anywhere. anything.

You Are NOT An Accident

2012-01-19T01:16:00.012-06:00

Yesterday I started taking my Religion students (7^th and 11^th grade) through the book The Purpose Driven Life. If you are familiar you know that the chapters are really short, meant to be read as daily devotionals. We usually spend 10-15 minutes reading the chapters together and then discuss things that come to mind with the remainder of class.

Today I had planned to read and discuss Chapter 2, which is titled, “You are not an accident.” I first had the students turn to and read from Psalm 139. A few students expressed cool thoughts that had risen as the passage was read. I then began reading from the Purpose Driven Life book. I read the first page or so and stopped to spend some time on a few thoughts: you are not an accident, you are unique, and God knows you completely. I then turned to a student and asked her to tell me things that she liked about herself. She hesitated. A student quickly responded, “Why dont you let us tell her the things we like about her?” God inspired. I agreed. Then we spent the rest of 6^th period (7^th grade) encouraging each other with words.

After class, I headed up to the high school for the last class of the day, my 11^th grade Religion class. My 7^th grade Religion class is like a pastor’s first Sunday service sermon. He tests things out and then may tweek a few things for the next service. I do the same with 11^th grade. “Well, this went really well for 7^th grade. Lets do that with the 11^th graders.” So after seeing how much fun this activity was with the junior high students I eagerly awaited the same exercise with the juniors. I followed the same routine as the younger class by having the juniors read from Psalm 139. Then we took turns saying unique, positive, necessary things about each student.

We took turns highlighting what we liked about each person, me contributing my own thoughts as I have gotten to know these students well. I found this exercise to be incredibly rewarding for me to be able to speak Truth into each person’s life. I am somewhat guarded when it comes to high school students mainly in part because I sense that I have to be on the defensive with them, always watching for and expecting things to be pulled over my head, like they are all secretly planning an attack to revolt against the teacher. But that has not hindered the potential that I see in my students. So being able to bless them in front of the class, with their peers, was freeing and a blessing to me.

I could tell from the nonverbal queues displayed by each student that when it was their turn to be blessed with words they got a bit squeamish. Its exactly how I get too. I don’t like having the attention on me. And sometimes I have a hard time believing what is being said. And because I have discerned personalities and thoughts for each student, I knew that one particular student would struggle to actually believe what was being said about her.

After each person’s turn, and with a few minutes left in class, I had each student write down what was said about them. I told them the enemy would speak lies over them and probably already had as the activity was taking place. Following that thought, I said, “If multiple people (your friends) said all these great things about you, its because they see that in you. They would not just make stuff up, especially if more than one said roughly the same thing about you. The enemy doesn’t want us to believe these things and will tell you otherwise, but you MUST know that God has designed you with certain qualities, attributes, and talents that are unique to you and He wants to receive Glory through those.”

With class finished, I went to the office to grab a few things and leave and recognized the certain student mentioned above was sitting in the office talking to the principal. I asked her if it was hard to receive those words from her classmates and friends and she confirmed with a nod. I then assured her that she possessed those qualities and characteristics mentioned and that she needed to believe thats exactly what God thinks about her and the way he designed her too. She told me that those words made her cry, which I had seen in class but thought it was for another reason. Her struggle to believe them as truth, followed by crying, leads me to believe that God had penetrated her heart and her tears were the display of that.

And AGAIN (I say again because I feel so undeserving when God does this and it has happened several times in my first year of teaching) God showed up today, through a student’s suggestion, and directed the class to the message that He wanted covered. And I have to mention, this happens all the time here. I will be sitting in the lounge with a rough outline of my plans and God will pop an idea (activity, lesson, etc) in my head and I know thats what I should do. It usually happens last minute, and as a friend said, probably so that I cannot claim it as my own idea. The Spirit is leading!

Rap Battle: Santa vs. the Teens

2011-12-06T04:33:00.002-06:00

Below is a Christmas Rap that my 11th grade, junior class created for our Christmas performance on December 15th. Hope you enjoy!

Christmas Rap Battle: Santa vs. Teens

Written by: 11^th Grade Class

(Santa)

The day is here, never thought it’d arrive

To see the toy-making industry take a dive

I was fat, I was jolly, with a reindeer and elves

Once a year pulling the costume off the shelves

I had a long, red coat and pants to match

A beard, black belt, and hat; quite the catch

Going down chimneys and eating cookie treats

Leaving gifts for children at the Christmas tree feets

(Teens)

Its finally here, the great day has arrived

The gift I want is what I got in mind

Give me a pair of skates to glide on the ice

An iPod for Christmas would also be nice

Toys, toys, toys; I can’t wait to get toys

Give me what I want or we’re gonna make some noise

So shush up and hand them over without a fuss

Hurry up, Old Man, we’re in a rush

(Santa)

Oh, look at yall; standing in line needy and tall

Waiting for an iPhone or Mac, even a jersey of Shaq

This may be disappointing and make you sad

But understand me now, this change isn’t bad

In a toy and candy world, where you live

Sorry, what you wish for I cannot give

The presents and toys have you all in a trance

Smile, laugh, shout, and, hey, even dance

Listen close and listen clear

For your attitude of Christmas brings me to tears

Sorry but your desires are too much for me to handle

Let me tell ya ‘bout the One whose light shines like a candle

(Teens)

This man’s gone crazy, that’s all I can say

This ain’t Santa, it can’t be, no way!

We wait for this holiday every year

So for your actions you’ll tremble with fear

Oh, Santa, right now you’re not being fair

You better reconsider to show us you care

If not toys, presents, and candy

What is it about Christmas that makes it so dandy?

(Santa)

From Nazareth they traveled to Judea on the way

To Bethlehem where Mary and Joseph would stay

There they awaited for the Son of God’s birth

He is known the Chosen One of matchless worth

Jesus was born, with clothes in a manger he lay

Amongst the cows in a barn with countless hay

Then joined by the shepherds who told everyone

About Jesus Christ, God’s Holy Son

(Teens)

So you say that He changed Christmas forever

Well Santa, you have proven to be smart and clever

This man named Jesus was born on this holiday

Therefore, we recognize Christmas a whole new way.

(Santa & Teens)

If you choose to follow the King of kings

Blessings upon you is what He brings

So that you may give to those in need

Sharing love and His name as a thankful deed

So why wait; as the time draws near

Offer up your life to Him this year

Ask, seek, and knock; He will open up the doors

Freedom, truth, and Life will most certainly be yours.

How to Kill a Tiger: the Arrow vs. the Gun

2011-11-18T14:47:00.004-06:00

When choosing your selected weapon in a hunt for a tiger you must consider a few things.

The Gun. It seems like the obvious choice, right?! With the gun you can shoot from a greater distance and maybe do more damage initially. So, you raise your weapon, pull the trigger, and watch with anticipation, hoping the tiger goes down. The problem comes if you miss your target even slightly. The tiger traces the sound to your direction, racing toward you at great speed. What are your chances now with the striped beast?

The Arrow. Although you would probably want to be a bit closer to the tiger to insure a targeted hit, which might make you a bit more nervous, the Arrow is actually a more strategic option. When pierced with an arrow, the tiger will visibly see it lodged in his side and equate the cause of the pain with the arrow. In this situation you are safe simply because the tiger will struggle to wrestle with the arrow, never looking for a shooter, which buys you time to shoot another arrow into the tiger and finish him off.

In the Spiritual realm, Satan employs the same method. At many times during the day, one can be under attack from Satan as he pierces our hearts with deceit-dipped arrows. These well place lies hit where it hurts and cause us to focus on the arrow itself, not him, which is what he wants, honestly. When we dont see Satan standing behind the arrow, when we dont equate the voices in our head as lies from the Evil One, and when we accept those lies as truth we tend to struggle more in deceit, while Satan continually fires rounds of arrows into our heart. His lies are subtle and tricky.

This has been a crucial aspect in the way that I view my identity in Christ. I receive lies (arrows) on a daily basis. I must be aware and recognize Satan in his work. The Spirit has really helped me distinguish truth from lies. And then, I must turn to God right then and receive His voice, His acceptance, His Truth. And hearing the voice of God is a refreshing drink on a scorching day.

"Who do YOU say that I am?"

2011-11-11T23:31:00.008-06:00

Door shuts! Praise God!

I had been waiting 45 minutes this day for a bus that wasn’t packed to the door so that I could get back to Beit Jala from Jerusalem. Usually, a five to ten minute wait is all that is necessary to find the right bus. After watching 4 buses pass by the bus stop without slowing at all, I was finally ready to get on. It is a Friday, the Muslim holy day. Therefore, at this time, most of the buses I watched pass by, without even a hint of slowing down, were crammed with devout Muslims trying to find their way back home.

I find my place in the aisle; the only space left on this particular bus. Most of the passengers around me are Muslim. However, I notice an American passenger sitting in the window seat of the aisle that I am now standing. As I stand exhausted from a day of sightseeing the Holy City, I casually notice that the mysterious American passenger, who is sitting next to a Muslim woman, is deep in conversation. Strangely enough, she doesn’t want to be! I can tell she is either tired or not feeling well, and she confirms that to the lady sitting next to her, as this particular covered, Muslim woman continues asking her questions, trying to draw her further into conversation.

The American picks up her cell phone and places it to her ear, so as to signal an incoming call and perhaps bye her more time to think of her next move. As she responds to mystery Man A, I wonder if there is even anyone on the other end. She then hangs up the phone and returns it to its position, still clinched in her hand, maybe hoping that another convenient call might take place. “How can you believe that Jesus is actually God,” this woman asks the poor American tourist who just wants to be left alone. Okay, my attention is even more devoted to this pair now; however, rather than give my cards away, I opt for the look-out-the-window eavesdropping technique, keeping my good ear turned their way, making sure I pick up all the key ingredients of this one-sided conversation.

I look ahead briefly, so as to keep my cover, while frequently giving a look in their direction. From above the conversation, my eyes steal long glances, hoping that my ears follow suit and fill in what words are being said to go along with the awkward body language and nonverbal cues that are taking place. Another look forward. This time, I notice the man standing in front of me is now turned around and he looks to interject his own comments into this random conversation. He utters something in Arabic. Muslim woman responds back before devoting more words and thoughts to American passenger, who is now looking out the window, not making eye contact. What response she does contribute to this conversation is very soft, as she tries to keep her thoughts in her row only, not wanting her beliefs to seep out into other rows, where listening ears are now apparent.

Once again, I watch the man standing directly in front of me and I am thinking, “Should I jump in this conversation and bail this defenseless woman out?” I quickly decide minding my own business is the route I am going to take today. “Can you believe that this woman here thinks that Jesus is God,” the voice in front of me projects my way. Okay, maybe I will be contributing my own thoughts. “Actually,” I offer sheepishly, “I believe the same thing she does.” The man’s face changes. “You believe that Jesus is God,” he prods. He then proceeds to inform me about his beliefs, how Jesus is a mere prophet, and how there is no way that he was God. His monologue lasts a good 7-8 minutes as I listen honestly, nodding my head and giving him nonverbals to show I am listening.

Before I left, I read Muslims, Christians, and Jesus. It was very informative and spoke about the importance of seeking common ground with Muslims, not trying to stir up arguments, and just listening to what they believe. I do exactly as the book explains. After exhausting himself, he looks at me with interest and questions, “Who is Jesus’ father?”

“Father God is,” I state.

“How can this be? He was born of a woman. How can Jesus be a son and God? He is only a prophet. He has to be,” the man offers expecting a response.

“Jesus is God the Son. Father God is also God,” my response comes.

“Impossible, it cannot be,” again he says.

“I don’t know how to explain it to you in a way that is easy to understand because God is not someone that I can fully comprehend. There are certain things that I just have to say, ‘God is God and I am not’,” I respond again, hoping this time he accepts my thoughts. I am becoming aware now as I look around my proximity that more itching ears and curious eyes are beginning to look directly at me, wondering what I will say. At this point, I am trying to keep my voice low. I have nowhere to go, I am not trying to start a spiritual fight or even critique the Muslim beliefs. I am only trying to counter what this man is stating so matter-of-factly with truth.

We continue talking for another 15 minutes as he shares his personal beliefs with me, trying to persuade me in the errors in mine. I gladly share truth with him and the conversation takes twists and turns around the Gospel. I keep my cool, listening more than talking, and giving him all the proper cues to know that I am not offended and I respect what he is saying. Not long after, we arrive at his bus stop. The bus comes to a complete stop, he turns around, and proceeds to walk down the aisle. I tap him on the shoulder, extend my arm, and shake his hand, so as to say, “It was a pleasure talking with you.” I had hoped that he would ride the bus longer and get off at my stop so that we could continue our conversation, but it was not to be.

I thank God for this day that I was able to speak Truth into this man’s life. I pray that a seed was planted. I also pray that those listening ears on the bus received the Word in their language. God’s Word does not return void.

Raji, Daniel, and George

2011-11-06T23:08:00.015-06:00

Three weeks ago we took a trip over the weekend (our first of two in 2 straight weeks) with our soccer and basketball teams north of Tel Aviv (about a 2 hour drive). Our teams spent the day at an American School playing against a few other schools in the area. Although we didn’t fare so well against stronger competition, the students really enjoyed getting away and seeing a new landscape.

After the tournament we traveled to a mall just off the Mediterranean Sea and spent a couple of hours of free time just enjoying the area. I was responsible for three 6th grade students: Raji, George, and Daniel (Raji is always smiling, Daniel is the “cool, athletic one”, and George is a bit more reserved but goofy). They anxiously informed me that they wanted to go straight to the beach, thereby bypassing the mall, as soon as we stepped off the bus. I had prayed that God would give us an enjoyable time. That prayer was answered immediately and tangibly.

As the sun was retiring for the evening, the four of us walked down a beautiful, white beach just down a ways from the marina that kept several sailboats. We stopped at the marina to look at all the fancy boats that were at bay before we headed to the beach. Just off the beach a few feet was a wall of large boulders that ran parallel. After immediately seeing the water, the guys had a smile on their face as wide as the sea itself. This was the first or second time these boys had ever been to the beach! Think back to your childhood and imagine the excitement you felt when you first saw the beach. They kept looking at me as if seeking permission, their faces following suit as if to cry out, “Am I allowed to get in the water and have fun?” And when my response matched the desires of their youthful, adventurous hearts there was no hesitation on their parts.

I was reminded that these young guys had been oppressed and told “no” their whole lives. “No, you cannot leave your small and shrinking territory. No, you cannot take simple trips across the border to the beach, the zoo, the amusement park, or even the mall.” The innocence of youth does not even weigh in on a decision to allow Palestinians to travel freely back and forth, with the exception of a school game here or there, and in that case permits must be approved weeks in advance.

So, when my three 6th grade students for the day asked if they could have fun, enjoy the water, and get wet, how could I offer up any response shy of, “Swim, Run, Shout, Laugh, get wet, and live in this moment as if nothing else matters!!!”

It was the best day of the week by far, simply because God reminded me what it was to be a kid again, to approach life without worry or fear, but to simply out of Joy, Courage, and Passion, experience Life! Raji, Daniel, and George allowed me to live vicariously through them that day!

“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

waiting...

2011-09-02T11:07:00.002-05:00

What is it like to wait? After being unemployed for over a month now and waiting on the right things to line up (God's timing; which is best), I can finally say that I am in a place spiritually where I only want to go now when God opens the door. It really has freed up my mind and heart to be obedient, especially knowing that God has reasons for the things that He does, and they are far greater and globally encompassing than my mere schedule or preferences. So, when God opens the gates and lets me go, I will go.

Collision.

2011-04-15T22:10:00.017-05:00

FIVE MONTHS AGO (November 2010) I sat across the table from two managers at JB Hunt and listened to the proposition that they would soon offer. The result, if I accepted, would send me to Cleveland, OH where I would become an on-site manager of a large, national customer. I knew it would be a big decision; not one I wanted to take lightly…And so, I listened.

Rewind another four months…(July 2010)

Same scenario, slightly different. Replace the corporate setting for a more relaxed pizza place downtown with a fellow member of my church. In this case, the offer on the table would mean my new home would be in a neighborhood in Bethlehem. Should I accept, I would begin preparing for a year or two teaching Math and Bible, discipling Palestinian Christians, and reaching out to Muslims in the place where Christianity all began, all while living and adjusting to a completely different world than I had ever known, a Muslim world.

…

My first experiences at JB Hunt didn’t have a fair chance. I struggled seeing how I was living a life of purpose. It wasn't that I was purposeless, but just that working behind a desk wasn't what I had originally wanted to do for years on end. However, I always knew that I could succeed at whatever I did. And I knew that JB Hunt could be a place for me to really grow, succeed, and be rewarded. As the time fell off the clock and the days quickly passed by, I began to become more accepting of my role at Hunt. I wanted to be recognized for my hard work and integrity. I wanted to be acknowledged. And I was.

So, when the offer came to move to Cleveland, OH and use the skills that I had already acquired to grow even more and expound on my abilities, I knew that I could not let that opportunity pass me by. I mean, what’s not to love about that potentially exciting opportunity; a new environment on my own, independence, career growth potential, and more money. After spending two weeks thinking, praying, and seeking counsel I told JB Hunt that if they wanted me to move I would gladly go. And at that point, I was ready.

SIDEBAR- When initially presented in the summer of 2010 with the opportunity to go to Bethlehem the following fall I almost sensed immediately that I should go. I had been pursuing teaching before with no success and had wanted to follow what I was gifted and passionate about. I told Terry Rhodes that I would probably go with the understanding that further prayer would need to confirm that. Weeks passed and I wasn't praying much about Bethlehem, which surprised me a bit.

One day in the car, on the way to work, I was praying. It was at that time that I thought about the fears of raising support, the fear of leaving a job that I had just acquired, and the fear that my family wouldn't understand and would ultimately look down on me with disapproval. Furthermore, the reality that I would leave my brother, whom I love spending time with and watching God pour into his life, was hard to swallow. God made clear to me that all three were fleshly fears that at the deepest, rawest level uttered, "I dont have faith in God. I will not follow. My life is my own now."

I began to make subtle compromises. "I'm doing good things here. I volunteer in church ministry. I am starting to work more with the worship team at church. And JB Hunt is even recognizing me more and more and I believe that God is going to allow me to have a successful ministry in business."

A month or so later I emailed Terry and told him I would not be joining the team in Bethlehem because I was being called to stay at home and continue the things that I was already doing. (false mask)

(Back to Cleveland offer, Nov. 2010) I must point out that I had been told that had I moved away for a few years and knocked this project out of the park, I would be handsomely rewarded. I did not object. And gradually my mind started to ponder the large purchases I would soon be making- a big screen TV, a Blu Ray player, surround sound, possibly a new truck, a house in the future. And I was fine with that. I welcomed that. God had given me a platform at work and why not use that to bring him Glory.

In January, I made plans to go to Cleveland to visit the customer with 5 other JB Hunt professionals and help seal the deal on my new opportunity.

Before I left, I met with a couple of really close friends, Kevin and Jen Perrine. They sadly informed me that they thought my recently made decision was not the right one. They asked me to pray that God would close doors that weren’t meant for me to walk through. But, they also asked that I pray that the right doors would be opened. I didn’t know what to do with this newly acquired perspective.

So, I began to pray in all humility. I prayed as they had encouraged me. My initial reaction, and a natural tendency for me, was to act irrationally and walk in and inform the project manager that I would have to return my plane tickets and decline the offer they submitted. Call it the freak out mode, if you will. And my stomach started to churn. Then, as clear as I know, I heard God's voice spoken to my heart, "Don't do anything. You have already accepted the job. You don't need to act irrationally. Even though you made this decision in your flesh, I can still trump that and reverse whatever you have done if I want you to take a different route."

PEACE filled my heart. I was longer worrying about the outcome because it was no longer up to me! It was similar to a phrase I had heard before but slightly tweeked, "You got yourself into that mess but I can get you out." So, with nothing else to do but wait on God, I finished my day at work and kept praying for God's direction.

And then I pursued Cleveland, knowing that I had already accepted their offer and could not turn back. In the back of my mind I knew that God could close the door that would lead me to Ohio, but I had been told that the account would be ours and there wasn’t much we could do to lose it. The day after I boarded a plane to Cleveland.

Our time in the Midwest was short lived and filled with battle plans and strategic structuring in order for the customer to see how we could greatly increase their business. However, God’s plans were greater and He knew that He would have to close that door or else I would be walking through it. And He did. I came back the next day to Arkansas with a feeling that we would not gain the business, and an even deeper feeling of uncertainty that maybe I was not in the right life path, that maybe my time at JB Hunt was expiring and I needed to change directions. But with no clear direction, I was clueless, but hopeful.

I flew back early Saturday morning. At church the next Sunday (January 2011) I ran into a familiar friend whose offer in the pizza joint 6 months earlier I had refused. “What are your plans for lunch? Will you join my family and I at our home?” I accepted. Over a meal, He encouraged me to pray hard and be very certain that God was not asking me to follow Him to Bethlehem. With a new skepticism in my recent decision making abilities I decided that I better respect his advice and at least give more thought to what he was saying. He had said that four separate friends from church had come up to him and suggested that he talk to me about teaching at his school in Bethlehem. When he informed them all that I had already declined the opportunity in Bethlehem they asked him to approach me again. And he did. And he was. And I listened. I wasn’t going to make a huge decision based on what others thought God was telling me, but I could not discount the fact that not one, two, or three people had mentioned it, but four. Four separate individuals.

I returned home that Sunday afternoon with a renewed vision. It was as if I knew then what God was asking. All my confusion and fears were abandoning me. And at that time, as I reconsidered where my life was headed, everything became clear. And I knew that God was calling me in a different direction.

I revisited my three fears that kept me from saying yes before-raising support, quitting a job; security, and family approval. Supernaturally, all my fears became minimal. All my reservations paled. God was showing me His greatness and His Glory! On that day, looking down the path of my life and on into the future, I made a commitment to God that I would follow with my life, no matter the cost, what others would think, or even what I would doubt and question. At the crossroads, as a 29 year old man, God was showing me a life of FAITH that I would know and have, that I would taste and see.

And that is where I find myself today. He is calling me to pursue my passions and my gifts. He is calling me to use those to passionately serve Him in Bethlehem where I will have the opportunity to teach, disciple, use my musical abilities in worship, and teach ultimate frisbee, all while connecting with Palestinians. And I am joyful!

I will leave in mid August. My place is already waiting. I have a new home halfway across the globe with a new community of believers. Some I know, some I dont. I will be teaching Math and Bible to junior high and high school students, as well the opportunity to disciple young men of the faith. It will be a challenging time for me and the others. More than likely, things will not come naturally. But one thing I know, God is working there in Bethlehem to bring the lost to Himself. And I get to be a part of that.

To most people, this change will not make sense. I know that. But, in my thinking, I will be doing something that I have wanted to do, something I feel gifted to take part in, and most importantly, something that I believe God is nudging me towards. And I pray that He will use me to form relationships as I leverage my life for His work.

So, I must go...

"Embracing Accusation"- Shane Barnard

2011-02-09T08:09:00.003-06:00

Read these lyrics and think about this...Shane Barnard has a way with hitting the heart with powerful words

"Embracing Accusation"

Shane and Shane

The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
JESUS SAVES!

October 26th, 2010

2010-10-26T22:19:00.001-05:00

CONTROL-its something I want to have, not something I get to have.

Steering a car. What I wear today. Where I will eat lunch. Which movie I will select at Red Box. What I will do on the weekend. These are all things that I choose to do, things that I have most control over. I make these decisions, usually effortlessly, on a daily basis. I have control in these areas.

Choosing for someone to follow commands? Choosing for a friend to be respectful? Yet most importantly, choosing for someone to follow and obey Christ…to love and honor God…and to surrender their life to the calling and duty of Christ? I have NO CONTROL over these things. Sometimes, I like to believe that the things that I do or say will force someone to make the decision that I deem favorable and that Scripture seems to make clear. Yet, things hardly turn out the way I suspect. I am learning through much trial and yet far more error that it doesn’t come down to me. That is frustrating and liberating simultaneously.

Campus Crusade used a motto that was taught to me when learning how to share my faith with random people on campus as a freshman in college. My mentor shared that successful evangelism is, “stepping out in faith and in the Spirit to share Christ with others and leaving the results up to God.” The last part of the phrase was very freeing for me.

“Okay God, I will share my faith with these people (total strangers) and its up to you to stir in their hearts. If I present myself available to You and still I don’t see any results, I trust that you are all powerful, sovereign, and you love them.”

Its when you are dealing with people that you love and care about that this motto gets thrown out the window, people you are close to. For me, that’s where control becomes and issue. If I am available, walking in the Spirit, speaking Truth, and yet I see no tangible results, then I become frustrated and discouraged. Somehow I still believe that their choosing to be obedient to Christ is up to me: my words, my illustrations, and maybe even my example???

“God, I return to You. I rely on you. Use this to teach me how to relinquish control and let you work in whatever ways you choose. Your ways are greater than mine. Your strength is greater than mine. Your purpose is greater than mine. Teach me how to be available and willing and even more prayerful, but not an extinguisher of the Spirits work…”

Philippians 4:6-7
Proverbs 3:5-6
Romans 12:10
Pslams 16:2

music.

2010-03-23T13:38:00.003-05:00

This last weekend I was in wedding as a groomsman. You know the drill. As a member of the wedding party I had to get there 4 hours early. I started to think of what I could do to pass the time. We relaxed in the parlor to kill a few hours after pictures were taken and a friend started playing a familiar song on the piano. "Colorblind" by the County Crows started to fill the room.

I went over to watch, wishing that I too was talented enough to leisurely play a few tunes from a piano when the time called. Justin, a fellow groomsman and friend, began to show me how to play the song. It wasn't very hard to learn and it left a craving to continue to learn how to play the piano; a skill I wished I had possessed for many years now.

After the wedding was over, I could not stop thinking about getting to a piano so I could continue to polish my newly acquired song. The next day I found myself in a Best Buy staring at the keyboards. I ended up buying a cheaper Yamaha keyboard. I took it home, unwrapped the box, and plugged in the keyboard. I began playing, and I couldn't stop.

Today, it is Tuesday. I have played everyday since for several hours at a time. If you added my total hours, I would be in the double digits. And still it is something that the time passes quickly with. Its such a cool thing to have something that I enjoy and look forward to, and to see drastic improvement in something that I just started to pick up.

I remember when I first learned a song on my guitar in college. A buddy had showed me how to play a popular song of the day and I couldn't stop playing in my room. Everyday. Playing. Hours gone. I could never get enough guitar. And I would continue to play until I developed that skill to something that now, years later, I realize I have a talent/ gifting in, even though I still have A LOT more to learn than I already know.

It is exciting to see the same forward progression/ desire with piano. Who knows what will happen?

Ozark Highlands Trail

2010-03-10T20:45:00.015-06:00

The Ozark Highlands Trail is a unique Arkansas adventure.

This last weekend Kirby(my brother), Malik, and I made our debut trip to Cherry Bend Entrance (section 2, Ozark Highlands Trail) near Cass, AR for an 8 mile backpacking hike. This section of the trail is supposed to be the most scenic, peaking at Hare Mountain, which overlooks the valley.

I have always been in love with the outdoors and in October I started working at J.B. Hunt, which freed up my weekends. It was something I had not had in several years: a friday night, saturday, AND sunday free of work. Recently, with the addition of warmer weather, I started to plan a few weekends that I could spend in the beautiful Arkansas wilderness. We had perfect weather (high in the 60s and lows in the 40s). I could not have asked for a better window of time to go.

On Friday night after work, the three of us jumped in the car with bags packed and headed to the trailhead. We arrived pretty late and hiked about 1.5 miles in the complete dark, reminding me of a time in college a few friends gathered at the Buffalo National Park for a late night backpacking excursion. By the time Kirby, Malik, and I had found a place to camp and got our tent set up it was 10:00 pm. We bypassed the opportunity for a late dinner in order to get a head start on sleep.

The next morning came late with a headache in a cold sleeping bag. But, that is the extent of my complaints. The day was sunny and warming up fast. We stumbled out of our tent (some faster than others) and I started making banana pancakes for the fellas. Before you give me raving credit, let me first tell you that I had no skillet and no butter to keep the pancakes from sticking. I only had a pot, and by the time bananas and pancakes were added, cooked, and flipped (or tried to at least) what was left was banana pancake crumbles. However, as I stated to the guys, "its not how it looks but how it tastes that matters." They would later agree with the taste on their tongues.

We quickly launched from breakfast to clean up camp mode...said a prayer and then away we went. I knew early on that completing the 12 mile journey, which was supposed to be a 6 mile one way trip up to Hare Mountain and back, was not going to happen. Hare Mountain is one of the highest points of the Ozarks. It has a scenic lookout with a ideal place to camp. I wanted to make it up on Saturday, stay the night, and then have a long, but downhill, trek back on Sunday. Enter Option B...

Malik had never been backpacking before. He didn't understand the concept after repeated attempts to prepare him for what to expect. He couldn't seem to breakaway from the good ole American camping ideology; you know, stuff everything in your car, sleep by hundreds others, no hiking required, hotdogs over the fire type "adventure." So, I just accepted the fact that he would have to learn "backpacking" by trial and error. He did, in fact. I knew on saturday that we would not make the top. I sensed God saying, "you are not going to make the top. I know you want to, but just enjoy where you are right now and lets make this a win, win situation for everyone, especially Malik." So, I just accepted tilling around on the trail for part of the day. It turned out to be great!

We found another great spot, set up camp, refilled our water suppy, and then took naps. We awoke for an early dinner around a freshly created fire. "Life doesn't get any better than this." Dinner was instant meals of Chicken and Rice, Lasagna, and Beef Stroganoff for the three of us followed by cheesecake for dessert.

I had asked God what He wanted me to share at night around the fire. It immediately came to me...God spoke quickly. The whole day we had been talking about the importance of water; drinking it to keep hydrated, planning on where to find it, and refilling it with iodine tablets. So, when I asked God what He wanted them to hear (and myself as well), John 4 was where I turned to. We had a great discussion about Jesus and the woman at the well, as well as Jesus being the Living Water. It was neat to parallel how important water was to us all weekend and yet Jesus as the living water is even more crucial in our lives. Shortly thereafter we went to bed, but not without a random deer walking around our campfire in the distance that scared the crap me, allowing my mind to entertain the notion a bear was out to get us.

Morning came with the sun and we were on the trail early headed back to the car.

This weekend, the guys learned how to drink water from a stream (iodine, for sure), be responsible for their gear, prepare dinner, identify the right trails, set up/take down camp, and read a trail map. Terms they are now freshly introduced to: No Trace backpacking and B.I.F.F. (Bathroom In Forest Floor),

We had a great time!

stirring.

2010-01-14T23:26:00.003-06:00

A glimpse of vision, a passion, a stirring. I feel it. No. I feel Him. Spirit.

Answered prayer.

He comes so mysteriously, coupled with excitement and hope. A calling?....maybe. A purpose?...most definitely! And, again, I am hopeful. My life is opening up. Opportunities are all around. This tunneled vision that I once had has been broadened to include things once forgotten. I am alive!

Clarity?...coming. The clouds of confusion slowly disappearing to reveal a vibrant Light. Clarity?...Where have you been?

A sigh of relief…

A distant voice slowly grows louder.

A loosely painted picture gaining colorful detail.

“We turn, and give ourselves body, soul, and spirit back to God, asking him to cleanse our hearts and make them new. And He does. He gives us a new heart. And He comes to dwell there, in our hearts. If we believed that…we could do anything. We would follow Him anywhere!”

-John Eldredge, Waking the Dead

Full belief?...not yet. I still have my doubts and fleshly limitations.

Joyful and hopeful?...yes!

God is stirring my heart!

For a week now I have been purposefully asking God to awaken the Spirit within me. My request has been for a thirst for the Word, a purpose to cling to, for my eyes to be opened, and for my ears to hear His direct call.

And, I can say that my prayers, the Spirit’s cries, have not gone unanswered. My heart is starting to believe. Freedom is out there. Where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is freedom.

Currently, I have a lot on my mind. Good things, nonetheless! But, I struggle to bring words to the surface. I don’t know what to say about the change in my heart. The enlightenment?...Its not drastic, but like a boulder being pushed over a hill, things are slowly, or rather quickly, gaining momentum. I am certain that time will bring a clearer picture.

Basically, I have been asking God to point me in a direction…a direction specific to me. I have asked for instances to stir my passions and for my heart to be keenly aware. And though I don’t know the picture God is painting, I DO know that they will be in line with His Heart.

Please continue to pray with me that I would listen and obey!

Part of the change I can attribute to God using a story of someone else. It was strongly suggested to me as well as others that I follow a blog about a young, Christ follower living in Africa. I mindlessly printed off her writings on her blog which dated back to the two previous years. A little pre bed reading material?...You bet! The first night I started reading and quickly became encouraged, awakened, and enthralled as I journeyed into Uganda, Africa myself. Three nights later, one hundred and fifty pages later, and still only half of her time in Africa covered. Yet she writes so simply, exquisitely illustrating with words a culture, an experience, and a god in Africa. I cant capture with my words what she does with hers. So I will add my personal recommendation to the list. If you want to see one example of an individual completely dependent and sold out for Christ and the work that requires, then you really should journey to her page and see firsthand what God is doing through her willing life. You will be moved! You will be humbled!

-and if you do decide to read her story, I have found it best to start with 2007 and work your way to the present. Just click on the year of postings that you want to read on the right hand side of her page and you can read in order-

http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

thanks. and goodnight.

jmh

"Behold, I make all things new..."

2009-01-04T14:56:00.003-06:00

January 1, 2009

“Behold, I make all things new…”

A Feel Good Story…with the opportunity to infect millions of people within an ear shot of a television. It seems today’s “reality television” is overwhelmed with old and new shows alike, priding themselves on life change. Be it home makeovers, weight loss, or even pimpin cars, the message you see nowadays is written across many tv screens and infiltrates our minds and hearts. Its message is contagious, multiplying exponentially. And although results vary from newly remodeled homes, custom cars, and redefined bodies, people everywhere are catching on to the idea that dreams do, in fact, come true.

The Biggest Loser…maybe one of the more successful shows on the air, pits several overly obese citizens against each other to see who can ultimately shed the most pounds. The idea is borrowed of course, but its message couldn’t land in a timelier manner. The message is loud and clear, “Change really does happen.”

As people, not just Americans, we love feel good stories. As of lately, my entertainment tube plays episodes of Intervention, a showcase of people entrapped in addictions and the necessary means that are taken by loving family members to end a lifestyle of mainly drug and alcohol related obsessions. It doesn’t take long to connect with the characters; real life people struggling with real life problems. Without failure, I always root for the “happy ending.” Occasionally, I am disappointed. But, for the most part, lives are impacted; not just the person involved with the addiction, but the whole network of support, for example, family members and friends. I can rest peacefully with favorable outcomes in which clearly a change has taken place and you see a newly revealed glimpse of that person. The not-so-favorable outcomes, in which addicts stubbornly return to their drug of choice, and merely with the end in sight, cause me to feel as if an hour of my time has been wasted, and the hope I have for that individual is lost.

We have reason to celebrate. “Death has no victory. Where, O Death, is your sting?” Jesus, Messiah, intervened in our lives. If an episode were written and produced today, it might possibly be the most watched Intervention ever. And yet, the story, as we know it, has already happened.

“Behold, I make all things new…”

Hi. My name is Jason Hayes and I am an addict (Hi Jason). I love myself entirely too much. I would rather promote myself than boost another. I struggle with guilt that I will not be able to make anything good of myself. And guilt rears its face when I fall. I also care too much about what others think of me. I rely heavily on the misconception that with effort I can attain perfection, or close there to it. I live for the moment, and not for the eternal. I quit when things get difficult. I am lazy. I am passive. And, the plank in my eye does not exist. I have a problem.

“Behold, I make all things new…”

Transformation.

Enter Jesus.

I am blown back at how He has started a new work in me. He is faithful to complete it. My eyes have been opened wider than ever before. And now I see more clearly. Our lives are the ultimate feel good story for which God receives all the glory. I am being molded more and more to His image. As the new has come, the old has gone. When I reflect on my identity in Christ and my life here on earth, I am filled with gratitude and humility. I know that I still have my downfalls, as big as they seem. But, I also recognize that in the door of my heart stands Someone with the ability and desire to change me; to progressively eradicate every wrong habit or nature within me that has no place in the presence of Him and fill me with fruits of the Spirit. His work began on day one.

Transformation. I become more like Him.

This same message, disguised slightly to fit a secular audience, plays in homes everywhere on various television sets to the tune of, “change really does happen.” Although most fail to acknowledge the Creator by which this message is made possible, the theme is inspiring.

God has opened my eyes to see that I cannot change who I am. Nothing I can do, physically, is going to make me more like Him. I trust Him, only Jesus, author of my Faith, that He has that ability. But He has already proven that He is willing to do whatever it takes to give us true Life. He lives in me daily and is crafting me to reflect His Glory. That’s a Transformation that I hope and believe in, and hopefully the rest of the world will come to see.

self titled--anywhere. anything.

2008-05-06T23:45:00.001-05:00

So, I recently came to the conclusion that “joy of epiphany” was not a title that I really wanted to double as my mission and vision statement for my life. Yeah, it’s neat to learn new things, but that aspect is missing a few key elements that are found in Matthew 28: go, make disciples, baptize in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. My blog needed a new identity. And, now it has one—“anywhere. anything.”

The concept really sums up where my heart is. I am at a point in my life, and I pray that remains true until my dying day, that I will go anywhere Christ needs me and do anything that He asks. It’s a simple concept that my mind can fathom, for right now at least. If you cut out all the details, because God knows the details, I don’t, and He will reveal them to me at the appropriate time—regardless of my desire to know His plan for me—it makes following him simpler to grasp. I simply listen to Him, remain open and flexible, and obey when He calls me somewhere for something. It’s when I try to make my own arrangements to fall in line with what I want God to want me to do that things get messy and tangled.

As a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, a friend, a coworker, a cousin, and whatever else I could possibly be, I want to make one thing clear, if I have not already: I will go wherever Christ calls me and do whatever He wants me to do. I want everyone to know that one simple fact. That IS my heart’s desire. When people think of me, I want to be known for that, that I live for Christ, that I seek to bring Him glory with my life and, even death.

I recently heard a very empowering testimony from a missionary. My heart was stirred, my passions were revisited, and I left incredibly moved. In sharing, he said one of many things that has stuck with me and continues to resonate with my soul. He said, “God is not boring, we are boring.” And he continued, “I had made God small all of my life, and I had decided that I was not going to make Him small anymore. My life had been changed and would be changed forevermore. There was no way that I could go back to living the way that I had when I had recently seen God do impossible things.”

Right now, for however long, God has me in Northwest Arkansas. I am seeking a teaching position, ministering to kids at church and Potter’s House, and working and ministering to friends at the Marketplace Grill. I am seeing God move all around me and I am content. However, if God calls me to pick up my stuff and move to another location in the US, or even…ahem…the world, I will do it without hesitation. THAT’S where I stand.

I do not follow money.

Not a job.

Not anyone.

Not anything.

I follow Christ alone!

“The chief end of man is to glorify God”

"Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace"

2008-04-30T00:30:00.002-05:00

Its amazing how one line from a song can change your thinking about a certain thing or about a particular person. The above line, taken from a popular worship song today, has been wedged in the corner of my mind, only to be recalled when the same song is sung again. Its the part of the whole song that I look forward to, the part that reveals a new thought for me.

Working my way backwards, I have always known about grace, mentally, but I have lacked in fully experiencing the word spiritually, in a heartfelt way. Intellectually, I could tell you what grace really was. But, if you looked into my life it would hardly be found. Grace was a one-time transaction that took place on the day of my Salvation. Of recently, grace is being shown to me in a new way, in a new light.

For the better part of my life I have lived with what I will call a perfectionistic, legalist mentality. My goal in life was to be as good as possible, managing a few "minor sins" along the way, and confessing anything major that occurred. The problem came with "major sins"--the label that my mind made up to distinguish tolerable sins and intolerable, and thus proving to you how messed up my thinking really was, and partly, still is. Shortly after a "major sin" occurrence, I would carry the burden of guilt and enter into a motionless period, in which I neither continued in sin, nor pursued anything holy. In logic, I believed that I had to "serve my time" for the sin that I had committed by remaining trapped in guilt and tormented by the lies of the lingering Enemy, usually lasting anywhere from one to two weeks. On earth, it makes sense. In the heavenly realm, another truth rings louder and clearer. Jesus Christ died several years ago so that I would not have to live with guilt. And again, there it is...

"I am caught in Your grace"

I love the sound those words produce. I am caught...stuck, hooked, trapped...I cannot find myself on the outside of grace. What a glorious thing! My thoughts have been transformed. My life, from the inside out, is being transformed.

I have begun to question why all these years I have struggled with guilt when God has offered something so sweet--grace. Hear me, I do not lighten the weight of sin, but I only recognize the power, love, and sovereignty of our mighty Savior. It is now that I desire to continue in grace, striving towards perfection (Phil. 3), confessing my sin quickly (1 John 1:9), and time and time again finding myself woven into the threads of grace. I rebuke the legalistic enemy, and I cling to the promise of my Father. ..

"Should I stumble again, still I'm caught in Your grace"

"Into The Wild"

2008-04-30T00:15:00.001-05:00

(from November, 2007)

…Life is a journey, meant to be lived as an adventure…

For some time now, a bizarre hunger has lingered in the corners of my mind. I cannot lay a finger on the origin of this longing or even when it began, but I do know with certainty that from time to time I feel this particular desire calling me. I cannot tell you why, but since my college years I have wanted to live with everything I own on my back. I want to travel the world and see new places from a different perspective; to depend on God for even the smallest essentials of life.

Since my junior year of high school I have taken numerous backpacking trips into the wild. In these times I have felt at home in the outdoors. Everyday was a new place to be with a new landscape—sunrises in the morning, sunsets at night, streams flowing gently by, the smell of fresh pine, wildlife in its natural habitat—and I was there to soak it all in. It left me wanting more!

I used to wonder, and still do, why life cannot be more like this. Why does life have a pattern: go to school, get a job, get married?Sometimes I wonder why one must be questioned, prodded, and even convinced when they fall out of line, when they take the “road less traveled,” and choose to go against the culture. Now, I know times change and even now it is not uncommon to see people waiting longer to get married, but being twenty-six and without a “full time career” starts to cause friction with others. The commonly heard question, “don’t you think its time to get a job,” starts to ring louder than ever before and pressure builds up. Should one settle into a career just out of college because it’s the thing to do and everyone else has done it?Is there any room to veer off the road and make a new path?

I would not consider myself ready to settle into a career yet, though it seems to be the next obvious step. Not to say that choosing a career and taking a job sucks the adventure out of life, but I still think there is more exploring to do. The world is so beautiful, and to me, unseen. I want to see it! I have been blessed to have gone to many of the places that I have been. My travels extend from close to half theUnited States to Nepal, Russia, and more. I am privileged to experience what I have. Yet, I want more! Is that so immature and naïve?

Tonight, my eyes have been opened wider than ever before. I have a renewed passion! This passion has put my life into focus and given me a perspective that I have rarely seen before. And, I am left wondering where to go from here…

In 1990, Chris McCandless left a diploma from Emery High School inAtlanta, aspirations of becoming a lawyer, his family, and $24,000 in savings to venture out into the wild. For two years Chris, self-titled Alex Supertramp, roamed the great American country as a hitchhiker, taking odd jobs along the way from people he met and grew closer to, all while in pursuit of truth and authenticity from life. His final destination took him to the Alaskan wilderness, where he would eventually lose his life to starvation when he made a mistake in choosing berries to eat. Though he went across the grain, Alexander Supertramp, as he would want to be known, experienced God’s creation in a magnificent way. His journey was well recorded. He left a journal among other things that marked his profound thoughts on a timely basis. I find a little bit of Chris McCandless in me, and, his life has left a lasting impression on me.