A Journey of Love Around Existence

To the Dearest of Infinity

2006-10-31T05:41:00.000+02:00

Oh Ho HO! Rum to go round and brush you all with hoes.

hehe

Where AM I? Physically....Lakeside, Arizona.
Who Am I? Blah BlaH

alrighty so... ive been hanging back here in pinetop for the past couple weeks i returned to the states on oct 12, 2006. phoenix oct 13, 2006.

i was kicked out of osho circle school on about oct 10th. thank you osho circle school. :) Smiles and Love all around.

Aboda Aboda I Love you Aboda!

One of the Funnest days i had in Italy, Completely Naked Running Around.. away from all eyes and all knowledge of Osho Circle School. (pool Area)

I returned to England after a stop in France where i Did what?
Missions in Paris:

Find and consume the worlds Best Chocolate Eclair, Crossaint.

Snuggle with the Eiffel Tower.

Find Bottle of Absinthe to snuggle muggle into the US OF A.

Note: For intent of Entertainment A bottle of Absinthe only paraded itself into this country, any actual entry is unlawful, and little bottles of abstinthe stay in their proper places of residence when with lawful owners. the owner\writer of this blog has no knoweledge of any person(s) that have commited the following unlawful activities:
Smuggled abstinthe into the USA
Smuggled Cuban Cigar(s) into the USA
Smuggled Prostitutes into the USA

further more i wish to thank Transatlantic Intl. for frying me one solid pound of BEEFCAKE.
The Globe Shakespeare, London

Big Ben, Parliment, and one cool peaced out hippie, who lives on the street.

Show you some difference between America and Europe. Note: Surgeon Generals Warning:...blah blah blah

Bye Bye Island!

Hello America! AMERICA FUCK YEAH!

upon rentry into the states i took my time and went to staton island on the ferry at night. then i went back to manhatten on the next ferry. therefore i passed the statute of liberty twice!

i was feeling a little tired...so the other activites and sight are not of invested energy to mention. i went back to the airport.

i slept...a bit
woke up alot....to a bit.
smiled a bit
wrote a poem...not a bit.

okay so i didnt do a bit
then i flew to phoenix and was picked up by some good friends who were like wow dude way to fly.okay skip a bit..

Eden Hot Springs: Location 33rd Parallel, Arizona

just returned from a 5 day retreatt...not recharge down in southern az. a place called eden hot springs. in the desert, on the reservation. empty silent and full of love and power. with a 100+ people all fasting on raw liquids for 5 days. this was a raw food recharge with the best food (healthy, organic, nutritious..completly tasty and uncooked (you kill about 90% of the good stuff when you cook food)

it was a pretty damn sweet deal
what did we do?
swim in the hot spring pools (where the rolling stones once swam and owned)
firewalked
Sweatlodged on native american land.
nature walked
nature talked
naked naked naked
halloween dance party

talked about the latest and greatest of health food and the base of what the "philosophers stone" sound interesting? talk to me personally. some really cool stuff going on. example. who knows that if you combine 2 part hyrdogen and one part oxygen together in a labratory, you receive a liquid but its not water! H2O ISNT NOT WATER. THESE ELEMENTS ALONE DO NOT PRODUCE WATER. the liquid concieved is actually hazardous to your health. yet no one lets us know about this nifty detail which changes everything. it upsets the entire system. people dont like to be up-set with new ideas, especially when their ideas will are proved false.

there is a missing ingredient that exists in all water. a new element, that we havent been able to see before (in the western world) because we dont know what to look for and frankly people dont want to. though it has been known before. it was forgotton, it has been rediscovered now. Ormus is the name named by david hudson. Manna is another name, so is Pranna. the egyptions called it Ormuz.

it exists everywhere. this pranna is in you right now. but we have been eating consuming producing less of it with all the crap we do to our bodies, genetically modified, nutrition deficent foods, liquids, ways of life.

so i learned alot of cool stuff, and left with a deeper experience of god and love, and truth and joy and that bag of crap....OMG did i just call god a bag of crap...NOOOOOOO! weegooo. shoe

well understand understand. pretty cool stuff is going on. that blog i wrote about being enlightened. well fuck...im still enlightened. though the exact term i havent defined yet. because some people are like well conscious, awareness, enligthenment, a buddha is all something close but differnt. like differnt levels. anywho my level of consciousness increased. if im not yet enlightened im damn close. but i am a buddha, and i am aware. and i pluged in yesterday. a friend told me colin you got it up here (energy going up and out) now you need to plug it in. PLUG IT IN (energy down) recieve mother earth in her bounty, connect with the mother. and i was like holy shit. shes right. plug it in. and then...i started breathing. breathing through my heart. LIVING IN MY HEART, no longer my mind, i learned how to do it by experiencing it. it all started with breathe. i no direct the energy my breathe gives me to my heart and less to my head. and its become so much easier when i started yesterday then in the past when i would try and my mind would struggle with it. now my mind comes down and takes its directives from the heart. their is a differnt you can live in your mind and you can live in your heart. both are always active, the mind is thinking, and the heart is feeling whether you feel it or not
any way i have some, and i know how to extract it to. subtleenergies.com

I WALKED over RED HOT BURNING COALS. wow dude say WOW COLIN yes yes yes SAY OMG
and look at cool photo

Yea So Imagine that Red FRESH and HOT HOT HOT!. actually it was mesquite wood which is among the hottest burning woods

Now you see my foot. at the step over the center of the walk i felt this on my foot. i could feel this sensation that was like burning....it was so soft. i didnt react. itwa so cool. i contuned walking, at my pace, didnt change due to this feeling. just kept walking, like i wanted to. and i walked away after, only did i feel pain pain when i put my feet in th HOT springs afterwards. yea this burned alot when i did that. but the fire...no walking on god.

Well Its all good. Still Here in Pinetop. I might be gone by the end of the month. a community named Tree of Life is looking for a computer guy, and this place seems pretty cool, i hear good things. www.treeoflife.nu check it out. I will be living here, if i like it, vibe with it. going over thanksgiving to do just this with papa.

Hope your all well Feel free to give me a call. (928)367-3191 If your out of country give me a call your even cooler. Enjoy Peace and love you silly Hippies.

Whooop Da He Is.

Who AM I? HOW DO I FIND...

2006-10-11T23:10:00.000+02:00

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Watford, England

i want to move up, and the world just wants to pull me down.
(whether this is fact or not, this is what i see, what i feel)
what do i do?

Let go.

A friend said I AM walking a dangerous line.

She said not to disconnect from people.

She said not to seperate myself from everything.

I told her i Trust myself.

Dont we let go, in faith that, we will return.

Must i let go of people completly, in order to return TOTALLY?

is this dilusion or being?

She said I AM missing compassion.

I do not deny this, i accept this.

afterwards:

I was struck with my fear.

what am i doing?

all these new actions. all these people I AM, AM I?, hurting.

they wont tell me I AM Wrong, But i feel their(??) resistencem, i feel them. Pulling me down.

What AM i Doing?

The difference to Be and To DO.

A book i read, had a powerful statement:

"hitler went to heaven, when you understand this you will understand god."

The Way I AM Living, Being. creates no conflict with this statement.

The Way I AM Living, Being: Creates Conflict with every religion, person, soceity, morality, I have ever know, experience and felt.

Am I The conflict Or are you? Is it society which conflicts with me, or me with society?

Is it Societies Conflict, and I am Attatching to it, Accepting it?

So jesus and the great beings in our worlds knowledge held up the weight of the world.
I Want to Let go of it. I AM Letting go of it.

I know one thing: I can under stand (Stand under) the weight of myself. I Can hold up my own weight.
This is What I AM Doing. I Must Hold up myself Tottally, eternally, before I Am to hold up the weight of the world.

I must drop the mug with no worry, no concern of what may happen to it. before I Am to pick it back up.

I let Go of the Mug. The Mug broke! Remember? and when i was ready (when i was NOW) I picked it back up?

I picked up something different. It was no longer a Mug.

Did the Mug break, or did I break It? Does it matter?

My way of being. I will keep dropping the Mug. I may or may not Always pick it up again.

But eventually and NOW quicker than ever before i will drop it and catch it before it breaks --> before it falls --> i wont drop it.

But i Must drop it first.

To all those I have hurt, and to all those i will hurt. whether it be I hurt you, or you Hurt by me, matters not.

I give you one garauntee, In those moments I Am not hurting, i will be loving.

I will be loving TOTALLY.
I WILL BE HURTING TOTTALY.

It may be 90 moments of hurting and 10 moments of Loving.

But the quantity will not matter to me anymore. they will be equal in my eye.

i will be TOTAL. and i will be equal, will be Balance. and Harmony once i reach the sea.

I AM DROPPING ALL RULES, ALL REGULATIONS, ALL BOXES, LINES and PRISONS for the mind for me.

I AM UNCONDITIONAL.

AND I AM CREATING NEW RULES--NEW WAYS OF BEING every moment.

AND I WILL LIVE BY THESE, and i WILL change these...EVERY MOMENT.

I AM Letting go of everything society has shoved down my throaght, of everything i have accepted is society.

AND I AM LEARNING IT ALL AGAIN.

I will Learn what I AM, WHO I AM.

And i will start by doing WHAT I WANT! Becoming what I AM.

I have not done it totally before. and thus i never learned before. i only conditioned learning.

Now i will do it, Tottally. If it is done tottally it needs only to be done once, to realize, to experience.

If it is done tottaly, you may not even have to Drop the Mug. For i will have been TOTAL in my thought about it.

Now will change into Now New into New (er).

With our without your help. with or without me.

I will Change with it. THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

I may have to leave society, leave men, to let go of myself, to express myself unconditionally without attracting other peoples anger, dis-approval.

I want to be Naked. Once i decide I REALLY WANT THIS. i will Leave you to do it. because you are all fuckholes who prohibit me from my joys.

And I AM a fuckhole.

I dont wanto fuck you.

I dont want to let you fuck me. and because my methods are being refined. I may fuck you first.

And i will do it Totaly. and you will not understand. because you would have never fucked me tottaly.

I dont care if you are scared. I AM scared too.

I will be(accept, totality) Scared until I AM scared no more.

and I will be Scared with you OR without you. i will not change for you.

I will leave and learn by myself if i must.

But i want to learn withyou. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER TO LEARN WITH YOU.

I am done trying to learn to be with you. I am with you or i am not.

It is or it is not.

I would love to be with you totally. i will learn much faster.

Ultimatly i know what i need to do to learn. I AM.

it is not controlling MY mind, for my mind has been controlling me.

And there will be a time when i have TOTAL control of my mind. BUT THAT IS NOT NOW.

NOW I HAVE TOTAL AWARENESS OF MYSELF (of everything it may be..i know not)

SO NOW I WILL WATCH MYSELF TOTALLY, UNTIL I KNOW MYSELF TOTTALY, Until i experience myself TOTTALY

Then i will have mastery over the mind. Then i can control it.

Move in and out of Existence, Out of Harmony. and i will begin simply to move.

Moving seamlessly, Harmoniously. i will Move without having to leave. without having to drop the mug.

for i know dropping the mug creates conflict. but i have not yet experienced that conflict.

I WANT I NEED TO EXPERIENCE THIS CONFLICT SO I CAN MOVE PAST IT. TOTALLY

THAT MEANS FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL. I WILL MOVE PAST IT NOW AND NOW WILL BE FOR EVER ETERNAL INFINITE.

HELLO GOODBYE

GOOD BYE HELLO

EXISTENCE EXISTS

I Will drop the mug
I WILL break the mug (or let the mug break, whichever way YOU want to see it)
I will pickup the mug Or not
I will dance with the mug
I will become THE MUG
I AM THE MUG...But i must drop it first.

Thank you and God Help me.
Thank you God. Thank you.
Be Home soon.

The Scuffles of Enlightenment

2006-10-06T19:33:00.000+02:00

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Osho Circle School.

something interesting. its very hard, deciding to live the way you want to be. choosing to live to be yourself, and feel the wieght of the world, of society, of friends and families press down upon you. it makes you want to doubt what your doing, who your being. it makes you cry.

its very hard to have a life and be with other people. its even harder to be with other people when they wont tell you what they want.

and its interesting to reflect on these things. the way i see it, which means so little. i am being asked not to be me, yet being told not to change me. its interesting to notice that they way i am being, leaves me with lesser to no worry, guilt, shame. and what they are telling of me, to not be, would place me back in the mind set i had weeks ago and my whole life previous, a life of worry, of guilt of shame: did i hurt their feelings? am i pissing them off? should i stop singing, then as i would find out, i would attatch, i would feel guilty for not stopping sooner, for pissing them off so much, that it was all really my fault. and if they never said anything (they were never upset or bothered by me) i would have spent so much energy so much stress on the thoughts that question what i was doing over and over and over again until it was over. what was i left with. pain, misery, un happiness. all that worry became so strong, piled up so much that i couldnt enjoy being me, i didnt know how to live, to be alive to be happy. the worst was the thought "you could solve all this by just asking them" and i would worry even more about that. i would begin to worry about worry. i wont i ask them, why are you so cowardly, so shy, thats so stupid that you cant be honest with them. which accomplished no self denial, accomplished me being me and telling me i was bad for it.

and i become stuck questioning it all, going over it over and over. this is what i used to do my whole life, hours upon hours days upon days years... until, i realized (those past couple weeks sept 23, that the mind can never solve this question. the awnser: "i dont know" is honest and true. that is the minds awnser(, and it can circle around the same facts and come up with the same awnser, though it hopes to find something new, sometimes it does, but so much stress was caused.) and the mind hates not knowing, even more it hates admiting it doesnt know.it doesnt know and never will until? until i act, until i make a choice and find out through experience (not hypothesis or conjucture, or debate, or logics, or conception etc).

and know i acccept that its okay not to know, that its so SO SO NORMAL ive accepted i have to be to find out. that i cant live in my head asking questions. and do you know what i find. i find now i am happy, but the people i have relations with are not (maybe not all of them, and some have been healed greatly because they accepted this as me) happy, they are discontented and irritated by me. and i look at this and i look at my past, other people were happy, and i was not (or were they even happy?) i know other people werent as irritated by me.

so this is what i see:
Now: I Am happy, they are not. I am being me, being, experiencing.
Before: i wasnt happy (sometimes yes but not nearly as much), i wasnt honest with myself, i was being but trying to not be. they are being them, whether they were happy probly not cus they were probly doing the same thing i was questioning spending so much energy on debating in ones head to tell this guy hes bothering me, or he took me seat and doesnt realize. should i say or not?

but now im forcing people to speak, to come out of that shell of the mind, and they dont like it. i am being told to stop because we dont want to tell you what we want, that we dont like what your doing. i am being told to spare people this trouble.

and im trying to find a solution, how to spare people this trouble without sparing me, without ceaseing to be me and do what i want. the obvious awnser is to be me to what i want somewhere else. (which makes sense, one person wants to cry the other wants to run around they prolly be better off in differnt rooms)

so do i leave this place this osho commune in italy, because they cant deal with me, and they refuse to tell me what they want me to deal. they will tell me they dont like what i am doing but tell me when i ask them: "no, i am not asking you to change."

this really reminds me of ann rand (eer spelling) author of the fountain head "fountain head" the situation reminds me of the "dependents" the "non thinkers" who critize the other group for being them, but refuse to force them to change, refuse to say it, just keep critizing and by woo by breaking them down have them change theirselves to become like them.

specifcially the court room scene in atlas shrugged, where hank rearden is being asked to give his steel to the government, they keep asking and asking, trying everyway through non force, non will non commitence, and he keeps saying "NO" and then he says if you want my steel, my product you will have to forcibly take it, cease it steal it, because i wont give it to you. and the court room people gasp, the judge says mr rearden no no no we wouldnt never do that, we dont want that, he says this recoiling from fear. and later they black mail him to give the government his steel. they threaten to leak information about a women hes in love with, an affair, and he gives them what they want because he doesnt want i hurt her. and so HE "willingly" gives his steel.

interesting,

well we shall see what happens. ps im gonna post this letter on my blog. its that good! :)

Hello world Im bored

2006-09-25T20:55:00.000+02:00

Where Am I in Physical prowess? I mean Im In Malmo (south WEST corner), Sweden

So Shantam is studying plants right now for school. plants, flowers and trees. total like 400 something or something. insane fucking. dont read the word fucking if you dont want to read it. ive caused myself so much stress concerning myself with what you (my ego and whomever is reading this, select individuals i know dont like profanity), im sick of it. know i admit it. it was silly. my head hurts all this thinking (i just found out its not 400 more like 4000 holy shit).

so im going to tell you a story, this story is really formyself. but you can now read it. the difference between Sept. 23 (the last blog acid) and before that is before i was writing for you, i was not writing for myself and i wanted to but didnt know it. now im writing for me.

Events of Sept 22 10pm ish To (practically) sept 23 6:10am ish to (really) NOW

walking down the street picking up a pizza with Shantam my swedish friend i met in india (see india blogs for pictures of Shantam) He talked to me about LSD. i didnt want to do it. but since i hadn't done it i didnt REALLY know if i wanted to or not. (this right here is the Statement of being a realized being, which I AM NOW)

so i asked some questions about it got some awnsers and i decided to do it.
I took a shower, because water is an excellent way to clear out energy. then i saged/smudged off the entire house. i had one room enegergized for meditation and the other to chill out in. shantam wanted to meditate with me because he was stressed. so we light a candle. I spent a good 30min clearing off and charging all my crystals because they too put out energy. then i took some of my crystals placed them around me. shantam struck his tibetan bowl and we begain whatever you so meditate.

i sat forawhile, thinking about the LSD, what to i do? do i take it now....
...i picked it up and held this little sqaure of paper on my finger feeling it.
then i put it in my mouth. spent time meditating then decided to stop. so i started "tripping on LSD" i saw some amazing things, engergies were everywhere. my friend david did a test he doesnt know what he was doing but i would look at him, he would "turn it on" (something with the mind) and i could see his energy change, it stopped and just vibrated at a confinded level.

so i tripped. then everyone went to sleep it was early morning. i wanted to go outside, i love sun rises.

Outside i walked from the apartment wearing a lungi and holding a cup of team no shirt. in a city. i enjoyed the beauty blah blah. then i had a thought, to break to cup of tea. "its not my cup i thought" "so what its just a fucking cup" " i dont care" "if they do ill buy them a new fucking cup" so i decided to break it. i opened my hand and watched it fall to the ground and shatter. in that moment i became realized or maybe later, it just kept going faster after that. i immediately felt this weight lift off me. this freedom became in existence with me. i felt as if i walked out of a prision and didnt even know i was in it.

so it escalated, a sensation of joy came over my with thought " i can do whatever i want" so i walked across the street and played with a shopping cart in my lungi. i began to dance with this cart, litterally, i would spin it around my back and catch it with the other hand on the other side. then i ran and jumped off it. and was total in the moment gliding with this cart. I WAS A CHILD. expressing my joy in the way i've always wanted too. i ran back over to the apartment block on the plot of grass and dove into the grass and rolled rolled played and giggled screamed and sang . people were watching me, they wouldnt look at me, some smiled¨, most were so closed and afraid. i didnt care, fuck them i said. i do what i want now. then i walked through the pond (ive had no shoes on the whole time to) i expressed a funny thought to shantam much earlier joking i want to take a bath in that pond) so i decided to fullfill my desire and i walked through it. then i was done, it was sensationally not someting i really care about doing again for the moment.

Then i found a sand box, i bent over began to pick up sand dissing my desire to not get dirty and OMG sand crap. i through it under and over my legs, like i was digging like a dog, the sand flew up and fell down all around me and on me. then i rolled around in the sand, then i had to take a piss, my first thought was to go inside, my second thought, didnt care and didnt want to go inside. so i took a piss right there in sunrise daylight in the middle of the apartment courtyard sand box. the piss was so clear. i picked some of the piss sand up in my hand and felt it. warm and wet. cool. i rubbed it in my hair more and more, feeling my freedom grow and grow, feeling lighter and lighter, it WAS NICE. yeah. Ö

then i stuck my head/hair down into the sand piss and rubbed it around, feeling freed and excited i got bored and moved on, LIKE A CHILD. changed my mind and my interests, i walked back over to where the broken mug cup was and i thought. NAKED. i felt fear. FEAR OF getting arrested, of being looked at, consequences of doing what i want, in that moment i accepted all the consequences of getting naked and rnning through the street as go to jail get kicked out of the country sent back to USA, i accepted those consequences because what i really WANTED was to be naked in the street. so i took off my lunggi started running out to the street, walking at my pace over the street cars stopping as i took over the street.i WAS IN CONTROL, I walked they chose to stop. i crossed begain walking down the ally of the shopping center. i stood in a bush looking at the road, thinking all these cards just see me with no shirt but im naked HEHEHE. i got out of the bush walked across another road. looking at cars and people looking at reactions and expressions. i waLked off the street to some kind of campus. i saw a beautiful statue of women and her child naked. i wanted to TOUCH THE CHILD. I FELT ICKY, shamed and guilty feeling "sexually aroused" wanting to touch this child. i walked up it was a stone statue i said. i went up like an innocent child to this statue child and pressed my hand upon the vaginal region of this statue child, i laughed, like a child and walked away, feeling child like. and i realized, i never wanted to rape or molest a child, i just wanted to be one innocent. people keep telling me of this forbidden fruit. they made this box on children and continued to impose it. so i grew up feeling horrible and denying these thoughts that escalated into molesting a child. I REALIZED IT WAS JUST A FUCKING THOUGHT, and when i acted upon it for the first time in my light admitting the thought that I WANTED TO MOLEST LITTLE GIRLS NAKED STATUÈS AND THEIR MOTHER, that i didnt actually, didnt really want to do it, and really the child in me did, because it has always wanted to and told not to.

so i walked away giggling and feeling wierd like a child, realizing this consciously feeling my desire that i have denied for 19 years dissolve in mere seconds, i walked back over to the child and touched the mother. I TOUCHED MY MOTHERS BOOBS. that may have been my manifest station, once i did it i didnt care anymore, became bored and found something else to do. walked back to the road and stood around. waiting at the red crosswalk to turn green cars driving by. i walkd into the middle of the intersection LEANED against a sign post, raised on a cement block, so i wouldnt be hit. and stood watching cars watch me. i begain to wave at all the cars i wanted to. buss's and trucks and cars in the early morning hours tired and going to work or working..

some smiled, waved back and i responded realy happily with joyous thmubs up or dancing around. most people just closed down, woulnt wave wouldnt look, some car slowed down drasically, out popped a cell phone camera, i started making poses for it. then i walked past it, the car continued then pulled over, the guys jumped out one holding the camera, i said i dont want them, so i decided to change my mind and walk away, completly severe all thought ties, i did and did it totally, then my feeling to walk up to them came back and i said fuck it. i walked over to them as could percieved rather casually. stuck out my hand shook one guys hand, then extended my hand to the guy with the camera, if didnt want to i persisted for a second or two more ten stopped, then my head shook suddenly, the first guy just punched me, i dont really know how hard, there was a bruise later, nor was there any pain, but i wouldnt surprise me if all my energy was working to protect me in that moment. i realized what happened, didnt like the situation i was in, so i turn and walked away, turning back to shake of his energy back at him with my hands, just like flicking my wrists, awhile, they were muttering/yelled in swedish, turned and walked back to the apartment courtyard. felt a little shooken up but i didnt care to attatch to it much so i didnt. i walked back over to the broken mug, picked up the mug waved at this dude sitting on his porch balcony in another builing accross the courtyard who had seen most of my courtyard theatrics (not the sand box different yard) and walked back in side, i was very dirty it felt good.

i just contunied doing what i wanted to do inside, made tea drank, tea had an urge a thought to roll a ciggerette, so i said fuck it , what do i care? rolled one smoked it, went out to the balcony sat on the chairs naked, no one could see me with the solid railing and being on the top floor. shantam came out, woke up sat down, i told him what i did, he was kinda confused didnt realy understand what was going up, then i flipped over the ash tray because i wanted to, he told me he didnt like that, i told him i didnt care, and we begain to what i now call COMMUNICATION, we began to communicate, it ended roughly with me saying i dont care and him walking back inside. i started doing whatever i wanted inside. they were all very confused, i didnt care, i WANTED THEM to tell me what they wanted, so i did what i wanted and did it so well i made them confront me. which is all i wanted, im sick and tired of spending thought energy on what i think people will or wont want. now i live me life doing what i want, if someone somebeing doesnt like it, its their problem, they have a choice to harbour that discontent inside or they have a choice to confront their ego, stand up for what they want, now i test people, respect must be earned, i want to know how badly you want something if its enough you will speak it to the world to me, then i usualy dont want to cause any further disharmony, but if you want it enough to think it but not act, do anything, thats your problem not mine

IM DONE WASTING THOUGHT ENERGY ON OTHER PEOPLE FOR THEIR SAKE. You are a free willed being, you have a choice. USE IT.

So yea thats about it people, freinds, family, readers. I became Enlighted during the lapse of Sept 23 mid night to sunrise. Enlightened, Self realized, conscious, god conscious, aware, i became the watcher. i flipped the switch and it doesnt matter if it is switched back, because now i know the switch is there, and i can CHOOSE to switch it or not, either is fine.

ALL that crap you people listen too. thinking about, those enightened people who start talked osho, jesus, ghandi whom ever YOU FOLLOW, its really just crap. they say nice things, true things good things BUT THAT WONT LEARN YOU ANYTHING. a conception of enlightenment is not enlightment.

enlightenment is simply saying I AM, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

im going to write a book and have it publised or myself.

its going to be SIMPLE. If you want to be enlightened YOU WOULD BE IT. but You think you do, WHAT YOU DONT know is that truly you dont want to be enlightened...or you would be. You caNT do what you dont want. and you can do what you want, but not if you dont want it.

SO I TELL YOU THIS FROM ONE REALIZED BEING TO ANOTHER:

YOU ARE ENLIGHTENED, YOU DONT WANT TO BE ENLIGHTENED

Accept what you truly want.

to find that out

YOU MUST DO WHAT YOU WANT.

for when you do what you want you find out if you really wanted to do it.

THEN YOU REALIZE YOU CAN SATISFY WANT/DESIRE in different ways. one way is action another is completíng the thought. children do this its called imagination.

GOOD BYE

and by the way i want to return to the states to be in Santa fe around CHRISTMAS WHEN ITS SNOWING SNOWING SNOWING..

I LOVE THE SNOW

FORGOT TO MENTION: i remembered bhudda became enlightened on a full moon as well as born and died on the same full moon of the year. i was curious if it happened to me.

the awnser is no, it was not a full moon. it was though, in fact Autumnal Equinox. WOOT i feel very proud about that one. its a special day for me now. yeah special day woothootooot

2006-09-23T06:10:00.000+02:00

Im in sweden. wooohooooo! im on acid.

To America, To Love, To The Journey

2006-09-07T22:41:00.000+02:00

Oh Great Glory, How have you been? Twas yester-year that i left you. have pity on me if disgrace i have given you. show me your mercy kind country for the stereotypes i have filled and commend me for those i have shattered. I have seen you in eyes of many a men, women and children. Eager eyes sprinkling with joy, caustic smears of revulsion, Scathing Jams of voice and limb delivered from the pain of a suffered life. what matters least has been delivered most. I have watched the images painted upon my being all for a name. Your Name. I have been yelled at, been scammed, been acosted, been ignored all for a label. I have been accepted, with no regards to name, nor image of poverty or wealth, for simply me the soul that resides in this body. I have laughed at you, gawked with others, missed you, loved you, dont think i've kissed you. I have learned from you and about you.

I have watched my hair grow from buzz curls to afro preemo.
I have grown hair, shaved hair, grown a little, Shaved, Grown and Shaved partially: waiting just waiting for the real thing to grow in.
I have watched the colors my hairs have changed and the white patch on my leg reside in peace.
I have added ornaments to my wrist, painted my chest, hung crystals about my neck.
I have trimmed, picked, gnawed at and even sliced my nails on many occasions.
I have compared, contrasted; observed, totaled, been stuck in,the familiars, the odd the freaky, the madd, the joy, the everything i am not, you are not have not been and never will be.

yes i've seen your colors, i have seen mine own.
And after 1 cycle of this planet around the bigger sol, outstanding the gravity that pulls you back to home, i begin to humble, i begin to care less of where my physical location is and more of where I Am and Who I Am.

Who Am I?

In past times when this philisophical rants, and logical talks of the mind and enlightenment were so ingrained in my head, when the simple feeling reigned all. and i would meet people, i would watch them, talk with them, but didnt know them, they were so strange, so different, or maybe so similair. i would ask myself a question, almost incredulously i would saw: "who are you?" and i would accept them for the unique fun loving beings we all are.

It has been one year since Yorik found his way in the face of George Bush Senior. HEHE.

It has been one year.

And it may be one more.
And it may be two more.
And it may be no more.

For now, I call to the sound of Sleep, my right eye has become lazy. My left just blinked.
For i shall add to this, so please come back.

Good night World. Sleep well, Wake well, Breathe well, Live well, Do well, Love well.

We belong to eachother, We are Connected, Everything Is. I say Hello, You say Goodbye and we meet on the otherside.

it's times like these: LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Its always time.

Colin

Celebration. Salvation Army Hostel, Mumbai, India : April 8, 2006

Scarf Shopping. Varanassi, India : June 8, 2006

Airplanes, Cookies and a whole lotta Smiles. McLeod Ganj, India : July 4, 2006

Sureen & Priyanka Colin's farewell. Dehli, India : July 18, 2006

The Last Train Ride. Udaipuir - Mumbai, India : July, 26, 2006

Lunch out with Granny and Friends. Isle of Wight, England : August 8, 2006

Working at Reading Festival(80k +). Reading, England : August 28, 2006

Promenade The Brighton Pier. Brighton, England : September 4, 2006

Festies, Pubs, and Brigh-T-ON

2006-09-03T16:35:00.000+02:00

Where the cool cats hang? The soon to be Ex house of Manjula--Fay for faith for fairy, Brighton, England.

Muhahahahaha. So many people. you are all so many people. and to think theres so many more.

I need some direction in this blog:

Whats going on?

> Well Since leaving you all stranded on the Isle of Wight with david Icke, Tomato's Basil Sadhana and Granny. I completed working festival rounds at Beautiful Days, which was only somewhat beautiful. The bands were all peeps i didnt know, and only a few were good. though i did see the proclaimers and they proclaimed some sweet songs. and also the levellers, which host this festival and were amazing live. I met a connection which led me to another festival. this was bigger and better. this was one of the biggest. it aint Glastonbury, nor Leeds, but Reading. I belive it was 80k people. thats many. i worked a 21:00 - 9:00 shift for 5 days. manning a firetower which overlooks all the campgrounds has ample view of all the crazy shiza going on. this is england and a festival so people were exceptionally drunk and fucked out of their little pink socks. it was a great experience. Many big bands, i still didnt know most of the headliners but that was no biggy. I missed Pearl Jam, I was working, but the other goodies i saw were flogging molly, millencolin, less than jake and reel big fish--who omg are the most amazing band live. there just so damn cool. for the rest i was in the comedy tent or sleeping...yea sleeping. i had about 4-5 hours up and about each day which some was spent sleeping again. night shifts are so cool. i saw 5 sunrises aaaw so beautiful. even got paid some juicy poundage. on top of the wristband (ticket) which costs a cool 150pounds which has helped me greatly in my fun of england.

I got two of my friends i met in india to come down and work as well. so we all got to enjoy the good times. then i traveled to good ol'd st. Albans home of 4 friends of mine. all from india. so a load of goodies it is. while i spent the few days there recovering my sleeping schedule enjoying a night in the town (bars and clubs) i made haste to exunt, alex's parents are having their 100th birthday (50 + 50) this last weekend and needed the bedroom for their parents.....

On the train again...3 hours later im at the beach in brighton. the brighton coastline is filled with various sizes of pebbles and stones. all well rounded from years of ocean science. brighton has many feautures which i have yet to discover. but its one of englands alternative cities. yes it is. hippies, gays, tree huggers, art, and bedazzled with shopping shoppping shopping.. a little of everything.

sounds like so much juice. so sorry if i didnt squeeze enough. or it was a little on the bland side. i think im going to sweden next. wow wow wow.

until next time, good bye folks

cool kitty.

A Title of Love

2006-08-14T23:36:00.000+02:00

Sometimes

The world spins and I spin with it. Feeling Love: However it comes across, lands to find
Peace of Heart
Living Silently
Feeling all that is whenever i seek the presence in my heart i seek life in the absolute.

Oh Thank You life! Thank you for all the grace you have bestowed upon me i never seem to thank you enough.

Life has enough troubles to slow us down with, for we forget so easily all the many times life has helped us. We forget to Love and to be loved. is it. It is the most amazing thing in all time. live and let love shine out from our hearts, Let it radiate around the world purging every corner and hallowed ground with light.

Greet me on a summers day holding flowers in our hands running like children through fields of marigolds, a delight of senses fills the air. And silently watching our hearts speak music to the world we dance. Hope anon for the world to be restored to love and light. Hope anon that we children do bring the light. Hope for every more that little bygones do deserve dwellings in the lands we labour no more in. Let us find a soul to share our pains. Let us transcend the world together as one unison of existence. Hold onto love whenever it finds your path. Never turn an eye for fear the other loses its way. Breathe the songs existence has wrote time and time again. Breathe the fantasy's played out in our heart to bring truth and fruit to the world.

The pain will stop ever more, the hurt will cease and our hearts no longer will creep but shine forth blossoms in the sky.

Oh life grant me this one. Let me not stray from the path of love: As love will lift us higher then we ever could soar, Love will cradle and nurture our beings to never fear. Never lose Love for Love never loses us.

give me the eyes to see love
give me the ears to hear love
give me the touch to feel love
give me the tongue to taste love
give me the nose to smell love
give me the capacity to be love
give love give life.

LOVE

--Thank you Piyusha. You brought love to me heart. Thank You.

The Road I walked, Trotted, Spun, Twirled, Laughed, Giggled, Hopped, Skipped, Pranced, Jumped, Whooped and Hooped.

2006-08-14T15:48:00.000+02:00

Location of Da' Sex Palace? John and Barbie's, Watford, England. (Part 1) - The House of Sadhana and Granny, The Town of David Icke (Ryde), IOW (Part 2: Present)

Dear fAIthful bLOG Readers,

My time in india finnally came to a close. furthermore i wish to apologize for all the blogs that i havent written in the past weeks, maybe months.

but hear me hear me, i will unleash a squack for you.

I spent some goody fun time in Mcleod Ganj.

Arriving i hooked back up with two friends i met in banaras. english and australian couple. we spend time walking, talking....then found a restuarant. ate food, chatted...left. found new resturaunt, ate food, left. it was a vicsious cycle.

we played cards...Gambled with chocolate. see the victors and their spoils

met some more english people. hung out and chatted. walked around the beautiful mountains. attended the Dali Llama's birthday--but he was sick, thus a no show.

I spent a least three weeks after vipassina suffering from all the trauma of smashing my old brain patterns. its been quite an intense experience. it caused me to realize quite a few important things. this idea of faith, commitment, i've always had issues with. but now i start small. correct myself. i have a rule that i must meditate everynight. there is no time requirement. as long as i get into posture, which i start to find once ive gone to all the trouble i end up silent sitting for longer than i intended..... the starting nights i would meditate for 5 seconds before bed( some nights it was like 2 sec maybe. i tell you this vippassina wants to fuck you up for the better). slowly now i relax and meditate for longer periods of time. it was a beautiful trick to get me to put the habit on my plate.

I've become very interested in Crystals. the energy, the posseses fascinates me, as well as other stones. i found a beautiful shop with a beautiful lady in McLeod Ganj, i spent hours in her little shanti shop full of crystals talking and looking/feeling/understanding crystals. i bought a few and their amazing. i've become very sensitive to their vibes now. i sleep with a few and wear another. i've experimented with different layouts, and its all so fun how you can change your entire sleep by changing the direction of a crystal under your head.

Then i high tailed it over to Rishikesh for a week. squeeze till the last drop. can you feel it?

Here at Sadhana's I've had many sleeps to play with. I've been thinking that if i could stop dreaming during sleep i would sleep better, less, feel more refreshed. Past: The silent sleeps i've had i woke feeling right as rain and crystal clear.

So i've been experimenting with the lucid side of things, with and with out my crystals, its been quite an experience. i was able to wake after five hours with my mind feeling fresh and awake, unfortunetly im learning a balance and my body didnt like that, a few times--it was lovely i got up had some MUSELI and watched the sunrise. I suppose i could rant for a bit on all this lovely body shifting experiences, but i dont want to, better in person.

Hmm...I've got lots of sewing to do, from all the india clothes i bought where they wont hemm the seams so it starts to fray. now i feel all light and fluffy when i walk around. its funny though, i started dressing like a white boy india tourist after i left. during i kept all my america clothes and tried to make them last as long as possible.

I've got about 6 months in Europe, possible more. Im not sure what ill do with it. I've come accross a number of ideas, so many possibilites. For the immediate moment and future: I'm Stewarding for a festival "Beautiful Days" (You can google it to, search within the U.K. pages) over in Exeter (SW) England, then Up to St. Albans to Reclaim my *Coughs*Stolen Hemp English Style grey hat that you all know. I can remain abstinent from all forms of sexual activity(I haven't said its been easy), but the women still get their way. tsk tsk tsk. Fortuneatly for me shes a nice women. After this week chilling with real english people...yeah baby... one of which will be my personal historian/Archeologist + Tour Guide, The other stole my hat, and the third well i shant discuss naudy neddy, she's...naughty, I will fly to Where? Weee Planes WHOOOOOOOOO(high pitch) A BOOT.

Yeah i miss that ol' boot. good old boot. where on hevens earth would i be. nice boot. warm boot. fuzzy boot. TASTY boot. Passionate Boot. How many boots you met that fill all that?

ITALY

Oh wait. It is to be a surprise: My arrival...

Italians shouldn't read this blog until my surprise arrival in Italy. If you are Italian and i know you in Italy, You ought to be nice and play Secret Silent mouse(SSM) Because your now in on the secret. MWUFF cheese. *Smiles*

Im feeling about ready to go Vipassina Round 2. we'll see wont we.

Okay sorry to make you all wait. It so hard being Me. hehehe.

Ciao Amore

Happy One Year Birthday Gypsy Oddyssey Blog

2006-07-18T05:24:00.000+02:00

It is your Birthday. EVERYONE SHOUT: HEY BUNGALO BILL, WHAT DID YOU KILL, BUNGALO BILL. NOW SHOUT: ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY BLOG. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Today, in International Traveling affairs, we give you breaking news. as today is Gypsy Odyssey's Birthday. You are one year old. Congratulations.

Please everyone celebrate this birthday in your own light.

Name: Colin McLeod
Age: 19
Sex: Male
Permanent Address: A Place in France (i'll write it next time)
Purposed Stay in India: Tourist (eer let me write traveling gypsy on quest, you bloinks)
Arrival From: Dehli
Probable Destination: Pushkar
Mode of Transportation: Train
Passport #, expire, issue, and place: 21373xxxx, may 05, may 2015, USDOS
Visa #, expire, issue, place: 6989929, 21-08-06, 21-02-06, Bangkok
Length of Stay in India: 10 days
Nationality: American

Misc. Questions
Time to fill this out: 10 min.
Written redundencies: One

Why bother?: Half the time i write in squibish.

Arrival In India: March 25

Fun responses.
Where you From? My mother.
Where you From? A place in france...Where the naked ladies dance...0h nevermind.
Where you From? No hablo englesia
You from Russia? Da
Where you From? JESUS i've only been there once.

Well my fellows and fellaws and fellews. India is turning me up and sending me back...to ENGLAND!
9 Days until my departure. But i have 5 to see as much of rajisthan as posible. Heh.

I know I Know This aint Much of Much. Im sorry But im on a Time Constriant. Its You, The Blog or Rajisthan. Lets make it Clear, as with others who have not got it. Rajisthan takes Priority. But ill fill you in soon enough. 10 days.

Ciao

I like it when it rains.

Or when the red water comes out.

Humeny Humeny Humeny Croaik

2006-07-01T07:06:00.000+02:00

Current jived spot for my booty to sleep at night? Rishikesh- where
the Babas and Sadus are the nicest.
Next place: tomarrow Dharmsala

So like im here in the self-proclaimed yoga capital in the world. i
havent done any yoga, i think i shot myself in fooot for that one.
but i;ve got an acheing for some auyervedic massage, as some cool
kerolin dude read my pulse and told me my backs messed up, my
shoulders and neck are way tight, my crown chakra is peeved--you been
thinking to much, and your solar plexious feels way grody. so that
sold me, as i could feel most of those things and defenitely felt
alot of them release during these two massages he gave me. so i maybe
learn some auyverdic massage from this dude in manali as hes like 7
days $60 so pretty good for me. though still run my hot.

so i been doing some indepent nature hiking and its led me to a big
ancient holy place of worship for hinuds bhind the laxman village in
rishikesh its about a 4 hour hike+ first stretch is over this massive
range of mountains and then down into the valley on the other side.
this temple has been around for atleast 2500 years or parts of it. as
they have a shiva fire, like in Banaras. the fire of shiva thats been
burning for 2500 years. so i got som blessing and gave some blessing.
the walk was the best. there were mad amounts of people and gaurds
kicking everybody everywhere so they would move on through this big
massive convolluted line. i took a paper wrapping amount of shiva fire
to keep for personal use. the place was pretty sweet but it didnt mean
much to me, i supposed if i was hindu and really cared about rituals
pertaining too then it would be sweet. but the journery to and from
was the best. orriginally i went looking for the beatles ashram, found
the next day. but then a massive group of young india males, kidnapped
me and i begain hiking up this mountain with them. then we seperated
as i found a field ontop of the mountain that had the same vibes as
fairy glen and begain to frolic in it. catching up with two other
indian guys, working in bihar as various engeering jobs, on holiday, i
spent my temple time, queing time and riding ontop of a truck driving
back to rishikesh speeding quite fast indeed down the windy mountain
and around, with them. so alls well that ends well. im gonna go take a
swim in the raging torrent of the ganga river today. but dont worry im
not gonna swim out far , just stay on the side where its safe. did i
mention seeing dead bodies at banaras? yes well rishikesh....has fresh
ones floating down the river. quite ironic actually: i was talking to
some peeps about these three boys that drowned (two because the kept
going in after to save the others, the fourth was restrained from
entering forcefully) in the ganes river, then discussing the river and
all its holiness, undercurrents and rapid movments....silence staring
into the soul of the river.....stands up...approches balcony..speaks
out: hey guys....

we stand silent and, myself, awed serenly, watching a middle aged man
floating face down...coming coming, here, going going going
gone....thus the circle of life goes.

now im in Dharmsala, go find me some Dali Lama to give a few chinnings too.

Ciao peeps

Beastly business. PROPS TO THE BEAST!

Stepping on the heels.

2006-06-13T06:57:00.000+02:00

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Dehra Dun.
What does this mean? aah. yes Meditation, Vipassina Style in a couple hours.
Why on earth--?earth is only the ground. from there it just goes up baby.

that last ridiculousness? Kajerahao. uugh.

the last disgust? bodhgaya.

The palace of love? i only hit the back, they wanted to skin me for the front.

The movie? tah tu hhuh dude. MOVIE.

the only thing i've really bought in india, for like no reason at all? a multi- colored [varanassi] silk scarf in banaras, thats way light. so purty and fragile.

why am i writing? :did you see that tumbleweed!!!

am i enlightened? I AM

*Giggles*

is that cool? feels way good.

do you like it on top or egs poached? if the eggs were good, it wouldnt matter..but poached.

what is not italian food? spaggetthi noodles and ketchep sauce!

well. well. well.

Hoku Gone. Alex Gone. Colin.

But Alex comes back to life for a moment. Hoku is dead as a duck.

From what my memory serves:
"6 May. American Tourist, studying the Zen way. Boggles*. Alex Smith"

Dear Alex Smith,
I know not what you wrote *, nor do i know if your really Alex or just an alex.

but i have to say, that (japanease) indosan temple in bodhgaya was my favorite.
and they had a nice meditation, though i was a little off center to properly focus. the other temples were no fun. the tibeten was beautiful also the buhtanease (amazing artwork) but they werent very open.

the temples here in bodhgaya, i now explain. open at 2pm forsome many x hours. but fence you out of the alter. you walk into this immaculate space. filled with artwork, and gaudy golden buddhas, instruments and inscence. but the only let you walk about 5 feet in then bam you hit the viewing gate. behind the gate is a big box where you can donate. theres like 15temples in bodhgaya, japanease, tibetan, chinease, bangledesh, thailand, nepal so many. there all similiar. different design, but same goings. viewing gate with dontaion box. also the monks arent even around. they just give you some empty temple and you see some guys leg sticking out from the back room door reading a newspaper. maybe it changes when you come during tourist season. but then i might be more silly. eh. this was silly. and the japanease temple was cool. the outside grounds werent gated so you could freely walk around and enjoy the grass and shade. they had a playground for kids their view gate was the largest span and had the lowest gate. a modest gate about a foot off of the ground. non intrusive. a gate of modest mindfulness. then they let you cross the little shin gate and meditate at 5pm with them while they played music and sang or chanted.

but these is not the main attraction. no the famous bodhi tree where buddha attained enligtenment is here in town. yes sometimes i have expectations. what would the tree look like. rather where would it be. what would be its surroundings. well i had envisioned. a beautiful tree sitting solemnly by itself with much space to grow. with a beautiful stone under neath mearking where buddha sat and with much space between the temple and the tree. so you would be in a small garden with a tree in the center.

sighs. it made me sad and revoluted me. it was completly opposite.

the east side of the tree a MASSIVE temple was built and rebuilt. that spans straight up and side. giving no space for the tree. leaving it pressed up against this temple. w hat has happened? the tree cannot grow east and has not done so in a very long time as there are no branched that point east. now the tree grows south north and west. and it grows and grows outand out and the tree begins to lose balance. so they put big poles and suppurt the western branches of this beautiful BEAUTIFUL tree. on ground the tree is gated twice within two feet and less outside of this gate is pure cement. outside the gatehas been carved downwards. so the tree sits on a stone block and its roots cannot grow outwards to the west because a 3 foot cement block as been created. now its down and east for the roots. the small patch of earth around the tree which is very small indeed lies completly baren and moist. ugly. nothing is there. mudd. the stone where buddha sat as been transformed into a diomond shrine. a massive work of diaomands and gold and other ostentatious and gaudyness that i cant begin to see in buddha that clutters the tree . looking at the tree from6 feet away you justsee a great clutter aphixiated mess at the roots.

like i said for better or for worse. for lack of contentment here or there, i was revolted and promptly left. the grounds of this temple are nice and very big. the temple inside is all AC which is great for mediation and hot sun. inside is big golden buddha... 8 feet. i sat down and enjoyed the meditation. it was strong. as in there lies energy.

well that was bodgaya.

before that:

Banaras it was. banaras is nice, way nice. i love it. beautiful city. great vibe. the ghats are just just great. nice nice very nice. a little pressed on time.--:

anywho
i had a painful experience at the burning ghats. i came at night time. and let my heart open. for i just open up at the feel of bodies burning in holy water and natural earth. earth, wind, water, fire. baam baby. well some guy approches me starts talking. telling me things. catches my interest when he starts explaining the rituals and symbology of the whole place and its holiness. i started asking him all sorts of questions and learned many things.

where upon i touched the 7,000 year old shiva fire (eternal fire) though i was surprised at how...open, un gaurded, un protected it was. just sitting on a ledge with an over hung roof. 10 sec away from where they burn. for they use the fire to burn the bodies.

anyway he takes me up top for a better view. keeps talking of the "old lady" who takes care of people who have come to this building and are waiting for death. mentions her quite a few times and, though modestly, and you can donate to her and buy some people some wood. i rememer alex coming accross this in blogs. anywho i didnt heed his words. i had no concern to regard his words and trusting or not. and indeed i did not judge his words to be a lie. i was just vibing out in bliss and love with the fires. anywho hes like they lock roof now we leave. he had built up this "old lady" to be an honourable gracious women. he even mentioned mother terease and her... i just remarked wow she must be an amazing lady. but he took be down and said now we see old lady. she bless you, you give her donation. he said this many times. but this was my way out. he stops and approaches some figure lying down aside the wall. gives her some pushes. i told him not to wake the old lady. he was adamant. quickly she sat up and outstretched herhands. its dark, theres no light and some random women, whois in a position to be more of a homless beggar than a humanitarian, stretchs her hands out for alms.
he says now you donate, 1 quart 3 quarts of wood. as you like.

immediatly i respond : " i will not donate" he gets irritated and say why not? becausew i do not want to give you money, i say. his vexation increases. he says your making me angry do not make me angry. at this point, i stopped bowed by head (all the while holding my hand on my heart before and after) gave silence and love to my heart. came back to him and said no. he said fine give me tour fee. "no" he says i yell get many men to come up, they give you big problem. "NO". i go to leave and he grabs my arm. i continue to walk. not heeding his pull. he briskly gets in front and says fine come with me, as to take me to the men. holding my space, my heart, i exit the building with him in front. he stops outside and i keep walking giving no notice. he grabs my arm and i again take no action aside to continue. he yells at me, cursing saying "..fucking...you dont come back here again....i throw you in the fire next time i see you" i turn to him face him from the distance i am at. raise my hand prayer stytle and give him "namaste" turn and leave.

he yells so more i go give me goodbye respect to the fire with the same gesture. my heart was pounding. his threats did arouse fear in me. i was aware of how hurt i was. i left saying quietly holding my heart "not nice, very not nice" shaking my head slowly. my heart and my head were intensely alive. my head (chakra's) felt strong, no pulsing just hardcore strength as in i was connected straight up and out and it was holding me stabiliazed, as in grounded from above. and my heart, its tender pain that i nourish the rest of the night. having to do some intense medition and heart theraphy later on that night for myself.

later i ran into an old irish friend from mumbai. which was great i needed someone to hug and just talk with kindly after that.

i took a morning boat ride with some friends, very very nice. 2 hours $1 up along the holy river. on the otherside lies a white boat beached. he rowed past that and i saw two bodies floating. there are i belive 6 people they will not burn. children , pregnant women, snake bite death, leprosy, sadus oh and animals. this bodies get wrapped up with head stone and sink to the bottom. after many a long time theu decay and some escape their bondage and float up. i only saw bones and some clothes. nothing gruisome, but intense. and i hold it beautiful and with love all the same.

GOtta GO,

Truth, Love and Silence

Colin McLeod

Am i a Tumbleweed?

2006-05-28T10:51:00.000+02:00

Location of Da' Sex Palace? Tumbling from Dehli down to Agra for the Palace that Love built.

Okay some im not tumbling as in Out of Control, or without a sense of direction. I've got my sketch. i know my directional direction. i've got some time tables. and stuff.

But mainly i just dont know.

that is okay.

My movie is finished. i got to play the part of an american...have i met some people like i played before...well i suppose. i probably meet more watching other american movies then i do in real life. it was interesting. i only had like one or two scene's where i starred the camera. the rest i hung around, made some noise, basically relish for the camera and the scene. mark couldnt involve himself that much in things cus everyone spoke hindi. but i would laugh when they laughed because laughter is funny. or play along like i was cool when sanjay grabbed some guys balls and threatened him. and looked sad and shocked when buntys ganga shot sanjay. i almost got shot. sanjay got jealous that i always hada women. sanjay was a nicer guy when off camera and living his own life with the name of shraeas. halfway during the filming with him. i found out this guy is a total star. and he's a way cool star that doesnt make fusses about his greatness.

Are they really gone? is it so. it's been so long since i've seen my friends alex and hoku, since i've seen anyone that i know from america or even europe. I think i like being a tumbleweed, it sounds cute and characaturish.

It's all quiet on the eastern front except for colin and the tumblweed tumbling over a canyon. It's time for me to catch it...

Inside Bollywood: Cancerous Sores, Kavyanjali and one Monkeys Ass

2006-04-28T14:41:00.000+02:00

Welcome to The first Declared edition of "Inside Bollywood", By your White Gypsy Guru Colin McLeod!

Rice

Tilda. Yes i Love Tilda, I've loved her since birth. She straddled me in my cradle and kept me warm at night. i used to play with Tilda in the Bath, until Tilda ruined all the Pipes and made mommies pipes burst. Tilda is my Rice. I Buy Tilda in England(but available in america too!). Tilda is in a fancy Bag, has a fancy zipper, says Tilda is great and You should Cook With Tilda.

One day, My beloved Tilda Creators acknowledging that i truly had a deep affection for tilda tossed me into a super Market named Spar in India (but also in Europe). --Tilda is not concerned with The name Spar..Tilda is and always will be concerned with her little grainy self. its okay because we LOVE Tilda.--Tilda's Creators instructed me in my divine love for Tilda to Shop in the background while Tilda's Fame grew even larger on the Great Eye and stimulus projector.

I was a content little Asian....Until Some Tilda Loving Impostor invaded my Tilda's personal Space. the Guy was full of Pomp and that girl just couldn't honestly Love Tilda they she needed to be loved (thus it took like 1 hour to shoot her 15 second scene), so they made her pretend to love it but she couldn't even do that.

So what did i do?
Yes! ask it right now before continuing to read on. ? I was pushing my cart walking up the isle, slowly encroaching upon Tilda and The Impostor Rice Lover Females Backside. There's lots of Food in supermarkets! Lots of Rice! More rice than your average supermarket: ASIA! I Grabbed me up some of that Rice (Not Tilda), It was Tilda's Rival, Which is every Farmer and Cook and Breed and Atom not related to Tilda in the cosmos, and Lovingly Placed my New Rice in THE SHOPPING CART! MUHAHAHA. Little do they suspect that Behind Tilda's back and Impostor, lies a Bag of RICE In A CART, Slowly but aggresivly encroaching upon Tilda's Fame.

Now For you Hungry Asians in England, You Can Help me Out. Sometime on a TV Near you In England Only, lies a commercial Named Tilda, for White Rice. You can tune in Day and night Until the Glorious Day that you see me in my Pink Shirt Casually perusing the Isles in search of Rice, and Charging the Hill (with my new rice)in my Yellow Shirt and Cart, Attacking the Tilda. This may be in two weeks, maybe a month.
I'm Not entirely Sure.

INGRAIN this name in your brain, to stimulate refreshed and obedient determined concentration and observation upon the outside entity that utters the word: TILDA!

Then you can see me!

Sugar Rice With Monkey Sauce

Additionally, and Incidentally i wasn't playing Contumacious Guru the Whole night, Only twenty min. The time was spent from 8pm to 6am, not sleeping, but prancing about in a supermarket with 3 other white people, Jon From Canada, and two women from Sweden. The Women Named Nikki, began Flexing her control upon me by calling me monkey and slapping my ass all night long! follows also and warm soft and still intense affection upon the back, arms, hands, fingers. Good healthy Flirting, and body sensuality. ---A MASSAGE!

Of Course: We were in constant advisement by peering eyes, being on a set has that drawback, but no attention we paid, eyes shut just holding each other cuddling. aaaw how cute! well it was going well, until it went great! We, are passing each other in set on set, on camera, over and over as shes shopping and so am i. Eventually......................................

bre ak

time comes along. she desires to inform me of the 4 types of orgasms. that went something like this: The Negative, The Positive, The (I Forget) and The Fake. Yes i know that was anti-climactic, but in real life not only did every blood vessel in me surge, my voice begain in harmonious pursuit of hers, (until the fake, cus baby there was no faking that energy)followed by the Pricked ears and Increased blood flow of the Dozen or so Indian Males sitting around with nothing else to do, eyes suddenly popping to meet our direction.

Hmmm....There was no discretion in her voice, i was her backup ensemble, she said she couldn't have done it without me. hehe. Little miss 29yr old Nikki Kept asking to spank her "monkey" (aka ME) all night long The monkey was enthralled by this new designation and his ass was only partially sore. Incidentally not from her slapping but from uncomfortable chairs, taxi rides, steps, toiled seats, floors, counters, shelves, upside down trash cans and more.

Coughs. Excuse me, what did i say about being on set the whole time? Well we were on set the whole time, though our Coordinator (guy the comes scouting for us and brings us to set and home) did offer repeatedly to fancy the backrooms as they were away from peering eyes. We responded as such that it was completely and utterable unnecessary and the sexually repressed people of the world should be excluded no longer from affection. That's not to say we wanted to massage their backs too...

Well the Women went home to sweden the Following morning, But that Morning we all went back to their place (that is me and John--whose a really good friend from the past couple weeks) slapped around one of the jumbo size balloons guys are always trying to sell on the streets then joined hands in circle formation to meditate standing up for along ass time. mind you at this point we hadn't slept for 24 hours. yess good. The mind is dead, the Ego is Struggling in in a final fatal Futality and our energy is radiating happy Bliss. Then we collapsed to the floor, they collapsed first, i went lotus and continued, but retreated to laying on my back head straight on the hard tiled floor when i found myself and waking up falling to the ground. VERY ALARMING!

Then we woke at like noon, they decided they were sick of prossers and wanted luxury for their last night. Jon and I, are fond of prossers as its the nicest room in colaba for 600 and its massive.(several occasions we have tried to escape the bed bug ridden infectious salvation army for the spacious white hygene of prossers, no avail) BIG BIG ROOMS. so they were like To THE TAJ!

We escorted their bags to the Taj (and upstairs, where was the fucking Bellboy!!!) to their rooms, then we hung in their rooms and awked at the splendor. yea it was nice. not spacious, had bad room design, so not fung shui or anything vibing shanti. just cramped with stuff ostentatiously. i expected better for the famous Taj! i really did, i wasn't all that impressed. any who it was cool. yea so we left, they stayed. i saw em later that night, for a bit helped them haggle for some stuff. got Nikki's contact and that be it. Yea!

But that's not It for Colin- The Bollywood Porn Star.

Porn: a Candorously cancerous expression of Maternal Desires to Excrete energy from a base level, forming in the minds of fictitious reality bound upon the bonds of 'A Far seeing Portal of Electromagnetic waves' converted to a sense we Primal Creatures can Comprehend as: Sight and Sound, The End gain being: To Produce nipple numbing pleasure.....

....But i only asked her to Dance! and that Married Women was so bleakly Arctic, a Polar Bear could run over her neck with dry ice and she would turn around to remark a Shrew with a Cold. That women didn't give as much as a wink of sincere scorn nor adulation. This all transpired in front of her Husband, She got a barrage of obscene verbal artillery afterwards, let me tell you.

Let me Also tell you How the Dialogue went:

Jai: So, You like they Party?
John Fernando (me): Yeah its great, But i don't know some many people here.
Jai: Aw don't worry man, heh, wait. "Bleak Bitch" come over here.
"Bleak Bitch": Yes Jai?
Jai: "Bleak Bitch":(In Hindi) I would like you to meet John. John (in English) Meet my wife, "Bleak Bitch".
John: Nice to meet you. (it was 'hello, how are you?' but the bleak bitch had to have it changed for the close up shot)
"Bleak Bitch": Thank you (insincere Shaky fraudulent piece of unwholesome stinky stucky cheese! WOMEN!)
John: May i Dance with you? Extends hand in a congenial manner.
"Bleak Bitch": I'm Sorry (lieing again you Artic cheese), I Can't.

Bleak Bitch walks off, accompanied by shocked confusion from John.

John (aside to Jai): What Happened to her?
Jai: Excuse me yada yada... wife's a bitch yea i know...
END SCENE WITH JOHN!

Any who Jai's a really cool guy, though i forgot his real name, he's the younger brother on this kinda like Soap Opera TV Show about a big rich family, with a great Grandma, Uncles, Bros Sista's Moms and Paps. My friend is 23, the women who plays his mom is 26...heh hehe GNORT. The Show is named Kavyanjali. For More Information please visit: http://starplus.indya.com/serials/kkavyanjali/index.html

I Watched This Show Shortly after the Publishing of this Blog last night, and Recorded my Appearance with my Digital Camera from the TV. My part aired April 28, 2006 and was filmed April 27. ~~Im gonna find out about this show tonight, available to my discretion every week day night on star plus at 9:30pm. My part airs tonight or tomorrow. this was filmed yesterday.~~ They say they'll call me back for an encore(well that's my word, MUHAHAHA) ---no im scripted in to re-appear...so they say.

Well thats all for this Edition of Hanky Pants.

In one last Developing Charade: Watch Colin's Debut on Kavyanjali http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=colin+mcleod+Bollywood - It will take an additional day(or less) before it's published and viewable.

Colin McLeod Can successfully and pleasureable make these animal sounds:

Cow
Dog
Cat
Pigeon
Monkey***
Turkey
Horse
Rooster (still working on this one)
I suspect, theres one more, but i forgot it.

Something Snazztastic

2006-04-18T12:50:00.000+02:00

Well im STILL in Mumbai, Bombay, Somewhere in India, On the other half of the world, Outside the USA, On a different planet, In Existence. Though So are you.

Dont be to shy everybody were all amounting to the same energy. you can divide and color eachother as much as you want but "God doesnt deny you" - OSHO

Well fuck i just wanted to add something: but you should go to the bottom

Mumbai is paying off. In Fun, In Money, In unexpected experience. I've been doing the extras in movies and commericials things as a mocked white guy for indians lately, as your all well aware. I may have commented facietiously on me becoming a rising star but slowly it is taking place. I, Colin Mcleod will be feat. in an advertisement for Chewing gum (Dental Cleaning) in an Italian Magazine come a few months. ludicrious i know, but it was fun. the fun beat all the other funs in this business. it started with a cellphone camera taking my picture and sending it to the big wigs of this photoshoot. well they liked my face. they liked it so much they decided to make me the star of the advertisment. BAAM BOOTY!

It Goes something Like this.

A couple days ago i arrive on set Location somewhere between Andari and the Mumbai Airport. it was a Shanti Set. The Shantiest i've ever been (Peace is Shanti) we they hauled in around 5-6 white people for the shoot. the set was an airplane. they were building half an airplane. WOW! and taking pictures of the seats. WOW! ok thats boring.

But They held food for us. Never in this business have i received breakfast in the morning only lunch and snack in the afternoon. usually its because we get there at 9am much too late. but they held the break fest for us specially until we arrived. AND IT WAS GOOOD. LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of GOOD FOOD. i was blown away. normally theirs so many people that you can only have like one portion and then it goes. also you have to deal with the indian idea of Lines---HEHE. here was so nice and peaceful we got our breakfast got our Chai (note this was the best CHAI i've had in india or close too), and there was always chai, chai and coffee. never had trouble getting some chai. in the bollywood industry its an ordeal to procure some chai. they gave our chai in glasses. so big cups of chai too. wow. then we sat around and chatted and rested and lounged and relaxed for awhile while they finished building the set. the gave us chips and cookies then BROWNIES. like homemade TASTY brownies. which was the weirdest thing to see in india. Brownies that were way good and not from barrista's. then they served us lunch. we hadnt done anything all day so we were all full on breakfast and brownies. ooooh its good to be full on tastyness. this set was air conditioned to the max. like nice and cool. the set completly beat every other set ive been on.
The people were so nice and relaxed. when on bollywood set everybody is moving constantly, the vibe is very frazzled and rushed. you also have the star syndrom. everybody changes their attitudes a few notches when you have big stars on location. when theres no one big and only a couple people for the shot its quiet and peaceful. so were chilling and laughing with the producers.
THEN
they got me changed. that had sent me to a tailor for measurements. they went out and bought nice new clothes just for me (i kept the sexy yellow t-shirt)

AND NOW

Im sitting in the middle seat on this sexy hot airplane. when your looking to the window you swear your headed to the sun. Your blind and your on fire when you look at/touch it. luckily for me i had a FAT indian guy on my right side that took all the heat. unluckily for me He was really fat, and an equally if not larger fat guy was sitting on my other side. They were squishing me in. this was the point.

It went something like this. These two fat FAT guys are so fat, so sleepy, and so unconcerned with my comfort that i cant actually get up to go to the bathroom to BRUSH MY TEETH. Luckily i have (insert Brand name i've never heard of) Chewing Gum to clean my teeth for me on this (assumingly) LONG plane ride.

YEP! and Im PIST OFF and Grumpy and irritated that these fat guys are fat and sitting on me. it was alot of fun. the fat guys were awesome. we just joked and laughed the whole time. they put makeup on me which was crazy. i looked like a girl. cus girls wear makeup and it was weird. so for like 1hour 1/2 i got to make faces at the fat guys while the took like 300 photos positioning everyone and everything.

So my italian friends when i find out what magazine it is. you'll be the first to know and see me COLIN IN ITALY!

Then i met a guy. this Guy is named manish. Manish is a new to the business of Film Directing. But i like him. hes a good guy, a nice guy. and he has casted me in his new movie titled:

"Love Story"

Directed By: Manish Tiwary

A young college fresher, Apu – bored with his life in college in Delhi – takes on his best friend's challenge if he can have sex with 3 women in a day. The women that Apu finds himself attracted to range from a prostitute, to a virgin, to a rich model. As our protagonist searches for women he can love, what is explored are the very nature of friendship, male bonding, voyeurism, sexual perversion and love.

Synopsis:

The film is set around students in Delhi University. Through two university hostellers, Apurv, a rich cosmopolitan guy and, Sanjay, an old-fashioned Bihari guy, the film juxtaposes the 'new' and the 'old' in our society. Sanjay represents the romantic and the idealist who has steadfastly pursued goals using conservative means. On the other hand, Apurv's life is directionless. He is a modern day skeptic who between the two ways to know love – emotional and carnal - chooses the latter. The three female leads, that of a prostitute, a school girl and a rich model are intricately used not only as love interests of our heroes but also to have the viewers chart a range of emotions. This film uses a rich ensemble of characters, stories and themes to aptly reflect the mood of urban India.

Apurv has just started his college life in Delhi. To avoid the harsh hostel ragging, he spends a few nights in the city's red-light area. Here, he is introduced to Vaisali, an attractive but sharp-tongued prostitute. Apurv joins the hostel residents in a grand yet eerie celebration of the final day of ragging. He is introduced to the hostel's band-of-boys: Sanjay, a popular presidential candidate in the upcoming college elections, Sonu, an energetic loafer and a Sanjay loyalist, Deepak a visually-impaired hosteller with homosexual leanings, and Mark, an indophile American.

Apurv, more relaxed now, begins to discover life in the hostel, college and neighbourhood. However, lectures in the college have little exciting to offer. He remains bored and pensive, and looks for a challenge that could make his life more exciting and meaningful. In the neighbourhood Apurv meets a school-going girl, Kintu whom he wants to befriend while she coquettishly remains noncommittal. He also continues his visits to Vaisali at the kotha. Apurv's major preoccupation is trying to find women he can love.

In the background, rages the politics of college election complete with student gang wars and Sanjay's maneuvers for the presidential slot. Here enters Prerna Heerjawahar: a hot and rich girl with beauty crown aspirations. Sanjay's charismatic performance in a loud street fight ensures Prerna's fascination for Sanjay. Soon the ambitious duo becomes the odd pair on the campus.

Meanwhile, Apurv has made a limited headway with Kintu – she will allow him to come along for a movie, share a cigarette and an odd kiss. Kintu's ex-boyfriend, Rajesh finds this unpalatable and beats Apurv up. Sanjay's gang avenges this. The same evening, Rajesh is dragged out of his house and brutally pulverized. Apurv can now deal with the 16-year old Kintu at peace. However, Kintu's mother with middle-class values intact ensures that the progress remains slow. Apurv's other interest, Vaisali has proven to be more than a handful. She remains brazen and offensive. Apurv decides to try seducing her into submission – taking it as a sign for a prostitute falling in love.

At a party (-turned-orgy) at Prerna's farmhouse, Apurv hits off with a new girl. The smooth seduction makes Sanjay admire the easy charm Apurv has with girls. The next day, sitting in an old monument, Sanjay challenges him, if he can have sex with 2 women on a single day. The quiet of the place and his own confidence prompts Apurv to say, "Yes, I can". Sanjay throws another bait, "Can you do 3 women in a day?" Apurv answers in negative, but now he has finally got a challenge he wants to live up to. The task carries both a visceral and a symbolic meaning for him. Apurv spends the rest of the film pursuing this goal. For Sanjay, the race for the college elections too has heated up. He is the top seeded candidate but has got two popular and powerful rivals to beat. The film now moves towards a volatile climax. For all the indulgence and decadence that Apurv thinks he can afford, someone now needs to pay a price.

Love Story explores the very nature of friendship, male bonding, voyeurism, sexual perversion and love. This original screenplay full with realism and black humour shows the coming of age of not only a young man but also the social codes & mores of Delhi.

you now understand that i am Mark. Mark....well i dont know a whole lot about him but i do know this.

He's Perceived to be a Pimp by indian societal Standards...that is to say he always has a girlfriend. he starts the movie with one. and everyone thinks my GF is "easy" because shes dating me/im dating her. indian men think white women are sluts and put out. thus you can see the connection to a indian women who dates a white man.

well she dumps me because i hit on her aya (spelling--House maid) then i get a new one. well i have some lines but i havent looked at them. in the business you dont memorize lines before hand. you memorize them the day of or the scene of.

i'll be shooting for 13 days starting may 13 in Dehli at one of the university's.

I also will be in an Implied Sex Scene. and a scene where my GF kisses my naked shoulder and says i love you. i also asked to make sure that i would not be in any gay scenes. he said the deepek wont be kissing me. GOOD. though i wont be kissing any women either. thats still taboo in films.
but this film is pushing india's society this is not bollywood its low-budget and independent.

Ill enjoy it bundles

My ipod has broke. im trying to fix it right now. but it looks like i have to reformat it and lose ALL my music. fuckles. oh shitty shits
sighs yesterday-today im okay with it, cus theres no other way to be.

Yes adding something now april 20. like dude I figured out what Yawns are. for like the last 4 years i've been yawing at wierd times, times when i an consioucs or accept somehting or do somthing i dont want to do. i've never been able to really peice together the meaning of it all. and i've been anaylizeing it for like 4 years. but i was drinking with my indian friend in andari, mumbai the other day (before i left) we were riding home in the rickshaw with women in the middle (not important) and i YAWNED. then it hit me. the realization of a yawn is this. Yawning is silence. Im gonna do some research into it. but i've noticed this for awhile and put it together. everything becomes quiet when you yawn. your mind dissapears cant think extraneaous thoughts(harder too), your hearing is limited quite substantially. bassically all your senses are dampered. and you kinda like freeze, your not breathing either. so yawning is silence. a connection with our divine creator. a connection to your soul, so beautiful it talks to you too. in the morning i took it a step further and compared yawning with Samahdi (the Breatheless state of meditation). totally cool yeah. yeah. im sexing northwards....hahahaha -end addition

aaah no-yes...its completly FUCKED. I cant even reformat it. aarhhh

take care my cool cats,

meow and food

Greed, Lies, Silence and Harmony

2006-04-04T07:19:00.000+02:00

Yeah!
Well how does this all fall out. First I feel to splop down this little tab: that writing this blog is on the harder side as you'll all soon know why. im noticing the resistance im feeling to informing the blog readers of this incident.

So on March 28th. yea that's right. I had recently arrive back into Indian, from Thailand. chilling in mumbai. I wrote a blog. the next day everything changed. that blog said I was going to Pakistan. the present course has been shifted away from that. I also said I wasn't gonna do any more bollywood movies as a white farangi, I lied. I've done 6 shoots and have seen with my own two eyes and touched the biggest star in india: johnny Abraham, he has just released a movie called Taxi 9211 and its great, and I will be in his upcoming movie titled something like "buuble"or something in a dance club as a cool guy in a suit, though there are many. so I suppose to say this bit and back track to why I'm doing all this:

I let myself be scammed out of about 80% of my remaining funds. a great story this being the first time I've elucidated it explicitly.

I was walking. this guy approaches me, like normal in India. starts talking to me, asking me what I'm doing in Indian yada yada. he tells me he sells like rugs and stuff and is opening shop in England as well for imported Indian goods. eventually hes like I'm trying to get money over to England though and theres some funky restrictions so I need your help. Immediately, funny, *sighs* a big whaap went off inside my head that titled "SCAM" but he also said I would make some money. so I was like well might as well listen to what this guy has to say and if it is a scam then ill just tell walk away.
But it didn't happen like that. I never walked away. why? I never stopped to think about what I was doing and the situation I was in. I never stopped to put the pieces together. I never stopped. so what happened? I got caught up in the moment. I met another guy he was introduced as the tourist who did this yesterday and made money. he was from Jamaica or so he said. so everything that was said sounded great and in itself it was fine. I never touched any cash I had I just had to run convert some money into a travelers check under my name, that he gave me at a bank and give it back to him and he gives me some cash. yea so with that I didnt really care to look into the situation, because it required no collateral on my part. then he was like "but i've had my money stolen before doing this by some french guy. so I want to know that you have money before I get into this with you." this was the way he got me to withdraw money out of my atm to be able to see I had it. obviously you can read this and be like wow thats just not sounding right--- any of it. I got caught up in the moment and I got greedy, thus I didnt think.

so any who I progressed from there that we would go meet his uncle who conveniently worked at a bank and was in on this little think, where he would meet me see I had some cash then hand over cash and let me do my thing for him. though this is the part where it all fell apart, I was never supposed to give up my cash, relinquish control of it. it was never stated. and thus the reason I kept listening and walking with these guys. but then the Jamaican guy gave his cash to the guy and the guy "went to the bank and had the money counted by the uncle " returned and then it was to be my turn. he was like yea you give me your money then he counts and I come back. I was like I dont want to be away from my money. he was like okay you follow me and stand outside across the street. his reasoning being its all drawing suspicions from other curious indians. due to his smooth enough performance and this Jamaican guys damn perfect performance I had enough trust and too little insecurity and paranoia to give up my cash.

well I saw the guy enter this bank. but I believe that when a bus passed by he exited and took off down an ally. after like 5 min of me standing there (see now I have stopped) I was like....what the fuck has just happened. this isnt right. none of this makes sense, how the hell did I get here, how the hell did I just give like $600 to this guy? they never made room for me to stop and think and I never made room for myself to do it. thus goes away thousands and thousands of paper bills called rupees never to be seen again. im standing there like...uhh I think this was a scam, and I just lost all my money. I was in a little shock, and im not being modest. I went into the bank and they were like no we haven't seen this guy. yada yada, and also it was dark and the bank had just closed. which was like one more clue that I didnt choose to piece together. mind you I thought of literally everything that I saw wrong, but passed it off as not the breaking point (the hand off of my cash) and put none of it together. im standing outside with some of these nice bank guys not doing much, not much to be done, saying "fuck, shit", then I start laughing. and I laughed some more.
I left the scene and walked back to colaba a good two hours with 20 rs in my pocket. thinking over in with an incredulous paroxyismic and surreal veil shrouding life. though this was a veil a tint in my perception. I walk with contentment and bliss. I was exultingly happy and i was laughing. I didn't care that I had just lost $600, and I still dont. the rage I hold is channeled upon this guy in that my actions I would commit to him where I to see him again, but I wouldn't touch that Jamaican dude, buff guy. so it was a rather semi-sish profound experience, I was surprised that it really didnt bother me this just happened, it was past and past is past, it matter no longer. and this past passed in 5 min. then my mind got a little carried away and just started going off on an uncontrollable tangent of thinking of the situation--which was simply annoying cus I wasn't able to enjoy the silence and the serenity of like first part of my walk.

I got back to my hotel. converted the $30 us I had in my wallet bought me some food called my father, talked to him about the shiza and non related stuff went to sleep, then got up and was offered by a scouter a position as an extra in some tv show or something. thus began my continued working in mumbai as a rising film star.

so that was the situation, this is the situation now let me tell you what will be the situation:
the cash on my atm which is more then I had calculated in my head, will be saved until I leave india and this region. so europe and the states. the only money I have im making daily. what started at 500rs a day has moved up to 700rs a day as an extra, and its a matter of time and meeting people before it goes up more. but im living off about 250 a day so im saving a good deal.

Now as im broke, im making some cash for fluffly purposes. I want: to do a vippassina meditation, which will be on donation. and maybe work on an eco farm volunteering, earning food and board. this incident is not ending my trip by any means, and i've looked at it in the light that this has a lot of good things for me in this happening. im living how i've been needing to live. bare bones to the max. its forcing me to do things I know would be good for me but my conviction is lacking. like farm work and vipassina and washing my own laundry by hand. less travel and more me. mediate me, radiate me, be me. I like the sound of that. Im happy, life is good and if I go off the radar, then you all know that i've forewarned you. so don't be worried. but I dont know what will happen. I never do and never will. life changes so fast. the first few days I was just swelled over with love and joy, and it was amazing to be in. so much love to give and I already had from myself, ive just gotta "learn the ways of unlove", like osho says. and that happened to a great degree when I lost my money. im not attached to $600 but im attached to my hemp hat. and would in great pain if I lost it. *wobbles head, indian style*

Enjoy what is,
Love Colin

Kuwatian Banks & Soap Operas

2006-03-28T07:10:00.000+02:00

If Hindu gods have four legs where do they keep their anus, or do they have multiple anuses, and if they have multiple anuses how is food distributed within their system? Okay for starters who has multiple anuses....no no no, do Hindu gots even eat food. like i know bannanas and cocouts are burned, but then they dont need to be digested. i would say they pee alot, as in rain water.
How are you doing man? pretty well
If you had a crush on a girl would you tell her? yes (peevishly spoken to you, like that of a child, cute and innocent)
If you had a crush on a guy would you tell him? no....hmmm, i remark 'tis interesting this remark it is.
Are you going to (copy this blog onto an email and) send this to ten people to get goodluck and guarenteed love 4 ever with the man or woman of your dreams? Im sorry Alex, but i just wont be flying to Kuwait on a rubber airplane, you'll have to find a new starfish.
Good, (precious) good.... --Yes, thats right alex.
BTW, where do you live right now? Mumbai, India; Colaba District, Salvation Army Hostel
Oh in that shitty apartment complex by the gas station where that one guy got shot like two years ago? dude like who got shot? In Burma they sell gas in liter coke bottles stashed in crates in convienence stores.

Woodle Poodle, yea i saw some dogs of a foriegn (from india) flavour today.
But i have to tell you my breakfest of (yesterday 3) four peices of white bread, butter and jam for two, beans and a mini green banana are really something! This is of course courtesy of my hostel the (announcer voice, Christian) SALVATION ARMY!!! well ive stayed here before, nothing remarkable, relatively clean, though people get bit all the time by strange creatures.

So i finally left Thailand.
AirIndia Gave me two free beers and dinner.
The Pre-paid Taxi tried to make me pay 390rs. to get to Colaba from the airport, I complained seeing how the sign behind him said 325, and he said "Service charge", i say :"its says 5 rs for service charge". he says" some X charge", i say "it says 10 rs", he says "okay okay 350 rs." I say but it says 340 (or something near) then he turns to the next guy and helps him, so i give him the money and he gives me my change, and i walk away peeved cus i check my money and notice its all got holes in it. Indian People wont take torn or holes in their money.

Then The next Day, (which was so exciting)

I was an extra (last minute) for a Commercial of an Indian Soap Opera set in London. they dressed us white people up to look like english men, and the buildings are all british archetecture, all warm clothes for winter, though it aint winter here in mumbai, so they shaded the area and sprayed it with a hose. So i walked with my arm around a friend a met awhile ago (as extra's) down a "london street" walking past the star for the soap. apparently, shes english but her father was indian, and she didnt know that, cus her father was a drunkard and left her along time ago. so she starts having visions of India "India calling to her" so she comes to India, meets some people under strange coincedences and discovers shes Indian....Then i sat on a bench holding hands enraptured in stimulating fraternization with another women while the main acctress walks, stops abruptly sees a purple car broken down, a british lady trying to fix it. she walks over (though i didnt see much cus i wasnt allowed to look, cus im supposed to be sucked into this other women--mind you all the extras were like what the fuck, werent you walking with some other women two min ago, "yeah", i replied, but the director told me to have this (swiss) women as my girlfriend.) and puts one of those good luck charms onto the front of the vehicle, thes that are always on cars and trucks, like some hot green little peppers and some yellow thing...yes i should learn. anywho im to assume the car after that was supposed to start, but i know no more as shooting was stopped for the day. they paid me 500rs for like 5 hours of work.
That Night: i was accosted in haste duration multiple times as to do commericals for the following day. well i just wanted to do bollywood (which i havent done yet, and wont this trip to mumbai) but anywho these guys got in an argument as to which one gets me (as in who found and talked to me first) but they have agents and agents spies all over, so in the same hostel two different guys are working for different agents, and i said yes to talking to both of them. anywohoo one of them insulted the others mother, and so began the fists. i was like this is silly. i was like i dont care which of you talked to me first. ima gonna do whats i wants to DO! but they fought anyways. so one commerical for as below, the other was for a face bleach commerical set on an airplane....HEH OOOH!

The Next Day:
I was an extra in a commerical advertising the NBK, National Bank of Kuwait. Set in the Mumbai Cricket stadium(where they just had the england vs india cricket game a week ago), playing football and cheering for the the world cup. So here are the Kuwatian stars (employees of NBK) of the shoot sitting in the middle of the stand, talking a few short lines in Arabic. Something dealing with the game. while we The white extras (four or 5 of us) were positioned in a circle around the kuwati's, the that was just the beggining, the bullseye effect was created when the rest of the extras were indians. so its as set: Kuwatiis, Circle of white people, Indians to make white circle way obvious, and strange. so we cheered and i wore their NBK Jersy and sat around while they yelled at the indians for not standing up when told to. and flipping their signs from white to bluee in sync or at all. the last shot of the day, with the football game and the crowd in one, the indians were all tired from constant crowd shots, and we had a break from the last two. so i had some energy and started doing a really cheer and scream, which they thought just strange. so massive stares and smiles. (Oh yea they had us say Jamila several hundred times, in whisppers and it yells. it means action in arabic. ) so at the end i had like 100 indian guys to shake hands with. They gave us whittys 600rs. so that was my commercial experience. Im going to Pakistan.

...Soon.

A few more things in India before.

Ciao Amgos,
Love and Sex n' Stuff in White- Colin

I Gots the Videos But not the Pictures...yet.

2006-03-22T07:19:00.000+02:00

Click Here for the Depository: http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=colin+mcleod
I imagine that they'll keep piling up :)

But for now enjoy:

'Pringles N' Burma' (I Clicked play and it didnt work, so if same for you click to link above and use google directly)

Colin McLeod - The dictation of your hesitation Leads to your Salvation, Awareness Finds Your Face as a brick off a building meets gravity and its firends at the bottom.

The Blog of "who's doing nothing?" Me

2006-03-18T17:55:00.000+02:00

Your current Physical Position in The Universe: (Earth of Course, but WHERE):
Can you stick your tounge in view of a live webcam feed to England? Yea but, i dont even know them, its the people siting next to me.

What? Yea that's Old, Dem Thai Chicks.

I Know, for my own good, but im just so--got nothing to do and im doing nothing. well Im in bangkok. i had my 4 wisdom teeth removed and it feels like i got four holes in my mouth, though i keep tounging out the stitches, not that it really matters. and having the occasionally taste of blood is kinda nice, just got suck on my mouth a little bit and i can taste blood. makes my mouth mettalicly fresh. So im taking in EAsssy on account of that, though, it feel its not nessesary...though thats of course how i would feel until i got sick or something with holes in my teeth. yea the doc wanted to give me anti-biotics because im Farang (white), and not a native, i told him i dont like anti-biotics and his like yea its just because your white. so i said okay im not that white and i only took the painkillers. I was hoping for some good ones. Something cool! but all i got was silly Ibprofun, like fushies i've got that in my bag for headaches. aaw! its okay, it does do the job! though theres not much of a job to do. the pain is more of just an annoyance then anything.

Well...Nothing past, not gonna future it. Saw some movies. 'V' was way cool and made me laguh during the fight scenes cus it was so cool that he was kicking the shit out of the government bad guys and i read a interview by natalie portman and it was so great that i i've fallen in love with her. she was all this movies great because it echoes alot of, more subtle, the american government push of fear on its people as a means of control. spoken as her personally belief, i was so happy. i just was like woohooo out loud when the movie was over and clapping. yea i know and hear i get to read stuff like (bush) "India's Best friend" on newspaper headlines. shizzle. i wish i wish i wish. so i walked home and started fantasying about how i could start a revolution of soveirnty in america. like protest YOUR rights. like being able to do what ou want with your own body, and if your body injures someone then you pay the consequences in that order, no laws to beeak cus laws are stupid and a way of controling people that havent done anything wrong. its moe fear. aah

ciao ciao, mabye ill go beach for a couple days after stiches are removed on monday. then go back to india on my booked reservation for the 24th.

Colin The Happy body filled with gelatin flavored Aspartin-free drug lacing for green coke. ( i read that coca-cola was originally green colored!)

Not fair to clare Burmas the place of lovely grace

2006-03-14T13:51:00.000+02:00

OOOH NO YOU DONT, you fratulent turd pie.

Yo, so this is the story about a man who useda worry about the birds and the bees and their allusive similies. I found my way on a bus one day heading forward to lets say, though the place in quesiton begets to lesten the importance of my ride. i found myself complexed to the depth of a sugar coated lollypop on a summers moon ride. this is to say i found my way to the gates of hell incarnate. pardon my ascension i have past the retention and skiped the blocks of time away.a long ride to, many astop we did do, looking forward to. stopping at last with glass in my ass, i had time to blow and nowhere to show, went to a performance, seeing the young girls dance singing sweet songs in thai, their parents a-wathcing with fervent adoration, i myself, finding it slow, as seen before thrice or twice, this time around the massage was for me, so me and my mate from israel sat ourselves down to elongate, time past well, our feet on the shelf, two hands giving their best for the test. she passed the test i must rest, so walking back to slumber...

In the morning we went to end our silly way, renewing our stays and the like. but i decided to stay on the other side of this way, leaving me in foriegn lands. north and west of thai lies a land too spry in actions to control, the lives of so many live under fear from the devils incarnate. the government it is controling all that is. they i blame, made me: stopped some more, each at every door leaving the copies of my life on paper at their door, stamps to aprove but 14 times rubbs on peoples minds as both parties felt the time, slowly we and even they wished it would not come to this, but their just doing what their told.

theres also a place across the line, a cave underground stretches its way hidden to all, leading up to the otherside, thats right the rumored cave, like the underground railroad, may people died, no light it seems and no clear path to be. but its locked and sealed from all revealed but i found and saw the gate.

I made it at last finding no glass, many smiles to decorate, the faces of joy lighting up by my plot of being white in dark places. i couldnt help it i swear, but i was there, no matter where you couldnt bear to look up this place from geographics of our race. south and east to an alarming degree lied the town i lay. norther to that Mong lar--its a fact, run by the people of the republic of CHINA, though on burmease soil. yes i say, i must comment today, the town is all chinease, not friendly they are so i must bar the windows outside from their silly rhymes. the town it was, dead as a dove, dropped from heavns and changed into dust. the casinos had closed, forced from above as wars and conflicts immerge and diverge--and plain and simple i didnt get it, some people are stupid, anyway the town need be saved so prostituion ran rampant. well it must tell this place is for them, as chinease arrive daily, by air, they fly, landing to whore for cheap on the yuan. my hotel was nice, cheap and close to the price. but the hotel it was housed by whores leaving cards under my door. fine i say a collection for today, and tommarow i show the world, but its all in chinease and i could sneeze and they wouldnt even face me. they ignore me so well like i cant even spell. though its true i dont speak like them, not willing to teach i just had to preach in my own tougne and get by without rum.

i left soon later, trucking through mountains arriving back to kyain kychung, but the ride was fun, i didnt lose my thumb, but had they braked i would spread upon and rub, the surface that lasts close to ass-fault noone to blame, and no belt to contain had i been projected i would die. fun it was riding front seat on the truck roof it was i who found it snug as a rug being used as a plug.

I did a mountain village trek too, and found some brown necks, they were very shy, they wouldnt even cry had i pulled on their tub and rubed. i showed them my sack of hackys to hack. they would touch it but not with their feet. thats the point i said here i show you instead and watched curiosity rumble. still they would not kick this soft rock and juggle with the limbs of the ground. okay it was they invited us down, upon the ground in their hut, the ground was lined with bamboo mats to make it pretty and soft---it was. they gave us some tea and we passed out some candy, i thought it was silly, but it was our guide who acccomplished this task that made me ask what about the their teeth. they dont brush he said and i left i that that, hes comes often and gives much of that sweet substance, a nice guide he was, i thank him well done weird man a good trek/hike, well and hot..

So that was my trip to burma in a bag, but i warn to all who read, this bag as wholes as big as your nose and im not sorry i tried litle repair. for as all is dear when your over here, and less of a care for you over there, not too diss but this is how it is.

oooh there was a hot spring their that smelled of chickens spoiled spawned shells. Sulfur it would be hot as can be a good bath for me, as you must see:

W ait Wait Wait, i can Elongate not on past, but present and last.

so i had to leave and got food poisioning, that order it would seem. back to chang mai, arrived in bangkok smoked with a bang. the tire blew and too all that knew we changed and were on our way.

Bangkoks a bang, for those who stay sane, the others just live in the bang. went to a caberat(spelling) they opened with a song from Moulin Rouge way totally cool. there was also a fat chick and her boob popped out, though it think it was staged. they danced and lipped too songs that were hip, like usher and madonna, dressing like them, good look-a-likes they were. funny song skits in between. HAHA a scream! a free beer too. hmm that'll do, everything ryhmes with jew, except you! pfft im done, gonna find some sun, a couple hours more and teeth'll be pulled leaving gaps abold, some extra room to grow wweeeeeheee what a show.

pictures in a few i promised the jew....and a mormon to be factual.

Supposing The Release of Turkish Invaders

2006-03-03T07:22:00.000+02:00

What's better than having your colon caffeinated?
Having a 24 year old beautiful Thai nurse do it for you!

If this titillates your being in any manner, shape or form please read on.

It was a long haul down the dusty roads of Chang Mai, escaping this devils paradise was like ridding a 8foot bunny rabbit through a thunderstorm of wildcats and dogs. those rabbits are expensive for my tastes, and though my haggling skills are either bad or these rabbits don't haggle, i managed to secure my escape in luxury of cold air and western? music. yes, yes, yes. it wasn't long before i wonder what could have possible possessed this driver to illuminate his beautiful shabby van with TV's and western music. The awnser : Money. --well that's another story for not this blog...there's a few like that. From now on Blog writer, mediator, and censor, Colin McLeod will hereby dub any stories/paragraphs/sentences/words, experiences, philosophies, ideologies, theologies, ideas, sounds, pictures, feelings, expressively but not limited to, not fit for all general audiences with DRAAPLE!

Down the road again...I arrived at my unknown to me auspicious destination, with its palm trees, swimming pools, golf carts, porters, welcomers', fan fare, grass and MY--as ADVERTISED-- welcome tea.
(It was good welcome tea too!)

They sat me down holding my hand the entire way through the arduous and scary process of passports and paperwork. when that was done i met the golf cart and the porter. he was a good porter, so responsible in the art of carrying my luggage, which i resisted at first, fearing to break his small Thai back with my monstrous bag of goods for my back and my unaccustomness to people carrying my LIFE on THEIR backs for services which i did not expressively communicate for.

After arriving in my 3 Star Fan room, eyeing the porter suspiciously for causes u--DRAPPLE-he left, i immediately begin my search n' snoop n' discover 'n goodies for which I've paid*.
Here is what i Found:

6 flavors of teas as follows
6 Petite oranges that could have passed through somebodies colon...whole. Though they were tasty.
Two bottles of packaged purified non-ozonized, non reverse-osmosisized water.
One pitcher of water (Not SEALED).
Two Glasses for drinking Nam daintily wrapped in some type of foreign tissue paper.
One Electric Tea Pot.
Two Beds, each fit with one Neck pillow, decorative pillow (green and violet), and sleeping pillow.
One Balcony over looking some grass, then a moat, then lined to above the sky with trees which thus protected my eyes from more green grass and fields in far away places.
A shower Curtain.
One Personal size (Wash's 5-6 showers uses) bar of Jasmine soap, used at my discretion for washing the body, and one personal size bar of Rosemary soap, used soley the clensing of my hands.
Two personal size plastic bottles of shampoo fragrance X and two personal size plastic bottles of...something.
6 Q-Tips
2 Shower Caps.

For the shower caps, Q-Tips, Shampoo's, Somethings and teas were all confiscated by Myself, Colin McLeod upon departure 3 days, 2 nights later.

Then 'DRAPPLE'S of the 10th Degree' (Note levels of the Drapple are permitted, because: to produce aesthetically or superficial suspense not acquired through matters of rectitude, meaning purely promiscuous--or is it precarious?..yes it is, the latter.) My spidy sense began tingling: Intrusions are imminent....moments latter...A knock at the door. Door Answered. AHHAA! INTRUDERS...with a ladder, okay i let him in, he was backed by the master of the house of my room, he proceeded to the bathroom and was in and out for the next 3 days/two nights.

...Time elapses...during the production of this DRAPPLE. (Sorry the author was zipping up his fly, how embarrassing. ALL REPEAT!)

So i found myself, or navigated by primal senses to the food arena, cave men would have gawked in perturbation's at the sights, smells and tastes discovered. They were all (to quote a cool 40yr old guy i met from Hawaii) "funky". though this funky is meant to not imply any sort of negative use..think along the lines of exotically sprawled out from all corners of 'Martha Stewart's eating right in the Caribbean' mashed with the inventors of Wheat Grass and Sarsaparilla. Shelves of teas i had never heard of in my life divided into 4 categories: morning, lunch, tea time and dinner, all with labels (like everything else) stating good for digestion, prevents aid--eer cancer, reduces bloating, promotes sleep, refreshes the mind, enlivens the soul, reinvigorates your energy. The food had similar labels except all accompanied by Good for Blood type A, AB and O and stuck to the physical side of health, immunities to cancer, cleans colon, liver and what else. i had a particularly good time reading the labels, they taught me so much about being health conscious. They always had some juices with weird names like 'munry' or 'lacer' some tasted strong like acid others more acrid either way i did enjoy the variety..i bursted when i saw the carrot juice and went bananas (not over the traditional varied meals that actually concerned and contained bananas-- the 101 different ways to eat them, fried cooked, steamed, poached, in coconut sauce and yada yada.) when my eyes rested upon the salad bar...some good SALADS!.

Now your wondering where am i, and why am i not wearing a loin cloth right? I was at The 'Tao Garden' run by some famous Thai guy with lots of books....blah blah blah. Actually he was really nice, he welcomed me and sat down and chatted with me for a few minutes, which in his position not many care to do. The Tao garden a place for Healing of the Body mind and soul. align the chakras find the CHI, eat healthy have new age treatments and that whole goose spiel. This is all (Note the previous *) courtesy of my father, who found, mentioned and paid for this 3 day/two night adventure in health.

Enough. to the juice. Brown, Smelly, and watered down. (Nam means water in Thai)

The Treatments

Thai Massage $15Colonic $45
Far infrared komeda $25
Detox Massage $35
Ozone/Oxygen Therapy $25
Testicle Massage $35
Aura Reading $25

Hmmm...who's expressing extroverted or intro a slightly or drastically elevated hmmm? good for you. and do you know what that means? since it strikes you in some way, emotions good or bad, you should probably, given the opportunity do it too, because it would be GOOD for you (Dee means good in Thai).

But now that i've really massaged your attention your stuck to this medium for further information and explanation, which i promise all will be explicated.

But for Now (sequential order):
Thai Massage: a good massage very thorough and relaxing.

Colonic. remember the opener? well i had my colonic (-ic) cleaned out with Water, Coffee and some soap thing. This was quite the experience. felt weird, but maintained A++ Sanitary conditions. Imagine, those nurse fantasies males have, cute nurse, wears a skirt 'n nurse uniform. yea well this was her, and 24 yr old, that nurse from American pie (2 i think) that Stiffler had in the sperm clinic, yea well imagine her a Thai women, same vibe in the face--that naughty vibe, just faintly...this was a very non-sexual event. the other women like 42 was massaging my abdomen the whole time and kept speaking lusciously in Thai to the 24yr old about me. which she sometimes translated. Meh, it was all friendly. but me and the 24yr old were chatting away the whole time and laughing and almost flirting....if there wasn't a tube up my ass yea flirting would be positively described. Though i did ask, I failed in receiving her Telephone number.
Afterward they provided me a 6 set meal of liquids to digest...Papaya, Wheat Grass, Apple Vinegar with Honey and some other stuff i couldn't recognize.

The infrared was like a Sauna, i was in a sauna enclosure but it was heated by special infrared rods that emit healthy waves like the sun does (but without the bad) onto my sweat dripping body...yea it was Hot, but not that hot. Archie you would have loved it. also the next.

Detox Massage: another brave adventure (but not, with the testie massage in the ring still to come)
I was massaged by another BEAUTIFUL THAI WOMEN how old? 24. i began to wonder about this young age thing, i later met a the blood doctor who was 26 or 8 a male..they like producing youngins in the field. cool. so she massaged by body with oil. yea it was nice, felt good, and detoxed my body--I'm sure it helped. she also hit me with these weird sticks at the end. they make the blood flow, i believe.

Ozone was like sauna except my body was in a sauna box with my head sticking out and that had like a mask (normally for breathing) that i placed around my body (with ozone/oxygen coming out) all the while a Thai women massaged my head gave me water through a straw and had COLD COLD water and cloth to moisten my face in. all of these were alot of fun, i usually just talked with the Thai women and as a result my knowledge of the Thai language as doubled in those two days.

Okay were here I'm sorry you had to wait so so so so so so so so long.
The

TESTICLE MASSAGE

well if there was a massage that had conspicuous effects and there was because, it was this one. HOLY SHIIIZA. yes it was a little weird at first. but after awhile it was completely normal, we began chatting away and having conversations, and i learned how to saw you are beautiful in thai ' Kun Su-Ouuie (hard to pronounce, much more write) Mak Ma'. though at one point she started saying there were people outside waiting to barge in and see my naked penis. then she said we charge two baht to let those people in. i kept telling her 100 baht...then she kept saying she gets to look at me for free, she was bad and older...which in this instance was a very good thing. So a little on the process of the testicle massage. well for starters it was PAINFUL. HOLY SHIIZA like there's no way you could become aroused with that amount of pain being shooting from your tesites up inside your belly, that feeling men know intimately if they have been kicked in the balls, though not nearly this bad but just imagine 20 min of that pain if you squeeze them in the write place men and feel it shoot, imagine it for 20. she actually started massaging my abdomen, which hurt too. at one point and throughout the whole time but not as bad, i began spontaneously to laugh hysterically. like a real hearty laugh, a good one. JUST LAUGHTER, PURE BLISS. this had a couple causes. one it was because she was massaging and i believe it released some blocks in me, causing immense laughter. and because I thought how ridiculous is this...a women massaging my testicles and it hurts. an intense mix of pain and laughter. i was laughing and screaming (not blood curtling or anything, but...yeah) after it was over, i came downstairs and became spontaeously happy- blissful josh shelvin style. i booked it making funny noises and started running around the resort.

Came back and had my aura reading done. wow like im a beliver these things are incredible accurate. just amazing what they can get from scanning all your finger tips. maps out the whole body and gives information on every organ. shows all this great stuff. like the aura, alignment of the chakras and yea. like my Heart and Earth (1st, sex) chakra are totally on key, well slightly off but damn near perfectly aligned. the others need some good healthy work and excercise. it said my tonsils were freaking out (which for me, was used to verify the accuracy of this, because i know my tonsils are unhappy) my liver is a little off...we dont know why, i honestly dont suspect alcohol, my binges are very rare, like that blog write was a once in thailand for being drunk. beers here and there. it also said my adrenal glands were over working. usually meaning im stressed, this one was kinda a mystery, though i can feel stress sometimes and do, i didnt feel it that big a deal, though i have been freaking out over some silly and stupid things, minorly. my colon, but that was cleaned. and yeah.

well i also had a blood cell peek. where they drew blood(id like to find a scanner and post the pics) and viewed it under a high powered eer scope...i forgot the word opposite telescope, aah microscope. yea. it was really cool, my blood looks drastically healthier after just two days.

then i came back to Chang Mai, and I'm now deciding when I'm going to get my wisdom (all four) teeth removed in Thailand for $400.

For a piece of peace, please email me and ill give you the directions to get the whole thing, starting with you may have to perform self mutilation rituals disguised as myself, Colin McLeod, The Author of 'Sex: The Ways of the Force Colliding with money, status and Other Things to Horrible to Mention', outside some actress's house who HATES KITTENS and then mail me my $4 to: APlace, N, ChangMai, marked with a postal stamp from Vermont or Guam. oh and if Michael Jackson asks you to ride his "Big John's Caboose" or eat his "Home Made Apple Pies" Ask for the $4 first, receive it, with giving no collateral, wearing 5 pairs of boxers/under/shorts and pants (one being Velcro, HE HATES VELCRO (spelling?), and Run to the Safe House.

Peace and Love,
Colin The Brave

The Boom Boom Failed?

2006-02-24T21:00:00.000+02:00

Wait so the boom boom failed...i dont belive that question was every correctly, and clearly stated. so for the record it shall still remain allusive. but thats okay--isnt it folks. Though, and this is a BIG THOUGH:

New Official Survey:

Has Colin Paid money for Sexual Intercoarse?

Oh yes, im completly serious, before you read this today did you think i was a good little sex/no sex boy or a bad little sex boy who stars as the financial chief in matters illegal prostitution?

Dont be Shy.

Next Order of the flow sheet.

The Thai Chicks do WHAAAAT!?

2006-02-19T16:30:00.000+02:00

Whereyu live dogg? some fat aussie in thailand hostel
Jus' how cool is Hoku? Fuck.

"Sitting with Colin in Big John's, he's trying to speak in the worst possible English accent - we don't all sit and drink tea all day either!!" -Ella, English

Im receiving a massage right nowwwwwwwwwwwwww......This one is from a friend. Finally got my visa today! They lost my application, and my receipt was "stolen along with my bag" (aka lost) so there was a lot of waiting involved. But they found it and im a happy boy.

So couple nights ago I was hanging with some people: one guy from Wyoming, one girl from Canada, a guy from Las Vegas, and bloke from New Zealand. Well we went out clubbin'm we got outrageously lashed and mortled by an incessant consumption of alcohol. It was a fun time, alcohol is very fun and interesting. Lowers those inhibitions which I think if every person did when they were sober, society would be more salubrious, significantly--Alcohol is Escapism. Anyways, we went to a couple clubs, one was 20+ due to Thai law, legal to drink at 18 but these clubs--completely decent, music and alcohol, not like whores and dancing women-- fortunately we had the girl(on the left, the one on the right was just some chick with a candied bra--the men ate at it.hu hu hu) purposefully dress "slutty" to be let in with ease and a Thai guy who did all the talking and all the work getting us in. YEA Thai Dude! Stumbling out onto the street at 2 am Lo and Behold:

Fried Scorpians!

Then a Prostitute gave me her personal phone number, covertly hiding it from the pimp that was pimpin' her and all the other prostitutes out for the club. It was crazy. We walk into this club, packed full of people, great for 3am. Against the back wall was a line a stools with women just sitting there, yea whores...So the L.V. dude was like hey "lets fuck with em"--pardon the pun.

"I had 7 mosquito bites today. And I killed 3 fucking mosquitoes with my bare fucking hands" - Gerry, signaporian

so we walk over there and he's hitting on this chick. shes actually the only beautiful women there, young 20's, the only one who doesn't look like a whore...So she left and I wanted to sit down...I smoke like 3 cigarettes that night (no worries, i have no CRAVING, I still despise just look[inserts picture of ciggerte carton--worse than england])--helps keep down the vomit reflex, and my legs were burnt out from all day--so I took her seat and then she came back and just hung around next to me. She was all dancing and having me hold her with my arms, so im like okay sitting on a stool and using my upper body to dance with her, but I was like "heh" as long as I dont have to stand ill dance with you. she told me to give her a call, but I haven't yet, that was like a week ago. Though, I would like to meet a prostitute on a non sexual meeting to actually---do prostitutes have souls?--yes yes exactly that, talk to them women.

Then we went back to fat aussie's (Big John's) hostel at 5am. I was talking (lying face down on the table in the dining room) talking to this chick, she left. Causing me to look up, I noticed dawn was becoming. I've been trying to see Wat Arun (Temple of the Dawn) at dawn for like a week 1/2 but have been unable to wake from hypnotic sleep. This was the only way it was going to happen. That made 19 hours no sleep, knew this would keep me above 24hours. I wen,t it was really nice.

"I got there about 20 min before anyone else *cough* camera happy tourists. So I had 20 min to walk around and enjoy it chanting aloud, then I took some pictures with the tourists (they were all Asians, them whities weren't up yet) I was disappointed that I couldn't go up top, I suppose I could of just walked past that no entry sign...But I didn't want no disrespect. a beautiful temple. Boat rides are fun, water smells like rotten eggs mixed with mildew, but it makes the good smells more appreciable. That night/day I stayed up 30 hours, it was intense, staying up past the allotted hangover time so all day I just felt mindless with an irritable headache."

Being conscious when your on substances is interesting, theres no more being un-conscious on drugs anymore...its impossible, drugs and alcohol for me now and really most all my life Can not be used as an escape. but now I can have fun cus as a soul im alot cleaner...hu hu hu

...Im dead, so tired.....Night.....

Couple days later with Gerry the chick from singapore and this bloke from england....names *sighs*! We decided to go SHOPPING for FOOD. but we got sidetracked along the way. Theres like Strip Joints, Private Asian Clubs (Kan), Exotica Clubs EVERYWHERE!
Eventually we made it to the super duper market of Ridiculously Prices Goods from General Mills and other Imported products from America. One Large Box of Honey Nut Cheerios $10

Cheer-ee-Ohs!

Cheer Da O's!

Cheer Da Hoes Up Get a massage! (Sex Not Included)

Toys and Pretty Girls: Do's and Don'ts, Don'ts and Do's

2006-02-12T08:02:00.000+02:00

I'll have to wait until i'm at least 28, but 45 is reccomended more profusely. half of it isn' even about the sex, it's about the only things males have ever known: conquest. It's strutting down the street with your NEW 80 lb toy around your waist. and of course boys will be boys: toy's must be compared. the oggle is a common trait on the street. It's dangerous to walk the street alone--without a toy around your waist. you risk toys walking with you.
Smiling is above all the greatest danger. one must be extra cautious when smiling, it's far to dangerous. smiling and looking. if your eyes are caught looking at a girl and your smiling, thats like buying a drink for them, because they know you will, unless of course there's as toy already around your waist---that hasnt been my case, i've had to fend for myself. its a jungle of scantilous 80lb women.
in the end you always pay for sex. one ways a little quicker. here if your feeling shy about frankly handing over 2500 bhat then you can buy them a few drinks, some ice cream then hand the 2500 over. as it is for most men here, "blowing my tubes" is what it all comes down too, so the pick the "shy" method as it is flirtatiously more exciting and it doesn't insult their integrity--though that rarley comes into question.

it does present a problem: how do you filter out the toys, aka prostitutes, from the pretty girls you wanna converse with? how do you know if you buy them a beer, they'll be wanting you to buy sex? here a few simple tips do's and dont's or don'ts and do's(puns are prohibited):
Note: looking, smiling and acknowledging only increases the odds of Toys and pretty girls, one more than the other.
1. If a women accosts you speaking in Thai, a few simple phrases or a whole nosefull = toy
2. If a women says hello "sadee-kaa" and/or boys like a prayer (with their hands) = Pretty girl
3. If a women says Massage = Toy
4. If a women walks with you and tries to lock arms, then when responding "Mai Chai" (No) they slap your butt and leave. = Toy
5. If they're dressed modestly or whorisly for a night club = A little tricky on the modest side, but generally, Toy. (depends where)

Tina Says Hi!

2006-02-10T11:57:00.000+02:00

Current Location: Salvation Army Hostel, Colaba District, Mumbai, India
(Feb. 7)

After Tanya the German prostitute left, i recoiled into fetal position, began to wail and moan for my lost cookie, suddenly i began to lose control and all the bananas began sprouting. After a titillating encounter with my lost friend i had to clean the floor (it was very wet), upon the arrival of the first explosion i decided to cool it a bit, so i gave away my Tupperware in exchange for a tub of ice and manjula's (real) email address. After much deliberation i told the Tej to leave it alone, he departed with a smile on his model-esk (with sunglasses) face kicking up dirt from his man machine on wheels. In my dismay at his happy departure i left to find one more cold coffee (the next day) which i silently drank with Rinchen and Kim before my own departure. They were happy; i had just bestowed upon them my Tupperware, 2 pillows, 1 blanket, 1 sheet (purple) and a winter coat which i have taken oath to recover upon my arrival back into this fair country (actually its quite dark--though there was a time say December 2 MCMXI when King George and Queen Mary (The Imperial Majesties) Landed with Oath and Honor as white powerful entities

(I wonder if they ever got attacked by banana stealin' waterbottle lickin' Cute, big, small, and nasty MONKEYS from the Island of Elephanta, which is silly and funny and touristy, and i feel weird so im staying alert and aware to try and understand whats the deal with white people in india that unnerves me so much at times, and locations specific to touring. Its obviously something in me.)
So yeah i Rubbed and Kissed Shiva's Lingam(heaven forbid i dare, ponder, hesitate to offend Shiva's Almighty Penis. Then i hiked to a different mountain (not dared by tourist's, not mentioned either), i was looking for the Buddha stupa) and i found another massive rock in a mountain carved out with a sacrificial alter for Hinduism ceremonies, and inside the yard was a HOLY Cow --me and the cow had some intense staring contest, i felt kinda bad afterwords cus i think i like invaded his private temple, but i knelt down with an Aum shanti and a Namaste to redress the cow and the temple--actually it was a little freaky. it was like death vibe and stuff. there was this pool carved in the rock full of water secluded off to the left and i peered into it and found bones! though i rationalized, and decided it was far to small to be a femur bone of a human being (the other ones were covered by earth) Then i continued on and found a big dried up whole on the top of the mountain, that was built up with stones to make a dry reservoir. and at the very tip top of the mountain i found a beautiful view of the whole island, surrounding islands, the ocean and the smog, all obscured by trees! (this is on the side of the mountain i hiked, not the top--Duh)

I met a man with a name from Boise, Iowa--Idaho....aaw--not important--who was a volunteer on the hotshots fire crew in Boise, X. yeah he fought the rodeo chediski fire back in Arizona couple years ago. crazy!

I have U.S. Dollars again, eight of them. its incredible! They're so green and greedy and i envy their sharp looks.

P.S. I forgot to mention Tina had a go at my chest of Love.

Part 2:
Current Location: Big Johns Hostel (they have Big Johns Apple Pies too),Bangkok, Thailand.
(Feb. 9)
There is one thing i need to clear up before i speak any further. I don't know Sex, I don't Know Drugs, and i DO NOT know aids. with that said i do know beauty: It doesn't take a painted island, In Tailand its flocks of women who weigh less than 100lbs and speak through their nose and throat. Heh, yea Bangkok is sweet. I was smiling the whole way from the airport in Mumbai to Big Johns Hostel in Bangkok, sporadically i would burst into orgasmic smiles which were highly contagious to any passers by, as a result i have broke the record for mass conjoined orgasms. But i just got up like one hour ago its like 1am now, i arrived at 11am (Bangkok time) the previous day i went 20hours no sleep, including that hike up a island mountain, i thought it would be cool not to sleep the four hours on the plane which would cause me to not fall asleep till big johns making a record of 27 hours no sleep. Shux! though my four hour sleep on the airplane was the epitome of serene. it was one of those perfect sleeps where you close your eyes and then you open them with no clatter, noise, just a Buddha ocean of pure silent consciousness in between. The last time (lamenting now) i slept that nice was 3rd week of jan. '06 outside of pune, a place called "The Garden of Eden" (very beautiful), with a beautiful Chilean women named Vanita. aaaw, im getting all meltin' lovin'. Who does colin miss? i shouldn't...but i do, silly lamenting attatched feelings, that leave me hanging all useless. My head is always hurting rragilbabibilayata wee!

(Feb. 10)
well i've been waiting to post these pictures for a couple days now so here are the pictures. Boom Boom--depending what country and culture your engaged in it means different things.
I'll be in thailand for like a month (after i need a visa) i leave Bangok in 5-6 days, when i get my new visa for india for 3100 baught. yea thats right what did we pay in England Alex? like $120 aaah! Im going to hit some beaches, theres supposed to be a infamous full moon party on Koh Samui, But i had some serene beaches: Haad Tien, reccomended to me by a friend so ill try that out and mosey on. then ill pick somewhere north..near a temple perhaps. But the next blog be about me and thailand adventures...Night Day...It's all the same here! Im going to go find some temples and eat me some thai food "Wai" folks.

P.S. 50 cent is coming to Bangkok Feb 26.