I've just got back from a very entertaining evening in the New Broadcasting House for the last in the present series of Radio Four's Leader Conference series where five hacks decide which of the day's stories should be the subject of a leader opinion column in a mythical newspaper – Andrew Rawnsley of the Observer chaired the discussion along with myself, Kirsty Buchanan of the Sunday Express; Nigel Nelson of the People; Aditya Chakrabortty of the Guardian; and Graeme Demianyk of the Western Morning News. The programme went out live and I'm quietly chuffed at managing to get a few Scottish perspectives in without (apparently) irritating the heck out of the (mostly) London contributors and productions team. Not that I'm worried about annoying folk – just that it stops people hearing you. Anyway, the programme website seemed to embrace my suggestion that David Cameron and the whole English media should "catch a grip" over Britain in Europe; we discussed the crisis in Accident and Emergency services (and Im grateful to Colin Mair of the Improvement Service for an invaluable chat that gave me the facts and figures about the poor, frail, malnourished and cold elderly making up a growing proportion of A&E admissions; and I seemed to get general support for the notion men-only golf clubs should not get the Ryder Cup or Open tournaments. Have a listen. And thanks to Producer Simon Coates and PA Jacqui Johnson for a warm and welcoming experience.

1. Play it again Sam – despite all the big billing for Gordon Brown’s “re-entry” speech, the points he made were not detailed, precise or new. In a speech at the Edin Bookfest in August 2012 Gordon first said Scotland was stronger pooling resources with the rest of the UK  and a week later at the festival of politics 2012 he warned of a ‘race to the bottom’, where social conditions would differ across the various parts of Britain. That’s nine months since we first/last heard all of this and no real advance. How on earth did all the press (including me) forget we’d already had Gordon’s re-entry to the indyref debate last year?? Maybe, it was so un-momentous and easy to forget? Maybe we accord far too much air time to Big Old Boys on the basis of status (whatever that actually is for a political leader with such a chequered career). Either way it’s genuinely disappointing a guy who could easily have brought big new dimensions into the indy debate didn’t bother. Instead – banging on about his Scottish credentials when no-one was questioning them – Broon sounded like an occasional visitor to Scotland drawing attention to his OWN preference for a career at Westminster not Holyrood.

2. Further devolution or not? In an interview with Bernard Ponsonby, Brown hinted of further devolution but wouldn’t specify. He talked about fiscal autonomy (which he opposes) and fiscal equalisation (or pooling resources) which he supports. But what is fiscal equalisation apart from the status quo where a devolved parliament relies on handouts from the centre instead of raising and being responsible for its own tax and spend policy? I’d love to have asked fellow Scotland Tonight guest Simon Pia for a definition of fiscal equalisation.

3. There is no #unitedwithlabour website – just a hard to find via google page on the Scottish Labour website. There’s a You tube film there with 233 views when I looked which talked a lot about Labour’s role in setting up the NHS, post war housing etc. It’s very back to the future, slightly sentimental and general. Of course this is also true of some SNP/Yes stuff. But since there is just ONE video representing the direction of this new group it needed to be stronger. Also where was Alistair Darling at the United with Labour launch? I cant be bothered with personality politics and so didn’t raise the point in the limited time we had last night. But these two guys don’t talk since Darling criticised Brown in memoirs Back from the Brink saying the former PM could be “brutal and volcanic” and had released “attack dogs” on him for daring to warn the coming recession would be the worst for 60 years. It makes you wonder why others should unite with labour if these two cabinet minister colleagues can’t bury the hatchet. What indeed is the whole rushed #unitedwithlabour project about? It’s not as if #bettertogether is so full of Tories that it actively poses a real headache for Labour members. You sometimes wonder if Alistair Darling is the only spokesperson bettertogether has. Surely one truly beefy campaign is better(together) than two?

4. Gordon talked about “equal rights for everyone no matter which community you live in” within the UK – wot about the overheated south versus the economically baltic north? According to analysts Wealth Insight – quoted by the FT last week -- London has a quarter of a million dollar millionaires – that’s 1 in 29 Londoners! Yes – that’s amazing. Development in London is going on apace (Crossrail is biggest construction job in UK tho to be fair new Forth Crossing is 2nd biggest) – so it seems like the Crucible of the financial crisis is getting the lion’s share of the economic growth. This is a deep seated flaw in the over-centralised UK economic model that damages the north of England probably more than Scotland. House prices in top London districts are rising by £27 every hour of the day and night so outsiders haven’t a hope in hell of affording to move down and cash in. Without a proper regional policy across the whole of the UK (England must be Europe’s most centralised state) how can there be “equal rights for everyone no matter which community you live in” as Gordon Brown claims?

5. This is not just to lay into Broon. 2/3s of Scots want the two governments to negotiate (fat chance) the campaign leaders debate directly with one another asap (fat chance) and TV and radio to broadcast as much lively but non-partisan opinion as possible (some chance but not fast). Any chance of that both sides or will Alex Salmond just hang out for another year to get a gig with David Cameron?

6. So that’s it – no more free passes for Broon just cos he was once a Prime Minister. No more smiling politely while he gives another repeat performance. Opinion polls suggest Scots currently back the union, so the lack of dynamism and vision from the likely “winners” in 2014 is just too depressing. Must do bettertogether

UKIP’s recent election results stirred things up down in England. Lesley was keen to point out the differences between UKIP and the SNP after parallels had been drawn in her Scotsman column.

After an event “Who Runs Culture in Scotland?” in the Tron with a packed panel, including Alasdair Gray, the answer is a bit clearer.

The ‘Poverty in South Lanarkshire’ conference and some biological explanations from the Chief Medical Officer prompt some out loud thinking.

The long overdue recognition of the Arctic Convoy  heroes  is something we also touch upon respectfully  in this week’s @lesleyriddoch podcast.

There’s a lot on the menu this week. A recent YouGov Poll suggests the Scottish public is unconvinced by Alex Salmond’s arguments for independence – are the wheels coming off ? Is it just the effect of lots of negative or indifferent campaigning? Is it to be expected , and part of a master plan?

Lesley was at the ‘Future is Local’ event at the Scottish Parliament and comes back with a few insights ,  including  Angus Macmillan of Storas Uibhist, MSPs in the chamber and the role of AV.

And finally, Barack Obama was a top performer at the annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner  (check out the YouTube footage ) . Leadership and comedy – is this possible ?

This week’s @lesleyriddoch podcast was recorded after Lesley’s return from a stay in Belfast. It’s been a couple of weeks since the last pod and there was a lot to catch up with. Margaret Thatcher’s funeral, the Boston Marathon bombing and the perspectives from Belfast all feature in a lively digest.

Today's Sunday Post column in full

Is it curtains for Page Three? And are sensible badge, whistle and neckerchief- wearing Guides responsible? Last week Girlguiding UK sent a letter to Sun bosses backing a new petition to ban girly pictures from the paper. The letter clearly rattled News Corp's beleaguered proprietor Rupert Murdoch who tweeted "Page three so last century! You maybe right, don't know but considering. Perhaps halfway house with glamorous fashionistas." So is the topless model battle over and (to misquote a famous headline) – was it Girl Guides wot won it? Labour MP Clare Short led a campaign in the 80s and was labelled "Killjoy Clare." But her stand did prompt change. "Busty beauties" disappeared from most daily tabloids after research showed some chaps were too embarrassed to share papers with wives and daughters. A dent in readership meant a dent in advertising – so Page 3 started to fade out. The Sun however remained resistant -- until the marvellous Olympics of last year when a bare-boobed Page Three girl was given more prominence than "Golden Girl" Jessica Ennis with Britain's first track and field gold medal. A new "No to Page 3" petition began with fresh momentum – and good timing.

A year earlier the Sun's sister paper the News of the World was shut down after sensational revelations about the paper's practices. Sleazy and shabby headlines were hitherto justified by sales. But after details of Milly Dowler's phone hacking emerged -- that argument would never wash again. Next came the Jimmy Savile abuse scandal – which showed how easily a predatory man could operate in a celebrity-obsessed and casually sexualised society.

Defenders say there is no link between all of this and Page Three. They accuse campaigners of double standards since glossy young women's magazines have even more provocative pictures and "sexy" headlines on front pages – and that's true. Surveys show most teenagers read about sex frequently and view pornography online. Indeed that could be why the Guides decided to act. The pressure on young women to be desirable and sexually available is never-ending in these private, hard to access worlds. No matter how often mums and dads tell daughters education counts and dignity matters – behind the scenes a different, demeaning message is sent and received every day. Not just by adults. But by young men and women who are also Scouts and Guides. Up till now, embarrassed parents have turned away from the teenager's quandary, leaving them to pick a way through this moral maze unaided. Bizarre isn't it. We care so much about children but leave them to grapple with the toughest issues about identity, behaviour and appearance alone.

On the one hand girls are pin-ups and babes. On the other hand, the babe born to Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, could be the first royal daughter to become Queen in her own right. Royal pecking order is hardly as important as day to day respect for women as workers, citizens, mothers and daughters. And of course, if blokes get too bashful to hand on a paper, and women avoid titles with Page Three pin-ups, readership will fall. Times are changing – in polite society at least.

So the Girl Guides are simply practising the message they've preached for more than a century -- "Do a good turn." If the Sun can't see that girls of today are the readers, writers, advertisers, consumers and newspaper purchasers of tomorrow – the Guides can. The only remaining question is simple -- can Rupe?

Sunday Post column in full

Well, what are you? An emergent service worker or a member of the technical middle class? Frankly my dears I don't give a damn. Yip – I've just made up an eighth special category in the BBC's new social rankings – the utterly thrawn. Just as humanity can be divided by books read, meals bought, music heard, holidays taken, disposable income and education level, so we can also be divided into those who accept and those who refuse to be graded, measured, compared and divided as if we were a bunch of stirks or ewes. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying class is non-existent. Far from it. That would be naive in a country where the poorest tenth receive 1% of national income while the top tenth receive 31%. But the Brits just love to be distracted by the trappings of class difference instead of tackling it. We could recognise Britain's tolerance of inequality is society-sapping and prompts squabbling amongst ourselves. We could take action to equalise opportunity and achieve the better health, wellbeing, happiness and education scores of our European neighbours. Or we could just keep doing tests like these.

Mind you, living in a nation with a caste system as rigid as India has its advantages – Downton Abbey and Upstairs Downstairs for example. Who but the Brits could produce class-based costume drama with such panache and export it across the world? Who but the British -- still have the dream that one day we will all wear silk dresses, call our children Peregrine knowing they won't get teased at (private) school and consider ourselves broad-minded for sharing jokes with the maid? I'd be surprised if the BBC's new epic -- The Village --ever catches on despite the marvellous John (Life on Mars) Simm in the lead role. Why – because we know where we are when the posh folk are in control. Their dresses are nicer and their problems more escapist. Watching the trials and tribulations of the worn-out workers in The Village is like taking a Busman's Holiday for mot anxious working Scots – especially the thousands with benefits docked by Iain Duncan Smith for daring to have an extra bedroom. Actually we should be grateful to the Work and Pensions Secretary for coming up with a set of welfare changes so patently unfair he has united all classes behind a common cause – to see him actually live on £53 per week as he claims he can. Tomorrow (Monday) an internet petition with almost half a million names will be handed in asking IDS to get the tent and the begging bowl out and prove he's not just all talk.

That's not just "chattering class" action. That's a mass movement by people who care and will not be divided, deflected or turn on the poorest when the going gets rough. Yip – that's thrawn. Call me cynical but making more distinctions between people when we need concerted action seems nothing short of Thatcherite. She was the woman who once told us "there is no such thing as society." And yet evidently there is. We need to feel connected to one another to survive – and in Scotland we generally do. At a time like this with ice caps melting and everyone facing uncertainty (apart from bonus-packing bankers) we need to be weeded apart by pseudo-science "class tests" like a hole in the head. So I've got a new survey that divides all of humanity into just three classes -- those who can remember their designation from the new class survey, those who cannae and those who didn't try. I'm betting my thermal vest most Scots are in Camp Two or Camp Thrawn. And I'd humbly suggest that knowledge is a lot more useful to guiding the nation than any more licence-fee funded surveys from Aunty.

It all started innocently enough yesterday when I tried to use a new mobile phone app to pay for parking in Edinburgh. I tapped in the location code only to be told my bank had declined the transaction. The third time a transaction has been declined in three days. On those other occasions I was sitting at home with a computer and could see a dedicated bank number to call and clear things up. I did that fairly easily and was told that a popular thing to do when someone steals a credit/debit card is to buy a flat screen TV online from Curry's. And that – with my own card – was the transaction I'd been attempting. OK – I understand. But standing on the street yesterday it was a different matter. I looked on the back of the "offending" card and called the number imprinted there. Hanging on for ten minutes I discovered it's now the wrong number and tried the new number given hanging on for another five-ten minutes to finally get a human. I then managed to fail security – not on my business card but on my related Lloyds TSB personal account (how biz owners who don't have personal accounts get through "security" in an emergency I've no idea). Sadly since I couldn't recollect the precise sum of my last supermarket bill, couldn't name my overdraft limit (happily its many years since I've been overdrawn) couldn't say who last paid money into my account or who was the recipient of a £68 direct debit, I was stuffed.

I tried again later with the helpline number given on my personal card this time, waited for 10 minutes and was then told my call couldn't be processed because I was calling about a business account. Back of the net. I gave up again, came home, looked up my relationship manager number and called her. She was out and about – fair enough – so didn't have time or kit to deal with the query and referred me to a colleague on a landline. Whose number three times was on voicemail. She did eventually call back but couldn't help.

I took a deep breath, looked online, found the current biz account helpline from the Lloyds website and called. I spoke to a young guy called Maurice (at 13.07 4th April for any Lloyds folk who may be reading this). He wouldn't give me his surname (I'm not allowed – he said) and couldn't find my account after seven slow repetitions of the number. Nor could he spell the business name after three attempts to spell it out phonetically. He said my account didn't exist. OK. Then I did get really annoyed. I insisted on speaking to a manager. None was available. Ah yes, that old one. He did transfer me to a nice young woman called Emma Thompson (presumably not the noted thespian) who listened while I recounted the tale of woe as succinctly as possible. We then started to tackle the problem and as I started giving my business details she stopped me, apologised profusely and told me she would have to transfer me to someone else because she is on the Bank of Scotland system not Lloyds TSB. Clearly the subtleties of the bank's own internal divisions (switching some customers to a totally separate BoS which is nonetheless within the Lloyds Banking Group has been forced on Lloyds TSB as a result of becoming too big to fail you understand) – but clearly this had all foxed Maurice.

Emma dealt with this new problem pretty well, found a Lloyds TSB colleague called Raj (sorry if that's not spelled properly) and explained to her what had happened so I wouldn't need to go through it for the nth time. Fine. Except that once again trying to solve a biz account problem I had to pass the same old security questions I failed the last time for my personal account. Damn – if only I'd know and had time to do a crash course in statement memorisation. And though I did remember where I'd last withdrawn cash I failed security again because foolishly the words "I don't know who gets the £68 direct debit" were out of my mouth BEFORE I realised I could look it up because the old statements were sitting in a box beside me (for Lloyds TSB info it's to Scottish Power – they changed it recently and it's therefore not embedded on my mind as it clearly should be along with the precise amounts of every recent transaction. Silly me.)

But as with Who Wants to be a Millionaire – so with Lloyds TSB. My first answer was my last one. So although I had found the answer it was now too late. Far too late. I have been meaning to change accounts since I became one of Lloyds TSB's customers told to shift to the Bank of Scotland. I didn't want to go, tweeted about this, halted the move and got a lot of good vibes about the user-friendliness of a Co-op account where I can pay cheques in via the local Post Office. But to throw six I needed to get to a branch (there are none in Scotland) but the Britannia operate on their behalf. I booked an appointment to see them but started to feel (perhaps unfairly) that this was really another case of one biz being fronted by another biz. If I wanted a Britannia account (which the chap had started trying to sell) I would have asked for one. Confused and frustrated I left without doing anything, cycled past the Edinburgh branch of Triodos (an ethical bank which has funded lots of right on things but doesn't I think do current accounts) and thought – maybe they've changed or maybe I could invest some of my cash in a deposit account here and at least be helping ethical small-scale investment take place. Sadly though a sign on the door tells me to make an appointment to speak to them. And that means another three hour round trip from home near Perth to Edinburgh. I then tried to suss Santander. I made an appointment at Perth and was about to come back and shift accounts when a domestic problem cropped up. So I tried to call to change the appointment – not to waste their time – but couldn't tell anyone because I needed an account number to even access their phone system. My husband has enquired about joining a credit union locally and heard we are not the right kind of customer because we earn too much.

Is there something wrong with me – maybe there is – or with the way banks operate? By contrast I called M&S in Perth to find out if their exchange bureau has Euros in stock (I know they SHOULD but it's been that kind of day). The very cheery woman who immediately answered the phone couldn't get through to the Perth store after three attempts BUT took my name and number, called the branch for me and got them to call back. That's customer service. I realise in the great scheme of things this is small beer. The polar icecaps are melting, wee lambs are dying, 400k people are losing cash this week over IDS and his bedroom tax and the redoubtable Iain Banks has cancer. This is why people don't complain. In the end it's only money. And writing this down has helped me regain a sense of perspective.

I will find a better way to bank my cash and realise I must set aside a very considerable amount of time and effort to complete the task well when I am not writing day and night to hit an imminent book deadline. I would be very open to discussing the establishment of a community bank with anyone else who has the will in Fife/Perthshire. I know it was discussed at the Comrie Conversations event recently. Meantime, life is too short to try any more conversations with Lloyds TSB re the blocked attempt to use clever online systems to pay a £2.50 parking charge. And we will simply take lots of cash (hence the M&S call) on a wee holiday in Holland because the bank cannot guarantee "random blocks" will not be put on my cards if I dare to use them in a foreign country. If I had been able to get through security someone could have filled in a form alerting the bank of our intended travel plans. Sadly though, I didnt make it. Hopefully we don't look muggable and the Dutch are peaceful folk. That is what makes me feel secure today. I used to think that's what we paid banks for.