Any Means Necessary

I'm back....

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:28:00 +0000

Not that I went anywhere. I just haven't had the time. In other words, blogging just wasn't hitting the top of the priority pile. I'm feeling the pull again, especially at this time in my life.

I know they life's a journey, speed bumps and potholes included. I just wasn't expecting to deal with so much all at once. Truth be told: I'm amazed that I'm not medicated!

I promise to write more later.

My New Toy

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 04:57:00 +0000

I broke down and bought myself a laptop and it arrived today. Okay, so it wasn't really a break down but a new toy for me!! No kidding. I feel like I did when I was 8 years old on Christmas and woke up to a brand new blue, banana-seat bike!

Part of my internal justification was this blog. My plan is to further develop this into something meaningful and something I can be proud of. Please hang in there with me while I explore what this blog can be. Remember, feedback is always welcome and helpful.

Strength of Men

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 14:15:00 +0000

It is not the critic who counts,

Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles,

Or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man in the arena,

Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood,

Who strives valiantly…who knows the great enthusiasms,

The great devotions,

Who spends himself in a worthy cause,

Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

And, who at the worst, if he fails,

At least fails while daring greatly,

So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls

Who have never known neither victory nor defeat.

Teddy Roosevelt

'Tis the Season....Or is it?

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 23:35:00 +0000

Photo by: Karin JonesA woman called in to a radio the other day to tell a story that I had never heard of before. She was in line at one of the fancier coffee shops for her afternoon latte when the gentleman in front of her paid for her beverage. Struck by the spark of kindness, she then paid for the person behind her. Apparently, it didn't start with the fellow in front of her and it didn't finish with the person behind her either. Who started? Don't know. Does it matter? Not really. The important thing is that someone did start it in the "spirit of Christmas."

During this time of year, we donate more, we volunteer at the soup kitchen, we adopt families at work, etc....... What about the rest of the year? How hard would it be to extend this spirit of kindness and generosity all year long? I'm no talking about only the giving to the less privileged but even just extending each other a little more courtesy. Seriously, how hard is to hold the door open for someone or say thank you? The little things can make all the difference.

Getting Things Done

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:49:00 +0000

I'm a recent fan of David Allen's Getting Things Done. I've managed to learn and consistently use quite a bit of the techniques. One of the things that makes this time management system so wonderful is your ability to make it your own. I'm a paper person which means I still use my paper day-planner system. I know others who a strict user of an electronic system. Either way, it doesn't matter so long as you have a system and use it consistently.

I've been coaching and introducing Getting Things Done (GTD) to some co-workers over that past 6 months or so. One of the most common concerns I hear is about the shear volume of stuff (action items, to-do's) that would accumulate. I have a great tip for that:

Pick Your Top Three (3) Action Items

Ask yourself every morning, "what are three things I could complete today that would make a difference in my life, my relationships, my self-image, my work load, my projects, etc.?" I start everyday by reviewing my calendar to determine how much 'work' time I will actually have, quickly scan my list of action items, and I then determine my top three A priorities for the day.

This takes that crazy long to-do list and puts it into small, bit-sized pieces. Remember, the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.

Force Yourself Into a Positive Frame of Mind

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 14:44:00 +0000

I was reading this article on BNet about "How to Change Your Emotional State." It's a really good article with some great tips and insights:

Your physiology is in a feedback loop with your emotions.

Your focus is also in a feedback loop with your emotions.

Your physiology is in a feedback loop with your focus.

Feedback loops reinforce themselves.

Feedback loops grow stronger, long term.

Feedback loops are reversible, short-term.

The one that struck me was the very first one. Basically, your physical state (posture, gate, rest level, etc) dictate your frame of mind. If you're in a nasty mood, your eyes are narrowed, lips are pursed, shoulders tight, etc. Need to get out of that nasty mood fast? Change your body. Open your eyes wide, do some mouth stretching, relax your shoulders.

A few years ago a read a tip that I use to this day. If I'm not feeling particularly sunny but I need to be, I hold a pencil in between my front teeth for a few minutes. It forces my face to "fake" a smile. After that, it's much easier to smile for real.

Remember - dance like no one's watching!

Best Wedding First Dance.

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:15:00 +0000

A little Mid-Week Humour

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:15:00 +0000

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY

Are You Your Child's Behaviour?

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:35:00 +0000

I picked up Maclean from daycare the other week where I was informed that he clocked some kid over the head with a toy truck. Great! It had happened hours before my arrival so making him apologize wouldn't register with him (one of the unspoken perks of Autism). So what can I do other than be wracked with guilt and shame?

This got me thinking and doing more observing. Parent's take credit and blame for their child' behaviour. Lil' Johnny is a straight A student, the star ball player, opens doors for all the ladies, etc.......You know the next part.......Lil' Johnny's parents are ABSOLUTELY BURSTING to tell anyone and everyone all about it. Granted, they had something to do with how their child turned out.

Let's look at the flip side. In my case, I instantly took on Maclean's behaviour. As if I was conducting toy wacking sessions at home to train him!?!? I've been conditioned to do this, as has every parent. Anytime a child misbehaves in public, no one gives them the evil eye!?!?

Good or bad, the parent gets the credit or the blame. I challenge this notion - to a certain extent. We, my husband and I, work very hard with our son to teach him responsibility, including responsibility for his actions and their consequences. The daycare surely reprimanded him in some fashion but I can guarantee that it wasn't as severe nor as immediate had I been there. (Don't think badly of the daycare nor the wonderful folks who work there. They're discipline techniques are limited by provincial regulations.)

I'm sure/hope that we're not the only parents who endeavor to teach their kids responsibility. If that's the case, why do we attach a child's behaviour to their parent?

I LOVE Winter!

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:24:00 +0000

Woke up today to our first real snow fall of the season. It's WONDERFUL! I walk to work from where I park and it takes me approximately 15 minutes. Other than my legs, I was warm. You know that feeling of when you come in from the cold and you're all tingly? I LOVE that feeling. It was like I was 8 years old again!!!!

Slowly but Surely

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 20:22:00 +0000

It's been awhile but there's been a lot going on. We received a "provisional diagnosis" of autism from Maclean's Pediatrician. Found out that all it means is we get access to more testing to determine the final diagnosis. Also, Maclean is allergic or something to cow's milk but not to wheat. Yeah for me! That one's easy to work with. He's getting better. Between therapy, school and the diet change, we're getting there.

Also, as of Oct 1, I started a new job. It's a lot busier with WAY more responsibility. Oh yes, also in October, we (my husband, myself and my mom) signed a contract to build a house. So, by summer (fingers and toes crossed), my mommy will be here and all our childcare issues will disappear.

That's the highlights for the past 8 weeks. I have it in my goals to post as least three times a week. Forming a new habit is just as hard as breaking an old one.

Maclean's Mini-Breakthrough

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 14:07:00 +0000

It was a big day in our house last night. Maclean, for the first time, said "I love you." We've said it to him lots but he's never responded. I'd taught him that the response is "love you too" and got that sporadically. Last night, as I was tucking him to bed, unsolicited, he said those magical three words that make it all worth while.

It didn't stop there. Not half an hour later, as Mike lie with him reading silently, Maclean rolled over and asked, "Daddy, whatcha reading?" Mike told him the title of the book and asked if Mac would like him to read to him. He responded, "no thanks."

The day is coming sooner than I hoped that we will have a real conversation with Maclean. We'll hear about his friends, his favorite things at school, what he likes, what he doesn't like,......

Next step: get him in for allergy testing.

Hurt People Do Hurtful Things

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 15:32:00 +0000

The title of this blog is something I heard the other day. It really resonated with me for a couple of reasons:

To compliment my efforts to truly see people for who they are and not just what they seem; and,
To better understand when someone is mean or hurtful.

We've all been there, standing in line and someone rudely bumps into you and doesn't say "excuse me." We've all had someone say mean and judgemental things behind our backs. We may even have been a perpetrator of such offenses. You have to ask "why." When a stranger is mean or rude, would they be if they knew you? When a friend does something hurtful, we're able to work through it, usually and eventually, because we have something invested in that relationship.

When you're the one committing the offences, stop and think about the circumstances - where your life and your head were you at the time. Dollars for donuts, you weren't in the moment when this happened. You were in your own head worried about your own worries. Someone might have just been mean to you. You may be late. This list goes on.

Does this excuse our behaviour. No. We don't wear signs during those moments that say: "Please excuse my asshole-ish behaviour. I'm having a bad day!"

There's that adage: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." To this I would add, be tolerant. Someone pushes you aside in the line at Walmart, then it's up to you to decide your reaction. This is the only thing we have control over. Someway, somehow, somewhere, someone hurt them. Showing them tolerance (ie kindness) just may be the one thing to help them heal, even just a little bit.

Each Child is Unique & Special.....What About Adults?

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:31:00 +0000

My son has his challenges and his own way of doing things. We, his parents, his caregivers, his grandparents, etc, strive to see him and to accept him for who he is. He has this light and this laugh that just melts your heart. The things he does and says are uniquely him. Now, you can say the same thing about every child. As grown-ups (I'm using the word loosely), we watch children intently to really learn who they are.

If we do this with kids, why don't we do that with everyone?

Bleary Eyed

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:12:00 +0000

Went out and purchased Jenny McCarthy's book Louder Than Words yesterday. It's an easy read and a compelling story. I'm about 2/3 done and will likely finish it tonight. So I'm a little bleary eyed from two nights in a row of staying up past my bedtime.

After work, I went to the store and purchased some rice milk and gluten-free products. Poor Mac. I filled his cup about a quarter full with rice milk and then topped it off with cows milk. He took one sip, handed it back and said "all done." He was a juice guy for the rest of the night.

I ate a gluten-free breakfast bar this morning and it's not bad. I'll got to the health food store this weekend to buy what I need to make things myself. Homemade should be better, right?

The things we do as parents.

My Son Has Autism - We Think

noreply@blogger.com (Tara L Paton) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 15:57:00 +0000

My husband and I came to a realization last night. Our son has autism.

Our journey to this started a couple of years ago when we were noticing that Maclean wasn't quite like the other kids his age. We asked friends, doctors, and caregivers who told us that he's young - don't worry he'll catch up. By age 3 1/2, we were really concerned and went back to our family doctor. We got an appointment with a pediatrician for 8 months later. Meanwhile, we privately hired a speach therepist. She instantly recommended placing Maclean in a special school for more intensive therapy. We weren't ready for that yet. We agreed to wait for the pediatician's assessment and then decide.

At the pediatrician's, the doctor believed that Maclean is simply developmentally delayed and he recommended Maclean attend that special school. We made an appointment for two months after school starts for another pediactric assessment. The doctor wants to see "significant" improvement or he may diagnos Maclean with autism.

Six months later, Maclean is attending this school where he receives 2 1/2 hours of various therapies every morning. We are currently in week 3 and are noticing a difference already.

I was home yesterday afternoon waiting for a repairman and happened to catch Oprah. On Oprah was Jenny McCarthy & Holly Robinson Peet talking about their two boys who have autism. Through the course of the show and clips of Jenny's son, I saw my son.

What's a parent's immediate reaction: I need to learn more. So it was to Google I went. Don't get me wrong. Through this entire journey, my husband and I have read books and searched the internet. There was always too many missing pieces in the symptoms that just do not apply to Maclean. This time I went a little deeper and found information that did describe Maclean.

My gut is telling me that yes he has autism. I wasn't ready for it before because the label AUTISM meant there was a defined box around him. I cannot and will not accept that. Seeing Jenny on Oprah yesterday and her describing the therapies and dietary changes for her son gave me hope. Hope that has allowed me to accept the possible diagnosis of autism.

We have a plan now. Our house is about to become wheat and dairy free. We're going to ask about increasing his therapy. We have that appointment with the pediatrician in a few weeks.

For me, it's been quite the ride. At least now, I think I know what ride we're on.