At the bottom of the Garden

Why I will never be Martha Stewart or Flylady...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 07:12:00 +0000

Well, aside from the obvious - they already exist and we really only need one Martha Stewart and one Flylady on this little planet - let me tell you the story of the microwave...

When the Grumpy Old Man and I first got together, even before we got a washing machine or a fridge, we got a microwave. At first - as with all new 'technology' the Grumpy Old Man wasn't sold on the idea of a microwave, but I could not think of another way to reheat my oft neglected coffee or make garlic salt and cheese crusties (they taste better than they sound). Ironically, in the 15 years since getting the microwave, I have completely gone off the idea of reheating beverages (blergh!) or eating those cheesy melty things out of a microwave (what was I thinking???).

The old microwave served us well, though it was never really used for anything more exciting than defrosting meat, heating milk, and very occasionally reheating dinner if one of us was late coming home. I put that down to not reading the manual - which I put down to the fact that so many manufacturers seem to be believe we all have the vision of Superman; able to read print created by and for microscopic creatures...

Goodbye old microwave!

Hello new microwave!

Truth be told, we're just not very adventurous in the kitchen. Hence why I will never be Martha Stewart.

Last night, without much fuss, but a bit of bother, the microwave hiccupped and died.

We had to rethink dinner, as so often dinner requires the defrosting of meat, and in that moment we realised we would really have to replace the microwave quite quickly. Luckily, it is currently end of financial year sale time.

Today we went to the Good Guys and picked up a new microwave, it was less expensive and less weighty than our 15 year old one. We spent a little extra money to extend the warranty to four years, with a replacement being offered in the third and fourth years of said warranty. The extended warranty might prove be unwarranted, that's okay with us - hopefully in four years time I will be working (yes, finally) and we won't have to hold our breaths to replace a microwave if it breaks down then...

Are you wondering why I'm not like Flylady?

Well, the realisation dawned on me a little while ago that despite paying $200 we really cannot afford for a new microwave this fortnight, I was rather thrilled to see the old one go.

You see, when we moved house my mum pointed out it was rather in need of a clean. I am the only one who cleans it, apparently, despite not being the person who uses it the most and I had been neglecting it. When mum pointed this out I took a look and was horrified. So horrified, I have continued to put off cleaning the microwave for the past 3.5 weeks (I know, I know, report me to the housekeeping police if you must).

Today the old microwave was unceremoniously removed to the dark depths of the garage to await its final fate the next time I order a skip for de-cluttering. Did I clean it out first? Hells no! For I am the woman most likely to chuck Tupperware rather than have to clean out the undead remains of some meal the Grumpy Old Man swore up and down he was going to 'reheat for lunch tomorrow'. Today I excelled myself by discarding a microwave in need of a good old fashioned scrub - yay me!

Judge, you may, but I know we've all secretly wished we could just 'chuck it' rather than clean it!

Doing a doctorate is about learning new stuff...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 08:43:00 +0000

I picked up one of these from the Post Office today. It's the first step. Once I have this passport sorted, I need to get onto getting my Icelandic passport as well - because that'll doubtlessly take a fair bit longer to organise.

I probably won't need them for another year, but I will definitely need them.

You see, I had my first meeting with my principal supervisor yesterday. I wasn't nervous about it because we have been chatting on email for about nine months and she is only ever encouraging and enthusiastic.

Before meeting her I had a seminar to attend in the morning about using EndNote. I've heard so many things about this referencing database program; some people swear by it and say it completely changed their research experience for the better. Others say it was too confusing and they ended up ditching it for their own homemade system.

It looks pretty good to me, but I think its efficacy also relies on consistently using it, editing your libraries and backing up. Consistency is not one of my strong suits - but hey, doing a doctorate is all about learning new stuff!

I have really enjoyed doing the induction seminars and have met a few lovely people along the way. One of the people I met before my supervisor meeting was another PhD student who also has the same supervisor as me - and she only had positive things to say about 'our supervisor'.

So, to the meeting.

In person my supervisor is much more decisively spoken than in her emails. I don't know what I was expecting, I guess from her emails she seemed a bit more 'girly' and 'soft' - seems ridiculous to say that, but you know how you get a picture in your head of how people are from their written words?

So, instead, she is absolutely about the business of getting a thesis done. I was highly impressed! She told me straight off that:

- She likes to work to deadlines and while she doesn't lose her shit if you miss a deadline, she also doesn't let it slide.

- She aims for her students to submit in 2.5 years (we have 4 years and are told to aim for 3 years because most students take about 3.5 years), so she believes in just ploughing through the work.

- She wants me to get the hard theory down first, referencing high end journals, and only then can we start to look at articles on the net etc. (no less than I would expect, of course).

- She aims for her students to published in high end journals (plural).

and

- She aims for her students to present at an international conference!

She said by the time I undertake colloquia (in 12 months time), I should have a chapter worth presenting at an international conference!

Presenting a paper doesn't worry me so much - as she said, I'll be the world's leading expert on my topic - but travelling overseas to present to complete strangers, well, that scares the crap out of me!

I asked (probably very naively) if students travel alone to these conferences. She said I could take someone with me if I wanted to - but the University won't pay their way. Okay. I have travelled by myself before. I travelled from Norway to Australia on my own when I was 18 and then I travelled to Japan on my own when I was 22, but each time I had someone I knew and trusted meeting me at the other end. This time it will be just me and a bunch of strangers.

Doing a doctorate is all about learning new stuff, hey?

Our Den of Creativity!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 13:03:00 +0000

This family has been ablaze with creativity of late - which is a good thing, because it means all our restless energy is being channeled into positive outlets!

I was musing on this last night, doing a bit of a tally of the current projects and I realised we actually have quite a lot going on.

Erik and Lukas are both currently working on paintings with deadlines at the end of June. Both the boys have been a bit slack after the initial burst of inspiration and so we're in something of a furious race with time at the moment, trying to get it all done. We might take a bit of a break from large painting projects with the boys in the second half of the year - it can be a bit stressful and all-consuming.

Lukas is painting Brighton Beach Hotel as part of the year six National Gallery of Victoria 'Local Landscapes' project (which Erik participate in last year).

While Erik is working on a painting which is serving the dual purpose of being his project for the elective 'Personal Learning Project' at school, and also being published in the coffee table book 'Brushes with Life: Definitions of Success' which is a sequel to last years 'Brushes with Life: A Celebration of Inspiration'.

I will be writing a piece for this same coffee table book which will be launched later in the year and will also incorporate an exhibition of works. I have to admit, I don't know what I will be writing yet. I feel it needs to be something which presents well in a visual medium, so that is quite a challenge for me, even in flash fiction form.

As well as this, I am exhibiting one of my photos in an exhibition to be held at 'Lentil as Anything' in Abbottsford, starting July 5th and running until August 28th. I cannot express how excited I am about this. I have long held the dream of exhibiting my photos and then this opportunity presented itself quite by chance!

I have also accepted the challenge of 'decorating' one of these gentlemen for a charity auction at the Brushes with Life exhibition close party in November, with all proceeds going to Impact for Women. This will be my first foray into 'grown up' art and I'm a bit nervous, but I have a good idea of what I want to do and say with this piece - let's just hope I can pull it off! Oh, my man's name is George - in case you want to come and bid for him... Oh, and my brother will also be decorating a gentleman - I don't know which one, but I will let you know when I find out. I had no idea he was participating until after all the men had found homes, so to speak. We've never worked on the same project before, so this will be quite fun, I think!

As well as this, of course, there is the omnipresence of crocheting. I laid aside the scarf-shawl I had been working on leading up to the move, for about a month, but I've picked it up again and it is coming along nicely. With any luck, I may even get to wear it this winter!

In case you think he has been left out, the Grumpy Old Man is working on a project as well. That is to say, he has been working on and off on an anthology of stories he is hoping to have finished by February next year - he's very private about his writing, so that is all I'm going to say about that!

Bryn and Ari, you ask? Well, Ari is playing with colour at the moment. After years of shying away for most forms of art, then slowly playing with scribbling and forming letters, he has recently discovered the joys of colour.

And here is a recent picture he drew of me... before my morning coffee, I'd say...

I realise a lot of 4.5 year olds are far more artistically accomplished by this age, however, I remind myself that a) not everyone has the same strengths, b) Erik was at about this level at this age as well, and c) no one recognised the brilliance of Picasso early on either!

Bryn, bless his little cotton socks, recently asked for a journal to write in. He then announced he was going to become 'a writer' and proceeded to write a birthday present wish list... Write about what you love, boy, that's the way!

Wanna see why I love our new house?

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 07:44:00 +0000

We're slowly settling into life in the new house - the new life, the good life - it feels like a whole new bright chapter in our lives.

This week, while unpacking I found myself mucking around with packaging from inside a modem box, and as I looked down a 'tube' of cardboard, I found myself looking into a metaphor for our lives at the moment. After so many years under a dark cloud, we're finally blinded by the light at end of the tunnel.

Anyway, do you want to see our new house?

Nah, I know, looking inside other people's houses is so boring, right?

Okay, here's a little tour for you - excluding the master bedroom because I just can't be bothered clearing up the floor-drobe in there today.

When you walk in our front door, this is what you see! I have been dreaming of having a family portrait wall all these years! There is room for photos of Bryn and Ari and of members from Dave's family and my dad's side of the family when we get them - we've been a bit neglectful on the photo printing side of things...

Dad's tea towel holder and mum's castle are in their proper place right by the front door, too. We have also established a 'No Shoes Inside' rule for this household, so there is a small box of visitor slippers by the front door now.

Bryn and Ari have their own room. There is so much more space for all the boys now. This room is directly opposite the lounge room so Ari can play in his room but still see and hear us.

I got the boys a few new bright boxes for their toys as well.

Erik and Lukas have a more grown up boys' room with a desk for, ahem, studying - though, in all honesty it seems dedicated to Lego, drawing and laptops for gaming most of the time. They have a corresponding set of shelves and boxes (in black and red teen colours) on the wall opposite the bed, too. They have yet to adorn the walls with posters - but I've been told that will most definitely be happening.

I love the set up of the lounge room now. The tulip cabinet is no longer standing in a hallway, but has pride of place in the lounge room. The arrangement of the couches means, not only do we have enough seats for everyone including guests now, but we find we 'commune' more, just hanging out in each other's company or chatting face to face, it's very cosy!

I have a knitting nook now; complete with rocking chair, the chest my dad made (fully of family treasures), my grandfathers embroidery, my Butterfant print, all the yarny goodness. And colour, never forget colour!

The dining room! Woot! A dining room floor I can actually sweep and mop after the feral five have devoured dinner! That is my great grandmother's horse-blanket embroidery hanging in the background, there.

The breakfast nook. It's a bit bare yet, and I'll probably want to crochet something bright to hang over those bland blinds, but it's a very practical space as well.

The bathroom... but wait, there's more...

The shower! It looks to be a separate room, but as you see the wall doesn't reach all the way to the ceiling. It's quite interesting actually because it means someone can take a shower and other's can still brush their teeth or chat in the bathroom next door without anyone having to sacrifice their privacy - I love it! I also love the indoor sun (heat lamps) in the shower, no more drying off in the cold! The toilet is separate, but right next to the bathroom as well.

Funny story: the first day we were in the house properly Bryn couldn't find the toilet. He was completely confused that it wasn't adjacent to the laundry at the back of the house because every house he has ever lived in had the toilet practically outside!

The study - it is huge, though not quite this huge. This photo is obviously taken with a wide angle lens. We've taken down the original shelves which were on the wall and are replacing them with narrower, shorter shelves so the doors of my cabinet don't crash into them.

I absolutely adore the afternoon sunlight streaming in on my desk! You can't really make out my view from this photo but I look out over the trees in the front yard - it is really beautiful!

The other end of the kitchen. Dave loves this kitchen. I love the dishwasher and the crockery drawers! Oh, and the glass stove top - so practical!

I also love this nook in the kitchen, I can't tell you why exactly, it just feels nice.

I don't have a photo of the boys' rumpus room downstairs yet (can't show you everything at once), but that is also something which is making all our hearts sing these days.

Oh and wall sockets! This house has so many wall sockets I've only had to use one extension cord and two power boards so far! It's these little things that make a whole lot of difference.

I love the ducted heating. The ducted heating and the car have already changed my experience of winter this year. I just don't feel cold anymore. So, okay, I'm a little bit scared about the utility bills for this winter, but I'm trying not to think about that too much...

We live at the top of a hill and at the bottom of the hill there is a playground - how handy is that?

Two minutes walk in another direction there is a milk bar.

Right outside our house there is a bus to the local shopping centre, which also takes us to Dave's mum's house in the other direction. Erik can get home from school in 30 minutes now. If Lukas and Bryn took the bus, it would take them about an hour, but because we have a car, they don't have to take the bus. It would also take me about an hour to get to my work station at Uni - which, ironically, is just 10 minutes longer than it would take if I was living at the previous house!

Life is good!

Love and Devotion are not signs of weakness aka Moffat's Women are not weak...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 07:18:00 +0000

I've been rather frustrated of late by the idea that for a woman to be strong, for her not to be down trodden, manipulated, weak, a doormat, or whatever other descriptor you like in the same vein, she should never feel devoted love for someone. She should never have need of another person. She should never attach herself to anyone emotionally.

Because, you know, woman aren't social beings at all - well, not strong women anyway.

This irritating little fibre against my soul came to a head when I read the following - very poorly informed - argument as to why the next Doctor in the Doctor Who saga should be a woman (a notion I am not opposed to, by the way).

Find said offensively incorrect article here.

Okay, setting aside the misinformation about Time Lords being immortal (hmmm, so please explain why the Doctor is the last of the Time Lords, and why Madam Kovarian would have even believed the Doctor could be killed in the first place) and the false fact (which was later amended) that the 10th Doctor wore a leather jacket, lets just have a look at this little gem of an insight...

The adorable, plucky, but somewhat pathetic sidekicks started appearing when Steven Moffat took over as showrunner. As writer Elizabeth Lopatto says, "I'm fine with the next Doctor being a dude, as long as we get more interesting women and a more emotionally competent writer. Because if Moffat writes us a female Twelve, I imagine she'll be just as sad and broken as the other women he's written (most notably abuse victim River Song, whose lives are stolen from her by the man she loves, for whom she later goes to jail for a crime she didn't commit; although placeholder/perfume model Amy Pond should get special mention for blandness)."

Excuse me, what?

I just hate it when people have an opinion on something they have obviously not taken the time to actually investigate more than superficially. River may have suffered abuse - in that she was kidnapped from her parents at birth and was programmed to kill the Doctor - but she was not a 'victim' of said abuse. To suggest she was a victim is to suggest she let this abuse diminish and define her, and she absolutely did not let that happen. In fact, despite these abuses against her as a child, she grows into a confident, compassionate, intelligent woman who is quite fearless in the face of any foe.

To say she had her lives 'stolen' from her ignores the fact that she not only offered up those lives completely of free will, but that the Doctor pleaded with her not to give him her lives, and she ignored him.

As for going to jail. It is customary, when in jail, not to be able to leave jail whenever you please and yet many references and jokes are made about the fact that River can and does leave StormCage all the time.

In fact, the greatest criticism I'm read about the so-called pathetic River Song was that her life revolved entirely around the Doctor, just as Amy's did. Well, let's see, is that true?

Yes, Amy met the Doctor when she was a small child frightened by an alien presence in her bedroom. The Doctor then disappeared for 12 years - through no fault of his own - leaving Amy with a feeling of desertion and leaving her to fantasise about this strange man who came into her life for a moment, promised to help her then disappeared. Yes, I can see how she became obsessed with him - but does that make her pathetic?

Then he returns and they go on many adventures together. So, yes, he is central to her life for a number of years, and even after she marries Rory, their lives still revolve around the Doctors comings and going, but they also become aware of this.

So, Amy is self-aware, that is not pathetic.

In the end, Amy loses Rory into the past. She could have travelled on with the Doctor, but she didn't. Instead she follows Rory, the love of her life. Turning her back on the Doctor. The Doctor was central to Amy's life between the ages of 8 and 24, so for 16 years out of her 87 year life span.

River is Amy and Rory's daughter, although she doesn't live with them for the first 7-8 years of her life, and then grows up with them as peers instead of parents. She hears all of Amy's stories about the mystical Doctor, and she is curious, of course, especially when she has the opportunity to meet him.

From that point on, she certainly does see the Doctor, they meet up constantly - though they never spend more than a couple of days together at any one time. She doesn't follow him around, she goes and educates herself, and on several occasions when they meet up, she saves his life. For most of their relationship so far, she is in control of when they meet.

After losing Amy and Rory, the Doctor invites her to travel with him and she says, 'Anywhere, any time, but not all the time.' She chooses NOT to be with him.

In 'The Name of the Doctor' we see the following clip...

It has been suggested that her lingering on, waiting for the Doctor to come back is a sign of her pathos, of her weakness, of her need for a man to feel whole.

This is so wrong!

First of all, this is not a case of needing 'a man', but rather of loving a particular man. When we love people and they leave without saying goodbye, we lack a sense of closure, because we are humans, we are by our very design social and we need meaningful social relationships to thrive. If she was unphased by the Doctor's departure then she probably never did love him.

The suggestion that a strong woman should not love a person and crave that person's acknowledgment in return is just stupid - it is requiring strong women to set aside being human beings. You do not need to be free of emotion to be strong - only Vulcans believe that!

Does anyone accuse the Doctor of being weak or pathetic or a victim because he obsesses about Clara for all those episodes in series 7? No, it's not even a topic of discussion. Men can be strong an still be head over heels in love. Men can be strong and sacrifice their lives without their integrity because questioned. Men can be strong even if they have been victims of abuse. So, why do people question a woman's strength under these same circumstances?

Invulnerability is not the same as strength.

You see, to be invulnerable, you can never let your guard down. You can never trust another person, or love another person. You can never be prepared to sacrifice for another. You can never compromise with another person. You can never really have deep and meaningful relationship with another person, because if you do and they leave or die or disappoint you, then you might feel something and you might even cry or lose your mind for a while and then you're just pathetic according to so many of these judges of what it is to be a 'strong woman'.

Moffat has been accused of writing stereotypically weak women. I am not here to defend Moffat on that score, but I fail to see how the women he has written are weak. In this blog post there is a list of some of the progressive stuff Moffat has done as a writer and plot master for Doctor Who - for women, gay people, race debates etc.

On the topic of strong women, the list should be longer...

Rose - Fearless and compassionate - hey she was even compassionate towards a Dalek making it possible for a *good* Dalek to develop (even if his life was short lived). Rose was shop girl who ended up running a secret military group.

Martha - ;The Woman Who Walked the Earth' and united the earth's people and then joined Torchwood. Sure she had a deep crush on the Doctor for a while, but realising it was unrequited, she said goodbye and found a new life for herself. Martha was a doctor.

Donna - This woman was AWESOME! She put the Doctor in his place in nearly every single episode! In the end she became the Donna-Doctor and even when returned to her previous life without any memory of her time with the Doctor, she just kept troopering on making a life for herself. Donna was a secretary who saved the Universe and the Doctor and was 'the most important woman in all of creation'.

Amy - 'The Girl Who Waited' - except she didn't. She became a model and perfume designer, and her perfume was named Petrichor 'for the girl who is tired of waiting'. After following Rory back into the past, she became an author. She didn't wait at all, in the end.

River - Let's start with Alex Kingston (River Song) being twenty years older than Matt Smith (The Doctor), she's hardly a shrinking violet or a girly-girl. She's an archeologist who become a Professor. She's a diplomat, a sharp-shooter, she flies the TARDIS better than the Doctor. She reads Galifreyan (which is practically a lost language). She travels through space and time completely independently of the Doctor. She's the only person in the Universe he trusted enough to tell her his name. She's his wife - not a love-lorn groupie.

Clara - Was 'born to save the Doctor'. If anything, Clara reminds us the Doctor seems more in need of women than they are of him! He obsesses about Clara, seeks her out, chases her down, and she saves his life time and time again - thus, saving the Universe...

Madam Vastra - A sword wielding, alien warrior. She definitely doesn't need a man, being married to Jenny, she's not even attracted to them.

Madge Arwell - In the 2012 Christmas special, she is the only person strong enough to save the Doctoer, her children and herself from the acid rain, because she is - being a woman - the only one strong enough to fly to ship to safety (consequently also being a guiding light that saves her husband's life).

It seems that contrary to some ill-informed opinions 'Moffat's women' are usually very strong, not at all door mats and certainly not pathetic.

Having the capacity for love and self-sacrifice is not a sign of weakness - if anything, it is a sign of strength!

Today I made my eleven year old smash his iPod Touch with a hammer.

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 04:46:00 +0000

Yep, you read that right.

Why on earth would I do that?

Well, I found out he had established a Kik account against my specific instructions not to do so, and then when I went to delete said account I discovered he had used a friends iTunes account to download Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty, Duke Nukem and Block Ops. These are all first person shooter or maim and kill games.

I feel VERY strongly about this sort of gaming, and he has known since the first day he had his iPod that he was not allowed to play these sorts of games. I have caught him playing Grand Theft Auto on his laptop, and withheld the laptop for weeks. I have found him on unapproved social media on his iPod before and taken that off him for an extended period as well.

Today, I was going to take the iPod away for good.

You're probably going to suggest I could have sold it. The battery was dead, had been dead for a year, he could only play on it if it was connected directly to an outlet. It could not be fixed - we checked that about six months ago.

There was also a lesson to be learned about violence and losing something important to you through violence. Apparently, in games because it's 'simulated violence' he tells me, 'no one is really hurt'. With that logic, because the iPod is not living, it wasn't really hurt. Sure, Lukas was hurt by losing his iPod forever, but I am also hurt watching my child losing his innocence through playing these games and learning that maiming and killing is 'fun'.

I'm sure you think I over reacted. Perhaps you don't feel the games I mentioned are 'that bad'. My issue was more with the deception and defiance than the games themselves - though I absolutely abhor those games.

As I told my eldest today, technology is awesome; it allows friends to stay in contact, it's an endless source of information, resources and education, it can be used to save lives. It has great entertainment potential as well. However, as with any other tool, it must be used thoughtfully, with respect for others, and for the benefit of all. It should not be used to shame or hurt other people, it should not be used to desensitise people to the pain of others, it should not be used to glorify violence, deceit, hatred, and greed. Like any other tool, it should be used with responsibility and respect.

He does have an iPod shuffle, so he won't be deprived of music.

In the Middle...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Tue, 14 May 2013 01:15:00 +0000

We picked up the keys to the house yesterday and went straight over to have a look.

On the night we first inspected it, I walked in the door and a flush of adrenalin burst into my veins at the perfection of the place. I was filled with a desperate need to get home and fill in the application forms straight away, so strong was the 'rightness' of this place.

Consequently, I really only had a rushed look through the house and had, in fact, misremembered the layout and proportions of the rooms.

So, yesterday was the first time I really took in the house and realised it's dimensions and layout realistically.

The study and bedrooms were bigger than I remembered. The lounge room was a bit smaller than I remembered - though still about twice the size of our current lounge room. I have to rejig the layout of some furniture, but it is all good. We discovered the house has ducted heating and cooling. We don't know if that system works properly because it wasn't advertised and I can't imagine why it wouldn't have been advertised as air-conditioning is much sought after in the rental market. So, it might yet turn out the cooling doesn't work (though the clock on the system was keeping perfect time, so who knows). If it works, then the house is even better than we thought.

I discovered the appliances in the kitchen - the oven and dishwasher - are Miele. Apparently, this is a good brand, I know it is an expensive brand, so hopefully that means these appliances will work beautifully.

I'm more invested in the dishwasher working beautifully, I have to admit. I have high hopes of the dishwasher helping to dissipate long standing tensions between the Grumpy Old Man and myself over dishwashing.

I loathe dishwashing, he doesn't mind it, only when he washes the dishes, he doesn't dry them or put them away, or even finish washing them and it drives me nuts, but I'm not supposed to complain because I'm getting out of washing them - even though I do wash them semi-regularly and when I wash the dishes I leave the entire kitchen spotless.

So, I'm hoping that having a dishwasher will mean the dishes will come out of the washer ready to be put away and that I don't mind doing - so long as I don't have to bloody wash them!

Today we start the process of ferrying stuff over to the house. The removalists will take the furniture on Monday, but we're moving everything else (except the GOM's books, DVDs, and CDs because he must absolutely pack them in boxes with paper as if they were the finest china).

This house is a moving bomb site.

I'm already feeling overwhelmed by the state of everything - I really do like visual order.

I keep telling myself this is the middle and it is temporary and inevitable and just something I have to get through. This time next week we'll be in the house with all our stuff. So, this is the middle and it's okay because it won't last.

Well, that was actually fun!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Thu, 09 May 2013 07:38:00 +0000

We have a new [rental] house!

We looked at a house last Thursday which I was happy with, though the Grumpy Old Man thought it was depressingly run down (hey, beggars can't be choosers and it was ideally located and big enough for all of us, and I'm sick of living in cramped conditions).

So, we put in an application on Friday. We still haven't heard back about that place.

We looked at some more houses on Saturday. Only one was big enough, but it was so run down it made the house we'd applied for look like a palace!

On Monday there were another couple of houses I wanted to look at. I had been lamenting to s-dad that the Grumpy Old Man and I didn't seem to be able to find a place we both liked. He had said to keep looking and the right place would come along. I wondered if we had enough time, and if - even if we could find the right place - we would have any chance of getting it with no taxable income.

We drove to the second house inspection on Monday night and parked outside. We'd just come from an inspection where several groups had walked through at the same time as us. Someone was parked outside this second house and talking on their phone, but they weren't wearing a suit so we assumed it wasn't the agent but rather another punter.

Then she got out of the car with a clipboard and we realised she was the agent and we were, so far, the only people attending the inspection.

We approached the front door and she welcomed us in. I asked if there had been much interest in the property. She said this was the first inspection and we were the first people to walk through the door. We went inside.

It was beautiful in a low-key suburban kind of way. Cream carpet throughout - and yes, I do hate carpet, but this carpet wasn't worn or stained like so many other rentals we had looked at. The first room we looked into was a bedroom, which had obviously been used as a study. There was office shelving on the wall. The second room was the master bedroom with double built in robes, and it had plenty of room for our bedroom furniture. The second room was a smaller but still decent sized bedroom. Next was the shower room, the bathroom and a separate toilet. Then another bedroom (same as the first smaller bedroom) with built ins as well. Then a laundry. The kitchen was lovely, update in the past 10 years, and had a dishwasher and a pantry cupboard. There was a large meals area as well as a dining area big enough for our huge table, and a living room about twice the size of the one we have now.

But that was not all!

We went out the back door to the balcony overlooking the back yard - it wraps around two sides of the house and there is a verandah off the dining room for outdoor eating.

Down stairs in the garden was a large bricked-in BBQ on a bricked patio, and under the ground floor there was a door leading to three rooms under the house, as well as the garage. The rooms look to have been used as a teenage retreat or granny flat (without a toilet or shower) and have real wood panelled walls and painted concrete floor.

We wanted this house SO badly!

I had a lovely chat with the agent explaining our financial situation and emphasising that we always pay rent on or before time and in full. She seemed very keen for us to apply and told us to provide her with any information we felt might help show we are reliable tenants.

Fortunately, we have a wonderful letter of recommendation from our current property manager.

On Tuesday we submitted our application and yesterday she told us it was approved!

I'm very excited!

This is the nicest house we will ever have lived in.

There will definitely be a no shoes policy, ha!

Also, a no eating or drinking on carpeted areas policy.

We've spent today arranging bond and initial rent cheques and organising for the utilities to be switched over.

We still need to find a removalist - we were not at all happy with the last bunch we used, and the one we used prior to them, who were great, have closed up shop.

I get to order a skip. I love ordering skips!

I'm trying not to think packing, let's just pretend that's not a thing.

I cannot wait to pick up the keys and go check the house out again!

That was the easiest house hunt we have ever done!

We're moving...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sun, 05 May 2013 02:09:00 +0000

Last Tuesday the brother of our landlord, a sales rep from a different real estate agency, the property manager from our real estate and the brother's wife all came to have a look-see at the house. As soon as they got in the front door, the brother tells us the building proposal for the back yard has been approved and to fund the build, the landlord needs to sell the house we're living in.

Apparently, this is something the landlord has known all along. So, when he told us we could stay on during the build, he was essentially lying.

As well as this, the approval went through with some amendments to the building plan. The landlord had not allowed for enough room around the townhouses and so the accommodate council requirements, he needs to demolish part of the house. The two laundry rooms and the toilet as well as Ari's bedroom need to go. So, even if the buyers of the house were to want to continue to lease it, there would not be enough room for our family in the house after the redevelopment.

We received official notification to vacate on Thursday and have to be out by the 3rd of July.

So, a-house-hunting we will go.

Having a car is a true blessing. On Tuesday afternoon we hopped in the car and with my trusty real estate phone app we drove by a few properties which were listed in our price range. We would never have had the time to do that if we were still reliant on public transport.

On Thursday we had a look at a place up the road and submitted an application for that property on Friday. Mother-in-law has offered to be guarantor for us, so hopefully that will help secure a place.

Our main problem at the moment is finding a place big enough. Even though there are plenty of three bedroom places and we have no problems making the boys share, we really do need a second living area so that we aren't constantly on top of one another. We have only found one place in our price range which offered a second living area - the place we have applied for. There was already another application being processed at the time we applied, so we just have to pray we are more suitable candidates.

I can't say the prospect of packing up the house thrills me. If we were moving into our own house, I think it would be easier, but just knowing we have a least one more move after this one is a little depressing.

The boys are not impressed that we have to move either. Mainly, they are upset that we will be moving north. Even Erik, for whom this would be a shorter journey to school, is dragging his bottom lip around. None of them want to move away from their friends, which is completely expected. We have reassured them that because we have a car now, it's not that big a deal, we can still arrange playdates. I think that reality hasn't fully dawned on them though after being reliant on buses all their lives (and previously missing out a bit on playdates when we lived further away from the school, because they were difficult to arrange).

I am so grateful my parents are here. They have already been so helpful sitting for the boys while we have gone to house inspections this week. Having them here also means possibly reducing the cost of moving because we only need to hire removalists for the big furniture and heavy boxes (books, cds, crockery). Everything else we can move ourselves between our people mover and their ute. Also, mum is a dab hand at decorating and if we get either of the two main contender properties, we've already started planning what improvements we'll make to create a cosy home we're happy to invite people to visit at.

I won't show you the houses we're looking at for privacy reasons, but here the house I would love to be able to rent - it is well outside our price range! If you click on the image, the listing will open in a new window for you.

Where to go next...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 04:45:00 +0000

You may or may not have noticed that my blog posts have been a bit sporadic of late. It's not that I don't have anything to say. I have plenty to say. It's more that I'm in a space where the things I want to say are deeper and sometimes darker than what I've written about here previously.

I guess I'm getting to an age where I'm thinking back on my life a lot. I used to say that I would not change a single thing about my life because it has all brought me to where I am today, but I've been thinking about that and I'm not so sure that is true. I think some of the things I've done or experienced could have not existed and I would still be where I am today - so long as other people lived their lives the same way.

I have regrets.

I regret that night in late 1991 when a couple of girlfriends and I downed a bottle of Spumante each and went wondering the streets of Warilla.

I regret letting myself be beguiled by the baby-faced boy at Uni who was so desperate not to be alone that he was willing to get into a relationship with me that he wasn't that invested in, but I was.

I regret not making more of an effort to get a job with my undergraduate degree because now it's not worth the paper it was printed on.

And other things.

Do I really want to get into all that on this blog. Does anyone want to read it. Who is this blog for anyway. Who will be shocked and possibly upset by the things I have to say on many aspects of my own life. These are questions I'm turning over in my head now. Chances are I'll go there, ultimately I have nothing to hide. Still, I teeter on the edge, not quite ready to jump yet.

Talent vs Skill or Talent AND skill?

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 03:13:00 +0000

Lukas received his high school enrolment forms today, which is pretty clever considering we haven't even lodged his preferences yet. Guess they want to 'lock him in' before the influx of applications - I'm quite happy to do that!

This time last year we were still just hoping Erik would get into this high school and we'd already invested some time and money in showing his 'special interest' in art. Things are different for Lukas because Erik is already at the school, but also because Lukas hasn't really shown a special interest or talent to the same degree as Erik. He is interested in music, but doesn't play an instrument. He is interested in robotics but hasn't showed a special talent for it, as such.

He's started on his 'Local Landscapes' painting and is going to paint using this photo from our Brighton Beach trip.

I took some photos of him starting the sketching stage last weekend.

It made me nervous when Lukas said he wanted to do Local Landscapes. Erik did it last year to much acclaim. Lukas hasn't really shown as much interest in drawing or painting as Erik. When the school had drawing incursions with Joffa, Lukas has shown he has some drawing ability - he is certainly not without his own level of talent, but I guess we've always viewed Erik as the one who draws and paints.

Last weekend however, Lukas did show us that he has some abilities Erik doesn't possess. Lukas can focus for much longer and is more able to follow direction. He has a greater attention to detail, as well. I guess what I'm saying is what he may lack in raw talent compared to Erik, he makes up for his willingness to learn skill.

Skill is often under-appreciated in comparison to talent. People love natural talent. Self-taught people are admired. However, talent can only take any person so far, and at some point talent must be scaffolded by skill.

The Grumpy Old Man has a tendency to say that he has more skill than talent - I'm not sure I agree, I think he under-estimates his talent - he certainly is skilled. These skills are what he is teaching the boys. He's teaching them how to grid up a reference and use the grid to ensure proportion. Gridding has fallen out of favour in modern times - because people have a greater appreciation for natural talent and a natural eye for proportion - however, having skills can help train the eye, I think, and knowing 'the rules' is always the first step to intuiting when to 'break the rules'.

I'm excited to see what Lukas can produce and how his work will turn out!

And we're back...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 08:01:00 +0000

Hellooooo readers - well, maybe that's just one reader now (hi mum!) - it's been a while.

School holidays, you know. I've been meaning to write, every day. We've been pretty busy with one thing or another and a couple of lovely photo opportunities, but I've been so sleepy all the time!

It's these anti-anxiety meds, they've left me feeling a bit like a zombie.

Not so much in that I can't feel anything, I can, though a lot of the anxiety has been well and truly reduced, but I'm just so sleepy all the time, despite actually sleeping at night for one in my life. It makes it difficult to concentrate and compose.

I'm really hoping I will acclimatise, but I don't know. I've started feeling a little more anxiety creeping back in and I'm concerned that when I mention this to my GP or Psychologist, they might want to increase the meds dosage, and then I might feel even more sleepy!

Sleepy isn't very good for PhD research.

On that...

How is it that I've been chaffing at the bit for months now to get into this degree, just drooling at the thought of getting my teeth into some research and now that I'm in, I have to remind myself I'm about to start a research degree in a few weeks and I must prepare? What is that???

Easter was lovely.

The Easter tree was decorated for another year!

My brother came to stay with us for a few days and we all went over to my parents on Easter Sunday for lunch. Mum put on quite a banquet!

On Easter Monday we had the Grumpy Old Man's mother over to our place. It really felt like a family Easter. We realised on the Sunday that mum, Mike and I had not been together in one room since 2007! I look forward to many more family get togethers.

During the first week of the holidays we had play dates for kids and for adults and managed to catch up with a few people.

I was experiencing some sort of stomach cramps for that entire week and saw my doctor on the Friday when they hadn't let up. They were like gall bladder attacks (I don't have a gallbladder anymore), only not as severe, though the first couple of nights were quite rough and neither Panadol nor Neurofen seemed to even touch the sides. I thought possibly they were a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication but the doctor seems to think the problem is gastrointestinal and possibly related to my life-long reflux. I'm off to have a gastroscopy on Thursday, which means light sedation, which means a needle in my hand - hold me now!

On the second Saturday of the school holidays, we caught up with two of the Grumpy Old Man's cousins. One I had met years ago when Erik and Lukas were five and three. I had never met the other and the GOM hadn't seen his other cousin in over 20 years. It was really love to catch up with them. Both of them have art training and one is a practicing artist who runs courses here in Melbourne, so of course we showed them Erik's work. It was nice to see the boys getting to know other branches of their family and we hope to maintain closer contact with them now. These cousins are a little older than the Grumpy Old Man and have grandchildren around Ari's age, so it would be nice to meet them as well.

The second week of the holidays seemed as busy as the first, though sitting here right now, I can't actually remember much of it. Step-dad had a birthday on the Tuesday so we visited my parents for afternoon tea, and the Grumpy Old Man had a birthday on the Wednesday. We took the boys to the movies on Thursday, courtesy of mother-in-law. Two things I do remember clearly are talking to my psychologist about the interview she conducted with Erik last time I saw her, and then finally, after many years of talking about it, taking a family trip to the beach!

The conversation with the psychologist was enlightening and confronting. As I have mentioned before I have long suspected Erik has ADHD. Well, she doesn't think he does. However, she feels there is a strong likelihood he has Aspergers. She has not diagnosed him as having ASD, but we have set in motion the process for assessing him for having it. I can honestly say, I have never considered this. Of course, as soon as she said it, the pieces did seem to fall into place for me. The early hypersensitivity to his environment, to new people entering the room, the lack of understanding about personal space, the massive meltdowns between 15 months and 7 years, the hand flapping and jumping in circles when he was younger, the holding back in social situations... And now, the doggedness with rules (except where they apply to him). The fact that if I am not specific, he doesn't seem to be able to extrapolate.

But this may yet turn out to be coincidence. We shall see. The Grumpy Old Man isn't convince it even could be ASD, mumbled something about that being the 'go to diagnosis' these days, but right now, I'm open to anything that will help us help him.

Yesterday, we finally drove to the beach. We were thinking of going on Saturday, but the weather was craptacular. We made no plans to go Sunday, but then when we got up and the weather seemed mild, we went for it!

It was absolutely awesome! I would love to live by the sea again - such a pity the fabulous high school is no where near the sea. The boys had a blast, they're all water babies at heart. We were only going to paddle, because it wasn't the warmest of days but before the GOM and I knew it the boys were in the water fully clothed! Rascals!

Here are a few photos...

Happiness is...

Feeling grounded and peaceful!

Fire, fire! Getting your kids involved in your home's fire plan!

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 01:02:00 +0000

This post is sponsored by Nuffnang.

I was recently offered the opportunity to be involved in a Victorian Department of Justice Fire Awareness Campaign!

I jumped at the opportunity because I believe this is an important issue that every family, especially those with children, should seriously consider!

Fires scare me. Burning to death is my greatest fear.

I have one distant cousin who was badly burned while playing in a packing crate -in the snow! - with his friends.

As well as this, my brother and I, and our four year old cousin narrowly avoided dying in a fire when I was eleven. I joke about burning a house down, but the truth of the event was potentially horrific.

Living in metropolitan Melbourne, we often feel safe from fires such as the one Victoria witnessed on Black Saturday two years ago. This is a false sense of security. One of the Country Fire Association (CFA) fire myths states:

MYTH: If you live in a residential suburban area you’re safe.

FACT: Even on the urban fringe you are at risk of fire. In strong winds, embers can travel up to 35 kilometres in front of a fire, starting new fires. People who travel or holiday in high risk bushfire areas are also at risk of bushfire. Even people considering a day trip should be prepared.

Many Victorians live 'on the urban fringe' in this ever sprawling city, and in a couple of weeks, many Victorians will also be taking off for the Easter holidays to make the most of the last warm days of the season.

Having a plan in the event of a fire is the smart move! If you're travelling, this is a good place to start your planning.

Other common myths include:

MYTH: Code Red days happen all the time.

FACT: Code Red days are rare. There have been two Code Red Days in the last three years. Code Red is the highest Fire Danger Rating. Houses in Victoria are not designed or constructed to withstand fires on these days.

MYTH: If you live in a residential suburban area you’re safe.

FACT: Even on the urban fringe you are at risk of fire. In strong winds, embers can travel up to 35 kilometres in front of a fire, starting new fires. People who travel or holiday in high risk bushfire areas are also at risk of bushfire. Even people considering a day trip should be prepared.

MYTH: It will be safe to leave even if I can see fire.

FACT: Roads might be blocked, thick smoke will make it difficult to see, the fire could travel faster than you drive and fires can leap highways. Every minute you wait, it gets closer.

MYTH: CFA will be able to send a fire truck or come to my rescue.

FACT: If the CFA is fighting fires, they can’t be knocking on doors. It’s your responsibility to make the best possible decision for your family based on the current Fire Danger Ratings and official warnings for your area. It’s up to you to know when to leave. It is critical for your safety to check more than one source for warnings. On high-risk days, monitor the conditions around you. Get the most up to date information through:

 cfa.vic.gov.au
 FireReady App
 Emergency broadcasters: ABC Local Radio, commercial radio and designated community radio stations
 SKY NEWS television
 Victorian Bushfire Information Line: 1800 240 667
 CFA social media such as Facebook and Twitter: @CFA_Updates
 You may also receive an alert sent to your landline or mobile phone based on its billing address or location (for Telstra customers only) through the Emergency Alert System.

MYTH: I can easily defend against fires; I am prepared and have experience.

FACT: You can’t prepare for all fires. You need a well thought-out bushfire survival plan which has been agreed and discussed with members of the household. Leaving early is always the safest option.

MYTH: Fire Danger Ratings are just a weather gauge.

FACT: A Fire Danger Rating tells you how bad a fire would be if one started, including how difficult it would be to put out. The higher the rating, the more dangerous the conditions.

MYTH: Winter has been very wet so there’s less chance of a fire in summer.

FACT: Rainfall fuels the growth of vegetation, especially grass, creating more fuel for fire. In years of wet weather, Victoria often sees an increase in the number of large grassfires. It only takes two weeks of hot, dry and windy weather to create dangerous fire conditions.

MYTH: All barbecues are banned on a Total Fire Ban day.

FACT: Solid and liquid-fuel barbecues and ovens are banned on Total Fire Ban days. You can still use gas or electrical barbecues that are fixed appliances – built into permanent structures of brick, stone or concrete – provided you adhere to the guidelines for use located at http://www.cfa.vic.gov.au/warnings-restrictions/can/. Portable gas or electric barbecues are also allowed if they are commercially manufactured exclusively for meal preparation and you ensure they are in a stable position when alight.

MYTH: If we do decide to leave early, we will be able to go to the local Neighbourhood Safer Places.

FACT: Neighbourhood Safer Places are places of last resort only when all other plans have failed, and do not guarantee safety. They are sometimes just an open space (e.g. a football oval) with limited facilities. There isn’t a Neighbourhood Safer Place in every community.

In our house we had a 'Fire Plan Meeting' this week. We introduced the topic by talking about the fire drills the kids have done at school and kindergarten. I told them we were going to do something like that for our house in case there was ever a fire.

We told them that first and foremost, it is important you have working smoke alarms in your home!

We're all encouraged to change the batteries in our smoke alarms at the end of daylight saving every year - this year, daylight saving ends on April 7. Here is a picture of the Grumpy Old Man testing our alarm - don't you love our spider webs; just keepin' it real, yo!

We tripped the alarm and explained to the kids what that ear piercing sound is all about; what it means, and what to do when they hear it.

That particular alarm went off a few weeks ago while I was cooking late at night (there is a reason why I don't cook most of the time) and even though it is positioned directly outside the boys' bedroom, none of them woke to the alarm. It has been observed that children don't necessarily hear alarms in their sleep - so alarms during the night are important to wake adults! It is important to let children hear the alarm when they are awake and make sure they understand what it is for, so that if you wake them during the night, they understand what is going on and can react appropriately.

Next we talked about what to do in the event of a fire.

If you live rurally, or on the outskirts of the city, the CFA have a range of fire ready kits you can fill in to prepare a fire plan.

There are plenty of activities for kids on the CFA site; for example, you can get your kids involved in packing a relocation kit by playing the game Neville Numbat gets dressed for safety. Getting kids involved gives them a sense of confidence and understanding which will pay dividends if you need them to pack up and get in the car when they'd rather just play at home on fire risk days.

For older kids - like my 11 and 13 year olds who tell me they're basically adults now - there are interactive videos, activities, and information about paying attention to fire risk ratings, ember attacks and radiant here.

If, like us, you live in the metropolitan area, you can got to the Metropolitan Fire Brigade site and check out their home safety tips.

With our kids, we drew up a rudimentary home and garden plan. The CFA site has an awesome interactive game for kids which can help them design a plan of their own home and garden complete with doors, windows, fire extinguisher, fire alarms and fire blanket for the stove here! Our kids loved designing our house in this game!

As you can see, it's very basic. With kids, the K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, smarty) really does apply. You don't want to bore the kids, but you want them to get the point.

For our kids (ranging in age from 13 down to 4), this meant:

Let them hear the smoke alarm and tell them that means fire and to get out of the house.
Tell them to get 'get down low, and go, go, go!'
Explain where the exits to the house are - front door and back doors.
Tell them where the 'Meeting Place' is; at the front corner of our street, under the street sign.
Tell them to go there and STAY there - even if they are the only person there. They NEVER go back into the house. NEVER!
Tell them to leave the front and back door open for other people and for the dog to find his way out - and don't try to find and save the dog, his instincts will guide him!
Tell them don't cross the road (even though this might seem counter intuitive because, of course, we want out kids as far away from the fire as possible, our concern is that children running into the street might be dangerous with fire engines etc. driving around).

We told showed them how to feel a closed door to see if it is hot, and how that might mean there is fire behind the door and not to open it unless there is no other way out. We explained that it might be dark and hard to breathe, but they just have to keep moving until they get outside and to the meeting place.

We told them not to try and grab any of their favourite stuff or stuff they think they need to 'save'. The only thing they need to save is themselves - they are more important than any other 'thing' in our house, everything else can be replaced.

Then we did a drill because kids often need to 'do' to understand.

Bryn crawling to the front door

Lukas and Ari crawling to the back door and Lukas checking for heat before opening it.

Everyone gathered at the meeting place. Erik in his pyjamas, and Ari without shoes because when a fire happens you might not have time to find clothes and shoes, you just get out as fast as you can!

They all look very happy, don't they?

A safe family is a happy family! So, get your fire plan happening! Go to the Country Fire Association site, plan and prepare, introduce your kids to Captain Koala and Friends, get your older kids involved as well.

Be safe.

Important links:

The Australian Emergency number is: 000

Country Fire Association information:

Website: http://www.cfa.vic.gov.au

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cfavic

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CFA_Updates

Metropolitan Fire Brigade information:

Website: http://www.mfb.vic.gov.au/index.html

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Melbourne.MFB

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MFB_NEWS

Why, hello there...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 23:43:00 +0000

Uh-oh, I haven't blogged in ten days!

It doesn't feel like it's been ten days but then again, that's not surprising as it has been a jam-packed week and a half and I haven't had much time to reflect on it, let alone compose a blog post about all the happenings.

We took the car in to be assessed and were told the problem was not covered by our RACV warranty, and that it would cost in excess of $2000 to fix. On the same day, the Grumpy Old Man had a job interview for a position which requires him to have a car.

We ended up calling his mum and asking her for the money. We weren't at all sure that she would come to the party, not because she couldn't afford to but because she has not been very supportive of the idea of the Grumpy Old Man driving since father-in-law passed away almost four years ago.

She did come to the party though and we got the car fixed, which was cheaper than expected at $1700, and had a new key cut (a worn key was the reason the battery kept draining) at the cost of $140.

We haven't heard back from the company where the Grumpy Old Man had his interview. The next stage of the application process is a physical - the physical is why the Grumpy Old Man didn't get the last position he applied for, so this part is a bit nerve-wracking - assuming he gets that far. We'll see what this week brings.

I took Erik with me to see my counsellor on Thursday. The session went well, and the counsellor is keen to have his tested (IQ testing). I won't see her again for about three weeks, but I look forward to hearing what she thought.

I've been keeping it under my hat for several weeks now that Deakin had gotten back to me about reassessing my application and had said they thought they 'should' be able to offer me a position in their Higher Degree by Research PhD; they had asked if I would be will to wait to start until mid-year. I got straight back to them and said I would be quite willing to wait until mid-year. I had hoped to hear back from them quickly but after a fortnight of waiting I found myself emailing them again to double check that they received my last email. They said they had and were processing my application and would get to me 'in a few weeks' but they couldn't tell me anything more than that.

Then on Thursday I received an email stating my application had been approved.

Usually, I'd get right on here and post such news, but to be honest, I was quite shell-shocked. Just three months ago, I was devastated to hear that my application had been denied and then to find out the grounds for denying it were so flawed, but the person who had denied my application was quite sure of himself. Then he resigned but it had been so long since the application process had ended I felt sure they'd make me repeat the entire process and that by then the person who was supporting my application would have moved on to other projects. This process has taken seven months in total.

I had completely prepared myself for more disappointment.

I sent off my acceptance forms by email on Friday. My commencement date is June 3rd, 2013. It's all happening!

Yesterday, we had a full day out as a family.

In the morning we loaded the car with scooters and headed off to Kew Traffic School for an outing with Ari's kindergarten. Bryn even saw a couple of kids from his year group who still have younger siblings at the kinder this year. At first Erik and Lukas were being party poopers because they were so much older than the littlies, but with some other older siblings joining in, they all ended up scooting around. There were sausages and fruit and cordial and it was just nice to get out and do something together. Ari really didn't want to leave in the end!

I don't think I'll ever get sick of being able to just load the car and head out! We've never done an outing like this because having to herd four kids with scooters and sundry other items on public transport was always too hard.

Mini trams! Bryn spent more time checking out the miniature trams and houses than actually riding his scooter.

Lukas was going to be a spoiler and sulk because he was several years older than the other kids, but we refused to let him get away with that and despite himself, he ended up having a good time!

Erik had no problem making the most of the event.

Ari kept missing out on sausages and other food because he wouldn't get off his scooter - we realised afterwards he hasn't really had much of an opportunity to ride his scooter freely for any length of time.

Tiny telephone box!

Bryn absolutely adores watermelon!

This trike isn't too small for me...

Afterwards we had a quick lunch at McDonalds in Balwyn (the boys were in heaven, it's a been a few months since they all had Maccas), then headed over to Warrandyte to check out Erik's painting at the Warrandyte Rotary Club Art Show. We didn't realised the Art Show was part of the annual Warrandyte Show and so we ended up driving around for 45 minutes looking for a park. Finally, we decided to park about a kilometre away from the exhibition. Ironically, we probably could have done a little less walking if we'd taken public transport!

My parents met us at the exhibition and we spent almost an hour checking out the 5000 paintings (and wrangling a somewhat overstimulated and overtired Ari).

Erik's art teacher, who had entered his Surrey Dive painting after he brought it to school a couple of weeks ago, had told him she thought he would win first prize. I had spent the last two weeks trying to prepare him for not winning first prize. He was absolutely convinced he would win a commendation though. I tried suggesting he might not even win a commendation, but he wouldn't hear it.

Erik has had a lot of adulation for his art because of his age in relation to his ability. Obviously, as his mother I am extremely proud of him. That said, he won't always be considered a wonder because of his age, and I want him to be able to cope with that. This showing was a great first encounter with disappointment for him. He did not win first prize, nor did he win a commendation. His work is great, but the standard of works in the secondary students gallery at the exhibition was simply amazing! Chances are most the other competitors were 2-4 years older than Erik, but ages were not recorded or used as a yard stick for assessing artistic ability. Erik, who has been used to being a big fish in a small pond, suddenly found himself in a much bigger pond with much bigger fish.

I am proud of how he coped! He took it all in his stride and really looked at what the other students had produced. He took note of the styles and media they employed, the sizes of the canvas and the themes. I think he saw the possibilities he can work towards. It was a great piece of experience for him and it came at just the right time, I think.

We didn't stay at the show as long as I would have liked. Ari was very restless and quite disruptive, so we ended up leaving before we all had an opportunity to properly look at works. I think my mum will be doing some painting this year, she was very inspired by it all.

Bryn and Ari showing their true colours.

Even though Ari ended up having a melt down by the time we got home, I was pretty happy with yesterday and with all we accomplished. Having the car is making such a difference to our lives. Being accepted into the PhD is a dream come true! Now, if Dave gets this job, I think our lives with finally be right back on track!!!

New cars are like new babies...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:46:00 +0000

We've had our car for about a month now and it has been a month full of new learning.

A steep learning curve, with lots of stress and worry and sleepless nights - sound familiar?

The Grumpy Old Man and I can't help but feel it's been a lot like bringing a new baby home.

Some people, when they get a new car, it's all shiny and sleek and runs like clockwork and the most they have to do is learn how much pressure the gas and brake pedals need and how big the turning circle and other dimensional measurements are.

Other people get a new car (to them) and straight away there seem to be problems. It's hard not to ask yourself, 'Did I get a dud?', or smile in the face of other people's quips about 'buying a lemon' - in parent speak, it's a bit like being asked if your frequent night waker is a 'good sleeper'.

But just like proud new parents, the new car owner loves their new car, they want to be proud of it, they want to do what it takes to encourage their car to run smoothly.

The Grumpy Old Man and I are the 'other people'.

In the month since we first picked up Clover, there have been a few 'issues', shall we say.

On day one, the car stalled - it turned out the fuel gauge wasn't correct and we'd run out of fuel.

On day three, the fan in the motor wouldn't turn off which drained the battery quick smart and the left indicator light had to be turned off manually and would only click six times before falling silent.

We took the car back to the dealer to have it fixed after consulting an RACV roadside assist guy and him telling us the indicator light was a road worthy issue and the battery was also loose which was also a road worthy issue.

As we were about to take the car to the dealership, the Grumpy Old Man realised the speedometer wasn't working anymore - obviously another roadworthy issue.

So, the dealership worked on all these things and we got the car back a few days later with a new battery as well (the RACV guy had said the battery was 4 years old, so had a limited life left, though it was running well for us).

Everything was okay for a couple of days and then we filled the car up and it started pinging and telling us the fuel tank was open when it clearly wasn't. Then the fuel gauge up and died completely.

The pinging subsided over the next day.

Then a little old lady drove past and managed to knock the driver side mirror clear off the car - she was rather annoyed we didn't have one of those mirrors which bends back, shame on us.

So, we didn't drive the car for the next couple of days until the time that the mirror was to be fixed by the insurer. When the Grumpy Old Man went to take the car for the repair appointment, it wouldn't start. We had to reschedule the appointment. The RACV guy came out again and jump started the car and we drove it around for a while and it registered a full battery. Over the next couple of days we found out the battery will only hold its charge for about 24-26 hours.

We also noticed the car had started leaking oil. We learned all about gaskets and checking oil and water and coolant. We now own coolant and oil, for top ups. We'll see about getting the gasket changed after the mirror has been fixed. The gasket should be covered by our RACV Warranty (thank goodness for insurance and warranties!).

Today we bought a battery jump starter for the car.

We figure having this means we can possibly put off paying for a new battery or alternator (we don't think it's the alternator) or wiring (in case something is draining the battery and it turns out not just to be that they gave us an old battery they knew they couldn't sell because it won't hold its charge).

So, our Clover is a colicky, unsettled baby who needs that much extra love and attention. We've had four kids, we know about steep learning curves and we're learning a lot!

Having a car is heaven sent when she runs and we can do things so much faster and easier. The Grumpy Old Man is quickly becoming more comfortable behind the wheel.

It would be nice though if one of the several applications he's put in recently for work would yield a real life job to help fund some of the 'colic remedies'...

Counselling...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 02:02:00 +0000

I went to my first counselling session for a long time this morning. The lovely young counsellor asked me what I wanted to achieve from the sessions, and I had to be honest and say it wasn't really my idea to come along. It was something my GP had suggested when she put me on anti-anxiety medication 10 days or so ago.

I told her I've already had a lot of counselling in my life, some formal, some because I have parents who are counsellors and who counsel me all the time for free (though, obviously, they're not impartial). I told her I'm fairly self-aware, I understand my triggers, I understand about acting to prevent anxiety and acting to soothe anxiety, but that that hasn't been helping me much lately, so basically I wanted to reduce anxiety but other than that I had no specific goals.

She found out I have no qualms talking about myself and family - nope, no qualms at all. In fact I love to talk about myself.

She also found out that my life story cannot be summarised and that it is very 'interesting'. I think she may have had some anxiety of her own by the end of the session - or at the very least, she might have been feeling a bit light-headed and in need of lie down.

She is very interested in Erik and my relationship with him - which is great because certainly a lot of my anxiety stems from my concerns about my talented but thrill seeking child. So, she has asked to meet him next week in a more child friendly environment. She would be interested in assessing him and having him undergo IQ testing, which I am very keen to see happen, as well. She seemed to have a theory about what his deal might be, though she suggested it might not be ADHD, or it could be ADHD combined with something else.

At least I feel like I'm moving forward in one area of my life.

International Women's Day and having it all...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 00:08:00 +0000

From Facebook

First off, Happy International Women's Day!

You may be scratching your head that I, a self-professed non-feminist, would be celebrating this day. I have recently come to the realisation that while I personally don't need feminism, it seems many, many other women really do need it. They really don't believe themselves to be equal, they really don't question the inequalities or demand better for themselves. Until all women do this, I guess there is a need for feminism.

I am still an egalitarian, though, not a feminist.

I really like the message of the illustration above. It came along on my Facebook stream with the following blurb attached.

On International Women's Day, my hope for you is that you will ride in on your own white horse and rescue yourself.

Choose health.

Choose relationships.

Choose the parts of your career that are yours.

Choose what makes your soul sing.

Educate the people around you about what you will and won't do. The 'ditch this' list determines the quality of your life.

Put down the mop and bucket. You are not there to clean up everyone else's mess at work, at home and in your tribe.

You are not there to swoop on every passive-aggressive cry for help on Facebook and every emergency conceived from others' poor planning. Being brilliant at putting yourself last isn't being liked, it's being taken for granted.

Fuel your body and mind with the things that make you strong. Fit the oxygen mask to yourself first, and be clear-headed to help those who matter most to you.

Let go of other people's drama. Let them find their own oxygen and their own feet to stand on.

Let go of 'martyr' and 'excuses' and 'perfect'. Let go of 'nobody does this as well as I do'.

Let go of eyeing off other people's greener grass. Drop 'sorry' from the beginning of every second sentence. Roar 'no'.

Quit running from what you don't want. Stop climbing into bed wondering where the day went. Direct your day with vision and boundaries and assertiveness.

Live the life you want for the children in your life.

Tell yourself what you would whisper in their ears.

Love yourself the way you love them.

This is what I would want every woman to know today.

Be mistress of your life and own all your choices!

Women still seem to want to expect more of themselves than any man would expect of himself, and if there is a patriarchy, and if there are patriarchal constructs, then this would most certainly be one. It would be one of the worst constructs because it dooms women to failure even before they start.

I cannot believe there is still a debate of whether or not women can 'have it all'. Do men ever ask themselves if they can have it all? Do men have it all? Do they work, care for kids and tend house? Hell no!

Good men do what they can.

Lazy men rely on women believing they must strive to 'have it all' to be equal to men.

It is okay not to work.

It is okay not to have a perfect house.

It is okay to have a career.

It is okay not to get to every single event at your child's school.

It is okay to not manage having it all. Women are not goddesses, we do not have superhuman powers, we are not saints. Women are human beings who, when stretched too far, will fail.

It is okay to fail.

Men fail all the time.

So, on this International Women's Day, embrace failure! Embrace being a mere human! Embrace doing your best and still not having it all! Own your choices - they are valid, whatever they are!

Barritone and Undiebum...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 00:09:00 +0000

Erik came back from camp yesterday. He rang just before 3pm because his coach had arrived at school earlier than expected and he wanted the Grumpy Old Man to come and pick him up earlier.

I barely recognised his voice over the phone.

At first I thought it was my brother Mike.

It was so DEEP.

Erik's voice has been getting deeper over the past year, but he has this voice he reserves for me which is still quite high, more askance, a voice he uses to get his way. I've pointed out to him that I can tell when he wants something because he speaks in a higher, more breathy voice. He didn't believe me.

When he got home he said he wished I hadn't mentioned the higher voice to him because kids on camp noticed it, too. What one has to do with the other, I'm not sure, but since camp he is all about the deep, deep voice. His voice is deeper than anyone in this house, even mine!

************************

Last night Ari slept in undies.

This marks the first 24 hour cycle in this household since the 6th of July, 1999, that no one has worn a nappy.

Ari stopped using day time nappies on the 1st of October last year. He has had more anxiety about toileting than any of the other boys, but he is also our youngest to toilet train. He hasn't had any accidents, but had been more anxious about going, so we haven't even attempted night time training.

Then just over a week ago, the Grumpy Old Man noticed his night time pull-up was dry. It has remained dry every night since, so last night when we ran out of pull-ups, Ari went to bed in undies, and woke up dry this morning.

13 years and just shy of 8 months of nappies. I've worked out that's 4988 days of nappy changes, which is about 30 000 nappies if you consider that for many of those days we had two and even three children in nappies, I'm averaging out to about 6 nappies a day.

BYE-BYE NAPPIES!!!

Our boys are growing up.

Systems which encourage failure...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 00:16:00 +0000

In the process of getting a child evaluated for a behavioural disorder, professionals like to interview the child, the parents and also the child's out-of-home care environment; being it a childcare centre, school or high school, or even extra curricular activity provider. The purpose of this is to show a pattern of behaviour over a range of environments.

I think this is probably best practice, as it rules out some environmental causes, sometimes. However, we have also come a cropper of this.

When Erik was eight and we first sought an evaluation, we were given a survey to give to his teacher to fill out. We had a problem in that his teacher at the time was actually a temporary stand in for his usual teacher who was on long service leave for a term. The stand in teacher had the attitude of not wanting to 'label' children. We had already encountered this when two children attacked Erik in the school yard, and we asked the teacher to investigate and found out later that he had not sent the two child attackers to the principal because, 'They're up there every day, already.' We were outraged that nothing was done about the attack against Erik.

The teacher filled out the form and marked all of Erik's behaviours as being within the normal range of behaviours in class, when we knew categorically that Erik was distractible, had a tendency to day dream, was not able to follow instructions, was slow to start activities and rarely finished them in time. These were issues his teachers had repeatedly mentioned to us.

Because the survey from the teacher and the one from us did not match up, the doctors evaluating Erik pretty much assumed we (his parents) were the one's with the problem - that we had low parenting skills because the teachers seemed to be managing Erik quite well.

Over the intervening 5 years, I have worked very hard with Erik. Partly because I do second guess myself and wonder if I'm not projecting, but also because there comes a point when it is easier to just manage a distracted, forgetful child than deal with the constant stream of complaints from teachers and the child labelling themselves as simply not being able to do what is expected of them.

I read an article this week about parents of children with special needs doing too much for their child. The article really got up my nose, partly because it happen to appear on my timeline on a day when I had been complaining that people often didn't realise how distractible Erik is because we - his parents - constantly remind him and manage him, and so this article felt a bit judgy about us doing this, and partly because, well, what is the alternative?

We don't make Erik's lunches for school, and we don't do his homework for him, but we do push him to do his homework, for example. We remind him, and monitor him.

We have started doing this fairly recently, we didn't used to, but then we realised that instead of learning to do for himself, he had started to simply identify as 'not able to' [fill in the blank]... He didn't strive for anything because he believed himself to be limited. Under his own steam he didn't have enough foresight to initiate goal setting or organise a plan and stick with it and he also could not see the point of doing this. He didn't know what is was to have personal success, but he was becoming quite accustomed to making excuses.

So, we decided excuses were not going to continue. Instead we made a fairly big commitment last year for him to do a painting for the local landscapes exhibition. This was part of a bigger plan to get him into a high school he didn't even want to go to because no one he knew would be there.

Had we just left him to it with the painting, he wouldn't have finished it. He would have dropped the ball - there is no question about this. He wanted to quit many times. He fears failure because he knows it so well, but instead of trying harder, he disengages. He can be the master of, 'I don't care.' It's a defence mechanism and it doesn't serve him or encourage him.

So, we pushed and reminded and made him sit down and work, and slowly, slowly it came together and then people started to be impressed because he really is quite talented, but he didn't even realise this because he had never finished anything in all the time we had just 'left him to it'.

In the end, he had a lot of success, he won an award, and he actually wanted to do another painting. The second painting also required us to sit with him night after night, encouraging him, and sometimes getting quite terse with him because he gets so bored so easily and he still has the reflex of wanting to run from a challenge. He did finish that painting too, and sold it, and bought himself some much wanted Vans shoes.

The taste of success has spurred him on. He got into the high school, and he is so happy there and so grateful despite none of his friends going to that school. He has started planning his third painting, and this time he is taking more of the initiative because he knows he can do it! We know we will still have to remind him to do the work, and many nights will still be spent repeatedly helping him refocus on the work, but maybe a little less than last time.

There are benefits to doing for your special needs child, but it's a balance, knowing when to step in and when to step back.

What really gets my goat is that in order to get professionals to recognise that he has many challenges which will affect his adult life when we are no longer there to be his personal assistants, he cannot have success. He must be failing in all areas of his life to qualify for recognition of his disorder. We are encouraged not to help him, not to try and teach him skills to cope. If we don't though, we are also at risk of being labelled useless parents. The significance of his challenges are no less simply because we are conscientious and want our child to taste success so that he might see the value in striving.

This phenomenon is wide spread in our society - the Grumpy Old Man and I encounter it quite a bit. My brother is struggling at the moment. Things have taken a bad turn for him and he is in financial strife, but Centrelink won't see him for three weeks. He asked them what would happen if he became homeless in the meantime and the answer was, 'Oh, then we can help you straight away.' Fair enough, they need to prioritise who they help, but they unwittingly encourage people to fall apart in order to gain assistance, instead of encouraging them to pull themselves together before their need is dire.

This seems very inefficient to me. Why are people not encouraged when they try to help others help them? It simply makes no sense to me.

source

Doctor Shopping...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 04:15:00 +0000

Haven't blogged in a few days, not because I have nothing to blog about, quite the contrary, I have too many things to blog about and can't choose which to do first, so expect a couple of blog posts today...

This one is about doctor shopping. You've heard the term; it is loosely connected with people who go from doctor to doctor to gain multiple prescriptions - usually to abuse themselves or to sell as a money spinner.

Another way I have heard this term used is with regard to seeking the care of one doctor after another until you get the care you are looking for - often in relation to seeking a particular kind of diagnosis or answer to a question.

Sometimes it is just a matter of getting a second opinion when the first opinion doesn't ring true. Sometimes though it's about getting a fourth, or twentieth opinion. Usually, a lot of doctor shopping reflects poorly on the patient because they are viewed as refusing to accept what several doctors have told them. It s a bit like the flies on horse shit saying, you know the one, 'One million flies can't be wrong, eat horse shit!'

Just recently though, I have been encouraged to doctor shop by friends who have experienced ongoing frustrations with doctors who refuse to really look at what is going on with the patient - often times the patient is someone's child.

There is always a lot of media about 'over diagnosing' certain ailments. In the 90s the over diagnosed ailment was 'Chronic Fatigue' - many doctors simply refused to even accept such an ailment existed, after all, it was only diagnosed in the absence of anything else being the cause of symptoms.

ADHD is another illness which is often accused of over diagnosis, and most recently Autism Spectrum Disorders have been highlighted as over diagnosed.

Quite possibly these ailments are over diagnosed. Quite possibly they're just so high in the consciousness of teachers and doctors and other professionals that other causes of symptoms fall into shadow.

However, I have discovered that there seems to be a practice of undermining proper evaluations of symptoms among certain kinds of professionals who label themselves 'specialists' in a disorder, only to reveal later that they do not actually believe the disorder exists. This has happened to us twice now. We are seeking an evaluation of ADHD for Erik. We sought such an evaluation when he was eight and encountered a somewhat hostile practioner who did not believe that Erik or any other child had ADHD. She was nonetheless given the role of evaluating children for ADHD - presumably none of her patients were ever diagnosed with this disorder.

source
Translate: ADHD is code for poor parenting choices.

That doctor's evaluation of Erik was that while he was moderately inattentive, she felt this was a result of only having been at school for a year - i.e. he started two years late because we were homeschooling him - and that his symptoms would most likely subside with more schooling. In other words, we had not afforded him the benefit of early institutionalisation and therefore he was maturing later than other children...

Again, we have just recently started the evaluation process again. This time I was very careful to seek a psychiatrist who - according to the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists site - specialises in childhood ADHD. Only, it turns out he doesn't believe in ADHD either.

Great.

I would be happy enough to hear that Erik does not have ADHD, but I want to hear it from someone who actually does believe this disorder exists and isn't simply ruling him out as a candidate because they don't believe in the existence of a disorder. That's a bit like saying, 'No, Ms Dal, you son doesn't have sunburn because there is no such thing as a sun.'

I can see how parents are forced to doctor shop. Forced to keep looking until they can find a practioner who will take their concerns seriously and not simply throw them in the 'over anxious, possibly Munchausen by proxy' basket.

As it also turns out the RANZCP had it incorrect that this psychiatrist bulk bills, and yet, the psychiatrist wants to ring me back on Monday after he's 'had a think' about whether or not he wants to take Erik on. I did say to him we cannot afford to pay, and he did say he does not bulk bill, so I'm not entirely sure what he is having a think about. I need to find some way to say to him that I don't think he will fit our needs are he doesn't even believe in a disorder both my mother and I have been diagnosed with.

Oh, and don't get me started on trying to get a diagnosis for a child if you are on a very low income. It's basically impossible unless your child is destroying the joint... More on that in my next blog post...

Lovely Weekend...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 05:21:00 +0000

Erik has his year 7 camp coming up this week and it will be at the beach with lots of water based activities. So, last week, his year 7 cohort were assessed as to their swimming abilities. Out of 99 kids, only two could not swim, Erik was one of those two.

I have always loved swimming and back in the early 80s I qualified for the Icelandic Para Olympic swim team which was going to the Los Angeles summer games. I didn't end up going because I didn't want to do the training (I had absolutely no foresight, but then again I was only 12).

So, to have children who can't swim is quite strange for me. None of the boys can swim. The older three have been to swimming lessons through the school when we could afford them (which was only once or twice) and Erik and Lukas have also done a week long intensive at a local pool one summer, but they just didn't seem to get very far with learning water survival skills. I was quite disappointed to have spent 100s of dollars and still the boys couldn't swim.

So last week I decided I need to teach them myself. I am not trained in teaching swimming and I'm probably doing it all wrong, but well, I do have the advantage of being a good swimmer myself, but also knowing my kids better than any swimming teacher possibly could.

I haven't been swimming in six years. I don't even own a swimsuit and right now I can't afford to buy one. I wasn't terribly keen to teach them at a public pool either.

What we ended up doing is asking permission at the caravan park my parents are currently living at. They said it was fine for my parents guests to use the pool, so yesterday the Grumpy Old Man drove us all over there and Erik, Lukas and I spent an hour in the pool.

Lukas picked up floating on his back straight away. Erik can't do that because he feels too much pressure on his ear drums - I'm going to try and get him some ear putty to help with that. By the end, both the boys could propel themselves through the water using breast stroke arm movement. Erik could also do a basic freestyle. Neither has the breathing down pat though. Erik doesn't have it at all and cannot keep his head above water, so can only swim by holding his breath. Lukas has trouble breathing out through his nose. He has always had a stuffy nose and probably needs his adenoids reduced or removed, but I definitely felt that we made some progress, and with another session or two, they could start working on building up stamina.

In case you're wondering what I ended up wearing into the water; knee length leggings, a bra and a singlet top, and no one cared!

I adored being in water again and after coming out I felt completely physically relaxed for the first time is a very long time - as long as I can remember, actually. I really think I was born to swim, that that is my best form of exercise and that I really need to make it a regular part of my life somehow! Despite having not swum in six years and doing quite a few laps (of a very short pool, mind you) yesterday, I feel absolutely fine today.

Yesterday evening I was then picked up by my friend Vanessa and we drove to another friend's (Simone) house in Kalista, where a few of us had a dinner party together! Simone made the most scrumptious tomato soup with bocchini and whole tomatoes in it, this was served with bruschetta, and for mains we had an eggplant parmigiana, which was perfectly done!

I tasted a rosé called Arrogant Frog Lily Pad Pink - it was sweet and lovely!

We had a dip made up of this blend with sour cream and mayonnaise and it was delightful!

Simone's house and view were just amazing!

This is the family area adjacent the kitchen, but it is mostly unfurnished (the lounge and dining suites are in other rooms), the sense of calm is this room is just other worldly!

The upstairs study with the most amazing views! I want a writing study like this!

Views from the study!

Sunset view from the big hall! My phone camera really doesn't do it any justice! If I'd had any idea just how beautiful this place would be, I'd have brought my Canon!

We stayed up until early this morning, chatting, dancing, eating and drinking. There were seven of us in total and it was such a relaxed group. I came home this afternoon feeling as if I'd just had a mini-break!

It's been a really lovely weekend and in many ways, quite unexpected, too. I woke up yesterday feeling a bit overwhelmed by the thought of taking the boys swimming and staying away overnight at someone's house I didn't know all that well with other people I didn't know all that well (except Jayne, of course, but then we arrived and left separately, so this time she wasn't my security blanket so much as just someone else I knew at the party).

I hope there will be more weekends like this one!

Rhythms...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 03:52:00 +0000

With less than a week left of February, I find myself doing a bit of a stocktake. We're almost half way through term one. It's really hard to grasp that fact, I have to tell you, it still feels like we've only just gotten started, but by the end of March we'll be heading into the Easter holidays and term two will be looming large.

Ari is home today. He has the sniffles and after the Whooping Cough incident at kinder, and even though he was on antibiotics, I am reticent to send him to kinder with a runny nose, lest other parents don't take kindly to it.

He had a rough day on Wednesday. He apparently was touching other kids faces and even scratching kids at kinder. It was his first afternoon session and he's not at his best after lunch even at home on quiet days. As well as this his kinder teacher was away and he adores her, so he was probably not very self-contained on the day. The afternoon culminated in a massive meltdown at about 5.45pm and he was asleep before he even ate dinner.

This has me thinking about changing our afternoon routine a little. The Grumpy Old Man and I have had a talk about it and we're going to aim for eating dinner at about 5pm, with the older boys having a 'supper' before their bedtimes at 7, 8, and 9pm so they don't go to bed on empty stomachs (Bryn and Ari tend to vomit in the morning if they don't eat within an hour of going to bed, don't ask me why, I don't know).

So, then the older boys will have an hour of screen time after dinner instead of before dinner and Erik and Lukas will then do their homework, while Bryn goes to bed.

I'm realising life is a constant rhythm of assess, design, implement and then reassess, redesign and implement.

We tend to have a fairly dramatic household. We're all quite highly strung. We can wish we were not this way until the cows came home, but after a decade and a half of wishing we were a more chill household, I think I've started to accept that chill, generally, does not happen here.

source

So, there are dramas, and the best way to be chill about dramas is to deal with them as they arise. Just deal with them, and keep moving forward, and understand there probably will not be a time when we lead peaceful, drama-free lives. There will always be a new crisis to discover and sort out.

Having a routine really helps all of us. It is a small piece of stability in an otherwise unpredictable life.

Ari has become increasingly restless and difficult to manage over the past three months. I initially put it down to the holidays and the boys being around all the time in our tiny house. Then it was the excitement and stress of the new car. Also my parents moving to Melbourne was very exciting, and finally starting kinder after nearly a year of anticipation. There has been so much upheaval for him that it isn't surprising he is acting out a lot.

That said, it could also be a four year old thing. All our boys have had particularly challenging periods at the age of four and it seems no different for Ari.

Life isn't set to calm down though. The Grumpy Old Man is filing a new Police Check application today in preparation for joining an agency to work casually as a home and community aged carer. We have high hopes that with the licence and the car he will be able to pick up work, finally.

I am also very hopeful of being accepted to a Doctorate at Deakin which will allow me to receive mobility allowance each fortnight, as well.

If these things eventuate there will be yet a new routine to adjust to.

As well as this, our landlords are not coming to the party regarding a new lease. We know there was a challenge at VCAT either this week or it will be next week about getting building approval in our back yard. Whatever the outcome of those proceedings, I sense the landlords want us on a month to month contract so they are free to resell the land, or build without lowering our rent. I suspect if they build they will take the attitude that we can remain in the house if we are willing to continue paying the same rent for a property that no longer has a back yard or a garage or even a driveway.

Continuing to stay here with reduced storage space, no yard for the kids, and with a construction site directly over the back fence without even a financial compensation for any of the losses we will experience would be very difficult. However, the owners have us over a barrel - whether they know it or not - because we cannot afford to move out of here, nor would we have anywhere to go in this extremely tight rental market.

Staying here with all the change or moving will be equally disruptive to Ari's equilibrium.

So, I think it is more important than ever for us to try and gain some stability within these walls, a routine which can be predicted and counted on. A soothing rhythm of life.

Progress...

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 03:23:00 +0000

I haven't written for a few days because I've been a bit down in the mouth. Life has felt hard this month, but I'm hopeful we're starting to turn a bit of a corner now.

We picked the car up from the repairer this morning, she seems to be running beautifully. They replaced a couple of electrical relays for the lights, and changed the battery for us. They identified why the fuel gauge wasn't reading correctly, but it's not something they can fix - something was replaced in the car some years back and the replacement part is affecting the reading on the fuel gauge, I don't really understand it. The speedometer and the fan are working properly now. We haven't tested the headlights, but obviously we'll be doing that, too.

The Grumpy Old Man asked if we were to have it independently assessed would it pass muster regarding road worthy? The mechanic said everyone has different ideas about what 'passing muster' actually means, but the GOM stood his ground. The mechanic said if we had it assessed and there were any problems we should just bring it back and he'll fix anything that was pointed out. Hopefully though, there won't be any problems!

Today I'm taking Erik to the GP to get a referral to a local Psych who specialises in ADHD and anxiety disorders in children and adolescents. Yesterday I discovered he had used my credit card to make purchases on iTunes. I was pretty upset about it. As it turns out, he (and Lukas) swear the iTunes store said I had credit (which would have been from their Christmas gift cards, which they are allowed to spend), so he thought he was spending his money, but the credit amount must have been a glitch because it came off my card.

I don't know if this is the case or not, to be honest. He was very upset that I was accusing him of having used my card, but then again, he is often very upset when caught doing stuff he just shouldn't be doing. It's an impulse issue and I've been ignoring it too long. He isn't growing out of it, and as a 'phase' it's been going on for nine years now (it's not a phase!). So, I've decided to get the referral I've been meaning to get for him for the past five years.

He doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to see a psych, he feels there is a stigma. I know some parents might feel I shouldn't force him to go if he doesn't want to go, but I feel that many people who struggle emotionally, or with a disorder often don't want to seek help - regardless of whether they are children or adults, and this seems particularly true for men - and by me saying it's okay for him to just live with this problem in his life and not deal with it is setting him up to ignore bigger stuff further down the track.

If he does have ADHD, he is at greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse in adolescence (sufferers often self-medicate), so better he feel a bit self-conscious now at 13 and we find out what is really going on, than try to deal with a wholly out-of-control, desperate and possibly depressed teenager. Suicide is the third biggest killer of adolescents aged 14-24. So, I feel I need to at least check if he is at risk.

Erik is a delightful kid. He is very bright, and very talented. He seems to make friends easily (in the past three years or so, and it did take a lot of coaching, but he's doing brilliantly in that area of his life now). He is one of the better behaved kids in his class - according to his own stories, mind you. Still, the Grumpy Old Man and I are absolutely aware of his constant fidgeting and restlessness (the kid can't sit still most of the time), his lack of focus during conversations, and most of all his impulsivity. Hyperactivity and inattention we manage constantly, but the impulsivity is often very challenging because it can be quite unpredictable.

With a concrete history of ADHD in the family (now that mum has been conclusively diagnosed, and with my conditional diagnosis from twenty years ago), I feel there is a strong likelihood he has it, as well.

So, today we start the process of checking this stuff out. I'm nervous but I'm hopeful that this will benefit him a lot in the long run.

I have also had some progress with Deakin. I finally summoned up the courage to email them about their lack of response to the email sent by the Vice Principal of my previous tertiary institute in December. I almost immediately received a response stating that the good doctor (I am being sarcastic here), who sent the rather rude, and ill-informed, response to my query about not being successful in apply to do a PhD, has, in fact, resigned his position!

This is why he never responded to the email. As it was only sent to him, no one else even knew this was an ongoing matter. His position has not been filled yet, but other staff will be reviewing my application in the next week or so. The doctor who replied to my email - who I spoke to a couple of years ago over the phone - asked me to send a copy of my thesis, which I did. She will show it to her colleagues, and will also discuss my application with the doctor who would be my supervisor (who is in Japan until the end of this week) and then they will get back to me next week some time.

I'm am crossing everything that they will be happy with my Masters thesis and with my application and will come back with a resounding 'YES!' That would be awesome!

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So, we seem to have some forward motion going on here now, which is a huge relief. I hope to bring lots of good news in coming weeks!

Whooping Cough - and why there needs to be a regulation about testing immunity after vaccination.

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 22:16:00 +0000

All yesterday Ari kept asking me, 'Am I going to kinder now?'

He's been twice and he loves it!

So, I was kind of looking forward to him going today, if only to stem the flow of questions about when he would be going next.

At about 4pm yesterday his kinder teacher rang and informed me that one of the kids in his group has been diagnosed with Whooping Cough and because of this and the fact that Ari is not vaccinated - and therefore has no known immunity - he must be excluded for 14 days.

Actually, the Government says it should be 21 days, so I'm not sure why the kinder policy is for 14 days exclusion.

The only caveat to the exclusion period is that if he were to take the anti-biotic treatment available for Whooping Cough, then he could return to kindergarten 5 days after the commencement of the medication.

I did ask if the other kids would be required to take the antibiotics, but of course, they're vaccinated so they are not required to do so, nor will they be excluded. Even though they also have no known immunity - read on.

You see, the problem I see with this is that Whooping Cough is 80-90% effective, in the year after the final shot (three rounds leading up to six months, so presumably the year between 6 months and 18 months, though a booster is given at four years, and again at 15-17 years). After that it drops a little every year - by the fifth year it is down to 70% effective. Now most kids are given a booster at 4 years, however, many children starting four year old kinder have not yet had that booster, either because they are still three, or because they have it closer to starting school at five.

In a class of 25 'four year old kinder' children, there is a likelihood that even if all of those children are vaccinated, up to 4.5 children (so 4-5 kids in a group of 25 DTaP vaccinated kids) will not have enough immunity to prevent catching and spreading Whooping Cough.

Up to 25% of Whooping Cough cases can be asymptomatic, as the GP I saw last night pointed out to me, so it can be difficult to know who has it and who is spreading it.

The only way to truly know this is test the immunity of vaccinated children.

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And then VERIFY your child's immunity - it's the smart thing to do!

Really, an annual blood test for immunity of immunisable diseases across the vaccinated masses should be regulated to have a true understanding of who is covered for what and who is not. The assumption that vaccinated children cannot catch and spread illnesses is extremely flawed.

The child who was diagnosed with Whooping Cough in Ari's group was vaccinated as far as I understand it (only two children in the four year old group are not vaccinated, Ari is one, and the kinder teacher said she had yet to call the family of the other child - so it was not the child with Whooping Cough).

I understand that doing millions of extra blood tests a year would be a costly undertaking, however, this is the health of our children we are talking about - people keep reminding me of this when they find out we don't vaccinate. I don't understand why a parent would simply assume their child is protected when the general protection rate is between 8 and 9 children out of 10 in the first year after vaccination and drops to 7 children out of 10 by the fifth year after vaccination.

As I see it. Ari will finish his course of antibiotics and go back to kinder, and another vaccinated child who was not given antibiotics because they were vaccinated could very likely develop Whooping Cough and the cycle would then start again. This seem very inefficient to me.

Life lesson?

noreply@blogger.com (Sif Dal) — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 01:28:00 +0000

I'm sitting here stifling a laugh. It's one of those, 'Well, we are talking about us!' kind of laughs, because, for those of you who read this blog regularly, it isn't surprising to read that one stress inducing event always follows close on the heels of another in a perpetual conga line of 'How much can you handle?'

We spent most of yesterday doing our research and becoming familiar with road worthy certificates, cooling off periods, consumer affair policies and Vic Roads policies. We have been doing a crash course in car buyers rights and dealers rights and the benefit of an independent pre-purchase check of a second hand car.

We have a plan for Clover, so that is great, we know our rights and responsibilities and we still have some hope the dealer with be reasonable, but also know how to respond if he is not. Dealer beware!

I feel good this morning, but at 5pm last night I wasn't on top of things yet and then Erik told us of his early morning adventure at the bus stop...

You know, you think you've clued your kids in on stranger danger and the perils of hopping into cars with people they don't know, and then the kid comes home and tell us the following.

He caught the first bus to school with Ari and I as I was taking Ari to kinder, then we caught the second bus together but Ari and I got of several stops before Erik. He got off at the large shopping centre and sat to wait the 15 minutes for his third bus. It seems the third bus didn't park in the usual bay and by the time Erik got to where it had parked, it was pulling out. So he went back to the original stop and waited for the next bus, which didn't turn up - dontcha just love public transport? At this point, a kid from year eight and his older sister were being picked up by their father and they offered Erik a lift to the school.

On the face of it, this was a very nice gesture - they obviously recognised his uniform and realised he had also been stranded by the unreliable bus service - but...

And this is a big BUT!

He couldn't even tell me the first name of the year eight student.

He should have politely declined the invite and just been late for school - we would have backed him up.

It's not that I believe the father of the year eight student was serial killer, but rather, that had the car been side swiped by a truck or something we would have had no clue that Erik had even gotten into a car, let alone who it belonged to or where they had gone. He didn't even have his mobile on him - because it had not charged when plugged in overnight (there is something wrong with it again, that's the second time since Christmas).

He felt safe because he 'sort of' recognised the year eight kid, though he had never spoken to him.

Obviously, Erik received a refresher course in, 'What the hell were you thinking???' Complete with me showing him all the missing kids profiles on Facebook, and reading him a news article about how many children go missing in Australia every year, and recounting the Daniel Morcombe story (Daniel was the same age as my son is now, so it was particularly relevant to him in that sense). It's amazing how parent accumulate all this information in the recesses of their mind and it all comes flooding forth when they are faced with their worst nightmare, isn't it?

Then I sent him away to think about what we'd just discussed and I called Lukas and Bryn into the study and refreshed them on stranger danger and what our expectations are of them in different situations, and who is a 'safe' person to get in the car with and who isn't. I didn't show them the Facebook links or the other links because I didn't want to scare them, just refresh them - it's really hard to know where to draw the line though...

And then I cried.

What a shocker. I actually thought Erik knew better. My bad!

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In other news, this morning, around 10am, there was a knock on the door and two council workers said they wanted to inspect our back yard in regard to the dispute the owners were having with the council over getting a building permit for the townhouses they want to build.

I was still in bed when they arrived, and Dave was on the phone to Vic Roads and Consumer Affairs, so I had to hurriedly put on a nightie and answer the door. I probably looked a sight.

I gave these guys what for!

'Listen! You two are the second lot of people to come to the door unannounced and it's not on. You're supposed to give us 24 hours written notice!'

'Oh, we don't represent the owners, we're from the council.'

'That's irrelevant! This is a matter concerning the owners and you should contact our real estate agent before just rocking up. People work shift work in this household and you can't just turn up whenever it suits you!'

I said I'd let them in the side gate.

By now Dave was off the phone and was ready to rip these guys heads off (we've been kind of stressed, right? Stress just brings out the angry beast in him). I told him I'd already given them the sharp end of my tongue, but he went out and drove the point home nonetheless. The councillors told him they didn't realise it was a rental property, he responded, 'You have a file on this property? You would have listed in that file the real estate agents name, so don't give me that *rubbish!'

So, I'm stifling a laugh, because of course this is all happening to us in the span of less than a week, that is exactly how things seem to work around here.

I have a friend who used to tell me that if themes seem to constantly repeat themselves in your life, if you always seem to have the same kinds of issues over and over, it's God's or the Universe's life lesson for you...

I can't figure out if our lesson is to learn to roll with the punches or to learn that no one is trustworthy and people can be completely unscrupulous and GET AWAY WITH IT! Or if we're learning to better appreciate when things actually do go our way - a lesson we're probably completely failing at because really it doesn't feel like things ever really go our way, so if they are, we're really not seeing it.

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If all the sayings are correct them Dave and I must be extremely strong people and have enormous character. I'll leave you to figure that out.

* He actually used a string of other words which I've chosen not to repeat here to protect the innocent.