Arisiago...

Losing your temper costs you dearly

2008-10-25T16:10:00.002+07:00

"Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one’s ideas, to take a calculated risk - and to act.” Maxwell Maltz

There's an old german idiomatic expression which may help many of us cope with certain life situations..."too soon old...too late smart". Forgive me. I don't speak german but this literal translation offers the gist of the sentiment.

As you get older you realize that certain situations in life , certain of our major/minor life battles, are not really worth all the effort and fuss we attribute to them. Losing one's temper unexplainably is one type of emotional reaction many folks employ to confront their life crises.

Sure we all lose our tempers now and then. It feels so good to vent our spleen....make our inner feelings public.....tell the world we've had enough of all the nonsense. This volcanic release of pent up emotions offers a short term emotional balm to a particularly trying situation.

On the other hand we lose a lot more than we gain by emotionally exploding and venting our anger on the nearest soul who unfortunately happens to be in our vicinity...an innocent bystander who just so happens to have pressed our emotional buttons the wrong way.

Consider this analogy. Imagine a large white picket fence . The fence surrounds a house. The house represents us. The fence represents the emotional safeguards we use to protect our fragile egos from hurt. Each day we subconsciously examine this house and marvel at how well the fence both shelters and decorates our house. The house is welcoming and people want to drop by and visit . An idyllic picture of happiness.

Now imagine this scenario. Each time you get angry and express your temper you drive a nail into this fence. You didn't meant to do this. You got caught up in a situation and blew your top. It happens. You now notice that each time you emotionally explode more nails are driven into the fence.

The nails are the emotional scars and resentments your outbursts have created.You don't mean to lose cotrol but you did. The fence with all the shiny nails in it now detracts from the beauty of the house. The nails in the fence detract from the appealling nature of the site. No one wants to go near this place. Its welcoming atmosphere has been compromised.

So you finally decide to control your temper. Each time you do this imagine removing one nail from the fence. After a while the nails are gone and you feel better that you finally got a grip on your volatile emotions. You tell yourself your friends and associates will understand you. Forgive you. Want to visit you again. Afterall you did manage to control your outbursts.

But consider the fence again. The nails are gone but the holes (the emotional damage) is permanent. Simply removing the nail does not mitigate the situation. The holes in the fence announces to the world that caution must be used when going near this place. Now you're on your best behavior and folks walk on egg shells when you are around.

There are ways to control your emotional outbursts. Punch a pillow. Go into a quiet room and scream. Count to 10. Go to another room and cool down.

A number of creative options are offered at http://www.positivityblog.com/ which may offer you ways to change your behavior.

Anger-Management Article Source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com

Handling The Stress

2008-10-25T16:08:00.001+07:00

There's no doubt about the fact that being in financial difficulty is one of the most stressful things that you will need to handle in your life. How you handle the stress will determine how well you come out of your financial problems and more often than not how quickly you can turn your life around so that your debts are paid and you don't need to deal with money problems on that scale again.

Stress can cause all sorts of problems and in the extreme it can cause you to become depressed and not be able to go about your everyday tasks including your employment that will help you to get out of your financial problems.

People all handle stress in different ways but there are certain things that you can do that will ensure your stress levels will be lowered and they don't even need to cost you any money.

Simply taking a bit of time out for a walk or some form of exercise will go a long way to relieving stress. Yoga is probably one of the best forms of exercise to relieve stress and you don't even need to go to classes to do yoga. You can even get books and DVDs from the local library that will give you enough basic exercises to do to ensure that you maintain a better balance in your life.

Your energy levels are liable to increase which will help you to handle more throughout the day and in doing so get to your goals sooner.

Simply having a little quiet time to yourself and reading a novel can be enough to give your mind the rest from the constant worry of the debts, creditors and juggling the money to make ends meet.

Many financial advisers even make a small allowance in the budget to allow for a reality check to help you remember there is more to life than just worrying about money and on occasion you can spend a few extra dollars on something that will reward you for the efforts in tackling your debt problem.

Carson Danfield is an "Under the Radar" Internet Entrepreneur who's been quietly selling various products for the last 8 years.

For more useful info on how to get your finances back under control and how to improve your financial problems, be sure to visit : - http://www.info5000.com/DEBT-MANAGEMENT

Stress-Management Article Source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com

Avoid Confrontations

2008-10-25T16:03:00.001+07:00

If you have an anger problem it is advisable to avoid confrontations as far as possible when you know that you will lose control of your temper. There are certain areas where people are more prone to anger than others. A good example is when a group of people begin discussing their local or national governments and politics. Many participants in such a discussion take everything that is said personally and this can cause a confrontation and the anger can be sparked off. Before you know it you have a violent situation on hand.

Avoid discussing subjects with your colleagues that you know will become confrontational. If you cannot avoid where the discussion is going rather leave the room so that you will not become part of where the conversation is going.

Learn to know yourself and your anger level. Avoid places where you know there will be confrontations. Do not set yourself up for unnecessary arguments which will lead to your anger taking over the situation.

You can constantly be working on your self to avoid confrontation and not to lose your temper unnecessarily but the fact remains that this emotion can flare up at any time. Anger is part of the human makeup. The point is to be in control of the emotion when you are angered and not let the anger control you. As I have said before take grandma's advice and count to ten before replying to any provocation.

By trying to see the other persons' point of view is a wonderful way of defusing confrontation. By pausing a moment and realising that each one is entitled to their own point of view makes you realise that you are not always right and should listen to others as well.

Many outbursts of anger come from negative thoughts. If we see everything as negative we have a lot of anger inside us. This anger is always just waiting to be revealed. By changing your thought patterns you can do a lot to become a happier person and you will not be provoked so easily.

It takes time to train your mind from negative to positive but it can be done. Every time a negative thought comes into your mind ask yourself why do you think the situation will be negative? Change this thought into a positive one and you will see so many more possibilities in life. You will become happier and calmer and this will certainly make it worthwhile to change your thoughts.

One day you might just be in a bad mood and someone will say something that triggers off your anger. This will make you bring up all the past suppressed grievances and a flood of verbal abuse will be the result. This is disconcerting for those in your company.

It is better to express anger in a civilised way when it is necessary than to have occasional outbursts of temper.

By constantly keeping your anger suppressed you are actually doing yourself more harm than good. In the end you could start becoming withdrawn and trying to convince yourself that everything is fine when actually it is not. This can lead to depression and it could take some time to get out of this state. The last thing you want to do is to get into this state of mind.

http://www.cureangermanagement.com

This author writes informative articles on various subjects. http://www.cureangermanagement.com

Anger-Management Article Source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com

Anger Management

2008-10-25T15:59:00.002+07:00

Some people act out anger feelings by attacking, or trying to control. (Aggressive) while others use addictions to avoid their feelings. (Dependant-Addicted). Another option is that some people become introverted and depressed.(Depressive)

There are different ways people feel anger. Usually your body will tell you when you are angry. Are you breathing faster? Is your face bright red? Are your muscles tense and your fists clenched tight? Do you want to break something or hit someone? Anger can make you yell or scream at those around you, even people you like or love. Some people keep their anger buried deep inside. If you do this, you might get a headache or your stomach might start to hurt. You may just feel crummy about yourself or start to cry. It's not good to hide your anger, so you should find a way to let it out without hurting yourself or others.

Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them; but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature, and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying 'I would like' something is healthier than saying 'I demand' or 'I must have' something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions--frustration, disappointment, hurt--but not anger. Some angry people use their anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

There is a great deal of confusion around anger as to whether it is a problem or not and then, what to do about it. Anger is the normal, natural human emotion that develops whenever you are not happy about something. It is very personal in that you might feel angry about a particular thing, but others would not. It is an emotion that drives changing that which you are not happy with. We now realise that there is nothing wrong with anger, the emotion, when managed correctly.

Suppressing your anger may seem like a viable solution if you shy away from confrontation. However, there are two possible pitfalls with this approach. The first is that your suppressed anger could turn inwards on yourself, causing a host of physiological and psychological problems. The second is that you may become passive-aggressive, 'getting back' at people indirectly, or developing a permanently hostile attitude.

Good communication is imperative when it comes to managing your anger. Slow down and think carefully over what you are about to say. It is easy to get caught up in your anger and say something hurtful or inaccurate - as clichéd as it may seem, 'counting to 10' can be useful.

Have a look at http://www.cureangermanagement.com for more information.

This author writes informative articles on various subjects. http://www.cureangermanagement.com

Anger-Management Article Source: http://www.eArticlesOnline.com

Life is Easy

2008-10-15T10:59:00.003+07:00

Why do I think life is easy? Because it is easy, how could I? while there are bunch of trouble in life, there are so many things to spend, gosh…so many things to solve, no one care of our problem… hhhhhhh

Well the only problem that makes our life seems so hard is our passions, don't we deserve to have passion(s)? The answer is obviously yes… no doubt about it… even more "we must have passion(s)", so how can our passions make our life hard? Because it's too much…. Yes it is too much passions in our head….

Try to loose some of them, then make an appropriate filter to the rest of them, why should filter? cause there are still a few points which can be eliminated from the rest of passions we have subtracted.

It sounds loosing hope? not really... this will ease our self, it is ok if we wish make it grow by the time, but remember filter it.
Yes we only life once, make it all in our life but we only have two hands to our momentum.

Well it's all yours...

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fithri 1429 H Mohon Maaf Lahir dan Bathin

2008-09-26T23:08:00.006+07:00

Tidak terasa kita sudah berada di penghujung bulan Ramadlan, bulan yang paling kita cintai, bulan yang selalu ada rasa penyesalan untuk meninggalkannya karena teringat betapa kurangnya kita beribadah di bulan Ramadlan.

Sebagai seorang newbie yang baru belajar menapaki luasnya blogsphere di Indonesia tentunya saya memohon maaf apabila ada dari tulisan saya yang menyinggung anda yang pernah membacanya, mudah-mudahan anda dapat memaafkannya.

Bagi yang mudik hati-hati di jalan ya, saya doakan semoga selamat sampai tujuan.

Selamat Hari Raya Idul Fithri 1429 H Mohon Maaf Lahir dan Bathin

Bawa anak naik motor duduk di depan?

2008-09-17T11:18:00.003+07:00

Masih soal anak-anak yang naik motor seperti yang sudah saya ulas di artikel sebelumnya, sekarang kita coba cermati keadaan di jalan raya banyak keluarga kecil yang bepergian dengan motor ada yang 1 anak biasanya kalau masih kecil duduknya diapit di tengah tapi kalau udah agak gede ya kira-kira 4-6 tahunan biasanya suka pengen duduk di depan, ya namanya juga orang tua sayang sama anaknya tentunya anak pengen duduk didepan juga diijinkan lah, apalagi yang memang anaknya sudah 2 orang, sudah pasti anak yang paling gede duduk di depan.

Yang kemudian menjadi keprihatinan kita adalah kelakuan orangtuanya yang mengendarai motornya dengan ugal-ugalan, ada juga yang tidak ugal-ugalan tapi ngebut, ya bisa dibilang ngebut lah untuk ukuran bawa anak di depan mah.

Heran ya koq tega-teganya sih orang tua mengendarai motor kaya gitu sambil bawa anak di depan, dan yang lebih parahnya lagi tentunya anda juga pernah melihat ada seorang bapak yang bawa anaknya duduk di depan "tanpa jaket" sementara si bapaknya pakai jaket (tebal juga) dan menjalankan motornya dengan kecepatan tinggi... waduh orang tua macam apa pula nih? arisiago...

Anak-anak naik motor? aduh koq bisa ya?

2008-09-17T10:49:00.002+07:00

Zaman sekarang orang mau punya motor tuh gampang banget, fasilitas kredit motor merebak di mana-mana, sekarang ini udah enggak aneh kalau lihat di satu rumah punya 5 motor, ya minimal 1 motor mah udah pada punya. Bahkan mereka yang punya mobil juga maksain beli motor buat operasional jarak dekat atau bahkan juga buat commuting ke kantor maklum harga BBM sekarang ini membuat orang cari alternatif kendaraan yang operasionalnya murah.

Kalau kita perhatikan di komplek perumahan atau di jalan-jalan kecil (bukan jalan raya) tentunya kita pernah atau sering melihat ada anak-anak di bawah umur mengendarai kendaraan bermotor melintas, ya anak-anak sekitar umur 7-12 tahunan lah, masih SD, waaah hebat banget ya... anak segede itu udah bisa naik motor, saya aja bisa naik motor tuh setelah umur 16 tahunan (katrok aja kali ya. Mungkin orang tuanya juga bangga lihat anaknya yang masih bau kencur gitu udah bisa naik motor, tapi dibalik kebanggaannya itu apakah orang tua tersebut tidak menyadari bahwa dia sudah menggadaikan nyawa anaknya semudah itu?

Ya, bagaimana tidak, walaupun anak-anak mereka bermotor ria sebatas di dalam komplek tapi para orang tua ini tidak pernah menyadari bahwa emosi anak mereka tentunya belum stabil, anak-anak belum bisa mengontrol emosi dan konsentrasi mereka, sewaktu-waktu bisa saja konsentrasi mereka terpecah dengan sesuatu yang menari perhatian mereka atau adrenalin mereka tiba-tiba meningkat melihat temannya mengendarai motor lebih cepat dari dia sehingga dia memacu kendaraannya lebih cepat lagi.

Dan kenyataannya adalah kita lihat walaupun tanpa ada sesuatu yang menarik perhatian, mereka tetap saja mereka menjalankan motornya melebihi kecepatan wajar di dalam perumahan atau di jalan-jalan kecil, apalagi di gang...

Yang namana di perumahan atau di gang-gang gitu kan pasti banyak anak-anak kecil yang bermain di jalan (orang kita mah bukan orang kaya yang punya halaman luas buat bermain ya terpaksa main di jalan) sementara ada seorang anak yang tanpa pikir-pikir "ngebut" di jalan seperti itu... aduuh koq bisa ya, maksudnya koq bisa sih orang tua si anak itu mengizinkan atau bahkan menyuruh anaknya naik motor, kalau sudah celaka siapa yang salah? tentunya si orang tua anak yang pake motor itu juga agak sedikit ngeles cari alasan katanya "namanya juga anak-anak" lho anak-anak itu kan untuk kita didik, ya kesalahan itu adalah murni kesalahan orang tua... kenapa juga diijinkan naik motor tanpa pengawasan... orang tua macam apa ini? arisiago...

Minyak tanah sudah tiada, gas juga ikut menghilang

2008-09-10T12:30:00.002+07:00

Seorang ibu sedang kebingungan menyiapkan hidangan untuk buka puasa nanti, bukan bingung mencari menu yang tepat dan disukai oleh suami dan anak-anaknya tapi ternyata bingung hari ini dia tidak bisa masak karena persediaan gas di rumahnya sudah habis sementara dia sudah mencoba berkeliling mencari gas dan minyak tanah juga tidak ada di pasaran, maklum namanya juga bukan keluarga dengan tingkat ekonomi menengah ke atas bahkan juga tidak bisa dibilang sebagai tingkat menengah, ya mungkin hanya bisa dibilang sedikit lebih beruntung berada di atas garis kemiskinan, keluarga mereka menggunakan gas sebagai bahan bakar di dapur juga baru-baru ini semenjak mendapat pembagian kompor dan tabung gas dari program konversi minyak tanah, sebelum itu sebagaimana umumnya mereka menggunakan minyak tanah.

Ini hanya satu cuplikan dari sekian banyaknya kegalauan di masyarakat dengan "beban lebih" yang harus di terima dalam mengais kehidupan di alam Indonesia yang tercinta ini, tapi ya memang kita ini orang beragama, terlebih lagi kita ini adalah orang timur yang sudah diajarkan untuk "nrimo" menerima apa adanya, mensyukuri nikmat yang sudah diberikan Alloh SWT kepada kita.

Ya beruntung sekali kita sudah punya bekal pendidikan akhlak seperti itu sehingga bagaimanapun sulitnya hidup, akan tetap terasa ringan untuk dijalani. Tapi kemudian masalahnya adalah orang yang tidak seberuntung itu untuk menerima dengan segala keikhlasan atas apa yang telah diberikan Alloh SWT juga tidak sedikit, banyak orang jadi stress, depresi sehingga mudah sekali emosi akibatnya rentan sekali menuai konflik horisontal di kalangan masyarakat selain itu angka kriminalitas juga meningkat.

Kalau sudah begini siapa sebetulnya yang harus bertanggung jawab? Tidak ada satu orang/pihak pun yang akan mau bertanggung jawab atas keadaan ini termasuk juga pemerintah. yang jelas ini adalah tanggung jawab kita bersama untuk menjaga kesabaran kita.

Tanggal 9 September 2008 kemarin kita melihat presiden kita berulang tahun (terus apa hubungannya sama hilangnya gas di pasaran?) ya tentu saja tidak ada hubungannya tapi coba kita lihat persiapan dan pelaksanaan yang dilakukan, makan biaya berapa tuh? Andaikan saja biaya puluhan (atau mungkin ratusan) juta yang dipakai biaya perayaan ulang tahun itu disumbangkan untuk biaya mensiagakan ketersediaan gas di pasaran minimal untuk satu kota saja mungkin sudah sangat bermanfaat.

Beginilah nasib rakyat Indonesia yang (dulu) dikenal sebagai negara yang kekayaan alamnya berlimpah apalagi yang konon katanya Indonesia termasuk negara yang mempunyai kandungan gas alam terbesar di dunia, koq mau pake gas buat masak aja ga bisa???

Apakah selebriti kita bisa kita jadikan teladan?

2008-09-09T13:31:00.002+07:00

Marhaban ya Ramadlan

Ramadlan adalah bulan penuh berkah, penuh ampunan, penuh rahmat dan penuh dengan segala kebaikan, Ramadlan adalah bulan yang sangat dinanti-nanti.

Ya tentu saja Ramadlan sangat dinanti-nanti karena segala kebaikan ada di bulan ini sehingga orang berlomba-lomba (dan sudah seharusnya) dalam mencari kebaikan di bulan ini.

Tidak ketinggalan juga para selebritis di tanah air ini, ya tentunya tak seorangpun mau ketinggalan beramal untuk bekal kehidupan di hari akhir kelak.

Sayangnya kita hanya disuguhi oleh sandiwara para selebritis yang "mendadak alim" di bulan suci ini, saya tak perlu menyebutkan contohnya, anda juga sudah lihat sendiri tiba-tiba mereka menjadi figur yang patut didambakan oleh setiap muslim. Tapi ya hanya selama bulan Ramadlan saja lah abis itu ya balik ke asal... balik ke jatidiri yang sebenarnya... tapi coba anda perhatikan kata-kata yang mereka ucapkan, ingin memperbaiki diri lah, ingin itu lah ingin ini lah... halah

Sayangnya masyarakat kita ini masih terlalu lugu untuk melihat fenomena ini sebagai sebuah "ketidak beresan" mereka tetap menganggap bahwa selebritis itu tetap contoh yang harus diteladani bagaimanapun keadaannya. .......... buka mata dong... cape deh.

Ceritanya sih Wakil Rakyat

2008-09-09T13:30:00.002+07:00

Anda tentunya masih ingat lagu nya Iwan Fals kan?

......

wakil rakyat seharusnya merakyat

jangan tidur waktu sidang soal rakyat ......

Ada seorang anggota DPR (saya lupa lagi namanya) yang diwawancara sama si John Pantau dan ditanyakan pendapatnya mengenai kebobobrokan yang terjadi di DPR dan alangkah bagus lah jawaban beliau ini, dia jawab "ya sebetulnya tidak semua anggota DPR itu begitu, kita ini hanya difitnah oleh Iwan Fals, Slank sama lagu-lagunya itu" o ow...

Bisa-bisa nya ya bilang begitu, udah jelas-jelas ada banyak kasus yang terungkap, ya walau mereka berkilah masih belum jadi tersangka lah, asas praduga tak bersalah lah toh ada juga yang sudah terbukti bersalah dan bakan ada juga yang divonis.

Koq engga malu ya mereka mengemban amanat rakyat, dipilih oleh rakyat malah menghianati rakyat. Mungkin juga ungkapan ini sudah terasa basi di telinga kita, ya memang sudah basi lah orang di kritik gimana juga tetep aja mereka mah ga bakalan denger orang niat mereka pengen jadi wakil rakyat juga karena demi kepentingan sendiri.

Ok, mungkin secara kasar mereka engga mau dibilang mementingkan kepentingan sendiri, toh mereka juga berkontribusi buat partainya, buat kolega nya dst... dst... lha buat rakyat mana om?

Masalahnya sekarang adalah sampai sejauh ini juga rakyat kita nih ga pernah mau buka mata... masih aja milih mereka, masih aja loyal dengan pemberian cuma 5 ribu atau 10 ribu perak untuk milih mereka, betul memang tidak semua caleg itu begitu tapi coba tanya deh ke caleg-caleng yang kepingin dipilih itu (kalo perlu di sumpah pocong deh...) apakah mereka 100% ingin memperjuangkan rakyat?

Macet oh macet

2008-08-26T23:12:00.006+07:00

Mari berbudaya malu

Sekarang ini yang namanya macet sudah menjadi hal yang lazim di kota-kota besar, bahkan di kota kecil sekalipun sekarang sudah tak asing dengan istilah macet, memang kemacetan yang terjadi di kota setingkat kota kecamatan sih ga terlalu bikin pusing paling kalau memang ada jalan propinsi yang melewati kota tersebut dan kebetulan melewati pasar tumpah atau pasar kaget, ya sudahlah pasti macet.

Kemacetan yang terjadi di jalan besar atau jalan yang sudah dipisah lajur nya dengan median jalan sih sudah ga masalah, tinggal nunggu aja sedikit-sedikit juga pasti jalan tapi kalau yang terjadi di jalan kecil sementara volume kendaraan tinggi dan yang menggunakan jalan tersebut dari semua jenis pemakai jalan, mulai dari mobil, motor, becak, sepeda, pedagang kaki lima, pejalan kaki...dan lain-lain wuah ampun deh.

Dan yang sering terjadi, kemacetan itu disebabkan oleh ketidaksadaran pengguna lalu-lintas untuk mematuhi peraturan lalu lintas dan etika berlalu-lintas dan juga para pengguna lalin sering mengutamakan egonya sendiri, ga mau ngalah.

Coba lihat scenery/ilustrasi berikut ini:

1. Volume kendaraan padat di jalan kecil tanpa median, traffic load nya dibebani oleh adanya kendaraan besar yang lewat di jalan itu. Motor sudah merapat di sisi kanan-kiri, penuh dah...

2. Eeh tiba-tiba dari belakang dengan yakinnya dan tanpa beban ada motor nyelonong ke depan dengan harapan bahwa dia bisa nyelip langsung di sela-sela antrian motor, padahal kenyataannya? antrian sudah rapat kayak gitu mana bisa bung...? Akhirnya si truk pun ga bisa lewat dan nunggu si pengemudi motor yang nyeleneh tadi bisa lewat dan nyelip, parahnya si motor tadi ga pernah bisa masuk lantaran di depannya juga ternyata saling mengunci.

3. Tapi yang lebih mengherankan adalah kemudian banyak motor yang ngikutin motor tadi untuk masuk dan berharap bisa langsung nyelip di sela-sela antrian...udah jelas ga akan bisa tetep aja maksa, tambah herannya lagi coba lihat deh ekpresi wajah mereka, tetap cool... dan tanpa malu-malu...

Kalau sudah begini mesti gimana dong?
Mari berbudaya malu, Arisiago...

(Gambar aku buat sendiri)