Anktangle

Week 8: Vampire Baby

2012-02-22T07:02:00.000-08:00

Days 46-52:

Too cool for school potty time

Valentine's Day two-fer:

I bought myself roses.

Jaymz gifted me some
gluten-free chocolate treats!

Dancing with Aunt Suzy at the grocery store

Aunt feet, Nephew feet, Momma foot

Slow cooker caramelized onions

Vampire baby

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, at What's New at Vibrant Wanderings, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

Starbucks Anniversary

2012-02-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

Not too many people know the whole story of when Jaymz and I got married...for the first time. It was four years ago today in a suburban strip mall, at a corner table (by the bathroom) at a Starbucks.

You see, we did this disjointed two-part wedding thing, with a (mostly secret) civil ceremony here in Oregon, followed by a church wedding in Ohio six months later. If I could go back and do it over now (with hindsight and all) I would make some very different decisions about the whole process. I've been working through those regrets again lately (I'm not exactly sure why), and I'm trying to change the things I can while letting go of the things that are long gone.

One part I wouldn't change a single thing about is our Starbucks wedding. We hadn't intended to have our civil ceremony in a Starbucks, but the judge suggested we meet up there, and the rest (as they say) is history. It was perfectly casual and strange, relaxed and quirky—extremely appropriate for our style as a couple.

When the shop staff realized what we were doing there, they gave us free coffee. After the papers were signed, we went out to dinner and had a small celebration with our two witnesses. We featured one of the photographs that was taken that night on our (other) wedding invitations; it was like an Easter egg that only we knew about.

Happy four years of marriage to Jaymz: my friend, my partner, my love. ♥

Perfect Postpartum Partner at Authentic Parenting

2012-02-21T05:00:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to have a guest post up today over at Authentic Parenting full of tips on how partners can be helpful to the Mamas in their lives during the early postpartum period.

A little preview for your reading pleasure:

I've experienced the postpartum period only once personally, but I am a doula and I've also assisted many friends through their babymoon times. I found my partner Jaymz to be extremely helpful and responsive to me during this very exciting and emotional time. It's my experience that partners generally want very much to be helpful and useful, but they don't always know what to do. Having a list of tasks can jump-start your brainstorming process and ultimately your success in supporting your partner through this time.

Continue reading my list of helpful tips and suggestions for postpartum partners at Authentic Parenting!

Truth About Password Security & Being Hacked

2012-02-17T09:06:00.000-08:00

I have the privilege of currently living with not just one but two computer programmers. Because of their interests and my various pursuits on the internet, we often get into discussions about internet etiquette and common misconceptions. I've been wanting to share some of my new-found knowledge with my fellow non-professional internet consumers, because these are things I didn't used to know, and why hold on to good information!?

So here are a few things I've learned about the internet in the past five plus years of living with one or more persons who "know better":

On Password Security

Recently, my friend Lauren shared this article all about using secure passwords from CarrieActually. The gist of the article is that Carrie recommends using a secure password generator to make passwords of random characters which are much more difficult to hack than the standard (common word or pet's name + birth date) that lots of folks use. Then, she suggests that we store all these randomly generated passwords in a text file on our computer's desktop to access when we need them.

Respectfully, I completely disagree with the advice, (particularly the latter portion) and here's why:

There's no reason you need to use a password you can't remember in order to have a secure password. You can easily make up a password that is very difficult to be guessed by hackers while still being extremely easy for you to remember. If you can remember your passwords, then you don't have to store them anywhere except your brain, which means if your computer is lost or stolen, your passwords will still be safe. (I do agree with Carrie that you should write your passwords down somewhere and keep them very secure—like inside a safety deposit box—in case of a catastrophic life event.)

Of course, Carrie is 100% right on this point: completely random passwords are very secure. However, they're also extremely difficult to remember. If your password is so hard to remember that you need to store your passwords somewhere else (especially somewhere insecure like a text document on your computer's desktop), you are effectively compromising the security of the password.
From an article by Symantec (makers of Norton anti-virus software) on password security (emphasis mine):

Users should exercise extreme caution when writing down or storing passwords. Stories of hackers obtaining passwords through shoulder-surfing and dumpster diving are not urban myths, they are real. Users should resist the temptation to write down passwords on Post-It notes stuck to their monitors or hidden under their keyboards. Instead, they should choose passwords that they will be able to remember.

Another thing that people do which is reasonably effective is to choose a common word (found in the dictionary) and substitute special characters for predictable letters: a becomes @ or 4; i becomes 1, etc. This is probably not as secure as you think because a hacker can account for predictable character substitutions in a password cracking program. So if your password is "animal" turned into "@n1maL", you are slightly more secure than just using the simple version, but you'll likely be annoyed trying to remember which characters you capitalized and substituted as you type in your passwords.

I believe the best solution to this tricky password business is to choose a password which is both easy to remember and difficult for others to guess. My favorite suggestions for this are either to:

Come up with a mnemonic phrase that means something to you (lyrics to a song, a sentence you say often, etc.) and use the first letter of each of the words as your password. You can then substitute capital letters for naturally capitalized letters like "I" and the beginning of names, and substitute other special characters as you would naturally. (For example: "I'm a little teapot, short and stout!" would be "Ialts&s!")
Come up with a collection of unrelated words which is silly and random. Your password will be long and secure but simple to type and easy to remember because it is odd. (For example: "correcthorsebatterystaple")

From the same Symantec article I quoted above (again, emphasis mine):

Depth refers to choosing a password with a challenging meaning – something not easily guessable. Stop thinking in terms of passwords and start thinking in terms of phrases. “A good password is easy to remember, but hard to guess.” (Armstrong) The purpose of a mnemonic phrase is to allow the creation of a complex password that will not need to be written down. Examples of a mnemonic phrase may include a phrase spelled phonetically, such as ‘ImuKat!’ (instead of ‘I’m a cat!’) or the first letters of a memorable phrase such as ‘qbfjold*’ = “quick brown fox jumped over lazy dog.”

What may be most effective is for users to choose a phrase that is has personal meaning (for easy recollection), to take the initials of each of the words in that phrase, and to convert some of those letters into other characters (substituting the number ‘3’ for the letter ‘e’ is a common example). For more examples, see the University of Michigan’s Password Security Guide.

My cynicism about password security is summed up by this xkcd comic about password strength:

So true! And why should we try to remember frustrating and nonsensical passwords when we can remember a silly phrase instead (which is also quite secure)?

I also like this article about password security and usability. It explains the different methods that are used to crack passwords and it illustrates (with math!) the security of various types of passwords. It also reinforces the point I've already made: completely random passwords (with symbols, numbers, and mixed-case) are very secure, and so are short phrases made up of common words ("this is fun" or—even better—uncommon words ("fluffy is puffy").^[1]

What if I'm really paranoid and/or my memory is really bad?

If you've got your heart set on using a different, completely random password (that you don't have a hope of remembering) for each site, or you can't remember silly phrases for different sites you visit, there's still hope for your internet security! Consider using a paid service (like 1Password) which can generate random secure passwords for you, and then store them for your various accounts. All you have to do is remember one master password to unlock all of those when you need them.

If you don't want to pay for a service to do this for you, the built-in password storing service in Firefox works pretty well too, since you have the option to lock all stored passwords with a master password. (The same goes for Keychain in Mac OS.) The downside of a system like this goes back to trust. If someone physically gains access to your computer, they automatically have access to all of the accounts for which you have saved passwords. (Of course, that can be remedied by consistently locking your computer—"logging off"—when you're away from it, and by using a unique and secret user account password.)

Whatever option or combination of options you choose, you don't have to use a password you can't remember to know your information on the internet is secure!

More on the Potential to be Hacked

I know a lot of people are concerned about their privacy and security on the internet, and that is totally a matter of personal comfort level. I care about others' level of worry though, particularly when it seems their fears are not based in fact.

Here's the first thing I know: People usually get hacked for one of two reasons:

There's a very good reason to want to know inside information about your personal data (i.e. You are really important, very rich, or famous, etc), or
Your password is so easy to guess or obtain, that someone is opportunistically hacking your accounts just for fun, or for monetary gain.

So the Average Joe with a secure password (see above) can go about life assuming no one is going to hack into his personal accounts. They just don't care enough to try.

A very common way for security breeches to happen is through social engineering. Con artists pose as trusted employees or other individuals you might not think twice about allowing access to your secure information in order to procure your password. They might do this via phone (calling "from your email provider" with a "problem" about your account), by email (with your bank's header image asking for your password to "verify" something), or in even in person (as the cable guy or other public service employee to do work in or around your home), all in the name of getting your passwords. CarrieAcutally's solution of storing her randomly generated passwords in a text file on her desktop is completely vulnerable to this common attempt at security breech. (Ironically, the act of writing the post she did telling everyone where her passwords are stored has actively weakened this aspect of her password security.)^[2]

Here's the second thing I know: If you're slightly more paranoid (read: vigilant, careful, cautious, concerned) than Average Joe^[3], make sure you:

Have a reasonably secure password (which you store in your brain or using an encrypted method);
NEVER click on links unless you know what they are;
DON'T TELL YOUR PASSWORDS TO ANYONE!

Adopting these three strategies will protect you from encountering a host of problems and potential security weak points when it comes to your internet life.

The bottom line is: If you're comfortable with the way you're handling your passwords and online security, great! I am not trying to tell anyone they should want to do it the way I think is best. I also want everyone to genuinely enjoy their time spent perusing the internet, and I've encountered many a person who seems to feel like a slave to these "rules" they've learned about how to best stay safe on the internet. If you're feeling frustrated by your current password methods, I simply invite you to entertain the idea that there's another (perhaps easier, more enjoyable, and still very secure) way to go about it.

I honestly care about you, your security, and your overall internet experience.

1. Please remember to be mindful and creative when coming up with a new password for yourself. Obviously, some of the simple examples that I used above, like "I'm a little teapot" or "this is fun" are not ideal for real password use. The more off-the-wall ideas that come to mind, the better it will be for the security of your password.

2. I mean no disrespect to Carrie at CarrieActually, and it is certainly not my intention to pick on her or single her out. Her article just happened to be the catalyst that brought about this particular thought process (and subsequent conversations with my resident "experts"). I care very much about Carrie's security and the security of her readers, too!

3. I'm referring to myself here, folks—the woman who changed every single one of her passwords before clicking 'publish' on this post.

Photo Challenge: Week 7

2012-02-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days 39-45:

bamboo

Walking together to OT

Daniel has always been quite the climber!

Finally starting to figure out how to use the elusive spoon.

Playing with another busy bag activity:
colored pasta stringing!

Hitched.

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

Explain, Smile, Escape

2012-02-14T06:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the February 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Respectful Interactions with Other Parents

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have focused on how we can communicate with other parents compassionately.

I was seven months pregnant with Daniel, and Jaymz and I were visiting some of my extended family in Louisiana. It was warm and humid (as it usually is there) and my family had a bunch of guests over to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. As I sat inside in the air conditioning with my swollen feet propped up, a family friend (I'll call him Mike) approached me and sat down next to me.

"You know," Mike began, "there are a few things you need to know about having a baby. ...I've had three kids, so I should know!"

By that point in my pregnancy, I had become accustomed to receiving unsolicited advice and judgment just about everywhere I went. I got comments from people about everything: from how I would most certainly yell and curse at my husband during labor (on the contrary: I was very gentle and loving toward him), to how I would definitely need to birth at the hospital/get an epidural/have a Cesarean section/etc. (I birthed at home, in water, with minimal intervention), to comments about my weight and appearance (it's never nice to call someone "chubby"), to declarations about the sex of the baby (80% of those polled were wrong). I got so used to having these kinds of conversations (like the one I was about to have with Mike) that I had developed a three-step strategy for getting through these awkward situations:

Gently explain my feelings on the topic, and continue a thoughtful discussion if the other person is interested;
If they're really just out for a fight (or I'm not in the mood to justify my choices) I smile and nod, then
I end the conversation as quickly as possible.

So, a near-stranger (Mike) had approached me while I was resting and confronted me with an offer of advice. I was too tired to get up and leave, so I decided to humor him and hear to what he had to say.

I raised my eyebrows (a bit skeptically, I admit) at Mike and said, "Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Two things," he stated confidently, "One: don't let your kid sleep in the bed with you; they'll never sleep on their own. And two: You can never have enough formula; babies eat so much!"

"Actually, I'm going to breastfeed," I stated calmly.

Mike countered, "Yeah, yeah...my wife tried to do that too, but it didn't last long. Trust me—you'll need lots of formula so Daddy can take his turn with those 3AM feedings! Oh—and diapers, that's the third thing: you'll go through so many boxes of diapers, you won't even believe it; you might as well buy stock in Pampers!"

In a two-minute conversation, Mike had discounted three (fairly major) parenting decisions Jaymz and I had already discussed and agreed upon: we would sleep with our baby in the bed with us, I would breastfeed exclusively for at least six months, and we would cloth diaper our baby.

I recognized that Mike was not interested in having a discussion or understanding my perspective. So instead of continuing the conversation, I smiled at Mike, nodded my head, and said, "Thanks, Mike. I'll keep that in mind."

I managed to get out of the conversation relatively quickly and without having to justify my parenting decisions to someone who obviously has a very different belief system than I do. I also walked away from it without feeling judged or criticized, because I didn't entertain further discussion. I'm not saying that all my interactions with others who disagree with me have gone this smoothly, but I find that if I stick to this three-part strategy when I'm entering iffy conversational territory, things usually turn out fine.

My method has three main steps: explain, smile, and escape. Since visual aides help me out a great deal, I've made it into a handy flow chart/decision graph to help with these kinds of situations. The chart is geared toward a conflict or confrontation between parents about parenting practices. However, it can be useful in navigating other tricky conversations you might encounter with strangers or extended family members.

(Click to enlarge.)

It's not a totally perfect, 100% fool-proof method, but it works for me most of the time!

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon February 14 with all the carnival links.)

How to Respond Respectfully to Unwanted Parenting Advice and Judgment — At Natural Parents Network, Amy (of Peace 4 Parents) offers some ways to deal with parenting advice and criticism, whether it's from your mom or the grocery store clerk.
Judgement is Natural - Just Don't Condemn — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shared her views on why judgment is unavoidable and why the bigger issue is condemnation.
Four Ways To Share Your Parenting Philosophy Gently — Valerie at Momma in Progress shares tips for communicating with fellow parents in a positive, peaceful manner.
When Other Parents Disagree With You — Being an attachment parent is hard enough, but when you are Lily, aka Witch Mom, someone who does not enforce gender roles on her kid, who devalues capitalism and materialism, and instead prefers homeschooling and homesteading — you are bound to disagree with someone, somewhere!
Mama Bashing — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud reflects on the hurt caused on the blogosphere by mama bashing and pleads for a more mindful way of dealing with differences.
Accentuate the Positive — Joella at Fine and Fair shares how she manages interactions with the parents she encounters in her work as a Parent Coach and Substance Abuse Counselor by building trusting relationships and affirming strengths.
The politics of mothers – keys to respectful interactions with other parents — Tara from MUMmedia offers great tips for handling the inevitable conflict of ideas and personalities in parenting/mother's groups, etc.
Trying to build our village — Sheila at A Gift Universe tells how she went from knowing no other moms in her new town to building a real community of mothers.
Internet Etiquette in the Mommy Wars — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how she handles heated topics in the "Mommy-space" online.
Parenting with Convictions — Sarah at Parenting God's Children encourages love and support for fellow parents and their convictions.
How To Be Respectful Despite Disagreeing On Parenting Styles... — Jenny at I'm a Full-Time Mummy shares her two cents' worth on how to have respectful interactions with other parents despite disagreeing on parenting styles.
Public Relations — Momma Jorje touches on keeping the peace when discussing parenting styles.
Navigating Parenting Politics — Since choosing an alternative parenting style means rejecting the mainstream, Miriam at The Other Baby Book shares a few simple tips that can help avoid hurt feelings.
Hiding in my grace cave — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to forget that not all parents are as respectful and tolerant as the people with whom she now surrounds herself.
Carnival of Natural Parenting - Respectful Interactions with Other Parents — Wolfmother at Fabulous Mama Chronicles explores how her attitude has changed regarding sharing information and opinions with others and how she now chooses to keep the peace during social outings.
Empathy and respect — Helen at zen mummy tries to find her zen in the midst of the Mummy Wars.
Not Holier Than Thou — Amyables at Toddler in Tow muses about how she's learned to love all parents, despite differences, disagreements, and awkward conversations.
Nonviolent Communication and Unconditional Love — Wendylori at High Needs Attachment reflects on the choice to not take offense as the key to honest and open communication.
Respectful Parenting As a Way of Life — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes about using her parenting philosophy as a guide to dealing with other parents who make very different choices from her.
Homeschooling: Why Not? — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how parents can often make homeschooling work for their family even if, at first glance, it may seem daunting.
If You Can’t Say Something Nice… — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells her philosophy for online and offline interactions … a philosophy based primarily on a children’s movie.
Different Rules for Different Families — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how differences between families affect our children, and how that can be a good thing.
Respectful Interaction With Other Parents — Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares the ways she surrounds herself with a like-minded support network, so that she can gently advocate in her dealings with those whose opinions on parenting differ vastly from her own.
Parenting as a mirror — Rather than discrediting others' parenting styles, Kate Wicker discusses why she tries to focus on doing right rather than being right — and why she’s also not afraid to show others that she’s a heartfelt but imperfect mama just trying to be the best mom for her family.
The One Thing {Most} Parents Have In Common: They Try Their Best — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry finds interacting with other parents easier once she accepts that they are all just trying their best, just like her.
Finding your mama-groove: 5 ways to eliminate judge/be judged metality — MudpieMama reveals 5 ways of thinking that have helped her find her mama-groove and better navigate tricky parenting discussions.
Speaking Up For Those Who Can't — We've all had those moments when someone said something hurtful or insensitive, or downright rude that just shocks you to your core, and you're stunned into silence. Afterwards, you go home and think "Gosh, I wish I said…" This post by Arpita at Up Down, And Natural is for all the breastfeeding mamas who have thought "Gosh, I wish I said…"
Thank you for your opinion — Gaby at Tmuffin shares her go-to comment when she feels like others are judging her parenting style.
Mending — A playground conversation about jeans veers off course until a little mending by Kenna at Million Tiny Things is needed.
The Thing You Don't Know — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about what she believes is one of the most important things you can consider when it comes to compassionate communication with other parents.
3 Tips for Interacting with Other Parents Respectfully When You Disagree with Them — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about respectful interactions on her parenting journey.
Peacefully Keeping My Cool: Quotes from Ana — How do you keep your cool? Ana from Pandamoly shares some of her favorite retorts and conversation starters when her Parenting Ethos comes into question.
Kind Matters — Carrie at Love Notes Mama discusses how she strives to be the type of person she'd want to meet.
Doing it my way but respecting your highway. — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle is determined to walk with her family on the road less travelled whether you like it or not!
Saying "I'm Right and You're Wrong" Seldom Does Much To Improve Your Cause... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes about how living by example motivates her actions and interactions with others.
Have another kid and you won't care — Cassie of There's a Pickle in My Life, after having her second child, knows exactly how to respond to opposing advice.
Ten Tips to Communicate Respectfully, Even When You Disagree — What if disagreements with our partners, our children or even complete strangers ultimately led to more harmony and deeper connections? They can! Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares ten tips to strengthen our relationships in the midst of conflict.
A Little Light Conversation — Zoie at TouchstoneZ explains why respect needs to be given to every parent unconditionally.
Why I used to hide the formula box — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen finally talks about how judgement between parents changed her views on how she handles differences in parenting.
Assumptions — Nada at minimomist discusses how not everyone is able to nurse, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Shushing Your Inner Judgey McJudgerson — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction knows that judging others is easy to do, but recognizing that we all parent from different perspectives takes work.
Respectfully Interacting with Others Online — Lani at Boobie Time Blog discusses the importance of remaining respectful behind the disguise of the internet.
Presumption of Good Will — Why — and how — Crunchy Con Mommy is going to try to assume the best of people she disagrees with on important issues.
Being Gracious with Parenting Advice — Tips for giving and receiving parenting advice with grace from Lisa at My World Edenwild.
Explain, Smile, Escape — Don't know what to do when you're confronted by another parent who disagrees with you? Amy at Anktangle shares a story from her life along with a helpful method for navigating these types of tricky situations (complete with a handy flow chart!).
Balancing Cultures and Choices — Dulce de leche discusses the challenges of walking the tightrope between generations while balancing cultural and family ties.
Linky - Parenting Peacefully with Social Media — Hannabert's Mom discusses parenting in a social media world.

Monday Morning Movie: Chattin' with Daniel

2012-02-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

There's been a bit of a languagexplosion in this household lately. Since my last monthly update post, Daniel has learned close to 50 new words! We had some fun this weekend trying to record him saying a few of them, and this is the result (mostly interesting to his grandparents, I reckon):

What new thing(s) have you or someone in your family learned lately?

Stumble; pick yourself up gently.

2012-02-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

I've stumbled a bit. I was doing really well with my word and my new (as yet mostly undisclosed) New Year's goals, and then I faltered.

My daily journaling project is going well, my photography project is running along smoothly, and I'm enjoying both of those very much. But I've come to a point with one of my other new beginnings where I've stopped (though not with intention) and I'm not sure where to go from here, or how to begin again. My method wasn't working for me as well as I'd hoped; it's proving not to be as effective as my approach for these other ongoing projects. I think I simply need a new angle.

And yet, I find myself struggling against that negative inner critic who reminds me of all my past failures as evidence of the outcome of this current project. I find myself arguing with her about what this stumble on the path toward my goal really means about me. The nicer, rational part of me thinks it means I'm human and fallible and...so what!?

Today I'm wondering:

What is the best solution when you stumble—or fall down, perhaps never to regain the same path—on a journey? Is it a marker of imminent failure? Is it evidence of your past patterns of failure beginning to play themselves out in a brand new glorious way? Maybe this is really just an opportunity to remind myself to be gentle. Maybe it doesn't mean I should give up on my goal or stop persevering.

I'm finding that perseverance and being gentle and kind to myself are not mutually exclusive. After all, I made each of these goals in an effort to improve myself in some way. What better moment than this to take the opportunity to be supportive of myself when I'm not feeling totally successful?

Persevere with gentleness. I'll try on this new mantra for a while and see how it serves me.

What do you do when you stumble? Would you change that response in any way? What's the best advice you have to support others going through this same type of struggle? I'd be honored to learn from all your wisdom.

Photo Challenge: Week 6

2012-02-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days 32-38:

Weekend brunch

Out for some casual shopping with my brother.

New kicks

Have water, will travel.

Trying to make up for ruining Daniel's nap time
by making comfort food: mac & cheese with beef & peas.

Weekend sewing project: a backpack for Daniel.
(Here is the finished product.)

What are you looking for up there, Daniel?
...Tic tacs!

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

Dear Daniel, (On Weaning & Welcoming Change)

2012-02-06T10:01:00.000-08:00

It's been almost two weeks since you nursed last. After nearly twenty months of nursing, you have decided to wean.

This has been an unexpected transition (yet it's also completely expected, in some respects). We began the weaning process as soon as you had your first bite of food. Around eleven months old, you night weaned (on your own) and we all started getting more sleep at night. At fourteen months, your nursing frequency suddenly decreased, and I feared you were weaning completely then. I wrote about it for the Nursing Past Infancy series at Code Name: Mama, as I started to process the fact that our time as a nursing dyad would come to an end at some point. Fortunately, we had close to six more months after that to enjoy this aspect of our relationship together.

Our last nursing photo

Since very early on in our breastfeeding relationship, I've had a strong desire for you to be able to wean on your own timetable, and I checked in with myself and reaffirmed that desire shortly after your first birthday. Now that you have made this transition on your own, I'm very grateful that it has played out this way. There were times when I had considered whether you would want to nurse until you were three or four, and I wondered how that would feel. For many months, I (pretty much) practiced the "don't offer, don't refuse" method of nursing, which some parents consider to be a weaning strategy. Since you still nursed as often as you wanted (quite frequently) without me offering, I didn't see it as a way to cut back on our nursing times. Rather, I saw it as a way to allow you more control over this part of your life: for you to take the lead when you were ready to stop.

In the final month of us nursing, you had cut back to just one early morning nursing session per day (with a few extra now and then). The first day that you didn't ask until before your nap, I knew the time was coming that you wouldn't ask anymore. It was at that point that I realized that if I boosted my milk supply with herbs and other lactogenic foods, you might start nursing more frequently again. I made the conscious decision to continue not to influence the weaning process with my own reluctance to accept this impending change, and to let it happen naturally and gradually.

The morning after the last time you nursed, you didn't ask, and I knew it was over. I had talked with Papa about this moment many times before, always fearing that it would come before I was ready. When I talked to him about it that night, we both knew that you were finished.

I offered the next morning because I was feeling some discomfort, and after getting excited and snuggling into me, you signed "all done." It was heart-wrenching and totally OK at the same time. I hugged you close and told you I loved you. For several days after that, you would pat my chest to sign "nurse," only to sign "all done" after I lifted my shirt. I know you have fond memories of nursing because even when you knew you were finished, you didn't know exactly how to let go of it. In those moments I offered you hugs and kisses, and now you ask for those when you want them, instead.

I've been drinking lots of (less milk) mint tea.

What I didn't expect about this gradual, child-led weaning process was the dramatic hormonal shift that happened in those first few days after you stopped nursing. It felt similar to the day my milk came in (though somewhat less intense). Even though my milk supply had gradually decreased and you were only nursing once per day before weaning, I leaked milk for a while. I felt very weepy, and I spent a fair amount of time alone in our room, drinking mint tea (to stop making so much milk), and feeling introspective and protective of myself.

One of the things I realized during that reflective time is that I've been sharing my body with you for close to twenty-nine months, Dearest Daniel. That's almost two and a half years! It's been a strange transition for me to have my body be my own again after sharing it with you for so long. I'm not using my body to grow you or make food for you anymore. I don't have to wear clothes that help me do those things. This stage of mothering feels a little bit unfamiliar and new to me.

Despite the sadness and discomfort that has come with this transition, we're all doing fine. I'm OK with this stage (of your life and of my mothering you) coming to an end. I enjoyed nursing you very much, and it's been sad to experience the end of that time. But ultimately, it follows the natural course of life for you to wean. Change is normal and inevitable, and I welcome it. I'm still trying to decide how, but I promise that we will do something together to celebrate this transition.

One thing that will never change is how much I love you, sweet Daniel. No matter our stages in life or what changes may come (expected or unexpected) I will always be your Momma. I will always love you unconditionally and with all my heart.

Love,
Momma

Foodie Friday: Chana Masala

2012-02-03T07:27:00.000-08:00

This recipe was originally published as a guest post for Terri at Child of Nature Blog, and I love it so much that I'm sharing it again today!

I've been following a gluten-free diet for over a year now (and I also used to be a vegetarian) so I'm no stranger to dietary restrictions. Many people have food sensitivities and allergies, and because of this I find it's good to have an arsenal of easily-modifiable and low-allergen recipes on hand for when you'll be feeding others. Most recipes are easy to modify to be both vegan and gluten free, but the staples of many American diets seem to center around meat and grains. It may take a little getting out of your comfort zone to prepare foods that are friendly to dietary restrictions, but sometimes that can be a very good thing.

This easy recipe is free of wheat/gluten, meat, eggs, dairy, soy, corn, nuts, and almost any other allergenic food you can think of!

One type of food which I feel is underutilized in American culture is beans (and other legumes). People seem to shy away from eating beans because of the potential gastrointestinal side effects, but beans are an excellent source of protein and fiber, especially when you're not consuming animal products. If you eat them on a regular basis, your digestive system will adjust to the extra fiber and and there will be no unpleasant side effects. What's more, they're very inexpensive, so they're great for families with a tight food budget.

My favorite kind of bean is the garbanzo bean (also called the chickpea) which is a type of white bean. I greatly prefer the taste of home cooked chickpeas to the canned version, and cooking beans is very simple. I like to cook up a large batch and freeze them in smaller portions to use one at a time. I have a few tips for cooking dried chickpeas in my roasted garlic hummus recipe.

A simple and delicious way to feature the chickpea is chana masala served over rice. I don't make any claims as to the authenticity of this recipe, but it is very tasty and also quick and easy to prepare. I referenced this recipe from vegweb.com, but I made a few modifications. I recommend preparing this in a cast iron skillet if you have one, to boost the amount of iron you'll get from the meal. Also, measuring is optional (I don't); it'll come out a little different each time, but it will still be delicious!

You will need:

2 Tablespoons vegetable oil (or other fat of your choice)
1 medium onion, diced
1 large clove of garlic, minced
1 Tablespoon curry powder
1 Tablespoon tomato paste (or ¼ cup or so of tomato sauce)
3 cups chickpeas (at least partially thawed if you're using frozen, drained if you're using canned)
½ Tablespoon lemon juice
½ teaspoon salt (I prefer Real salt or sea salt)
Fresh ground black pepper, to taste
Crushed red pepper flakes, to taste (optional)

Here's how:

Heat the oil in the skillet on medium high heat. Fry onions until translucent and lightly browned, then reduce the heat to medium.
Add the garlic, curry, and tomato paste or sauce. Stir and simmer for a couple of minutes.
Add chickpeas, lemon juice, salt, and black pepper and simmer 5-6 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Add red pepper to taste. Stir and simmer for 5 minutes more or until dish is heated through.
Serve hot over rice!

Linked up at Food on Fridays at Ann Kroeker, Friday Favorites at Simply Sweet Home, Fight Back Friday at Food Renegade, Slightly Indulgent Tuesday at Simply Sugar and Gluten-Free, and Food and Health Carnival at Lisa's Gluten-Free Advice and Healthy Living.

Photo Challenge: Week 5

2012-02-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days 25-31:

Papa time

Playing with another incredible busy bag activity

Dinner: butternut squash risotto

Having a sick day
(sub chicken for turkey in this soup recipe)

Bath time!

What?

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

Sensory Update: OT Break

2012-01-31T09:59:00.000-08:00

Totally zoned out on self stimulation
with a vibrating toy.

We're almost through with Daniel's assimilation break from OT. We've had five weeks away (this morning is our first appointment back) and Daniel is definitely showing some changes. Primarily, his vocabulary (both spoken words and signs) has increased dramatically in the past month. He now seems very interested in the words others say, and often tries to copy words as he hears them. This is quite different than before our most recent OT intensive, and it's been really fun to witness this type of rapid developmental advance.

Daniel's elimination/toileting habits have also changed a lot over this break. While we were still going to OT, Daniel was consistently telling us that he needed a diaper change by signing diaper or saying peepee. (This may have been due to hyperawareness of his bodily functions or sensitivity to the sensation of it.) During the first three weeks of the break, he completely stopped telling us when he needed to have a new diaper. Even worse, he would get very upset when one of us would suggest that we'd like to change his diaper (to the point of having a meltdown over every diaper change, and running away screaming at the first mention of a diaper). I suspect that this phase was due to him developing a new sense of bodily autonomy and control over that part of his life. In the past couple of weeks, he's been again allowing us to change his diaper more frequently, and—get this—he's been peeing on the potty. He doesn't do it all the time, but we offer the potty at regular times throughout the day, and he's getting pretty good at sitting down on it and letting the pee flow. He'll even walk around the bathroom diaperless for a while, then sit down, say peepee while pointing down, and then go pee in the potty. This is a huge shift from when we first started potty learning, when he was so uncomfortable being on the potty that he would actually hold his pee while sitting there.

Most importantly (though we still have a long way to go in this area) Daniel seems to be doing better overall with self regulation and letting us know what exactly he needs to help him feel better. We've got a solid daily routine which Daniel understands and (usually) follows. (Jaymz and Uncle Matthew are also getting very accustomed to the routine, and we all help keep things on track throughout the day.) While I still wish we could vary from our routine more easily and with fewer poor outcomes, I'm really grateful that this kind of structure has limited the number of meltdowns we have in any given day.

One of his new things that helps him to feel calmer is wearing socks on his hands. He also loves to wear mittens and put small bottles or other things like that on his hands. I think the sensory input from his hands just gets to be too much for him sometimes, and having it dulled down is really regulating for him. I'm happy to do whatever works!

Playing with Lisa!

Daniel has also been playing pretend with things (he pretends to eat a piece of felt food, instead of actually putting it in his mouth, for example) for over a month now. This playing pretend is (I'm told) a quite advanced concept for him to grasp at this age. He has also learned the concept of "mine" and just this morning he learned to say "D" to refer to himself!

All these new developments are very fun and most of all, I'm glad that Daniel is learning how to help himself feel more calm and regulated. I'm excited to get back to OT with Lisa today. I've really missed her and I'm looking forward to playing together in the gym again!

Foodie Friday: Butternut Squash Risotto

2012-01-27T07:00:00.000-08:00

It's the time of year when I gravitate toward my slow cooker for meal preparation. There's just nothing quite like having something cooking all day, making the house smell delicious and inviting!

This slow cooker risotto is an excellent way to feature the wonderful flavors of butternut quash in a savory preparation. It is by no means an authentic risotto recipe, but it is simple, delicious, and extremely satisfying to eat with family on a cold day. What's more, it cooks in your slow cooker in a mere three hours, so it's a perfect dish to whip up when you have a late-afternoon activity or appointment that will interfere with your usual dinner prep time.

This risotto is a lovely meal to serve on a chilly Winter evening at home. I hope you'll give it a try!

You will need:

1 medium onion, chopped
1 teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon dried basil
6 cups vegetable stock
2 Tablespoons butter (or your favorite fat for sauteeing)
2½ cups rice (I used sprouted brown rice, but usually risotto is made with Arborio)
3 cups butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cubed (about 1 medium sized squash)
½ cup shredded Parmesan cheese
Salt and pepper, to taste

Here's how:

In a large skillet, saute onions in butter until tender:
Add rice and mix through for a couple of minutes
Add basil and garlic, and stir.
Combine stock, rice mixture, and squash in your slow cooker (mine is 7 quarts, but I think a 3-4 quart would be plenty large enough).
Cook on High for 3 hours, or until the rice is cooked to your preferred tenderness.
Add Parmesan cheese and gently mix it all together.
Serve hot (with a sprinkle of cheese on top):

Photo Challenge: Week 4

2012-01-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days 18-24:

Gluten-free carrot cake muffins with cream cheese frosting.
Happy birthday to my brother, Zha!

Boxes: the greatest fun for the smallest investment!

Having fun on the potty

It snowed!

Cuddles with Daniel and Eddie

(It also rained.)

Daniel's latest self-calming activity:
socks on hands

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

DIY Popsicle Stick Puzzles

2012-01-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine hosted a toddler busy bag swap a little over a month ago, just in time for the holidays. I hadn't ever participated in anything like it, but it was a huge success!

Each parent (we happened to all be moms) made enough of one activity to be able to give one to each other mom and also keep one for her own family. Some of the activities included mini reversible felt boards, homemade playdough, geo boards, "I Spy" bottles, colored pasta beads for stringing together, a magnetic fishing game, and so many more!

The activity I chose to make for the busy bag swap was popsicle stick puzzles. They were fun and simple to make, and I love how compact they are! Right now, Daniel just likes to play with the sticks, but soon he'll be able to figure out how to arrange the puzzle pieces to make a recognizable image. No matter how he plays with it, I'm glad it's interesting enough to encourage solo play every once in a while so I can accomplish a task or two on my own.

Puzzle Supplies:
Jumbo popsicle craft sticks
Masking tape
Washable (Elmer's) glue
5x7" photographs
Small sharp craft (Exacto) knife
Safe cutting surface (like a self-healing mat or a thick piece of corrugated cardboard)
Bags for storage

Here's How:

Lay out ten popsicle sticks side by side, matching up the flattest edges you can, then tape them together with a couple strips of masking tape. (I found that while these sticks look fairly straight, the edges are quite irregular. I rejected the lumpiest ones, or put then on the outer edges.)
Flip the whole thing over and evenly distribute a layer of washable glue across the surface of the popsicle sticks. (Spread your glue out better than I did--I ended up having to re-glue a few in the end.)
Center a 5x7 photograph on the glue and press down to adhere. Let it dry in a flat place (away from your kid's hands!). You may want to place the puzzle between two books to ensure that it stays flat while it dries.
When the glue has dried completely, remove the tape and place the puzzle on your safe cutting surface.
With the craft knife, cut the photo into strips along the seams between the popsicle sticks. (I admit, I asked Jaymz to help me with this step because I'm not great with knives.) A ruler or other stiff straight edge will help you to make precise cuts.
Gather the puzzle pieces together and store them in a baggie. (I used sandwich size plastic baggies, but a small cloth bag would work just as well.)

Each one of these is its own little activity!
So much fun in such a small package. =)

I had a lot of fun (though it was difficult) choosing from my photograph collection to use for this project. I made a set on Flickr which includes the photos I used (plus a few extra). You're welcome to use my photos for your own busy bag popsicle stick puzzles. Keep in mind the difficulty of the puzzle in relation to the intended recipient's age when selecting photographs: younger kids could get frustrated with a puzzle that's too hard to figure out.

The part I enjoyed most about the busy bag swap was getting to see how creative the other parents were with their activities. Leaving with a huge bag full of new tools to try out when our kids are climbing the walls was pretty great, too. One of the moms decided to give these activities to her kids as their Christmas presents. I opted to introduce them one by one over time, and I still have a few new activities from this swap to give to Daniel. I've been grateful lately (since it's been too rainy to go outside) to have a few of these stashed away so I know there's something interesting to do when we both get stir-crazy.

Fortunately, there are tons of ideas out there for different kinds of busy bag activities, and I look forward to making more of them in the future!

Have you made busy bag activities for your little ones? Do you have a favorite rainy day activity (or last ditch effort to maintain the peace) that your kids like? I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions!

Show me the tea!

2012-01-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

I love this challenge from Amber Strocel to display our tea collections for all the world to see. What a fun thing to do during the coldest part of the year! While I can't come close to competing with the scope of the stash of Kelly from KellyNaturally, I think I've got a pretty good shot at second largest tea stash. My food hoarding tendencies are already well documented, but I didn't even attempt to tackle the tea issue during my recent month-long minimalist food challenge.

I have a cherished tea time ritual, which (admittedly) often involves coffee in lieu of tea. There's just nothing like a warm beverage to start the day off on the right foot. Even when the weather is hot in the Summer, I make sure we have a continual supply of iced herbal tea and sun tea at our disposal.

Part of the reason we have such a large tea stash is that when I used to work night shift at the hospital, I would drink tea all night long. Since leaving that job, I've had to limit the amount of caffeine that I consume (due to insomnia and migraines, among other things), so we're left with a large amount of tea that I can no longer drink. I think Jaymz and Zha will have to step up their tea consumption if we're going to get a handle on this situation anytime soon.

In any case, here's a brief tour of the quantity and variety of tea available in this home:

The tea shelf (there's more sitting on the kitchen counter)

Here it all is displayed on our dining table:

That's 41 containers of tea (including the baggie of
assorted individual tea bags)!

We've got loose leaf and bagged, caffeinated and herbal, Thai bubble tea and (one of my personal favorites) yerba mate. There are many therapeutic teas, including those for pregnancy, nursing, tension/sleep, digestion, and skin health. So many to choose from!

So next time you come over, let's have a cup (or two) together. I am delighted to share the abundance of my tea stash with you!

Do you have an impressive tea collection? I'd love to hear about it! If you write about your tea collection before this Friday and link up a post at the showdown on Strocel.com, you'll be entered to win—yep, you guessed it—a new box of tea!

Photo Challenge: Week 3

2012-01-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days 11-17:

serious cuddles (with Uncle Zha)

Really trying to be happy
(in the car after his Early Intervention evaluation)

Taking a chill out walk together

This is what I see when I'm holding you.

D found the tiniest apple in the bunch.

Sunrise after yoga class

Jaymz, Daniel, and Eddie inspect the ants in the kitchen.

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

Dear Daniel, (19.5 Months)

2012-01-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

Last night you pretended to be a gangsta.

Oh, Daniel. Time keeps marching on and you just keep growing and changing! Go figure. You're nineteen and a half months old now, and I think you grow up a little every day.

This past month (and a half) has been a big one, with your Uncle Zha coming to stay with us for a while, as well as beginning your month-long break from OT around the same time. The OT intensive went really well, and we're all working through this assimilation period, hoping that things will begin to shift in an easier, more regulated direction soon. It's been hard to transition out of the routine of going to OT, but I'm feeling hopeful that as the weeks progress, your coping skills will continue to get better and you'll be happier overall.

Since taking the break from OT, you're learning language so fast! Your new words this month were: read, thank you, night night, ow, Amy, Ya-Ya (my mother's grandma name), bib, moo, baa, neigh, peek-a-boo (boo-boo), all done (but only once), piggy ("iggy" or "biggy"), pinky, as in the finger ("binky"), and mine. Your new signs this month were: thank you, tent, water, and music. (You also do "who," "where," and "play," but only if one of us does it first.) You always make a sipping noise (and say "hot") whenever I'm having a cup of tea or a bowl of soup (which I think is pretty darn cute and perceptive of you). In fact, these days you spend a lot of time imitating the words we say and the sounds in your environment, and the way you pick up on things just never ceases to amaze me.

We had a nice gift exchange time on Christmas with Papa, Zha, you, and me. We all Skyped with relatives (Grandpa, Nana, and Uncle Kevin; Aunt Suzy; and Ya-Ya) on the days surrounding Christmas, too. There was a lot of stimulation throughout those days, and you crashed hard right afterwards. I think overall, it went as smoothly and calmly as possible, and I'm certainly grateful for that! You received lovely gifts from all of us, but your favorite seemed to be the flashlight that your Great Grandpa Jim gave you paired with the pillow pet you received at Papa's work holiday party. You carried them around together for hours!

You cut a new tooth yesterday, your right upper canine. It's been a little extra rough lately because of that tooth, so I was glad to feel it finally poking through.

You're really getting into reading books (a lot!), coloring (a little less), and other such activities. Six weeks ago you wouldn't sit through the length of a board book, but your ability to sustain an activity for longer periods of time is definitely improving since beginning the break from OT. I've really been enjoying playing with you (since you enjoy playing more now) and getting to share in the joy of those moments with you.

I'm finding it so delightful to watch you building a relationship with your Uncle Zha these days, too. I particularly enjoy witnessing the games you play together, the way you react when he reads you books, and the way you wave and say "night-night" to him before nap and bedtime. I'm happy that you're forming secure attachments to other adults in your life; this can only make your life richer and more full.

I look forward to the next turn in this wild adventure we're on together. I love you tons.

Love,
Momma

Monday Morning Movie: Pinky

2012-01-16T08:16:00.000-08:00

A dose of cuteness to get your week started off on the right foot:

Photo Challenge: Week 2

2012-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

Days 6-10:

25 lbs of juicing apples: Yum!

new shoes

shared interests

Good morning nursies; good morning, Monkey.

Fresh juice for everyone!

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!

January Carnival of Natural Parenting

2012-01-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

Once again, it's time for the Carnival of Natural Parenting! This month's theme was "experiments in natural family living," where participants experimented for a week or more with a "greener" life change.

I did five whole months of no 'poo (a no-shampoo method of hair cleansing) last year, and I've written about it today in a guest post at Natural Parents Network. Head on over there and check out the accounts of my adventures in alternative hair care. And don't forget to peruse all the submissions below from the other talented (and daring) carnival writers!

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Make your own moisturizer! — Megan at boho mama whips up a winter skin-friendly moisturizer.
Cold Water Only — Brittany at The Pistachio Project talks about how you do not need hot water to wash laundry.
Family Cloth... Really?? — After lots of forethought and consideration, Momma Jorje finally decides to take the plunge with family cloth.
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle : 5-5-5 Things A Day — Luschka from Diary of a First Child writes about decluttering her home in an attempt to create a gentler living space. She takes on a new project where she sets a goal of reducing, reusing and recycling every day.
Pros and cons of family cloth — Lauren at Hobo Mama would love to continue replacing paper products with family cloth … if she could only get over how damp she feels.
Craftily Parenting — Kellie at Our Mindful Life finds that crafting makes her a better parent.
Changes — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen couldn't choose just one area to experiment with, so she wrote a long post about all the fun changes initiated in her life!
Life without Internet: Not all it's Cracked up to Be — Adrienne at Mommying My Way tries to go a week without the Internet, only to realize a healthy dose of Internet usage really helps keep this stay-at-home mom connected.
My Progression to Raw Milk — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares her natural parenting progression all the way to trying raw milk.
mama's new little friend. — Sarah at Bitty Bird tries a menstrual cup to "green her period," and is pleasantly surprised when she falls in love with the product!
Before you throw it out, try homemade laundry soap! — Jennifer at Practical OH Mommy shows visual proof that homemade laundry soap is cheaper, easier, and works better than the store-bought chemicals!
Oil, Oil, No Toil, No Trouble — K from Very Simple Secret talks about her foray into the oil-cleansing method.
I Need a Hobby — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro couldn't decide which experiment to run, so she did them all.
7 days of macrobiotics for a balanced family — The Stones make a [successful] attempt to release the "holiday junking" with 7 days of macrobiotic meals to balance their bodies and souls. Elisabeth at Manic Mrs. Stone includes an explanation of macrobiotics.
Chemical Free Beauty Challenge — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction turned to natural alternatives for her daily beauty and cleaning routine, with great results.
Greening my Armpits!? My Green Resolution — Shannon at The Artful Mama talks about how she decided to give up her traditional antiperspirant and make the switch over to crystal deodorants and definitely isn't looking back!
Going Raw (for a while) — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares her family's experience with raw food.
Do we get to eat gluten today? — Sheila at A Gift Universe has been trying to figure out if her son does better with or without gluten in his diet … but it's really hard to tell for sure.
Hippies Can Smell and Look Fabulous Too! — Arpita of Up, Down And Natural details her experience of going shampoo-free and overhauling her cosmetics to find the balance between feeling beautifully fabulous and honoring her inner hippie.
Our cupboards are full...but there's nothing to eat — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud takes on the challenge of chomping through the contents of her storecupboard rather than going shopping — but there's something that she just can't bring herself to do …
Elimination Experiment 3.0 — MudpieMama recounts the messy adventures of her baby daughter trying to be diaper free.
Family Cloth Trial — Amyables at Toddler in Tow talks about making and using family cloth wipes in the bathroom for the first time.
Taking a Hiatus — Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares how her experience of much less internet interaction affected her family and how it will change her approach in the future.
Trying Out the Menstrual Cup — Lindsey at an unschooling adventure ditches the tampons and gives menstrual cups a try.
Managing Food Waste in Our Home — Tired of the holiday waste, Robbie at Going Green Mama takes a weeklong focus on reducing food waste in her home, and learns some lessons that can take her through the new year.
Going Offline, Cloth Tissues, and Simplicity — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama muses over her time away from blogging and social networking. In addition, she shares her newfound love of cloth tissues and simplicity.
The Oil Cleansing Method — Erica at ChildOrganics explores an easy, organic and natural way to tackle skin care.
Experiments in Natural Family Living - Natural Toys! — Lani at Boobie Time enjoys the silence of natural toys and being more present with her son.
Discovering a New City and Organic Foods — Amy at A Secure Base describes her family's switch to and search for organic foods for one week.
My Experiment in Homemade Bread — Crunchy Con Mommy tried — and loved — baking her own homemade bread.
Menu Planning: Stop the Excuses — Gaby at Tmuffin stopped the excuses and started planning her weekly meals, drastically cutting her grocery budget and stress level and improving the quality of foods she fed her family.
My First Menstrual Cup — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children was pleasantly surprised with her first experience using a menstrual cup.
My Natural Beauty Regime — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares the results of banishing cleanser and soaps from her bathroom, as well as a couple of natural homemade recipes that have worked well on her skin.
Unplugging and Creating a Rhythm: Our Experiment in Natural Family Living — Dionna at Code Name: Mama focused less on gadgets and spent more time with her family to create a healthy rhythm for the new year.
Experiments in Natural Family Living: 5 First Steps Toward Preparing for a Natural Birth — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama discusses how she tackled the pressing matter of how to begin preparing for a natural birth.
All you need is...vinegar! — Kristen at My Semi-Crunchy Life learns that one household product can replace all the cleaners in her cabinet.
Nope Nada Ixnay Negative Pass Decline — Zoie at TouchstoneZ finds out what shakes loose if she says, "YES!!" to anything anyone asks of her over the space of 10 days.
Reducing our exposure to toxins found in plastics — Syenna at Gently Parenting Twins throws out the melamine and BPA plastics which have been hanging around the kitchen for too long.
Duh! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares how she began the process of helping her 2-year-old son stop physically acting out.
Experiments in Natural Parenting: Starting, Stopping, and Gaining Perspective — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings explains how pregnancy brain interfered with her attempts to complete an experiment, but how she gained some interesting perspective as she started and stopped several.
From Experiment to Lifestyle — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares her experience avoiding processed foods for a month, and deciding to make it a permanent lifestyle change.
From Disposable Paper to Reusable Cloth – AGAIN! — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle stops flushing trees down the toilet and switches to the softest ever butt-wiping material: cloth.
Extra! Extra! Water Heater Turned Down, Mom Doesn't Notice! — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis finds an energy-saving experiment that's so easy she didn't even realize it was happening.
Worm Tea — CatholicMommy isn't sure how successful her worm bin will be, but she's having fun anyway.
Miles to Go ... — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns that when it comes to sleep debt, she's in real deep.
My Month With Water Kefir — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries experiments with a new fermented probiotic drink homemade in her own kitchen.
OMG Mom is Home... All Day Everyday: A Week-Long Experiment in Connecting — What a difference a week makes! Ana at Pandamoly is afforded a week off from work and takes the chance to reconnect and reattach with her 16-month-old son through an experiment in simply being there.
Creating Healthy Family Recipes — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares her experiment with healthy, gluten-free recipes and a chocolate muffin recipe that was created during the experiment.
Adventures in Alternative Haircare: No 'Poo — This guest post at Natural Parents Network from Amy at Anktangle chronicles a months-long journey into the world of no 'poo.
My Experiment in Natural Family Living: Natural Family Planning — Birth control options are seriously limited for those of us trying to live a little closer to the earth, so Mama Psalmist experiments with natural family planning.

To share, or not to share?

2012-01-09T11:00:00.001-08:00

How do you feel about sharing your goals with others? This time of year is traditionally filled with new year's resolutions: people committing to various self-improvement tasks in the spirit of beginning the year again. I enjoy the excitement of this time of year, the hopefulness that everyone seems to have about the future.

Last year, I was invited to participate in a sort of new year's resolution competition: we all came up with a list of things we wanted to accomplish and then assigned a point value to each item. The person with the highest percentage of completion at the end of the year won. The point came up (from a person who was invited to participate, but opted out) that sharing your goals with others actually decreases your chances of achieving said goals. This TED talk was cited as evidence to that point:

While I don't dispute the facts presented in the TED talk, I find myself conflicted about whether or not it holds true for me in my life. For instance, in spite of this information, I did choose to participate in the resolution competition in 2011. I ended out the year with 73% completion, which was the highest of anyone who reported their results (so far). So, I would say I was very successful at achieving the goals I set out for myself, even though I announced them to a group of people.

This year, I'm facing this dilemma again: do I write about my goals and document the effort I make toward completing them, or do I keep them to myself and (statistically) increase my chances of success?

As a blogger, this choice is once I make fairly often. On one hand, I'm not one of those bloggers who writes about absolutely everything in my life (where no topic is private or off-limits), so it's natural for me to keep some things to myself. Then on the other hand, sometimes there are things that I feel compelled to write about, but it is more than a little scary to take the leap to click "publish." I wonder what people will think about me. I wonder what will happen if I make a claim or promise and then ultimately fall short of it. I don't want to fail publicly.

I have to make a decision, but as yet, I'm undecided. I guess it'll just have to be that way for a while.

How do you do it? Do you keep your goals and/or resolutions to yourself, or do you share them all with the world? How has your successful completion/achievement rate been? Do you think these two things directly relate to each other (correlation vs. causation)? I'd love for you to weigh in on this issue!

On Mommy Guilt and Carpe Diem

2012-01-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

A couple of my friends shared this article from Momastery on Facebook recently, and it really struck a chord with me. Glennon writes:

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

I agree with these well-meaning (grand)parents Glennon speaks of, these strangers who approach me in the grocery store, urging me to enjoy every minute: it does go by fast. And thank God for that! If it went any slower sometimes, I don't know if I could handle it. Seriously, if you haven't parented a child who hated almost every moment of being a baby and continues to regularly have meltdowns because his socks are on wrong or we spent too much time at the grocery store at the wrong time of day or we spent two minutes too long on Skype with relatives, then please don't be condescending by advising me me to enjoy every minute of parenthood. Parenting neurotypical children is a hell of a hard job anyway, I acknowledge that fully. When there are any added challenges, it (naturally) just gets even harder.

I feel it's exceedingly important for parenting bloggers (or bloggers who happen to be parents) to be honest in writing about the many challenges present in parenthood. I believe that it's only through openness that we will ever be able to overcome the excessive "mommy guilt" that's piled on us each and every day. The fact is, no one's experience of parenting is all sunshine and roses. If we can't admit that none of us is June Cleaver—and that that's normal—then the myth of "supermommy" lives on.

Yes, we parents are awesome people, and we do an incredibly difficult job 24 hours a day. We often have to juggle the needs and demands of many people at once, all while trying to keep our sanity, get enough fuel in our bodies, and take a shower every few days. That said, parenting isn't unlike any challenging career or calling: there are easier days and harder days. There are happy minutes and heartbreaking minutes. Pretending that the difficult part of parenting doesn't exist (or choosing never to talk about it because that's the polite thing to do) does a disservice to ourselves and to other parents: past, present, and future. Lying to yourself and others about it doesn't make it less true.

It's important to me to be honest about my experience of motherhood, and if I can't be honest here on my blog ("in my house," so to speak) then keeping this blog running isn't worth it to me. After I wrote my post about hating Mondays in early October, I had a significant conflict with a family member. My intention in writing that particular post was to overcome the guilt I was feeling about not enjoying my experience of motherhood as much as I wanted, and share my truth anyway. I was grieving the loss of the babyhood I wanted for both Daniel and me. I needed to be open about how hard it has been for us, particularly because of Daniel's unique sensory challenges. Most people responded with commiseration and understanding, with empathy and love. One response (though I know it was intended to come from a similar place) left me feeling attacked and wrongly accused, defensive and just plain hurt.

Because of the personal repercussions of publishing that raw and honest piece, I've struggled with whether or not I feel safe here anymore, to share my experiences freely and openly. After much thought (and month-long break from blogging) I've decided I will continue to write honestly here, in spite of any opposition I have or will encounter. The fact is that this is my space and one of my most valued creative outlets. It's a way for me to stay in touch with my "real life" friends and family when I have few opportunities to keep in touch in person because of Daniel's special needs. Blogging here is also a way for me to be connected to others who are in a similar phase of life, who have similar philosophies about parenting, or who also parent children with high needs or special needs. Above all else, the content on this blog is an expression of my life and my thoughts, and it is one of the few spaces I have in my life where I can communicate about anything I want whenever I want to.

I spend the majority of my time giving myself wholly to another human being, meeting his every need as best I can. When I write here, I'm doing something for myself. I'm participating in a vital self-care activity which (in part) helps me to process the intense experiences and feelings I'm having on this journey. Writing here also keeps me connected to an invaluable online community of others sharing their individual experiences and journeys in life.

I'm making a promise to you today: I will continue to write openly and honestly about my experience, regardless of what happens in my personal life as a result.

All I ask in return is that you try to consider this: the next time you encounter a parent, please think twice before giving her advice. Please reconsider before making assumptions about her character or parenting prowess based on her children's behavior. Please pause and remember before advising her to enjoy every minute, because you may have forgotten what it feels like to be climbing that mountain. Instead, please seize the moment as an opportunity to validate the experience that parent is having right then: Tell her she's amazing and that you get it, do a practical favor for her if you can, and try your hardest to leave out any judgment or advice.

I appreciate you taking this time to consider. You're doing a great thing for parents everywhere: killing mommy guilt one precious moment at a time.

Photo Challenge: Week 1

2012-01-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in my new year's day post, I've taken on a photo-a-day challenge this year. I'll be posting these photos in lieu of Wordless Wednesday for the year. I'm not going to make any promises about the quality or subject matter of my photographs, but I am committing to taking (at least) one photo each and every day this year. For good measure, I even started the challenge on December 30th!

Without further ado, here are days 1-5:

Daniel & Uncle Zha

I love his new hat! (I made it.)

It's been over a year since I've had a haircut. (Whoa.)

My favorite parts of our holiday tree this year:
the plane and the jack-o'-lantern lights.

Monkey on my back, riding the train into town together.

Linked up at Wordless Wednesday at Hobo Mama and Natural Parents Network, and with the other lovely Mamatography project participants at Diary of a First Child!