Ask A Bisexual Guy

Done moved to Queer Syndicate!

2011-06-20T12:22:00.001-04:00

Hey..this is THE LAST POST HERE!!!

THE

LAST

POST!!

I said here.
Not ever.

Just not here.

Moving out of the apartment and moving into a house with three other cool bloggers.

Lex Panda

Angel

Bobby

And me, ABG

So now I want to thank everyone that has supported me here. It's been a blast and I invite you to follow me there as I grow. So please don't forget. I am not closing up shop. Just moving.

SEE YOU THERE at The Queer Syndicate.

Guest Post? Guest Post. Timea Quon of Tranny in Vanny

2011-06-13T06:50:00.000-04:00

Ok. so some of you that I said I had a big announcement but this is part of it.
Guest blogging. that and now I am part of a syndicate..The Queer Syndicate It's like your favorite shows joined up to make up on their own channel. I was in invited by Lex a.k.a Mutant Panda. If you haven't read his blog I urge you to do so. His blog is one of those blogs that you set up on your DVR and then you watch it without interruptions in a collection. SO awesome. He's a man, a husband, a father, an artist, who happens to be bisexual and just happens to be fucking awesome. The OTHER big one is later on this week. Work has been getting hectic yadda yadda yadda ANYWAYS!

Well let me get this intro thing over with. Timea Quon is an awesome writer. She is that one writer that you read you can see why she why it's going to be hard for her to be famous. She's too good for the main stream. In a western world of Kardashians, Snookis, Bad Girls Club with disposable liquor, and Barbie wannabe. She instantly comes off as that girl you see in a John Hughes the movie that the protagonist should be dating. She's Lady Ducky if you would. She can out drink you, out smoke you and of course with her heart , out love you. A real life Tank Girl with 20% more grit~n~awesomeness and someone I have the honor to feature on my blog. Hopefully it won't be her last. If it wasn't her folks I wouldn't be writing this blog..at all. She inspired me to start this thing. Seriously.

I asked to write about her experiences dating as a post-op woman. Not gonna cut into her stage time too much.
No pics for flare, just raw ass writing
Before she kicks off just one more thing. You want to submit something just email me. I think You kinda get the stuff I want. You want to keep it anonymous well...duh..no prob. Don't need a blog either. Just submit your stuff.

So without further ado..Timea Quon

I can’t really comprehend why I would be offering insight on the topic of being a post operative transwoman in the dating world. True I’m a post operative transwoman and yes I have been seriously dating the love of my life for the past six months. But fact is I am in no way an authority on dating and relationships. Partly because I haven’t really had much experience in that realm but mostly because I find dating nauseating. Granted finding love and traversing this landscape has been nothing short of wonderful and the total opposite of sickening but all past experiences, however limited they maybe, were akin to a really dry rogering by an over enthusiastic line backer. None too pleasant, despite what you may have heard....

When I first decided on having surgery to become “female bodied” I was confronted with hesitancy and adversity from those around me. Mostly if not all out of concern for my well being. The number one reason put forth to try to dissuade me from having the surgery was in regards to relationships and potential partners. It was pointed out rather enthusiastically that commonly transwomen experience better success finding partners (particularly male ones) when they are pre or non operative. It was like a disclaimer before an adult oriented television show. Viewer discretion is advised and also, dudes will dig you more if you keep your junk. I was naturally defiant and retorted every time about the idiocy of that belief. If I identify as a straight chick and want to date dudes naturally I shouldn’t encounter problems if I fit the mould of what said dudes typically look for. In other words, Scarlett Johansson. Truth be told I was so fucking wrong all I can do is laugh. Laugh and sob. Then laugh some more. Then sob, then drink, then laugh and then I don’t remember what happens.

See, the sad fact is that being trans is almost always going to go hand in hand with loathing yourself in some way. It’s a broad statement and kinda harsh but sadly very true. From personal experience and from discussion with other trans folk that feeling of self loathing is a major motivator, duh. Obviously if you’re born in the wrong body and forced to confine yourself to the wrong shaped box and present to the world as something you’re not you’ll reach a point where it is gut wrenching to even look in the mirror or utter your own name. And when you loathe yourself so much for so long it becomes habitual. You make it a part of your daily routine. And even when you rectify that error that was at the forefront of your mind for so long you still have a tendency to look at yourself with disdain from time to time (some more than others). To be confronted with this fact that I may have supposedly shot myself in the foot was a trifle alarming to say the least.

After the 100^th dude questioning why I would cut off the best thing about me I really started to ponder if I was in fact doomed to spinster hood for the rest of my life and subsequently started planning what shade of tabby I would adopt to start my vast collection of cat children I would in turn release into the night to exact my wrath on douchebag A through Z. I took one of two possible routes and that was totally secluding myself away and accepting that nobody would ever give two shits about me and that all physical contact would be relegated to random drunken one night stands with dudes who would be blissfully aware I used to have a schlong. And this was comforting for about an hour til I realized I was in no way girly enough to both entice dudes into one night stands and keep them ignorant that I wasn’t like most girls. Sad but true.

The other route was the all too splendid manner of settling. Not for 2^nd best but generally just settling for whatever came along that was A) human and B) breathing. I’ve seen it happen many times. A beautiful example of humanity, a kind heart who just happens to be trans and sees it as a shortcoming and reason to settle for the one who cheats left right and centre only to come home and verbally (and many times physically) abuse them.

Such a wealth of options as you can tell. Not being a quitter I found my resolve and opted back into the dating world choosing to ignore what society (and family and friends) told me as well as the bad taste left in my mouth by the aforementioned 100 dudes. Men were open, men were receptive and approaching me. Shit was easy I tell you what. This was promising, perhaps I could be choosey, perhaps I could meet the “one”.

The results were less than stellar.

In one month I was stood up 3 times by 3 different dudes who later offered little to no explanation ranging from “something came up” to “oh I didn’t think you wanted a boyfriend”.

Assholes.

The following month after interacting online for weeks and really clicking with one gent I was crestfallen to have him go on vacation to Brazil and seemingly NEVER return. YEAH. One week in the tropics and just drop off the face of the earth. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that I was played but a (not too) small part of me really hopes he was eaten by a giant snake which then rejected his emulsified corpse leaving him to be defecated and violated by Capybara. A month later I met a dude who unfathomably was into me unconditionally, did not see my trans identity or the fact I was super tomboyish as a shortcoming.

It was splendid, it was thrilling, he was moving the next week to South America. Now tell me what the fuck is with dudes either travelling or moving to South America? This one was flirty though and said he could easily fall for me if he had time. I took this to mean we could stay in touch and possibly develop something. He blocked me and stopped responding to messages.

Needless to say my confidence level by now wasn’t too high. And the whole time amidst my rage and emotional agony I kept insisting that all the shit slung my way was because I was transgendered. I began to loathe myself even more and was fast on the path of self destruction until it dawned on me that what I was experiencing was not selective of trans people and only trans people. What I was experiencing was common ground for every man or woman, queer or straight. It was called living and growing and experiencing. And in an odd way was a great blessing because it taught me to not only embrace my unique quality as a transwoman but to also accept it as commonplace in my life and no more a defining aspect than my brown hair or body weight. It was just one of many traits that combined with the rest made up a whole that is bad ass and worthy of a perfect fit for me and me alone.

Ultimately this is the realization all trans people need to reach: that you will have a rough go of it but much of what you experience is experienced by others just in a different form and variety. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger and I guarantee some asshole not calling back isn’t going to kill you. Some douchebag saying you’re a subpar wannabe woman with a Frankenstein cunt isn’t going to kill you. It’ll sting and it’ll chap your ass but you can and will rise above it to find greatness.

Greatness for me comes from Oklahoma. Perfection in the form of a human being who is beautiful and sincere and loving unconditionally of me with no regards to my being a trans person. He recognizes it as just one of many traits that makes up the whole he loves. And I offer that love back to him. Corny as fuck but it’s true. The diamond in the rough. In the long run you just have to accept you’re not every persons cup of tea but there are folks who will come to appreciate you as is, be it pre op or post op or non op or genderqueer or intersex. Same for being tall, short, fat, skinny, any colour of the rainbow etc. Seek and you will find and just try to enjoy the ride. And avoid men with a penchant for travelling to South America.

Timea Quon can be found at her blog http://trannyinvanny.blogspot.com/ once in while on twitter and some of her written work will be featured in a book called Trans/Love: Radical Sex, Love & Relationships Beyond the Gender Binary which she shares the pages with such writers as Julia Serano, Sassafras Lowery, Max Valerio, and it's all edited by Morty Diamond

Bringing it back. WISDOM WEDNESDAY! May be NSFW.

2011-05-04T08:23:00.000-04:00

Courage wolf liked he last post so much he wanted in again

Seriously guys and by guys I mean the men. He's pissed. He's tired of guys being afraid of being rejected. I mean...he threatened.. threatening me to read it to you. *sigh* here we go

Look here you little fucks! You are afraid of telling people you are dating that you are bisexual, pansexual, potsexual, omnisexual, novasexual or whatever you shit fucks are calling yourselves nowadays? Then you don't deserve to fuck much less breed! Afraid they are gonna jump you after school by the monkey bars? Bring a bat ans some lube so you can smack their shit up. It's hard? Did I just hear you whine that it's hard? NO SHIT IS HARD! ANYTHING WORTH DOING IS HARD! My uncircumcised wolf dick is hard and it's worth doing you spineless sack of shit!
You think you got it bad? People use to get arrested for having gay sex.A-FUCKING-RESTED! You would have been certifiable insane. Yes..your half & half ass wold have been in Arkham with The Joker and Two-Face! Don't play the martyr in this society! Ain't no tissue for ya brah! No one is shedding a tear! "But but Courage wolf Kurt said on Glee “Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change." Well so the shit what? On Buddy TV dot com That neck-bearded bastard John Kubicek said

"But more importantly, I learned that Kurt and I have something in common: we both think male bisexuality is a myth. Blaine's very brief experimentation with kissing girls prompted Kurt to defensively respond that "Bisexual is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change." And I completely agree.

Blaine's actions in this episode were ridiculous and, if anything, a dangerous message to send to gay teens. According to Blaine, the only way to know for sure that you're gay is to kiss a girl and see what happens. This flies against everything Glee has ever stood for in terms of being true to yourself. "

So the shit what? You think life should be dictated by a bunch of fictional teenagers? Don't like it? Watch and support a better show!

If you don't want to watch that go make your own! Don't like view in the back of the bus? Walk Walk YOU BETTA WALK WALK

Lyrics

If you miss me at the back of the bus, and you can't find me nowhere.

Come on up to the front of the bus, I'll be sittin' right there.

I'll be sittin' right there,

I'll be sittin' right there.

Come on up to the front of the bus,

I'll be sittin' right there.

ill slap you right nowwwwww u little dog

If you miss me at the Mississippi River, and you can't find me nowhere.

Come on over to the swimmin' pool, I'll be swimmin' over there.

I'll be swimmin' over there,

I'll be swimmin' over there.

Come on over to the swimmin' pool,

I'll be swimmin' over there.

If you miss me at Jackson State, and you can't find me nowhere.

Come on over to Old Miss, I'll be learnin' right there.

I'll be learnin' right there,

I'll be learnin' right there.

Come on over to Old Miss,

I'll be learnin' right there.

If you miss me at the picket lines, and you can't find me nowhere.

Come on down, to the jailhouse, I'll be roomin' over there.

I'll be roomin' over there,

I'll be roomin' over there.

Come on down to the jailhouse,

I'll be roomin' over there.

If you miss me at the cotton fields, and you can't find me nowhere.

Come on down to the court house, I'll be votin' right there.

I'll be votin' right there,

I'll be votin' right there.

Come on down to the courthouse,

I'll be votin' right there.

If you miss me at the back of the bus, and you can't find me nowhere.

Come on up to the front of the bus, I'll be sittin' up there.

I'll be sittin' up there,

I'll be sittin' up there.

Come on up to the front of the bus,

I'll be sitting' up there

So you wanna keep watching keep complaining that no one is gonna take you seriously, that no one is gonna accept you? Git from the back of the fucking bus and go walk proud!

Well, Tell us how you really feel, Courage Wolf! DAMN!

When should one tell their partner they are bi or I love you & I'm bi pass the peas.

2011-05-02T06:23:00.035-04:00

*UPDATE*

Having a bit of problem with the comment section.

email me here for questions or anything pertain to my articles until things are rectified.

Ok..so I am cleaning up and getting things ready for my move to WordPress. Manure got real son. Ok ok...for this post....no more pony references. Seriously...I bet you were expecting a "Right after this one...nope...no ponies. More

I was asked by this cool guy on facebook paraphrasing here. "When is a good time to come out as bi to a potential mate? Women seem to not dig it." There are a few schools of thought.

About the McDonald's Fiasco or...Can I smack you and it not be a hate crime?

2011-04-30T11:04:00.000-04:00

I ususally don't post a video but this woman said it best. This is EXACTLY how I feel about what happened with Chrissy Lee Polis. I do hope McDonald pay for her medical bills and ear lobe surgery just as a sign of goodwill. that being said..wathc the video after the jump

Now...do you agree OR disagree?

Short lil post wasn't it.

You can find the author of the video here.

You know..I am gonna do this from now on.
Take a day and just post up somebody's else's video. Someone that I think is awesome.
If you have a video or you know of a video you would like me to have on my blog email it to me

Meanwhile back at the ranch...or What the hell is Abe* doing?

2011-04-15T12:54:00.004-04:00

Merlot & Ponies y'all!

Ok I haven't been blogging for awhile...I know this. What's going on? Was it just me getting my grip~n~sip on while watching ponies? Partially yes I admit it.

Mostly ponies....

My older brother is into it now...he still won't admit it.

Yes the are other reasons...some parts were me seeing what lie was like outside my blog. I have been looking at other blogs & I gotta tell you there is some really REALLY messed up stuff out there.

Like seriously...

People are just angry at the wrong people and even worse they don't even have anything else planned except be angry all the time. Even worse they try to encourage anger in others.

It can put a person...like myself in a tizzy & mess up your entire day. I am no exception

It did hurt :(

But you know what...it was necessary. I learned some things. I learned a LOT I learned a lot about myself..about things I thought I knew and I learned a lot about you. I learned that yes Friendship does work to chase the Parasprites away. What are Parasprites? Sounds like a good excuse for a pony break

Yes..cute little sprites that devour your resources. Be it time, energy, hope etc

I had t summon everything within me to get all those parasprite out of my mind

I'M FIRIN' MA LAZAAAA!!!

It's really really REALLY sad that a person can be so tormented that they only want to stay in their little corner of the world and not explore. I mean beauty is all over this planet! But some people want to stay bitter even when they have something beautiful right in front of them.

It's pink cotton candy! SMILE DAMMIT!

Now...my pretties...my beautiful pretties

This snapshot of my stats were taking of 8 am EST
Oh and EL Salvador & Malaysia for some reason aren't on there which is messed up
At least one in each of those countries are super sweet.

Yes...that's you up there! Look at you all! You're some hot people! 4 of you are rocking Nokias & 3 of you are rocking Palms! By the way..I have no idea what your address is. I don't know who youare I will not be surprising you & raiding your fridge. Nor would I ever divulge your identity. Unless I was invited then I would bring over some delicious food.

Ok..let me get back to what I was talking about

I'm moving...

Yes.. I am moving to word press and getting my own domain name. It's a big step for me & I wanted thank each and everyone thus far for being here with me as I talk about things from a bisexual male's point of view. This has been a great journey and it's only going to get better.

Before I get into the why or anything else I just want to thank EVERYONE of my readers once again. Some I know by name. Some comment and some don't which is fine (ohhh I wish you DIIIIID just so I can hear you which reminds me I need to comment on more blogs)

All of you are so beautiful in each & every way. I really REALLY mean that. Each time I hear a thank you it invigorates me. You will never know how much your words, your comments mean to lil ol me.
Ok...back to the moving thing?

Why the move? Well think of it this way: Blogger is a great apartment but WordPress is an awesome house.
I have really big plans. What plans you ask?

Book reviews and movie reviews for one: Some books A lot of them are going to be Teen books some will be adult but out of those books it's going to be mostly fictions. Something entertaining. The movies I will review will be older movies. movies like this

This is going to be the first movie I review. Reflections in a Golden Eye

One of the first books is going to be Stop Hetero Supremacy by Travon Free

The other is called The End: Five Queer Kids Save The World by Nora Olson

I will also do any stray Manga or Anime that might come up. Nothing ecchi I promise.

If you have any suggestions please feel free to drop me a list of suggestions.
Hey...it's a big world.

I am going to add...VIDEO! YUUUUP!! video people! Yeeep as in you will hear my voice and possibly see me on camera.

I am also going to add a few more things which is..get this...awards!
Awards to who I feel should get awards. I am NOT gonna wait for others to do it. someone has to make them..I'll do it! I thought about calling them the beegees but...you know...yeah...

That is a bigger part of the reason why I am not. I am also organizing a super secret project. shh!!! It's a secret!
A lot of other stuff. in the meantime I will be cross posting blogs. A lot of good blogs out there. and since I have all this space...why not!!!!

So...right...not dead....not giving p on the bog...just fixing things up...veeeeery carefully.

If you have an idea for a book or movie to review I'll take a gander.
Just email me at askabisexualguy at gmail dot com If I don't answer immediately it might have went to spam. So don't feel bad. just tag me again.

Much love to you all! Especially you!
Ask A Bisexual Guy

* instead of calling me A.B.G. for short you can call me Abe if it makes it easier.

Cuz it's Sadie Hawkins Night or Pony up!

2011-03-11T06:00:00.003-05:00

I am trying to work on a few pieces at the same time. One of them being A dating guide for bisexual men on dating other men. It's a touchy subject for me & with the ~~poop~~ Shit storm of the quarter happening with my friends which I am dragged into by sheer guilt & devotion. Painful distraction after painful distraction for about a month actually. (God a whole month...I need to get my shit together )

I am a big old geek, not a nerd...but a geek and if you just don't wanna click that link. PICTURE!!

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah! SO I am a big ol geek and I love me some internetz. I once in awhile go to different message boards and try to dive into the geek world or the muggle world. Who is doing this amd what blog is doing what. And I discovered something totally awesome..Are you ready for it?

MY LITTLE PONY!

Why are these ponies so awesome? What's the big deal? ell It all starts with a lil Imageboard called 4CHAN

Never heard of it? Do you remember last summer about a little girl named Jessi Slaughter? Go read up on her and 4CHAN. I'll wait

Crazy stuff right? SO one of the things that is known on the internet is you do not FUCK with B/ Not ever..just period. Now somehow (answer right here ) My Little Pony or MLP took 4Chan in a storm. for about a month straight. Mind you. they get banned every 5 minutes but keep coming back. The argueent is that There is nothing but sex, porn, and other things bad on there why not some cute little ponies? But again and again these B/astards kept fighitng. and the MLP lovers on 4CHAN now calling themselves

B/rony or B/ronies do not give up. But they never gave up.

These B/ronies kept going and going 2 hours a day from all around. Everypony chipped in got banned and guess what?

Never has 4CHAN been attacked before from within and especially B/ of all places!

What were the rules for the B/ronies?

Current rules for MLP threads:

Do:
-Keep all MLP related content within the current largest MLP thread
-Actually discuss the show
-Ignore any threads speaking negatively about the show

Do NOT:
-Post any MLP material in any thread not explicitly about MLP (reaction images, avatars, macros, quotes, phrases such as everypony/brony/etc)
-Post threads to speak negatively about MLP or reply to threads speaking negatively about MLP
-Post any MLP material on other boards
-Bump MLP threads just to keep them bumped
-Report MLP threads where users are staying in one thread

Did you see the underlined? Do NOT Post threads to speak negatively about MLP or reply to threads speaking negatively about MLP

Do you get that? Ignore the haters. IGNORE THE HATERS IGNORE THE FUCKING HATERS!! Why should we ignore all of these Savages?

Yes...they always do But something remarkable happened.

People stopped judging the show & watched it. The word spread. Guess what happened?

Fans emerged. The toughest women & the hardest of hardcore liked the show

Yes...and of course the hate became stronger ...

and more violent

But what did they do?

Why?

Because they redid their rules. They stopped playing by the old rules & made new rules

I mean look at number 1. Ok we all see number 10 it's an inside pony joke.

Thou Shall Live by the Code of Friendship Love & Tolerance.

Imagine if we all did that? What if we just fought back with hugs?

I mean we did it before? right?

Remember these anybody?

"In October 1967, Hoffman and Jerry Rubin helped organize the March on the Pentagon using Flower Power concepts to create a theatrical spectacle.^[14] The idea included a call for marchers to attempt to levitate the Pentagon. When the marchers faced off against more than 2500 Army national guard troops forming a human barricade in front of the Pentagon, demonstrators placed flowers in the soldier's rifle barrels.^[15]

Flower Power, a Pulitzer-nominated photograph by Washington Star photographer Bernie Boston, became a classic image of the Vietnam War–era protests.^[16] The photo, taken on October 21, 1967 at the "March on the Pentagon", showed a young, long-haired man in a turtleneck sweater, placing carnations into the rifle barrels of military policemen. (The young man in the photo was not named by Boston and his identity is disputed. He was most commonly identified as George Edgerly Harris III, an 18-year-old actor from New York who later performed in San Francisco under the stage name ofHibiscus.^[17] The young man also has been identified by Paul Krassner as Youth International Party organizer, "Super-Joel" Tornabene.^[18]) " (*psst* they are talking about the blonde dude)

They didn't wait for a bad article or a writer to make fun of them. They went to the Pentagon protested the fuck out of it and when they came out with rifles the put FLOWERS in them. How possible could that be if we did that?

What if we stopped hating each other for things and stopped blaming each other for things and trying to get each other to donate to a cause and just said

"How can I help you?"

I know, I hear a lot of "but what about me?" "what about my problem?" Let's just stop for a moment.

The only way to help oursleves is to help each other.

Example: I love Wonder Woman I love her comics. I still buy them and when I am done I give them to shelters. I buy the trades or Trade paperbacks & keep those. Now here is a funny thing. THEY NEVER HAVE WONDER WOMAN SHIRTS FOR MEN. EVER! Is it because they suspect that men don't like it? I dunno. I mean they have batman & superman shirts for girls as well as adult women. Is it ok for for girls to look up to men but boys not up to women? Would fighting for shirts in men sizes be a step towards boys being able to access stuff to show their pride of having a female role model? Sure it sounds far fetched but is it?

Think about this.

Tomboy=aww she wants to be tough like boys. maybe she will grow up to be a lesbians bawhahahaha!

Feminine boy= I smell gay on him. we'll beat the gay out of him.

Yeah someone did already.

See here is one thing that quells any any argument of manliness. When a woman says that's hot.

Bottom line. It happens tie & time again. Those male allies that aren't believed are justified by you.

You become the proof positive in those ogres minds by saying that person A is mating material in it's most primitive sense. You've seen it.

The hottest girl in school says she likes smart guys: EVERY BOY GOES TO STUDY HALL.

In a collective wave...my god..

Imagine a million men saying "Hey! How come sport X isnt co-ed?"

I would love to see co-ed sports. and I don't mean just billiards, golf, or bowling but vs. sports like baseball, hockey, and tennis? I know Venus can serve t up and slam down most if not all of the men on the pro circuit.

It's crazy she isn't allowed to prove it.
They say Danica Patrick is an anomaly. I think that's BS and in the coming years we will see more & more women in sports.

But we got to support them as well even if we don't like the sport or hobby.

Because we missed some awesome bisexual moments.

Yes...those are kids asking women out. There are girls there wanting to go out with wonder woman just as badly as the boys and yes this is a scan from an actual DC Comic.

Folks we are dropping the ball.....BADLY!

We are worried about some TV show
(GLee) when we have THE icon of female superheroes in one of the most key moment and possible ventures of her having a female partner by encouraging the writers...we blew it.

You know as well as I do that money talks. Yet year after year the editor in chief has to convince the shareholders that Wonder Woman even though her comics aren't selling for shit to keep making them because he recognizes the importance of visibility. Fellas, why aren't YOU asking to see more female representation in the things you like?

You're a basketball fan? Support the WNBA. Buy tickets and a jersey. Why should you do it? Because maybe one day you can say "Hey! That's my daughter that dunked on Shaq Jr!" How awesome does that sound?

My son is an interior decorator.

My daughter is a mechanic

My father is a teacher at a daycare

My mom runs the IT Dept at UBS

It starts with simple things. Like allowing your son to respect women by making sure he can look up to one. To play with "girl toys" or "Boy toys"

Choices

G.I. recruitment center OR A pony so utterly bisexual she is a unicorn!

SO again we have 2 choices

Well...you know I choose the ponies.

Why?

Thanks for being patient and as a reward...

PONIES! (yes this episode why Bronies say "Fuck Griffons"

SPecial thanks to @Lysana on Twitter for stating "You do realize the bi pony is a unicorn? As in a HBB*? SOMEONE knows". *Hot Bi Babe

The Art of Dating: the Ask A Bisexual Guy Way

2011-02-22T19:52:00.002-05:00

Note: Anytime I refer to any group or sub group I am NOT speaking about the group just those that I have encountered unless explicitly stated.

The last blog entry I did has been bothering me. Not that I didn't like it or the

at anyone did anything wrong. I really enjoyed doing a blog just for one specific person. So special thanks again to @life3dblog for allowing me the honor of trying to help her see things from a different point of view. Please check out her blog http://life3dblog.com/ I am still reading it it's really intense.
I also want to thanks ever so much to @IRantURave and please check out her blog post on http://iranturave.wordpress.com/ I really enjoyed it and I hope you do to Check it out and if you dont enjoy it...there you go. But she asked me questions and I was asking my self those questions. So with all the questions. It got me thinking. Who comes up with these rules of labels, do's & dont's?
It's just that...what are the rules of dating in bisexuality?What about genderqueer folks? Are the rules the same or different? What about expectations from the date? I think about how it was for me growing up. Everything was hinged on the male being some sort of provider no matter what. He takes her out to:

share an ice cream soda at the soda shop

Ride a bicycle made for two

Go Out for a swim

Take the boat out

Go to a sexy cocktail party (sans cock)

Go out dancing (Sadie Hawkins night)

Double date anybody?

I mean we have been dating for a long time as a species. But as awareness and evolutions in science, society, and gender equality grows our lessons in dating seldom do. I actually learned dating from TV & Cosmo magazines watching sit-coms like Charles n Charge and those old movies. You know the ones when the guy took a gal out he gt changed into a tux and went to a place with live dancing and cigarette girls. pack of lucky strikes for 2 bits. I watched a lot of these. I learned, I taught myself how to dance the waltz, to tango, anything that was on the silver screen I aspired to learn sans piano playing. Maybe one day I'll learn to tickle those ivories.

If there was ever a person who I aspired to be it was William Powell

William Powell. He was a dashing man. He was suave, debonair A real stand up guy. But he'd sock ya one across jaw if ya got out of line. Always lit a lady's cigarette first unless he liked her. If he did he would light his first then light hers with his cigarette. He always had the charm of evoked the moral character of Atticus Finch while having the essence of being a true American gentlemen. Not an Englishmen gentlemen nor a French gentlemen but an American Gentlemen. Think George Cloony , Denzel, and every other guy you ever thought that as dashing and you got a taste of his excellence.
So like any kid that saw these people I emulated them. Figured them out. See, the rules of etiquitte were things like:
Pulling a chair out for a lady.
Carrying a handkerchief for a woman to use,
a lighter always ready to assist a lady in her cigarette lighting.
Offer your jacket if she is cold.
Call her a cab.
Order her food for her as well as the wine.
Things a dapper young gent is suppose to do..was suppose to do. Maybe nowadays that's sexist
I'll still hold a door open for a lady. Oddly enough only the guys that happen to go through say thank you.

  However things changed when I started..tried to date another male. That when things got really confusing and awkward. All those rules I have learned vanished. I didn't know any queer dating etiquette.
Who pulls out the chair for who?
Do I order for him or he for me?
  Who makes the move for the first kiss?
Does the three day waiting role for calling still matter?
Those gender roles that came with dating with women I thought went out the window.
Honestly I still don't know. When I do date other guys it's more like hanging out than an actual date. It's weird. Most of the guys I dated we never held hands in public. Sometimes they weren't into PDA which was fine. Sometimes the guy wanted to be private which I kinda understood until I saw the other couples. He said after asking a bit more that he didn't want his students to know. *shrugs* I guess & I accepted it. Especially with ENDA not being approved how could I not? I wasn't going to mess with his career just because I wanted some PDA.
I couldn't send flowers for our one year dating anniversary or get him fired. I found that with most of the guys I dated. I wanted to be an out & proud bisexual I didn't want to shout it from the rooftops (have a megaphone. Save that voice for the bedroom) I just wanted to live, laugh and love just like all the other little straight boys & girls.

  So I learned and I adjusted to the best of my abilities. In a way, Dating with the new gender is like learning a second language.  Things like
"Why the fuck are you calling me Mary?"
"No I am not a friend of Dorthy. I don't know who she is and why the fuck is everybody keep asking me that? Do all black people look the fucking same?!"
"yes I am bisexual. that doesn't mean I am some sort of dick vampire that hungers for cock every fortnight lady! You're gonna leave in the middle of the date?"
flip side
"Yes, I am bisexual that doesn't mean all of a sudden I will wake up in the middle of a brothel sticky with vaginal fluids and wearing tattered clothes cuz I "vaged out" one night! Fuck you ya shit! This date is over! I'm leaving YOU pay for the bill!" Ahh memories.

With all these dynamics I have to think..I can't be the only one that thinks about these things nowadays.
SO that as always folks leads us to our question:

How Do You Date a Bisexual Guy? or How Does a Bisexual Guy Date?

Answer: Fuck if I know.

Here's the thing. I can tell you how I date and what I would like the way a date would be but with social morays & expectation It can be awkward. Oh heck I'll use me as an example. For me dating a woman is easy. I got my shtick down. I know who I am and I present it. The basics of dating is an interview position for...other positions. which will then hopefully lead into a merger of acquisitions. I .E. dating which leads into committed couple which leads into marriage and kids. Now the fact that I am bisexual usually leads into questions of will she be the next Terry McMillian

Gay guys..the ones I dated and hung around with usually look for specific sort of guys 98% of the time it's for "straight acting" gay men. That's right. That way Charles Nelsons Riley, Paul Lynde & Rip Taylor speak. Sibilant letters or aka gay lisp can sometimes be looked down upon. I personally thin it's cute & I like it on a lot of the guys I date. That's how I roll. *shrugs* I always found that weird. I always thought a bit of camp was brave. Spitting glitter into the eye of societies gender norms. I usually tell people that my first crush as in "I want to hump them" was Buddy Cole played by Scott Thompson

So as a bisexual man I have to not only fit in to the gay world but also the straight world and as a bisexual man of color I have to stay in touch with my roots else be seen as a sell out as well as not be that threatening negro that has little old white women clutching purses. You know the one. But alas since I am not the tamed rough neck and more of a dandy yet less of a fop with a dash more of William Powell with a pinch of George Sanders I usually don't come off as that stereotypical anything. Sometimes that s a hindrance. sometimes it's a blessing. But from the few bisexual men I met we rarely do. Maybe it's just the circles I fly in you know.

Since I don't fit in into anybody's box and yet have to learn everybody else's box accommodating to them so they understand me while still judging me at the same time. Look, we judge everybody we meet. you, I, that person over there . That other person reading this over your shoulder. they all judge and don't judge. Maybe you call it something different. interview them through your own norms, feeling them out, figuring out their angle, seeing where they fit, Are they down, whatever you want to call it. It's fine. We do it for safety, "Should I talk about my date with my boyfriend..wait..they just said stop acting like a fucking fag and lift with your legs. Best not." perhaps it's when dating " Damn this guy is fine I wonder what...ahh.. he is married and wants to be my sugar daddy. check please" We all do but before we do judge each other we should at least know the rules before passing down sentence.

Which is why the next 4 blogs will be dedicated to the Art of Dating: the Ask A Bisexual Guy Way.

The blogs will go like this
One for bisexual men going out with a guy
The next bisexual men going out with a woman
The third guy going out with a bisexual guy
The fourth woman going out with a bisexual guy

Ok..if there are any question shoot them at me know in the comment area. Pass it to your friends. ask your friends. ask your neighbors. re-tweet this send it over to your blog buddies. Your girlfriends at work. Your guy friends at work. Whomever you can get to come up with questions let me know. I will do what I can to make sure you don't have to say "but what about.." and it not be answered for these.

Bye-Bi,

ABG

Wow...this one made my heart spin sigh Valentine's Day Special Edition

2011-02-13T15:16:00.003-05:00

This was the comment I received on my post which was called "Like, eww" & other things said about me and my brothers.

"Great post. I think I am getting it. I was married to a man who was straight, then bi, now gay but still likes girls and says he is still in love with me. It is very confusing. We are not happy apart but we are already divorced. Neither one of us wanted an "open marriage." But we are still in love with each other and care for each other even though we have sex and even have relationships with other men.

Here is my question: Can a bi-man love me as a woman? And what is the difference between bi and gay? " *

*Note: certain words were edited for spelling.

This question. This right there. Is probably one of the hardest questions I have ever had personally directed at me. I have heard women talk about the Down Low. It's been on Oprah. It's been on talk shows. But this was personal. The moment that I finished the last sentence the sense of being an activist ceased and the feelings of connection of another human beings hurt & betrayal hit me right in right ventricle. How can I answer this question without it leaving out the emotional aspect of this person's anguish. The answer is simple. I can't. At the same time another couple I know have hit the end of their long time marriage. high school sweethearts. Married DURING high school.

Damn you to bowls of Zalgo, Cupid, You arrow-shooting, a-hole! I have to say something really quick...

A message to Cupid & all those who are going to break up with someone AFTER they receive their presents quoted from Penny Arcade

"Don't say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth."

Yeah umm..I have thing with Valentine's Day but, back to my original post

Can a bi-man love me as a woman? And what is the difference between bi and gay?

I guess I will take the logical approach first then the emotional approach. broken down into three questions.

What is the difference between a bisexual and gay
Can a bi man truly love a woman? or Can I bi guy ever be monogamous?
Is there really such thing as bi or will I always have to worry about a him becoming gay?

Answering the first one isn't that much of a challenge for me but the other ones I can't answer. Only the subject person can. So I will answer those questions not as ABG but as myself. The man behind ABG.

1. What is the Difference between Bisexual & Gay?

The difference between bisexual & gay is believe or not is orientation vs identity. Confused?

I was too so let me explain.

You have heterosexual,bisexual,& homosexual. Now those are the big three when it comes into sexuality. (Not to discount asexuality but I am not that familiar with asexuality & I also want to keep within the confines of bisexuality for this post.) Then you have your identities. Such as pansexual,omnisexual, gay,lesbian, and yet again bisexual. *shrugs* I don't know how exactly that came about but it happened before I knew what was up.

There are people that identify with themselves as gay & yet still find some women attractive while there are women who identify as lesbians who still find certain men attractive. Oh & by attraction I do mean want to and/or does have sex with said others. There are some lesbians & gay men that have sex with each other because they find certain traits in each other they find desirable in each other. He may be the most feminine person she has ever been with and she may be the most masculine person he has ever been with and sexually or emotionally they connect. *shrugs* Life can't fit in a box nor can our desires.

To go deeper into that there are many people of color including black gay males who do not identify as gay due to the fact that they feel that the gay lifestyle has nothing to do with them s people of color due to the fact that everything gay caters to white men who love men and not men who love men.

2. Can a bi man truly love a woman? or Can I bi guy ever be monogamous?

Short answer:Yes. Actor Montgomery Cliff said it best "I love men in bed, but I really love women!" Montgomery Clift: A Biography, by Patricia Bosworth

and taken from the "all knowing Wikipedia

"Patricia Bosworth, who had access to CliftElizabeth Taylor, Libby Holman,Nancy Walker and Ann Lincoln. Clift struggled his whole life with his bisexuality, he once said 'I love men in bed, but I really love women!'"^[4]

Elizabeth Taylor was a significant figure in his life. He met her when she was supposed to be his date at the premiere for The Heiress. They appeared together in A Place in the Sun, where their romantic scenes received considerable acclaim for their naturalness and their appearance. Clift and Taylor appeared together again in Raintree County and Suddenly, Last Summer.

Because Clift was considered unemployable in the mid 1960s, Taylor put her salary for the film on the line as insurance, in order to have Clift cast as her co-star in Reflections in a Golden Eye.^[4] Clift died before the movie was set to shoot. Clift and Taylor remained good friends until Clift's death."

Maybe the word bisexual didn't exist back then as it does today. Maybe if there were other bisexuals & bisexual things to do who knows.

Can a bisexual guy ever be monogamous? That isn't a really practical question. It's hard to say if anybody can be monogamous to begin with. Another is there hasn't been a sincere scientific study on the length of relationship with bisexuals. How does one grade that? Bisexual with bisexual vs bisexual with homosexual vs bisexual with heterosexual? then age group due to social taboo & stigmas not to forget the difference in genders & trials & tribulations with each dynamic.

How long is a monogamous relationship? On what grounds does a relationship end for it to be a successful monogamous relationship? I couldn't even grasp on how to really figure that out but if you are asking me if any bisexual man can love you as a woman? Sure why not? If he can? I don't know. hopefully some sort of group counseling or gathering is taking place for the both of you. That is a lot to take in for anybody.

3. Is there such thing as bi or will he eventually turn into a homosexual.

If i had a nickel for every time I heard that I would have another for every gay guy saying that a bi guy will eventually turn straight. A lot of bisexual women get pre-judged for not only have slept with guys and not denouncing their past love experience but stating that yes they still find themselves attracted to men. So a lot of lesbians feel that bisexual women will gravitate back to men & leave them.

Ok, here it is. Coming to terms late in life & even more so expressing it openly s probably one of the most confusing things a person can do. It's a second puberty. All of the social things a person grew up with said person has to learn & deal with now late in life. That teen angst, the Degrassi High feeling later in life sucks HARD & no one can teach you really. hmm...maybe.... Buy Having dad give you a talk about the homosexual birds & bees is probably not gonna happen. Did I hang out in gay clubs? YUUUP? Did I hang out with gay people? You bet your sweet bippy! Did I want to call myself gay? I did! Just because it was a new world. Not gonna cue Ariel's "A Part Of Your World" cuz Disney scares me. After awhile as I found other bisexual people I could identify more with them. It was easier for me to say I was bi because I had a place of other like minded people that accepted me. If I didn't I might have still said I was straight & wished or even cheated on the women I was with because when the day was over there was nothing for me in the gay community. I had no love of Madonna, Cher, musicals, circuit parties, or any of gay society. Not a social tropes for me to connect to & form an attachment with unfortunately. Still don't.

In a nut shell I don't really know you but from what I read from your blog I don't see why anybody wouldn't be able to love you. Bisexual or hetero or gay. Monogamy, I think that bisexual guy would have to had sometime to understand his role as a bisexual man in today's society and with himself before he can with another woman or men and yes even you.

I hope this helped somewhat & if you wish to you can always reach me at my email at askabisexualguy@gmail.com

I hope things work out well with your ex-husband.

To fight for your right to party OR Party for your right to fight?

2011-01-25T19:45:00.005-05:00

This isn't the original post I was going to have for everyone. I was working on a piece of how Wonder Woman can save masculinity (next time) but then I had to write about this. OK, I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning. A week and change ago I was on my way to the Mid-Manhattan Library. I had my freshly charged iPod ready to drop off some books and start my work day. Then I stumbled upon this sticker on a newspaper stand.

Yeah....I said the same thing. WTF indeed. So as I picked up my cellphone and took a picture. I took a few just to make sure it was in focus and centered. Yes, I was and still am extremely angry. What angered me most wasn't just the fact that it attacked my race & my sexual identity. Not even that it also looked like it they did studies (not really but when someone sees a mathematical figure such as "14 times as likely..." they are inclined to believe it) It was the fact that I can not dispute these facts. Because I am that which is attacked. It wouldn't be credible. I mean the same would go for you as a bisexual woman. But I have to tell you fine readers, the target audience was that of the self identifying hetero cisgender female. In other words people, not us. We are the people they are warning about.

First thing first, the site & organization is ran by some white supremacist publisher. No surprise there but if a person didn't look it up for themselves they might be inclined to believe it. user really? Yeah I am gonna go off on a tangent a lot. Because as I write this I am ...stumped.. to quote LeBron James "What should I do?"

I personally cannot do anything.

No man can do anything

No woman can do anything either.

What should I do? What should we do?

How do we fight for ourselves?

Short answer: We can't. We need to fight for one another.

Ladies & gentlemen, we need to work together. For us to say anything would fall upon ears of disbelief. We are your brothers & your sisters, the pain may be different from mine from his , from hers but if we do not put away petty differences of who suffers more and who has it worse we are gonna gonna have our asses fed to us on a silver platter with Old Bay Seasoning and the Lawry's seasoning salt. That's right all over it.

We don't do anything together. Have you noticed that? There are thing for gays and lesbians. Things for lesbians and bisexual women. Things for gay and bisexual men but there is nothing out there for bisexuals in comparison. There is a new bar called Bi-Bar that is opening over in California which is so needed. There has been some bisexual speed dating here and there.

There is also celebrate bisexuality day which oddly enough I never found anything to do on that day with other bisexuals. Other than some sort of support group and to tell you the truth kids, they depress me. They depressed me so much that I had to get away from the hole scene for about a year. Seriously, there were other reasons too but nothing wanted me to come back and get together. Ok, there are a lot of groups that are needed. I'd say all of them are actually. But after that, What do we do?

We have been fighting the fight for ourselves and not each other. We fight and we fight hard. We are capable of some really awesome stuff. But once we are out what do we do? we cheer when someone comes out but after that we go back to what? To sit around, eating punch and pie wandering what to do so that others can accept us for the millionth time?

The Punch is Jonesboro delight

Don't get me wrong I love my straight sisters too..in fact..all of my brothers and sisters across the spectrum of sexuality and gender identification. But one thing we have to do is show people that we are not spin-off. We don't need their attention. You know what..we shouldn't even be concerned with it. How many bisexual do you know that you just chill with. No marching, no picketing, someone else who is not gay or straight hell asexual, genderqueer, and chill. Maybe party a little bit at the club. Doing something that doesn't have an agenda for a seat at the big queers table ask asking Aunt Mary for a slice of that rainbow pie.

If you are bi friendly supporter, ask your bi fiends what are they gonna do for bisexuality day.
Doesn't matter what spectrum of sexuality. Gay, lesbian, straight, asexual, etc. Make them think about it. Join them. There should be some grand party in every city. We should burn and bury all the old ways of "dealing with" our sexuality and freaking own our sexuality Take the our fears and burn it and celebrate everywhere. Our gender identity, our sexual identity, genderqueer, asexual, and celebrate. Get together with people who will join us, join you in celebrating ourselves and who we are. We should let the ghosts of desiring acceptance be free.

"and I'm Hayden Christensen!" oddest moment in a movie.

When I first started writing this I had this "let us come to arms thing...I had this totally different angle ...but it got tiring.. it is tiring. Always fighting for acceptance. It's one of the reasons I took a hiatus from all the activism stuff. I saw so many older bisexual activist single and tired. Not all tired and not all single. And after a while it just got to me. I just saw myself being alone and let me tell you something folks. Alone is not what I saw in my future. So I bailed. I hurt people in the process. Damn fine people. People that were counting on me. Some were mentors and others were people that could have been something really special. (If you are one of the people and think you know who I am, I'm sorry but a better apology shall soon come.( I was scared of their life and I got selfish. I forgot all of the tenants I spoke and did everything I stood against. I was gonna run off to a country on the opposite side of the equator be with some chick (she was a nice girl who in all honesty should have and hopefully is with someone that was a better fit) and (didn't see it like that at the time but,) luckily my S.A.D. or Seasonal Affected Disorder kicked in.

So I became the offspring of a one night stand between Morrisey & Robert Smith. I was frozen. I stopped doing things which were not only harmful to myself and others but also helpless to myself and others. It's something I could only wish on the most vile of enemies. It took me about a years and change to get out of this horrific depression. I am still dealing with it day by day. As I deal with this with a day by day approach the goals that I have for the community becomes more refined. I see the goals which were of yesteryear becoming obsolete and stale. It was great for my predecessors and barely for my generation of bisexuals but for the next group it won't work for them. It's as effective as a geocities webpage.

The next generation or Generation Y doesn't have the same problems as we had. We Gen X kids just got our hands on the Internet and we found out that we weren't alone. We found out that the choices given to us in antiquated books were not true. there was such thing as bisexual and that there was a scale. One of many things neglected by our all wise and powerful health teachers in high school. We just got this wonderful thing called America Online and we were connecting,finding allies and fighting for a slice of the pie and fighting against invisibility. It's now 2010 and the strategy is still the same...we still are fighting the same crap when invisibility is now an issue. We need to come together & show the youth that we are more than just fighting we are living. We are loving. We are being what our predecessors wanted. Alive.

The only way to fight is to live. To party and celebrate that the only invisibility we have to worry about is from each other because we are some awesome people.

See you at the club! I'll be drinking a Raspberry Mousse Margarita and a Tranny Chaser! ;)

Take care, ABG

"Like, eww" & other things said about me and my brothers.

2011-01-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

  Today on the way to work I realized too late that I didn't charge my iPod. Thus I would be a victim of the useless,irritating chatter of my surrounding commuters. Stuck in a tube  barreling down in the A.M. in which a seat on the train is more valuable than a corner office I wince at the minutes ahead at being unprotected by my audio entertainment.
  While listening to chatter which had tales similar to " Furreal nigga, this shit was poppin.." other classics included "There is no way she did that! Why would she do that? She knew you liked him!" To my favorite " Good ________ Ladies and gentlemen. I am sellin' candy today. I ain't doin this for no basketball charity but to put money in my pocket. I gots M&M peanuts n' sittles' and fruit rallups (note: he said fruit roll-ups but it came out as...) theys a dolla a piece. Who wants sum candy, yo?)
However I do miss the bootleg dvd salesperson, the battery person that also sells dvds, cds, batteries, Krazy Glue, and assorted novelty items with the always consistent yet jingle-eque chant of "CDs,DVDs, Batteries one dollar one dollar" and repeat.   But they have been replaced by The mariachi band, more frequent 2-3 kids break-dancing team that ALWAYS slap their hands on the ceiling,Everybody goes "ohhhh!" and my favorite and probably yours...Mr. I-got-no-legs

Yes he is real. I wonder what happened to him?

Now while all of that is happening (Trust me, you get use to it) I hear two women talk. One of them was kinda cute Puerto Rican and the other was a black chick that was sporting the best weave money could buy...or at least put into a payment plan. She was portraying the "Strong independent, sistah #236 which is "I'm hood, I keeps it realz cuz Ims all about the paperz but I do read...sometimes" which is close to #125 in which that particular "sistah unit" only listens to Neo Soul and R&B and considers herself an expert on all tings black music but when confronted with people such as Phillis Wheatley or Le Chevalier De Saint-Georges....sorry ranting...

Well, during their 15 seconds of fame in my mind the following was said (this isn't exact and I was not going ot ask them to clarify) "Yo did you hear about how people were saying Omarion was bi :sucks teeth: I would never have a dude that was bicurious or whateva that nasty shit is. you can't trust them They be havin all kinds of nasty shits!" "I wouldn't either, cuz you know they are gonna cheat on ya fer' sum dick, girl. That's that down low nasty shit. I don't fucks with that!" If you knew me a strong sense of correcting them was about to be unleashed. But since they didn't ask for my input AND when people have their mind set on a falsehood they definitely dont want to hear proof . Especially from someone they would consider "one of thems down low niggas"

But since this being an op-ed/advice column and this tied in to 4 questions I got. Ladies and that one gent, this one is for you.

Will a bisexual man leave you or cheat on you because he misses the sexual organ you do not have?

As easy for me to be pissed I have to look at this objectively and acknowledge that this is a legitimate concern. There are a lot of people that are questioning their sexuality & wonder what it wold be like with the same sex if they are heterosexual or different if they believe they are homosexual. For the time being we will use the term monosexual as they are only attracted to one sex. Easy enough? I think so.

Ok first things first. Let's define down-low and the all powerful Wikipedia says:

Down-low (also "on the down low" or "on the DL") may refer to any activity or relationship kept discreet. Specifically, it may refer to:

Keeping an act, action or some other piece of information a secret.
Down-low (sexual slang): Men who identify as straight, but have sex with men (often a friend) on the side without disclosing this to their female partner(s).

Ok..we kinda get that now let's get bisexual defined. Taken from The Alliance of Queer and Ally Students at Michigan State University

"A strict definition of a bisexual would be someone who has romantic and/or sexual relations with other people of more than one sex (though not necessarily at the same time - see section A8). However, since not everyone has necessarily had the opportunity to act on their sexual/romantic attractions, some people prefer a looser definition; for instance, that a bisexual is a person who - in their own estimation - feelspotentially able to have such attraction. This could be anyone who has erotic, affectionate, or romantic feelings for, fantasies of, and/or experiences with both men and women. A bisexual may be more attracted to one sex than the other, attracted equally to both, or find people's sex unimportant (see section A7). The strength of their attractions to men and women may vary over time."

Ok. So if you skimmed over that part it's basically saying that Bisexual men and Men who are "On the Down Low" or DL are different. However, there is one common trait. If they are gay men wishing they can be out in their commuinty or they are bisexual men trying to fit in within the either side of the monosexual spectrum be it heterosexual or the homosexual. Repressing usually leads to The Blow Back Effect. In otherwords, it can come back to haunt in a serious way. wait......WHAT? I'm sure you're asking that and let me explain.

Everygroup has a sub-group and within that sub-group usually dwells other sub-groups and so on and so forth. However there is something different about bisexuality especially bisexuality in communities of color.

Those who are part of a double minority be it lesbian and Asian or gay and Hispanic have a much harder time of acceptance than their white counterparts. Now add that to bisexuality. SO if you have a bisexual Asian male you got a triple minority or even a Hispanic bisexual female....well..that where it gets different...

Bisexual males have a harder time than bisexual females. Why? Bisexual males challenges the notion and even the strength of the all powerful phallus. Ok..bisexual women catch flack from a lot of lesbians because they feel they will go down the hetero road and marry a guy. The same i said about bi men by gay men. From the 4 guys I dated I only heard that out of one guys mouth and he walked out on the date when he finally understood that when I said I was bi I didn't mean racial. Now for Bisexual women in the land of the mainstream hetero bisexual women are looked at favorably.

Take the case of Madonna vs. Adam Lambert.

One was thought of as innovative and hot and the other was banned from tv as disturbing.

It all boils down

one

dangly

thing.

The Dong

Being that the set standard is hetero and that somehow the penis is the magic key that can turn a lesbian straight if she met the right man. (in some countries of Africa they use "corrective rape" to "cure" alleged lesbians of their homosexuality. I say alleged because who decides what a lesbian suppose to look like? Since ANY women can be a lesbian then ANY women can be called one and be a victim. Even the straight married lady with 5 kids and a loving husband. But that is another story *sigh* a sad one at that. Now...bi men.

Somehow there is this vampire-esque mystique about the penis. As if once you hunger for it you must have it..you will go mad without dancin the tube-steak boogie. Cruisin in dark allies..THE HUNGER!

Let me put it to you this way. How often does anyone cheat? I am going to repeat that because I do think it bears repeating. How often does anyone cheat? I know I know, you don't want to worry about an added equation and competition something you don't have ladies. I know. penis can be quite enjoyable. I know. Gay dudes am I right or am I right? As sexual as we are as human being we do acknowledge the fact that even though we are sexual creatures we are emotional beings. if a person as the predisposition to cheat the are gonna do it regardless. Ladies, nobody's sexual organ is that magical. and fellas...its a vagina not the fountain of fantasy. It's all about holes and poles. If you are that worried ladies and maybe that open and dare I say cool talk about using a strap-on harness. If you aren't comfortable with that don't worry. Not every bisexual guy, heck not even every gay guy wants anal sex. Seriously.

So back to the original question: Will a bisexual man leave you or cheat on you because he misses the sexual organ you do not have? Well I guess the odds of a bisexual cheating on you is the same as any men cheating on you. Just let him be honest and free and he will be more than appreciative. For myself as a bisexual man all I ant is acceptance and understanding. Which is something I can't get from a lot of my family. SO when he or she gives that to me. HEAVEN! It's not about allowing us to be with other men. It's allowing us to acknowledge that the men in our lives that we have loved count.

One advantage about dating a bisexual guy. You both can talk about bad dates with men ;) oh lawd do I have stories. but that's for another time.

Your bi buddy,

A.B.G.

P.S. I need a better sign off. Your bi buddy? blech

P.S.S. anybody to any M&Ms or Skittles?

Exciting changes up ahead folks! STAY TUNED!

2011-01-10T23:52:00.000-05:00

Hi guys and gals and other such creatures of delight! There are gonna be some changes with the blog.
Already I know! Excitement! Drama! SUSPENSE!! OOOHHH!!!! What could it all mean?
For starters, Wisdom Wednesday is going to be moved to Fridays. (Look, we had some problems with Courage Wolf and things didn't go so ....it went crazy alright! One thing lead into another and next thing you know he has a warrant out on him)

Courage Wolf was kind enough to leave us this before he left.

Not the most elegant wolf out there but he makes a good point. hopefully that point is jabbed up our...

   I'm going to be working with another blog! It's a surprise but, I want to assure you that things are not going to get stupid. I'm gonna give everything my all and make sure you get want you need and want you want. I'm here for you....and maybe that lady over there but mostly you.
   Some of the changes are gonna be dealing with Genderqueer issues and Trans issues. How androgyny fits into our lives? We'll find out together because I am sure I don't know everything but you better be damn sure I will take it seriously.
   We are gonna talk about mental health issues within our community as well as the different ways our medical health differs from the average hetero or homosexual guy. We'll have some polls and maybe if we are lucky do some interviews with bisexual male entertainers that are open and honest and live their lives the fullest!

So Wednesday morning look at my blog for yummy goodness!

see you soon,
ABG

I think I forgot to do something....

2011-01-10T05:59:00.000-05:00

Hmmm.....I guess we all better come back Monday at 11:59 P.M. EST

To see what this guy did that could be taking so long. I mean come on! He JUST started!!

Who am I to say?

2011-01-07T07:32:00.000-05:00

   It's Friday the 7th. Lucky 7. The first Friday of the year. and if you followed me from Twitter then you probably know that it's Follow Friday. So...the question that you might have asked yourselves might be: Why should you follow me? Why should you give a damn about me?

   Honestly, I can' answer that. Sounds like a cop out but if anybody promises yo the world they are only going to shwo it to you they will never give it to you. But before you follow me you should probably know at least just who the hell I am. don't you think. Don't you want to know where I am going before you follow me?

  Hopefully you know that I am a man identified male. and that i identify as bisexual. Ok..now of course that isn't enough..there are a quite a few other blogs out there discussing  male bisexuality isn't there? right?

I mean other than those talking about how male bisexuality doesn't exist. Even though I am here. i think therefore I am right? Then there are those who believe that bisexuality does exist and that it's the

There are a few that talk about the down low. I think we covered that earlier.

I can't be that surprised. She isn't sure if the earth is round or not either. Seriously..she isn't

However, there are even more who put on shows about the Down Low lifestyle. Which does speak with a lot of truth. Sad as it might be but, I gotta tell you..we are slowly defeating ourselves

And there are a lot of people that ..well...fuck...

It's not looking good folks.
and it makes sense why someone would still be on The Down Low

But..there is hope and this hope is standing up for ourselves.

You see, when we as in ALL of us stand up together and we say FUCK YOU to those who would hold us back and deny us our sanity and ability to love fully and unapologetically!

Follow me and I will do the most that I can with the power within me to make sure that you will never have to have..to do what THEY say or live the life THEY want you to live. You CAN live the way YOU want to live and I will help you... I will help you ..IF you are willing to help me.

Talk to me.

Cry at me..

Yell at me..

Do whatever it is that you feel you must do but let me know.

I cannot know who you are if you don't acknowledge.

I am 1000% percent content with the ideology

Of dying if it means that gender and sexual equality is there.

I am willing to give MY LIFE for this.

To be deleted,

exponged,

shuffled off this mortal coil,

I AM READY AND WILLING TO DIE FOR YOU!

But you have to SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELVES!

SPEAK TO ME!

SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELVES!

Tell me that you are there!

Tell me your problems your woes your sorrows..

I am not a priest and I am not here to "absolve you of any sins"

Because I am not a priest and if it came to that passing and the one they call God would denounce me..

would shun me...

ME?

Me who they say has made me in his image then he may watch ME leave his presence.

Even in death I shall fight for you but in life right now I ask you...to speak.

You don't have to shout it out just yet if you can't

Just ...speak ..to me..

to a bisexual group..to someone you know that is bisexual.

So what do you get if you follow me..

I don't know...talk to me and let's start from there...

Wisdom Wednesday!

2011-01-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

Wisdom Wednesday guest of the week!

COURAGE WOLF*!

If you don't know who he is, now you do!

Courage Wolf told me (threatened me) to tell you that invisibility starts with you!

Don't take crap! Shit on their cars!

If they try to erase you to give them the business end of a pencil!

His words not mine. I say just speak up

and don't take anybody's mess.

*Seriously folks. Don't start stabbin up people.

Use your words. If they fall on deaf ears...

Use sign language. The finger is all that is needed...

And if you do don't mention us....at all.

UPDATE!!! at 11:55 PM London standard time

2011-01-02T19:02:00.000-05:00

I was just sent this clip from NYABN that was made by a person named Trayce Shaw

The kid got his head screwed on right. I say watch and enjoy folks. And tell him I said hi!

The hardest decision one can ever make: When to come out.

2011-01-02T09:03:00.000-05:00

Hi folks.

I didn't get a chance to lay down the rules of etiquitte and such before we went live but I already got a letter so I figured since this was an important question I would get right into it.

Usually I would ask you guys to come up with your own catchy signatures but since this person used their real name I am gonna make it theirs.

Hi. My name is ______ and I live in *Censored Urban Area* and I am talking to this girl I really like and I want to tell her that I'm bisexual but I don't want to scare her off. How do I tell her without scaring her away?

Well right now guy I am gonna call you ....Sam. I just saw a marathon of episodes of Supernatural online so I am gonna Sam so accept it.

Ok , Sam, with the vast amount of knowledge, wisdom, and cosmic radiation and gamma rays I have gathered in my years I will not only be honest, I will be honest in being honest with you.

There is no perfect way to tell her. None. Nada. If she leaves. Now there are different ways of telling her.
But before you do have you thought of what will happen after you tell her?
What I am trying to ask is how "Out" are you?
Does your parents and friends know?
Is there anyone that she knows that you know that you do not want to know?
Dangers from the community
Loss of job
Alienation and lost of personal living arrangement and even job.

It may sound like I am bringing up the worst scenario but these are things I am sure (hope) you thought of before coming out.

She might think of her safety and risk of HIV and such because she heard of "The Down Low"

Now if you haven't heard of it I am sure one of her friends has heard of it and told her and before she gets into a tizzy make sure you can respond with this

Science, bitches.

So let's say she doesn't believe that. Not much else you can do. Now let's get back into HOW to tell her.

Tell her honestly and tell her WHY you didn't tell her in the first place. She may feel that you lied to her and that you hid something that YOU were ashamed of while in fact it was just fear. She may and probably will run through a lot of scenarios in her head or she will be cool with it and say she knows already and to pass the Slim Jims. Who knows?

It's usually easier in the beginning. How do you tell on a first date? Do it like the late great Richard Jeni suggest. Using a Damn Card Table

I know Bosco too!!!

I use humor because well..that's me. I like humor. I've been told I'm funny I am funny. I use humor. It's what I got. It's what I use. You.. I don't know. I don't really know you and I won't pull a Dr. Phil-of-himsef to think I can give you the perfect advice. You know her. You deep down inside know hot to tell her. Tell her the way you know how in the way you think SHE deserves to hear it. Because in reality you didn't come out to her in the beginning but AH-HA! She didn't come out as straight either! HA! Take that Status Quo! Let's see if she buys that.

Oh and on a side note: Don't wait to tell her after Valentine's day because you know she is gonna get you a present because that is just the fucker's way of doing things.

There is absolutely no way to be perfect about it. Just be honest. She is gonna have questions. Such as:

Why didn't you tell me before?

Does this mean you want to see men on the side now?

Are you or have you cheated on me?

Do you have AIDS?

Who else knows?

Have you slept with *insert male friend's name here in which you hang out with*?

Do you think about guys when you fuck me?

Were you with a guy before we met?

Did you ever mess with a guy when we first started dating?

Do you look at guys when we are walking?

and many... MANY more will be floating in her head I guarantee it.

Now since you told her you are now the ambassador of everything bisexual to her.

Congrats motherfucker!

How can that not be somewhere around a 3 on the Kinsey scale?

You may feel like this

Queer Wolf

And you think she sees this

OH GOD! It's The Dan Savage Squad!

And you feel the world is gonna treat you like this.

Just remember these two things:

And not a single ripple left behind

Ain't nuthin' you can do but keep soaring

and to quote a transgender friend of mine.

Insert fish joke here.

"Show that fish what's up!"

If you are gonna be an open bisexual man still be a fucking man and don't apologize and still love her.

Since you can love openly she can do the same. If she can't then ask your this important question. The only question that needs to be answered.

Who do you love more?

Her or yourself?

Cuz no matter what happens if you can't love yourself enough to be honest why should she love you.

There are a lot of reasons to NOT tell her but there is only one reason that there is to tell her.

Because you want to be fucking free.

Because censorship belongs in children's movies not in real life

Because you deserve the right to be yourself

Because she deserve to know who she is loving and how truly fucking awesome you are.

and most importantly

Because you shouldn't have to

OK there is more than one.

Fuck you.

With much fucking love,

The Bisexual Guy

I am sure that there are other people that have their own reasons why or why not people should and shouldn't come out. Go ahead and comment. Become a follower, tweet this bitch, and let me and "Sam" in on that sage like advice you got.

Happy New Queer...Year...QUEER!

2010-12-30T07:38:00.000-05:00

Now I am sure you are wondering let me be clear because my bisexual intuition allows me to see both sides of the Kinsey Coin is that why not start now? Why wait until after the New Year? Well it's simple. I am planning to get shit-faced for New Years. Let me tell you something kids.
It's never a good idea to drink and blog.
If I am gonna blog it's gonna be with a hangover of sorts.
Possibly, hopefully waking up to a good looking he, she, or ,gender non-conforming human being.
Maybe not a human being at all.
Maybe someone from another planet.
Perhaps a sensual Vulcan hottie coverboy that was on the pages of Illogical Illustrated or sweet young Tw'lek girl that escaped Jabba's sailing barge before that religious zealot Jedi Luke Skywalker assassinated him.

Ahh but one can dream...and drink...and wake up covered in their own sick.
Or perhaps somebody else's.
Heck maybe both and isn't that what life is all about?

Choices.

The freedom to choose.
Some people want a shot of Whiskey while other have a mug of beer?
Some want a Boiler Maker and that is about one of the most bisexual drinks you can have.
What it is folks is that you take a shot of whiskey, drop it into a mug of beer and drink it all down.
That is a orgy not only for your mouth but for your liver as well.
but the bar is stocked ladies and gentlemen.
All kinds of alcohol.
Bailey's Irish creme,
Moscow Mule,
Sapporro,
Orion,
Jager Bombs,
Jell-O Shots,
Champagne,
Chardonay,
Appletinis
Cosmoes
Port,
Reisling,
Mead for crying out loud!
MEAD! Who invited Thor to tend the bar? AWESOME!
Now if you came to this bar and you only want beer. Good for you!
Maybe you will experiment with a Hienie.
Maybe some Colt .45 to see if it's true like in the hip-hop videos.
Maybe share a Bud with a bud.
Me? I'm gonna have..some wine...and then some Bourbon. and if it's a real bar they will have some...you know what? I'm gonna have something I haven't had in a long time. Chambord with milk. That shit is fantastic and let me tell you something folks. Nothing is more fantastic than a product that will turn your milk a pimp shade of purple and fuck you up.
Don't believe me?

Ask the Quik Bunny.

Look at him. He knows milk and he knows all kinds of fucked up.

This New Year, 2011 I plan after sobering up to piss of as many people as possible in the name of sexual freedom. Some gays some straight, heck maybe even you. Why me you might ask? You tell me. But before you do enjoy some of the blissful peace or mildly brewing anger you got now.
Cuz shit is about to rage the fuck up folks. Email me folks with your questions and I'll read them while drunk then reread them while slightly sober and if I didn't mess them up with my bile, answer them.
Happy New Queer. See you next year,

The Bi Guy