As Told By Me Archives

What Nobody Tells You about Cloud 9

2017-07-24T13:37:00.000-07:00

Nobody tells you the difference between cloud 9 and the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is disposable, it's temporary and you know eventually you have to get back to reality. Cloud 9 is like the worst drug on the street and you're either emotionally stuck up there (like a studio 54 go-go dancer), or when you do try to climb down, you don't float off of it gracefully, you crash hard and in most cases, it's the guy who instantly fears for his own life.

Remember, men are hunters and if their pride is compromised by lack of competence in a situation, he may soon feel as if any minute now Kathy Bates is going to come in with a sledgehammer. The last thing you want is for him to think you brainwashed him for six months.

He soon realizes his future is too valuable thinking to himself, "if this is what happens when you fall in love I want no part of it." He's not mature enough to restrategize and find a better approach. (in some cases, but don't assume you're going to be the exception to the rule)

It took me over 6 years to figure that out. Like I've said in past blogs I was a hopeless romantic in love with the idea of love blah blah blah (an addiction I wish for no one)

I went through the same cycle over and over and over again. Eventually, I hit a wall and pretty much the universe said "okay, you have officially reached your maximum amount of men. You have one left, but if you don't learn from this pattern you're repeating, you will either end up stuck in a loveless marriage, an abusive relationship, or become a single mother trying to get back out there while also protecting your child from emotional resentment.

I took door # 4 and stayed single for over a year until I learned the lesson I was supposed to figure out for 6 years. When I finally did, I was granted my now husband.

For the first time, I was able to go through each phase of a relationship naturally with both feet planted on the ground. It also helps when the other person is just as grounded. My husband and I are gamers and in every video game, instead of rushing through each portion he would make sure we combed through each level looking for as many clues as possible. Not only did it extend the amount of gameplay, we discovered things we would have never found if we hadn't taken our time.

That's basically how we handled our entire relationship.

The people close to me also noticed this new change. They saw I had a sense of peace, a glow and I sounded more assertive than naive. They were finally rooting for me than humoring me. Basically for years instead of speaking up they were enabling these relationships because they either didn't know any better or were too afraid to really say anything because they didn't want to be responsible for breaking my heart.

In order for me to successfully be in a relationship, It was important that I didn't lose my sense of independence. To not put aspirations on the back burner or cancel them out completely. I had to prove I learned the lessons I was handed so many times. If I can't live my own life and love myself, I have no business being there for somebody else. I needed to make sure I had my own voice. That my boyfriend wasn't as an excuse to take on the burden of things I was too afraid to do alone or to solely use him as a vessel for a fantasy I had created.

What happens with a lot of us and I have been guilty of this too, is that we get so unbelievably excited about the potential of a new relationship we become curious of what the end result might be. Especially, if it has everything your last relationship lacked.

We think we can fast forward to the future just to get a small peek of happily ever after. Make a couple vision boards and get the hell outta there. We also convince ourselves that we can quickly get back to reality with out them even noticing. It didn't work for Marty McFly and it's not going to work for you.

What almost always happens is you keep going back and forth to the point where you're in a whole other dimension having a relationship with the future and now the other person who you left behind in the present is wondering where you are.

Basically, the moment you become curious about the future the more you risk rushing the present. They may not notice right away, but eventually, things will begin to move so quick all control is lost.

What Men are Really Thinking

2014-04-10T04:11:00.001-07:00

So this guy you really like, only after a few dates gives you the "I've been thinking" speech. Whether it was the tiniest blunder on your part or something in his world that clashes with yours, he's quick to pull the plug.

Since women typically like to use romantic comedies and fiction novels as a reference to their personal lives it's in my best interest to tell you that the men in those movies don't always "think" like men in real life. Generally in a movie when a guy needs some time to think he is automatically ready to pull the plug until minutes before the credits he realizes the bigger picture and they live happily ever after (or at least that's what we always assume).

The truth is, when a man uses the phrase "I've been thinking.." nothing good ever really comes after that.

Why? When a man (boy, guy or however you want to call him) says they have been thinking it really means "I have confirmed something I have already decided." To a women "I've been thinking" means "I may not be fully sure maybe you can perused me otherwise"...When women are faced with this situation we like to weigh out the pros and cons. Which is why in that moment we try to rationalize with them. It is almost like we are a lawyer during that time. We look at all the evidence or foreseeable evidence before we decide if the relationship is guilty of not having a future.(Does he make me laugh? Do we have a lot in common? Can I be myself around him? Will my family like him?)

Men on the other hand are more logical. They tend to go for the obvious. They typically don't waste time looking for a ton of reasons why they should continue if there isn't enough evidence that's already in plain sight. This means if those probable questions aren't answered yet he's probably not going to waste time studying the relationship.

That's what makes the beginning stages of dating tricky. You kind of only get one shot before they give you the benefit of a doubt if a problem arises.

How do I prevent this? Unfortunately, there is no perfect strategy to prevent this. Some guys just lack patience or get bored too easily. You can't always figure that out after a couple coffees. The last thing you want to do is spend more time analyzing your dates instead of enjoying them. The only thing you can do is trust your instinct. The moment you gut tells you to stop or slow down trust it with out any hesitation. 9 times out of 10 you're probably right.

It's important to keep in mind that not every guy is like this. However, don't assume every guy is the exception to the rule either. Some are smart enough to go "okay so we kind of got off on the wrong foot here, lets start over" Though if that doesn't happen don't take it as a loss think of it as a gain. He saved you from getting even more disappointed and hurt before more time was invested.

So overall in this situation: Pro: parting ways before breaking someone's heart. Con: Parting ways prematurely for superficial reasons. *if those reasons are in fact superficial* sometimes women are guilty of showing the "real" version of themselves a little too early giving the "defendant" fair reason to terminate.

My advice is to set standards and stick with them.(reasonable standards ladies) Don't negotiate something that is really important to you. It's one thing to accept his love for the Mets when you're a Phillies fan it's another to accept something just for the sake of settling. Also, listen to his standards too. (yes men have standards) Before any relationship can be developed you must be able to know and understand what each person is looking for. It's not always about you.

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Adults And The Economy

2014-02-07T04:41:00.000-08:00

It is no secret the economy is at a struggle. So many twenty something year old college grads and students deal with nagging questions regarding their future to which may feel overwhelming and just plain annoying.

I've personally noticed that adults(while aware that it is hard to find employment they) don't seem to really understand how bad the economy truly is.(Especially if they've had their current job for some time)

Through the years I've gathered common accusations that many adults have towards young adults and the economy..

1. If you're going to a 2 year College, they automatically assume you're only going there to prepare for a University. Not realizing that:

A. While 2 year colleges do set students up to continue their education at a University they also offer programs that only require an 1-2 years of training. (Sometimes even less). This means they are prepared to look for employment for jobs such as dental assistant, office assistant, or massage therapist. To which all make "live-able" salaries.

B. Though having a good education is important, not everyone is seeking to get their masters degree. I feel when you tell an adult that you have an AA they question when you'll get your BA, and if you have a BA they question why you don't have your masters yet. Not all of us care to make a six figure income. It all depends on the lifestyle we want to live.

2. If you're working full-time at a local business most adults assume you're still in school. You could be manager at a popular retail store making a decent living and many still ask you about school. You could have graduated already and after constantly informing them you're finished they just can't believe why you're not working in the corporate world.

3.If you're working part-time they repeatedly ask when you're going to get a real job. I know a lot of people who have went to college to later find the job they went to school for, but in order for them to afford that studio apartment that costs about $850/mo they need to work a few hours part time to at least have food in their fridge. The economy doesn't guarantee that the "Big girl/boy" job you get will cover all of your expenses. Especially depending on where you live since housing and wages vary.

4. If you live in the suburbs and are not going to school for nursing, business, or law enforcement apparently you have no future. Small town adults are used to living and thinking practically. This means you work at a local hospital, you're married to a union worker and you spend your Saturdays screaming at your kids in the supermarket. Apparently this is the american dream.

When I would tell adults that I went to school for communications they normal ask what that is. When I say "For me preferably journalism" most of the time they think newspapers. Knowing that newspapers are becoming obsolete, I get looked at sideways with the response "oh...so what are you going to do with that?" Little do they understand communications covers so many opportunities for writers, and people who want to get into marketing since they would be skilled in public relations.

5. Though your questioned daily on why you still work at Chilli's allegedly you have so much time if you're still living at home. "you're young" is always the go to response however you're too old to be working minimum wage. This scenario always comes with so much contradiction.

I wish I could make a PSA to all the adults over 35 but this will have to do for now....

7 Trends that Need to Make a Comeback

2014-01-07T04:16:00.000-08:00

1. Sending Letters-
When was the last time you mailed a handwritten letter?
When was the last time you got one in the mail?
Wouldn't it be nice to find that someone took the time to tell you how the felt with a pen and paper then through a text message which is probably mostly Emojis?

2. Movie Rentals-
Okay yes, we have Netflix and Hulu, which are great!, but now all patience is lost now that we can binge on an entire series in less than a week

3. Land Line Telephones-
We pay for unlimited minutes yet how much do you actually use those "minutes" to have a conversation with someone?

4. Disposable Cameras-
Thanks to front facing cameras, camera phones, and instagram "selfies" Technology has taken the fun out of photography.

We should just go back to clicking a button and hoping for the best at least then we may be a little less vain

5. Radio Dedications-
Since we can just easily post a song via Facebook no one really listens to the radio on their way to work hoping that special someone calls in knowing you'll be tuned in to your favorite station.

6. Memorization
Do you know when your friend's birthday is without Facebook telling you?
In the event of an emergency could you dial your parents if you lost your phone?

7. Coming to the front door
I said this in another post and i'll say it again
Stop texting "here" when you arrive at someone's house
It's tacky, lazy, and shows you could care less about making a good impression

-There are a hundred other things that definitely need to come back or revisit again. Technology has allowed to lost patience with so many things that a snap back to the basics is dire need of a comeback.

3 Reasons Why your Ex Contacts you During the Holidays

2014-01-07T03:11:00.003-08:00

Ever wonder why when you finally hear from your ex, it's during the holidays?

Well there is a perfectly reasonable explanation to this madness...

After a breakup, you may go through a period where all communication is officially closed. You can't exactly pick up the phone and contact them the way you used to and you spend months hoping they finally say the things they should have said soon after the break- up.

Why is that when we finally stop holding on to a beacon of hope for them to call or take us back that they finally contact us?

Why is it that this seems to only occur during a holidays or special occasion?

Reason #1 - Loneliness
It's the holidays for crying out loud. This usually involves family, friends, and that special someone.
A lot of men tend to put love on the back burner to focus on everything else. However, at some point they hit a day or two where work just isn't enough.

They holidays always display that cliche image of curling up by a fire, roasting marshmallows, and enjoying the company of the one you love. They may see posts online of their friends sharing this special time with someone else which could stir up old feelings about you.

Sometimes they may even ask themselves. "If my friends can make a relationship work, then what's my problem?"

Reason #2 - "The Itch"

Never assume that his loneliness is a desperate cry for help. It could also just mean it's the holidays, he's alone and he's horny.

Why contact you?
1. They miss you
2. You two have a history making you an easy target
3. They'd rather ask you then someone they may actually want to be serious with
4. They'd rather ask you then some random person
5. They assume there is a good chance you won't say no

Sad but true, and do not be surprised that they later turn back cold and more distant. If to hookup is the biggest action they've made since the breakup, your best bet is to reject this invitation. Especially if they're the one who dumped you. The last thing you want is to get "dumped" all over again.

Reason #3 - Regret

This is that rare reason that we may wish was the only reason. In some cases the holidays may actually trigger regret for them.

The only way to take this seriously is if they do three things:

1. They make the first move
2. They allow their actions to speak louder
3. They still remain to show interest after the holidays

Keep in mind #3 can act as a temporary "spell". Once love is no longer in the air, they may be over the idea of getting back into a relationship with you. The upcoming season means warmer weather, which means more people. More people means more opportunities to socialize and mingle.

Only take their proposal into consideration if they act exactly the same come spring time.

Only you know for sure if you should get back together. Is it worth trying again? or are you better off being apart?

The Reality of Customer Service

2013-10-28T05:01:00.001-07:00

For anyone who has ever worked in customer service, most will agree that your initial perception of people will change and it will change fast. You can easily go from being an outgoing people person to wishing you lived alone in the hills of Yemen

I have worked in customer service for over six years and while I've enjoyed a lot about the jobs I've had, it has really tested my patience when it came to servicing different types of people.

Types of customer service workers

-Retail
-Front Desk Associate
-Cashier
-Maid
-Waitress
-Call Representative

Whether your trying to explain that the back room is not the size of the staples center, or getting yelled at because a 35 year old man didn't read a contract he signed two years ago. The stress can make one wonder if it's even worth making below the poverty line to deal with all of this.

Not only are their different types of workers in customer service, there are different types of customers.

Through the years, I've narrowed them down to 5 types:

1. Friendly and considerate: This is the type we all wish were the only type we had to deal with. These people on a good chance have worked in customer service before and understand what it's like to be on the other side. They tend to never assume and are always gracious to the staff.

2. Moody: For this type, you usually have to work in a position that you see the same people more than once. Normally they arrive with an invisible stamp on their forehead that says "F@#$ Off !!". It's like pulling teeth to get them to even say hello. You eventually make a mental note to leave them be until that one day he or she gets upset that you never stop to chat with them or ask if they saw last week's episode of Grey's Anatomy .

3. Demanding: This type of person from the time they walk in, to the time they leave will tell you how things are going to go, what they want, and how you should handle it. Part of the job does require dealing with cranky people, but if you find yourself dodging things being thrown at you because you no longer serve breakfast then it's obvious you're not the one with the problem. It's clear they've had one or two bad experiences with customer service to which their favorite line is usually: "I want to speak to the manager".

4. Hecklers: This person is clearly in need of a doctor since it's obvious their foot is shoved so far into their mouth nothing that comes out of it makes any sense. They are the type that does not think before they speak. They are either overly sarcastic or informing you how tired and sick you look this morning.

5. Needy: The whole point of working in customer service is to help those in need. However, one draws the line when having to service people that assume all employees strive to kiss the feet of people who want them to practically wait on them hand and foot. They are usually control freaks who have to have things a certain way. To the guy who thinks he's Gordon Ramsay, to the lady who want's a discount on everything.

What a lot of people don't understand, is that when you walk in, or contact an establishment the people that are working to help you are just like you. Meaning they have a life outside of their job. The last thing on their mind is how they can make your life a living hell. Not only do they have to appear warm and inviting they have to pretend whatever stress they are dealing with does not exist while playing therapist to yours.

One of the most annoying things about working in customer service is the false impression people obtain about an employee. One situation can brand you as "biggest bitch" for the rest of your career all because you forgot to throw in bread sticks.

When it's face to face we are taking a lot into consideration before we talk to you. And the the first thing is your body language. If you're already walking in moody, (whether you realize it or not) that employee is immediately building a wall up against you. We see people way better then one see's themselves because that's what we do all day long. We watch and we mirror your actions toward us.

Don't get me wrong, there are employees that give you good reason to hate us, but there are also a lot of us who are expected to clean up your messes, deal with your attitude and do it all with a smile because at the end of the day:

The customer is always right.

How to Critique a Movie (The Right Way)

2013-08-28T03:21:00.002-07:00

Every year, cinema graces us with a selection of movies that make us laugh, cry, or annoyed that our boyfriend doesn't sparkle in the sunlight. This blog is more of pet peeve of mine since I love movies. One of the most annoying things I hate is when people are so quick to say why a movie is bad, but they don't have good reason to back it up. While there are some bad movies out there, I personally think it's paramount that one look at all aspects of a movie before judging it.

Have an open mind
Don't let your personal feelings for one actor dictate why you don't like the movie
Think about everything that goes into a movie i.e. Direction, Costumes, Set design, CGI, Soundtrack
Have your own opinion- if you're already hearing bad reviews from the three people that count as "everybody" don't let that decide for you that it's horrible. Decide for yourself
You try it! - Find a scene online from the movie and act it out yourself, post it on YouTube and see if you can do better
Understand that movies are an actor's "9-5". Many actors can't afford to turn down roles
Understand that actors don't see a trailer before they film the movie, they are given a script or sometimes just a pitch- The Hangover had to have looked ridiculous on paper
Don't ruin it for someone else who liked it- agree to disagree
Do your research.-Not all movies are meant to be serious, indie movies are more abstract while Rom-coms are more of an escape from reality. If movies were an exact translation of real life, no one would really enjoy them.
Come to realize that you are not the person who concludes that a movie is horrible. We all like different things. That's why films come in all different genres. What may be bad to you may be interesting to somebody else. It doesn't mean they necessarily have bad taste.

BONUS! Read the Book! if you didn't like the movie see if it was based on a book you may find you enjoyed that better.

How to Survive a Job you Hate

2013-05-31T04:01:00.002-07:00

Not always do we instantly land the job of our dreams. Sometimes we have to do a little grunt work until we make it into the executive world or a least a world that doesn't feel like an episode of Roots. Most likely when you started your job things weren't that bad, until one day you found yourself struggling to even get out of bed in the morning. What makes a job go from exciting and bearable to just plain excruciating?

First of all, it's important to realize that you have a job not a career which means this position probably isn't something you plan on doing for the rest of your life, but for now it gets you by. If you don't plan on having a career (which is perfectly fine) you probably would still like to have a job you can enjoy coming to each day.

How to make the best of the job you have

1. Weigh out the pros and cons: Ask yourself questions such as..

Does it pay my bills?

How much has this job taught me?

What can I do or benefit at this job that I couldn't somewhere else?

What is my favorite thing about this job?

2. Give yourself something to look forward too each week

set weekly goals for yourself

change your work routine

find new projects for yourself

3. Give yourself me time on your off days

4. Treat yourself

5. Don't burn your bridges!

when the time to leave comes never leave on a bad note don't vent to employees your frustration and avoid acting out while on the job remember that this job is just a stepping stone to something better

6. Start applying!

Look for positions that suits what your looking for. Pay attention to job descriptions and compare them to what you are doing now. Also, avoid job hunting at work.

Sometimes a job can go through small stressful situations that don't last like during the holiday season.

There are many signs that express that it's time to leave your current job

Click here to see where you stand with yours

5 Reasons Why Facebook is Evil!

2013-03-26T04:15:00.002-07:00

Competition: Celebrities have coined a new trend where it's cool to give fans an idea of what their life is like on a daily basis. However, as great as it would be to imagine living such a posh and lavish lifestyle, many people are finding themselves posting as if they've just become the 8th Kardashian. How many times have you seen one "friend" post something to later see another post something similar, but with more pizazz to it?
Jealousy&Resentment: Not only do you find yourself competing against each other, you now find yourself jealous of people you barely know. "Why does Brittany have a new GMC Denali and not me?" "What does my ex's new girlfriend have that I don't? It's the typical case of the grass being greener on the other side. The more time one spends on Facebook the more they start to compare everything to what other people are doing thus resenting the things in their own life. Curiosity comes into play here as well. Cyberstalking old flames, classmates, enemies, or that guy who never called you after an amazing dinner that Friday night. The worst is finding yourself check your news feed literaly every 5 minutes as if you're going to miss something exciting which almost never happens.
Depression: Not only can Facebook put you into a depression, it can prolong it as well. Everyone goes through a time where everything feels like there is a ten pound weight on their shoulders, You could be dealing with a difficult situation such as a breakup. Consuming oneself with pictures of others out and about or that couple that has to always remind us that they are still on cloud 9 can make something that may take only a few days to get over take several months.
Anti-Social: One of the saddest parts about technology in this generation, are the amounts of people who avoid meeting others "organically". To most, it makes more sense to exchange or look up one's facebook than to make plans right then and there. The hilarious part about this is when a "Facbook junky" is found conversing with an anti-facebook civilian. How many times do you find yourself or others disclaim that they don't really use their facbook that often after meeting someone who doesn't have an account at all?
Privacy: It's not without question that once you're on the internet, your privacy is no longer private even when you think it is, there are ways to tap into the most intimate details of your life. In the past two years, Facebook has increased it's privacy feature which to most would seem more like big brother reading their diary. Nevertheless, one does have the option to prevent certain things to be shared. Facebook has this magical way of allowing people to have what some people would call "word vomit". Too much is being shared in terms of one's private life, relationships, or even their safety. Mapping out a play by play of your entire day makes it way too easy for others to find you, not to mention the handy dandy map located on your profile. Also keep in mind that everything you post on Facebook can make or break your reputation which could change how people perceive you. More people want to judge or point the finger, rather than focus on their own mistakes and life choices.

The (Not So) Established Gentleman

2013-02-26T04:33:00.001-08:00

For some people, dating doesn't always end at the time they'd like to. Many of us don't meet that special someone until their late 20's 30's or even 40's. While one may not get it right every time, they're still taking the necessary steps to figure out what they want as well as avoiding the possibility of settling for someone out of emotional exhaustion. You, probably consider yourself to be a smart person, you're independent, responsible, you don't see the world as black and white and you're always willing to go that extra mile.
Not only have you had many experiences in dating, you most likely feel like you have dated every type of guy their is. That's when you meet "him" you're real life George Clooney, Mr.Big and guy you love in all of those Polo commercials. He's suave distinguished and seems like he has it all together. Metting him has allowed you to come to the place in your life where you've grown tired of chasing little boys and are ready to be with a M.A.N!

WHAT MAKES HIM ESTABLISHED?

Older (10-20 years)
His profession would be considered "White Collar"
Knows a lot of (important) people
Possibly from a well known and/or wealthy family
Has never been married nor does he have children
He owns more than one passport or vacations back to back
His home reeks bachelor, but still has a posh like appeal
Want an invite to the hottest party? He'll most likely get you in
You feel like Julia Roberts when out to dinner with him
Woman flock to him

Will he posses all of these attributes? Not always, but for him to be "established" he should relate to at least 5.

WHY (YOU THINK) YOU LIKE HIM....

Mature
Knows what he wants (No Games)
Stable income = Good provider
Little Baggage
Cinderella Lifestyle
You feel as if you're hot enough to fit into his world, but caring enough to keep him grounded

Since this is my blog it's important I volunteer myself by sharing a time in my life where I have been with the supposed established gentleman. In some cases dating a guy like this could turn out great but with anything risky, it's important to not feel you're the exception to the rule.

My Story:

I've always been open to older men, but never in a million years did I think I would date someone 20 years my senior. However, I will say being in this situation will forever prevent me from judging anyone over something as taboo as this one. Do I recommend something so risky? Absolutely not, but I don't frown upon it either. For a while it was great, he spent a few months courting me which most guys my age would most likely think means taking me to a Knicks game. He included me into his lifestyle and more and more it was easy to tell he so desperately wanted to be an "us".

Unfortunately, this fairytale did not end the way I would have liked it to. It was vital that I understood that since he is a bachelor and has been one for quite some time, he is already in that mode of independence which meant anything remotely domestic wasn't always going to transition smoothly. While age was not an issue to him it still became a problem with certain things in my lifestyle.

Though they were only temporary (i.e school, living at home) it soon had an affect on his. This turned into him altering the true perception of my life. In his eyes I was far away from being an adult when in reality that was not the case at all. Though I may not have as much experience I'm not codependent nor oblvious either.

In his defense, I had to imagine being 40 and single. I've never been married nor have I ever taken care of someone. It's no wonder his optimism to be an "us against the world" kind of person faded. It was hard to see him go up and down so much. It was obvious to tell his fear over powered his true feelings. One minute he was relieved to have finally met someone that didn't want him for his money or connections, but actually cared when another minute logic overwhelmed him which causing a total shut down emotionally. Regardless of his misfortune for true love, I had to help but wonder if it were him that kept himself from being committed to someone or was he really a victim in all of this?

Nevertheless, that wasn't my job to figure out. Many men in this situation build up a wall of protection. They are in a daily battle between emotion and logic where most of the time logic will always win.

"Another One Bites the Dust"

If you find yourself in a situation where on paper you've struck gold, but emotionally you're struggling to get him to commit to you, like all of the rest you've dated, just back off! No man especially an established one wants to be told they need to change something about themselves in order to get a positive result. Remember the old scenario of the husband and wife that get lost while driving? She suggest he stop for directions while he feels he can figure it out on his own until two hours later he stops at a gas station to ask where Cooper Street is.

Men have to be men and they have to make most of their decisions independently. The more you cry, nag, and bargain with him the less he'll feel compelled to see things through your eyes thus leading to more games.

The best thing for you to do is walk away. At this point he needs to make a choice. "Do I want to spend the rest of my life as a bachelor?" or "Do I want to take the next step in my life and share it with a great woman?" Don't sacrifice the things you believe in just because he can provide for you or show you a good time. It's your life don't make his life yours when he isn't contributing to the relationship emotionally.

The REAL Truth About Guys

2013-01-16T04:10:00.000-08:00

For some people, dating and relationships come pretty easy. For others, it takes a while to get the hang of things. For me, that was the exact curveball life threw me five years ago. If I could talk to the previous me in 2008 today also known as, "the last year of bliss before it all seemed to go down hill", there would be so many things i'd warn myself. Especially since I saw life like a Nicholas Sparks Novel. Luckily, instead of developing insanity for half a decade I eventually discovered all of the "hidden" things i already knew about guys. The REAL Truth...

Keep it simple: (most) men are simple as in they don't analyze everything the way women do
Never cut the chase short by showing too much interest, for he will show less ( Men are hunters, which means you need him to like you a little more than you like him)
Never assume that every guy is the exception to the rule
Every man loves a woman who cares enough to show her domestic side, but make sure he is going to appreciate it first.
Never try to turn a red flag into a green one . No one can be "fixed", trained or changed only influenced.
Doesn't matter if he's 22 or 42 never assume age will garuntee maturity
Never try to be their idea of perfect or proving how perfect you are for them, the right guy will see it for himself.

PLAIN & SIMPLE LADIES! NO FLUFF! NO PYSCHOLOGY! JUST FACTS

Why Men Avoid Drama Better Than Woman

2013-01-07T04:38:00.000-08:00

REASON #1  (They're less emotional about the situation)

Biologically woman are "programed" to be more emotional. Considering we are the life givers woman have more maternal instincts about things. Men on the other hand are more logical and don't always take things personal. When there is drama they pick and chose their battles (not always intelligently) but for the most part they know which are worth fighting for.

REASON #2 (They don't hold grudges)

God forbid a best friend, boyfriend or random citizen pisses a woman off most likely she wants them to really feel sorry for the actions they've done. How many times have you seen a girl post one of those "look for the hidden meaning" status' on facebook? How many times has a guy ignored you after something silly?
Like woman, men are forgiving, however they understand that sh*t happens, and are over the situation a lot faster. Even if they are upset with a friend they most likely are going to squash it instantly or move on like it never happened.

REASON #3 (They're better at keeping their private life private)

Men know when to keep their mouth shut. How does gossip start? One person tells another person something in confidence, and that listener just can't bare to hold in this juicy information making them feel obligated to share it with someone else. Not saying all men never gossip, you will come across a weasel or two at some point, but for the most part, men have better control of how not to spill every little piece of information that is presented in front of them.
They don't share every bit of information about the people they are dating. Yes men talk. Yes men share private things to their friends about their girlfriend, but they have less word vomit about their entire relationship. We've all had those moments were we felt compelled to talk about the guy we were seeing regardless if had anything to do with the conversation at hand. Most guys only answer questions about their spouse unless asked or it's completely relevant to the discussion.

None of these reasons conclude that men are better than woman, though society has spent decades trying to prove otherwise, nevertheless they do trump us is many ways as far as avoiding drama. Always remember there is a reason why men and woman were created differently. At the end of the day we need each other, and if smart we should learn from each other too.

How I Got Over My Break-Up

2012-11-29T04:37:00.000-08:00

I started dating when I was 18 and out of those 5 years, i've had some pretty hard breakups. Most were easier to get over, taking only a couple days or a month to let go, none of them compared to this one. My days were spent consuming myself of the memory of him, replaying the break up over and over in my head, trying to understand why he was more interested in someone he barely knew when I offered him everything I could for him. I think I listened to every sad song from Adele to Carly Simon, watched every romantic movie, and used so many tissues, kleenex had to put a shipment on back order. You can't really prepare yourself for a situation that almost puts you out of control. You may have been through similar situations in the past, but when the will to overcome is so strong and clarity seems so far away it may feel impossible. I had an extremely hard time letting go of something that wasn't finished and meant a lot to me, more because it didn't end peacefully. I felt like a 5 year old who was just told that Santa Claus wasn't real. I was devastated and hurt. But in a weird way I liked the pain it was the only reassurance that he was real that I really did love him. (On another note it made me finally understand what Bella was reffering to in New Moon when Edward had left her.) I couldn't force him to love or pretend to love me forever, but all i wished was he tell me like a human being rather than desert me and be harsh and cruel.

It got so bad that when I randomly came across his new found love I had to block myself away from him for good. Technlogy makes things so easy to gain access so I knew I had to obtain the strength to ignore it all. I was glad I could admit that much to myself. It seemed all of this was God's way of preparing me for something bigger for me that would happen in the future. Not necessarily having to do with a break up, but something that would need to be ignored rather than confronted. Sometimes it takes a disaster to realize the true answer to a problem.

I learned not all answers are for me to figure out. I can't please everybody, and the pain that people chose to inflict on me is not my fault. The biggest problem I faced was trying not to get the idea in my head that i am less of a person because I was weak in this situation. I had to remember that I needed to learn something from all of this. Just because you may have stumbled once or twice does not mean you're always capable of picking yourself up when something worse happens to you. And when we thought we learned our lesson the first time doesn't mean life won't hand us another curve ball that's even more complicated.

I pushed every day to stop feeling sorry for myself, and hating everyone and getting jealous. I had my time to grieve and to remember the good memories we shared now it was time to better myself. So i did just that, I dedicated all of my time and energy to just myself. I started with small changes like re decorating my room. I wanted to create a fresh environment for myself and to erase the negative energy that was hanging around. I played only uplifting music and none that had to do with relationships. I gave myself a makeover trying looks I always wanted to. I stayed active. I found whatever I could do to keep busy, and became more social. I joined clubs, took classes, and networked with the people around me. Each day got easier than the day before which caused me to think about it less and less. What felt like a boulder running towards me I eventually realized was only just tiny pebble. I had to first admit to myself that I was going to get through this. I had to accept that i'm not perfect and I sometimes make mistakes. The most important thing I had to do was forgive him for what he did. I couldn't waste time timing hoping he'd come back. I had to let it all go and worry about only myself. One of the important things to realize all relationships failed for a reason some are to prepare us for the person we are truelly meant to be with in order for us to understand and appreciate the relationship fully others are to teach us a lesson. Dealing with things not in your control is not easy, but you can get through it and find the strength to ignore it. You just have to give yourself a little push.

Holiday Shopping For Him

2012-11-22T09:46:00.001-08:00

One of the most exciting things about gift giving is knowing that a special someone will be on your shopping list this year. If you've been dating for only one month or almost a year it can be a challenge of what to get as well as how much is too much to spend on your new love.

Just Met: (Budget: Under $15) The funny thing about timing, you never know when Cupid's arrow will strike you. The biggest dilemma when meeting someone less than a month before the holidays is you don't want to come off too bold, but you still want to buy something that says "I like you, and I'm glad we get to share this day together"

1-3 Months (Budget $15-35) During the first few months, you don't want to go overboard with the gift giving. Try to keep it modest without revealing how much you spent on him. Things like Gift Cards are an easy tell. Try looking out for items that suit his interest. Books on his favorite sports player, a small gift set of his favorite cologne , or a box set of his favorite movie are great choices.

4-8 Months (Budget $35-50) Now that you've survived the first trimester of the relationship, you have a bit more wiggle room on what to buy for him. By this point you should have increased your knowledge of him, making it easier to find items that he'll really enjoy. Items such as sweaters, appliances, or a nice pair of Nike's will do the trick.

9-12 Months (Budget $40-100+) Congrats! you've survived or (almost) survived the first year. You're now officially eligible to go a little crazy (if you please).

The reason I personally feel it's best to wait a year is because you're taking the time to give the right amount of appreciation to each stage of the relationship. As much as you would like him to, he's probably not going to propose after just one month of dating a big gesture like that has to be earned nor does he want to scare you away. In my opinion, a ring is just one of the things that have the same affect. You can't put a value on love, but you can prevent yourself from investing too much money on someone too soon before getting to know them. The last thing you want to do is regret buying that Kindle he's been wanting after only knowing him for two weeks. At the end of the day the budget is your decision just remember to be wise when making your purchases.

Meeting The Family

2012-11-21T03:18:00.002-08:00

The holidays are can be a reminder for many things, childhood, traditions, events. However, when you're an adult and single, it can also be a reminder to bring a date to Thanksgiving dinner. For others who are already in an on going relationship, the holidays also plays a part in testing each other if they can survive meeting the parents. Many people believe that one's family makes or breaks the continuance of a relationship. If meeting his friend weren't scary enough now you have to face making a good impression with his entire family, who generally are the people who matter most to him.

The first thing to remember is the obvious. Be yourself, but not the you that you act around with your friends. They do want you to be casual and relaxed they can sense BS very easily so don't play them for fools. Warm up to them know what lines you can and cannot cross. Don't try to impress them with gifts and avoid spending hours picking the perfect outfit or practicing in the mirror of what to say when meeting the alpha dog of the house, his mother.

The first time I met a boyfriend's family the "adult" way meaning you actually were able to post pone that serious step when it was the right time than when you were younger and they had to meet you right away I was extremely nervous. I had no idea that I was going to be meeting them at all. His family were all together to watch the wedding video of his recently married cousin and wanted to check out the footage. He gave me an option to deny meeting them, but I knew eventually if I wanted to be in his life it had to happen eventually. It's hard enough meeting one or two strangers, but a room full of sisters cousins, uncles, and all of their children felt like I had swallowed a bucket of rocks. I was terrified.

When you're in a room full of people, and you don't know anyone it's not easy for everyone to just pick up a conversation all the time, but always be open when given the opportunity. I made sure every chance I got I asked questions and gave feedback during an open conversation. We all later played a game of Wii tennis to break the ice a little which helped. I knew I couldn't be shy at this point so I did my best to open up to everyone as well as letting my guard down a little.

To some guys, meeting the family is a huge deal. Some don't introduce their girlfriends to their family at all unless they want her to be apart of their life for a long time. Keep in mind that you're dating him not his family but that doesn't mean you can avoid them forever. Some older sisters will be protective and some mothers will be a little judgmental for they want their son to be with THE best. Don't conform to what you think is their idea of the perfect "daughter in law" or girlfriend. Show respect, be yourself, and remember each visit gets a little easier where they may start to feel like your family too.

Cooking On A Budget

2012-11-15T06:49:00.002-08:00

You're officially on your own and due to the lack of home cooked meals from mom & dad, you are now responsible to feed yourself. Even if you're already an experienced cook, you still have to make sure to manage a decent budget of groceries to last you at least two weeks. Follow these steps to avoid mastering different ways to make Ramon.

Step1: Stock your Kitchen

Before you do anything, it's important to supply your kitchen with the basics. Large appliances such as food processors and stand mixers don't have to come until later.

Stores Like Sears, and Walmart sell great cooking sets with different sized pots,pans,and,mixing bowls that are inexpensive
Utensils other than your basic knife and fork are essential when cooking

Items such as
Knives
Spoons
Spatulas
Can opener (* Always have one that is non electric for emergency*)
Tongs

Storage & Prep

Cutting Board
Foil/Plastic Wrap
Food Storage Containers
Freezer/Storage Bags

Seasoning

You should always have the following seasonings and cooking items on hand

Salt
Pepper
All Purpose Seasoning
Olive Oil
Garlic
Onions
Basil
Oregano
Pam or Butter
Baking Soda (Always keep a box close to the stove in case of fire as well as the fridge to keep food fresh)

*keep a sandwich bag to use for saving take out sauces such as soy sauce*
Make a top 5 list of misc items you like with your food such as ketchup and mayo to store for future meals. (Avoid perishable items you're not planning to use right away)

Step 2: Research Recipes

Cooking doesn't mean going overboard and creating fabulous meals like you're a contestant on Top Chef. Dishes you normally order from restaurants and small chains are easy to make at home. For me I found myself on the typical "College student diet" I was buying tons of processed foods such as bagged frozen meals, TV dinners and cans of chef boyarde. The fact that the price of these prepackaged foods were so low and my schedule was so busy, I didn't allow myself to make time to cook anything thinking it would cost me more money, plus it would waste too much time of my day preparing these meals. However, I eventually learned that $4.99 every day adds up fast!

I looked at the meals I was buying such as chicken stir fry, pasta primavera, Italian hoagies, and pizza where I came to find that I could make these meals under $20 with enough to last me a couple days. Once you've already stocked your home with the basics, educate yourself on what supermarkets sell the cheapest items. This is the best time to ask mom of where to find the best deals for your money. (Tip: farmers markets are a great place to go to when purchasing vegetables, bread, and meat. Not only is it healthier, but you'll get more for about the same you spend at your local supermarket.) Avoid speciality stores like Trader Joes and Whole foods for weekly grocery shopping. Although they sell great items that are vegan friendly, kosher, and organic they are also known for being a bit pricey. Also look into stores such as BJs and Sams Club to compare whether to buy wholesale or bulk. **Note** Remember to stick to a reasonable budget depending on your income.

Step 3: Prep and Preserve
Four things I have learned when grocery shopping. 1. Never shop hungry 2. Never freestyle your shopping, always stick to a list and 3. Avoid shopping on a Tuesday or Sunday 4. Shop early morning or late at night *Dating Tip! Single? More bachelors do their shopping after 8pm*. Don't go crazy with coupons but do take advantage of savings you can find in magazines as well as those plastic key tags cashiers ask customers to register for most are free and will get you better disconts on your purchases.

Once I come home, I immediately unpack my items and prep the first meal I am making for the first couple of days. Other meats I have purchased I freeze to avoid it going bad. Most easy meals take less than a half hour to cook its prepping that take up the most time. You can always prep your food ahead of time like chopping onions, and putting them in a container for when you're ready to use them. Once you've cooked your food always wait for it to cool down before storing them in the fridge or freezer. Date any items you freeze as a reminder. Always use freezer safe containers and bags. If you're fairly new on cooking, don't overwhelm yourself a lot of meals that sound like they may be complicated are actually easy to make. Just remember to ALWAYS stick to the recipe's instructions until you can experiment a little on your own.

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The Living at Home Blues

2012-11-04T13:55:00.000-08:00

For some, living at home isn't that big a deal, while for others, it can feel almost like their own personal version of Shawshank. Overall you're grateful you have a warm place to sleep at night and dependable "roommates" you can turn to when needed, but unfortunately these roommates aren't you're average 20 something college student, they're your parents and with parents come a set a rules. Eventually these rules turn into an entire constitution of laws you must abide by which could interfere with a little thing you like to call your personal life.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

At some point everyone has to move out of their parents house, but the last thing you want to do is move out wrong. If living at home is starting to become a serious problem or burden to your life as far as hanging out with friends or dating, make a list of the things that are becoming an issue. At the end of the day it's gonna be their rules against your will to be an adult. For a lot of parents just because by law you're considered an adult you're still their responsibility when under their roof.

We all get the obvious "Put yourself in their shoes" visualization, and most likely you would be just as involved and concerned with your own child, however you would want to hope that by their 20s they have learned enough from you to use better judgement where you can loosen the reigns a little bit. Obviously in your case, feeling restricted just makes you want to rebel more if their is no common ground set.

So what now? The first thing is to talk to your parents, share how you feel and try to see if they are willing to compromise with you. If you just cant seem to see eye to eye with every situation it just might be that time to move on. You're getting older and you're priorities and social experiences are changing. Doesn't matter if you're 25 or 35, you're going to have to learn on your own. Your parents had to, now you do. That's just how life goes.

Preparing to Move Out

If you've decided to move out, it's important to make a plan, the last thing you want to do is leave out of anger without a plan, a permanent place to stay and, livable income. You want to avoid the awkward moment when you have to move back in getting the old "I told you so" speech they already had prepared.

Make a list of what you need to be independent this includes living costs and bills you already have.

Example:

Rent
Utilities
Food
Cable/Internet
Gas
Car Insurance
Phone Bill
*Savings*

Now it's time to ask yourself these important questions:

How much am I making a month?
Is it enough to move out?
What have I been spending my checks on?

Let's say you make $1200 a month. If you're going to move out, you need to get used to being on a budget since you will now be responsible for everything. Can you afford to live alone? or do you need a roommate? If so, make sure to do your research with each person you interview.

Unfortunately, with this process, it doesn't usually happen over night, if you're that determined to move out as soon as possible, you need to stay on top of saving, and finding a place to move into. Also use this time to ask your parents for advice, the more you get them involved in your search, the better relationship you'll have when moving out.

At the end of the day, you want to make sure you're moving out for you and only you. Don't feel pressured or rushed to move out if it's an issue you can work around, though you do get to that point in your life where you run out of things to compromise and it's just that time to be your own person and live on your own. Especially since you can't really be an independent adult when you have mommy and daddy \making you feel like an adolescent.

Take your time, do your research, and make peace while you're still at home, you never know when you might need their help for something.

Why Married Men Flirt

2012-10-19T03:49:00.003-07:00

Let me just cut to the chase and say married men who flirt are NOT monsters. However there is a thin line between harmless flirting and crossing a major line of respect for your significant other. Lets start from the root of the issue of why men flirt. Men are known to be more sexual than woman. Studies have shown that 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day. vs 67% of woman who think about sex a few times a month. (The Social Organization of Sexuality: Edward O. Laumann, John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael, and Stuart Michaels). Even though men think about sex and are thinking about it alot doesn't mean that all men, especially all married men act on each impulse they have. If that were the case every lawyer in America would be booked up until summer 2015.

We all know that come that big day of when a man and woman say their vows in front of God and everybody they are making a promise to each other. However, just because one is devoted to a particular person for the rest of their lives does not mean that every other person of the opposite sex automatically becomes unattractive. Believe it or not, but it is possible for a man or woman to connect with someone other than their spouse. It's just remembering that regardless of how well these two get a long is it worth crossing that line? It's important to understand that men who flirt are not cheaters, but if irresponsible of their actions one could find their selves in a risky situation. There are two types of flirting when it comes to married men and men in relationships.

Harmless Flirting

This usually consist of friendly banter at the gym, or complimenting the waitress when out with the guys none consisting of sexual innuendo or physical contact.

Deceptive Flirting

This type of flirting becomes somewhat of an addiction which could lead to him acting on his impulses it can start off as harmless flirting leading to an "accidental" brush of the hand to "accidentally" bumping into each other in public.

Why they do it

Men (and woman) flirt for two reasons. Some are just naturally flirtatious, but know there is a line that should never be crossed, while others want reassurance that they are still desirable to woman. This can help boost his ego thus allowing him to never doubt his choice to be married to one person. Men who are deceptive flirts can't differentiate between what's appropriate and what is not, or at least they choose to believe they have the whole thing under control. Once they get attached to the attention woman give them it becomes harder to not act on their impulses. Eventually this creates a harder time to see the bigger picture. There are also men who cross that line because they are no longer happy in the marriage they are in which he now wants you to be involved in his escape from reality. Keep in mind that there are honest men who usually are good at keeping things "PG" but now have to deal with daily temptation, it may be coworker or neighbor that they have to see daily.

When it becomes a problem

One of the most annoying problems to this scenario are for singles. You might find yourself crushing over someone you can never be with. They get to go home to their wife while you're stuck with aspirations that will never come true. It's hard enough for men and woman to just be friends don't put yourself in a situation that you can't handle because of how you feel about this person. The best thing to do is distance yourself or to just be honest with the other person (especially if it's a matter of you feeling uncomfortable about their behavior). You can't help that you're single and have feelings, but since you can't do anything about them toning down the subliminal "heat" between the two of you might be the best choice in order to get over your crush. The last thing you want is a pissed off wife telling you to back up off her husband.

So the next time that married guy winks at you or flashes you that charming smile of his, don't over think it. Enjoy the flattery that he may try to put out to your attention that if he were single he would definitely ask you out, but If he's not acting on that flatterly by actually asking you out to dinner or hinting that the Mrs. will be out of town this weekend, he's just being human.

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Beware of the Basket Case

2012-10-18T02:53:00.007-07:00

Quiz: Answer Yes, or No to the following questions

1. Do you consider yourself to be a very caring person?
2.Are you always there for your friends and family putting them first before yourself?
3.Do people usually come to you for advice or to reconcile whether they know you that well or not?
4. Do you feel you're always giving in all of your relationships and not really receiving the same in return?
5..Are you optimistic about dating people who have many differences?
6. Do you ever find yourself looking for comfort or compassion in people you get close to?

If you answered yes to three or more of these questions you may have a strong habit of falling for victimized men. Hero Syndrome, Messiah complex, no matter what you call it. Feeling the need to rescue someone because they are selling you this hum drum story of their life can be one of the most unhealthy habits when dating. It is always paramount to be there for your significant other when they face a hard situation or problem. However, if you have already learned that this person's life has several obstacles they have yet to overcome don't volunteer yourself to turn them into a project.

The first thing you have to realize is you can't change someone no matter how much you think you're only influencing them to change. Second the last thing you want to do is build them up to be a strong partner. If they don't already posses the tools to help hold a solid foundation for your relationship things will not last as long or smoothly as they should. This doesn't mean you can't be there for them and this doesn't mean they are a lost cause, you just have to accept that you can't start a relationship with baggage. Let go of the idea that you can help them "unpack" and have the fairy tale ending you always wanted. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where you're spending more time nurturing them than having the fun and exciting relationship you expected to have. The only thing you can do is be their friend, but expect nothing more you don't need a guy to be broken to be kind.

Lastly, two basket cases don't make one power couple if you are stilll dealing with past demons in your life don't draw yourself to someone else in the same situation. Though they may understand, this could lead to an emotionally abusive relationship. If you're expecting him to save you theres a good chance he's waiting for the same in return or is trying to change you into his idea of how you should be. If you're just getting out of a relationship beware of men who automatically see you as the "damsel in distress" while women like to nurture men who are jilted, some men see woman in this situation as an easy target since you're more venerable and off your game.

The biggest key point to remember is to Never settle into a rocky relationship because you've convinced yourself you won't find the happiness you deserve.

Top 5 Dating Myths

2012-09-13T06:46:00.004-07:00

I'm not an expert on dating nor have a figured out the right way to date in order to get "The Guy",but I have come to learn that while there are some rules you should follow there are also some that don't garuntee anything in your favor.

Myth#1: A Long Date or Extended Date Is A Sure Sign There Will Be A Second Date

Truth: I've been on plenty of first dates where dinner lasted over 3 hours or we do another activity causing me to be home after 10pm but don't base a great date on a for sure sign there will be 2nd date. He could a. only see you a great company putting you in the friend zone because there isn't enough to based a romantic relationship or b. You may not be the only one he's talking to. This is why i try to make it a mandatory option to make plans after the 1st date so you know then and there what your odds are.

Myth#2 "Future" References Means he likes you

Truth: Well it can be a half truth I personally make future references because i've read it shows interest, but he could easily change his mind once weighing out the entire date

Myth#3 Looking Well Put Together Will Turn Him On

Truth: Trying too hard will turn him off looking confident and keeping it simple yes, however just because you thought you looked hot and noticed he thought you looked hot does not mean he can't wait to see you in that cocktail dress you mentioned you just bought for date two.

Myth#4 Thinking Like A Man Will Get You Better Success with Men

Truth: Putting down these stupid self help books will get you better success with men. As logical as these books are, all they really do is make you overanalyze your every move. The basic thing to know is men are simple so keep it simple don't over text try calling every now and then be patient and show you personality don't over think it stop trying to be his idea of perfect and just be you.

Myth#5 Kissing On The 1st Date Is A No, No

Truth: Sleeping on the first date is whole other issue but a simple kiss goodnight after an amazing evening is not going to kill your chances just as much as if you didn't do anything. If it feels right just go for it.

Top 5 BULLSH@# Lies Men Tell Women

2012-09-13T06:46:00.003-07:00

Lies Men Say While Dating

LIE#1 "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" if said after being rejected this means "I'm not looking for anything serious WITH YOU" if said on the first couple of dates this means "I really just want a FWB relationship with you but don't want to say that" usually this tactic is for you to second guess your intentions and agree so you conform to his wants were you're convincing yourself he's making you more mellow instead of rushing into something
LIE#2 "I'm not a phone person" or "Sorry I havn't gotten back to you i've just been really busy" if a guy pulls this line which may be true don't fall for it. I have plenty of friends who delay texts or never call making me question why i even pay for minutes, however if a guy really likes you and no one else that "i'm not a phone person" speech should be irrelevant because the last thing he wants is to push you away with his lazy phone habits. If he really is busy he's still going to make time for you if he really does like you no one is THAT busy and that STUPID enough to let his dream girl pass by.
LIE#3 "I'm not inviting you over to sleep with you I just thought we can talk or watch a movie" Once your ass hits that couch your done if its only been a couple dates deny deny deny this invitation
LIE#4 "You deserve someone who can give you more time" translation you're too clingy for me we've only been on a couple dates
LIE# 5 "I'm not a jealous person" if he really emphasies this point he's lieing plus everyone gets jealous and the fact that he had to make a point about it says i really am a jealous person.

Warning: Women do it too check out this link
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_top_ten_60/60b_dating_list.html

How To: Go To a Concert Alone

2012-09-13T04:03:00.002-07:00

One of the most popular things people like to do for fun, is attend a concert of their favorite artist. Whether it's a small show, local band, or three day festival, live shows can be a very exciting experience. However, there may come a time where you might have to make a decision to attend it alone or not go at all. I love music, and there's no secret about that among my friends and family. Since I attended my first concert three years ago, I've been bitten by the concert bug, and will make a effort to attend any event with my favorite artist.

My new obsession is actually my pick of the month last November singer songwriter Andy Grammer. While i had already attended his headlining tour this past February, he was still on tour and is now opening for the band Train in Atlantic City. Unfortunately for me, I was stood up last minute and had to attend the event alone. (Dating Tip#43 Doing the "Friend Thing" with your ex doesn't guarantee a loyal friend..use caution)

Since the tickets had already been paid for and I wasn't going to sell my ticket for someone else to enjoy a show i've been waiting months to see, I figured it may be a good thing to go alone and that maybe i'd meet someone. After all, Pat Monahan, (lead singer of Train) met his wife at a concert!

The Big Day!

Nervous yet very optimistic I went to the concert with a lot of enthusiasm. I arrived there about a half hour early. Standing in the "pit" area of the concert hall. It only took about 5 minutes for things to get awkward. I felt like there was a spotlight on me and the announcer is saying "Attention ladies and gentleman please bring your attention to this young lady who is alone, that's right ALONE at a concert UNO, SINGLE, ALL BY HERSELF!" I tried the old text who ever you can to keep occupied trick but after running out my battery I realized i just had to suck it up and make the best of this time. Looking around me, I didn't see one person by themselves. while there weren't too many people near me when I first arrived, I found myself being pushed farther out by older couples or being stuck in between a husband and wife holding each other like they were in a Nicholas Spark's Movie. If I wasn't already uncomfortable to begin with, they had just uped the anty.

Finally the show began, and there was Andy bursting onstage with that gorgeous smile of his and wonderful tone of voice. I wasn't just going to stand there and waste the money I spent to see him perform. I imagined it was just me there and tuned everyone around me out I felt somewhat special since a lot of people didn't know exactly who he was and since I had gone to his headlining show I knew certain cues he likes to use to get the audience involved. Happy he played six songs so it didn't feel like wasted money, I left after his set. An older couple asked me who the artist was. I guess it was obvious i was a huge fan ( Most likely the Bright Red Andy Grammer T-shirt was a small clue). There was another artist performing after him so i would have been waiting even longer to see Train I figured I was just going to hear one or two songs and then leave but I felt way to uncomfortable to stay so I left. On the plus side, I decided to tweet about my experience and got a nice Retweet from Andy Grammer himself which made going alone even more worth it.

What I learned

I learned that regardless It wasn't all that bad to go alone and I probably would do it again but a little more differently These are my tips for attending a live concert.

1. Ask in advance and remind the person periodically of the event so they remeber

2. Try to get more people to go as insurance

3. Don't pay for their ticket even if you're inviting them there will be a better chance they won't bail on you if they are investing their own money

4. If you wind up going alone or decide to go alone make sure you feel safe and a close friend or family member knows where you are. Don't be naive or oblivious to your surroundings!

5.Think of who the artist is and what group of people will attend. Example: The train concert had mostly older people between 28-35 as well as couples since it was held in Atlantic City. If going alone try to pick an event with more people your age to avoid feeling singled out and if going alone for the first time try a smaller event to start off

6. Do a test run: Places like the a coffee house that has open mic night or The Trocadera Theater in Philly holds more intimate concerts for less than $20 try going to one of these shows to see how you feel about it.

7. Move around (if you can) in between songs. The more you expose yourself to the group, the better chance you might run into people alone too than staying in the same spot all night.

8. Just have fun! You paid money for this and you're probably never going to see these people again so just rock out and enjoy yourself.

New Single and Music Video From Andy Grammer "Miss Me"

Funny enough the theme of this video is how I felt the entire concert

B*TCH! Stole My Man!

2012-07-16T03:07:00.001-07:00

It happens all the time, which is why so many chick flicks and vh1 reality shows are built around it. Your once boyfriend is now head over heels for another girl, and your first instinct is to claw her eyes out. When do we reach the point of harmless jealous to total insanity?

He Dumped You:

In many cases, breakups come completely out of nowhere which hurt the most when you assumed things were fine. Whether it was immediately or after some time has passed he's moved on and you're killing yourself trying to understand why her and not you! If you only dated for a month or for as long as 3 years, this situation can take some time to get over.

You Dumped Him

For whatever reason, you felt it was time to go your separate ways until the day you find how much of a different person he seems with the new girl in his life causing you to rethink the mistake you made.

Ex Meets Next

Either you're at a party,random run in at the supermarket, or your basic cyber stalking the two of you now know each other passed word of mouth. Regardless of the two of you admitting it you "hate" each other and may hold a bit of jealousy too.

The Ex: For her to get to you means you still hold feelings toward the relationship and haven't gotten the closure you need to move on.

The Next: You're curious, and why wouldn't you be. You're very happy with your current boyfriend, but because things are still new you want to make sure he isn't holding any old feelings himself plus you want to know the difference between you and her.

When it Becomes a Problem: It's perfectly healthy to feel jealous,curious, or feel a little threatened However, this is not the time to attack each other. Whether he dumped you or you dumped him, that person made a choice they chose to move on. Technology makes it very easy to hide behind words we really want to say out loud. Do your best to avoid this. When all you have left are old ticket stubs and pictures when she has the real thing it can be hard to cope or when you're dating someone that means so much to someone else don't gloat about it.

Ex's Job:

1. Grieve! You're allowed to
2. Take it one day at a time. You'll get there
3. Keep busy! The more free time you have the more mixed emotions you'll feel deferring your healing process
4. Forgive: This one is the hardest to do, but it's the most important. As cliche as it sounds you were taken out of a situation you didn't belong in for a reason. Thank them for giving you a second chance to be where you really need to be and make peace with the parts that were good about the relationship.
5. Don't Hate: Before all of this she was just a girl with no ties to you a girl you probably could be friends with if you were'n't already. See her side of the situation instead of putting out negative thoughts towards her.

New Girlfriend's Job

1. Have the Talk: Talk to you bf about his past relationships (and yours) ask questions and see how he sells his response. If he sounds like the victim in most of his stories this might be a red flag. Regardless of what happened if they don't have anything nice to say about the person or seems hostile while talking about them means they're not completely over it. If he leaves you in the dark about most of his relationships that can be a red flag too.

2. Remember! There are 3 sides to every story His, Hers and the Truth. As the the new girlfriend you're going to take his side you're on his team not hers, but that doesn't mean what she has to say is total bs. Think back to when you were an ex. How many times have you thought to yourself "he's probably telling his dates I'm this psycho freak". No one wants to be the bad guy, but a mature person can admit when they made a mistake or can be honest as to what happened. Sometimes things just don't work out and is no one's fault.

3. Trust him!: If he's not giving you any sign that he wants to be with someone else let his past go. It's his past not yours. If a couple is truly happy with each other they are not worrying about what other people are saying about them because at the end of the day they know the truth. Don't pull your friends into it as if you're going to start an operation "kill the ex" war, for they don't know the whole story either. Be the bigger person and Just Let It Go! If he's not worrying about it neither should you don't give him an excuse to question you're maturity level.

4. Reach Out: This is completely optional, but it might benefit the both of you to try to be friends or at least understand each other. This is a must if he has children, since she is now going to be in your life. It's important to be civil towards each other. You're both human, and two girls who may have more in common than you think. What may have seemed like a torpedo aiming towards your relationship could be your next girlfriend.

Keep in mind, as the ex you have issues with him not the new girlfriend. He (or you) made a choice when they could have stayed together. No one can steal or force anyone to do something they don't want to do.We don't live in a supernatural world where a person can glamour someone.

As the new girlfriend ignore her, but put yourself in the ex's shoes for just a minute to realize she's just hurt and needs someone to blame deep down she doesn't hate you, she envies you which can be hard to admit. If you haven't been in this situation already don't try to get even because you never know when the shoe will be the other foot.

Watch This (Just For Laughs)

When You Shouldn't Give Advice

2012-07-12T10:12:00.004-07:00

We have all been in a situation where deep down we know the answer to a problem, but need a second opinion. That's when our friends or associates come in handy. We hope they give us an answer we want to hear or calm us by showing we are not alone and that it happens all the time. However, one may find themselves running to individuals who should never give people advice.

There are 3 types of people you should avoid taking advice from

1. The Cliche Console-r: This Person would be best for starting a fortune cookie company rather than giving you advice. They pretty much absorbed every line they've heard from movies, song lyrics, and chick flicks. When all of there words of wisdom sounds more like a twitter status don't bother contemplating on what they are telling you. Though there may be some truth to the cheesy phrase they just told you, you're not even listening, you want someone who is more personable than cliche.

2. The Self Involved "Listener": Emphasis on the word "Listener" this person hears enough that reminds them of themselves, and makes your problem about them. You just spent 5 minutes pouring your heart out for them to pour their heart out about something that doesn't even relate to your problem

3. The "Nancy Grace" Closer: This person is probably the worst person to take advice from. Not only do they judge you, but they make you feel as if you're this complete idiot. Their motto is to "GET OVER IT" like it's as easy as blinking. They obviously are the type of person who was never told "If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say Don't Say Anything At All"

When you run into people like this the best thing to do is to ignore them. DO NOT take their advice or anything they say to heart. Just because they have an opinion does not give them license to diagnose your problem. If you're going through a break up, social issue, death, or anything that's been consuming all of your thoughts you know first hand it's not always easy. If it was easy you wouldn't need reassurance or advice.

For whatever reason, there are people who forget that there was a time they went through the same situation or similar where most likely they had a hard time with it as well. It's not until a situation happens to us that we go from "sucks to be you" to "Now I know what you were talking about". The solution to a problem is easier said than done. How many times have you seen a scary movie where the killer is right behind the main character and you're saying to yourself "run! what are you doing?" As the audience you see the solution as crystal clear, but for the person in the situation they have much more blocking that view. When you have your emotions, history, and expectations tied into your problem it can be hard to see the "obvious" solution right in front of you when you have 3 or 4 other elements to clear away first.

When giving someone advice even if you don't know what to say try to see it through there eyes. Concentrate on what they are saying. They obviously came to you for a reason regardless if you've only known them a short time. Sometimes we just want someone to listen. However when it's time to put in your two cents the last thing you want to do is let them feel alone in their situation. If you want to tell a story of something similar that you went through to help them cope that's okay just don't use this time to solve your own problems. If you're sure or unsure of what to say, always be sympathetic because you never know when you might need them to listen to you.

Know Who You're Dating

2012-06-25T04:26:00.003-07:00

Think back in your mind of when you lived at home, and if you still do think back to the days of when you were dating a new guy and your mom had a million questions that you didn't know the answers to yet. "Is he married?" "What does he do for a living?" "Why is he single?” As annoying as it was, you mom knew to ask you all of these picky questions not to be a nag, but to alert you that these are the important questions that you should be asking.

How many times have you sat in your own thoughts confused of how he went from this knight in shining armor to Dr Jekel and Mr. Hyde? It's so easy to get caught up in the fantasy, and the idea of something that seems to be almost perfect, but it's more important to always know the prologue before starting the fairytale

You know the phrase "Don't put the cart before the horse" or "Don't put all your eggs into one basket"?

As old as those phrases are, they say so much that is still true today. A relationship is an investment which means like Wall Street, there isn't a 100% guarantee that it will increase into a large profit. That is why investors put only a portion in different stocks. I'm not saying go out and date a handful of guys at a time, but don't make one person you barely know your priority. The key is to keep your guard up without appearing to be totally closed off. Just remind yourself that right now you're just getting to know him. However you allowed to enjoy the ride while you're doing your research.

His Past

Eventually, you're going to have to have that uncomfortable conversation of his past relationships, especially the most recent. Don't be afraid to ask why it ended and how long ago. Also remember the most basic term. There are three sides to every story his, his ex's and the truth. We're all an ex for a reason, and if when describing his break up pay attention to how he delivers his side of the story. If he sounds hostile or annoyed as if he dated Cruella Devil or if he sounds venerable like at any minute he's going to curl up in a ball in the corner mark a red flag in your notes. Relationships end, but if he is selling you a negative image of this person he's not over it. He can be honest without winning an Oscar for his performance in fatal attraction. We all have a past, but it's your job to make sure it's no longer in his present.

If he cheated or ended the relationship on bad terms keep in mind that if he did it to her there is a big chance he'll do it to you. Repeating the same mistake and expecting different results is the definition for insanity. If he's ending these relationships on bad terms and learning absolutely nothing in the end chances are you could soon be a member of the ex girlfriend club too.

His Present and You

Pay attention to how he is around his family and friends. Is he nice to his mother? Does he act different if his friends are around? Are they nice to you? Has it been months since you met anyone? When in public, does he show respect to the people around him? If he's not showing respect to the people in his life it's only a matter of time that he stops showing respect to you. Let's go back to 7th grade French class and see how much he uses the word "we" in a sentence. If he wants you to be a part of his future he'll make ways to include you in it. By saying things like "we should do that sometime" or including himself in something you always wanted to do says I want to be a part of your life. If only using himself when looking down the road says “I can't make a decision for what I want for dinner let alone the near future." Actions always speak louder than words so wait until he really puts the things he says into play. Anyone can sell you your fantasy but someone special will make it happen.

Be Optimistic

Even though there is a lot to take into consideration, don't think that this guy is setting you up to break your heart, just keep in mind of who you are really dating. Who is this person? If you ever seen the newlywed game think of yourself as the new bride who looks like a fool in front of millions of viewers because she didn't know her husband was allergic to peanuts. Don't get so focused on what you want to know and focus on what you really need to know.