Are you Mr or Mrs Right?

Is Christmas season A time for Break Up?

2014-12-11T22:52:00.005-05:00

While I haven't conducted any formal research or polls, based on my observations over the years, it seems that the Christmas season can be challenging for some relationships. I've noticed that a lot of couples tend to break up in the two weeks leading up to Christmas, and I've identified three main reasons for these breakups based on my personal analysis.

3) Does he/she Worth This Expensive gift?

'Tis the season of gift-giving and receiving, and as you shop for your significant other's Christmas present, you carefully examine the quality of the item, hoping that it will be well-received. However, when you see the price tag, you may start to question whether the relationship is worth the financial investment.

It may seem superficial, but hear me out. Instead of spending a significant amount of money on someone who may not be in your life for long, wouldn't it be wise to assess the quality of your relationship before making a big purchase?

Therefore, the third reason on my list of common reasons for breakups during the holiday season is realizing that your significant other is not deserving of the financial investment in expensive gifts.

2). Is This Person Qualified Enough to Meet the Parents?

The holiday season is also a time for traveling to visit family members whom you may not have seen since the last Christmas. Your family members miss you, and as you plan your trip, you start to question whether your significant other is suitable enough to meet your parents and extended family.

After a thorough evaluation of the relationship's current state and its history, you may come to the realization that the person you are with is not someone you want to introduce to your family. This is my second reason for common breakups during the holiday season.

1) New Year, New Beginnings

As the New Year approaches, many of us reflect on the quality of our lives and make plans for the upcoming year to improve them. While evaluating your life, you may also consider your current relationship and whether it is holding you back from experiencing bigger and better things. If your relationship has become dead weight over time, it may be hindering your personal growth.

This is the number one reason why breakups tend to occur during the festive season. The New Year represents new beginnings, and it's a natural time to make a fresh start and prioritize your happiness. If your relationship is broken, this time of year can be particularly eye-opening, as you recognize that it's not working for you.

I acknowledge that this time of year can also be a happy time for many relationships. Couples may get engaged, enjoy the festive season together, and spend more time with each other. However, I cannot overlook the fact that the singles market tends to increase during this Christmas season.

Am I Dateable?

2014-12-01T19:40:00.002-05:00

Do you have a checklist of qualities and physical attributes that you are looking for in a potential spouse? It's a common practice, but have you ever considered making a second list for yourself? If not, then you may not be ready to date. The Bible says in Song of Solomon 2:7 ESV, "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."

To be dateable, you should be able to bring value and contribution to someone else's life. You should be an asset, not a liability. This means finding your purpose, being content with being single, and having plans and visions for your life. Work on yourself before actively searching for a partner. Proverbs 19:2 ESV says, "Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way."

As children, we played games that focused on finding a partner, but they didn't prepare us for being ready for that person. The quest for an ideal partner starts with looking inward. You can work on your communication skills and make lists of desired characteristics, but until you are willing to work on yourself and become the person you hope to be, you may remain unsatisfied in any relationship.

When people ask about what you're looking for in a partner, consider asking yourself, "Am I being the person they are looking for?" It's time to clean house and focus on self-improvement. Ask yourself, "How can I make myself better? Am I complete or a work in progress? How can we make each other better, instead of how can he/she make me better?" Through prayer and self-improvement, you can become the person you want to find.

To be dateable, you should be able to bring value and contribution to someone else's life. You should be an asset, not a liability. This means finding your purpose, being content with being single, and having plans and visions for your life. Work on yourself before actively searching for a partner. Proverbs 19:2 ESV says, "Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way."
As children, we played games that focused on finding a partner, but they didn't prepare us for being ready for that person. The quest for an ideal partner starts with looking inward. You can work on your communication skills and make lists of desired characteristics, but until you are willing to work on yourself and become the person you hope to be, you may remain unsatisfied in any relationship.
When people ask about what you're looking for in a partner, consider asking yourself, "Am I being the person they are looking for?" It's time to clean house and focus on self-improvement. Ask yourself, "How can I make myself better? Am I complete or a work in progress? How can we make each other better, instead of how can he/she make me better?" Through prayer and self-improvement, you can become the person you want to find.

 rewrite There is an acceptance that you don’t need a partner to be complete. Your “other half” is NOT! Missing. Your life is not of any less value because you are not yet married. It’s in marriage; I have come to learn this. It’s dangerous to think your partner will complete you. If he/she falls short in “completing” any area of your life you expect, you will be greatly disappointed, and too much pressure is on the other person to make you happy. With prayer and faith you will become content with this stage of life, and come to recognize and accept that a partner is not needed to make you complete or even make you happy.

You don’t just sit and wait on the Lord, and think that your life will begin after finding a spouse. Make yourself date-able by working on your career; work on your finances, start saving, get closer to God through studying His words. An advantage of being single is having more time to spend with the Lord, and to work full time in ministry

It's important to acknowledge that having a partner is not necessary for you to feel complete. You are a whole person on your own, and your value and worth do not depend on being married. This is something I've come to realize through my own experiences with marriage. It's dangerous to expect your partner to fill in all the gaps in your life and make you feel complete. If they fall short in any aspect, it can lead to disappointment, and it's unfair to put so much pressure on them to make you happy. By relying on prayer and faith, you can find contentment in this stage of life and recognize that a partner is not needed to make you feel complete or happy.
However, this doesn't mean that you should sit around and wait for a spouse to come into your life. You can make yourself more attractive to potential partners by working on your career, finances, and personal development. By taking these steps, you can become a more well-rounded and desirable partner. Additionally, being single gives you more time to spend with God and work on your spiritual growth, which can be a valuable asset in any relationship.

What I Miss About Being Single

2014-11-08T21:32:00.001-05:00

Each stage of life has its own advantages and disadvantages. For instance, during high school, my primary responsibility as a full-time student was to maintain good grades. I didn't have any bills to pay or other major responsibilities. However, the downside was the pressure to achieve those perfect "A" grades. While conversing with my single friends, I realized that they may be fixating too much on finding a partner and may be missing out on the unique experiences of this stage of life. As someone who got married young, I sometimes feel envious of my single friends and reminisce about the two things I miss the most about being single.

I Miss My Friends

Girls Night Out

Although I attended an all-girls high school called St. Hughs, I always preferred hanging out with my male friends. We were just friends, nothing more! I enjoyed their company and even loved to people-watch with them. They would often ask me to help them get a girl's number, and I would also do the same with them. I missed the casual calls to grab lunch and just hang out. Unfortunately, since I got married, these friendships have changed. Out of respect for my marriage, I limit my time with them to social media interactions.

My female friends seem to have forgotten that I have a social life beyond my spouse and children. I rarely get invited to impromptu girls' night out and when I inquire, I often hear excuses like, "You have to go home to your husband," for not being included. It's disheartening, but I have to live vicariously through their pictures. I always end up asking, "Where was my invite?" until they get the message that my social life is not restricted to my family only.

I believe it's time for me to take the initiative and start organizing outings with my friends since spontaneous plans for pizza nights are less likely. Friendship is a two-way street, right? So, I plan on scheduling catch-up sessions with them. After all, maintaining strong friendships is important, even with the demands of marriage and family.

I Miss Alone Time

Alone Time

Nowadays, to have some time for myself, I have to wait until everyone is asleep at night or wake up before everyone else does. I adore my husband and children, but sometimes I wish I could disappear for even just half an hour and have some peace and quiet. No more "Where are my shoes?" or "Mommy, I'm hungry" and endless cries.

I cherish the time I get when my husband takes the kids to grandma's house, but that time is often spent doing chores rather than just putting my feet up and doing what I want. During my single years, I never fully realized how precious quiet time was. I wish I had spent more time in the word of God. Now, I am exhausted, and late-night readings are a daily struggle. It's challenging to find the right time to be with the Lord.

Singles are truly blessed with the privilege of having more free time to fall in love with the Lord over and over again. I pray for my single friends that they are using this time wisely. There is so much more that I miss about being single, but these two things are at the top of my list. I believe that we can always improve these areas and make time for what truly matters. Being single is fantastic, just as having a family is. The key is to be content and happy in whatever stage of life you're at.

It’s My Birthday!!!! Celebrating My Wins

2014-10-24T07:09:00.004-05:00

Celebrating my birthday has always been a big deal for me, for as long as I can remember. I would drop hints or be very direct about the gifts I wanted and make a huge fuss over it. I would also try to do something different with my hair and buy two new outfits, one for going out on my birthday and one for church.

However, since getting married, I realized that I would need to adjust my birthday celebrations because my husband views birthdays as "just another ordinary day." Can you imagine? Despite this, I still celebrate my birthday with confetti and drums. I am slowly convincing him to celebrate his birthday with just as much excitement and joy. After all, everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday!

Age 26 2014 Wined and Dined by the Hubby

I am Alive!

Another year of life has been granted to me, and that alone is cause for celebration. I believe it's better to celebrate a birthday than to mourn a death. Even in the event of my passing, I would want my loved ones to celebrate my life with a joyous occasion.

Age 22, Pirate themes boat trip

I Grow in Wisdom

I have one grey hair on my leg as a reminder of the mistakes I made in my youth. I've learned from those experiences and have grown wiser over time. I'm excited to continue learning new life lessons as I journey through life.

Age 21, Glamour Shot Photo Shoot

More Accomplishments

With each passing year, I've accomplished more than I ever thought possible. Although I know I haven't always done my best in everything, I'm proud of what I have achieved. As a wife, mother, and entrepreneur, I hold a Bachelor's Degree and look forward to wearing these hats with increasing sophistication in the future.

Age 20, What did I do this year?

More Time to Love

Celebrating another birthday is a blessing, and it's even more special to have someone to share it with. Having a partner to love and hug every day is a true gift, and I'm grateful for their presence in my life. As a parent, I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to watch my children grow and to show them my love in new ways each day. Another year means more chances to express my love, and I look forward to making the most of them.

Age 19, lol Guess I love the Photo Studio

Reflection

Another year of life has been granted to me, and I'm filled with gratitude as I reflect on the many blessings I've received. I'm thankful for my journey, which has been enriched by the many meaningful moments I've shared with loved ones. As I look ahead, I'm excited to create even more unforgettable memories.

I want to express my sincere appreciation to everyone who has made my past birthdays special. My family - my mother Annie, Marlo, father Devon, aunt Marvette, and aunt Nicolette - and my sister Shandece, thank you for your love and support. Of course, a special shoutout to my husband Mallor, who always makes my birthday a special occasion.

To my friends - Oneisha, even though we're long distance, you always make an effort to celebrate with me, and I appreciate it so much. To Stephi-Ann, Kerry-Ann, Carene, and Duklon - thank you for the amazing part 2 of my recent birthday celebrations. And Marlon, I couldn't forget you - merci! If I missed anyone, please know that your love and support is deeply appreciated. Thank you all so much!

Confessions of a Blogging Wife

2014-10-16T21:35:00.004-05:00

I started blogging relationship topics in 2012, almost a year after getting married. My aim was to allow myself to think the topics through thoroughly; so I can improve my own marriage, and maybe help another couples in the process. My first confession, somewhere along the course of writing, I secretly thought I was a relationship guru. This hit me after realizing I was commenting on most relationship related Facebook statuses.

After really listening to my husband the other night, the sad reality really drove home. I was NO relationship guru; in fact if I don’t make changes soon, my marriage might end in divorce. So I am putting this blog out there, as a reminder to myself. Yes, while he needs to change some things, I forgot I need to make changes too.

I Communicate Poorly

Even though I have blogged about the importance of communication in relationships, I guess it was meant for everybody else and not for me. I pledge from this day forth that if something is wrong I will say it. I will stop dropping hints, expecting his “clairvoyant super powers” will figure it out. I need to remember to watch my tone when I speak to him. He should not feel he is about to dive in deep waters, if he needs to talk to me about something that bothers him.

I have Difficulty Picking my Battles

I accept now that not all issues are worthy of a fight. If I continue to fight about every minor thing, I might jeopardize my chances of him listening, when major ones arise. Picking unnecessary fights is not becoming of a professed relationship guru.

I Don’t Criticize Constructively

If I don’t get my act together my relationship can die. My way is not always the correct way. So, if he does something differently I will let him. As long as what should get done, gets done. I must also remember to keep my emotions under control. Criticizing with tears still doesn’t change the fact that my way is not the only way. If I continuously undermine his way of doing things, maybe eventually he won’t do them at all.

I have a bad habit of pointing out what he is doing wrong and almost completely forgetting to praise him for the things he does right. I can only imagine at this point how much happier he will be around me if I made this change. HHMMMM, will he be more willing to listen to me? One thing I know for sure being a nagging wife is not cute, not cute at all.

It’s Hard to Accept that Children Changed our Relationship.

I love my children dearly, no doubt about that! But I find myself looking back in the past at our relationship before them. I have not accepted that these loves changed the relationship dynamics. My eyes can only see how they changed the relationship for the worse. Seeing that my “Love Language” is quality time, I find myself getting jealous at times when they take up so much of my alone time with my husband. From this day forth, I will pray more about this issue. My prayer would be to accept this change, and that we will find new ways to make our relationship thrive.

Confessions are never easy. But after putting these issues down on paper, I feel much lighter. I guess the phrase “confession is good for the soul” has some truth to it.

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Never Fall In Love

2014-10-13T22:01:00.000-05:00

Love, what really is this love thing? Please don't let me try to explain it. It’s so complicated and has many corners, edges and sides to this tiny word. After you have concluded on your definition of love; it’s time to be able to recognize the type of people you should never fall in love with. Declaimer; I don’t profess to be a love Guru, as I am still trying to figure stuff out. However, if you vision yourself in a long term relationship and desire getting married someday, don’t fall in love with these kinds of people.

The Non-Committed

It’s difficult to grow in a relationship if one or both partners are afraid of committing to the relationship. They have all the excuses you can think of. Example, too busy working and building a career that they don’t have time for love. They might even have their eyes wide open, to continue the pursuit of a more compatible partner. If you are big on marriage because of religious or other reasons, do not hang on to the relationship if this partner makes it clear they have no intention of getting married, as they don’t see its relevance. Staying in a non-committed relationship hoping they will have a change of heart is a waste of time.

The Taken/Married

I can give you several reasons why you should never fall in love with someone who is already in a relationship. You’ll find yourself trying very hard to come across as the perfect partner, keeping hope alive that he/she will eventually leave, and you now become the couple everyone envies. As a precautionary measure, lodge this to memory, if he/she has cheated with you, I can almost guarantee that you will constantly worry if your partner is cheating if you become the new partner. Building a relationship on lack of trust is a disaster waiting to happen.

The Busy Bumble Bee

Self-explanatory? This person is always “working, working, working!” or is caught up too much in a hobby. This person has no time for you, and when you do get some time together it’s very miniscule. You convince yourself that the situation will change soon. While you patiently wait, there will be many times of loneliness. Definitely really question where your relationship is going; if after more than 6 months, no meeting of the parents was arrange because of the busy spell. Years will pass you by waiting on quality time together, time that could be invested in someone else who is not too busy for you.

I certainly have not stated all types of persons you should never fall in love with. I will just leave this passage of Scripture with you as a guide. James 1:5. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” NIV

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Dress up your Media Sharing!

2014-10-02T22:39:00.003-05:00

Social media is a great platform for self-expression. I get that how I express myself, might not be how you express yourself. But I am almost sure there are some things we just should not do. One of these don’ts I like to lament on is sharing semi-nude and nude pictures.

This week I am going to rant a little. Please feel free to whip me with the rod of correction if I am misled. I find sharing semi-nude and nude pictures disturbing and ridiculous! Though you might see women “butt posing,” men are just as thirsty for what I deem “negative attention.”Did social media really destroy our self –respect?

Please fill me in on when did it become custom to upload semi-naked photos just for likes and comment of flattery!? Where did our self-respect or self-esteem go? Believe me that this kind of attention from strangers is not very important. Not important at all! Do not let comments and likes be the means of telling you what you are worth.

I surmise that you might just be capitalizing on your natural animalistic nature, with the need of getting a potential partner to look in your direction. There is the great (too great), of a need to be the one they pick from the plethora of options out there. But have you stopped to tap into your humanness and ask yourself, just what kind of partner I am attracting? Let me clue you in. You are attracting a partner whose mind is more focused on physical attraction than what you have to offer as a whole person. This potential partner is so blinded by that ass it will be hard to see you as anything more than a sexual partner.

Let their minds go on overdrive trying to picture what you look like without clothes on. Real men and women worth marrying won’t feel the need to do this anyways. Life-time partners will spend the time undressing your intellect and engage you with conversations that are uplifting; they will challenge you to be a better you.

If you are married, why, why, why, why??!! are you letting strange eyes see what is reserved only for your partner? If you want to take such pictures you and your partner have fun with it. *smile* let your partner take a few on the business trip to remind him/her what is home waiting.

How I see it, ideal attractiveness will always be a target that’s moving. It will NEVER be hit. While physical attraction will not go unnoticed when looking for a partner, sell your mind, your gifts and talents, conversations others things of substance. Whatever your physique, might suddenly becomes what they are attracted to, if you put these attributes out.

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Involuntary Side Chick

2014-09-18T21:41:00.002-05:00

It’s my opinion that, most women who are side chick are unaware that they are. Unfortunately or fortunately; whichever way I decide to look at the situation, I too was an involuntary side chick. After reflecting on this past experience, I came to realize that there were telltales that I was a side chick, but I missed them. Let me share with you three major signs I missed.

He/She Lives Where?

After dating for quite some time, knowing where your partner lives is a must. The option to visit should at least be on the table. The secrecy of residence could mean he/she is not comfortable with the aesthetics of the house or hiding a family inside. Question his family history; if it’s mystery, chances are you are a side chick.

Did I Hear His Phone Vibrate?

The phone goes on silent or vibrates when you go out (nowhere public). Question the reason for doing this and don’t fall for the; I want undisturbed quality time with you, or I forgot to put it back to ring after leaving the office etc. Then there is the issue of answering the phone, but then walks away and asks to be excused. Be alert of the phone issue.

Not Seeing You Again this Christmas?

You are highly likely a side chick if you never spent a holiday together. Being extremely busy during the holidays, family emergencies increase (someone in the hospital). Plans are made for the next holiday, but are then canceled at last minute.

I am confident that if you keep your eyes open, and you ask all the necessary questions you will find out if you are an involuntary side chick. Let my experience prevent you from making the same mistake.

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Why I Love My Husband

2014-09-11T18:22:00.005-05:00

I think, many wives around the world have questioned why in the world they got married! “What have I gotten myself into?” They might question, especially after a disagreement, and you are blinded by anger and your entire marriage just seems like a blur. I must confess that I have had several of those moments. However, after the storm he quickly reminds me of why I love him. So, this one is dedicated to my husband with love. Here are my top 5 reasons why I love you.

Love Your Smile

Yes, when he smiles he looks a 100 times more handsome, but my reason is that when he smiles he “really smiles,” you see it in his eyes, so you can tell it is coming from his heart. Under 30 years and he already has those smile lines at his eyes. I can boast that I have contributed greatly to some of those lines. I love his smile secondly, because when he smiles it’s so contagious I can’t help but smile right back. When I start getting those lines from smiling back, I will wear them with pride.

My Mr. Handy Man

I love how he can fix just about anything! It’s just a God given gift. When he has no experience in fixing a specific item, best believe he is “Googling” 95% of the time he is successful! I am always in awe. I think it’s because he has a brilliant mind, he is analytical and doesn't limit himself to what he can do. Not limiting myself, is the lesson I want to take from him.

My Personal “Chef”

Thank you mother-in-law you taught him well! Without any shame, I admit that what I know now in the kitchen I learnt from him. Yet, no matter how hard I try, if I follow his directions my version of the dish just always seem like the “knock off” version. *smiles* I love that when he eats my knock off dishes, he learnt overtime to criticize constructively without hurting my feelings. I appreciate greatly when he calls to say I’ll prepare dinner today, I get supper excited and so does my taste buds and belly.

Love Your Dedication to our Little Family

I know he really loves me because I am some kind of crazy sometimes. I am miserable and can get really negative about things, when I am upset I say things that I really shouldn't (God and I are working on my flaws). Yet, he is still here loving me through my flaws.

I love how the children love him. They miss him when he is away, and they laugh a lot when he is around. He is a great father; he really puts a lot into making them happy.

Love that You Love the Lord

This is by far the most important to me. This family wouldn't be holding together if you didn't love the Lord, and have a personal relationship with him. Lord knows, you need lots of prayer to deal with my stubbornness. Keep loving the Lord and guarantee that I will keep loving you!

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Three C’s of a Healthy Marriage

2014-08-29T23:22:00.004-05:00

Marriage is a beautiful experience once it is entered in with two people who love each other, and is willing to keep the love alive. Here are my three (3) C’s of a healthy marriage.

Compromise

Healthy marriages require partners having an attitude of give and take. When it comes to compromise; out of love, you put aside your wants and consider your partner’s wants first. This will only work in the favor of the marriage, if both partners keep this concept at the forefront of their minds and act up on it. Sharing “one flesh” doesn't mean sharing one brain. As such, there will be disagreements as you are two different people. So, for the sake of being able to boast of having a healthy marriage partners must learn the skill of compromise.

To strengthen the marriage, openly discuss your problems and fix them. Many can be fixed with compromise.

Christ-centeredness

I say this without apology; it is extremely difficult to have a healthy marriage without Christ at the center. In order to have Him at the center Husband and Wife must have Him in their lives personally. The sinful human flesh is unsurprisingly selfish.We are inclined to think about our personal best interest first. Sadly, our selfishness is a killer in relationships. For marriages to work we must be willing to put our partners needs above our own. That is an essential part of unconditional love.

We definitely need Jesus at the center of our relationship, to help us get rid of our selfish nature. No matter how we use every trick available to us for motivation, removing selfishness from our lives is not something we can do by ourselves. For the success story we must surrender our lives to God, sounds strange? This secret is THE powerful truth. With Christ in our individual hearts, a strong connection to the family altar, learning to love like Him, selflessness will definitely be achieved.

Communication

Obvious? It should be. However, it’s worthy to emphasize. Solid communication builds successful marriages. Listening is an important skill of communication to learn. It’s easy to find good talkers, and difficult to find good listeners. Within marriage, you are sharing your lives together. Communication is the backbone of keeping your spouse closest to you. You should be able to go to your partner openly and talk about any and everything. To give the confidence to your partner for him/her to talk to you freely, you must intently listen when they speak.

Hearing is a passive, natural physical process. Listening is hard because it is much more than hearing. It is a conscious choice, it requires concentration to really understand what the other party is saying, catching the meaning fully.

Certainly I have not exhausted the C’s of a healthy marriage. But this is the start hubby and I are working on.

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Money Matters in Relationship

2014-08-21T20:33:00.000-05:00

Even if we ignore it, the fact still remains that money matters in a relationship. So each couple must have productive money conversations throughout their relationship. Money talks are important because money can cause strain on a relationship. This strain can come from varying angles, such as loss of steady income, inequality in earning, too much spending, attitude towards money differ, among other things. These things can lead to arguments and resentment.

Here is what I have learnt so far in my three plus years of marriage, my top three to lessen money conflicts.

1. Talk Often about Money

Schedule if you must “money talk time”. Treat this aspect of your relationship like a business. Talk about everything in detail. How much income each person is making, how much each person is allowed to spend without consulting with your partner, who pay what bills, how much to spend on entertainment etc.

Come to a conclusion about what works for your relationship and stick to it. This might not be the most pleasant conversation but it is necessary. You’ll be thankful later.

2. Financial Infidelity

This is hiding debt, purchases and secret accounts from your significant other. Doing this breaks down the trust and intimacy in the relationship. Be open about everything in your relationship. Money matters definitely should be an open topic.

3. Spend Money to Enjoy Each Other

Ever so often, budget some of the money for distressing purposes. Use it for romantic dinners, concerts, taking the children to new places, etc. Spend the money to create lasting memories, than on material things that won’t last forever. Happiness is found during the experiences and long after when reflecting on the memory.

Please share with me how you deal with money in your relationship to lessen money conflicts.

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Dating with children: Part 3 (Final ) Striking a balance

2014-08-20T23:09:00.002-05:00

A single parent has a huge responsibility of taking care of their child’s heart when dating. Striking a balance between parenthood and dating should make this responsibility less stressful.

If your priorities are made straight and you are vigilant about keeping them that way, you and the child will be happy and healthy. As an added bonus, you will be displaying role modeling that’s not short on positivity. You will have less damage to both you and the child emotionally. Though the child should come first, don’t forget that you are deserving of happiness too. Balance is the key to this happy medium. The best approach is age appropriateness with being open with your child. Not forgetting to take each step slowly with precaution and thought. This way the transition from being “new friend” to “special friend” should be smoother because by this time your special friend is someone your child doesn't mind having around.

Your behavior around your child must be consistent. Doing so provides the child safety in this hard family transition. Example, if you found it age appropriate to explain the reason for a break up, be extra cautious not to start dating someone again who is similar to your previous love. The search for love can be heart-wrenching, it can also be exciting. However, as the parent you should ensure your child is exposed to much less “heart-wrenching” experiences. For the child it must be fun and safe.

As a single person with no children, you are free to gamble in the love game. But if you are a single parent, toying with your child’s heart is not an option. To achieve the fairy-tale ending to the love story, it must be written slowly, thoughtfully and started with healthy balance between you as the single and you as the parent.

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Dating with children: Part 2 Taking it Slow

2014-08-09T19:47:00.001-05:00

Dating with children has so many twists and turns, navigating yourself through them is definitely not promised to be smooth sailing. As such, part two of this three part series speaks on taking things slow.

Understanding might be mutual if both parties have children. However, this should not be assumed. People’s values will differ and as you continue to date this potential mate, the values or lack thereof, will unfold.

Things will get even trickier if the other party has no children. Their learning curve will be steep, plus you will have to go through an adjustment period. The adjustment of always having to arrange a sitter and sitting your child down often enough telling them you are going to have a meal with a“friend” might very well take the spontaneity and heat from the process of dating. But so what if it does?

If it is that you don’t live with your children because of shared custody, use those times away from them to do the exciting and spontaneous things. It is my suggestion that you don’t use the time you have the children to have sleepovers. Things should go even slower with your potential partner if your children do not live with you, as it would be harder for them to share you since they are not around you all the time.

This adjustment I believe should be the driving force to slow you down, causing you to kiss fewer frogs, so that “the one,” will be fully worth it. This keeper will not only be right for you, but the entire family that will be blended.

Remember, you will experience the best of both worlds, if you endeavor to date smart and take things slow.

Dating with Children, Part 1: Putting the Children First

2014-07-31T22:25:00.001-05:00

By now if you are following my blogs you will notice I say dating is challenging a lot. Well, the concrete jungle of dating is even more difficult if there are children in the mix. An ingredient that is very important within this dating mix is the consideration of the children’s minds and hearts.

If you are dating and not looking to get serious; you are just in it to have a good time, the children don’t fully understand this. They are using what they see as a blueprint for the navigation of their own lives. They are using your guide to mould their values, so they need to feel safe with your actions. Your self-conduct while dating is powerful, the models you create shape their behaviour in love and life, from a very young age.

It is not a good idea to mix your life as a parent with dating life until the relationship you are in is established, and adequate preparation was done to introduce the new partner to the children.
At the point of introduction, this new partner should be the only one in the picture. No other potential contenders. Children get easily attached, so their hearts are deeply broken when a partner suddenly leaves and they get confused if someone moves in again too quickly. They are in the dating game with you, plus their experience with the changes could be more devastating than yours. The child is forming new experiences, all your actions and what you introduce them to has an impact, the bad and good. So your unrestrained frog kissing hurts them greatly. As such, I believe the parent and ex-partner should explain age appropriately why they will no longer be together. Maybe the blow to the child could be softened if they understand that the relationship is not working because they are not happy together.

Every single parent would agree that their children must take first priority. However, living up to this is challenging when “love chemicals,” is in play. But, remember your child’s welfare must remain your focus. I am not suggesting giving up dating until the children are fully grown. I am saying happy, healthy children are nurtured by parents who make decisions that are wise.

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Summer Romance Lessons

2014-07-24T18:59:00.001-05:00

The weather is heating up and suddenly you’re starting to feel different; you feel free-spirited and your beauty becomes something you’re just starting to notice. You are taking on a new Philosophy in life; everything this summer will be good!

Because of this new philosophy and new found confidence in your beauty, you feel free, your attitude towards everything will be good and then the unforeseen happens. Here comes the unexpected romance, the new, happier you caught the attention of someone’s eyes. Though unexpected this summer romance might be, it could be a life lesson you need.

Summer kisses are hotter, tastier, giving you a refreshed feeling that sets you aflame! Blink your eyes, that’s how quickly the romance intensifies. The new free spirit you have propels you to live in the moment.

Lesson #1

An unexpected Summer Romance makes you realize that true timeless affection doesn't need a forever promise to be real.

Lesson #2

It opens your eyes to the fact that you are desired and worthy of a lot of attention.

Lesson #3

Given the nature of summer romances (they are short lived), you see the importance of enjoying every moment, making each experience take your breath away. You allow the heat of ecstasy to take over.

Lesson #4

Summer romances make you realize that life is not just about struggles, life can be purely beautiful.

Lesson #5

This one is my personal favourite J you learn to embrace the new person you've become, one who has no worries; a less stressful version of you. That person you should try to hold on to always.

Lesson # 6

Summer romance is a short, beautiful love (or that love feeling) experience. You know it will end quickly, but you have no regrets because this “great love” served its purpose. A memory you will always cherish.

Our long term committed relationships could be so much more beautiful and fulfilling if we apply the lessons we learn from our summer romances; don’t you think?

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I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS VIDEO , NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED

5 Signs you’re in a Healthy Relationship

2014-07-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

Healthy relationships don’t just happen overnight. They require hard work, time and two people who are motivated by their love for each other to achieve a successful healthy relationship. Healthy relationships require so much work, that the following 5 signs of a healthy relationship is just a small percentage of the signs.

Trust

There is really no point in being in a relationship if you can’t trust your partner. Without trust, insecurity will cause slow growth or no growth at all in your relationship. You will spend too much of your time worrying about what your partner is doing. Your willingness to be open and honest with your partner is none existent. And being able to talk freely with your partner is one of the foundations to building an unbreakable relationship.

You Have Disagreements with Little to no Arguments

Disagreements are a must in every relationship, simple because no two people are the same. As such, you will face conflicts. You are in a healthy relationship if when these disagreements arise, there is no loud shouting and going at each other like enemies would. In a healthy relationship disagreements are dealt with peacefully.

Freedom to be you

When you are around your partner there should be no need to be someone you are not. If this is the case, the relationship is built on a lie! Healthy relationships foster freedom to be 100% you. No putting on a mask. Bring you to the relationship, so that your partner can really accept your flaws and all.

Individuality is Maintained

In healthy relationships, spending lots of quality time is important because it brings you closer as a couple. Though this is true, there still must be room to maintain individuality. Each partner must still be able to pursue their own dreams, spend time with friends and family or even have alone time etc. Your partner is in love with who they have come to know, maintain individuality and you are doing your relationship a huge favour.

Clear Open Communication

Beautiful relationships are built on clear open communication. Each partner must clearly state what they want in the relationship and don’t assume that because you have been in the relationship for so long your partner must know how you feel or think about something. This also means being able to talk to your partner about everything and anything without fear, e.g. that what you said would be used against you.

Having a healthy relationship is something that most of us want. Most of us can enjoy a healthy relationship if partners work together equally to accomplish this.

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5 Signs you’re in a Toxic Relationship

2014-07-11T06:23:00.001-05:00

The fact is all relationships are different. I can’t say that too much. Some will flourish and some are toxic and you must get out! They all have their fair share of challenges. But how can you tell you’re experiencing “normal” challenges or you really should get out?! After careful thought, here are my 5 signs of a toxic relationship.

Generally Unhappy

There will be times you feel unhappy about events/situations in your relationship, which is normal. You’re in a toxic relationship if you’re generally unhappy about your relationship even if there is no current situation. You’re always on edge, and tense about when the next conflict will be. If any of this is relatable and then some, you’re in a toxic relationship. It’s time to surf the waves and find your way out.

Thoughts of Cheating

Maybe this is coming from the decreased drama between the sheets. You are no longer attracted to each other and the passion has died, and you think you can only experience this again with someone else. These thoughts might be surfacing because you have met someone who makes you smile again.

If you’re enjoying these thoughts of cheating and really don’t want to get rid of them, or have already acted upon them, your relationship is in deep waters.

No Longer have Fun Together

Those days when you used to play, laugh senselessly over nothing, when you go out onlookers envy what you have are long gone. Now when you go out, you use the time to discuss your relationship problems instead of enjoying each other’s company like you used to.

This is another sign that you are barely keeping your head above water, and your relationship is dying a terrible death of knowing you’re slowly drowning.

Lost your Drive to Fight for your Relationship

After doing everything you think possible to improve your relationship and nothing is working, because the other partner is not as interested in the relationship as you are. No one should blame you for giving up on the relationship.

If you’re in this mind space, your relationship is definitely sinking.

Thoughts of Killing Them

Yes, I said that out loud. This right here is a huge sign. Swim, swim, and swim with all your might to get to the shores, before you find yourself tying an anchor to a duffle bag. If you’re planning a detailed step by step on how to scuff the life of your partner; while he/she sleeps get counseling fast! To avoid taking such life changing plunge.

These signs are hard to swallow, especially after investing many years. But if both parties are genuinely want a better story ending, with counseling, Christ at the centre and putting in the hard work your relationship can be fixed. If the best decision is to part, time will heal. Your broken heart can be mended.

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From a Man’s Perspective: To Our Women

2014-07-03T20:06:00.000-05:00

I always joke about returning as a man in my “next life,” I am not a believer in reincarnation but you get my point. Why would I want to do that, I can hear you ask. The answer, my friend, is very simple - I think their lives are far less complicated than women’s.

By all indications, it appears to take very little to make a man happy. I have identified three basic things that remain true for what men look for in a relationship. These are sex, space and acceptance.

Sex

This might not be number one on all men’s lists, but I believe it definitely falls in the top five. Wives (I say wives, because I believe sex should be only be between married people) our men want the kind of sex that will keep them focused on you.

Naturally men eyes will wander, but if you are having that kind of sex that has love intertwined and you are connected they will notice but not want. He will acknowledge she has a nice body and pretty face but she won’t be worth losing you.

Space

Men need space. When I speak of space I mean time away from you! Now women don’t freak out, it is perfectly natural for a man to want to be by themselves, hang with friends or time to invest in their own passions/hobbies. Let them have the time to play video games, join in a game of football etc. This is the time they use to clear their minds, unwind, and recharge so they can love you the way you deserve.

Acceptance

I am learning that it’s after accepting our men just the way they are, for who they are is when we truly love them unconditionally. I gather that our men, no matter how old they are, will always have boyish tendencies. Accept them for who they are, that will be motivation enough to do more to make you happy

Loving our men is not complicated. However, the above three ways on how to, is not the total list.

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From a Woman’s Perspective: To Our Men

2014-06-26T21:04:00.000-05:00

To make your woman feel like a queen doesn't mean an overnight shopping spree to Paris or an Audi in her driveway. Well let me correct myself, for the materialistic high maintenance women this is what she requires to feel special and loved. For the low maintenance woman, here are three (3) simple things you can do to make her the queen in your life.

Quality Time

The trip to Paris would be much more fun if she went with you, or drive around in the Audi with you as the driver. She feels special when you have time for her, not too busy to listen to her rant about her co-worker that just doesn’t stop talking. If she has to fight too hard for this quality time, it means the fight is one sided and only she recognizes that this time is needed for growth in the relationship. Spend quality time together for example; to talk about anything, the more that’s revealed in a relationship the closer you get as a couple.

Compliment Her

We put effort in putting ourselves together; while we should do this for us, we also do it for you. Sometimes we even go the extra mile and make sure our hair is done how you like it, or wear that perfume you love so much. Compliment her; let her know she looks beautiful! Don’t let her get those compliments from others, while she waits wondering when it will come from you. A compliment tells her you are paying attention, that her efforts are not wasted; it might even say you’re proud that she is yours.

Be a part of Her Life

This means knowing her aspirations and don’t be a bystander, play a role in letting her accomplish them. If she has a hobby, you don’t have to get involved in it with her, if for example you have children, take them and allow her some free time to participate in her hobby. If she is a blogger, read every one of her post and give feedback and even make suggestions for her next post. There is even the option of making goals together and accomplish them as a couple.

Doing these three simple things makes your woman feel like the queen in your life. She will also feel secure in the relationship, because you are investing time, paying attention to her and have plans to be a part of her future since you are involved in her life.

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Single? Perfect!

2014-06-22T09:27:00.002-05:00

Singleness is not a death sentence. It can be an exciting trip or a lonely journey. The road you travel on depends heavily on your choices. The best choice is the fun and exciting road. Take these suggestions into consideration to avoid the lonely road.

Single? Perfect! Use the Time to Explore Who you are

It’s my opinion that this is one of the first things to do while single. Once you know who you are, the difficulty level in knowing the kind of person you would want to date decreases. Identifying the characteristics and personalities that compliment you best is easier.

Be Confident and Brave in Your Singleness

Now that you know much about yourself and the type of partner you want; take action! Tap into your confidence and be brave and ask someone out. In particular females; stop waiting for him to ask you out, just go for it.

Don’t Block Yourself in a Box

You might very well have a type, the cliché “tall dark and handsome.” Free yourself from the box and be open to other options like a “tall fair and handsome.” Get the point?

Have Fun Being Single

Approach dates positively. Going on the date with negativity about the outcome, is setting up yourself for a negative outcome of the date experience. Once you have a positive attitude; you’ll be more fun to be around, giving you an advantage of being likeable and even irresistible.

Take Dating Mistakes Note

For example, have issues being on time, make greater efforts to be on time. This could very well be the dating pattern that is unproductive/ a turn off for the dater.

Singles…Please, Never Settle!

The dating scene can be rough. You have date so many people and still can’t find “the one.” Yes this can be very frustrating especially as you get older. BUT it’s better to stay single than settle for someone you are not sure about, because the biological clock is ticking or you’re just tired of being single. Such relationships tend not to last.

Take my advice and enjoy “Singledom”

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Three B’s of a Healthy Marriage

2014-06-17T01:11:00.001-05:00

Bedroom Drama

To have a healthy marriage, sex and lots of it should be a top priority. Boring sex is a no, no! Explore different positions (buy a Kama Sutra book or Google search). To the husbands, satisfy a woman’s emotional needs and she will be more motivated to make time for more sex. To the wives, don’t withhold sex from your husband as a “punishment,” instead use it to make up sooner. Keep things fresh and romance novel like J be very clear and open about your preferences and expectations sexually. What are your views regarding infidelity? Of course it doesn’t stop here; there is a whole lot more on this topic to explore.

Balance

When I make reference to balance I mean getting rid of power struggle, don’t try to control your partner. I also mean meeting each other’s needs. Don’t expect to always get, and never give.

Give your partner room to fulfill their dreams and goals, offer guidance if you can, leave out negative judgment. While your partner is pursuing their own interest, go after yours as well. You don’t want to give up all your dreams and goals to help your partner fulfill his/her own, as it’s highly likely that you will have regrets in the future, when you realize you have not accomplished anything personally.

Bonding

The success of marriages depends heavily on bonding. A huge mistake couples make is assuming their bond will last because of their love for each other. Without hard work, this connection will be lost! Be intentional in finding strategies to strengthen your union.

So, slow it down! Take your time in spending quality time together. Date nights once a week; no interruptions from children, just you and your partner alone. Hold hands, hug and kiss frequently, looking into each other’s eye when you talk, find hobbies/actives to do together; so as to create memorable memories.

Keep searching for ways to strengthen your marriage together. Improving in the areas on these “B’s will sure to help in sustaining a strong marriage.

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It Starts With Me!

2014-06-12T22:22:00.000-05:00

I’m not nosy but, I have overheard some pretty interesting conversations from singles who are actively seeking a partner. I was there; I had my list of criteria that I wanted my potential husband to meet. Somewhere along this journey a light bulb went off! “What do I bring to the table?”

It Starts With Me!

We are so caught up in adding to the “list of things we look for in a bf/gf,” that we forget that our potential mates have their own list too. I recommend you get your values, attitude and character in line with the list you look for in a potential mate. Chances are there is someone out there with a similar list, look for you!

Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company

I learnt this valuable lesson from a girlfriend who enjoys her own company. If she wants to go rock climbing, she makes the necessary arrangements and go. No need to call up a friend to accompany her. She can be bad all by herself. This is a part of character building, learning to make yourself happy. Once you master this, you lessen desperation for a partner. Ultimately giving you a clearer head to choose a partner wisely, not jumping into something too quickly because you are desperate.

You don’t Need a Partner to Complete You

I am not a fan of referring to your partner as “your other half,” or making statements such as “you complete me.” You are complete on your own! If you take this concept of being incomplete without a partner; in your singleness you will be lonely, desperate, feeling empty, thinking your life is lacking something gravely important. Once you realize there is no truth to this, watch how your confidence blossoms. You’ll walk around chest high and a noticeable pep in your step. Should I state how much more attractive you’ll be with a boost in confidence?

Once you come to terms that a healthy relationship starts with me; and start working on you first, your whole outlook on dating will change for the better. You’ll enjoy your singleness more, and if you’re in a relationship, when you start working on you, your relationship will improve.

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To find Love/a Lover you must First Love Yourself

2014-06-05T22:26:00.000-05:00

Love is a loaded word; this little four letter word goes deep. Defining it is so complicated I wouldn't even attempt, but I will only refer you to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I think it is in your best interest to love yourself before you go seeking a lover. My personal journey to loving myself was very challenging, and now it’s my pleasure to offer suggestions on how to love you.

Accept and Appreciate the Physical You

This might sound a little crazy, but try standing before your mirror in your birthday suit. Really pay attention to what’s before you. Breathe deeply, relax and acknowledge what you appreciate about your body. Forget what you think about how fat, skinny, short, lacking muscles, etc. focus on the positives, how your face light up when you smile for example. Remember you are uniquely you. Tell yourself you are special, the more you say it, the more you will believe it. If you can’t accept and appreciate the physical you, you will have difficulty accepting compliments from the opposite sex.

Get to Know Yourself

You might think you know everything about yourself but you don’t. You learn so much about yourself as you find yourself in different situations, around different people and engaging in different activities. To introduce yourself to a potential lover you should know your likes, dislikes, what makes you angry, how far your patience can be stretched etc. In your singleness, step away from the proverbial box you walk around with. Try new activities, travel to different places and don’t be afraid to meet new people. This is just a part of the process of getting to know you.

Start “Loving-up” Yourself

Nurture yourself, eat as healthy as possible and spend time grooming and pampering yourself. Meet your personal emotionally needs. By doing these things you gain confidence you never dream would be possible. With daily practice you will be more loving and caring towards yourself.

In loving yourself, when you enter a relationship you will have confidence in presenting the real you to your partner. You won’t be afraid to let your partner see your flaws, giving him/her the opportunity to love every aspect of you! Flaws and all.

Three A’s of a Healthy Marriage

2014-05-19T00:16:00.000-05:00

Come journey with me, as I take on the challenge of what I call “Alphabet Marriage Series.” There are so many intricacies in making a relationship work; as I explore the alphabet, I will share what I have learnt so far from personal experiences, from other couples and from research. I hope you enjoy this series as much as I will.

After going through a list of A’s, these three stand out to me; as I think if we incorporate them in our relationships, we will increase the rate of our relationships being successful.

Attention

Reflect on when you just met, and you were getting to know each other for a moment. Remember those long hours on the phone? Texting each other, just to say hi or check in? The date nights gazing into each other’s eyes? I hope by now you get the picture. After marriage these things should not stop! Even now more than ever, your spouse must get your undivided attention, even if it is just 10 minutes every day to catch up on each other’s day. If a child(ren) is in the marriage, extra effort will be needed to have quality alone time with each other. Whatever your story is, too busy at work/tired after work, home chores, taking care of children, etc. clear your schedule and make time for each other. Make time for:

1. Meaningful conversation, really listening to each other, look into each other’s eyes as you talk.

2. Keep your courting days in your minds, and keep it alive. Romantic gestures, gifts, date nights etc.

3. Pay attention to her new hair style, pay attention to his new tie. Remember your compliments.

There are so many other ways to show your spouse you are paying attention, explore your options.

Appreciation

Never take your spouse for granted. Just because your wife is a stay at home wife, doesn’t mean she is obligated to prepare your meals, do laundry, take care of the children etc. She does this out of love, her love for you! Women, just because he goes out to work doesn’t mean he is obligated to clothed and feed you. He does this because he takes pride in being the bread winner and because he loves you. Remember your please and thank you, when she presents you a meal say thank you. When he sweeps the yard, say thank you. For example:

1. Giving thoughtful gifts

2. Saying I love you and really mean it.

3. Do something for your spouse you know they will love. A massage maybe?

Small gestures to show your appreciation will make a big impact on improving and maintaining your relationship.

Acceptance

I’ll be brief with this one. Accept your spouse for who he/she is. This means, accepting your spouse baggage and flaws. This doesn't mean you shouldn't encourage improvement in their lives, achieving their goals and following their dreams. You should never try to change your spouse, unless I think is to make them a better person or improve his/her health.

Relationships will have their challenges; just like all other things in life, if we want to reap the best from it we must work hard at it.

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Should I Use a Double Barrel Name?

2014-03-10T15:22:00.000-05:00

When I was on the dating scene, after being girlfriend for a while I used to put our last names together. Why? To find out if it sounded good and had a cool ring to it, lol, Britton-Delisser, Britton-Bryan etc. None had that wow factor I was hoping for. Britton just wasn't working with any other surname. But, I knew for sure that I was not going to give it up, whoever my husband was going to be could not have any hang ups about me keeping my name. They are not many Brittons, well not many I know of and it makes me feel very special; I wanted to remain in this unique circle, so when I got married I became Britton-Edwards.

I took some time to ask several persons with double barrel names; and several who changed theirs and took on their husband’s name the reason for their choice. Among the well thought-out reasons, the following stood out.

Changing Your Last Name Shows Unity

Those who choose to take on their husband’s name and not keep their maiden name did so to show unity. It gives them a sense of oneness, the coming together to create a harmonious new family. For others, “leaving and cleaving” also meant letting go of the name that was given by the man who was responsible for them, since they would now belong to another man; both good reasons for taking on their new name.

A Sense of Family Identity

The double barrel name holders kept their maiden name and added the new name so they can hold on to their first family identity. Staying true to their roots, building on what they know to create something new and different.

When getting married, a lot of things need to be considered. Your name choice is one of them. Time should be spent talking to your spouse- to -be about this decision. Don’t assume that he or she knows your preference. Be clear about everything, then come to a decision that both parties are happy about.