Today’s guest post is brought to you by Dan Stelter of Anxietysupportnetwork. Does social anxiety make you feel lost some times? Like you just don’t fit in anywhere? Dan’s article is a great starting point for you if you’ve ever felt this way in the past. Dan has a lot of useful insights about social anxiety on his site and I’m glad that he was willing to share some of those ideas with us here.

For those of us suffering from social anxiety disorder, we often find ourselves being run-down by others and being pushed outside of the group.  While we do desire to have personal power and be accepted, very often it is an intense struggle for us to feel as worthwhile as other people.  Unfortunately, many of us have had this same experience happen repeatedly in our lives, and based on our experiences, we jump to the logical conclusion that something is wrong with us.  After all, we are not able to do the same things as most people do, so therefore we believe that we are simply always going to be on the outside of everyone, trying to find a way in.

While I have painted a very glum picture for people with social anxiety disorder, I think that it is unfortunately all too often the case.  We trick ourselves into believing unrealistic things such as belonging on the outside, and that is what keeps us stuck in the cycle of anxiety, and unfortunately, this is the most common attitude I have experienced at many of the leading anxiety forums on the internet.

However, while I often choose to hit people with the bad news upfront, I always have positive news that will totally debase any of the bad news that I bring.  And, the message that I have for Anxietyguru.net readers is a very positive one:  we all have our place in life, a place that will bring us happiness.

The example that I enjoy pointing to is that of Mohandas Gandhi.  I do not know the details of his personal life very intimately, but according to the brief biographical information I have read, he was intensely shy even into adulthood.  In his early thirties, he had completed law school, but was unsuccessful as a lawyer because he was unable to speak in front of a judge!  And, all Gandhi did was free India from the tyranny of the British and become one of the greatest leaders in human history!

Do all of us have an inner Gandhi, ready to completely change the world if the correct conditions arise?  That I am not so sure of, but I do know that all of us have the inner potential to lead successful lives; it is just a matter of finding what that is.  I think that what separated Gandhi from the rest was his incredibly strong conviction and passion for ending racism, increasing people’s freedom, and his use of peaceful demonstration.  He was forced to give up his seat on a train heading to South Africa because of his race, and that ticked him off like none other.  From there on, he became indoctrinated with passion and the rest is history.

I think that for us modern social anxiety sufferers, the same basic idea applies.  We simply have to figure out what it is that really is near and dear to our hearts, and go out into the world and chase that passion with all our might.  This is very similar to the idea of, “Do what you love, and the money will follow.”  If you simply do what it is that is near and dear to your heart, and for me that is helping people reduce their anxiety and lead wonderful lives, you will find that everything else will take care of itself.

For those of us who are trapping ourselves with limiting beliefs such as, “All I can do is work this crappy customer service position.  I hate it, but I’ve tried other things and I am unable to do any of those,” I ask you to question those beliefs.  For example, I would say that what has happened is that you are unable to fit into the standard structures provided to you by society; there are many less-traveled paths out there that are nonetheless very wonderful to follow.

For me, I have learned that becoming an entrepreneur is the right path for me; now it is just a matter of figuring out how that is going to take shape.  For you, consider all the different things that you could possibly do that would make you feel fulfilled and bring along the needed financial stability.  I have heard many radio talk show hosts admit that they were very shy as youngsters.  I have known other anxious people who have gone on to form their own carpentry business or to become realtors.

The reason that I strongly recommend people with social anxiety disorder to become entrepreneurs is that it represents a paradigm that is fundamentally the opposite of what we experienced.  We were run down, people overpowered us or harassed us at every opportunity, and at work we were at the bottom of the totem pole, trapped in pointless and unfulfilling jobs.  Become an entrepreneur means a mountain of hard work, but it also means that now we are taking charge and shaping our lives.  Now we call the shots and have the freedom to do as we will, and now we have the opportunity to make fair decisions that affect other people’s lives.

So, if you are having a hard time finding where it is that you fit in the world, perhaps it is in fact the case that you do not have a place in the world – instead you have to create your own.  And, if you do it well and with all your might, you will find people will follow you and that all will end up well.

Dan Stelter

Anxiety Support Network

http://www.anxietysupportnetwork.com

It’s kind of hard to find good media about anxiety disorders, so I was glad to find this video and make it available to you. The bottom line of this short video is that panic disorder can be crippling, but it is also highly treatable.

If you can’t see the video CLICK HERE.

Criticism sucks. There just isn’t any other way of saying it.

For anxiety sufferers dealing with criticism is especially hard, because it seems to arouse our worst fears about being judged or belittled.

And it’s not like being sensitive to criticism is unique to people with anxiety, it’s just that many of us – like so many other things – react to it fiercely. For example, when I graduated from University and got my first “real job” I wasn’t prepared for the rough and tumble world of corporate style criticism. My first reaction was almost always anger and resentment. But why do so many of us react this way?

Well, for starters, anxiety can make you sensitive to any form of insult, whether real or imagined. When you’re chronically anxious you already feel tense, worried, depressed, maybe even a little agitated. Then, you add the fact that you’re self-conscious, shy, and nervous all the time – and uncomfortable conversations of any kind are almost all bad, especially if you really have screwed up.

I don’t think anyone likes to be criticized, but when you’re anxious, criticism can be jolting and make you come to conclusions that are far outside what the critic ever meant. So, this article is to give you some tips on how to cope with this inevitable social encounter.

• Listen – I started with this one because it’s the most important. When someone is criticizing you it’s not always a bad thing and you can, in fact, learn a thing or two. So it’s important to listen to your critics to understand what the problem is, what went wrong, and how it can be fixed.
• Don’t Take it Personally – In a close second, is don’t take it personal. Although some criticism can be nonconstructive, most critics have a legitimate concern that needs to be addressed. Taking criticism can be hard to master, but it’s important to understand that criticism is not synonymous with personal attack. This is because most criticism is not about you, maybe something you did, but that’s not the same thing.
• Be objective – Like I already pointed out, I remember being criticized and flying off the handle – at least inside – and getting very angry when I was criticized. As if I were infallible or something. Anxious or not, no one is perfect, so we shouldn’t act like we are. We all make mistakes, and when a teachable moment arrives, we should embrace it. When you feel anger or embarrassment welling up inside of you just remind yourself that it’s OK to be corrected.
• Ask for Feedback – After you’ve listened, controlled your emotions, and looked at things objectively, try asking for feedback. In other words, be open to criticism as a way of improving yourself, your performance at work and so on. And ask questions to find out exactly how you can make those improvements.
• Admit Fault – If it was something you did wrong, and you know it, say so. This doesn’t always require an apology, but it just means that you acknowledge your mistake(s).
• Set Limits – OK, so now you’re a master of coping with criticism. This, however, doesn’t mean that you should take crap from anybody. What is crap? Criticism about your phyiscal features, religion, etc. Being open to constructive criticism does not mean that you take abuse from people and let them rant about things that you can’t influence. If it’s out of bounds let the critic know.
• Don’t Avoid Criticism -  Whenever you avoid anything because of fear, that fear gets stronger. So, don’t shy away from criticism. In fact, you might even ask for some on occasion. Not to get your feelings hurt, but to improve your ability to cope with it.

The point is that most criticism isn’t all bad, and believe or not, it’s necessary. Why? Well, imagine if everyone just did whatever they wanted and were never corrected. I assure you that mayhem would ensue.

It’s natural to be wary of criticism when you’re anxious. Being criticized can make you feel small, trapped, and naked with flaws. But it’s also a part of life and something that has to be dealt with, like so many other things.

When someone offers criticism see what the problem is, fix the issue, learn from it and let it go. Now, letting go can be tricky, given all the self doubt that anxiety fosters and all, but you have to try hard and do it anyway.

So, in the future try not to project your fear and insecurity on other people. If this affects you a lot right now, then be sure to actually work on your reaction to criticism. Don’t let things stay as they are. This will help you to build confidence in yourself, increase self-control, and even reduce anxiety. Because if you’re not afraid of criticism, then it won’t cause anxiety.

The day has come. After nearly four months of research, writing, and revision I’m happy to announce that my Special Report
How to Stop Anxious Thinking is now available.

I’ve created an information page that you can visit to get a real clear picture of what you can expect from my Special Report, so I won’t rehash every single detail in this article. However, I do want to give you some background and a few highlights.

First, let’s start with the title How to Stop Anxious Thinking. Why stop anxious thoughts and not anxiety symptoms or something else? Well, after 10 years of being anxious I can tell you with certainty that chronic anxiety can start because of a pounding heart or breathlessness, but that is not what keeps it alive. What keeps anxiety and worry going is assumption, major concerns, automatic thoughts, and misinterpretation. In short: “bad thinking.”

Anxiety also stays alive because of fear. The fear that stays with you as a result of always thinking that you’re dying or going crazy. This constant fear causes endless worry and problem focused thinking. You end up thinking, and thinking, and thinking some more. And as you’re doing all this thinking, you’re also building your fears up into large – seemingly immovable – objects in your mind. These fearful thoughts are crucial to sustaining an anxious mind.

So, that’s why I focus on showing you  how to reduce worry and assumption based thinking. I teach you how to inject fact and reality into your perception of anxiety and what it can do to you. Because the remedy for chronic anxiety lies in changing how you think about anxiety.

I also wrote a 50 page report and not a long winded book because I know you want answers and not fluffy analysis. To help me illustrate what the report discusses let me show you what the table of contents looks like.

• Introduction
• The ‘How to’
• Phase 1 – Preparation
• Neurotic Paradox
• Why Commitment Matters
• The Challenge of Staying Focused
• On Being Decisive
• The Barrier of Fear
• Taking Action
• Phase 2 Re-Education
• The Meaning of Anxiety
• The Difference Between Fear and Anxiety
• The Mind Shift
• The Role of Worry
• Negative Images
• The Mechanics of Anxiety Disorder
• Phase 3 – Reconstruction
• Thought Recognition
• Investigating Anxious Thoughts
• Cognitive Structures
• Automatic Thoughts
• The Role of Assumption
• Core Beliefs and Major Concerns
• How to Fix it
• Supplemental Techniques
• Dealing with Relapse
• Final Thoughts

Each section is short and to the point. You know how in most books the chapters talk in long form about this or that and end with a conclusion? Well, each section is the conclusion and not the flowery pros you normally get.

I did this because there is a time and a place for long form books, but in this case I wanted to create a user guide for the anxious brain. So that you can understand why you are how you are, and how you can manage your disposition toward anxiety. This required laser focus and that is what I brought to this  Special Report.

This condensed format also works well because it makes the report into a reference. And as an anxiety sufferer that’s what you need, a reference, a reminder, of how you can unplug the power of anxiety.

I also try to point out, quite blatantly, that I’m not offering any cures here. I mean if there is such a thing, and I come across it, I’ll let you know, but my understanding is that anxiety is not something you can delete from your mind. You can, however, do things to bring it under control, so you can live your life in relative peace.

I think what you’ll find is that How to Stop Anxious Thinking is realistic and effective. It’s not based on my opinion, but instead on decades of research and scientific understanding. This is definitely not a Wikipedia entry on steroids. No cut and paste. This is an original piece of work by someone who has been anxious for a decade.

I have been devoted to helping people through my articles and by email, but this is the “big picture” that is hard to see over several different web pages. This Special Report contains the all-inclusive message of good information, hope, and compassion that I’ve always tried to provide to my readers.

In the future, I hope to embark on increasingly complex journeys of learning, so I can give you even more tools to manage this sometimes painful condition called anxiety disorder. But for now, all I can say is that I threw myself into this project with the wholehearted intention of helping you see that anxiety is not the killer you think it is. That there is, in fact, a way to live peacefully after being anxious for so long.

You can read more about the Special Report by Clicking Here… or you can click the link below to purchase a copy.

Copyright ©  2008 Anxiety Guru

About two weeks ago I was watching a t.v. show on the History channel about American prisoners of war and it got me thinking.

One of the most poignant moments in the show was when one of the former prisoners was talking about how his experience had helped him. He said it helped him to know himself better, he learned to deal with adversity, and if he had to do it all over again he would.

He described how he was kept in solitary confinement for months; the darkness of the cell, the tapping communication code he and his comrades developed to encourage one another. The story was moving.

Afterward, I got to thinking about my own adversity. My trials with anxiety. I wondered if this experienced had helped me any.

Now, I’m in no way comparing having an anxiety disorder to being locked up in a North Vietnamese dungeon circa 1962. I’m just thinking adversity, hardship, does it in fact build character? I think in some ways it can.

But if you asked me if I would do the last 10 years anxious again – I’d have to say hell no.

Believe me, I’ve thought about anxiety and what it means intensely for several years. And, in my case, it has helped me to build character. It has helped to know myself more, to be in tune with what I can endure. To have faith in myself. But I definitely would not do it all over again.

Nonetheless, I’ve learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. So, I’ve gained some, but I’ve also lost some. This is an interesting reflection to engage in when you think about it. Most loath anxiety, but perhaps most of us have gained something positive from it.

What do you think? Has it helped you build character?

Or has it simply been a useless source of torment for you?