As Good As News

"Bye" Week Goes Malignant

2011-10-05T15:17:00.002-04:00

Just spotted NY Times use of "bye week" to describe an off week for a college team. The madness is spreading beyond the NFL. What's next? Are the Rangers enjoying bye days as they await the Yankees/Tigers winner?

Nothing wrong with a new word, phrase or usage that adds new meaning, brevity or even a little pzazz to the language, provided it doesn't cause problems that outweigh its pluses. Sadly, "Bye Week", used as a synonym for the older term "off week", adds nothing but problems. It has exactly the same meaning as off week, it's no shorter and, in my opinion, sounds no better. All it does is muddy the once precise term "bye'.

Bye used to refer only to the situation where a team or player would advance a round in a tournament without playing. For example, the top 16 seeds in a 48 player tennis tournament would get a first round bye, advancing automatically to the second round (and not coincidentally producing a second round of 32 which plays down nicely to a 2 player final). As used by the NFL, and now malignantly creeping elsewhere, bye's meaning is diluted - suddenly it's just a scheduled week off that doesn't involve advancing in any way. A team can be mathematically eliminated from contention during a bye week, what kind of advance is that?

What happened? As the NFL kept expanding the number of teams in the playoffs, it worried that fans would lose interest in the regular season. The solution? Spin the regular season as a tournament in which teams compete to make the playoffs (which it is, sort of) and use bye week instead of off week to add to that tournament flavor. What about the fact that NFL teams don't really advance on a scheduled off week? Not important to the NFL spinmeisters or the media who have parroted the NFL press releases, and even expanded the usage to college ball, without even noticing that "bye" used to mean something precise.

Next up - "Program Record"

Finally! NY Times gets the Stateless Marriage

2011-07-05T21:19:00.005-04:00

The New York Times is suddenly all over the As Good As News approach to marriage. The idea is get the state out of the marriage business. The civil union would become the only form of committed couple, gay or straight, recognized by the state. Marriage would be left solely to the realm of religion, or, more broadly, the spiritual, with no state involvement or recognition for marriage of straight or gay. This approach was outlined in detail here on November 10, 2007 , revisited several times in shorter posts and posted as comment to other periodicals, including the Times. After years of non-recognition, it's popping up regularly, including pieces by Bill Keller and Ross Douthat on Sunday, July 3, 2011.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

2011-01-02T20:53:00.006-05:00

Yoga report - The New Year's resolution crowd was late arriving, but arrive they did. Who knew a few side twisting variations on the sun salutation could change my day - thanks Clarissa.

And, in other news - The NFL playoff picture has been painted. Here are links to three older posts that include my only previous, public, pigskin prognostications: Perfection, Strange Odors, and Diagnosis Steelers. Shockingly, all were correct, so bet against As Good As News at your own risk.

New England is a deserving favorite, but I like the Steeler's chances. Steeler's 4 losses were all to playoff teams playing well in situations where the Steelers did not need a win. A week of rest to get Troy Polamalu healthy will help. Mike Wallace is emerging as a star. Best case for Steelers sounds almost realistic: Ravens beat Chiefs, Colts edge Jets (who speak loudly on cable but are not ready for network prime time) then Ravens engage Pats in a slugfest while Steelers handle a Colts squad that has become the Peyton show. Even if the Pats beat the Ravens, and they should, Pats must come back from one battering to face another from Pittsburgh. Nobody really wants to play the Ravens and Steelers - the most physical teams in football - on consecutive weeks, and the Pats, the best team in football this year, will fall just short of reaching the Super Bowl.

In the NFC, Atlanta hasn't sold me yet, but I haven't had many opportunities to see them play. I do know the Steelers beat them using a third string quarterback. Green Bay looks better than Philadelphia or Chicago right now, but that's not saying all that much. The Saints started slow and had a few letdowns even after they got rolling, but they looked very good in must win games against the Steelers and Falcons. Last year's Super Bowl win was no fluke and I'm picking the Saints to repeat in the NFC. I know someone from the NFC West will also be in the playoffs, but, seriously... Pats, Steelers and Ravens are all playing better than anyone in the NFC right now, and I would pick any of them to win the Super Bowl if they can get there. If I'm right and it comes down to a battle of the black and gold, I'm looking for the Steelers to beat the Saints in a very close game - a defensive struggle for three quarters that opens up in the last fifteen minutes.

"Stretch" Under Review

2011-01-01T17:27:00.004-05:00

Stretch - The Unlikely Making of a Yoga Dude by Neal Pollack is uncomfortably close to a book I wanted to write. If that's not enough of a bias disclosure for you, then reader beware: this entire entry is written under the coercive pressure of a New Year's resolution. Stretch is, mostly, Mr. Pollack's memoir of his own journey through the world of yoga, and it comes close to being a great read.

There is humor, even a few laugh out loud moments, as Pollack takes advantage of the chasm between the yoga ideal (or in some cases, stereotype) and his cynical, dissolute self. The funny stuff is funny enough so I wanted more. Yoga produces a surprising amount of humor, and Stretch could have mined some additional veins. Watch this space for a chart comparing some well known schools/disciplines/styles of Yoga, you will see what I mean.

Stretch also sideswipes a fair amount of information on yoga's history, current schools of yoga practice and some of the "stars" of yoga. Pollack is stretching the memoir format at times, but he finds a nice balance. A few sections stop just short of "author uses elementary level research to pad book" but on the whole I learned a lot of interesting stuff with more laughs than pain. If Mr. Pollack issues his own version of the Vedas, I'll be eager to read them.

The glaring failure here is lack of depth and honesty. Mr. Pollack does reveal some trying moments, but mostly he's writing as a lovable curmudgeon. One who doesn't want to look very hard at why he's still smoking weed on a very regular basis after years of yoga practice. One who seems to give almost no thought to his young son as he ponders extended trips for yoga teacher training programs or workshops. The result is a curmudgeon not quite so lovable as Mr. Pollack would like us to believe. Nonetheless, Stretch held my interest. Even pretty good humor is hard to find in the yoga library and painless learning is not easy to come by.

Get Some Laughs with Torture

2010-07-14T06:12:00.001-04:00

The Theater Project captures all the zany darkness of Why Torture Is Wrong and the People Who Love Them in an hilarious and perceptively staged production at Union County College in Cranford. This 2009 off Broadway hit written by Christopher Durang opens with Felicity (Meghan Murray), a newlywed bride, awakening (in a vertical bed that makes an interesting scene extraordinary) next to her new husband, Zamir (Phil Eichinger), a complete, and somewhat unsavory, stranger. Shaken, Felicity heads to her parents' home in Maplewood, but the parents only make matters worse. Dad (Gary Glor) is a paranoid serving in a self created shadow government while Mom (Harriett Trangucci) is paralyzed into a life of theater babble – or maybe it's genius to those who really know their theater.

Mr. Durang mounts an assault on the fourth wall that begins with some odd (and very funny) PA announcements, reminiscent of MASH, and escalates into a strobe lit attack on the fabric of the space-time continuum. The last few minutes may actually get a little too zany, even a little too saccharine, but it's a long ride. Most of the journey is a surprising, engaging and playful tug of war with the characters jumping in and out of their theatrical reality, all while serving up Durang's dark brew of acerbic wit.

The Theater Project, a professional company based at UCC, and Artistic Director Mark Spina make a habit of reviving shows that are just the right fit for the resources available and then producing them creatively. Every dollar spent seems to produce two dollars in impact on the stage.

The entire cast excels. Mr. Eichinger wisely chooses not to go too far over the top as Zamir, giving the show a necessary secondary anchor. Mr. Glor and Ms Trangucci make the most of roles that require both comedic and dramatic deftness amid the spiraling madness. Ms Murray handles the central role of the non-crazy well, but even she can't quite take enough sweetness out of a final scene that turns preachy in a contradiction of all that has gone before it.

Torture is playing Thursday-Sunday nights until August 1. This reviewer is not the only fan, the audience was laughing out loud throughout most of the show.

Times Slaps Doc Gurby Again

2010-07-11T13:15:00.003-04:00

First post in a while, spurred on by duty as the official blog of Turkmenistan:

Turkmenistan: President Says Private Newspapers to be Allowed - And why not? Doc Gurby has nothing to hide. Every change this guy has made has been pro-Democracy, pro-liberalization. Even the NY Times has finally begun to recognize this:

Since the 2006 death of his autocratic predecessor, Mr. Berdymukhammedov
has taken steps toward liberalization, removing bans on institutions from the
Internet to the opera.

Yet still, the Times cannot resist the gratuitous slap:

But he controls power in the one-party state, and rights groups say reforms
are cosmetic.

Who are these unnamed rights groups? Is it really news that Doc isn't changing things fast enough to suit everyone?

There is news here, a real story, not a silly tag line. Where is Doc headed, what is the plan?. Will he keep the brakes on forever, or does he want to transform Turkmenistan into a functioning democracy during his lifetime? For many autocrats, the answe depends on one key fact - is there a relative or protege whom the autocrat wants to establish as a successor? If yes, the shift to democracy is limited. If no, then maybe Doc really wants to have democracy up and running by the time he retires. What has the Times said about Doc's family? About favored proteges? Nothing. It's a lot easier to write tag lines about rights groups, no thought required.

Honeymoon Lost

2010-06-04T21:48:00.003-04:00

1993, West Orange, NJ – a 50th wedding anniversary party at the Manor for Aunt Eleanor and Uncle Sy. Sy, an athletic, big man who normally stands tall, rises sheepishly, and reveals, with some trepidation, a secret he's held for 50 years.

1943, NY, NY – Sy gets his orders to ship out. He and Eleanor accelerate their wedding plans. NYC is stuffed to the gills with servicemen, but Sy manages to reserve the honeymoon suite at a plush hotel for their one night together.

The wedding reception winds down and Sy and Eleanor head for the New Yorker Hotel. Sy is shocked, and Eleanor disappointed, when the desk clerk cannot find their reservation. The clerk sympathizes with a serviceman and his new bride on a one night honeymoon, but he's booked solid. Fortunately, sympathy and a generous gratuity are enough to get Sy and Eleanor a room, but it looks a lot more like the broom closet than the honeymoon suite.

1943, the North Atlantic - Five days later, Sy is on deck, headed to Europe. Strains of the Glen Miller standard Pennsylvania 6-5000 waft towards him and gradually invade his consciousness. Suddenly Sy smites his own forehead with a mighty blow. He had reserved the honeymoon suite – at the Hotel Pennsylvania.

1993, West Orange, NJ – After 50 years of marriage Eleanor is prepared to look back and laugh at a great story, right? No way! Eleanor, normally resolutely cheerful, is irate. She is mad about the broom closet honeymoon and even madder about the fifty year wait for the truth. Sy manages to patch things up, somewhat, by the time the evening winds down.

2010 – the moral? Many options here, but “that's my story and I'm sticking to it” is looking good to me. Not sure if Sy wishes he had taken this story to his grave, but I'm glad he did not, hope you are too.

Cub Reporter's Debut

2010-05-06T08:14:00.002-04:00

Cub Reporter's Debut - posted today on Justmeans - is a genuine report on a CSR Forum sponsored by the Better Business Bureau- wrapped in a good old As Good As News style fun post. Enjoy.

Gatekeepers - Plus IMF, Plus Manuscript

2010-04-21T12:06:00.005-04:00

Latest post on Sustainable Finance external blog deals with Gatekeepers (accountants, lawyers, etc.) deterring securities fraud by their clients. Based on a law review article, but it's actually a fun piece. Lately I have been lightening up and making the Justmean's columns a little more like good old As Good As News. If you don't believe me visit Justmeans Editorial (link in column on right) for my latest song parody - Mother Earth is Makin Her Last Stand (to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band), while you are there check out all the Justmeans Earth Day specials.

While we are on Earth Day (and for those upset about the snarky posty on Bob Zoellick), IFC is now selling it's first green bond, proceeds to be held in a segregated fund awaiting investment in green projects. Posts at Justmeans include some "nice" observations on IMF. IMF now has an interim report out on bailout and financial reform (previewed as "global tax" in Justmeans). Look for coverage on the interim report sometime in next two weeks.

Manuscript at The Theater Project in Cranford, NJ is another success. Artistic Director Mark Spina consistently finds off Broadway material that is just right for adaptation to the Theater Project space and budget. Manuscript is funny, suspenseful and surprising. The cast has a minor stumble or two and the show is not Spina's absolute best, but still much fun and well worth seeing.

I Told You So..

2010-04-12T07:01:00.003-04:00

New column in Sustainable Finance today, "Plugging into Mother Earth" also plugging for MIT and feeling a little better about prospects for the developing world.

NY Times is really going after the unpaid internship story, with two news items last week, neither of which had any real news to report. Sustainable Finance ran its first column on Feb 5, revisits the story today - (not posted yet, visit Justmeans.com, then from menu select Editorial and then Sustainable Finance) mostly to note that the only new news so far is the Time's interest.

Steelers trade Santonio Holmes to Jets for a stinking FIFTH ROUND PICK. Here's what As Good As News said in a post titled "Strange Odors" in early February 2009 when Santonio was the hero of the Steeler Superbowl win over the Cards:

What to do? Trade Santonio now. He will never be more valuable. There's a
wealthy team in the Meadowlands that needs a replacement at wide receiver. See,
it's always about New Jersey after all.

Intel Sustainability Charter

2010-04-07T09:13:00.001-04:00

Latest Sustainable Finance post.

I forgot

2010-04-05T13:10:00.002-04:00

When I started writing for Justmeans I included a link here, but I forgot to mention that one post a week goes to Sustainable Finance, a separate blog.

My latest post on Sustainable Finance is AAAAAAAARGH! Pirate Finance Model a little too successful.

An early favorite was posted February 5 - Unpaid Interns, the New Sweatshop - the NY Times started to get interested in this topic on Saturday, Apr. 3.

Justmeans transfer and Mystery of the Missing Pissarros

2010-01-27T18:10:00.007-05:00

No posts lately as I have been travelling (ski trip, Columbus visit for my brother's birthday and St. Thomas trip for my wedding anniversary). Now I'm working on editorial posts for Justmeans which means posts here will be few and far between for some time. First Justmeans publication is scheduled for Feb. 1. I'm writing on sustainable finance, a broad area encompassing a surprising number of opportunities for humor. Don't hesitate to communicate, here or through Justmeans, if you want to suggest a topic for a column.

If you visit St. Thomas stop at Government House in Charlotte Amalie. If you are lucky (like we were) the guard will give you a thorough tour of the lobby, including two small oils by Camille Pissarro. Then visit the house Pissarro grew up in, just a few blocks away. It now houses an art gallery on the top floor, including some Pissarro sketches, no oils. Talk to the proprietor, who will offer some very interesting speculation on what happened to the other two Pissarro's in Government House -there used to be four altogether, all donated by Pissarro's family for the benefit of the people on the island. If you have any information on the missing Pissarro oils, please comment here.

Die Now for Once in a Lifetime Estate Tax Savings? Congress Creates a Quagmire.

2010-01-03T14:28:00.011-05:00

Summary -A Congressional showdown has produced an estate tax rate of zero, for the moment, with the future of the estate tax still up for grabs. The resulting uncertainty will hamper the efforts of charitable, educational and social organizations seeking major gifts and bequests from major donors.

Thanks to an unusual piece of Bush era tax legislation, the Federal Estate Tax rate, which has been decreasing for several years, is now zero for 2010. No matter how excited you are about this once in a lifetime (literally) estate tax planning opportunity, try not to die, at least until you have finished this post. If Congress does nothing, the estate tax will be back with a vengeance in 2011, when the Bush legislation expires and the higher taxes of the Clinton era come back to life (the dreaded Zombie Effect).

The House has already passed a bill extending the 2009 estate tax for 2010 (top rate 45% with first $3.5 million of each estate excluded from tax). The Senate is likely to consider adoption of the same approach, retroactive to January 1. Pro-estate tax forces in Congress have generally shown some willingness to compromise on rates and exclusions in order to get a tax in place for 2010. Opponents, who would like to repeal the "death tax" permanently, might be happy with the zero rate now, but even they want to get something done before 2011, when the Zombie Effect would produce a 55% top rate, with an exclusion of $1 million and new exposure of estate assets to capital gains tax. For now, some of the estate tax foes are playing hardball, confident that the Zombie Effect is not a serious threat, because it will be unpalatable to nearly everyone.

Why should you care about any of this if you are not wealthy, not planning to die within the next few years and not really into zombies? Estate tax planning drives a significant component of charitable giving. If your favorite school, environmental organization, or social justice institution hasn't already asked you to make a lifetime bequest of capital while reserving lifetime income under an annuity arrangement, it will someday. If you are rich enough and old enough to think about making this kind of gift, then you will want to understand the estate tax consequences. If the estate tax is up in the air, the estate tax consequences are unknowable. The result: worthy causes seeking major gifts and bequests will be hearing an awful lot of, "Let me get back to you once I know what's happening with estate taxes." Sustainable financing for even the most basic operations of some organizations could be jeopardized.

Today is not a good day to die, even for the estate planning fanatic. Today is a good day for Congress to produce serious estate tax legislation for 2010 and beyond. Don't let a showdown over the Zombie Effect bring charitable giving to its knees.

Big Wave Surfer Salmon

2009-12-08T09:28:00.006-05:00

OK, they are not really salmon. They are some of the world's best surfers, as depicted in the NY Times, waiting for a monster wave in very large, roiling surf on the North Shore of Oahu. Thirty to Fifty foot waves are predicted. Now pull back from the photo and take it all in at once. These surfers really are salmon headed upstream. The dream of the perfect wave seems to rank right up there with the urge to spawn as motivation. These guys are not just paddling up some major hills, they are risking life and limb, just like those Alaskan salmon swimming up the rapids amid the hungry grizzly bears.

The Big Wave competition was cancelled on Monday due to, what else, big waves. On Tuesday Greg Long nosed out Kelly Slater to win. The second day story includes several more great shots of, you guessed it, big waves.

Headline Crawl 7

2009-12-04T09:48:00.004-05:00

U.S. Economy Lost Only 11,000 Jobs in November - As Good As News understands why this is actually good news, but aren't there 11,000 people out there saying, "ONLY?".

Pastrami's Canadian Rival - Really? That flat, ham-like breakfast meat that the Canadians duped us into buying by calling it "bacon" is now going after the pastrami market? What will they call it this time, Canadian Corn Beef?

Killer With Low I.Q. Executed in Texas - They couldn't find anyone in Texas with a high I.Q.? Execution not as inhumane as it sounds if you compare killer's I.Q. with Texas average instead of national average.

Hugh Hurt, Jr., Engineer Who Studied Motorcycle Accidents, Dies at 81 - a man predestined to his job: figuring out who hurt junior.

CIA Authorized to Expand Use of Drones in Pakistan - The tricky part is getting one sworn in as Pakistan's President.

Peru's Biggest Losers

2009-12-02T09:48:00.006-05:00

Peru's Fat Stealing Gang, Crime or Cover Up? A gang of thieves slaughters Peruvians in the jungle, steals their fat, stores it in empty Inca Kola bottles and sells it to Italian buyers for $60,000 a gallon? I'm voting cover up. At those prices the fat gang could get rich with voluntary live donors on one trip to the Biggest Loser set. The Peruvian National Police Chief has just fired General Felix Murga, his chief criminal investigator, who claimed to have arrested the fat gang. Apparently some Peruvian officials now believe the fat gang story is a police fabrication to cover murder squads run by - surprise - the police. Because of the great detail in the original story - Inca Kola bottles, a specific per gallon price, Mafia buyers, who doesn't love this stuff - As Good As News is going with a slightly more complex version of the cover up analysis. First, the murder squads were law enforcement personnel extorting money from cocaine growers and/or dealers who are plentiful in the Peruvian jungle. Second, that fabulous cover story about gangs of fat thieves was composed by the very imaginative former Peruvian intelligence chief (and former de facto dictator) Vladimir Montesinos, who, from his plush jail cell, continues to manage a diverse, highly profitable, public/private partnership that takes every opportunity to abuse power for a buck (or a Peruvian New Sole). Third, General Murga is a fall guy, not necessarily an innocent fall guy, for an operation that includes at least a few active, senior government officials in addition to Montesinos.

GDL Status Report

2009-12-01T10:16:00.006-05:00

Initial Report from the office of the provisional Secretary of Defense, Ginger Defense League:

Today's New York Time's story on the arrest of a handful of ginger baiting and beating bullies in Southern California provides a new level of visibility for the oppressed redhead - a great opportunity for fundraising and political action. It also creates great peril for the secret defense branch of the GDL. A brief update on current actions follows:

- Liason with local law enforcement in Southern California leads to arrests, excellent results achieved through secret, targeted communications with gingers holding senior LLE positions;

- Vigorous follow-up with NY Times required - See California: Boys Detained After Prank -would this be a "prank" if gays or African-Americans had been assaulted? This will require more than a letter to the editor, volunteers to assemble in alley behind shebeen 1AM tonight;

- Facebook Group "National Kick a Ginger Day, are you going to do it" finally taken down - how many Gingers had to die for this nightmare to end. Facebook executives totally unresponsive, usual "not responsible for content" bs - Ginger Bill Gates has expressed some interest in buying Facebook and dismissing current management team;

- Armament purchase negotiations are moving forward with consulting assistance from the Continuity IRA;

- In a joint initiative with the GDL Treasury, progress continues on obtaining a slice of Scottish North Sea oil revenues - Scotland's position as host to the highest per capita ginger population makes the GDL alliance a politically popular security measure in Scotland, but these funds will evaporate instantly if any hint of the GDL's undercover operations comes to light;

- Rupert Grint continues consideration of role as GDL spokesperson. Tight security for these meetings has, to date, averted all media coverage.

WFBI?

2009-11-30T08:51:00.003-05:00

Blogger, Accused of Threatening U.S. Judges, Was Reportedly Paid by the F.B.I. - Internet radio host and blogger Hal Turner is about to stand trial for making death threats on Federal judges. His defense? The FBI made me do it.

"Turner's FBI connections began in 2003 with the Newark-based Joint Terrorism Task Force and continued on and off until this year, according to the newspaper [the Bergen Record]. He claims his postings and other inflammatory statements were part of an undercover operation to ferret out violent left-wing radicals."

Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh could not be reached for comment. A publicist who has worked with Mr. Beck on several past projects noted, "Glenn never told me anything about the FBI, but he was always saying the most provocative things, stuff that just didn't seem to make any sense. And then there was all the crying, like there was some great weight on his chest he just couldn't get out from under. Of course, if Glenn was using his show to set up right wing radicals, he would never be stupid enough to admit it. It would be like painting a target on his back."

An FBI spokesperson declined to comment on the New Jersey trial or any specific undercover action. She did confirm that the Bureau was always exploring for new paths to identify potential criminals before they acted and she could not rule out the possiblity of interagency cooperation between the Bureau and the National Endowment for the Arts.

The Ruby Sunrise

2009-10-16T22:43:00.006-04:00

The Ruby Sunrise, produced by The Theater Project, features the intriguing story of a farm girl (Ruby) who nearly invents television, but instead produces and inspires a daughter (Lulu). Twenty-five years later Lulu writes her mother's story and fights the system to get the truth, not to confused with the facts, on the air. The story breezes through a lot of history: some early stirrings of women's liberation; the invention of television and it's anticipated impact on mankind - until TV's potential is fully realized as the perfect medium for the sale of soap; the blacklist; the Automat; and, with assistance from a projected backdrop, the real original Ray's Pizza. OK, the Automat and Ray's Pizza weren't all that central to the plot, but I was hungry. Through it all, Mother Ruby, daughter Lulu and some occasionally weak willed accomplices fight with persistent vision to overcome mankind's flaws, in a theme the script drives home a little too persistently at times. Fortunately, the believable characters, entertaining story and some advice on doing what you can realistically do from a drunken old character actress overcome any hint of preachiness.

The real joy here is the uniformly high quality of cast, direction and production. There are no weak links. Jenelle Sosa, as Ruby (Theater Project regulars will remember her extraordinary performance in Fully Committed), Jen Plants, as Lulu, and Rick Delaney, as Tad (veteran television writer who becomes the vehicle for Lulu's story, her lover and finally her coauthor) deserve special mention for outstanding performances in demanding roles - what the heck, so do Norleen Farley, who captured both the bitter old aunt and the alcoholic character actress to a T and Jaclyn Ingoglia who nailed the difficult task of playing a bad actress just badly enough so it was funny real, not funny farce.

Just two shows left, Saturday, Oct. 17 and Sunday, Oct. 18, 2009. See it at Union County College, Cranford, NJ. Brown Paper Tickets or 800 838 3006

Love Simple

2009-10-12T22:46:00.006-04:00

Love Simple is an indie that's a romantic comedy with an ending, a real ending that resolves the story,not just a point in time when the film stops, a happy ending no less - is this possible? Before checking "indie" in your OED, take note. The other indie symptoms are all there: creative core of college pals; handheld camera; entire feature length film shot in 14 days with catering by Mom (bologna sandwich and lemonade anyone?). The result is well worth watching.

The primary romance features Adam and Seta. It might be love at first sight, but if truth is beauty, this is one ugly couple, as both lovers are lying through their teeth. Adam's a thirty-two year old undergrad living with his Dad. Seta is sick. Neither feels like facing the prospect of another quick dump. This could get treacly, especially given Seta's illness, but it's well paced and well played, particularly by Patrizia Hernandez, and the result is far more engaging than the average studio romance.

There's more love in the air here. Adam's pal Jesse has a one night stand with Seta's roomate Keith (Keith is the Brooklyn counterpart of a boy named Sue, played very capably as a comic straight man, er whatever, by Caitlin Fitzgerald.). Cynics Jesse and Keith then counsel Adam and Seta on the perils of romance while falling for each other. No spoiler alert lapse here, you will see this one coming from a mile away. Finally, Adam's life is on hold because he's caring for his sick father, a case of "simple" love that provides some interesting contrast.

The comedy is a little choppier than the romance, with more risk and greater potential. Writer/first time Director Mark Von Sternberg handles some gender reversal bits very deftly in the latter stages of the film, but the bro banter generally felt flat instead of funny. Several comic scenes were set up as potential diamonds, then mined for cubic zirconium. The visuals were consistently rewarding, but the funniest moments would have been better with a crisper set up and an occasional zinger. Only Israel Horowitz as James (Adam's father), seemed really at home delivering a humorous line. The comedy's not perfect, but promising. Several scenes were truly funny, even the cubic zirconium was pretty good and we will be forever grateful that Mr. Sternberg eschewed the Lucille Ball approach to the unmasking of Adam and Seta, settling for quick pain rather than a slow, and painfully unfunny, sequence of ever expanding embarrassment.

Love Simple is worth renting or seeing with a date. The trick is to find it. The linked site will have news on distribution.

Whip It

2009-10-01T07:51:00.004-04:00

Producer/Director Drew Barrymore's comic take on roller derby, Whip It is not so much funny as fun. There's a very deep, talented cast featuring stars known for drama (Julitte Lewis) playing over the top for laughs while comedic veterans (Daniel Stern, Kristen Wiig) play it very straight. Ellen Page as Bliss (Roller Derby name - Babe Ruthless) drops most of the Juno-esque wise cracks and manages reasonably well as the lead. Page and Marcia Gay Harden carry the heaviest loads in advancing a predictable coming of age plot - Bliss grows restless living her mother's dream in a tiny Texas backwater, until uninhibited freedom in the form of roller derby and romance beckon on a visit to Austin. Jimmy Fallon, basking in a custom fitted part as the outrageous roller derby announcer "Hot Tub Johnny Rocket", maintains the comedy momentum in a film that would be flat without him. Fallon, and those great roller derby names - think Eva Destruction, Jaba the Slut (I am still working on my own Roller Derby name, visit the Whip It link and come up with yours) give this film it's zing. Maybe the outtakes during the closing credits fooled me, but this seems like a movie that the cast loved making and it shows on the screen. Go ahead and see it or rent it. You won't remember much, except that you had a good time.

Also screened last night for later review - Lbs - a cinematic precursor to The Biggest Loser from the same team that brought us Amexicano. Watch this space for a full review later this week.

The Boys Are Back and Bright Star

2009-09-22T09:05:00.003-04:00

Bright Star - Fanny and Keats meet - not all that cute. Keats is too poor to marry. Romance blossoms nonetheless. Keats dies. Slowly. Very Slowly. You will begin rooting for Keats to die after fifteen minutes and this movie is six hours long (well it seemed like six.) By the half hour mark you will be ready to pull the switch on Keats yourself.

The Boys Are Back - Clive Owens leads an engaging cast in an outback indie. The Boys Are Back shows two boys dealing with death and abandonment as father Clive struggles to run a loose ship without sinking. A good beginning and surprising middle make it worth renting despite the classic indie non-ending.

Sorrow on the Third Hole

2009-08-14T08:12:00.008-04:00

Part 3 - Part 1 posted on August 12, 2009

After a night of tossing and turning in angry frustration Hugo Chavez, The Mighty Wind, had a plan. If these grass cutters, these brainwashed slaves to the capitalist running dogs, wanted a fight they would get one. Summoning the heads of the army and air force into his office, he pointed to a detailed topographical map of the Caracas Country Club:

"Here, near the green on the second hole and along the beginning of the third fairway, are the areas fortified by these roaches, these groundskeepers, who would stop the revolution so they can lick the hand of the Yankee loving imperialist duffers. Your mission is to eliminate these areas and everyone on them, while preserving the second tee, the third green and the upper half of the third fairway. In one stroke I will break the back of the counterrevolution and combine the second and third holes,
reducing the Caracas Country Club to a seventeen hole course. Then when I retire, well of course I will never actually retire, the Venezuelan people will always need me as dictator for life, but when I start to look for other interests, I will be able to shoot lower scores."

In the Greens keepers stronghold behind the second green, Renaldo looked as grim as the smog ridden Caracas dawn. The elation of yesterday's victory was fading fast as the reality of the odds - a fleet of lawnmowers facing a real army led by an utterly ruthless egomaniac who would snuff them out like a candle just to avoid embarrassment - set in. To make matters worse, Bertina, the heroic beer cart girl hurt in the surprise attack on the first hole, needed a doctor badly. Renaldo passed among his men, arranging for one group to carry Bertina out on a stretcher improvised from an old blanket and two Big Bertha drivers and releasing the men in small groups with instructions to slip quietly through the woods towards the fourth hole, then disperse and head for home.

Renaldo gave his final instructions and left with the group carrying Bertina. The last three greens keepers were still waiting patiently when the sky began to buzz. Six eyes looked skyward, seeing nothing but a gray haze against a backdrop of gray clouds. The buzzing grew louder, then the first plane appeared just as the woods erupted - light and sound crashed in every direction as trees flew apart and turned into projectiles. The planes kept coming, wave after wave, turning back for another run and another, and the woods and the second green and part of the third fairway and the three greens keepers disappeared.

Renaldo looked back in horror, but what had he expected? The Mighty Wind was nothing if not a predictable bully. Even the greens keepers who had made a successful retreat would never be safe, the records of the Club would give Chavez their names, addresses, families. Renaldo realized there would be no simple end. With a sigh he fished his cell phone from his back pocket, and fumbled to pull a scrap of paper from the innermost compartment of his bulky wallet. In the dim light he looked back and forth between scrap and cell phone, dialling carefully. After several seconds he spoke quietly into the phone:

"Mr. Woods, sorry to call so early, hope I didn't wake you.
...................................

Glad to hear the first nine went so well. Tiger, I hate to
bother you, but I really, really need help here."

Chavez Surprised on Second

2009-08-13T09:38:00.007-04:00

Part 2 - Part 1 posted on August 12, 2009

The Chavez strike force encountered shocking resistance on the 200 yard par 3 second hole of the Caracas Country Club yesterday. The special forces team had used the night hours to import a fleet of inflatable assault craft on which they expected to sail smoothly over the piranha infested water hazard to an easy landing on the beach, the large bunker surrounding the terraced green. Groundskeepers, inspired by the beer cart girl's spirited defense of the first hole yesterday, had something else in mind. Apparently this band of brothers was more worried about losing their paycheck than maintaining solidarity with The Mighty Wind Who Would Rule Venezuela For Life. Working under cover of darkness the greens team filled the greenside bunker with quick lime. The Chavez forces paused in confusion as the first wave waded ashore into the bunker, then recoiled in horror as their boots began to burn. After allowing the first twinges of doubt to blossom in the strike force, Renaldo, head greenskeeper at the Club, turned them into fear with the wave of a towel that brought a fleet of speeding attack mowers out from their hiding place behind the green. The mowers swept relentlessly down on the strke force, never slowing, racing through the panicked soldiers like so many blades of tall grass on a beeline to the beached prows of the assault craft. As mower blades met rubber the craft began to deflate violently, launched back into the water hazard by the jet propulsion of compressed air suddenly rushing through puncture wounds. The special forces teams still on the boats were suddenly knee deep in water, piranha infested water, and sinking fast. The mowers circled back on the beached assailants, the engines roar drowning the screams from the boats. On this day the Chavez forces would not triumph. Renaldo, taller and younger than most of the men on his crews, had grown up on the golf course as an assistant groundskeeper's son in Southern California and returned to his homeland for the chance to become head groundskeeper at a prestigious club. Now he exhaled deeply for the first time in hours, relieved that his plan had succeeded, the Club was safe, for now. The Mighty Wind could only roar in frustrated rage.