Anxious Fat Guy

BACK AGAIN

2016-06-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Fatter than ever.

I want to use the blog to distract me when I feel like eating.

You know . . . take a short break and not go eat like I usually do.

It shouldn't be hard but, for me, it is.

I was speaking with my coach on Monday and realized that when I take a break, I walk upstairs and open the refrigerator and eat something.

WRONG!

So I need to blog to distract me from eating.

I feel my stress rising as I approach the end of my work day.

My 8-5 is a grind that after so many years I dislike and now I have taken on an alternative universe of coaching which I really enjoy but am not earning enough from coaching yet to help me step away from being a headhunter.

DAMN!

That pisses me off!

So, it's on to marketing the new coaching service and try some more but not make myself cray.

Paleo Diet Day 11

2015-09-04T10:44:00.001-07:00

I haven't reported in several days. Here's a status report

Paleo Diet Day 8

2015-09-04T10:42:00.001-07:00

My Day 8 Report about the Paleo Diet

Paleo Diet Day 7

2015-08-31T11:12:00.002-07:00

My daily report on how I am doing on the Paleo Diet

Paleo Diet Day 6

2015-08-30T17:49:00.002-07:00

Day 6 Report on my Paleo diet experience.

Paleo Diet Day 5

2015-08-29T10:52:00.003-07:00

My daily report on how the Paleo diet is working for me

Paleo Diet Day 4

2015-08-28T09:20:00.004-07:00

My daily accountability report on how well I'm following the Paleo Diet and what my results are.

Paleo Diet Day 3

2015-08-27T12:14:00.001-07:00

Paleo Diet Day 2

2015-08-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

Yo Yo

2015-03-10T05:37:00.001-07:00

Up and down.

I go up and down.

I've been eating pretty well for a few months following a slow carb regimine.

Protein 6 days a week.

Whatever I want on the 7th.

I heard about this type of diet from Tim Ferriss, the author and podcaster and what I've found is my energy is much much higher than it has been in quite a while.

Continuing!

Tough Run

2013-02-12T04:15:00.001-08:00

A few days out from the gym and my running is off. My pace is over 9 minute miles, I am not yet at 5K but more importantly, it just seems hard.

Work is a worry yet again. I know this happens all the Ted for me but I have yet to get over the feeling of feeling like a loser when this happens.

The bills get paid by dipping into savings and retirement is a fantasy. I will work until I die.

How depressing!

Back at it

2013-02-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

I'm struggling at work.

I'm working had and close to closing things but stuff keeps blowing up at the end.

I had someone interview Friday and he did well. They email me an application he filled out online (but never acted on) and want to take the applicant and about 33000 from me.

My best client!

This is not a client at this point. I know the folks in HR but their commanders are squeezing them to do more with less and apparently stealing from recruiters may be part of the new mandate.

I want to eat something and I won't. Food won't take away the hurt.

And it tells me I need a new client.

Waiting

2013-02-09T04:40:00.001-08:00

Did I give them the right directions.

Where are they?

Will they ring the bell and wake everyone?

I get anxious about so many things and doing everything right.

I Can't Stand It Sometimes

2012-12-15T05:37:00.000-08:00

There are morning where nothing seems to work.

I just blew up at my kid. Normally, he doesn't do what we ask him to do the first five times we do tell him to do something. I HATE IT.

Today, he's out in my overcoat and his new tall hat (I don't know what to call it; he looks like Scrooge . . . that kind of hat).

"Hang up my coat and come have breakfast. We need to leave in 20 minutes."

"In a minute," and he goes outside.

Knock on the door.

"It's open."

Again, a knock, but louder.

"Come in, it's open."

Ignored until I open for him.

Have your breakfast and you have to brush your teeth and get ready. We have to leave soon."

"In a minute."

I can't stand it.

He walked around for a while and went outside. We have 10 minutes until we have to leave.

Again a knock on the door.

I yell angrily, "OPEN THE DOOR," as he walks in.

Now he's angry.

"Don't ever yell at me."

"Can't you understand that I get frustrated asking you to do something five or six times before you do it? Can't you understand?"

And then my wife reminds me that I need to manage my emotions better and that a kid just shot people in Connecticut . . .yadda yadda yadda.

I can't hear it. I am angry and frustrated with my son who never, I repeat never does anything we want him to do the first time. And all the effort I put in in so many directions is eating me up. There are times I can't manage how I feel. I have spent weeks with him never getting out of bed and going to school easily. It is always rolling over for another 20 or 40 minutes so we race like maniacs to get him there.

Try to get him to do homework is a battle . . . .every night.

I can't stand it.

Score A Point for the Good Guys

2012-12-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

After lunch yesterday, I made it through the rest of the day well. I didn't eat more than my prescribed calories and that included a dark chocolate covered coconut ball. A little too sweet but a nice little treat.

We went to see "A Christmas Carol" last night after battling with our son to do homework. A nice little production but it pisses me off when he doesn't do what he's supposed to do easily. I gotta get used to it . . . he's almost 12 and that's what I have in store for a few years.

And this morning's 5K run at the gym was a new personal best (for this cycle of training) of 27.34 and 8:52 pace and 6 seconds off my previous best time. Tomorrow, I'll go a little easier and Sunday, I'll take off.

I also saved a deal yesterday . . . the guy's firm made it hard to have his visa transferred and it was slowing down my client and pissed them off that he only brought up the issue at the last minute. Cooler heads prevailed and he's till joining. I deserve the fee and on to the next one.

Today, my son's class is having a party at lunch to celebrate the completion of a study cycle on fungi so I'll go to his school for lunch at noon, admire the presentations, eat and head back for an afternoon of work.

I have an other offer top try closing but don't think the guy will accept . . . so it goes sometimes. I only spent a year working on this.

Smart

2012-12-13T09:42:00.001-08:00

I took a break at lunch and sat watching sports instead of eating and working.

Smart

I Can't Believe How Tense I AM!

2012-12-13T08:35:00.001-08:00

I feel so much stress.

I'm trying to reach someone who has a job offer who probably won't take it. He hasn't called back yet.

I have so many new jobs to work on, to post on my website, people to reach out to.

Breathe.

I Screwed Up

2012-12-13T05:25:00.002-08:00

For the past month, I disappeared . . . not blogging and not losing weight. I've been pretty good but Thanksgiving and my birthday celebration and a hole lot of other excuses have left me yo-yo-ing within 3 pounds of my bottom weight.

My running has been good. I now do a long run of 3.3 miles and a typical run is a 5K (3.11 miles). Today, I did my 5K in 27 minutes 40 seconds, a personal best for me.

Yet the real thing is that I have been sloppy about recording what I eat. I start the day off well, continue on through lunch but rarely finish what I start.

Well maybe the real thing has been how anxious I have been at work about a number of deals that have gone south. I came so close to having a blowout period but nothing worked. That left me frustrated and eating.

It's hard for me to see $55000 evaporate so quickly.

Anxious

2012-11-15T11:25:00.001-08:00

I am anxious, not hungry.

I came upstairs to snack on something but I am going to have tea instead.

It Sneaks Up

2012-11-15T06:49:00.002-08:00

I felt good this morning having had a good run at the gym and returned to weigh my lowest so far since starting to lose weight with Livestrong.

A little later, my wife returned upset because she lost a filling and needed a crown and was upset to have to spend the money. We don't have dental insurance and it will be a $3000 bill. She found they offer a plan that will let us pay it off in 6 months interest free. I like that because I don't want to pay interest . . .and they won't negotiate their fee.

And then I went upstairs to my friend the refrigerator and took out some left over yellow squash and ate the equivalent of two slices.

It snuck up on me and now I'm back at my desk working and not in the refrigerator.

I'm Sorry

2012-11-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

O'm sorry.

I didn't blog yesterday. I have been busy working and living life and didn't make the time to write.

My running is getting stronger. Yesterday, I was on the treadmill at 5:30 as always at jogged 2.82 miles in 26 minutes.

Today, I did my first 5K (3.11 miles) in almost a year. Injuries were a big part of the struggle. Tight hamstrings, a fall where I hurt my hip and both shoulders slowed me down but I am back at 5K again.

My weight this morning was under 221. That's 13 pounds so far.

And that ends the nice report.

Right now, I'm feeling a bit anxious. I am waiting for several job offers for candidates I am representing that will help relieve some of the financial stress I am feeling. I have investments and some money in the bank but I hate touching things and just want to stay current with expenses, not incur debt and feel good about what I do professionally.

I'm close to these job offers and believe several will close successfully but I'm worried because some feel like they've stalled.

Breathe.

When that happens, I feel tight and start thinking about eating.

Next week is Thanksgiving. I ordered our turkey yesterday and it will be an overeating festival. Sunday and Monday, we're doing a family trip to Charlotte. Not long after is my birthday and then "the holidays" and our family vacation to Florida.

I know I will eat well over the next few weeks but don't want to go crazy. I've worked to take off this weight. I don't want to go nuts and give it all back.

Mad.

2012-11-11T13:09:00.001-08:00

My son (not quite 12) spent yesterday with a friend doing yard work at the friend's home. Who knows what he ate there but by the time he woke here, he had eaten a pint of ice cream, 2 rice bars and a chocolate bar somewhere before 3 AM when he woke.

He got back to sleep at 9, woke at 2, hasn't done his homework yet, has been snippy with my wife, and then she started to micromanage me which I hate.

I made dinner for them (my wife teaches tonight) and have gotten the heck away from the two of them so they can sort things through.

The Giants are getting killed today (Thank goodness, I didn't watch the game) and it feels like a washout day.

So far, I took a 40 minute walk today at Biltmore Estate which bought me some more calories but I just want the two of them out of here and be left alone.

It's Sneaky How It Creeps Up on You!

2012-11-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

We went to dinner late last night and although I ate within calories, I was up a fraction this morning.

I was at the gym when it opened at 8 AM, got a good run in and then the sneaky stuff started.

I had breakfast of a bagel and lox at around 9:45. Still felt hungry. Followed it with a small biscuit. Still feel hungry.

Started listening to a webinar while doing some work on one of my blogs, The Free Job Search Guide. The woman running the webinar is a high energy ex-Google person who is making a living by teaching others o do webinars. She's talking 50 mile a minute while I'm doing work on my blog. I'm listening with one ear and working on the blog when my son calls to tell me he's on his way to Tae Kwon Do with our neighbor.

I can feel the tension building up and I realize, "I have to turn off the webinar! I'm getting crazy!"

And that's what I did . . .turn off the webinar even though it promised to show me step by step how to do what she does.

Maybe I'll listen to it in 15 minute chunks but I can't listen to someone who is "speeding" like that and maintain my sanity.

So Close!

2012-11-09T10:55:00.001-08:00

I am a snacker.

Well I also eat meals and snack, too.

I'm also a garbage pail eater, eating leftovers from my wife snd son's plates.

I just went upstairs and saw so leftover pasts in a bowl. As is often the case, I picked up the fork to eat some but stopped myself . . . Twice!

Then I emptied the dishwasher, watered a plant, and went downstairs without wasting calories on cold pasta I only wanted to eat because it was there and not because I was hungry; good for me!

Wound Up

2012-11-09T06:41:00.001-08:00

It's 9:37 AM and although I did a good run at the gym, I'm feeling a bit wound up this morning. Anxious.

I'm less fat than I was when I started this and had a non-fat plain yogurt and granola for breakfast but I have been working pretty feverishly this morning.

It's the minutiae of my morning--lining up my posts on Hootsuite, accepting the select LinkedIn connection requests I do, getting caught up on my blog posts on some of my other blogs--running at a fast pace to get things done.

No hunger.

No nervous eating.

It feels like I have a lot to do and in the past I would take a break to snack.

Not this morning.