It’s always been far more important to me to reach out to you and share what I know.

The hope has always been to write something or produce a podcast that spoke to you on some basic, but relevent level.

But all good intentions aside, sometimes I guess as to what you want. Honestly, I don’t know what that is.

I’ve been in your shoes, so I have some idea. I know that you want to know about chest pain, or some other anxiety symptom. I know that you want to get  quick reminders that you’re going to be OK sometimes.

But you are unique. I want to know what YOU want.

When you come to AG what are you looking for?

What kind of information do you need? How do you want it presented? What will help you?

It matters because you matter to me. I don’t care about creating generic content. I want to publish work that makes a positive change in your life, no matter how slight that is.

I’ve poured my heart and soul into this site. I have. Now I need your help. Why?

Well, because I want to continue to get better at what I do. So please take 2 minutes and tell me what you’re thinking in the comments section below.

Thank you.

Paul

They’re convinced that anxiety is going to kill them. I reckon that you can relate to this feeling too.

When I get these emails I feel bad because I know they don’t need to feel that way.

I try to help, but I’m not sure that I’m always successful in my attempts to ease their fears.

So, I’d like to try one more time in this post.

It’s important to get a handle on your anxiety symptoms because they distract you from using all the useful tips you find online and elsewhere.

Think about how many times you’ve discovered some great bit of advice and had its calming affects smashed by chest pain, palpitations, or whatever.

I remember being convinced that I was anxiety free many, many, times only to find a little later that a headache could still cause me to jump online and look for reasons for my impending death or insanity. It was a never-ending loop.

You  focus on anxiety symptoms because it’s the only thing you can hang on to. It’s the only proof of what is otherwise a mysterious force. So it makes sense that you do that.

Still, it’s far more helpful to think about why you’re anxious. It could be because of your job, relationships, worry, or maybe because you’re sensitive to stress.

I once heard someone say that he didn’t feel as though he should be anxious. That’s a common feeling, but there is a reason. There always is.

The problem is that most of us, you included, don’t want to deal with the issue(s) that cause anxiety. Those can be painful and seem better left alone.

That’s why you turn to anxiety symptoms. They’re an easy target for your anger, worry, sadness, et cetera.

I recommend that you see a medical doctor and get examined. Rule out any and all potential medical issues. Then, if you’re found healthy, move on. Otherwise, you’re going to stay stuck where you are now. This is even more true if you’ve seen many doctors already.

There has to be a better way, right?

This is a topic that I have a lot of opinions on, so I’ve created a podcast to delve into the details. If you want to learn more about how to take charge of your anxiety symptoms click the listen icon below.

But whatever it is, it’s only half-true.

Because of all the countless ways to cure abnormal anxiety, not one will help everyone to the same degree.

Long story short. There’s no easy answers except to say that you need knowledge to fix bad nerves – very specific knowledge (Please see the archives to get an idea).

But that’s not all. You need more.

It also takes new ways of understanding what you already know.

When I used to read something that made sense about curing my anxiety I thought. “This is it, finally!” The result though, usually months later, was that I wasn’t any better then before.

Then I’d get impatient and thought all the learning I was doing was worthless.

I was, of course, wrong.

The information you need is out there. In books. On the net. It’s all over the place.

But it’s important to know that there are several ways of understanding what you learn and that’s just as important as the knowledge itself.

It’s like when you watch a movie over and over. You see new things every time you watch that same movie again. Learning about how to heal anxiety is the same way.

You might feel like much of the information you’re reading is the same, and some of it is, but as you absorb that knowledge time after time, you end up with a clearer picture of what you need to do to get better.

That’s the “magic” you need. Repetition.

If all you needed was information, you’d be done already. But here you are. And that’s totally normal.

That doesn’t mean that getting better needs to take years, either.

That can happen in weeks, months, or years. It’s up to you.

Here’s what I recommend:

1. Learn as much as you can about abnormal anxiety.

2. Learn it from different places (no one has all the answers, just pieces).

3. Be consistent

Of all the ways that you can heal abnormal anxiety, this is by far, far, the best way.

There are other ways too. There are medications, meditation, exercise, spirituality, and much more.

But I believe real healing, the kind that lasts a lifetime, happens when you can understand, really understand, what you’re going through.

In my own,  simple way, I try to highlight the positive. I do that because I know that when you’re anxious it’s so easy to do the opposite.

It’s easier to despair and wrap yourself in the bitter embrace of fear than it is to be optimistic.

My critics  lament that I’m so upbeat, but then again, that’s why they’ll probably stay anxious for the rest of their lives. Negativity has a way of throwing mud in your eye and blinding you to what you need to see in that regard.

That’s what I think anyway.

I’ve heard some people say nothing works for anxiety, that they’ll always be afraid, and unhappy.

Well. That’s not true. Especially the piece about being unhappy. In fact, I think that if you work on being happy you will, over time, reduce your anxiety.

Not to say that breathing, eating, and thinking right don’t help, but let’s not forget about the obvious, either.

Recently I got an email from a reader that asked how he could be happy despite stress. So I took the opportunity to create a podcast that addresses not just happiness in the face of stress, but happiness in general.

It makes sense that he framed his question like that. When stress and anxiety beat you up all the time it’s hard not to think about everything in the context of those kinds of emotions; those heavy, I’m wearing wet jeans kinds of feelings.

I didn’t focus on negative feelings though. I just asked the question more simply.

How do you go about being happy, at all?

To answer that question I defined what happiness is, then I list, what I believe to be, the best ways to achieve happiness.

It’s certainly not the only, easiest, or most creative way. But it works.

Click here to listen to the podcast.

Today’s guest post is brought to you by Marina Salsbury.

She planned to be a teacher since high school, but found her way instead into online writing after college. 

She writes around the web about everything from education to exercise.

Most college students can expect to deal with some stress and anxiety during their academic careers.

Full-time students face heavy workloads from their classes, hours of studying most nights, and the pressure to earn good grades as they work towards their degrees.

None of this is anything new, even with the advent of changes like online classes, but for some students the stress and anxiety of college may feel overwhelming.

Some may even suffer from severe panic attacks or other anxiety disorders that are only made worse by the pressures of college.

These students may find it difficult to continue with education, but the truth is anxiety can be moderated even for those who feel overwhelmed whenever they’re under a lot of pressure.

A panic attack is a sudden, acute, and brief period of extreme anxiety. Some symptoms include shortness of breath, sweating, a racing heart, dizziness, trembling, hot flashes or chills, and a feeling of detachment.

Panic attacks can occur without warning, and appear so severe they’re sometimes mistaken for heart attacks. Frequent panic attacks may be indicative of a full-blown anxiety disorder.

Panic attacks often are triggered by high stress and feeling like one’s life is out of control.

Many who suffer from panic attacks often simply avoid stressful situations, but this strategy would of course be detrimental to one’s academic career if those stressful situations are directly tied to college.

Therapy and support groups are often recommended to alleviate the conditions behind panic attacks, and in some situations medication may be prescribed.

College of course can be very stressful, and it is important that everyone keep in mind the stressors that can affect students.

Academic stress is often much greater in college than in high school simply because so much more is expected of college students, while they are left mostly to their own devices to accomplish what’s asked of them.

There’s far less hand-holding even than in high school, although there is help for those who’ll ask. Though college students are expected to be able to handle these increased responsibilities, it’s not at all uncommon for all of this to be too much for some students, especially those who suffer from anxiety disorders.

Social stress can also be a major factor. Typical college students are young and may never had to live away from home before.

They must adjust to factors such as keeping a tighter budget and living with roommates with less support from their families.

They also most likely will find themselves away from all the friends they made in school and surrounded instead by unfamiliar people. In other words, the support groups many of them relied on for their entire lives are all but lost, which can be difficult for anyone.

Fortunately, there are things college students can do to keep themselves relatively stress-free. One simple thing all college students would benefit from doing is to establish a quiet space where they can concentrate on studies or just relax and be alone.

For students prone to panic attacks this can serve as a real refuge. It’s also important to create a schedule and stick to it.

This will ensure students know how much time they have and how much time they need to study or for other tasks. Finally, though it may not be immediately occur to students, getting plenty of exercise contributes immensely to overall health, psychological as well as physical.

This can be as simple as walking whenever possible, and whatever students do for exercise need not be particularly strenuous in order to help relieve anxiety.

College can be very stressful, and especially hard on students prone to panic attacks. However, it doesn’t have to be.

As long as students know how to relax, keep to an easily manageable schedule, and be aware of their limitations as far as stressors are concerned they should be just fine.

In fact, this entire blog represents my sincere compassion for people who live with abnormal anxiety.

I write and create podcasts here because I care.

I don’t do it for money or recognition. I do it because I want to help you.

Now imagine how I feel when I get criticism delivered in a rude or smug manner.

As if someone who’s devoted hundreds of hours of his own time to help people for free deserves that.

It’s uncalled-for.

The Provocation

I bring all this up because in the last week I’ve received two particularly harsh comments through email about my podcast. Both people, independently it seems, said that I “ramble” on my podcast and that my work is “unrealistic” and “untrue.” Really?

I’ll say this: I do ramble. That’s how I speak. But that’s how most of us speak. When we’re talking we sometimes go here, we go there, and then we backtrack and repeat something we’ve just said but in a different way. It’s called conversing.

All that being said, I didn’t think the criticism about my podcast was crazy. After I thought about it I realized that I could shave off about 10-15 minutes from future podcasts. That’s a good thing.

However, the criticism would have been more meaningful and appreciated if it was delivered with respect.

The reality is that I don’t know you. You don’t know me. So why would you approach me as if you did?

My Response

All I’m asking is that if you take the time to help me improve by leaving a comment or criticism that you please remember to do so with courtesy.

And as far as my work being unrealistic and untrue,  let me just say that I disagree. I speak in a simple voice because I want to reach everyone. I have a knack for making the complicated easy to understand. That, however,  in no way makes what I say any less true.

My work is always based on sound psychological theory. I don’t speak about theory because that would be boring and harder for some readers to digest.

Finally, to the other 99% of my readers that have left me wonderful messages of thanks and appreciation over the past 3 years, thank you.

Ok, I feel better now. 

That happened to me not too long ago and it taught me a valuable lesson.

I hate to admit it, but I hold grudges. It probably comes from my mom’s side of the family, but wherever it comes from I hate that I’m like that.

Holding grudges or staying angry I found only does two things for me:

A. It makes me angrier and B. It makes me resentful. That’s about it. I don’t gain a thing from being angry.

I recently had a misunderstanding with someone because they criticized something I did. The criticism was fair but it made me feel vulnerable and foolish.

I think I overreacted, in fact I know I did, and that reaction made my anger the issue.

It made the “situation” spiral out of control, at least emotionally.

Here’s what I learned.

1. Being resentful hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.

2. There is a definite relationship between anger and stress.

3. Magnifying the importance of small things is harmful.

I mentioned this only because I’m sure that you may be feeling stressed. Perhaps you’re irritable and get locked in your thoughts when you’re upset. That’s understandable.

The thing to remember is that getting angry is OK, staying angry isn’t.

Staying angry hurts you because it allows a problem to grow and take on meaning that it was never supposed to. It also makes things awkward when they don’t need to be.

What’s the take home lesson? I’d say its learning how to forgive quickly. That doesn’t mean that you let people step all over you, or that you even forget about being treated badly.

It just means that it’s more helpful to try to see things from other people’s perspective, to keep things in context, and to not take yourself so seriously.

It was a hard lesson for me to get through my thick head. But now I see that letting go of anger, forgiving, and moving on does good things to your level of stress. It brings it down in a hurry.

How do you handle anger?

Whether it’s your spouse, child, friend or boss, sometimes you have to hold back or risk leaving a flaming wreckage behind you that could take a lot of work to fix.

Or even worse, you could destroy an otherwise good relationship.

However, there are times when you should, when you must, stick up for yourself.

It’s not because you need to prove anything to anyone, rather it’s because not being assertive can make you more anxious than you already are.

Holding in emotions causes problems because it often leaves you with feelings of regret, anger, and frustration. But that’s not all.

Where do you suppose those unshared feelings go? 

They go to your stomach, muscles, chest, or wherever, but they do go somewhere.

Regret, anger, and frustration, especially when they’re constantly absorbed, build up over time, and in the end, can leave you with physical symptoms like chest pain, heartburn, headache and so on.

The bottom-line is that physical symptoms like these cause a lot of anxiety and uncertainty.

Being more assertive can help you break this cycle by allowing you to stop the build up of negative emotions.

How to be Assertive

Being assertive isn’t a license to hurt people. The fact is, we can’t get away from the social rules we live under.

Instead, remember this: You can still be assertive in a constructive way.

For example, say someone is talking and talking and upsetting you with every word. 

This might cause your back muscles to tense up, and you may even feel like you’re going to explode with anger, but then you swallow your feelings because you’re afraid to show how you really feel.

Thing is, you don’t have to swallow your emotions because it’s possible to share your feelings without being out of control.

Being assertive means being confident, direct, or bold. It doesn’t require aggression.

In this regard, it’s OK to show anger, as long as it’s controlled. That means not hurling personal insults, or talking about unrelated issues.

It also means expressing yourself effectively by talking only about the content of your conversation and not the approach someone uses to communicate their point.

When you stick to the facts it’s harder for people to escalate a situation.

So speak up for yourself, be calm, and be free from fear. This won’t guarantee that you’ll win every argument, or avoid all injustice, but it will go a long way toward allowing you to release the stress and anxiety that would have otherwise built up because of regret, anger, and frustration.

Do you have trouble being assertive?

Tell me about it in the comments below.

So there you are. Sitting in a frigid waiting room staring at the clock.

Each time the second-hand moves it seems to clang louder and louder.

Tic-Toc. Tic-Toc.

As you rub your sweaty hands together suddenly your name gets called out, which causes your stomach to hit the floor.

Then you suck in a big gulp of air and take the long walk into the examination room. Eyes glued to the medical assistant’s heels as you hope, wish, and pray that you don’t panic.

But I’m not writing to tell you that some people get nervous when they see a doctor. We all know that happens. I want to tell you about much more than that.

What’s White Coat Syndrome?

Some people, maybe you, also get high blood pressure when they’re in their doctor’s office. It’s called White Coat Syndrome (WCS), or White Coat Hypertension.

The most common symptom of white coat syndrome is elevated blood pressure while you’re at your doctor’s office, but not when you’re anywhere else.

What’s considered high blood pressure? It varies depending on who you ask, but in general if your blood pressure hits 140/90 then you have high blood pressure, which is also known as hypertension.

In this regard, white coat syndrome is situational, like the fear of flying for example.

It’s also a specific phobia that most people decide not to treat because in most cases it doesn’t stop you from doing what you have to do on a daily basis.

Key Points

WSC may cause:

• Panic
• Fainting
• Fear of losing control
• Fear of dying

WSC is caused by:

• Past trauma
• Fear conditioning
• Repression of emotions
• Pre-existing anxiety issues

Why it Matters

Some studies have shown that people who suffer from WCS may have an increased risk of cardiovascular disease over the long-run.

It’s not as bad as having sustained hypertension, but the risk is there nonetheless, so it should be addressed.

Plus, having WCS also means that you’re more likely to put off preventative or routine appointments to see your doctor, which could increase your chances of missing or ignoring minor issues that could develop into a big problem over time.

Of course, there are things you can do to reduce your intense fear of the doctor, blood pressure cuffs, or even waiting rooms. I reviewed treatment options for WSC in a recent podcast.

Press Play Now or Download it

References

Brayer, T. (2011). About white coat hypertension. Retrieved from: http://getbetterhealth.com/about-white-coat-hypertension/2011.02.21

Chung, I., Lip, G. (2003). White coat hypertension: Not so benign after all? Journal of Human Hypertension, 17, 807-809. doi:10.1038/sj.jhh.1001651. Retrieved from: http://www.nature.com/jhh/journal/v17/n12/full/1001651a.html

Landray, M., & Lip, G. (1999). White coat hypertension: a recognised syndrome with uncertain implications. Journal of Human Hypertension, 13(1), 5. Retrieved from EBSCOhost.

Klausch, T. (2009). Phobias and overcoming phobias. Retrieved from: http://web4health.info/en/answers/anx-phobias-general.htm#phobias

People in distress want instant relief. This makes sense.

After all, who likes to suffer?

However, focusing on instant relief, or outcomes, can be a problem. It can be problematic for the anxious person on many different levels.

When you’re seeking relief from anxiety you almost always think less about how you’re going to achieve freedom from anxiety and more about what it would be like to not have anxiety.

This mindset can blind you to the most important part of solving the anxiety puzzle, namely, finding a process that works and sticking to it until it brings relief.

Basically, you lose touch with a very important insight: The process is what brings relief not the result.

It’s easy to think nice thoughts about feeling better. But being invested only in those types of thoughts takes you away from the task at hand.

That’s like wishing and dreaming about being filthy rich and taking no action toward that end. So in that regard, you can think about mansions and fancy cars all you like, but if you don’t invest in the process of becoming rich what are those dreams worth?

Being invested in the process of healing isn’t as appealing as thinking about the final result. Yet if you were focused on the process of healing chances are you’d make a lot more progress than you’re making right now.

I found an interesting lecture on this idea. Take a few minutes to watch the video then reflect on it for a little.

I hope it adds a little perspective to your attempts to cope with stress and anxiety.