anybody seen my baby?

New blog

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 03:08:00 +0000

Maybe one day I'll find time again to write in this blog, but for the time being I will be at this blog: www.annesi-yavrusu.blogspot.com. A new baby grows every day and there is so much to capture and document! Come witness!

Friendship Divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 01:53:00 +0000

Today, I will just copy and paste from Goop. I thought this might be an interesting, food-for-thought topic since this is such a big time of change for all of us. I hope Ms. Paltrow won't mind.

“What do you do when you realize that although you may have years of history, and found real value in each other in times past, that you kind of don't like a friend anymore? That, after time spent with this person, you feel drained, empty, belittled or insulted. My father always used to tell me that, ‘you can't make new old friends.’ How do you distinguish if someone in your life makes you change for the better or if you are better off without them?”

Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel replies:

I appreciate the wisdom in this statement, “We can’t make new old friends.” There is something noble about honoring our history with others. In the context of your question, it also opens a door to an even deeper inquiry: “What does it mean to be a friend?” and “What is our responsibility to others?”

I was wandering around the city today. I enjoy interacting with everyone I meet. People are often much easier to be around when we don’t have history with them – it’s fresh. And this made me wonder...

It seems that the people with whom we share a history we often have a lot of unspoken agreements with. We have agreements that we will stay the same and uphold certain dynamics that are comfortable for us – that make us feel secure. Such agreements can be insidious; we may not even notice them.

We may, for example, share in our relationship a subtle agreement that “Life is hard,” or that “We are the only ones that understand”; or we may agree to share a common enemy. We may hook up with a high school friend on the Internet and agree to relate to them in the same way we did twenty years ago, even though we’ve grown up, have a family, and see the world in a completely different way now. Sometimes in relationships, we agree to deny that something unhealthy is going on, such as substance abuse or illness. Sometimes we agree to take on certain roles in a relationship such as being “the boss,” “the victim,” or “the strong one.” And as part of the dynamic we may have an unspoken agreement to take responsibility for the emotional life of another in a way that is crippling for them — that prevents them from finding emotional independence. Such agreements are challenged when one person starts to change and move ahead in life.

The important thing to recognize about agreements is that it takes more than one person to make one. If we see that an agreement is not serving our well-being and the well-being of our friend, it is intelligent to break it... and it is possible to break an agreement without abandoning the friendship. In fact, it is an act of courage and kindness to ourselves and to our friend.

We are all looking for well-being and happiness in life. So the purpose of friendship is to support and be supported in our search for well-being and happiness. Breaking unhealthy agreements challenges our tendency to withdraw into habitual ways of being that sabotage this intention. At the same time, breaking unhealthy agreements awakens our longing to grow and experience a sense of wonderment about ourselves and the world. There are many ways of being in relationship and this is an opportunity to learn something new.

Of course, there is always a chance our friend may not be interested in working on the relationship with you. That is their choice. But this doesn’t mean we can’t remain faithful to our friend; it doesn’t mean that we have to give up our care for them or our wish for their well-being. There is no need to abandon them. In fact, as citizens of the human race, isn’t it our responsibility to never abandon anyone?

If we live with clarity and integrity, how could it conflict with the well-being of others? Our relationship to others has everything to do with the relationship we have with ourselves, as well as the clarity of our vision. In a larger sense, cultivating love and care for all living beings is the only way to live with integrity and purpose.

Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel is the author of the upcoming book, “The Power of an Open Question” (Shambhala Publications).

Dr. Karen Binder-Byrnes replies:

Friendship is one of the most enduring and wonderful gifts of being alive. Friendship is universal in humanity. Young children start friendships with the sharing of curiosities, toys and laughter. As we grow, some friendships develop with us for a lifetime providing companionship, support, and love for each other’s beings. I believe that friendship, throughout our lives, serves as a mirror of our very essence. The love, laughter and concern we share with friends gives us a sense of self which can sometimes be thwarted within our family relations. Our friends become our historians, secret keepers and comrades on life’s journey. In the years I have worked as a therapist, the friends of my patients have filled my practice space with their presence as fierce defenders, continual cheerleaders and often lifesavers.

The question this week deals with why friendships change and even sometimes end after long periods of time. We have probably all had friends in our lives who were so involved with us during certain periods that the thought of that person no longer being around seems impossible. However, just like many other human relationships, friendships are quite complicated and can be fraught with conflict and tension at times. There are countless reasons why even some of the more enduring friendships come apart at the seams. On the most basic level, friendships can change when two people grow apart from each other. This can happen when friends meet and get close during certain periods of their lives because they are sharing common experiences together. This may include growing up in the same area, going to school together, being on sports teams etc. As we grow and mature, friends that once “fit” no longer do and we move on. Hopefully, this change occurs slowly and naturally over time and without much stress attached. Proximity is also very important in creating and maintaining close connections with friends. Sometimes, physical distance creates a wedge between friends.

The more painful termination of friendships has to do with more complex psychological and emotional issues and are often fraught with anxiety and great distress. Friendships that last a lifetime are those in which the balance between give and take, honesty and support, and a genuine desire for our friend’s well-being are paramount. Unfortunately, as in all human relations, this balance can sometimes shift and no longer benefit one or the other in the relationship. For example, a friendship can go along smoothly until one half of the pair comes into some circumstance where social or financial status shifts. How two friends deal with the change of fortune for one or the other is a delicate mission. Here jealousy, envy and insecurities may arise creating tension where none existed before. As we go through life, we realize that some friends are always there when things go wrong for us but cannot stand it when our luck changes for the better. Likewise, some friendships cannot tolerate the loss of status, position or standing of the friend. Sadly, sometimes friendships are harmed when others in the friend’s life such as spouse, other friends etc., create tension. A more deeply held psychological construct is that of who we pick in the first place to be our friends. Until we become psychologically aware and more evolved, we may pick the wrong people to befriend as a way of working out unresolved interpersonal issues from our pasts. As we become more emotionally healthy, those friendships will no longer be tolerable. For example, when one has low self-esteem, they may pick critical friends as a way of reinforcing their negative self-view. However, if one grows more confident, this dynamic may no longer be acceptable.

In essence, our friends are the life-affirming fountain from which we drink. Good friends fill us up with warmth, honesty and a sense of well-being. If you feel drained, empty, belittled and insulted by a friend you should acknowledge that this is diminishing your life experience and not enhancing it. In this case, I would move away from this person, honor whatever good you did get from them in the past, and move toward those friends in life that only want to help light your way! Thank you.

Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 15 years. See her website, DrKarennyc.com, for more information.

Cynthia Bourgeault replies:

“Old friends” and “true friends” are not necessarily identical. Old friends have stood the test of time; true friends are timeless. True friends may have been in your life since your childhood or they may have shown up only yesterday, but it’s from the quality of the heart that you know them, not the number of years you’ve logged together.

Most friendships are situational, though we don’t like to admit it. They spring up in the ground of common interests and/or common circumstances. Your “mommy group,” yoga friends, work associates — and going back in time, college roommates, high school teammates and even childhood chums — are all examples of situational friendships. Within these enclaves, we may feel closer to some folks than to others. But as our circumstances change or our life’s journey takes us in separate directions, the common ground begins to fade, and maintaining the connection takes more and more energy — sometimes, just too much energy! That’s nothing to beat yourself up about: situational friendships aren’t “fake,” they’re just “not forever.”

Sometimes it’s not only okay but downright healthy to move on. If you’ve just entered recovery, for example, or decided to shed those unwanted pounds by committing to a healthy lifestyle, your old drinking buddies may no longer be the best companions for you. People who embark on a spiritual practice like yoga, meditation, or contemplative prayer regularly report “losing a whole set of old friends and gaining a whole set of new ones.” Couples who suddenly become parents find themselves drifting away from their “swinging singles” friends, while sadly, couples who divorce will frequently find themselves “divorced” from their still-happily-married friends as well. While this can be painful, as all loss of intimacy is, it becomes psychologically corrosive only when you also have to fight your expectation that it shouldn’t be this way. Nobody has failed; it’s just life doing its thing.

Still, true friends do exist, miraculously hidden amongst all the situational flux. How do you recognize them? Usually they reveal themselves only after the situation itself has changed. And the results can be surprising: sometimes the people who remain in your life and the ones who fall out are not at all what you would have predicted! But these “friends forever,” however they play out in your particular life situation, always seem to share three characteristics: (1) They have a capacity to grow with you (and you with them) through life’s changing circumstances; 2) They are low-maintenance, rarely-to-never imposing themselves or laying expectations on you; and 3) contact with them, when it comes, is never a duty, but always a gift “heart to heart.” Such friends—always a rare and special breed — have an uncanny knack for being able to stay in tune with you emotionally over huge gaps of time and space. Maybe you don’t hear from them for three years — or thirty — but then the phone rings and there they are again, and it’s like picking up as if you never left off.

We can’t command the heart, of course. We can’t pre-screen our friends for potential “forever” status, or impose this expectation as a unilateral requirement. But paradoxically, perhaps, the best way to help all our friendships grow wisely and well is to take responsibility for our own aloneness.

No friendship can long survive under coercion and demand. If we seek friends because they “feed us,” or hide us from our loneliness or boredom or fear; if we expect them to “be there for us” because we don’t know how to be there for ourselves, then this kind of neediness is eventually going to translate into demand and duty, and on these rocks many friendships founder. The relationship becomes just too fraught with expectations, hidden agendas, and disappointments, and eventually the barrel runs dry. Whenever either party begins to feel, “This friendship is draining me,” it’s a pretty sure tip-off that an iceberg of hidden expectation is lurking beneath the surface — in which both parties, alas, are partially complicit. The more we can take responsibility for our own emotional well-being, the more we can live comfortably in our own skin, the more friendship can become what it is truly meant to be — whether for the whole of our life or just the miracle of the present: the spontaneous overflowing of our uniquely human capacity for intimacy, compassion, and joy.

Cynthia Bourgeault is an Episcopal priest, writer and retreat leader. She is founding director of the Aspen Wisdom School in Colorado and principal visiting teacher for the Contemplative Society in Victoria, BC, Canada.

Michael Berg replies:

What is the purpose of friendship? Obviously there are all kinds of physical reasons for our friendships- we enjoy someone’s company, they are easy to talk to, they make us laugh – but this is not the true purpose.

The kabbalists teach that one of the only true choices we make in life is our environment, and the friends we surround ourselves with. This has a tremendous influence on us because everything flows from there.

Consider this: you put an apple seed on the table and water it for months. Naturally, if you were to water it for a million years it still wouldn’t grow to become a tree. But if you put it in the ground and watered it, then it would become a tree. The potential for greatness is true in that seed always, but the environment – table vs. ground – makes all the difference.

The same is true for people.

The spiritual core reason for a friendship is that it can – and is meant to - help us change and grow. Friends are people who call us on our issues, push us to grow, and support us through this process.

We can’t overestimate how important good friends are to our growth in life.

As a matter of fact, one of the first things written in the Bible in relation humanity is, “it is not good for man to be alone.” We cannot achieve our potential, nor live a life of fulfillment, without great, inspiring friends around us.

Therefore, if we choose to be surrounded by friends who are not positive, or who speak ill, then it’s going to be almost impossible not to fall into that type of behavior.

We have to appreciate the amount of influence our friends and the environment we create for ourselves truly has on our lives. Once we know and understand how important it is, we have to assess our friendships. Everything else is secondary to the question, “Does he or she help me to become a better person - does he or she push me and help me grow?”

Once we make that assessment, then the answer is pretty simple. If we have a friend that makes us feel worthless, hurts us, or doesn’t enable us to grow and actually makes us feel bad, then clearly that’s a friendship and environment we don’t want to subject ourselves to. We have the responsibility to diminish that friendship. Not only isn’t it serving its purpose, it can have a detrimental effect on us.

Now, this does not mean it is OK to cut people out of our lives. In fact, the first thing we want to do when we notice a relationship isn’t helping – or is hurting - is to see what we can do to help them in their process. Maybe if we speak to them clearly and forcefully they will change. It is our first responsibility to help our friend become a better person and friend. But, assuming we have done everything we can and the friendship is still no longer serving its purpose, yes, it is our responsibility to diminish that bond.

Please note my choice of words: diminish, not cut. My father taught me that if someone has been our friend, they are our friend forever. It doesn’t mean spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with them if it makes us feel bad. But it does mean that whenever there is an opportunity to help, we must. If they were once our friend, then they are our friend forever in that regard. Just because we make a decision that this is someone we shouldn’t be spending a lot of time with, it doesn’t mean we must completely tighten the heartstrings.

Assess your friendships. If they are supporting you in your growth and change, then cherish them. If they diminish you, then you diminish them. But, once again, a friend is always a friend. Though they may no longer be a constant presence in your life nevertheless if there is an opportunity to help you should, always be open, for true friendship never ends.

Michael Berg is a Kabbalah scholar and author. He is co-Director of The Kabbalah Centre, www.kabbalah.com. You can follow Michael on twitter, twitter.com/inspiringchange. His latest book is What God Meant.

Snow II

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 21:44:00 +0000

the snow is falling down at a perfect pace. i can't quite pinpoint what memory it brings back - a frame from a cartoon? a christmas card? no idea. just peace. and coffee.

i cannot believe how fun and rich massachusetts is. i used to be so reluctant to come out here. even the cold -which hasn't actually been so unpleasant- is a new challenge and i like it. there is a visual texture here that is so familiar and enchanting. the architecture and the nature. the color of the sky and the surroundings just before it rains. the quaint little shops and the scenery that flows by when you take the train. i'm almost over my ex-fiance istanbul and past crush new york.

eczane

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:54:00 +0000

aft çıktığında mesela, eczaneye ilaç almaya gidersin, eczacı ilacı yarısaydam pembe bir kağıtla paketler, verirken de geçmiş olsun der. ve o an çok rahatlatıcı bir andır - eczacı derdini anlamış ve sana geçmiş olsun demiştir. iyileşme sanki o andan itibaren başlar.

facebookist thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 19:21:00 +0000

Wake up. Shower. Consider leaving facebook. Work, eat, sleep. Wake up. Briefly weigh merits of facebook. Hang out. Sleep. Wake up to the thoughts of facebook being too cheesy or taking up too much of your time, too virtual, too exhibitionist. Let your friend list know that your questioning facebook. Go to work. Wait for people to beg you to stay. Go home. Check your facebook, although it's really passé. Sleep.

The fact of the matter is, if it's not facebook, it's going to be something else. E-mail providers like Yahoo! and Gmail have already started to push us to give 'updates' on what we are doing at the moment. Twitter speaks for itself. Facebook happens to be the company who got it all together in terms of status updates, sharing pictures, videos, articles and whatnot. It doesn't even have the first-mover advantage (Myspace was there first) but it managed to move ahead of the game by gathering some 300 million people beneath its umbrella.

It's the chance people have been waiting for, for the longest time. Not just to communicate, but to communicate all at once; left, right and center; north, east, south, west. Yes, it's the news people want to give. If they don't have any news to give, they will definitely find something to say.

I say, social networking is here to say. Whether it be through facebook or not. A rose is a rose by any other name.

Now this post will be synched with my facebook page, but go ahead and bookmark me just in case!

Snow

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 15:05:00 +0000

Snow has always been a happy thing for me. And it's important and rare enough that when it snows, you get together with the neighbors and go to the forest where the snow is untouched, and throw snowballs and each other, and take pictures. In those pictures, your car is a white Renault. If you're a little older and it snows on a school day, you get together with some friends and cut school. You hit the forest again. This time, maybe not exactly to throw snowballs at each other but to go on a journey, an adventure. To feel independent but at the same time, part of a group. Part of an independent and adventurous group.

Boston has given me some snow, but not enough to make me feel the same joy I had felt in those years. Maybe it's because it's not a rare thing but something that just naturally happens when you live in a colder climate. Something else has happened, though. Part of me started to like the cold. That part of me got to like the challenge of surviving in really low temperatures. This is, of course, with a job I do from home and with a husband that drives me everywhere. But you know how sometimes you get a burst of excitement and joy? That you're capable, that you're alive, that you can make it anywhere? That's how I feel on the infrequent occasion that I'm out and about. Fancy that.

After the break

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:02:00 +0000

So, I'm back in Boston. It feels really good to be back. When I used to have gigs at Nardis or Kemanci, the first set would always be marked by a nervous, uptight feel. Then we would take a break and I would go down, walk around and talk to people. The second time around on the stage was always easier, as if I had a chance to leave my body and look at the whole thing from the outside and decided that it's going well. I got a similar feeling getting back here. I did the first set, took a break, and now I'm back for the second set. When you're in a flow, it's almost impossible stop it and distance yourself from it to get a perspective. A short break in the middle is essential in all games.

The list, my 30s and the Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 13:20:00 +0000

I did try to work on this particular entry on a Word document, you know, it would be easier and error-proof, I am a graduate student after all, and turning 30 in the process, I should have been able to do this in Word but I couldn't. I didn't know what to write. So I started over, here in Blogger's interface, to see what comes out of this one. And I still don't know if anything will. But bear with me. I, who has been writing things since, like, forever, should have something to say on my birthday of all days. But then I have stuff to do. Stuff always gets in the way. It's a classic.
But today, stuff may not get in the way. True, I had to wake up today, of all days, before 6 a.m. to register for a class. True, I couldn't register fully since I had to take a placement test. True, I did take the test -- I wrote an essay on a topic on which I didn't have much to say. What a responsible act to say hello to your 30s.
The rest of the day though, is mine.

How do you wrap up your 20s? How do you leave behind the only decade of your life that is A- not childish and highly dependent (birth to age 9), B- not overcome with growing pains (age 10 to 19) C- mostly fun and carefree, mostly lived to cross as many items as possible on the 'things to do before I turn 30' list? And the list is there for a reason. The list has a timeline. The list wants you to realize that 30 is the limit. My list, it didn't have any items to check off. It was more like a list you make as you go along: Meeting many great people- check. Speaking one foreign language well- check (Unchecked: more foreign languages). Singing, musical activities- check. Finding love of life- check. Getting married- check. Living in a foreign country- check. Seeing New York- check. Running a 15k race- check. Starting to acquire quality furniture- check. Starting grad school- check. There may even be more to my list. Or negative items can be added, boxes that I couldn't check off, and maybe that could be the stuff of a list of the 'things to do before I die.' As (believe it or not) there are only two lists and my time on the first one is up. Today, if stuff doesn't get in the way, I'm starting my second list, and as my birthday wish, I want plenty of time to work on that one.

The Secret Life of Printers

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:41:00 +0000

Today I had to 'regionalize' our printer. An hp rep walked me through the steps online, over a chat window. I discovered many functions that the regular buttons that we use for regular purposes perform when they are pressed in different combinations. He even made me double-click an HP logo while I held the ctrl key down to bring up a completely unique window where I entered secret numeric combinations that he gave me - a window that I had never seen before in my entire life. I just realized that there is a whole another world of key combinations and single- and double-clicks out there (or rather, in there in our computers) that serve purposes we don't even become aware of unless we bring a printer from Turkey and buy cartridges for it in the US. It's the secret life of printers and their secret affairs with computers.

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 22:19:00 +0000

everyone told me about the winter but it's still nice, and i still here cicadas loud and clear. i know i don't belong here in the way i belonged bogazici, but that feels like another lifetime anyway. i'm thinking of shiny fingers and successful people and what you leave behind and what you take with you. i can wear anything i want now. i would love to be a part of things. i just ate a really good cookie. i want to cook for my husband. i want to buy kilos of tomatoes and every fruit and vegetable that is in season and put them in my fridge, just to have them, just like we had them back home. seems like people are counting everything here. there's too much calculation, the tips, the taxes, the coupons, how many cans come out of this package? too bad the metric system is not employed here with all its decimal perks. the fall, the parks, the golden trees. they are 'winter trees'. i learned so much in primary school.
what's mine is yours.
so he came here and he talked about the writer and the reader and schiller and mann and kafka. these things would happen somewhere out there and i would watch them from my corner and i would think, wow. this is actually happening, though. this time, to me. but for the record, i would feel the same if he didn't have a nobel prize. the black book did it for me.

Here -and- now

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:32:00 +0000

Here's that day. I won't say here's that rainy day, because it's not a rainy day, but it's certainly a cozy day. This is the day when everything seems complete, I finally have a home base again that I can call my own and take care of, clean, decorate, enjoy. I have my honey tea and candle burning beside me, it's grey outside but warm to the eye and mind in here. I love those moments when the dust settles, you take a breath, look around and find that you are home. So here's to this cozy day.

kedi-balik

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:44:00 +0000

balıklara neden kedi adlari vermisiz? mesela tekir, mırmır, ya da pisi balığı... bu balık çeşidini ozel olarak seven kedilerin adlari mi onlara verilmis? yoksa evde kedisi olan balikcilar yeni isim bulmaya usenip ha kedi ha balik mi demisler?

Turkish food

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 02:08:00 +0000

The Turkish food (lahmacun, cacik, ezme, mercimek kofte, kisir, pide, yogurt) that Tom surprised us with at the end of our first meeting at work made me feel as giddy as a child. Eating Turkish food in Turkey is one thing, which I recently did, but finding yourself feasting on these Turkish flavors, in Boston, at work, was a wonderful shift from my everyday reality. I felt so lucky.
Tonight we were expecting a visit from a Turkish people and I got some tahini and pita bread earlier, thinking we had to present either dessert or fruit to our guests. I figured, if I spread some tahini on a pita bread, sprinkle it with some sugar and put it in the oven for a while, I might be able to imitate a certain Turkish dessert, namely tahinli pide. Turns out I was right. Doug didn't like it at all, but I had two portions of my mock tahini flat bread. It really did remind me of the ones we ordered on some Sunday mornings to have after breakfast... I guess some flavors will never remain just flavors. At this point in my life, Turkish food is the one thing that makes me feel completely at home and I feel home wherever I'm cooking it.

blame it on facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:59:00 +0000

I think facebook is crippling my motivation to blog. You can say what you have to say in an instant and get it out of your system so quickly and easily. Who's going to sit down and articulate thoughts and feelings now? I guess I'll have to make more of an effort to create more than single sentences that start with my full name.

Think think think...

Gergedan: var mi hatirlayan?

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:55:00 +0000

Cincinnati'deki hayvanat bahcesinde gezerken Doug bana Rhinosaurus'un (aslinda Rhinoceros diye yaziliyormus, ve ben kelimeyi yazmasini bile bilmiyorum o kadar cahilim) Turkcesini sordu. Hayvancigi hicbir seye benzetemedim, daha once oyle bir yaratik gordugumu de hatirlamadim, ve dedim ki, 'bizde boyle bir hayvan yok, biz buna isim koymadik o yuzden'. Sonra baliklara bakilan yerde soluklanirken bir sozluge danisayim dedim, bir de ne goreyim, bizim bildigimiz (daha dogrusu bir zamanlar lafi gecmis olan, ama kafamda tam da bir imgesi bulunmayan) gergedan Amerikalilarin rhino'su degil miymis? Kucuk bir saskinlik gecirdim. Bize butun hayvanlar ogretildi mi? Cocuklar hayvanat bahcesine goturuluyor mu? Gulhane Parki'ndaki yasli aslanlarin yerine yenileri geldi mi? Bu yasima gelmis ve gergedan'dan habersiz bir Turk olarak, kimi suclayacagimi bilemiyorum.

I can move the world this morning

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 13:24:00 +0000

I'm on a coffee high.

As with every coffee high of every morning, thoughts come and go, leaving me very confident of my potential, of the things I can say, of my ideas - but like I said, I'm on a coffee high. Anything can happen, but what actually happens is the clearing up of the trivial items on my to-do list. The one I made yesterday morning, when I was on a coffee high.

We finally arrived at our destination, and I study maps every day to get a feel for the place. If I don't, I know that I will have to spend hours on the road, changing 5 buses everytime I attempt to go somewhere. Until I learn to drive on American highways, maybe learn is not the right word, until I venture out there, I will have to be dependent on husbands, bus drivers, etc.

I'm disappointed once again that I still can't have my life around places in walking distance. One should be able to wake up on a Sunday morning and walk to the nearby bakery to get fresh bread (One should also be able to be tempted by an almond-dark chocolate croissant while there). Even if you only need 1 single clove of garlic, you should be able to get it by walking to the store. Did I just describe my life in Turkey? Quite so, and I would very much like to get that part back.

Az gittik uz gittik...

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:25:00 +0000

Az gittik, uz gittik. Dere tepe duz gittik.
Bir de baktik ki, bir arpa boyu yol gitmisiz.

Su anda icinde oldugumuz durumu baska hicbir soz daha iyi aciklayamaz herhalde, o yuzden Ingilizce birseyler yazmaya yeltenmedim bile. Amerika'nin batisindan dogusuna gecerken, saatlerce dere tepe duz gittikten sonra, elimizdeki GPS aletinden bir de bakiyoruz ki, ekran uzerinde astigimiz yol yalnizca bir arpa tanesinin boyutuna denk.

Evliya Celebi'den daha iyi sartlarda yolculuk yaptigimiz kesin. 2 gece kamyonetimizin arkasinda uyumus olsak da (biz bunu kamp yapma -camping- kategorisinde degerlendiriyoruz) kendimizi bir sekilde bir otele motele atiyoruz gunun sonunda. Bu gece sabaha kadar yol tepmeye kararliydik. Ohio'ya varip, emin ellerde rahat bir hafta gecirip, sonra Boston'a -yeni hayatimiza- olan yolculugumuza devam edecektik. Fakat once masum bir gokkusagi ve goz alabildigine uzanan duzluklerin muhtesem renklere burunmesiyle baslayan yagmurlu-bulutlu hava, dort yanimizda cakan simseklere donusunce, "kekligi duz ovada avlarlar" turkusunun baska bir versiyonu olmamak icin bir Holiday Inn'e sigindik. God bless Holiday Inn diyesim geliyor bu noktada. Kavram kargasasi yasayan bir metin oldu bu. Yol yorgunluguma verin.

Su ana kadar bana tamamiyle yepyeni ama bir yandan da filmlerden ve cizgi romanlardan cok tanidik olan birsuru sey yaptik. Evet beni sasirtan, bambaska bir kitada bambaska kavramlarla yasiyor olmam ama bunlarin hala tanidik gelebiliyor olmasi. Yellowstone parkinda gordugumuz bizonlar, kamp yaparken dal parcasina taktigimiz "marshmallow"lari agir agir dondurerek pisirip afiyetle yememiz (bu kadar sekerli bir seyin bu kadar guzel olabilecegini dusunemezdim), dayanamayip ingilizce yazicam, roadside motel'ler, gece kampimizi ziyaret etmesinden korktugumuz ayilar, dag yollarina tirmanirken gordugumuz camla kapli zirveler, bunlar aslinda cok tanidik.

Sonra, Mount Rushmore'a oyulmus Amerikan baskanlarinin bustleri - hep televizyonda orda burda gormedik mi bu eseri? Hic aklima gelmezdi ki birgun gidip onu ziyaret edeyim, hatta onu New York'tan once goreyim. Ama oyle oldu. Hayat, ozellikle de benim hayatim, tuhaf tesaduflerle dolu.

Yolculugumuzun naifligini, vahsi bati tadini ve macera yanini iyi yansittigini dusundugum birkac fotografla bu yazima burada son vermek isterim.

cross-stitching

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 10:47:00 +0000

I have been out of touch these days -my usual excuse for ignoring my blog-. I'm in my hometown, fairly busy, heavily uninspired. I know my readers trust in my ability to glean writing topics out of everyday situations. And I'd like to trust in myself too, but maybe not this time.

I've been doing cross-stitch work. It calms me down. Not that I'm not calm -because I really am-, but it allows me to stay calm and out of the daily flurry that takes over everyone. People seem to worry about the smallest issues and I see them as petty concerns when I look from the outside, but do I worry about the same petty things in my own life, which is on hold for now?

But then who am I to say anything? I spend my time pouring over an Aida cloth, pricking my needle from one tiny hole to the other, working my way X by X to a cute bird figure.

back

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:47:00 +0000

I'm at House Cafe Bebek waiting for friends to get out of work to meet me, and I'm watching five guys who have a dog that keeps barking at passers-by, who laugh and talk loudly about things that won't fill a fig's seed (turkish idiom meaning trivial) and I'm getting annoyed at their attitude. Some of the people here are very spoiled.

It's awfully hot outside, and I'm tired of wandering around. Was this the Istanbul that I left? Was it always this chaotic with speeding cabs (I still hate cabs), bad traffic, cigarette smoke everywhere, and loud streets? I know I was missing certain parts of it (correct, Bosphorus) but I think enjoying this city is highly correlated with having a home to go back to - in other words, feeling anchored in all this turbulence. When I don't have a door to close and leave what bothers me outside, the city gets to me. At least, this time it did. Let's hope for a better impression next time.

Setting negativity aside, it was so nice seeing my friends. Online communication is great but you can't beat the real thing.

Washington Park Arboretum

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:41:00 +0000

Before I proceed to give an account of the rest of our Seattle trip, I'd like to take this moment to thank the blue dot of the maps feature on my iphone, without whose help we would still be going in circles around this city. Even though we took many detours and had to drive miles to get back on track, the blue dot has guided us in the right direction a lot of the time. Not being used to the highway/exit/intersection mentality of Americans, I've struggled so much on this trip to be a good co-pilot and steer my husband in the right direction. Driving here a lot of stress, and I don't know how people do it.
To get back to our subject, we reached the Washington Park Arboretum after a pretty drive along the water. The beauty of the houses that face the water are beyond description. People were running along the shore, walking with their strollers, or just hanging out enjoying the sun. The spring blossoms were so beautiful that we had to stop and take pictures in front of strangers' houses. I was embarrassed, a little, but then we did the same thing with my family so many times. We just love nature. And I'm very lucky to have a husband that loves nature as much as I do.
The arboretum was just so spectacular. Imagine looking around and seeing only green grass, spring blossoms, ducks swimming around in ponds, and trees. And hearing only the birds chirping away. See, words do not do justice to the beauty, serenity, and happiness of that place. I will have to move on and talk about a shopping district or something, as that is something I am capable of doing. In fact we loved it so much at the arboretum that tomorrow we will go running there.
Check out these VRs that give 360-degree views of the place: Glen at Springtime, Springtime on Azalea Way, Woodland Garden & Pond. And more at vrseattle.com.

Pioneer Square

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 03:55:00 +0000

We've been exploring Seattle for the past 3 days. We wanted to take a little trip for our 1st year wedding anniversary, and instead of Oregon Coast which might have been fun too, I wanted to tour Seattle - I miss being in the city and I thought this could be the right fix. I was right! Seattle is full of nice surprises and beautiful sights. We started out by stopping at Pioneer Square on our way to our hotel. I loved the big brick buildings and the entry-level shops.We went into a glass shop where they also had a furnace and people who made things out of glass while you watch, we walked around, visited an underground shopping area with brick walls, went down to the water and took some pictures at the pier, walked back up to the square, and then had coffee at Cafe Umbria, a really neat European-feel cafe. All this time I wasn't feeling too safe as I had seen more homeless and weird people than I have for a long, long time. Throughout our visit, the number of weird people we walked by was to increase. But it was good coffee, and sitting outside in the sun enjoying the Square made it all the more worthwhile. I felt so much better and refreshed to have stepped into a city square again.

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 06:58:00 +0000

am feeling a little nostalgic that's all... remembered the 'package deal' we were. remembered all the package deals this girl been a part of. some goodbyes, some days prior to them and some, subsequent.
it was fun to come as a package deal, after all. even though i've always believed in the 'yalnizlik omur boyu'. some pools we swam in. some beaches we've been to. summer dresses and winter coats. the ones sewn by talented grandmas with green eyes, who wipe your mouth with a freshly soaped hot towel.
and even though i've always believed in the 'yalnizlik omur boyu', i've always wanted to believe in 'alone, together', too.

VW

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 06:09:00 +0000

Dear Leonard,
To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face, and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it, for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years, always the love, always...

Heisey

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 23:54:00 +0000

A famous handmade glassware company, Heisey went out of business in the 1950s but still sends passionate collectors hunting the Holy Grail of their own: the perfect piece, the dream Heisey of each individual collector. I am lucky enough to conduct an interview with a very knowledgeable and long-time collector, as well as lucky enough to be around her rich and beautiful collection every day, as she is my grandmother-in-law. Joyce Rohde was kind enough to answer all my questions. You'll see some pictures as well, although I'm saving the real photo shoot for a sunnier day.

- Can you tell us a little about the Heisey brand?

Heisey was a handmade glass factory located in Newark, Ohio, started in 1896 and closed in 1956. And the reason it was closed, and which has been the fate of most of the other handmade glass companies, is that it was too expensive – the cost of labor was just too much to keep producing the glassware. And it was hard to compete with factory made glassware. It wasn’t the first and the last to close, like Fostoria, Cambridge, Seneca, Imperial, all have since closed. It is a very sad thing though because it is such beautiful glassware. They do still make handmade glass in other countries like Ireland by Waterford, and Austria by Bohemia, but then labor is so much cheaper there.

- How did you start collecting Heisey?

I remember the very day I started – I heard about it before, but after that day, I immediately got books to study it. I used to go to an antique fair called the Treasure Mart in Pendleton at the Catholic Church and they always displayed furniture on the ground floor, and in the basement they had houseware, and I had never been there, because I wasn’t interested in any houseware. This one year I went, in 1969, I looked around, but there was absolutely nothing I could find, and so I went down to the housewares section in the basement. There was tables and tables of stuff, for which I would go wild if it was today, and I saw this little creamer and sugar for 25 cents, and after playing some bridge, visiting with the people, etc. I took them to the cashier. The cashier said, “What in the world, they priced it 25 cents? It should be much more, this is Heisey,” and I didn’t’ even know what it meant. I asked, “What is Heisey?” And I got them for the sheer utilitarian purpose. But then I decided to find out about Heisey, and I did, and shortly after that, I became an avid Heisey collector.

- What, in your opinion, makes Heisey special?

Well, I don’t suppose it is any more special in quality then Imperial or Fostoria, for the most part, but I did limit myself to one brand and didn’t want to collect a whole bunch of glassware. Instead I concentrated on Heisey.
Also, in 1973 or 74, the Heisey Collectors of America bought all the Heisey molds from Imperial glassware, who had bought the factory when it was closed. The reason was to prevent any other company from making glassware in the Heisey molds and then calling it another name. So when you’re collecting Heisey, you can be sure that it’s Heisey.

- How about the social perks of collecting Heisey; have you made new friends who are collectors over the years, or have you reinforced friendships?

Actually, I would say that it’s the biggest reward of collecting Heisey - the relationships we built and the friends we have made. As an example, we started the Caraways, our friends in Texas, collecting Heisey. We used to take our mobile home to the Heisey convention in Newark, OH, and this man approached us when we were in one of the social gatherings there. He was Percy Moore, the director of Heisey Collectors of America. We visited for a while, we talked about glassware, and then Glenn said, “Well, enough about Heisey, are there any old cars?” That started a long and rewarding friendship, and we bought 3 antique cars through him. The following year, the Moores invited us to stay at their house, and we did every subsequent year thereafter, and I can’t tell you how we loved that! One of Percy’s favorite quotes was, “Gosh, I wish I’d known you wanted that,” indicating that he would have found us the piece, after we found things in the yard sales in the area. All the people in Newark knew about the convention, and we would go a few days earlier to the convention, and look at the yard sales that people organized knowing that the town would be populated at that time, and every time we found something we would go back to the Moores, go through our stuff, and he would say the same thing.
And we made so, so many friends collecting Heisey and going to conventions.
And the Caraways - even though we have been lifelong friends, now we had a common purpose; it made our collecting so much more fun. Calling each other and talking about our finds and interests, because we each had our concentration – Dale collected candlesticks, and Barbara liked old-sandwich and empress and crystolite – and it made us closer and we had more in common, and more things to do together.

- What are your best sources in finding new pieces?

It’s a great question. I have to say that ebay is where I find most of my stuff in the last 10 years. Previous to that, it was estate sales, yard sales, and antique shows. And then I also became known in this area for collecting Heisey, and I was always asked to do programs for different organizations, and it wasn’t uncommon for someone to come up to me and say they know of someone who had Heisey, or they have some Heisey, etc. and I found quite a bit that way.

- Do you wish that Heisey was still being produced, or would you rather have it this way?

I’d rather have it this way. It wouldn’t be any fun if anyone sold Heisey it wouldn’t be hard to find, there would be no challenge.

- What is your favorite piece of all times, and do you have a dream piece, one you have been looking for but can’t get or find?

I do have a piece that I have been looking for in years - and it’s the favor vase in tangerine color. Heisey indicated that there were some of these made, but as far as I know, there is no one in the US that has the favor vase. But if I found it, the hunt would be completed.
And I have numerous favorite pieces, it’s in the flamingo color, it’s a cologne bottle and I love it so much that I can’t resist buying it. I already have 3, and there’s one on ebay right now and I’m watching it with anxious expectation.

This is one of her favorite cuts from Heisey.

Her favorite piece, the one she cannot resist buying over and over again even though she already has 4.

A capturing display of her favorite color, 'zircon'. Her favorite zircon piece is the mustard bowl with the little paddle. She even remembers the day she got it.

Milkman

noreply@blogger.com (Pelin) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:16:00 +0000

There are some memories that are so deeply entrenched in me and so dear even though they seem so random. Like the milkmen that came to our door to deliver daily milk. I still remember two of those guys very clearly - one of them had really blue eyes and a girlie voice, and this other one had a beard. But this is not the memory itself. The memory is him putting the metal pitcher into the bigger metal thing, filling it up with clinking sounds here and there, and in one big move, pouring it over to the yellow enamel pot in my hand - the milk looking like a solid white thing for a moment, and the pot getting surprisingly heavy, even though it's expected.
(sutcu, teneke masrapa, tencere are the Turkish words you are looking for)
Then you thank him, and he goes away, and you put start boiling the milk, and then there's the "cream", Sunday breakfasts, honey and cream, dad's pjs.
These memories are so much easier to come back to me here for some reason. It's like, whenever I see a gallon of milk, I remember the milkman and the memory of the milk-pouring ceremony ("bi dakka tencere getireyim"). Whenever I see the boys having breakfast, I remember my grandmother feeding me breakfast, the butter, the sourcherries on the butter (soldiers in the snow). And the sound of pigeons.
And my other memories with my grandmother, which are basically the only things I remember from my childhood? They keep coming back to me these days and accumulating in the back of my mind. That will be a whole another post.