tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-295691132024-03-07T11:15:25.648-08:00Assimilated PressExperienced journalists fearlessly reporting the truth in pursuit of the real storyVirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.comBlogger638125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-33775356971866821322009-06-05T10:36:00.000-07:002009-06-05T10:50:47.567-07:00Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin spotted in local eateryDavis, CA - Former vice president Dick Cheney and Alaskan governor Sarah Palin were spotted today at the Applebee's restaurant in Davis, California. Though they were seated in a corner booth for privacy, patrons at local tables were able to overhear parts of their discussion which was reputed to be very animated. According to nearby diners, Cheney and Palin began to plot the resurrection of the Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-54369258062970342362009-05-29T09:56:00.000-07:002009-05-29T10:01:43.834-07:00Spielberg to direct Rush Limbaugh biopicAcademy award winning director Steven Spielberg has taken on the difficult task of turning the life of conservative icon Rush Limbaugh into a feature length film. On the surface this would appear to be an unusual choice for the famous director, however, Spielberg is rumored to have said in the past that he is fascinated by the Republican talk show host and the near total control he has over his Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-84542906277376120002009-05-15T09:54:00.000-07:002009-05-15T10:01:01.920-07:00Arlen Specter switches to Vegetarian PartySenator Arlen Specter continued to confound the political establishment with his latest seismic shift in party loyalty. The shocking event occurred Friday night at the Whole Earth Festival in Davis, California when a shirtless and barefoot Specter approached a group of stunned onlookers and announced his decision to leave the Democratic Party so that he could join the Vegetarian Party.With the Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-68818771455095203682009-05-11T23:16:00.000-07:002009-05-11T23:23:27.526-07:00Miss California to run for US senateIn a move that is sure to make California politics more entertaining than usual, anti-gay rights activist, breast implant charity recipient and current Miss California, Carrie Prejean, is making a bid to extend her 15 minutes of fame by challenging Barbara Boxer for her senate seat in the 2010 election. Miss California said she would be running as the Republican nominee since it is the party thatVirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-42903505444145252272009-05-01T11:06:00.000-07:002009-05-01T11:23:12.338-07:00Rush Limbaugh Responsible for Swine Flu PandemicAtlanta, GA - The Center for Disease Control (CDC) today declared that inflammatory radio talk show personality Rush Limbaugh was responsible for the spread of swine flu in the United States."Let's face it," said Tammy Flew, spokesperson for the CDC, "the man is a pig. Really. That's not a metaphor. We've checked his DNA; ol' Rush is a porker. That's all, folks!"Public Relations executives for Mrpinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-76021462077901436622009-03-19T13:03:00.000-07:002009-03-19T13:26:56.292-07:00Daily Show in Cheney Payoff ScandalAssimilated Press has confirmed rumors of a payoff scheme between The Daily Show's Jon Stewart and former Vice President Dick Cheney.Cheney, who has recently gone on record accusing the Obama Administration of opening up America to increased attacks from terrorists, was seen pocketing a large check from a Daily Show staffer.The image, caught by telephoto lens by independent journalist Andy pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-60750137586912520032009-03-18T13:50:00.000-07:002009-03-18T14:09:03.696-07:00Sorry - Another "Not Funny"There is an article on Raw Story about the use of Federal troops for routine police business (directing traffic) in Samson, Alabama after a mass murder shooting.According to Raw Story the Army is investigating whether proper authorization was obtained and whether protocol was followed prior to federal troops being deployed within our domestic borders.The concern seems to be that the Posse pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-74736017255299710532009-02-01T01:15:00.000-08:002009-02-01T01:23:44.170-08:00Rush Limbaugh & Republicans Offer Oxycontin SolutionPalm Beach, Florida - Today, in a hastily scheduled meeting of Republican senators and representatives, the assembled chieftains of the GOP, by a voice vote and without debate, unanimously adopted the economic plan of their Supreme Leader, Rush Limbaugh.This economic plan, commonly referred to as The Oxycontin Solution, will provide no stimulus to the economy and no relief to suffering Americans Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-44897825646296578782008-11-27T10:36:00.000-08:002008-11-27T10:42:13.441-08:00Chloe The Clever Turkey Outwits President BushPublisher's note: In honor of Thanksgiving we are republishing the heartwarming story of President George W. Bush and Chloe The Clever Turkey. Enjoy!Washington, D.C. - In the annals of history there have been great epic contests between the giants of the world stage. There was Alexander and Darius III, Napoleon and Wellington, Grant and Lee, Ali and Fraser, the Celtics and the Lakers, and now Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-87940378796495885572008-11-24T23:51:00.000-08:002008-11-24T23:59:18.663-08:00Bill O'Reilly Renounces American CitizenshipNew York, New York - Bill O'Reilly stunned his Fox News Channel audience today with an announcement that he would immediately renounce his American citizenship and move to Paraguay with his soul mate, conservative pundit Ann Coulter.Saying he could not live in a country run by godless Democrats, O'Reilly pledged to retire from broadcasting so that he could devote all of his time to his true Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-11240198900615784132008-11-15T00:17:00.000-08:002008-11-15T00:21:26.776-08:00Sarah Palin Shoots Giraffe In Cincinnati ZooCincinnati, Ohio - Today, while taking a break from an End of Times convention in Cincinnati, Governor Sarah Palin went for a short walk with her aides and ended up in the city zoo. Marveling at the variety of animals all around her, the Governor mistakenly thought she had accidentally stumbled into a hunters' paradise.Taking advantage of the situation she quickly pulled her trusty 9mm Glock 17 Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-74482619881118761002008-11-13T17:56:00.000-08:002008-11-13T18:19:46.324-08:00Supreme Court Ponders "Gumby or Pokey?"Pleasant Grove City, Utah – The Pokey Pals Society thought that their gift of a 40-foot Pokey statue for Pioneer Park would be welcomed by their neighbors in Pleasant Grove City; they were wrong.“It was quite a surprise to us,” said Pokey Pals President Marcia Funebre. “Pioneer Park already has a 40-foot statue of Gumby. We thought that a Pokey would be a good addition.”The case involves both pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-77391227655702640482008-11-13T17:06:00.000-08:002008-11-13T17:16:12.203-08:00Satirists Mourn Passing of Palin CandidacyNew York – Columnists, stand-up comics and political cartoonists gathered today to mourn the passing of the McCain-Palin candidacy of 2008. Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin provided bountiful material to satirize from her gosh-darn speaking style to her television interviews, public statements and press conferences. Although Gov Palin still offers herself as a target, for example during the recent pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-77722624258045697932008-11-10T17:56:00.000-08:002008-11-10T17:59:47.143-08:00NRA Worried Obama Will Ban Backyard Nuclear Missile SilosDenver – National Rifle Association spokesmen are worried that President-elect Obama will curb Second Amendment rights and ban backyard nuclear missile silos. Congressional House Rep. Paul Broun (Georgia-R) has deep fears that Senator Obama will turn the USA into a military dictatorship upon assuming the Presidency. Rep. Broun said, “We’re Americans. It is our God-given right to kill things with pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-67506738395632900972008-11-10T17:23:00.000-08:002008-11-10T17:29:17.244-08:00Reagan Offers Obama AdviceWashington, DC - Former President Reagan offered his advice on the preparation needed for the Presidency today in a séance held at The Heritage Foundation by former Senator Rick Santorum.Ronald Reagan, who died in 2004, was president from 1981-1989 and had a wealth of advice to offer President –elect Barack Obama, according to séance participants.Obama, in his first news conference, took pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-43610560332336090772008-11-10T17:03:00.000-08:002008-11-10T17:39:08.147-08:00Did Cheney Shred Dry Cleaning Tickets By Mistake?Washington, DC – Beltway insiders are saying that the missing dry cleaning tickets needed to claim Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s clothing may have been shredded by Vice President Cheney in error.“You know how it is when there’s a transition of administrations,” said a senior administration official who preferred to remain anonymous, “there’s so much shredding to be done and e-mails to be deleted and pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-4351595577969413092008-11-10T16:54:00.000-08:002008-11-10T16:55:20.122-08:00RNC Loses Dry Cleaning Ticket For Palin's ClothesJuneau – The Republican National Committee frantically searched today for the dry cleaning receipts for clothes worn by Alaska Governor Sarah Palin and her family. The clothes, bought by a wealthy Republican donor, were to be returned to the RNC for donation to charity. Governor Palin brought the clothes to A-1 Dry Cleaning located at 250 Ted Stevens Blvd, received the tickets for the clothing pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-70705451499809497662008-11-10T16:41:00.001-08:002008-11-10T16:43:27.773-08:00Palin's Clothing Being ReturnedJuneau – During the presidential campaign Alaska Governor Sarah Palin stated repeatedly that all clothing bought for herself and her family on a wealthy donors’ charge card belonged to the Republican Party. The clothing, worth over $150,000, is being returned to the RNC for other use.Marcia Funebre, representing the RNC, said that certain items will be auctioned off on eBay with the proceeds pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-54818303638374614702008-11-09T13:10:00.000-08:002008-11-09T13:24:35.115-08:00Reid Places Lieberman On Permanent ProbationWashington, D.C. - Today, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid announced that he would let Senator Joe Lieberman keep his chairmanship of the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee but that Lieberman would now be on permanent probation that would subject him to being removed from the prestigious committee chair at a moment's notice.In a brief press conference Reid said, "The problem Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-59297281040425810112008-11-07T12:30:00.000-08:002008-11-07T12:55:02.301-08:00Add This To Your "Favorites"For the next 74 days add this site to your "Favorites" http://change.gov/ . It is the new website of the President-elect, set up 11/06.The Obama campaign was digitally savvy, using everything from cellphones to networking sites to YouTube for their advantage in getting donations, reaching voters and getting out the vote.We can expect that the communications from the new incoming administration pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-43601386326178195632008-11-06T14:26:00.000-08:002008-11-06T14:27:58.758-08:00Joe the Plumber Holds Joe Camel and Joe Sixpack HostageWasilla - Police responding to a domestic disturbance Wednesday night in downtown Wasilla Alaska discovered Joe the Plumber had barricaded himself in his new home and was holding Joe Camel and Joe Sixpack hostage.According to former neighbor Average Joe in Ohio, Joe the Plumber, aka Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, had vowed to flee to Alaska if Ohio turned “blue” Tuesday night and the majority of pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-25515396473094577892008-11-03T21:52:00.000-08:002008-11-03T21:54:33.642-08:00Republicans Are Afraid Of VotersGet out and vote. Get your friends and neighbors to vote. Make the margin so large that it will be impossible to steal.Virthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-69613353401151441742008-11-01T11:36:00.000-07:002008-11-01T11:54:11.156-07:00Alaska Separates From U.S. & Makes Palin PresidentJuneau, Alaska - A large group a people from the Alaskan Independence Party surrounded the Alaska Capital Building with hundreds of snowmobiles this weekend and then seized control of the Alaska legislature in a predawn attack. Todd Palin, a leader of the Alaska Independence Party, then removed the American flag from the Capital Building and threw it in a dumpster before replacing it with the newVirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17072367098948043801noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-46913045265918382692008-10-31T11:30:00.000-07:002008-10-31T11:38:16.151-07:00Cheney Evaluating Living Abroad?Washington, D.C. - According to Administration insiders Vice President Dick Cheney was seen recently reading a tall stack of travel brochures. Per the Vice President's press office, "Vice President Cheney, having worked long and hard for the American people as a public servant, deserves a little vacation."But, inside the Beltway, the speculation is that Cheney is planning more than a "little pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29569113.post-35121430602763080562008-10-29T14:58:00.000-07:002008-10-29T15:05:15.264-07:00All Obama, All The TimeWell, if you don't care for Obama don't watch t.v. tonight.There will be a "infomercial"- type Obama campaign ad tonight at 8 pm Eastern, Obama will be on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart later, and in Orlando there will be a late-night rally featuring Obama and his brand-new campaign buddy Bill Clinton.If you're a Republican, it might be a good night to read a book; may I suggest The Audacity of pinkohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09261377839417608214noreply@blogger.com1