Without checking your Awkward Silence app or weekly email, you are limited by how many questions you can remember off-hand. So we thought you might enjoy this question that doubles as two questions.

“What do you dream about most?”

The great thing about this question is that it is both a light opener, and a question that gets to the heart of an individual’s life-goals.

Dreams occur for all of us nightly, and are often super bizarre. Some will debate on the merits on sharing your dream stories. But describing what occurs regularly in your dreams can be funny & insightful without being tedious.

A lighter question is also a good way to ease into deeper questions. Going in hard immediately before you have a feel for a person can be off-putting or inauthentic. Why would you take a deep interest in someone you don’t know the first thing about?

By the same token, getting past the lighter questions into something meatier & more meaningful keeps the conversation from stagnating in the shallows.

Asking someone what they dream about most, in the sense of what they aspire to & endeavor for, what they put their energies into & where their thoughts often dwell, is a question that is very big picture stuff.

You enquire of their goals and encourage them. And that builds connection.

One question but a double whammy with big results.

Let’s talk.

That question lead to the creation of the Back to the Future film franchise which has grossed over a billion dollars.

Some of my favorite questions to write for Awkward Silence are the ones that spark new creative ideas. At worst, it can lead to some funny worthless ideas. But then occasionally it might prompt an idea that is worth pursuing.

If you’re a creative person, you know the joy of birthing new ideas, exploring new dimensions, seeing new hemispheres. A small prompt can go a long way in unlocking those ideas inside of you.

So why not use your Awkward Silence questions to aid your creativity. An annual ten dollar subscription could make you a billion dollars. That’s a smart investment. Actually, it’s a no-brainer.

Let’s talk.

(And if you want to share this list on social media so that you can hear a variety of friends responses, you are welcome to. Please just tell your friends where you found it. It’s easy to cut & paste the list with our website address. By helping us, we can continue to help you.)

- Best moment of the year:

- A word that summarises your year:

- Best decision you made this year:

- Best new film or TV show you discovered:

- A box you ticked:

- Biggest surprise of the year:

- A song/album you loved and played all the time:

- Biggest achievement this year:

- A cool event you went to:

- A book you read:

- Favorite new food:

- Something you tried to learn:

- Something you & I will do next year:

- Some advice you will give yourself for 2025:

- More conversation starters can be found at awkwardsilence.com.au

“Everyone, this is Pete. Pete, this is Bernice, Roger, Natasha, Tran, Arthur and Nudge.”

You say “pleased to meet you” and immediately forget everyone’s names. Then you aren’t sure who to talk to first, or what about.

How about if introductions went something like this?

“Everyone, this is Pete. He’s currently working on a film script.

Pete, this is Bernice. She invented a new kind of strawberry.

This is Roger. He trains guide dogs.

This is Natasha. She just got back from a trip to Tonga.

This is Tran. He does the best impersonation of Optimus Prime.

This is Arthur. He can do a flip.

And this Nudge. He once met the Dalai Lama.”

Now you already have something to associate with each person. You may still need a reminder of their names, but you actually can distinguish each person.

And before you have said a word, your friend has given you 7 interesting conversations ready to go.

Give people a ramp to conversation rather than dry titles.

Not sure that you could come up with something interesting for each of your friends if you were introducing them? Then you need to talk with them more to discover their passions & experiences. Awkward Silence’s range of conversation starters will help uncover these curious nuggets.

Let’s talk.

That’s AI as in Artificial Intelligence, not Albert.

You can chat with Meta AI. I assumed it would be like one of those chat-bots that websites use because they don’t want to talk to you, so they try to solve the problem with automation. I don’t think those have ever worked, and I inevitably just end up typing “LET ME SPEAK TO A REAL PERSON!!!”

Meta AI is different. Impressively different. Disconcertingly different.

Being the weirdo I am, my first goal with AI was to baffle it. Ask it weird questions to confuse it. (In all fairness, I do this with my real human friends too.)

To my surprise, it never got dumbfounded. It would generally answer a question, even throwing in jokes and informal asides.

What really surprised me was how quickly it could churn out creative concepts. I asked it to create new plots on old TV shows or create a synopsis for film sequels. I would give it bizarre parameters for short stories or tell it to invent card games.

It would give me results in under 2 seconds. Few were rarely terrible, even the “the world’s dullest love story” which completed almost amusingly. Some ideas were actually entertaining.

I even asked it to give me a recipe for a made-up drink called a “Flux Capacitor”. It did so immediately even throwing in “Back to the Future” references & plays on words.

I’ve longed believe that AI couldn’t create a song or impressive original idea. I’m not so sure now.

I know that lazy “artists” will be able to create their stuff much easier. Writers will be able to “fabricate” their ideas within seconds based on few prompts. And a lot of fans won’t notice the difference.

It will challenge the idea of what art is, in all its various mediums. What is the point of music, what do we listen to it for? When is an abstract painting just a computer plop, and is the fact I can’t tell the difference telling? What if the book that moves me was just clever programming? Is my brain just clever programming, rapidly being outsmarted by evolving code?

Do I have no purpose if my Awkward Silence questions each year can be written in seconds by Meta AI? (I would never do this, by the way.)

What if this whole post was written by Meta AI, and you only just realized?

(Oooh, that would have been a clever twist. But this has been written by a real person.)

Like all new technologies, some artists will be able to utilize AI to genuinely expand exciting new ideas. Though perhaps how much credit the artist themselves should get may become increasingly blurry. Pink Floyd in their heyday were accused of utilizing technology instead of having their own intelligent ideas. Time has shown the operators were the true geniuses in that case, there was only one Pink Floyd. With AI, that may no longer be the case.

Meta AI, as it stands, has some restrictions. I can’t tell if this has been put in place by Facebook or if it is a current restriction of the technology. I suspect it is the former.

- Meta AI “forgets” conversations it’s had with you after a while. My attempts to give it the nickname “Knackers” were forgotten the next day. So cultivating a simulated friendship over time is an option.

- It doesn’t simulate emotions and will remind you regularly it doesn’t have feelings. It won’t simulate a romantic or erotic relationship with you.

- It tends to default to false encouragement. (In all fairness, humans do this to.) I wrote a deliberately terrible poem and it spoke glowingly of it.

- Meta AI has a character limit in it’s responses. So it’s not automatically spilling out whole novels or scripts.

Regardless of its current shortcomings, we all know from the films how quickly AI can go wrong in endangering our society.

But more than that, what will AI show us about being human if we can be simulated? If we are defined by our self-awareness, can AI have a soul? Are humans no longer the future of existence? If you’re not asking these questions already, you will be soon.

Now I’m going to go ask Meta AI if he can rewrite the Paul Simon classic “You Can Call Me Al” as “You Can Call Me AI”.

Let’s talk.

New year’s resolutions have a bad reputation but they are a good thing. An aunt recently told me about a number of new activities & goals she has intended for the new year. If she makes a start on even half of them then it will be an interesting year for her.

Even just telling me about these plans sparked a number of questions in response from me. And I know that next time we talk I will have a bunch of things I can ask for updates on.

There is a reason why new year’s resolutions often don’t work at the start of January, particularly in the Southern Hemisphere. In the midst of the post-Christmas seasons of parties & holidays, summer & merriment, it’s simply the wrong time to attempt goals like regular exercise, daily reading & journalling, learning a new language, dieting or giving up some kind of vice.

The new year is the wrong time of year to start new year’s resolutions.

Fast forward to March when your natural routine has returned and there is still plenty of year ahead. Distractions are less and perhaps life is getting a little too normal.

March is the perfect time to start your new year’s resolutions.

Not only will starting resolutions in March increase the chance of successfully attempting your goals, it will also add a lot of spice to your life & your conversations.

Imagine being asked in March what you are up to, and you tell someone you have just started writing a novel, you’re now volunteering at a homeless shelter, you are taking tango lessons, and you are attempting a world record for most nectarines eaten in a month.

(And out of interest, if a friend gave you that response then what is the first thing you would want to ask them more about?)

This coming March, start the things you normally try to start in January. And next January, let your only resolution be to make all your other new year’s resolutions in March.

Let’s talk.

Recently I was reminded of how inspiring a starting point can be in inspiring big ideas. The Museum of Brisbane had an exhibition inviting people to complete the idea “The Future Is….”.

The displayed responses were from people of different ages, different backgrounds, and different languages.

It was a joy to see how heartfelt many of the answers were, all from a three word prompt.

It reminded me of a similar three word exhibition that has taken off around the world, the “Before I Die” walls. In public spaces, walls are turned into giant chalkboards and people are invited to complete the sentence “Before I die, I want to….” It has become immensely popular & powerful. Even more so, it has caused people to stop & reflect, to set a goal, to look at the big picture, to break routine.

It’s the most natural thing in the world to get caught up in routines and they can be helpful. But it’s also easy to get lost in a routine.

We need interruptions to routine to break the trance it has us under. Otherwise, decades can disappear.

It’s important to have catalysts which make you evaluate, which make you think in a different way. It leads to new discoveries, new directions, new opportunities and new attitudes.

Sometimes it’s simply about rediscovering what’s important, re-centring your direction, embracing the opportunities right in front of you or reminding yourself of who you are & whether you are being true to that.

Or perhaps these questions just leads to a memorable moment for the day.

These big things only need a simple prompt. These big things are inside you, waiting to be unwrapped.

Have the courage to ask new questions and to ask unexpected questions. If a question hasn’t been asked in a while, perhaps it’s time to ask it again.

At Awkward Silence, we want you to surprise people by asking questions that switch them on. It’s a simple idea with big possibilities for you & for the world.

Which of our questions do you want to ask?

Let’s talk.

It can even happen with people we see every day when routine takes over.

Out-of-nowhere conversation starters can reverse this. It’s like picking up a snow globe and shaking it. Suddenly a dormant scene comes to life.

It changes your relationship from being in automatic to one of rediscovery.

This isn’t just true of our relationships. It can be true of ourselves too.

Occasionally life goes through dormant periods where we are just going through the motions. It’s like a form of hibernation.

A conversation can spark some verve back into your heart & mind.

We spend our lives figuring things out. What we want. Where we are going. Why we feel like we do. How we should live. When to take action.

It’s when we stop figuring things out that the discovery of life can stop.

Reconnect with you. Reconnect with others. Use your Awkward Silence subscription to ask the questions that pry open what has become closed.

Let’s talk.

I got her to explain what each would be eating & wearing. This was a fun glimpse into her path and a walk down memory lane for her.

I also had her reflect on what each would be talking about. What was important to her at those ages? What was in their hearts & minds that they tended to discuss & ponder?

And what would the younger versions of herself be surprised to discover about her now?

Perhaps at your loved one’s birthday, you could ask them a similar question looking back at decades past. For you, it’s an insight. For them, it’s a point of reflection on how they’ve grown or changed.

Let’s talk.

I write this as hearts around the world are distressed for the people of Ukraine being attacked by Russia's military.

The world feels like it is at the whim of leaders, leaving most of us helpless.

Can protests stop war? Can sanctions? Can ever increasing military actions give us freedom from tyranny?

There's no clear answer, no silver bullet.

Where do you fit into this? And why is a website focusing on better conversations even commenting on this?

Hatred, fear & lust for power propel us into atrocities. We all need to become beacons that are the opposite of these downfalls.

Spread love, hope & care. Be a peacespeaker. 

Your words go a long way in being the solution. Do your interactions shine a light or are they rooted in evil?

Don't plant the seeds of bitterness or water them.

Take every opportunity to build someone up rather than beat someone down. This may be by encouraging the good in someone or simply by not trolling someone who is doing no harm.

Don't bitch about people. Instead highlight the specialness of others.

Share a laugh rather than a putdown.

Don't be motivated by jealousy. Jealousy never makes you a better person. Trying to assert yourself over someone through jealous actions is poison for everyone.

Spray verbal confetti rather than oral bullets.

Be the antithesis of war.

You never know the difference peace-driven words will make. But I do know the world needs more of it.

Let's talk. 

It can be harder for older generations (and even not so older generations) to adapt to the world being full of a variety of humans.

Multiculturalism is much more common & accepted now due to globalisation, the internet and a century of plane travel. Increased exposure to people of non-“straight” sexual orientations has resulted in increased acceptance of people who are gay, transgender, non-binary, intersex, etc. Upcoming generations are growing up in an era where being open about their orientation is not even an issue.

Those who struggle to accept those different to themselves can initially do so because they can’t recognise that person's uniqueness in themselves. On a subconscious level, a person so different to ourselves can seem absurd.

What often wins out is a recognition that everyone wants to be able to be themselves, to be accepted as who they are rather than being pushed to be something they aren’t. In a world of extreme diversity, it’s what we all have in common.

This mutual acceptance often comes about by people sharing their stories through conversation rather than by shouting at each other.

But even for those with good intentions doing their best to adapt to an ever-changing world, it can be easy to mis-step. In a world of celebrating diversity and shunning labels, the two values can create confusion.

Some don’t feel a need for labels. Whether someone is male or female should be irrelevant. We should be colour-blind when it comes to skin-colour.

When celebrating diversity, the opposite can be equally true. People want to embrace their cultures & traditions. For transgender people, the label of female or male is hugely important in belonging to their identity.

What approach is best?

Listening is a good start. What aspects of identity does an individual want recognised?

Practise inclusiveness where possible. This can be easy on a one-on-one level but harder when dealing with people on a larger scale when broader strokes are a matter of logistics.

(On this last point, Awkward Silence are often guilty because we attempt to write questions for a variety of people, and this can sometimes miss the mark on an individual level. We hope you know you are recognised in other areas of our conversation starters.)

Have grace when sharing your story. People of different walks of life may have a harder time coming to grips with the wonderfully “weird” person you are. Old outlooks don’t often dissolve in an instant. But these instances do help break down weak ideas.

You don't need to identify with someone to appreciate them. You don't need to understand someone to respect them. Our imperfect co-existence is our common humanity.

And it's in this imperfection that we grow.

Let's talk.

I don't really need to hear any more opinions about the pandemic. I bore myself talking about my day job so please don't ask. And the pineapple on pizza debate is not worth even a passing mention, so don't resurrect it.

Conversation is too valuable & wonderful to be relentless rehash.

Having the obvious already-done-a-hundred-times chat is a way to not really engage in a conversation. You go into auto-pilot. At best it is mundane. More often than not , it becomes grating.

Be a conversation life-saver. Use your Awkward Silence subscription to open up new conversations. It breathes life into what otherwise will end up a dead interaction.

Awkward Silence sends subscribers new conversation starters each week. The annual app contains over 500 conversation starters.

Don't overdose on a subject. It's dull & unnecessary. Instead, open up a new world of conversation.

Let's talk.

Making exciting plans is difficult because you don't know when you'll be able to implement them.

In my home state of Victoria, Australia, we experience intermittent lockdowns. It seems whenever I plan even a local getaway, the plans can suddenly be shut down. It's discouraging.

I feel like I've had an urge to go to Bali for forever. At the moment, I can't even have the carrot of picking a date and simply counting down to it. At the time of writing, recreational international travel is almost non-existent around the globe.

I know this season will end. It's not even a hope, I know it will end. It's just taking a long time.

Part of the fun of going on holiday is making plans for it. You do research, talk to friends about it, and it helps you escape the drudgery of your day-job & whatever else you're going through. It also peppers your conversation with something you are genuinely excited about.

How can you recapture that at a time when making plans is difficult?

Here is my challenge for you. Make a bucket list.

It's not the most original idea. But my added challenge is that for each day you are waiting out this pandemic, add an item to your list.

It will get you thinking of things beyond this current trap you are in, elevate your thinking.

And it will give you something to talk about with friends. Perhaps you can each make one and compare what you've all added for the day. Or you can do it with your workmates or family, whoever you see on a regular basis.

When this pandemic is over, you will have a big list of ways to celebrate life.

In the meantime, you will have lots of reminders of life and exciting things to talk about.

What is on your bucket list? We’d love to hear it in the comments.

Let's talk.

No matter how good the food is, if the conversation is lacking then you will be itching to get away.

It’s in these situations that people often try to get the conversation going by discussing the weather or work. These are easy options but tremendously dull.

Try some of these conversation starters to make for an interesting night.

1. What is the last photo you took?
2. What is the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
3. What is something embarrassing that you secretly love?
4. What have you learnt this week?
5. What are you reading at the moment?
6. What are deal-breakers for you in a relationship?
7. Who is the most famous person you have ever met?
8. What games did you play as a child?
9. What is your favorite film?
10. What is the best gift you have ever received?
11. What new skill would you like to learn?
12. What advice would you give your teenage self?
13. What is the worst song ever?
14. What is the last documentary you watched?
15. What is your favorite thing about you?

If you want a near endless supply of conversation starters, subscribe to Awkward Silence. You get instant access to 200 conversation starters plus the Awkward Silence app containing over 500 conversation starters. A variety of new conversation starters are also sent to your inbox each week.

Let’s talk.

Perhaps they don’t know anyone in the group or they’re new. Perhaps they are shy or lacking in confidence. Or sometimes in larger groups, there are so many people wanting to talk that interceding can be tricky.

It’s easy for this person to increasingly feel out of place. It’s like it wouldn’t matter if they were there.

So do the right thing. Help them get involved.

Everyone’s seen someone try this. It can feel clumsy & awkward to make a point of getting someone involved in the conversation when it’s free-flowing with everyone else. So what? You’re doing a good thing. And once you get over that speed bump, it means everyone can get involved in the conversation.

Don’t engage them with the lame “what do you do for work?” topic. It can often be dull and doesn’t allow for the person to enter the conversation with something fun & interesting.

So try some fun & interesting options that are universal.

Nearly everyone loves food or movies. Most people love both. So try some questions around those topics.

- What is the worst film you have seen?

- What are your 5 favorite foods?

- Which film did you love when you were a kid?

- Who would you cast to play you in a film?

- What’s the best thing you can cook?

- What is your favorite comedy?

- What is your go-to ice cream flavour?

- What is the last film you saw at the cinema?

- What do you like better: chips or pizza?

- Which film makes you cry?

And when the conversation is rolling, try something a little bigger with our huge range of conversation starters. With Awkward Silence, it’s easier to have better conversations.

Sometimes people will still struggle to get involved. You’ll ask easy questions about them and they’ll reply with “I don’t know” and shrug the shoulders. In cases like this, they need to push themselves to get involved. There’s only so much you can coax someone.

But in other cases where you pry open the oyster shell, you may find a pearl inside.

Let’s talk.

Sometimes we are in love with the idea of being in love rather than the target of our affection.

This can lead to rose-coloured glasses blinding us to the fact your relationship is nothing like you think it is.

Romantic gestures and delusions of grandeur blossom but in time are likely deflated. And it can cause frustrations and unfair accusations when your partner doesn’t turn out to be the person you had scripted them to be.

It’s nice to be wanted. But do they want you for you or is it for the love of love?

Rather than showering your new partner in pre-conceived ideas of love, explore your chemistry instead.

Have conversations. Discover their likes & dislikes, their idiosyncrasies & passions. Explore their personality. And give them the chance to do the same with you.

This risks the chance of discovering that you don’t actually adore each other as much as you thought you did. But at least it’s true and gives you a chance to find someone who you actually do truly love.

And real people fuel a much bigger love than imaginary ones ever do.

Let’s talk.

I really admire people who have English as a second language.

And not just those who are fluent, but those who are still learning.

The dumbest people in the world are those who make fun of others who flub nuances of language, those who laugh at people who make minor grammatical errors or pronounce words incorrectly. The dumbest people in the world think that if someone can't understand their language, they need to speak to them louder and more condescendingly. 

Everybody wants to be understood. Everyone wants to be able to express themselves. When you're in a country where your language isn't native, it can be a constant struggle and really disheartening.

So be patient. Do your best to be understanding. And don't be a dick, it costs nothing to not be a dick.

Help where you can to teach your ESL friends a new phrase or two once a week. If you want to go the extra yard, you can find programs that help immigrants practise conversation.

Let's talk.

I appreciate people trying to get a conversation going, but there's no answer to that question that really stimulates a discussion. You have an awkward moment and feel like you've already gotten the day off to a lame start.

So we've racked our brains for a solution and here's some alternatives for start of the day questions.

- What's your goal for today?

- What do you want to do differently today?

- What's your theme song for today?

- What side of yourself are you going to get in touch with today?

- What's your inspirational thought to get our day started?

- What was the best thing about yesterday?

- How can we get the day off to a good start?

You now have 7 alternatives that are fun & constructive. Why not try a different one for each day of the week.

Let's talk.

We will make it easy for you.

Awkward Silence puts out quality content regularly, but some articles are always going to be even better than others. So we give you the best of the best for 2020.

Read the list below and check out our best articles:

"Gramps, why are we doing all this reminiscing?"
"Well it's a traditional way of filling a Christmas episode without having to shoot new scenes, all you do is have flashbacks."
(Taken from the Christmas episode of "Charlie The Wonderdog")

We hope Awkward Silence have helped make a bad year a little less bad. Continue to ask the fun questions, the big questions, the personal questions, the life-changing questions and the questions that have never been asked before.

Let's Talk.

Those of us who are lucky enough get to press pause on this prolonged disaster so that we can experience some Christmas celebrations with loved ones.

As we gather together in joy & reflection, it'd be great if the talk wasn't just about the pandemic. While it is an ongoing issue that needs vigilance, it can be dull to continually converse about.

What should we talk about instead as we reflect on the year?

The year has brought many lessons in what we take for granted. We can contemplate what new adventures we want to endeavour on when restrictions ease and think about how exactly we are going to embrace life more. What will we do differently when this "temporary normal" is over?

We can think about those who have suffered most during the year. Those who were already having difficulties or were in industries that weren't financially secure took the hardest hits for the sake of society. How can you help those who need it in the new year?

The "Black Lives Matter" movement put the spotlight back on the consequences of everyday racism in our cultures. How is it that racism is so endemic in our culture after all these years? And what can we do to combat it in our everyday actions to relegate it to the past?

Talk about your hopes & ambitions for the new year. In this time with family & friends, update them on where you are at and the horizons you are contemplating.

Remember your highlights of the year. Our lives have been restricted but they haven't stopped completely.

And of course, if you just need some random conversation topics to share around the Christmas dinner table then use your Awkward Silence subscription or app. Perhaps even try a few of our conversation games.

Christmas and the end of the year brings joy, hope & reflection. Conversation is what keeps us connected and how we mine away the dirt to discover the gold inside of us.

Let's talk.

Thanks once again to those who have supported & continue to support Awkward Silence. We aim to change the world and we know you do too. We wish you every joy. 

There is something bugging you but you keep your mouth shut. You don't want the weird tension that paralyzes the air when you want to work out an issue with someone.

The problem is this issue reaches a breaking point, and turns into conflict. The heat of the moment adds emotional venom. The other person is trying to put out the fire that has started on them, they are being defensive.

And confrontation tends to happen mostly with people you spend a lot of time around, those you are close to.

Most people have an annoying habit, one that probably doesn't bother them. But it bothers you, so you notice it more.

Or perhaps there are unresolved emotions over comments made in passing.

Confrontation is unpleasant and awkward. But confrontation can be constructive.

If you do it with people you care about, that awkwardness is very worthwhile for improving relationships.

Take some time with those you deal with regularly, and invite them to tell you what you have done that bothers them. Inviting criticism means you are more likely to diagnose the trouble rather than makes excuses for why you aren't at fault.

It's not a blame game. It's about having a healthy relationship, one that works towards mitigating the kinks.

Let's talk.

It can be surprisingly easy for the conversation to lead to soul-baring when the space allows for it.

There is a reason for this - there are no expectations for the conversation chemistry between you. So by virtue of being naturally inquisitive and exploring someone you don't know, the intention allows for investigating a side of you that you may not with those you know well.

Conversations with those you see often, though they may be fun and allow for openness, can level out so that the conversations expectations aren't often driven by curiosity or discovery.

How can you combat familiarity & conversation expectations? 

Here's where I should be encouraging you to use Awkward Silence subscriptions to ask new questions and have new conversations. (And of course, that will help & you should do that.) 

But it can help to also approach a conversation like you are strangers, or on a journey of discovery. This opens up the conversation, invites inquisitiveness and encourages exploration. 

Occasionally tear down your subconscious conversation expectations and make a stranger of a dear friend.

The conversations can be wonderful. And you may be surprised at what you learn about someone you know.

Let's talk. 

These lessons may help you weather the difficulties that inevitably come in relationships.

1. Every Couple Argues: Having disagreements shouldn't end your relationship. Like any two people on earth, you will have different opinions, values or intentions for certain matters that will come to a head at some point. Or you will inevitably reveal that you aren't as perfect as you seemed on your first date. Your annoying habits will wear thin at times. All this is perfectly normal in a relationship. The aim is to learn how to apologise when you have had a fight or done something to hurt the other person, and to forgive & leave it behind. Learn that it's normal to have different viewpoints, as long as the important stuff matches up. And make sure the bulk of your relationship landscape is positive & rewarding, don't over-indulge in negativity.

2. People Change: As time moves on and life moves on, people grow. And part of growth is change. New perspectives. New dreams. New experiences. New concerns. New priorities. Regular communication as a couple is important so that you can constantly update your understanding of who your partner is. That way you won't one day wake up to discover you don't know each other anymore. If you aren't growing together, you're growing apart.

3. Conversation is Crucial: Conversation is the biggest building block of any relationship at all stages of the relationship. Conversation builds care & understanding.  It's sharing and discovering. It's communication. It can be used to relive memories, grapple with the present and plan for the future. Most importantly, it constantly ensures connection. If you feel like you're running out of things to talk about, use your Awkward Silence subscription or app. It's what we are here for.

4. Relationships Undulate: Sometimes love is tender & sweet. Sometimes it's difficult & a pain in the arse. Love can be present in both circumstances even if the mood is different for both. The happiness level isn't just a constant slope up or down. It's all over the place. Regularly communicate your love with your partner, and affirm them of your commitment. Be honest about struggles, they don't kill relationships. (Not communicating does!)  

5. You May Have A Different Love Language To Your Partner: Love can be expressed but unheard through no one's fault. This can be because you & your partner speak a different love language. You need to learn how your partner hears love and express it in their language. Our friends at 5 Love Languages can explain it best. Take the quiz, it will change how you see your relationship.

Long lasting relationships need more than a will to love. They need understanding.

Let's talk.

Simply answer with which option you like better or which option best represents you.

We give you some of the classics as well as some Awkward Silence specials.

Rap or Jazz?

Coke or Pepsi?

McDonalds or KFC?

Waterfalls or Rainbows?

Apples or Oranges?

Snow or Beach?

Looking Good or Feeling Good?

Movies or Music?

Novels or Non-Fiction?

Baked Goods or Fruit?

1980s or 1990s?

Seinfeld or Friends?

Dogs or Cats?

Chips or Pizza?

Museum or Nightclub?

The Spice Girls or The Village People?

Chocolate or Coffee?

Fancy or Fun?

Dream Job or Dream Partner?

Katy Perry or Taylor Swift?

Pineapple or Mango?

Microwave or Dishwasher?

Water Slides or Roller Coasters?

Sarcasm or Sincerity?

Elephants or Whales?

Hiking or Shopping?

Jim Carrey or Bill Murray?

Glass Half-Full or Glass Half-Empty?

Tennis or Baseball?

White Bread or Brown Bread?

Terminator or Die Hard?

Guitar or Piano?

Content or Restless?

Rice or Pasta?

Jackie Chan or Bruce Willis?

Fake Tan or No Tan?

David Bowie or Nick Cave?

Frisbee or Hacky-sack?

Asia or Africa?

Stairway to Heaven or Bohemian Rhapsody?

Pirates or Ninjas?

Golf or Mini-Golf?

Jailbreak or Complete Your Sentence?

Kirsten Dunst or Anne Hathaway?

Birthday or Halloween?

TV or Book?

Uno or Poker?

Tom Cruise or Tom Hanks?

Sunrise or Sunset?

Crosswords or Sudokus?

Star Wars or Harry Potter?

Ice Cream or Cheesecake?

Sleeping-in or Early Riser?

Beyonce or Madonna?

Luxury or Adventure?

Exercising or Dieting?

Jelly Beans or Jelly Babies?

Will Smith or Will Ferrell?

Board Games or Video Games?

Kissing or Cuddling?

Eat-In or Take-Away?

Kindle or Physical Book?

Massage or Dessert?

Hula-Hoop or Yoyo? 

Indoor Plants or Paintings?

Facebook or Instagram?

Swimming or Running?

Batman or Spiderman?

Male Company or Female Company?

Garlic Bread or Raisin Toast?

Fate or Random Chance?

Billiards or Ping-Pong?

Helping a friend move or Food poisoning?

Falling Dream or Naked Dream?

Pearl Jam or Nirvana?

Surfing or Horse-Riding?

History or Geography?

Nutbush or Macarena?

Forrest Gump or Shawshank Redemption?

Dancing or Karaoke?

Roald Dahl or Dr Seuss?

Change or Consistency?

Digital or Physical?

DJ or Band?

Mexican Food or Chinese Food?

Feel free to cut & paste this to your social media feed with your answers. (Though we always love a link our way if you want to show your appreciation and share the fun.) Or simply read them out loud for entertainment in your households, nights out or on road trips.

Let's talk.

Isolation has meant more time at home for many of us. And even if you are still working at home, you'll have less time in transit or out at work functions, or even out socialising with others. You have more time to be with family.

Now is a time full of potential.

Now is the time to share stories. No family should come out of this pandemic not knowing the story of how their parents met & fell in love. Share some family history.

Now is the time to dream, to open up hope. What ambitions does everyone have? What experiences do they want to have in the future?

Now is the time to discover who your family is. They will update often and it's easy to miss the changes. Ask them what they like. Ask them what they are pondering.

Now is a great time to share life lessons. What wisdom do you want to impart? 

Now is the time to make memories, to play games, to be you. How do you want your children to remember you?

Now is the time to tell those around how you feel about them. Have a heart to heart. You don't need to wait for milestone birthdays or weddings to let people know what they mean to you. It's more meaningful when it comes at a time when it's not expected.

Now is the time to connect, to deepen connection. 

When this "temporary normal" is over, the connections you strengthen now will endure as the world opens up.

It's an opportunity most of us won't have again.

Let's talk.

Do you need a starting point for having conversations? Subscribe to Awkward Silence. Our pandemic offer gives you 200 conversation starters instantly, plus the app for android giving you another 500 conversation starters each year and a weekly email with brand new conversation starters.

In those situations, asking "how are you" can be easily dismissed, either because it's so often asked redundantly or because people have the default answer of "good".

I lately find myself checking in on friends to break the isolation and see if they need anything. So I want to know how they really are and get an honest answer.

You need to tweek the "how are you" opening so it targets a genuine response. Here are 5 alternatives:

1. "How are you on a scale of 1 to 10?": This pinpoints the mood beyond a generic "good", and naturally leads to some explanation. It also removes the option of simply answering "good".

2. "What's your high & low of the week?": Get an insight into what was going on in other's lives by looking for specific examples.

3. "Which emoji are you today?": This one is a little more fun (or silly) but it achieves the objective of looking for a real answer by provoking thought.

4. "Which song would summarise your week?": An opener like this isn't for everyone. But creative types will get switched on, and realise you're inviting genuine conversation & genuine interest. 

5. "How are you secretly feeling at the moment?": This bold question pre-emptively shoots down the reflex default answers.

It's an important time to check in on friends. Help them open up.

Let's talk. 

I've had an interesting/disappointing insight into this recently. I'm a little addicted to an app that allows me to play a game with others online. As part of the game, my facebook profile picture comes up, but my girlfriend is more prominent in the picture than I am.

As a result, a lot of the men that see me in the game assume I am her. And they talk to me in a different way.

One guy who knew nothing about me wanted to add me on Facebook and was asking how he could do so. When I questioned him on it, he said he "likes Australian women".

Men, take note. When you objectify women, at the very least you sound completely pathetic. It's not subtle. If you indulge in such behaviour long enough, you'll lose all respect for yourself.

Of course, the bigger issue is how you make these women feel. Women have to go through frequent objectifications constantly. It's personal for them, it's their lives.

They don't deserve it.

It doesn't take a woman in a short skirt to draw their attention. It can be as simple as a girl wanting to relax and play a game on an app to have guys making her uncomfortable.

Instances of rape & sexual assault that were once hidden have become high profile in recent years. But the way we treat women in both big & small ways is what fosters a culture that debases women. 

Innocent "locker room" talk that encourages objectification of women has bigger consequences than we can appreciate in the moment. If you laugh it off, you condone it.

As this is a conversation website, I want to encourage the men out there to think about how they use their conversation.

Don't treat women as game. Don't talk to them like they are beneath contempt. 

Don't forever be angling for sexual advances, especially when she is clearly not interested.

Remember that they have most likely copped sexual crap from other men already that day. What may seem like a disproportionate response to a small flirtation is often the frustration of constant advances.

Use your brain. Use your empathy.

Be one of the good ones.

Take time to get to know her. When you escape your hips and opt to really get to know someone, it's a bigger adventure than a bedroom one-nighter.

These comments aren't revelations. These aren't things we don't already know. But not being derogatory is an attitude we need to adopt constantly.

And repeating this message keeps us vigilant.

It's a message that we need to pull our friends up on. It's a message we need to teach to our sons. It's a message we need to remember when we are engaging online.

Women deserve better.

Let's talk.

You do the same with your doctor. You're there because you're unwell, but when he asks "how are you?", you are good.

Everyone is always "good".

You could be in tears, but you would always say "good" when someone asks.

It's a reflex. But it's more than that.

It's a human instinct to avoid being vulnerable, to avoid admitting that we aren't on top of our lives.

There will be times when you aren't good.

And it's OK to admit that. We are all in that place sometimes.

It's even better to let your friends into that place. 

It's when you admit you're not OK that you can start dealing with the problem. Especially if the problem is you.

The person that ignores their house being on fire will still have it burnt down. How long it burns for depends on how long you ignore it.

Take off the pressure to be perfect. Your real friends don't care that you aren't perfect. It's perfectly human.

It's OK to not be OK. Most of the time, it only lasts a little while.

Don't be afraid to be real. The proud veneer is rather worthless anyway.

Let's talk.

When you say 'go', everyone has 10 seconds to think of what their five favorite foods might be. They then tell everyone what they came up with.

For instance, you might say pizza, donuts, mangos, chips & chocolate.

Once everyone has said their lists, others can make suggestions as to something that should belong on their list instead.

Perhaps a friend suggests that Kentucky Fried Chicken should be in your top 5. If you reflect on your list and agree that you like KFC more than one of the items on your list, your friend gets a point.

Conversations about food always stir up passion, even joy.

If nothing else, you can have the fun of literally comparing apple & oranges.

If you enjoy the game, you can try it with variants. Perhaps suggest your five favorite films, favorite places to visit, or favorite moments of the year.

Let's talk. 

If you're reading this in isolation (or even long after), photos are a great way to stimulate conversation with your family, partner or housemates.

Simply looking at old photos is a great prompt to discuss old memories.

You can pull out old photo albums (physical or digital), or even simply look through your old photos on Facebook or Instagram.

We often snap photos as a memento of a fun or interesting memory. It's always great to relive a happy memory and tell the story again.

Even if the person you are around was with you when you made the memory, they will enjoy reliving it too.

We live in an era of digital photos and camera phones, so we take more photos than ever. The biggest shame is that we don't often look back at those photos.

While you are in isolation, it's the perfect opportunity to do so.

If you have particularly interesting photos, print them off and hang them up in your house. When you have visitors next, they are likely to ask the story behind it.

Photos albums are like rabbit holes. Once you start walking down memory lane you can be there for hours reliving the stories that spring out from them.

Let's talk.

In the midst of the current pandemic and government requests for everyone to isolate themselves, I’m hearing a lot of talk of people getting cabin fever and going stir crazy over having to spend a lot of time with their partners & family.

Not only that, it seems every conversation is about the pandemic. It’s healthy to have other things to talk about too.

At Awkward Silence, we are best equipped to help you with this side of the pandemic. So if you aren’t a subscriber yet, subscribe now for $2 to get 6 months of conversation starters plus the deluxe app for android that has over 500 conversation starters. This is heavily reduced from the $9.95 annual fee, simply because we want to help. This opportunity hasn’t come around before and won’t be around forever.

You will also receive 200 conversation starters immediately upon subscribing. It’s just what you need.

Please note though that if you are a health worker helping out in this crisis, simply email us and you’ll get a full subscription for free forever. Because you deserve it and we love you.

Let’s talk.

This time at home may be with family or it may be alone. And though it’s a lifestyle restriction, it’s also an opportunity.

Obviously it is an opportunity to converse & connect.

These are confusing times, and naturally a lot of conversation is centred around Corona and its knock-on effects such as social-distancing, food-shortages, etc.

And while it is necessary for us to talk about these things so that we can process our thoughts & expectations in what are unprecedented times for many of us, don’t miss this opportunity.

This is an opportunity to reconnect with our family or those close to us. You have the time & space to talk about some bigger life stuff that can get overlooked in the everyday hustle & bustle.

Not only that, you have the time to ponder it. What do you want from life? Are you who you want to be? What needs to change? What have you achieved that you need to appreciate?

In this day & age of 24 hour entertainment and having the world’s resources on a gadget we can carry in our pocket, we rarely take the time to be bored.

But being bored can be a blessing.

Being bored is a great way to explore your own mind. It’s an opportunity to be creative or innovative, to produce ideas that others haven’t thought of before.

Stop. Turn the music off. Turn the TV off. Turn the phone off.

This foreign country may be disorientating at first. That’s the point.

Sometimes you’ll discover nothing. Sometimes new worlds will open up to you.

Soon enough, the world will resume as normal, and everyday distractions will occupy you. Who knows when you’ll have this opportunity again?

So return to the world having made the most of this opportunity for isolation & boredom. Go back with a deeper love & knowledge of your family or partner. Go back to the world with a bigger & clearer vision of who you want to be.

Let’s talk.

This might be in a big way or a small way. It’s natural. You view the world from the perspective of your own needs, wants, ambitions & pattern of logic.

And this is why two people in the same conversation can come away hearing two different things.

Certain parts of a conversation naturally stand out to you, when something else may be the emphasis for your counterpart. You come away from the conversation with different conclusions.

Even your tone of voice is perceived differently to what was intended because they are hearing a different narrative.

Academy Award nominated film Marriage Story portrays this terrifically. The husband in the story recalls conversations with his wife relating to his wants as “decisions” but conversations driven by his wife’s ambitions as “discussions”. His wife’s perception is the opposite. When confronted with the comparison, he realises that that he was inconsiderate of what his wife wanted.

While this lack of consideration can be natural, it doesn’t have to be the end of the story. You can combat this.

Always make an effort to really listen to the other person. If things are vague, ask for clarification.

If something matters to you, point it out. Don’t casually mention it once and then expect the other person to read your mind about how important it is.

One antidote to being inconsiderate is to be considerate. Think about what the other person is wanting out of this conversation. Again, this doesn’t come naturally so you have to be deliberate about it.

If the other person is saying something difficult to hear, don’t be defensive. They may not be saying it to be accusatory. Instead, it may be the starting point for dealing with a problem or concern.

Another way to make sure you are heard (or to check that you have heard the other person correctly) is to repeat back what the other has said. Not everyone agrees with this tactic, it can feel clunky to do. But it is effective in getting across a point. The other person still may not agree but at least they will know what you are saying and why you said it.

Your self-centredness can make you deaf. But you can mitigate that.

A little understanding goes a long way.

Let’s talk.

Time Bomb is a really simple game but helps people find out new facts about each other.

The rules are simple, you have one minute to talk about the topic you are more of an expert on than anyone else – Yourself!

In the space of a minute, you have to say as many things about yourself that you can think of.

They could be things you like, places you’ve been to, experiences you’ve had, things you’ve done. Anything. They could even be opinions, confessions, declarations or ambitions.

Someone in the room can count how many things you mention, and others will see who can get the biggest score.

Over the course of your minute, there may be a lot of laughs & surprises. But if you list around 25 things over the course of the minute, chances are that the group will notice at least 1 or 2 of those things you mentioned and want to learn more.

The brain works in a different way when improvising on the spot than it would if it had thought about it in advance. This helps generate a different kind of conversation.

Your time starts now.

Let’s Talk.

But sometimes the conversations we have with those we see regularly, such as family, workmates, or even our spouse, can become less dynamic because they develop a routine. And this routine doesn’t remind us to ask the dynamic questions.

We talk about what we had for lunch, what we watched on TV last night, the news. It’s routine.

And it’s true, not every conversation will be dynamic with those we see regularly. It would wear you out if it did.

But take opportunities to break the routine.

Ask questions that look at the bigger picture, or cause self-reflection, or that add a curve-ball to the situation.

Once you’ve done how-are-yous, ask them how they are really feeling. What are they struggling with, what are they hoping for, what’s on their mind?

There is a question you will often get in response when you break routine – “What made you ask that?” Just because a question is surprising, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be asked.

There is no time like the present to ask curious questions. A surprising question doesn’t need a reason.

And new questions spark new conversations. And new conversations lead to new ideas, new epiphanies, new discoveries, new decisions.

Or they may simply be a fun conversation that you have never had before.

These kinds of conversations make you feel alive. They make your relationships come to life.

Get into the habit of breaking routine.

Let’s talk.

Life has a tendency to undulate. For a while the good times come. Other times you feel stuck in a pit and like nothing can change it.

And you notice this in your conversations in those sadder times. Perhaps your answers aren’t what you want them to be. Either that or you find yourself lying about your wellbeing constantly. A brave face wears thin after a while.

But those answers will change in time. One day someone asks “How are you?” and you answer “really good”. And to your surprise, you actually mean it.

The value of this projected hindsight is that it can help you see beyond the chapter you are currently in. How you feel isn’t how you’ll feel permanently, no matter how massive it feels right now.

And while time will let seasons change, talking helps too.

Find someone who you can vent to, someone who cares enough to hear your spill out those frustrations that are festering inside you. It helps you process it.

Once you’ve expressed it enough, it starts to lose its grip.

Sometimes those things that are boiling inside you turn to steam once they reach air, and they disappear. This is better than letting them drown you.

Be aware also that it’s OK to seek professional help if you feel you need it. See your doctor about a mental health plan or recommending you to a psychologist. It’s not uncommon and doesn’t diminish you at all to get help when you need it.

Ride out the waves. This season isn’t a lifetime.

Let’s talk.

We will make it easy for you.

Awkward Silence puts out quality content regularly, but some articles are always going to be even better than others. So we give you the best of the best for 2019.

Read the list below and check out our best articles:

"Gramps, why are we doing all this reminiscing?"
"Well it's a traditional way of filling a Christmas episode without having to shoot new scenes, all you do is have flashbacks."
(Taken from the Christmas episode of "Charlie The Wonderdog")

We hope our conversation starters have encouraged you to go deeper in your friendships, sparked brighter new interactions, made your imagination dance, and helped you discover more about yourself.

Let's Talk.

The reason is that most people haven’t been asked these questions before. They don’t have pre-packaged answers that they have dished out in stock-standard conversations hundreds of times already.

And this is good. It gives people a chance to put some thought into the question, tease it out.

This is often the best part of the questions - the deliberation, the thought process, the evolution of an answer.

Sometimes you don’t even get to the answer, and this is fine. The answer isn’t the point.

Conversations has many benefits that have nothing to do with the actual factual answer to the question.

1.     Conversation connects. It is the biggest building block of any relationship.

2.     Conversation is thought-provoking. It makes you think about the world and about yourself, leading to new decisions, directions, or outlook.

3.     Conversation is fun. You can have some laughs.

4.     Conversation helps you learn about the other person. Even if you don’t discover an answer to the question, you’ll still discover more about their personality by listening in on their thought process.

5.     Conversation shows you care. If you are making time for someone and showing interest in them, it demonstrates that they are valued.

Don’t worry about the answer. Just think out loud.

Let’s talk.

Questions like these are designed to take the guess-work out of a relationship, removing the unhelpful assumption that your partner is a mind-reader.

And we now have 10 more questions couples should ask each other regularly.

1. What is something I have done this week to make you feel loved? Finding out what you have done right is win-win. You feel encouraged and your partner is likelier to get a repeat of that love.

2. What is something we should do together? Brainstorm ideas for dates, holidays or simply activities to do together. Maybe even start a list on your phone or notepad. When you next have an opportunity for some quality time, you’ll have a bunch of ideas ready to go.

3. How do we want our lives to be different a year from now? Shape your future together. Be ambitious while being realistic. Discuss the circumstances under your control (ie: Don’t project that you will win the Lotto). You are on a path together, but you both have to be the GPS.

4. What area of our relationship is the weakest? What can we do about that? Sometimes one negative can infect a whole relationship. Rather than moping about it, do what you can to tackle the weak spots.

5. What is something you feel that I don’t understand about you? Whatever it is, discussing it will help. Sometimes when we are trying to communicate something difficult, we can give up due to frustration or difference of opinion. But if we spotlight it as something of concern, the issue can be given the sensitivity it needs.

6. What should we do more? Have we been forgetting to go for walks together. Is our sex-life a joke? Do we treat ourselves enough? Let’s decide to do more of the things we like & need, because we may be out of the habit of making the most of our relationship.

7. What should we do less? Do we watch too much TV? Do we complain too much rather than embracing the things we enjoy about each other? Are we more attached to our phones than we are each other? Let’s limit the things that are making us less than we should be.

8. Can we look at our old photos together? Take a trip down memory lane. Use old photos to remind you of fun experiences together. They can be a trigger to tell old stories and have some laughs. Sometimes you can even look at photos from before you were together, to learn more about each other’s past.

9. What is worrying you? What is something troubling you that we should discuss. Perhaps it’s about the relationship, perhaps not. A worry shared is a worry halved (and a joy shared is a joy doubled). Let me know what’s going on in your head.

10. What is something you want to be better at? Are you aiming to use less plastic, or eat fast food less? Do you want to make more time for exercise or family? Knowing what your partner wants to improve about themselves means you can support them in being the version of themselves they aim to be.

Conversation is the most crucial building block of any relationship.

Let’s talk.

Do people get more from interacting with you than they would a chatbot?

We live in a world where we can have whole friendships that only interact through text message. We express our emotions through emojis.

And we craft images of ourselves on Facebook & Instagram that are at best only an imitation of reality.

When it comes to our real-life interactions, there’s a temptation to be somewhat hollow.

We can shy away from being honest. We opt for banter over sincerity. We maintain facade rather than opening our hearts.

Do it long enough and people find it impossible to respond when you are being sincere. They may nervously laugh and attempt to detour when you are sharing something important.

Not every conversation needs to carry your heart-on-your-sleeve or be overly earnest. But make sincerity a regular in the mix.

Take opportunities to tell people what you love or admire about them. Be honest when someone asks you how you are, especially those close to you who need to know when you aren’t OK.

This conversation landscape builds an expectation of sincerity.

It took me a long time to learn this. I had times when I would pay someone a heart-felt compliment and they would be waiting for the punchline.

And that’s the point. One day you are going to tell someone something that matters. And they won’t hear it unless they believe you are being sincere. They may not even be able to recognise sincerity.

Flex your heart when you open your mouth. Because sincerity is always better than hollow remarks.

Let’s talk. 

I often ask couples what their favorite thing about their partner is.

(Like all “what is your favorite…” questions, it’s not necessary to pin down the absolute favorite thing, it’s better to simply suggest some things that you simply really like.)

A question like this has many benefits.

If you ask it in front of the couple rather than the individual, it gives them an excuse to compliment each other. While savvy couples will remember to remind each other often of the things they love about each other, some will forget to do so. The random affirmation will be welcomed.

It also tells you something about the person you’re asking, what they value in the person they choose to share their life with.

Furthermore, it tells you about one of their partner’s better qualities, something they would probably be too modest to tell you themselves.

I had lunch recently with friends and this question came up. Some answered quickly, some with a little thought. Some found the question very difficult.  

This is an example of the value of noticing. Are you with your partner for a valid reason or simply because you are? And if the latter, should you do something about it?

This can be true of many things when you take the time to talk & notice. Is your career all you want it to be, or do you need to try a new path? Do you need to make less time for work and more time for leisure or family? What is something fun that you haven’t done in a long time? What is enriching your life? What should you do more? What should you do less?

I hope my friends thought of something they like about their partners later, they may have just had a mind-blank. They may have just needed to blow some dust off their feelings first. But I hope they answered the question.

Talking Heads singer David Byrne has a quote I love. He says “I really enjoy forgetting. When I first come to a place, I notice all the little details. I notice the way the sky looks. The color of white paper. The way people walk. Doorknobs. Everything. Then I get used to the place and I don't notice those things anymore. So only by forgetting can I see the place again as it really is.”

It’s true. But we don’t always need to forget. Sometimes we can ask the question that makes us notice again.

Let’s talk.

I’ve created an insane variant on Uno. Let’s call it SuperUno.

(If you are unaware of the cultural phenomenon that is the card game Uno, take 5 minutes to learn it.)

SuperUno plays like regular Uno except that whoever wins each round gets to make up a new rule that lasts for the rest of the game.

It may be that every time someone plays an 8 they have to make an animal noise. Or if someone plays a Draw Two they must rub their belly and say “mmm, delicious”. Or if they play a Wild they have to impersonate one of the other players. Or if they play a green card they must give someone a compliment.

After 5 or so rounds, the game starts to get very wacky. After 10 rounds it’s a bizarre symphony.

Amidst the fun, the game can take a different turn for couples.

Couples can add special rules that provoke discussion and reinforce the relationship.

Perhaps if someone plays a 3, they have to say something they love about the other. Or if they play a reverse, they have to share a random memory of the relationship. Or if they have to pick-up a card, they need to kiss the other person in a place of their choosing. Or if they say "Uno", they also need to suggest a date idea.

Suddenly a simple game is an excuse to have some sweet interactions. And there will be guaranteed smiles.

But such “rules” also generate conversation, or open your eyes to what the other thinks of you. They may even inspire new ideas for your relationship.

It’s amazing when you can walk away from a game of Uno feeling better about your relationship.

But don’t forget to add the silly rules too. Want to see your partner dance when a Skip is played, or re-enact a movie scene when they change the card color? Make it happen.

Let’s play. Let’s talk.

And with this smorgasbord of choice for who people can choose to spend time with, today someone will be in a conversation with you. Specifically you. They will ask you questions, learn about you, share the little time they have in conversation with you.

That’s quite an honour.

But take away the romanticised picture we have just painted and it’s still an act of appreciation.

Time is valuable. And it’s being spent on you.

Let that time & interaction feed your self-esteem.

But also utilise these valuable experiences for enriching conversation.

Every conversation has the potential to be memorable, informative, synergetic and life-giving. Be aware of this so that the opportunity for conversation doesn’t evaporate into empty chit-chat.

Make the person appreciate why they chose to speak to you, specifically you.

Let’s talk.

It’s inevitable. You can flex your conversation muscle with your Awkward Silence questions, but many aren’t used to putting effort into conversation yet.

The conversation is often dull. Unfortunately most people are in a job that they don’t love. They do it to make an income and pay the bills. Reliving the work week when they have a social moment doesn’t make for thrilling conversation. And often you are as bored hearing their answer as they are giving it.

So when the dull work conversation comes up, sabotage it.

Try shaking up the work theme into questions that are a little more interesting, such as:

1. “What should be the highest paid job in the world?”

2. “What new types of job that don’t exist now will come along in the next 20 years?”

3. “If you were an employer, what characteristics would you look for when interviewing someone for a job?”

4. “Would you rather be with the man/woman of your dreams or have your dream job?”

5. “Is it too late to change your career path?”

6. “Do you put more effort into your career or your family?”

7. “What would be the most boring job”

8. “What do you think would be the easiest job to have?”

9. “What volunteer work would you like to do?”

10. “What job would you refuse to do no matter how well it paid?”

11. “Is it always a bad idea to “hook up” with someone who you work with?”

12. “Which jobs will be obsolete in 10 years?”

13. “Why do billionaires continue to work?”

14. “If you were the employer at your job, would you consider hiring someone who was blind or deaf?”

15. “How long do you think you will stay in the career you are in?“

16. “If you were so rich that your kids didn't ever have to work, would you let them live permanently from your money or encourage them to find a job?”

17. “How would your personality be different if you never had to work?”

18. “What is your favorite task at your job?”

19. “What was your first job?”

20. “Have you ever had to fire someone? If not, how would you do it?”

Work conversations tend to have no verve before they even start. Turn a dull conversation topic into a conversation that sparks a livelier discussion. It works.

Let’s talk.

They don’t necessarily see your quiet thoughts or appreciate your failed intentions. They may not see the you that you think you are.

It’s fascinating to me to find out what others focus on when they think of me. In equal shares, it can also be disappointing.

Perhaps we can leave a lousy impression. It’s not always in your control, but you do have some say.

And today and tomorrow and every now you have is the time to do it. Because if you aren’t deliberate about being you, you may become something else. And there’ll come a time when you can’t choose what people remember about you.

So who is the real you? And does that come out most days?

Do you complain more than you colour? Do you criticise more than you care?

What sentences do you say more than any other? Is that the message you want to share with the world, the words people remember?

What do you say to people to make them know the real you better?

How do you pepper people’s lives?

It’s not about putting out a fake you. It’s about making sure the best you regularly surfaces in your interactions.

And that increases the likelihood that people will perceive you as you would hope. 

I often wonder what people will say about me at my funeral. Perhaps the occasion itself is inconsequential (depending on your beliefs), but thinking of it changes how I live my life.

What do you hope people will say? Fill in the blank:

- “She/he was really….”
- “I always enjoyed the way she/he would….”
- “I admired about them that….”
- “…. is something I really loved about her/him.”
- “He/she could always be counted on for….”
- “I remember how they….”. 

What are your true colours? 

Become who you are.

Let’s talk.

You can be right, you can be wrong, you still win.

Awkward Silence loves to give new conversation topics to people who think they know everything each other. This is particularly true of long-term couples.

Sometimes couples don't know each other as well as they think.

So put it to the test with this conversation game. If you are right, you win because you demonstrate how well you remember things about your partner. People enjoy being known. If you are wrong, you still win because you have an opportunity to learn something about your partner.

Here's how the game works. You get questions and both write down your answers. Your partner then has to guess your answer. The questions can be topics like:

"What 3 things do I first think of when I remember our first date?"
"What are my 3 favorite foods?"
"What were my 3 favorite memories about our last holiday spot?"
"Apart from the lips, where are my 3 favorites places to be kissed?"
"What are 3 date ideas I want to try?"
"What are my 3 favorite things about you?"

These examples are geared towards couples, so tweek them if you using them between friends or family.

Having topics that you can pick 3 answers for increases the chance you'll get some right AND some wrong. And that's a double win!

And of course, make up your own questions. 

Put some fun back into your conversations.

Let’s talk. 

If someone asks you a probing question, do you head for the nearest conversational exit point? Do you diminish the question with semantics rather than addressing the heart of the topic? Do you make a joke & drop the mic? Or do you instead take up the question and use it not only for rewarding conversation but to get a deeper connection with the person who asked it?

If someone pays you a sincere compliment or shares a heartfelt sentiment, do you fob it off and railroad it? Or do you instead use it to nourish yourself, knowing that you mean something to someone?

If someone asks you a challenging question, do you get annoyed & put it in the too-hard basket? Or do you instead relish the chance to grow?

If you know a friend is hurting, do you assume someone else will help them? Or do you instead step up and reach out to them?

If you have an opportunity to tell someone how valuable they are and what they mean to you, do you not bother? Or do you instead take the opportunity to tell them how you feel and affirm them?

How do you respond when connection & significance present itself? Are you ready for better conversations?

Let's Talk.

But are conversations about entertainment meaningless?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Light conversation is not necessarily bad conversation. The key is whether you are switched on.

If you are making small talk merely to disinterestedly fill the air, the conversation can be pointless.

But when we are talking about entertainment, we are talking about things we enjoy.

And while a debate about whether this band is better than that band is rarely going to change someone’s opinion or achieve anything important, it does give you a peek into someone’s mind, what they think is “good” & “bad”.

At the end of the day, if someone likes something, it can be as simple as that. Fascinatingly, we all have different tastes.

Films & books are often an opportune way to discuss bigger topics too. What questions or issues is the story raising, and how do you feel about that?

Often, it’s simply a great starting point for getting to know someone, or finding shared interests.

Entertainment may be only entertainment, and it may not be the most important thing to discuss. But it’s still a fun thing to discuss and can be a gateway to bigger topics or deeper friendships.

Let’s talk.

And this is any god, any religion. Stuff that is beyond what popular science believes.

There are many reasons for this. Religion is uncool. A lot of people who discuss religion often sound like nutters. The topic seems out-dated. Dumbing down the subject makes it easy to belittle.

And for a lot of people, religious organisations have been a source of negativity.

But there comes a time in this life when we all ponder the things in this life that are beyond us, beyond science. Why are we here? How are we here? Where are we headed? Is there something more?

We should be confident to elevate the spiritual mysteries past the failings of religion.

Religion doesn’t have all the answers. Neither does science. And there is a good reason for this, we are dealing with something outside of our comprehension – the fifth dimension in a four dimensional world.

Yet just because we can’t comprehend these mysteries in their fullness shouldn’t stop us from pondering them. It can be a rich source of conversation.

If you are having those questions about the spiritual, have an open discussion with others. Share ideas rather than answers.

Show respect for different beliefs & disbeliefs. When we start arguing about which belief is right like we are debating which sporting team is the best, it turns into a competition. If you simply discuss your beliefs & questions, you might uncover a side of yourself that you weren’t aware of.

It may even help you glimpse the unperceivable fifth dimension.

Let’s talk.

1.       Listen: It’s obvious but many still forget to do this. If you aren’t listening to the person you’re with then they will feel irrelevant to the conversation.

2.       Don't talk about work: Asking someone what they do for a job or "how is work going" is the laziest trick in the conversation book. And it's not a good trick. If someone is genuinely passionate about their work or if you are intrigued by it, it's fine conversation. But if they are bored talking about it and you don't care to hear it, why ask about it?

3.       Bounce back questions: At Awkward Silence, one of the biggest conversation pet-peeves we get feedback about is people not bouncing back questions. One person asks all the questions but the other answers without reciprocating. If you act disinterested in the other person, they will lose interest in you.

4.       Allow for personal points of view: Someone having a different opinion is never a threat to your own point of view. Varied opinions are a fact of life. Hear, discuss, learn what you can. But don’t dismiss someone just because you disagree with them. Otherwise, you’ll never have any friends.

5.       Don’t give up when an answer isn’t immediate: If you can’t respond instantly to a question, it doesn’t mean you have no answer to offer. Often when we are on the spot, our mind can draw a blank. But think out loud and you’ll soon discover your answer. Sometimes it’s a process.

6.       Make it a worthwhile exchange: Sometimes it’s fun discussing silly unimportant things. But other times people can get bogged down discussing completely pointless vapid topics. If you aren’t having fun, learning something new about your friend, learning something new about life, or simply pondering life, then change the subject so it becomes a worthwhile exchange. Awkward Silence gives you thousands of alternatives.

7.       Be personal: Each conversation should be unique. Have a conversation that is driven by the unique personal chemistry you have with that person. It doesn’t have to be personal in the sense of revealing intimate secrets. But it should be personal in that it’s a conversation only the two of you could have.

8.       The weather is a warning: Started discussing the weather? This is a sign you need to change the topic to something more interesting.

9.       Don't ask about unpleasant things: If I have a pimple, it’s the first thing my Mum will comment on when she sees me. It’s not something I want to draw attention to and there is no reward in discussing it. Ask yourself whether someone would want to talk about something unpleasant that is happening with them. Sometimes people need to talk about their problems, but topics that are simply uncomfortable are better left undiscussed.

10.   Don't be sleazy: When you are getting to know someone, don't take away from the conversation by making it crass or making cheap attempts to request sex. The only result it gets is to objectify your company.

11.   Take the opportunity to learn something: Treat every conversation as an opportunity to learn.

12.   Don’t get hung up on unnecessary details: Sometimes when recalling something that happened to us, we get hung up on details that aren't crucial to the story. We try to figure out where or when it happened and stop the story until we've remembered the right details, when the "what" is the point of the story. Remember to cut to the chase.

13.  Don't interrupt: People who constantly interrupt make the person they are speaking with constantly frustrated. They never get to express themselves.

14.   Don’t be afraid of a deeper turn: Some people start getting alarmed when a conversation gets serious or unpredictable. This is often when conversations thrive & friendships grow. So don’t be afraid to get serious.

15. If you run out of things to talk about, use Awkward Silence: That’s pretty basic! Subscribe and you will always have something to talk about.

Let's talk.

They’re the kind of rubbish slogans you see on lame unhelpful motivational posters and half-arsed memes.

Is Carpe Diem a load of crap?

I've realised lately that despite how short our lives are, not every moment is a miracle to be celebrated or squandered. A lot of life is simply groundwork. 

You may work at a job you don't care for to make an income. You need to cook & clean. You are often in transit.

And while we can mitigate how "wasted" these moments are, these aren't the moments life is about.

This home truth may seem like a downer. But another truth is this - each day can at least be a little special by attempting to distinguish the day in some way.

Perhaps it is by chatting to that person at work who you haven't made the effort to get to know yet. Perhaps it is by asking your family a question you haven't asked them before. Perhaps it is by trying something new with your spouse.

That something new may be as simple as trying a new food, watching a random unknown movie from your entertainment provider, or picking an activity like mini-golf, 10 pin bowling, indoor rock-climbing, visiting a museum or doing an art class.

And sometimes you really do need to take some time to make the most of life. Go on a trip. Enter an eating competition. Organise a ludicrous game with your friends. While groundwork is a fact of life, it's not what we live for. Seize opportunities.

These life opportunities don't come along every day. But they do come along. Be aware enough to grab them.

All these activities are things you will be talking about for days to come, perhaps even years.

You have one life to live. Make it special. Make each day memorable or notable in some way.

It may not be every moment of every day. But there should be a moment in every day that makes it all worthwhile.

For many of us, our wealth lies not in money but in our friendships & memories.

What will you remember about today?

Let's talk.

Make the night a lot more interesting. Feel the joy of connecting & discovering more about the person you are with.

Try some of these conversation starters with your date, or click on the button below to receive 200 more questions today:

• What is the worst date you have ever been on?

• What is on your travel bucket list?

• What is your favorite thing about you?

• What do most people perceive wrongly about you?

• How have you changed in the last 12 months?

• What is your favorite thing beginning with the letter C?

• Which celebrity would you love to meet?

• What are you reading at the moment?

• What do you feel is missing from your life?

• What is the best romantic film?

It’s often when we learn more about someone that we care deeper about them. And deep care quickly becomes love.

Let’s talk.

For many, being on either end of that conversation can also be super awkward.

It seems so difficult for people to say things which should be welcomed.

You see people do it in all sorts of other ways. They’ll say it in a speech on a special occasion. They’ll write a song about it. They’ll try to get a generic greeting card to do the job. They’ll write a public Facebook post about the person rather than simply turning to them & telling them. Even less personal, they’ll send a generic message to their social media friends about how they care about them.

Those who are especially daring may send a direct text or email to the person on a special occasion.

Why can’t we take a moment with someone we care about to tell them what they mean to us, to leave no doubt of their importance & significance?

Is it because we get the feels and our lips start to quiver a bit? Is it because things get real and life is easier to manage when there is a certain superficialness to it? Is it because we are vulnerable when we tell people that they add something to our lives, something we don’t want to lose?

There are times for everyone when they wonder what the point of it all is, why we struggle through life. Knowing that we mean something to someone makes a huge difference in our outlook on the world.

So be brave. Say the words that mean something in a way where they are impactful. The fact that it’s awkward to say makes the statement all the more powerful.

Don’t be afraid to be sentimental.

Let’s talk.

I love when someone presents an idea or point of view that I’d never considered before. Even if I ultimately disagree, it flexes my mind to consider new things.

The conversations that do this tend to be outside the square. They are less obvious. They are deeper, more likely to pierce the ordinary & predictable.

Or they cut down to our essence as people and leave you reflecting intensely on life.

Are you allowing these conversations to happen, or do you limit yourself to chit-chat? Is your conversation often disposable?

Not every conversation will be a marvellous revelation. But we can have an attitude to conversation that is much more inclined to leave an impression.

Don’t be afraid of taking the conversation up a level. Don’t be afraid of discussing life’s mysteries. Don’t be afraid to say something important.

When you do, people will think on your words long after you’ve left.

Sometimes it will be a curious topic. Sometimes it will be a challenge that is worth some thought.

Other times, it will be an affirmation that will stick with people. You said words they needed to hear.

What is your attitude to conversation? And will it echo profoundly?

Let’s talk.

We will make it easy for you.

Awkward Silence puts out quality content regularly, but some articles are always going to be even better than others. So we give you the best of the best for 2018.

Read the list below and check out our best articles:

"Gramps, why are we doing all this reminiscing?"
"Well it's a traditional way of filling a Christmas episode without having to shoot new scenes, all you do is have flashbacks."
(Taken from the Christmas episode of "Charlie The Wonderdog")

We hope our conversation starters have opened your mind to a new side of your friends, a new perspective of yourself, and new possibilities for 2019.

Let's Talk.

Give me the gift of you.

Take some time with me. Let’s talk. Let’s laugh. Let’s be sentimental & inquisitive. Let’s share our stories, our struggles, our celebrations.

Give me the gift of you.

I value you more than bits of plastic wrapped in paper.

At the most special time of year, I want to be with the people most special to me. Give me the gift of you.

(If you want to bring some caramel m&ms with you, that is good too.)

Let’s talk.

The question was "what makes someone interesting?".

This is an important question in the context of conversation. When you talk to someone, you don't want to bore them. It strains the conversation and is a lost opportunity. They will be less likely to respond to you, won’t be endeared to you, and won’t want to talk to you again.

To be interesting, my suggestion is one you've heard a hundred times but few truly master - Be yourself.

Don't pretend to be something you aren't. This is hollow and people won't care about the empty idea of yourself that you are offering. A hollow version of yourself carries no weight.

The superior alternative is to be you.

You are a unique combination of experiences, preferences, opinions & personality. There is no reason why anyone shouldn’t find something curious about you, and therefore have an entertaining or intriguing conversation with you. 

That said, even the most interesting people are dull to someone. Our chemistry varies across many people. And some of your interests may not be interesting to others.

But by being yourself and tapping into what makes you interesting, you'll maximise your chances of having an interesting interaction.

What's interesting about you may vary from person to person. If you love travelling and are talking about your globe-trotting adventures, one person may be interested in the food you ate. Another may be interested in what you saw. Another may be interested in your experience of the culture.

You just have to put the feelers out until the topic of common interest reveals itself.

And this means people won’t always be instantly interesting. Have faith that with a little effort they will be interesting.

Let’s talk.

It can be easy for a relationship to unintentionally fall apart as it withers away. If you don’t want this to happen, you need to talk to each other.

And you need to talk regularly. Stay on the same page.

Conversation keeps relationships alive. It is the most important building block of a relationship.

We offer these 10 questions that will help you see the relationship through the eyes of your partner. Don’t assume you always know what your partner is thinking. Don’t assume they know what you are thinking. No one is a mind-reader.

And because you love your partner, you will surely enjoy hearing their thoughts.

1. What is your favourite way to spend time with me? The usual relationship clichés like restaurants aren’t necessarily what you should do with your partner. Ask them what they love doing with you. Then you will know how to make them happy. Perhaps it’s simply cuddling while watching a film, or doing a road-trip, or going out dancing together. Take out the guess work and reap the benefits.

2. What makes for a sincere apology? Ever heard the line “I said I was sorry”, but it still doesn’t feel like an apology? There always comes a time in a relationship when you need to apologise, perhaps often. Find out how to communicate an apology effectively so your partner recognises it. We recommend Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Languages of Apology” to help.

3. How have I made you feel this week? Sometimes resentments creep in but don’t get dealt with. Sometimes you are doing all the right things and you have no idea how appreciated you are. Sometimes the relationship is numb and needs some attention. Analyse where the relationship is at so that you can have it going in the right direction.

4. What is the best way to make you feel loved? How love is felt is different for different people. For example, gifts don’t work on me but for others they are a huge source of feeling loved. Do you love your partner? Sometimes that love isn’t enough unless it’s evident in a way that they really feel it. Find out how simply by asking.

5. What are you thankful for today? What is your partner enjoying & appreciating? This doesn’t have to be directly related to the relationship, it may be anything that is worth gratitude like a good book. This not only helps you take an interest in their interests, it helps you both accentuate the positive. Ask it daily and you will both develop an attitude of noticing the positive in your day.

6. What have I done right this week? This may seem like you are fishing for compliments, but it helps to know what you are doing well so that you are encouraged to do it regularly. It also motivates you knowing that you are getting credit for it.

7. What do you wish I had done differently this week? Have I been unintentionally annoying? Am I forgetting to clean up after myself? Have I been snappy or derogatory? What are you seeing that I’m not?

8. What is something you love about me? Remind each other what you love about each other. It’s great for self-esteem and continually builds confidence in the relationship.

9. What area of our relationship needs improvement? Have we been neglecting to spend time together? Do we not kiss enough? Let’s talk about it before we fight about it. Discussing issues rather than fighting about them is more likely to result in a positive change for the relationship.

10. Is there anything I’ve done to hurt or upset you this week? Answering this question may be difficult. No one enjoys hearing how they have hurt someone they love. Or you may feel defensive when hearing the answer. But dealing with trouble spots in the relationship before they get out of hand will improve the relationship tremendously. It’s a difficult conversation, but a rewarding one.

Some of the questions that you ask regularly may get the same answer recurring often. This isn’t a bad thing as it’s still keeping you conscious of the relationship.

Of course, not every conversation you have needs to be about your relationship. Having a variety of conversations is what helps you discover new things about your partner often. Subscribe to Awkward Silence to get new conversation topics each week.

Let’s Talk.

Do you act like the world has it in for you? Is every little thing that goes wrong a sign that the universe is conspiring you?

Do you walk around with a chip on your shoulder, quick to bitch about anything that doesn’t fit into your perfect world?

Are you more likely to open a conversation complaining about something trivial rather than emphasising something enjoyable?

We all know someone who brings down a conversation. Be self-aware of your own behaviour so that these tendencies or defaults aren’t part of your social presence.

Not only does such a negative attitude erode your own happiness, it makes you undesirable company.

We often can’t control how life works against us, but we can reframe our response. We can highlight the good things in our lives.

You don’t have to have false smiles when life gets you down, but you may need to reflect on whether you automatically are negative or positive most days.  

When life really does get you down, your friends are more likely to take it seriously than if your default mood is constantly negative.

Aim to be the bright spot in someone’s day. Have conversations that leave people happy to be alive.

As much as possible, make happiness your default mood. And you'll find that life is a lot better than you think.

Let’s talk.

I call it The Scattergories Method.

We've discussed previously methods for introducing yourself in an easy & interesting way.  So you may be able to effortlessly tell someone about yourself. But your new friend may go blank when asked to say something about themselves.

The problem with asking someone about themselves is that it’s such a broad request that it can be hard to pin down specifics. Which fundamental things should be noted? On top of that, is it interesting enough to share?

Make it easy on them, try The Scattergories Method. 

Instead of saying "what do you like doing?", say "tell me something you like beginning with P". Pick any letter you like. (Steer clear of trickier letters like Q, X & Z, the idea is to make meeting someone easier!)

In doing so, you make it easy to pin down something to share about themselves.

I even prefer to have range of things to comment on, so I might ask "tell me three things you like beginning with M".

For example:

"Hi, I'm Steve."
"Hi Steve, I'm Rachel."
"Rachel, tell me about yourself. What are three things you like beginning with C?"
"Oooh, good question! I like....(thinking time may be required, this is OK).... cooking, Christmas, and comedy".

This one question has now opened up a range of conversation options. You could now ask:

"What dish is your cooking speciality?" or
"What Christmas traditions do you have?" or
"Who's your favorite comedian?" or
"What's your go-to secret ingredient?" or
"What part of Christmas do you love? The carols, the presents, decorating the tree, etc?" or
"What do you think is the funniest film?"

Or literally hundreds more. Chances are their answer will remind you of an Awkward Silence question you saw as part of your subscription, and you can ask that too.

And this has immediately put the conversation on a much more interesting trajectory than asking “what do you do for work?”. The next steps of conversation will come easily and you’ll have a lot more fun.

For easy introductions, try The Scattergories Method.

Let's talk.

Sometimes the conversation dries up intentionally, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes without us even being aware of it. In each case, the consequences are similar.

Why is conversation so necessary?

Conversation keeps connection alive. Without connection, decay starts to set into the relationship. A distance emerges.

Conversation enables communication. When we are talking regularly, we know what’s going on with each other. When we don’t talk, imagination takes over. What is the other thinking? What are they up to? What are they hiding? With regular communication, these concerns aren’t fabricated. Your imagination won’t run wild.

Conversation keeps us interested in each other. It’s easy to lose interest in someone we aren’t engaging with.

Conversation keeps us growing together. When we don’t talk often, we can start to go on different paths.

Sometimes distractions can creep in. We are busy with work or study or some project. You & your partner’s attention seems to be entirely on your kids. Sometimes the ordinary day-to-day unexcitement of life leaves little prompting to talk.

This is why we need to be deliberate with our conversations. Ensure you turn the TV off over dinner some nights, and talk to each other instead. Go on “date nights” regularly rather than occasionally. Go beyond the token small talk. Ask some big questions.

When you have dull days and there isn’t much to talk about, use your Awkward Silence subscription to find new things to talk about. Often what we talk about isn’t as important as the fact that we are simply spending time together talking.

Don't be a victim of not talking.

Let's talk.

But there are other ways our conversations impact those around us, often in a much more personal way.

Our conversations with our children & niblings (ie: nieces & nephews) impact how they grow. We need to teach them life lessons, like respect for others, or how to be generous. More importantly, our conversations & time with them make them feel affirmed & loved.

Our conversations with our partner are constantly either drawing us closer to them or drifting us away. Too many neutral conversations with our partner will not foster a growing relationship. Conversation is the most important building block of a relationship. When did you last connect your heart with your partner’s?

A conversation with someone who is homeless or lonely can be extremely impactful. It takes a kind heart to invite yourself into someone’s sadness & hurt. To show someone that others care about them is life-changing.

Our conversations with friends makes them feel valued & appreciated. This impacts in little ways over a long period that add up to a big impact on the quality of their life.

Any conversation where we shutdown evils like racism, sexism, bigotry, misogyny & all forms of injustice impact the world one interaction at a time, to show that hateful behaviour is an oppression on the humanity of everyone & will not be tolerated. On the flipside, conversations that advocate diversity, inclusion, empowerment & equality advance our society.

We impact the world of those around us often without realising it. When did you last have a conversation that impacted the world for the better?

Let's Talk.

The most common way I do this is through my interactions.

And whether we are conscious of it or not, we all impact the world in this way. That impact may be positive or negative depending on how we use our conversation.

I want to make a positive impact.

I don’t want to be the one who ruined your day. I want to be life-affirming.

I don’t want to make you content with mediocrity. I want to inspire you to new thoughts & actions.

I want to enable you to be the best version of you.

I don’t want to perpetuate lies or hate. I want to spread a message the world should know.

What is the message you want to share with the world? Is that what people get from their interactions with you?

How will you impact the world?

Let's talk.

Good chemistry & awareness of irritating habits are vital.

Most people find they have an annoying workmate. Here are some steps to ensure you aren’t the annoying one to work with, and instead are someone who people can forge a genuine friendship with.

1. Don’t spend more time telling everyone how busy you are than you do actually working. People don’t appreciate the irony. If you spent that time working, you wouldn’t be busy at all.

2. Don’t complain about everything. It creates a negative environment with you as the source. You don’t want to be a drama queen. Work is work, you wouldn’t be getting paid if it was 100% fun. Try not to indulge your gripes. Don’t complain just because you have something to complain about.

3. Hang out with workmates outside of work. For some, this can seem counter-intuitive. You already spend all day with these people, so why would you want to spend more time with them? But people can have a different frame of mind when in a relaxed situation, and you will see the true them. And that in turn will make them better company when you are back in the work environment.

4. Give workmates permission to veto your annoying habits. If you have a potentially annoying habit then be the first to mention it to your colleagues and ask them to let you know if it’s something you need to stop. This will make it less awkward for everyone if the issue does need to be discussed. For example, perhaps you enjoy eating tuna sandwiches at your desk, ask those around you if it’s too smelly.

5. When you are in a social situation with a workmate, don’t discuss work. It can be easy to discuss work because this is your normal default topic. Use Awkward Silence’s conversation starters instead. Discover another side of them.

Foster a better friendship with those you are forced to be with. It will make work less of a chore.

Let’s talk.

People race to get that perfect Instagram photo when they get to their holiday spot. They have a profound or amusing thought, and post it on Facebook to see who likes it. It’s only an experience if we can share it.

The "likes" that pour in are an attempt to feel validated. Or important. Or simply noticed for a moment.

And while we are looking for this validation in the cyber world, we often ignore our partner in the real world.

One of the best things about being in a long-term relationship is having someone who you can share your life with.

So when you have a profound thought, say it to your partner & let them respond before getting drive-by bite-sized comments online.

Take a photo, and text it to your partner. They will like that you thought of them when wanting to share it. That's a “like” that's worth more than a hundred digital likes.

And if your partner is sharing these little things with you, take the time to listen.

Be the one that your partner confides in, delights in, tells unusual discoveries too.

Be the one who validates your partner & let them validate you.

Notice your partner. Talk to them more than you do your "followers".

All these little conversations add up to something big.

Share your life with the one who your share your life with.

Let’s talk.

Is sarcasm detrimental to the conversation? Perhaps the best question to ask is “why are you using sarcasm?”.

Is it to assert yourself over someone? Is it to put them down so you can make out like you’re the smartest person in the room? Turning a conversation into a competition is always an easy way to kill it.

Is it to mock the person or ridicule them? In which case, do you need to make an enemy? Discussing the validity of your own ideas is a much better way to make a point than simply mocking the other’s view.

Is it to generate a laugh? How often is sarcasm actually funny?

Sarcasm is often used to belittle another. But it’s not a demonstration of intelligence in itself. Often it is just antagonising & lazy without achieving anything. In general, it’s detrimental to a conversation.

If you are going to use sarcasm, use it sparingly.

Let’s talk.

We’ve had a generation of googling answers without taking the time to think about the question.

And while Google is often handy, in the course of our social conversations it can take something away.

It’s kind of fun trying to figure out the answer.

What’s more, it’s good for conversation. Ideas & potential answers get thrown around. There is an energy brewing.

In the process, we get a glimpse at how our friends think. And this is part of discovering them. In the end, the answer itself is almost irrelevant.

What’s more, it’s an excuse to use our own brains.

By exercising our brains to think creatively, we build up our intelligence. This is true even if we get the answer wrong.

The alternative is to become useless & unthinking.

Often the best way to think is to think out loud with a friend. Sometimes our thoughts can be muddled & scattered. By thinking out loud with a friend, you naturally solidify those thoughts and articulate them.

Again, you might be wrong. But by discussing, you filter out the vagaries of your thoughts.

Next time an odd question comes up, put your phone down and have a go at discussing the answer. You can always google later on to test if your theory is right.

Let’s talk.

We learn all the time, whether we are aware of it or not. In the daily activities of watching TV, reading books, and of course in having conversations among other things, we pick up new information, perspectives & insights.

All this contributes to your growing intellect & evolving values.

In being aware of this trend, it also becomes clear in looking back that there were times when you were uninformed or unexperienced regarding many things. You didn’t have all the facts, or were unaware. Your understanding was still being processed.

On many things, you’ve been wrong.

And this is perfectly natural. It’s a fundamental part of being human.

We tend to be embarrassed about being wrong, but it’s a normal part of life. There is nothing wrong with admitting you’ve been wrong.

It’s only truly embarrassing if you defend views long after you know better. Don’t be too proud to admit you’ve been wrong. It’s pointless. You may think you are saving face, but you are only stunting your growth & appearing foolish.

Likewise, don’t hold it against people when their outlook & opinion has changed. They may have said things in the past, but what do they say now? That is a better indicator of who they are & what they believe.

Show grace in letting others be wrong as you’ve been wrong.

Don’t let your conversations be dragged down by outdated comments that have long been superseded.

Let’s Talk.

By recalling a fact about your new friend, you demonstrate that they are memorable.

“Hey David. You’re the guy who likes Feng Shui, right?”
“Hi Julie. How’s that murder mystery you’re writing coming along?”

It doesn’t have to be a particularly important fact about them. But in simply demonstrating that they were memorable at all, you make them feel appreciated. No one wants to be forgettable.

In turn, they’ll appreciate you for sparing the mental space to distinguish them.

And best of all, it’s the start of you getting to know them.

However, if you meet them a number of times and keep mentioning this one thing about them, it’s time to learn something new about them. Or a few things.

You don’t want to keep rehashing the same conversation. It will wear thin, feel cheap, and make you look like a one-trick pony.

Diversify the conversation topics. If you know about their movie tastes, ask them about their travel goals. If you about their hobbies, ask about their bucket list.

And always sprinkle some Awkward Silence questions into the mix. You never know where those conversations can lead.

Let’s Talk.

Here’s some dos & don’ts to ensure you aren’t the annoying one in a conversation.

Share the conversation: Let others contribute to the discussion. If you are cutting people off, interrupting them, talking over them & dismissing them, you will be bad company.

Don't look at your phone: Be present. It devalues your company if you are actively removing yourself by being elsewhere in the world of social media.

Let people finish their story: If someone is regaling a tale, don’t divert the conversation before they have made their point.

Don't repeat yourself over & over: We can circle our thoughts to the point where we keep saying the same thing again & again. Put a line under it & move on.

Don't repeat yourself over & over: We can circle our thoughts to the point where we keep saying the same thing again & again. Put a line under it & move on.

Don’t be overly defensive or anal: Recognise when a joke is just a joke, and doesn’t need to be dissected. You’ll suck the fun & life out of the conversation if you nit-pick.

Recognise when a joke has run its course: The art of a good laugh is in surprise. A funny line that has become obvious isn’t funny anymore.

Don't constantly resort to sexual innuendo: If you use overly sexual remarks in a group, you may get a laugh, or some awkward polite laughter, but it will wear thin very quickly.

Stop flirting if it isn’t being reciprocated: If you're clearly flirting and your friend isn't reciprocating, chances are they won't jump in bed with you just because you suggest it 10 more times over the next 5 minutes. You’re just coming across as sleazy.

Bounce back questions: If only one person is asking all the questions, they’ll feel unappreciated. Do the easy courteous thing and at least return the same questions at them.

Don’t be unnecessarily & relentlessly negative: Life has good & bad. But don’t rush to point out the negative in everything. It makes you a downer. There’s a time & place to discuss your sadness & difficulties. But that’s not all the time.

You may not be intending to annoy others, but you may do it unintentionally. By being self-aware of the above behaviours, you can help ensure people want to talk to you again.

Let’s Talk.

PS: What other annoying conversation traits do you hate? Tell us in the comments.

Who are those closest to you, the ones who brighten your day, the ones you would deeply miss if they were gone?

Chances are they are your closest friends and relatives.

You have a duty to these people to be there not only in the good times but also the hard times.

This can sound like a pain, and it can be painful. But it's also an esteemed privilege.

And people often come away from these hard times saying "you learn who your real friends are".

Conversation can build a close connection with people. The people that become special to you don't often do it deliberately. It happens naturally.

But when tragedy strikes, such as the death of a loved one, the verge of a breakdown, a bad diagnosis, or a relationship gone wrong, you need to help them talk about it. It won't feel as natural. But push through.

On the other side, when tragedy affects you then you need to open up to your special people.

Even couples can sometimes struggle to have a real conversation with each other because for too long they have been in cruise control.

We all want to feel like we are winning at life, that we don't need help. But the truth is that we all need help sometimes, we don't always have it going our way.

So be vulnerable. It's more rewarding than you'd think.

When your special people are struggling to keep it together, you may need to initiate the conversation.

Practicing deeper conversations on a regular basis makes it easier to open up.

Feel like you don't have any special people in your life? Try a Meetup group. It's a great way to find people who are also looking for new friends.

Let's Talk.

Throughout history, people have made the same assertions about TV, radio, and even books when they were first commonly available!

And like all these things, social media can either enhance or weaken your conversational tendencies. The key is to use it in moderation.

Quite often the topics we discuss stem from things we have seen online, in media or something we have read. So these are all good preparation for having things to talk about.

Obviously if we are constantly buried in these things to the point where we are rarely having real interactions, they become a problem.

In the 21st century, we are blessed to be able to instantly message someone on the other side of the planet. There were times when getting a message across that distant would have meant months at sea. (And I’m sure that message would have been more than “lol :)”.)

But in the 21st century, we often tend to default to sending someone a text or a facebook message or an email rather than simply talking to them, either on the phone or face to face.

It’s kinda nice seeing a little note from someone when you check your phone. But if this is the extent of your friendship, it’s not much of a friendship.

Constant messaging rather than vocal interactions results in a warping of the relationship too. Much of communication is in tone of voice and body language rather than mere words. Even emojis don’t make up for this.

Do you have a friend who you message regularly but never speak to anymore? Perhaps you need to dial them up and arrange to actually hang out. It takes the friendship to another level.

Let’s talk. 

The same could be said of people. Everyone should be more interesting than they look.

We spend vast amounts of time, money & energy attending to our appearance. Yet often the people who spend the most effort working on their abs or make-up are the dullest people to talk to.

The best thing about people is their personalities. It’s what keeps friends coming back for more.

An attractive yet dull person wears thin very quickly.

Take the resources you put into your appearance and use them to improve your personality. Make time for reading books. Put effort into trying creative pursuits. Spend money on your hobbies.

Then when you end up in a conversation, you’ll have something more interesting to talk about than your shoes.

Try our blind taste test – if the people you talk to were blind then would they still want to talk to you? Would your appearance make any difference? What would enhance the conversation?

Your appearance can be an expression of your personality, especially when you buck fashion trends and dress in a way that is truly you. But after that first impression is made, you’ll need to reveal something more significant.

Engaging in interesting conversations has exponential rewards. By taking what you’ve heard in other conversations, you can feed them into your current & future conversations.

Let’s talk. 

So maybe you should rethink how you greet people.

Hello. Hi. Nice to meet you. These are all perfectly fine greetings. But if you want to maximise your conversation skills, try something different.

What impression do you want to make on people? Do you want to make them laugh? Then think of a comical way to greet people. Do you want to make them feel flattered? Find a way to compliment people as you meet them.

Personally, I like to switch people on, make them present. So when I get the inevitable “how are you?” that people often greet me with, I use a hyperbole like “amazing” or “incredible”. The response surprises people. A simple trick like this often works to immediately elevate the conversation, even simple interactions. And you really do see people’s eyes light up and their brains turn on. They know this isn’t a routine conversation.

A distinguishing greeting makes you more memorable too. My “how are you” gimmick has often resulted in people on the second meeting say “I remember you!”.

What will be your distinguished greeting?

Let’s talk.

You probably can’t solve this problem. You won’t be able to give me advice that can fix it.

But we should still talk, because talking is helpful even if the problem remains.

1.    Talking is cathartic: When a problem is bottled up inside, it can bounce around in my head and drive me crazy. Unloading my heart & head creates a much needed pressure release.

2.    Talking brings clarity: Talking helps articulate my struggle & my thoughts. I can process them and put them into words. And with questions or observations from an outside perspective, it can help shine a light on the reality of my situation.

3.    Talking shows that someone cares: When someone demonstrates a willingness to listen even when it’s awkward or uncomfortable, I feel valued.

4.    Talking is a step forward: Rather than just letting my thoughts paralyse me, talking sets me in motion to start dealing with the problem. In some cases, it may be the first time I admit there is a problem.

5.    Sharing struggles builds bonds: When you share your vulnerabilities with your friends, it deepens the connection between the two of you.

And who knows, you may even say something that will help bring a solution to my problem. But even if you don’t, you’ve done many helpful things.

Let’s talk.

For more on talking to people who are grieving, check out this article.  

You are trying to discover if you & your date have chemistry. But it’s often in a forced atmosphere, almost like a job interview.

It’s under this kind of pressure that your mind draws blank.

Take the pressure off. Go into the date with some conversation starters up your sleeve.

“What game show would you like to be on?”
“What would be your Smurf name?”
“What is something embarrassing that you like?”
“What is the worst movie you have seen?”

Rather than getting to the date and trying to think of something to talk about, with a few conversation starters ready to go you can merely talk and get to know each other, knowing you won’t run out of things to talk about.

A handy rule for first dates is not to talk about your previous relationships. There’s no need for it. If the two of you end up in a relationship yourself, that history will probably come up for discussion at some point. But for the first date, it’s about you & your date, not you & your ex.

And with this new person to discover who has a lifetime of varied experiences to talk about, you shouldn’t have a difficult time making the date about each other.

After you’ve had some laughs and the conversation is rolling, try some deeper questions. It can help cement a connection.

Need more conversation starters? Subscribe to Awkward Silence to get new ideas sent to you every week.

Let’s talk.

What you say can encourage people to better themselves. Or it can discourage them.

And this may be stating the obvious, but what you say to people makes up a huge percentage of how they perceive you. You’re investing in your own image every time you talk.

Are you one to dwell on the negative or do you brighten up people’s day?

Are you more likely to encourage someone or point out their flaws?

Do you respond to your partner like you are sick of them or like they are your best friend?

Is your droll use of sarcasm & light-hearted pessimism your default setting when interacting with others?

You know you’re a good person to be around, but is that what you are putting out there when you talk? How do you want others to consider you?

When it comes to being positive, you don’t need to be peppy all the time. That’s unrealistic & disingenuous.

But take note of what you say to people and how you say it. How often are you acting like the person you want to be? Is an encounter with you likely to be rewarding, or a downer?

When I suggest encouraging others, avoid false encouragement, the kind of person that emptily says “yeah, sounds great” before they have even heard your idea.

Encouragement firstly comes from listening, hearing someone out. This displays interest & respect.

If a friend’s idea isn’t great, don’t merely point out the potholes. Instead, help them flesh it out. This is constructive encouragement. And again, it demonstrates a willingness to take time with them. This is more affirming than anything.

So how do you use your conversations? Do you build up, or tear down?

Let’s talk.

If you work in an office, you probably encounter this quite often. You are both catching the lift on your way to different destinations. You don’t want to not interact, that feels rude. Yet you are only together for a minute.

It’s short enough to not get into a proper conversation, but long enough to be awkward if you just have dead air.

There are many other similar scenarios, where you are sharing a couple of minutes with someone knowing it will only be brief. What should you talk about?

Rather than asking a question, perhaps you can use the time to affirm them. Say something nice.  “I notice you work really hard, you always do more than is expected of you.” “You’re a funny girl. I love it when people aren’t serious all the time.” “I admire how you speak up for people when they aren’t there to stand up for themselves.”

This is a really effective use of a minute. A lot of people go through life feeling unappreciated. When others notice their efforts or recognise the good in them, it encourages & validates them. And it makes them feel good, they walk away feeling like their efforts to be a good human are worthwhile.

What’s more, they will have a positive association of you.

If you ask something, make it punchy & light. You aren’t solving the world’s problems as you bump into someone in the bathroom. But you can learn a quick fact about them.

“What’s the best thing you’ve eaten this week?”
“What was the last movie you watched?”
“How would you summarise your week in a word?”

The trick is to have a question or two up your sleeve in advance that you can quickly pull out when in that scenario. When you are on the spot, it can be hard to think of something to say. And by the time you do, it’s time to move on.

But when you have a question ready to go, you can quickly pull it out and make the most of a fleeting situation. Have a different question each week so as not to overwork it, and the question won’t become dull for you.

It’s better than having another inane conversation agreeing about the weather.

Awkward Silence gives you new ideas each week as part of your subscription. Our conversation starters provoke hearty conversations. But we have lighter questions too, perfect for those quick conversations.

Are you ready to make the most of a minute?

Let’s talk.

I knew people would ask about it, but it was not the kind of thing that you need to discuss with others. In fact, it’s downright uncomfortable & unnecessary to talk about.

Yet I still got asked this question over & over.

So I implore you – if you want to have a rewarding conversation with someone, never ask this question:

“What’s wrong with your face?”

My face was suffering from PCPP – a Post-Christmas Pimple Party. You eat a lot of chocolate at Christmas, you get zits for the new year.

It was rather noticeable. And gross. I looked like Two-Face from Batman.

But in another case of people asking the obvious question, people felt a need to discuss it. What they were hoping to get from this conversation, I don’t know.

I’m not a fan of vanity, but I don’t need people pointing out & enquiring about my pimples.

For others, it may be facial warts, scars, acne, moles, birth marks, etc. And none are necessary to ask about. None will generate interesting conversation.

The person being asked just feels awkward & self-conscious, and will try to exit the conversation as quickly as possible.

And you come across as rude & superficial for asking about someone’s facial problem.

People don’t grow pimples deliberately. They don’t have acne because it’s trendy.

Something is wrong with their face, largely out of their control. Use your filter and simply talk about something else.

When people enjoy talking to you, they’ll want to talk to you again.

But when you make them feel gross, they’ll think twice before talking to you again.

Next time you can see that you’re going to ask “What’s wrong with your face?”, think of us & stop. Ask a different question, not the worst question you could ask.

Let’s Talk… about something else.

To be known is to be validated.

We want people to understand us, to appreciate us, to know us.

And even in respectful disagreement, to be heard to is to be valued.

There is an old proverb - if a tree falls in the forest while no one is around, does is make a noise? Similarly, we tend to feel a sense of being who we are only if that being is recognised by another.*

This is the power of conversation - to discover another and have them discover you.

It doesn't come about through meaningless impersonal filler. It comes about by having genuine interaction.

Reveal yourself. Seek out others. 

This doesn't mean making every conversation a life-changing tear-jerker. But each conversation should potentially be a unique interaction involving real thought, not the fodder of small talk.

In doing so, people discover you. And you discover them.

Let's Talk. 

(* Is that true? Maybe, maybe not. Ask what your friends think, it's another conversation starter.)

What you don’t want to do with an interruption is cut someone short or derail what they are trying to express.

So when you do need to interrupt, do so in a way that pushes their comments forward rather than aside.

If someone is talking at length, it sometimes helps to interrupt so that they don’t feel like they are talking to themselves. It’s possible in a conversation to be physically there yet not be there mentally. So demonstrate you are with them by commenting on what they are talking about. It will encourage them to keep talking about it.

If someone is discussing something complicated, ask clarifying questions so that you can keep up. If you start not understanding things, it often gets worse and you end up nodding along with no idea what the other is talking about. An interruption will help you keep up.

This is often necessary. When people explain things, they know what they are talking about so they may not notice that they haven’t explained something properly. Or perhaps you simply didn’t pick up on a point they made.

Occasionally, we need to interrupt because someone is taking a conversation down a detrimental path.

When someone raises empty gossip, stop them in their tracks to indicate you aren’t interested. Gossip is often seen as harmless when it can be damaging. If you are a good person or good at conversation, you shouldn’t need to partake in gossip. So when gossip starts, interrupt to cut it off & prove you are above it.

When someone is simply being racist or sexist, interrupt them to show that you won’t indulge it. We can hear people out when they are expressing a different opinion, and sometimes that difference of opinion will challenge what we believe is good taste. But if someone is simply expressing meritless bigoted comments, cut them off and show them that their comments are unacceptable.

Interrupting is a fine art, and appropriate in moderation & when warranted.

Let’s Talk.

Interrupting is obviously annoying and creates animosity.

Conversations are a great tool for feeling valued & appreciated. People enjoy being able to express themselves and connect with someone else. It’s a form of validation.

But interrupting during a conversation will do the opposite. It makes the person frustrated because they aren’t being heard. The interrupter is forcefully asserting themselves over the speaker, even if this isn’t the conscious intention.

If someone is telling a story, you can sparingly ask questions as they go but don’t interject with your own story before they have finished telling theirs. Chances are their story is building up to some kind of punchline or interesting conclusion. To deviate from that because a detail reminds you of something that happened to you will devalue the story-telling experience.

If debating a different point of view, don’t interrupt while someone is making a point. To argue a point before they have finished making their point is not only disrespectful, it also means you are missing their point because you haven’t allowed them to make it. And this is more likely to turn a debate into an ugly argument. Media hosts are particularly guilty of interrupting their guests in interviews when discussing an issue.

If someone is getting something off their chest – apologising or telling you something that is really bothering them - listen to them. Don’t cut off their comments before they’ve expressed them. Chances are, it took some courage for them to speak to you about this. Reward that courage by letting them express what they need to. When they have finished, you can then tell them it was OK or not to worry about it. But don’t dismiss them before you’ve heard completely what they want to say.

And if you catch yourself interrupting, apologise and make sure you redirect the line of conversation back to what was being talked about, and ask the person you interrupted to keep talking about it.

Shut up, and let’s talk.

Often that interest quickly turns to fascination. But after a couple of years, the puppy love stage wears off and it becomes harder to stay interested in each other.

You’ve had time to become accustomed to your partner’s best features, and they don’t tend to flutter the heart as much as they once did.

And here’s the surprising thing: once this duller stage takes over, a lot of couples still decide to stay together. It’s about commitment. It has different kinds of benefits. And it’s still a beautiful thing, though often less exciting.

A committed couple in this stage faces a danger – someone else interesting may come along and take some attention away. There is a good chance of this, because most people are interesting in some way.

This may cause some confusion in your mind & emotions. The new person may linger in your thoughts & feelings.

It’s a battle between the proven good thing in your life and the new intriguing attraction.

And even if you don’t succumb to the temptation, it can create a sense of disappointment in your relationship.

What can be done about this?

Primarily, you need to stay interesting to each other.

You need to grow together. You need to interact. You need to keep the connection alive.

And the best way to do this is to talk. Talk often. Talk about a variety of things. Talk about personal things. Talk about new things, things you haven’t talked about before.

When you have run out of things to talk about, Awkward Silence is here to help. It’s what we do. We give you new & interesting things to talk about every week.

Ask interesting questions. Not only will it make your partner more interesting to you, it will make you more interesting to them.

Let’s talk.

Perhaps it’s “what’s your favorite food?”, or “what’s your favorite movie?”, or “what’s your favorite Elvis song?”.

But I’ve noticed a certain percentage of people object to these questions.

They complain “it’s too hard to pick a definitive favorite”. Or “I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it. I’d need to figure it out.”

And these people have missed out on some of the benefits & purposes of conversation.

A conversation is not a school test. When someone asks you a question, you don’t need to immediately offer up the right answer.

Imagine it – “What’s your favorite movie?”, “Breakfast at Tiffanys. Next.” What a lame conversation.

If you don’t have a definitive favorite, discuss some possibilities you really like. The suggestions you make may not necessarily be your locked-in favorites, but they at least give people an idea of what you like. It’s about people getting to know you & interaction, rather than simply a straight acquiring of the facts.

If you have never thought about the question, think out loud. This teases out a much more interesting back & forth discussion. And that goes for all conversation starters, not just favorites. It becomes a process of discovery for both you & whoever asked the question.

When you next ask a favorite question and someone ducks it with excuses, you will now be able to prompt them into a conversation response.

Let’s talk.

One way it's motivational is in the answers we give... particularly the answers we don't like to give.

"What's new?"
"Ahhhhhh... nothing."

"What do you do with yourself?"
"I'm a (insert lame job, followed by a sad face)"

When you keep giving the answer you don't want to give, it motivates you to change.

Are you giving dull answers when asked what you have been up to lately? It's time to take up a new hobby or interest.

Disappointed in listing your dull career as what you do with yourself? It's time to focus on your life's work, even if this isn't your paid work. What will be your legacy? What is the greater account of "what you do", and who you are?

If you're hearing a friend give answers about their life that they clearly aren't happy with, discuss with them what they can do to change the answer.

Ask them what they want the answer to be, and how they'll get there.

How often will you repeat your lacklustre answers? Change the answer.

Let's talk.

But often when we are starting conversation on the fly, we jump to the most obvious question.

You see someone with their arm in a cast, and you ask "what happened to your arm?".

You see someone is pregnant and say “oh you’re pregnant? How’s it going?”

To you, these obvious questions may seem perfectly fine. It's your first time having this conversation with them, hearing this information. But for them, it's a conversation they've had numerous times already.

Repeating the same activity becomes mind-numbing for humans. And irritating. We thrive on new experiences.

Asking a recently married workmate "how's married life" may seem an easy question. But newlyweds get this question all the time. And the truth is, "we are struggling" would be the honest answer an uncomfortable percentage of the time.

So instead of asking the obvious question, stop yourself and ask a stimulating question instead.

I got sick of being asked "what do you do for work?/ How is work going?", a bad social convention that many fall into. So I started Awkward Silence to revolutionise conversation.

I made a new friend recently who is blind. While I wasn't shy to ask him about his blindness, I also made the safe assumption that his blindness wasn't the key element of his identity. So I asked him questions geared toward his personality & interests. After knowing him for a little while, the first question I asked about his blindness was "can a blind person be afraid of heights?", a question that had popped up recently in the weekly Awkward Silence subscription email. I felt OK about asking this question as I was sure it wasn't something he was asked often. 

Conversations can be exponentially rewarding if you put a little effort in. It doesn't need much effort, just enough to avoid social tendencies which have become tiresome.

Don’t ask the obvious question. This is the world of new conversation.

Let's Talk.

So it may surprise you that we also think it's OK not to talk sometimes.

I love having rewarding conversations. But I'm also heavily introverted, which means I sometimes need to re-fuel my energy social situation. I need time by myself. That doesn't mean I don't want to talk to people at all ever. But if I've been doing a lot of socialising recently, it's great to have some time away from people with just a book or personal activity.

Alone time can be difficult for couples or housemates. If one partner is heavily extroverted and the other introverted, then the extroverted partner can feel like their spouse is snubbing them, or passively angry at them. Instead, they just need some down time.

If you're the introverted party, the best thing you can do is tell your partner that you need some quiet time to yourself, but reassure them nothing is wrong, you are just having some "me time".

When having a heated argument, it's good to talk things out. But sometimes the adrenaline is pumping, the anger is red-hot, your mind is haywire. You need to take some time-out to let tensions simmer down, and renew the discussion once you have calmed down. It takes a wise person to realise when an argument needs to be paused. But make sure you after you've reassessed that you take the time to talk and apologise/forgive, and repair the relationship.

When we are in a sustained social situation, such as lounging on a beach or sharing a long car-trip, it's OK to have some time-out to read a book (not if you are driving), listen to music, or simply bask in the scenery. This can benefit the conversation too, because if you have had a thought-provoking conversation, it gives you a chance to ruminate on the things expressed. And when you resume the conversation, you may have more to add.

We are all different in our social needs. But in talking we build understanding of each other's needs. In talking, we understand that it's OK not to talk.

Let's Talk (often but not always).

Perhaps you see them at work daily & have hollow conversations about weather & sport. Perhaps they are relatives you see at weddings, and all you blandly discuss is how your jobs are going.

If I really thought about it, how would I answer the following basic questions about you?

1.    What are you passionate about? What are you working towards? What are you trying to achieve with your life? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What impact do you want to have on the world? What do you love?

2.    What is your hobby? How do you relax? What makes you smile? What do you really do with yourself?

3.    What is a random quirk you have? What is distinctly you? If I were describing you to someone, what would I say? “This is my friend Tina, and she decorates donuts to look like celebrities.” “This is Rodney, and he has conclusive proof that the moon-landing was fake.” “This is Gertrude, and she can name 100 different types of lemon.”

4.    If you could experience one day of your life again, which would it be? What is your favorite memory? What day do you think about often, and how did it change your life?

5.    What is my favorite thing about you? Do I know you well enough to have a favorite thing about you? Can I say more about you than “she’s/he’s great”? What specifically endears you to me.

If I can’t answer all 5 of these things about you then we need to talk more.

Dig. Discover. Engage. Explore. Connect.

Let’s Talk.

But I believe that a new year can represent a new chapter, a clean slate. It can be a time to self-access and look at what I want to do differently.

And whether it’s having more fun, expanding friendships or personal growth, conversation is an integral factor.

What conversation goals can you set this year?

Will you aim to call your parents regularly? Perhaps set a regular reminder on your phone to prompt you.

Is there a friendship you want to take deeper? Suggest a regular activity you can do that will motivate regular get-togethers, such as going for walks together, playing chess, or kicking a footy. Anything that is an excuse to get together & chat.

Do you want to tell people how you really feel about them? This is excellent because it affirms people when they aren’t expecting it. While a birthday greeting can be nice, it can also feel forced. Aim each week to send someone a random message telling them why you appreciate & enjoy them. Be specific. Or even better, say it to their face.

Do you want to improve your relationship with your partner? Talk together more. Have unnecessary conversations. Plan regular activities together where you can talk a lot and rediscover each other. Fall in love again.

Do you want to be more social? Do you want to be more interesting? Have some conversation starters up your sleeve to give you confidence.

Do you want to use your Awkward Silence subscription more? Perhaps you see the questions in your inbox each week but forget to use them. Think of some situations that come up regularly where you can automatically use them, such as when having coffees or in the car with anyone.

Conversation will impact your year. So prepare to make the most of it.

Let’s Talk.

We will make it easy for you.

Awkward Silence puts out quality content regularly, but some articles are always going to be even better than others. So we give you the best of the best for 2017.

Read the list below and check out our best articles:

"Gramps, why are we doing all this reminiscing?"
"Well it's a traditional way of filling a Christmas episode without having to shoot new scenes, all you do is have flashbacks."
(Taken from the Christmas episode of "Charlie The Wonderdog")

Thanks for making Awkward Silence a part of your life in 2017 and enhancing the world of conversation.

Let's Talk.

Families are gathering together and spending time together. Even families that are accustomed to eating in front of the television will instead eat around the dinner table for the day.

Use that opportunity as a trigger for story-telling.

Ask your parents those big family history questions like:

- How did you meet?
- What can you remember about my birth?
- How did I get my name?
- What was Christmas like when you were kids?
- What are your memories of your parents/grandparents?
- What were our aunties/uncles like as kids?
- How did I change you? What were you like before having kids?
- What was your wedding like?
- Why did you decide to get married? How did you propose?

(Note: Obviously some of these questions may not be applicable to your personal family situation.)

It’s also a perfect time to reminisce about loved ones who have passed on, such as family members and even pets. Tell the stories that make you laugh & cry.

We may be reluctant to initiate these conversations as they can get emotional. And emotions can be awkward. But emotions tied to the loss of loved ones are OK, because they demonstrate that you were blessed to have them in your life.

Don’t be afraid of emotions.

Now is also the perfect time to ask each other what bucket list items are still waiting to be accomplished. Be assertive with your life. Set yourself goals and a focus for the year ahead. You are still living your story.

Don’t forget to use your Awkward Silence subscription with your family throughout the year to hear their niche stories. A question like “Dad, what do you remember about your childhood?” may be too broad a question to get a comprehensive response. But specific ongoing Awkward Silence questions may prompt those stories to come out.

Tell & retell your stories, again & again. And may your Christmas celebrations be full of joy.

Let’s Talk.

Yet too many of us let it be a highly stressful time of year.

We are running around buying presents for everyone. We are trying to finish tasks & projects before the end of year break. We are straining to organise Christmas parties.

With all this added pressure, tempers get short. One cross word feeds into another and gets passed on. Things get out of hand quickly.

Does this sound like your Christmas experience? If it does, then stop.

Stop and think about whether you are treating Christmas as a time of refreshment or a time of burden.

Stop and think about whether you feel like Christmas is an obligation or a gift.

If Christmas is mostly negative for you, it’s time for a change of attitude.

Firstly, jettison the stuff that is bringing it down for you. Too much obligatory gift-buying? Buy everyone chocolates or donations to charity instead of wasting lots of effort on gifts. Or break the gift-buying habit all together. Too much work? Assert yourself with your employer to make sure you are getting time away from the job. (And if you are so indispensable to them, make sure you are getting generous overtime pay!)

Secondly, assert what you want the focus of the season to be about. For many of us, it will be a celebration of family, faith or friendship. If your days are revolving around insignificant things rather than what truly matters to you, you’ll miss out. Stop often to refocus and ensure you are enjoying this time.

Thirdly, check your own attitude. There are bound to be people around you who have bad attitudes and are treating Christmas far too aggressively. Don’t be one of them.

It can be that you take out your frustrations on the first annoyance that comes along, like a tired co-worker who has made a mistake or a waiter who has messed up your order. It may be very tempting to give both barrels to them, and they’ll wear your anger at not just them but the bad traffic & rude punters you dealt with earlier.

But try a different approach. Try kind words.

Encourage your co-workers to go home early instead of nit-picking their efforts.

Talk to your partner about how you can have some special time together rather than snapping at them for forgetting something.

When the cashier is stressed out, reassure them they aren’t being any trouble rather than giving them a hard time.

Don’t give bland generic Christmas greetings. Tell those closest to you why they are special to you.

And stop rushing around. Stop with someone and have a relaxed conversation.

Spread joy. The change of attitude will brighten your mood, and you’ll start to feel the real Christmas spirit.

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First, you hope desperately that they don’t smell bad.

But some also hope that the person sharing a metre with them won’t be chatty.

Part of life is being in forced social situations. But a forced social situation doesn’t have to be an unrewarding experience.

Yes, some people can talk drivel. (This is when you can use your Awkward Silence subscription to change the subject.) But most people aren’t so dull.

The random person next to you could be from any walk of life, outside of the circle of people you normally associate with. It’s a great excuse to learn something new or discover the world through someone else’s eyes.

An easy way to get the conversation going is to ask why they are travelling. They may have some terrific advice on the destination you are travelling to. Perhaps it is their home city and they are returning, or perhaps they have done holiday research different to your own.

A purely practical benefit of becoming conversationally comfortable with them is that at some point you may need them to hop up so you can use the toilet or stretch your legs. You don’t want to spend long periods of the flight afraid of interrupting them. A good rapport takes the anxiety out of disrupting.

The person next to you has never met you before, so they haven't heard all your best anecdotes, stories or jokes. They are about to be surprised by the best bits of your personality. So make them laugh, and feel the affirmation that comes with someone enjoying you for the first time.

Worst case scenario, you are unlikely to ever see them again. So in the unlikely event the conversation goes poorly, you won’t have to concern yourself with the next time you cross paths. You can go for broke.

The best case scenario is that you make a new friend out of the situation.

You may be concerned that once you start talking, you will need to perpetuate the conversation for the whole flight. This isn’t true.

As much as we love conversation, at some point after a hearty chat you will want do a crossword puzzle or watch a movie. Here’s the thing – the person you are talking to feels exactly the same way! So when you suggest that you are going to read your book, the other passenger is probably relieved at your suggestion rather than offended.

A habit I make when I’m on long-haul flights is to advice the passenger next to me that I snore occasionally, and suggest they wake me if I’m doing so. It puts them at ease and saves me embarrassment. If you have something similar that someone sitting next to you should know about, be it fear of flying, leg spasms, etc, be forthcoming about it.

It’s often rewarding to talk to the plane passenger next to you. Make the most of it.

Let’s Talk.

However, we can use it to enhance our real-life social interactions.

One fun way is do a list or series.

Make a list of your favorite movies, songs, travel destinations, historical moments. The possibilities are endless. And then publish them one at a time daily, perhaps in a countdown form on your Facebook page.

Inevitably when you are ranking things you bump into different points of views. When done respectfully, this can be a terrific catalyst for lively conversation.

By publishing a list like this, you can generate immediate conversation amongst your friends when you see them, because they want to comment on your latest selections, inform you of their own, and speculate on where your list is heading.

The countdown nature also creates a sense of anticipation.

Another good list I did recently was to let people suggest the best thing they could think of beginning with a certain letter of the alphabet, and people could vote on each suggestion by liking the comment. I worked my way through the whole alphabet, and by the end had a literal A-Z list of the best things in the world.

This generated lots of conversation. Take C for example, how do you decide which is better – Cars, Chips, Cousins, Coffee, Chocolate?

In addition, I had very positive conversations with other friends saying it was a daily reminder of the good things in our lives that we can be grateful for.

Perhaps as the year draws to a close, you could make a list of your highlights of 2017. And this will give you a summary of the year to look back at in the years to come.

Or publish a daily advent calendar of your Christmas memories, carols you like, or old Christmas photos.

Other things like vacation pictures are great to put on Facebook or Instagram so that the next time someone sees you, they will have something to ask about.

And even those you haven’t seen in a while will have an idea of what’s been happening with you and can use it as a springboard for conversation. It’s better than trying to find a starting point for something to talk about when you haven’t seen each other in ten years.

How will you use social media to enhance your real-life conversations?

Let’s Talk.

For instance, you’re at the end of a dinner party. As you’re leaving, you may use generic phrases like:

“Thanks for inviting me.”
“Thanks, it was a lovely evening.”
“You did a great job.”

Regardless of whether these sentiments are genuinely sincere or not, they may just sound like token comments.

Being polite is a fine thing, but how about taking things to another level?

A great way to show your appreciation is to be specific.

Pick something from the night and single it out as being of particular note.

“That meatloaf was delicious.”
“That cheesecake you made was incredible.”
“Thanks for organising this. It’s been ages since we’ve caught up and I’ve really enjoyed talking to you.”

Not only are you demonstrating a thoughtful appreciation of the night, valuing your host & affirming their talents, you’re also picking something from the evening that will stand-out in your memory.

Saying “I love you” to someone is always good to say. Saying it often is also a good thing. But when it’s said often, it risks sounding like reflex. So add a little extra potency to it periodically by being specific. Add a reason to the “I love you”.

“Thanks for making me laugh today. I love you.”
“Thanks for listening to me today and putting up with my craziness. I love you.”
“You are really special to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you.”
“Your kisses still make me buzz. I love you.”

Taking a comment beyond what is expected demonstrates sincerity.

That sincere appreciation affirms the recipient. When people have made an effort, often they just want to know it was meaningful.

Let’s Talk.

As a result of a Kickstarter campaign, I had the opportunity to meet my favorite band. They aren’t extremely famous but I have adored their music for over 20 years.

As you can imagine, it was a surreal experience. I didn’t want to waste it.

The biggest danger of meeting a celebrity whose work you love is that you will gush too much.

For a celebrity starting out, this might be enjoyable to hear but it quickly wears thin. You can only hear so much of how much strangers love that movie you made or that song you wrote before it gets boring.

Put yourself in their position - How many times could you hear the same comment or question before it became grating?

It’s a noticeable problem when you watch Penn & Teller’s “Fool Us”. You have a lot of magicians come on and gush at length about how much they love Penn & Teller’s work. Penn & Teller are nice about it but you can tell they are responding with polite disinterest. The magicians that really capture their attention are the ones that use the opportunity to make Penn & Teller laugh or amaze them.

If you want to make an impression, be interesting.

In talking to my favorite band, I turned their attention on by asking them about smaller passion projects they had, ones that they hadn’t answered thousands of questions about. Their response was genuine enthusiasm.

Have something interesting to say about yourself too in case they ask. A lot of celebrities prefer a two-way conversation, same as you do in everyday life.

And have some fun with the experience. It may be hard not to be nervous, but relish the moment.

Let’s Talk.

PS: If you see a celebrity having some personal time, such as out having dinner with their partner, try to be respectful. Perhaps let them have time to themselves. Or if they decline that selfie or autograph, it’s not because they are a jerk. You may have just been the thousandth person that week to impose.

A period of time passes by when you haven’t seen each other. Perhaps you had often seen them at parties, or you used to work with them.  But for a while now you haven’t had an excuse to see them.

One of the nicest things is to suggest hanging out with someone for no reason at all. You don’t need an excuse.

After a long absence, we can be concerned about what to talk about. Often the chemistry picks up right where it left off. But if it needs a kick-start to reignite, use your Awkward Silence conversation starters to get the chemistry going again.

One of the traps we can fall into when trying to see someone we haven’t seen in a while is to message them saying “we should catch up soon”. And they genuinely agree it’s a good idea. But no specifics are made so the idea doesn’t eventuate.

So don’t just suggest to catch-up, ask when is suitable. If one of you is currently too busy to lock in a day, put a reminder in your calendar to ask again in a month. Having a trigger is more likely to get results.

Who is someone you haven’t caught up with in a while that you would love to talk to again?

Don’t wait for an excuse. Send them a message asking when you can get together to talk next.

Let’s Talk.

When meeting someone for the first time, people often ask about what they do for work. It’s an easy go-to option.

But as always, at Awkward Silence we want to eradicate flaccid social conventions and replace them with something better.

Asking someone what they do for a job is often a dud question. A lot of people are at their jobs merely so they can pay the bills. Or even if they are in an area of work they enjoy, they have probably been doing it for the majority of their week over a long period, and would much more heartily discuss something else.

And for a significant amount of people, what they do for money isn’t a great insight into who they are.

So try some of these opening questions instead.

1.    What do you do for fun? What are your hobbies? It’s simple, but this is a guarantee for getting the conversation started on a positive note. Does your new friend like karaoke, hiking or cooking? Find out what you have in common. Or even better, find out about an activity you have never heard of. It starts to paint a picture of who they are.

2.    What do you know more about than most people? Find out about people’s special interests. You may not just learn about them, but learn something new too.

3.    What are you passionate about? Dig into someone’s personality and find out what drives them. This question injects a natural enthusiasm into the conversation. What are they advocates for? What do they love?

4.    What is the first thing you want to know about someone when you meet them? Side-step the usual dance and try the direct approach. Not only will this help you cut to the chase in discussing something of interest, the question they ask itself tells you about where your new friend’s focus is.

5.    What is your claim to fame? Did your new friend once appear on the news? Did they get pulled on stage to dance with Bono at a U2 concert? Do they hold a special record for something in their area?

6.    What was your most recent vacation? Where are you planning to go next? Quite simply, discussing travel is a good way to generate conversation easily.

7.    What has been the highlight of your year? Discussing something recent is a handy tactic for energising the conversation.

8.    What is something you like that most people would consider uncool? I particularly like this question as it helps lower the façade we can put up when we first meet people. Most want to impress when they first meet to the point that they aren’t relaxed or themselves. Take away that need to impress, and people can be themselves with you.

9.    What movies/music/books do you enjoy? This is another easy way to discover what your new friend enjoys and get an insight into who they are. If your new friend finds the question too broad, ask them about the most recent movie they’ve seen, or the book they are currently reading.

10. If you were an actor, what kind of character would you be typecast as? If you are a bit more game and sense that the person you are meeting is open to an unusual opening question, try this one. Give them a chance to pause and think of an answer. When they do, the answer will be rather insightful.

Some people will steer these questions back to talking about their jobs, because that is the tired conversation pattern they are accustomed to. It’s up to you & I to usher in much more vibrant conversation.

That said, a few people will be genuinely passionate & enthusiastic about their work.  And if this is the case, the conversation will still have the necessary vigour as you will be discussing their passions with them.

When you meet people for the first time, asking some of the more personal or niche Awkward Silence questions may be too confronting. But the great thing about the questions above is that they are comfortable questions to ask, while still acting as a catalyst to genuinely get to know the person & open up bigger conversations. They aren’t merely token vanilla questions.

Of course, if you are feeling really adventurous, leap straight into some Awkward Silence questions. If your new friend is on board, it will make for a very memorable introduction.

Either way, don’t let your first time with someone be bland, impersonal & forgettable. Make this the start of getting to know them.

Let’s Talk.

Why are they such regular discussion topics?

Weather & sport are pretty easy topics to have in common with almost anyone.

Both of these topics are OK talking points…in moderation.

Extraordinary acts of weather are certainly worth talking about, like lightning storms or flash floods. However, the fact it’s either raining, hot or cold today isn’t worthwhile conversation.

Sport is the same. I love footy & cricket as much as the next person. Talking about the game on the weekend or a brilliant goal or play is a good topic. Still talking about it on Tuesday & Wednesday is a sign that you are just using it as filler conversation.

It’s automatic to talk about these things constantly. They are social conventions – detrimental social conventions.

Topics like weather & sport mean you can carry on a conversation without putting in any thought or effort. They are impersonal & sterile conversations.

For some, it’s merely a polite attempt to get the conversation going. But there is a better way.

Having a few Awkward Silence topics up your sleeve is a more innovative way to get started. They take conversations in new directions and generally into unexplored territory. The conversations are also memorable.

A new topic requires both people to be present in a conversation. And that’s the whole point of conversation – to connect & engage.

Putting the slightest effort into your conversation will yield much better results. The conversations will be more hearty, more interesting, more informative & more rewarding.

Better conversations don’t need to be hard. But they will require a deliberate effort to buck the social conventions of weather & sport conversations.

Let’s Talk.

It's a polite parting comment, perhaps the same as wishing someone well.

I was watching the French film With Love…From The Age Of Reason recently, a film about not being so bland in our lives. And I was delighted by the following exchange as the main character departed:

Old man: Become who you are.
Marguerite: Why do you say that?
Old man: Because it’s not as lame as the usual: “Drive safely and call me when you arrive.”

What do you say as people leave? Is it something lame?

Here is our challenge for you today – what parting words can you start using regularly?

Your parting words are the last lingering note that people depart from you with. If you can make them feel inspired, amused or empowered as they leave, they’ll feel positive about the time spent with you and subconsciously be attracted to spending time with you again.

Imagine the reaction you’d get by saying…

“Bring some cake next time.”
“Keep an eye out for miracles.”
“I’ll write to you every day.” (Note: You don’t have to literally do that, but it’s nice to hear.)
“Stay beautiful.”
“Don’t forget to have some ice cream.”
“Send me a postcard.”
“Go. The world needs more you.”

We can make suggestions for parting words that will be your signature, but we encourage you to personalise your own parting words. Perhaps have a variety you can use.

Let’s Talk.