the innocent can never last

Charlie's Chocolate

2012-01-16T23:19:00.000+08:00

I found out that my mum threw away my Charlie and the Chocolate Factory book yesterday, and got really upset about it. (both at losing the book and her throwing it away) To try to calm myself down, I actually typed this out. It's not the full story and it might not make much sense, but here it is:

You don’t just throw away other people’s things like that. You will never be able to guess just how much a tattered book or small gimcrack could mean to someone else. Even if you bought it for someone else, or if it’s something the two of you share – something seemingly worthless to you could be of infinite value to someone else.

I get more attached to things than humans. Books are my friends. You wouldn’t know how much that old, battered copy of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and Charlie and The Glass Elevator means to me. I don’t remember getting it in kindergarten, but I remember reading it, not once, not twice, but many times. I remember being utterly confused by Charlie and The Glass Elevator (or was it Charlie and The Great Glass Elevator?) as my concentration could only last for so long at that time. I remember being mildly frightened by the funny alien-creature shapes in the second half of the book (once again, my memory fails me). I remember how I kicked up a fuss after my younger brother tore it up, I remember how both of us tried to salvage it with scotchtape and glue. And I remember kicking up a bigger fuss a few years later when I saw him bringing it down to the dining table to read, for I knew that he would destroy it further. I don’t remember how that matter was resolved. And I distinctly remember picking it out of the thrash bag several weeks ago when you were clearing out the house. I guess I get more attached to books than humans. After all, I spent more time with them as a child. You could say I valued that book. “Why didn’t you keep it in your own room where I wouldn’t throw it away?”, I hear you cry. Well, for some part I blame myself, because as with humans, we often don’t realize how much things mean to us until they’re gone.

Why throw books away anyway? I don’t understand. We have sufficient space in the house to store the books. Maybe it was because you found it unsightly. Well, I found it beautiful. Not only because of the words and illustrations in it, but also because the rips and tears in the book reminded me of the years that have gone by. I remember bringing the book to Japan, where I wrote a birthday note to myself on the 16^th of December and stuck it into the book, hoping that I would come across it the next day on the 17^th and somehow surprise myself. Then, part of me was hoping that I would come across the note years later and truly surprise myself. Subconsciously, I hoped that as a grown adult, I might flip through the pages of the tattered book and smile at my own childishness when I was 12.

So please, don’t throw other people’s things away without their permission. Even if it’s something that they are always complaining about. They might be too nonchalant to admit that they actually feel any affection for something. The loss of this book has hit me harder than the loss of anyone I’ve know so far. People can’t stay with you forever, but inanimate objects often can, and the loss of an inanimate object can therefore cause more unexpected grief than anything else. Typing this out is, I think, my way of dealing with this recent bereavement.

Lots of teenage angst in there, but I'm feeling surprisingly calm now even though barely 24 hours has passed.

2012-01-12T20:55:00.000+08:00

Rather stressed about post-JC education. Not just the debate over studying overseas or staying in Singapore, even deciding what sort of course I want to take up is a headache. I've just read Hwa Chong's guide on studying in the US and it seems that most universities look at sec 3, sec 4, O-level and JC1 results. That's too bad for me then.

Must really start playing the piano again. :> And writing.

And I really need to get an A for GP in the A-levels. Was really embarrassed about my A2 the last time.

fade

2012-01-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

Happy new year folks! My family was supposed to countdown at an old friend's house, but my mum felt so zonked that we headed back at 11. So I spent the last of 2011 and first of 2012 with my dad and my dog at home in my room. Listening to Europe's The Final Countdown.

The brown furry thing that you see is Cocoa.

Overall, not a bad start to the new year I guess. Whatever.

With so many light years to go, and things to be found.

2011-12-31T01:12:00.001+08:00

Resolutions for 2012:

#1. Stop multi-tasking, even on the computer.

#2. Stop buying things just because they're cheap. I'll don't use/wear them more than 3 months later. Quality over quantity.

#3. No more TV. This isn't even 5% as drastic as it sounds, seeing as the only television I watch are special programmes/ the news/ half a drama episode if I happen to be passing by the TV then. I do, however, watch a great deal of shows on my laptop. Notable exceptions from this ban are Kurosagi (watched it halfway then stopped months ago), Doctor Who (already downloaded it!), and Sherlock (showing in January only anyway).

#4. No stupid little obsessions. I'm going to clear out my room later today and stuff anything remotely hobby-related in the attic storeroom. With my A-levels in 2012, I can't afford to spend my time making crafts, painting my nails or anything else. (This also means saying bye to buying my Eximus camera!)

#5. Exercise, sleep, eat well, blah blah.

Most of these resolutions are study-oriented, especially 1, 3 and 4. Number 4's only going to be true till until my A-levels anyway.

This is how things are like end 2011:

I managed to get to JC 2 after a great deal of last minute catching up. Below is how deranged I look after a typical school day.

Also I started bringing my dog to my room to play heh.

Also I took some photos in my mum's toilet because I was bored.

The last two photos were from just before my birthday I think. If I don't lose the weight that I've gained over the past two weeks (as well as the weight that I will gain during the new year and Chinese New Year), I can always look at these photos to remember how I was slimmer then.

I just want to stay home and play Europe's The Final Countdown tonight! Or maybe on the supposed end of the world/world metamorphosis thing on 21st December.

And in reality, nothing happens.

2011-12-29T23:41:00.000+08:00

My daydream: Waking up at six in the morning and cycling out to enjoy the morning sky.
Reality: Wake up at ten, then eat breakfast and lunch almost consecutively.

My daydream: Writing my thoughts, observations and even some short stories in my notebook while lazing on the grass in the afternoon sun.
Reality: Bought the notebooks. "afternoon sun" is ridiculously hot and I get disgusted by thoughts of worms, dog poop and soil when I look at the grass.

My daydream: Completing all of my homework and studying hard.
Reality: Still trying to start on homework.

My daydream: Reading all sorts of books; learning about our world and the universe.
Reality: Watch mine-numbing videos on YouTube.

My daydream: Fishing by the canal while I jot down my thoughts in my notebook.
Reality: Went prawn fishing once HAHAHA at least I managed to catch a few prawns! Anyway the canal near my house is now a hotspot for wannabe anglers so it's nowhere as cool and recluse-like anymore.

My daydream: Buy an Eximus camera and take lovely photos of places around my house before they change.
Reality: I really wanted to buy this but money issues sigh.

My daydream: Go to the dreams and reality exhibition at the museum.
Reality: Haven't gone yet but I WILL DO THIS SOON. I will be really upset with myself if I miss this.

My daydream: Find something to blog about.
Reality: Sorry, I guess my life is just too dull.

r e lie f

2011-12-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

Checking my SAT scores scared me. Possibly more than my O-level scores. I guess it's the reality of it, the fact that this is a distinct step that will affect which university I get into whereas you could always get away with a bad O-level score and do well for your A-levels. Which was, coincidentally, why I couldn't really feel extreme disappointment and grief over my O-level score.

2200/2400. I'm really glad, seeing as I was hoping for around 2100. This is actually the first time that I've done well in any national, major-ish kind of examination. Hopefully I'll remember this feeling and it'll stick around for As. Rather disturbed by my writing score though......... So many China scholars took the test with me and I didn't do much better than them? And I've always prided myself on being able to write somewhat well oh dear this is embarrassing I shan't continue!

party like it's christmas

2011-11-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

I now have two twitter widgets in the side bar because the one that's actually from Twitter has got to be one of the nicest widgets around but it doesn't always work, so.... I'm testing. :)

Tomorrow's the last day of school! But I've been spending so much money, I had about $300 +++ just a week ago and now I'm down to 150 bucks or so. And I want to get nice Christmas presents for everyone. And buy things for myself. But I have no money.

School kind of..... Really sucks. As I predicted it would when I first started and assumed that I was having a blast. But what the heck, I'm just going to school tomorrow and jump around and take photos with everyone and try to have fun.

And. Did I mention. I only have one hour of school tomorrow!!

2011-11-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

Since I did badly for my exams, I was wondering which subject to downgrade: math or literature. So I decided to get cleverbot's opinion...

(click to enlarge don't you know this by now!)

... Needless to say we are now bosom buddies even though it's now accusing me of being bald. And also a boy.

I think this is important

2011-10-18T23:51:00.001+08:00

I think it's becoming increasingly obvious that I'm just not posting as much as I used to. Just last year, I could churn out over 50 blog posts a month, mostly about J-pop and my obsession for it. Unfortunately, I've... Moved on. I haven't exactly fallen out of love with J-pop (and definitely not Arashi !), but my interest in it has faded. I've always been interested in Japan, just that this interest went full bloom once I discovered J-pop! I'd also like to add in, albeit rather unnecessarily, that my other favourite countries are England, China, HK and Taiwan. And with this, I'd like to shift the focus of the blog from J-pop to other things.

Exactly what other things, I'm not sure yet. I started this blog in late 2009 as a platform for me to express myself, which coincided with when I watched Gokusen and fell head first into the world of Japanese fandom. Now, I'm going back and leaving this blog as, once again, an open platform for me to express myself and keep some memories which I can then read next time. Now, I cringe a little when I go through posts where I go on and on about my idols, but I'm pretty sure that years from now, I'll be able to look at those posts with fondness as I recollect those feelings from my teenage years.

I do feel like I've failed my readers, but well....... Okay, I've failed you. I do feel guilty, but I do have to move on. Doing this Japanese gossip blog thing has no longer become fun for me, and I think it's better for me to come straight out then just wonder about what to do with this blog, which is actually what I've been doing for the past several months now. You can continue to talk with me about the fandom, which I completely welcome, though I might be rather out of date on certain issues. ^^ (just felt that I should add a smiley to relieve the tension since I sound so serious here!)

So, my blog is now open and free again! I've no idea what's to come, but we shall see.

Learn Kame's diet secrets! Losing 5 kilos from Dream Boys musical

2011-09-07T20:52:00.000+08:00

KAT-TUN members Kamenashi Kazuya, Nakamaru Yuichi and Tanaka Koki starred as the leads in JE's ongoing (3 to 25 Sept) Dream Boys musical and it seems that the rigourous training caused Kamenashi to lose five kilos - from 64kg to 59.2kg.

The musical featured the normal song and dance as well as "flying" and "boxing". Kamenashi managed to perform 15 high-speed turns without any mistake. In an interview later, he said that it was, honestly, something he was most scared of. He has been the lead in the musical since 2004, with Nakamaru pairing up with him in 2007 and 2008.

This year's musical was to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the Imperial Garden Theater, where the musical is held. It also marks the end of the long-running Dream Boys musical. (Azashi)

Honestly though, it looks like he put on weight to me.... And I don't think he was ever that heavy anyway! And the things these singers have to do is..... !!!

Short video on the concert + interview. Skip to 1:00 to hear them attempting to speak Chinese! Link here or watch below.

Please install the Flash Player

Pictures: Ueda Tatsuya at sister's wedding

2011-08-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

Ueda Tatsuya attending his elder sister's wedding? I don't know if this is true or not, it'd be quite troublesome to fake and anyway the dogs are so gorgeous! Golden retrievers~

Photos off here.

2011-08-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

Just paused my music player.
Sometimes I think we should just... Learn to enjoy silence.

I finally got a dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-08-07T16:02:00.000+08:00

woof.

2011-07-30T21:31:00.000+08:00

All the books I will never read.
All the places I will never see.
All the things I will never do.
All the words I will never say.
And all the people I will never meet.

Make me wonder why I still continue to live as I do.

2011-07-12T22:30:00.000+08:00

The feedback survey on my maths teacher wouldn't let me leave the "other feedback" box empty so I just wrote nil!

K off to ~~copy~~ do my chemistry.

Oguri Shun and Yamada Yu to get married, had dinner with each others' families (rumour)

2011-07-12T21:12:00.000+08:00

It seems that actor Oguri Shun (28) and actress/model Yamada Yuu (27) are finally getting married after three years of dating! Apparently, Oguri Shun was caught cheating on Yuu last year, which resulted in them moving to seperate homes and almost caused them to breakup.

Last month, Shun and Yuu had a traditional sushi dinner with their families, which many feel confirms that they are going to get married soon. In addition, on that day, Yuu made a particularly cheerful post on her blog, where she mentioned that she was happy because she found some beautiful flowers on a walk. Of course, many think that it's a bit... unusual for her to be so cheerful about such a small matter. (Entame, Josei Seven, blog entry)

2011-07-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

Having exams right after the holidays has got to be the weirdest thing ever. Throughout the holidays, I can't enjoy myself properly because I should be revising. And after my exams, I only have one weekend to relax when I'm supposed to be rushing through my holiday homework.

On a brighter note, I've spent the past four days just rotting at home. I should have done my homework and today was e-learning day so I was supposed to complete this online quiz or something but well... And my mum got a dog!

Tom Felton kind of looks like this Alexandria girl from ANTM cycle 16! Nothing compared to this two though.

2011-06-24T17:15:00.001+08:00

Please let me pass my math exam tomorrow even though I have not studied a single bit and skipped all my holiday classes and even some regular classes and don't pay attention at all in math class and have been getting single digits and "see me"s in all my previous tests. PLEASE.

And why did the school have to change the time of the Math paper from 2:30pm to 9am? That's just... really annoying. And why must the paper be on a Saturday. Oh god.

I do it over and over again

2011-06-20T00:27:00.001+08:00

5 days till my Math mid-years, and I haven't understood anything that's been taught in the JC syllabus so far. I'm so sick of this. Why can't I do my work or at least pay attention to what the teacher says?

Anyway, I'm going to revise. I've said this a million times before, but... Really, I want to do well. So much.

Some definite reasons why I want to do well:

I don't want to retain and spend an extra year in this stupid school. Or, for that matter, waste a year of my life.
Meet-the-parents is coming up a few weeks after MYEs, so if I don't do well for MYEs, the teachers will definitely only have bad things to say about me. Skipping tutorials...
If I do well, my mother will buy me more things and bring me on more overseas trips. If I don't, I won't get to go overseas and my allowance will be cut.
I want everyone in my new school to know that I'm not stupid and you don't need to study that much to do well.
If I do badly, they'll sure to be rumors going around about how I'm from a top secondary school and still doing so badly...
My parents actually think that I've been studying. Shit.
If I don't do well for mid-years, I'll never be able to catch up for end-years, prelims or A-levels. The whole O-level story will repeat itself.

On a happier note though... Ashton Kutcher and his dad!!

Picture from TMZ

Yamada Ryosuke's CM

2011-06-17T13:33:00.000+08:00

Watch Yamada Ryosuke's first solo CM for a Lotte product (gyugyu-to?!) at this link:

http://yurichinendaisuki.tumblr.com/post/6591199938

Definitely worth watching! :D

2011-06-11T20:34:00.000+08:00

My dad bought me a brand new laptop from the IT fair thing! Almost everything from my previous laptop is gone but I don't really care because I'm just so happy!

And for those who think I'm overreacting, this is the first time that I've actually gotten a new laptop/phone/music player/camera/electronic thing so....

Suddenly feel the need to study hard so that my dad won't regret his decision. ^^

The Quiz Show 2 review (haphazard)

2011-06-07T15:24:00.000+08:00

So, prior to this, I'd never heard of this drama "The Quiz Show 2" before. I found out that there is indeed a "The Quiz Show", but I don't really have much interest in watching it (no doubt because Sakurai and Yokoyama aren't inside).

The description of the show from DramaWiki:

Sakurai plays the host of a live TV quiz program. On the show, contestants who achieve 7 correct answers win 10 million yen, and those who get 8 correct answers will have one of their wishes granted by the TV network. But while the questions start off innocently enough, as the game progresses, the questions gradually delve into the contestants' past crimes or indiscretions, presenting them with the dilemma of having to confess their guilt in order to win. Sakurai's character also has a mysterious past. Before becoming the show's host, an accident had left him in a vegetative state for six years, which also resulted in him losing most of his memories.

Though the format for the first few episodes are, without a doubt, ridiculously and annoyingly repitive, it still keeps you glued to your screen (at least for the first time you watch it, anyway) as more and more is revealed in each episode. The memories that Kamiyama gains from each episode also seem to change. It's easy to sense his confusion and anxiety. How is he related to Honma? Why did I stab that girl? Did I even stab her? Oh wait, I didn't stab her, I killed her later in the hospital... and so on. There are also entire scenes throughout the whole series that are repeated again and again, especially the whole introductory sequence. Yet, I have to admit that I was never tempted to fast forward at those parts (probably because it was too short anyway). And, I feel that I really ahve to mention Sakurai's dancing at the Dream Chance part.

The show only starts breaking out of this annoying mould from episode 7 onwards, by which the viewer will think that he/she has a pretty clear view of what happened. Things start to shake up, and more interesting truths are revealed, especially the relationships between the characters. I like how it's not just the relationships between the main characters that are revealed, but also that of the others. Also, the nature of the contestants on the gameshow start to take a *ahem* more interesting turn.

The great thing about this drama is that it is chock full of turns and suprises, and real ones, not those lame, half-assed sort that we frequently encounter in other dramas (Yay! It turns out that the poor boyfriend whom the parents diapprove of is the long-lost son of a billionaire!). The mistakes Satoru makes in recalling the past are entirely believable, and as a viewer, you actually get sucked into his train of thought and follow him as he tries to put the pieces together.

When the truth is finally revealed (and I have to mention that the ending was neither rushed nor anti-climatic), Honma and Kamiyama have a good cry. Oh goodness, the crying scene was really all out. You could even see Sakurai's mucus dripping!

However, I couldn't really see the "happiness" of the ending. There were little touches that made it sweet, like the poppy field scene and the reversal of Honma's watch, but it felt like the biggest thing was lacking. Kamiyama speech to Honma still didn't seem enough to give him new hope in life.

And a few more minor things that bugged me during the drama:

It's rather alarming how Kamiyama changes from a deranged soul in his cell to a charming MC on stage.
If the other staff involoved in the production of the gameshow are curious about Kamiyama's origins, why don't they approach him directly?
Really, why don't more of the contestants recognise Kamiyama? Surely, if you had been involved in the plane crash, wouldn't you at least care to read the news about your fellow passengers (and so few of them, too) to see how they fared?
Lastly, why doesn't any contestant/audience member seem to care when Kamiyama gets into his headache-fits on stage?

So, should you watch this show?

If you are a Sakurai/Yokoyama fan, the answer is a definite yes. And if you're not, the answer is still a not-so-definite yes. Unless you're one of those who much, much, much prefer romance/comedy genres, I find it hard to believe that you can find this show boring.

Pictures from: http://www.ntv.co.jp/quizshow/guest/index.html, http://legally-cutie.livejournal.com/10369.html, http://dramacrazy.net/

Btw, I just realised that I've never had a tag for Yokoyama. And this is a really messy review but I! can't! do! anything! properly! until I get a personal laptop! Hopefully the "new" one which I've already transferred my dramas to...

2011-06-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

It's the June holidays and I can't even post properly because my laptop(s) died. I spilt tea on my old laptop and the "new" one (it isn't new, btw) wouldn't turn on after I used it twice. My dad said that it's because the charger has problem and that he'd get a new charger for me but it's taking so long. :(

bloody monday and the quiz show 2

2011-05-27T21:34:00.002+08:00

Got two DVDs today... Bloody Monday and The Quiz Show 2!

Happened to walk into a DVD shop and saw that they were having a sale. I saw some Japanese DVDs going for $6 and got really excited! But then I realised that those were only the specials and not the whole serial. But then I found the serials which cost $7.90 each and $12(US$ 9.70) for two! I was thinking of getting Koizora, but decided against it because I felt that it would be more value-for-money to get two drama serials. And I chose The Quiz Show 2 over Akai Ito because it has two good-looking guys (Sakurai Sho and Yokoyama Yu!) in it. I've never heard of it until today but it seems really interesting!

This is the first time that I've actually paid for anything J-pop related, unless you count magazines.But it seems that you get your money's worth indeed! Each DVD comes with a write-up of each character and a chart to show the relationships between the characters. BUT.... it's in Chinese. Shall post better pictures tomorrow!

I had my General Paper mid-year exam today, but it didn't really have any effect on me? I guess it's because there's no way I could have studied and the exam went quite smoothly. And the June holidays are here!

Okay, I'm going to bathe and then I'll watch start watching The Quiz Show 2 (it's sounds so interesting that I'm going to watch it before Bloody Monday!) on my "new" laptop. No, I still haven't switched over to the "new" one! And here's why.

2011-05-25T18:04:00.000+08:00

Imma write my plans for the June hols here so that I'll have more incentive to stick to them:

-Learn how to fish.
-Be more adventurous, i.e. not be such a chicken.
-Sleep early, wake up (reasonably) early. Only catch television programs that I'm actually interested in.
-Exercise and eat healthily to lose weight.

No sweets, limited chocolates.
No ice-cream either. Frozen yogurt at most.
Try to exercise daily.

-Take good care of my skin.

-Study for MYEs.

-Learn to skateboard. (?)

-Go for more walks.

-Cycle to school to see how long it takes.