Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

About a year ago my husband fixed my best friend’s car (he owns his own business) and charged her about $1500 (it was a big job). She went in to pick up her car and gave him $400 toward it saying she would never not pay him because of our friendship. Well 2 wks later when we were curious she said the car was not fixed. And they had to take it elsewhere. They NEVER said a word about anything like this til then. So long story short we quit speaking for a few months and now are trying to be friends again. I was telling a friend how my bf and I had to kind of keep our friendship away from my husband and she heard about it. She knew that I wouldn’t tell him even tho she knew I was talking to him. Well now she’s mad even tho I have apologized for telling someone. Now she’s trying to guilt me into starting a fight with my husband and shoving our friendship down his throat. My husband doesn’t even want her in our house. What do I do?

- Betrayed in Illinois

Dear Betrayed,

Thanks for reaching out to me! Your loyalty – first and foremost needs to be with your husband! Tell him you started speaking to your girlfriend and that you regret going behind his back!

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info

Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

We use to have sex all the time but now, with 3 kids, 2 jobs, the dog and running the house – we hardly ever have time for sex anymore. What should we do Dr. Patty Ann?

-Sexless but in Love

Dear Sexless but in Love,

All you have to do is prioritize sex in your marriage by having both you and your husband put it on your “to do list”, and then “schedule” like any other important appointment you would have in your life. And don’t worry that scheduled sex won’t be romantic – it will still be a lot better than NO sex. Just the notation on both of your calendars will add to the interest level. You each may take the opportunity to spice things up by sending flowers, cards, chocolates and even a sweet text or handwritten note placed in the purse or wallet where each will set it on that special day. This will enhance your potential view of “What, we actually schedule sex?”

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info

Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

My husband of 10 years is being all that men usually complain about women. He nags me and the kids (2 girls ages 8 and 5) about neatness in the house, he is very into safety, quiet and what not. Things just have to be his way or else we get into fights and arguments. I don’t feel loved, appreciated, admired or romanced. I just feel like a function. In the past 6 years I totally lost my libido and now one of my husband’s main complaints is lack of sex. But he doesn’t understand that his practical attitude towards me is a killer for any woman. Our phone calls are all about him checking on me if I’ve done this, scheduled that, took the car for cleaning etc. How can I get him understand that his unromantic, practical, logical engineer attitude towards me is killing our relationship? I haven’t been able to explain it to him in a way he understands.

-Discouraged Wife in Sunnyvale, CA

Dear Discouraged Wife,
Thank you for reaching out to me – I see you are in a very difficult place in your marriage and that you are in much pain. Let me try to help you with your difficult situation. I do not know how you have tried to communicate your feelings to your husband – I only know from what you wrote that your communication is not, unfortunately, effective. My suggestion is to take a step back and try to re-connect with your husband and become friends again – and that will help you begin to rekindle the romance in your relationship. The reason I say this is because it sounds like you and your husband are not even friends anymore – just partners running the “business” of your family life. To get your needs met – by getting your message heard – it is important that you are connected so your husband will be willing to hear your message – and not be defensive.

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info

Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

I’ve heard you on a radio show a few times and I was curious to ask you a question. My boyfriend’s brother got engaged after being with his girlfriend for only a year and I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. We live together and I don’t feel as secure as I did before his brother got engaged. We have talked about getting married and it’s mostly a money thing for him, at least that’s what he tells me. Lately I just don’t know – he has never been one to be outwardly affectionate but I just don’t feel as secure as I use to. It doesn’t help that everyone who finds out that we have been together for that long asks me when we are getting married. I don’t know why his brother’s engagement is bugging me this much, is it just simple jealously?

-Anonymous in Connecticut

Dear Anonymous in Connecticut,
Thank you for reaching out to me regarding your situation. Although I appreciate it is difficult for you to see your boyfriend’s brother get engaged, I do not believe you are jealous of this situation. It seems to me that your feelings are based on you not getting your needs met by your boyfriend and you are closing yourself off to him to avoid feeling any more hurt.

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info

Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

My wife and I are always arguing over what to do on the weekend. I like to stay home and watch sports on TV and my wife would prefer we go out for dinner or socialize with friends. Can you help us resolve these fights once and for all?

-Weekend Fighters

Dear Weekend Fighters,

Sure, this is easy. Compromise is the word of the day. Both you and your wife should agree to spend the weekend engaged in the activities you each prefer every other week. So you get your way 50% of the time and your wife gets her way 50% of the time. This is a win-win! If a special playoff game is scheduled for your wife’s weekend – since it is a scheduled game – talk with your wife about this ahead of time and negotiate a weekend switch.

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info

Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

My husband is spending an awful lot of time on the Internet, specifically on his Facebook page. When I ask him who he is talking to, he tells me just some “old” friends I don’t know. I’m starting to get really worried and I think he is having an affair. What should I do?

-Suspicious in Seattle

Dear Suspicious in Seattle,

Tell your husband you would like to know who he is talking to on Facebook and that you would like to get to know something about them since he seems to be spending so much time talking to them. If he blows your suggestion off, share your concern that he might be having an affair with this person and if he doesn’t tell you who he is talking to on-line then, unfortunately, your suspicion is probably correct.

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info

Dear Dr. Patty Ann,

My kids are 5 and 6 years old, the oldest a girl, the youngest a boy. Their Dad left us four years ago, the dirtbag. Forget him, my question is this, there is this great guy I met and we have gone on four dates by ourselves so far. We are really getting along. When do I have him meet my kids and how do I introduce him to them? He knows I have children. He does not have kids and he has never been married.

~ Hoping the Second Time is a Charm in Nashville

Hoping the Second Time is a Charm in Nashville,

Awesome you think you have a great guy! I would say four dates is way too early to introduce him to your kids, especially because your children are so young. My suggestion is to wait until you have dated this man for 6 months or so and then, if your feelings for this guy are still strong, and you think you have a future together, then you can have him meet the kids. Each situation is unique but you do want to take your time before you introduce him to them so you avoid the “revolving man door”. Nothing replaces time to get to really know someone! Hope your second time is a charm too!

Dr. Patty Ann
Relationship Advice Expert

Dr.PattyAnn.com: Site Info
RelationshipToolbox.Com: Site Info