Arguing With a Doughnut

Gingercat vs. Food

2012-01-03T16:24:00.000-08:00

Gingercat strikes again!

In this fine short film full of conflict, strife, and tears.

(forgive the mildly long load time)

Partners in Pretension

2011-09-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Please enjoy this great show!

I DID IT.

2011-06-22T09:11:00.000-07:00

Oh man, guys, animation's hard. Please enjoy this fine festival of silly, made for the company Celga, Inc.

If you like it and would be interested, or know someone who is interested, in hiring me to do a similar video, please send me an e-mail!

Shout Outs

2011-04-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! Please check out the following things:

http://www.facebook.com/Partnersinpretension and http://www.partnersinpretension.com/ both feature a trailer now, also here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsDOcAwhs5Y&feature=player_embedded

Also, please visit WebSerials.com for http://webserials.com/bestlaidplans/theinterview.html and other great episodes. They're on HULU as well, so congratulations to them!

That's it.

More funny soon, I hope. Big news (and a movie! WHAT.) coming.

A Letter to a Bad Guy

2011-04-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

So.

No pictures this time.

Also, I AGONIZED over this because my mom reads this blog and I'm 98% positive she won't find this funny. But then I looked and saw I have ...quite a few followers who aren't my mom and. And. Well. Here. MOM, IT'S A JOKE.

So the other night I either had a nightmare about OR actually heard noises outside my window. I don't know which. But I did wake up terrified that there was SOMEONE out there (there wasn't?) and I had no other recourse than... this.

Dear (Potential?) Robber/Vandal/Murderer/Rapist:

Hi! Listen -- I know it’s probably super tempting to break into my first-floor apartment, but I’d love to give you a list of reasons I’d really, really appreciate you taking your surely delightful attempts elsewhere.

I’m an actress. I’m really not very well-to-do and I’m struggling. Just like you. We’re comrades, of sorts. The have-nots. I absolutely couldn’t afford to replace the things I’ve saved to purchase.

A lot of my junk has serious sentimental value. A dead grandmother’s necklace, books (please don’t steal my books), items bought with a deceased aunt. Etc. You can’t replace my memories, dear thief. (If you can, you have another career ahead of you).

I live with four cats. This crap is all I have. It keeps me from the deep end.

I bet we’d get along great! I’d rather not ruin this blossoming friendship over something trivial like “stuff I own that you stole” or whatever. Coffee? My treat.

I’d cry. I mean, a lot.

I’m a super nice person. I’d never rob/vandalize/murder/rape you! Never in a billion years!

What goes around comes around. Just sayin’.

98% of my stuff is related to work. Borrrrrrring for you. Devastating for me!

IF YOU ARE A MAN-PERSON. I have already dealt with severe disappointment from dudes. Let’s not perpetuate what is blooming into a stereotype, mkay?

IF YOU ARE A LADY-PERSON. I hate Sex in the City and I bet you do too.

If you’re thinking of stealing a cat, just wake me up and I’ll explain to you why that’s the worst idea you’ve ever had.

Finally, I’d really appreciate your act of social rebellion in a more constructive form: we could make posters and protest something (anything! you name it!) or just go laugh ironically at something while secretly enjoying it. Whatever.

So okay! That’s it, new pal! Introduce yourself proper and we can have tea or something. Book club? I don’t know. But I’m guessing you’re convinced you ought to take your fine debauchery to other, more lucrative locations -- and I applaud that decision.

Love!
Me.

A TRIUMPHANT RETURN?

2010-12-18T16:40:00.000-08:00

Not even a little.

But I made this because I hit a new laundry low -- I ran out of pajamas and had to wear sexy lingerie. So just in case you were wondering how unappealing that is?

It is THIS unappealing!

What the hell happened?!

2010-10-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

I'll draw pictures to go with this, maybe probably, but the following things happened:

I started a sorta-job.

Then I had callbacks and auditions.

THEN I also have a birthday on Friday.

Soooo.

No post this week, maybe probably!

Leaving Eddie in a Tree

2010-10-19T11:18:00.000-07:00

I was not always the amazing older sister you see before you. In fact, I kind of sucked.

When you’re the oldest, you get blamed for just about everything. To combat this, you have to be cunning -- slick and savvy! You have to create ways to get your younger siblings into trouble.

I did this all the time, but never so well as the time I left Eddie in a tree.

Eddie was not allowed to climb trees or go in the woods for the following reasons:

So naturally, one day we were playing in the woods he probably wasn’t allowed to enter and I saw a nice, tall tree.

I pointed up the tree and said, “Hey, Eddie. Climb it.”

Eddie wisely said, “No! I am not allowed to climb trees.”

My evil little ten year old brain did some quick thinking and I assured him that I knew that and that was why I was going to teach him how to climb trees. With a delighted smile, Eddie scampered on up.

And I scampered the hell away.

I made a beeline right for the house and entered with a shout:

Now, I had predicted that she would be angry. I knew the reaction would be one of rage. But there was always a variable -- which child would be the recipient of the anger?

It was Eddie.

My mother blew out of the house yelling at him and walked into the woods. I silently high-fived myself for enacting a perfect “Get Eddie In Trouble” plan then quickly scurried to my bedroom.

I guess my mom got Eddie down somehow because he came home (to my ten-year-old self, what a bonus it would’ve been if Eddie had to live in the tree! I suppose I was hoping a little for this:

But he came home and we lived our lives. I’m sure he was mad, but what could he do? Punishment had been DOLED OUT. I had won. I walked around gleefully for weeks.

My mom loved the extra help.

Eventually, we wound up in the woods again -- I’m not sure how. And I figured: This worked once! I wonder if it’ll work again. I was a smart kid, so I didn’t think it would -- but nor did it hurt to try!

IT DID. IT WORKED. He climbed up again and my brain exploded into a glittery rain of excitement while I booked it to the house yelling all the way.

I could not believe my luck. I could not believe my PROWESS. I must have become the queen of older sisters that day -- no one could top this. No one. I had TWICE made Eddie climb a tree. TWICE my little brother got stuck up there.

I was agog when the scenario presented itself again.

At this point, I wasn’t sure if my little brother was stupid or something, and the glee was wearing off just a little bit. I still told my mom and he still got in trouble, but I think the shine began to wear off around the fourth time.

And by the fifth time my brother got himself stuck in a tree. It felt too easy. Like I was cheating. It was time to find a new, more difficult way to get him in trouble without receiving any splash off punishment.

Gingercat Strikes Again

2010-10-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

I have a longer post in the works but as I toil away on it, I just want you to know that this happened:

I was upstairs working on THINGS and STUFF when I heard this weird sound coming from my kitchen. So, since I'm alone this weekend, I figured it would be smart to check it out. I walked downstairs to see the fracking Gingercat at it again.

He pulled his waterbowl all the way down the hallway into the exact middle of my kitchen.

Why?

Who knows.

BIG NEWS UPDATE:

Now it is here:

Sigh.

Hackett Family Edited Movie: Braveheart

2010-10-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to watch a lot of things. This included certain epic, life-altering movies -- Braveheart was one of them. At some point, a kind member of my family thought this was stupid and called my dad to see if I could watch it since I was "old enough". My dad agreed, but he put some weird stipulations on it that must have included no violence and no nudity.

So I wound up watching the following version of Braveheart, much to my ever-lasting confusion:

Geocaching

2010-09-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

My mom sent me an e-mail not too long ago asking if I had ever tried geocaching because it sounded like something that was really up my alley (it does! it is!). I knew what it was and I had looked into it, but I hadn’t ever really gone. I don’t know why. So I dug a little bit and decided: this is it, Saturday afternoon I am going to go geocaching. It’s exercise combined with a SUPER SECRET treasure hunt.

I did a LOT of research into it. And I don’t know if you’ve ever tried geocaching, but their site is a treasure hunt in and of itself.

I eventually figured out how to look at the difficulty levels and the proximity to my house (though the symbols totally eluded me; I was not even making that angel thing up. Do you DIE on that search???!). I chose my course carefully. I picked one that was about a mile and a half away and planned to jog to the park and back for a little exercise. I slept Friday night dreaming the dreams of kings.

I awoke and drank my coffee for the day.

I got dressed. I PREPARED. I prepared for RICHES and ADVENTURES!

So I started my jog. The jog was completely uneventful. It was hot? but not a bad run at all -- and I hate running. I reached my destination easily. Now I had to find the “cache”. Noooo problem. I prepared my stealthy face so no one would be “on” to me because if there was one thing I learned from the geocaching community, it’s that you better keep those damn caches a SECRET.

I couldn’t find it! I had NO IDEA where this thing was. You see, I didn’t know what I was looking for. I had pinpointed roughly where the object should’ve been and had the riddle (I thought) sussed out but there was NOTHING. I kept looking out of sheer stubbornness.

I started to give up being stealthy and just openly tore the park apart looking for a “cache”. Was it gold? was it duct taped? was it a pot, a pan, a bit of tupperware? I didn’t KNOW.

I completely abandoned any secrecy about the treasure hunt while nice, fine people who wanted to enjoy their day at the park with their kids openly stared, slack-jawed, at this freak in running shorts tearing open their park. I didn’t know what to do anymore. I tried pathetically to keep up the charade.

But I knew it was over. Geocaching had won. It had defeated me. I had no idea where that mysterious object was hidden. And as I realized that if I didn’t leave, someone would start to assume I was a psycho serial killing child molester, I gave one last forlorn look over the park.

Defeated, I jogged back to my house with a heavy heart, desperately telling myself that I could come back. That it wasn’t over yet. That at least I got some exercise.

But I knew. I knew deep down:

It was over.

I tried to keep my interest going. I looked up other, presumedly easier caches, but I think the effort was feigned at best.

UPDATE: Hi, geocachers. Welcome!

I'm really sorry I have ruined the game by being completely conspicuous in my search. Please don't be mad. :(

Eggs vs. THE WORLD!

2010-09-26T15:12:00.000-07:00

I was recently trying to tweak a cookie recipe to make it a little more healthy. The only stuff I found online to alter the recipe to a “low-fat” version called for me to omit the egg yolks. That was it. That was the only tweak.

Egg yolks.

Are not.

Unhealthy.

Things that are: sugar. And butter.

Here, I made you a diagram so you have a nice, easy way to remember:

Eggs are not bad for you and it drives me insane that somewhere, at some point, eggs (and their yolks) were made into the bad guys. Everyone go eat an egg to stick it to the dumb people who think butter is more acceptable than eggs. Happy SUNDAY!

Facebook vs. Twitter!

2010-09-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm on a weird Facebook kick, I guess!

Please enjoy another guest post at idaconcpts. This one is a battle of the two social networks. Click here to go visit!

ALSO PLEASE ENJOY THIS SCREENSHOT.

(Totally unrelated parenthetical question. Would you guys rather the comments be something other than blogger’s platform? I’ve noticed it’s probably rather hard to carry on a conversation -- you don’t know when people reply. What do you like?)

P.S.: This will be my last guest post for a bit; I'm going to concentrate on bringing you some more all-original content so hang tight!

Facebook: THE RECKONING. Your Parents ARE HERE!

2010-09-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, guys! I was asked to write another guest post for these guys; this time, the topic is “parents on Facebook”, which got me thinking. My parents are both on Facebook and it doesn’t really bother me (it’s nice, actually, because I can update them without feeling bad about not calling). But I am preeeeeetty sure my mom twinks at Farmville.

(Mom: Before you ask. Twinking is just like cheating, for the internet! But it’s Farmville so no one cares. Twink away, Mom!)

She also had the following conversation with me recently via a Facebook message (why not an e-mail, Mom?)

Mom: Hey, what do you think about a visit <these dates>.

Me: Yes! Sure! Sounds good.

Mom: How are things?

Me: Oh, good, blahblahblah. Did this and that. Blahblahblah.

Mom: How’re the cats/Brad/your house?

Me: Finefineblahbalhblah, conversation, etc.

Mom: Okay, well, let me know about a visit asap!

What? Didn’t we already establish this, Mom? This isn’t a movie that we rewind and watch; the textual evidence is right there!*

So anyway: for your reading pleasure, click on over to the guest post and embark upon the journey of the end of your Facebooky life once your parents join Facebook.

*A ludicrously adorable trait of my mother’s -- she can watch a movie, rewind it, and watch it again without a clue in the world what happens. I could be in it, she wouldn’t remember.

P.S.: Mom? I’m cool with you on Facebook. I used my IMAGINATION for this post.

Please click HERE for the guest post and enjoy a screenshot below.

This Is Not Really An "UPDATE"

2010-09-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

...I just... I got my very first spammer today? And, um. I um. I wanted to SHARE THIS WITH YOU.

I just felt so full of self-worth and excitement. I couldn't let it sit. I had to let you know. I mean, today's earnings were $510.24! If only I had known about this really amazing... (really amazing what, Marcelo Pena?! I assume it's a work-at-home job) I don't know what the crap I'm doing now if it's not "work" at home.

P.S.: I’ve tried to make the Google Ads on the sidebar a little less awful; I told it to ban ads for cosmetic surgery, diet pills, sex junk, and probably some other crap I think is just offensive for you guys to see (do YOU want a computer telling you about a diet pill to make getting your boobs done easier? /I/ don’t). If those ads pop up for you for some reason, please let me know! I’d just hate for anyone reading what should be a very light-hearted comic to glance to the side and feel all ANGRY. Like this:

2010 Fashion Tips: What's in Style!

2010-09-13T09:02:00.000-07:00

In which a total nerd tells you what’s cool.

I’m going to preemptively preempt this by saying quickly: this is not a fashion blog. This wasn’t even supposed to be a post for this blog! I just didn’t know where else to put it because it just got longer and longer -- it got away from me. IT GREW.

Guys, let’s talk about things that aren’t cool. Things that simply are not cool. I see a lot of uncoolness floating around and I’m pretty sure this handy list here will help us ALL avoid some of the pitfalls of uncool-i-ness.

Let’s start off slow.

There, that wasn’t so bad, was it? No one’s surprised by this (right???) -- fanny packs Are Not Cool.

Here’s another easy one:

I know that the sun isn't clothing, I just wanted to wait for everyone to catch up. Also, sunburn is never cool. Okay, we’re all on the same page now, right?

Let’s move on to something a little more advanced.

I know it seems cool NOW to dress like a hobo, but when you look back on this in ten years, you’re going to feel really. REALLY. REALLY!!!!!! stupid. Unless you a) are a hobo or b) are going to fully commit and have the little hobo stick-kerchief accessory (in which case, I SALUTE YOU and YOU WIN LIFE), stop dressing like you have negative twenty four cents.

I also think it’s very uncool for shorts to cost more than pants.

I’ll say it again.

SHORTS. cost MORE DOLLARS. than PANTS.

You can just sit on that one for a while.

High waistlines are “in” or “back” or whatever stupid jargon we use.

WHY ARE YOU IN AND/OR BACK, HIGH WAISTLINES?

You weren’t flattering then and you aren’t flattering now! When your most famous fashionista was Urkel, it’s time to just ride into the sunset and never return.

Speaking of horribly unflattering...

Maybe four people in the world can wear capri pants without looking like they’re waiting for a flood (One day, though. One day, they’ll be right.

) or their pants (and I use the term loosely) are about to explode off their normal-sized-human-thighs. These four people are all eighty seven feet tall and have the bodies of a Barbie doll and I’m 98% certain they’re Cylons. So they don’t even COUNT, you guys.

I’ll leave you with one more.

No, two more, because I have to put in a P.S. at the bottom of this entry.

Let’s talk mukluks.

What’s a mukluk?

It’s sort of an even stupider Ugg.

I’m not even sure I need to say anything about this -- but just in case some of you want to look like a worn out Clydesdale, I’ll put it out there.

Clothing is meant for warmth. It is also meant for storage and for protection. I’ll acquiesce that there is a degree of artistry and personal expression in the clothing industry and there has been for centuries, but the bottom line of clothing is function. Your clothes should be functional. And until someone can explain the functionality of THIS:

You can just keep walking.

P.S.: While I was researching what’s cool this season for this entry (because I sure as crap have no real idea), I discovered that lingerie as outerwear is a thing. A thing as in, it’s “cool”. And my first, visceral reaction was, “Holy Fuck, what?! YOU CAN SEE HER BOOB. YOU CAN’T WALK AROUND LIKE THAT.” But then I thought about it some more and this is what I’ve come up with:

I don’t have to get dressed in the morning at all.

Think about it -- 2010 could be the year of lazy dressing. I can roll out of bed in my skivvies and tumble to work* and if someone gives me guff about it, I can be all like: No, guys, it’s IN this season! And if everyone’s doing it, it’s gold! Lazy gold!

It’ll be like THIS, but ALL THE TIMES.

* (I don’t have a job.)

P.P.S.: I totally rescind the above “clothing is for warmth” crap if it means I can roll out of bed and go places without having to get dressed or be uncomfortable.

Home Alone & The Five Friends You Seriously Do Not Need and How to Get Rid of Them

2010-09-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

I have the house to myself for a few days, which I want to mean THIS:

But in reality is more like this:

So while I eat nothing but broccoli for five days while trying desperately to recreate the excitement of watching Battlestar Galactica for the first time (impossible), have some posts.

I did a nice guest spot over at Don't You Hate Pants. "The Five Friends You Seriously Do Not Need and How to Get Rid of Them" -- don't waste your time on guides that don't tell you how to be free of the shitty friends you somehow accumulate over a lifetime. They don't know JACK.

Screenshot! ZOOM.

Enjoy the post, guys!

UPDATE: I haven't cleaned one single thing, nor have I baked anything. This lead to the following conversation:

Me: I REALLY WANT MUFFINS.

Brad: Hah.

Me: Oh wait. I think I just oversnacked myself and now I have a stomach ache.

So, fails all around?

Five Very Awesome Ways to Flirt

2010-09-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

First, WOW. Welcome to all the new friends! I've seen a huge surge in activity from The Gloss because Jennifer Wright, one of the editors, wrote a lovely article about the book entry. You can read Jennifer's article here. I think a couple of you guys also found me via Hyperbole and a Half, so welcome heartily to you as well!

HI. HI AND HELLO.

Moving on.

Exciting news: I have a guest post running over at the Daily Sloth. Screenshots beloooooow.

Being a Grownup

2010-09-06T15:58:00.000-07:00

Being a grown up is kind of awesome -- IN THEORY.

See, on paper? being a grown up is just the single kickassiest thing that ever happened. But in reality...

I figure this is mostly the fault of other grown ups telling us lies through their braces-free teeth when we were younger. We were told so much about our future lives; we were promised so many wonderful, glittering things. And it always started with “when you’re a grown up...”

Well, mom?

I’m a grown up!

Where’s my breakfast cake?

No, see, that doesn’t happen. Because I’m a grown up.

DO YOU SEE the catch-22? Do you see where this went hopelessly awry? No? I’ll explain:

You see, here we are, merrily trudging our way through childhood.

And then we’re adolescents.

And all the while, we’re told “no, you can’t” and “when you’re an adult, you can do whatever you want, but right now FILL IN BLANK”.

Then, BOOM.

But by the time we reach adulthood, we have BECOME THE NAYSAYERS. We can’t enjoy it! We now know that having cake for breakfast is bad for us, no matter how fun it sounds in the moment. We stopped living in the NOW and suddenly we’re worried about FUTURE THINGS.

(because space travel is a more interesting future thing panel than mortgage payments)

There was so much pressure riding on our adulthoods they couldn’t possibly live up to the hype. We were assured that we’d be acne free and beautiful (Fuck you, Hans Christian Andersen).

We were told we could wear PAJAMAS to SCHOOL once we got to college.

There was a promise of never-ending waked-ness, of no bedtime at all! Of being able to ride a bike without a helmet! Of never taking a bath again! Of being FREEEEEEEEE.

BUT NONE OF THIS TRUE! Our crushing realization that we have “jobs” and must “interact” with other “people” (who are probably just as disappointed with adulthood as you are) means that we HAVE to bathe.

And we HAVE to go to bed and we HAVE to wake up and we HAVE to pay bills.

And we still get zits!

And, goddammit, we CAN’T eat cake for breakfast because we are mother fucking RESPONSIBLE.

This needs to end. Adulthood was heralded as this great beacon of hope, this Garden of Eden, the most fun you could ever hope to have.

So screw it: I’m going to have a good time.

At-Home Workouts

2010-09-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

I work out at home. I do this for several reasons, the most important of which is that I don’t ever have to wear a shirt.

Most of the time, working out at home is great. I can set the thermostat to WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT.

I can listen to good music, instead of whatever garbage Lady GaGa is producing with a weird techno remix beat.

I don’t have to ever, ever, EVER try to do those horrible class things.

And I never get hit on while I’m sweaty and disgusting and not interested.

What.

So working out at home is mostly great. But for a few... things.

I’ve lost whatever moderate dignity might come from being forced to sweat in the proximity of strangers. Where once I used to wear clothes, I’ve completely abandoned the effort. Shoes? Forget it. Why bother?!

I have also taken to abandoning any amount of respectful quietude you might expect during your workout session. Example:

I sometimes use the Wii working out games. These things are great -- they kick my butt, I work up a sweat, but because I’m working out at home, alone, I feel that it’s entirely okay to shriek like a sailor when I’m about to collapse or the Wii didn’t like whatever move I just did.

And since I get to pick whatever music I listen to, I have a tendency to sing along. Of course, I don’t sing anywhere near the written octave. Because I’m a soprano. Who is singing along while she’s sweating on an elliptical.

Of course, the most frequent thing that happens while I’m “working out” is this rapid degeneration of the workout into me dancing around in my underwear -- after all, I get to listen to music I love. Why not pretend I’m at some really kickin’ ball and just spin in circles, round and round?

I’m also accosted by cats while I workout, another peril of the at-home gym. My workout time seems to, no matter what time I work out, collide with the Gingercat’s hug-gy-happy-love time.

Droid vs. iPhone

2010-08-31T16:35:00.000-07:00

Hi! Please join me at IDAConcpts for a special guest post -- Droid vs. iPhone.

Enjoy this special sneak peek and click on over!

Mighty Morphin' Alphabet!

2010-08-29T13:04:00.000-07:00

Because I have all the guest posts in the pipes, I've been a little lax here -- but how about a short one! A very, very short one inspired by my boredom this morning.

Guest Post. A Guide to College: Tips & Tricks

2010-08-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

Please join me over at We Compare Textbooks for a special guest post "A Guide to Surviving College".

Super awesome preview?

Why, sure:

Go! Visit! Enjoy!

What to Do When Your Bookshelves are Overcrowded: A Guide

2010-08-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

Where do you store your books when you have run out of shelf space? What happens when there is simply no room? Don’t worry -- I have created a decorating guide to assist you based on my own overcrowded bookshelves and experiences in finding storage for books.

1. Separate your books! Store your fancypants literature somewhere really cool and prominent so that when you have guests, they walk into your home and are instantly wow’d by your cultural magnitude.

2. Your sock drawer. No one has enough socks to fill an entire drawer, so you may as well use the extra space for a few books.

3. Redecorate your entire home to look like your college professor’s office. This means you can just stack your books as high as you like. Also, buy ferns.

(I just want you to know that I got so carried away with ferns and books in this picture that I totally forgot to draw a couch or, you know, anything else. But I think that fits for this.)

4. If you have an extra bathroom, why not consider using the tub? It’s just sitting there, empty and alone. Fill it up with books -- but make sure to remove them before you take a shower in there one early, early sleepy morning...

5. That weird place under the stairs. When you can’t convince anyone to help you paint it so it looks like THIS:

Afford the ultimate payback by doing THIS:

6. It’s important that your books are mobile -- they go where you go, so you’ll always have something to do if your friends start to bore you. Therefore, consider the following:

For girls, always have a purse that is large enough to carry around books. This way, if an evening or a date is "boring", you can whip out entertainment without any problems!

For girls or guys, having a decent library selection on-the-go is a plus. In addition to having ample storage space, the trunk of your car also goes wherever you (and your car) go!

Since guys don't have purses, here's a solution for you!

And an extra one for girls!

Gee, I wish I had a book.

Oh, hey! What's THIS!?

Tadaaaaa!

7. When you're really desperate, try rooting the kitchen for space. You probably don't use it too much anyway, since you're always reading.

*Always leave room for a pie!

8. And the number one spot for your books?

What I Do to Trolls

2010-08-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

Don't be a trolling hater. OR ELSE.