TINY BABY COMPLETES FIRST RACE

Bend, OR, USA – Jude Eiger Thomas (JET) completed his first triathlon when he successfully exited mother Lauren Fleshman’s womb at 10:03pm on June 10, 2013. His official time was 9 months, 3 days, and 16 rather painful final hours.

Unlike his father Jesse Thomas, Jude is an exceptional swimmer. He was the first competitor through the water, besting anywhere from 20 to 50 million other competitors in the process. Do to incredibly wet conditions, race organizers swapped the bike ride for a 9 month aqua jog. Jude stayed calm and jogged well, but was given a few penalties from mom for repeatedly and painfully pushing the limits of his aquajogging station. He snapped back though. Just like dad, he finished with a big run, winding his way successfully to the finish line through the tight, circuitous, and incredibly confusing course despite race organizers declining to provide him with a lead vehicle.

Jude may have over hydrated and over fueled, because he somehow grew roughly 21″ in length and gained 7lbs 11oz DURING the competition. His mother and father are super proud and happy. Mother is doing fantastic, especially considering she ventured to new levels of pain that greatly exceeded any and all previous athletic endeavors.

Jude was super psyched to finally finish his first race 100% healthy and happy. Though there were no other witnesses, his father swore he heard him say “Booyah” as he crossed the finish line. He quickly latched on to lots of recovery drink followed by sleeping and plenty of pooping. He wants to thank everyone who supported him from a little Lima Bean all the way to fully developed, but still tiny, bad ass mofo.

The earliest signs of my affliction were in elementary school in the 80′s when little girls started transitioning from leggings to jeans. I didn’t get it. Jeans were rough, stiff, hot, and stained easily compared to my flexible soft black leggings. How were you supposed to slide tackle someone in jeans? I wouldn’t wear those hideous, impractical, leg suffocators. End of story. And then one day in 8th grade I got a pair of Levi 501′s and never took them off for 5 years. I am to this day a jeans evangelist.

The first time I saw skinny jeans I laughed my ass off. I tried some on at the insistance of a friend and honestly thought they were a joke. The fact that 14 year old dudes were wearing them didn’t help. Years later, I own four pairs, including fire engine red, and I’ll wear them at least 3 years after they go out of style.

Gladiator sandals? Who am I, a Khaleesi from Game of Thrones? Then I gave them a shot two seasons later and didn’t take them off until they physically disintegrated.

I was the last of my friends to unhook one of my overalls straps like a G, wear knee socks like Alicia Silverstone, use a purse, embrace dangly earings, wear a dress that fit like a burlap sack, don a flowy sweater that had no buttons (wtf’s the point?)…but I get there eventually. And when I do, it’s not because I’m trying to be in style. It’s because I surpisingly love wearing whatever it is I’m now wearing (that I previously hated).

My latest discovery is the maxi dress. I heard they were coming back into style a couple years ago and tried a few on with one of my fashion-forward friends. Sure enough, I thought I looked like a cracked out hippy and threw them at the dressing room attendant. Last week I bought three and felt like a supermodel in them. That’s when it clicked. I stood there in front of the changing room mirror in my soon-to-be new dress thinking “What’s not to like about a maxi dress? What was my problem last time?” For the life of me, I honestly couldn’t remember.

Why does this happen? If I am going to eventually come around to new styles after they become old, why not just go for it right off the bat? Why not dive in head first? It makes more practical sense. If I’m going to spend the money on clothes now and then, I might as well get more than one season “in style.”

I don’t know if I could ever get the confidence to rock things when they first hit the racks. Why? Is it fashion’s fault? Is it that the catwalk is so over-the-top that I don’t trust it?  Are these new styles objectively nice looking but I’m emotionally resistent to change? Or are they all ridiculous but after enough celebrities wear it, you think you like it? I have no idea. All I know is that one day I think it’s fugly and then a while later I freaking drool over it. And these maxi dresses I just got look effing fantastic. If you didn’t already buy some three years ago, you should totally get one.

Jesse was working on “what the hell to do with his life after business school” and I was working on “how to find meaning in the day to day when my running is in the shitter.” Basically we were staring at this:

“I need something else in my life besides my running,” I said for the 36^th time of the trip. “Running is just too freaking one-dimensional. When you’re winning and healthy it’s great, but when you are injured it sucks the life out of you. It’s just not healthy.”

Jesse peeked his blue eyes over the top of his MacBook. “Well what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know. I used to be more than a runner. A student. A musician. A teacher. I had friends. Roommates. Other things I cared about. Other lives I cared about. Now it’s just all about me all the time.”

“That’s part of the deal dude. You’re a professional athlete.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean. It makes it so that not even the good times are as much fun. And the bad times are freaking terrible. People go through this stuff all the time, all by themselves, not just pro athletes, and feel awful about it. It’s stupid. Why don’t we have a way to talk about it?”

“Maybe you can give talks or teach or volunteer or something? But the travel…uh, maybe you can write about your experiences for a running website or something?”

“Maybe…I like to write. I like to help people out. I have all this experience I’m not doing anything with right now. I just don’t know what to DO with it online because I don’t understand this internet shit [insert whiney pouty frustrated face you only show your spouse or parents]! Can you please help me. I can’t do it by myself.”

Jesse paused for effect and cocked his eyebrow so high a curl from his head got tangled up in it. As two extremely independent and stubborn people, we RARELY ask one another directly for help.

I stared back with watery eyes [ultimate chick card, not proud of it.]

“Let’s see what we can find,” he replied, and tucked back behind the Macbook.

That was the start. The spark. Whatever you want to call it. Laptop Battleship was about to be taken to a new level: Laptop Idea Battleship.

Polster is on the right. I know this picture is confusing, but just try to focus on his face.

By the end of our four hour lunch I had a domain name, Ask Lauren Fleshman (“ALF”), a plan, and a husband with computer skills who just finished his MBA in sports business. Jesse and I felt strongly that my website should reflect who I am, and what I care about, and most importantly provide real value for people beyond cool pictures and flashy designs, but I couldn’t create the site by myself. Jesse got a temporary website up and I started blogging with immediate plans to revamp it and make it do all the things I dreamed of.  I bet about 15 of you remember that original iWeb site.

His web-designer cousin Loren Polster was hired to design the full site and when he presented it to me, I gave him the hug of the century. Thanks to Jesse and Loren, I wasn’t just given a website, I was given a purpose outside of running, something that I couldn’t have made for myself. Thank God for people with actual technical skills, eh?

So Why Change Anything?

In the past three and a half years, my readership has grown from 4 on the first post to….well, lots. I’ve learned what information is most helpful for my readers and what is not. And as the needs of my readers have changed, it became obvious that my website had to change too. It became more than I imagined. I had no idea I’d get so many THOUSANDS of questions, or that I would end up with a big collection of content that would be difficult to locate after a week or so. The website for me had become like a frighteningly disorganized desk that is overflowing with so much loose paper that despite my best intentions, I just couldn’t do work there. I’ve essentially stopped answering questions because I can’t organize them, and that breaks my heart because that is my favorite part of having ALF in the first place!

SOOOOOOO…that was an extremely long way to announce that ALF got a full body makeover, and I’m not just talking about what dress she is wearing on the outside. Behind that dress are undergarments that perform functional miracles, exfoliated skin that has been plucked, waxed, buffed, and moisturized, and organs that have been restored to optimal function thru a juice cleanse. It’s still the same at it’s core, but updated for the now.

Thank You

Even though McKayla is not impressed, I want to thank the birds.

I want to thank Oiselle for asking me how they could help, and for providing all the resources to make my blog the way I really wanted it. They set me up with a very talented design/development duo, Regina Baerwalde and Christine Estrada, and let us take it from there. No strings attached. They never once imposed any requirements or forced me to plug their products, or anything you might expect. Any sign of Oiselle products or collaborations that you see on the new site exist because I want them there, and I personally asked for them there. I am the only person who controls the content on my site. I will never take for granted how fortunate I am to have a working relationship like that, so thanks a million to the Volée at Oiselle.

Please Help

While you are here, if you don’t mind doing me a solid: please get comfortable, click around, and any kinks or feedback you see, please let me know by commenting on this post or emailing me at admin@asklaurenfleshman.com. These types of things don’t come out perfect on day one, and I could really use your help identifying what still needs to be addressed.  There will be little adjustments here and there over the next couple weeks.

Thanks a million to all of you for your support over the last 3 ½ years. The next 3 ½ are going to be even better, and I can’t wait to share it with you.

Watch more video of Outdoor Track and Field on Flotrack 2013 on flotrack.org