At the bottom of the Garden

Things I know: About Blessings...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 05:38:00 +0000

Joining with Kellie from The Good, The Bad & The Unnecessary for Things I Know!

This week I want to write about blessings. I guess I'm writing about blessings because I'm feeling very blessed right now, but also because I've learned a few things about blessings recently that I wanted to share with you all...

Blessings can be given and received. If given, they need to be given with no strings attached from a place of love, otherwise they don't really qualify as blessings. When they are received, they also need to be received with no strings attached from a place of love, because in doing this the blessee also blesses the blesser - and that's just good etiquette!
Blessings may seem like a wish fulfilment in that they mostly happen when there is a need. In the past we've been blessed with things like a working fridge just when our fridge died, and the serendipitous nature of the blessing could (and was) perceived as a manifestation of a wish or metaphysical request to the universe. Possibly it was an answer to a prayer of sorts (keeping in mind that prayer is meditation and not always projected at a specific god-like entity), I won't dispute that, what I do dispute is the concept that blessings are basically inventory deposits... A blessing doesn't just happen because you wish very hard. You cannot 'make' a blessing happen - that defeats the point of a blessing. Blessings even happen to those who others might deem undeserving of them. Blessings don't happen because a person is good, or because a person has a powerful mind and can make the universe bend at will. Blessings, by their very nature cannot be forced or earned but received from someone who gives freely from a place of non-contingent love.
No one has the market cornered on receiving blessings. While it may seem that some people live an enchanted life and are continuously blessed, this is merely an illusion. Blessings must be perceived, some people are often blessed but are unable to perceive those blessings. Perceiving blessings comes with practice. Once you begin to perceive blessings, they will seem to come thick and fast - this sudden increase is also an illusion - they were always there in great numbers, you just couldn't see them before. Perceiving blessings does not increase their number, it simply increases how often you notice them!
Sometimes blessings can only be recognised in hindsight which is why every turn in the road is a potential blessing in the making. Sometimes people act in ways which would seem to be the opposite of bestowing a blessing on another person (sometimes they even do this on purpose) and yet, the action becomes a blessing in hindsight. We do not control how we bless other people, sometimes when we intend to do the opposite of blessing someone we end up creating a blessing against our will. We can choose to be open to blessing others from a place of love - in which case we also bless ourselves - or we can choose to hurt others and take the chance of blessing them anyway, but not blessing ourselves in the process because we work from a place of fear and loathing.
I love that in Icelandic the farewell greeting is the abbreviated 'Bless'. To say goodbye, people say, 'Bless' which is short for 'God bless you.' Even if you are not religious, it is a lovely way to leave someone, bestowing a blessing on them and wishing them well until you see them again. I'm going to start using that word a lot more from now on.

What do you know today?

Thankful Thursday: School Holiday Edition...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 09:21:00 +0000

This past week I've been feeling a bit better. I haven't been to see a GP yet, so can't put it down to anti-depressants. I'll probably still need to do that because those heavy clouds pass over regularly, but at least they're passing over and not hanging there endlessly blocking the sun. There has been sun in the landscape of my mind this week and first and foremost I'm thankful for that... Here is what else I'm thankful for at the moment...

School Holidays: So often, in the past, I've dreaded the school holidays. For our family, they usually spell a time of isolation. School is out and so we don't see other families, and our kids usually don't see much, if anything of their friends. This summer has been different. We went to friends for New Year's Eve, and we've also had several playdates with our boys' friends this summer. Through the miracle of technology the boys have stayed in contact with classmates online as well.

Technology has featured prominently this summer and while I readily accept I've previously viewed children and technology with a jaundiced eye, this summer I've had to eat humble pie while calculating the benefits versus the drawbacks. For us, this summer, the benefits of technologies has far outweighed the drawbacks.

Friends: I've been fortunate enough to catch up with a few friends this summer. Hours spent with like-minded people just hanging out, chatting, and watching the kids play has kept me sane!

Getting physical: I was also fortunate enough to be able to help a friend in the process of moving. Carrying furniture and boxes from here to there, washing walls and windows, simply working hard and being tired at the end of it really helped. It stopped me from dwelling on my own concerns and I was able to measure real progress at the end of the day. I said this last week, but I'll say it again - being useful to someone gave me a sense of belonging and self-esteem which has been lacking for a while.

Family: Having my parents come and stay for a few days actually 'felt' like a holiday to me! It was so lovely to have them here and to fill the dinner table each night and have that sense of extended family. I wish we could do it far more often, but I'm very thankful for being able to do it all!

Crocheting: I finally finished my afghan!

It look FABULOUS if I say so myself - and I don't mind saying so myself at all. I'm so pleased with it! I'm so happy with myself for finishing it, too! I find creating something immensely satisfying. In case you're concerned that I may have spent a lot of money on yarn, let me assure you, I didn't, This blanket cost about $10 in very cheap acrylic yarn from Big W. Some might turned their nose up at cheap acrylic but it suits my purposes extremely well because I just want to create and as it will be used in a high traffic area, it is bound to get spilt on and dragged about by the children. If I'd crocheted this out of organic bamboo or a silk blend, it would be too precious for me to enjoy using. So, it's cheap and cheerful and I gained all the joy of creating it over the past month as well! I've already begun on my next project!

Minecraft Biosphere Mod: Yes, truly, I'm thankful for a games mod. It has brought a new perspective to a game my son and I have been enjoying together - as well as new challenges in lateral thinking and new rewards! And... It's pretty... Each sphere has its own biome; forest, desert, swamp, mushrooms, even nether! Between the biomes are 'moons' and these mini spheres contain rare minerals (lapis lazuli and diamond). Knowing exactly where to mine for diamonds is fabulous. The challenge is to get to the moons without falling into space and dying - which we're overcoming because we're a brilliant team! We have over 30 diamonds now, woot!

Overcoming fears: Just recently - like magic - my six year old has started sampling foods he'd previously not even liked to look at or smell. We're into our fifth year of living with and battling his food phobias. When he was very little he ate most things as long as they weren't the consistency of mashed banana (you know, slippery and mushy at the same time). but by the age of two he'd started to refuse foods. By the time he was three he was living off vegemite sandwiches, Weetbix and plain meats. He didn't like sauces, bakes, any kind of vegetable and would only eat apples. We've tried everything over the years from ignoring the situation and letting him just eat what he would, to attempting to bribe him, to giving him one option and letting him go hungry if he refused it (which ended in him vomiting every time).

Suddenly a week or so ago he said he'd try some Chilli con Carne and he did, and he decided it wasn't that bad. Then another night he tried a bit of salad, then he tried some Chicken Tonight. Suddenly, he's decided to try foods and tells us most things are actually nicer than he thought they would be.

I don't know what happened, I don't know what magic occurred, I just know I'm immensely thankful for this recent change and I really, really hope it lasts!

Online writing communities and opportunities: Recently I've had many opportunities to connect with other writers online. It's been amazing! There are so many talented writers out there, and I feel inspired whenever I read what they are working on. As a writer, I can't work in isolation. I mean, I need a fair amount of isolation to write, but I also need a lot of sharing and hearing of ideas with other creators to feed my inspiration. The internet has made connecting with other writers so much easier and I'm so thankful that so many other writers are willing to share their work. I may not write in the same style as most everyone else, but from their ideas and their words I find my own creative worlds opening up. It's just beautiful! I've done more creative writing off my own bat in the past six months than ever before!

And finally... In a bitter sweet kind of a way, because we really have had a great summer holiday this year... I'm thankful that school starts again next week. While I'll miss just lazing about the house and getting up whenever and eating whenever and so on, I feel my brain space is at full capacity at the moment. I'm looking forward to the security routine offers. I'm looking forward to predictability. I'm looking forward to the relative silence of only having one child in the house for several hours every day. I'm looking forward to meeting the new mums in my youngest's class. I'm looking forward to catching up with some of the mums I met last year, and maybe getting to know them better. I'm even looking forward to getting into the process of registering the eldest for high school next year (Eeeeeeeep!)...

Linking up with Kate Says Stuff for Thankful Thursday!

What are you thankful for at the moment?

It's Blog Hop Time!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 00:38:00 +0000

Joining the blog hop devised by Lillie McFerrin, Angie Richmond, Angela Goff and Daniel Swensen...

Here's the deal:
Write a piece of flash fiction, poem, or song (300 words or less) using the photo above as your inspiration. Post it on your blog anytime between now and when the linky closes. Every eligible entry will qualify for a chance to win one of the prizes listed below. The linky will close January 30th. Lillie, Angela, Daniel, and I will then read, debate, and decide on five winners for the following:

1st: Fifty page critique by Lillie McFerrin
2nd: Twenty-Five page critique by Angie Richmond
3rd: Fifteen page critique by Angela Goff
4th: Ten page critique by Daniel Swensen
5th: A copy of Steven King’s On Writing

Copy and paste the linky code below with your entry. Spread the word! We look forward to reading your take on this amazing photo!

[for some reason it won't let me put the code in here for the linky, but if you follow one of the links above you'll find it :)]

Photo by Luis Beltran

Twilight Forest

'Your mum has no life.'
'Yeah, I know. I think she believes she's somehow bonding with us, though...'

The way my golden haired boy said bonding, you might have been forgiven for thinking he was sucking on a lemon at the time. He wasn't, of course. Rather, he was tasting something far less palatable - embarrassment.

For my part, I didn't completely disagree with him. I knew I'd been drawn into a vortex of Minecraft. At the time, I didn't know quite how consumed in I'd become, though.

I lay in the jagged, pixelated grass, looking up at the sky with it's right-angled clouds. In the distance I heard the bellowing of cows. They sounded real. I dared not look for them in case they were the variety with jolly red toadstools sprouting out of their backs. Mooshrooms. Finding one had enthralled me for the better part of a weekend some weeks earlier. Now they scared me.

Everything scared me.

The trees here were extremely tall, taller than the giant mushrooms. And there were dragons, or so I'd been told, though I hadn't encountered one yet. Perhaps that was because the game had been set to peaceful when it happened.

Downloading mods was always tricky. I'd had to uninstall and reinstall the game several times. I could never have known that when a player downloaded the Twilight Forest mod, the mod also downloaded the player. Never in a million years.

I heard the rustling of sheep nearby. Maybe I'd gather some flowers and dye them red. I had to find something to do while the boys worked on getting me out of here. I just hoped they wouldn't loose interest in the game and move onto something else. I needed to find The End. Instinctively I knew this was my only hope. To get back to my old life, the one I had before Minecraft threatened to suck the life out of me.

10 Things Tuesday: 10 Things Toilet Learning...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:49:00 +0000

I made a commitment before Christmas to review Kleenex's Flushable Kids Wipes - when I was offered the opportunity to do the review I was feeling rather jazzed and optimistic that Ari (just turned three at the end of October) would soon be using the toilet like the big boys...

Yes, well, here we are in January, and time has been ticking by and I haven't done my review yet because Sir Poops-a-lot steadfastly refuses to eliminate without the security of his portable poop-catching paraphernalia (a.k.a a nappy - or for you Americans (and my 10 year old), a diaper).

Honestly, I've tried everything, I really have. He's had copious nappy free time in conjunction with lots of fluids, a [clean, empty] potty planted in the middle of our living area (much to the Grumpy Old Man's disgust), lots of talks about where wee and poo come from (much to every one of the boys' delight), promises of rewards; stars, stickers, lollies, trips to the park... Not a single drop outside the confines of his nappy...

So, the wipes weren't getting much use, as you can imagine...

Then one day while we had house guests, we realised to our horror that we were on the last few metres of our very last roll of toilet paper. So, guess what I discovered? Yep, you got it - the 'flushable kids wipes' are great for mature botties as well! But, let's not dwell on that image, too long...

Here's 10 Things I Know About Toilet Learning...

1. Some people call it toilet training, I prefer to call it toilet learning... Pot-ay-tos, pot-ah-tos, right? I find calling it learning reminds me that the child will have their own 'learning style', that they are active participants in the process and that they aren't - despite what my FIL told me years ago - just like puppies who can be trained from six weeks of age (or an equivalent arbitrary human age).

2. They say boys take longer to learn. I like to believe this is true - mostly because it takes some of the 'incompentant parent' pressure off me. Truth is, I'm sure for every 3.5 year old boy still in nappies, there is a 3.5 year old girl and for every 18 month old girl using the toilet, there is an 18 month old boy using the toilet, as well.

3. Parents who's child is on the cusp of learning to use the toilet can talk about it for hours - literally hours - sometimes that talking involves tears of frustrations, too... These same parents are always on the lookout for effective tips and tricks so if you have some to share, or looking for new tips and tricks yourself, why not check out the Kleenex Mums site - they have a Facebook page and everything!

4. When your child is still in nappies and is older than every other child you know still in nappies, it can feel like your child may never learn. Rest assured, they will... eventually.

5. Some children do better if all other options are taken away. So far, all three of my children who use toilets now, eventually learned to do so when I set a 'no more nappies' date and stuck to it - they all learned to use the toilet the very first day (they were all four years old - I know!).

6. Night time toilet learning can take much longer than day time toilet learning and that is okay. One of my children (for his sake, I won't say which one) was still in night nappies for two years beyond learning to use the toilet during the day.

7. Sometimes even after they have learned to use the toilet you might wish they were still in nappies because some children just can't seem to master wiping and 'skid marks' are so so gross - not to mention smelly. (I have to say this is probably the main reason I would be inclined to buy flushable wipes for one of my kidlets - again, name withheld for his privacy).

8. After my first two took so long to toilet learn, I decided I'd put my third in cloth nappies because I'd heard that makes a huge difference - you know cause cloth isn't as absorbent so the child can really feel when they're wet... Yeah, not for my child, it didn't.

9. I tried elimination communication for a while with my fourth and I wish there had been flushable wipes then - maybe I would have stuck with it!

10. If my fourth child learns to use the toilet at the same age my third did - he was the youngest to leave nappies behind - then I'll have concluded a 13 year, 3 month continuous stint of nappy changing. I will have changed about 25 000 nappies, give or take (let's say each change takes three minutes on averages, that's 1250 hours spent changing nappies!)... I am so very ready for this last little boy to master the art of using a toilet!

So, we did eventually use the Kleenex Flushable Kids Wipes and here's what I found out about them...

The dispenser is very handy. It releases one towelette at a time so they're less likely to be wasted. If however, the child manages to somehow pull a towelette out in such a way as to not leave the tip of the following towelette exposed, it might be very hard for them to get the next one - so some supervision is still necessary, even with a six year old.
The towelettes are scented. They're kind of fruity smelling which I like, but that might not be for everyone.
Each sheet is approximately twice the length of a sheet of toilet paper, which means good coverage while preventing the child from 'emptying the roll' with each loo visit.
The wipes are nice and thick and don't tear in the process of wiping - always a bonus!
My six year old loves them!
Even the novelty of flushable wipes couldn't convince my three year old to actually eliminate over a cavity (potty or toilet), though he didn't might pulling wipes from the dispenser - that was awesome fun!

Kleenex have made it possible for me to offer my readers a giveaway - yay, free stuff, who doesn't love free stuff? If you would like a chance to win the following;

Prize

TWO dispenser tubs

FOUR refill packs

A very cute plush puppy

Then leave a comment below telling me what you will do with all the extra time you'll have once your child no longer requires nappy changes!

Don't forget to check out the other ways you can get extra entries!

Entries close 7th of February (because I like short sharp giveaways - I'm kind of impatient like that) and the winner will be announced on Wednesday the 8th of February. Australian entries only. Kleenex will be mailing the package to the winner.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Disclosure: I received Kleenex Flushable Wipes products for the purpose of reviewing. No financial compensation was offered or accepted and the findings of my review reflect my honest opinion only.

And for those of you who participate in my regular 10 Things Tuesday link up...

Five Sentence Fiction - Radiance...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:49:00 +0000

What it’s all about: Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction.

This week: RADIANCE

I had never seen anything like it. The girl I'd all but stumbled over in the field sat opposite me on a rock, telling my about her homeland. The dusk sky was glowing red and purple behind her, but compared to her face it seemed dull like a dusty old painting in the attic. Her face, in contrast, was glowing, literally glowing with what seemed to be starlit silvery rays from her skin. Was she even human?

Sometimes inspiration comes from a single word, in a moment when you aren't thinking about writing at all...

Things I know: Random things from this week...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 03:13:00 +0000

Unfortunately, due to an accident, Kelly at The Good, The Bad & The Unnecessary is not able to host Things I Know this week - but she'll be back next week, so don't forget to join in then!

As I had a few things I know this week, I thought I'd do a post anyway :).

I know...

1. The school holiday's seem to be moving very quickly this year. I think there are two reasons for that. The first is this house is busting at the seams with technology (well, more than ever before, anyway) and I haven't been putting many limits on them, so the kids are constantly occupied (and for the most part actually getting along and having fun together!). I have random 'tech free' days when I feel they haven't gotten enough vitamin D and I throw those in here and there - those days do move more slowly, I'll admit. The second reason is that this year there have been playmates with friends and staying in contact with friends over the net, so the kids haven't been as isolated as in previous years - which makes everyone happier.

2. As I was helping a friend move a wardrobe to her old house's nature strip yesterday, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude to her for letting me help her move. This may seem odd because most people will agree that moving sucks. Cleaning sucks, too. It's a lot less sucky when it's not you who is actually moving because at the end of the day you can go back to your home where you know where everything is and you don't have to pick your way around boxes, and you don't have to worry about getting windows cleaned and the oven cleaned before handing keys in... However, my sense of gratitude was overwhelming none-the-less because she was allowing me to be of use to her. I have had friendships in the past where I'm constantly the receiver of help and simply not allowed to be helpful. One friendship in particular was like that. The other person was constantly 'rescuing' me, being my 'saviour', but whenever she was facing challenges and I asked her how I could help, she just wouldn't let me. She'd take assistance for plenty of other people, but not me. I could never repay her for helping me, and I could never be in a position of usefulness to her. Even to the point that she once blogged that she felt I'd abandoned her as a friend (which I hadn't at that stage, though later I did because it was just all too hard) and after all she'd done for me... So, yesterday I felt enormous gratitude to my friend for being allowed to be useful to her; to be a friend and not a charity project. Allowing other people to help you is sometimes a gift of self-respect that you can give them - what a wonderful gift!

3. Related to the last point... I know I have aching muscles I'd forgotten I had! And, I know I had no problem getting to sleep last night. I know both these things have made me very happy this morning (evidently, I'm a bit masochistic - really though, being physically active is very good for the soul!).

4. Thanks to a generous hand-me down of uniforms, my boys will have logo shirts and even long sleeved polos (for the first time) this year and this is very serendipitous for us!

5. Dishes don't wash themselves - no matter how hard you wish they would...

6. When someone else's child says I'm an 'Epic Mum', it makes my day (oh, yeah, I'm that shallow)!

7. The Grumpy Old Man just got back from a GP appointment for a change in pigmentation on his face and has a referral to a dermatologist. The GP said he didn't necessarily think it was anything sinister and suspects it will go away in the next three weeks, but as the wait for the dermatologist appointment is likely to be about six weeks, it's better to be safe than sorry... The funny thing is the dermatologist is the same one we've seen for our eldest's psoriasis as well as for my own a few years ago... He's almost a family friend, and we're probably more excited about meeting him again than worried about any possible melanoma.

8. I have to go grocery shopping - man, I hate grocery shopping. I especially hate grocery shopping during the holidays when a) I have to take my kids and b) everyone else in the supermarket will have their kids in tow as well... But we've got to eat and a big shop once a fortnight is much more cost effective that shopping every day...

9. I was inexplicably overjoyed last night when I heard that the original Yellow Wiggle (Greg) is rejoining The Wiggles! Go Greg!!! I might even allow Ari to watch The Wiggles now, hahaha!

10. There are so many things I want to do; write, read, study, crochet... but I'm so, so tired all the time at the moment. Insomnia is kicking my butt and I need to get it under control - somehow.

11. I'm loving all this medium warm weather we're having in Melbourne at the moment, I want summer to go on for ever and ever!

What do you know?

Wanted: A truckload of writing mojo...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 02:41:00 +0000

They say happy people don't make great artists. Some of the greatest painters, writers and actors of all time suffered from great anxiety and depression and this underpinned their best creative efforts...

Oh woe is me!

I should be writing something spectacular right about now if this was true for me.

Instead I seem to have drawn a blank.

I received a tweet the other day asking if I was still participating in 'Carpe Verba'. I said I was, I'm just have some difficulties at the moment. This is true. My mind is a wasteland for creativity.

I was thinking I might pick up one of my notebooks and have a go at handwriting again. Maybe a bit of actual hand writing might stimulate those parts of the brain that seemed to going something like this...

Okay, let's get an idea moving. Just something little - a flash fiction... About something I know, maybe... A woman blogging, a curious comment, a follow-up by email, a mystery, investigation, a hostage situation...

I have this idea in my head for a story. It's not actually a flash fiction, or even a short story. It is something longer. But I can't grasp it. I reach out and the threads break when my fingertips brush them.

My characters can't talk, their throats are dry and they choke on their words. They're unsure of their footing when they walk and they hesitate and stumble if I try to push them along.

They look pale and thin, too, like they need a good feed. They're not supposed to be pale and thin - I can't jot those characteristics down as part of their description - it's more that my mind isn't feeding them enough to round them out.

So I abandon that story line and try for something else, but everything else is just grasping at straws.

There is always Svava's story. It's all wrong now though. It doesn't match up with Lily's story at all - which is a problem because the characters are very much connected and very entrenched. I have considered relocating the story to separate it from Lily's story altogether, but the characters like where they are right now and are fighting me on this. I don't have the strength or will to go into battle with them. It's their story, what right do I have to change it on them?

Lily is pestering me too, 'You promised you'd get my story professionally edit - a year ago.' She's kind of pissed, poor sweet girl. She's been through enough. She's been trying to be heard for 16 years now. I don't have the heart to tell her that I think, maybe, I've failed her and that no amount of editing is going to impress an agent enough, let alone a publisher.

Meanwhile, my Minecraft queendom is looking kind of fabulous, if I say so myself. Erik and I have been working on it together a lot lately. He's had quite a few late nights fighting zombies and skeletons for me so I can get their mob drops (I like to play on peaceful, I'm not fan of the adrenalin rush that happens when some creature tries to kill my character - who happens to be the 11th Doctor at the moment).

My blanket is really coming along, as well...

Just got to finish that last row and do the edging.

Maybe my writing mojo will resurface when the kids go to school... If you see it though, tell it to get its butt home to me - I miss it. I'd offer a reward if I had anything of value to offer.

10 Things Tuesday: 10 Things I Know About Agoraphobia...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:05:00 +0000

I'm supposed to be doing a review and a little giveaway. I've even gotten as far with that post as to set up a rafflecopter thingy for it. It's coming, I promise, but today I want to talk about something that is weighing heavily on my mind. Agoraphobia.

I suffer with agoraphobia and it is mostly related to my low vision. I didn't have it when I was younger. It developed as I grew older and realised how much I can't see in comparison to other people, how often I get in people's way because I don't have much in the way of peripheral vision, and how impossible it is for other people to even realise I have low vision because I have not readily visible markers of vision impairment.

I hate going out on my own unless I have a specific purpose and know the place I'm going to well. If I know the place well but don't have a specific purpose for traveling to that place, I still hate going out. If I have a purpose for going out, especially if I've very motivated to going to a place (to be with people I really enjoy the company of, for example) I can overcome most of the anxiety to achieve my goal, but I still have a fair amount of anxiety.

I could make myself more visually recognisable as a person with low vision by using a cane (not one you tap the ground with, but one you hold in front of you to indicate to others that you have low vision), or a monocular (which looks like a little telescope held up to one eye). While this has it's benefits, the drawback is that of bringing lots of attention to myself - which, despite how I dress, I'm not excited at the prospect of. I might as well wear a big, flashing, sign emblazoned with 'I have a disability, I'm vulnerable, mug me!'

Sure, that's an irrational thought - who said agoraphobia is rational?

So, here are 10 things I know about agoraphobia...

~1. Agoraphobia can develop at any time, it is not something a person is born with, though people who are more anxious by nature might be more prone to it.

~2. Not everyone with anxiety suffers from agoraphobia.

~3. There is safety in numbers; as long as the numbers are people you know and trust.

~4. The best antidote for agoraphobia is to get out of the house regularly.

~5. Agoraphobia and cabin fever are not mutually exclusive - agoraphobes often really want to get out because the four walls can feel like a prison, but wanting to get out of the house does not cure one of agoraphobia.

~6. Agoraphobia can lead to depression and depression feeds agoraphobia, creating a vicious cycle. Agoraphobia can also prevent a person with depression from seeking appropriate help.

~7. An agoraphobe in a good phase may not seem agoraphobic at all - this is mostly the magic of smoke and mirrors created by lots of social outings in the company of some form of security blanket (for me, that is my husband, my kids sometimes and one great friend).

~8. Agoraphobes can lose friends because those friends just don't understand why the agoraphobe is so reluctant to go visit them (especially when that agoraphobe is reliant on public transport, which can cause panic attacks).

~9. When an agoraphobe wakes up ready to hurl at the thought of having to go out, even with their security blanket or invites people over then spends the hours before their arrival regretting that decision, it's time to get help (in fact, that time is well overdue).

~10. It can be harder to spot an agoraphobe than most people think. We don't all jump at the sight of our own shadows. We're not all retiring wall flowers. When we feel safe, we can be quite confident in public - we may even enjoy public speaking (I'm not kidding). We don't usually announce our agoraphobia to people - even people like a lot.

Saturday night reflections...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 09:51:00 +0000

8.02pm on Saturday night, the second eldest is just going to bed (yet another new night time routine has emerged in response to some difficulties getting four to go to sleep somewhat peacefully in one room. This will not comfort those struggling to get babies and toddler to bed, 12.5 years into this parenting caper, we're constantly tinkering at the edges of settling kids for the night. The current incarnation is that Ari and Bryn go to bed at 7pm; Ari in our room with the Grumpy Old Man laying with him and Bryn on his own in the boys' room. Then Luey goes to bed at 8pm, and Erik at 9pm. I wasn't going to let the older two have those later time slots until they turned 11 and 13 but 30 minutes between Bryn and Luey meant that Bryn would hold out until Luey got into the room and then they'd play funnybuggers until Erik came in a 8.30pm and we'd be lucky if we weren't still telling them to 'settle down and go. to. sleep!' at 9-9.30pm. With a staggering of an hour between each child, they seem to all drop off by the time the next one is in the room - and we transfer Ari once Erik is asleep.

But that's not what I was going to write about, actually - got a bit sidetracked there, didn't I?

I've been struggling with the knowledge that I have to get myself to a doctor and onto anti-depressants again. It's been at least 7 years since I was on them last, and I'm really, really pleased with that run. Lately though, I've known this bout of depression isn't just going to blow over. I've been waiting for things to 'get better', for things to 'go our way' again, for the 'run of back luck' to stop and I've held fast to the idea that then I'd feel a lot better.

I'm on the verge of tears constantly, which is rather ridiculous, and now I've slipped into that state of hopelessness where I'm just convinced nothing will ever get any better and there is no use trying to make any effort to do anything because it'll all come to nought in the end.

Congnitively, I can rationalise that that is a load of horse nuggets but emotionally I can't budge the great big lump of blah in front of me that keeps telling me it would be best to go to bed for a while and check back in a few months to see if anything has changed without me.

I've come to the realisation that on Monday I have to call Centerlink and ask them what they can do to help this disabled person to get a job. I know some of you might be thinking, 'Eureka! Finally, she has woken up to herself and is ready to get of her fat, lazy arse and do something productive.'

To those of you thinking that - here's a big, fat, lazy birdie for you...

You see, I'm not as stupid or lazy as some of you might think (oh, I'm not talking about my friends who read this blog, I'm talking about the people who like to cast stones from the comfort of their glass houses - oh, yeah, that's right, I haven't forgotten all your lovely words of encouragement, don't you feel honoured?).

The prospect of seeking work scares me numb, it really does. I'm not afraid of hard work - I welcome it. If someone offered me a real job cleaning public toilets right now, I'd take it.

What has me feeling sick about getting back out there into the job hunting game is my past experiences. You see, on several occasions in the past I've been unfairly dismissed because the employer was concerned my low vision might lead to me 'making mistakes' - the fact that I hadn't, to that point, actually made any mistakes, seemed completely irrelevant.

On a couple of those occasions, the employer conveniently realised I might 'make mistakes' just around about the same time the government subsidy for my position was about to run out. On one occasion the employer happily took the government's money, but didn't actually pay me any wage at all (Oh, didn't you realise tax payers can budge of the government as well? Now you do). He kept saying there was a hold up with some papers and he'd pay me 'by the end of the week' until six weeks later (because I'd really wanted to believe he was telling the truth), I finally walked out and called the taxation office myself.

Being that vulnerable scares me. Being rejected because of my so-called disability scares me. Acknowledging that I even have a disability scares me because people tend to react as if I spawned from another planet and may be contagious... Beside, I don't feel disabled.

However, with no other prospects on the horizon and facing the beginning of the school year unable to pay for the book packs, let alone any excursions or incursion (of which our school seems to have far too many), I'm going to have to suck up all my depressive and anxious thoughts and just get out there and do what needs to be done.

I have to believe that even though only 15% of employment seekers with my disability actually find job, I'm going to be part of that 15% (despite the fact that everything we've done to date to get my fully able bodied husband any work has failed).

Maybe this is what the universe has been trying to get me to do all along and as soon as I act, everything will fall into place and be wonderful again?

Oops, better go, my optimism is showing...

The important difference between options and opportunities...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 05:57:00 +0000

They say the X-Generation (my generation) can also be called the 'Options Generation'. They like to have options and they like to consider their options...

I had a discussion this afternoon with one of my children after a slight altercation over an outing to Nanna's with dad. You see, this child likes to have options (and he's obviously not an X-Gen). He is the kind of child who will ask, 'Can I go to the park?' and then when you tell him he can, he'll immediately turn around and say, 'Do I have to go to the park?'

'He's the kind of child who, given $25 for Christmas by Nanna will tell you he knows exactly what he's going to get with it, and then proceed to wander blank-eyed around the shop, scratching his head and mumbling, 'Just five more minute - I can't decide.'

He just LOVES options...

Today he optioned himself out of a good thing and that is what led to the altercation.

His dad said to him, 'You're coming with me to Nanna's today.' and he immediately said he didn't want to go. A few minutes later when his dad asked him if he was sure he didn't want to go, he repeated that he didn't want to go. So, then his dad told another boy, 'Okay, then you're coming with me...'

Within about two minutes the first boy was trying to convince the second boy to let him go instead. We intervened and said, 'No, you told us twice you didn't want to go, so now your brother is going.' Tears ensued.

He'd missed his opportunity while fighting to have options...

In fact, he often missed opportunities while considering options.

You see, the important difference between opportunities and options is that opportunities tend to pass, and it is the accumulation of opportunities which gives you options.

You cannot have options unless you have multiple opportunities, but opportunities must be seized before they slip away - as opportunities tend to do after a undetermined amount of time.

So, this afternoon we talked about the importance of quickly assessing opportunities and options in order the grasp great opportunities when they present themselves. We talked about the importance of balancing 'considering your options' with 'seizing your opportunities'...

I realised I was probably trying to teaching him to avoid the mistakes his father and I have made in the past.

Perhaps Baby Boomers (the Grumpy Old Man's generation) and Y-Gens (this child's generation) are also 'options oriented'? Perhaps we're all always looking out for greener grass? Are you an options seeker or an seizer?

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Why I won't let my 12 year old on Facebook...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 03:16:00 +0000

source

We've been having a lot of debates in this household recently stemming from my eldest's participation on a Minecraft server which is hosted by one of his friends - and now his father and I have just about had enough.

Six months ago none of my children had any kind of technology. Then I bought them iPods amongst other things, so they could have something in common with their peers.

It really is unavoidable - the technological creep.

I've long been part of many circles of parents who resist 'plugging the child into technology' for various reasons, and I've sympathised with their views. As a Communications student many years ago I read a lot of research that suggested technologies stimulate the mind while pacifying the body, resulting in overstimulated adrenal systems. I've read recent research which suggests that exposure to violent video games physically changes neural pathways resulting in an inability to focus in other environments. Of course, none of this research is conclusive (very little research of any kind is conclusive, in any field).

So, I hadn't plugged my children in for those reasons.

Earlier last year I created Facebook accounts in the names of each of my children - including the, then, two year old. I did this for my own Facebook gaming purposes. I have since lived to regret this decision in some ways, but the accounts remain as I vacillate over whether or not to acquiesce to the pressure of my 12 and 10 year olds to be allowed to use their accounts because all their friends are beginning to have active accounts on Facebook.

As of this morning, though, the decision is still to hold off on that particular initation and it is all comes down to having observed my eldest's interactions via email with his friends on a friend's Minecraft server.

You see, my son has an email account he has access too, but all his emails are forwarded to my inbox as well so that I can observe the interactions. I do this mainly because my son's social skills are still in the making and I want to see how they develop as he encounters new situations. I feel this is my responsibility as his parent - apprenticing him for adulthood. He knows I see his emails and this is part of the conditions under which he has an email account in the first place.

Sadly, over the past couple of months of him being on his friend's Minecraft server, I have only read a handful of emails that weren't in some way aggressive; both on his part and on the part of the other children on the server.

We had thought participating in this server would be an exercise in camaraderie, whereby the boys would all work together to build a world in Minecraft. Instead it seems to have been one big 'grief-fest'. My son has not been innocent in all of this. I observed as he participated in blowing up the other players houses and stealing their tools and materials. I've warned him this kind of behaviour might seem fun at first but would eventually lead to hard feelings. He didn't take on my advice and learned 'the hard way' when his friends no longer trusted him and refused to help him when he got caught in a glitch in the program and was effectively 'jailed' in a no-mans land.

The thing is, he had actually apologised and changed his way some time earlier, but a grudge was held - understandably.

I stepped in (I know, I know, many of you will say that was the wrong thing to do, but I do believe in second chances and my son has only just found a group of friends after many social difficulties). I went into bat for him with the boys and he was saved from his glitch prison.

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However, it hasn't only been my son 'griefing the server' as they call it, the others have also attacked him and one another. In fact, every email seems to be full of, 'Who bombed my house?' and 'Who stole my stuff?' and 'I'm going to ban whoever it was' as well as it a lot of 'It wasn't me!' and 'It couldn't have been him because...'

I have not witnessed much in the way of camaraderie, I have to say. All this lack of non-verbal cues seems to be causing these children to be antagonistic and defensive all at once. As I said, my child is not innocent in this matter. I just don't think he's learning any positive social skills through this exercise.

So, now there is the added pressure of Facebook. All the other boys have active Facebook accounts now, except my child, and he is pushing to 'join them'.

The thing with Facebook is, while I can and do have access to his page and messages, monitoring the interactions would be ten times more complicated due to the various modes of communication including chat (which I now believe can be monitored through private messages, where it couldn't be before), but quite frankly, if all the interactions via email are negative - how is Facebook going to be any better?

If anything it will be worse.

Already - with an inactive account - my child has several friends requests from children who are friends or relatives of his friends. Children who are not part of our school community. Children I will never meet - children he will probably never meet. If he is has negative interactions with his friends via Minecraft or email, only his friends see those interactions. On Facebook, everyone he is linked to - including people he has never met and only know him through his reputation on Facebook - will see.

Is he ready to deal with those situations? I don't think he is.

Moreover, what if he participates in the slamming of someone else? Are they ready to deal with that? Does he understand how he can negatively impact on other people via the internet? I really don't think he does.

When so many adults fail to connect with the concept of another human being on the receiving end of cyber debates, how can a socially innocent 12 year old manage it?

Okay, so the argument might be that he has to learn some time. He's never going to learn without experiencing it, right? But surely, if he doesn't experience it for another year or so, he'll be that much more mature just from other life experiences, right?

As of right now, my decision is to wait. I may change my mind tomorrow, or next week, or next month. For that to happen, I think I would first have to see more positive interactions via email. I'd need to see that the internet is not only a vehicle for aggression in his peer group, but all for support and cohesion, respect and friendship - at least in equal measure with the negativity, but preferably outweighing it considerably. I'd need to see more maturity from all the children, including my child.

...even if it may hurt me...
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10 Things Tuesday: 10 Things I've Learned About Getting A Driver's Licence

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 22:28:00 +0000

The very first thing I want to say is that I've been quite overwhelmed to see my readers checking in every day over the past week of my absence. My hit rate hasn't dropped at all and I REALLY appreciate all your enthusiasm and interest, so THANK YOU for being so patient with me!

On the 14th of November last year, the Grumpy Old Man made his fifth attempt at passing his manual driver's licence, but as on previous occasions, despite driving perfectly well in lessons and practices for months on end, he stalled the car and failed the test. We'd mooted the idea of him just switching to an automatic car, but his driving instructor (who we'd known for 2.75 years) didn't have an automatic vehicle, so couldn't teach him in one, or offer one for the test. We approached mother-in-law about trading in the manual car we are supposed to get (because she doesn't drive, it was FIL's car) for an automatic, but she baulked at the idea.

We felt quite desperate because we were certain if he could just do the test in an automatic, he'd pass. Having a licence underpins any efforts he makes to get a job as he can really only work through agencies at this point and they require applicants to have a licence.

In early December it looked as if he'd have to redo the test in a manual despite our best efforts. On a bright note, he was also offered one night's work to start in the new year. Then my parents decided they would drive their automatic over the week before his sixth test and help him prepare for it. I was SO excited! 2012 was really looking up! Dave had one shift of work which would provide him with experience to get more work and we were confident he'd pass the automatic test.

Then two days before Christmas the one shift of work fell through because the family didn't need a carer as much as they had when they offered the GOM a shift.

Still and all, I was excited about my parents coming over and the GOM getting his licence.

The arrived last Wednesday (which is why my blog has been so quiet). The GOM drove and drove and learned the dimension of the Holden - which is as long and as wide as a people mover. He went for the test yesterday and did brilliantly well. All the same he failed. The reason for his failure is disputed - even by his instructor. The tester asked him to move the left hand lane when safe, and the GOM did all his checks and indicated and then felt the car behind him on his left was still a bit too close, so waited 7 seconds or so before moving over. The tester felt this constituted 'creating a dangerous driving situation' and felt into the category of 'critical error' and failed him. That was the GOM's one and only 'error' and it comes down to a matter of opinion in the end because there is not rule for how long an indicator can be on before a driver moves. Still, he was failed.

To say I'm frustrated would be an understatement. The GOM can drive and he drives really well, he did everything right, he was being a safe driver and still we sit here with no licence.

We have already booked his next test and my parents have graciously offered to drive over again next month to do it. We're hoping to move it forward because waiting seven and a bit weeks is intolerable, but we'll see what happens.

I really feel as if we struggle and struggle to do the right thing, to get out of our situation, but every attempt we make is stomped all over by other people and we have not way to prevent that. We are so reliant on other people being reasonable and we seem to be running into one unreasonable person after another, and they are all in positions of power in our lives.

What else can we do but keep going. Just keep swimming as Dori says in 'Finding Nemo'. I tried not to have hopes and expectations for 2012 but I find myself already terribly disappointed and disillusioned and we're only 10 days into the year...

I have to try to be more positive and upbeat - there is nothing worse than reading an endless stream of whinging, I know. I had really hoped to post about our victory over the licence monster and that was part of why I didn't post all week, I wanted to write something fun and exciting and super duper positive. So sorry to disappoint.

I have learned a lot about getting a licence through this process though, so thought I'd share a few things in case anyone else was interested in hearing - here goes!

1. It's easier to get a licence when you're young and feel relatively invincible. The older you get, the more conscious you are of every thing that can go wrong, however improbable.

2. Fifteen hours of practicing over a four day period is far more effective for learning than fifteen hours over fifteen weeks.

3. While getting a manual licence first up may seem like a good idea because you can then drive manual and automatic from the get-go, if you get an automatic licence then you can actually drive a manual car after the three year probationary period anyway...

4. Employing a driving instructor can be a good idea, but you might actually find it much easier to learn from your FIL in the end...

5. From word of mouth - If you manage to stall an automatic in a driving test, you'll probably be too shaken to even care afterwards (because it'd mean having narrowly avoided a collision).

6. Just because you fail the first test you do, doesn't mean you're guaranteed to pass the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th or even 6th attempt... One woman in China finally got her licence after 300 attempts.

7. Sometimes you can drive and drive well, and still not pass the test because tests are not at all like everyday driving.

8. The term 'when safe' can be very ambiguous and your own concept of cautious driving may even be interpreted by one tester as endangering other drivers, and interpreted by other testers as safe driving. A lot of the test parameters are a matter of personal interpretation and not covered in any driving texts.

9. A seven week waiting list between tests is beyond ridiculous, frustrating, expensive, disheartening and downright stupid!

10. Three years of instruction, over $5000 in driving lessons, almost $1000 in test costs, almost a year of tests every 7-8 weeks and all the hopes and anxiety that goes with that, and yet we've booked again and are hoping '7th time lucky' will be the charm... That there is persistence, optimism and perhaps a dash of desperation...

10 Things Tuesday: 10 'happier' for so far in 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 12:53:00 +0000

If I can bang out ten things in the next 35 minutes and get this post posted, then technically I didn't miss my 10 Things Tuesday blog post, right?

I was going to post 10 Points of Shopping Centre Ettiquette That Really Should Be Taught in School... but then I thought I might want to kick of the year with something a little more upbeat and positive... Even though we're only three days into this new year, I think I can find ten things that have made me happy this year already!

#1 In the very first hour of the new year it would have to be dancing in the front yard of a friend's house under fairy lights in a makeshift outdoors lounge room - I wish I'd take any kind of camera with me, they had it set up so beautifully under the trees with lamps and fairy lights and a leather couch and loud music! It was so much fun! As a good omen for the coming year (that's precisely how I choose to view this extraordinary event) we had a visit from a ring tail possum on the electrical wire above us. The picture below is terribly blurry, but you get the idea... This little cutie sat perched up above our party watching everyone for a good ten minutes while we all gawked at it and made clumsy attempts at capturing it's image on mobile phones (not mine, I had this photo mms'd to me)... It was all quite amazing and wonderful, really!

#2 Still in the first hour of the new year, walking the 15 minutes it took to get home with my little family, all smiling and together - finding constellations in the clear night sky!

#3 Deciding to join a couple of challenges to awaken my creativity with a photography and writing.

#4 Oh, writing! Writing 1100 words of my novel - yes, the same part for probably the fifteenth time, yet it was fresh and new to me. Meeting my old friends Thomas and Lily, and Svava again. Moving around in their world as if visiting a familiar holiday destination. Seeing the inside of their house again and noticing new nic-nacs I hadn't noticed on previous visits. I love this part of being a writer, all the travelling I get to do!

#5 Remember my story about being psychic and knowing I had to cut the grass before something bad happened - and then not getting to cut the grass and something bad happening... Well, I'd noticed I have a way for foreseeing bad things happening, but felt I was powerless to change them... Okay, well, that is changing! When the boys got their Wii for Christmas and I went to install it, I realised I didn't have enough sockets on the surge buffered power board behind the television. I knew I needed a bigger power board. Usually, I'd let my impulse to please the kids run away with me and plan to buy the new power board, but think I'll just let them play using a regular power board, just today, just until I get to the shops. This time I heeded my premonition about a power surge and got the bigger power board before plugging in the Wii. Well, within twenty four hours we had the biggest power surge we've ever had - we actually heard something explode down the road! The fridge looked like it might have died (it hadn't). I was so happy one of my premonitions paid off!

#6 When the fridge came back on after the massive power surge. At first it seemed like it was dead but about half an hour after reconnecting it, it sprang back into whirring life, yay!

#7 Finding a cheap nail polish that doesn't chip the first day I put it on - or the second, or the third!

#8 Ari sleeping in his bed every night, last night he even settled in his bed for the first time with me just sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. This has all sorts of added benefits which have made me smile recently (draw your own conclusions)...

#9 Sitting on the back porch for hours chatting with my brother as the cool change slowly moved in and sky clouded over and the humidity dropped several percentage points!

#10 Getting this post in before midnight, and thereby scraping in for Tuesday and meeting yet another commitment (if only by the skin of my teeth!). You will also see that I've posted todays 'photo a day in January' photo on the page up there. I haven't written five hundred words for today but I'll catch up tomorrow and as the songs goes, 'Two outta three ain't bad!'

What has made you happy already this year?

Getting back on the writing pony...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:30:00 +0000

Day two of this year and I've added the next photo for the January Photo Challenge (check out the pages under my header up there)... So, that's still going (oh, yes, I am totally surprised as well!).

Considering that minor success, I'm feeling a bit brave. I may be confusing bravery with stupidity - I often get those two mixed up - time will tell. I've seen a few of my writerly friends talking about joining up with a 2012 writing challenge to write 500 words a day for this entire year. Okay, so considering doing anything for more than a couple of days in a row is a major challenge in itself for me, I'm probably biting off more than I can chew, but hey, this year is about taking every day as it comes and not having any expectations - and that would also include not expecting to fail, right?

So, I followed a link over to Cara Michaels' blog Defiantly Literate and read about her challenge to 'carpe verba' (seize the word for those playing along at home) and commit to writing 500 words a day. Not just any 500 words - I don't think tweets count (one could argue tweets never count anywhere for anything...) - but 500 words of writing which goes toward a writing goal. Blog posts are line balls in as much as if your goal is to blog prolifically then you might get away with counting those posts, but really it should be something other than blog posts. I won't be counting blog posts.

I've decided to start afresh on the novel I tried to write for NaNoWriMo. I only got to about 5000 words on that project, but even in the few weeks since putting it away, I've had new thoughts on how I'd like it to feel and a fresh start is the best way to achieve my new goals for that project.

If I do manage to write 500 words a day, that final word count for the year would 183 000 words which far exceeds the word count I need for Shifter, so obviously I'll be working on other stuff as well. I'm hoping to form a habit of writing (other than blogging) every day. If I can form that single habit, then 2012 will have been a roaring success for me!

I've discovered a great little gadget called a word meter here and plan to use it a lot this year to track various projects (as you can already see in the right hand column).

So, now I have photography, crochet and writing projects going and 2012 is looking to be a very creative year!

Hello 2012, You Sexy Thing!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 02:27:00 +0000

... as The Doctor would say!

Can't help but feeling a little bit sparkly today... It's ingrained in my personality. I just love new things. I love the first page of a new exercise book. The first time I use new sheets... Oh, and the first day of a new year - can't you just feel the possibilities stretch out in front of you?

Today I've joined a photo a day challenge over at FatMumSlim. I've created a page (up there under the header of this blog) and have already posted today's photos. It's all part of my 'taking life as it comes' approach to 2012. While this is a month long commitment and I can't guarantee I'll follow through (because, you know, I'm just taking every day as it comes and not trying to have expectations), I thought taking some time out each day to focus on just one thought might help ground me a bit.

So, what am I doing on this very first day of 2012? Well, I'm going to continue crocheting an afghan I started last week. I'm really doing it! I'm really crocheting an afghan! I've thought and talked about crocheting one for years. Watching Roseanne reruns in 2011 spurred me on - remember the afghan on the back of the Connor's couch?

Well, my mum made one of those way back in the 70s, when they were all the rage. I'm not a huge fan of the classic black bordered afghan, but have wanted to make an afghan all the same and finally, finally found a pattern I like at Attic24... Here's mine so far...

I haven't written out a colour pattern or anything, I just work out the colours for each hexagon as I go along because I want it to be fairly random. I love that this pattern allows me to attach each hexagon as I go along, no stitching the hexagons together at the end. I'm almost a quarter of the way finished.

What are you doing on the first day of this very attractive new year?

Saying goodbye to 2011...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 23:47:00 +0000

We're just about to head out for some last minute shopping to get us through the public holiday and then tonight - for the first time in years - we're heading out for a New Year's Eve party as a family. So, I won't be here for my usual New Year's Eve ritual tonight, but I'll do it tomorrow instead.

I like to meditate on what I want for the coming year and so on, but if you read yesterday's post you'll know I'm not doing that this year. Instead I'm going to let life take its course. I'll focus on the day-to-day and let the big picture take care of itself in 2012.

Whatever you're doing tonight, whether you'll be partying on with family and friends or having a quiet night in, or even an early night, I want to wish a Very HAPPY 2012! I hope it brings you many happy memories in the creation of the every day. I hope 2012 brings you love and laughter - take every opportunity to laugh. Laughter heals and it strengthens the soul, so laugh whenever you can! Be open to laughing at yourself. To many people take themselves too seriously, trying to be self-important and right all the time. Being right is highly overrated. Some wise person once asked, 'Do you want to right or do you want to be happy?' I say happiness is a gift that should never be passed up, because you just don't know when it will come around again. So, if you have to choose between being right and being happy, choose to be happy!

Laugh at yourself. Have a laugh with others when they offer you that opportunity. Don't borrow trouble. Don't look for the cloud in every silver lining. Don't tell the clown his shoes are a safety hazard. Don't trample on other people's joys just for the satisfaction of putting them in their place.

Be generous. Let other people be wrong and don't let on! Live and let live.

Laugh! Have a Happy New Year and let others have one, too!

Things I Know: Peering into 2012...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 02:27:00 +0000

It's the second last day of the year! Tomorrow I'll do my usual New Years Eve ritual - although I'm not sure when as, for the first time in years, we're going out for New Year's Eve. Usually I start buzzing with new year's anticipation around about now. I'm usually hyped on the excitement of a new year full of new possibilities; the clean slate syndrome and all that. I'm usually sure everything will turn around at the stroke of midnight and all that has passed in the previous 12 months will be forgotten and no longer relevant.

This year is different.

It's not a bad thing, I don't feel depressed. I feel... I feel quiet. I feel reverent. I feel unattached. By unattached, I mean I feel as if I'm floating free in a deep, dark sea of space. I'm not pulled toward a desired outcome, I'm not pinned to a particular hope of a certain outcome. I feel that I've let go. I've let go because I'd finally accepted that I am not in control of my destiny.

Here is what I know as I float in the comforting dark blue ocean of space...

# I know I believe in destiny. I believe that despite having worked my best magic to make things be the way I believe they should be, all my work has been for nought because there is a destiny which will have it's way despite my [evidently limited] understanding of how things should be.

# I know I am not in control of my destiny. I can visualise the life I want all I want. I can repeat affirmations until I'm blue in the face. I can be positive and banish every negative thought from my mind and destiny will still run its course because there is a bigger picture which I cannot see and to get from point A to point C, I must travel through point B, whether I like the look of it or not.

# I know destiny will always be in my best interest - and this knowledge is what brings me peace as I surrender to it. Whatever happens, in the end I'll be exactly where I need to be (as I have been countless times before) and that will bring with it contentment. I look forward to that time!

# I know I could lay plans for 2012. I could plan to get my novel reviewed and submitted for publication. I could plan to for the next NaNoWriMo next November. I could make plans for when the Grumpy Old Man has his licence and a job and all the wonderful things we'll be able to do then. I could make plans to submit an application to do my PhD. I also know I've made plans like this for 2010 and 2011 and they just didn't happen for so many reasons which were ultimately beyond my control. So, I won't make plans for 2012.

# I know 2012 might bring no change whatsoever to our situation and this time next year the Grumpy Old Man may still not have a licence or a job, we might still be living in this house living week to week and being subsidised by mother-in-law. I know there is also the possibility that the Grumpy Old Man might finally get his licence in 2012, and we might finally have a car, and he might finally get a job that brings in enough income to free mother-in-law of the burden of supporting us. 2012 might be year that we put a nest egg together. 2012 might see us move from this house because the owners will be building townhouses in what is currently our back yard.

# I know that I know nothing about 2012 and I know that that is bringing me a sense of calm today because I know I am not in control, there is nothing I can't do to ensure an outcome one way or another, so I am free to just be.

# I know that freedom is a great gift and I am thankful to have finally accepted it.

Linking up with The Good, The Bad, The Unnecessary for Things I Know!

Thankful Thursday: The End of Year Edition...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:17:00 +0000

At a low ebb today - I always feel this way after Christmas; after all the excitement and suspense (these days the suspense is less 'What will I get' and more 'Will they love it as much as I hope they do' - I suspect most parents feel the same way)...

I thought it was time I exercised my thankfulness muscle, and my blogging muscle, and those muscles at my core that keep me from slipping into a complete blob on the couch (those muscles lose condition surprisingly quickly when there is a sudden absence of school runs and routine).

This is what I'm thankful for at the end of 2011.

# Being taken under the wing of an experienced school mum at the beginning of the year and being allowed to apprentice being a classroom rep with her - I learned so much!

# Being able to attend my Masters Graduation in April. I didn't attend my first Masters graduation from Melbourne University in 2003 and had always regretted not getting there. Attending the graduation earlier this year made attaining my second Masters degree so very real. It was wonderful meeting the other Masters students again as studying by correspondence can being so isolating - it was lovely to be participating with other people! Most of all I'm thankful my boys were able to be there as well, hopefully I will be able to see them graduate from their own Masters degrees one day!

# No colds last winter - barely one sniffle amongst us! Most years we have lots of colds and most years the Grumpy Old Man develops bronchitis and even pneumonia, but this year we had none of that! It was quite miraculous, actually!

# Having the opportunity to buy a fantastic new computer and an iPad and iPods for the boys. Perhaps these weren't the wisest financial choices I made this year. In fact, financially, they were crappy choices, but no amount of money can actually replace the career and social opportunities they have provided the boys and I. Having access to these tools has helped me with my writing, reading and reviewing. They allowed me to participate in 'Adopt an Indie' which was great for my writing. They allowed the boys to socialise better with their friends and in Erik's case, they actually cemented his place in a group of friends for whom gaming is of the highest priority.

# Each of my boys having a group of a friends now. I've mentioned this before, I know, but it's a big deal for me that my boys have friends in childhood because I didn't haven't many friends and none who lasted.

# I'm thankful for all the lovely things I won on blogs this year including a huge pack of Lego for the boys, a designer handbag and 104 boxes of tissues, amongst other things!

# For the opportunities for the Grumpy Old Man and I to participate in a couple of focus groups which brought a little extra income into the household.

# For my friend who gifted me a ticket to the Nuffnang Blogopolis Conference in August where I met people and learned things which allowed me to reach twice as many readers as I had before!

# For all the rain this year. I'm not a fan of rain, but after many years of drought and watching those water levels drop lower and lower, it has been wonderful to have rain and see the dams fill up and experience the greenness all around.

# That mother-in-laws angina was caught before she had a major heart attack and that she coped exceptionally well with the anaesthetic and is recovering from surgery quite well.

# For all the wonderful support from family and friends and from my readers this year - without all of you I think I may have fallen in a heap. Because of you, I'm heading into 2012 with hope that it will be a great year and everything we've been working to achieve this year will come to fruition next year!

THANK YOU, EVERYONE!

Joining Kate Says Stuff for the Thankful Thursday linkup.

A January Challenge...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 01:59:00 +0000

It's the end of the year. In fact, in four days time it will be 2012. For the past two years, I've hoped the new year would bring a positive change into my life. 2009 was a very difficult year, the difficulties we faced that year just seemed to spill over into 2010 and 2011. 2011 was a better year, a calmer year than the previous two. No one died in 2011 and we didn't have to move house in 2011. We almost got through the year without visiting someone in hospital for surgery, too! In many ways, 2011 was more stable. At the same time, the Grumpy Old Man got and lost two jobs even before he had a chance to start working, and he failed five driving tests - not because he can't drive, he can drive very well - because of test anxiety. Emotionally 2011 put us through the wringer time and time again.

Now we are on the cusp of 2012. For the past month I've been looking for signs that 2012 will be our year of positive change. At the beginning of December it was looking pretty good. The GOM had a casual job lined up to begin in January; just one night a week, but enough money to make us independent of mother-in-law. We'd also been offered support for his preparation for the next driving test in a few weeks. I was feeling like change was coming.

Then two days before Christmas we receive a call from the woman the GOM would be working for as of January, and her mum is feeling a lot better - which is great! - so, was wanting to cut back on night care, starting with night Dave would be working.

It was a blow just two days out from Christmas.

Now we need that licence more than ever, to increase Dave's chances of getting work through an agency or in domiciliary care. This morning, it looked as if the licence might fall through as well. I started to unravel. In the end the licence support is coming through for which I'm grateful beyond proper expression, but I think it shocked everyone just how much I'm living on a knife's edge at the moment.

I just don't have any clarity anymore.

Then I saw a tweet, and I followed a link to this book and this website and I'm going to give it a go. I don't know if I'll do it on this blog because it looks like it can get a bit raw and I know some of my readers find it difficult to put themselves in other people's shoes and have compassion for other people's foibles. I think I'll do it in a book here at home, but I might share some of my discoveries on the blog along the way... We'll see.

I've always been a person who knows what she wants and who sets goals to achieve what she wants, but if I've learned anything from the last three years it's that you cannot control other people, you can only change your own understanding and expectations of the world around you. I need to find my centre again, and ground myself and to get out of my head. I need to find the optimistic me again, the person who knows everything will work out.

I thought I'd share these two findings, in case anyone else wants to check this out or maybe challenge themselves in January as well. If you decide to use this workbook and you want to chat about it - I'm here.

Some 2011 Christmas Highlights!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 01:50:00 +0000

I started this post yesterday, but then had to leave the computer after uploading the photos to go and watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. I just didn't come back to it. Yesterday was such a fuzzy day after the excitement of Christmas, and there was not shortage of excitement this year!

After mother-in-law's diagnosis of angina earlier this month, I decided it might be a good idea to set up a spare room for her to be able to stay with us if she needed (and also my brother, or my parents if they visit), and on the Friday before Christmas two generous friends took time out of their busy pre-christmas rush and delivered a set of bunks and a mattress. The bunks can be made into two single beds and we're using one of them in the spare room. I think it looks very cute in there with the liquorice all sort doona cover!

I had also decided that this year we'd attempt to make our own gingerbread house. Well, we sort of ran out of time, so I picked up a kit at Big W on Thursday, and on Friday we built it. Friday was a hottish kind of day, too hot for the mint icing. As well as this, the appliqué doors and windows had cracked in the packaging, so in the end the gingerbread house looked a bit like a Frankenstein creation - but we had fun building it nonetheless! We had to rescue it by putting it in the fridge when all the icing threatened to slide right off it! The kids ate it yesterday (Boxing Day), and we all agreed that next year we'll bake our own!

I coloured my hair red for the season - and I think I'll stay red for a while, it's such a cheerful colour! My face is looking rather puffy here, this humid Sydney-like weather does not agree with me and my cankles hardly fit in my sandals at the moment! Ah, yes, nothing like fluid retention to make you feel your age!

On Christmas Eve we set about cooking my family's traditional Christmas fair - double smoked ham, candied potatoes, mushroom cream sauce, red cabbage, veggies and red wine gravy from the pan juices. It was all going by the numbers and we had twenty minutes to go when we heard an almighty crash in the lounge room. At first I thought the Christmas tree had fallen over. The Grumpy Old Man and I rushed into the lounge room to find Erik, Luey and Bryn standing agape around Ari who was crouched on the floor crying. Erik was yelling, 'He went through the window, there's glass everywhere!'

Ari started to stand up with his hand over his face and then he pulled his hand away and there was blood everywhere! He was screaming and the GOM pick him up and ran for the bathroom with me in quick pursuit. Using clean face washers we managed to carefully wipe away enough blood - which was still gushing - to discover the original of the flow. It looked like it was coming from his eyes and the GOM kept saying, 'We need to take him to hospital, he'll need stitches.' but I was in that zone I go into in situations like this (there have been a few) and ignored him as I tried to get Ari to calm down and tried to stem the flow from the gash between his eyebrows.

I went with the best mode of calming a child in our house, and breastfed him for the first time in 4-5 months. This worked a treat. I assessed the cut. While it was considerable, I soon realised we'd be waiting in the ER for hours and in the end they wouldn't stitch or glue it, just steristrip it. So, we went with the good old bandaid - which the boy tolerated for a full two hours before insisting we remove it. He had a few other nicks on his forehead and a small bump, but within a few minutes he was back to his smiley, rambunctious self.

The glass will need replacing, of course.

So, instead of sitting down to dinner at 6pm (when Christmas officially starts in Iceland), we sat down closer to 7pm. The roast was a bit black on top, but no one cared!

I took a picture of the meal - because it lasts longer - I laugh every year at how we spend two hours cooking the meal, and only about twenty minutes eating it, and we always feel full so much faster than we want to!

You'll note the absence of red cabbage - I completely
forgot about it until the next day. Oh well there's always
next year!

After dinner there is always a bit of a clean up of the kitchen before the handing out of presents from under the tree.

Lego was a hit again this year, but probably not so much as...

Sonic screwdrivers! Each boy received their own sonic screwdriver from mum and dad; the original one for Ari, River's sonic screwdriver for Lukas, the 10th Doctor's for Bryn, and the 11th Doctor's for Erik.

From his brothers - instead of Lego - Ari received a Thomas Wooden Set Extension bridge, which he is completely in love with.

Then it was time for Ari to go to bed. Afterwards we spent nearly an hour trying to figure out how to get the batteries into each of the sonics - would have helpful if each one didn't have a different approach! Finally the boys were just about ready to go to bed. Then I said, 'I still know something you don't know...' Which was a reference to a conversation I'd had with them a couple of weeks earlier on the way home from school.

We'd been walking home from school, and I'd started singing, 'I know something you don't know, and I'm not going to tell you!' (which was a game my mum had played with my brother and I when we were little). They'd spent some time trying to guess what I knew over the next couple of weeks, but of course, it was a surprise.

So, late (for them, it was about 9pm) on Christmas Eve night, I handed each boy a box. I instructed each of them to stand away from one another and on my count they had to open the packages as quickly as they could because they all needed to be opened at the same time.

Then I said, 'Ready... Set... GO!' And...

The opened their present from their uncle Mike - a Wii, complete with Mario Cart and Wii Dance III! I have to say, they were pretty excited!!! This was very unexpected after years and years of the GOM and I telling them we would never buy them a gaming console - and we didn't, but we did allowed my brother to. What I haven't told the boys is that uncle Mike also said that any time we wanted to add to the set, buy components or games, we could just buy them and bill him! Of course, that won't happen except for special occasions like birthdays or Christmas, but what a generous offer! We haven't managed to set the Wii up yet because we had mother-in-law over on Christmas Day and then yesterday I realised we didn't have enough power points on the surge resistant power board behind the tv, so we need a new power board, but in the meantime, the boys have been quite content with their sonics and Lego.

Sonics are very cool when mum uses manual settings on her camera with a low shutter speed and no flash!

I was very excited to receive some beautiful candle holders from the GOM...

And the boys...

I just love candle light so much!

Ari on Christmas Eve just before we transferred him to his own bed. Ouchies!

After the Grumpy Old Man went to bed, I sat up and enjoyed the peace at the end of the day in the candlelight of the my Christmas presents!

The next morning the boys were up bright and early (but not too early) for stocking presents! One of the stocking presents was a bow tie each - they'd been asking for bow ties all year! Bow ties are cool!

Being made to pose for photos when you want to play with your sonic screwdriver and Thomas bridge is not cool!

Lukas getting his geek on!

Erik doing it slighter cooler... er, I said slightly...

Then we backed up for Christmas Day Lunch with the Grumpy Old Man's mum.

After lunch we exchanged presents with Nanna and everyone received books! Mother-in-law showed her eternal optimism by giving my a gorgeous cookbook! She just refuses to believe I don't like cooking. She makes me laugh. This particular cookbook was for common pantry items - so packaged goods like baked beans and so on. In theory it's a great idea except that we don't keep a very comprehensive pantry; our pantry doesn't resemble the one listed in the book at all. I didn't have the heart to tell her that. The photos are lovely though and I saw a recipe for chocolate pikelets I want to try (I do bake, even if I don't cook!).

Speaking of baking - we've started a new tradition this year! For desert on Christmas Eve I thought I'd make an old Norwegian favourite Tilslørt Bondepike. Now as a cheat, I thought I'd use crushed biscuit instead of toasted spiced breadcrumb. I used crushed chocolate ripple (so it was a bit like a chocolate ripple layer cake). And instead of raisins I put a few cherries on the top layer for a Christmassy effect.

Anyway, we just didn't have room for it on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day we had a tradition pudding for desert, so we only got to the Tilslørt Bondepike yesterday and oh. my. goodness, it was sooooo good!

Next year, I'm going to modified it some more and use more cherries in the layers, rather than just apple. I'm also going to fold some brandy cream throughout the whipped creamy - or put a layer of brandy cream between the biscuit and cream layers. Yum, yum!

Oh, and I'm going to get a nice glass bowl to present it in!

How was your Christmas? Was it peaceful or a bit crazy like ours?

From Us to You!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 01:24:00 +0000

Merry Christmas!!!

Gleðileg Jól!!!

Glædelig Jul!!!

God Jul!!!

We're off to have a very happy Christmas with Icelandic Christmas tonight, and the Aussie Christmas tomorrow with Nanna! We wish your family every joy this weekend! Play safe and stay safe! Our thoughts will be with those families doing it tough right now for so many different reasons, may you find comfort in family and friends.

I just wanted to say that for the first time in a few years, I've really felt that old Christmas feeling this year and can't believe this special time of year is nearly over - I want it to last so much longer!

Well, better head off a get a start on tonight's meal (double smoked ham with candied potatoes, yum!). The kids are already asking when they can open their presents (not until after dinner, guys, just like every year)! Backing up for a Christmas stockings in the morning and another full day tomorrow with mother-in-law joining us for turkey with all the trimmings and, of course, pudding with brandy cream!

So, I might not get back until Boxing Day or the 27th and just wanted to wish all my readers A Wonderful Christmas!

Leggings As Pants and Feminism: Why I am wary (and weary) of both...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 22:00:00 +0000

I watched in stunned silence last week as people went just a little bit nutty over Mia Freedman's article about whether or not parents have a right to impose their own values of their children (the point of which many seem to completely ignore; in favour of judging her view on a couple of feet of knit fabric fashioned into clothing). Unbeknowns to Mia, she'd stumbled into a festering political boil just ripe for bursting, and burst it surely did! The result was as ugly as when any boil bursts and spews forth the lurid green puss (in this case of suppressed self-loathing, fear and resentment) which has been brewing beneath the surface.

Who knew tights could become such a contentious political battlefield?

Back in the 80s there were people who liked balloon skirts and people who thought they looked ridiculous and yet a person's status as feminist was never questioned in relation to whether or not that person liked balloon skirts.

I don't like leggings as pants. When I see people (men and women) wear leggings as pants, I cringe. To me it looks like they forgot to finish dressing. I feel the same way most people would feel if they spotted someone walking down the street in a top and their undies. I have seen people wear actual hosiery as pants; the kind where you can see little red lovehearts on their undies... I can't help but think they ran out the door without realising they hadn't finished dressing - I also get stuck in that, 'I shouldn't stare, but oh. my. god. they're really see through, I wonder if the wearer knows?'

Apparently, for this transgression, I am not a feminist.

Well, okay, no news there. I'm not a feminist. I'm a humanist. I believe all humans are equal and should be treated with compassion and respect. I believe both men and women can and do oppress one another, and themselves...

Which brings me to why I am wary (and weary) of the entire leggings as pants and feminism bundle. For one woman to tell another woman that the second woman voicing her dislike of leggings as pants makes her no longer a feminist is a form of oppression.

I don't even get the logic behind doing this... So, it's not okay to say you don't like leggings as pants, but it is okay to tell other people they shouldn't voice that opinion?

As Lleyton Hewitt would say, 'C'mon!'

For the record, other things I don't like include:

Ugg boots (or as I like to call them Ugh! Boots)

Thongs; either variety, ewwwwww, they just toe/butt jam collectors!

Those thongs with ankle cuffs. I know they have a name, but I've blocked it from my mind...

Boob tubes

The combination of dark socks and shoes with shorts

The 'feral' look

Nose rings (as opposed to nose studs which I like very much)

Shirts tucked into pants with no belt

Shirts buttoned to the neck with no tie (especially short sleeved shirts)

Goodness, and that's just clothing! Don't even get me started on hair (hands up if you love a mullet- yeah, me either)...

I've voiced these other dislikes before - including my dislike of mullets - and never been accused of anti-feminism. Leggings as pants are apparently a law unto their own, a sacred ground upon which heretics will be sacrificed.

The thing is leggings as pants make people think of bums and sizes and shapes of bums, or rather, I would say it makes body obsessed people think of bums and their shape... and what other people might think about their body. To my mind for true freedom from the body image oppression in society a person must achieve that level of enlightenment where they no longer allow themselves to be offended or diminshed by, and no longer feel the need to suppress, others people's opinions, because they see those opinions for what they are, just opinions.

Me, I have no issue with leggings being skin tight. Skinny jeans are skin tight, they just don't look like long-johns (a northern hemiphere form of undies), so, to me they different.

I'm a size 20, and I love my body. I am not ashamed of my body or its shape. I am not 'fattist'. I don't believe fat people like myself should be relegated to 'tent city' in the fashion stakes.

I also don't believe leggings as pants only look ridiculous on fat people. I believe leggings as pants look just as ridiculous on slim people, muscly people, and even toddlers.

That said, my toddlers have all worn leggings as pants outside the house because to me they look like little Billy Connellys - the forerunner of the leggings as pants movement as far as I can tell. With my wacky sense of humour dressing my children this way has always made me laugh, because they were so cute... Yes, I'm terrible, Muriel, I dressed my kids for my own entertainment.

I had to post a video of Billy in his leggings

because even he won't be photographed in them.

While the leggings as pants issue might be all about body image for some people (people obsessed with body image from both sides of that battle as far as I can see), some of us just

DON'T LIKE LEGGINGS AS PANTS BECAUSE THEY LOOK DAFT!

'Men in Tights' kind of daft.

No, not those, these...

Though actually, the first one looks even more daft - apparently, there are degrees of daft...

I'm not saying they should be outlawed (it is good for one's health to laugh, so they provide a health benefit to those of us who think they look silly). If you like them, if you find them comfortable, by all means wear them... It's no skin of my nose.

I wear plenty of stuff other people think looks awful, or stupid, or weird, but I don't go around making my lack of style (in their dubious opinion) into a political issue, or make sweeping statements about their character based on their dislike of my clothing choices, or unfollow them or unfriend them on social media.

Quite frankly, I'm just not that invested in what others think about my clothing choices. I don't dress to impress anyone but myself, nor do I dress, and make a big deal about my clothing choices to the point of making my clothes my point-of-difference, in an attempt to show that I am rebelling against 'social norms'. Though I may have done that when I was fifteen and in the midst of trying to find my identity.

What has always made me wary of feminism is the hegemonic approach to values. 'True Feminists' are only allowed to express certain values. A true feminist might not choose to wear leggings as pants herself, but she should never make a public statement about her opinion of this clothing item, lest she oppress womankind.

That's just bullshit and sounds a lot like, 'Even if you don't love your husband's choice of tie, don't tell him because a good wife is always supportive of her husband's decisions.'

Pass the vomit bucket.

Are women truly that insecure?

10 Things Tuesday: My 10 Favourite Things...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 07:44:00 +0000

For today's post, I thought I'd write my 10 Favourite Things. This idea came about this morning after a conversation with the Grumpy Old Man where we had started talking about what might happen when the property owners move ahead with developing this property in 2012.

They're going to build a couple of townhouses in what is currently our back yard. We'll lose the entire back yard up to 1.5 metres from the back of the house (enough room for an adult to walk the parameter of the house, but not enough room for children's play equipment), as well as the garage and the back driveway. There is no driveway in the front of the house. The contents of the garage will have to be stored in our already cramped home; we'll possibly lose 1-2 rooms in the house to storage (the second laundry and possibly the third bedroom which we're currently converting to guest room for mother-in-law). We were considering moving, but we can't afford to move, and besides no one will rent a house to a family of six with no taxable income. So, we'll probably stay.

Anyway, I was joking around that we could just pack clothes and abandon everything else if we had to move but couldn't afford removalists (yeah, yeah, I know we can't really do that, I was fantasising). Then I added that I couldn't leave my gadgets; the computer, the iPad, the pods and the camera, I'd have to pack them, even just in a suitcase! The GOM said he couldn't walk away from his Comic Book and Graphic Novel collection. I said that I was happy to walk away from most of our furniture, except the cabinet and hutch... And, of course, this all snowballed.

Things, hey? They aren't just things, they mark our achievements, our passions, and our memories. If our house burned down I would be very sad to lose some things, and oddly enough photos don't rate highly among them.

This got me thinking about favourite things, but not only things; pastimes, music and concepts as well. So, I thought I'd list some here...

My favourite piece of furniture:

This was a generous gift from a friend (at a minuscule price), and an item of furniture I'd longed for since I was very young! If I could only have one item of furniture from my house, this would be it!

My favourite item of clothing:

This top was a birthday present from a friend last week. I have to say it is absolutely no reflection of her own tastes, she bought it because I love it! I love the colour and the glitteriness of it! I love the cowl neckline, it's amazingly flattering! I can't wait to wear it this Christmas. It makes me laugh because it's tangible evidence that I am becoming more and more like my maternal grandmother for every year that passes!

My favourite pastime:

If you've been reading my blog lately, you'll know my current favourite pastime is crocheting - at the moment I'm working on this gorgeous cushion, which I'm hopeful of finishing before Christmas!

My favourite blog:

Attic 24 which is the blog of one very, very clever and inspiring woman - Lucy! I don't know Lucy, I just happened on her blog a couple of weeks ago when looking for Christmas tree crocheted ornament patterns. I love almost everything she crochets and want to try my hand at so many of her creations! I'm so happy to have found a blog that inspires me so much.

My favourite saying:

My favourite piece of music:

The Grumpy Old Man and I have recently been catching up on Star Trek Voyager and I was reminded just how beautiful this piece of music is! I only wish is lasted longer! Listen to it with your eyes closed.

My favourite piece of jewellery:

I inherited this bracelet from my mum when I got married. She was given it from her mum when she got married. My maternal grandmother received it as a gift from my grandfather who designed it and had it made from silver wire work especially for her (I think for a wedding anniversary, or some other special occasion - mum???). I love how the segments form both butterflies and shields.

My favourite sensation:

Hot water spraying on my body! If I could design my ideal bathroom, I'd have a giant shower with spray nozzles from all sorts of directions - which could be turned on individually. It would be big enough for a bench of sorts where I could lay down and have droplets of water pummel my skin. A water massage!

My favourite pick-me-up:

Singing is always guaranteed to lift my mood - even if I'm singing sad, sad songs. There is apparently a proven biological response in humans to singing. I can't remember if it is related to increased oxygen in the blood, or some sort of seratonin release mechanism, but singing works every time for me (much more reliable than chocolate).

My favourite place in the world:

By the sea, sitting in sea spray (the light misty kind, not the wash-you-off-the-rocks kind). I don't care if it's stinking hot, or cold and rainy (so long as I'm rugged up). I just love to sit on rocks and feel the volatility of the sea, I find it soothing!

What are your favourite things?

Just like that our co-sleeping days may be over!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 05:48:00 +0000

Before we had our first boy, Erik, almost twelve and a half years ago, I'd begun reading about the philosophies behind Attachment Parenting. I was very taken by the concept of being emotionally aware of my baby and meeting their emotional needs as well as their physical needs. I had been very critical of my own parents approach to parenting (naively so) and had often felt my emotional needs weren't met to my satisfaction.

I have always been very needy emotionally, and this may possibly stem from as early as my very first week outside the womb where I was monitored in the safety of a glass box without meeting and being held by or making eye contact with my mother for the first few days (due to various medical reasons). I think mum and I had a difficult time bonding (which we have made up for in adulthood). Dad and I as well - for cultural reasons with him more than anything. The whole British Empire 'fathers provide and mothers nurture' approach to parenting was what my father knew and passed on to us.

So, I grew up anxious for attention, for recognition and for a deeper sense of connection with my parents. Difficult circumstances early on also led to extended separations from my parents where my grandparents (both sets) cared for me (and later my brother) while my parents struggled to provide for our basic needs as best they could.

Later I went to boarding school on two occasions as a result of my vision impairment and the lack of resources at the local schools to deal with the complexities of teaching a child who could not read the blackboard even from the front row.

So, as I was growing Erik, I read about Attachment Parenting and its promises to encourage the raising of emotionally whole children* and it appealed to me.

I was all for baby wearing, natural birth, breastfeeding, gentle discipline... The only thing I baulked at was co-sleeping. 'That sounds awful!' I kept telling myself, and the GOM wasn't inspired by the idea of sharing his bed with a fragile, soggy, squawking infant either. I was convinced I couldn't co-sleep. I needed my space. I wouldn't be able to sleep. However, I was willing to compromise and have the bassinet in our room - that bit made some sense to me.

So, Erik came home and slept in the bassinet next to our bed. He snuffled and squeaked and every other minute we started at noises unfamiliar to us. I was doubly convinced co-sleeping would never have worked for us. After four months we moved his cot to another room.

When he was ten months old, he started teething for real. He would wake and we bring him into our bed in the hopes he might be more settled with us, but he'd lay there wide awake and when we asked him if he wanted to go back to his bed, he'd nod - he was no fan of co-sleeping either.

During the long weeks of teething we looked at each other and committed to giving co-sleeping a go with the next baby, if only so they wouldn't resist it when they were sick.

When Lukas was born, he slept with us. Slept might be an overstatement - he didn't really sleep until he was three, several months after he asked to move into his own bed. Some might like to believe his sleep resistance came as a result of co-sleeping, but it started with severe reflux. I can't say I enjoyed co-sleeping those first 2.75 years, but we did it and I think it did impact positively on my bonding with Lukas because even after a tough day with him (and there were many in the beginning) I was able to watch him in innocent sleep and replenish that well of maternal affection.

Bryn slept well, and so I learned that it was not the co-sleeping which affected Lukas' sleep as much as his reflux maladies. With Bryn I still wasn't completely comfortable with co-sleeping, but I could feel myself relaxing all the same as the years passed. Bryn didn't choose to move into his own bed and five months after Ari was born, and co-sleeping with both of them, I finally had a deep and meaningful with Bryn about how the bed was very crowded and how much Erik and Luey wanted him to sleep in their room with them. At three and a half, Bryn started sleeping in his own bed.

Ari turned three a month and a half ago. We've had a bed set up for him since August and while he has always called it his bed, he has shown no real interest in sleeping in it. Ari sleeps solidly through the night unless I wake him with my own nocturnal wanderings so I've been wondering if he would be able to sleep in his own bed.

This last weekend we moved both the boys bunks into one room so the other bedroom could be used as a guest bedroom for the GOM's mum and other house guests. Then yesterday we discovered Ari is able to open the child gate into the boys' room. Yesterday, he was in and out of the room and talking about his bed a lot. He was very excited that all three boys were sleeping in the same room and that his bed was in there as well - I think he felt a bit like it was some sort of club he was finally part of. So, it occurred to me to ride this wave of enthusiasm and try him out in the bed. He must have been on the same wave length because at bed time he kept insisting he wanted to go to bed in his 'other bed'. We told him that if he went to sleep in our bed, we'd move him to the other bed when everyone was asleep and finally he agreed to that process.

Ari's Bunkers toddler bunk - with Bryn sleeping 'upstairs'
and Erik and Lukas sleeping parallel on the other side of
the room!

So, at 9pm last night after we were sure all the boys had nodded off, we transferred Ari to his toddler bunk. We held our breath waiting for him to stir and call out for us, but he didn't. I stayed up to watch Love Boat at 2am, and when to bed just after 3am and still no peep from him. I was tempted to go and check that he was still breathing (yes, I'm a sook) but resisted in case I woke him.

At 6.50am we were woken to joyful cries of Ari running up and down the hallway, 'I sleeped in other bed!' He was so excited and pleased with himself!

So, it seems perhaps our co-sleeping days may have come to an end. After 10.5 years of co-sleeping with one or two children - excluding 1.5 years between Lukas and Bryn from April 2004 to August 2005 - our king bed feel huge and empty.

In the end, in the final 2.66 years, I have to say, I felt very relaxed with co-sleeping. I finally learned to enjoy it. I learned to snuggle with my baby without feeling claustrophobic. Last night I did miss his little snore in our room and the smell of his slightly damp hair, and even his toenails in the small of my back!

Mind you, he came into bed and snuggled with me this morning while the other boys got ready for school and he dug his toenails into my back for good measure, so I didn't get to miss it all that for long!

Bye-bye co-sleeping, old friend, you were an acquired taste but we have reaped immeasurable benefits from you over the years and you have supported us as parents through thick and thin!

*'emotionally whole' is what I took from what I read, not necessarily any verbatim promise from any authors I read, and also not the outcome I experienced because, well, so many things impact a child's emotional state, including many things which parents are not in control of.

I've decided not to have a parental crisis over this one.

noreply@blogger.com (Sif) — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 03:31:00 +0000

Ah yes, the great parental creep-back. Are you a parent? Have you ever said, 'My child will never [fill in the blank]!' Have you then held that stance for many long, hard months or years, through your child plaintively pleading for reprieve, telling you 'All the other kids get to [fill in the blank]'? Have you endured, 'I hate you, you're the meanest parent in the world, I'll never have any friends and it all your fault!" and still stood you ground?

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Right, then you know where I've been.

From here on in our paths might deviate though because I'm about to give in on something big, huge in fact, a bone of contention in my house for at least the past six years.

Of course, this isn't happening all at once, it's been a gradual creep and looking back I can see it now. The 'Okay, but only the ABC site...' then, 'Okay, but only the ABC site and the Lego site, only 30 minutes a week each. That's it!'

Later, and I justified it as a way to keep the kids quiet in the car while the GOM was learning to drive them all around - only then we didn't get a car, so then I let them play on them for short spells during them week - it was iPod Touches earlier this year. Honestly, my boys were 12 and 10 (and 6, but seriously, I'm not really counting him because he only gets in on the experiment by social strategy, if he was the oldest there would have been no way he'd get an iPod Touch), when they finally got their own gaming device. They were, quite literally the only children in their respective classes who didn't have some sort of gaming device. That's not an excuse for getting them devices, mind you. I have no problem with my children standing out from the crowd.

BUT, gah!

Their friends prefer not to visit here because 'There is nothing to do...'.

Even Bryn's (the six year old) friends say, 'No, let's go to my place, we can play on the Wii.'

Now, I have to admit this has been convenient, because quite frankly having four children in this tiny house is plenty, adding friends to mix can be bedlam! Twice Lukas had a friend over and Ari got out onto the road and was brought back by someone else and I hadn't even noticed he was missing - and no, I wasn't ignoring them, there are just too many exits to our property and the kids run amok - and while screeching like a banshee works well with my kids, I'm somewhat reticent to unleash the banshee around other people's kids...

So, where was I? Oh yeah, I haven't minded my kids visiting their friends houses, but how long can that continue? How long would you be happy to always host your child's playmates and never have that favour returned?

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?

Well, you're wrong!

We are not getting our children a games console for Christmas...

My brother is...

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And we're letting him...

See the creep?

At first I was a bit, I don't know, uncomfortable with the idea, but then I got over it. Here's why. A month or so ago - after begging and pleading and bargaining for a couple of months straight (and I mean, the. child. would. not. shut. up. about. it - nothing wrong with his determination), I got Erik the game MineCraft on my computer so he could play it with his group of friends. One of the friends used to be in class with Erik and his mates, but now is being home schooled, and his parents and the parents of the other boys are all working to ensure a weekly meet up of these boys, so they don't lose contact. All the boys are into this game MineCraft - which as far as games go is innocuous. The boy who is being home schooled has a server, so all the boys play in a world of their own creation and can 'chat' in that world without the fear of strangers on the net trying to contact them.

This group of boys negotiate their society quite well. I set up my own world, separate to theirs so I could learn to understand the game and talk to Erik about it. This means I get to hear about what he and his friends are all up to, including various dramas in the group and how they negotiate those. I've been able to witness Erik's social development in this group, and it has been encouraging to me (I worry about his social development a lot).

On Friday Erik brought his school report home and as per usual he scored almost all Cs (in Australia that means he's exactly where he's expected to be at the conclusion of grade 5), except in 'Interpersonal Development'; there he scored a B. So, okay, he's older than his class mates, which might account for this advancement, however Erik has always been socially slow to develop. He has always been more naive, more childlike than his friends, socially. So, for him this is a big deal! I'm so happy to see him doing so much better than I did at his age!

Wow, I'm rambling - aren't I?

Okay, so participating the this group of boys, and playing a computer game as part of social process (in fact, I don't think he could be part of the group for long if he didn't play the game, it represents such a great chunk of their cohesiveness), has softened my view of gaming.

I have accepted that in some circles the social currency of gaming is not something that can be substituted. Perhaps if we lived somewhere where it wasn't such a force to be reckoned with, where children were interested in other pursuits, but we don't, we live here - for many good reasons.

So, my brother is buying the boys a console for Christmas and instead of saying no to his generous gift - which I could do (I'd still say no to gun toys, believe me) - I'm saying yes. I'm consciously allowing the creep because in the balance of things, I can see more good coming from it than evil. I can see how we can mediate and moderate as parents and I have faith in our ability to guide our children in the use of these things - as we already do in so many other pursuits. The GOM and I have no issues building protective boundaries for our children's minds and bodies.

Meanwhile, Uncle Mike will be the coolest guy on the planet on Christmas Eve (but no fear, we have much smaller, inexpensive but very lusted after pressies up our sleeves so we won't be completely uncool)!

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What have you allowed that you used to be adamantly in opposition to your child having or doing? Where have you experienced parental creep?

PS. Of course, the contents of this blog post are top secret - no blabbing to my kids!