I applied for a technical job, but HR told me the company was impressed with my resume and wanted to interview me for the manager role instead. After interviews with several people, I received and accepted a job offer, completed the background check and drug test, and even met the department’s director. I then attended a week of orientation at headquarters. At the end of the week I met with a different manager who would be my temporary boss until the new V.P. position was filled. This temporary boss informed me the position had “changed” and they could no longer offer it. She and an HR director said allowing me to continue would “set me up to fail” and offered a lower-level job at $20,000 less. This was humiliating, financially damaging, and cost me two months on the job market. I also turned down another job opportunity to accept this position. Have you heard of this happening, and how should I proceed?

Nick’s Reply

If you haven’t already done this, please do it: find a good employment attorney (who preferably represents only employees, not employers) and request an initial consultation to assess your legal options. I don’t like to see people start lawsuits or spend their money on lawyers, but it can be very worthwhile to get an opinion even if you take no legal action.

Is your salary cut illegal?

I’m not a lawyer, and this isn’t legal advice, but I’m wondering if you have a cause of action called promissory estoppel. This is when an employer knows you relied on a “promise” (a job offer) they made to you, yet intentionally took an action (cutting your salary dramatically right after you sacrificed another job) to your financial detriment. Only a lawyer can tell you.

This is also a serious breach of ethics. Even if your offer wasn’t in writing, it seems this company actually hired you (you were an employee the day you showed up for training). Keeping in mind that the employer may have the right to fire you at any time and for any reason, what they’ve done is nonetheless unconscionable on one level, and very poor management on another. And maybe even illegal.

Whose problem is your salary cut?

If they weren’t sure about the position, they should have waited until the new V.P. came on board before hiring you.

They made this your problem. A good lawyer might make it their problem. Sometimes all it takes is a nasty-gram from good legal counsel. You might find yourself holding a settlement payment, or maybe in the job you thought you were hired for.

Please see an employment attorney. A lot will depend on how the offer was tendered to you, on the wording and on other facts. But don’t let this slide. I’d be very curious to know the outcome.

What would you do if the rug was pulled out from under you so soon after starting a new job? Has an employer played bait and switch with you? What’s the worst surprise you encountered in the first few days or weeks of a new job?

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Join us for discussion! One week on the job & I got a $20,000 salary cut

I’ve really enjoyed your Q&A columns since you used to write for Electronic Engineering Times. Your advice to bypass the job boards and algorithms is absolutely correct. I’ve always believed news outlets and trade publications are packed with great job leads — they’re just nowhere near the employment ads! The best job leads are right there in the articles, if you read between the lines and if you’re willing to contact the people you read about.

I also believe it’s absolutely an edge to use your mobile to actually call people rather than text or e-mail. It’s amazing how quickly gatekeepers and receptionists put you through to other professionals when you tell them you’re calling to discuss an esoteric work topic, as opposed to a cold “networking” call. Networking is for computers!

Keep up the great work!

Nick’s Reply

Wow, you’re one from way back in EET days! Thanks for your very kind compliments — you keep reading and I’ll keep writing! You don’t have a question, but I think you make such an important point that I want to talk about it.

Where the real job leads are

Employment postings are not the only place to identify job leads. The best source of information about great job opportunities is indeed the trade and business press. This is also where you get to identify and “meet” the people who make companies and industries successful. For example, engineers writing about their technology, marketers debating the value of a product strategy, executives discussing the viability of certain markets, and reporters revealing the stories “between the lines” that affect an entire industry.

These are the people who can lead you into a company, if you’d only bother get in touch with them! This gives you an incredible edge over your competition, which is content trying to figure out how to game LinkedIn and the algorithms used to sort keywords.

One incredible source of information is in the “letters to the editor” and discussion forums in pertinent publications. These are people like you who have knowledge and insight relevant to the work you want to do. These are the potential “insider contacts” that are worth more than any job ad in the world.

Job leads via phone call

And you are absolutely right: while it might seem daunting to get through to a manager to discuss your interest in a job, there’s just no way a receptionist or “gatekeeper” can screen a call from, say, an engineer who wants to talk to another engineer (or manager) about corner?case testing and thermal limits in design or whether high bandwidth memory is a long?term solution or a stopgap. If you lead with a question the gatekeeper doesn’t understand, you’re likely to be let through the gate.

Of course, many companies now have automated call reception systems. You can usually avoid this “gate” if you call into the executive offices where you will likely reach a human gatekeeper — the executive assistant. “I’m trying to reach Linda Jones, to inquire about high bandwidth memory in your Model J2 Frammitz…” (See Getting in the door and past HR.)

Again and again and again I talk myself blue in the face (don’t worry; I enjoy it) explaining that the best way to pursue a new job is not to talk about the job; it’s to talk about the work you do with other people who do it, too. That leads to the fundamentally healthy, mutually-beneficial conversations that reveal hidden job leads and drive all commerce.

(For those that might dismiss using a phone to actually make a call as passe, how’s all the A.I. in your job-seeking strategy working for you?)

Thanks again for your note, and for reminding people that it’s worth a phone call, and for emphasizing how to get past the gatekeeper almost anywhere!

Do you use your phone to make new connections and to find real job leads? Once you identify who you need to talk with, do you go straight to talking, or do you hide behind texts, e-mails and LinkedIn messages?

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Join us for discussion! Want real job leads? Get past the gatekeeper

Friday I was laid off from my employer of seven years. They unexpectedly filed for chapter 11 liquidation.

I live in a small city and would prefer not to move. I believe there are jobs here, but they are more with smaller firms, and are filled by word of mouth. There is a local “good old boy network” of people who went to school together at the state university and have worked together, but I am relatively new to the area and have had trouble tapping into this network.

How do I find these “word of mouth” jobs? How should I start my job search? How long should I expect to be unemployed? Which format of resume is most effective? Thank you.

Nick’s Reply

Ouch. Chapter 11. Sorry to hear it. I have no doubt the “good old boy network” controls a lot of the opportunities. It’s time to work your way into it.

The good old boy network

I couldn’t guess how long it might take you to find a new job, but I wouldn’t invest too much time figuring out what the “right” kind of resume is. Employers in smaller cities generally do indeed prefer word of mouth. Remember that, no matter what you call them, these insiders (“boys” and “girls”) know and trust one another. It’s how they ensure (in most cases) that they’re wasting as little time as possible when hiring good people to do the work. While they might miss out on some excellent “outsiders,” the good old boy network probably works pretty well given the relatively small business community.

Get inside

Here are some suggestions on how to “get in.”

1. Live with the natives. Start spending social time where these people do, whether it’s at the local sports club or the local pub. The more interactive the setting, the better. If there’s a local professional association, join it. Mingle. Make friends. I know this takes time, but a year from now you’ll have new friends you can count on. Make the investment now. By the way, don’t be purely transactional about this. I can smell a “networker” a mile away. Keep it low-key, and you’ll get and keep the respect of the people you meet.
2. Get introduced. You undoubtedly worked with some of these insiders at your last job. Don’t ask them for job leads. Ask them to lunch. Meet them at their new companies. Ask for a cook’s tour. Demonstrate your interest in the work they’re doing. Have lunch where they do and meet their friends. Don’t talk about a job; talk about the work you all do. That’s what will get their attention.
3. Offer something of value. If one of these people is having trouble with a project at work, offer some good suggestions. Offer some articles you’ve saved. Loan a book. Heck, offer to help them: “I’ve got some time on my hands, and I love the work. Be glad to stop by and help you with that.” And leave it at that. Don’t expect a job. You’re making an investment that may or may not pay off. You get into a circle of people by making a contribution.
4. Study with the natives. Find out where your local peers take continuing education, like the university you mentioned. Take a course with them. Get into a study group. Have coffee with them after class. Spend time with the instructor; I can almost guarantee you he or she knows management at the companies where you want to work. This is where you’ll learn what’s really up at the local companies.
5. Use hidden references. Did you have some direct contact with vendors and customers at your old company? Some of them probably think a lot of you. Any one of them could refer you to one of their vendors or customers in the area. Call them. Ask for advice about this company or that company: “You know XYZ, Inc. pretty well because you deal with them. Is it a good place to work? Can you recommend someone there who can give me the lay of the land?”

Be careful not to go around asking for jobs or job leads. People get turned off by this because it puts a weight on their shoulders. It makes them feel responsible for you. Instead, ask for advice. Don’t expect much at first. But as you get closer to the center of things, you’ll become privy to the insider information that leads to a job. Just because jobs are controlled by a good old boy network doesn’t mean you can’t join the network.

Again, this can take some time. But remember that it’s time better spent than reading job postings, applying online and dealing with personnel jockeys because it keeps you directly in touch with the people you might be working with next week.

I wish you the best. For more tips about networking without the “ick” factor, please read How to Get A Job: Network? I don’t know anybody!

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Join us for discussion! Good old boy network controls the jobs here

The Engineering Director quit, and my manager was promoted to Director. I was promised that there would be room for promotion when I was hired, however someone else in the department has been promoted to be my manager. Do you have any suggestions on how to improve my chances of getting promoted to a management job?

Alternatively, I like my former manager (now Director) and I would like to continue to work for him directly, and not work for this other “peer” who is now my new boss. Should I be direct with the Director and ask to report to him directly, hint around at it, or keep my damn mouth shut? Should I read between the lines and start looking for another job?

Nick’s Reply

Ah, you’ve got move-over-itis — you’ve been “moved over” to make room for someone else. There’s no easy answer to this one. There are too many factors that you might not know about, and even more that I don’t know about. Let me try and give you some things to consider, then you’ll have to decide how to proceed.

Either (1) you didn’t get the job because they don’t think you can handle it (one problem), or (2) your new manager is more qualified than you are (a different problem).

Maybe you’re not ready for a management job

Let’s pursue (1) first. Try to apply The 4 Questions to your situation. Regarding the management position:

1. Do you understand the management work that needs to be done? Are you sure? Why might management think you don’t? Have you ever discussed your understanding with higher management? Do they know you understand the work? (Or, do they have reason to suspect you don’t?)
2. Are you able to demonstrate that you can do management work? Think about both the day-to-day functions of the job, as well as the more strategic requirements. In what ways have you demonstrated your management skills to the company? Did you give them any evidence that you could do the work? (Don’t say they didn’t ask you; they never will. It’s up to you.)
3. Could you do the work the way the company would want it done? This relates to style, attitude, work ethic, philosophy, and your willingness to “enlist” as a member of a team. Would you be a manager who fits, or one who doesn’t quite?
4. Could you do the work profitably for the company and for yourself? That is, what would your efforts as a manager bring to the bottom line? Yup — I’m looking for an actual figure. A good manager understands costs and profitability. Your estimate might be way off, but you’ve got to be able to show that you can come up with a figure you can defend. Have you thought about that job in such detail? Finally, would the job be good for you? Would it “profit” your career or your wallet? Not all engineers are management material; and not all managers are great engineers.

The 4 Questions are a good tool for testing your readiness for any kind of job.

You might want to talk to your old boss confidentially, and ask why you were passed over. It’s a bit of a risk; but so is keeping your mouth shut, right?

Your new boss may be a better manager

Let’s go to (2). If the new manager is better at the work than you would be, the case is closed. But if you really want a management job down the road, a new case opens, and I think you need to take an honest look at what skills and talents your promoted peer has that you don’t.

Don’t go crying sour grapes; it’s too late for that particular job. But staying in place and learning from your new boss about how to manage may be the silver lining in this case. This may be a good way to learn what they’re looking for in a manager. Your old peer who’s now your boss might actually make a good mentor.

Your old boss may be your best boss

I like your alternative, too. Your old boss could be your best ally if you approach him in a candid but professional way. It sounds like you have a good relationship. I’d bring it up over a casual lunch off-site: Is there a place somewhere else on his team? Let him be a dutch uncle. Ask for advice, not explanations.

Finally, your idea of seeking a job with your old manager may be a good solution. It could get you into a new domain with fresh responsibilities and with a new opportunity to demonstrate your value to the company. And, it may get you away from the new manager, whom you don’t seem to like working for. (Is that your competitive nature talking, or your disappointment, or is your new boss really not worth working for?)

All these questions, eh? Hope one or more of them lead you toward your goal (or toward a new goal).

Have you lost a management job opportunity? Was it because you weren’t ready, or because someone else was more ready? What have you done to prepare and position yourself to become a manager?

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Join us for discussion! I was passed over for a management job

Employers claim they want the very best people. So why do they demand I conform like everyone else to their algorithms and keywords? Every LinkedIn expert and keyword resume writer advises me to learn how to play the game so I can compete with everyone else following their advice. Does anybody see that the job market is just a meat grinder? There’s no comfort to be found. Your articles suggest I should “stand out,” but isn’t that the kind of risk that will get me instantly rejected? Something isn’t working with this system, which is why I’m not working. If the job market really works then following the rules should lead to a job. To quote an old, stoned comedy troupe, are we all bozos on this bus?

Nick’s Reply

Consider this philosophical perspective about being the exception to all the bozos that shun risk:

“Resist the urge to arm yourself with uninformed cynicism masking as oh-so-wise pragmatism that’s really just good old fear of rejection… In an era when [people]  are being treated like meatware in an anonymous employment algorithm… They face tremendous pressure to take the first thing available, the highest possible salary, the “safest” choice. But careers rarely go anywhere interesting without risk.”

I’m leery of journalists that give career advice. So I’m still giddy after stumbling into Jodi Kantor, a New York Times reporter who wrote a stunningly good column offering a tough-love perspective to recent college graduates: This Is a Hard Time to Start a Career. These Two Words Can Help. Every job seeker needs to read Kantor’s insights on why you must take risks to get the job you really want — and why you must be the exception. (The Times requires a subscription. It’s worth finding a way to read the article.)

Resist fear of rejection: be strange

Most people avoid risk by clinging to job ads like life rafts. They scroll, click, apply, repeat, hoping the algorithm smiles on them. A smaller, stranger breed ignores the cattle chute entirely. They cultivate personal contacts, get close to the companies they admire, and make themselves known long before a job is posted. They’re the exception.

Risk your resume

Most job hunters get vaporized at the resume stage. Their carefully formatted document lands in the digital grinder without so much as a human glance. A few renegades take a risk and skip the resume altogether. They show up with proof instead of prose — demonstrations of ability, samples of work, conversations that reveal insight. They don’t explain their past; they reveal their value. They’re the exception.

Risk rejecting a job offer

A lot of people take the first job that’s offered. They’re flattered — validated that someone, anyone, wants them. But a rare few turn down plenty of offers while grinding relentlessly toward the one job they actually want. They’re not flattered by attention; they’re focused on fit. They accept the risk. They’re the exception.

Resist quick money: think bigger and make more

Most candidates obsess over squeezing a few more dollars into an offer. They negotiate like they’re haggling over a used car. The exceptions think bigger. They choose the right company, the right manager, the right environment — because they trust their ability to produce profit once they’re in the door. And because they produce profit, they earn raises, promotions, and opportunities that dwarf whatever they might have negotiated upfront. They build equity in themselves. They’re the exception.

Resist the trap

Most people read job-market statistics and sigh. They accept their fate. They compare themselves to the masses making the same mistakes and feel comforted that they’re “not doing any worse.” But that’s the trap: comparing yourself to the average guarantees you’ll stay average.

Resist the rules: risk standing out

And here’s the contrarian truth the so-called career experts won’t tell you: standing out is risky, and that’s exactly why it works.

The best companies don’t want the safest candidate. They want the character — the one who breaks the pattern, who refuses to be processed like everyone else. Yet the experts warn you not to take risks, not to deviate, not to make waves. They tell you to follow the rules that keep everyone stuck in the same line, waiting for the same automated rejection.

Don’t seek comfort in the job market. Don’t look for reassurance in statistics. Don’t let yourself become a data point in someone else’s spreadsheet. Don’t consent to being treated like meatware.

Live like an exception. Hunt for a job the same way.

(Did you say bozos? Firesign Theater fans are a scary bunch!)

How does risk fit into the job and career equation? Can you be the exception without taking meaningful risks? We all know job seekers need to pay the rent or mortgage — but does fear of rejection subject you to being treated like “meatware” by employers?

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Join us for discussion! Just more meatware in the job market?

My company introduced a training program so managers and senior staff can learn how to mentor employees, new hires and so on. They brought in a consultant to teach it. It’s so formal and structured. That’s just not me. I’d feel very awkward. But I’d like to start helping some of the people under me. Have you got some tips on how I can be a good mentor?

Nick’s Reply

It’s fashionable to be a mentor. You know: a wise old coot who can spout wisdom to naïve young upstarts. Mentoring is such a popular human resources concept that employees in lots of companies are required to take on protégés whether they like it or not.

Most mentoring programs I’ve seen, though born of good intentions, result in little more than awkward meetings, because you can’t really dictate how or whether two people will get along. (Don’t get me wrong: there are also some very successful programs out there, but they’re few and far between.) The problem, I believe, is that too many of these programs are institutionally controlled rather than freewheeling.

Mentoring isn’t a program you administer — it’s a generous, subversive habit you practice. Be available, honest, and quietly useful. Your job is to help someone see and trust their own potential, not to hand them a script.

I learned to mentor by being mentored well

My greatest mentor was Gene Webb, a professor at the Stanford University Graduate School of Business. Long after I graduated, Gene and I would get together for freewheeling lunches every month or two. There was never an agenda or schedule. We just talked.

Here’s what I learned about how to be a good mentor from how Gene mentored me.

Start simple

Give help only when it’s wanted. The only thing you need to be a mentor is someone who would like your help.

You don’t need a title, a schedule, or a committee. Offer advice, introductions, or a listening ear when someone asks.

Be a guide, not a guru

See potential. Don’t impose answers. A mentor is different from a friend because a mentor sees your potential and helps you develop it.

Let people learn at their own pace. Suggest resources, tell stories, introduce possibilities, then step back and let them choose.

Make your help practical

• Share work-arounds and insider knowledge. Teach how to navigate systems, not just how the system is supposed to work.
• Open doors, don’t push people through them. Make introductions. Let the mentee decide whether to follow up.
• Answer questions and help them ask better ones. Sometimes the best mentoring is showing how you think.

Keep it low-pressure

Make it enjoyable. Meet when you both want to in a social setting, and don’t always be the one to schedule. Talk about what’s good and fun in your life — let the serious issues come up naturally, if there are any.

Don’t keep score. Mentoring is generosity, not a transaction. Not all meetings will “pay off,” except in enjoyment! You can be someone’s mentor for a lifetime — or for a single, well-timed conversation. Both matter. (Because the cost of lunch didn’t make a material difference to either of us financially, Gene and I always flipped for the check. I learned a great lesson about probabilities from this: I paid for every meal for almost two years!)

Watch for pitfalls

• Don’t make promises you can’t keep. You’re a helper, not a savior.
• Beware your agenda. Focus on the mentee’s goals, not your image.
• Encourage critical thinking. If your advice asks someone to take a risk, make sure they evaluate it for themselves.

Multiply the effect

The most important thing I learned from Gene: When someone thanks you for helping them, ask them to pay it forward. Mentoring is contagious: teach others to help, and the world improves.

Bottom line

Be available, be generous, and resist the urge to control outcomes. Mentor like a conspirator for someone’s future — quietly, practically, and without fanfare. But don’t feel you always have to spring for lunch! Flip a coin!

A special case: Mentoring kids

Have you mentored or have you been mentored? What’s the most important thing about mentoring? Are there pitfalls? Who was, or is, your greatest mentor? What did they teach you? How did it affect your career or life? What’s your best advice about how to be a good mentor?

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Join us for discussion! Flip a coin, be a good mentor

People looking for jobs complain they keep getting rejected. I’ll tell you why: they’re applying for the wrong jobs. We face this every day. We keep rejecting one candidate after another for this simple reason. Every manager in my company will tell you a really good candidate is very hard to find. These applicants don’t even make it through the HR screening or skills testing. You headhunters supposedly have the magic. How can we change our recruiting to avoid losing the best candidates when it’s like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack? Help!

Nick’s Reply

The first thing you have to do is make your recruiting serious. Stop relying on HR prosthetics like auto-screening, robo-interviews and automated skills testing. In fact, take HR (and its A.I. prosthetics) out of the loop altogether! What does some personnel jockey know about injection molding, power distribution systems, marketing or logistics? Do you really believe an A.I.’s “evaluation” is valid and reliable? If any of this really worked you wouldn’t be asking me for answers!

Don’t send a clerk (or an A.I.) to do a manager’s job.

Even when an employer avoids the impersonal algorithms, leading-edge companies send human proxies — clerks — to impress leading-edge candidates in screening interviews. Personnel clerks who then must wait to get on the hiring manager’s agenda to review the candidate, while the candidate cools their heels. Guess what? The best candidates don’t cool their heels. They smell bureaucracy and walk away.

That’s how you — the hiring manager — wind up with candidates who aren’t qualified for anything except patiently playing the HR game of screening, testing and… waiting.

If your management team is too busy to get personally involved in serious recruiting and hiring, your company will lose the very candidates it needs most. Even in a tight job market, the best candidates are in demand, and while you’re trying to put them through your administrative process, a headhunter like me (or an aggressive hiring manager) will steal them.

Get serious. Put your managers in the game from the start.

No matter how you identify the candidates you want to pursue, never let anyone or any thing make first contact except the manager who would hire them. It tells the candidate you’re serious. It puts you ahead of other employers who send in the clowns first.

Make the candidate feel as important as the job you want them to fill. Never allow hiring to be represented as an automated administrative process. (I know, I know — “this how it’s done today!” That’s why you’re asking me for answers! See Tell A.I. robo-interviewer where to stick it.)

This turns good candidates right off. No one wants to think they were invited for an interview because the personnel department dragged some keywords out of a database. The candidate wants to know that something specific triggered the company’s interest. Preferably, someone the candidate knows recommended them to a manager that asked, and a manager — not a process — stimulated this encounter. (This latter point is a subject for another article and discussion.)

Make recruitment personal, make it important, make it a carefully orchestrated courtship designed to make the candidate feel special. Make your recruiting serious. Doing it like everybody  else is not serious! You get one chance to create a first impression — and to entice the special candidate.

We’re all fed up with A.I. recruiting prosthetics and with the HR clerks that deploy them. What’s the worst you’ve encountered? When is the last time an actual hiring manager was the very first contact from an employer? What exemplary experiences have you had while being recruited and applying for a job?

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Join us for discussion! Serious recruiting doesn’t use HR prosthetics like A.I.

This week I’m going to answer my own question. Why would anyone waste a valuable personal referral?
– Nick

Nick’s Reply

It happened again today: another friend in need rejected a good chance at about half a million dollars.

A personal referral

One of my neighbors, a corporate guy out of a job over a year, has been day trading and playing the stock market. After learning it’s a harder job than any he’s ever had, he sheepishly asked my help getting a job again. Let’s call him Mark.

Mark’s skills and corporate experience are a very good match for any of a number of major companies in our area. All he’s lacking is a good personal referral to the right executive.

Mark is successful, smart, self-motivated and a good communicator. I had no qualms about enthusiastically and personally recommending him to another neighbor who’s about one breath away from the CEO’s job in his company. Let’s call him John. Based on my assurances, the very busy John told me to have Mark call him on his private line. I knew if the call went well, even if John couldn’t hire Mark, he would introduce Mark to other managers both in and outside John’s company. John’s professional network was big and soundly based on trust.

So Mark asked for help and John opened the door to help him on my request. This is what often gets lost when I (or anyone) make a meaningful personal introduction for you: Don’t just be impressed that I have excellent business contacts. Carefully consider that to help you, I will stick my neck out and put myself on the line. All you have to do is follow up!

All Mark had to do was follow up.

A wasted personal referral

I offered Mark the chance to add probably $500,000 of additional income to his life when I set up the call with John. Turns out I over-estimated Mark, probably because I slipped into the complacent belief that because he’s a good neighbor and a good executive, he also understands the value of a strong personal recommendation. But that was my mistake.

John was waiting for Mark’s call. That’s what the transaction was about: John’s highly valuable agreement to take a call he’d never otherwise take. I cannot emphasize this enough: A phone call with John could not be bought; it could only be offered. Job seekers learn from career coaches, HR managers and professional resume writers that the purpose of a resume, a job application, a cover letter, a job board, LinkedIn, an elevator pitch, and all that “networking” you do is to achieve one goal: to get a chance to talk to a powerful decision maker. That’s where a serious opportunity is born.

But the all-important first win is to get that call or meeting from a decision maker who is ready, willing, motivated and primed by a trusted personal contact to give you their undivided attention for maybe 15-30 minutes.

That’s the big win.

Well, long story short, Mark blew it and now I want nothing more to do with him. Mark cost me because he wasted my personal referral.

Mark didn’t make the call that I set up for him. He didn’t make the call the next day or that week. But John made a call — to me. “Hey, Nick, I never heard from that guy Mark. Is something wrong?”

Rejecting the lifeline

“I’ll call him soon, thanks, Nick,” Mark told me. Another week went by. I called Mark again. (I hate chasing people.)

“You know, Nick…” started Mark the next time we spoke when I called him. (I hate chasing people but I cut neighbors some slack.) He continued, sounding almost irritated that I was pressing him to accept help he’d asked me for. He gave me three reasons why he wasn’t calling John — reasons he seemed to think were obvious:

1. “I don’t really need that introduction right now. I’m getting some resumes out. I’ll call your friend later if I need to.”

Perhaps Mark rejected the lifeline I offered because he was naive about personal recommendations. He chose to get more resumes out to employers that didn’t know him. His goal was to get interviews. And he was ignoring the chance to skip the resume step altogether. He did not see the difference between treading water and taking a lifeline.

Everyone needs good contacts all the time. After I did the work to help Mark, he should have dropped everything he was doing to call John, who was primed to help Mark or hire him. When you are looking for a lifeline, don’t reject it because you’re busy treading water. You will piss off the person that threw you the line. The line won’t be there later.

“I’d rather tread water.”

Mark badly misjudged what’s a lifeline and what’s likely to wear him out. He wanted to tread water.

2. “I’m interviewing with a company right now and I want to see where it goes.”

So what? You can do both. Interviewing must not be a serial process. It must be parallel. Each new prospect takes so much time to cultivate that it’s a fool’s errand to wait for any one of them to play out. While Mark was waiting for one offer, John could have started him on another.

A great contact is hard to come by. John’s enthusiasm was going stale quickly. And my good will towards Mark required nurturing.

LinkedIn is lying to you: the shore is never as close as you think

Mark thought he was in control of the water.

3. “I don’t want to offend John by not taking him up on any possible offer he might make — because I might take the job I’m working on now.”

Well, that’s just plain stupid, and not least because almost all job opportunities go south. It was no surprise that the “offer” Mark thought he had in the bag never materialized and he was left with no active alternatives. His lifeline was gone.

The right way for Mark to think about John was as a new contact, a new friend and a new channel to lots more good personal referrals. Mark blew it because he was pursuing one job when his focus should have been on an excellent new contact that could yield several good opportunities.

A personal referral is a real lifeline

Mark’s primary focus should have been on what is widely acknowledged to be the single best, most reliable path to a new job: the good personal referral. Time with John, an executive who trusts my judgment enough to take a call from anyone I recommend, was worth more than the next 10 “opportunities” generated by “sending out resumes.”

I find that most people talk a good line about “networking” but have no idea of its real power and value. That’s how Mark blew it. He didn’t see that a personal referral is a valuable lifeline. He spent the next  year knocking around the job boards and paying for “LinkedIn Premium” and getting rejected by employers that had no evidence he was worth meeting.

When someone vouches for you and gets you a call or meeting with another well-connected manager, recognize that it’s not a job interview. It’s a new launching pad to potentially many new personal contacts, interviews and, yes, job offers that few people ever have the chance to profit from.

Mark’s last words to me were, “Thanks, Nick, I don’t want to offend you.”

I never took his calls again. General estimates are that the right new job can be worth $500,000 dollars or more in lifetime earnings.

When was the last time you were offered a personal referral to a well-connected manager? Did you take advantage of it? If you decided not to, why not? Have you ever felt burned by someone you tried to help with a personal referral?

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Join us for discussion! Want a personal referral & job lifeline? “No, I’ll tread water!”

Our company requires departing employees, whether they quit or got laid off or fired, to do an exit interview if they want to remain “in good standing” with the company. That means they can be rehired down the road and will also receive certain other benefits. A lot of them decline the meeting anyway. Personally, as a manager I think an exit interview is valuable for the employee and the company. It’s a safe place to do an honest post-mortem. How would you advise us to get more employees to do exit interviews?

Nick’s Reply

We’ve discussed exit interviews at length elsewhere on Ask The Headhunter. (I’ve referred to them as cockroaches of the employment world.) Readers that know my opinion of these tete-a-tetes might expect me to flame you. (See Exit Interviews: Why you should just say NO.) But I think you’re asking a legitimate question if you and your company truly want to learn something useful from the departing employee while ensuring you do nothing to hurt them on their departure.

The exit interview: what does it change?

In virtually every case, the employee stands nothing to gain by “opening up” in an exit interview. If the employer really cares what the employee honestly thinks about their experience at the company, management would ask them long before their departure.

That is, ask all employees regularly, while they work for you, what they think  — not on their way out the door! — and while there’s a chance to change something that might benefit everyone involved.

Wait, then buy lunch

You asked my advice so let’s get to it. I think the best way to benefit from an exit interview is to wait six months after the employee leaves. Then, call and invite them to lunch. Figure this will cost your company about $25. (Note: Your HR should have nothing to do with this lunch meeting.)

Discuss the former employee’s old job, their experience and their insights and thoughts. Ask them for advice. Tell them about your company, what it was like when they were there, what it’s like now and what you plan for the future.

Then let the former employee talk. You will likely learn a lot. The reason for doing this post-mortem six months later and away from the company is that it is relatively safe for the employee compared to doing it in the throes of job change. Your willingness to wait is a good test of whether you really want and can use the information you think you need. Time and distance may make the former employee more willing to share — from a safer place.

Is an exit interview really worth it?

If the information you seek from an exit interview is really valuable to you, then it should be worth prudently waiting for the emotion and upheaval of parting company to subside.

Is this too much trouble? Then you had no business doing a traditional exit interview in your office. If the information you want isn’t important enough to invest in a lunch, you don’t need it – you’re doing exit interviews for the wrong reasons.

If it’s not worth $25 to you, then you don’t deserve to know what the former employee might tell you. Of course, the employee might decline the lunch altogether. That would tell you your company has other problems with its reputation.

Exit interviews are the cockroaches of the HR world: no one knows why they exist, no one can justify or eliminate them, and they will likely survive into the third millennium. Every employee should know well in advance how they’ll handle a request to do an exit interview, and every manager should really know why they’re doing it.

What’s your experience with exit interviews, whether you’re an employer or an employee? What’s your personal policy about doing them?

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Join us for discussion! Is an exit interview worth $25? Or is it a cockroach?

What is the relationship nowadays between recruiters, companies and applicants?

Nick’s Reply

Typically, it’s skimpy at best. The typical relationship is a database.

A friend of mine is an HR exec at a Fortune 50 company. He complains he has no budget to actually go find and recruit good people, because his top management dumps almost all the recruiting budget into the big job boards. He is unable to actually meet and talk with people he needs to recruit.

For the most part, recruiters, companies and applicants all live in databases, waiting for algorithms to make matches between jobs and workers. It gets pretty dizzy in there! Everyone is sitting on their duffs in front of computers going blind, deciding which database record to interview via a bot. They think they’re recruiting, or job hunting.

This is why it appears so difficult to find and fill jobs whether the job market is considered good or bad. Employers, recruiters and applicants do very little talking with one another.

Question

Are you more interested in passive or active candidates (passive being ones that aren’t actively looking)?

Nick’s Reply

As a headhunter, I’m not as interested in candidates as I am in sources. I’ll jump over 50 possible candidates, whether they’re actively looking or not, to get to one “shining light” in the industry I hunt in. Because that’s what I get paid for: Knowing people who make the industry tick.

I place candidates, but I look for sources. That’s who I spend my time with. My sources help me fill the positions I work on. One good source is usually worth several placements. A good source also helps me find good candidates quickly, without having to sort through the drek.

It’s irrelevant whether someone is active or passive, employed or out of work. What matters is what the shining light thinks of them — and I’ve placed some phenomenal unemployed people that most recruiters wouldn’t even talk to.

A database is not a hub. Recruiting isn’t about posting jobs and filtering resumes. That’s not what companies pay recruiters for. They pay you because you are a hub of sources — the person others in the industry come to for advice, information and introductions. So what matters is not whether the candidate is active or passive. It’s whether the recruiter is active — as a respected hub of good relationships.

Good jobs, candidates, job offers and hires flow to and from that hub.

If you’re a job seeker, what does this tell you about the job market and about how to land a job?

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Join us for discussion! The hub of relationships: recruiters, companies & job applicants