Aptwifery: Homemaking In Uncertain TImes

Another!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Thu, 20 May 2010 18:48:00 +0000

Dear Southwest,

Today you sent me another credit card offer. I sent you a "cease and desist" on one of the last ones, but now I suspect the reason I get so many is that I am on your lists twice?

Fingers Crossed,

The Apt Wife

Ridiculous!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Sat, 08 May 2010 00:07:00 +0000

OK, so apparently people are re-thinking full body scanners because someone got ridiculed, but at the same time people are giving some cops grief for arresting someone and giving them a Miranda warning too quickly? Seriously?

Again!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 03 May 2010 14:23:00 +0000

Dear Southwest,

I didn't check my mail over the weekend, but it turns out you sent me ANOTHER offer letter for a credit card. So after a nice respite, we are up to two a week again? I won't hold this against you (anymore than I already do) since I know you can't have received my cease and desist quite yet.

Forgivingly,

The Apt Wife

Last Chance!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Sat, 01 May 2010 20:39:00 +0000

Dear Southwest,

Yesterday you sent me ANOTHER credit card offer. Today I am sending it back, with a plea for you (or the company who does this for you) to cease and desist. Otherwise, I will be tempted to create from these offer letters a very embarrassing piece of conceptual art.

Sincerely,
The Apt Wife

April Southwest Update

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 18:53:00 +0000

There was a good long stretch there where I thought perhaps the Southwest Credit Card offers had gone away. But, alas, one arrived yesterday. Still, there was a good 4 week stretch without one!

I will confess, I haven't called to try to stop them.

Rant: Leaving the Engine Running

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 23:05:00 +0000

When I lived in Manhattan, I had to walk down a street that was lined with USPS trucks in the morning. Nearly all of them left their engines running, turning the street into basically a huge carbon monoxide cloud that spewed black particles into my hair. Each morning I would fantasize about new ways to make them shut off their engines.

Ever since those days, I have had a pet peeve about people who leave their car engines running for no particular reason. For example, yesterday I spied a fellow in a black TransAm. He was parked at my supermarket, talking on the phone, and running his engine. It wasn't a hot day. There was no need for airconditioning. In fact, I can't help but think the sound of his engine would have interfered with the clarity of his call. 10 minutes later, still running, still on the phone.

As always, it is behaviour like this that leaves me baffled. Here are the possibly explanations I have arrived at so far. Please feel free to comment with your own:

He is trying to commit suicide. He doesn't realize he needs to be in an enclosed space or have something that hooks his exhaust directly to their car interior. Or he is trying to do it quite slowly.
His wife doesn't know he lost his job yet. He is hoping that the empty gas tank will make it look as though he went somewhere. Sadly, he is not smart enough to realize the odometer is going to give him away. It is this lack of brainpower that demonstrates why probably why he lost his job to begin with.
He doesn't know how to shut off the car (this explains a lot about the overall look of the TransAm. Perhaps it has been running since he bought it?)
He is preening. "Hey look at me! I have a car that runs!"

Shelf Liner: Old School?

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 14:52:00 +0000

We live in a pretty new apartment. I don't think we are the first to live here, but we are, at worst, probably the third.

Things like the kitchen cabinets are, therefore, pretty new. But, like many rentals, they are pretty cheap. From cleaning out the bottom of them, the laminate on them looks as though it is going to peel off, which leads me to wonder: should I have lined them with "shelf paper"? Or is this an anachronistic practice?

When I got my first apartment, more than 20 years ago, one of the first things anyone did was run down to the hardware store and buy some shelf liner. It was one of the ways of making the apartment your own (did you favor the cabbage rose pattern? or were you more of a geometric patter person?) Often this was necessary because the bottom of the cabinets was, well, gross. Other times you were just trying to cover the lining that was there before you.

As I have lived in newer and progressively nicer places, this habit has fallen away. Was it me? Or do people just not do this anymore in general?

Southwest Credit Card

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:32:00 +0000

Dear Southwest,

Today I received the umpteenth notice from you that you would like me to have a business credit card. Thanks, but as you have clearly not noticed, I already turned down your credit card offers of February 17th, February 23rd, and your two kind offers of March 14th (which now, in hindsight, were perhaps offered because you ignored me during the first week of March?) I think this week I will call 1-800-322-9248 to see if I can get off your offer list.

Sincerely,

The Apt Wife

Couponing

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 05:08:00 +0000

I never thought I would say this, but I think I might start "couponing". What I am wondering is: are there coupons for the sorts of things I buy? I don't want the coupons to sway what I purchase....

Congrats to Congress...

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:30:00 +0000

... for finally getting something done.

For those of us who are home most of the time, health insurance is a pressing issue. First off, if our main income/insurance provider (in my case, we will call him a "husband") was suddenly without a job, we need to have more options for providing care for our family.

Furthermore, most of us at home should the responsibility of tracking the medical bills and costs, many of which are arcane and bizarre.

This bill is far from perfect, but I am hopeful that now that it has passed, more meaningful reforms will follow.

MORE SOUTHWEST!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:14:00 +0000

Sorry if it seems I am shouting, but today I got TWO offers for Southwest credit cards. Southwest, do you really think that is going to convince me? Gah!
As of today, Southwest deserves a tag for categorizing these posts.

The Point of SUVs... I think.

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:29:00 +0000

For a long time, I have puzzled over why people get these gargantuan SUVs. They are ungainly, fat, gas-guzzling, and quite frankly, ugly. And they never have nearly as much room inside as their outside dimensions would suggest. Some SUVs, like Hummers, are probably a status symbol. But the majority of them are just plain big, stupid-looking cars.

For awhile, I bought into the theory that people thought they were more "safe". Everyone says that fear is a great way to sell things, and that might especially apply to cars. But given that SUVs aren't really more safe than other cars, it really doesn't explain the volume I see on the road.

But watching a bunch of people getting out of their SUVs at the same time the other day, I had a revelation: fat people buy SUVs, or rather, people who don't want to look fat. Just like a tall man looks even taller getting out of a small, sexy sportscar, a large person looks quite a bit more petite getting out of a Suburban. And if you are already lithe and willowy, that effect is magnified. A skinny person getting out of an SUV looks downright ethereal.

Knives!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 03:45:00 +0000

What ever happened to knife-sharpening trucks? When I was a kid, I remember that about once per year, a truck would come round our neighborhood. Usually it had a big picture of scissors on the outside. All the neighbors would come out and bring their knives and scissors to be sharpened. I miss that van!

Blue Shield of California

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:53:00 +0000

Healthcare is a little outside of the apartment, but I am going to bring it up today because I am SUPER IRRITATED.

I have to go have a breast ultrasound because I can't have a mammogram this year. Why? Because it seems unkind to irradiate your unborn child. But apparently Blue Shield of California would prefer I go ahead and give new meaning to the term "pregnancy glow". They won't cover my breast ultrasound.

I used to have Kaiser, and I feel sure they would have covered an expense like this. Kaiser, I miss you. If you promise not to treat my pregnancy as a "pre-existing condition" I will return to you posthaste.

Seriously, again?

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 06:37:00 +0000

Dear Southwest,

Seriously, you did not send me ANOTHER credit card offer only 6 days after the last one. Did you? Did you think that I would change my mind in those 6 days?

Cordially,

The Apt Wife

Not Too Much to Report

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 00:31:00 +0000

This has been a busy week for the Apt Wife, so I haven't had much time to contemplate the nature of the universe or of my household (apartmenthold?). I have been mulling over some more inventions for better living, so hopefully I will have something more concrete on that by next week!

Southwest Credit Card

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 00:22:00 +0000

Dear Southwest,

I love you. But I don't love getting an offer for a credit card every week. Please stop sending them. Based on the sinful amount of paper you send to me each month, I can only assume that this credit card has an interest rate of over 20%.

xoxox,

The Apt Wife

Housewifely Skills I Have Yet To Learn

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:07:00 +0000

I think I am a pretty good cook, my house is relatively clean, I can entertain pretty well (although the results are often uneven), I am crafty, and my gardening is even coming along. But there are a few places where I am deficient:

Gift-wrapping. I have never learned to make things perfect and pretty, and professionally wrapped. I even worked at a store with a nice gift-wrapping station, and yet I never picked it up.
Bed-Making. I have fluffy down comforters on my bed, which admittedly does save me from having to showcase my hospital corners. Which is good, since I couldn't make one to save my life. My mother-in-law is a master bed-maker. I think I might need to sign up for a class with her.

I am sure there are more areas than these two (which seem related, now that I have written them down.) But these are the two that are plaguing my thoughts this morning.

The Bathroom Fan, Appreciation and a Complaint

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:27:00 +0000

Ah, the bathroom fan. How sad I am when I enter a bathroom that doesn't have a fan. Are they noisy, sure! But really, that is at least half the point, isn't it?

Happily, most apartments sport a bathroom fan. Often this is because the bathroom doesn't have a window handy, and really needs to be ventilated. But, of course, in a small apartment, the noise is also appreciated.

However, often these fans are tied to a light switch. Lame! What if I want to take a romantic bath with candles, but still need some ventilation? What if I need to, um, do my business late at night and don't need a light? What if I need that light to, for example, do my make-up, but I don't need the fan?

Toilet Seat Technology and other Musings on Non-US Plumbing, part one

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

The first time I went to Europe, I encountered the European shower. It almost always featured a hand-held shower head, and didn't always include a hook to hang it on. At the time, I thought, well, although the US isn't quite as scenic as Europe, at least we have state-of-the art plumbing.

Now, 20 + years later, I am not so certain.

Have you ever been to Japan and experience the heated toilet seat? I am also thinking more about bidets.

More on this later....

Chute!

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:42:00 +0000

One of the absolute best things about apartments are trash chutes. I love them. Sending my garbage hurtling down many stories is both cathartic, fun, and satisfying. When I am staying with one of my housebound friends, and they lug their cans, one by one, out to the side of the road one night a week, I silently laugh with glee.

In our place, we have a recycling chute and a trash chute. The recycling chute could be a little bigger. Most of the people who live near me are apparently not quite smart enough to properly break down a box to send it down the recycling chute, so they leave it stacked in the chute room. But what would be most excellent would be a composting chute! Does anyone have one of these in their apartment building?

Housework as Hobby?

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 17:23:00 +0000

Living in a rented apartment, I have a small, somewhat sub-standard dishwasher. This wouldn't be such a big deal, except I cook ALOT, and we eat three meals a day in our apartment. And then sometimes we have kids over. All in all this equals a freakish number of dishes.

As I unloaded the dishwasher for the third time the other day, I wondered if this now officially qualifies as a hobby? I have ritualized the loading, unloading, and timing of it. I spend more time thinking about it than I should...

2000 Square Feet

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:31:00 +0000

As a long-time apartment dweller, I often wish for a little more space. It is this type of desire that leads to "house envy." Apartments tend to come in several standard sizes: studio, 1 bedroom, 2 bedroom, and, rarely, 3 bedroom. Anything bigger than that (in California, anyhow) is considered a luxury suite, and by the time you are done paying the rent on it, you may as well buy the building.

(Houses, meanwhile, are getting obscenely big. Who really needs 4000 square feet?)

I assume that this distribution speaks to the lowest common denominator: most people need one or two bedrooms, and want somewhere around 800-1500 square feet. Anyone who wants more gets a house.

I like the freedom from lawn-mowing, and the ability to file a maintenance request on-line. I just want a little more space, and I would like to pay for it proportional to to cost of my current space. Is that too much to ask?

Holiday Gift Wrapping

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 22:20:00 +0000

Gift-wrapping is the bane of my existence. Despite my craft skills and wide assortment of cutting and taping implements, it always comes out poorly. And I hate throwing the paper away later.

Gift bags are an improvement. They are easy to use, often pretty, and can usually be re-used. Not everything fits in a gift back, but most things do. The thing I object to is the tissue paper, which again, gets thrown away (and usually doesn't stand up to more than 2-3 uses.)

Using newspaper or other spare paper for wrapping can be creative and pretty. But at the rate the newspaper industry is declining, this is not a good long-term solution.

So what is the answer? I think we need to start a new culture of giftwrap, based on tsutsumi and using only cloth. This will not only cover for my poor skills, it will save paper. And I, for one, would not mind replacing my gift-wrap box with a beautiful box filled with different fabrics.

Least Favorite Thing to Clean

noreply@blogger.com (Apt Wife) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 15:50:00 +0000

Does this fricking thing really need to be shaped like that? Does anyone like how this looks? Why aren't the things covering the bolts ever fastened down?

In our last place we had those fancy toilet bowl lids that shut s-l-o-w-l-y, so as to not make a whisper of a sound. That was cool. Why has no one put that kind of thought into how the damn thing attaches to the floor and the overall shape?

Do I really need the hassle of trying to get dust and other things out of all that surface area? I tell you, I do not!