Ang Diary ni Juan

Geeez. Look what i found on her Twitter post. T.T

2013-06-21T01:43:00.000-07:00

"Yung #Goodnight:3 nya nung #061213 #12:37...heaven♥"

For so many nights na nag greet ako sa kanya ng GoodEvening for goodness sake sa gabi lang na to hindi ako nakapag text dahil wala akong load! Putapete talaga! Yung gabi lang na yun JUNE 12, 2013 at 12:37 am, putanesss hindi talaga ko yan dahil sa mga oras na yan tulog na ko. Wala, wala talaga kong pag-asa. Naiinis ako dahil nag assume ako na kahit konti meron pero wala talaga. Masakit pero kung saan sya masaya, masaya na rin ako. Hayyzzzz. Hindi na rin ako magtetext sa kanya o kaya pm o kaya mentions sa twitter wala na muna. Iiwasan ko rin muna siya, hihintayin ko munang mawala tong nararamdaman ko tsaka ko makikipagusap ulit pero hanggang kaibigan na lang. Kasi sa ngayon hindi pa ko handa, ala eh mahal ko pa.. hayzzzz. :(((((((((((((((((

Happy, (bakit ba Happy codename ko, pang asar pa eh. >.< )

Mahirap

2013-06-21T01:30:00.002-07:00

"Mahirap suyuin ang taong may iba nang gusto, Para kang naghukay sa lupang wala naman talagang ginto."

Happy

Sighs :(

2013-06-21T01:27:00.001-07:00

We've been texting and chatting for some time but i can sense a flicker awkwardness and rejection. I can feel that because of her dry responses whenever we have conversations through text and chats. I always try to greet her "Good Morning" and "Good Evening" all the time, for sometimes i got a response but sometimes i got nothing. Another thing is that it always takes time before her response to my previous messages, for about 15 - 30 minutes i think. I've been always trying to flood into my mind the idea of she's doing something or she didn't got any load whenever i got no response at all to my text messages. For sometimes we've been chatting and then suddenly she will excuse herself and never get back again. Those actions sounded as it feels like i am nothing to her, really.

sighs,

Happy (literally but emotionally distracted)

Tumal

2013-06-15T20:45:00.002-07:00

"Nakakapagod din magkaroon ng feelings sa mga taong walang paki elam sayo"

->>> yan muna ang masasabi ko Juan. :/

2013-06-12T01:50:00.003-07:00

Juan,

Juan please help me i don't really understand what is going on inside me right now. Like what i told you earlier, this is about this GIRL who made me completely crazy for the past few weeks of my summer. I can't sleep because i'm thinking about her, night and day or every minute, and every hour. I cant stop myself to think about her, she's like a hobby that i cant resist (Geeezz! I cant believe im writing those words. HAHA). I didn't actually expect that i'm gonna fall for her, she's like a younger sister of mine. We're that closed that she even told me about her secrets, her periods and she even showed me her underarm (this last summer i used to make fun of her by mocking her to show her underarm and if she refuses that only means she has a black and hairy one =DD). She's is actually my regular classmate and also to some of our back subjects, yes, we have failed, and one of those are Chemistry 2 as long as Differential Calculus and Physics 1 that is why we have to take Physics 2 this last summer. Speaking of this last summer i just noticed that she is getting more pretty as the day passes by, i used to stare at her beautiful face and told her that she is indeed beautiful and she will say "eto piso". HAHA! She didn't even know that i am telling her the truth specially when she changed her hairstyle by adding cute bangs well, i have to admit that she gets even more beautiful when she had it. Then she asked me if it fits her face and i responded, "Oo naman, lalo kang gumanda", i just smiled and once again i found myself starring at her then she added, "hindi nga?", i just say, "oo nga" and then she will just smile at me, but OH MY! i find her smile very attractive.

Okey tama na sa explanation kinikilabutan na ko sa mga sinasabi ko. :)). Like i said kasama ko na sya simula pa lang nung first year of my college and our relationship goes deeper during our chem days. You know what? Gusto nun ng Flare yung Cherry Mobile phone. HAHA! i just remembered when we go to the mall together with one of our colleague, nung nakita nya yung stall ng Cherry Mobile she's like a 7 years old girl chasing for an ice cream, tumakbo sya para lang tignan yung phone without having any intention of buying it, but it's her dream phone that time. Then we followed her and after seeing the flare phone i told the sales lady "Ate pabili ng Flare, Pito, para dito sa kasama namin" ala lang trip ko lang magjoke, pinagtinginan tuloy ako ng ibang bumibili. HAHA! Then pumunta naman kami sa shop ng Samsung to grab a look for some cool tablets and phones. I remembered her taking photos with one of the sample tablet in the store. HAHA. Apakalokong babae kumuha ba naman ng picture nya sa sample tablet eh and dame dameng tumitingin nun. HAHA, napaka unique! Speaking of unique, one of the memorable moments of us during those time is nung nagvideoke kame. Kungyare pang ayaw at hindi daw sya kumakanta but when we started lahat ata ng kinanta ko sinabayan nya (dalawa kasi yung mic :DD) then nung sya naman ang kumanta, guess what? Aegis pa! HAHA. Nakakatuwa lang. :))

Those are our Chem days wala pa kong kakaibang nararamdaman sa kanya but, this last summer kung saan i found myself secretly in loved with her because of her childish personality. Yes, the real reason why i fall for her is because of SHE being HERSELF. Masyado kasing isip bata nakakatuwa. Parang gusto ko syang laging kulitin at alagaan. You know what? Try mong hawakan yung underarm nya and try to pretend you smell it, hay nako hahabulin ka nyan para wag mo lang amuyin o kaya bigla syang uupo sa sahig na kala mong batang magtatampo, kahit na the fact is mabango naman talaga. HAHA. And one thing more mahilig yan sa picture, as a matter of fact my cellphone gallery is flooded with her photos. Pag trip kong picturan yan, i just told her na pipicturan ko sya, then shell make a cute pose without any hesitation. Lastly iyakin din yan, batang bata talaga. One time nagkatampuhan kami, almost 1 week ko ata syang hindi pinansin. Then one day sabi ko magsosorry na ko at papansinin ko na sya kasi hindi ko naman talaga kaya syang tiisin, but shockingly naunahan nya kong magsalita and then she nervously uttered "uy galit ka ba? bat hindi mo ko pinapansin?" Speechless ako naunahan kasi ako eh. Kaya sinabi ko nalang "hindi ah, wala yun" sabay ngiti lang habang nakatingin sa kanya. But when we are on the corridor going out of the campus i decided to approach her habang nagiisa sya. Inakbayan ko sya and i say "Hi!" with matching smile pa yan :D. HAHA. "Sorry ha, basta sorry!" then she replied "ako din, sorry" Mejo nagkailangan kami kasi diba 1 week kaming hindi nagka pansinan but the awkwardness quickly faded when we are at 7 eleven, ala tambay lang. Napagtripan nga sya ng mga kaklase kong paiyakin by saying "iiyak na yan" kasi nga she has this childish personality, ayun umiiyak nga, haha. But the problem is i dont have any idea how to comfort a crying girl, well that is one of my weaknesses. Umiiyak sya habang nakayuko at natatakpan ng mga buhok nya ang muka nya. I just gave her my shoulder to cry on and my handkerchief para punasan ang luha nya, i remembered her saying "ang bango naman ng panyo mo" while crying, haha ang cute nya. Then nalaman ko nalang pala na umiyak din pala sya before dahil nga sa hindi ko sya pinapansin, na guilty naman ako dun sobra.

So yun, i think that concludes everything. As of now hindi ko pa alam kung gagawa ako ng move basta i'll post about it nalang later.

HAPPY

Fresh

2013-05-31T21:56:00.003-07:00

It seems that my "soon" is never ending on my previous blog, I'm so sorry Juan. :)

And now I'm back i want to make a short recap of what happened during my leave here on posting my everyday scenarios.

The thing that i really want to talk about right now is the fact that i passed my summer class in Physics 2 which is my first take because i failed my Physics 1 that is why i have to attend the special class and take the summer class for Physics 2 and i am glad that i passed. Unluckily some of my classmates didn't make it and that makes me have this feeling the same thing when i failed my Differential Calculus twice. I hope my professor will spare them a chance.

Speaking of Calculus yep, i failed it once again which means i will be adding one more year to my five years of stay in the university. And that is the worst thing that ever happened to me knowing that i will become an irregular student and my classmate will be graduating on their 5th year while i am still pursuing another year in the campus. It takes me a while to fully understood the consequences of my mistakes that is why i temporarily stopped on posting here. And i am now fully aware that everything happened to me is the result of my actions and i don't have to blame anyone except for myself.

The good thing that i did when i''m on those despairing moment is to accept the truth and learned to move on at-least gradually. And i cannot done it alone without the help of others that is why i really want to thank my colleagues in college, my family and specially God for guiding me to start a new life, a new start.

And now another school year is waiting and i hope to myself that i will do well. I am looking forward to make new friends, to start a relationship to whom i really loved (ehem <3) and strengthen my confidence on thyself ( i think i need some at-least a bit ^_^ ).

Speaking of LOVE i will post it later. This is about this cute, little, crazy and childish girl that through time i didn't fully notice not until now that i am actually falling for her.

Yeaah! Im falling in love! And that is crazzzzy! Anyways, i'll grab a time later to post it (i hope so ^.^).

Yours truly,
HAPPY

Ang Pagbabalik

2013-03-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

After some odd and depressing moments happened for the past period of time, i will be back to continue posting on this blog. I know that i had missed a lot of happenings but from this time on i'll spare my time soon as i can to share my life here. So, yun muna basta i'll be back soon. Thank you for understanding Juan. :)

Voiceless by Haveyouseenthisgirl Review

2012-12-17T22:52:00.000-08:00

It is strongly recommended to read the story first before reading this review as it contain spoilers. This is a story and property of Haveyouseenthisgirl. You can read her published stories here: http://wattpad.com/HaveYouSeenThisGirL

It's been a while since my last update but before this year end i just want to post a review regarding to a short story I've read in Wattpad this past few weeks, it is entitled "Voiceless" by Haveyouseenthisgirl. For me, it's a teen fiction with a touch of comedy and drama and off course the different music as what the title implies. The story is about a girl named Momo who is madly addicted and obsessed (yeah! that's how i picture it :'>) to a popular band called Syntax Error composing of Mirko the Italian bassist, Corrine their cute and lovely drummer, Zeke their lead guitarist who was secretly in-loved to Lorraine, vice-versa and the leader of the band their vocalist, Sync. Syntax Error met Momo in a inexplicably embarrassing way you can think of. This happen when Momo and her best-friend Aila attend one of the concert of Syntax Error (well, Momo had never been absent to any of their concert) but unluckily she lost her ticket leaving her alone outside the concert ground. As what i said Momo has this some sort of addiction and obsession to the band to point that she will not allow to miss one of their concert, that's the time when she decided to crawl in at the back door pretending to be some kind of ghost. She ran fast to avoid being caught by the guards not knowing the door she was about to enter is the actual performance room, then BOOM! And now she's famous! Famous not knowing she's a die hard fan but a spy. Yes, a spy, the other fans and Sync picture her as a spy to ruin their concert. And later on Manager Ree hired her as their P.A and that's how the story goes, leaving Momo from a period of this some serious obsession to the band specially to Sync to a period of getting in love with him, this time not just a kind of love by a normal fan, but this unconditional love you feel to your love one. Based on the flow of the story it take's time to Momo to get the attention of Sync and to get Sync fully realized his mistakes and the love Momo had sacrificed for him.

I don't want to spoil the whole story so here's my verdict :) :

I have read several stories of Haveyouseenthisgirl before Voiceless. First is the remarkable and undeniably hit creation of her, Diary Ng Panget - Diary Ni Eya Season 1&2 which is as the moment reaching 8, 831, 554 reads and 121, 876 votes (off-course without the silent reader) and going up, a solid evidence that this story is a must read creation of hers. Second is the 10 Signatures To Bargain With God and the sequel She Died, to admit that i found myself crying when i was reading the story and last is the I Met A Jerk Whose Name is Seven.

And now back to Voiceless, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako sinipag mag sulat ng review ngayon eh mas paborito ko ang DNP. HAHA. Maybe the reason why is that the story has a massive impact to the nature of the readers most specially the teenagers. When i say Nature, this is how the readers specifically the teenagers viewed the story based on their current condition which is the truth na sobrang nakaka relate sila. How? Because Momo the protagonist of the story is just one of the ordinary or let me say a mediocre million fan of their idols. Kaya i salute Haveyouseenthisgurl giving Momo a strong essence of obsession and addictive character for that. I think nag eexist naman talaga ang ganitong mga die hard fans. Proportional naman sa setting na to yung last part ng story when Sync had made the song of Momo so popular in the Philippines even-though it has a Korean language. This event is currently happening right now, all of us are familiar with the KPop hit na Gangnam Style ni PSY kahit hindi natin alam ang lyrics go tayo sa pagkanta at pagsayayaw. Isa pa sa mga pinaka gusto ko sa story na to eh yung napaka kulet na attitude ni Momo, sya yung tipo ng tao na kapag nilayuan mo, imbes na sumuko eh parang bubuyog kang kukulitin hanggang sa ma accept mo sya, which made her the original Momo we knew, another distinct and unique character for her. Another heart stabbing scene is when Momo gave up her virginity to Sync but the truth is that time Sync has no special feeling for her yet, he's just using Momo to recover from the past. I have to admit na gusto kong patayin si Haveyouseenthisgirl that time, yung feeling na gusto ko syang puntahan sa Italy, haha joke lang. Kidding aside, this scene can be compared to a solid burning arrow seeing the author targeting the readers through their heart and their soul. Because this is the FACT sa mga kababaihan ngayon (hoy hindi ako feminist sadyang nagkataon lang. >:D) basta idol mo o kaya basta gwapo go lang ng go! I mean it, kasi this is how i picture the society nowadays based on my experience, i have seen my friends did the same thing. I am speaking for the majority but I am not pertaining that all teenage girls in the Philippines are like this. See, what happens to Momo after that? Yes naging masaya sya for a short period of time and then here's the consequences: the dysphoric and sad truth na hindi ka pala nya mahal, eh panu ngayun yan buntis ako at ikaw ang ama. Yung feeling na gusto nyang magpakamatay after what she heard during the conversation of Sync and his brother lead to a sudden and impulsive decision caused by anger and now the result is revenge. A decision not made by her mind but with her heart filled with so much anger. A decision that will ruin the friendship and all her positive intact to band members of the Syntax Error and worst disband it. See? Dahil sa pagiging mapusok natin ngayon hindi natin iniisip yung mga posibleng mangyare or shall is say the phrase "Bahala na si Batman". "Bahala na basta ngayon magpapakasarap ako tsaka na yung hirap". After this nakita natin ang kakaibang Momo, nakita natin yung transition ni Momo from a gentle girl to harsh one, we cannot blame her bacause it is all a pure product of anger and false decision of hers. Syempre sa mga ganitong storya hindi mawawala ang supporting characters, jan papasok ang bestfriend ni Momo si Aila. Dahil jan hindi naging one sided and storya kasi may umiikot na ibang side sa storya at ito nga ang buhay ni Aila the same with the relationship of Zeke and Corrine as well as Manager Ree to Manager Luke which made another bomb in the story for its shocking revelations. Regarding with kilig and comedy moments i must say Haveyouseenthisgirl has a different way of executing the lines, honestly in sarcastic way which made it more original na to the fact na you'll just find yourself smiling while reading, secretly hiding the burst of kilig factor behind your smile. Another one is the relationship of Aila to Mirko which did not work out, as we did not expected. Kala natin sila na talaga ang magkakatuluyan but a single fragment in the past of Mirko changes everything in their relationship but i think the justice has been served by the author since, sa isang istorya hindi porket masaya sa una eh masaya na rin ang ending and that is how it goes to be, the important thing is story ended of we known as happily ever after.

But if i were to end the story I will end it with the mood leaving the reader saying "bakit ganun?" "sheeett papatayin kita Haveyouseenthisgirl" or kaya naman "enebeyen!" atleast the reader will be obliged to fully understood why the heck the author ended it this way. Kasi for me, Haveyouseenthisgirl did not create the story para pakiligin lang tayo o mag imagine na ikaw si Momo at P.A ka lang naman ng pinaka iidolo mo at fall inlove kayo sa isa't - isa, I dont find it that way rather Haveyouseenthisgirl wanted to tell us "Hoy wag kayong masyadong malalandi!","Mag isip isip ka nga" "Magtira ka para sa sarili mo" "Pakinggan mo lahat ng nakapaligid sayo, hindi lang yung gusto mong marinig" kaya siguro ganun ang naging title ng story. For me, at first i think Momo is the Voiceless one for Sync but as the story ended i find it Kevin Sy. Why? Kasi from the very start i didnt find any reason for Momo to not love Kevin instead she loved Sync who almost got her killed a couple of times ironic to the fact that Kevin had saved them both and keeps loving Momo till the very end.

Baka sabihin nyo naman one sided ako kasi babae lang ang pinapatamaan ko. Haha. No it doesn't work that way, it just happen na most of the readers ay babae and to the fact na babae ang bida at ang involved sa major conflict ng storya. Actually malaki din ang impact nito for us, boys. Kasi one thing na natutunan ko dito ay "pahalagan ko ang mga taong nagpapahalaga sa akin at hindi yung mga taong patuloy akong binabalewala" just like Sync and the fact na nasa nature na talaga ng mga lalaki ang minsan maging mapusok, but the good thing is na bigyan ito ng hustisya ng author sa pagkatao ni Zeke, they are completely different in a way of treating girls. Kung napansin nyo hindi ko din masyadong nabanggit si Iris kasi at the end lumabas na parang metaphorical clone sya ng character ni Momo the reason why she did all such things to Sync is nothing but for revenge. Lastly, si Memo, langyang Memo yan sarap sapakin, haha! But at the end of the story naiwan na naman yung same feeling na naramdaman ko sa DNP at sa ibang story ni Haveyouseenthisgirl. Yung feeling na sino ba tong impaktong Memo na to na laging nagmamanapula sa kanila. His mysterious personality keep us, readers to continue reading the next story of the author One Bad Move.

Grabe! I never imagine myself writing such a long review for a simple story at wattpad and besides this is my first time. I never imagine myself reading some teen fiction story, kasi a friend of mine told me to read some and you know what i told her "baduy mu, ayoko nyan Corny!" And now my own word swallow me, whole!. Haha. Nevertheless, worth it naman ang lahat. Salamat kay Haveyouseenthisgirl for making me inspired na kahit wala akong GF ngayon. Thank you for making me cry and this hard feeling when your character is sad and in trouble. (Minsan lang ako maiiyak, sa recollection nga namin hindi ako naiyak dito lang. haha!).

Well this is just how i viewed every angle of the story, maaaring merong tama sakin mali sa iyo at tama sayo at mali sakin. I just wanted to voiced out how i feel and pictured the story, iba iba naman tayo ng point of view. And my deepest pleasure to read the story and write a review of Voiceless by Haveyouseenthisgirl, more power for her. =)

Not Me Please

2012-10-22T00:03:00.001-07:00

10/22/2012

Anu ba nangyayari sakin emo na naman ako. Kidding aside, I am having some sort of depression given my present condition like now knowing that I failed my Calculus subject and not so sure to the others specially in Physics and Social Science. I must understand if I will fail my Physics subject but Social Science?? You must be kidding me!! Yeah I know, I blame myself for not showing most of the time in the class and for not making it serious to study. I'm so stupid! And then earlier, my classmate pm me that all of us pass the Social Science subject except for one poor guy. If that will be me "Oh my HoLLy!!!", I will not forgive myself. And besides there's no room for regrets shit already happens, it cannot be back but I cant help myself to think about it. All of the efforts I wasted specially my Father's effort to give us the life He thinks we deserved and also the time matters most for me. I want to cry it out, all of it but simply I cant.

Another thing is I am badly looking for a person, a friend or simply a stranger to talk to. I want to spill out all my sadness and regrets to that person. I am looking for comfort or simply one who will encourage me that I must not think of this problems and just focus on the present and to my future. But once again I have failed. There's no one to talk to, except that I am left to my room alone lying on my bed in front of my laptop and typing this blog. God please help me!

This is not enough,

Juan

The Wedding

2012-10-20T04:21:00.001-07:00

10/20/2012

--> Special entry toh, para sa pinakamamahal kong Pinsan. :)

It's just like yesterday that I beg my cousin to go for me at my classmate's crib for a small party. As it happens, that was my first time to go to my classmate house that's why I invited her because I am not good at locating houses and asking some strangers for an address. On the other hand, she has an unbelievable communication skills and charismatic personality. That is the time when she meets the man of her life, the man na pinakasalan nya kanina. At first ayaw ko sa kanya, muka kasing misteryoso at babaero ang first impression ko but as the time passes by nakilala ko din sya and I told myself OK naman pala. It all started when I invited my cousin to join me in a party and then she met this guy and they started dating each other specially sa Ran, yes yung online game, uso kasi noon ang Ran pero were playing a private server not the official Ran PH that time. And then this guy frequently visits her at her house otherwise we visited him to my classmate's house (Oo kami ng kuya ko, kaklase ko, at ako ang naging tulay. Haha). And then boom!, it all ended in a civil wedding. But hindi pa nagtatapos yan kasi 3 months pregnant na ang pinsan ko and that will mark another journey for both of them as a responsible parent.

Maalala ko lang 2 days before the wedding she visited me at our house then napag usapan nga namin yung tungkol sa wedding and I told her "Boo parang kelan lang, pumunta tayo sa bahay nila Kenneth, tapos nakilala mo sya. Adik pa tayo sa Ran nun" and then she replies with an enthusiastic smile on her face "Ikaw kasi ang may kasalanan ng lahat ng toh eh. Haha!". Ou nga naman kung hindi dahil sakin hindi siguro sila magkaka kilala, destiny nga naman bigla biglang sumusulpot in unexpected way, time, place and people. Sana ako din :)

I am happy for you my Dearest Boo,

Juan

Life Must Go On

2012-10-19T19:28:00.003-07:00

10/20/2012

Trip kong mag type ngayon kaya eto na ang update ko for this day kahit na hindi pa natatapos ang araw na to. Well, hindi pa rin ako nabubunutan ng tinik kasi hindi ko pa rin maaalis sa isipan ko na bagsak ako sa calculus at hindi pa jan natatapos ang aking kaba dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na alanganin parin ako sa physics, social science at draw. Galing ano? Wala akong kwentang estudyante at anak sinayang ko lang naman ang isang sem, at ang perang dugo't pawis na pinaghirapan ng papa ko at ang oras na kelan man hinding hindi ko na maibabalik. Saksi ka sa pagkain sakin sa mismong mga salita na sa akin nanggaling. Sa blog na toh nangako ako noon na magbabago na ko pero wala pa ring pinagbago ganun parin yung dating Juan - tamad, iresponsable, hindi nagiisip, pabara - bara, mahilig sa rush at kung anu - anu pang hindi mo maiisip sa isang engineering student.

But to all worse things happening right now, I must say I deserved it. Ginusto ko to, alam ko ang mga pwedeng mangyari sa mga walang kakwenta - kwentang bagay na ginawa ko. Kaya haharapin ko to ng buong AKO. Isa tong exam na susubok sa kung gaanong katatag ang prinsipyo at paniniwala ko sa sarili ko. Yung nga lang hindi allowed ang erasures at pag bumagsak ka wala ng retake o removal exam. Pero isa lang ang masasabi ko, I DONT HAVE THE RIGHTS TO BLAME ANYONE EXCEPT TO MYSELF. HINDI AKO SUSUKO! HANDA AKONG PANAGUTAN KUNG ANUMANG KATARANTADUHAN ANG MGA PINAG - GAGAWA KO NOONG MGA PANAHONG DAPAT NAGAARAL AKO!

Life must go on sabi nga nila, at alam ko sarili ko makakayanan ko to with the help of my friends, family and specially with the help of our LORD. :)

Emo ako,

Juan

2 Things

2012-10-19T06:54:00.001-07:00

10/19/2012

2 things, good and bad news for this day. The good news is my finals in Computer Lab is good, i got 80 even though I didn't make the program run. Another thing is that we've won our 2nd game in our DOTA tournament. And the bad news is that I have failed once again, this time my Calculus subject. Watch out for more ;(.

I deserve what i got,

Juan

P.E Final Examination and Dota Tournament

2012-10-18T01:11:00.002-07:00

10/18/2012

Ayus ang araw na toh, after computing our final grades in P.E guess what, naka 1.75 pa ko sa chess na wala akong kamalay malay, haha. Madali naman kasi ang finals regarding sa history and techniques lang sa chess. Naalala ko last semester na gymnastic ang P.E ko naka 1.75 din ako by group kasi yun at galit na galit ang mga groupmates ko dahil minsan lang ako umattend ng practice eh naka 1.75 pa ko, haha. Kasi naman busy din ang Kuya mo sa practice sa pageant. Yeah right, that time kasali ako sa pageant at ayoko ng pagusapan yun, haha bitter?. Hindi naman basta masyadong mahaba ang mga pangyayari. At isa pa nga pala tutal magbabakasyon din naman nag set ang mga kaklase kong lalaki ng tournament sa dota, mga kabarkada ko din yun dati kahit hanggang ngayon din naman, kaso hindi na ko nasasabay maglaro at umuwi kasama sila. Ang mga kasama ko nga yun ay dalawang lalaki na kasamahan ko din dati sa una kong barkada at tatlong babae, masaya kasi pag may babae. Tsaka ko na ikekwento yung tungkol dun pag may time, haha. Ayun, as usual talo kami sa first game kalabanin ba naman ang halimaw kong kaklase sa dota, kung baga sya yung pinakamalakas samin kasama pa yung isa kong kaklase na malakas din. Grabe imba ang line up, well wala na kong magagawa, tapos yung isa pa naming kakampi eh hindi naman sa pagmamagaling na farm pa, hinayaan pa naman namin na mag solo lane. Haha, ok lang yan first game pa lang naman may 2nd game pa, puso lang. Hanggang dito nalang para sa araw na toh, bukas nalang ulit finals pa namin sa computer lab.

Hindi pa rin sya nagpaparamdam,

Juan

Mechanics Final Examination at si Crush Nag - Reply

2012-10-18T00:50:00.002-07:00

10/17/2012

Dapat kahapon ko pa na post to eh, umepal kc yung pinsan ko o sya eto na.

Yeah! Another finals done kanina sa Physics. Multiple choice lang naman lahat, 2 types ang exam, yung isa 1-50 ay comprehension parang application lang sa principles ng lahat na naituro at yung isa ay problem solving 51 - 75 (2 points each). Hanep yan mahirap pa yung comprehension type kasi ang daming terms patay ka kung hindi mo alam yung mga principles ni Pareng Einstein at Newton. Yung tipong 1st,2nd and 3rd law of motion samahan mo ng rectilinear, momentum at circular motion dagdagan mo pa sa concept ng conical pendulum. Hindi pa naman ako nagbasa basta nireview ko lang yung mga problems at formula, hanep na yan given naman pala. Bukas sa P.E naman which is chess, hindi ko alam kung bakit ang mga nagiging P.E ko ay yung mga larong hindi ko pa nalalaro sa tana ng buhay ko, last year basketball at gymnastics anu naman kaya sa susunod. Then sa Friday ay finals sa Computer Lab which is the application of C Language then tapos nun tapus na Yipeeee! Ewan ko kung ilan ang bagsak ko, ayoko ng bilangin yung pasa yung bagsak nalang ;(.

Regarding nga pala kahapon (10/16/2012), hindi na ko nakapag update tinatamad kasi ko. Tungkol dun kay crush, naka text ko na nga sya. Ako ang nag open ng conversation then guess what? Ang reply nya "cno to? sensya na yung number nyo po nakasave sa isa kong cp. Iba kasi gamit ko now" Hindi ko nga alam kung matutuwa ba ko at nagreply sya o kung magtatampo ko kasi hindi man lang sya nagsabi na magiiba sya ng cp. Anyways wala naman akong karapatan basta ang mahalaga naka text ko sya, haha. Nagusap lang kami tungkol sa college life namin, then when the time I asked her kung sino ang lucky boy nya ang sagot nya ay "wala akong ganun, haha". Well good yun para sakin, ako ang bagay sa kanya haha. But kung kelan naman gumaganda ang usapan tsaka sya nagpaalam na test na daw nila sa accounting. I dont know kung escape goat nya lang yun sa topic o kung talagang totoo, basta after that conversation hindi na sya nagtext until now kahit sa mga gm ko. Yun lang. :(.

Nakakainis naman oh,
Juan (emo)

Finals

2012-10-15T06:25:00.003-07:00

10/15/2012

Nakakapagod ang araw na toh dahil final exam sa Calculus at Social Science. Yung bang para kang grade 1 na walang ka alam - alam sa mga nangyayari tapos binigyan ka ng napakahirap na test sa Calculus, buseet lang. Sa totoo lang siguro masasagot ko yun kung nagaaral talaga ko ng mabuti at kung nagrereview ako, well the problem is still resides on me at wala akong pedeng sisihin kung hindi ang sarili ko. Regarding sa final examination namin sa SocSci eh ayus naman sa tingin ko maipapasa ko naman yung quiz ewan ko nga lang sa finals. Haha! Sige Juan tumawa ka ngayon for sure iiyak ka later.

Kidding aside, ang bumuo talaga ng araw ko ay yung makita ko ang tweet ng aking kaisa isang crush saying "I love when you text me first, cause then I know you're thinking about me. Text mo na ako ng "~~bia~~" rereplyan kita :)". Hindi kaya nakita nya lang yun, nagandahan at tsaka nya pinost? Pero kung ganun nga malamang may gusto syang patamaan sa post nya na yun. Hayys! Sino naman kaya yun? Oo umaasa akong sana ako nga yun pero ayokong masyadong umasa at baka madisappoint na naman ako. Kaya siguro hindi sya nagrereply sa mga gm ko kasi gm lang yun, baka gusto nya pm? Kaso ang epal kong kaklase pinaglaruan ang cp at ayun nalowbat hindi ko sya tuloy natext, 'till 7pm pa naman ang klase ko kanina. Siguro by tommorow text ko sya at sana maging maganda ang flow ng conversation namin kung sakaling magreply sya. Hanggang dito na lamang at akoy inaantok na and let's see what will happen tommorow.

Magandang gabi,

Juan

Dysphoria strikes once again. :(

2012-10-14T01:56:00.000-07:00

10/14/2012

Ang laki ng kasalanan ko sayo my dearest diary. HAHA. Ang tagal kong hindi nag update. I am so sorry. By the way to sum up all the things happen for the previous months, everything was all "FINE". Nasabi kong fine kasi nothing so special happened to post and besides gaya ng dati merong mga times na badtrip, masaya, malungkot, emo, lasing, trip - trip at kung ano ano pa. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nakapag post ako ngayon, siguro dahil kailangan kong ilabas ang sama ng loob ko teka emo?HAHA. Hindi naman siguro I just felt left alone. Hindi ko alam meron naman akong mga kaibigan na talaga namang supportive and nagpapasaya sakin pero to the society I belong there is something I really do want to happen but the thing is I never meet that expectations. And one more thing is bothering me, my crush, a childhood friend of mine. And I am loving her as of the moment i am typing this words. But the thing is I don't really know if she got any feelings with me. Hindi naman kasi kami magkaklase ngayong college pero were on the same University at ang maganda dun malapit lang sya samin. Madalas lang kaming magkausap through chat on Facebook or otherwise kapag nakakasalubong ko sya samin. Pero tsaka na sa crush thing ko na to kasi talagang hindi maganda ang aura ko ngayon, I am having dysphoric feelings I cant even explain. Hindi kaya dahil feeling ko wala lang ako sa kanya, na kapag may kailangan lang sya tsaka nya lang ako kakamustahin at she's so obsessed texting to a anonymous guy while when I texted her even a blank or wrong sent message is wala akong matanggap. Tapos dumagdag pa yung oral defense namin kahapon. Ok naman kaso hindi maganda yung delivery namin, hindi kasi namin sineryoso masyado, but the good thing is nakasagot naman ako sa tanong ng prof. ko. At sumabay pa ngayong week ang sunod sunod na final examinations namin.

Basta nakaka badtrip, pagka magloload ka walang magtetext sayo pero pag hindi ka naman nag load there is someone na parang bula na magpaparamdam sayo. Minsan nga totally wala, buti pa si 4438 kahit papano nakaka alala. Ganun din sa Facebook ang notifications ko puno ng nonsense game request other than that wala na, no pm's, wallposts or likes. It just like I don't even exist. Buti nalang nanjan si God na makakausap ko at available anytime and anywhere at ang diary ko na to kung saan maitatapon ko lahat ng feelings and thoughts ko.

Basta I feel so alone that no one cares for. Hope this sadness fades soon. ;(

Wish me goodluck my dearest diary,
Juan

1st Day of my 2nd Year in College

2012-06-13T19:36:00.001-07:00

The first day of my 2nd year in college was OK. It was just ok, nothing new except for the fact that our number is gradually decreasing from 57 i think nasa 49 nalang kame. Well ganun talaga sa college survival ang labanan kumbaga matira ang matibay. My first subject was Differential Calculus, my professor was horrible. The time we get in the classroom she immediately asked our class president to wear our i'ds and said that she is not allowing any student to enter her class without id. So what do you expect? The first impression was terrible[Sighs], luckily i brought my id so ligtas =). And she also pointed out our looks the way we dress, she explained it one by one and sorted out by gender, saying it like we are freshmen. Especially for the boys, she said that "tokong is not allowed" and suddenly looking to my classmate sitting two chairs besides me who was actually wearing a tokong pants. Another thing is the hikaw, "Wearing hikaw is strictly prohibited, would you want me to ask your Dean to get that for you?", she said to my classmate who was my friend sitting at my right and buti nalang tinanggal ko ang hikaw ko before entering the campus. And suddenly one of my fellow classmate is coming, absolutely late for about 15 minutes. When he was about to enter the room my professor said that she is not allowing any late student, so my poor classmate leaves upset. The density of the heavy momentum in our class does increased. As a student the first day of our class is very important and getting upset nor awkward is a thing that should be avoided. But for me i do like my professor, she is really a Math wizard. Why? Cause she proved that she is a rational one and not tolerating any every irresponsible acts for her students. She follow rules and therefore we must follow her rules. She wants us to be responsible enough because being an engineering students comes up with great expectations. "Kaya gusto ko sya tiyak na matututo ako sa prof. na to" sabi ko. At yun naman talaga ang gusto kong mangyari.

We have two subjects to meet for the first day but unluckily our Physics professor does not show up without informing us whether she will be meeting us or not. But its a big yes for all of us, we do have a lot of free time to do some leisure. So I and my fellow classmates ended up on computer shop to play DOTA. Yipee. Wala namang masama kasi hindi pa naman regular ang klase. Well that is my first day Its an OK, but i do thank GOD for giving me another year of my college and giving me the feeling that i am a Blessed One for HIS presence.

Ang Pangako ng Studyanteng Inhinyero

2012-06-10T07:23:00.001-07:00

Panu ba yan pasukan na naman?

Halos hindi ko naman na feel ang dalawang buwan na bakasyon panu naman kasi nag summer class ako. Oo tama, nag summer ako, sa totoo lang nagpapetiks - petiks ako sa first year of college ko. Dahil medyo maluwag ang sched ko hindi ko iniisip ang mga bagay na dapat ginagawa ko, sa halip nag pa easy easy ako. Kala ko kasi parang sa highschool lang, na kahit mejo malate ako ayus lang o kaya naman kung mapagtripan kong umabsent okey lang basta may "revised excuse letter" ako. Pero iba pala talaga sa college, malate ka lang parang na missed mo na ang kalahating araw, ang umabsent pa kaya? Sa college nga pla walang paki elam ang mga prof. mo kung pumasok ka o hindi basta magtuturo sila as long na may studyante pang present sa klase. Pero may iba rin naman na prof. na spoon feeding ang way of teaching, iba iba depende parin talaga sa prof. mo. Madami rin akong late days na pagpasok kasi inisip ko minor naman ang first subject ko kaya ayus lang. Doon ko natutunan na kung ano pa ang minor sila pang ang masyadong pa importante pa major kung baga? Sangkatutak na assignments, memorization type of exams at sobrang mahal na projects. Naala ko tuloy yung project namin sa Filipino, may Film Showing daw at bibili kami ng ticket worth P150 for our project then mag pass kami ng reaction paper ngayon kung ayaw mong magbayad madali lang naman daw sabi ng Prof. ko dahil hindi sya namimilit, mag pasa nalang daw kami ng isang Filipino film review kompleto kasama ang lahat ng mechanics pati mga tauhan, settings, conflicts at dapat daw 50 pages ang minimum. Wagas! Nga-nga kaming lahat. Parang sinabi na ng Prof. namin na kung hindi kami bibili ng ticket magdusa kayo mga kuripot! Totoo nga yung sabi nila sa college, dala dala mo ang sarili mo. Instead of preparing for my incoming exams nag DOTA, natulog at nag nag fb lang ako. At hindi ko na rin matandaan kung kelan ako huling nagreview pag may exam. Naalala ko lang yung motto namin ng isa ko pang classmate "common sense lang yan", effective naman sya pagdating sa minor subjects pero kapag major na, "bahala na si Batman". As an Engineering student major namin ang sangkatutak na Math and Science like College Algebra, Trigonometry at Chemistry yan ang tatlong halimaw na subject sa first year panira ng utak, kumbaga. Pero kaya naman basta magtiya - tiyaga ka lang.

Pero hindi ko ginawa ang blog na to para mag reklamo nang mag reklamo sa mga bagay na nararanasan ko sa buhay kolehiyo kung hindi upang magsilbing diary ng pangaraw - araw kong buhay as an engineering student. Gusto kong isulat dito ang lahat na natutunan ko sa bawat pagkakamali na nagagawa ko. Gusto kong makita kung paano ako babangon sa bawat pagbagsak ko. Gusto ko rin makita dito ang mga tagumpay sa kabila ng mga paghihirap ko. Ito ang magsisilbing album ng buhay ko. This time iba na, may gusto kasi kong patunayan , na hindi na ako yung dati na pa easy easy lang, tamad at iresponsable. Kasi alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi naman ako BOBO(tanga nga lang kung minsan). At gusto ko, minsan dadalawin ko na lang ang blog ko na toh, matatawa sa mga bagay na pinaggagawa ko at ma inspire sa mga storya I na pinopost ko dito. I dont wanna waste the another year of my college time for so many things na hindi naman talaga mahalaga. I must learn to set my priorities, kung ano ba talaga ang mas mahalaga then yun ang uunahin ko at tsaka na ang mga ibang bagay. Dapat malaman ko ang mga bagay na kailangan kong gawin at ang mga bagay na gusto ko lang gawin. This time totoo na toh. Promise! (Yan naka bold pa =D)

Ako si JUAN BANYAGA nangangakong "Pagbubutihan ko na ang aking pag - aaral sa abot ng aking makakaya".

~~Juan Banyaga~~

Malas? Baka ikaw!!

2012-05-27T23:02:00.003-07:00

"Hindi ako naniniwala sa salitang MALAS,
Bago mo ko tanungin kung bakit,
bat di ka muna mag pasalamat at nabubuhay ka pa ngayon at nagagawa mo pang magreklamo sa mga bagay na hindi mo makuha kuha, sa mga bagay na gusto mong mangyari pero kabaliktaran ang lumalabas at kung anu anu pang maka mundong bagay na pinipilit mong angkinin pero hindi mapa sayo.Sa totoo lang nyan eh ang pagiging SAKIM mo ang nagpapamalas sayo.!

Kung ma22nan mong maging kuntento sa mga bagay na meron ka, pustahan tayo daig mo pa si Manny Paquiao."

Sinulat ko ang qoutation na yan para sakin the time na napaka emotional ko, na ang feeling ko parang walang mangyayaring mabuti sa buhay ko. Ewan ko ba that time kasi katakot - takot na kamalasan ang nangyayari sakin. I failed my exam, napahiya and then pagdating mo pa sa bahay sasabayan ka pa nang init ng ulo ng mga kasama mo. Hay nako! Hindi ko ma explain ang nararamdaman ko that day, na para bang gusto ko nalang itulog ang buong araw para kinabukasan wala na. Then naisip ko na rin ang iba pang problems ko, ewan ko ba kung problema nga ba ang matagal na hindi ko pagkakaron ng gf after my previous relationship. Hindi naman ako panget and satingin ko naman i owned a different pleasing personality. At marami pang iba na sa tingin ko hindi ko naman talaga dapat problemahin. Ang ginawa ko nalang to reduce the bad aura circling around my mind is to play with my laptop then let the music on it serenade my heart and syempre surf the web. I listen to some random music of the bands Secondhand Serenade,Evanescence,Mayday parade and even the 80's like Airsupply, The Beatles and Scorpions. I just want to clarify na hindi ako EMO and hindi rin ako INLOVE, Haha. Basta yung mga kanta nila ang nagpapagaan ng loob ko.

And believe it or not, gumaan nga ang loob ko, the best talagang remedy ang music pagdating sa emotional illness ko. Haha. And then, given my previous feelings i come up to realization of my problems na; "Minsan tayo lang talaga ang gumagawa ng sarili nating problema" I failed the exam 'cause i dint prepare much for it. Sa school ko nalang nireview ang subject a couple of minutes before the exam. And "Hindi porket napahiya ka sa madaming tao, binasted ka ng nililigawan mo, natae ka sa short mo, dalawang taon ka ng walang syota, nawala ang bente pesos sa pitaka mo, nadukutan ka, minanyak ka o kung anu pa man ay masasabi mo nang malas ka dahil sadyang nangyayari ang mga ganitong bagay dito sa mundo at parte ito ng pagiging tao mo" Sabihin nalang natin na nangyayari ang mga bagay na to dahil nilaan talaga ito ng Diyos para hubugin ang ating pagkatao which is very essential to our daily competitive living. Imagine your life kung puro sarap nalang ang nararamdaman mo without any hassle or problems at all. I think it's boring. Sabi nga sa Math, "Problems are made to be solved". Walang problema ang hindi malulutas. Hindi tayo bibigyan ng Diyos ng problema na hindi natin kayang lutasin. Just be patient enough and learn to trust yourself at all and i am pretty sure na masosolve din yan. And besides we have a lot of friends to talk to. I know out of 10 meron namang isang mapagkakatiwalaang kaibigan and just remember the greatest and perfect friend we have is Jesus Christ learn to talk to him not just if you want to have something or meron kang problema. And i am 101 percent sure na hindi ka lang nya sasagutin, tutulungan kapa niya.

And one more thing we must "learn to appreciate every fraction of blessings we have". Kahit na nakaupo ka ngayon, nakatutok and bentilador sayo at binabasa mo ang walang kwentang blog ko. Sinasabi ko sayo Tol napaka swerte mo! Dahil maraming tao ang nagugutom at walang bahay na matitirahan samantalang ikaw hindi lang mabilan ng Android ng Iphone oh ng Tablet eh magwawala na. We are all blessings of God's creation kaya learn to think of something to give him in return. And if youve learned to appreciate things you have even the little one, believe me Walang ng mas sasaya pa sayo dahil daig mo pa si Manny Pacquiao. =)

Pagbati

2012-04-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Index

10:51 ng umaga ang oras na sinusulat ko ang article na to habang tumatae sa toilet na pawis na pawis sa sobrang init, ang kulang nalang siguro budburan nalang ako ng paminta, asin at betsin panggisa na. Ito ang una at simula ng pag sulat ko sa blog na to. Wala akong pakielam kung binabasa nyo ngayon o kung nagagandahan o naiinis kayo sa mga sinusulat ko, bago kayo mag komento basahin nyo muna ang title ng blog ko. Ginawa ko ang ‘Ang Talaarawan ni Juan” upang magsilbing diary ng pang araw – araw na nangyayari sa buhay ko at kung anu ang naramdaman o natutunan ko sa mga pangyayaring iyon. Hindi ko rin iniisip kung pormal o inpormal ba ang pagsulat ko basta naipapaliwanag ko ng maayos ang nais kong iparating. Isusulat ko sa blog na to ang bawat detalye ng mahahalagang pangyayari sa buhay ko maging ang mga bagay na walang ka kwenta kwenta tulad ng pagkain ko ng Selecta ice cream double dutch habang nanunuod ng Red Dragon starring ang idol kong si Anthony Hopkins o kaya naman ang pag injan sakin ng crush ko ng i pi-em ko sya sa fb, grabe sakit kaya!