The Alternative to “Just Do It” is finally here!

We already know that pressure, controlist thinking and the “just do it” approach to life doesn’t work for a lot of us.  So what does work when your attempts to plan, schedule, and control what gets done, how it gets done, or when it gets done aren’t working?

Agility + Design Thinking + Purpose = Agile Life Design™ 

WHEN

March 1 – 20, 2012
Tuesdays and Thursdays  (View PDF Printable Calendar) 

Morning Presentation + Q & A Sessions:
12 pm – 3 pm (ish) EST
(9am – 12pm  PST)

Break: 20 Minutes

COST:  Free. No Strings Attached. All I ask is that you bring an open mind and readiness to explore new possibilities. 

Register 

About the Webinars

I’m presenting a series of interactive webinars to share material from the book I’m writing on Agile Life Design.   I’ll be using a webinar technology which enables you to listen LIVE via the web, or dial-in by phone and ask questions, or ask questions by text chat.

My intention is to “gather the tribe” of multi-talented, sensitive, passionate, creative, purpose-driven, ADDish people together to share ideas, design tools and productivity / organizing strategies for “Navigating Life 3.0 and Cultivating Personal Agility, Productivity & Well-being in the Age of Perpetual Beta”     

Video Preview – What is Personal Agility? 

Why would you want to attend?

Agile Life Design™ integrates everything I’ve been teaching and living for years about changing habits, designing custom organizing systems, and healing overwhelm, clutter, disorganization, anxiety, depression, and chronic stress.  If you have a highly creative, technical, and/or highly sensitive mind. are stressed out, gifted, multi-talented,  ADHD, PTSD, or neurodiverse (different from the norm) in any way, the design approach to life is not only helpful, it’s necessary.

If you have been craving life design, organizing, and productivity tools that “fit” your personal style and sensibilities, don’t rely on super-human “self-control” to work, and that encourage you to think for yourself rather than follow someone else’s rules and systems, Agile Life Design tools may be just what you have been searching for.

Agile Life Design™ is not just a new buzzword for “managing” life.

It’s a radical new lens for seeing yourself, relating to your life and navigating the multitude of decisions you face every day.

Rather than trying to “compensate” for your personal preferences and traits, the Agile approach to life design empowers you to

• build on your natural strengths
• “integrate” your “quirkiness” into your daily life without apologizing for being who you are, and
• address the real systemic roots of problematic procrastination, perfectionism and other productivity robbing organizing habits
• enable your authentic self to emerge and flourish without all the drama.

Because the material for the book is “ready”, and I don’t want to wait a year to share it with you,  I’m offering this completely FREE.

Got questions? - Join me for  PREVIEW Q & A Calls

 Monday, Feb 20    - REPLAY NOW AVAILABLE WHEN YOU REGISTER!

What is the Role of Purpose in Self-Organizing and Agile Life Design? – Listen to Free Replay of Jam Session on the private  Agile Life Design™ Webinar Website.

 Monday, Feb 27 – Theme: Are you “Addicted to Potential?”  Perhaps it’s time for a “detox?”   7 – 8 PM EST / 4 PM PST

JOIN US FREE, no sign up required.  If you want an email reminder, you do need to register though : ) 

Dial in:  (248) 464-6062
PIN : 439582#

What You will Learn

You will learn Agile Life Design™ ”core” tools for designing your whole life: systems, behaviors, relationships and even the way you pay attention.  (My husband affectionately calls this my “GUTS”  Project – My Grand Unified Theory of everything needed to Succeed, heal our relationships with ourselves and make life work.) 

I will share:

•  The “AGILE” Mindset.  We have virtually unlimited choices of what to do with our time, attention, energy and money. The “Agile Mindset” is the foundation for figuring out what really matters, and focusing ourselves.  
  

• “ADEPT™” Design.   The ADEPT Design™ process empowers you to get unstuck, clear roadblocks and excuses, and take charge of your time, money and things in a way that fits the way you think and function.
  
  
• The “8 Dances of Life™” is a framework for applying design thinking and cultivating your relationship with the 8 areas of life that are most vulnerable to overwhelm, indecision, clutter, procrastination and disorganization.  
  

You will also get access to:

“Inside the Life Designer’s Studio” Jam Sessions

I’m taking you behind the scenes  for a candid peek “Inside the Life Designer’s Studio”   I’m asking successful people whose lives are showcases of Agile Life Design to reveal their stories of how they have followed their hearts, and designed their lives, work, relationships and productivity strategies to fit them.   Guest list includes (Click here to see the Speaker’s Bio Page)

• Elizabeth Marshall, Marketing Strategist, Connection Maker, Author and Musician 
• Janet Goldstein, Book Publishing Strategist, Literary Agent
• Dr. Rory H. Stern, ADHD Child and Family Coach
• Lissa Boles, The Soul Mapper
• Shawn Shepheard, Inspirational Speaker, Host, Emcee, Diabetes Educator
• Tara McGuillicuddy, Senior Certified ADHD Coach, Radio Talk Show Host
• Stay tuned for more!
  
  

Special Resource Website

A special online gathering place where you’ll get access to:

• Listen Live to audio webinar (phone or webinar + text chat)
• FREE replays of the audio (3 days)
• Printable Handouts
• 24 /7 Live Chat Room
• Virtual Gift Bag

What People are Saying about My Classes

The only way I know to teach and speak are from the heart. I am passionate about communicating ideas and encouraging people to think for themselves. I don’t “pitch.”  In my world free is NOT code for “full of marketing pitches.”  I will however, share with you what other people have to say about my classes. I could never write this kind of stuff about myself!

Who is the Rally for?

It’s for anyone who struggles with self-care, self-organizing, clutter, inner conflicts, making tough choices, saying “no”, changing unwanted habits, scheduling, planning, making time for important activities, emotional rollercoasters and triggers you don’t understand, or healing from a lifetime of emotional sensitivity and trauma.

You are not alone. There is a huge tribe of us experiencing the confusion of being so capable, yet so challenged by the extraordinary demands of Life 3.0 on our time, energy and attention.

It’s for outliers everywhere: change agents, challengers, Tweakers, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, highly sensitive, intuitives, and others who are vulnerable to intense emotional overwhelm, stuckness, indecision, difficulty focusing, stress, anxiety, depression, addiction, aversions and utter exhaustion.

If you’re serious about designing “OCD” (overwhelm, clutter, and disorganization) out of your life and designing more productivity, agility and fulfillment in, this innovative “studio” approach to learning together may be just the kind of open platform learning experience you’ve been waiting for. 

Join me and the “tribe” as we pioneer a whole new way of seeing ourselves and our lives. After all, when you are different –  when you are a plane in a world full of cars –  you won’t get very far trying to drive yourself to function as if you were a car. : )  With the appropriate owner’s manual and toolkit for your high powered brain, you can truly be the plan you were meant to be and soar!

 Register  

What inspired Agile Life Design?

I’ve been teaching aspects of this framework since 2005 in a kind of “as-needed” way. When I noticed that all my clients had great success once they learned an agile “design” approach to organizing, I realized this was not just a coincidence.  I needed to teach design and the concepts of agility outright.

I’ve been working to pull it all together into a cohesive book on Healing Chronic Disorganization by Cultivating Personal Agility with the Healing Power of Design for the past 2 years (though my whole life of 52 years has really been the preparation to write this book.)  I’m finally ready to share the work I’ve been evolving since I first started publishing the Neat & Simple Living approach to organizing as a blog back in 2005.

My intention is to share the processes and tools in a way that is easy to understand, but without “dumbing it down” and pretending that healing this problem is “a recipe you can follow in 3 easy steps.”  It’s not. It’s a custom journey that each person walks – on their own path, at their own speed.

When we learn how to listen to our own needs, and design our own quirky self-organizing systems in a collaborative way with the people we live and work with, watch out world.  There will be NO stopping us. We are VERY capable of self-organizing…the catch is that we must learn to do it our way.  And that means designing our own custom, agile, easily tweakable systems out of love and unconditional acceptance of who we are, as we are.

And not only that. The design approach to life design — including self-care, time allocation, decision making, and organizing systems — is FUN!

Why are you doing this free?

Over the past few years, thousands of people have reached out to me for help to end their suffering from chronic disorganization which deeply impacts their whole lives. It frustrates me deeply that I can’t give everyone the one-to-one coaching support they’ve been asking for.  When so many people connected with what I thought was a minority experience of life, I knew I had to do something more.  So I set to work on developing a simple framework for making a complex paradigm shift easier to understand.

It’s been such a long journey and so many hearts and minds have contributed to this framework that I don’t want money to get in the way of sharing this message of hope.

Wishing you an ever agile heart and mind,

Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.
Founder, Agile Life Design™, Author, Speaker, Productivity Healer:

Using the healing power of design thinking + Love to heal chronic overwhelm, disorganization, and clutter; cultivate personal agility; respond to human problems with human-centered solutions, and change the world —  one life at a time.

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

The neurodiverse spectrum includes gifted, talented, highly sensitve, ADHD, OCD, Autism, Asperger’s, Bipolar, PTSD, auditory and other sensory processing disorders, dyslexia, depression, anxiety, and more.  Many of these conditions are a combination of biological brain wiring, genetic influences and traumas stemming from environmental, emotional, physical, family and educational incidents that deeply hurt the individual and triggered the learning of unhealthy metacognitive and coping strategies. 

Diagnosis and medication can be an extremely valuable part of healing.  However, true healing requires learning new metacognitive skills such as self-monitoring, self-teaching, self-cooperation and design thinking which includes needs assessment, creative and critical thinking, conflict resolution, adaptive thinking, and decision-making strategies.

With that in mind, below are resources for your consideration.  Keep in mind that choosing a service provider is a very personal decision.  Finding the right person for you may require multiple attempts – especially if you are highly intelligent or sensitive. 

 Keep the faith.  There are people out there who can help you.  But like many things in our lives…it may not be an easy process to find the right support for you. 

Got a service provider who helped you?  Are a Neurodiverse-friendly practioner who gets thats the label isn’t the whole story?

Please leave a comment below and share Name, Location, brief description, website and /or phone number.  Thank you! 

(I do screen the comments but if you are legit, your name will appear within a couple days.)

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

Why Should You Care about Your Office Chair?

If you spend a lot of time at your computer, your office chair is the second only to your bed in terms of affecting your physical and emotional health and your overall productivity. Having had a back injury when I was in college, I’ve been through over 15 office chairs in my search for a chair that supported my needs and I’ve learned this.

What Matters Most in Choosing an Office Chair?

It’s not about the brand, or the price, it’s about paying attention to your own personal needs and preferences.  If you are a highly sensitive person like me, lots of little things matter that other people could not care less about.  I offer my personal criteria not as a “prescription” that these should matter to you, but for you to consider whether or not they make a difference to you.

I suggest first make a list of exactly what you don’t like about your current office chair and any past office chairs you didn’t like to help you start creating criteria for new office chair.  Then think about any office chairs you really liked, but be careful.

Types of Office Chairs

Office chairs that are comfortable for reading, or meeting with other people (usually called “executive office chairs” and may have really high backs with head and neck rests) are not usually supportive or comfortable for long stretches of time spent working at a computer or on a project.

Chairs for working in are usually called either computer or task chairs and usually only go as high as your mid back. 

Office Chair Features that Matter to Me

Below are some of the features that really matter to me. Because I tend to hyperfocus, having the right chair helps me get more done and avoid emotional fatigue, energy drain and back pain.

• Sturdy easy to roll around on wheels – I also don’t use carpet in my office…in one of my past offices I  laid down a linoleum renmant from home depot to make sure my chair rolled easily.
• Adjustable height – I have short legs and dislike having to get on tippy toes just to get into my chair.  I also need my keyboard to be at 25 – 26 inches from the floor. Being able to adjust the chair height allows me to raise the chair to use my dining table ergonomically when I have a project I need to spread out on.
• No pressure on my shoulders – chairs that put pressure on my shoulders really aggravate my neck and shoulder muscles. I had adhesive capsulitis in my right shoulder and also carpal tunnel from my many years of computer work (I programmed on the first Apple in college and been using coupters ever since!)   I wish I’d changed from an executive chair to a task chair earlier.  It makes a huge difference. 
• Lumbar Support –  Lumbar support hits in the right place…seems most lumbar support hits my mid back instead of my actual lower back.
• Great cushioning for both seat and back. –  I found that the aeron style mesh backs feel too hard and make my back stiffen up as if I’m leaning on a board.
• Soft, Smooth Leather or Pleather covering.  Being a Highly Sensitive tactile person…I also can’t stand the roughish feel of mesh and other fabrics.  Many chair fabrics actually leave an imprint on and irritate / cause itching on the backs of my legs.  I also need leather or smooth pleather on my office chairs because I have cats.  Their fur doesn’t stick to leather so I don’t have to constantly use a roller to get the cat hair off.  Plus, you know how cats tend to cough up hairballs?  With leather that is super easy to clean up and NO STAINS!
• Color and Visual appeal – One thing I have learned is that if I buy a chair in a color that doesn’t blend in with my office decor, it really annoys me.  My current office colors are light wood, red and coffee colored walls and warm brown colors.  My old black executive chair practically takes over the room and disrupts the calming energy I wanted in my space.
• Returnable – I just got a new brown task chair that meets all these criteria.  I hope I still love it a month from now.  Once thing I’ve learning is that it takes a month at least to really break in a chair and get used to it.  Also you find out how good the cushions really are.  Any chair can be comfy for an hours…but after a 10-12 hour day (even with breaks) you really get to know how good a chair is.  There is no other way to test this than to buy one and try it for a least a week, though a month is better.  So unless you got a super cheap price or are willing to give the chair away if it doesn’t fit you, buy it from a place that makes it easy to return.

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

About My Studio

My virtual Life Design Studio is like a “lab” where I learn, create, experiment, try out new ideas and share my learning in real time.  The ideas here are not 100% polished, but since I’m always learning and growing and tweaking, they are never “done” anyway.  : ) I do my best to communicate clearly, but if you find something confusing or encounter a typo, let me know and I’ll correct it when I can.  To help me focus and manage my own perfectionist tendencies, I purposefully apply the 80/20 rule before publishing.  If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have a website or blog online at all.  Thanks for understanding!

What is Life Design?

Design is the art and process of figuring out creative, elegant options for resolving inner conflicts and fulfilling as many needs as possible to achieve the greatest impact without exhausting your resources.  This is true of all kinds of design whether you are designing a home, a meal, a product, a game, a piece of furniture or whether you are designing your days, weeks and months.  The fact is that we are always designing…we just aren’t aware of it.

The overall stages of the design process are the same across all applications of design.  It’s like walking, the basics are the same.  The difference is in how quickly, creatively, and thoughtfully you do it. When I started learning systems design concepts in 1980, I was struck by how easy it was to “over-design” and get caught up in the details before I even knew if the solution was actually viable or sustainable.  It is very easy to get stuck in the planning stages, or in the creative or visual aspects of design.

It’s also very easy to take so long designing that by the time you produce the solution it’s already obsolete. It’s annoying to spend a year designing a software system only to find out that it won’t run on the latest version of the computer it was meant to run on.

Today, needs change very quickly. You might think that would mean we don’t have time for design. But in reality, it means we need the ability to design more than ever.  Under-designing can lead to just as many fatal crashes as over-designing.  

What we need most today is smart design.  Design that is need-responsive, just-enough, just-in-time, and most of all, tweakable.  Solutions and systems must be easy to change when needs change – yet again.  The ability to design simple, quick, easy and sustainable systems is rapidly becoming a core life literacy skill as critical as learning how to read and write.

That’s were Agile comes in. We need to design Agility into every part of our lives if we want to thrive in a world where change is so fast and furious it’s like living in permanent white water rapids.

Agile Design is about:

• Becoming able to more accurately “read” situations; to detect needs, validate and quantify what and how much is needed instead of just saying “I need more or less of “x”
• Mediating conflicts between multiple needs vying for attention at the same time.
• Anticipating future needs knowing that the needs and our estimates will change (instead of wondering if they will change)
• Staying in touch with changing needs and being ready to change your solution or systems – as needed – at any time.
• Becoming ready to respond quickly and appropriately to changing needs without getting stressed out by the need to change
• Designing or choosing solutions that fit the needs and are easily adjustable to changing needs.
• Rapidly prototyping solution ideas so you can quickly test them, identify any flaws in the design, and learn more about what factors will affect the success of the solution.
• Quickly and iteratively launching systems or solutions.  Taking action sooner and risking making mistakes so that critical needs are met sooner rather than later.
• Learning how to “tweak” systems with finesse instead of frustration.  In fact, designing “tweakability” into your systems in the first place is the epitome of smart, effective, agile systems design.

Agile is about staying flexible within the structure of the design process.  Agile Design thinking teaches you how to resolve the ever-present conflict between getting it “right” and getting it “done.”  It encourages you to not get carried away with trying to predict and control the final form the solution will take.

Agile Design is about staying focused on fulfilling multiple needs (like function, ease, fit, feel, form and style) with while not becoming overly attached to a specific solution ideas or designs. The Designer mindset is perpetually ready to do figure out an alternative, hopefully better, option for meeting the present needs. Becoming agile with design is empowering – it helps you feel competent, capable and “in charge” of your life without having to “control” it. Designers don’t expect systems to just happen, they thoughtfully prototype, experiment, try out ideas, tweak and shape systems with purposeful attention to changing needs.

What’s involved in applying Agile Life Design?  

 Agile Life Design is a mindset, a process, and a toolkit. It’s like a dance where you are constantly reading your partners moves, the music tempo etc and adjusting your moves to meet the context.  You don’t have to follow the steps, you get to customize the dance steps to yourpersonal  rhythms, needs, values and flair.  Design is about meeting functional needs and ALSO getting to have some FUN with your systems.

Agile Life Design is not a “rigid set of steps.  It’s not a “prescription” or “technique” like a planner system you try out and then get tired of. It’s a life skill you can cultivate and apply to all areas of life, for the rest of your life.  For example, earning how to design time management strategies that meets your unique needs instead of trying to follow a strategy or system someone else told you was the “best” way.  Best for them is not always best for you.  You decide what design criteria and important to you, and then you get to choose, customize or create the systems and tools that support you in implementing your custom design.

As your needs change, for example, suppose you switch from doing mostly project work for clients to making lots of appointments with clients, your whole approach to time management will need to be redesigned. Agile Life Design makes it much easier and less stressful to make the transition gracefully.

What are the Benefits of Agile Life Design?

Agile Life Design skills empower you forever – not just for now.  The actual systems you design will often have short lifespans.  And so they should.  As your needs and habits change and become more fluent in your design skills, you will need to adjust your systems to ensure they continue to support your needs.  Just like you needed new clothes every year as you got taller and taller.

Why does Agile Life Design work better than conventional organizing and productivity strategies for Neurodiverse and ADHD?

Neurodiverse people who are thriving have already become agile. In fact, everyone can benefit from Agile Life Design skills.  If your life evolves rapidly, or is more unpredictable than the average person for any reason, you need Agile Life Design.  If you, like me, have a history of time management challenges, or clutter, or ADHD, PTSD,  and / or are highly creative you need Agile Life Design more than the average person does.

People with ADHD are often natural improvisers and not natural schedule or “script” followers.  Life can work really well as an improvisational dance, but it does require a different kind of “choreography.”  Agile life design is in many ways, the creative person’s guide to choreographing the unpredictable life. It’s a whole different way of becoming ready to succeed in life. Agile Life Design works for neurodiverse, creative, sensitive and ADHD because it doesn’t emphasize developing self-control, instead it focuses on our strengths and uses our natural aptitudes and traits such as:

• Pattern and relationship seeing
• Being driven to constantly change and improve (a characteristic for which others put us down by saying we are too picky, sensitive, distractible or have “shiny object syndrome”)
• Our ability to activate ourselves into action quickly (which may be called impulsivity – but I see this as an opportunity to design our own triggering or self-activating mechanisms.  Triggers that are channeled in positive directions are no longer called impulsive, you get called smart and responsive instead.)

Agile Life Design also helps you heal your relationship with yourself, increase your feelings of self-worth and confidence, and even manage your emotions better because it requires that you see yourself more compassionately, to see your value, to validate your own needs, and to make life choices and self-organizing decisions that affirm your right to be who you are without apologizing or feeling less than others.

p.s. The story of Agile actually began as a process for designing software in a rapidly changing context. I believe the story of Agile Life Design has always been with us, but now more than ever, it is one that must take center stage if we are to flourish in the complex, uncontrollable, unpredictable and rapidly changing world of the 21st century.

 Ready to get started? 

Before you do anything else, if you resonate with the idea of Agile Life Design,  I suggest joining my e-list.  We’ll get you started with a couple of my most popular PDFs delivered to your email today.  You’ll receive:

Simplifying Your Life: Agile Life Design Strategies for Doing What Matters Most  8 page Printable PDF

 Myths, Facts and Agile Life Design Strategies for Thriving with Adult ADHD A 6 page Printable PDF

  Join my e-mail list here.

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

I was particularly excited about this call, because I’ve recently identified Brene Brown as one of the people I want to learn a lot more from.  Listening to her speak and watching her on You Tube for me was so gratifying.  Clients often ask me if there is a book or resource for learning more about what I mean my Self-acknowledgement and Self-compassion. Her work is one of the closest I’ve found yet.   To learn more, view my You Tube Playlist for Dr. Brene Brown. 

Here’s the link to download the MP3. 

BOOKS BY BRENE BROWN

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who Yo…	I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t):

TEDxHouston – Brené Brown Shame, Vulnerability, Whole Hearted Living 

Synopsis

Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher professor at the University of Houston, Graduate College of Social Work, where she has spent the past ten years studying a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness, posing the questions:

• How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? 
• How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to embrace our imperfections and to recognize that we are enough — that we are worthy of love, belonging and joy? 

TEDxKC – Brené Brown – The Price of Invulnerability

Talk Synopsis  

In our anxious world, we often protect ourselves by closing off parts of our lives that leave us feeling most vulnerable. Yet invulnerability has a price. When we knowingly or unknowingly numb ourselves to what we sense threatens us, we sacrifice an essential tool for navigating uncertain times — joy. This talk will explore how and why fear and collective scarcity has profoundly dangerous consequences on how we live, love, parent, work and engage in relationships — and how simple acts can restore our sense of purpose and meaning.

About TEDx, x = independently organized event 

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized. (Subject to certain rules and regulations.)

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

“But for all his obnoxiousness with his colleagues…, Jobs had a rich collaborative streak as well. He was enough of an egomaniac to think of himself as another John Lennon, but he was always looking for McCartneys to go along for the ride with him.”

http://www.stevenberlinjohnson.com/2011/10/thoughts-on-steve-jobs-the-book.html

To me, this is a kind of intellectual bullying – the kind that gifted people experience their whole lives because they are deeply misunderstood. I wonder if Mr. Johnson is familiar with the literature on giftedness and intensity and, if he were, would he use words like “egomaniac” so easily to describe this genius?

Intensity of energy, drive, compassion, and frustration is a well-documented aspect of having extraordinary intelligence and empathy. Steve Jobs was lucky he had productive outlets for his intensity, be also paid a high price.  I deeply admire that he was strong enough to not let his creative passion be subdued or muted by the people around him who were clueless about how to cultivate or cope with his intense drive to innovate. Luckily he insisted on cultivating it himself. Even when we got booted from Apple for his emotional intensity, he refused to give up and moved on to become the force behind Pixar and Toy Story.

It takes a very intense kind of person to challenge the status quo and do what people say can’t be done. Not only were lots of people not supporting him, they were actively trying to suppress and modify him as well. How long would you stand up for your big idea if everyone around you was trying to change it?   

To me, Steve Jobs exhibited a personality trait called “hypersystemizing” or “addicted to insight.” Hypersystemizing has a biological basis and is often the driving source behind the kind of idealism and perfectionist behavior that Steve Jobs displayed. This is not everyday perfectionism, however. It’s a deep driving need to create something truly magnificent and not let others water down the visionary ideas with “groupthink.”

People tend to admire super-talents like his from afar, but up close, they find it challenging to deal with the kind of intensity that comes along with the super-talent. Without realizing it usually, they tend to become defensive and try to change the person in order to “make them easier to deal with.” They try to get them to compromise their vision because they want to be considered too.  It’s only natural to want to put your stamp on someone else’s project, but it’s not always the best thing for the project.

The super-talented person also does their share of not listening to other people’s input, rejecting the input they do listen to and not always being very nice about it.  But imagine how you feel when people are giving you advice you know isn’t right for you and magnify that by a thousand percent.  There are no easy answers to the dilemma, but name-calling certainly doesn’t help.

Calling people like him “not a team player” is overly dismissive and is fundamentally biased. It’s usually said as though not being a team player is some kind of defect. There is so much more to the story than that.

Who said being a “team player” is the “best” way to be or something that everyone should aspire to be?

When someone is “not a team player” – most likely there is some valuable talent they DO have that team players DO NOT have.

Groups often make the WORST decisions in many arenas of life and business. Keep in mind it was a group decision that got us into the war in Iraq. (Read more about Group Think here.)  

Society needs challengers. Without them, we would probably still have slavery. Women would still not be allowed to vote.  And Child Labor would not be against the law. You get the picture. 

It takes incredible fortitude to stand up to social pressure to keep your challenging ideas to yourself. Staying true to a vision like he did is a rare thing. In many ways it requires becoming a difficult person, even if at heart you really don’t want to be difficult. Many people who produce truly great work have suffered lifelong cognitive “bullying” for being different – sometimes intentional, sometimes not.

We wonder why so many smart creative people suffer from depression and social anxiety. It’s not very mystifying to me. 

As Mr. Johnson noted in his article, Steve Jobs also had a deep hunger and desire for collaborators. That is part of the curse of being gifted. The search for people that “get” you, and don’t try to “control” you, who don’t mind if you keep changing your mind in the pursuit of the ideal, and who don’t pressure you to give in to doing something on schedule instead of getting it “right”, is an excruciatingly painful search. Steve Jobs went through 67 nurses in the end to find three that he felt really cared about his needs and that he kept with him till the end.  (Source:  His sister’s eulogy as it appeared in the New York Times.) 

The kind of existential loneliness and angst that leads to the impatient behavior Steve Jobs exhibited is something most people can’t really understand. Our society is so biased against people who are different and have intense emotions and passions like his, we never even question that kind of name calling.  I think that’s why Mr. Johnson didn’t even flinch at calling Steve Jobs “egomaniacal.”  It is so insulting to Steve Jobs and deeply inaccurate. My guess is that if he really knew Jobs, he would not call him that. His family and friends sure paint a very different image of him. 

People like Steve Jobs experience so much adverse pushback from teachers, bosses, etc trying to control them and “reign them in” throughout their lives that they are practically forced to become dictatorial and controlling in order to accomplish their mission. Who teaches them how to cope with the constant pressure to conform in a more effective way?  There are no courses I know of to help kids stand up to the kind of pressure you get from school and parents to do, for example, homework assigned by a teacher instead of working on inventing a computer.

Innovation REQUIRES breaking conventions like doing a “book report” when you’d rather be actually “writing a book.”  There are so many examples of geniuses who had to quit school in order to actually make the most of their genius – it’s actually kind of frightening.

Living with the constant pain of being misunderstood by most people combined with being pressured to conform to think, feel and act like “normal” people is exactly what kills most innovation and creativity.

If Steve Jobs had conformed and become a conventional “team player” Apple wouldn’t exist. It would be just another failed victim of “groupthink” that bows to lower standards of design just to get the job done “good enough.” There is a time and place for good enough, like when you are cleaning a floor or doing the laundry.  But “good enough” doesn’t get you products like iPads. (James Cameron’s Titanic is another example.)

Why should Steve Jobs have been so maligned and even ousted from Apple for being emotional and prone to crying? Emotion, caring for people, and dedication to higher principles than “speed” and “short term profits” is exactly what all those unemotional corporate Leaders that contributed to our economic meltdown need more of.

The real travesty in our culture is the pathology of corporate types who DON’T respect emotion and caring. There is name for people who don’t have emotions or empathy…it’s called sociopath. Being emotional IS what makes us different from machines. When did having and showing emotions become a fatal flaw?  Even Jesus had many emotional outbursts. Can you imagine the names he would be called today?

The so-called leaders and managers of most companies do everything they can to prevent displays of emotion and to punish people who display emotion in the workplace. Showing stress, anger or frustration in any job will get you an instant downgrade in your performance appraisal and it certainly affect your ability to get a promotion. And yet, people who show those feelings are usually the people who care the most about doing the “right thing” or about doing a “great job.”

We as a culture have no idea how to cultivate and respect talented people who have strong emotional drive and intensity. Our schools, workplaces, medical system, etc. are all literally designed to destroy people’s passion for learning and thinking for themselves. It’s not intentional, but it is a real challenge that we as a collective nation must face up to.  

The change is coming…led by innovators like Sir Ken Robinson and many others. 

The animation below was adapted from a talk given at the RSA by Sir Ken Robinson, world-renowned education and creativity expert.

For more information on Sir Ken's work visit: http://www.sirkenrobinson.com. 

 If you love someone who is “challenging” or seems driven to do things “their way” I hope you will be moved to take a deeper look at the tension between you. Cognitive and emotional biases play a huge role in communication and conflict resolution difficulties.

 Could it be that the person you are dealing with has experienced the kind of systemic and indirect “bullying” that comes from our assumptions that being intense or emotional is some kind of “character flaw”?  Could it be that the person is more likely starving to feel understood?  Starving to feel freer to pursue their creative or technical passions without compromising their ideals?  

Charles Darwin took 20 years to write his masterpiece that changed the world. He was persecuted much of his life (and still is.)  He suffered great depressions as a result of being a different kind of thinker.  

I’m not saying the answer is to tolerate anyone treating people disrespectfully.  But I am saying that perhaps the disrespectful outbursts are a reaction to being disrespected by others.  Isn’t it possible that it is just as disrespectful to expect a child who is naturally full of energy, creativity and curiosity to sit still in a classroom all day as it is when that child disrupts the classroom because it is literally painful for him or her to sit still?  

We have the luxury today to use the power of technology to help us design more customized and innovate approaches to education that respect children’s natural strengths and cultivate them.  Is it really worth it to spend so much time and energy trying to get people to conform?  What if we spent all that energy working on ways to teach people how to resolve the conflict that naturally arises from our differences instead of trying to eliminate the differences?  

I dream of a world where visionaries aren’t called obnoxious egomaniacs.  

——————–

p.s.  In the interest of full disclosure, I don’t actually own a Mac, although I did learn how to program computers using AppleBasic on an Apple II in 1981. And I’m deeply grateful to Steve Jobs designs for the role they played in making the whole computer industry upgrade their own designs just to keep pace. 

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

We are always coping with the imperative of making the NOW bearable as we pursue our longer-term ideals. How to integrate our short-term intrinsic rewards with our long term goals/desires?

One thing I know for sure – it is NOT by seeing yourself as an enemy.

Coping mechanisms are “learned” by your inner auto-pilot which learns from experience. Most of the inner pilots learning is not intentional and not controllable, but you can can shape and influence it.

The more aware you become of your inner auto-pilot, and how to work with it as a friend, the more powerful and influential you become with yourself.

Your inner pilot wants to trust you. You can gain your own self-confidence by treating yourself with compassion and seeking to understand instead of fighting. Start by reminding yourself that you are never intentionally sabotaging yourself. You are not afraid of success. You just aren’t ready.

Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Cooperate with yourself. Isn’t that what you want from your friends? Give it to yourself first.

Changing this attitude toward myself helped me heal multiple addictions and greatly reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of depression and anxiety. It works even more easily with little things in life.

When I decided to make everything I do more intrinsically rewarding in the short term, life took an upward turn. I figured out how to enjoy cooking, cleaning, eating, even letting go of things i used to hoard. It’s a journey…not an instant transformation…but it’s so worth getting started.

In the end, we are the only thing we really can ever count on and trust. If we believe part of us is “an enemy” and that we must “fight our impulses or our resistance” rather than really try to understand what that part of us needs, we will stay stuck in the fight.

Fighting only works short term. It pushes resistance underground til it gets strong enough to fight back – yet again. If you really want to end your inner wars, stop fighting…stop fearing that if you stop fighting, anarchy will take over.  Start at least trying to make friends with your resistance.  

Read more about Ending the Inner War of Resistance using the Art of War strategies.

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

He thinks in terms of “oppositional forces” rather than enemies. Hate or disrespect for your opposition actually makes YOU weak…not them.

Think of your Resistance as your natural opposition to “over-controlling” or “over-pressuring” or “not listening” to some part of yourself that isn’t yet “READY” for what you are proposing.

When you are resisting doing something you think you “should” be doing, instead of fighting it, try asking yourself one of more of these questions:

- What would help me feel more “ready” to do this?
- What time of day might I more naturally be inclined to do this?
- What’ would make this feel easier?
- What is the really value of doing this?
- What will the impact be? in the short term?
- How little of this could I do and call it good enough?
- What assumptions am I making about when, where, how, how much, how long, with who, how perfect, how many?
- What could I redesign to make this more attractive?

Focusing on readiness to do things rather than “pushing” or coercing yourself is much more satisfying in the long run. Try it a couple times.

See how your resistance changes when your creative brain kicks in. : )

http://www.artofwarsuntzu.com/SunTzuEBook.htm

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn

Although I prefer the term “Lifelong Disorganization“, the established industry terms are “chronic disorganization” and “challenging disorganization” this is not intended to imply a medical condition, nor an “incurable” condition.

The intention of the terms are to distinguish an ”ongoing pattern of disorganization” from the ”short term situational disorganization” and clutter that is the normal result of grief, illness, having children, and other life events, transitions, and changes. That said, it is quite common for what started as “stituational disorganization” to evolve into “chronic” or “challenging disorganization”. 

______________________________________

What is Situationally Disorganized?

When life throws you a curveball, most of us tend to accumulate clutter and become rather disorganized for a while. It’s happens to everyone. We become ill, a family member becomes ill, we are assigned a project at work that requires a lot of travel, or has a ridiculous deadline. Our lives change. We move, get married, have kids, or start a new job. During times of transition, a certain amount of chaos, clutter and disorganization is natural. This is what we call “Situationally Disorganized”: Disorganization that is a normal side effect of a life situation.

What makes “Chronic Disorganization” different?

Chronic Disorganization is different because when life transitions happen to you, instead of “recovering” and “restoring order” after a few months or so, the disorganization does not improve and may even continue to worsen over time. The clutter continues to accumulate. At a certain point, daily life becomes overwhelmingly stressful. The clutter itself starts affecting your emotional state so strongly, you may find yourself so drained and maybe even depressed that you no longer have the heart or the energy to dig out alone.

Help will most likely be needed to recover. And, in many cases, it may be that you will need ongoing help to maintain a reasonable level of organization. If your quality of life is suffering, and you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed much of the time, and you don’t feel like you can fix it yourself, you are likely to be “stuck” in a pattern of being “chronically” disorganized. If you find that you tend to YO-YO between extremes of getting organized and then becoming overwhelmed with clutter, this “pattern” may also be considered “chronically disorganized.”

One of the key differences between situational and chronic disorganization is that not only are you functionally challenged, I have found that every CD person I’ve ever met or worked with, including myself, has been emotionally traumatized by the experience. Many of us become almost numb to the situation so don’t even realize the chronic pain we are in. There tend to be acute flareups of extremely intense emotions like frustration, anger, overwhelming grief and sadness for what your life could have been like, or disgust, followed by episodes of other addictive or compulsive behaviors like shopping, eating, creative projects, self-isolation, workaholicism, TV watching or other kinds of “escape.”

What is Chronic Disorganization?

Chronic disorganization is a term coined by Judith Kolberg when she noticed that some of her clients had great difficulty maintaining traditional organizing methods. Seeing a lack of resources for helping people overcome chronic disorganization, she wrote the book “Conquering Chronic Disorganization.”

In 2001, she founded the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization (NSGCD). With over 900 members, the NSGCD became the Institute for Challenging Disorganization ICD and now includes psychologists, educators, coaches, and other professionals who work with people suffering from long term, severe clutter and disorganization.

The ICD defines chronic disorganization (now called challenging disorganization) as having all three of the following:

1. A history of disorganization in which efforts to get organized 
   have not been maintained.
2. An ongoing undermining of your current quality of life due
   to disorganization.
3. An expectation that you will continue to be disorganized.

The term “chronically disorganized” is NOT a “diagnosis” or an “illness”. It is a term used to indicate that conventional organizing methods designed by other people for the individual will probably not be maintained.   Healing and recovery will require custom designed organizing strategies and solutions tailored to the individual’s needs, learning style, and personality traits to become more organized. The individual may need:

• Educational opportunities to cultivate talents and aptitudes such as design thinking, improvisational trigger design, life design and 
• An improvisational design approach to organizing and time management
• Coaching to support redesign of habits and triggers 
• Emotional support to increase self-confidence, self-advocacy
• Hands-on support to establish a flexibly structured environment and develop criteria to support making effective adjustments on an as needed basis
• Develop an integrative, iterative lifestyle (Agile) approach to meaningful self-organizing on a daily basis, much like someone might need a personal trainer to establish a lifestyle approach to exercising.

If you are chronically disorganized, the standards for “being successfully organized” are different from what mainstream people perceive as well-organized and each individual will need to design their own standards and processes. For example, professional organizers often advise that  people open mail every day and process it immediately. For a chronically disorganized person, opening and processing mail once a week may be a more realistic, meaningful, and “good enough” standard. 

Causes of Chronic Disorganization

Chronic disorganization is NOT a disease. It is a behavioral pattern found in all kinds of people, at every income level. Chronically disorganized people usually have some kind of neurodiverse personality traits.  They are often highly functional, exceptionally creative, non-linear thinkers and /or highly technical, intelligent, empathic, or sensitive.  They are often sociable, likable, compassionate, humorous, inventive, accomplished, energetic, enthusiastic and fun to be around when they are in supportive contexts and do not feel threatened or anxious.

When stressed and feeling unsupported, they may exhibit impatient, controlling, perfectionistic behaviors as well as anxiety, angry outbursts, depression, grief and other expressions of deep disappointment, existential agony, and/or insecurity. Chronically disorganized people may be painfully shy or very extroverted.  

Other potential causes to consider include:

“Bricolage or Bricoleurs.” This group within the chronically disorganized community can be thought of as “inventive” types: People who experience an intense kind of joy when they invent or create something unique, whether it is a recipe, or a novel use for an ordinary item – a behavioral pattern called “bricolage” by anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss. Bricoleurs tend to collect things because they can see uses for the objects that most people would not notice. This challenges the notion that the drive to collect or hoard is primarily caused by OCD or a fear of scarcity or poverty. At least in some instances of hoarding, there could actually be an intense pleasure factor driving an addictive relationship with objects.     

Addiction to Insight.  The term ”addicted to insight” was coined  in 2010 by Chris Fields, an extraordinary multidisciplinary scientist, researcher and synthesizer.  His work inspired me to create an experimental blog devoted to exploring how my life has been affected by being “addicted to insight.”

This group within the chronically disorganized population have an uncommonly profound and deep love of learning and researching: A drive to answer the questions of life and find meaning that is extraordinary.  When having an “aha” experience of deep understanding or insight, or when making a new connection or seeing a new pattern, insight addicts experience a rush of endorphins and a sense of euphoric well-being, energy and ecstasy that is similar to the kind of ecstasy that people describe from experiencing a “flow state,”  runner’s high, religious ecstasy, or even a shopping addict’s high.  This cognitive intensity can be source of social alienation and trauma because this trait is uncommon.  

Neurotypical people have many pejorative labels for people like this ranging from nerd to  info-maniac to egg head, know-it-all, absent-minded professor, and book worms. Medical labels such as hypomanic and asperger’s are often given to people with this trait.  

Situational Life Events and Circumstances. Chronic disorganization is sometimes triggered by situational disorganization that has not been recovered for over a period of years. Situations that may trigger ongoing chronic disorganization include:

• Traumatic emotional loss: divorce, death of a loved one – especially, parent, spouse, or child
• Life changes that make organizing significantly more complex: getting married, having children, home-schooling, getting promoted, moving to a larger or smaller home, starting a business
• A lifestyle with constantly changing needs such as moving frequently or having many children involved in lots of activities
• Having been raised in an environment where life skills were not taught because everything was done for you, or you grew up with parents who were chronically disorganized, or you grew up in an abusive environment
• Ongoing major chronic illness in your family

Personality Characteristics, Traits and Thinking Styles that tend to be associated with chronic disorganization include:

• High intelligence / giftedness
• High creativity / creative personality type
• Right-brain dominant information processing style
• A wide range of interests
• Difficulty understanding own needs objectively
• Strong emotional attachments to things
• The energy of another person helps them feel “focused and interested”
• Tendency to lose track of time
• Ability to focus and engage so intensely that they may forget to eat and / or attend to daily life maintenance like shopping, cleaning & organizing
• Difficulty focusing on things they don’t find fascinating
• Tend to get easily stressed and frustrated especially if things don’t come easily or they can’t do something “perfectly”
• “Global” thinking styles – tend to see everything at once
• Difficulty categorizing and making decisions because they can think of so many possibilities
• “Intuitive” and /or “Perceiving” preferences in their MBTI (Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator) personality type

Are You Chronically Disorganized?

Whatever the causes may be, the signs are similar.  You may be chronically disorganized if:

• Disorganization, clutter and poor time management are regularly disrupting your marriage, relationships, work and health
• You have great difficulty letting go of things even when you no longer need them
• Clutter is preventing you from using areas of home as you would like to
• You have tried to organize many times but nothing seems to stick
• You have purchased organizing books and organizing containers but not been able to apply them to your situation
• You feel there is something wrong with you because you can’t maintain organizing systems

Chronic disorganization does not have to be a life sentence for chronic pain. Even though the tendency to become disorganized will always be present, many chronically disorganized people can heal from the emotionally traumatic elements of this pattern, and design their lives to fit them and optimize their personal functioning.  They can learn how to use their unique traits and tendencies to design uniquely inventive approaches to self-organizing. They can redefine organizing as a self-cultivating and nurturing process that is deeply meaningful, and can be very inspirational and improvisational.  The Agile Life Design approach to custom designing improvisational organizing systems can been used as part of a holistic treatment strategy to heal the impact of chronic disorganization and dramatically improve the overall quality of life.

Getting Help

If you think you might be chronically disorganized, I highly recommend that you learn as much as you can about this pattern. Consider connecting with a group or working with someone who specializes in chronic disorganization and preferably has experienced it themselves.

If the thought of having someone enter your home stresses you out then working with an coach, social worker or psychologist who specializes in chronic disorganization over the phone or Skype may be a better first step for you to help you become ready to the get the most out of in-home support. 

If you wish to consider working with an organizing professional, please select your professional organizer carefully. Not all people who call themselves professional organizers have the education and coaching skills needed to help people create lasting change in their lives. Be prepared that, like dating, it may take several tries to find the right support for your unique situation. I recommend looking for a professional who specializes in Chronic Disorganization, ADHD, Autism or other neurodiversities.

One place to start is with the ICD www.ICD.org.    ICD is the only organization I know of that is devoted primarily to providing education and training specifically on helping people with Chronic Disorganization.

You might also check out these resources:

FREE PDFs

Simplifying Your Life: Agile Life Design Strategies for Doing What Matters Most  8 page Printable PDF 

 Myths, Facts and Agile Life Design Strategies for Thriving with Adult ADHD A 6 page Printable PDF  

Home Study Classes Programs and Books

• Agile Learning Center  Contains a few of my most popular classes that are now home study courses. 
• ADDClasses offers and extensive library of 1 hour audio programs.  Two of my ADD classes (Neat & Simple Organizing Strategies, and Quantum Productivity) are available there. 
• Neuro-Friendly Reading List  Features book suggestions which I feel offer empowerment rather than prescribing how you “should” do be or do things.

• Attention Deficit Disorder Association  ADDA
• Children and Adults with ADD CHADD 
• ADD Consults 
•  Institute for Challenging Disorganization ICD 
  

Compulsive Hoarding

• Compulsive Hoarding Service Provider Referral Directory on my blog
• Help for Hoarders, Clutterers & Compulsive Shoppers on my blog

______________________________________

© 2009 Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed.

Ariane Benefit, M.S.Ed, Agile Life Design Coach, ADHD Coach, Author and Speaker. She is the founder of the Agile Productivity program which provides resources to help people overcome lifelong issues with chronic disorganization, time management issues and more.  Ariane is dedicated to helping people with ADHD, highly creative personality types, and other neurodiversities design more success into their lives.

Print

Facebook

Twitter

email

PDF

LinkedIn