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Here are a few excerpts from the best of the worst at FanFiction.net.

Forget It
Justin Beiber could have any girl he wanted, except for this one. He’ll try anyways.

I wiped my mouth then drunk more water. Her lips tasted like sweat mixed with pickles. I hate pickles. Sweat is ok though.

JESUS FIGHT
JESUS IS ON TRAIN AND IS FIGHT EVIL FORCES.

JESUS GOT IN HIS FERRARI, AND Bgena chase THEM DOWN!1
OH NO SAVE US SID EVIL FORCES
So hitler came.
Hitsle and jesus faut.
IT LOOK LIKE HITLER WAS WIN.

Kiss the Cook
Alf finds out what it means to have a catering job, and the Tanners help him out once again.

Alf spent all night cooking and preparing the main course, appetizers, and desert for two hundred people. The next day he was exhausted and he explained to Willy what went out first, and how you served from the left and take from the right.

the fresh prince of belair mystery
ahsly is missing what is will to do. everone is gone. now will has to trust a girl he never meet or even knew realy anything about untill now. will ashly survie or will she be dead?

When she got up there she saw three guys with black hats on to cover their faces. So Ashley got the phone and called 911. When she was the phone with them the guys came down and took Ashley.

I am Jacks one wish
Takes place after the movie. Jack and Marla go to the fair. A strange woman tells jack to make a wish. What could he wish for?

“Someone’s grown balls since I last saw him.” I shut him up with a kiss. Fifteen minutes later we’ve all disentangled and Tyler smirks, kissing me than Marla tan grabbing both out crotches.

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The lobby was at the Playwright’s Center. The show was Michele Campbell’s Pardon My French. The atmosphere was tense. The show had sold out the previous night, and it looked like this performance was going to follow suit. Being a genius, I reserved tickets online. No worries for me. But, oh, those dumb people in the rush line.

Sorry, passing judgment isn’t a balanced way to go about writing this. Let’s call them “hopeful” and “naive.” Is “naive” judgmental?

Anyway, these stupid…

Anyway, three folks were sitting on a bench, hoping to get tickets if there were any leftover. They were there at least 30 minutes before the show started. Not to spoil the ending, but those were 30 wasted minutes.

Enter loud lady. Or pushy lady. Loud and pushy lady. And probably her husband. Or good friend. Her buddy? With 20 minutes before the show starts, she heads to the back of the rush line. She it not loud or pushy yet, but she will transform like a horrible caterpillar. Except caterpillars are kind of cute, and produce non-horrible things.

10 minutes until show time, and the lobby gets mobbed by people wanting tickets. A line forms out the door. Loud Pushy finds her way to the ticket counter, and says she wants to buy the last two available tickets if it comes to that. Somebody doesn’t understand how the rush line works. It was also a nice big “eff you” to the bench people, who had been sitting with quiet hope in their eyes the entire time.

5 minutes until the show starts, they announce they only have 9 tickets left. They count the people in the actual ticket line to see where the cutoff will be. This makes Loud Pushy even louder, and more pushy. She fights her way up to the ticket counter and reminds them that she said she’d was willing to buy tickets.

That didn’t sway the box office staff one bit. Then she brings out this gem. “Doesn’t being in the rush line give us some sort of priority?” Oh Loud Pushy. That the exact opposite of what the rush line gives you. You are begging for scraps. You’re looking for tickets on the cheap. And not getting in is the risk you run when waiting on rush. You don’t get a special spot in line. You are at the constant end of a growing line.

At this point, the house opened up and everyone swarmed for the door to get seats. I assume she continued being loud and pushy even as she left my sight. In fact, she’s probably being loud and pushy right now.

I know that she won’t be reading this, so this isn’t a lesson I’m trying to pass through her thick skull. It’s simply an absurd story in the world of Fringe craziness.

Oh, also a cell phone went off for 30 seconds during the most intimate part of the show. Jackass.

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