plate even after he’s thoroughly pissed you off? Would you still put gas in her car for work tomorrow even after she’s stepped all over your ego? After days of fighting and arguing, can you still muster the humility to pray for one another? These are the types of things successfully married people do. In this job, you don’t clock out just because you’re not “feeling it.” That’s a hard thing for people to understand in a culture of selfishness, but it is what it is. Strong marriages are comprised of strong people, so you must ask yourself before you get to the altar, “Am I strong enough?”

Is it ever to late to CHANGE your entire life??

2011-03-20T23:28:00.000-05:00

Think about your life....

Are you holding on to something???

Trying to keep the pieces from falling to the ground???

Catching one falling piece and nearly dropping the entire structure???

Are you unhappy about a certain segment of your life???

Feeling like that part of you is slowly decaying each moment you continue on with it???

Or are you feeling like you are wasting away your potential with a sub par situation???

I definitely have felt this way. Many of my friends are feeling this way right now.

Many of them feel that it is too late to

CHANGE THEIR ENTIRE LIFE!

And its not!
                 It is NOT!!!
                                   It aint over until the fat lady sings...
                                                                         And frankly Brown Girl, she aint sung yet!

Now there could be so many segments of your life that could use a shift!

The man that you are with aint ish! But you tolerate it! You bring up every excuse why you should just stay with him.... wait it out.... maybe be things will get better!

Well truthfully, ish just get worst. - Usually- I dated this one man and he had never smoked or drank like that, and then fast forward a few years later, he is doing drugs and being a borderline alcoholic!

*Never be afraid to leave someone.

Never think that you have to settle for what you have*

You deserve to be happy!

So whether it has been 5yrs, 1 yr, 6 months. It is never too late to

CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

You WILL find someone to love you! I promise that!

*Now you might have to kiss a few frogs, but he is out there*

So you are working some where and you feel UNDER APPRECIATED, UNDERVALUED, and damn near TIRED OF THE BS!

Quit!

It is that simple!

Leave!

What are you holding on for? You got bills? -You will ALWAYS have some sort of bill!

Why not try to find a career that will help you pay them better??

I quit my job, because I felt all of that and some!

Why work some where that isnt adding value to my life and doesnt even require the degree I worked so hard to get!

OF COURSE I busted my butt and went on a million interviews and walked by faith!

You dont have to stay anywhere you do not feel appreciated or valued!

You are probably more qualified than you have ever imagined to do something that you have always dreamed of doing!!

*Walk by FAITH & Not by SIGHT! - GOD will lead you into the right direction & NOT steer you wrong!*

You get my drift!

If you despise your living conditions - MOVE!

One of my dearest friends went to Atlanta for the first time for her birthday weekend, came back and decided she wanted to move down there!

She sublet her apartment, sold all her furniture, transferred jobs all in 1 week, and now is living happily in Atlanta!

Who says that you can NOT CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

You will be AMAZED at what you could do, who you could be, and the life that you could hold!

Another friend, quit her job to return back to school and build her own company!

People will think that you are crazy, delusional, and reacting on a whim!

BUT IT IS NEVER TO LATE

TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Whats the worst that can happen?? - You just might not recognize your self!

What does it take to keep a Man?

2011-03-10T23:17:00.000-06:00

I wish there was a way to tell this story without my own personal thoughts being brought into it.

BUT!

This wouldnt be Andthengirl... if my 2 cents werent included...... so here goes!

By no means am I the perfect girlfriend. I yell and curse and will be stubborn as hell!

BUT I have to give my man credit! Because that Fishy is not afraid of this Mean Ol Lion!

I think that over the time of knowing me, my boyfriend understands that I am who I am, and that if we are going to coexist, he has to be willing to be the Bigger person in a lot of situations.

I love him for that, because he is a strong man despite whatever he is faced with.

Sooooo.... Im saying this to say, that I am NOT the most accommodating woman.

If I dont want to do it, it is NOT getting done.

I will not be inconvenienced or swept aside for anyone or anything (despite my daughter of course) BUT everyone else is fair game!

Now I am not proud of this, but it is an internal truth that I have no choice but to deal with.

But I have certain friends who will bend all the way over and around backwards for their man.

I mean these men are KING DING A LING fa real!

All movement ceases when these certain men enter the forum!

My friends will By Any Means Necessary do for their man! Cheat, Lie, Steal, Go For Broke for these men!

All the while I am scratching my head -----

Is this what it takes to keep a Man for years? Am I doing something wrong???

Am I hanging on to mine by a thread because I refuse to break my back for him????

I mean these women give Ride a Die a new meaning.

One Friend lives in Indiana and will drive to Evanston just to take her Man to work- I wouldnt even drive downtown to bring my Man lunch at 11pm.

Another friend puts her man 1st to the point that you must schedule a month ahead of time to go out with her.

Am I missing something or is this what you need to do to keep a man?

Brown Girl of March

2011-03-02T10:36:00.000-06:00

Fab:

I am loving shopping for bargains. Don't buy the first thing you see, because you are sure to find it cheaper somewhere else. Just wait, it will go on sale. Then you can buy even more! Impulse buying causes regrets and who wants to regret a fabulous purchase. Comparison shopping makes for a satisfied purchase.

Fun:

One of my greatest passions is design. I love fun clothes. I am really into colors right now. Yellow is so hot for the upcoming spring season. I love putting items together that you would never put together. Makes for a fun and interesting look. I like to go against the grain, and against the trend, more like improve the trend or create a new one! I even love interior design. I'm always finding great new looks for my home as well.

Fearless:

One piece of advice that I would share is trusting people sometimes comes at a cost! Always follow your gut instinct, that's your inner self talking to you. I tend to be a very giving and trusting person but it has been a costly lesson. This won't change who I am at heart just made me wiser. Always persevere, and don't let nothing stop you There is no no failure with God! Therefore, no fear.

Little brown girl dream:

To own my own clothing line (Lady in Pink) and have it in stores like Macy's, Target and Boutiques. This is very specific, and a huge dream but ultimately I want to successful and happy in life. Secure in my career, marriage, and with my children. If I can work in the fashion/marketing arena and design I will be more than happy with that.

Best thing about being a brown girl:

We look good in everything we wear. God has blessed us with beautiful shapes that come in all sizes. I love my hips, lips and eyes! I also love the drive that I have which makes me relentless until I get what I want! Being a brown girl comes with a sense of self and confidence that I am proud to possess and display to the world! We always have to work just that much harder but it makes us just that much better!!!!

BG in the future:

In 5 years I will have successfully launched my casual and couture clothing line. I want to reach underprivileged youth and give them more opportunities. In addition to my personal goals, I'd like to have a community center that gives kids a safe place to come and learn the arts like sewing, musical instruments, dance, and theater. I realize that there aren't enough places like this in the urban community. In 10 years, I see myself living somewhere warm, with my clothing line in another city like ATL or NYC as well as Chicago. I plan to successfully raise my two boys, teaching them as much as I can, and providing them with the tools they need to become leaders, great thinkers and decisive-men. I want to give them exposure to the world that will shape their thinking and show them that they can do anything and everything.

Here is one of Sanina's Fab T-Shirts

Intereseted in Lady In Pink??: Lady In Pink Facebook Page

Brown Girl Alicia!

2011-02-27T20:32:00.001-06:00

Our October Brown Girl has been pursuing her acting career in LA... We are so proud of her!

Watch her in action on this The Doctors episode!

When was the last time you've been to the doctor?

2011-02-24T17:18:00.000-06:00

No really.... when was the last time that you have been to the doctor???

In the African-American community, we dont really place regular doctor visits on the top of our list. Well unless something is wrong.

And if you are sitting around waiting for signs of something going wrong... you are heading down a bad path.

Thats as if you are waiting for your breaks to not work when you need them, for you to decide to get them fixed.

Ladies we need to take care of ourselves. If these are going bad, at least we can catch them early to do preventive care.

Someone I knew just passed away from Cervical Cancer. She was our age. I am not fully knowledgeable about her situation, but that same day, I made me an appointment. I had to get myself checked out.

I encourage you ladies to get yourself checked out, yearly!

KNOW WHERE YOUR HEALTH STANDS! --- And if something is wrong, you will have plenty of time to catch it early. I dont want to lose any of you ladies.... I love each of you dearly!

WHAT DO YOU WANT 2011 TO LOOK LIKE?

2011-02-08T16:35:00.000-06:00

Close your eyes... It is August... what have you accomplished this year?
What goals have you set? Moves you have made????

Now open them up... its only Febraury, but August is coming.

Please ladies we still have time to get ourselves together. We still have time to accomplish our goals and refocus out eyes on the ultimate goals!

Please watch this video below... get inspired... get moving!

Where are you planting your seed? You need to go where you are celebrated not tolerated!

My Wife aint this and She dont do that!

2011-02-03T12:35:00.000-06:00

We have heard it before.... After women get into relationships we get complacent.
No longer are we going above and beyond for our men.

Cooking in heels have since been replaced with cooking with your night scarf on!

I used to be so inspirational, have since become negative and not rejoicing in my man's success and efforts.

To be honest after watching this video, I appreciate him more now than ever.

He goes to work and grinds his ass off! Just to make me happy. Just to be able to take care of his family.

He has went through so many hardships and has grown as a man.

The things that I dont do, he does. If im not cooking, he is. If im not doing the laundry, he is.
He is a wonderful man.

But not all relationships are like this, and some are harder than others.

So I have brought this video just to inspire some of you to just continue to have faith in your relationships even when you hit a rough patch.

This video is on the topic of marriage, but we cant even get that far if we don't execute the behaviors before.

Enjoy! Subscribe to him on Twitter: @EricThomasbtc & Facebook.com/loveneverfailsthomas