The Daily Mail Are Being Twats Again

I don’t normally write about this sort of thing, but when I heard this headline on the radio this morning, I almost buried the car into a ditch.

Can you guess where the headline came from?

Of course you can. The clue’s in the post title.

It’s the Daily Mail website!

That will be the same Daily Mail that scared thousands witless with this headline on 14th July 2009 with no evidence whatsoever to back up the claim?:

You know. The Daily Mail who on 22nd July 2009 reported that – actually – Chloe Buckley had died of septic shock as a result of tonsillitis.

Not ringing any bells?

How about this calm, well-meaning headline designed to put their worried readers’ minds at ease?:

No. No. It couldn’t be the same Daily Mail.

That would be hypocritical or something, wouldn’t it?

Look, This is a Post About Film, Right?

Total Film’s website recently posted a list of 600 Film Blogs you should read. Was Army of Dave on it?

Was it bollocks.

So – purely out of spite – here’s a post about film. No jokes. And no mention of the word “Twat”. Okay. One mention of the word “Twat”.

Okay. Two. But that’s it.

And you’re going to have to read it. If I’m going down, you’re coming with me.

The Oscar nominations were announced this week and it’s a straight race between ex-husband and wife James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow. Which is taking post-marital argy-bargy a bit further than my parents after their divorce. Neither my father nor mother made ‘Aliens’ or ‘Point Break’ and I remind them of this whenever I see them.

I can’t make much comment as I’ve seen neither Avatar nor ‘The Hurt Locker’, though I’m waiting for the latter to arrive from Lovefilm. But I’m on Team Bigelow. C’mon. The woman made ‘Near Dark’. The best vampire movie ever. In fact, I think we should make some Team Cameron / Team Bigelow tee shirts.

The bigger issue for me is that ‘Moon’ didn’t get a single nomination. Not one. It was funny, touching and intelligent. It tweaked the nose of film conventions and spanked the bottom of the science-fiction genre. And Sam Rockwell gives a bravura performance, carrying the film virtually single handed. I was convinced that he would be a shoe-in for a nomination.

And the Oscar panel chose to ignore it.


Okay. Three.

What’s Going Through Tony Blair’s Head RIGHT NOW?

Zombie Fact! #7

All zombies have an irrational fear of Tom Petty.

Stormtrooper Twitter Feeds

…Are Surprisingly Dull…

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Wookies Aren’t Real…

Chewbacca is just three Ewoks standing on each other’s shoulders and wearing a big fur coat.

Shhh. Don’t tell Han.


One For The Smokers Amongst You

Today will be the last day that I have a cigarette.

I’m not getting any younger and I have a family to think of.

And the Better Half is on to me.

But, as part of a spectacularly irregular series that began with ‘One For the Drunks Amongst You’, here is my parting gift to all the social outcasts out there.

If I ever had a packet that warned of “low fertility”, I always imagined that my sperm all looked like Hitler and that made it easier to deal with.

Steve Had Left a Red Sock in the Washing Machine…

Vulcans – They’re Shit at ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’

Time Travel – A Beginner’s Guide

So you’ve gone back in time. You’re not sure where, when and who you are.

The first rule is don’t go running around asking everyone what year it is or who the president is. You’ll just end up looking like an idiot. Or a Daily Mail reader. Or both.

The best thing to do is to keep this handy guide with you at all times and the laws of physics will be your bitch:

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