Ask Aden

Is it ok to date a stripper?

2010-07-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

Is it ok to date a stripper?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Hi, I am a 33 year old successful good looking single divorced guy. I have my choice of women to date but my question is it ok to date a stripper? I am really burnt out on women right now and I started going to a strip club every now and then with one of my guy friends. There is a stripper there that is so hot and fun, I haven’t been stalking her like a creepy regular I just really have a huge crush on her. Is it ok to date a stripper? Her name is Morgan (her real name not her stage name) and she gave me her number last night when I asked her if she wanted to go out some time. Is it ok to date a stripper?

Nick

Dear Nick,

Thank you for your email “Is it ok to date a stripper?” The answer is YES!

Is it ok to date a stripper? Yes, if you are ok with your evenings starting at 3:00am

Is it ok to date a stripper? Yes, if you don’t mind her having baggage and a gang of high drama friends that are not necessarily other hot strippers, be prepared for crazy fat-girl and nasty guy friends.

Is it ok to date a stripper? Yes, if you are ok with her going to dinner with “daddy” type regulars.

The sex will be amazing, you will probably get caught up in a little drama and show up to work still drunk or high but it sounds like that is just what you need right now.

Don’t let her move in!

-A.

Mel Gibson borderline personality disorder

2010-07-23T16:33:00.000-07:00

Mel Gibson borderline personality disorder

Is it just me or does it seem like Mel Gibson has borderline personality disorder? Judging by his history, and listening to the recently released tapes it really appears that Mel Gibson has BPD. Some of the things that make me think Mel Gibson has borderline personality disorder, is the fact that his moods seem to swing so dramatically sometimes he's nice upbeat and friendly and other times he goes off into one of his rants are tirades. He seems to be a very loving father and husband sometimes and then we have things like the tapes that were just released. I also thought it was interesting that Mel has a history of giving lavishly and donating to charity and giving extravagant gifts to the community. These constant up and downs really seem to be traits that someone with BPD would have. Another interesting thing regarding Mel Gibson and borderline personality disorder is if you listen to his voice on the tapes he makes grandiose claims and really sound like he's believing the statements that he's making no matter how outlandish they are.

I'm interested to hear if anybody else thinks that Mel Gibson has borderline personality disorder…

Mel Gibson borderline personality disorder or No Mel Gibson borderline personality disorder, you tell me???
-A.

I want to sleep with my friend's wife.

2010-07-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

I want to sleep with my friend's wife.

Dear Aden, ask@askaden.com

Here is my problem that I need advice on, I want to sleep with my friends wife. I have always wanted to have sex with her, she's totally hot and very flirtatious I have never told her or anybody else that I want to sleep with my friends wife but over the weekend something happened and I think I should act on it. My friend and his wife have been fighting a lot lately and he complains a lot about her not being the best wife, however, she would be totally screwed without him. They don't have any kids so I'm not afraid of messing up some kids life or anything like that. Here's what happened this weekend, my friend (with the wife) was out of town and we both know people like to go out all night and party. I went out to the bars with some of those mutual friends in the hands of having an after hours party at their house. I didn't feel like sitting around and doing cocaine all night with them so I went home. In the morning when I woke up I called my friends who party to see how their night went, they told me they were still up and having a good time and that I should come over. When I got to their house there was about six guys there and two girls and they were all messed up beyond belief. One of the two girls was my friend's wife, wearing nothing but panties and making out with two guys. She never saw that I was there and I didn't stay very long but long enough to take pictures of her in a short video with my iPhone.

Here's the deal, I want to sleep with my friends wife, I know she's a bad girl and now I have this evidence against her. My thought is I have three choices.

1. I can do nothing with the evidence I have and not tell anybody.

2. I can show the evidence to my friend causing him to breakup with his wife.

3. I can show the evidence to my friends wife and tell her that I want to sleep with her.

I am thinking about option three, I know it's crazy but the one thing I really want right now and the one thing I can't stop thinking about is that I want to sleep with my friends wife. I just think I'm going to do it no matter what your advice is, to show her the pictures tell her I saw everything and that if she sleeps with me I'll erase everything and forget I ever saw anything. I know it's risky right?
- Christian

Dear Christian,

Thank you for your e-mail “I want to sleep with my friends wife” I appreciate you sharing your crazy story with us. You're definitely right that it is extremely risky to trade your evidence for sex with your friends wife, but I must say I probably speak for a lot of Ask Aden readers out there that I'm curious to find out what happens if you go through is your plan of showing her the pictures and video you have been trying to get her to sleep with you.

Do it at your own risk, but if you do please keep us updated 
-A.

I want to sleep with my friend's wife.

My boyfriend won't say I love you

2010-07-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

my boyfriend won't say I love you

My boyfriend won't say I love you

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

My name is Veronica and 22 years old and I go to school at LSU. Back in December I met a great guy who also goes to LSU and we started dating. My problem is it's been over six months and my boyfriend won't say “I love you”. I'm totally perplexed at why my boyfriend won't say I love you. I say “I love you” to him just about every chance I can get. We don't see each other as much as I would like and we are having sex with first had sex after about two weeks of dating. It is really starting to stress me out as to why my boyfriend won't say I love you, do you have any ideas or tips?

Dear Veronica,

Thank you for your e-mail titled “my boyfriend won't say I love you” not knowing a whole lot about your relationship it's hard to pinpoint why he won't say those three magic words. My guess is that maybe you started saying I love you early on and it might have scared him a little bit. Different people have different ways of gauging what saying “I love you” means to them it could be that your boyfriend won't say “I love you” because he feels that some sort of near marriage. Or it could be that he does not want a serious relationship with you right now. I think the best advice I can give you the answer your e-mail, is that you maybe need to sit down and have a talk with him, but before you do make sure you carefully plan out how you were to ask him “why won't you say I love you”. If he thinks you are desperate right now and you come off as needy and smothering regarding the I love the topic things are probably only going to get worse. In my opinion, bring it up with him but do it in a way that is cool calm and collected. I would also stop saying I love you to him starting now. Who knows, if you stop saying I love you maybe he will wonder what's wrong and come to you asking “Veronica, why won't you say I love you anymore” at that point you can turn the tables around on him.

Whatever the reason, just try and focus on having fun and try not to be so serious.

Hope that helps,
-A.
- my boyfriend won't say I love you

My Nook is frozen!

2010-07-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

My Nook is frozen!

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Do you have any idea on how to fix a frozen Nook? My Barnes & Noble Nook seemed to just freeze up on me last week I have no idea why my Nook is frozen, it just sits there and doesn't do anything. It works when I plug it into my computer via the USB port or if I have the power adapter plugged in but without those two things my Nook is totally locked up and will not work? I have tried calling Barnes & Noble technical support but hung up after an hour on hold with them. The battery indicator says it has a full charge.

- David

Dear David,

Thank you for your e-mail titled “My Nook is frozen” although I don't know very much about tech support for Barnes & Noble. My thought is that the reason why your Nook is frozen is that you possibly have a bad battery. When you unplug it from the charger check to see if the battery indicator gets a “?” symbol on it, if you do see the “?” The chances are really high that your battery has gone defective. Unfortunately you will still have to sit on hold with Barnes & Noble but they should be able to send you out a replacement battery right away and you won't need to send the old one back. Please make sure you recycle your old battery and don't just throw it in the trash.

Hope that helps,

- A.

My Nook is frozen!

I'm attracted to married men!

2010-07-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

I'm attracted to married men!

Dear Aden, ask@askaden.com

I'm 25 years old, have many options to date great guys my own age who are successful and good looking but I have a problem. My problem is that I'm attracted to married men! For me it all started in high school when I fell in love with my science teacher. Before it even lost my virginity I used to fantasize about him every day. I knew he was married to a beautiful woman and have three amazing kids and for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about him taking my virginity. I can't seem to figure out why I'm attracted to married men, I don't necessarily want to be a homewrecker but seeing a guy with a wife and kids literally gets me so excited I almost can't control myself. There has been so many great guys that I've had opportunities with but for some reason if they're not married I'm just not sexually into them. Am I insane? Is there any way to control my sexual addiction and figure out what is making me attracted to married men? The hard part about the fact that I'm attracted to married men is I'm not having a lot of sex! In the last year I've only slept with one guy and yes he was married. Before that I found myself in a relationship with an unmarried guy that only lasted four months and it wasn't but a few weeks into a relationship before I tried to get him to start talking in bed like he was married. Do you or any of your readers have any ideas as to why I'm so hot for married guys?

Kelly

Dear Kelly,

Thank you for your e-mail “I'm attracted to married men” maybe our readers have some better ideas but the only thing I can think of as to why you are so sexually attracted to married men is the fact that they may be good providers and that is triggering something and you similar to a breeding instinct. Also you may be subconsciously turned on by the idea of stealing somebody else's husband but that didn't seem to be the case judging by what you said in your e-mail. I wish I had more answers for you maybe some of our readers can leave some comments with their ideas.

Sorry I wasn't much help,

-A.

Cignal Spy Customer Service

2010-07-15T19:54:00.001-07:00

Hello,

I completely agree with you and your readers on the matter of customer service. When our company first started we only provided services to private detectives, law enforcement, and bail bondsman. Just recently (this year) allowed our services to go public and because of this we hired a third party company to handle most of our support department. Last month we discovered that this 3rd party support department was not answering queries in timely manners, at times not answering at all, and not correctly assisting our customers when they did respond. This is completely unacceptable. After the administration department had received complaints we investigated the issue and as of June 26th we have parted ways with this support agency. We now handle our customer service in house and are now hiring a large customer support team and will be adding live phone support as well as the current live chat support to make sure our customers are helped correctly. We greatly apologize for the inconvenience.

We do offer a 100% money back guarantee to unsatisfied customers. Any of your readers that are unhappy with the service or believe they have been scammed can contact us via email: billing@cignalspy.com

Kind regards,

Mike Mohan

Public Relations

CignalSpy.com

What is he thinking?

2010-07-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

What is he thinking?

Hey Aden ask@askaden.com

This is a long one! Hope you are up for it!! What is he thinking?

So I have been married for 5 years and separated from my husband at the beginning of this year. It is fairly amicable, but was my decision
We had already booked a summer holiday together, in June this year, and decided to still go on it as we are good friends.

On holiday I met a guy, we flirted across the pool for about a week and finally on his last night we shared a little kiss with and swapped numbers etc. I thought nothing of it really, he is from Scandinavia and plays football in Holland (I am in London) so the chances I would ever see him again were incredibly remote. My 'husband' was aware of all this and was fine by the way, we basically has 2 separate holidays as we had previously agreed that was the only way it would work!!
The guy I met, lets call him Matt, was weary of 'husband' but still was interested as he could see we were so not together!!

Matt was only there the first week of my holiday, and I had another week to go. When Matt had left, he text me after 2 days and thereafter almost every day. He said lovely things like 'I cant stop thinking about you', 'im thinking of you constantly' blah blah.. plus lots of other flirty fun things - you know the sort!

10 days later Matt said he was coming to London with his Father, could he see me? I was out the Saturday night, but saw him briefly in London after. Again, with the kissing.
Sunday was Fathers Day and I couldnt see Matt during the day, but he came to my place in the evening and was due to stay with me until flying back to Holland Tuesday. Sunday night was great, Monday day we just chilled out and went for dinner and cinema in the evening.

This is where the drama starts... Get ready. While Matt and I were out my (separated from, who doesnt live with me...) husband let himself into my flat to get some of his clothes and saw Matt's bags and all his stuff. Husband freaked out (clearly now not OK with separation) and called my Mum and Dad who live down the road (God knows why he called the parents, desperate.. whatever) - so when Matt and I got home there was my (ex to be) husband and my Mum and my Dad.
To put it nicely, they threw Matt out - this is Monday eve and he is not supposed to leave until Tuesday. God knows where he went or what he did for 24 hours...
Anywaaaay... Im thinking, shame he was a nice guy, we had something, but ill never hear from him again. Set about deleting his number and generally trying to not think about what could have been...

2 days later Matt calls me. I didnt answer because I figure, he is calling to tell me what a bitch I am etc. for involving him in my complicated, now quite messy separation!! I sent him a text to this effect - why are you calling me, Im not in the mood to be shouted at. He texts back saying 'I just want to see if you are OK?'. Totally unprepared for that one!
We text a little and messenger on Facebook. Matt says he would like to see me again, has no regrets, had a great time, was happy with me etc. Says he will stay in touch because he likes me a lot, and now I havent heard from him for 10 days. Hmmm..
I havent been in touch with him, and I wont... But, from a guys point of view, what the hell is going on in his mind?
He really liked me, came to see me, checked if I was OK after the drama, says he would like to see me again when everything has been sorted with me and the ex, then nothing... I could make all the excuses under the sun, he is in training for the football season about to start which is 7 days a week, he has been away from his mates all summer and they are all just catching up - but im no fool. I just really want to know whats up and if I should give it another thought, or forget it. Happy either way!! What is he thinking?

Thank you,

-Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Thank you for your question, what is going on in Matt’s head? From my perspective a few things…..

1. You must be a fantastic woman, because its sounds like you have played you “flirting” card perfectly and have really sparked his interest.
2. He is a man, moreover he is an athlete. Men are competitive and the fact that he is a footballer makes him even more competitive. He doesn’t seem to mind a little turf war with the ex and is not going to let someone get in the way of what he wants.
3. Drama or not, all that craziness probably was a little exciting to him (and you) and people want to take a bite of the forbidden fruit.
4. He is a professional athlete. By having a “light” relationship with you even if it is mostly via text he feels love, support and friendship all things that a traveling athlete misses. It is hard for him to have a traditional relationship right now and a jealous steady girlfriend “back home” taking his mind of his profession. With you he can have someone to feel good with without all the pressure. As long as you don’t get “needy” he will probably stay in touch. All the drama with your ex makes it easy for him to not feel guilty about focusing on his game and not having a traditional relationship with you. You may be just what each other needs right now….

Hope this answers, What is he thinking?

-A.

What is he thinking?

Does Vienna Girardi from The Bachelor have Borderline Personality Disorder?

2010-07-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

Does Vienna Girardi from The Bachelor have Borderline Personality Disorder?

Is it just me or does Vienna Girardi from The Bachelor appear to have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? The constant claims of “abuse” Jake could do nothing right. Vienna Girardi made so mant Borderline Personality Disorder type comments is was scary, “you are the worst person I have ever met”, “everyone back home turned their back on me” I really felt bad for Jake as you could see that her BPD type behavior was taxing on him. It also seemed like a text book therapy session when Vienna Girardi played victim and had dramatic emotional outbursts and crying fits.

http://www.bpdsecrets.com/

So what do you think, does Vienna Girardi have Borderline Personality Disorder?

-A.

Dating a mixed up woman with 3 kids

2010-07-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dating a mixed up woman with 3 kids

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

ok so long and complicated story made short and simple...

i met this girl at work. we were always flirty but i had a gf. when my gf and i broke up, a while later i asked out this girl. there were several failed attempts at a date due to her having a son, but the few times we did we were not alone and she'd always invite friends. we had kissed twice but at the attempt of a 3rd date she was a no call no show.

we went about a month without talking at all and she finally came clean and told me she was in a fwb relationship that she apparently was not over but she felt she was now and wanted to try again. i know this part is true and that she did try to end it with him for me through her fb posts. i was reluctant but after a couple weeks i agreed. we were becoming very flirty again and even some inappropriate for work behavior but nothing big like making out. once again there were many failed attempts at dates due to her son and then we'd hang out in a group... along with her son.

then one day she said she was going away for the weekend and did not. our co-worker mutual friend ended up spilling the news that she had spent time with her old fbw. i confronted her about this and she at first denied it but then said that she had but she has no feelings for him anymore. i didn't believe her and we went another week without talking.

i eventually sent her a somewhat angry email and she responded to quite well apologizing and confessing that she still was not completely over him and that she had lied to me and that she had dropped some plans with me for him, but never used her son as an excuse. i agreed to remain friends but i was still very bitter. i sent another less angry email in response to which she was deeply offended and was ready to swear me off as a friend which i said ok.

the very next day she calls me out of the blue saying she had just left her friend's bar and wanted to meet up with me for a drink somewhere. unfortunately my plans were cancelled that day so i agreed to meet her. i did not want to talk about the subject but she brought it up and we discussed our situation further. she said she agreed that the other guy is using her but she still foolishly considers him a good friend and even accidentally admitted that she's in love with him. she confessed again to lying to me and that she was truly done with him now. she became flirty again which i was not responsive to but at the end of the night we hugged before departing which led to another kiss. i drove her to her car and that led to another makeout session and even a little heavy petting.

i'm glad that she was able to admit that she was lying to me but i don't fully trust her. i know for a fact that she's still seeing him though she denies it, so we got into another argument (over text... pathetic i know). it's now been 2 days since our last meeting and we haven't talked much other than me giving her advice.

i'd really like to know what's really going on in her head. she says she has a deep inner conflict with the 2 of us but i don't think she'd be seeing him still if she were making a true effort to figure it out. any thoughts? and yes, this is the abridged version. thanks.

Matthew

Dear Matthew,

Unfortunately, she is just not into you and no matter what you do from this point on, the initial spark was not there enough to make her only think of you. This is not a refection of you personally just the way the situation unfolded. Next time you meet a girl don’t put up with any shit, and instead of writing her emails and asking what wrong, just walk away. Women can tell when guy they are dating is confident enough to walk away and when they sense this they won’t pull the kind of crap that this girl did. I think its for the best anyway, anyone with 3 kids and 2 boyfriends is mess and you are way better off. You are lucky she’s not pregnant with your baby making it baby number 4.

Don’t give her or her messed up life another thought.
-A.

I like to videotape my wife having sex

2010-06-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Aden, ask@askaden.com

I think I have a fetish that may be becoming a problem. I like to videotape my wife having sex, I like to secretly videotape my wife while we are having sex. I use a number of small hidden cameras in her bedroom and she has no idea that I am videotaping her while we are having sex. I don't know why I like to videotape my wife while having sex, but there is something about the excitement of it that really turns me on. I haven't shown anybody the videos from what I have videotape my wife having sex or put them on the Internet or anything but I do fantasize about it. I know it's not the best thing in the world that I like to videotape my wife having sex, but is it really super bad that I secretly videotape my wife without her knowing about it? Sometimes when she is out of town I watch the videos and the thought of watching something that she had no idea I was doing really gets me excited. Is it bad that I secretly videotape her or is it not that big of a deal?

Tony

Dear Tony,

I think there are definite moral issues with you secretly videotaping her without her knowledge but the fact of the matter is there other things you should also consider besides just asking the question “is it wrong that I like to videotape my wife having sex”. If for some reason you are okay with it morally or just doesn't bother you enough to stop doing it, I think you should start asking yourself questions about what would happen if the videos got in the wrong hands or if your wife found them. Try and visualize how hurt she would be if she found the videos or worse another member of your friends or families from the videos. If I were you I would definitely stop videotaping her starting right away and destroy the old videos. Perhaps you could talk to her about your fetish of videotaping her and maybe she could work with you on something that's a little bit more constructive and safe for both of you and your reputations.

Hope that helps,
-A.

Do I have borderline personality disorder?

2010-06-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

Do I have borderline personality disorder?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Do I have borderline personality disorder? I have read a lot of arguments back and forth on your site about borderline personality disorder and I have never been diagnosed with BPD but what I have read on your blog is starting to make me wonder, do I have borderline personality disorder?

I have been in my relationship with my boyfriend for two years now, and I can't really explain what he does that makes me so angry that I yell at him all the time. Some of the people that have rode in who are dating or married people with borderline personality disorder describe their lives is a living hell, but I feel like my boyfriend has ruined my life. I deserve to be happy, and all my friends have gotten engaged and I had to constantly yell at him and tell him that he's wasting my time to get him to buy me an engagement ring. Now it just seems like one stress after another, he doesn't respect the fact that I want a big wedding and he embarrasses me by not having a good enough job. What makes me think I have borderline personality disorder is even though he makes me so angry all the time I'm constantly worried about him doing something stupid like leaving me in ruining this relationship that I have invested two years at. When things are good they are really good and I feel like I really really love him but it seems like only a matter of time before he does something to make me angry. I often find myself saying things like “I want to kill myself” I don't really mean it but I feel like saying things like that is the only way I can get through to him. I have never gone to therapy, and I feel like if I did go to therapy we should go to couples therapy because for everything that he could tell a therapist that I've done in our relationship I could point out at least one thing that he has done that has left me feeling empty or unloved. I try to explain my issues with my friends and it seems that most of the time they are either really on my side or something happens and I end up getting in a fight with my friends. After reading your blog I'm starting to question if borderline personality disorder really even exist at all or maybe these people that have been labeled with BPD are just in relationships with people that aren't doing enough to make them happy. Do I have borderline personality disorder? If I read some of the comments from people claiming that their spouses have borderline personality disorder I guess I could be labeled as having BPD as well, but I feel like there's two sides to every story. Like the guy asking if borderline personality disorder lead to cheating, you had somebody right in and asked the question of whether or not the spouse of the person who is borderline with sexually inadequate and maybe that's why she cheated on him. I feel that way a lot to sometimes, I have done things with other guys while in my relationship with my boyfriend but it's only because he wasn't making me happy at the time. After reading some of the posts about borderline personality disorder I should really be asking myself and I think the people that are labeled with BPD should be asking themselves the following questions:

Do I have BPD, or is the person in my relationship causing me to have these outbursts by not treating the right?

Do I have borderline personality disorder, or am I just afraid of abandonment because my parents were total screwup's and never spent any time with me?

Do I have borderline personality disorder, or do I just like to cut loose and have fun sometimes and party with my friends and enjoy my life while I'm young, despite the fact that my boyfriend seems to think I should be locked in the house and can't flirt with other guys?

Do I have borderline personality disorder or am I just an emotionally sensitive person capable of deeply loving somebody but also willing to defend themselves when I get hurt.

I feel like a lot of people that wrote into your site think that the so-called “BPD” people should just allow the people they are dating to walk all over them and not treat them the way they want to be treated. If my boyfriend makes me unhappy I make sure he is unhappy, what's wrong with that? I've done a lot of research on borderline personality disorder and it seems like nobody can diagnose it anyway as just another way for somebody like my boyfriend to use a label to get his way and not get off his butt and find a better job so that we can have a big house in a nice wedding.

I don't know just a thought,

Allison.

Dear Allison,

Thank you for your e-mail “do I have borderline personality disorder” normally I would jump in and point out a lot of the things that you mentioned in your e-mail as being totally irrational and selfish and from what I've read from the other people writing about borderline personality disorder you should probably at least have somebody evaluate you to see if you have borderline personality disorder. But this time I'm not going to make assumptions about you and your potential BPD because I don't know enough about you or your situation. You do seem like a very angry person and I would definitely suggest looking for a therapist in your area. I know many times that people are afraid to find a therapist because of cost or privacy issues, I definitely think you should talk to somebody. You mentioned the fact that if you did speak with a therapist or psychiatrist you would want to be in the format of couples counseling, please don't look at therapy is a contest where a professional psychiatrist or therapist is going to declare a winner. They are here to work with you and help you and if they're not helping you feel better you can always move on to a different counselor.
I hope you can figure out a way to be happier in life. Maybe some of the readers of the blog have a little bit more experience with BPD and can offer you some better guidance.
-A.

http://www.bpdsecrets.com/

Does a GPS tracking key really work

2010-06-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

Does a GPS tracking key really work?

Dear Aden,

Does a GPS tracking key really work? I read a few posts on your site about cell phone spyware. We have a 16-year-old daughter just got her license and we are very concerned about where she is going, I don't want to pry so much as to cell phone spyware on her phone and quite frankly she's a pretty good kid and nothing she has done warrants putting spyware on her phone. But my husband and I both think that 16 is pretty young to be driving and until she proves herself a little bit we want them keep ready close tabs on her. What have you heard about the GPS tracking key that attaches to your car and you can plug it into your computer through the USB port. Does the GPS tracking key really work?

Paula

Dear Paula,

Thank you for your e-mail titled “Does a GPS tracking key really work?” GPS tracking keys do work and they work very well. One of the nice things about using a GPS tracking key is you don't have to pay monthly fees of other GPS devices that attach to a vehicle. Now of course you won't be able to track the car while it's actually out there driving on the streets (just remove the key from the car and plug it into your computer to get the results of where your daughter drove) but I think in your case a GPS tracking key may make you feel little bit more at ease. Without your daughter knowing, you or your husband can magnetically stick the GPS tracking key to the frame of your car. And when your daughter returns home remove the key and plug it into your computer. A GPS tracking key will use Google Earth to show you exactly where she drove the car and how long it was stopped for at each stop.

Does a GPS tracking key really work? Yes. The tracking key will:
• Log all of the driving data, some people have used GPS tracking keys to get information on a cheating spouse or employees in a company car.

• GPS tracking keys are extremely affordable and there is no ongoing fees to pay for monthly service charges

• typically most GPS tracking keys will give you accuracy within about 2 to 3 m of where the car was.

• A GPS tracking key can easily be placed on in or under the vehicle you want data on.

Hope that helps,

-A.

Does a GPS tracking key really work

Borderline personality disorder divorce

2010-06-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

Borderline personality disorder divorce

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com
Borderline personality disorder divorce and BPD relationships seem to be a very heated subject on your blog .I noticed that your blog has a lot of webpages from borderline personality disorder. I have been a roller coaster relationship with my spouse for over five years now. I have finally reached a point where the abuse is so much my life has become a living hell, where before I wanted to stay around for my family in order to protect my children I now feel like my partner is going to continue to have personality problems and be abusive to myself and my children regardless of whether or not we are married and living under the same roof. I know that my borderline wife needs help and I have tried to support her getting therapy in the past, but the problem is she won't admit or even consider the fact that she has or may have borderline personality disorder, and when I have brought up through a counselor in the past that things need to change or else we will have to get a divorce she has done nothing at all, or acted like she is making an effort for very short period of time and then suddenly the relationship goes back to being a living hell and she turns her abuse on myself and my children again. I know a lot of the people that have written in to your site that have borderline personality disorder get angry with you for not giving advice to the family members that have to live with the person with borderline personality disorder that says "help them work with a therapist, support them and try your best to deal with their problems". In defense of your blog, I want to make it clear that I think many of the people writing in to Ask Aden, have been supportive, loving and committed to their spouse or significant other with borderline personality disorder. The reason why they are in a relationship with anyone who has borderline personality disorder is that they are naturally a caring, compassionate and forgiving person. No one that did not have these qualities would last more than three or four weeks with somebody that truly had borderline personality disorder. My question to the people who are negative about your advice is simply, how long must somebody stand by and see themselves, their family and in many cases their children continue to be abused by their spouse that is suffering from borderline personality disorder. From what I see, BPD is much worse than bipolar disorder, because at least many people that are bipolar will face the fact that they have a disorder and that it is ruining their relationship and making their life and their spouse's life a living hell and will consequently seek out a therapist. Many people that are borderline will not seek out a therapist, and if they do enroll in therapy will lie and tell the therapist what they want to hear in order to make sure that the therapist will support their point of view or tell them that there is no problem whatsoever. Those with personality disorders need to understand that there is only so much we can do when it comes to being supportive in helping them. This disorder is so sad because those who suffer with this disorder don't ever want to admit that they have a mental illness.

Borderline personality disorder divorce is MESSY! Things are so heated when it comes to borderline personality disorder divorce that one person left a comment on your blog stating that they have BPD and you are "an idiot"for giving somebody advice to leave an abusive relationship when there life was a living hell in their spouse showed no signs of wanting to change or even caring about facing their disorder. It just seems funny to me how people with BPD right in and are always so angry with anyone who recommends that an abuse victim not divorce their spouse who is abusing them. Why is it that with other forms of abuse people do not defend the abuser as much as they do when it comes to borderline personality disorder divorce? Those with borderline personality disorder need to wake up and realize that if they are engaging and emotional abuse their spouse has every right to be going to court, to be filing for divorce and if they're abuse continues to request a protective order. Regardless of what mental illness you have is not acceptable for people with BPD to perform emotional abuse. I wish the court system would do a better job of recognizing emotional abuse when it comes to the adversarial process of divorce and child custody. The interesting thing is that those with personality issues like BPD and sometimes even bipolar disorder have a strong tendency to be perceived as victims by the court system when in fact their mental illness is what causes them to be the abuser's rather than the victims. People with BPD getaway with things that are so unbelievable that other people could never fathom them doing to their spouse. Sometimes going to court does not solve the emotional abuse the children are suffering as the spouse is allowed to divorce those with personality disorder but the children must continue to stay in the BPD relationships until they are adults and most likely for the rest of their lives. Another sad fact is because of this adversarial process and the way this disorder helps in making somebody with borderline personality be perceived as a victim, the children oftentimes either end up in full custody of the parent with a personality disorder and now walking on eggshells every day, and even worse believing the lies generated by their parents mental illness and hating their non-BPD parent.

Ask Aden, and Borderline personality disorder divorce; So I guess Aden, I am not looking for relationship advice on borderline personality disorder divorce from you with this e-mail. But more so asking the people out there that have a similar problem to me and are thinking about borderline personality disorder divorce how do you address the people with the negative comments who say you need to stick through it and stand by your abusive spouse until hell freezes over. At what point do I earn the right to say it's time to take my life back and stop walking on eggshells every day? The person who said you were an idiot really hurts me because I'm afraid that whoever wrote that original question into you may read what they say and continue to be abused and have their life held hostage. It's funny that the person that called you an idiot didn't even ask if the person suffering from abuse has children, how long they've been in a relationship, what type of support they had offered their BPD spouse before thinking about leaving them, or any other questions like that. All they cared about was that the person who has to stand by and let this disorder ruin their life not take any action to save themselves or their family. I love my spouse very much, I support my spouse, I want my spouse to be in therapy, I want my spouse to find a therapist that works best for them, I have tried many ways to get help for both my spouse and/or family, my question is if you are in a car with a drunk driver how long do you sit in the backseat while a crazy person hold your life and your children's life hostage waiting for them to sober up?

Aden, please keep publishing the questions that come into your blog about borderline personality disorder and the family members who have to support people with BPD. Your words are refreshing and if they can save one life it's worth it. I hope more people write in with their stories of borderline personality disorder divorce.

-J.

Dear J.

Thank you for writing in regarding your story of borderline personality disorder divorce. BPD divorce is a very touchy subject on this blog and as you notice there are a lot of both positive and negative comments that come into the blog. When it comes to borderline personality disorder divorce and any other comments I will continue to publish whatever anybody says on BPD divorce regardless of whether or not they are pro-borderline personality disorder divorce or against borderline personality disorder divorce. I don't mind it when somebody called me an idiot, I'm just glad that there is a place on the web where people can find support and discuss the problems with their relationship in way the pros and cons of their situation and what to do about it. I will say this, anybody who describes their life as "a living hell"and uses terms like "abusive"when describing their spouse I hope would quickly realize that their first priority should be their own safety and their children's safety and that includes both physical safety and emotional safety. I believe that the subject of borderline personality disorder divorce should not be debated when somebody feels that their physical or mental well-being is in jeopardy. Yes you took vows when you got married to love and support your spouse, but if your spouse is jeopardizing your physical or emotional well-being and putting you in harms way you need to reprioritize and make yourself safe and your family safe no matter what their personality disorder or situation is. I could not with any clear conscience give anyone advice to stay in an abusive relationship one second longer.

Hope we see more stories on borderline personality disorder divorce

http://www.bpdsecrets.com/

-A.

Cignal Spy is a scam!

2010-06-17T18:35:00.000-07:00

Cignal Spy is a scam! Maybe, maybe not.

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

I think Cignal Spy is a scam. I purchased the software over a month ago and I'm still unable to properly install the Cignal Spy cell phone spyware, or smartphone spyware on my Blackberry Curve. What's the deal with Cignal Spy? Is Cignal Spy a scam?

Tony

Dear Tony,

I'm not coming right out and saying Cignal Spy but when you mess with Ask Aden readers, I get upset. Is Cignal Spy a scam? A lot of readers have purchased Cignal Spy spyware for phones and blackberries and it seems like nobody is getting any tech support from the company. I am hoping that somebody from Cignal Spy can write in to ask@askaden.com and let us know what the right way to go about solving problems when it comes to the installation of Cignal Spy.

I am hoping that the people that rode in on some of the other posts saying that Cignal Spy is a scam, can end up getting their software running in some use out of the money they spent on the product itself. I have heard excellent feedback on a lot of spyware products, and as far as cell phone spyware goes I assumed that Cignal Spy would be no different. I even attended a taping at a local news station that went through many cell phone spyware products in each and every demo worked perfectly as the cell phone spyware tracked the phone's location, listened in on telephone calls, forwarded text messages and gave other information about the person being spied on.

If there are other people out there that don't feel Cignal Spy is a scam please write in and let me know your stories of effectively using Cignal Spy cell phone spyware. Maybe there is just a glitch in how a lot of the readers of Ask Aden are trying to install Cignal Spy, and Cignal Spy is not a scam after all.

Like I said, cell phone spyware is definitely real and there are many providers out there that provide excellent software, I am hoping that we have it all wrong and Cignal Spy is actually a good company after all. I have heard many good things about Mobile Spy. Mobile spy is an advanced new generation cell phone spyware and smartphone spyware. Their website has a really nice list that can tell you if your smart phone is compatible with mobile spy. What mobile spy does is use the Internet capabilities of your smart phone and records all activities that the phone mobile spy is installed on his doing.

-A.

Can talking dirty lead to cheating

2010-06-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

Can talking dirty lead to cheating

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com,

Can talking dirty lead to cheating? My boyfriend likes to talk dirty in bed and although we've discussed it just being for fun and excitement and something to spice up our sex life my question is, can talking dirty lead to cheating?

The reason why I want to know if talking dirty causes cheating is we have been doing it a lot lately and although it's really fun I worry the next day is the stuff he said an indicator that something is going to happen? My fear is that if we talk about a fake scenario like one of us having sex with a stranger that it will naturally progress into that really happening. Am I just being paranoid or can talking dirty cause someone to cheat? Can talking dirty lead to cheating?
Stacey,
Dear Stacey,

Thank you for your e-mail “can talking dirty lead to cheating “. You bring up some good points about the fear of talking dirty leading to cheating or causing infidelity. I think at this point only you can gauge how healthy and secure your relationship is in this you're talking dirty can lead to cheating. I do however know that there is a big difference between role-playing in bed and actually acting out those behaviors. In fact, if talking dirty really excites your boyfriend and you and you were both having a lot of fun doing it he is probably less likely to cheat on you. If a man is being sexually satisfied by his partner he is far less likely to cheat on them. My advice is to take your boyfriend out to dinner have a glass of wine and tell him exactly what you wrote in to http://www.askaden.com/ ; you really like your relationship and the fact that you have enough trust to try pushing the boundaries a little bit but that you worry about whether or not talking dirty causes cheating. I'm sure that if you bring this up with your boyfriend he will reassure you and probably be very glad that you discussed your fears with him.

Hope that helps,
- A.

Can talking dirty lead to cheating

Why are people with borderline personality disorder more likely to cheat?

2010-06-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

Why are people with borderline personality disorder more likely to cheat?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com,

My ex-wife was never diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but in learning a little bit more about the illness explains a lot about her sexual behavior. Let's assume for conversation's sake that she does have borderline personality disorder or BPD my wife was extremely sexually impulsive, this seemed great at the beginning of our relationship as her sex life was very exciting. Unfortunately after a while with me, it seemed like her passion died down and we had to go further and further for her to feel fulfilled. Why are people with borderline personality disorder more likely to cheat? Even before I married my wife I noticed that she was extremely flirtatious, it really bothered me but every time I brought it up she would make me feel bad about myself and convinced me that I was paranoid and she was faithful. My borderline personality disorder wife began cheating on me when we were engaged in throughout our marriage, I spent great deal of time in denial but later on confirmed that my BPD wife was cheating pretty consistently. It seemed like she had a magnetic personality and was just simply able to get people to do what she wanted them to do. I noticed a lot of good posts on borderline personality disorder on your blog and wanted to know if you are any of your readers have any insight as to why people with borderline personality disorder are more likely to cheat on their partners.

Damon

Dear Damon,

Thank you for your e-mail “why are people with borderline personality disorder more likely to cheat?” I'm not an expert on borderline personality disorder but I know a lot of readers have similar stories to yours, it really appears that people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can develop a tendency to engage in reckless or impulsive sex. I don't know if there is clinical studies that look at why people with borderline personality disorder are more likely to cheat but I think if you look at the illness they can start to make a little bit of sense. People with borderline personality disorder need to feel emotionally engaged and it is my feeling that they may be more likely to cheat on their partners because after some time in the relationship they are not feeling emotional security from their partners matter how much love their partners are giving, therefore they look to others to try and fill the emotional void in their heart. Because people with borderline personality disorder suffer from great difficulty with mood swings I link the quick fix that they get from impulse of sexual behavior is what drives them to have impulsive sex and eventually cheat on their partners. Many people say that those with borderline personality disorder are so flirtatious because they need attention, this may be true but I think it's more than that I think deep down they have trouble feeling that they are worth loving and so they flirt with others to get validation that they are worthwhile people. A question I myself have and would love to get an answer from any other reader is do people with borderline personality disorder feel guilty after they cheat. From the stories that people have written in to this blog it doesn't seem like this is the case. I hope my response helps you a little bit in answering your question "why are people with borderline personality disorder more likely to cheat".
-A.

http://www.bpdsecrets.com/

Should I ask out my personal trainer?

2010-06-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

Should I ask out my personal trainer?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Should I ask him a personal trainer? My name is Mike and I live in Denver Colorado I train at an upscale gym, and have been working with the same personal trainer for about two months now. Besides the fact that I'm seeing good results I really like working with my personal trainer because she's super sexy and very flirtatious whenever we work out. The reason why I want to know should I ask him a personal trainer, is I'm confused on the signals she's sending me while we work out and I don't want to embarrass myself. I'm not looking to date her exclusively and I really don't care if she has a boyfriend or seeing other people, I just can't stop thinking about what it would be like to take her out, and possibly make out with her or sleep with her.

Should I ask him a personal trainer or my being stupid? Whenever we work out she tells me how hot am looking and does crazy things like grab my ass or push her chest and to me while she's helping me lift. I know I'm not being crazy she's super flirty, just this afternoon she asked me what I thought of her ass and if it was toned enough.

So where do you stand, should I ask him a personal trainer?

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your e-mail “should I ask him a personal trainer” if she really is flirting with you that much my vote is go for it. Honestly as crazy as it sounds, I would ask her out using a lot of the same words that you did in your e-mail to me, tell her that you're not looking for anything serious but you think she's hot and the love to go out sometime and have some fun. Give her an exit strategy, so that you can still train with her if she declined your request. I have a feeling she probably gets off on the power of flirting with you during your training sessions and would more than likely go out with you if you kept it really casual and told her there was no pressure. The next time she asks you if you like her ass, tell her that you will need to get a better look at it outside the gym and ask her what she's doing later on the night just to see what she says. I'm curious to find out if any other readers have any different opinions on this.

-A.

Is it okay not to wear panties

2010-06-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

Is it okay not to wear panties

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

I'm a 26-year-old female living in Houston Texas, and I want to know is it okay not to wear panties? The reason why want to know is it okay not to wear panties, is that I'm really stressed out about it. I work in an office and try to dress nice for work, we are marketing firm so everybody dresses what I would consider upscale business casual. My problem is I hate wearing panties, ever since I was a girl I can't stand wearing them, I've tried G. strings, I've tried granny panties, I've tried just about everything and nothing feels as good to me is not wearing any panties at all under my skirt. Do you think anybody I work with will find out that I'm not wearing panties? Do you know of anybody else that has this weird psychotic adversity to wearing panties? Is it okay not to wear panties all the time or should I suffer through it when I go to work.

Danielle

Dear Danielle,

Thank you for your e-mail "is it okay not to wear panties”. I guess my answer would be if you are comfortable not wearing panties at work and feel safe if things get wet down there or you have a “personal emergency” I say go for it. The one thing you don't want to do is wear any type of skirt that is so short your coworkers may discover that you're not wearing panties everyday to work. You certainly don't want to get labeled as the girl all the guys in the office want to drop their pens in front of. I'm sure there are a lot more women than you know they can't stand wearing panties, or on occasion like to feel liberated by not wearing panties to work. I don't think you're a freak for asking the question is it okay not to wear panties nor are you psychotic, just make sure you don't get caught or unintentionally exposed.

Hope that helps.

-A.

50-year-old woman 30-year-old guy

2010-06-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

50-year-old woman 30-year-old guy

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

My e-mail is about wanting a 50-year-old woman 30-year-old guy relationship. I have a question about an older woman dating younger man. Is it okay if the woman is 20 years older than the man? I am 50, I don't feel 50 and I must say I'm pretty damn good looking for 50 years old and I'm interested in dating a guy who is in his 30s. Is it okay for a 50-year-old woman to want to date a man at his 30s? I really hate the term cougar and don't want to be laughed at. Should I have a 50-year-old woman 30-year-old guy relationship?

- Morgan

Dear Morgan,

50-year-old woman 30-year-old guy relationships: If I were you I wouldn't worry too much about the whole “cougar” if you are 50 and want to date a guy who is 30 I think that is perfectly okay. In my opinion the main thing you want to do is focus on yourself and what you have to offer a younger man. If for some reason younger guys are not responding to you make sure the keep your dignity and your spirits up. If you are 50 and want to date a guy who is 30 as long as you set your mind to it I'm sure you'll meet somebody. Cougar or not, your business is your business and who cares what other people think. Good luck hunting down those Cubs :)

-A.

How can I get my husband to dress better

2010-05-31T19:47:00.000-07:00

How can I get my husband to dress better

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com,

How can I get my husband to dress better? I love my husband a lot and I don't want to be pressuring her nagging but do you have any tips on how I can get my husband to dress better? We have to go to a lot of barbecues this summer and he always wears the same pair of horrible dorky jeans. I don't have the heart to tell him that I hate the genes that he wears. How can I get my husband to dress better? I was at the mall the other day and I saw some super sexy jeans that would fit him perfectly and look really good on him but I'm embarrassed to ask him to buy them? I really want him to wear different genes this summer you have any suggestions? There is a barbecue coming up in two weeks where my girlfriends will be there in his guy friends will be there. I just think he would look really cool if I could update his style little bit and get rid of those horrible jeans.

Marci,

Dear Marci,

Thank you for your e-mail, “How can I get my husband to dress better?” I thought about for few minutes and here's a plan that might just work.

Mission – “How can I get my husband to dress better” Step 1: the barbecue is in two weeks so you have plenty of time. I am assuming you know his size, so go to the mall and buy the jeans you are referring to and wrap them as a gift.

Mission – “How can I get my husband to dress better” Step 2: discretely make some calls to one or two of your girlfriends that will be at the barbecue. Tell them you're trying to get your husband to embrace a new look and asked them to give a compliment to him if they see him wearing the new jeans. Men love to get compliments just as much as women, and if you can arrange for a little boost in his ego it would really help you in getting him to say goodbye to his old dorky jeans.

Mission – “How can I get my husband to dress better” Step 3: a day or two before the barbecue give him the jeans wrapped as a present and when he opens them tell them you are at the mall and thought he would be so sexy wearing these and it would really be a turn on if he wore them to the barbecue on the weekend. Men want to look good for their wives, and the fact of the matter is you were at the mall and you do think he will be sexy wearing a different style of jeans.

Mission – “How can I get my husband to dress better” Step 4: if he wears the new jeans to the barbecue make sure that you tell him how great he looks, and after the barbecue when you're both home, make sure you let him know how sexy he was wearing his new outfit. If you give him a little extra something that night I'm sure he'll be very motivated to change his look.

Hope that helps,

-A.

Questions about cell phone spyware

2010-05-31T17:25:00.000-07:00

Questions about cell phone spyware

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Good afternoon,

I have several questions:) at least 2!

Can spyware be installed on cell phones that have the internet or data blocked by your provider? I requested that my cell phones be blocked completely from the internet. I also have blocked the GPS on them.

Can someone block your cell phone calls from coming in with some sort of technical device from a remote area?

thank you so much for your time,

Polina

Questions about cell phone spyware

Dear Polina,

Thank you for your questions about cell phone spyware I will try my best to answer them for you. First off when it comes to questions about cell phone spyware and whether or not spyware can be installed on cell phones and Internet or data blocked by your provider, my thought is it would be extremely difficult for cell phone spyware to operate effectively if you have blocked the ability for your phone to send and receive data via the Internet. Most cell phone spyware manufacturers utilize the phones Internet to send and receive features to get the data packets from your phone to the spyware host so if you have blocked Internet data usage it would be in my opinion impossible for the cell phone spyware provider to get data on your phone. With regard to your questions about cell phone spyware and blocking GPS on your phone, this will block any spyware from giving your location to someone else. With regard to your question about cell phone spyware and can someone block your cell phone calls from coming in with some sort of technical device from a remote area, the answer is yes. It is possible to shut down cell service however this is a fairly intense endeavor and is usually only utilized by the federal government for the purposes of protecting people like the president when he or she is visiting towns.
Hope that helps,
- A.

Questions about cell phone spyware

Is there spyware available for the iPad?

2010-05-26T15:28:00.000-07:00

Is there spyware available for the iPad?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Is there spyware available for the iPad? I heard a story, that my friend knew somebody who was caught cheating, by sending dirty e-mails to a girl using his iPad. Is there spyware available for the iPad or is this just an urban legend? If there is spyware available for the iPad, how does it work and how much does it cost? Do you know what the person who installed the spyware available for the iPad on the unsuspecting owner of the iPad see?

Susan,

Is there spyware available for the iPad?

Dear Susan,

Thank you for your e-mail titled “Is there spyware available for the iPad” I must admit this is pretty new technology in getting information to answer “is there spyware available for the iPad” was a bit tricky, but yes, there is spyware available for the iPad.

Mobile Spy has announced, IMMEDIATE availability of spyware available for the iPad, which enables you to secretly spy on an iPad.

Here is a list of features NOW AVAILABLE with Mobile Spy's new iPad spy software.

Q. Is there spyware available for the iPad that allows you to Secretly Read Emails A. Yes: iPad spy software will enable you to read outgoing and incomging emails.

Q. Is there spyware available for the iPad that allows you to Secretly View Websites A. Yes: Using iPad spy software, you will be able to view all websites visited by the iPad user. this works even if they delete their browswer history.

Q. Is there spyware available for the iPad that allows you to Secretly View Contacts A. Yes: Find out what contacts are stored on their iPad. With iPad spy software, you'll get to see all their contacts -- even new contacts that are added.

WHY USE IPAD SPY SOFTWARE?

Here are the most common reasons why someone would want to use iPad spy software.

Catch Cheating Spouse: Worried that your spouse might be having an affair? With iPad spy software you'll get to secretly read emails sent on their iPad & find out what kind of websites they are visiting. iPad spy software is the pefect tool to catch a cheating spouse.

Monitor Your Children: Using iPad spy software, you will be able to see the types of websites your children are visiting. This will ensure they are not visiting any pornographic sites.

Employee Monitoring: Installing iPad spy software on company issued iPads, is a great way to enforce quality control. PC monitoring is widely accepted on company issued PCs. With iPad spy software, employers can now monitor employee issued iPads, just as they would monitor their PCs.

Personal Back Up: Another great use for iPad spy software is to use it as a personal back up solution. Although it doesn't back up every thing, at least it will keep records of your emails, photos, etc. This means the important items are backed up automatically, versus having to remember to perform a back up using iTunes.

HOW MUCH?

$99.97 for a 1yr license.

Articles on dating people with BPD.

2010-05-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Aden ask@askaden.com

I first visited your site because of its articles on dating people with BPD.

I think your advice is very practical for those already in some sort of advantageous dating position, but I am also concerned about the way you represent those with BPD. They seem rather demonized on the site. I do not think it's their fault that these people are this way. It is likely that they have been shaped by incredible hardships that people with stable lives cannot relate to without stepping out of their own comfort zone. This only not really any party's fault, and these people are not really always the plague. I simply feel you are using this site as a platform to try to cope with your own experiences with BPD, and by this virtue I will hesitantly wonder if you could be giving imbalanced advice.

Likely, if you are advising your readers to leave people with BPD, you are not the first person to think this. Likely, those with BPD struggle with their own tendencies, and partners leaving them doesn't help. So my question is this- what is your dating advice and condolences for those with BPD?? While BPD treatment is obvious, not everyone has the resources or time for treatment, and it has been posted on your site that BPD treatment is very tedious, time consuming, and difficult. Everybody wants to be loved and understood. Not everybody is a model, has resources, or is lucky enough to have a psychologically stable life. Have any tips for daters with BPD? I would appreciate if the advice was divided into two categories; above average in looks and average in looks.
Thanks!
-G

Thanks for your email G. The reason why I am so one sided is I have a tough time separating physical abuse with mental abuse. If a man or woman was in any relationship where they were being hit day after day, I (and probably you) would tell them to RUN! The thing I find funny is that if someone is being abused mentally (especially if it’s a man) so many people focus on the abuser “getting treatment” an the abused is guilted into saying in the abusive relationship. I’m sorry, but there a TON of BPD sites out there that talk about treatment, I am not concerned with treating BPD’s. I my advice saves one person from enduring one more day of mental or physical abuse, I’m happy. BPD is so funny to me, if your kid was being sexually abused by an uncle, would encourage your child to spend time with their uncle and help him “work through” being a pedophile?
I’m not trying to be a jerk, I just am on the side of the victims of abuse, not the perpetrators.

-A.

How to get a date with an older woman

2010-05-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

How to get a date with an older woman

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

My name is Chris, I'm 22 years old, have been in college for four years (I'm on a five-year plan) and I just got off for my last summer before I graduate. I'm working a good job as an intern at a marketing company, have a nice car or my own apartment. I just broke up with my girlfriend. This summer I want to focus on something that has been a fantasy of mine since high school. I want to know how to get a date with an older woman. There are few bars that I go to always have the hottest older women and I've never really had the guts to approach them. Is there anyway you can give me a few ideas on how to get a date with an older woman? My ideal woman would be hot, professional and 35 to 45 years old.

-Chris

How to get a date with an older woman

Dear Chris,

Thank you for your e-mail “how to get a date with an older woman” here are some things you may want to try this summer, good luck and I wish you all the best in getting a date with an older woman.

How to get a date with an older woman tip number one: approach them, one of the biggest problems that younger guys have when it comes to getting a date with an older woman, is a nervousness or fear when it comes to approaching them. What you need to realize is that you are not dealing with a level playing field. When it comes to making the first move, a sexy, powerful older woman although interested in you will most likely not make the first move due to the fact that it will be extremely embarrassing for her if a younger guy shoots her down. On the other hand, when the younger guy makes the first move, the older woman will typically handle the situation with grace and excitement at the fact that a younger man is showing so much interest in her. Even if she shoots you down and rejects your offer for a date, most likely she's going to do it with class and make you feel good in the process. That's one of the biggest keys to getting a date with an older woman, once you've realized that you are almost always in a win-win (you leave with a date, or get shot down with a complement) you will start approaching more older women and getting more dates, just don't be afraid to approach them.

How to get a date with an older woman tip number two: be direct and honest, older women have played and grown tired of all of the games that younger women play, when you approach an older woman for a date be direct with her and be honest. Don't waste your time and her time with silly indirect conversation. What I mean is, walk up to her, introduce yourself, let her know you like her style and that you would like to get to know her better. When it comes to dating an older woman you don't have to use those stupid excuses like “hey do I know you from my gym” or “do you work at my office” just be direct and tell her you couldn't help but noticing her and wanted to come over and say hi.

How to get a date with an older woman tip number three: be yourself and don't try too hard to impress her. Many times younger guys are intimidated by older women and they spend most of their time trying to convince the older woman that they are more mature than their years, they are super sophisticated, and are far more successful than they really are. Just because you think older men are more mature, more sophisticated, and super successful doesn't mean that's what the older woman is looking for. The fact of the matter is most older single men are complete jackasses and don't know the first thing about how to date a beautiful woman and the fact that you are trying so hard to act like them just makes your chances of getting a date with her a lot harder. Your best bet is to be yourself, be mature, polite and respectful but don't try acting like a 45-year-old man trapped in a 22-year-old's body.

Hope that helps, but may know if you need any more advice.

-A.

How to get a date with an older woman