Armchair Bike Fan

So, Is Donington Park Finally Screwed?

2009-12-20T14:41:00.005Z

Boremula One has officially ditched the idea of going to Donington Park. So has MotoGP and British Superbike. World Superbikes are as yet undecided, but probably giving Donny the boot too. So is this beautiful English track finally screwed?

The history of Donington Park as a race track goes back to the 1930's. Now, I'm no fan of modern Formula One motor racing, but the old Grand Prix machines of the thirties are just bloody gorgeous. Grand Prix car racing in those days was dominated by the two main brands of Hitlermobile: Mercedes and Auto Union, known collectively as the Silver Arrows as they ran with bare metal bodyshells; the traditional German racing white paint would have added a couple of kilos to the weight of the car and was therefore omitted.

These two companies might have been Nazi-sponsored at the time (much of their engineering expertise went on to help out the German war effort) but their cars were technological marvels. The all conquering Mercedes machines were given a good run for their (Hitler-sourced) money by the much smaller Auto Union company (now Audi), whose outrageous rocket-fuelled, supercharged V16 cars were driven by geniuses such as former bike racer Tazio Nuvolari, the Italian who was a legend on two wheels and four. These German "Silver Arrows" were best known for having outrageous amounts of power and speed (200mph on the right track) but virtually no brakes whatsoever, and their drivers were heroes: Nuvolari, Rosemeyer, Caracciola, Lang, Seaman.

Donington hosted these magnificent machines until war broke out, at which point the parkland track was turned into a military depot. Decades later, it was revived and rebuilt by the late Tom Wheatcroft, becoming a race track again in the 1970's.

Holding British Championship races was good, but the track was extended with the Melbourne Loop to increase the length to world championship distance in 1985. (Named so because the loop extends towards the local village of Melbourne, not because of the Aussie city.) It might be a nadgery little Mickey Mouse section, but it allowed Donington Park to attract some proper championships. Boremula One visited once, when psychotic genius Ayrton Senna won in torrential rain, but more interestingly the track managed to bag Grand Prix motorcycle racing.

The track's parkland swooping curves and hills made for excellent bike racing, with the scary-fast Craner Curves at the start of the lap being especially exciting. The Melbourne Loop was daft, but very technically challenging, particularly where it rejoined the original track in the final left-hander, a bumpy, dodgily-cambered corner where many top racers have fallen off trying to shave a few thousandths of a second off their lap times. That was also the corner where Carl Fogarty, in a rare GP wildcard outing, hit the wrong gear and was passed by Scotsman Niall MacKenzie on the last lap, with Fogarty hilariously claiming he ran out of fuel, despite riding around the entire slowdown lap to the pits... It was also the site of the first premier class victory by a certain Signore Valentino Rossi.

Unfortunately, the track was leased from Tom Wheatcroft by some people without his foresight and business acumen.

These clowns embarked on a multi-million quid plan to attract Boremula One back. They dug up the track in preparation for creating a new track configuration. Then ran out of money.

The track's still dug up.

MotoGP has been attracted to Silverstone, who actually have the money to alter their track for MotoGP use and will do so. Their head honcho is Damon Hill, who might be a former F1 champ and son of another F1 champ, but he started out on bikes and retains an utterly genuine love for two-wheeled racing. Make no mistake that he will do the best by MotoGP. The Silverstone track also has plenty of GP bike racing history, including the legendary battle between Barry Sheene and Kenny Roberts, with the cheeky Englishman flicking the V sign at the grumpy Californian hero at high speed (King Kenny got his own back by winning the race.)

The British Superbike championship has also decided to skip Donington in 2010, incredibly choosing to have an extra round at the very dodgy Cadwell Park track, which is completely unsuited to modern superbikes but is certainly interesting.

The organizers of the World Superbike championship have not yet decided to bin their Donington round, but who knows? If the track is still a building site they will have no option but to skip it.

So is Donington Park finally screwed?

Well, for 2010, probably. But cynics are predicting that Jonathan Palmer, the former (not very quick) F1 driver who owns several British racetracks, will step in and snap up the Donington Park circuit, tart it up and bring it back to racing condition. It's not clear whether that will really happen, but we'll have to hope so. It was a great bike track and it can be again, if somebody spends several million pounds putting it back in the condition it was in before being trashed by pie in the sky dreams of F1. Here's hoping.

New Graziano Interview, Worth a Look

2009-12-09T19:13:00.002Z

Who's the coolest person in the MotoGP paddock?

Nope, it's not Adriana Stoner. Or Randy de Puniet. Or even Livio Suppo.

It's Graziano Rossi, the incredibly laid back father of Valentino Rossi. Only an Italian could be that scruffy and still be cool. The good news is that there's a new interview with Graziano Rossi on Superbikeplanet.com. Well worth a look.

MotoGP: Pedrosa Pounces, Stoner Stunned

2009-11-11T15:01:00.003Z

When the MotoGP circus rolls into Valencia, most fans snuggle up in front of the TV with a mug of cocoa and a teddy bear, prepared for a nice refreshing snooze. Two riders ruined the ritual this time: Casey Stoner and Ben Spies.

Stoner caused eyes to pop out on stalks across the world. Heading off the grid for the warm-up lap, the Aussie failed to make it to his pole position slot. After two corners he was caught out by the cold rear tyre and flung over the high side, the Ducati tumbling to a halt next to him. Casey has crashed in races before, but this seems to be the first time he has crashed before the race even started. On the plus side, it was pretty funny. On the downside, it has used up Valencia's allocation of interesting things for the next decade.

Dani Pedrosa had qualified 2nd, and was caught by surprise when the starting lights came on with no sign of Stoner. The miniature matador revealed that he had to start with his visor still up as he had been casually waiting for the pole sitter to appear alongside. Of course, that didn't stop the small star from taking the hole shot and disappearing into the distance on his Repsol Honda, unchallenged until the chequered flag.

Jorge Lorenzo was running in 2nd until he had a bizarre incident of his own. He got his FIAT Yamaha into a massive tank-slapper, which was so terrifying that the airbag in his leathers went off. (It puffs up around the neck area and is designed mainly to prevent broken collar bones.) With Lorenzo highly puckered after that scary moment, and hindered by his leathers turning into a sumo suit, his rival and team-mate Valentino Rossi sneaked past into 2nd. Jorge speeded back up a bit when the leathers deflated themselves, but had to settle for 3rd on a track that he has never won at in any category.

Colin Edwards was pootling round in his usual "best of the rest" style on his Monster Tech 3 Yamaha, in 4th place instead of his usual 5th as one of the four "aliens" had crashed on the warm-up lap. The Texas Tornado had to score plenty more points than Andrea Dovizioso if he was to steal 4th place in the championship. However, Dovi was in 7th place on the second Repsol Honda machine, which was enough to nick the championship position from Edwards.

That was until Ben Spies started charging through the field. He was supposedly using the race as a test before his transfer to Tech 3 Yamaha, and was running Yamaha's test team bike with the Sterilgarda colours from his title-winning World Superbike. Sure enough, Benny Elbowz started off gently, but got quicker and quicker as the race went on, starting to overtake people on a track where there is little overtaking, in a race series where there is little overtaking. With growing astonishment, the crowd saw Spies rise to 8th place, and finally pass Dovizioso for 7th.

This overtake guaranteed 5th place in the championship to his fellow Texan, and team-mate next year at "Tex 2" Tech 3 Yamaha, Colin Edwards, who danced for joy and hugged Spies when the race was over.

So it was a relative snoozefest as usual, since the Valencia track is just too small and nadgery for MotoGP bikes, being a more exciting track for the baby categories. However, it will be remembered for two reasons: the coming of Ben Spies, and the going of Casey Stoner.

BSB End of Season Roundup

2009-10-12T14:39:00.004+01:00

With the British Superbike Championship finishing in autumnal scenes at Oulton Park, let's have a look at how some of the top names performed over the course of the season.

Leon Camier - BSB Champion

Even if you chopped him in half at the waist, he'd still be one of the tallest racers in the paddock, but he's damn quick nonetheless. Camier's record of 19 wins in a season blew away Niall MacKenzie's previous record of 13 wins, and will probably stand either until BSB has 50 races per season, or until Ducati are allowed to dictate their own rules again. Terrible starts followed by scything through the field were the order of the day, nearly every day. Needed a masterclass in flag rules from the marshals after failing to stop when there was a teeny bit of smoke coming out of his bike, but apart from that and a couple of erratic races at Croft and Silverstone, the big lad was head and shoulders above the other riders. (Head, shoulders, hips and knees above Stuart Easton.)

James Ellison - Runner up

The Kendal Beefcake had a pretty good year, getting closer and closer to his lanky team-mate as the season wore on and ending up right on the pace. There's not that much to say about a guy who was there or thereabouts all the time but rarely challenged his title-winning team-mate for victories. He certainly did well enough to bag a good ride for next season, though.

Stuart Easton - 3rd

The BSB paddock's answer to Dani Pedrosa romped away with the Stihl award for leading into turn one in more races than anyone else, winning a chainsaw among other things. Presumably the little baby-faced Scotsman, who doesn't look a day over 12, had to show ID before being allowed to play with power tools. He got his Honda off the line like there was a rocket up it, and won a couple of races towards the end of the year. After flattering to deceive in years past, he seems to have clicked with the Hydrex Honda team and is now one of the big shots.

Josh "Bowling Ball" Brookes - 4th

Brookesy has his own way of making friends and influencing people. Poor Sylvain Guintoli was left sitting in hospital, sticking pins into a voodoo doll after being torpedoed by the fast but erratic Aussie on the way to the grid at Donington. However, rumours abound that his HM Plant Honda team staged a cover-up after realizing that Brookes's brakes failed... Still, he was given a second chance, which he seized with both hands, bowling a clean strike when he took out virtually the entire field at Mallory Park. Strictly speaking, he only hit the leader, but the oil and carnage caused everyone else to fall off down to about 12th position. The race win was awarded by Race Director Stuart Higgs to a baffled Leon Camier on the grounds that he hadn't had a chance to fall off yet when the red flags flew, leading to comical scenes as various team bosses surrounded Higgs like hungry hyaenas. A judiciously acquired injury forced Brookes to sit out most of his resulting ban, but he remained fast and unpredictable when he returned. Probably the only rider who could pick up a 7-10 split with a bike.

Sylvain Guintoli - 8th

The likeable and charming Frenchman looked like being the only rider who could give Camier much of a challenge at the start of the season, until it was all ended with a broken frog's leg at Donny. He was starting to get back to form at the end of the season, but the year has basically been a write-off. He should be back on the Worx Suzuki next year for another go, and will be hoping that Josh "Bouncing Bomb" Brookes bags a ride in World Supersport or something.

Karl Harris - 11th

The burly Yorkshireman must have been hewn from granite. The last race meeting proved this when he tangled with Tommy Hill and bounced through a gravel trap into a tyre wall. He was knocked out, but nobody was at all surprised to find him back in the paddock the next day (albeit battered and bruised and banned from riding due to a concussion.) Not a great year for Karl, with Hydrex showing him the door due to poor results, but he's made of strong stuff and will be back again for more.

Tommy Hill - 14th

Only a partial season for Tommy "Super Sub" Hill as he lost his WSBK ride early on and ended up deputising for Guintoli at Worx Suzuki then replacing Harris at Hydrex Honda. However, he was another rider who got faster and faster as the season progressed, and ended up battling at the front in the final races at Oulton. This has pushed his stock value up hugely, and he's one of the big fish in the BSB pond as the team bosses try to poach next year's riders.

Michael Rutter - 16th

A ridiculous season from the veteran rider saw him ride Yamaha, Honda, Suzuki and Ducati bikes at various points. He had a couple of decent results, particularly with Worx Suzuki as one of the Guintoli replacements, but this year will be remembered for his full house of manufacturers.

GSE Airwaves Yamaha - Championship winning team.

They started the season with fairly stock bikes, which many people took to mean as similar to a dodgy Superstock bike with full race swing arm, cams, pistons, conrods and traction control, as the Airwaves Yams certainly didn't appear to be 30bhp down on the opposition when they were clearing off into the distance. Anyway, they cleaned up the championship thanks to Camier's great performance. Team Boss Colin Wright should also win an award for the most number of times someone embarrassed Eurosport's Tony Carter on live TV, topping it off with a comical "I love you, Tony" at Oulton, that left the ginger presenter speechless for almost a whole second (the longest silence from him all year.) GSE's usual rivals HM Plant Honda were left looking like a bunch of amateurs in comparison, and it was the smaller Hydrex Honda and Worx Suzuki teams that provided the opposition, though neither could keep up the momentum all season long. GSE are now claiming that they might pull out of BSB, but as they've cried wolf about a million times in the last 2 years, who knows?

BSB has had a mixed season this year. Leon Camier legged it with the title before everyone else had woken up, leading to some boring races. However, the season ended very strongly with Ellison, Easton, Hill, Brookes and Guintoli all looking quick. It bodes well for next year.

Horhay Hin Horbit, Cracking Casey Comeback

2009-10-06T15:54:00.003+01:00

When MotoGP goes to Estoril, everyone salivates over the 2006 race, which started with tiny terrorist Dani Pedrosa ramming his team-mate Nicky Hayden off the track, and ended with loveable birdbrain Toni Elias out-dragging Valentino Rossi over the line. Of course, that means that every race for ever more has to be a snoozefest. It's sod's law.

This time out, the racing was OK for a couple of laps, then the entire field strung out into a procession of almost F1-like tedium, but without the idiotic cheating.

Jorge Lorenzo had been quick all weekend on his FIAT Yamaha, and in the race he soon disappeared into the wide blue yonder. At least it was a slightly different sight, as the factory Yams were running a white colour scheme to promote FIAT's latest crapwagon.

Dani Pedrosa made his usual rocketship start, thanks to his power to weight ratio approaching that of a riderless bike. However, Casey Stoner had returned to ride the Melandri-bashing Marlboro Ducati, and was almost completely recovered from his fake illness. Back to his gobby self, he earned himself even less fans by slagging GP legend Kevin Schwantz. Trying to make the Yank crowds boo you as well, Casey?

At least during the race, Stoner couldn't complain to the media, so he focussed his energy on passing Dani Pedrosa and taking off in second place.

Dani had to settle for third position on his Repsol Honda.

Valentino Rossi trundled round in fourth, and complained of a lack of grip. For once, the Vale and Jerry show failed to set up the Yamaha.

The increasingly consistent Texas Tornado, Colin Edwards once again finished best of the rest, first of the satellite bikes as usual. His book of excuses must be all dusty and covered in cobwebs by now. The likeable Southerner hasn't needed to consult it since the innovative "Wet engine map" debacle, months ago.

Nobody really raced anybody for most of the race. A lot of people passed Nicky Hayden. The second likeable Southerner doesn't have a big book of excuses, and would be too honest to use one anyway. Ah well.

Jorge Lorenzo had decided that his white leathers looked like a space suit, so he had a crash hat made to look a bit like a space helmet. He celebrated by planting the Lorenzo's Land flag in a gravel trap, walking in slow motion as if he was on the Moon, and thereby proving beyond all reasonable doubt that the Moon landings were faked not in a studio in Nevada, but in a gravel trap in Portugal.

He also did the spaceman act on the podium, which caused his two grumpy podium-mates Pedrosa and Stoner to stop licking piss off nettles and crack brief smiles.

Jorge was h-outstanding, Stoner was too. Pedrosa was there or thereabouts as always. Rossi was AWOL. Finishing 4th on a factory Yamaha isn't much better than finishing 10th on a satellite one.

MotoGP: Donkey Business as Usual at Misano

2009-09-07T16:28:00.005+01:00

Valentino Rossi stopped calling himself The Doctor and started calling himself The Donkey after his silly crash at Indianapolis. He made up for it at Misano, though. His crash hat had a cartoon of a donkey on the top, and at the back were the words "The Donkey" in the same colours and font as his usual "The Doctor".

At the start of the race, he waited a while for everything to settle down, then overtook everyone and disappeared into the distance. His downbeat team-mate Horhay Lorenzo was behind him, with diminutive Dani Pedrosa trundling in 3rd.

Rossi's mechanics met him in parc ferme wearing enormous pairs of donkey ears, and Vale wore a pair on the podium too. It's incredible that he is still coming up with chuckleworthy celebrations, but as an 8-time world champion with number 9 on the way, he's a bit special.

The relative dullness of the race was partly down to the dimwitted actions of local hero, Alex "300 Game" de Angelis. The San Marinese, rainbow-painted yokel showed that bowling isn't just for Americans.

He did this by bowling for Americans, and it was a perfect 300 game as there were no Yanks left when he was finished.

It happened in the first chicaney, flippy-floppy corners, less than 10 seconds into the race. De Angelis braked stupidly late, bumped Colin Edwards, who bumped Nicky Hayden. The two Southerners went down along with de Angelis, and someone tagged Jorge Lorenzo, who managed to stay aboard his Yamaha.

There was a hilarious altercation in the gravel trap, with Nicky Hayden blowing his cool and trying to shake some sense into the miscreant while Colin just raised his eyes to the heavens in despair.

It was disastrous for both the Kentuckian and the Texan. Nicky is just starting to look good on the Bologna Bullet, taking a podium at his home race and being the first 800cc number 2 rider ever to get re-signed by Ducati with his career intact. Colin Edwards has had a surprisingly great year, being top satellite team rider and breathing down the neck of factory Honda rider Andrea Dovizioso in the points table. The likeable, plain-talking Texan has barely had to dip into his big book of excuses at all.

Still, Nicky has inked a Ducati contract for another year so it's not too bad. Colin seemed to be on his way out of Tech 3 Yamaha, but with Benny Elbowz being re-signed by Yamaha for the WSBK campaign, everyone now says that Colin will be staying at Tech 3. That's great news for him, and rubbish news for his hapless team-mate James Toseland, who has been crushed into the dirt by the Texas Tornado this year. It looks like the only thing about Tech 3 that Toseland has to concern himself with is not letting Herve Poncharal's motorhome door hit him in the arse on the way out.

MotoGP: Jorge Wins Indy as Rivals Tumble

2009-08-31T14:50:00.004+01:00

Cocky Spanish superstar Jorge Lornezo must have been baffled as he dominated the MotoGP race at Indianapolis, as his close rivals went tumbling down the track, leaving him all on his own at the front.

Miniature matador Dani Pedrosa had been on blistering form, taking pole position and leading off the line. It was a three way scrap, as the teeny Catalan tried to pull away from Valentino Rossi and Jorge Lorenzo. Then on lap 5 there was astonishment as Dani hopped off the low side. It was exactly the sort of crash that we've seen Nicky Hayden and Colin Edwards save in the past by sticking their knees down, but as Dani's knee only sticks out about 12cm from the bike, he was unable to stop it toppling over in an embarrassing low speed crash. It took a long time for the downbeat dwarf to pick up his Repsol Honda machine, which was unsurprising as it weighs literally 3 times what he does!

Full marks to him for getting back into the race, as despite being dead last he put in a succession of fastest laps and outdragged Chris Vermeulen on the run to the flag, finishing a gutsy 10th.

That turned it into a 2-way battle at the front between Rossi and Lorenzo. We've seen this before, and the wily old Doctor always wins through. Not this time. Horhay pulled off an excellent pass into the fast first corner to take the lead. Valentino Rossi had to try extra hard to stay with his young FIAT Yamaha team-mate.

Rossi ran wide in a left hander, which put him way off line on the dirty part of the track for the following right hander. The Italian genius grabbed the brakes and the front end folded, violently throwing him onto the road. It was exactly the sort of crash you see when somebody brakes too sharply in the wet, as there was hardly any grip that far off line. Rossi tried to continue but had to pull in with a sticking throttle. He studied the data logging long and hard before conceding that he had fallen due to being on a filthy part of the little-used Indy infield.

That left Lorenzo all alone, around ten seconds in front of anyone else and presumably somewhat surprised that his rivals had self-destructed. He pulled an enormous, half-kilometre wheelie across the line, and stopped to pick up a plastic Captain America shield to go with his matching one-off crash helmet. He also followed the Indy 500 tradition of the race winner climbing the debris fence that separates the crowd from flying Indy cars (but didn't drink the traditional pint of milk, as far as I know) leaving a baffled marshal blipping the throttle of his Yamaha to keep it running.

In second place was the ludicrously inconsistent San Marino rider Alex de Angelis, who was "doing a Toni Elias" on his Gresini Honda, i.e. pulling out a brilliant performance at contract time. The hugely emotional third place finisher was local yokel (by Yank standards) Nicky Hayden, who lives a mere several hundred miles from the track. Given the trouble he's had adapting to the career-killing Bologna bullet, a podium place was a brilliant result, making it extremely likely that he'll sign another Ducati contract before too long. The likeable Kentuckian was over the moon, and so were his family in the Ducati garage.

Andrea Dovizioso finished a decent 4th on his Repsol Honda, with Tech 3 Yamaha's Colin Edwards very frustrated with 5th, having struggled with rear grip. It shows how well Colin is riding this year when he's gutted with a 5th place position. The surprise 6th place was the Texas Tornado's team-mate James Toseland, who had battled hard to stay ahead of Marco Melandri's Hayate Kawasaki for most of the race until the Italian crashed with a couple of laps to go. It was a great performance from the Yorkshire pianist, but will it be enough to stay in MotoGP? If he pulls off another result like that next week, the Japanese factory might just loan him a fountain pen to sign next year's MotoGP deal.

The record books will show that Jorge Lorenzo won this race at a canter, but the race was more interesting than that. It's not often that Pedrosa and Rossi both crash all on their own, while Lorenzo stays on his bike. It was great to see a proper, non-hurricane-lashed race from the oldest bike racing venue in the world, the Indianapolis brickyard.

BSB: Team Boss Colin Wright Hits Century

2009-08-11T17:32:00.004+01:00

Leon Camier's victory in the second British Superbike race of the day at Brands Hatch on Sunday racked up a few new facts for the history books. He became the first rider to win a treble, as it was the BSB's first 3-race weekend, with a race on Saturday after qualifying. He took his 14th win of the season, beating the existing record set by Niall Mackenzie on Rob Mac's Boost Yamaha in 1997.

It was also a personal milestone for Camier's GSE Airwaves Yamaha boss, Colin Wright, who notched up his 100th victory as a team manager. The sardonic slaphead's standard smug smile slipped slightly, showing his sensitive side as he clearly had a tear in his eye. The results break down as 25 wins with Kawasaki, 60 with Ducati and 15 with Yamaha. It was a massive achievement for the plain talking GSE geezer, and the wins are still coming.

Along the way, he's nurtured some of the best up and coming British riders, and rejuvenated a few of the older ones. His boys have racked up British titles, and gone on to take World championships too. Keep it up, Mr Wright!

Stoner Sidelined? Ducati Disaster?

2009-08-10T13:20:00.004+01:00

Rumours abound that Casey Stoner will sit out at least one and possibly 3 MotoGP races as he battles with his mystery "illness". The ex-champion underwent a battery of tests after the Laguna Seca race, with the result that some of the world's best quacks told him he felt ill and looked a tad pale. In other words, they thought he was faking it.

There is now great confusion as to whether Casey's lurgy could be physical or psychological. It's certainly possible to worry yourself sick, but why would that start now?

Has Casey grown a brain?

Most bike racers don't have a brain as such. Anyone with one would have enough imagination to realize that sitting on a two-wheeled machine at 200mph, just inches away from similarly steeded psychos, is a completely ludicrous thing to do. That's why most people aren't motorcycle racers. (Of course, not all people without brains are motorcycle racers, most of them are politicians, car park attendants or reality TV stars.)

Could he have subconsciously become as terrified as anyone in their right mind would be if they were clinging to the Bologna Bullet as it bucked and weaved in a 130mph corner? I'd certainly be throwing up if I had to ride that thing around a racetrack at speed.

If Casey has to sit out a few races, it's a bad thing for MotoGP and a terrible thing for Ducati. The little Aussie might have a tendency towards moaning, but he's one of the best riders of modern times. His ability to jump on the bike, pull out a pole position on his first flying lap then sit down for the rest of the session is unrivalled. Even Valentino Rossi never does that. People who criticized Stoner for winning a title on the bike with the fastest top speed fail to take into account the fact that the bloody thing doesn't go round corners.

There are something like 8 other riders who have raced the 800cc Ducati, and none of them have looked anything like winning a race on the thing, never mind a championship. The Italian team have created a Stonermobile, and without Stoner they are well and truly screwed.

What if Stoner is forced to retire? It wouldn't be the first time something like that has happened. Alex Criville famously won the 500GP title but had to retire due to mystery blackouts that had no known physical cause and cleared up when he stopped racing.

This would be a tragedy for Casey, and it would be a major blow to MotoGP, just when we are into the kind of golden era the sport hasn't seen for nigh on 20 years. The racing might be a bit variable, but Rossi is now under constant attack by Stoner, Pedrosa and Lorenzo.

For Ducati, the loss of Stoner would be a disaster. Who on earth would they replace him with? Mika Kallio has shown reasonably well on the satellite Pramac Ducati, but could he really win races on the factory bike?

The top option would have to be Jorge Lorenzo, but the rumours are that he will turn down a big money offer from Honda to stay on a Yamaha, the best all-round bike in MotoGP just now. It's pretty unlikely that he'd go to Ducati. Rossi won't go, he had that chance before and turned it down for Yamaha, where he'll stay. Pedrosa would probably move to Ducati if he was forced out of Honda, but that's looking very unlikely.

If you don't have one of the top 3 non-Stoner riders, you'd have to look beyond the current MotoGP crowd, but with the new rookie rule, Ducati couldn't hire anyone who hasn't already done a year of MotoGP (or at least half a year). The two likely rising stars outside MotoGP are Alvaro Bautista from 250GP and Ben Spies from World Superbikes. It would be 2011 before either one could join the factory Ducati squad. (The two other rising stars in 250GP are Marco Simoncelli and Hiroshi Aoyama. Simoncelli is already signed to Honda, while Aoyama will very probably ride either a MotoGP Honda or a Moto2 bike next year.)

Even if the Italian team wave enough money around, riders will always baulk at the prospect of riding the desmodromic career killer. Look at what it did to Marco Melandri. Still, Marco is now regaining his confidence and market value after a few great races on the Hayate Kawasaki. Maybe somebody quick would be willing to take a gamble.

Anyway, let's hope it doesn't come to that. Get well soon, Casey.

MotoGP: Stoner the Faker

2009-07-14T16:48:00.003+01:00

Yankee Quacks have diagnosed Casey Stoner's mystery illness as gastritis and anaemia.

In other words, they think he's faking it. Telling someone they have gastritis and anaemia just means they claim to have sore guts and are a little pale and tired, but tests show nothing unusual.

Doctors say that kind of thing to make you sod off.

Doctor House (with his Nicky Hayden replica Repsol Honda) would run a battery of tests, order some medicine, realize the medicine is killing the patient, order some different tests, look into the mid distance, and realize that you have some kind of illness that is found once every 5 years in the entire world's population of 6 billion.

Real doctors just want you to get lost and stop bugging them so they can go and play golf.

American quacks tend to order more tests than those in other countries, because American quacks are liable to be sued for 20 trillion dollars at least 12 times a year, and ordering tons of tests tends to make them look better in court, reducing their malpractise insurance premiums. (This is why the USA spends more on health care than anyone else, yet has one of the worst healthcare systems in the world. In most countries if you showed up in hospital with a sore finger they'd tell you to get stuffed, in the States you'd get $60,000 worth of CT and MRI scans.) And even American quacks couldn't find anything wrong with Casey. For gastritis he should avoid spicy food and eat some ginger, for anaemia he should eat some black pudding (a.k.a. blood pudding or blood sausage. Lovely stuff.)

So poor little Casey still hasn't had a decent diagnosis (i.e. one of something that's easily cured.) Hopefully he gets his stuff together, eats some medium-rare 'roo burgers to up his iron content and stops chucking up in his crash hat. Somebody needs to keep Vale and Horhay honest up at the front.

So long, Sete.

2009-07-13T13:39:00.003+01:00

So long, Sete Gibernau. Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out. His dodgy builder-sponsored Ducati will no longer appear in MotoGP after the team ran out of money.

Almost-legend Sete Gibernau decided to sully his reputation by returning to MotoGP after retiring for ever a couple of years ago. The theatrical Spaniard had turned from a journeyman into a star when he suddenly found form and started challenging Valentino Rossi for the world title. He was a damn sight better than some of the guys who luck into championships, but them's the breaks.

Ever stroppy and melodramatic, he was finally destroyed by the legendary Gypsy Curse hurled at him by Rossi. The Italian superstar was livid at being given a grid penalty at Qatar when his team did scooter burnouts on his grid spot to increase grip, and his hatred was levelled at Gibernau. Rossi announced that poor Gibbers would never win another race, and lo it came to pass that Sete never won another race. (Rossi has evil powers, you know. He was last seen sticking pins into the gut of a Casey Stoner voodoo doll...)

Gibernau switched to Ducati, and looked pretty quick until he rammed his brake lever into the back of team-mate Loris Capirossi's bike at Catalunya, flipping over forwards (Mythbusters take note) and skittling Capirex and Melandri among others. To compound the hilarity, Gibernau's ambulance crashed at low speed on the way to hospital.

Ironically, it was Casey Stoner, the tiny tearaway who stole Sete's Ducati ride, who put the Spaniard out of MotoGP by crashing in front of him, causing Sete to hop off and break his collar bone for the 90th time.

Gibbers was finally tempted back to MotoGP by the prospect of a satellite Ducati jointly sponsored by Spain's dodgiest builder and Africa's dodgiest dictator. Apparently El Presidente of Guinea Ecuatorial had been stringing the team along, as has happened to hundreds of no-hoper squads in the past, and the cheques were permanently lost in the post.

And so it ended. The Abba Fernando Ducati squad are no more. Buh-bye, now.

BSB Knockhill 09: Camier Doubles

2009-07-05T19:50:00.002+01:00

Lanky Leon Camier crushed the opposition with a double victory at Knockhill in the British Superbike championship meeting, extending his lead in the title race.

Stuart Easton nicked a couple of podiums at his home track on the Hydrex Honda, taking 2nd and 3rd places in two races. The Hydrex squad are doing brilliantly this year with the little Scotsman, making the far bigger HM Plant Honda team look like muppets.

Leading HM Plant muppet was Josh Brookes, looking seriously quick as he grabbed 3rd and 2nd places. The Aussie's rehabilitation from breaking Sylvain Guintoli's leg (accidentally of course) is continuing apace. He's really getting to grips with the bike and the twisty British tracks.

Brookesy's immensely popular team-mate and countryman, Glen Richards, was far less lucky. He made one of his very rare errors in qualifying, clipped another bike on the run to the hairpin and ended up with a broken femur. Luckily for the former British Superstock and Supersport champ, it was an uncomplicated break, and he could be racing again in 6 to 8 weeks. Get well soon.

The racing wasn't great, but it never is a Knockhill. It's great for spectators, with loads of elevation changes giving plenty of good viewing spots. However, it's far too tight for Superbikes, with a lap time of something like 49 seconds. There are hardly any places to overtake, as Brookes found out when he finished 3rd to Easton in the first race after shadowing the little Borders man for pretty much the entire 30 laps.

Still, Camier was stunning, while Easton and Brookesy were by far the best of the rest.

MotoGP, WSBK, BSB End of May Weekend Roundup

2009-06-01T13:06:00.003+01:00

There was a whole lot of racing going on at the weekend. Here are a few of the highlights.

125cc GP: Bradley Smith took his 2nd victory at Mugello. At first, he was quick but crashed a lot, then he was quick but didn't race that hard, now he seems to be both quick and a hard racer. Also, Scott Redding, who is at least a foot taller this year than last, did well to finish the race at all. He had a massive highside but somehow landed back on the bike. A great race.

250cc GP: Mattia Pasini won a truly stunning wet race. He was in 3rd place when the guys in front had a bit of an incident. Marco "Afro" Simoncelli hit Alvaro "Raving psycho" Bautista, and the two rivals went on a terrifying gravel trap excursion at 100mph. Simoncelli came off best (and got an official warning), and had a major last lap battle with Pasini, but it was the less lanky, non-Afro Italian who won the race on his hideous pink Aprilia. Bautista settled for 3rd after a massive moment where he basically did a Scott Redding, having a huge almost-crash but landing back on the bike. Brilliant stuff.

MotoGP: Casey Stoner took the win, and it was very impressive. It was one of those bike-swap races that should be ridiculous but are really utter genius. Marco Melandri was going brilliantly in the wet, but the rebadged Kwak was a pile of garbage in the dry. Jorge Lorenzo finished a brilliant 2nd with Valentino Rossi 3rd, losing at Mugello for the first time in 7 years. Time to retire, you old git! (Kidding, obviously.)

WSBK: Ben Spies took a record 7th pole position in a row and did the double too. The racing wasn't all that great, not helped by the atrocious camerawork that mainly had us looking at a wide shot of about 27 bikes in front of the distant mountains, wondering who was in which position. Michel Fabrizio had a decent day, as did Johnny Rea. Leon Haslam nearly had a decent 2nd race, but spoiled it by crashing out of 4th place half way round the last lap. Oops.

BSB: Leon Camier continues to destroy the opposition. He's just outrageously fast on that Yamaha, and is pretty much doing a Ben Spies in the British Superbike series. His team-mate James Ellison did well to follow his team leader home, while comic book supervillain Josh Brookes took a brilliant 3rd place in race 2, still protesting his innocence in the Guintoli crash.

BSB Donington: GSE Yams Tops on Chaotic Day

2009-05-26T13:08:00.003+01:00

The GSE Yamaha riders shared the victories at Donington Park in the British Superbike Championship, but it was a day of controversy.

On the way to the grid for race one, HM Plant Honda's number 2 Aussie Josh Brookes crashed into Worx Suzuki star Sylvain Guintoli at the Melbourne Loop. Guintoli, who has starred in BSB this year and was one of the title favourites, was carted off with a badly broken leg, both tibia and fibula being fractured. Brookes protested his innocence, claiming brake failure. However, analysis of the data showed that the brakes had not failed. While Guintoli had been trundling round to the grid, Brookes had been at virtually full race pace. He grabbed the brakes, then started to pump them, then hit the hapless Frenchman.

Clearly, Brookes made an honest mistake. He would not have pumped the brakes if he thought they were working properly. I'd imagine that the major speed difference between himself and Guinters tricked his senses into thinking he wasn't slowing down at all, along with the cold brakes giving poor feedback through the lever, so he tried to pump the brakes up and meanwhile torpedoed the Suzuki.

The stewards seem to have taken the view that it was Brookesy's fault, but an honest error, as they have given him a one race ban, suspended for three races. Interviewed on TV before the stewards' decision, the Aussie was gutted, revealing that a similar thing had happened to him while racing Down Under. It's just a shame that a relatively small error has led to Guintoli being out for a couple of months.

Race 1 saw Leon Camier on the GSE Airwaves Yamaha make a poor start, but fight through to a fairly straightforward victory. It was a great race, with loads of passing for position. In the end, Camier's team-mate James Ellison secured 2nd place, with young Scotsman Stuart Easton grabbing 3rd.

Race 2 wasn't so great for Camier. The lanky Englishman's bike conked out at the Melbourne Loop. He managed to restart pretty much dead last, and massacred the slower riders to finish 12th. His team-mate, ex-MotoGP rider James Ellison took his first BSB win, and it was a pretty dominant one, albeit with Camier and Guintoli out of the picture. This time, Easton took 2nd on the Hydrex Honda, with Chris Walker 3rd on the Rob Mac Yamaha.

Leon Camier now holds a big lead in the championship, with 117 points to Ellison's 89. The human giraffe looks a stick-on for the title, so long as he stays in one piece. The only question is whether he'll stay in BSB next year or bag a decent WSBK ride!

All in all it was a great day's racing, but overshadowed by Guintoli's injury. Get well soon, Sylvain.

Marco Melandri - What a Hero!

2009-05-19T13:14:00.003+01:00

The MotoGP visit to Le Mans was wet as usual, and it produced a really interesting race. Cocky Spaniard Jorge Lorenzo won magnificently, staying out on wet tyres until the last possible moment before switching to slicks, and destroying the field in the process. However, the most amazing performance was from Marco Melandri, finishing 2nd on the Hayate Kawasaki.

Last year, Marco seemed to be finished. He just couldn't ride the Ducati. Whereas Casey Stoner chucks the Bologna Bullet into corners and wrestles it out of them, Marco was as terrified as a trainee tiger tamer in his first public performance. The hapless Italian would trundle round in last place, looking like an idiot.

But this year, Marco is back. The nutter who came around the last corner at Phillip Island, with one hand on the bars, smoking up the rear tyre on his way to victory, is back in the paddock. And he's riding the wheels off that awful black-painted Green Machine. Maybe it's fortunate that John Hopkins was fired by Kawasaki, he was terrible on that bike last year and would probably look like a complete monkey next to Melandri this year.

Marco took a thoroughly deserved second position at Le Mans. It was not caused by dozens of people crashing in front of him, it was sheer speed and talent in the impossibly slippy conditions. Even Valentino Rossi panicked, stopped too early for dry tyres, and fell off after about 3 corners on slicks. But he jumped back on the bike, did about 30 more pit stops, and finished the race. Only Kallio managed to rack up a DNF, and only Lorenzo managed to finish in front of Melandri.

It's great to have you back, Marco.

WSBK Kyalami: Nori Back to the Boil

2009-05-18T16:55:00.003+01:00

The first visit for several years to the South African track of Kyalami was a bit of a subdued affair for the World Superbike Championship. The popular Frenchman Regis Laconi had an enormous crash in practise, breaking his neck and sustaining a heavy blow to the head. He spent a while in a medically induced coma, but is now awake, and will undergo an operation to have his neck bolted back together before returning to France. The outlook seems to be very positive, so get well soon Regis.

The racing wasn't up to much, really. The track is nice and wide, with lots of elevation changes (it's thousands of feet above sea level, so there's plenty of vertical room), but for some reason the field strung out and it seemed difficult to make overtaking moves. Possibly this is because few people had good quality data about the track. There was an official test at Kyalami before the season, but a lot of the bikes were fresh from the crates and very undeveloped back then.

Nitro Nori Haga won the double, despite still suffering from his bizarre bird-strike incident at Monza last week. Obviously Nori is made of sterner stuff than Sete Gibernau (the GP star having re-re-re-re-rebroken his collarbone again.)

Michel Fabrizio was again on the pace of his older, crazier and better team-mate. Strange. Fabrizio rarely strings two good results together. Has his first jammy victory finally unleashed a torrent of talent? Doubtful! Either way, it'll be interesting to find out. The young Roman jazzed up race 2 by passing Haga twice on the last lap, running wide both times. A very good showing.

Ben Spies had a weekend that started brilliantly and went downhill all the way. First of all, he took pole position by just one millisecond from Fabrizio, equalling the best ever run of 6 pole positions in a row by Doug Polen. In race 1 he could just about hang onto the leading Ducati duo, but in race 2 his gear lever fell off, giving him a DNF. Spies is still by far the best of the rest, but Haga's most unHagalike display of consistency is giving the Japanese nutcase a Baylisstic lead in the championship.

Johnny Rea gets an honourable mention for popping onto the podium in race 2, beating Haslam and Biaggi in the process. Haslam also gets an honourable mention for narrowly missing the podium in race 2, having crashed in qualifying and race 1.

So there wasn't amazing racing at the South African track, but the main thing to take away is that Regis Laconi appears to be making a swift recovery from his life-threatening injuries. Hopefully we'll be seeing the puddock back in the paddock before too long.

WSBK: Carnage and Chaos at Monza

2009-05-11T15:16:00.003+01:00

The World Superbike races at Monza resulted in a lucky win for Michel "Lanzi" Fabrizio, and a fully deserved win for Ben Spies. However, the day was marred with a chaotic start to the first race.

The trouble with Monza is the first chicane. Some people describe it as dodgy, or a bit too tight, or just plain crap. There has been more than one attempt at remodelling the corner, which used to be simply a kink in a 200mph straight and was therefore a tad dangerous. Some kind of chicane is necessary, but the present one is atrocious. This isn't MotoGP, there are close to 3 dozen bikes on a World Superbike grid, and some of the guys at the back aren't blessed with large amounts of talent or brainpower. The field arrives at the first corner jostling for position, and it just takes one idiot at the back to make a small mistake for carnage to ensue.

That's what happened. There were actually two crashes going on, but the most serious happened when the once-talented Makoto Tamada somehow tangled with Brendan Roberts. The Aussie ended up off the track, and his bike torpedoed the hapless Max Neukirchner, whose only crime was to be leading the race around the chicane. The flying Ducati hit him broadside on, breaking his femur. It's a disaster to have such a quick and popular racer out of action for many weeks, just because of moronic circuit design. A second crash involved bikes bursting into flames. This led to a long delay while the Italian marshalls scrubbed away at the oil and petrol stains on this slow, dodgy corner.

The race was restarted, and everyone managed to get around the first chicane without any major assaults. It turned into the classic Monza slipstreaming battle. The top three were the Sterilgarda Yamaha of Ben Spies and the two Xerox Ducatis of Noriyuki Haga and Michel "It's his passport, stupid" Fabrizio. Amazingly, the underperforming Roman was beating up his championship-leading Japanese team-mate, trying for an unlikely home victory. However, it was the Yamaha Italia bike of Ben Spies that led into the Parabolica for the last time. Then conked out half way round after running out of fuel. Some claimed it was because the Yamaha Italia team forgot to refill the bikes after the aborted start, which seems pretty unlikely. More likely, on a bike with such a lot of trick electronics, is that there was a miscalculation and the fuel load was simply cut too fine. Spies trundled over the line in 15th, immediately parking the Yamaha against the barrier.

This let Fabrizio take his maiden WSBK victory on home soil. The melodramatic Italian was overjoyed, and will probably have signed a 2-year extension to his Ducati contract already, having joined the Lorenzo Lanzi club of riders who got a top factory Ducati ride because of their passports and actually managed to win a race too. Nori Haga was second home, almost touching his team-mate on the run to the line. Max Biaggi (Aprilia) was briefly third, but was pinged for short-cutting a chicane and had 20 seconds added to his race time. This promoted Ryuichi Kiyonari (Ten Kate Honda) to the podium. He wasn't that happy, as he had made an awful start and been forced to fight all the way back up to where he should have been anyway.

Race Two was thankfully less insane, with none of the big names carted off with major injuries. However, there was one of the major names carted off with bumps and bruises. Noriyuki Haga dropped way down on the first lap, finally lobbing the Ducati at the tyre wall in a spectacular display of tumbling. His excuse was that a bird hit him on the right arm, and he didn't have a great deal of control over the bike. Being Japanese, he rode as fast as he could anyway, and fell off. Back to the old Haga? Not so long as birds stop hitting him on the arm. (A crash-happy bike racer with a bird on his arm? There must be a Carlos Checa joke in there somewhere.)

Spies managed to win the race this time, his bike lasting all the way to the chequered flag instead of dying a death 100 yards short. Fabrizio took 2nd, with Kiyo 3rd.

Max Biaggi set the speed record for the day, the whippet-like Roman Emperor wringing 202.4mph out of his Aprilia RSV4. Not bad for a tarted-up road bike, even though cynics call the Aprilia roadbike a race bike with lights and a speedo.

Overall it was a great day's racing that made you feel sorry for the poor saps watching F1 on another channel. Bad news for Max Neukirchner, but he'll bounce back. The DNF for Haga, and the, uh, JBF (Just Barely Finished) for Spies kept the title race interesting, and Fabrizio's lucky win added a 3rd name to this year's roll of honour. World Superbike keeps on rocking, next stop South Africa.

BSB Oulton: Camier Cruises to Double Victory

2009-05-05T15:35:00.002+01:00

Oulton Park is a fine racetrack. As the name suggests, it is set in parkland, surrounded by forests and a lake. The tarmac twists and turns upwards and downwards, with so many blind corners that a guide dog would come in handy. Leon Camier stamped his authority all over the championship by taking both the wins in the British Superbike meeting.

Camier started from the front, having snatched pole position in the dying seconds of the qualifying session. The tall, laconic Englishman didn't make good starts, but was typically unflappable as he picked off his rivals, even surviving a scare on the grid for race two when an official claimed to have spotted fluid leaking from his Airwaves And Thanks To GSE Group And Jewson For Getting Me Here Yamaha (I think that's what he calls it).

The bike is still running with a tarted up road bike engine, with the full-on WSBK spec motor not appearing until team-boss Colin Wright takes an oxy-acetylene torch to the padlock on the GSE chequebook, probably when they reach a fast, non-twisty track where the extra 15 to 20 horse will be direly needed. You certainly wouldn't want to be going down the back straight at Snetterton 20 horse down on your rivals.

The fact that the youngster dominated the race meeting on a wheezing bike, despite being one of the biggest riders out there (either 6'2" or 6'3" depending on who you listen to, with about a foot of that being taken up by his giraffe-like neck) shows just how well he is riding. I had thought he would take a while to get back into the 4-cylinder groove after a year on V-twin Ducatis, but I was wrong about that. The new Yamaha R1's "bag of spanners" firing order gives it the best of both worlds, and it seems to suit Leon perfectly. I had picked Glen Richards for the title, and although the Aussie's consistency should help towards the end of the season, Camier is now looking like the favourite as he racks up the points early on.

Small Scotsman Stuart Easton took the lead early on in both races like some kind of mildly-overgrown Dani Pedrosa, but dropped down to fourth in the first race, and retired with electrical gremlins in race two. The Borders boy is certainly paying back the support of his fans, who have long claimed that he could do great things on a great bike.

His Hydrex Honda team-mate, Karl "Bomber" Harris had a better day. The Yorkshire bruiser had his personal trainer on the grid, presumably to stop him lying down and snaffling chocolate cakes before the races. It seemed to do the trick. Karl had horrible luck this time last year, but stayed on the bike and raced hard to climb onto the second step of the podium in both races. It was also a great result for Hydrex Honda, who have really rubbed the formerly factory HM Plant Honda team's nose in it.

Popular Frenchman Sylvain Guintoli was hugely impressive on his first race visit to Oulton, taking his Worx Suzuki to a pair of third places. Everyone agrees that this is a difficult track to learn, and nothing remotely like the MotoGP tracks that Sylvain is used to. Add to that the fact that the Suzuki is generally considered to shine on high speed tracks, and you have an excellent start to the season. Guintoli even came out with a bizarre story, claiming that he knew he would do well because he dreamed that his team boss Jack Valentine came down his chimney dressed as a blue Santa Claus, and handed him a trophy. Presumably, being French, Sylvain had been eating cheese before bedtime that day.

Other riders who stood out include Simon Andrews, who raced his Kawasaki brilliantly in the early stages of both races, despite being injured, before crashing in one and dropping down the field in the second.

Young Aussie Jason O'Halloran also punched above his weight on the SMT Honda, particularly in race one.

Gary Mason won the Cup class as usual on his Quay Garage Honda, embarrassing some of the riders from vastly richer teams.

Overall, it was a great day's racing, with the conditions staying pretty dry for the Superbikes. Camier looks like the favourite for the title, but it's a long way to the end of the season, and he knows better than most how badly things can go wrong mid-season. Still, the race for the title is already fascinating.

MotoGP Jerez: Rossi Rules

2009-05-05T15:09:00.004+01:00

Valentino Rossi returned to form with victory at the Jerez round of the MotoGP championship. It was Repsol Honda's miniature matador Dani Pedrosa who led for the first half of the race, while Rossi tangled with Casey Stoner for 2nd place. Once he had dispatched the Aussie, The Doctor hunted down his tiny rival and won the race convincingly.

It was all smiles on the podium, which is incredible when you consider that Pedrosa (2nd) and Stoner (3rd) were up there. However, Dani was relieved to be going so damn quickly with his still-healing injuries, and Stoner was just amazed that he managed to wrestle his Ducati round the track and take a podium. The Bologna Bullet is ill-suited to Jerez, as it doesn't go around corners very well and prefers long straights.

Rossi even celebrated the win with a replay of one of his classic victory gags: parking his bike against a barrier and nipping into a trackside toilet.

The fourth of the usual suspects, Jorge Lorenzo, had taken a blistering pole position, but was left muttering excuses after racing slowly and falling off while challenging Stoner for 3rd. It was a severely bad day for the only rider who would make you write to Roget's and demand that their thesaurus be updated with more synonyms for "cocky".

Promoted to 4th by Jorge's hop-off was, incredibly, Randy de Puniet. The Frenchman, who is best known for leaving piles of gravel when he takes his boots off in the pit garage, was brilliant as he took the coveted "next Honda home after Pedrosa" spot on his reasonably awful privateer bike. Maybe the Playboy bunnies provided by his Playboy LCR Honda sponsors helped.

Next home was another incredible ride from Marco Melandri on the Hayate Kawasaki. Two of the worst bikes on the grid finishing 4th and 5th, with only one person crashing in front of them. Marco lived up to his nickname, "Macho", by battling all race long with Capirossi and Edwards.

Compared to the heroics of the Randy and Marco show, everyone behind them looked pretty rubbish. Worst of all was Nicky Hayden, who has confirmed that the second factory Ducati bike is cursed by finishing about a year behind his team-mate. Only Stoner can ride that bike. Mika Kallio's pretty good on the privateer version, though.

It was a crushing display of dominance from Rossi to win the race, with Pedrosa and Stoner punching well above their weight (presumably flyweight or bantamweight or something), having no right to lap as quickly as they did. A half-decent race for MotoGP, with some heroics thrown in. Here's hoping this season keeps going in the right direction.

BSB: Josh Brookes Finally Cleared to Race

2009-04-29T19:14:00.002+01:00

Aussie Josh Brookes was barred from entering the UK to race his HM Plant Honda bike in the British Superbike race at Brands Hatch, thanks to our genius immigration system that keeps hard working foreigners out, but lets in as many bone idle terrorists as possible.

Fortunately, our convict cousin has finally been granted a visa, so can take his place in the BSB series. He was a bit of a surprise choice for the highly sought after HM Plant seat, but was very quick in World Supersport so should hopefully adapt to the more powerful Superbike, and the more dodgy British tracks, before too long.

It'll be very interesting to see Brookesy in BSB over the coming months. He did well in a one off race at Brands last year. Welcome to the party, mate.

MotoGP: Colin's Computer Cockup at Motegi

2009-04-29T18:53:00.003+01:00

A leaked email has revealed the reason for Colin Edwards' virtual disappearance in the Japanese MotoGP race at Motegi. Some clown in the Monster Tech 3 Yamaha team programmed the bike's engine management computer with the rain map.

In a profoundly profane email to his father (it's the only way to talk to an Australian after all) Edwards was philosophical about the mistake, but reckoned the guilty party would unsurprisingly get the boot.

Now, I like to have a bit of a dig at Colin as much as anyone. He talks a good game, but has never managed to climb the top step of the MotoGP podium, despite strewing excuses along the way. However, he is a hugely likeable character who tells things as they are, and is a double WSBK champion (his victory over Troy Bayliss at Imola is one of the greatest last laps of all time in any form of motorsport).

It's horrible luck that some birdbrain put a rain map on his bike. What this means is the engine thought the track was wet and therefore had no grip. It therefore refused to deliver much power, or much acceleration, to try and stop the rider destroying his rain tyres or highsiding himself into the clouds. Obviously this isn't much use on a grippy dry track with grippy slicks, so poor old Colin was stuck there, twisting the grip off the bars and still getting nowhere.

Well, his luck has to change some time. He'll be back on the podium.

MotoGP Motegi: Jorge Horses Vale

2009-04-28T10:36:00.000+01:00

Jorge Lorenzo produced a faultless performance to win the Japanese round of the MotoGP championship at Motegi. To everybody's surprise, it was an interesting race that had battles for position right down the field. With qualifying rained off, the grid was based on free practise sessions, giving a front row of Valentino Rossi, Casey Stoner and Jorge Lorenzo.

Rossi made an excellent start on his FIAT Yamaha, and was followed into the first turn by the Rizla Suzuki of Chris Vermeulen. Dani Pedrosa made his usual rocket launch off the line on his Repsol Honda to take third place, pushing Stoner's Marlboro Ducati down to fourth. Jorge Lorenzo could only manage fifth on the second FIAT Yamaha, ahead of the second Repsol Honda of Andrea Dovizioso. In the midfield, Nicky Hayden lasted just four corners before his Marlboro Ducati was torpedoed by Yuki Takahashi's Scot Honda, the Japanese youngster getting a bit over-excited at his home race.

Vermeulen could not keep up with the pace of the leaders, and swiftly dropped back, while Lorenzo fought his way up the field to catch Pedrosa. The two Spanish arch-rivals had a good scrap for second place, with the cocky Lorenzo getting the best of his sour-faced enemy Pedrosa.

Arguably the most impressive performance was Marco Melandri on the sole Hayate bike. The repainted Kawasaki machine is usually considered to be the worst bike on the grid, so it was amazing to see Melandri in seventh place, climbing all over Stoner and Vermeulen. Although Stoner was, as always, the leading Ducati rider, he was having terrible trouble with a vibrating front brake, and repeatedly ran wide as he tried to pass his fellow Aussie.

At the front, Valentino Rossi was not managing to pull away from his team-mate Lorenzo, with the surprisingly fast Honda of Dani Pedrosa staying in touch with the pair of blue Yamahas. Soon, the two Yamahas were fighting for the lead. Lorenzo passed Rossi, but the wily Italian cut back in tight to re-take first place. A few corners later, Lorenzo passed his team leader in a close but clean move into the downhill right-hander. Rossi was now just in front of Pedrosa, with the second Repsol Honda of Dovizioso also joining the fight. Casey Stoner was now up to speed, but was a few seconds behind the leaders in fifth place.

In the middle of the pack, the second Ducati was the Pramac machine of Mika Kallio. The Finnish rookie had started from 17th after highsiding on a cold tyre during the practise session that was used to determine grid positions. Now Kallio was scything through the field, heading for a top ten position.

With 8 laps to go, Dani Pedrosa was hustling Rossi for second place. Still recovering from surgery to his arm and knee, the tiny Spaniard was as determined as he has ever been, outbraking Rossi for probably the first time ever to grab second place, only to lose out as Rossi cut back inside him. Again, Pedrosa passed Rossi on the brakes, and again he ran slightly wide, letting The Doctor back through. On the next lap, Dani made a move stick at the same place where Lorenzo had passed Rossi. However, the reigning champion stayed right on Pedrosa's tail, pulling off a similar move to retake second place into the hairpin.

Andrea Dovizioso was now slowing, and falling back towards the wailing V4 Ducati of Stoner. With two laps left, Dovi ran a little wide and Stoner seized fourth position.

Jorge Lorenzo held his lead to the flag, taking a sensational victory for Yamaha, on Honda's own test track. Valentino Rossi had to accept second place behind his team-mate, while the injured Pedrosa took an excellent third place, even managing a brief smile in parc ferme. Stoner had to settle for fourth, with Dovizioso fifth and Marco Melandri in an outstanding sixth that left his Hayate team ecstatic. Capirossi took 7th, while Kallio took a stunning 8th place.

Lorenzo performed his usual victory celebration of strutting into a gravel trap and planting a Lorenzo's Land flag, but had to be pushed back to the pitlane when his bike stalled. A relay of marshals and officials took turns to shove the victor home. Jorge Lorenzo now leads the championship by one point from Valentino Rossi, with Casey Stoner just two points further back. From a poor start, the season has suddenly started to look interesting.

WSBK Assen: Spies and Haga Again

2009-04-28T10:30:00.002+01:00

Ben Spies and Noriyuki Haga shared the victories at the Assen round of the World Superbike championship, with the first race being a real classic. Leon Haslam also impressed by taking two podiums on his privateer Honda.

Race One
Ben Spies made full use of his 4th pole position of the year to lead the field into the first corner on his factory Yamaha bike. Behind him were Max Neukirchner, Jakub Smrz, Noriyuki Haga and Leon Haslam. At the front, Spies and Neukirchner were starting to pull away as Smrz held up the rest of the field on his Guandalini Ducati.

Nori Haga quickly managed to squeeze his factory Xerox Ducati bike past the Czech privateer, but Leon Haslam would have to wait a little longer before he could overtake on his Stiggy Honda, by which time his rivals had pulled out a reasonable gap. Tom Sykes on the second factory Yamaha followed Haslam past Smrz when the Czech had a big slide.

Haslam had to work hard to catch up to Haga, who was in turn catching the leading pair. Setting fastest laps, the Englishman caught up to make it a group of four fighting for first place. Immediately he had a big scare when Max Neukirchner fell in the final chicane, the German's Suzuki righting itself and shooting back across the track, coming terrifyingly close to clouting Haslam.

Spies now had Haga to deal with. The Japanese rider's Ducati was blisteringly quick around the back of the track, and he constantly harried his American rival. Behind them, young Haslam had once again clawed his way back to the leading group. With Tom Sykes riding a lonely race in 4th position, the next battle was for 5th, with Michel Fabrizio's Xerox Ducati, Max Biaggi's Aprilia and Jonathan Rea's Hannspree Ten Kate Honda fighting it out.

With ten laps left, Spies made a small mistake, running just inches wide, but that was enough for Haga, riding crazily close behind as always. As the Japanese star snatched the lead, Haslam pulled alongside on the next straight and outbraked Spies to take 2nd place.

Haslam's rear tyre started to squirm around with around 4 laps to go, and Spies found his second wind. The three leaders were locked together with barely a bike length between each of them. On the next lap, Spies managed to pull alongside Haslam, but the Englishman refused to yield. The pair went around three corners side by side, almost leaning on each other, before Spies took the upper hand. It was a breathtaking display of control from both riders. The slightest mistake would have taken them both out in a shower of gravel and acrimony.

It looked like Haga must have the win sewn up, but Spies put in an incredible last lap. The Texan somehow shot past Haga to take the lead with a stunning pass in a fast right hander. With just one left hand corner before the final complex, Haga could do nothing to fight back. Ben Spies won the race to continue his astounding rookie season in WSBK, ahead of Haga and Haslam. It was a truly classic Assen battle.

Race Two
Ben Spies made another excellent start, but it was Noriyuki Haga who led the field around the first lap. Leon Haslam was first to the corner entry, but outbraked everybody including himself, dropping back to fourth. Spies only waited a few corners before passing Haga, and was pulling out a few bike lengths when he suddenly crashed on the second lap. He was unhurt, but his Yamaha tumbled right through a gravel trap and over the barrier.

Haga now had the lead back, with Max Neukirchner's Suzuki in second place and Leon Haslam in third. Michel Fabrizio was next up. The Italian took advantage of the fight between Haslam and Neukirchner to close up and pass Haslam for third. Shortly afterwards, Fabrizio rudely shoved Neukirchner wide, the hapless German running off the track, furious with the Ducati rider.

At the front, Nori Haga was now checking out, while Fabrizio, Haga and Smrz battled over the remaining podium spots. Fabrizio was having one of his randomly-selected good races, and was holding back the clearly faster bike of Haslam.

Nicking an idea from Ben Spies, Haslam shot past Fabrizio in the fast right hander towards the end of the lap. The first four positions then settled down, with the excitement coming from the battle for fifth, between Jonathan Rea and Tom Sykes. The pair swapped positions back and forth, with Rea eventually coming out on top.

Haga led easily across the line to take the victory and keep up his impressive title challenge. Haslam finished an excellent second, by far the best Honda rider. Third place was decided on the last lap, with Fabrizio missing a gear to let Jakub Smrz steal third place. Fabrizio celebrated fourth with a hilarious display of melodramatics as he cursed his misfortune.

It was not a classic race, especially compared to the fantastic first race of the day, but Haga used his new-found consistency to make himself the clear favourite to win the championship.

WSBK: Hopper Crocked in Assen Practise

2009-04-25T10:30:00.003+01:00

Poor John Hopkins. He'll be rueing the day that those dollar signs popped up in his eyeballs when Kawasaki came a-calling. He spent a year falling off the slow green machine and hurting himself. Then the board of Kawasakisaurus Rex decided to ditch MotoGP racing due to the credit crunch, leaving Hopper without a ride. Finally, things started to go Hopper's way when he joined the Stiggy team in World Superbikes.

It seemed like the perfect match for Hopper. A nice, relaxed paddock filled with nutters, a great up and coming team with a very respectable bike, a race series that involves beaucoup overtaking, it was all going so well as the Anglo-American eased his way into the ways of World Supers.

Until he got to Assen. It's a track that seems to have something against Hopper. The MotoGP Kwaka threw him off at high speed in a terrifying crash, TV pictures showing him fly through the air and slam into a concrete wall, leaving him with nasty injuries for most of last season.

Now the partly legendary Dutch track (only the now-destroyed full circuit had full legend status) has bitten him again. On one of his first laps around the track on a superbike, he highsided, landed awkwardly on his feet, and trashed his leg again. The hip was dislocated, the joint cracked, and various muscles and tendons badly damaged. He'll probably be out for many weeks, if not months.

Sometimes life just isn't fair. Get well soon, Hopper.

MotoGP Motegi Qualifying Cancelled

2009-04-25T10:15:00.002+01:00

With torrential Japanese rain and rivers flowing across the track, the qualifying session for the MotoGP race at Motegi was cancelled. The starting grid will be made up from practise times.

This comes after the season opener at Qatar was rained off and ended up happening the next day, with the huge change in track conditions almost certainly helping to turn the race into a typical 2007-style suckfest.

Is this coincidence, or karma? MotoGP has been sucking like a chain-smoker ever since the switch to 800cc engines. Pointless rule changes have ensured that the racing is abysmal, except for one fine day in California last year. Is MotoGP being punished? Or should I say, is Dorna being punished?

Even the weather gods think that Dorna is a laughing stock. Mother Nature is pointing at the Spanish company and laughing at their gross mismanagement of the MotoGP series.

The changeable conditions and lack of practise time will likely play into the hands of the very best riders, namely C. Stoner Esq and Signore V. Rossi. Will there be an exciting race at Motegi tomorrow? Fingers crossed.