the fabulous life...

Fast and Furious and Stupid

2013-02-03T19:01:00.001-08:00

"Fast and Furious 6" Plot Synopsis: As soon as you pay for your ticket a trap door opens and you drop into a pit of acid. Your body will be dissolved over a period of weeks along with the rest of the would-be patrons of Fast 6. This is the first step in the U.S government's "Idiot Elimination and Extermination" project. Project name pending. Lex

well

2012-12-26T10:47:00.000-08:00

i always seem to be the most inspired at night.
however, going online is really the last thing on my mind.
i think that's why i suck at this whole blogging thing.

i guess to get the ball rollin' i should write what i know.

i know that there is dried baby puke on my sweater and it seeped through to my shoulder.
i know that my stomach hates me since i stuffed it with junk food (and some meat) for the holidays.
i know that my smoothie is sweating. (that, too, is condensation)
i know that E just went down for a nap and i'm about to cuddle the shit out of him.

<3

Merry Christmas to All

2012-12-25T12:00:00.001-08:00

Movie going tips

2012-12-21T18:17:00.001-08:00

Lex's top 5 movie watching/going tips!!

1. Shut your fucking mouth and pay attention!

2. No motherfucking talking!

3. If you must, whisper questions, and no more than 3 questions per movie.

4. If you are not enjoying the movie, either leave quietly or shut the fuck up till it's fucking over you narrow-minded attention deficit no good sack of monkey shit!

5. Shove your cell phone down your throat and choke on it before entering the theater. I'd rather side step a dead body than see your fucking phone screen every 3 minutes.

Thank you!

Lex

Seriously

2012-11-17T22:46:00.001-08:00

Hey Science! Invent a way for me to be able to piss while driving!! Fuck the iPhone and Mars!

The WiiU is some goofy shit!

2012-11-16T10:33:00.001-08:00

Since the tech demos at E3 I can honestly say -without reservation- that the Nintendo WiiU is the first Nintendo product I have no interest in buying. I don't think a handful of HD Zelda and Mario titles are gonna be enough for Nintendo to do battle against the Next Gen consoles. We got a demo unit for the WiiU in our store 3 weeks ago with no playable demos, just videos and slide shows... The thing comes out on the 18th!!! I'm not impressed with the hardware, the games look like 360's lesser titles and most of the launch titles are already out and have been out for months. It seems needless to have a DS style screen for the tv. That said, the controller is huge, unnecessarily complex, and over priced, but at least I can watch tv on it... But I can already watch tv on my tv, so that's not a selling point.

In my estimation this device is releasing FAR too early. Expect supplies to be scarce between now and next July (which would've been a mor logical launch point based on available software...). That said, from a hardcore gaming standpoint this release reminds me of the Sega Saturn launch, which was a major snafu on SEGA's part and the beginning of end that eventually knocked SEGA out of the console market. Something's off at Nintendo. The 3DS (a blurry mess of hand-held gaming tech) was the first signal that Nintendo might need to re-evaluate it's approach to the market.

Lex

peacin' out.

2012-11-12T02:38:00.000-08:00

bye bye, tumblr.
bye bye, twitter.

in other social news, i am now on cinemagram. search for 'ashlea louise' :]
also, i've changed my name on instagram-
@GunzYo

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edited 3:15AM

bye bye, deviantART.
bye bye, model mayhem.
so long, myspace.

getting frustrated because their are a few site that make it nearly impossible to delete.. hmmmm..

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edited 3:49am

bye bye, alt diva.
bye bye, buzznet.
bye bye, formspring.
also, bye bye, stickam. forgot to screen shot that shit.

still having problems with 4 profiles.. hmmm...

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Five years

2012-10-27T04:02:00.001-07:00

It had been hard adjusting to life without you. Some days are better than others, even still to this day. But today is different. I woke up in tears. I haven't felt such a deep saddening like this since being at your funeral. I should have been the one driving. If I wouldn't have canceled plans last minute maybe you would still be here. I can safely say you were the first person I truly loved. You were my guiding light. You saved me during my destructive days. It's been five years since I've hugged you, five years since we've acted silly, five years since I've heard your laugh. I wish you could meet James and baby Ethan. I just wish you were here with me, with your friends, and mostly with your family. Thank you for giving me some of the happiest days of my life. You will never know what you mean to me. I love you so much. Until we meet again..

01/28/88-10/27/07

YaY

2012-10-12T00:11:00.001-07:00

Congratulations on having the Baby!

Hope everything is awesome!!

Can't wait to read his first blog!

Lex

People ruin Everything

2012-10-11T23:59:00.001-07:00

Dear world.

Stop telling me what the songs I like are actually about. I don't fucking care! Seriously, knock it off you ruining fucks, with your need to forgo your own imagination in order to throw your useless trivial facts in someone's face. It's inherent that 99.8% of all rock songs are probably about drugs but if that's all you derive from a song like "Under The Bridge" by RHCP than I TRULY pity you! Attaching your own meaning to art work is not a goddamn crime. This is why I personally forgo any guided tour of any art museum. I don't need some snot nosed fuck giving me his art school text book definition of what I'm looking at.

I'll derive my own meaning from the art I imbibe.

Lex

Our birth story

2012-09-26T01:21:00.001-07:00

Saturday night:
The start of early labor. In denial about entering this stage, since I was only 38 weeks along, I didn't think much of it. I called the midwife after something changed in my body and strong contractions began happening every ten minutes. Again, didn't think much of it because I had been experiencing strong contractions and frequent Braxton Hicks for a few weeks.

Sunday:
Third day in a row I had the sudden urge to clean. And not just a normal clean, but scrubbing things down and organizing till about two in the morning. We also went to the grocery store, which made me happy because I felt the need to shop for last minute baby items. Contractions were now 7-9 minutes apart. Again, still in denial. Store clerk sarcastically asked when I was due, then followed with an answer of 'yesterday' making me feel super fat, but I digress.

Monday:
Stronger contractions. Still thinking it was false labor I went about the day till I could no longer ignore the pain. We set up the nursery for our water birth, prepped the bedroom, and made sure the bath tub was super clean. Contractions were now 5-6 minutes apart. I had my mother come over to make some homemade lasagna. Still enjoying the leftovers.

Tuesday morning:
After midnight the contractions became close. By 3 am we had the midwives arrive and the contractions were now 3 minutes apart. After getting into the birth tub they slowed down, making me believe this was still false labor and I had called the midwives in the middle of the night for no reason. In my mind there was no way this could be it- my 39 week mark wasn't until Wednesday! It wasn't until a couple hours before delivering that I actually believed he was going to be here.

After sixty hours of labor with no interventions whatsoever, I naturally gave birth to our son in our bed at 9:59am. He is so handsome! He weighed in at 8 lbs 6 oz and 19.5 inches long. The midwives also let us know he was actually full term so my whole pregnancy I was a couple weeks longer than we had originally thought :)

I'm supposed to be resting, but all I want to do is hold and look at my wonderful son.

This is easily the greatest day of my life!!

NEW on Burning Angel!

2012-09-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my fourth set went up on BurningAngel.com !!

Here are some previews:

to see more, you know where to go!

I also updated the 'ASHLEA FABULOUS' section with selected pictures from some people I've worked with. Click Here to check it out!
<3

Panda Watch!

2012-09-21T18:00:00.002-07:00

12 MORE DAYS!!

i seriously cannot wait until he is here

♥

I miss the rain..

2012-09-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Vegas always has some of the hottest summers. This year we got more rain than usual.. and I'm starting to miss it. I wish it rained more!

A couple weeks ago I took some pictures on my phone from the balcony.. and forgot about it. Time to share them!

It would be nice if it would rain again! But then again I can't complain with these 90-something days! Who am I kidding.. my pregnant ass can barely make it down the stairs. And if it gets hotter than 100 FORGET ABOUT IT!!

:]

Daily Smoothie

2012-09-20T15:40:00.000-07:00

It never fails: I always start my days with a smoothie. At first I would make the smoothies my mother would make for me as a child, then I started pulling up recipes with fruits and veggies I never had in a smoothie. After that I would just kinda throw together anything really.. from avocado smoothies to papaya smoothies.. and they always came out tasty, even the ones with tomatoes in it. I hate tomatoes in general so it was pretty surprising.

Here is today's smoothie.

Can you guess the main flavor for today? That's right..

KALE!! It's been all I've been craving as of late. I think my little unborn son loves his veggies :]

I ended up forgetting the pineapple til after I started blending so this picture is kind of a lie..

Fresh strawberries. I even made a little side dish of cut up strawberries with a little bit of sugar water in it. My taste buds are funky- sometimes they really love these false fruits, other times they can't stand the taste of it. Today is a good day though :]

I always pour in the juice last before blending. Today's juice was pomegranate.And to make it thicker I throw in ice cubes as it's blending. Habit I guess.

My little food buddy loves breakfast time.. because he always gets to lick the yogurt spoon when I'm done :] For those that follow me on IG know that I have a weird little kitty on my hands: we enjoy midnight snacks together, cantaloupe being his absolute favorite!

sooo that's it for my daily smoothie today :]

PANDA WATCH:
I'm 38 weeks pregnant now and today we are off to see the midwife. Let's hope this little one doesn't come til his due date or afterwards.. I've been having a lot of close contractions! Fingers crossed <3

My Kale Obsession

2012-09-20T05:10:00.000-07:00

I've been on a kale kick lately!

Today I had a smoothie made mostly of kale, Greek yogurt, bananas, cantaloupe [I ran out of fruits earlier lol], and pomegranate juice. Whether it's raw, on a burger, a taco topping, or made up in a smoothie I CAN'T GET ENOUGH!!

My favorite, however, has been kale chips.. YUMMY.

vague directions:
-wash the kale
-pour about a tablespoon or so of olive oil over it
-sprinkle some Himalayan pink salt over it
-pop it in the oven
-enjoy!

been substituting junk food with different concoctions, such as this wonderful thing.

before baking

I don't know if it's just because I'm pregnant and craving it more and more, or if this is something that's gonna last. I hope it does; my diet lately has really impacted my health in a better way. I think I'm going to go enjoy a kale salad since I can't sleep..

Sweet!

2012-09-18T18:05:00.004-07:00

after our computer took a shit nearly a year ago my husband surprised me by taking me to best buy to pick out a new laptop! he sure does love me :]

i think i might be spoiled? haha

anyway- revamping the blog.. may take awhile..

<3

You Rock Ashlea

2012-08-29T22:32:00.001-07:00

That kid's gonna be so fucking MetaL!!

Best wishes!!!

Lex

And it begins!

2012-08-29T03:32:00.001-07:00

Countdown 'til our at-home waterbirth!

I am extremely excited!! No, I'm not scared. It's something that I want to do. Plus the hypnobirthing classes got rid of any fear or anxiety I had deep down.

I'm even more comfortable knowing I have not one, but two professionals present, one being our midwife, and the other a doula & midwife in training.

My husband and I have some final purchases before we are all set: birth kit, a bunch of towels, and a shower curtain. Other than that I'd say we're pretty much on top of it all!

I've been taking evening primrose oil daily, but I think I'm gonna stop for now and start again in a couple weeks. I've been getting more Braxton Hicks throughout the day and I think that EPO may be the reason. We'll see I guess!

And finally after some convincing my best friend is throwing me a little baby shower. I'm not one for baby showers, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, big weddings, basically anything traditional that girls tend to go overboard with. But I have a feeling I'm going to like this one.

We already have hundreds of outfits so we don't need clothes. We already have all the disposable newborn diapers, then cloth diapers and waterproof covers to last us until he is 35 lbs, so won't be needing changing needs. Already have a 3-in-1 crib, changing table, drawer sets, swing, playpen, bassinet, carrier, Moses basket, car seat, stroller, high chair, glider, and ottoman so no need for any furnitures. I think all I really want is to just spend some time with close friends, maybe own faces in Mario Kart, eat some chicken from Raising Cane's, and have me a whoooole lotta cupcakes! Also the hostess/my bff's boyfriend is a mixologist and is making me my very own mommy mocktail! Super excited :)

I don't know what else I was going to write. I got distracted by the giraffes on the tv. Science channel or I Love Lucy. Every night. And pregnancy brain fog. Prego problems.

What the H

2012-08-10T01:25:00.001-07:00

I've been dating my girl for like 10 months and whenever I see her parents (which on average is like twice a week) they still (after 10 months) treat me like a space alien they've never seen before when I pick her up. I've met all her friends and they all like me, met her brother a few times he likes me, Yet her parents insist on keeping it awkward, and uncomfortable. I'm not shy, so I'll talk and be jokey, but I still feel overwhelmingly unwelcome. I truly don't give a shit because I'm not their for her folks, but I've never been treated this way for this long by anybody; including people I've been in fist fights with. I understand trust is an earned thing, but 10 months?

I really don't care, I love my baby!!

Lex

Wanderlust

2012-07-26T00:42:00.001-07:00

Got a free redbox rental, nothing really looked too great to rent, so we settled on Wanderlust because we like Paul Rudd.. Jennifer Anniston.. Not so much.. But I digress.

It was seriously one of the funniest movies I have seen lately! I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes and cramps in my belly.

Sadly I can't put videos in entries on my phone, so you're gonna have to YouTube the best scene EVER! Just search Wanderlust Mirror Scene.

And try not to laugh. I dare you. Definitely NSFW!

<3

Instagram hates me,

2012-07-20T17:11:00.001-07:00

But im back like a crazy ex girlfriend!

FOLLOW ME-
@ASHLEAWHATEVER

Excited for Ethan!!

2012-07-20T13:26:00.001-07:00

I have to share all the baby stuff we have so far for Ethan! Less than three months until he is here!

I know the pictures wont be in order, thanks to blogger mobile. But whatever. Doesn't matter.

So far we have Eddie Bauer playpen/bassinet, stroller/car seat, high chair, and diaper bag. (my birth pool is in the bottom half of the playpen at the moment.) Got an espresso crib with a matching changing table/drawers. Over sixty outfits, hygiene needs, burp cloths, receiving blankets, Baby K'Tan carrier, moniters, mobiles, nursing necessities, swing, Moses basket, and even have a scrapbook started with some ultrasounds. Nursery is almost complete!!

It'll be heavy on the swearing

2012-07-19T18:56:00.001-07:00

This is an announcement? I'm developing a one-camera web show to debut next Friday. It'll feature me bitching about things that are truly unneeded (like I always do) but it will feature a creative twist... I actually think I have a good idea here and hope it at least gets me a bunch of hate-filled comments from 12 year old 900 pounders on YouTube.

Friday The 13th

2012-07-13T02:01:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to a really shitty series of films that couldn't get made fast enough in the 80s. With a cool antagonist and an army of idiotic sluts you blitzed my youth with brainless dialogue and bargain basement special fx. Your best wasn't even mediocre and when we heard you were going to hell we all crossed our fingers in hopes that it was permanent. Friday The 13th, you leave me with one last lingering question that's I've wanted to ask since I saw your 8th installment at the theater in 1989: Hey asshole, since when is Manhattan on a boat?

Happy Birthday!
Please stay dead!

Lex.