arizonarants

The Great Gum Gamboozle

2005-10-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

First things first... I know Gamboozle is not a word. But for the sake of corny alliteration, just go with me.. Thanks.

Somewhere in the last few years, gum makers around the world have utterly hoodwinked us. And I, for one, am not happy about it.

I used to buy packs of gum for like $.50 and it came with like, a ton, of sticks. But now, I pay like $1.29 and only get 12 pieces. 12 crunchy little chiclets. The same chiclets, mind you, that kids try to sell you on the streets of Tijuana for a nickel. Somehow, they switched the packaging, gave us less gum, and made us believe that a bigger, thinner package is better than a small but fat package.

While I'm on the topic...

I used to go to a grocery store that posted a signs that said something like "Unloading your own groceries helps us keep our costs down, costs that we pass on to you." Fine. I went with it. No biggie. I like saving money.

But somehow along the line, ALL stores make us unload our own groceries now.

You give them an inch...

An inch!

Be sure to check out my other blog: anoallasso.blogspot.com. It's a bit more serious but the message is good. Or so I think.

And that's what blogs are all about right?

Phantom Vibration

2005-09-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

OK...so I guess I still have some rants that need an outlet.

I have two cellular devices on me at pretty much all times. All waking times that is.

Waking and napping.

I'm now faced with a new malady. Phantom vibration. I think it is similar to phantom pain that an amputee experiences. If you don't know, that is when someone who has had a limb removed feels pain in the removed, newly non-existent limb.

I have all my devices set to vibrate. In case I am working, or listening to music, mowing the lawn (hehe, riiight) etc. But now, I find that I feel the vibration, only to check and see nothing. In fact, everything that can possible cause a vibration causes me to dig in pockets for the phone/ogo.

Of course, there is phantom vibration, where nothing causes the vibration sensation, and there is faux vibration cause by drums, bass, computer fan, what have you.

I hope to see an ad on tv to cure my phantom vibration. I'm already on meds for knee jiggling.

PS...check out anoallasso.blogspot.com

Anoallasso

2005-08-26T08:36:00.000-07:00

As promised, the new blog. Yes I know, bated breath and all that.

FYI.. Bate is a verb dating to the 14th century meaning to deprive or to lessen. It is a clipped form of abate. Shakespeare was the first to use bated breath in 1596 in The Merchant of Venice, I.iii.123.

Anoallasso.

Ano is biblical Greek for up, upwards, or the quarters of heaven.
Allasso is biblical Greek for change or transformation.

So...proper or not, I strung them together in classic Hollywood reimagining form (not really classic as the reimagining trend is only very recent). The upward change. Hopefully, I am changing upward.I am reaching into the quarters of heaven and pulling down something that will help me transform into something that requires less transformation the next time.

I'm hoping others will join the journey. I'm hoping to find friends in anoallasso.

click the title, the banner, or just go here...
http://anoallasso.blogspot.com

Failed Expiriment

2005-08-08T15:11:00.000-07:00

I thought for sure that I could find 5 to 10 minutes each day to write something. How hard can that be, really?

And that makes me wonder what the average lifespan of a blog is. I suppose it depends on the audience size. At some point, when your audience is the same as the radius of your voice calling out "I just updated my blog," you lose motivation. And ranting just isnt the same if there is no one to receive the rant.

I guess its time to change formats. Like all good radio stations do when their listenership drops (or maybe its because dj's get bored, i dont know).

So...new format. New blog. I'm writing a book and i'll use this as a forum to test ideas (and steal some of yours).

Be back soon with a new blog...stay tuned.

What's your TPC?

2005-06-08T15:57:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned living in Carnation, Washington. In actuality, I am half-way between Carnation and Duvall. That's pronounced Doo-vahl and they will correct you. Duvall has a population of 5545. Not much more than a hamlet.

How many Teriyaki restaurants does a small burg need? What is the typical "Teriyaki Per Capita"?

I ask because I have a suspicion that Duvall is approaching teriyaki Mecca-ness. We have one Asian food outlet per 792 persons. Four teriyaki specific (though sushi does share top billing at one) restaurants. Toshi's Teriyaki, JJ's Teriyaki, Happy at the Bay Teriyaki #6, and in case you are wondering which to go to, why not try out Best Teriyaki and Sushi. Add to this Twin Dragon Chinese food, a Thai restaurant, and of course Safeway's own China Express.

So I ask, what is your TPC?

And how much is too much?

I'd also love to know what your favorite teriyaki joint name. Personally, I've got to hand it to eTeriyaki. No ordering online, no delivery... eToys, eBay, eTeriyaki. Why not?!?

blast.

SW Rant: Episode II

2005-06-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

Two points today. The first deals with the opening text crawl. Does anyone remember the opening story setting to be so... Juvenile (interesting since Sith is the only one to carry a PG-13 rating).

War! Nice intro. That first text block is just the worst. "There are heroes on both sides"? What?!? Are there evil heroes? Or do our heroes fall on both sides of a war, some here, some there? I don't get it.

Point two. Yoda's speech. In Empire, Yoda had a curious way of speaking. It wasn't all that technically incorrect, it was just odd.

"Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is."
Odd but not incorrect. My guess is that, as with all thing Empire, they are just better for having Leigh Brackett's input. My guess is that Leigh wrote the dialog for Yoda. When it came time for Lucas to write the dialog....

Yoda's speech keeps sliding downhill. From Episode I - "Around the survivors, a perimeter create." Maybe that was the first clue that not all was right. And in Sith:

But again, I guess this is HIS story to ruin. Perhaps, in his years of seclusion, Yoda learned more than just how to die gracefully. Maybe he studied the MLA Handbook too.

"Not if anything to say about it I have"
blast.

Our Story

2005-06-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

Star Wars is our story. At least, it was.

Everyone in my generation knew and had seen Star Wars multiple times. It was the universal language. We could bypass the small talk and delve into the deeper matters of life. Yoda and Ben spoke the truth. The waxings of the wise old Jedi masters became mantras and entered everyday vocabulary. A wink and a nod was not needed to cite the source, we all knew.

Conversations over soda, and later beer, further galvanized our devotion to OUR story. What kind of gravitational system did the Death Star have? How did it compensate for a gravity differences as you went further towards the center? Any discrepancies were solved, filming mistakes rationalized in OUR story.

We created a flawless world given a simple story and a 6 hour celluloid outline. It was iron clad. There were no plot holes, no gaping questions. There were mysteries of course, but we were content to NOT know. We could discuss those mysteries and debate all the while looking forward to the next installment where some of our skeletons would find flesh.

Then they came. The prequels.

And we watched. And re-watched. We bought the DVD's. And we hoped for more.

What donned on me, as I was going over Sith in my mind, is that it is no longer OUR story. It is HIS story. It is George Lucas's story. I can't say "He should have done this," or "I wish he did this," because it is HIS story to tell. I will ever regard Lucas highly because he sparked my imagination. He gave me a story.

Then he took it back.

It's entirely possible that Star Wars is JUST a movie.

blast.

Falling on Deaf Ears

2005-05-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

I am not following American Idol this season. After the auditions, I lose interest. Even if the singers are stellar, they are solo artists and I'm more of a group or songwriter kind of guy. I have clicked through on the Fox News headlines to see who got voted off for some reason. I don't know who these people are or how they sounded. I've never bought and doubt that I will, an American Idol album of any flavor. However, this from the Fox News article on the latest dismissal--

Does this strike anyone else as funny? Bizarre? Stupid? Not to be insensitive but there are certain things that certain people shouldn't and cant do. A blind person should not referee sports. Even tee-ball. I'm sorry, its just not the way things work. They say you can do anything if you put your mind to it...well, sorry, not this.

Along those same lines, the deaf or hearing impaired have no say in a singing contest. Its just not how it works. Its just not.

blast.

Fashion Faux Pas

2005-05-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not a fashion guru, fashionista, fashion maven, anything. I like good fashion but cant afford it myself. I do however stick to the hard and fast rules. Belt color matching shoe color is the biggest and most widely abused for men. If there are belt holes, use them.

EXCEPT--If the belt loop is the gratuitous logo loop, skip it. It's not actually a loop at all. Its just design, an embellishment. When you use it, you are screaming for the world to notice your brand and not you. We dont care about your brand. Only YOU do, and you shouldn't.

Losing Touch?

2005-05-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to say. I have an entire list of potential rants but nothing inspires me right now. The WA state legislature passed a 9 cent gas tax. And this after 1) the people voted a gas tax down 2) the people passed an initiative to requre a super majority to raise taxes 3) the legistature declared an emergency to bypass said initative 4) they got 11 Republicans to cross the line so that 11 dems could vote no 5) they got a dem in the governors mansion under suspect circumstances but its all charted here so I dont have to go into it.

So... I'm basically a bit demoralized. Maybe I need to start ranting about stuff that matters. Stuff that makes a difference.

But does anything?

blast.

Just say no??!?

2005-04-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

America has a no problem. We want to say it when we shouldnt and dont say it when we should. It may be universal but I can only speak for America. Actually I can only speak for myself so lets put it that way. I have a no problem. This is should be treated like every other disease. Because of my no problem, I am overworked, underpaid and gaining weight. We have so many reasons to NOT say no. Or excuses rather. Let me give an example I saw recently...

In line to satisfy another addiction at my place of work, an egregiously overweight woman has just ordered. By overweight, I mean she can go 3.5 stones easy. The transaction was something like this.

"Would you like whipped cream?" the non-barista asks.
"Oh, I guess." 3.5 stones replies.
The non-barista hands her a Super Big Gulp sized mocha blended ice cream drink, with whipcream oozing from the slurpee top. At this, the woman sees me and, as she lifts the straw to her lips states, "I am SO tired today."

If you are tired, have a double shot, have a vivarin, something other than a pacific ocean of sugar and fat in a cup. Say no. Deny yourself. I am in need of this advice as well. A pint of Hagen Daaz coffee IC before bed isnt showing the best will power.

The rest of the day, Morrissey and Marr haunted my psyche - "Fat girl with a mocha, I know, I know...it's serious."

blast.

A Thousand Cuts, a Thousand Cries

2005-04-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

In line at Safeway when the patron behind me flaunted his true colors in a somewhat less than obvious (to him) but still very egregious manner.

In our local store, the Duvall, Washington store to be precise, some troop of Boy/Girl Scouts/Brownies/Youth Group/Young Taxidermists what-have-you's went through the store and meticulously taped coupons on various items. I can see the poor things, cooped up in a sweatshop (or what passes for one in Carnation/Duvall--A dairy) cutting out coupon after coupon to take to the Safeway and tape to containers of oil, Bisquick, and any manner of other goods.

When said item is brought to the counter, the clerk asks "Do you wish to donate, or use the coupon?" I figure I didn't come in with it, and someone put in some hard work to get it there...Ok so actually I feel the eyes of the clerk looking down her crooked, and warted green nose with a look of contempt while all the shame of childhood, buried thinly behind a glass ego, wells up inside me and I scream "Donate! Donate! What ELSE would I do?!?! DONATE!"

Not so the patron behind me. As he hefts his bag of dog food unto the scanner and the question is asked "Would you like to donate, or use the coupon?" the stammered answer belies the true motives of his heart.

"I, er, uh....I uh... I think THIS TIME, I'll use it."

Yeah right buddy. Like anyone of us think that you actually DONATED last time.

Around the same time, I heard a thousand scouts cry out with the pain of paper cuts. A thousand cuts, for the cash value of less that 1/100 of a cent. A thousand cries for 35 cents off...

blast.

The Elusive MIR

2005-04-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

As an Ice Cream afficianado, I am not partial to Cold Stone Creamery. The ic is too sticky, though I will concede that it is probably on purpose as it allows them to knead the cream to add the coveted mix-ins.

Everytime I go in, I opt for the smaller size and they attempt to upsell me to the larger. "Would you like to get 50% more for just 50 cents," they proclaim. This is all good except for the MIR.

Yes, the MIR. The Mix-In Ratio. The ratio of Mix-In's to Ice cream. Since the entire concept of the Cold Stone Creamery, Marbleslab Creamery, Cold Rock Creamery what have you, revolves around the Mix-In, I would think more attention would be paid to the MIR.

Since the Ice Cream itself is sub par (too much emmulsifier not enough butterfat), the MIR is the sole reason to come in. When I respond "yes" to the upsell, I expect the MIR to remain constant, but in fact, it goes down.

I now have 50% more cream to the same amount of whatever I asked to blend in. Thus, in order to maintain a constant MIR, I also need to purchase an upgrade on the Mix-In. Now I am standing square at a buck for the entire upsell, and I could have bought 2 pints of creamy, un-mix-in-adulturated Hagen Daaz. Mmm... Coffee Hagen Daaz. Now THERE is an IC to be prod of.

blast.

Wheat What?!?

2005-04-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

I pack a lunch everyday for work. Brown bag. And, truth be told, it has not varied very much since grammer school. I may get a Pepsi instead of Capri Sun these days but other than that, basically the same.

I have made an attempt to cut out trans fats however. That means anything Hostess has been dropped in favor of something far less tasty.

And now, with 3 kids at home, my lunchs tend towards the juvenille. Fruit leather, celery, Goldfish or other cracker... In our attempt to purge the trans fats, we've even evaluated our kiddie cracker choices. Wheat Thins seem to be on the cutting edge of the revolt against trans fats so that was the carb content of my lunch today.

Which brings me to my point, and I'll be brief here. The Wheat Thins box reads "0g Trans Fat" and just below it "Even Better Taste". So...why the trans fats in the first place?

Frye Boots

2005-04-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

If you are in the market for a pair of boots, might I recommend Frye boots?

Not only are they handcrafted and solid, their committment to their product is stellar. My pair developed a click when I walked after about a year of use. Since they were outside the Zappos.com one year warranty, I contacted Frye directly.

They asked me to send in the boots. They found that they had a broken shank so promptly sent me a new pair. The only thing I can rant about here is that I have to go through the arduous process of training new boots.

Try em. Not only are they well made, they're pretty cool lookin' too.

Government Projects

2005-04-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

Bear with me on this... I'm going to lose much of my non-Northwest audience on this, but if you can, think of your own local government mis-spending. This can apply anywhere.

Here is the sitch. Every day I drive across the road on the map above. This road is slated for a $1.5 million project. The river, as you can see on the valley floor, has a tendency to flood. 4-5 times a year we lose the use of the road and have to go through the town of Duvall. Annoying to be sure, but what can you say about natue? Deal.

King County's response, lets raise the road. Great. All for it. However, it seems like this less-than-a-bandaid...i'll let King County explain it.

King County is planning to raise two portions of NE 124th Street in the Snoqualamie River Valley this summer to REDUCE the RISK of the roadway being covered by water during floods.

-and-

On both the east and west sides of Novelty Bridge, NE 124th Street has low sections that are covered by floodwaters several times each year. Raising these sections by 14 inches will keep the road above water EXCEPT when the river is cresting durning a major flood...

-so-

No promises, in fact, we get the guarantee that we will still have flooding and road closures. We are trying to reduce (diminish the extent) the risk (possibility of loss)... You tell me. Look at the pictures and tell me what 14 inches will give us.

Blast.

Awning woes

2005-04-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

As has been established, I live in the Northwest. Seattle-ish. Birthplace of Starbucks coffee. At once, the savior and death knell of the coffee industry. Spanning the globe with it's brand of family friendly snobbery, allowing even the indiscriminate to be bone fide hoi polloi. Now, you too can be an elitist.

The concept was and is brilliant. I too fall sway to the plush chairs, the somewhat less than a roar of a propane flame, the warm and inviting colors. While at the same time taking espresso to the masses, it has killed the craft.

Can we still call them barista's? What do they have over the guy who pushes the button to fill a shake cup at any of the 4-corners of fast food locations in your town? I'm all for consistency (my Americano is the same in Seattle, Turlock, or Tokyo), but I'm even more for artistic expression through shot pull. Grind, temperature, pack, etc... All these have been left in the dust of consistency.

Let's save the idea of tipping the "barista" for another post and get on to what spawned this entry, though less compelling now that I think about it. Oh well.

This weekend I went through the Starbucks drive-through. Most drive-throughs have a nice awning to shelter the driver from the rain when paying and receiving food. Why not at the ordering station? I still get water on the fake wood paneling of the mini-van (yet another post) when ordering. I've concluded the awning is strictly for the employee and possibly considered a benefit in HR terms.

So I love coffee. I even love the ice-creamy-powdered drinks. And I will patronize the majors. But if you can find a stand that pulls a real shot, and if its good...tip. And tip well. The craft is dying. The crema is breaking.

Who's the elitist now?

Blast.

Daylight Saving Time

2005-04-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

Well, by know you know that we have changed clocks once again. Either, you are one of the fortunate unfortunates that forgot or didnt know, or one of the unfortunate fortunates who did. If you fall into the former category, you learned or remembered by some slighly embarrasing moment but you did get the normal amount of sleep. If the later, you are rewarded for your diligence by being robbed of an hour of sleep.

But what hour did you lose? Was is Midnight? Far too important an hour to lose. As the boundary between days, Midnight is the most important time of a given day, though most of us pay her respect by sleeping through it. No, Midnight will not give up her status. Think about if she was the double hour. When it came time to set the clocks back, would we advance a full day in one hour? Hola Wells. Como estas?

And any time that is actual productive time is out. 5:00, 6:00... Especially when you play with Eastern and Pacific times... Skipping 6 in NY, and 6 in Seattle.... That gives us an unfair advantage. NY jumps ahead 3 hours before us and are working an hour earlier before we even have the chance to respond. Maybe not. My head is spinning.

So we need an hour that is neither self-important, nor productive. Those pesky time zones factor in some trouble so what are we left with?

2:00. Perhaps the least important hour of the day. We've decided that 2:00 in the am is worth skipping all together. Of couse she gets her revenge by subjecting us to two 2:00am's in the Fall. But we've found a way to make that a party in that bars that normally close at 2:00, get a bonus hour. So it still works in our favor and not in hers.

Want to know more? I dont know why you would. But here...
Daylight Saving Time

And BTW, it's Daylight Saving Time not Daylight Savings Time. "Saving' modifies "time" not "daylight".

Speaking of time, I just wasted 20 minutes. Should have written this in the missing hour.

Blast.

To sport or not to sport?

2005-04-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

I live in the cattle pastures. Really. The area is prone to flooding as the Snoqualamie River spills over its banks, cleaning the farms, permeating the air with the Eau de Dairy. This has little to do with my point other than it is the place where the RX-7 and 280Z's go to die.

The thing about sports cars, especially convertible sports cars, is that you have to make a tremendous committment decision when making the inital purchase. You have to decide if you are going to have this car for the short term (3-5 years) or the long term (20-30 years). There is nothing inbeween. Either way you are committing to serious cash outlay.

A functional car can be written off as functional, even when style moves on. A sports car, however, unless vintage, is either new or crap. Thats it. And the less you spend initially, the sooner it needs to be replaced. The Miata (and I could be wrong on this but you be the judge), the poor man's daughters first car, has a 3-5 year shelf life max. Beyond that, it looks like the car your daddy bought you when you were in high school. Sell the car and lose the perm.

The problem is that it looks like you are hanging on to the dream Uncle Rico. You were cool when you bought it but when the cooler car came out, you lost all stock in Coolness Inc. And when 3,4,5 sometimes 15 new versions have come out and you are still driving the 89 Plymouth Laser (turbocharged)... I'm sorry. Its time to hang it up.

Talk to me.

A Mirror Darkly

2005-03-31T21:40:00.000-08:00

A popular Bible verse states "now we see in a mirror, dimly..."

We're told that many deep-seated neuroses can stem from a single event. We find that injustices wrought at an early age can effect us in a myriad of ways. What then of a repeated offense, one that we inflict upon ourselves daily?

I speak of...the mirror. The entire perception of our appearance (and often appearance and self image are inextricably tied) is generated based on mirrors. And, as the verse states, mirrors do not give a perfect reflection. We have learned to compensate for flaws in mirrors. Very few of us will look at a trick mirror at a carnival and blindly accept the presented image as fact. But, have we forgotten that a mirror is a reflection?

My nose ring is on the left side of my face. However, the person greeting me with an appearance status has a nose ring on the right of his face. Have we been damaged by living with an image that is the exact opposite of reality?

As a musician/audio guy, I am very careful where I place sounds in a mix. Left, right... it makes a difference. You are not getting what I intended you to get when you put headphones on backwards.

Perception matters. And we've been lying to ourselves our whole life...

Blast.

Janis Ian Essay On Downloading

2005-03-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

Janis Ian (never heard of her? neither had I) wrote a phenomenal article on how downloading hurts/doesnt hurt the recording industry. I've added a critical reading list to the nav bar and this article will stay there for a while. Do check it out and let me know your thoughts.

Very concise, well thought out essay. Nutshell: Artists make money from non-album sales like concerts and merchandise. The CD becomes a marketing tool for the concert. So, does it matter how the consumer gets the CD?

Check it out and then comment!

Turfcar

2005-03-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

Turfcar
Originally uploaded by ajswanson.

Somethings defy reason. Smoking a cigarette at a slot machine with an O2 tank by your side is one.

This car is another. Proudly labeled with a "MTV Pimp My Ride" bumpersticker, which shows the driver is not without humor, this car is ENTIRELY covered in fake grass. Not astroturf per se but the fake grass that some people put on the porch of their trailers.

The whole car is covered in it. This picture does not do it justice. The cut out around the car make "Sundance" is particularly attractive.

What do you think this pimp job cost?

Brilliant Marketing

2005-03-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

Umm...

Here we have marketing at its finest. I have no clue what they are trying to sell here. Somehow, the message is lost on me. I can burn CD's and eat them? CD's burned with the "ultra speed recorder" will get me the girl of my dreams and she eats CD's? What? I mean.. I am really at a loss.

Thoughts?

MoBlog: Iron Chef

2005-03-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

So...watched Iron Chef America on the Food Network this weekend. I know,
you're thinking...this post is going to be exciting. Leave it to me to get
all worked up over a little thing.

But hey...its the little things in life, right?

Back to IC:A. About 15 minutes into the show, going into the commercial
break, we (the audience) get treated to a frame of the IC:A real time online
poll. Now Im all for online polls, however inaccurate they may be, they are
fun. But this one just set me off.

"Who do you think is winning?" was the title, and Chef Flay was up 71% to
whatever (100-71 you do the math). They always seem to favor the Iron Chef
of the day.

However...

THIS POLL IS A WASTE OF MY TIME!!! IT TELLS ME NOTHING!!!

I mean, come on. The final results from the panel of 3 food critic judges
are going to be based on plating, originality, and taste. Which of those
three can you tell from watching? 2 of 3, I'll give you. BUT WHICH OF THOSE
THREE CAN YOU TELL ONLY 15 MINUTES INTO THE SHOW?!?!

Are you basing the plating on the raw materials? Potential? Plating
Potential? Taste Potential? WHAT? Dang, that there Chef Flay looks like he's
gonna fix up a tasty morsel...

Blast.

Test Post

2005-03-29T13:55:00.000-08:00

Ok...let me start off by saying I am ashamed that this is the best I could come up with for a test post.