Ann McMaster - Life as It Is

Daughters and Sons

2012-02-08T15:28:14-06:00

Via Sarah Bush's Face Book page ... thank you, Sarah!

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between:

a man who flatters her
and a man who compliments her,

a man who spends money on her
and a man who invests in her,

a man who views her as property
and a man who views her properly,

a man who lusts after her
and a man who loves her,

a man who believes he’s a gift to women
and a man who believes she’s a gift to him.

And then we need to teach our sons
to be that kind of man.

By: Men Who Love Their Wives

Say - Do - Feel: My Personal Integrity Test

2012-02-05T11:44:41-06:00

When what I say, what I do, and how I feel are all the same; I am congruent, integrous, real - and thus believable. In other words, if I have either a "YES" or a "NO" in all three, then I'm in integrity with myself and with everyone else.

Example: if I say "Yes" to an action, and don't do it; I'm out of integrity. If I say, "Yes", actually do what I said *begrudgingly* (which is a "NO" feeling), I'm out of integrity with myself - setting myself up for an easy resentment or, my personal fall-back favorite, a martyr's halo.

This has become my test of my personal integrity. Today I am living with the consequence of an unnoticed NO feeling beneath my Automatic Yes to leading 4 pro bono events in 2 week's time.

All of these events logically fell in my bailiwick. I didn't notice that I felt heavy/obligated to say YES. Since I didn't notice my "NO" feeling at the time, I didn't do a purpose generator to see if I could change the heaviness.

As it turns out, I have not lead 3 of the 4 events in the last two weeks, being down with a virulent coughing virus, which has precluded using my voice - for anything. Hmmmm. How I noticed it - I feel guilty for having so much time off.

As a spiritual warrior (as are we all, whether we admit it or not), I missed the mark on this one. So I'm taking yet another run at my Automatic Yes, determined to stand in the middle of my Say - Do - Feel, make sure I am congruent in all facets before I say Yea or Nay.

PS If any part of me is 'out,' it sometimes means I need either more information or more purpose for my action.

Raising the Faith Index - Gratitude Journal

2012-02-01T22:35:35-06:00

Today I was chatting with Lisa Kane (MTL Coach in Cape Town, S.Africa) about raising the bar on the Faith Index. Our conversation (always so rich) centered around the expression of Gratitude. They seem to be linked, Faith and Gratitude ... probably siblings, maybe twins.

When I am very grateful, I have a lot of faith. When my faith is low and fear is high, I'm not grateful for much, if anything. In fact, usually I'm wishing everything was different. When Rebecca was having her hand operated on for a sprung tendon, the operation was supposed to take 45 minutes. At 1.5 hours, I had imagined all kinds of terrible things. On the surface, I was mad about everything - the volleyball that hit her hand, the doctors, the hospital, the vending machine, whatever. Underneath, I was scared, not a shred of faith in sight, and certainly not grateful for ANYthing. I even called Brad Brown, my mentor, and told him that the processes of the More To Life program didn't work. I didn't mention that I hadn't worked the processes, but I suspect he figured that out.

In another one of my low times, I reached for a new processing book - it was a pretty one with silver designs. I decided I was tired of my mini-depression and started writing about lifeshocks I had that day (lifeshocks = events that happened). This time, I wrote about what I was grateful for regarding each lifeshock. I did that for 5 different lifeshocks - little ones that I hadn't noticed at the time: laughter during an impromptu conversation with my neighbors, the sight of my newly mown lawn, etc.

Then I also wrote down 5 different qualities I exhibited that day for which I was grateful: my innate openness, my honesty, etc. My reactive mind cautioned me not to own those qualities, because, "Sure as shootin', you'll get a big head. Then it'll all be downhill from there." On the contrary, owning my innate qualities actually was humbling, compelling me to take responsibility for the best in me.

Cheap, effective way to raise my Faith Index: writing in my Gratitude Journal daily:

5 lifeshocks for which I'm grateful (even if I wasn't at the time), and

5 qualities of 'being' which expressed the best in me that day.

Faith/Fear Index

2012-01-29T21:02:59-06:00

The Faith/Fear Index is conversely related - the higher the Faith Index, the lower the Fear Index, and vice versa. Yes, this is common knowledge, but I forget this from time to time. So this is a gentle reminder to myself (and perhaps to you) about the Faith Index.

In all my personal processing, when I look back over the trends, the main theme that jumps out is the opportunity to raise my Faith Index. But when I'm "in it" - it's not so clear. Only after I climb out of my self-created hole-of-fear, do I recognize that it was a test of my Faith - ultimately - always - in every case, so far.

It seems to me that I am being asked, regardless of the situation, to trust my heart of hearts, the fire in my belly, and/or my intuition:

To BE my Best Self (nothing to hide, nothing to prove),

To bring my Best Self into every relationship with every other Being (open to Their Being, clear about my own boundaries), and

To bring my Best Self into the sanctity of each moment, each opportunity to participate in the Big Picture (whatever that is - a family reunion, my workplace, my blog, my spirituality).

The litmus test of Faith is telling the truth as I see it in that moment, even if my knees are knocking, Knowing that I Don't Know, and trusting that somehow, some way, attaining the Truth will lead us all to the next step in our common evolution. That's the definition of the quintessential Spiritual Warrior - a truth-teller with a high Faith Index. I want to emulate that.

Fire in the Belly 3

2012-01-27T11:34:05-06:00

During my 40s and 50s, I had Fire in my Belly to a much greater extent than ever before. I was conscious of it, counted on it, got used to it. My life mattered to me - Rebecca, my family and friends, being a Senior Trainer for the More To Life program, creating a consultancy with William Holt (TriVergent International), creating communities (Houston, Johannesburg, Denver), implementing an MTL coaching initiative in 4 countries, contributing to making our world inheritable for our children and our children's children, even filling up my passport - all of it mattered, and I considered it ALL a game worth playing. I was free - free to pursue 'my thing' - free to respond proactively to the Fire in my Belly.

Now in my late 60s, during those times when I'm not training, consulting, psychotherapy-ing, I sit in my home office, coaching people all over the world, sometimes never getting out of my pajamas (via skype, they only see my head and shirt). When I think of the current fire in my belly, it's less about specific goals to accomplish, and more about the quality of my being.

Am I BEING my best self?

Am I tuned in to those around me - connecting with the Real Person behind the mask?

Am I awake to all that is on offer in each moment and willing to bring my full presence into it?

I am working to combine the fire in my belly about those pursuits with the fire in my belly about being open to whatever happens - not being attached to any specific outcome. That ain't easy for someone inured to "making it happen." When I do manage to combine the two, my Faith Index goes up - more faith in myself, more faith in the ultimate good of humanity, and more faith that, really, All is Well in the world (even when it doesn't look like it, or maybe even, ESPECIALLY when it doesn't look like it.)

Fire in the Belly 2

2012-01-26T12:16:31-06:00

I know exactly those times when I have had Fire in the Belly ... one of them being my determination to get my Master's degree. There was No Doubt that I was going to get that degree. As usual, there were obstacles: money, being a single mom of a 5-year-old, going to school double-time, working 2 part-time jobs. No obstacle was insurmountable.

When I have fire in my belly about something, I tend to go "laser" - not exactly a balanced life. I figured I could sustain that kind of intensity for a year. In retrospect, I wavered in and out of having fire in my belly and being fear-driven to make it happen. Failure was not an option, period.

During that year, I checked in with my advisor at least every other month, just to make sure there were no hidden blocks to getting that degree. (They may have graduated me just to keep "the pest" from bugging them.) I did nothing but work, study, take care of Rebecca's schedule.

The degree was only a symbol for me - a symbol of freedom - freedom from working for someone else, freedom to have more of a quality life for me and Rebecca. I wanted more than just to eke out a living. I wasn't even sure what the "more" was, but the sheepskin was my ticket to it. I framed that intention as "taking responsibility" for the quality of our future.

At this point in my life, I know that that is possible without a degree. Too many people have had that fire in their belly and accomplished, without a degree, precisely what I accomplished with one.

More to come.

Fire in the Belly

2012-01-22T16:55:08-06:00

I'm talking about the fire of intentionality! Fire in the Belly! It provides meaning and purpose and gives us direction for our actions, including what we Stop action-ing. It is part of what makes living a vital experience, instead of something we hope to get through.

I was "talking" (emailing with) Mindy Guthrie a week or so ago about this very issue. She understood the term immediately and is in that part of her life where living out the social protocols has been accomplished, and in her case, Well Accomplished! She last had the experience of Fire in the Belly when she did the More To Life course, Living YES, last year. Putting the experience and frame for the experience together solidified something for her; it made it easier for her to focus the rest of her life through that lense. She was telling me that there were things she wanted to do that fueled the fire in her belly, and the limits she planned to implement on things that dimmed that fire. It's so very humbling and exciting to be around someone with fire in their belly. Thank you, Mindy!

And it's not about being a zealot, quite the opposite. A zealot has no room for differing opinions. Zealots tend to be 'against' something.

Someone with fire in their belly is 'for' something - a mission to accomplish, willing to entertain the possibility of other opinions that might support accomplishing the goal. It is not egotistical at all. It's aimed at a bigger picture, usually very compelling. Martin Luther King and Dr. Brad Brown come to mind.

As a member of the US Board of Directors for the Kairos More To Life Foundation and as a member of the Houston Steering Committee for the same organization, I am surrounded by people with Fire in the Belly. It's easier to re-light the fire when surrounded by these people. (My fire has dimmed many times, usually when I was out of alignment with myself, sometimes because of ego-investment. Duh!)

The top left pic is Mindy Guthrie, the pic on the right is Mindy at Living Yes!

PS Houston is hosting "Lighting the Fire Within" in March 2012. Check it out. It's been 10 years or so since we last had this course in Houston. Call Mari for more info (713-838-1100).

Same Song, Second Verse

2012-01-08T19:20:50-06:00

Yep ... another minor flood in my house. Same area. Different water source - this time the refrigerator. Exercise room and hallway carpets, both soaked!

My first thought: I wonder what I did to piss God off? I've been pretty good, considering God also bequeathed me with a reactive mind. I wallowed in my defeat-ism awhile, stoking it with further ammunition: State Farm's refusal to pay for any damage (never having had a claim in almost 30 years), having to eat the cost of round one AND round two (and right during Christmas), just getting my house back together from round one, and now THIS! Woe is me.

I was sitting at my desk, refining my already honed abilty to bemoan my fate, and glanced at a picture of Brad Brown (my mentor, now deceased). My head snapped up, and my next thought was: What is the creative opportunity being offered to me on a silver platter? Then I remembered that, last August, I was talking to Diana Makens, my support partner, about re-doing my home, upgrading my aging (but still working) appliances, converting to wood flooring, adding an extension to my kitchen (and a hot tub, and some other things). Bill Boothe has even drawn up a plan for it all.

Three days, 2 carpet dryers and a dehumidifier later, my living room is jumbled with exercise equipment, my hallway and exercise room are dry, the baseboards are once more removed (lying in the living room), BUT I have a plan. I talked to my brother Tom, who's an expert on lots of things. He happened to have bought enough wood flooring to cover all my floors - extra flooring that he bought at fire sale prices and that he'd decided not to use himself. My brother-in-law, Steve is a retired teacher who happens to be an expert painter. It's all falling in line.

I'm re-doing my home!

And like most things that get put into the Reticular Activating System, I had expected to be able to do this on MY timeline. And my timeline wasn't moving ANYthing. But my RAS is there, working my visions. And now my mind gets to focus on how to make it all happen, instead of reminding me of how awful life is.

Disaster-Handling

2011-12-11T22:10:47-06:00

I came home after some Christmas shopping with Rebecca (daughter) and halfway down the hallway, I was suddenly squishing my way through water; little tidal waves popping up from the carpet with every step.

My first feeling was minor shock, then surprise when it finally sank in that, yes, this is really happening. It took about 3 steps to get it. That took me into the kitchen - yep, 3 rugs sopping wet and pools of water on the tile floor. OK! Now what? Curiosity had me searching the ceiling - nope, all clear there. Nothing happening with the dishwasher or refrigerator. Hmmm - must be the hot water heater.

Aha! Warm water coming from the top of the water heater - running down the sides, extending the pond that had already invaded my bedroom and exercise room. Not good. I saw the spigot that was feeding water to the water heater. I tried to turn it off. I tried harder. It was frozen shut.

Water streaming down the water heater, increasing the breadth of damage to my floors and furniture - and I couldn't stop it. I could do nothing to stop it.

I felt sudden helplessness ... helplessness magnified by memories of the past when I could do nothing to stop a situation, make it go away, or un-happen it. My mindtalk accused me of being useless, inept, stupid, worthless, a loser, deserving disaster. Fortunately I called Rebecca and Troy (son-in-law) who talked me down from the panic. Her calmness and his practicality helped me get sorted.

I'm still in the middle of 3 days with five industrial floor fans and two dehumidifiers droning away; my
carpet is ripped up; baseboards have been removed and holes drilled to drain water; my refrigerator is in the middle of my kitchen; bookcases, books, objets d'art, and furniture are strewn around my house. But I have a new water heater - and even more respect for the power of the mind to quickly find the source of a problem on the one hand, and on the other to use the past to blow a problem all out of proportion.

PS About a week ago, I wondered specifically about my water heater - how old was it anyway? As it turns out, it was 22 years old, which is rather aged for a water heater. It never pays to ignore my sixth sense.

Making It Happen - Spain Nov 2011

2011-12-03T06:50:03-06:00

Experientially, I know the power of intention, of manifesting personally important dreams. I have done it myself, and I’ve witnessed others who have created their dreams - many times. AND, to see an important dream realized is still magical - wondrous, exciting, fulfilling - a reverential experience.

I’ve been reminded of what that miracle is all about - once again - talking to Marisa Hidalgo in her
apartment Monday afternoon, hearing her passion about her vision; late that night, walking the streets of Madrid with Felipe Gomez, who was beginning to allow the awe for the success of the weekend, and his part in it, into his body; sharing coffee Tuesday morning with Antonio Garcia, hearing his excitement about his team that was so successful - extraordinarily connecting and impeccably productive.

Yes - altogether one incredible weekend. One person holding a vision so high that it is like a torch, attracting like-visions, until all the visions blend together becoming brighter, more visible and more compelling. Germann Nicholas, Felipe Gomez, Marisa Hidalgo - then Alejandro, then from all over Spain - Tina, Antonio, Rosa, Tamara, Marta, Alexandra, Carlos, Pere, Juan. Then people from other countries heard about it - Michael (Greece/Germany), Susan and Antoinette (UK). We saw the flame, it was irresistable, so we went.

As of this last weekend, now a whole new group of leaders, movers/shakers, peers of the first May 2011 course now know what so many of us know. Next course - May 2012 - another miracle in the wings.

And it’s the beginning of a much bigger, more impactful dream - changing the world.

PS The picture captures the "feel" of the weekend. It is of Antonio Garcia, training supervisor of the weekend, visionary extraordinaire. Thank you, Pere, for your photographs. The technical skills to enlarge this photo are beyond me.