Hash

The First Day Of College

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 07:37:00 +0000

Wasn't it supposed to be fun? Whoever said that, was either a big jackass or had meant to exclude engineering colleges in India. Because the first day was as dull and uneventful as a Katrina Kaif bollywood flick.

We had to reach the place at around 11 am, for the director's address. When we reached the convocation hall, where the address was to take place, we got to know that the director was supposedly 'ill', and the address had been postponed to 4th August, 2008. We then waited for about half an hour, as a guy on the stage announced group numbers and the names of the students from that group. After our groups were announced, we were asked to queue up outside the hall at a specific place marked for our group. Two teachers came along and asked us to follow them, for a tour of the whole college campus. They showed us all the boring labs and classrooms, the computer centre, and a library (it wasn't called a library, it was called something else, which sounded really dumb). After the tour, we sat in a classroom, and were asked to fill out registration forms. As we filled them out, we were handed a copy of the time table. Then our names were called out, and as we went one by one to the teacher to submit our duly-filled registration forms, and sign our attendance sheet. After the whole process was over, we were just asked to leave.

That's right. No ragging, no interactive session with the seniors, no fun, no welcome, nothing. We were asked to leave. All I can do is hope for better, but somebody tells me that engineering colleges aren't a lot of fun.

Hash Goes Ad Free, And Dead

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:05:00 +0000

Though Hash does get around 80 hits everyday, I declare Hash to be officially dead. Hash was the classic rant blog, and has some of the masterpieces that I wrote when I was frustrated with somebody, something, or the world in general. But as I mentioned before, too much policing on the internet is what has caused the death of Hash.

Saying Hash is dead does not mean that I am denying myself the right to post on it if I want to, it just means that if you have subscribed to Hash in your feed reader, you can remove the subscription without worrying much. But if you think that it still has some potential to be revived, and would like to write for it, you can always drop in a comment here and I'll see what I can do.

There were a few Google AdSense ads on the post pages, which I have now took down because they are serving no purpose. Hash now is an archive of some of the greatest content ever published on the World Wide Web. Of course, I still blog at RutSum. You won't find great rants like you used to get here, but still, its worth reading. A good source to pass time for the new age web professional.

Stop. Fucking. Your. Toddlers'. Brain.

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Sun, 11 May 2008 09:08:00 +0000

And I mean it.

Why in the fucking world do you think that your kid is a dumb, good-for-nothing little twerp? You do because probably you were one when you were that age. But get this straight, your kid is damn smarter than you, always, even if he fails at his maths class, or if he looks like a retard and pukes all his food out at the dinner table. Your kid is your offspring, and the environment makes sure that he/she is way more smarter than you.

I remember the time when I was 4 years old. Whenever we had relatives or other random adults coming over to my house, they used to call me from my room and ask me recite something; mostly a nursery rhyme or a poem. I actually remember quite a lot of these incidents, in fact I remember them so clearly in my photographic memory that I remember the dumb smirk that those guys used to wear on their faces, in an 'oh-i'm-so-mature' way.

Regardless of what I said over there, I used to recite in my mind -

Twinkle twinkle little star
What a stupid fuck face you are
You are so full of shit and pride
I wish that you died the day you got a bride
Twinkle twinkle little star
Blockheaded; that is what you are.

Do you really think that this is the most amazing thing that your toddler could do? Try installing a spy-cam in his room, leave him alone over there with a variety of things -books, toys, tools, gadgets and furniture. Monitor his/her activities. What will seem to you as a playful gibberish activity, would actually be your-kid-kickin-your-own-ass, he would be outsmarting you in terms of creativity and productivity.

What he/she needs is a little understanding. When he tells you that he drew a picture of himself with his family, you think, "Aww.... he's so little and cute, and he can even draw now!" or worse, "Wow baby.... That's a good boy. Now finish your milk. Yes, drink it all up, each drop of it."

Is it so difficult to admit that a 3 year old can achieve more than you have in 30 odd years of your life?

VITEEE - 2008 Is Pronounced As "Witty"

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 20:43:00 +0000

After a sadly poor performance at the IIT JEE 2008, and a score that has put me to shame, it's time to move on and start studying again, for the coming entrance exams, the first one of them being the VITEEE - 2008. For those who don't know, it is the entrance exam for Vellore Institute of Technology (VIT). It is located way down in Tamil Nadu, a place that I don't think I'm really interested in going to.

I never had heard of VIT before, but since my friends said that I had to give the exam for this university, as a back up, and some of the 'Top Engineering Colleges of India' lists agreed too, I filled up the form for the entrance exam.

The exam is on the 19th of April, 2008. While I was taking a look at the information brochure they provided with application, priced at Rs. 750, inclusive of the examination fee, the first thing I noticed on opening the brochure was that they insist that instead of referring to the examination as "Vee Aai Tee Triple Eee" you pronounce it as "Witty". Now I know that the people out there at VIT would be proud of their creative genius on creation of such a stupid and silly sounding pun, but somebody had to break this to them. Guys, no. Just because the name rhymes with a word that means 'intelligent', that doesn't mean that you're paper needs 'witty' students to crack your paper. It takes just 2 years at an institute like Bansal or Resonance to slap your paper back on your face. We won't pronounce it the way you want us to. We'll do it in our old fashioned way.

Why am I so pissed off at them? Because they have done things that would piss off anybody. They included a DVD with the application that was full of people blabbering on and on about how sickeningly cool VIT is. We received this award, we've done this, we have this, blah blah blah. 15 minutes of self praising crap.

Along with the information brochure, they have included a prospectus for their university. The prospectus has a cover that looks something like this -

What am I supposed to interpret from this? That you believe in racial harmony? All that you want to show from this cover is that you have black and east asian people in your university. Or you probably caught a few tourists walking on the road and paid them a few bucks to get a picture clicked for your cover. You are racist. That is why you strategically placed people from different races from right to left, moving from west to east on the map of the world.

Now the guys at VIT have decided to act smart and declare their results before any of the other engineering colleges, and have very cunningly placed a line in between the 'Documents to bring for Counselling' list -

* DEMAND DRAFT for Rs. 30,000/- drawn in favour of "VIT University", payable at Vellore.

Candidates without DD for the said amount, will not be permitted to attend counselling.

Another thing that is hurting my balls is the stupid syllabus for their entrance exam. They have included topics which require you to cram a lot or are stupid for an objective type examination, such as Comunication Systems, Semiconductors, p, d and f block elements, and Statistics. They have also included something called 'Discrete Mathematics', which I've never heard of before in my life, and includes mathematical logic, induction, tautologies, and connectives.

Why I Love Holi

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 18:55:00 +0000

The festival of colors, that is what they call it right? Sure it is. You see colors everywhere around you, people throwing water balloons, dry colours, gulal, and having sweets, bhaang and a lot of fun, dance and music. Though most of this is what is potrayed in Bollywood movies, the water, colors, and sweets can be seen in any Indian home. With so much fun and frolic around, how can anyone possibly not love Holi?

Bullshit.

I'll tell you the way it happens.

I remember the time when I was 8 or 9 years old, and I was very enthusiastic about Holi. It used to be a lot of a fun with my little friend circle, us small little kiddies splashing around water. But that wasn't until the big bully's came in. They were the dreaded guys, you'd want to die rather than meet these people, especially when you're having a lot of fun. Like to know what Holi means to them?

* Using grease, lubricant oils, eggs, and the worst - distemper paint instead of using any kind of normal dry/wet colors.

* We used to have a small pit dug in the ground, about 2 feet deep. That was filled with water that became muddy, and kids were stripped and slammed into this water hole, sometimes leading to bleeding or broken bones.

* Balloons, filled with the dirtiest water you can imagine.

After torturing us like brutal barbarians, they actually had fun, and laughed a lot. And they planned on repeating it again next year.

Some other younger kids, they would slap a pichkari (water gun) or a water balloon in your face, and then smirkingly say, "Bura na mano holi hai! (Don't get mad, it's Holi!)" . I wish I could punch them so hard in their jaws that atleast 5 of their teeth would get embedded in my knuckles, and leaving their face in a bleeding puddle of shit, I would say, "Bura na mano {pause for dramatic effect}; Holi hai."

So by now you're thinking, "This guy has been tortured in the past and is an introvert, anti-socialist, Holi hater. I don't need to read more." If I hate the festival so much, then why the hypocritical title?

You're wrong again. I love the festival. Reason? Free food! Our society organises a free lunch for all the residents, which is mostly crap, but has one or two things that are worth having. The only thing I care about is that it's free. I love anything that I can get for free. It absolutely makes my day like nothing else can. So now, I keep on waiting for Holi the whole year round, to grab on to the complimentary lunch.

Why Hash Is Dying

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 11:28:00 +0000

I still hate the world. I still think that women are responsible for their own condition, and I still believe that bully's should be shot in the head.

Recent developments in the online world have discouraged me a lot, with bloggers being put in jail, websites being banned, kids being rusticated from schools/colleges/universities for writing online about their teachers or their places of study, and the biggest of all - censorship of content on the internet. All of this has forced me to reconsider if I should or should not rant about what I feel. Whatever happened to the freedom of speech?

Another thing that is bugging me is my name. I use my real name online. Most of the world around tells me that I should be anonymous, for my own safety. Even employers Google your name before recruiting you. Your online identity overpowers your real life personality, and people start seeing you as a blogger rather than just another human being.

With all the policing going on, there is hardly anything left that I am 'allowed' to blog about. Most of it comes under what is called 'morally grey territory'. The things that don't, they haven't yet inspired me enough that I spend my time blogging about them. When I have something to write, I really feel about it strongly, I will blog about it. But sadly I'll have to edit and re-edit it until it is safe for me to post it and it will not affect me in any which way in my future.

I'm The U-LIKE Guy

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 20:16:00 +0000

I've never done it before, and will never do it again. I cursed myself, fought with my conscience, but had to give in ultimately. I have given the Class Xth Boards, I've given other exams in which I was forced to cram in spite of all resistance, but I never ever went to this extent.

I spent three hundred and forty bucks on a book that has this printed on it's front cover -

U-LIKE®
C.B.S.E
SAMPLE PAPERS
(WITH SOLUTION)
&
MODEL TEST PAPERS
(FOR REVISION)
IN
PHYSICS
CLASS XII
BEST BOOK PUBLISHING HOUSE
NEW DELHI-110008

What troubles me more is that I have only 6 days to read this book, which means

340/6 = Rs. 56.67 per day!

I remember the time when I used to laugh at the 'other' guys at school, and make them feel inferior by never ever opening a refresher book for the exams, and still scoring way better than them. Those guys would go crazy buying tons of extra books - grabbing one chpater from there, another from a guide, sample papers, mock papers, model test papers.....

But alas! CBSE forces you to kill every ounce of the little self-respect you have left after two years of almost lethal 'education'.

CBSE or IIT?

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:03:00 +0000

It's really hard to decide. The time has arrived when I begin to panic, and face a difficult choice - CBSE or IIT?

Points that are in favour of CBSE -

* Relatively easy to score marks.

* Even though there is competition, there is no ranking as such. 500 people can get 95 percent in the board exams, they are treated equally.

* Getting a nice score in CBSE will open up a lot of possibilities - DU and other regional colleges.

* A major part of what I study for CBSE will help in building up concepts for IIT.

Points against CBSE -

* Horribly boring. When you sit with a Pradeep's book for more than 1 hour, you start getting suicidal pangs. It's the highest degree of torture a human can inflict on himself.

* Illogical things which go right over your head. Most of the concepts are just there, for no whatsoever reason, and nobody at CBSE knows why. They will dare not remove them, but they just slowly 'modify' it to include more of the plain mugging crap, and try to remove anything that will set the brains of the students ticking.

* CBSE marks don't get you into any decent engineering college. If you have a good score in CBSE, but haven't qualified any entrance exam, you are left with no choice but to take up a bachelors degree in science i.e. B.Sc.

Points in favour of IIT -

* Interesting. Concepts that force you to fry your brain cells, and a testing method that is based on understanding of concepts, not on cramming.

* A part of my brain tells me that if I sweat it out, I can do it. Studying for entrances gives you a sense of achievement. On the other hand, CBSE is like the special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.

Points against IIT -

* Too much competition, it seems like finding a needle in a haystack. Out of the lakhs of students who give the IIT-JEE, only about 4000 are selected, and even those have reservations. An approximate selection ratio is 1 in 80.

* Though the questions are good, they require logic and a strong analytical power, but even the guys who set the paper are humans. They are eventually running out of questions, and the institutes, such as Narayana IIT Academy, are creating students who have solved each and every type of question that has appeared in the IIT paper for the last 30 years or so. So even the dumb guys, the ones without common sense, get into IIT by studying 14 hours a day for about 12 months, before the IIT paper.

* If you miss out on a topic, you never really get time to catch up on it. So you don't clear the cut-off for the individual subjects, even if your total is higher than the cut-off. The syllabus is far and wide, and covering everything is possible only if you dedicate 2 years of your life, solely to the exam.

India is number 1

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 17:55:00 +0000

India is truly shining.

The New Year Molestation case in Mumbai, Jessica Lall and Priyadarshini Mattoo, are some of India's greatest achievements.

We have a world record in the number of women harassed, as well as the number of anti-male victimisation programmes. Eve-teasing, rape, dowry deaths, female infanticide are things that make our front page news, which people enjoy every morning with a cup of tea. And we hear it so often, that it doesn't raise eyebrows anymore.

And of course, we can't blame the government for it. They have tried out practically every way to ensure that women get their rights - education, laws, fines, severe punishments, and now advocating death sentence for rape accused criminals. The number of organisations working for women's uplift is increasing, rather booming, but ironically, so is the rate of crime against women.

Why I'm talking about this today? I'm here to help the government. They don't really know what the problem is. I do, and I have a prospective solution. But first, they need to know the reason. The main reason for the problem is -

Yes, you heard it right. Women are themselves responsible for what happens to them. But this is not in an obvious way.

* Women pretend to be weak, when they are not as much as they pretend to be. A simple example is that girls pretend to be hurt and shout out while playing volleyball at school. They do it only when boys are around.

* Women rely on men for the things they can easily do themselves. This makes men think that women need us for survival, and also that they can compromise women when they want to. Such things include going out to a market to buy groceries, lifting heavy boxes, getting something down from a tall shelf, driving a car (still very widespread), using a new tech gadget or paper work.

* Women don't take the right decisions at the right time. Even those women who can create a difference, and do not face much opposition, physically, mentally or socially. We don't have as many Shabana Azmis as we could have managed to get, and the main reason is either low self confidence or should I say, laziness. To make my point clear, I'll use an example. A woman belonging to the upper middle class, has one daughter, about 16 years old and a son, say 15 years old. The brother-sister go to the same school, and one day while returning, the daughter faces eveteasing by a couple of seniors in the school. She goes home and tells her mom. Mommy doesn't do anything, either she tells her daughter to stay away from those guys, or asks her son to protect her daughter.

* Women don't want equality, they want *special* rights, and advantages. More about this here. This only makes them look weaker, and only increases the crime rate. Women even starting misusung the laws that they were provided. This has lead to formation of male groups like these.

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. ~ Timothy Leary

You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman. ~ Jane Galvin Lewis

So what is the solution? I really don't have one, but the course of action in women emancipation, in my opinion, should be -

1) Fix women.
2) Fix men.

If this doesn't work, then I say stop caring. Let everything go on as it is, the world is going to end, anyway.

Gurgaon Shootout

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 20:28:00 +0000

Akash Yadav, the guy who shot a bully at his school in Gurgaon, is my new hero. Dude, you've done what I couldn't do all my life. I never gathered enough courage to take revenge from the bullies at my school. But people just can't digest the fact that you actually killed him. Everybody fantacises themselves being the hero of a movie and then killing the bad guy, but they don't actually do it. You did. Why?

* You never told your parents that you were being bullied at school. Even if you did, would they care? They would tell you to use Gandhian principles, and not to retaliate. Or probably they would say that it is your fault. "You must've said something to that bully, that is why he's getting even with you. Just go and apologise to him."

* You told your friends, but they too were afraid of that guy. Either he is the super strong macho guy, and has the cutest girl at school as his girlfriend, or he is a 'professional' bully, and has friends in DPS RKP/Modern Barakhamba who are assassins. It's called having a 'back' at schools.

* You try to sort things out with him, one on one. Instead of an agreement, all you get is a bleeding nose and two tight hard slaps, slaps so hard they make your cheeks burn. And all that in front of your classmates/friends. They do nothing to save you. The girls are standing in a corner, either laughing, while staring at you, or feeling pity for you. Even 2 weeks after this happened, the marks from your cheeks haven't gone away, people still stare at you and whisper something when you pass by.

* Your parents even ignore this, thinking that fights are a part of growing up, learning to be a man. They tell you to stay away as much as possible from that guy, and not to get involved. "You go to that place to study, son, not to fight. Concentrate on what is important. Don't do anything that would give him a chance to pick on you."

* A similar incident takes place with one of your other friends, and it's the same bully involved. You talk with that friend, and share your agony. Nobody understands you, and all people who should protect you do is give lectures on morals. You're helpless. That guy, the bully, walks in front of you every day and makes you look like a clown. You're not the hero kinda guy. You can't give witty replies, or use sarcasm properly. Neither do you have a really cool physique. You are alienated.

* There is only one way to end the misery. Eliminate the bastard. Kill him, rip apart each and every tissue of his body, and feed it to wild tigers. Or maybe throw him in a tub of acid, which eats through his skin, muscles, nerves, while he screams in horror, feeling every ounce of pain that he gave to you, multiplied a hundred times. That is the only thing left to do. He won't let you live peacefully. Do it, now.

And this is because of watching TV or playing violent video games? Maybe it is, but do you parents/teachers out there ever try to think what goes on inside our minds? Maybe if you stopped treating kids as lower minded squeak rats, then you'll get what I'm trying to say.

This incident was necessary, to show all he bullies out there, that what the eeny weeny nerds, who they pick on everyday, can do, if intimidated. If you ask me, this was like the killing of the Defence Minister in RDB, which was necessary to bring out a revolution. Bullies are dangerous. Maybe they won't kill somebody, but the damage they can do to the psyche of a child, can be so severe, that the child feels inferior and segregated all his life. Having a tendency to bully other people is a disease, and this is the only cure to it. Terror, their own tool, used on themselves.

No Smoking Uncovered

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:34:00 +0000

I watched the movie two times. Like most other people, my first reaction to the movie was - "What?"

But in the second time I realised Anurag Kashyap is on a totally different level than the Indian audience. And this post is dedicated to him.

No Smoking is a mystery, a movie open to interpretations of all sorts. Here I present mine, a very specific one. This is not a review; this is an interpretation of the movie. I assume that you have already seen the movie.

Warning : This article contains tons of spoilers! Do not read if you have not watched the movie. It won't make any sense to you if you haven't watched the movie. And if you watch the movie after reading this, you won't have any fun.

First things first, this movie is not about how smoking can be injurious to health, or why you should quit smoking. It is about lusts in life, how freedom of choice is curbed, and how you pay for your sins. The climax is, in my opinion, pessimistic. This may upset some of the general Indian crowd (used to watch Karan Johar crap).

K's Siberian Dream - Not a dream, actually a vision. K is fed up with life, the only two things he is hanging on to is cigarettes and his own life. He wishes to escape from his current surroundings, so his soul takes him away. But even in such a remote place, K cannot leave his only lust in life - smoking. It signifies his longing, his desire to be free from the nagging and pressures of the society.

The Bathtub - Everybody has a portal for the movement of their ideas, their souls. K's portal is his bathtub. It is his relaxing place, and when he is in his bathtub, he ponders upon his life and usually ends up dreaming. His bathtub serves as a gateway to his soul's escape, and hence the bathtub is present in his dream too, in Siberia.

Baba Bangali - He is the incarnation of God on Earth. By using various unique methods, his only wish is to free people of their lusts, and to purify their souls. He can go to any extent, without any respect for people's personal choice or freedom. He can be seen as God's Big Brother on Earth.

1 Rupee in Cash - It tells us how we tend to neglect small things, and do not pay attention to things which are not of much value. The 1 rupee was a fee to save K's soul, his soul could use the 1 rupee to reach to his body, and escape the punishment. In a way, it is a way of showing that small things can purify your soul of all your sins.

The Carpet - The Carpet is not a tracking device! For heaven's sake! It was just the carpet that cost K 21 lakh rupees. The Prayogshala was masked as Kolkatta Karpets.

Anjali/Annie - Another way of escaping. Anjali is K's wife, in reality (if K is assumed to be real, that is). Anjali is a nagger, another person who wants to curb K's freedom, wants him to quit smoking. She uses all the weapons she can to get him to quit smoking - blackmail, emotional drama, insulting him and hurting his ego. All this makes him imagine Annie, who looks exactly like his wife, but is a sweet and understanding person, and most importantly - She does not want K to quit smoking. K's brain is so stressed out, he doesn't seem to notice that Annie and Anjali have the same face.

Cigarette Shastra - Sent by Baba Bangali, it is a rule book, a Bible or any holy book you want to call it. The most interesting part is the zero minute. It was put there to tempt the people (under the programme) to sin, reinforcing the idea that it is God's creations which force you to sin, and it is God who punishes you for sinning.

Soul Bath - When you have sinned, your soul becomes polluted, so it has to be 'cleaned'. Remember Baba saying, "Aatma hai to shareer ishwar hai, aatma nahi to nashwar hai.....Agar mann kamzor hai to aatma ko jhaad phoonk kar mukt karna padta hai"? This was what he meant. K failed to recognise and rectify his sins, so his soul was separated from his body, to be punished and purified. The bath was to cleanse his soul.

I wouldn't say that the movie was theist, but it definitely fuels the idea of existence of an all powerful being, existence of rules, sinning and punishment, hell.

From Anurag Kashyap's blog -

K’s arrogance is the obvious arrogance, that everyone sees everyday.. he smokes..he breathes nicotine.. he says no one tells me what to do.. i breathe cinema.. and forever everyone has been telling me not to make the kind of cinema i do.. NO SMOKING is a tale of an arrogant man and another who is much more arrogant, who lives in his world, where he controls everything and he thinks he is morally superior to anyexisting Homo sapiens, he is the kind of man who thrives on minorities and underpriveleged, he worships the dictatorian attitude and all he wants from you is to lose your soul and convert….it,s a tale about an arrogant man’s descent into morality.. and the architecture of the moral world is so absurd that it sometimes beats reality.. what happens in the film is a parallel to what happens in the real world..

Age, gender and India

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 10:24:00 +0000

This is something about which I feel very strongly. Having a set of principles in life is crap, it's a concept of a lower mind, and is stupid. I always have used my brain to decide what I should do in a particular situation, and that means that if I disagree to something today, I could be doing it tomorrow.

But today I need to add an exception. A principle that I should follow for the rest of my life - the society is full of assholes, never give a s**t to what anybody says, elder or younger. Do what your brain tells you to do. Fuck principles, fuck moral values, fuck ethics. Do what you want to do. Just don't overdo it.

An incident that took place today, in a blueline bus. I was sitting on the left side of the bus, but not on a female-reserved seat. All of those seats were already occupied by females. An aunty (that's what I'll call her), in her 40s, boarded the bus and stood beside my seat, throwing an agitated glance towards me every 5 seconds.

/* The following conversation is in Hindi. Sorry if you don't know Hindi, but translating it to English would've killed the effect. */

Aunty : "Beta, zara seat mujhe de doge?"

ME : "(Looking to my left, pointing towards a blank space above the window) Ahem"

Aunty : "Zara seat khaali kardo beta."

ME : "Ye ladies seat nahi hai."

Aunty : "Koi baat nahi beta, phir bhi de do."

ME : "Kyun?"

Aunty : "Beta main buzurg hoon. Thak gayi hoon."

ME : "Main bhi thaka hua hoon. Aap aage jaake vriddh nagrik seat khaali karwa lo."

Hearing this, a girl sitting behind me, empties her seat for the lady. Aunty sits down hurriedly. Apparently she had a friend who was buying tickets in this while. Now she comes and stands beside her friend.

Aunty : "(To her friend) Aaj kal ke bachche dekho, badtameez ho gaye hain. Abhi kal parson ki hi baat hai, main aise hi kisi aur bus mein ja rahi thi. Wahaan bhi aisa ek ladka tha, maine usse seat maangi to usne kaha ki ye ladies seat nahi hai. Agar badon ki izzat nahi kar sakte to zindagi mein aur kya karenge?"

ME : "(Turning around) To matlab ye aadat hai aapki? Har jagah jaake bachchon se bheekh maangna? Apni taangon pe khada nahi hoya jaata?"

Aunty : "Aapse kisne baat ki?"

ME : "Agar sirf inse baat karni hoti to itna chilla ke nahi bolti. Ye jo aap ka miss aunty naatak hai na, bahut dekha hai. Pehle to app kehte ho ki hum mardon se peeche nahi. Phir apne liye hazaron kanoon banwati ho - dahej ke, shaadi ke. Buses mein apne liye seat reseve karwati ho. Jab khud ko itna kamzor dikhaogi to kaise haalat theek hogi aapki desh mein? Har choti si baat pe rone lag jaate ho aur phir bolte ho humpe atyachaar hota hai. Sanskaaron ko to aapne weapon bana rakha hai, jab apna kaam nikalwana ho, to apni majboori dikha ke bheekh le lete ho. Aur phir kehte ho ki main badtameez hoon?"

Till then, every single person is staring at me in the bus. The two aunty's start whispering something. I get up hastily and say,

"Aapse mera baithna hazam to hoga nahi, aao, aap hi baitho."

I turn around, and get off the bus at the next stop, cheeks red, and a hot forehead. Then I realise that I made a mistake.

By getting off. I should've sat there and listened to what she said next, and told her what a f**kin bitch she was. This is the typical Indian woman. Will never accept that she is weak, but will use all kinds of shrewd techniques to get what she wants.

What I learnt from here is that if you care what people around you think about you, and try not to hurt anybody, you may live peacefully, with a million friends, people caring about you, but you've never done what you wanted. You've spent your life caring for what other people think. You've got a great image, cool! Now what will you do with it? Stuff it up your ass? Go ahead!

Enough of diplomacy, screw sanskaar. I'm gonna live life the way I want to.

Hash

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:07:00 +0000

I wanted to make it clear with this blog post what my blog's name actually means. Most people think (who have told me that they do) that my blog's name has been derived from the narcotic Hash, or Hashish, and they are right to some extent in their thinking, considering how I live and my 'Fuck The World' attitude. But Hash here, in my blog title symbolises how screwed up my life is, a mess, a jumble, a hodgepodge that is impossible to sort out. Death.

And the list of people who think that I'm a junkie includes Google! I'm thankful that Google images doesn't have a pic of me snorting cocaine!

Shimla - Part II

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:25:00 +0000

Part I is here.

The next day, we wake up early (9:00 a.m.), and decide to explore the gym upstairs. Not a very big gym, but a hall which had one corner as a gym, other with a home theater system, a pool table, a snooker table and some bean bags. I've never been to a gym before, but considering that this one was free of cost, I decided to get some exercise. 20 minutes of cycling, and 2 miles of jogging on a treadmill completely drained me.

After washing up, we leave the Hotel on foot, to explore the nearby places of interest - Lower Bazaar, Jakhu Temple, The Ancient Church, and Lakkad Bazaar.

Lower Bazaar is the sorta 'main' hanging out place in Shimla, always packed with tourists and locals, and the main shopping hub of Shimla too. While my sister and mom insisted on staying in the Lower Bazaar for shopping, my Dad and I started towards a 2.5 Km trek to the famous Jakhu Temple.

The trek was very, very long and tiring. Plus, to add to the misery were loads of monkeys on the way. We had to rest about 12 times on the way up, and the climb took us about 40 minutes.

When finally, to our relief, a temple was in sight, it turned out to be some irrelevant and old temple on the way.

Jakhu Temple was still 200 metres away. A 5 minute tread, and we reach Jakhu Temple, to be welcomed by ..

and this...

Not a very interesting place, but the trekking was the fun part. There were monkeys outside the temple, trying to steal shoes, cameras, bags, phones, virtually anything they could snatch from a person. I could barely take this snap -

There was an exclusive place built for the tourists to feed the monkeys, it was called 'Vanar Rajya'. A photo over there showed a guy feeding hundreds of monkeys in that place, many of them sitting on his head, shoulders, lap. Quite interesting, but the 'ready-to-attack' monkeys didn't seem to be interested in food right now.

Back from Jakhu Temple, there was the ancient church of Shimla, another famous tourist attraction. It looks divine at night..

and marvellous in daytime...

The rest of the day was quite uneventful, some shopping and bad dinner.

Shimla - Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 18:43:00 +0000

We reach Shimla at 6:30 p.m. in the evening, and are welcomed at Hotel Silverine, which is supposed to be a really prestigious hotel (the chief minister was at the hotel the day before we arrived), but isn't really that good.

We decide not to go to any tourist place, so we rest till 8:00 p.m. and go to mall (called lower bazaar) and have some good Chinese food at a small, hidden, but amazingly wonderful restaurant called Aunty's Chinese Food. Hot and Sour Vegetable Soup and Noodles with gravy, fabulous. A place I would certainly visit again if I ever went back to Shimla again.

The next day it's relaxing time, we get up late, watch some TV, have fun around the Hotel. The interesting part was that the Hotel had a whole entertainment centre on the terrace. We had a home-theater system with new DVD movies to watch, snooker, pool, and a small gym too.

Then we left for Kufri and Mashobra at about 12 p.m. Kufri is supposed to be famous for some random places such as an amusement park on the top of a peak, a tourist park, a zoo, and some random temples, none of which we we're able to see. To go to the top of the peak, you need to start on a horse about 3 Km below, and the path is full of mud and filth. We chose not to go to the peak. After whiling about in the tourist park for a while (which wasn't actually fit for being called a park, it's about 200 metre square in area and has been infested by restaueants and shops), we left for Mashobra. In Mashobra, we visited a Fruit Research Institute, which is known for the apple cultivation over there. They have managed to produce about 200 different varities of apples, and using grafting, they have managed to grow different varities of apples on the same tree. We, unfortunately we're visiting the place out of season, so all we saw was barren trees with a few leaves left. Most of what we learnt about the apple cultivation over there was inside a museum they had, which had photos and samples of fruit trees, and information about the horticulture.

There was also a place called Naldhera, which was about 20 KM away from Mashobra, and all it had was a hot water spring, where you can bathe and cleanse yourself of all the bad deeds you've done. We decided it wasn't worth the travel and decided to go back. It also had a golf course and a picnic ground built by the Himachal Pradesh Government. The thing is how the locals/guides make money by showing you places like a famous college and call it a tourist attraction. We had a guide too, who wanted to take us to more places, but we refused.

Kasauli

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 18:20:00 +0000

We leave the house at about 8:30 a.m. in the morning, 1 and a 1/2 hours late from what we had planned. I ease out in the car, looking outside for a constant 4 hours, everybody in the car is quiet. I try to sleep but with little or no success.

On the way to Kasauli, we face first light showers, then a downpour, followed by a hailstorm. Temperature suddenly drops to about 15 degrees.

We reach Kasauli at about 5 in the evening, and get to stay at a guesthouse at the Military Base Camp in Kasauli. Nice place, but we have our limits, and are asked to stay out of a few places.

The guesthouse is more like a garage than a staying place, but considering the beautiful surroundings, and the free and healthy food we got from the Mess, it's a good bargain. Actually free ;).

After an hour's sleep, we decide to check out the local market. Unfortunately it has almost closed down due to the heavy rains and low temperature. This was followed by a very light, healthy and hygenic dinner at the Officer's Mess.

The next day, we go to the only known tourist spot in Kasauli, 'Manki Point'. Now, I know it should have been 'Monkey Point', but all the boards and maps spelt it as Manki. This is the peak of Kasauli, and has an old temple on the peak. Folklore has it that Hanuman placed his foot on this peak while he was going to get the 'Sanjivani' thing for Laxman. There is about 500 metres of a rocky path that has to ascended. To add to the difficulty, you have tons of monkeys in the way, ready to snatch away things from your hands. A monkey ran away with my dad's medicine, which was in his hand. A local advises us to keep stones in our hands to drive the monkeys away.

After the 500 metre climb, the only thing that gives you satisfaction is the 'top of the world' view you get from there. You have a helipad near the temple too, which was not surprising, considering that the surrounding area was covered by the Air Force.

We come back to the guesthouse, and leave for Shimla at 2:30 p.m. Had lunch at 'Giani Da Dhaba', a famous place as suggested by Sneezy Melon, but turned out to be really dumb. All I got from there was an upset stomach. I hate you, Sneezy.

Twelve Steps To IIT JEE

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 17:18:00 +0000

Call it over confidence, arrogance, or anything you may want to call it, but I know the twelve steps that can get you to IIT JEE, even though I'm still in 12th standard, and I'm not yet admitted to IIT. More than steps, these are precautions, or common mistakes people commit, and which become the reason for failure.

1) There is no formula. None of 'em, not even one. Just terms and their definitions. If you visualise a problem rather than thinking what formula you can stick up over there, you'd do better. People will argue that this wastes time; yes, it does, but if you look at the brighter side, you can get more questions correct, and also be sure of the ones you did correctly. If you do it otherwise, their is always a chance you used the wrong approach. You get this into your brain, you're good to go.

If you can't, then know your formula well. How it was derieved, when you can use it, what are the exceptions, and when you should discard it completely.

2) Maths comes first. This is highly generalised, but my experience says you should study Maths before you do Physics or Chemistry. Likewise in the paper. Attempt Maths first. Then goes Physics and finally Chemistry. That's the order for the paper, you can exchange Physics and Chemistry while studying. Doing this ensures you have a balance (in most cases).

3) Don't study harder, but study smarter. Keeping the above point in mind, when studying one subject, do the things you like first. Yes, you heard it right, I said first. People would advise you to do it the other way round, but my experience says that if you get to learn something new, and you find it interesting too, it boosts your confidence. It also increases the chance you'll get marks on that topic. You'll do the boring parts in the end anyway, you have to do it if you want to finish syllabus. That way you tend to remember only the important parts in the boring chapters/topics and so they don't take up much space in your brain. Thus, the part that interests you remains fresh.

4) Do not overstrain yourself. If you go to an institute after school, and reach home at about 9:00-9:30 p.m., do not study for more than an hour after that, however much syllabus you may have left. That extra time will not help you, but sleeping will.

5) Screw your school. Dump it, forget it, throw it away. Save the week before school exams for school study. Do not touch the school books otherwise.(Of course, NCERT is the book that IIT follows too, so look it up if you have any confusions regarding any topic)

6) Do not buy too many books. This is a mistake I and many other dudes out there commit. One book is definitely not enough, many have mistakes, and different books are famous for different topics. My answer to this is, either get hold of a good teacher, or a decent internet connection. A good teacher or an internet connection will help you out in your studies, and can become an authentic source of info. 1-2 books, combined with institute study material should be enough.

7) Get your doubts cleared well in time. If you pile 'em up, you'll never get the time to clarify them. Do not be afraid of a teacher, or do not be ashamed of asking anything in class. Do not think it will make you look stupid. Ask every single thing you have a doubt in.

8) Don't leave questions in between, or discard 'em if you somehow got the answer. You may have got the answer now, but you won't get the same question in the paper. It's the concept that matters; if that is clear, the answer doesn't matter. Also, if you know how to do the question and the conecpt used, do it till completion, until you get the answer. That way you get to know of common errors.

9) Give practice tests, and solve previous years questions. Doing this gives you an idea of how things work, and how to eliminate options in an objective exam. For example, in some questions, it is quite clear that the answer cannot be 'none of these', or 0 or 1, etc. Or in some questions, in Maths and Physics, you can reverse engineer questions, like put the option values in questions, or likewise. These tricks only come to you with practice, and if you develop a habit to look at a question from different angles.

10) Remember, the paper is designed in a way, so that nobody is able to complete the paper. Do not try to guess lamely in a paper, the consequences will be disastrous. Try to do fewer questions correctly, rather than more questions incorrectly. Spend more time on questions on which you get stuck, but have a feeling that you know how to solve it. There is a fair chance that you'll get the answer.

11) Do not leave any question that you have not tried to solve. There may be questions that may seem monstrously difficult or complex, but if you try to think hard, most of the details are given to confuse you. So try to apply the basic law/definition you know related to that topic, and try to build up that question yourself. Maybe you'll get a clue, or a shortcut to the answer.

12) Finally, remember that IIT is not the end of the world. Most popular and rich guys have not passed out from IIT. That'll make you feel better, and make you take the whole thing in a lighter spirit rather than being tensed all the time.

Mah sch00l roxX!

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 05:18:00 +0000

Here's a BBPS update.

* We have a new vice principal. Mr. R***n has replaced AC (An****a Cho**a) as the VP. Now he'll do his terror work more freely and merrily.

* We have finished our practicals, and have loads of holidays coming up in lieu of Annual Day, Diwali and other crap. We have pre-boards in December.

* The principal is retiring (Yay!) this year [citation needed], and he will be replaced by somebody from another BBPS branch, and not our branch. I just hope BBPS gets free from this dictator soon.

Those bastards have now introduced new rules. As if we f**kin care.

* We earlier had a two minute break between two periods, for which we had two bells. The break has now been abolished.

* To move outside the classroom, we need a class pass. Each class has 2 class passes, which reside with Basal-E, I earlier mentioned her here. If you are found outside the class at any point of time, you will be turned out of school, and your parents will immediately be informed. Bah.

Home Sweet Home

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 15:00:00 +0000

I'm back home after 6 longs days in Kasauli, Shimla and Chandigarh. It feels good to be home! I'm very tired right now, and I will post a long entry on the trip later, with a complete photo album.

7 things I will be...

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 15:31:00 +0000

Since I'm such a fickle minded bastard, I've decided to pen down some of the things I think I'm sure about. That way I'd have a bank of things to laugh at 10 years later, when I read this blog.

* I will remain fat. No matter how hard I try, I won't be able to lose weight. I've seen guys, who remain on a diet 24x7x365, go to a gym regularly, and buy all kinda slimming products, but still remain chubby. I think I belong to that category.

* I will be a bad boss, if I do become one. This is because of my inability to agree that anyone else is right. If I have power in my hands, I will misuse it to my full potential, and make the lives of my subordinates miserable.

* I will be hated far and wide, and people will know me as the sick sarcastic psycho freak.

* I will die early, probably in my late 40s. That will of course be due to diabetes, hypertension, or some other obesity related disease. Or maybe due to an STD. The point is I'll fade away soon.

* I'll have a lot of money, it may be white or black, but I'll have loads of it. I'll splurge it all around, and waste so much of it on fun that I'll get a green aura around my body.

* I will have to go to jail, at least once. People around me get frustrated with me, and me being an extremist, I usually show them the middle finger or threaten to kill them (in my mind). I can be really gross in my thoughts, for example - I once dreamt that I was piercing a girl (whom I hate a lot, she is codenamed Basal-E) in her scalp with two red hot metal needles, and then dropping the burnt skin in her mouth and forcing her to chew it. What is important here is that if I can dream like that, I can do it in real life if I get really pissed off.

* I will get cut off from the society completely, but eventually. It'd start with colleagues, then friends, and finally my family. There will be a point of time, when nobody in the world would be able to stand seeing my face. Then I will cuddle into my underground command center (OK, I've ripped this from Die Hard 4) and will be forced to create a fake online identity to satisfy my socialising needs.

I'm going off to Shimla!

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 13:42:00 +0000

First of all, the updates. I've not been up to anything recently, I was busy finishing my exams at school, and then busy configuring my destroyed PC (I lost all my data while I was trying to install SAM Linux Desktop 2007). So now after all that, I'm a bit free, which means I will now rebuild my movie collection and waste time on watching them! I have a weekly test at Narayna on Monday, though.

I have also spent a lot of time reading other blogs, which has made me a more understanding person (that's what I feel). I have earlier recieved quite a lot of criticism on the grounds of being selfish, self-centred, highly egoistic, and arrogant. I have also been called heartless, insensitive and rebellious by random people. A friend called me a 'very sad person'. So I decided to make some changes. For once I decided to give other people a chance to say what they want to.

But soon I realised that the world - Ok, if not the world, than at least my surroundings is full of lame wannabes. They do not deserve to be heard, and I will not listen to them. If this is arrogance, then I'm proud to be arrogant.

Anyway, I'm going to Shimla for 5 days on Tuesday, 16th October. This according to my family, is not a sight-seeing trip, but a 'break' from work and the tension of Delhi. For me this means 5 long days of travel sickness, puke and stomach aches. I wanted to protest, but I realised that they do need a break. Mom is under a lot of pressure, both at work, and due to her illness. I guess I can take 5 days for her.

English paper

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:21:00 +0000

Another English exam, and nothing has changed. I'm going to fail again, I know. Studying for English really depresses me, it reminds me of old days in 9th and 10th when English was a favorite, 'relaxing' subject. When guys came up to me to get my opinion. When I used to score in English without much sweating. By just using my fuckin brain. The days have flown by, and so will these. Maybe I won't get a really cool score in the CBSE examination, but I'll be very, very happy to get out of this hell.

And you say school is supposed to be fun. Check out Bal Bharati Public School, Pitampura.

It's funny how songs can seem to be just made-for-you.

Crawling

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming.......confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling.......

I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting.........reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting.........

How I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing....... confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming.......confusing what is real
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling........confusing what is real

I just wish I could fast-forward the school part and jump to college.

Migrated, Back and Revamped

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 03:49:00 +0000

After being frustrated by my blog's old, dull and common look, I decided to migrate to Wordpress, for more power features, and more ease of use. Wordpress is quite amazing, considering that they are not backed up by a big company like Google (Blogger is), they have a number of features which make their service very easy to use, while offering quite a number of features too. But I'm one of the guys who just doesn't like living in constraints. Wordpress doesn't allow me to add 3rd party code to my blog, I cannot modify the default sidebar, I cannot modify the code of my template, I cannot add javascript to my blog, and a number of other things that sorta chained me down.

So I decided to move back to blogger, but not get complacent, and work on a revamp. I found some really cool templates out there, out of which I found the current one the best. I had to modify it a bit though, the layout and the font spacing, and header placement.

Plain, simple, and elegant, just like I always wanted it to be :).

P.S. - One feature that Blogger doesn't have and WP has is the convert smileys thing. Blogger displays them as plain text. Not something to cry for, though.

I haven't removed the WP blog, it's there if anyone wants to check it out and comment.

Wordpress Blog

UPDATE : Looks like opinions are like asses, everyone has one. Sure you do, but not about my new blog template. Comments closed on this post.

Having a tough time...

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 16:34:00 +0000

Great. Now my parents think I've gone insane, and they're trying to fix me up with a counsellor/psycologist. Just because I'm not studying/doing my school homework. They just can't understand why I have a problem in doing what most other guys are doing out there. I told them I go to school solely because I need 70% attendence for clearance. They think I'm in depression because I'm not performing at school.

I'm gaining weight day by day, and I've stopped jogging too. Junk food is on a high, and my face is crowded with pimples, most of which I've already burst. Now I look like a piece of shit.

To save myself from the counsellor, I've started completing my pending assignments, and for once started studying the CBSE syllabus for school. I have to get atleast a B1 in the upcoming half yearly exams.

I think I have lost my mind. I just wish I could rewind my life, and go back to the time when I was 4 years old, and just played around with other kids all day. I didn't even know what IIT-JEE was when I was 4.

Horror Flicks

noreply@blogger.com (Apoorv Khatreja) — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 17:15:00 +0000

Horror movies/shows have never affected others in the way they have affected me. I remember watching Aahat as a kid on Sony TV. Though it was really dumb and stupid, and most of the gore was easily identifiable as fake, I used to get really fucked up on the nights I saw an episode. I got horrifying nightmares, in which the theme of the episode applies to me i.e. zombies following me, me trapped on a deserted island with a pack of wolves or me with a half burnt-half liquid face. Watching an episode of Aahat today makes me laugh.

I have watched lots of horror movies, but none of them was as influential on me as Saw. Watching Saw completely changed the way I thought about the limitations of human thoughts.

The script is absolutely 'out of the world', the special effects and the gore make it a must-watch. Saw 2 and Saw 3, which continue the story of the first part, were also as horrifying as the first part. I watched all 3 movies in one go, and I couldn't sleep for 5 days, even with 2 night lamps on. 'Game over' and 'I'm gonna fuckin kill you' was all I could hear. I used to double check the bathroom before entering. The fear lasted about 2 weeks when I found out that the best way to ged rid of it is to watch the movies repeatedly until I got bored.

Today, while I was watching '28 Weeks Later', sequel to '28 Days Later', I felt the fear coming back.

Though it wasn't half as scary as Saw, I couldn't sleep in the noon, even though I was completely exhausted after school. I do feel OK now, but I am not going to forget the look on Robert Carlyle's face anywhere to soon.