Dan Liebke's Astonishing Tales

Lost Analysis Season Six, Episode Seven

Dan — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:08:15 +0000

Charts and stats to follow

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Lost Analysis Season Six, Episode Seven

Knight And Day

Dan — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:18:19 +0000

One dresses to the right. The other leans to the left.'

I know nothing of the upcoming smash hit film Knight And Day featuring uberstars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. But I saw the poster at the cinema the other day and questions were well and truly raised:

Is Tom inexplicably wearing a far too short, skin-tight dress?
Or is Cameron equi-inexplicably wielding a wang?
And why is the other partner amputated below the right knee?

One thing’s for sure, this is a film that’s going to shatter all kinds of cinematic buddy-movie preconceptions. Roll on, July 2010.

Fun With Keywords – Special Lies of Lesbianism Edition

Dan — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 03:24:04 +0000

Yes, I know I’m three episodes behind on the Smallville Files. But why should that stop me from goofing off with a ‘Fun With Keywords’ post?

So, how did the beautiful people find this site over the past six or so weeks since I last discussed how they found the site? Why, by using these keywords of course:

astonishing tales is my favourite site ever

Well, that’s just sad. You do know there’s porn out there, don’t you?

clark kent smallville is a dick

No, no, no. Superman is a dick. And we all know that the Clark Kent on Smallville has nothing whatsoever to do with Superman.

applying makeup like laura vandervoort

I’m not sure, but I assume it’s got a lot to do with flaunting your navel as you do it.

has allison mack ever been nude

Nope. Not ever. Like Tobias on Arrested Development, she is a Never-Nude™

erica durance leather

Sure, why not. I’m game if she is.

does crumpet mean girl?

Yep. More specifically, an attractive young girl. So, for example, “That piece of crumpet, Laura Vandervoort, sure knows how to apply makeup.” Or “Hands up who wants to see buxom young crumpet, Erica Durance, dressed in leather?” Or “Allison Mack, renowned Never-Nude™, has just looked up on her computer that ‘crumpet’ means ‘girl’.”

Hope that helps.

storylines that should happen on smallville

Oh, gosh. Anything from the old Superboy comics. They were batshit-awesome. Alternatively, an episode with Lois in leather, while Kara applies makeup.

bryan adams watchmen

Yes, in the Watchmen universe, Rorschach did not let Bryan Adams’ smash hit single (Everything I Do) I Do It For You go unpunished. And that’s why the Watchmen universe is awesome. That, and genetically modified lynxes.

working for the fbi like on flashforward?

From what I can gather, on FlashForward, working for the FBI means you pretty much run around doing whatever the hell you want. So, I’d start there, if I were you. Maybe you’ll be recruited.

burst heroic commence furious astonishing vast

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! I know, I know. ‘Commence’ is a verb. All the others are (or can be) adjectives. Am I right? What do I win?

the lies of lesbianism

Oh, it’s all lies. Every single word of it. I mean, really. Self-evident nonsense. Women having sex with women? Prrrffrrrt. I’d like to see that.

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Yeah, I suppose that was to be expected. You’re all looking for The Lost Analysis.

Lost Analysis Season Six, Episode Six

Dan — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:07:07 +0000

Link to Sundown

Charts and stats to follow

Lost Cast: Richard

Dan — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:43:15 +0000

Richard Alpert

AKA

Nestor Carbonelli
Ricardus

Featured Episode

5.15 Follow The Leader

Strengths

Immortal
Knows an awful lot about the island

Weaknesses

But may not know as much as he pretends
Dabbled in the hippy look briefly
Refuses to admit he wears eyeliner

Highlight

Visiting Locke at his birth (Locke’s birth, not Richard’s birth)

Other Facts

Shares a time-looping compass with Locke
Terrified of the smoke monster