As Invisible As Air.

Now we turn to Act Two:

2015-12-02T14:26:00.002-08:00

The light were dim as I peered out to the docks. the thick fog was barreling it's way upon us. We better act quick if we wanted to catch the train in time. I looked over my shoulder to see if Dwayne was still behind us, or if he got trampled along the way. He was just a few short steps, as I jetted out on to the streets to cross the bridge up ahead. The rain had done a number on my shoes and we weren't even half down the block yet. I checked my watch to see that it was a quarter til five.
"We better hurry if you wanna check out that snack bar, you big galoot" I hollered out.
He didn't find it amusing as he shuffled his feet forward to a more speed walk if anything. I race down the bridge onto the platform of the main street slab. I took it all in ass I waited for the slow-poke to catch up. The lights shimmered from every window, from every direction, at the same time. Buy this, buy that! It screamed. The mindless bustle of people stopping and going tuned into their own little worlds. People rushing, people taking breaks, people rummaging, people converting, people.
"Why'd ya take off like that?" Dwayne slumped beside me.
"What's wrong? Can't run?" I joked.
"Running is for school" He retorted.
I scoffed. His logic was way off base, but I didn't have to inform him on his misinformation. We had a train to catch.
"Well, Com'on! It's almost five!" I scurried.
We took off in the direction of the station.

As we walked along the city, I thought about the places we would go. Once we got to Insert City, I needed to find all the ins and outs about it. I thought about if Dwayne was slowing me down or keeping me at bay. Sometimes, I"m not so sure. I think of the positives we've shared in our history. How I can just be my nasty rude jerk of a friend and he'd always be there to take the blows. How could one person be so open to just accept to what is. The cold fog was creeping past my jacket on to the back of my neck. I shivered. My brain was getting to cold to concentrate on anymore than getting on the train. I walked up to the front and ask the cashier for two tickets to Insert City. Delahia and I gathered our money and collected our tickets. She kindly pointed the direction of the train and led us off on our way. The train barely announced that they were accepting passengers to load on. Deanna wanted to get "at least" something to drink for the way up. I reminded her that there was a full kitchen and bar on the train. She was shocked. I rolled my eyes and pulled her along. Once we got into our seats, I asked the attendant which car had the cafe and at which times would they be open. He pronounced that half-hour into the ride the cafe will open and won't close until half-hour destination. I thanked him kindly. I started thumbing through the menus. I stopped on drinks and looked for one that could put me in a new state of mind.

adluvne / Case may be out

2015-12-02T13:53:00.001-08:00

To whom it may concern:

It may seem unfamiliar to pick up the nick of jotting down my thoughts on keyboard how I so effortlessly did when I was younger. It seems that I have a little time to do so. At this moment in time, I've composed the idea that I was on the edge of a mental break down. The reason I don't know exactly. All this angst is inside me. My job is putting too many hours on my plate that I did not ask for and expecting way too highly of me when I'm balancing all of the in and outs of the store to keeping up in all three of my classes before the week of Finals come and the grades come in! Keeping up with my toddler at he goes through the ebbs and flows of the terrible twos. The stress of all this money I've worked so hard for just seems to disappear right before my eyes. Not of reckless spending, but to dolely it out to scumbag so-called-friends. Accepting to start a business. not knowing what it had entailed. Sure, Make-up is always fun! Right? I've made a lot of mistakes in the last couple of months. Learning is such a curve ball. I always pray and praise Lord, and be grateful of what I do have in the presence that surrounds me. A mostly warm house, great food if I wanna spend the time and energy, the best bed sleep could buy, and a kid that completes me in a way that no one could ever describe.

So I'm flashing forwarding to the problems I'm having with authority. They seem to talking behind my back and acting like everything is normal in front of my face. Is this a bad behavior on their behalf or mine? What did I do so terrible that makes them whisper behind the corner? Being late? Not showing up for work, or calling in? When I told them I no longer had a babysitter, go to school(12 credits), and keep my relationships healthy? Maybe it's just me. Something didn't add up. Yes, I should have called. Yes, I should put in my two weeks and find a job elsewhere. Like kohls for example. They might let me back on the team. There's nothing I've got to lose. I need to find my own place and start paying my own bills and getting organized to a new level. That's what 25 is all about. Finding a semi-great career, with a mostly-great house, and most dependable car, so that I can decorate my own things. Do my own hobbies, on my own time, Do my own thing. So my plan was all discussed with my mother. I just have to get those goals moving one step at a time. Continue on this struggle and I will get there. Breathing is the important aspect of this life.

Two Thousand Sixteen is just around the corner.
What can I achieve in the next year to become a better me?
What new skill can I work on?
I know which bad habit I'll be breaking on. You don't have to tell me twice. And, no, it's not chocolate.
ttfn
Jen

Left Inside

2014-06-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

Picking up writing again isn't as easy as picking up a fork. The mind gets clouded, foggy, and blank. Writing just to write isn't that easy. Some people can't write at all. Some people can't even read at all. So what's my problem? Anything in the world is available to write. I search for something tragic. Something deep inside my spirit that can move people to clearer thinking. I'd have better chance wishing it off on the stars, birthday candles, or dandelions. I'd have better chance going off on a tangent story. Expanding my mind into some made up fable of mystery and horror. The blood splattered across the room as Georgia slit the throat of her most loathing pride. She had enough of his lies. Her vision always turned red when he walked into the room. Something about him. His confidence, no, maybe it was his brisk aura. Everything was fast paced around him. Go here, get this, go there, and repeat. He made tornados seem like light breeze. Maybe it was the fact that she knew deep down, she could never be. She never had it in her. Her mind came back to the blood spilling poetically on to her white gown. The body slumped against her. A very small panic rushed through her, but her breathing remained the same slow and calm. It was finally over. She pushed the body back into the chair and smoothed out her dress. She never lost her poise for anyone. Gracefully, she stood up and walked over to the countertop. She reached for her cigarettes. Her hands shaking opening the pack, pulling one out, and lighting it. She inhaled desperately. After a few drags, she walked over to the record player to set the needle back. Patsy Cline, a golden classic, sung sweetly as Georgia danced across the room holding the air as her partner. In mid-twirl, the waltz ended abruptly. Her arms dropped down to her side. The doorbell rang once again. Snapped into reality, she ripped her dress off and flung it over the body. She rushed to the bathroom and grabbed the robe hanging on the hook. Opening the door, she notices it was only the postman dropping off a package. In her mind, nuts and bolts are tightening to the point of combustion. Her little fiasco has ended. It was time to dispose of the body, but how? This wasn't a thought in her plan. There was no plan at all. He wasn't suppose to drop by to catch her up on the conference. He wasn't suppose show his chivalry of coming inside briefing her on their differences and hoping that one day those differences wouldn't matter. It wasn't planned that he was acting like a complete ass because he was madly in lust for her. To the point of envy, he tried his very hardest to impress her, to look better, to be the man of man's. It all surfaced to her. What if we could have been? Boy, it's a little late for that now. She chuckled. It was a scary thought of how light she could paint the situation. She gathered sheets from her linen closet and spread them across the floor before him. Nudging the body lightly, it slipped off the dining chair onto the bedding. It wasn't a moment later that she was mortified by what was done. She sprawled the body out straight, so she could roll up the sheets. Georgia worked faster now, as the green feeling in her stomach was rising. There was no time to get chicken shit now, she reminded herself. The ropes tied across the man who was left inside.

Sound of silence

2014-04-16T13:48:00.001-07:00

Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme

I'm nothing if not wandering rhyme

I've chased my thoughts the night before

With razor cuts and bloody sores

I wish to abandon terrible thoughts

Something I wish I can not fought

I see the sun calling my name

For I'm not the one for all this blame

And to think, I dare not do

Oh no

The sound of silence

Call me crazy call me weird

I need to walk alone, my dear

My brain is scattered all over

A hidden mess with no owner

I will not claim this mind today

Tomorrow, next, what dismay

Nostalgia hits me head on

Wishing Hoping to be gone

For the sound of silence

Open eyes to better see

Maybe I'm not the one to be

Sad sulky and forbidden

It was once somewhere written

In a meadow of hope and joy

Far away they can't destroy

In the sound of silence

Letter to my Baby Boy

2013-12-17T01:08:00.001-08:00

Dear Unborn Child,

When I found out I was pregnant, fear crept into the back of my mind. Actually it exploded inside me. I couldn't even take care of myself. How in the world was I going to take care of a little baby. I knew I wouldn't bring myself to abortion, because it was my responsibility or lack there of that brought you into this world. I'm not a little girl anymore, despite how I still like to think I am. I think you will help me to grow into a stable responsible woman. I want you to have what my mother gave to me. Bless her soul and she even did it alone. You're so lucky to have a father that wants both parents to work it out through thick and thin to provide our children comfortable lives. Cody and I both grew up with only one parent, and it both left us missing something inside. It put stress on us as kids, moving from house to house. We are going to try our hardest so that you'll never have to experience that. No matter how much you drive us crazy. (joke)

We named you Hunter William. I was rolling with a few other names like Patrick or Logan, but your dad really loved Hunter. Figures, it's one of his best hobbies...William is for your great grandpas. One on my side, and one on your dad's. However, it's mainly from Cody's grandpa since he passed away while you were in my tummy on St. Patrick's day. Your dad can tell you how great he was. I've only met him twice, but he was really nice. We hope that you get my brains and your's dad strength. It will be interesting to see how you turn out, because your father and I are so different. Everyone is hoping that you end up with freckles and red hair. It's been awhile in our family since we've had a real ginger. I wouldn't mind if you were a little comedian, as long as you don't pull pranks! My brothers are hilarious with their witty comebacks and it just made living fun! I know your dad is going to get you into sports, football especially, and it doesn't bother me if you hate them. I would rather you be the artistic/creative type. No matter how gay your dad thinks that is. I promise you it's not. You will get a ton of ladies either way(:

It's been a long nine months creating you. I can't wait to take care of you and teach you everything I know. We are going to have so much fun together having Cody as your dad. I can promise you that! We both love you so much! Thank you for giving me a very easy pregnancy. You can head out any hour now!

Love,
Your scared and nervous Mommy

I shouldn't have to feel this way

2013-10-31T13:31:00.003-07:00

I'm frustrated and hurt. Last night's movement left me hung up and I'm the one that suppose to feel guilty. It's all messed up. A mere joke that went astray. My humor was off mark, and I was being punished by it in the worst possible ways. The support blocks of my future are crumbling at the foundation. Imagine how it feels to step on shaky grounds. To be misunderstood and in the wrong all the time. I don't want to live in a life that is so strict and serious. Where I'm held down by a rigid thumb, pushed up tight with stuffy commands of what is right and wrong. Who made him king? Why does he get all the say? Where does this petty biased behavior come from? Why does it have to come? It's so unfair. My heart has no room to beat. My mind has no room to think. God forbid, if I open my mouth to speak. I shouldn't have to feel this way. I cannot be controlled. I'm not a subject to his manipulation. My thoughts are not restricted or limited. I'm my own person. My own voice. I'm not weak nor powerless. I have the right to my own opinion. I have the right to live the way I want to. I have the right to tell my own jokes regardless of someone's feelings get hurt. It was not my intention to bash you.

High Horse

2013-10-26T12:34:00.001-07:00

Days creep closer to my due date. I scroll through all the old blogs you wrote about our relationship. I can't help to feel so small. Your words about love were so strong. We had the world together, but I never saw it. My sweet naive mind had to crush everything. I believe we could have lasted if I put more effort into caring about us. "Where did we go wrong?" I could ask myself over and over, but finding the answer would simply be wasting time. Even though, I feel this strong lock on my heart when it comes to you. I'm head over heels deep into another relationship. Guilt fills my soul. Why does my mind reverse into the past when I'm....
The past is over. I can't change a thing. The hair of hope that I hang on to so tightly grips back around my throat. I can't breathe. I can't think. Love makes us blind. I can never see what's really going on here. A man that works day and night for a woman that hangs him high and dry. What more does she want? Why is she so two-faced about love? She believes so deeply into fairy tales, but can't see her own version exists. She gets everything she wants, and somehow still wants more. How can she get off her high horse when it's up so high? Falling would be the only answer. Trusting that she will be caught before she hits the bottom is her only fear. She can't trust.

Letter to the Globe

2013-04-11T00:12:00.002-07:00

Glances on blank pages is possibly the worst thing in the world. It's like when someone sends you a "k" in a SMS. I could think of a more brutal annoyance; spam. Not the food, mind you. The long "sad", "funny", "cute" emails that junk up my inbox. 673 emails should never arrive on the same day. It's everyday things that dig tension into our weak bodies. Pain, everybody is talking about pain. Grumble this, groan at that. Fake smiles on innocent people. The grit and grime that's beneath everyone's mind. Problems causing problems causing war. How is this justice? People don't even want to help other people anymore. It's everyone to themselves. Their motives, their thoughts, their emotions; why is everyone out to be better than someone else?

People
Extensive
At
Communicating
Emotions

I'm not referring to the sappy sob stories. I'm talking about getting to know each other by joining into each others' hobbies. Speak your thoughts, and ask for stories. Have you ever...? Put the live in life, and not yours, the people that surround you. Family and Friends. Everyone.
Maybe then, we can actually get some peace.

Wishing all the best,
Jennifer Lynn

Writer's Block

2012-12-03T08:28:00.001-08:00

Thought bubbles form like dew upon my mind
the mystery it brings is my only disguise
my next attack they'd never see
the worst part of me

All my words seem to jumble
when I start to question their existence
From those lips you made me kiss
Writer's block

I must switch gears. So, people of the world, I have a confession to make. I know I'm a confused little girl in this big unknown world, but last night I had a vision. I was driving into to work when I thought more about going into criminal justice to study detective work. I got chills. This might be everything I have ever wished for. Detective work is a wide range of abilities. It holds majority of the qualities I wanted in a job. For example, secretarial skills, researching, taking care of people, and traveling/see new things. Using the power of psychology and law to creep into the lives of others. Anyways, that's always an idea.

Twenty-one years old. I think I'm behind my goals list from high school, but that was when we were in better hands knowing what the future brought. The past didn't know the future would be so questioning and double doubting herself. I have somewhat of a degree to show for it. Even though, I still have one more class to complete it. At least, I have always found some work to keep me out of trouble. I just don't have any motives for the future. All I am expected to be is a mother and a wife. Why should I make myself more complicated than that? What are people going to know about me anyways? That I'm so and so's wife. Thoughts of the other side pulse through my neurons. Cutting all my hair off and just accepting the fact that I'm a total dyke and I can't stop thinking about tits. The only question I can ask myself is; what makes me happy?

If I don't succeed the urge to cut my hair off by Jan, I'm sure after new year's will be the day.

2012-11-09T02:07:00.002-08:00

Feelings of confusion cross my mind. The paths lie upon me, and I haven't came up to par on the whole situation. Time is ticking away on which road to take. What do I want my future to hold? Great guys with great money were always a priority to me. I wouldn't think of myself as a gold digger, because money is always important when it comes to relationships. Another value I hold is communication. Can I trust them enough to confide in my secrets which are locked under key. my Pandora box should never be opened, only if they really pry deep. It's not easy to be outspoken about my emotions. They never do myself justice. my feelings and my thoughts are on two different wave lengths. I can never tell what I'm truly feeling. I'm rarely angry, my happiness seems to carry an awkward swing, and my excitement is kept askew.

Nothing seems to be thrilling. I'm not one of those girls who scream and jump around just because they see something "totally cute".My enthusiasm is shown with a monotone "sure". Monotone. How can I light my fire of inspiration?

I'm extremely quiet and everyone knows it. Strangers let me know frequently. I try to be more extrovert, but my problem is that I don't even know how to accomplish that. Asking questions about some one's life seems too invasive. Coming up with those questions is a chore. In-depth conversations are only carried out by myself, within my own mind. solving problems, worrying about tomorrow's achievements. The future is such a dark and ugly place.

Blank stares down the paths of my life before me. my heart has not chosen. my should doesn't not sing out the answer. I must need more time.

I need to get my personal goals out of the way before I start choosing paths of situations I think I'm too young for. Marriage and a family is soon to be around the corner. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Am I ready?

Time. I just need time.

2012-08-19T05:18:00.001-07:00

I didn't want to see his eyes. Pure darkness of agony and pain would enter my soul. He was in one of his moods.

Why did I have to go for a guy with serious issues?

Why can't he just be happy that I'm around him, instead of making me feel...

Thoughts of comfort, past memories of his hugs clouded my anger.I can't even stay mad at him. What am I going to do?

I don't know what to do. Half of my mind is switching into lesbian mode. Working with a lesbian doesn't help, and she is damn sexy. I blabbed with her about my boyfriend the other day, when she really got me thinking.

"Are you happy?" She plainly asked.

"Well...."I trailed off to actually think about it.

"Are you happy, it's as simple as that. Think about it." We finished assisting one of our elderly residents into bed, and went our separate ways. I couldn't stop myself from checking her out as she walked down the hall.

Emily came into my mind. I would have so much more, if I was with her,

I pick up my cell phone and call my boyfriend. He answers the phone and we talked for an while he was out with his friends. The conversation was cold and brittle at first. As time passed, emotions got heavy and we shared tears saying "I love you". He wished to be happy, that the thoughts he had disappeared. He also wished that he didn't leave .

2012-07-21T03:33:00.004-07:00

Everything was going smoothly, up until now. Mysteries and puzzles leaked into my mind. The audience tightens the grip making the air so thin the silence could break any moment.
Drifting onward along the cobble stone path, I cross a man who looked despairingly in need of help. I pulled on the reign to bring my beloved carriage over to the side.
"How do you do, sir?" I called out.
He stumbled over to my direction.
"I need a ride into town, quickly" He pleaded.
"Hurry up, then! I'm heading there myself. What's the occasion today?"
He pulled into the carriage and I whipped my reign.
"Hiya!" I shouted at the crack of the whip.

He never answered me back about my question. He never told me why. I felt him breathing down my neck.
" Are you doing al...." I turned my head and he had a revolver pointing straight at me.
"Just keep driving" He grunted.
I whipped back around and gave my horses and extra gallop. Terrified of what this man wanted with me. Was he going to rob me? Kill me? Thoughts clouded my mind, as he could pull the trigger any moment now. I wouldn't even know until it was too late. I hope I survive the next five minutes.
"Pull over!" He demanded.
I halted that very second.
"Get into the carriage with me."
I slide my body back into the sit next to him, willingly. He took ahold of me and starting to grab my body closer to his. The gun snug between us. He looked into my scared baby blue eyes, and told me to take my clothes off. I stood there frozen into his glare. He grabbed my shoulders and shook me.
"Take them off!"
He started ripping at my clothes and pulling up my dress. His rough hands slide underneath my dress and grabbed my panties and forcefully pulled them down. He licked his lips as he gazed at my vagina. He pulled my legs up, which made me fall onto the bench. He slammed his face into my pussy and ate like a monster. His head shook using his tongue along my clit. My body wanted to tremble. My toes started to curl. I felt his hand glide up my thigh and down between my legs. Parting my lips gently, he pressed two fingers right at my opening. Oh so badly I wanted to moan. I resisted, I couldn't let this beast win. He pushed his fingers slowly in. Each second was pure agony as I buckled down. He smiled and started pounding my pussy. I felt wetness gathering. I couldn't take it anymore. I moaned so loud.
"oh, give it to me just like that" I was breathing so hard. I felt my body tensing up with his hands rubbing rough. I was about to cum, when he stopped and pulled out his dick. faster than before he fucked my tight little hole. Every thrust, I bursted into ecstasy. I felt nothing so powerful drilling into my body. I screamed out with his one last punch. I felt his penis throb against my vagina. I trembled to the feeling.

Why I hate Skrillex...

2012-02-15T23:56:00.000-08:00

It's just so predictable that a mainstream edgy kid would mix pretty melodelic eletronic music with the has-been screamo scence that we just went through for some kind of fame. He knew that his music would instantly attract all the gutter preppy hipster douchebags out there. I mean come on, for christ sakes, cut your hair and look like a real DJ. newfag faggot.
Great he also won 3 grammys. What is the world coming too?
His music just sounds like trash. It just sounds so MAINSTREAM! ugh, I hate it.
Douchebag music
THANK FUCKING GOD FOR PRODUCING SUCH FAGGOTARY!
My life is fucked
If this shit won three grammys
We're all doomed.
Beware.

Wasn't that the one I won in?

2012-02-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

I've gone through many "phases" in my life. I never really knew what group I belonged in. I've tried preppy, nerd, indie, emo, scene, hippie, name it I've possibly tried it. I just went with the flow really. I'm realizing that I've changed quite a bit over the years. I'm that the same sixteen year old mindset anymore. She dressed how she wanted with rainbow eyes and weird hair. She was inspired and depressed.

The past always drags me down. It haunts me. Remembering all the good times I had, makes me want to change my attitude, I just have to accept that I'm changing each and everyday, older and wiser. Change is good with all the new experiences, adventures, and knowledge of the world. I'm still depressed, finding that my social life only consists of my never-hear-from-boyfriend, and my family. I'm slowly realizing that Shannon was my ray of sunshine. I was just so afraid to open up for this exact reason of getting hurt.

When the time actually came it didn't hurt, because I didn't open up. I didn't tell her how it made me feel unreal when her eyes sparkled, or how her smile made me melt. I never opened up, because she rejected me with her cold behavior towards me. I wanted her as my girlfriend, she wanted to be alone with her husband, but her husband wanted me as his wife. We all kept our feelings inside. Like secrets, it tore us apart. We were all afraid of how each other felt. Our own love for each other, broke us up. She wants a divorce now and I don't know why. We're all lonely inside. Mainly me, since I don't live there anymore.

"Two more months and you'll be home." He breathed as he kissed me goodbye. It feels like a lifetime.

Title

2012-02-03T20:13:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to believe his words. The monster that he has me turned into. Thirst for more knowledge of the human behavior of this society. I'm finding out how people work inside their brain. We all don't think alike, but I believe that we share certain systems of how we think. If we are to think logically, emotionally, practically, all aspects of life according to the social situation.

There's so many cultures within the city's limit. From Indie to "Jersey Shore" fans, it's hard to believe that we all share the same system. We all breath, and live for a reason. We all have purpose, but at the same time... How are we the only humans in the Universe?

My mind races to thoughts that could potentially explode my brain. How did we know how to wheat into flour? Inventions freak me out. Where do they come up with their ideas? I can't imagine how scientists discovered atoms, or how cavemen made fire. This knowledge, Is there someone out there, or do the stars all have us on set paths such as destiny or fate?

Do I believe in destiny? I believe you can be destined to be apart of something, like a particular lifestyle. You get to choose your life, but the thoughts you think come for a reason.

Your birthday has a major impact on your personality, temper, and just how you perceive things.

Aries are impatient, restless, friendly, and loves to lead.
Taurus are independent to their emotions, secretive, detailed, and stable.
Gemini are very superficial, two-faced, adapt quickly and give honest advice.
Cancer are emotional, caring, and love to talk about anything.
Leos are encouraging, needy, but always brings the life to the party.
Virgos are picky, analyze every situation and perfectionists.
Libras are superficial, very posh, and solve social problems.
Scorpios are passionate, obsessive, and deep control freaks.
Sagittarius adventurous, unemotional, and completely honest.
Capricorns are here to help, very self disciplined, and nosy.
Aquarius are intellectual, inventive, and detached from Earth.
Pisces are lost followers who accepts everyone.

To be Continued...

Blackout!

2012-01-18T02:54:00.000-08:00

[spoiler] BLACK OUT!!
Today from 8am to 8pm
Protest against SOPA and PIPA!!
SAY NO TO CENSORSHIP!! [/spoiler]

Thoughts That enter my mind...

2012-01-18T00:40:00.003-08:00

everything i know is brought upon me
beyond the deep blue sea
origami
photo shop my life into another
pages of the book slowly uncover
Bitches aint shit but cliques and bows
my love for you is like a thousand rose
Open up and look inside
beats bump 808
set me straight
Fuck em to the side when you wanna roll
eyes to the sky, wanna load a bowl
my life has came I therorize
philosophically, that's the prize
Tears for this don't belong
Love is just enough to move along
to the beat within us, we will dance
Come closer to my voice, i'm seducing
Wanna playboy bunny in my lucy?
rainbow, stars, Dr. Suess
Ballet, ribbon, and grey goose
Threats from upstaires inside my mind
make me lose control, I'm here for the ride
The djs love for his music
The whole set is translucid
Hey cutie, what did you think of it?
wanna ride back with me after Jimni Cricket?
I wrote this song about you
I sung it so loud alone I turned blue
Penelope Wazoski is my favorite word
thanks to Riot and his crush on a nerd
Valentine, My love for you will never die
I keep my promises, I never lie
I keep jars on the window sill at night
for the times I think of you and cry, red light

I'm talking about glitter!
the ways it flitters as it shutters, and the butters in the sunners so bright bright bright

Move your body to the beat
don't rest, come test the heat
i need your body close to me
drip your sweat on top of thee
Be provactive, sex in the club
I'm a lady, dinner and a dub
Ben and Jerry's and a hug
X O X, Love you boo
haters gunna hate, Love you too
Name taste sweet, it's always in their mouth
Backstabber friends go down south
To my boyfriend's dick
It's the empire
Creator
neglection
reflection
Of a time where I was of knowing

the end

If I'm so loved, then why do I still feel empty?

2012-01-08T23:44:00.000-08:00

I tell myself time and time again to NOT feel this way. I hate the feeling where I'm questioning my motives, doubting my decisions, regretting my past. I desperately wish for a power switch. These thoughts NEED to GO AWAY! It's so frustrating and annoying to be constantly ran down by the same unanswered questions. What I'm doing with my life at the moment is none of my brain's concern. I'm trying to fucking live, and the little voice inside is fucking ruining it. That's not right, Jennifer. You should know better.
This relationship is driving me up the wall. All lies aside. Shannon is a psychotic bitch. She's easily angered, and will let you know by screaming top lung. The house has to be cleaned EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY and if it wasn't cleaned by her then it was cleaned wrong. She takes every word personally, which makes her mood swing faster than a baseball bat.
Chris is a slob. His teeth are never brushed. He never finishes his chores. His butt crack is always showing. If it isn't about him, he doesn't care.
But I'm in too deep now that I live with them.
Despite their major flaws, I still find them captivating.
The way Shannon's eyes glisten
They way Chris says "oh..."
How her foot finds mine in the morning
how safe I feel wrapped up in his arms
the softness of her lips
the burning of his eyes as he watches me sleep
her cute crooked smile
how nervous he makes me feel
how awkward all this is still
Dating for almost 3 months, and I still can't simply say a sentence to them
Scared and alone
How did I ever think it was okay to date a drug dealer?
and his wife?
and the three kids??

Cute

2011-12-11T04:14:00.000-08:00

Sitting at her vanity

Music plays through the headphones

Dreaming with a broken heart

Cold glass against warm lips

Inhale molecules of tar

Smoke dances

She can't

It's

late

She's gone

Off to another place

A place of beauty and cheer

Forgetful Happiness and new ideas

Life makes much more sense

Smarter as I grow dumber

Wiser above my age

Common Sense

It flows

unique

topic change

about something

I, myself, Mama Mia

It's a spicy meat-a-ball ah!

Where was I going with that?

Sweet pea, apple of my eye

Sugar pie, honey bunch

You're the only one

That matters

a lot

I love

The idea

Being myself

The pros the cons

Comfortable Distance

Moving to Seattle together

New experiences

Barter fairs

But love?

Safe

Feel

Protected

In his arms

who knew

that

this

would

actually

work

Cousin Chat

2011-12-02T12:43:00.000-08:00

Jennifer Olson
Didn't even know you were on
40 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Hey How's it going cousin??
39 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
hey

not much, gotta write up some stuff before one, but thats a ways away

you'll never believe what i did yesterday
39 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
It's in an hour!! Quick quick

What did you do?
38 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
It took me twelve hours, but I made an iron helmet from skyrim, paper mache and craft foam,

the horns need some work, and I have yet to decal it up, but its awesome
38 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
lmao. Wow, what nerds do with their spare time...

It sounds pretty cool. haha
37 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
im lookin for the link right now
37 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
I'm just a hippie in my spare time lol
37 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StaQkETLEVg&feature=channel_video_title

this is some german kid

he is like fifteen and really good at DIY propwork

I felt like it was a challenge

36 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
bein a hippie sounds a lot easier than this helmet making business
34 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
It's a business? Looks like theater. What's that class called like stage...maker? lol. they build the props and whatnot. Those guys can make some cool buildings in like no time.

It's amazing what they build.
34 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
yah, no kidding,
33 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Lol I kept changing the topic.

Yeah being a hippie is pretty chill.

Does your helmet look like that? lol.
32 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
it almost does

i screwed up a little of the drybrush

and the horns are pathetic right now

but the rest is pretty solid

I can get a picture of it up in a min or two i think

http://kotaku.com/5574786/the-best-fan+made-halo-elite-costume-youll-ever-see
32 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Hmm Pretty crafty... I see that practicing on those dolls really paid off
32 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
in the meantime

this is your next project: lifelike creature reproduction
31 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
MY next project?
31 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
yep yep, dollwork did come to something

well, the total of my talent

equals a crappy iron helmet

i figured you could make something more impressive
29 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
You would need a sculptor

I good in detail and in color. Shape and design are not my best skills

So how does that grab ya?
23 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
grab me?
22 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
i can't think of any sculptors i know... Perhaps you need to go to some comicons/Radcon and find one.

Grab you, like how does that sound

lol, are you not a bit of country?
22 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
yah, I mean I don't know what I would bring to the team

but a sculptor

and you on the fine detail

plus i imagine you would love to do the model showing and some of the more impressive parts

like base design etc

sounds fun to me

best christmas project ever?
20 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Haha maybe you can be the financial support.

I don't know, What are you planning on building?

Some sort of monster?
18 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
i dont have any plans

i just thought that last video was a ridiculous amount of work

but the product is outstanding
18 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
It is a lot of work. But it's worth it in the end, if you have the storage space lol
17 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
not to mention all the trash bags you go through
17 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Yikes. Pollution!!!
16 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
eh, its mostly newspaper
15 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Poor trees lol haha I'm jking. I'm not that much of a hippie.
15 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
yah, turns out there's still lots of trees in siberia

i was surprised

all this rainforest conservation

and 2/3 of the planets trees are in russia, or something like that
14 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
I didn't know they didn't have trees. lol

Well yeah, Russia is mainly a huge forest since the temperatures are freezing.
13 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
yah, but still trees have to grow

i feel like it would be pretty hard to make it to the whole grown tree stage

i posted the photos!
10 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Hmm... Well... How did trees make it past the ice age? Don't plants just need water and sun? I don't think temperature plays a huge role into its development.
10 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
besides of course tropical plants, or really enviro specific plants

which, did you know, that the venus fly trap is not native to earth!!!
9 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
It looks pretty good. I can see how the horns need a little more work.

9 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
at least I'm pretty sure thats the one, anyway, there's this weird plant that only grows around this meteor crash site and is very resistant to extreme heat

yah, ran out of tape
9 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Well, It's an alien plant. It moves all by itself, that's creepy

See plants are weird.
8 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
yes, yes they are

I still don't think of them as living

and yet...

clearly they move and breathe and walk among us

or something like that
7 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Yeah, flowers follow the sun.

They are alive!! ahhh!!! lol
7 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
pretty much my sentiments exactly
7 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
The little green aliens are already here. lol
6 minutes ago
Cameron Parker
and they eat our flies!

oh wait, thats a good thing

k, im takin off to do this little bit of work

cya around

maybe you'll start making skyrim helmets for everybody?... who knows

it could be the start of something truly great
2 minutes ago
Jennifer Olson
Ahaha, I have a tie dye shop to open up in the spring. So, Maybe if i have time, I probably wont. lol But hey, This summer, we could make something. Good luck in school, ttys!

Thoughts of the Season

2011-10-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

Are all go-go dancers bitches? Seriously, get over yourselves. Like oh-mm-gee, I dance in my underwear. I'm friends with all the DJs, yet I'm too cool to say Hi. I have a kid, yet I'm out every night.
Go get a real job. And Seriously, eat a cheeseburger! You're like the Scene Queens of Facebook. Where's the PLUR??

2011-09-22T01:41:00.000-07:00

It's funny to think that in a billion years that the Earth will freeze over or implode on it's self. The sun will either explode, causing the earth to turn into a fireball. throwing us father into space. Earth will continually travel until it either lands into another galaxy's orbit or gets sucked into a black hole. If it lands into the orbit, depending on how close we are to a new sun we would re-evolve. If it goes into a black hole, Earth would eventually freeze over and implode itself.

Technology is exploding before our eyes. Things are getting smaller, life is getting more virtual. Soon everything will be touch screened, running on electricity. Cars will run solely on electricity. Gas stations will no longer be needed. Parking lots would hold plug-ins for cars. Cars that run on voice command. Traveling across the US, in the matter of minutes.

Soon we'd never leave our house, while we're busy living in our virtual world. As you would in Second Life.

Food for thought

2011-09-21T19:54:00.000-07:00

Autumn has just begun. School is underway. As I walk through the halls of my college, I find all genders fresh and crisp. Apples, I would call them. Pick one and bite into it. Discover the juice inside, bitter or sweet. Down to the core. We're all just fruit. All replaceable. Used for different purposes. Apple pies, apple butter, apple chicken, or by itself. Rotting daily. Growing daily. Organic or Fertilized. USDA approved. Grade A.
We're all apples, good or bad.

The Untold Truth

2011-07-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

2011, has been quite a weird year. I don't know whether to feel weird by it or relieved. My dad got out of rehab, and everything has changed. I've spent many paychecks on marijuana. I've smoked so many times with my brothers now, and whenever we get free time, that's the first assumpumtion to do.

In May, my mom had surgery and I joked about getting some medicinal marijuana for her pain while I drove her to her appointment. I don't know if it was the anesthesia, but she agreed. Once we got home, Jon and Eric had it ready. We didn't have to hide it anymore. If we wanted to smoke, we could. Before our parents knew, we would always sneak out on the roof after they went to bed. We would only have one or two bowls out of a tiny concert pipe. Smoke a cigarette, then went straight to bed. Since then, we increased our intake to four or more bowls. Our collection of pipes has multiplied. They all serve a different purpose according to my brothers. Jon has the "Tentacle", which is shaped like an octopus tentacle. It holds a nice hefty size bowl, and isn't very harsh. He also has his tiny glass concert pipe. More for a straight to the head buzz and secrecy. I'm unsure of it's name. Eric has three pipes and a bong. His pipes are all harsh. I wake up the next day with a horrible sore throat, I never choose his pipes. His bong on the other hand, is smooth. It takes a pretty good size nug to pass it around a couple times. I got my pipe on my birthday. I call it "Ocean Profusion", because it has blue swirls and glitter much like the ocean. It's beautiful. It doesn't hold much though unlike the "Tentacle", but I don't need much to get stoned.

My brothers tell me that marijuana was made to enhance our lives to a more better, happier life. Every plant holds its purpose. Sounds like a bunch of hippie talk to me. It is organic, and takes a lot of TLC to produce high quality bud. It makes you forget your worries, and just live for the time being. Which makes me wonder, if God really made it for a purpose, then it would be the same about shrooms and peyote. That's why no one has heard of anyone overdosing on these organic plants. There's a reason for everything.

The Only exception

2011-07-22T04:29:00.000-07:00

The story with Jessy is complicated...
Whenever I'm with him, I still get those butterflies like when I was always with him. But it's different. I'm over the sad part that we broke up.

I'm listening to this song in the dark, trying to dream of Jessy as I fall asleep. And I was picturing him and getting a montaige of all his quirky smiles and his big green eyes. All the quirks I love, trying to spark emotion. A tear or two, but nothing. Not because I didn't care, it's because it wasn't time yet. I'm half way fallen in love. Right between heaven and earth. Come with me, take my hand. We'll go to the skies. Float on clouds. I'll take you away. haha. Anthem Trance. :D

This shall be good, I never told you.
Nah, This is Christian's song.....
Even though, Christian is really good in bed and sexy as hell!! I know I'm not the one for him.
Aw, Swing life away... His favorite song.
Then again, He's really smart and has his redneck tendencies, that makes me feel like home :)
Oh my gosh, It's almost 5am... hahaha
One more song memory.
Polygraph, Right now.
All my Life.

Anyways. as i was saying... Jessy and I both agree that we still love each other, but more like a caring love not a in love. That we both would have to work to fall back in love. He's not sure if it's worth the effort of work. I don't see what he's afraid of though. I'm ready whenever he is ready. I wouldn't have planned the wedding if i wasn't serious.

Being the one the forks in his road, makes me feel slightly empty. I don't know what to do. I just can't wait til he decides which fork he wants to take. Yet, I don't want to make myself unavailable if he needs me. For a ride, a cig, anything. I'm here for him. I bought a pack right before I saw him when he asked for a cigarette and always try to give him a couple as I leave.

Complicated.