The husband told the Rabbinical Court in Beersheba, Israel, that the cats have taken over, forcing him to exit the family bed and sleep on the floor. Cats hog the bathroom and steal his food. Given the option, she has chosen to stay with the cats.

Georgia, a registered carer for her mum, Lesley, tipped the scales at 33 stone when she was 15. The tabloids gave her the title ‘Britain’s Fattest Teenager’. Georgia took the media’s money and went to fat camp in the US. She lost half her body weight and then returned home to restart her diet of fat. She ate 13,000 calories a day. It must cost a fortune to feed Georgia Davis.

Now Georgia’s in hospital, being treated for all manner of conditions, including diabetes, kidney disease, spinal problems and respiratory failure.

The Mirror leads with the charming headline: “LOSE 50 STONE OR YOU’LL DIE.”

Only, we don’t know that Davis weighs 63 stone. It’s just a guesstimate. And the advice for her to shed so much weight comes from a nameless expert, who says:

“She needs to lose 50 stone if she is to stand a chance of living much beyond her 20s.”

At least the Sun’s Sharon Hendry used her actual name to diagnose Georgia:

“I am no psychologist, but it was obvious she was not fat because she was lazy or had no willpower to diet. She was fat because of a miserable childhood as the carer of her disabled mother after her cherished dad died of a heart attack. It unleashed demons Georgia warded off with food.”

That medical insight featured the above photo of Davis seemingly perched on Hendry’s leg like a puppet being worked. I am no psychologist, but if make a woman with issues a celebrity for having those issues it might encourage her to remain fat and famous.

The medical experts keep coming.

“Sun doctor” Carol Cooper told us:

“Georgia needs to do a lot of exercise to shift her excess weight.”

Experts. You cannot argue with them.

Emma Morton, the Sun’s Health & Science Editor, informed us in 2011 that a 40 stone Georgia:

“SADLY, Georgia will not live to celebrate her 21st birthday if she remains at this weight.”

The Mirror says:

“Georgia has been told she won’t make 20 unless she drastically changes her diet.”

Someone called Steve McKeown is “a life coach and hypnotherapis” He “believes he can help her beat her food addiction habits”. He told the Sun:

“We will use hypnotherapy and psychoanalysis. Hypnosis is heightened awareness coupled with relaxation. We will deal with Georgia’s memories and get her to re-associate with them. The triggers for her eating habits will be broken down and she will lose weight naturally.”

He said that in 2011. Since then Davis has gained over 20 stone.

One fact is not in dispute: Georgia Davis is a one-woman fat and therapy industry.

As for the other facts, well, one Daily Mirror healdine tells readers:

‘We never saw her’: Neighbours claim 63st Georgia Davis didn’t leave her home for ‘three years’

Never saw her?! Just last year, Georgia was with the aforesaid McKeown on ITV’s This Morning, sat in the show’s London studios. If you can’t see Georgia in the flesh, just read the tabloids or turn on the telly. She’s all over them.

The final word is with the Daily Star, which delivers the front-page news:

“BRITAIN’S fattest teenager was a prisoner in her room for three years because she was too massive to leave the house.”

Like a super model, she only gets out of bed for an appearance fee.

Such are the facts.

The MEN says Zach is autistic and cannot speak. His Pica could be linked to his autism. Zach’s mother, Rachel Horn, tells the paper:

“He eats almost anything – mud and moss, stones, carpet, grow bags, thread, paper, wallpaper and hair. He loves to climb on his windowsill and eat his black-out blind. He likes to have something to chew on at all times. It is not the taste he likes, but the texture.”

She’s saving up £15,000 to build him a safer rom.

It sounds like an ordeal. But how does the Sun cover the story? By turning into Brass Eye…

Spotter: Nathaniel Metcalfe

It is alleged that Hernadez intercepted Etan Patz as the youngster made his way to school. Hernadez is said to have offered Patz a fizzy drink. Hernandez then took him to his convenience store and killed him.

Etan Patz’s body has never been found. Unless Hernandez tells all, we will never know what happend to him. We will only have Hernadez’s testimony.

News is that he told relatives in the 1980s that he had dome something terrible. BNow he seems to be ready to confess. The ill man making the death-bed confession.

It’s not brave. It’s the craven act of a coward. If he can;t hink of Patz and his family, then what of his daughter? Wait until she’s a teen to confess to murdering a young boy for reasons we can only guess at?

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A spokesman for the group NAMBLA said a photograph seized in a police raid is not that of Etan Patz, a young boy who disappeared from the streets of New York 3½ years, ago at a press conference in New York, Dec. 29, 1982. Spokesman David Thorstead, center, shows the 1968 “Boyhood Calendar” from which the photograph in question came. With him are spokesman David Ingalls, left, and the lawyer for the group, Michael J. Larey, at right. (AP Photo/G. Paul Burnett)

Had a fantastic night at Elton John Vegas Show last night!! And so nice to meet him!!! #starstruck

This was followed by:

Stressful nursery run!!! #jetlag Off the gym.

Does Kai Rooney have the longest commute in nurseryville? Will sending her child to a school in differnt time zone affect Coleen’s biorhythms? And what does it mean for play days if she has to pick up Kai at 12am on a wet Tuesday night and make it back before Liverpool’s Cricket boutique shuts shop for the night?

Boarding schol, Coleen. Consider it…

For now the only one talking is Brooklyn Lee, winner of the Best BJ scene at the Adult Video News Awards (but Bill already knew that). She tells Coed magazine:

COED: “Well, it seems to have worked out well for you. Is your real name Brooklyn?”
Brooklyn: “Lol obviously not. Who names their kid Brooklyn?”

That question to you, Victoria Beckham…

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Yessir, Bill Clinton may have been caught with his pants down, but he never inhaled, which is why he’s still a pretty popular guy around the world. He played saxophone fercryinoutloud! And not in a Tony Blair Awkwardly Playing His Guitar way.

Of course, Randy Bill caused a small kerfuffle recently, when he posed for a photograph with two porn stars at a celebrity bash in the French Riviera. Presidents, presumably, aren’t supposed to approve of pornography. They do though. They probably watch spectacularly weird porn that is banned everywhere else.

Either way, he posed with adult actresses Tasha Reign and Brooklyn Lee and of course, everyone tittered and naysayed at it. Initial reports suggested that Brooklyn asked for a photograph with Clinton, making the whole thing innocent, right?

Well, reports today suggest that it was in fact Bill who ordered his Secret Service guards to escort the adult stars over! Porn star Brooklyn uploaded the photograph to her 87,000 twitter followers which saw the Prez getting heat, leaving her to tweet: “This sh*t is out of control! Sorry Bill. WeBrooklyn took to her profile again on Thursday to say, “This sh*t is out of control! Sorry Bill. We <3 you”.

His wife, the current US Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton, won’t be pleased we’re sure. Still, what kind of US president WOULDN’T use his hired goons for such activities? He’d be mental not to.

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Spotter: Tarpon

The answer is here.

What’s driving the market? My guess is a combination of reports that Hugo Chavez is fighting cancer and the uniting of the opposition parties behind one candidate. The upsurge that begins in February coincides with the February primary that chose Henrique Radonski as the candidate to stand against Chavez.

And, of course, February was also when the news broke that Chavez’ cancer was not in fact entirely cured and that further treatment would be necessary.

Doubts that Chavez would make a full recovery increased when his disease recurred in February, months after announcing he was “cured.”

Of course, quite how you want to interpret this is up to you. Could be the filthy capitalists savouring the thought of being able to exploit the Venezuelan people once he’s gone via either electoral defeat or death. Or it could be the thought that the economy might finally have a chance to recover from years of idiot socialism.

Your call.

Rape is used as a propaganda weapon. In 2002,  Lynne Jones, Labour MP for Selly Oak, posted a letter on her website claiming that Israeli soldiers had raped 80 women in Nablus. The letter was from an Anthony Razook. Only, no such person existed. Still, on many websites, the letter sits as uncontested fact.

His email ended: “…your country doesn’t allow you to know the news of what is really happening.”

Jones wrote:

“As you will note from the information on my website, with regard to the terrible scenes reported in April from Jenin, during a debate on 16 April…”

In April 2002, we were told by Nasser al-Kidwa, the Palestinian representative to the United Nations:

“There’s almost a massacre now taking place in Jenin. Helicopter gun ships are throwing missiles at one square kilometer packed with almost 15,000 people in a refugee camp. . . . Just look at the TV and watch, watch what the–what the Israel forces are doing. . . . This is a war crime, clear war crime, witnessed by the whole world, preventing ambulances, preventing people from being buried. I mean this is an all-out assault against the whole population.”

In all, 56 Palestinians – three of whom were not combatant – and 23 Israeli soldiers were killed in the violence.

Sharon Sadeh replied:

Under the headline “Amid the ruins, the grisly evidence of a war crime”, the Independent’s Phil Reeves wrote: “A monstrous war crime that Israel has tried to cover up for a fortnight has finally been exposed.” Reeves, like his Times and Telegraph colleagues, all quote the same lone individual, Kamal Anis, who said that he “saw the Israeli soldiers pile 30 bodies beneath a half-wrecked house. When the pile was complete, they bulldozed the building, bringing its ruins down on the corpses. Then they flattened the area with a tank.” The verdict of Times correspondent, Janine di Giovanni, was no less harsh: “Rarely in more than a decade of war reporting . . . have I seen such deliberate destruction, such disrespect for human life.”

Still. Even in face of the facts, the lies live on. A BBC report still states: “Jenin ‘massacre evidence growing’.”

Yasmin Alibhai-Brown wrote in the Independent on April 15 2002, conniving to tap into the insidious propaganda that posts Israelis on a par with the Nazis:

“I would suggest that Ariel Sharon should be tried for crimes against humanity … and be damned for so debasing the profoundly important legacy of the Holocaust, which was meant to stop forever nations turning themselves into ethnic killing machines.”

Such was the weight given to the Palestinian’s words of hundreds dead, of men and women being stripped and murdered, that the Sun’s editorial actually stated: “The Jewish faith is not an evil religion.”

In 2004, Hillel Newman, Israel’s consul to New England, wrote in the Boston Globe:

‘Terror organizations frequently recruit women with problematic social statuses, such as suspected adulteresses and rape victims. In fact, one of the most despicable methods used by Yasser Arafat’s own terror organization, the Fatah, is to seduce young women or arrange their rapes and subsequently pressure them to rehabilitate their social status by becoming “martyrs.”‘

Here’s the video – fast forward to 8 minutes:

Otto smoked two cigars a day and loved the ladies.

One other witness makes a stand-out comment. Norman Sutcliffe says a woman says she’d seen Jensen “jogging” across the street. He adds:

“A couple of times I’d see cars fly by so fast … I’d think ‘What is this: Pomona? Do they think this is the drag strip?’”

How about that headline, readers: “California 101-year-old jogging smoker killed by 91-year-old drag racer.”

Read all about it…

The film features photos of the Travolta family set to the strains of Barbara Streisand’s That Face.

Few things portray a man secure in his sexuality than a homemade Mother’s Day gift for his wife and encouraging the family to hum a tune by Babs. As many husband’s know the trick in gift giving is not to peak too early, or ever. Next year Travolta may have his work cut out making a road of daffodil faces and inviting Liza Minnelli to dance down it.

Georgia Davis now at a hospital in Merthyr Tydfil, South Wales. She is her mother’s registered carer. Says Lesley Davis, for it is she:

“There’s a lot going on right now.”

She’s not joking. Lesley told us previously:

“I’m partly to blame. Georgia wasn’t born big. She was 7lbs 3oz. She wouldn’t eat the normal baby foods so I gave her things like tinned potatoes.”

Mum also, reportedly, fed the baby Georgia on condensed milk. For all Lesley’s own illnesses and upset – her husband and Georgia’s father died when she was five – she let her daughter down.

Georgia Davis – ‘Britain’s fattest teen’ – told us:

“At my worst, in a typical day, I’d have a couple of loaves-worth of ­sandwiches with jam or cheese or meat, five bags of crisps, two packets of chocolate ­bourbons, sponge cake, trifle, chocolate cake, four sausages, loads of mashed potato and beans for dinner and fizzy drinks all day and night.”

In 2008, Georgia weighed 33 stone. She went to the £3,600-a-month Wellspring diet academy, paid for by her TV and media appearances. After nine months of restricted rations and exercise, she returned weighting 18stone. Her type-2 diabetes vanished. And then:

“I’d been following a programme of healthy eating in the camp where I’d been living in North Carolina, America, and I’d learned to enjoy low-fat foods like salads, bagels, yoghurt and even buffalo meat. I was really looking forward to trying it all out back home but, when I arrived, my mum said she hadn’t had time to prepare any healthy food so we had fish and chips instead. From that moment on, I had a niggling feeling that things weren’t going to work out.”

She added:

“Around eight weeks after returning from camp I drifted off the plan. I felt really alone. My parents weren’t doing it with me at home and my friends weren’t doing it at college so there was no motivation to continue. I started reverting to my old ways. I wouldn’t eat for half a day then start bingeing into the night. I knew things were getting out of control but I didn’t want to return to the US because I missed my family too much and I was desperate to go to college and be a normal teenager.”

In Januaray 2011, Georgia told the Sun:

“When I walk past Greggs bakery it’s as if a siren is calling me in. I can’t resist the sweet meat in the sausage rolls. I’ve been eating five or six a day. I’ve also been eating lots of the sandwiches laden with mayonnaise, and chicken pasties.”

In February 2011, Georgia reached 40 stone.

In August 2011, she told The People:

“I thought my life was simply not worth living any longer and I believed suicide would be the best way out. I even got to thinking about how I’d kill myself and decided that slashing my wrists would be how I’d do it… Of course I loved my family and wanted to care for them, but I knew that I could only sort my own health out if I was away from Aberdare and on my own, or at least with people who’d coach and motivate me to lose weight and exercise…I just wanted to be dead, to be honest. Then one morning I woke up and realised I couldn’t go through with it ­because it would hurt my family and my friends too much. From that morning on, I decided I’d stay alive, if only for their sakes.”

Tabloids resisted the urge to write:  TOO FAT TO COMMIT SUICIDE!” and work out how someone so big could end it all.

In 2012 she wrote on Facebook:

“I’m in bed but problem is can’t get up. Earlier I was blocked in the toilet for like 20 minutes and if you sit on the loo for that long it bloody hurts. My legs hurt and so do my back though my knees will give out if I stay seated any longer.”

Here are some photos of Georgia, who will soon no longer be Britain’s fatest teenager. When she’s 20, she will surrender her tabloid title. And that might be no small relief. Keeping a title like Britain’s Fattest Teenager year on year in the face of so much competition cannot be easy. What price that at 20, when the tabloids look away to a new willing target, Georgia slims down…

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