Arise, Girl!

A Love Story, Part 1: Prelude to a Job Search

2013-10-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to figure out what to do with my life for months now. I left my job at Williams Chevrolet in March, packed all my belongings into storage and left Traverse City all together in April.

Why'd I leave my job? Working for my last employer was like being in a relationship with a bipolar boyfriend. Also, I was planning on moving out of the state, back to Idaho, by the summer. And, I had decided I was going to focus on my own digital marketing business.


My son Ezekiel, right, with our younger cousins Nicole & Robin.

Luckily, I have wonderful family members -- my cousin Laura and her family -- who took in me and my 19-year-old son as I prepared to back to Idaho and worked for myself. Making Grand Rapids, Michigan, my launching pad, another cousin, Dawn, offered me a job at the restaurant she manages to earn some gas and food money. Meanwhile, my son took a paid position, thanks to the recommendation of yet more of our cousins, at a summer camp, where he gained valuable experience and made friends. We've had the opportunity to see a lot of our family, including my dad, over these past few months -- anniversary, graduation and birthday parties, holiday get-togethers and movie dates.

In regards to moving back to Idaho, nothing seemed to come together. The stars were simply not aligning for this mission. By the end of the summer, my son had decided he was happy to stay in Grand Rapids and make it his home. He talked about getting roommates. Since the resources to move out of state failed to make an appearance -- and leaving my son to move 2,500 miles away didn't make much sense -- I decided to follow his lead. After all, Grand Rapids is great place to live. It's the second largest city in Michigan, it's affordable to live here and most of my family -- who have proved to be a marvelous support system -- live in West Michigan. Plus, I can't deny the pull of the Great Lakes. I love being near the water.

Ultimately, through some soul searching and values developing, I decided I was DONE being a gypsy -- picking up and starting a whole new life so far from people who love me. Afterall, I'm not in my 20s anymore. I'm not even in my 30s for goodness sake! I'm at a point in my life where I am truly craving to plant deep roots, call one community my home and maybe even find the love of my life.

My cousin, Dawn, the one who manages the restaurant, and I decided to become housemates and are renting a large 4-bedroom home close to downtown. My son, Ezekiel, is our third housemate. He works at a screen printing business and happily lives in the attic room.

Now, as the leaves begin to turn vibrant colors, I'm looking for a job -- maybe it's a part-time job that allows me to build my business on the side. Or maybe it's a whole new career in which I can grow and retire. More on that later.

But for now, what I've learned over the summer, is that I really love my family and I'm very blessed to have them in my life -- my son, my father, aunts, uncles and cousins. I need them, and I think they need me. And before finding that love of my life I mentioned earlier, I'm determined to find the career of my life. So let it begin...

Going Rogue: Unschooling Our Lives

2012-03-11T21:24:00.002-07:00

Welp...I've made a decision to unschool. What I mean is, my 17-year-old son, who is supposed to be a junior, just doesn't want to "do school" anymore. And I'm tired of fighting it. So, I'm giving in to a whole new way of thinking about an "acceptable" education. And, instead of a traditional home school curriculum, we're going rogue. This is going to be my first post about the process of unschooling as we figure it all out.

To understand how we got to this point, some abbreviated background might help.

My son + school has always been a struggle. It began when Zeke's first grade teacher recommended he repeat the grade. He never made it to school on the first day of third grade because he got sick on the way. Zeke started sixth grade strong. In fact, at the first parent-teacher conference, my son's teacher told me that his life easier if he had 23 more students just like Zeke.

But soon, things took a turn when recess became "red-card" hell, which prevented my Zeke from earning the privilege of attending a week-long science camp with his classmates at the end of the school year. Then, we moved. And moved again. And...again. Through it all, school has never been a friend to Zeke. Unlike my own experience, Zeke doesn't view school as a refuge or a place to be somebody. For him, it's mostly uncomfortable.

However, when we arrived to Traverse City last year, we settled on a private Christian school. In the fall, Zeke played football and I was a proud mom who cried when he made a touchdown. I was involved with school events and fundraising. The school became a support system -- a family for us both. When the football season was over, Zeke ... deflated ... I guess is a way to describe it. He missed weeks of school. Thankfully, it was his principal that advised me on ways to help Zeke sort things out and get back to school. But Zeke never caught up and kept promising that he would "rock it" next semester. Unfortunately, it wasn't good enough for the principal and we weren't "invited back" for this semester. He said he didn't think the school could serve Zeke. And he suggested I homeschool. Ha! Me!? Ha! I scoffed. After all, I'm an extremely busy single mom who had just been told her support system was being cut off. Let's just say, that outcome was unexpected.

In the midst of trying to recover from that blow, we did some shuffling and shifting. Zeke's main objection to doing anything different was having to insert himself in a new social circle. And as much as I wanted him to be in the classroom, I agreed to online credit recovery. But on one condition: to also join a career tech program where he would at least have some kind of schedule and see people. Now, Zeke IS enrolled in a Film & New Media program at the Career Tech Center. I'm happy to say, that after a good six weeks, he's finally engaging in the program. He likes it! Woot! On the academics side, however, it's just not happening. Zeke just can't or won't do it. Whether it's can't or won't, either way...it's not happening.

A couple weeks ago, I saw a post from a Facebook friend about how she was loving the book The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School, Get A Real Life & Education. And, after looking into it a bit, I thought to myself: Huh, maybe I should consider something completely different.

So, that's what we're doing - something different. We don't know what it's going to look like. But, I'll keep you updated as I learn more.

Coming Back to the Women's Resource Center

2012-02-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

I recently completed volunteer training for the Women's Resource Center for the Grand Traverse Area.

This was the second time I completed the WRC training, the first being in 1996 -- only a few years from being serviced as a client in 1993.

Now, about 18 years later and having much more life behind me, I was in a training group consisting of about 10 volunteers and social work interns (including just one man).

WRC Volunteers in training, Jan. 2012.

We learned about the cycle of violence and the power & control wheel. We focused on domestic violence and sexual assault law in the Grand Traverse Area, as well as advocacy for victims and their children. The Women's Resource Center programs include: shelter services, support groups, transitional housing, referrals, prevention education and other direct services.

I first came to the WRC as a client at age 22 -- in a emotionally abusive relationship, homeless and about 5 months pregnant. My boyfriend at the time, who seemed to enjoy locking me in the bedroom or waking me up in the middle of the night to yell at me, had kicked me out of the house where we lived with his grandparents, and then -- just a couple of days later -- threatened to commit suicide if I didn't move back in with him.

In the dead of winter, when my car was broken down and I was in the middle of exams at Northwestern Michigan College, I felt I had no where to turn.

Inexperienced with relationships and lacking a support system, I made a call to the WRC, asking for advice on how to handle my situation. Thankfully, I was convinced to come immediately into the shelter when the person on the other end of the phone said, "Sylvia, if he's willing to hurt himself, he's also willing to hurt you."

An hour later, I was in a safe place, with food, a warm bed, counseling and resources to help me get into a more positive situation. I lived at the shelter for more than a month, finished my exams, got my car repaired and found a new place to live, thanks to the Pregnancy Care Center of the Traverse Bay Area, who matched me with a shepherding home. (I talked about this experience in my last post.)

Zeke with Mary Lee Lord, 1997.

One of the best outcomes in my experience at the WRC was getting to know Mary Lee Lord, the late executive director of the center. She had been a nurse and had a sincere and calming aura about her. I think she even had a rocking chair in her office, if I remember correctly. To this day, I consider her one of my greatest mentors, even though we only spoke alone a few times. I would talk to her about my future plans and goals as a mom and when I did 'this' and when I did 'that', etc. She gave me at least two snippets of essential advice I have never forgotten. 1) Life is about the process, not the event; 2) My son would need me around more as a teenager, than he would as a small child. Boy, what she right about both!

Well, it feels right to be back in Traverse City after being gone for the last 14 years. "Right back where we started from," as my mother used to say. I even think back to a hope I had about 10 years ago, to work in or even run a women's shelter. Huh! (Read the article that proves it) Now, I have a chance to remember my history and share that story with my son. At the same time, I have an opportunity to give back and spread the word -- two of my finer qualities, I think.

Pregnacy Care Center Does What It Says

2012-02-16T14:01:00.000-08:00

I met with Rhonda Watson, executive director of the Pregnancy Care Center of Traverse Bay Area today about doing some volunteering.

Rhonda and myself on Feb. 14, 2012.

I'll write about the new logo debut for the organization -- formerly known as the Pregnancy Resource Center -- in an upcoming appeal letter and newsletter.

I first met Rhonda as a client in 1993, when I was referred by a nurse I met with monthly for check up appointments when I was pregnant. The nurse saw that I was in a crisis situation -- 22, unmarried, in college and stuck in a hellish relationship and lacking a support system.

Rhonda helped me first by assessing how I felt about my pregnancy and helping me find whatever resources I needed to meet my goals. The Pregnancy Care Center also provided informational meetings regarding legal advice, parenting and the like.

My son Zeke, 5, and myself visiting the Miller family, 1999.

For me, the most important help I received from the center came in the form of a temporary family. I had been living in a women's shelter for a month, until Rhonda matched me with 'shepherding home' -- a family who took me in to live with them for six months as I worked to get my ducks in a row, finish my associate's degree and prepare to be a mother. The Millers consisted of a married couple in their early 30s who had been high school sweet hearts and their two sons, ages 6 and 8. I lived at the Millers' from the time I was 8 months pregnant to when Zeke was about 3 months old.

The Millers treated me with respect and included me in their daily routine -- eating meals together, watching TV and going to church. I had my own room and bathroom and was asked to abide by a curfew and weekly chores, just like any member of the family. It was a good experience for me and I treasure the foundation I was able to build practically & spiritually while I lived with the Millers. Rhonda says the Pregnancy Care Center no longer matches girls with families, because needs for housing have changed and many girls don't embrace the idea of settling in with a support system of this kind.

Rhonda holds my son Zeke, 3, in 1997.

As the Pregnancy Care Center has evolved over the years, it's become more of a medical clinic, than a social service agency. In fact, it's a certified ultrasound clinic, providing free ultrasounds to anyone who think they might be pregnant. There is also a nurse manager on staff.

Other services the center provides includes, pre and post abortion counseling, adoption counseling, STD referrals and testing, emergency diapers and formula and new baby clothing.

What I love about the philosophy of Pregnancy Care Center is that is neither "pro-life" or "pro-choice" or anti anything. It isn't a political organization; it's a people organization -- focusing on an individual woman, her personal circumstance, her personal information and her personal choice. There is no judgement or pressure by the staff and volunteers of the Pregnancy Care Center. They meet you where you are. I'm so pleased to be back on board.

'Arise Girl' begins...

2012-01-22T11:46:00.000-08:00

Hello! My name is Sylvia Dana. Welcome to my very first blog post on Arise Girl.
I'm a former journalist and journalism teacher...and I need to write. It's good for my soul. And, I have a few things to say, to share, to do.
I'm a Gen-X Christian, 40-year-old single mom of a teenage boy. I'm a woman of action. I like get stuff done, to make things happen. I'm into social justice, personal development, spiritual growth and community building. In my world, there's no such thing as "wait and see what happens." I do more than I dream.
My first thought for a blog title was "Action Girl," but that blogspot address was taken by someone who hasn't posted since 2007. Don't you hate that? But...as I started playing with other title options, I came up with the word arise.
That word -- arise -- resonates with me. It makes me think of the Bible scripture "O, sleeper, arise, and shine." I haven't really been sleeping, but laying low. Now, six months after a divorce and a big move, my precious 17-year-old son and I are established in a residence and a routine. I'm in a place in my life when I'm ready to move forward and get on with it. And that's what I'm doing! I'm starting to take on more responsibility at work, get involved with my church, show up for service in my community, make friends and even date... a little! So, that's why I need to start blogging. Writing keeps me clear and focused.
I'm going to blog about everything related to me...and you...arising. Arise like a butterfly from its cocoon, like a plant coming out of the ground, like the sun from the horizon. You get my point. In order to do more, we need to believe in our abilities. We need to see ourselves as capable of flying higher to achieve our goals and rising above our circumstances.
My blog is about encouraging myself to "arise, girl." But I'm also going to emphasize the hero in all of us...the It Chic, the Wonder Woman, the Arise Girl. I will challenge myself and you to get out there and do something -- something for yourself, for your family, for your community and for the world. I'm going to highlight those Arise Girls already in action. I will hopefully inspire you to arise, girl. So, come with me my darling, my beautiful one. Drink the Kool-aid and buy the T-shirt!
If you join me and declare yourself one of us -- an Arise Girl -- I hope you comment on posts, share posts and submit posts! Please keep your comments and posts PCP: Positive, constructive and productive. And feel free to contact me anytime.
And for a teaser, my next and second post -- that's actually about something -- is coming quickly!