Arvind Devalia's "Make It Happen"

What Will it Take for More of You to Show Up?

admin — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 23:34:56 +0000

Do you hold back from showing up at your best? Or do you strut your stuff like a proud peacock?

So often I have played small for fear of being considered egotistical, a showoff or simply a smartass.

Also coming from an Indian background it was instilled in me to be humble at most times and not to be “loud” or forthcoming.

Reminds me of this famous quote by Winston Churchill about one of his political opponents:-

“He is a humble man with a lot to be humble about!”

However, what I am finding is that we can take this being humble and self-effacing thing a bit too far!

The other extreme to being a peacock is to be apologetic and literally hiding in case you caused a stir or ruffled any feathers.

However, just remember those famous words from Marianne Williamson – who are you to not let your light shine.

I was having a chat with a lifecoach friend earlier on today and she picked up on this point with me. She explained how she saw this in many people in that they choose to hold back rather than shining.

She even went as far as saying that I too was holding back and it was time I allowed my own light to shine!

This conversation has really made me reflect and see where in my life I am holding back. Though by most people’s standards I do a lot, I am out there and I am involved in a number of projects, I do believe that I am indeed holding myself back quite a bit.

I could be doing a lot more to get my message out there via my blogging, social media, coaching etc. And yet…

My friend suggested I asked myself this powerful question on a daily, ongoing basis:-

What will it take for more of me to show up?

The answers for letting more of my light shine will then naturally show up – I just had to follow up. By continuing to be in inquiry like this, I will soon be glowing:-)

The question now is what will take for more of you to show up?

Here is a simple exercise for you to find out.

Stop here for 5 minutes of reflection and ask yourself these 2 questions:-

1. Where in my life am I holding back from being the best I can?

If you come up with more than one area, then choose just one area, the one that is the most important to you.

Then reflect further:-

2. What one single thing can I do today that will allow more of me to show up?

Keep asking yourself these 2 questions – and you will soon be on a path of continual excellence without having to apologise for it.

Of course letting your light shine and being the best you can does not necessarily mean that you become aloof, proud and cocky.

You still must continue to come from a space of grounded humility. What I mean by this is that you become comfortable in your excellence and expertise, and not self-effacing in anyway.

If you are good at something, you might as well own it and blow your own trumpet!

It is time really for all of us to be the best we can be – and be proud of it. After all, the world today more than ever before, needs everyone to shine their light.

How My Single Day of Blindness Opened My Eyes Forever!

admin — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:10:26 +0000

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be blind?

Many years ago, as a schoolboy I took part in some fundraising for the Royal Blind Society.

It was on a Saturday in a busy town shopping centre and involved selling some red flags in return for coins and notes in a collection tin.

Looking back, a school friend and I had taken part in this fundraising day, more for a bet and a fun day out than any great idealistic or compassionate grounds. It seemed like it would be a good story to recount one day, which is exactly what I am doing right now:-)

My friend and I had wondered what it would be like to just go around the town centre rattling our collection tins.

However we got far more than we had bargained for or anticipated.

Firstly, we found people were incredibly kind and generous with their money and words of encouragement. Some commented on how great it was that we were doing this. Others smiled as they put their hard earned cash through the slots in the collection tin.

The best were the little children who took great joy in giving us a penny or two.

Then suddenly the penny literally dropped for me. Some of these shoppers actually believed that I was blind too!

It seemed that some of them were simply gazing at me with glazed eyes whilst they took a flag and others were smiling angelically, almost as if they felt or knew that their smile was not going to be seen!

A very few did not even seem to notice that I was there, while others looked at me with great compassion and tenderness.

Even at that young age, I could feel the energy of a lot of this people was shifting when they engaged in this brief act of giving and compassion.

It was probably my first ever experience of compassion and true giving, and realising what a profound impact it can make on both the giver and the receiver.

Later that day, we met up with some of the other collectors and I was lucky enough to meet one who was genuinely blind.

We had a long chat and he laughed when I explained how most people thought I was blind too. He even jokingly suggested I carried on pretending so I could collect more!

What was fascinating to me was how someone seemingly handicapped by lack of eyesight was yet so confident in moving around and behaving “normally” – he certainly did not expect us to feel sorry for him or to grant him any special favours.

Yet I did feel sorry for him as from my perspective, he was not able to see the world in its full glory and I felt it woud be such a struggle to get around. But the lesson I learnt that day was quite profound:-

“It is not what you don’t have that limits your life, it is what you do with what you have that creates it”.

Roll on a few years from that flag-selling day – I once stopped to help a blind pedestrian near Regents Park in London. He was on his way to Harley Street, world famous for its medical excellence.

This gentleman was extremely well dressed and carried a large black briefcase. As I helped him across the road, we chatted and it turned out that he was a leading bone consultant!

He had learnt to use the power of his touch, intuition and medical training to help people without having the need to see them through his eyes.

The key learning is that having all our senses and faculties does not make us superior to anyone who does not. There is this well known saying – “In the valley of the blind, the one eyed man is king”. I guess this relates to how having some information about something gives you an advantage over those who are in the “dark”.

However, is this really true?

A while ago I read a fascinating short story by H G Wells which seems to repute this belief. This is quite a famous story and is called – The Country of the Blind.

Grab a cup of coffee or tea, settle down for 10 minutes and do check out this fascinating story. You will truly get a different perspective and you will wonder just how you really see everyday.

Looking back, that fateful day of flag selling for the blind left quite a mark on me. It taught me what it is like to do something for others, even though the day had started of as a lark. It was also my first ever foray into fund-raisingJ

I also learnt how good it can be to connect with other people when they are being their highest self, noble, generous and giving.

My single day of blindness all those years ago, certainly opened my eyes forever.

So here are my key lessons for you to apply in your own life:-

1. Serve others

Look for opportunities to serve others even if it is simply helping a blind person cross the road.

The possibilities of service and showing kindness are limitless – you just have to be open to them and recognise any opportunities to serve.

Keep your eyes literally peeled!

2. Help others serve

Do take part in fund-raising events as not only will you be raising funds and awareness about your chosen cause, but you will learn just how compassionate and generous people can be.

People just want to be given a chance to show their nobility and higher self.

3. Smell the flowers

Do take time to truly appreciate the world around you. Literally smell the flowers.

Regardless of whatever is happening for you in your life currently, and whatever challenges you might facing, have awareness of the beauty around you and in the people in your life. This will make each day even more enjoyable.

And of course, do make lots of time in your life for some fun and joy. You deserve it.

I look forward to hearing how you get on:-)

Be Like Bamboo and Reach for the Sky!

admin — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:18:51 +0000

Did you know that bamboo is the fastest growing plant in the world and can grow over 100 cm in a day!?

The growth rate depends on the availability of nutrients, water, and the temperature of the surroundings. This is not bad for what is after all a relative of the everyday grass species.

However this growth doesn’t begin from a young age. Depending on the species, it could be a few years before the phenomenal growth kicks in. In fact there is this saying about the way bamboo grows:-

The first year it sleeps
The second year it creeps
The third year it leaps

The bamboo plant doesn’t just give up if it only grown an inch or two. The first few years it might only grown an inch annually, but then suddenly bamboo can grow 30 to 100 feet in a matter of days and weeks.

What lessons can we learn here in making it happen for yourself and for the world?

It takes time, effort, focus and consistency to become an “overnight success”.

We all need to prepare our ground, put in daily effort on an ongoing consistent basis before one day getting the success we desire and deserve.

The definition of “success” will vary from person to person but the requisite steps are the same:-

1. Lay down your roots

During its gestation period, a bamboo plant is growing roots and building up sustenance as well as creating a supportive foundation for its future glory.

Get clear about what you need for your long term growth and lay down your roots.

What are your roots?

2. Nurture yourself

Take great self- care and make sure that you are fit and well enough for the long run.

What do you need to nurture yourself?

3. Have the right resources

Be prepared for the long haul. Acquire and learn to use the best and optimal tools.

Learn better and smarter ways of doing things and you will free up your time and energy to actually enjoy your growth.

4. Take consistent tiny steps

Do whatever you need to each day, no matter how tiny, mundane or painstaking.

By doing each day, you will be working towards your long term legacy.

5. Remain focussed and persistent

Usually if things don’t happen fast enough, people give up. Can you imagine a bamboo tree giving up after growth of just a few inches!

Then the world would never see it reach majestic heights. Make sure the same thing about you is true.

So no matter where your journey takes you, keep on going. You are on a great journey of learning, growth and personal development.

Reach for the sky like bamboo and one day you too can light up the world.

Make It Happen in 30 Days – Just Go On An Adventure!

admin — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 22:13:54 +0000

Just how long does it take to change something in your life for the better?

If you find the idea of making a permanent change daunting, then why not do so for just 30 days?

What would it be like to go on a 30 day adventure during which time you do something everyday you have always wanted to do. Or indeed, you stop doing something?

I first came across the idea of creating success in just 30 days from Steve Pavlina.

The concept of doing something for only 30 days works well at many levels as it is just something you do or not do for 30 days – after that you are free to choose to make it a new habit and a permanent way of being. Or you can go back to your previous way of being.

The choice to make it a new habit or return to your old ways is entirely yours.

The beauty of a 30 day “challenge” is that after 30 days you are more likely to make it a permanent change. Also the idea of giving something up e.g. fizzy drinks will not seem too painful if you know it is only for 30 days.

Actually I don’t like calling this idea a 30 day challenge, as the word “challenge” implies that it is going to be hard. I also considered describing it as a 30 day crusade, but that too sounds like something you have to fight for and struggle against.

This shows just how our language impacts our view and perception of the world.

I therefore prefer to call it the 30 day Adventure.

So are you ready to join me for a 30 Day Adventure?!

You can do so in any area of your life and if you like, you can choose to do more than one thing.

However, remember that by definition, your 30 day adventure is meant to be fun so only take on what you can realistically handle. There is no need to feel overwhelmed or to beat yourself up afterwards for not having done all the things you wanted to do!

The benefits of doing something for 30 days are many. You also learn a lot about yourself when you put yourself through a test like this.

To get started, decide just what you will do or not do over the next 30 days. Then do whatever it takes to make it it happen.

Create an incentive for yourself, build a support team and get some accountability from a close friend or partner. Maybe you could also invite them to join you by creating their own 30 day adventure.

The key is to enjoy the experience and the journey. You must have fun doing it.

I know how some people just love an adventure (but not a challenge!) so I am inviting all of you to join me on this 30 day adventure beginning Sunday, 1st November.

By the end of the month, 30 days later, you will have achieved something you have always wanted to do.

Of course you can go on your own 30 day adventure anytime you like even if it is the middle or end of the month. Just decide what your adventure is going to be about and get started!

Here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:-

1. Kick start your health and fitness

If you could change just one thing in 30 days why not do so in the area of your health? Once you are vibrant and energised it is easier to have adventures in other areas of your life.

To get you started, here are 101 healthy habits that anyone can follow. I am sure there will be quite a few things in there for you!

Keep it simple – do some form of exercise each day e.g. walk, gym, yoga. But do be intentional and commit to one specific thing you will do each day e.g. walk a minimum of 30 mins.

It is even better if you can do this the same time of the day such as early morning.

If you are a smoker, how about not smoking for 30 days? Or how about forgoing fizzy drinks?

Did you know that in the USA, cocacola is used to clear up the bloody road after a car accident?! So if that stuff is so potent, imagine what it is doing to your insides!

2. Sort out your finances

Make the next 30 days the time to get your finances in order. This is as good a time as any to review where you can make significant savings.

How about making a saving of $1,000 in 30 days?

At least in 30 days time, you will have a better idea of your financial picture.

3. Simplify your life

Just how simple and minimalist is your life?

Over the next 30 days become passionate about simplifying your life (or is being passionate about simplicity a contradiction?!).

How about reviewing your life over the next 30 days and doing something each day to simplify it?

This could be as simple as clearing out one physical product from your home each day for 30 days? You can either throw it out or give it away.

Just imagine how much more space and energy will be freed up in your life as a result.

To really take on minimalist living, check out Leo Babauta’s new website - mnmlist.

4. Create your legacy and do something for others

This is a big one for everyone and it would be wonderful to devote 30 days in a row for this.

Create a legacy for your children that is worthy of you.

Your legacy doesn’t have to be something huge right away, though it will be one day.

How about just doing something kind for one person each day?

Here are 29 ways to carry out random acts of kindness every day. You could actually do a different thing each day and on day 30, you can repeat one of the other ones:-)

5. Improve all your relationships

How about doing something special for your partner for each of the next 30 days, over and above what you would do usually?

You will reap the benefits of doing so in the long term.

Also check out these 15 steps to a balanced and happy marriage or relationship.

As for the other relationships in your life apart from your partner, over the next 30 days, you could also improve all your relationships with this simple trick.

6. Strive for excellence

Do you want to improve a skill or learn something new in 30 days?

How about taking up salsa or brushing up on a new language?

Read some inspirational books and learn from other people who are experts and world class at what they do.

One thing I am looking to do more of in the coming 30 days is meditation – and here’s why – check out the secret power of meditation.

7. Find your joy

This is a key activity for your adventure and my favourite – simply do something fun everyday for 30 days!

Reconnect with the child in you and play a game!

For some of you, it could be quite a breakthrough to simply do less and have more moments of joy. So create at least one new joyous activity in your life each day for 30 days.

8. Do something new and different each day

If variety is the spice of life, why not make the next 30 days a time for really spicing up your life?

For example, walk a different way to work, taste a fruit you have tried before, learn a new word, sleep in a different room, listen to music you would never do so otherwise.

You can really go to town on this one – unleash your imagination!

9 Become more effective in your workplace

In your work and business life, there are all sorts of things you can either start or stop doing.

For example, in you are in sales or run your own company, how about making 10 sales each and ever day?

Look for ways of becoming more efficient at work. So stop checking your emails so frequently and assign a time to do so. Allow yourself only 10 minutes or less per day on mindless surfing.

You will be amazed at how much more efficient and effective you will be in 30 days time.

10. Write a novel

Have you always wanted to write a novel?

Learn from master blogger and writer Leo Babauta how you can write a novel in 30 days.

I have also decided to take the plunge and joined NaNoWriMo. So I will be churning out over 50,000 words in 30 days.

Join me!

11. Make more time in your life

Over the next 30 days, look at areas in your life where you waste time – you can then do more quality and fun things.

For instance, stop watching TV for more than an hour a day – or give it up completely. Try getting up an hour earlier than you do at the moment.

Here are 50 ways to spend your time productively.

You can also create more time in your life by getting up an hour earlier than what you do now. I really do believe that we all sleep too much.

Celebration time!

Finally after the 30 days are up – remember to pat yourself on the back and celebrate.

Always acknowledge yourself and celebrate in someway – otherwise, why would you do it?!

You could of course continue to maintain your 30 day adventure as a new habit:-)

As we all embark on this 30 day adventure together, apart from the novel writing, I am committing over the next 30 days to get up at 6am, clearing out at least one item from my home and doing something new and fun each day.

What will you take on over the next 30 days?

Please do share about own ideas and adventures below.

And do remember to share just how you get on:-)

The Day I Saved a Drowning Bug and Why!

admin — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 14:14:49 +0000

A few days ago as I brushed my teeth in the morning a miracle happened just before my eyes.

I turned the tap in the bathroom sink and as the water strarted gushing out, I saw a tiny speck swirling about in the rushing water. I jumped and quickly plugged the sinkhole and switched off the water.

I looked more closely and the tiny speck was indeed a tiny bug. I am not sure what swimming stroke it was doing, but it was certainly very frantic and inelegant.

I grabbed a piece of tissue paper and as gently as I could I rescued the bug from the water and started blowing on it as softly as I could, hoping to dry it out and bringing it back to life.

All this happened within seconds and I hoped against hope that the bug would survive the surprise drowning it got, whilst it was simply sunbathing in the morning sunlight filtering through the bathroom window.

As I looked at the bug, it looked so still and there was no sign of any life. I felt sadness and remorse that I had extinguished one little life.

I resumed my teeth brushing and even wondered if I should say a prayer for my departed little friend. Then from the corner of my eye I saw a slight movement on the window sill.

The bug was still alive!

It had dried out, recovered from the “flood” and was now slowly moving around on the tissue paper. I guess in insect land, it would be moving the same way a human moves after regaining consciousness upon fainting.

As I watched, the tiny bug walked around for a while and then a few seconds later it took off just like a helicopter does.

I was filled with relief and joy and my happiness surpassed the level of my sadness from only a few seconds before. I felt that I had just played “god” and had given life back to something. The rest of that day I was on a sheer high.

So what is the lesson here for us?

Well, firstly, it shows that we have deep compassion within us and it extends to all creatures, small and large.

Also, we can indeed play god and make a significant difference to all those around us if we choose to do so. It was also a lesson in trusting, letting go and putting it in the hands of a greater power, whatever form that higher power takes for you.

I now look out for little insects in my sink every time before I open the tap!

On a broader scale, we can also show more kindness and compassion to all those around us.

“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike – each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.” – Buddha

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” – Dalai Lama

Compassion is about putting yourself in the shoes of the other person and seeing the world from their perspective. It is about feeling their pain and empowering them to be their best. It is not about pity or patronizing.

What we need to do is replace any thoughts of anger hatred and the wish to give harm with thoughts of tolerance, respect, loving kindness and a wish to only benefit others.

When in your life have you showed compassion to others?

What did you learn?

Spend a few minutes right now and recall a time when you have shown kindness and compassion to someone. Didn’t you just feel great afterwards?

Also, compassion is not at all about carrying out grand acts such as saving a life – you can show kindness in small ways too. Even when you give some directions to someone lost, you feel wonderful for having been able to help someone.

You don’t even need to travel half way around the world to make a difference to someone. Indeed compassion begins at home.

Finally, you can learn about compassion from other people in your life, you just have to slow down, become present and more aware.

Check out what I learnt about compassion from my own father.

How will you bring more compassion into the world today?

10 Ways to Turn a Boring Relationship into a Party of Love

admin — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:12:02 +0000

A guest post from Patrick Stoeckmann from Unwrap Your Mind

We have all been in this situation. At first it was a passionate relationship. After a while, the fire of passion becomes a lot colder.

You get used to each other and then take each other for granted. And very often this turns into a constant sliding down of your relationship into a boring state of just staying together – losing all drive for each other just because you are so used to one another.

However, this is not how it needs to be. You can reawaken the lost passion for each other and turn a boring relationship into what it began as, a party of love.

Here are 10 tips for you to boil up the flame of passion in your relationship:-

1. Make an adventure list

Is every day the same for you? From your way to the office, your job, your meals and your relationship?

Getting too much used to your relationship and taking each other for granted is a deadly poison. But this can be counteracted by some help from Indiana Jones – simply make your life and your relationship adventurous!

Collect a list of crazy, fun things you wanted to do with your partner, but haven’t managed to do so as yet. Break your limited thinking and go beyond your normal ideas of going to the movies.

Break the usual routine and do the “not so normal” things with your loved one:-

* book a rafting trip
* go skydiving
* go on an adventure trip
* do some charity work

You see you don’t have to kill snakes to revive your love life. Just do something out of the ordinary. Do something bold and adventurous together.

2. Create a list of things you always wanted to do

There must be many things you always wanted to do. Besides the adventure stuff that I already mentioned, over the years there must have been many things that you mentioned to each other, about what you wanted to do. But then circumstances took you away from doing them.

Keep a note of these things. Write down what you always wanted to do, where you always wanted to travel, what your partner always wanted to see, and what he or she smiled at, whenever they saw it.

Keeping a notebook with all these little things allows you to come up with ideas to surprise your partner without you getting stressed over it.

Also note, what makes your partner smile. If you can enjoy these things together it will make your love and passion grow.

If you write it down on time, it will save you lots of headache in the years to come.

3. Plan your time

Don’t let another weekend slip by. Get out your lists, and remove any blocks of comfort. Make the next weekend a project of passion. Book a romantic hotel, arrange a candlelight dinner, book a safari, be outrageous and surprise your partner.

You wouldn’t take on a business project without a plan and a schedule. So shouldn’t your love life be the most important project in your life? Schedule it and share it.

Plan mini-dates, where you might meet for a romantic dinner or spend some time in a luxury hotel together. Let your imagination run wild.

4.Create precious moments of passion

Passion does not come from the big gestures, but from tiny, special gestures full of awareness.

We always think of passion as this big, explosive thing. Yet that is not what passion is really about. It is simply about the small things and the way you did and felt those special moments:-

* The way you touched, when you were deeply in love.
* The way you smiled whenever you saw each other.
* The way you looked into each other’s eyes.
* The way you held each other’s hands.
* The way you said “I love you”

Tonality and intonation convey so much more information than the actual word.

Remember how you said “I love you” in those early moments of your love – and say it just like that. I am sure the goose bombs will soon come back when you do so!

Becoming aware of these special things is the key. Be in the moment and just focus on that touch, that kiss and that look – experience it with all of your senses.

When the relationship was new, that awarenes of precious moments was automatic. Now you just have to become a little more proactive to recapture it.

5. Speak to the left eye

There is something very intimate about our eyes. They are called the windows to the soul, and looking into each other’s eyes is a very powerful way of opening up and letting your souls touch each other.

One very powerful way to do this is to get your heads real close, and you will notice that if you come real close, your eyes are switching from focusing on your partner’s left to right eye.

If you want to speak directly to your lover’s soul, you should focus on their left eye. Every word you will speak, while focusing the left eye will have a very different quality compared to speaking while focusing on the right eye.

It is because you are stimulating different parts of their brain. Looking in the left eye and softly saying “I love you” is one of the most intimate things you can do with your partner.

Try it today as soon as you can.

6. Learn to laugh again together

Laughter is one of the best medicines in the world. See this article for more information. And it is also one of the best ways to strengthen your bond with people.

Make a plan to get more laughter into your life. Watch comedy movies, join a laughter class or yoga.

Tell each other jokes, make a commitment to come each up with one good joke a day and share it with your partner, and don’t be shy with it – yes you can even share the “dirty” ones (for men: I know a lot of women, who like dirty jokes too).

7. Share your erotic dreams with your partner

Sex is a crucial part of a healthy relationship. And it is very often the first part where passion will go to sleep, and be replaced with routine and boredom. And eventually external stress will even kill that little rest of intimacy.

Again don’t let it happen. Don’t let this vital part of your relationship die a slow death.

Remember how you felt the first time you touched each other and got intimate. You had fantasies and you enjoyed the game. And it is vital to remember that sex is nothing but a game to play (yes it will also bring the kids to life, but that is not something you should focus on to reawaken your love life.) Learn to play it again. Have fun. Giggle a lot before, during and after. Don’t take it too seriously.

Also do talk to each other a lot about it. Do you have fantasies? Do you want to be touched in a specific way? Don’t think that your partner will get it via telepathy. No – tell him or her. Don’t be shy. Speak to each other about it.

And play, play, play – a lot!

8. Learn the art of touching

This tip one goes hand in hand with your erotic experience, yet touching has many layers of experience. Become aware of your own reactions to touch. If your lover touches your shoulder in that special way, what reactions does that trigger within you?

Talk about it. Tell your lover, what feels good. And where it feels good. Explore each other’s sensisitive areas. But don’t stop there.

There is a quality to hugging, embracing, holding hands, touching the neck or the face. All of these send different signals. Become aware of it and tell your partner how you feel inside.

9. Talk about your inner and outer world

Relationship is all about sharing. And it is also about sharing the world you live in as well as sharing the world that lives within you.

Tell your partner about your day, but also about your dreams, hopes, ambitions, fears, worries. Invite him or her into your world and join theirs.

Opening up yourself in this way will not only revive the passion in your life, but will open up new layers of love.

10. Rejoice every moment with your partner – since time is limited

After a while you take each other for granted. But this is just an illusion. You should always remember that your time here on earth and the time with your partner is very limited. There are only so many years you can share together.

Actually, every breath you take brings you and your partner closer to the moment, when you will pass away. But this shouldn’t bring you into a state of sorrow – instead it should bring you into an awareness of the moment.

There is only one moment, when you can fully experience joy, passion, love and happiness together. And that moment is NOW – each one of you can leave this earth the next minute (if God or whatever you believe in decides so). So become aware of the joy you can share now with your lover. Become aware of the happiness that will fill your whole being, once you allow it to.

Become aware that this moment right now is precious and a gift.

Celebrate this moment with your loved one – take the gift of life, love and happiness and rejoice in it. That’s where passion is born from.

To end, make every moment from now onwards with your partner one of love and passion – and indeed, create a party of love:-).

(Please also check out this related post about how to make your relationship even better:-)

Read more from Patrick at his wonderful blog, Unwrap Your Mind

The One and Only Secret for Getting a Jumbo Memory!

Arvind Devalia — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:29:41 +0000

Just how good is your memory?

It is said that elephants never forget anything. Though this may have started off as some fable, there is now considerable scientific evidence showing that elephants do indeed have a phenomenal memory.

How would your life change if you could remember more things related to your work?

At one time, people’s intelligence was gauged on just how much they could remember. The more they could impress others with their memorised facts, the “smarter” they were deemed to be.

Indeed our education system even now seems to reward those students who are able to cram in lots of information and regurgitate during exams, without ever really understanding what they have “learnt”.

Today there are a huge range of resources online and offline to help you improve your memory and creativity.

To get you started, check out this great article by my friend Mary Jaksch showing you “How to boost your memory and upgrade your smarts”

Mary’s excellent and resourceful article is probably all you need to follow to quickly develop an astonishing memory for those things you must learn.

Some people are even genuinely gifted with the ability to remember a huge amount of data – I always remember the scene in the movie Rain Man in which Dustin Hoffman’s character is able to memorise the sequence of playing cards in a casino.

Of course any such gift of prodigious memory should always be used with integrity.

At the same time, it isn’t always useful to cram your head with unnecessary mundane things.

With the advent of the internet and the sheer volume of information available, I don’t see the need to learn too much general knowledge.

You can always go and find out more. Of course any general knowledge you pick up during the course of your day is a bonus.

Nowadays, I focus on minimalist living – do check out this new Minimalist website just launched by star blogger Leo Babaunta of Zen Habits.

Minimalist living clearly applies also to how much you read and absorb – you could even go on an information diet as advocated by Tim Ferris.

Which brings me to my point of this article – what is the number one secret to developing a great memory for when you must learn something?!

It really is simple

Be interested and passionate about your life and about your topic.

You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives. ~ Clay P. Bedford

If you simply do not care about your subject matter, it is so much harder for you to learn anything.

In the bigger picture, if you don’t have any vitality and zest for life, it will be much harder for you to learn anything.

Next time you have to learn and memorise something, focus on your reason for learning it and on the longer term benefits of doing so.

Then go and use any of the myriad range of memory and learning tools out there.

However, what if you are not passionate about something that you are forced to learn? In that case, either get passionate about that topic or find something else. Sounds simple, but why spend your life doing something that doesn’t excite you?

“Life is way too short to be mediocre, to be average, to be bland. Stand out. This is the time you have to make your mark in history. To change an industry. To change the world.

Believe that you will achieve whatever goals you set.

Let passion infuse every single area of life.” ~ Anonymous

Of course some things in life you just have to do even if you can’t stand them – in which case just get your head down and focus on finishing them as best as you can.

From now onwards, be truly passionate about your life and watch the power of your memory expolde.

Be a Jumbo, not a Dumbo :-)

Stop Acting, Start Living!

Arvind Devalia — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:18:34 +0000

I have just returned from a weekend retreat at the Global Retreat Centre run by the Brahma Kumaris. This is a non religious, NGO whose teachings I have been exposed to for many years through my parents. Do check out the amazing work they do.

The core of the weekend retreat was to become more spiritually aware. Being “spiritual” invokes in a lot of people the concept of religious dogma and rituals. For some, it even invokes this image of tree hugging, wheat grass sipping, chanting hippies!

“Spirituality is about acting out of your inner humanity.

If you go deeper, you’ll be acting out of inner divinity”. – Sadhguru Vasudev

What does being spiritual being to you?

Spirituality is simply about being aware – and being aware that you are aware!

Living a spiritual life is about living from your true essence of love, peace and joy. And a spiritual journey is simlpy about living more and more from this true essence.

“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power but in character and goodness. People are just people and all people have faults and shortcomings, but all of us are born with basic goodness” – Anne Frank

One of the ways of getting aware of this true essence is through daily meditation.

How will this spiritual awareness help you on a day to day basis?

The practical aspect and beauty of gaining spiritual awareness is that you eventully get moment by moment awareness of what you are going through.

The key is to be aware that we don’t see things as they really are, but based on how we see the world.

It is as if we go through our lives wearing a mask which we thnk we must wear to get through life.

Simply be aware of your awareness and what you base it on.

At the retreat, Geoff Marlow talked eloquently about the 4 things on which we all base our awareness and then wear a mask to hide the real essence of who we are:-

1.You are not your possessions

When you believe that you are what you own, this creates a desire for more and more material accumulation.

The marketing industry very cleverly creates a never ending spiral of spending by convincing us that we must have the latest fads and fashion items such as the newest mobile phones and zippiest cars.

Check out the latest BMW adverts – BMW is no longer a car but it is joy!

What do you believe what the model of your car or where you live, says about you?

2. You are not your achievements.

When you believe that you are your achievements, you invariably end up constantly striving for the next promotion, accolade or success in your life.

You end up in a never ending spiral of striving for more success and base your happiness on external recognition from your peers, friends and family.

At the same time, there is nothing wrong with having your identity vested in possessions and achievements, but just be aware of the consequences.

“Be spiritual, own lots of things, but don’t let anything own you!”

I too love my gadgets, gizmos and the finer things in life, and am learning to not let my life revolve around them. But must get an Iphone soon. :-)

3. You are not your relationships.

We base our status in life and happines on whether or not you in a relationship with a significant other or whether you are highly socially connected. Of course with the advent of social media people seem to be in a race to have thousands of Twitter followers and Facebook friends.

When a relationships end or you lose lose someone , you grieve the identity and role you associated with them andnot necessarily the loss of that person. For example when your marriage breaks up.

Ask yourself – how much of your identity is vested in your relationships?

And remember that you are not your relationships.

4. You are not your thoughts

Your thoughts are all about how you think and feel about things. People get so vested in their thoughts and their political and religious beliefs – they are willing to die for them.

People’s personalities are based on their core values and their recurring thoughts. But once you realise that the way you think and how you see the world is just one of many myriad ways of looking at the world, you can accept that there is no right or wring way and you can see how you are much more than your thoughts.

So to summarise, be aware that you are not your

Possessions
Achievements
Relationships
Thoughts

Taking the first letter of each of these words, you get the acronym PART which is a great way of remembering that once you have true awareness, you are simply an actor playing a part in the magic of life.

If you reverse the word part, you great the word TRAP. So do not fall into the trap of basing your life on the part you play!

“Possessions are the trappings of success”.

Once you are aware that you are an actor and that others are also playing a role too as actors, then you don’t have to base your happiness on other people or on anything outside of you.

Knowing that you are far more than your possessions, achievements, relationships and thoughts, allows you to see the world in a new way in each moment.

It is actually rather liberating and allows you to live from your true essence of love, peace and joy.

From today onwards, become more and more aware of who you really are, throw away your masks, stop acting and start living.

What masks will you throw away today?

How to do an Obama and Receive the Nobel Peace Prize!

Arvind Devalia — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 18:00:44 +0000

I am writing this quick post from a beautiful retreat place in Oxfordshire, England.

I am on a Peace Retreat for the weekend and as I was driving down from London, I listened to President Obama graciously acknowledging the Nobel Peace Prize, awarded to him just one year into his presidency.

Already there have been some suggestions that this award is a bit premature and that he is yet to have achieved anything.

However as President Obama himself said, this award is a call for action and acknowledgement that he and his team are on the right track.

The world today more than ever needs leaders like President Obama to stand up and do the right thing. As he said, we continue to face huge challenges of global warming, economic meltdown and nuclear war catastrophe.

Unless we all work together to tackle the challenge of global warming, just what sort of world will we be leaving behind for our children?

And as President Obama said, the removal of the scourge of nuclear weapons may not happen in his lifetime, but it is something to aspire to.

It is simple really – the world has enough nuclear weapons to destroy the earth many times over – and there can never be a winner either in any nuclear war as the whole planet gets damaged. So why can’t we just get rid of them?

Maybe I am being a bit simplistic – but I have learnt that life is simple. In this case it actually simply about death all around – I die, you die, we all die.

So can we all do for our bit?

What does one need to do to win the Nobel Peace prize?

Firstly, start with the lessons from Gandhi, someone who strangely never received the Nobel Peace prize but was due to be nominated the year of his assassination.

My last post about Gandhi’s lessons really hit the spot with my readers and received the page viewsever on my blog within just 24 hours.

So start with Gandhi’s 6 lessons.

To add to Gandhi’s lessons here are a few more key steps:-

1. Believe in a sense of destiny

Many world leaders like Gandhi and Mandela had a sense of destiny from early in their life and President Obama is no different.

So believe in a huge and noble purpose for your life – and you are likely to live up to it.

2. Create your vision for the world

Believe in the bigger picture and the higher good.

President Obama has recognised the need for the world to work together to tackle the challenges we face today – no one person or country can do so on their own.

It is a win win situation all around.

What is your vision for the world?

3. Believe in yourself

Trust yourself and your own ability to follow your chosen life path. Once you are on your journey, people who can help you on your way will always show up.

So come what may, believe in yourself and yet be humble.

4. Find a great, supportive partner

You will need great people around you for what could be a challenging and long journey. So have a supportive partner who also believes in your journey and chosen path.

President Obama is very lucky to have a great team around him but most of all he relies on Michelle Obama as his confidant, life partner and sounding board.

So find someone like that in your life. And of course create a great team around you.

5. Get Started

As I said the world needs people like you to take a stand for what they believe in.

So do not hesitate any longer – the world needs more leaders – why waste another day?

Why should you even want to win the Nobel Peace prize?

To summarise, we all have within us the personal power and capacity to be also one day bestowed with the Noble Peace Prize.

And that brings me to the whole purpose of writing this post – it is not about winning or being nominated for such accolades. It is simply about living your life in such a way that one day the world may choose to honour you in such a manner.

The ultimate honour and recognition from the rest of the world is but just a small part of the picture – your actual journey is what really, really matters.

I remember watching a documentary drama about the life of Dr Martin Luther King. The day he was awarded the Nobel Peace prize, his wife Coretta Scott King answers the phone and receives the wonderful news. She conveys the news to Dr King and breaks down with emotion and utters some words to the effect – “This means we are right. Justice and the world is on our side!”

One can even argue that Dr King winning the Nobel Peace prize gave his cause a big push and world recognition – the days of racial segregation were cleared numbered after that award.

Now over 40 years later, Dr King would have been so proud not only to see someone like Barrack Obama as president, but also winning the Nobel Peace prize. The world has come a long way since that time.

And the world has to go a long way if we are to even see out the next 40 years.

As President Obama said today, this award of the Nobel Peace Prize is really a call for more action in the right direction from him, his team and of course the global community.

So to conclude, lets us first put aside the arguments about whether or not this prize was merited by President Obama as this stage in his presidency.

My point is that to be even considered for the Nobel Peace prize or indeed any other such accolade, means that you will have made such a significant contribution to the world and created such a legacy that millions around the world will have lived better lives because of you. Or indeed they would lived at all, period.

And that surely is the ultimate recognition and the greatest satisfaction.

What a gift to the world your life can be once you dedicate it to a higher cause – don’t waste another day in playing small.

Begin today.

Click here to view the embedded video.

10 Secrets for Making People Like You!

Arvind Devalia — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:10:51 +0000

We all need people to make our life a more joyous one.

We often miss out on great opportunities to create friendships and yet it is actually quite simple to get new people to like you and want to have you as a friend.

You simply have to learn and apply these 10 key secrets for making people like you when you first meet them:-

1. Smile.

The best thing you can do when you meet someone for the first time is simply smile!

This is the number one secret for getting people to like you instantly – and it is free:-)

Try this time next you are in a crowd of strangers. Just smile gently and see what reaction you get back.

You can even go through your whole life wearing a goofy smile all the time – if nothing else, people will wonder what you are smiling about!

2. Remember their name.

When you first meet someone, ask them their name and then be sure to remember it.

If their name is unusual ask them how it should be correctly pronounced and even ask where it is from.

Be sure to address them by their name early on in the conversation – that will also help you remember it.

To most people, the sound of their own name is the most beautiful sound in the world!

3. Look people in the eye.

In any conversation, look at the person you are talking to and maintain eye contact as appropriate. This will also help you follow what they are saying.

Clearly you don’t want to spook them out by fixedly staring into their eyes either!

If you can’t get used to the idea of looking people in the eye, then practice looking into your own eyes in front of a mirror. This can be quite a confrontational exercise for some people but it will do wonders for your own self-acceptance.

4. Listen completely.

The greatest gift you can give a person is your undivided attention. Practise your listening skills by focusing completely on that person and being present.

Give them your 100% attention. Stop your mind from wandering and focus on what they are saying. Make the other person feel important. Your undivided attention tells the other person that you genuinely value them.

Be genuinely interested in other people. The emphasis here is on being interested rather than ‘interesting’. Be genuine about this and do not fake it. Focus on what they have to say rather than harping on about yourself and your own grandness!

Just remember the old saying – we all have two ears and one mouth – use them accordingly.

The key is to be completely present for the other person and to truly listen with your heart.

5. Build empathy and rapport.

As you listen, build empathy and rapport with your new friend.

Focus not on just the words but the nuances of what they are saying. For example, do they sound excited or bored when they talk about their job?

You will also pick up clues and remember what to talk about later in your conversation – they will be impressed with what you have remembered.

By truly empathising with the other person, you will get to understand better their point of view. And people just adore those who are interested in their point of view!

6. Look for opportunities of helping them.

As you get to know someone better, look for ways of helping and supporting them perhaps by referring them to a friend who could be interested in their service.

Look for ways of connecting new friends with any existing like minded friends. If you have promised to do something for them, make sure you do so promptly.

You will soon create a reputation as someone who is highly connected, someone who can be trusted and someone who delivers!

One trick I use is to write down in my contacts database, the details of any new person I meet plus a couple of personal details such as what they do and their passions.

I can then easily seek out potential connections for them there and then or sometime in the future. My acquaintances are always surprised as to how much I remember from conversations we had years ago.

Sadly, having now revealed my “secret” they will no longer be surprised :-)

7. Don’t give advice!

Sometime during a conversation with a new friend, you may be tempted to simply butt in and offer a solution.

However before you do so, always seek permission before you offer your input as people don’t like to be seen to be helpless.

Also, your advice should be subtly delivered rather than telling them bluntly what they should do.

Of course as your friendship develops you can be more forthcoming with your words of wisdom – but again with their permission of course.

Needless to say, it is important to be respectful of other people’s feelings and opinions. Be tactful as appropriate to the situation.

At the same time, though some people may seek out your advice they just don’t want to change – in that case, let them be and don’t make it your issue.

8. Be positive.

Everyone likes to be around positive, energetic and bubbly, and not someone who is a merchant of doom and gloom.

As I heard someone say once – some people light up the room when they enter it, others light it up when they leave! Which one would you rather be?

So never dump your stuff on others. Life is too short to go around with a miserable face.

Also, learn to only say good things about others – never gossip about others as it will inevitably come back to you, and affect your friendships. Assume that anyone you are talking about can hear what you are saying about them. And actually at a subsconcsioous level they are.

If people know you as a positive person who doesn’t get involved in gossiping, they will know you can be trusted and you will soon have a reputation as someone with integrity.

9. Be friendly and open.

It goes without saying that you must be friendly and open to make new friends! Yet so often people go through life closed and not open to new opportunities and friendships.

Knowing that everyone around you is doing the best they can, you can let down your own guard and become more open and even vulnerable.

Show your appreciation and grattiude in every way you can. Say your thanks genuinely and wholeheartedly to your new friends and especially to all those strangers who do so much to make your life convenient and easy, such as shop assistants, the postman and the dustman.

Your new friends will gauge you on how well you treat strangers – so make it a life long habit be always pleasant and friendly to all strangers who cross your path.

10. Be authentic and yourself.

Do you go through life trying to impress others with your status, fame and achievements? If that is the case, then know that doing so rarely makes people genuinely like you.

From today onwards, give up trying to impress others and especially so when you meet new people. Instead of blowing your own trumpet too loudly, just be authentic.

Who you are will shine through more brightly than any number of accolades or worldly ornaments. Just remember what Gandhi achieved with his simple garb!

Final words

People will come and go from your life, but their impact and their essence remains with you forever.

It is therefore up to you what you make of their presence in your life – and by applying these 10 secrets of making people like you, you will never again be short of friends:-)

What are your secrets for making people like you?

Please do share…

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