Ask Dan and Jennifer » Singles & Dating

Online Dating - Doing It Right

Chick In Heels — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:00:39 +0000

While online dating was once considered the dating foray of the nerdy and desperate, many people are realizing how valuable online dating - or online “introductions” really can be. If you’re interested in online dating, here’s how to do it right!

Setting Things Up

Before you begin, I suggest you create a new email address – one that protects your anonymity and gives you control. This is a safeguard to keep your regular email address safe from creepies that may not want contacting you.

Rule number one – do NOT give out any personal information right away.

Chances are you will have to pick a nickname or ‘login name’ for your dating site – take a moment when considering this – (as stated before, do not give out your name yet) what will your nickname SAY about you?? After all don’t pick ‘busty Betsy’ if you aren’t so busty – if you falsely represent yourself you only set yourself up for failure…not to mention if you care about who you are to attract and what characteristics they will decipher from your portfolio. Don’t pick “lonely heart” if you don’t want to come across as desperate. Try to keep it light – maybe consider what your hobbies are – like “Hockey girl” for example.. that can also make for a great starting conversation maker when you are contacted by someone.

What Are You Looking For?

Clarify what you are looking for up front – if you want something with long term potential say so, if you are looking to casually start dating again – again – be upfront.. State some of your basic likes and dislikes when it comes to dating & relationships. You may value loyalty, you may prefer a non-smoker…. List your hobbies…things you enjoy doing on a date maybe, or whatever your idea of fun is!!

Most dating sites will tell you that posting a picture will generate a lot more responses. I say, go for no photo at first and see how that goes. Maybe once you have comfortably established some chat with another person you can specifically send them your photo without having it out for public display.

If you are comfortable going the photo displayed route then ensure you are using an accurate depiction that is CURRENT. Thing is, you should expect the same in return as well. I once heard a suggestion where you have the person hold up today’s paper when sending you a photo of themselves lol!! That’s not that bad of an idea!
Now, before you go on chatting with just anyone through email or messenger or the dating site’s chat function – take a look into THEIR profile. Make sure this is someone you want to strike up a conversation with – don’t waste anyone’s time and expect the same in return.

Nixing “Chatspeak”

Now, what I believe is the KEY to online dating success – is being able to ‘chat/type’ the same way you would actually ‘speak’ if the person was in front of you. It always amazes me how often people who I know are very social and fun can come across as daft during a messenger conversation lol!! Try not to only give one word answers – have some questions that you’d like to ask. Toss the nerves aside, the benefit of online dating/chatting initially is that you remain somewhat anonymous… you don’t even have to worry about what you look like unless you venture into video chat ;o) (if you are on webcam chat.. make sure you’re presentable)….

Chatting through online dating can give you a lot of information in a short amount of time. This is a bonus as it saves people from wasting time if they discover something they aren’t keen on about the other person. It also can make you feel less inhibited to talk about things. On a real date there are always distractions – online the focus is the conversation and whether or not you feel the ‘click’.

Making An Online Relationship A Real Relationship

When you feel comfortable meeting in person, do so in a public place during daytime hours if at all possible. Provide your own transportation initially as well.. have a friend check in on you at some point during the meet (maybe they can send you a text) in case you require an ‘out’. These are standard concepts when meeting a new person anyway… hopefully the person you were chatting with online turns out to be an honest representation of themselves. There are always people out there who have used photos from their ‘better days’ or who haven’t been completely honest with their relationship status, etc, etc… just be aware before you dive right in. So keep that initial meeting short – coffee or a drink – not dinner. If all goes well, dinner can be next time. If what you are looking for is something casual and you wish to take things to another level – just be safe – going anywhere alone with a stranger poses threats – keep yourself protected at all times and in all ways ;o) Even if you use a reputable dating service you never truly know the person you are meeting initially so be smart.

Online dating can be a great way to branch out and it no longer holds the stigmas it once did. There are likely more couples meeting online as there are in bars now-a-days. Plus, you’ll likely know a lot more about the person you are meeting face to face then you ever could find out from someone you meet in a bar. Sharpen up those typing skills – and open the door to the online possibilities!!!

Do You See Yourself Completely?

Greg Halpen — Fri, 01 May 2009 18:11:17 +0000

There comes a time in one’s life when deep introspection needs to happen; especially when it comes to evolving from being a risky dater to being a smart dater. I know, there are many reasons why you’re not dating smart or not dating at all. You’re either working hard to raise a kid and need to pay the mortgage, you’re too shy to get out there and meet new people- because you think you are not good enough or you just don’t think it’ll ever happen - meeting the man of your dreams!

One Clients’ Journey

I have to say, my clients are pretty darn special and the most amazing people I have had the honor of coaching. I’ve been working with a particular client for a little over 5 months now and we’re at the point where our interactions just flow back and forth, like the ebb and flow of the tide. The co-creative relationship is so precious.

Why this particular client?

In the middle of our last session, he arrived at the awareness that his ideal partner is essentially himself and our work together has been about him building a meaningful relationship with the love of his life; again himself. This was a profound awakening for him and not to mention, something really cool for me to witness. Now, I know many gay men stomp their foot down, egos is hand, claiming they do not want a carbon copy of themselves. What I mean is, how you see yourself in the world and how you are being in the world, is how you will know when Mr. Wonderful is right in front of you. The important qualities you see in yourself are the one you’ll recognize in him.

His current homework assignment was to report to me each night via email how he sees himself completely during his day. This is his first email: “I see myself completely and realize that I don’t always ask for what I need, I say I’m ok when really deep down I’m not. I see myself completely when I realize that being vulnerable, telling someone exactly what I need, is hard for me to do.”

You see, he is beginning to recognize when he isn’t being true to himself. Sometimes our needs slip away, but to recognize and acknowledge it, is a very powerful thing. Just like when it comes to your own love life. Are you tending to your own dating needs? Are you seeking out guys who meet your requirements and values? If you’re not, chances are you’re needs need tending to. Are you pretty lost when it comes to knowing what your requirements are for a relationships? Is it hard to lead from your core values?

Your Relationship Success Assignment

For the next five days, take time at the end of your day to sit down and reflect where you see yourself completely. Where were you being true to yourself? Where were you inviting presence into a certain situation? As soon as you can get clear on how you see yourself, you will get clearer on who you are at the core, what the ideal partner and relationship looks like and you’ll soon start uncovering the road that will get you there.

YOU are a truly unique person with unique needs AND the power to make it happen, because only YOU can make it happen!

Can Dating Make You Sick?

Greg Halpen — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 13:59:02 +0000

I’ve been talking to a lot of single gay men around the world about dating and what dating means to them; I noticed one common element when it comes to their derailed love lives. Here’s what they’re saying: I hate dating or I just want to bypass all that dating stuff and get to the gold. For me personally, I hate to date. I hate having to tell someone it’s not a match. I always make the wrong choices.

Can You Get Smart About Dating?

It’s quite obvious that dating turns their stomach, but yet again they take the fast track approach and find themselves in another uncomfortable dating/relationship situation. Well, my gut reaction is telling me all of this drama can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating. The bottom line? If you take your time, do the groundwork and check in with that part of you that wants to have everything right away, I guarantee you will avoid the heartache and the truth of the situation with reveal itself.

Now, Greg, I urge you to really pay attention here, as well as anyone else who needs a bit of dating advice. You need to understand, without FIRST establishing a foundation of healthy dating; you’ll be doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over.

Ok, I know you’re a sweet, caring, non-reactive man with so much to offer a relationship. You’re doing exceptionally well in your career or business, but you made the choice to give your personal life the back seat. You probably even feel like all the pieces in your life are finally in place, except for the “relationship” part.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you who deep down inside desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I’ve compiled a list of 7 reasons why I think dating is hard for you and how you can turn it around.

Why Dating Sucks And How To Make It Shine

1. You don’t do the ground work. After three, four, and even five dates, you’ve already made the decision that he’s the right guy for you. This is your life we’re talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others’ world and defining what the relationship means to you.

2. You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, “Less is best.” Keep the meeting short and sweet. Make that choice to spend at least 45 minutes on the first date. Get a feel for him, be observant and present. Remember, this is the first impression he’ll get of you.

3. You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you haven’t grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You haven’t taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom. Including these three VITAL areas; core values, relationship requirements and skills, that need exploring and optimizing.

4. You don’t know how to be authentic. I know in business and career you are at the TOP of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes makes you so beautiful.

5. You can’t wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.

6. Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he’s been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet up to his high standards. Those are his words exactly. Sounds fishy to me. It’s perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend them - BUT are they realistic and are they based on your core values?

7. You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

Create Your Love Life By Design - NOT Default!

Greg, it’s time to start creating your love life by design and NOT by default, and everyone who thinks dating might be making them sick can do it to! Just like the saying goes, If you build it they will come. If you do the ground work, build a solid foundation and sound structure by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you sense amazing spaciousness around everything that happens in your life, relationship opportunities will start to surface.

Feeling Shy with the Hotties? Ten Can’t Miss Flirting Moves

Dr. Diana Kirschner — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 23:56:58 +0000

Flirting is phenomenal! It is a playful, fun activity that helps you feel more attractive and boosts your flirtee’s self esteem. Flirting can be a complete encounter; it doesn’t mean you have to go any farther. As long as you are in a safe public place, a little flirting is a fun, uplifting activity. Within a relationship, flirting is very important: it gives your date or partner clear “go” signals that indicate you find him attractive.

Flirting Is Essential

Flirting is especially important to practice if you are shy or nervous with men or typically caught in a deadly dating pattern I call “Just Buddies.” In this all too common pattern you have guy friends at work or outside, watch sports with them, play video or other games with them, but create no romantic connections. Then you wonder why none of these men are into you.

Dylan, a brilliant, hard-working engineer, whose gorgeous bod was permanently camouflaged in pantsuits or sweats, talks about her Just Buddies pattern:
I work with a lot of guys and I love sports, so we wind up going out after work to sports bars, kicking back a few drinks and doing the guy thing together. I’m the one they tell all their girl problems to. It’s all great, except for Rob, who I think I’ve been in love with for the past year. He just got engaged! During the Love in 90 Days program, I realized that I’m afraid to be more of a woman with a guy. Truth is, I don’t really know how to flirt and have never asked anyone for help. Dylan got over her deadly dating pattern by dressing in more feminine clothes and by flirting. She is now having an incredible time dating terrific guys.

Are You Like Dylan?

Like Dylan, many of us simply feel like we don’t know how to flirt. We see our girlfriends doing it, starting spirited connections with men and leaving us in the dust. But the truth is that flirting is a skill that can be learned! If flirting doesn’t come naturally, try it first on men who are not threatening to you like Dylan did with her game night friends. But make sure you eventually build up to the hotties. If you are nervous, blushing or shy, let it be. This kind of energy is particularly endearing and attractive. And surprisingly enough, if you are very attractive, flirting is especially important! The good men are often quite intimidated by a beautiful woman, and you have to be very clear in signaling your interest.

10 Key Flirting Moves

From Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love:

1. Make eye contact and smile. If he makes lingering or repeated eye contact back, he is probably interested.
2. Ask for help as you adjust your shoe, lean on his arm and adjust it.
3. Look at him, look away, then look back.
4. While sitting, cross your legs and jiggle your foot in his direction.
5. Touch him lightly on the arm, shoulder or neck.
6. Touch your lips, neck or chest.
7. Brush your hand through your hair.
8. Play with your hair, clothing or an object.
9. Whisper in his ear.
10. Give him a mini-massage.

Pick two or three of these simple flirting acts and try them out. You will be amazed at how easy they are to do. Then try a few more. Over time you can become accomplished at flirting whenever you want to, no matter how attractive a hottie is! Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific guys in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

How Not To Screw Up Your First Date! (Video)

Victorya Rogers — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 16:27:59 +0000

First dates are lots of fun, but they can also be pretty nerve wracking. If you’re on a first date with someone you really like and want to impress, it’s hard to know exactly what to do to bag yourself that second date. Here are a few pointers to make sure you set yourself up for first date success.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have a lot of trouble with first dates - I always seem to ruin them! How can stop screwing up my first dates and start having second and third dates?

–Steven, Alaska

Click here to view the embedded video.

1. Nix The Ex Factor

Don’t talk about your ex. At all! Don’t let your first date think you’re still hung up on your ex or you’re bitter towards the opposite sex in general. It will totally turn your first date off and make them want to find an exit fast!

2. Don’t Talk About Finances

Make finances one of the taboo topics, right along with religion and politics. Your date doesn’t want to hear about your financial woes and envision having to use his life savings to dig you out of debt and you don’t want to risk bragging about your financial success before you know that your date happens to be a starving artist.

3. Don’t Dress Too Provocatively

If you’re looking to hop into bed and make this date a mere booty call, feel free to dress as provocatively as you want. If you’re looking to start a relationship, definitely turn down the heat on your first date outfit. They’ll spend less time ogling you and more time getting to know you.

4. Let Information Out, Keep Baggage In

If you have kids, you don’t want to keep it from your first date. They definitely need to know the basics when it comes to sharing information. If you have a lot of baggage though, especially family baggage, it’s best to leave all baggage checked at the gate before your first date.

5. Let Your Date Talk About Them

It might sound cliché, but listen to your date talk- it’s the best way to guarantee a second date! Men do enjoy talking about themselves, and if you let them at it, they’ll want another date to learn more about you.

6. Be Genuine and Caring

The best thing you can do on a first date is to come off genuine and caring. It’s not hard -just be genuine and caring! Let your date know that you’re having a good time and you enjoy being with them, and let them see that you’re a down to earth and caring person. Don’t dwell on negative topics, situations or issues on a first date and try to focus on the positive. Wear your best accessory - your smile - and watch your first date become the start of lots of fun and exciting opportunities!

7. Don’t Have Sex On The First Date!

As tempting as it may be, having sex on the first date is the surest way to turn a potential relationship into a booty call. If you put out on the first date, it’s likely that your date won’t call you back - well, unless it’s for more “first date” fun. Keep it in your pants and wait until whatever date feels more comfortable to you to hop in bed - whether it’s the third or the thirteenth.

Even though first dates can be rough, they can also be a lot of fun if you’re open to it. Try to calm those first date jitters and don’t try to hard to impress. Just focus on being yourself and enjoying yourself, letting your good personality shine through. Listen to your date and avoid negative topics and you’ve got a great start to a great first date.

Build Self Confidence And Get The Girl

Alan B. Densky, CH — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:17:38 +0000

Have you ever met someone that you were just dying to ask out? You thought this person was absolutely perfect in every way. When this person smiled at you, your heart just soared.

But you were scared to death to ask him or her for a date, and so you never did. Do you still wonder at times how your life might have been different if you had only had the courage to ask?

Are You In a Negative Dating Pattern?

If you’re starting to fall into a pattern of dating girls (or guys) who won’t reject you, just because they won’t reject you, and not because you like them, you’re cheating yourself and them as well. You’re kidding yourself if that person doesn’t know whether you are dating him/her because of a mutual attraction, or because you just want a date. This isn’t fair to you or them.

Aren’t you tired of feeling that way? Wouldn’t you like to go out with someone you really like and just have a good time without being afraid of messing it up?

People who are ready to improve their self-confidence levels can have this success without spending their entire lives wishing they had asked Mr. or Miss Right for a date. They become confident, and they know that they have what it takes to succeed in the dating world. Would you like to know what it takes to succeed?

Believe in Yourself

Self-confidence is being able to believe in yourself and your individual strengths and talents. This is part of positive self-image, and is important for success. If you don’t understand how to gain self-confidence, you won’t be successful in your relationships, or your life in general. This problem will prevent you from taking control of past problems and building your future.

Self-confident people have faith in themselves and can accomplish their goals. They focus on achievement, know how to learn from past mistakes, and can use those mistakes to their advantage. They know that a weakness doesn’t make them a failure. Instead, they understand how to find the cause of their problems and avoid allowing themselves to fall into the same traps over and over.

Causes of Lack of Confidence

Many things cause a lack of self-confidence. Often, people become paralyzed by fear, hypnotizing themselves into a pattern of failures and fear of failures that lead to a lack of self-confidence. This hypnotic pattern may be the result of a rejection or feared rejection in a dating relationship.

People try all kinds of methods to boost self-confidence. They pay professional counselors huge hourly fees to sit and tell them how to become more self-confident. Some counselors use behavioral therapy to help people boost self-confidence.

They teach their clients to boost self-confidence by setting goals. For example, they may learn how to shake hands firmly with another person.

Why It Doesn’t Always Work….

Do Online, Virtual Relationships Really Work? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:10:56 +0000

In the world of online dating, it’s easy to build relationships with people that you’ve never met.

You get all the benefits of having a relationship with someone, but without the negatives that inherently come with a real-life relationship, for example, your online boyfriend will never leave the toilet seat up and your online girlfriend will never decorate your bachelor pad with floral prints.

But are online relationships really all they’re cracked up to be?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi, I’ve seen some of your videos and you guys seem to give some good advice. Maybe you can help me. I’ve been in an online relationship with a girl for around 3 years. We are planning to meet this summer… But for last couple weeks we’ve been having some problems. She’s been talking to this other guy a lot online and I’ve asked her about it and she says that he’s only a “good” friend. (She has cheated on me in the past). I love her, and she says she loves me but I don’t know what to do. She never wants to talk about it. If you can give me some advice I’d really appreciate it.

–Tom, Illinois

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The Positives

Online dating definitely has it’s pluses. You can meet tons of great people who really share the same interests you do, and you can find them quickly and easily with just a few clicks of your computer mouse. Online dating is a great way to safely meet people and get to know them a little bit without some of the awkwardness that often follows a real life introduction.

In reality, however, online dating is better served as simply “online introductions.” You can use an online dating website to your advantage to meet like minded people who you would enjoy spending time with, but often times virtual dating won’t get you very far.

The Negatives

Sure, online dating websites have their perks, there’s no doubt about that. But having an online, virtual relationship? That’s definitely harder than it sounds. People were designed to be social creatures.

Humans crave being around other humans, and we all crave another human’s touch. Unfortunately, that’s the one thing that online dating websites can’t provide - physical contact and a real life relationship with another human being.

While many people spend months or even years developing these long distance, virtual relationships with people, these relationships are often lacking a lot. First off, you definitely don’t get the physical intimacy that you need, and we’re not just talking about sex here. Second, it’s really impossible to get to know everything about someone online.

Filling in the Blanks….

13 Deadly Mistakes to Avoid on a Date

Alex Strandberg — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:58:21 +0000

Have you ever been excited about a date only to end up spending the night alone and frustrated? Staying up half the night asking yourself ‘What went wrong?’

I know I have many times. After each date ended badly I walked away feeling powerless over my dating life. It felt like there was something that I wasn’t getting that most men did.

I believe if guys avoid these 13 deadly mistakes like it was the plague, their chances of getting a second date would dramatically improve. I choose the unlucky number thirteen because when it comes to dating making these mistakes will cause you to be very unlucky.

1. Not Breathing

First dates can be nerve wrecking. The pressure can be so high that you feel like you have swallowed a whole jar of butterflies. Sweaty palms and nervous ticks can be greatly reduced by sitting back and breathing.

If you ever find anxiety building up inside of yourself focus on taking long deep breaths. This will allow you to calm yourself down and get back to enjoying the date.

2. Being Too Far Away From Your Date

How can you go in for a kiss if she is five feet away? You can’t, so get a little closer to her. Guys tend to end up in the friend zone far too often because they aren’t getting close enough to the girl. Friends keep their distance while lovers come in a little too close for comfort.

Don’t start out the night two inches away from her face because it will creep her out. Work your way from a distance and get closer and closer as the night goes on.

3. Wanting Her to Like You

Nothing spells neediness like wanting her approval. It is the number one attraction killer. If you are desperate for her to like you don’t be surprised when she gets a call from a friend telling her that a family member has been in an emergence and she needs to go to the hospital right away.

Instead of trying to get her to like you ask yourself if you like her. When you qualify a woman, your insecurities and fears are greatly reduced. You are now in a position of choice instead getting her to approve of you.

4. Saying Sorry Too Many Times

Saying sorry too often is a very unhealthy habit. You say sorry and she thinks, “Oh God not another nice guy.” Accidents happen and are automatically forgiven, that’s why they are accidents. There is no need to say sorry every time you accidentally bump into her or make a minor mistake.

If you do something horrible like telling her that her ass is fat or spilling a drink in her new purse, then it requires a sincere apology. Anything beyond psychological or physical damage doesn’t warrant an apology.

5. Taking Her Out to Dinner….

How Can I Turn A Friendship Into Something More?

Alex Strandberg — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 19:42:30 +0000

So you tell me there is a girl that you have been fantasizing over for years and are madly in love with. I’m sure she is unlike any other woman that you have ever met. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and there is such a great connection between you and her.

The only problem is, you’re just a friend, and that’s it. You wonder “Can I actually turn it into something more?”

What If There’s No Attraction?

The answer to that will always be the same…you can’t. If there isn’t any real attraction between you and the girl from the get go, there is NOTHING you can do about it. No amount of lines or telling her how you feel will get her to change her mind about you.

The movie industry screws with a lot of guys minds by making them believe that you can turn a friendship into something sexual or romantic. What works in the movies doesn’t work in real life.

Playing Peter Gabriel outside of her window won’t make her fall head over heels for you. No, she won’t read your romantic love letter that you have worked on for years and want to jump into bed with you. Sadly many men have to learn this lesson the hard way.

Even worse than the movie industries portrayal of this unfortunate situation is the Internet. I did a quick Google search on ‘how to turn a friend into a lover’ and got over 15 million responses.

I clicked on a couple of the results to see what kind of false hope they were giving people. Not one of these sites were able to tell the truth about this predicament. They all stated that is was very possible to turn a friendship around. One site even offered a spell that you can use to enchant the woman.

When you first approach or meet a woman she puts you into one of two categories…”yes” or “no”. Yes, she is attracted to you or no she has no attraction for you. If you get lumped into the “no” category there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You are forever branded as a “no”.

Why Friendships Turn Into Relationships

With that said there are a bunch of claims of friendships turning into relationships out there. These claims are a little misleading. What happens here is one of two things:

The woman decided to settle for a guy she wasn’t attracted to or…
There was attraction from the beginning but for whatever reason it never escalated any further

Why Women Settle….

When Should You Take Down Your Online Dating Profile? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:02:49 +0000

Online dating has worked its magic. You’ve found that special someone and you’re really hitting it off with them.

When should you take down your online dating profile? Should you wait until you’re exclusive with this person before you do, or should you take down your profile on the first date?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve met someone I really like online. I’d like to pursue a relationship with them, but I still have my online dating profile. Should I take it down right away or leave it up in case this relationship doesn’t work out?

–Shanna, FL

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Has Your Date Taken Down Their Online Dating Profile Yet?

Many people will keep their online dating profile up on the site for quite some time, even after they’ve found a potential match or even someone they really like. Why is this? It’s somewhat like leaving your resume on a job search website.

Even though you’ve found a new job, it never hurts to have your resume out there just in case you’re contacted by a really great opportunity. It seems logical, right?

Unfortunately, this is where not being on the same page as your date can really harm your budding relationship. For example, your date might have taken their online profile down as soon as they met you.

You might not be ready to take down your profile until you’re more sure of the relationship with this person, or even vice versa. However, it can definitely be hurtful if your partner believes they’re more serious with you than you think they are.

How To Avoid Uncomfortable Situations When It Comes To Removing Your Profile

The most important thing to do when it comes to your online profile and your new online dating partner is to be open and honest with them. Really, you and your new partner are not exclusive until you’ve both sat down and talked about being exclusive. If you haven’t had that talk, you’re really both free and open to continuing to meet other people and potential matches.

If you’re really hitting it off with this particular partner, however, you might decide to have the “exclusive” talk sooner rather than later. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to commit to each other, but it’s important to be on the same page with them.

You can start the conversation out in an open manner, such as saying, “Now that we’re dating, how do you feel about continuing to use our online dating profiles?” You can also be more frank about the issue, especially if you feel more comfortable leaving your profile up.

For example, you can say something like, “I would like to keep my online dating profile up while we’re in the beginning stages of getting to know each other.” This lets your new partner know what your plans are so there are no surprises later.

Whether you and your new partner decide to leave your profiles up or take them down, or any combination of the two, it’s most important to be open and honest with your partner so you both are on the same page. Honesty and trust are the best way to build a relationship with someone, and will give you a solid foundation to start on.

Online Dating - To Pay Or Not To Pay (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 13:18:05 +0000

In the past, online dating was seen as more “desperate” than traditional dating, but as more and more things are going online, the social stigma of online dating has all but disappeared. Now it’s more of a tool that you can use to meet people that have similar interests in your area.

There are both free sites and paid sites. The question is, which do you choose?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I just can’t seem to meet single women in Real World situations. I’ve tried to meet women on 100% free dating sites, followed the rules to the best of my abilities (being honest, having no pictures with girls in them, talk about specific hobbies and life goals, etc.), and still nothing.

My friends are bugging me to join a pay site like Match.com or eHarmony, but isn’t a PAY site just telling the world that I’m so desperate that I have to pay someone $30-$50 a month just for the POSSIBILITY of meeting women? What reason do I have to think that I’ll be anymore successful here than I was there? Are pay sites an insulting admission of desperation, or simply using another tool in the world of meeting women?

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The Benefits Of Unpaid Online Dating Websites

Unpaid sites have their advantages namely you can meet people online for free. Your credit card never gets billed and you don’t have to risk paying for a service that might not ever be useful.

That is, you might never find anyone online that you’re compatible with. If you’re using a free online dating site, it’s more of a disappointment rather than a financial issue. But paid dating websites have many advantages as well. In fact, many of the popular paid online dating websites have benefits that far outweigh the drawbacks of paying for an online dating tool.

How Serious Are You?

Whether you want to pay for an online dating website service or not is up to you. You know your financial situation and you know if this is something you can commit to financially or not.

Think about this though. How serious are you about meeting someone online? If you’re simply doing it for fun or for friends and don’t mind if you never find anyone you’re compatible with, a free online dating website might be right up your alley.

However, if you’re more serious about finding someone you really enjoy spending time with and might end up being that really special someone, a paid online dating website is going to give you more of what you’re looking for.

Paying For a Membership Is a Big Commitment….

How Can I Tell If My Date Really Likes Me? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 12:42:25 +0000

Navigating the dating world can be difficult for both men and women. It’s hard to tell what your date’s motivations are and if they really like you or not.

Both men and women can also send mixed messages too, making it even harder for you to figure out what is going on. How can you tell if your date really likes you?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How can I tell if she’s really into me?

–Jeff, North Carolina

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Dating vs. Friends

The first way to tell if your date really likes you is to look at the dating pattern. Are you going on dates with this person alone or are you going on dates with other friends as friends? If you’re going on dates with them alone, do you continue to go out on dates or call each other?

If the answer is that you are dating this person, as in going on dates alone with them and spending time with them, chances are they really do like you. Neither men nor women will continue to date someone and continue to spend time with someone if they’re not at least a little interested.

If you’re dating someone, you can assume they like you enough to give you more chances, and they probably like you a lot!

If you and your date are going out with other people, such as your friends, it can be a little more difficult to figure out if they like you or not.

Body Language

Another way to tell if your date really likes you is to pay attention to their body language. Do they move close to you when they talk to you? Do they touch your arm or your leg as they’re having a discussion with you? If your date seems really interested in you and really does like you, you’ll be able to tell by watching their body language.

Talk To Them

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The Easy Way To Get A Girlfriend

Alex Shalman — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 13:07:51 +0000

On many occasions my guy friends would come to me for advice and ask me how they could get a girlfriend. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been dating since 6th grade, or possibility because they’ve never seen me without a girlfriend.

When it comes to dating, the number one thing to do is organize our priorities. It follows that the number one question to ask ourselves is, “why do I want to be in a relationship.”

Why Do YOU Want to Be in a Relationship?

The answer to this question will be very unique and personal to you. It could be for fun, for sex, for security, for comfort or a large variety of other reasons. Whatever your reason is, it’s important for you to have a clear distinction of what you’re looking for.

My current style of dating is “dating for marriage.” This means that I’m looking for someone that I think will make an awesome wife, will fulfill my needs till death do us part, and someone that I’ll be able to give my love to fully and easily. I would define this as a passionate-friendship.

This hasn’t always been my style of dating though. My dating technique used to consist of dating anybody who was interested in me.

With that technique at the center of my game I made some very wrong choices. Choices that would ultimately leave me feeling frustration and a lack of control.

Through much trial and error, and over a decade of dating, I’ve put together the pieces of the dating puzzle.

Now it’s simple to see that being a confident dater, and getting the person that you want, is as simple as defining what it is that you are looking for.

“So You’ve Figured it Out. Good For You, But What About Me?”

I have no intention of leaving you hanging without the answer that you’re looking for. The way to figure out what you want is to sit down with yourself, and carefully do an extensive self-examination of all of your needs and wants.

The key to this is to ask yourself all the right questions in all the important categories.

These questions aren’t magic, nor are they secret, and I have full intention of freely divulging them to you, at no charge, and at your earliest convenience.

While I’m at it though, I’d like to tell you some of the other tips and tricks that I have deciphered over the years.

What Do You Really Want?

I’d like to help you understand exactly what it is that you want. Then, I will show you how to build up the confidence so that you realize you deserve to have what you want.

After that, we’ll work on approaching the person of your dreams. We’ll work on communicating powerfully, so that you can really get your point across. Then we’ll close the deal together, as you learn a couple of sure-fire tactics for closing the deal and asking them out.

The great part about what I’m going to show you is that it’s not just for getting into a relationship, or “picking up girls (or guys).”

This technique works for people that are already in a relationship, and it also works for building successful business relationships.

This is where a lot of internet markets would say, come and get it for the low low price of something-something dollars.

However, I’m not selling anything. I genuinely want you to be in an amazing relationship, much like the one I went out and got, so that you can be fulfilled.

How to Get Rid Of Your Emotional Baggage Before Your Next Relationship

Nick Arrizza MD — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:44:08 +0000

If you’ve been in a relationship before and you’re entering a new one you likely carry the war scars of the last one with you. What are to consequences to you and your new relationship of walking in handicapped?

Well you’re likely feeling a bit defensive, somewhat jaded about the opposite sex and about relationships in general, you’ve likely started to engage in some sort of “game playing” in order to stay safe or to manipulate your new mate, you are unlikely to allow yourself to become too intimate early on or perhaps at all and so on.

What does all this amount to?

Well certainly not a healthy relationship and definitely another failed one!

The Danger of Carrying the Past With You

You see so many individuals who have had unsatisfying relationships in the past actually carry the trauma of these within yet assume that is a normal part of the learning process and never question it.

It has been my experience that this is not unlike a form of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which clearly affects and undermines the person’s ability to achieve a successful, healthy and happy relationship in their future. This is the reason that so many individuals, later in their lives have turned away from the idea of relationship and towards a solitary existence.

Is there a solution to this problem? Absolutely!

Uninstall the Memories of Past Relationships

You see now for the first time it is possible to uninstall the memories of previous unhealthy relationships from the mind/body consciousness. As hard as this is to believe it actually helps to restore one to their original state of purity and authenticity.

This then allows them not only to enter the new relationship feeling more present, open, honest and confident it also gives them a great sense of resilience. The latter is something that few individuals ever have yet the most important component in my view.

The process that uninstalls memories is called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP) and it is based on a very simple yet powerful principle that I discovered over a decade ago while I practiced as a psychiatrist.

MRP, unlike psychotherapy, unearths and outrightly challenges unconscious beliefs you have stored within you about memories such as a) why they are apparently useful to you, b) why you “think” you can’t release them and most amazingly c) the belief that they actually happened to you.

MRP compares the apparent “usefulness” of having negative memories inside you against what it actually feels like to have them there. This simple yet profound approach can literally help restore one’s relationship life in a very short time as has been witnesses by hundreds of individuals in thousands of sessions.

Can you imagine entering into your next relationship and feeling as exhilarated as if it was the first one all over again? To have such an experience kindly visit my web site for a free consultation.

Think You Have to Let Him Call You First? Not Anymore!

Sarah Elizabeth Malinak — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 14:32:42 +0000

I saw a depiction of a young woman calling a man for a date while maintaining her sexy femininity! It was exciting to witness and I want to share it with you.

I realize that expressing my discomfort over the fact that these days both sexes expect that she will call him for that first date is a favorite drum I beat.

Time and couples have proven that when a woman allows a man to pursue her, if a relationship ensues, the relationship has a better chance of survival.

That means letting him call her first. It means letting him speak first with his voice, though she may speak first with her eyes and body language, giving him encouragement to pursue her.

Calling a Man in a Way That Allows Him to Maintain His Masculine Energy

Given that women call men for dates and that men expect them to, here’s how to do it in such a way that he gets to maintain his sexy position holding the masculine energy and she gets to maintain her sexy position holding the feminine energy!

In the movie, “Happy Go Lucky,” Poppy is a thirty-year-old single female, living in London. With her carefree attitude, it is no surprise that she is a successful grade school teacher. The fact that she is single doesn’t bother her a bit. In fact, the romantic relationship she begins doesn’t occur until the very end of the film.

She has a problem with one of her students becoming violent. A social worker named Tim gets involved. He turns out to be compassionate and effective. A handsome man, he and Poppy spark to each other instantly.

After their session with the student, Poppy walks Tim to the door where they have a flirtatious conversation and reveal their interest in each other. Tim asks Poppy if she would like to go out sometime. She giggles a flirtatious and humorous affirmation. He invites her to give him a call and gives her his phone number.

As Poppy’s life is full, she has plans for the weekend and doesn’t get around to calling him until Sunday. They flirt on the phone until she finally asks, “So, you fancy going out with me sometime?” They then arrange for the following Friday. The way the date is depicted on the screen is delightful in its charm.

Later, at his apartment, they make love. At the foot of his bed, Tim encircles Poppy’s waist with his hands and kisses her repeatedly while she stands in a pose of surrender with her arms akimbo. When she finally takes his head in her hands and caresses him, her touch is visibly warm and inviting.

The Depth of Their Intimacy

It is riveting as this carefree woman, easily taken for being silly, shows up as an excellent lover. Their intimacy the next morning as they putter around his apartment reveals the same tender depth.

He takes her home later in the morning because she has an appointment to keep. She winds up having a stressful day and doesn’t talk to him until the afternoon of the following day. Their conversation is flirtatious and fun as they revel in the possibility that they are falling in love.

How She Maintained Her Femininity While Allowing Him to Maintain His Masculinity

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