at the gate called beautiful

it's time to get really really real

2012-05-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

it's time to get really really real right now. buckle your seat belts.

i am acutely aware right now of my own humanity. frailty. brokenness.

a friend told me to listen to one of my favorite songs tonight while reading her blog and i encourage you to do the same reading mine.

things have been happening. nothing extremely devastating. oh believe me i have had those times. everything, however, has been somewhat life altering.

and i have had this stress, this anxiety, in my shoulders like a burden across my back that i had to carry. the weight of the world, if you will. my little world.

i am no super mom. having 5 kids is hard. it is exhausting.

- having 1 kid is exhausting. let's all be honest about that one. -

but i am exhausted... near tears and yet too tired to cry. it isn't the kids who are wearing on me. sure they have their own rough moments. it is just all this tiredness and the little things that happen on top of it.

for example...

a chicken falling over dead in her sleep and finding her in the yard. no explanation.

tires that won't wear evenly and spending 7 hours last week over multiple days in car repair shop waiting rooms.

my computer dying and being left wondering how i lived organized without using my computer - i feel paralyzed in the simple tasks of managing my own home (or blogging for that matter).

i know that simply reading my blog can skew your perspective of me as a normal human full of frailty and brokenness. let me shatter that image right now and let you know that i am having a hard time just like you are having or have had yourself. i find myself crying out to the Lord, why am i so shaken?

the song popped into my head today on Christ the solid rock i stand, all other ground is sinking sand and i realized: if i am feeling so shaken by so much these days, might i have some sand still in my foundation when i had hoped was only built on Him?

...and tears fill my eyes at the revelation of my own fallenness.

it is the Holy Spirit's mercy to reveal this to me, but pains my heart to see it so. i build upon the Rock, and yet somewhere i started trusting in other things as well and when those things shifted my trust got shaky.

at some point while i was trusting Him to be my Lord and Savior, i started wanting to take the reigns of my life and felt the pressure to save myself.

...and i am not a very good savior.

once again i am crying out for the grace to lean upon my Beloved. it isn't that these fairly normal life circumstances caused the turmoil in my soul. the turmoil has always been there lying undisturbed and hidden from even me. the circumstances just give me an opportunity to see what was already in my heart and be able to cry out for Him to be my Everything.

there are no super christians. no matter what you think of the amazing preacher, the encouraging blogger, or the "super mom" who seems to have it all together, the truth of the matter is we are all weak and all in need of the One who remains the same when everything else is shaken.

be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

the things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. but i rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. not that i speak from want, for i have learned to be content in whatever circumstances i am.

i know how to get along with humble means, and i also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance i have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

i can do all things through Him who strengthens me. philippians 4:6-13

i need the peace of God to guard my heart and my mind. right now. i pray this peace also guards you as well and that He is the firm foundation on which your house is built. let Him deal with the faults in our foundations now so that we will stand firm in the shaking to come. He is faithful to use these present trials to refine us, shape us, and draw us to Himself.

charis

it's all about perspective

2012-05-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

word for the day: perspective

start.

i went into the tire store just to get a simple rotation. in and out in 15 minutes right? turns out i need two new tires. again. a fresh alignment. again. 4th alignment in the 2 years we have owned the van and tires # 7 and 8 that we have purchased in the same amount of time. something is off and i am not sure what.

they tell me that it is uneven wear. the inside edges of the tires are wearing too fast and getting bald while the outside edges are fine. it has been the same problem of inside wear since we bought this car and no one knows how to stop the reoccurring problem.

i feel myself quite like the tires. i am getting worn and weary from uneven wear. taking my kids on a simple errand to target i am on edge, barking orders to them of what not to do. finishing the daily routines i have angst rise up and grumbling escape my lips in a whisper. mustering up all the self-control i can i try to silence the gateway before hurtful words escape that cannot fully be undone by i'm sorry.

i am off. uneven wear. the inside is growing bald while the outside looks pretty much the same. simple trials of life - car repairs, broken garbage disposals, dying computers... all seem to pile on the pressure and try the health of my soul.

and i open to the book of acts and read of paul and silas beaten and thrown in prison - it was at midnight that they sang. after mistreatment and pain and life just not going right they sang praises to their God.

what is the remedy for uneven wear, for the inner edges going bald too quickly - the barrenness in my own soul that i am too keenly aware of at the present moment? sing.

sing and be realigned with truth.

stop.

photo credit

want to join in? it is easy.

5 minute friday rules:
1. write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2.link back here and invite others to join in.
3. please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always, i love to hear from you in the comments!

charis

raising lovers of Jesus in the midst of the chaos

2012-05-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt overwhelmed by all the world tells us we need to do to raise our kids to be successful well-adjusted members of society?

well, first there is the private school... or if you can't foot the bill then the must of homeschooling.

then there is the college savings account... in our case times that one by 5! ouch!

don't forget the team sports that take up several nights a week, maybe all night if you have different kids on different teams, and most weekends.

...oh and music lessons. or art classes. or drama auditions.

they need that latest and greatest piece of technology... you know, the device that will take average to genius?

remember as well to make them cultured by traveling and experiencing the world around them: visiting art museums and libraries, seeing a ballet, camping, fishing, going to other countries...

and then there is the healthy, whole foods, organic eating at home - you don't want to mess up those young minds or bodies with all the additives in the standard american diet.

the problem is, though none of these are bad in and of themselves, the pressure gets so great and the schedules so full that life becomes more like chaos. it may be organized chaos, but it is chaos still.

it becomes a distraction of what is of greatest importance - raising lovers of Jesus.

the question we are often left with is, "when do we have time to teach them to love God? how do we even start in the pursuit of producing lovers of Jesus?"

i am sharing today at 5 minutes for faith on this very issue. i would love you to drop by and add your thoughts and experiences in the comments over there.

click here to read more! hope you can visit me there!

charis

photo credit

she is...

2012-05-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

she is beautiful. she is kind. she is creative beyond imagination.

one of my most vivid childhood memories is her example of worshiping God. i remember going to worship practices with her and playing in the back of the church while she worshiped God practicing with the team. at home she would often turn on a worship tape (yes, back in the days when we listened to cassette tapes) and would sing and dance in the middle of the room. she took piano lessons as an adult so that she could write her own songs to the Lord on the piano and worship in our living room. she engrained in me the importance of taking time to worship God at home, not just in the larger gathering of believers. (though she has led worship in both)

she seemed to have a mini crisis with the idea becoming a grandma, but as soon as my oldest son was set to arrive she was fully engaged with the new life that was coming. now, 11 grandkids later, she is known to crawl around on the floor playing hide and seek, take out all her percussion instruments letting them play loudly to their hearts' content while having family worship time, and always has one of the many by her side giving her cuddles. she is engaged in these little lives and will influence them in a way that only a grandparent (or nonnie in her case) can - they will hear words from her that they may not receive as warmly from mommy and daddy and they will open up their tender hearts to her.

she set a godly example of what it meant to be a faithful loving wife. i remember a conversation with her in my teenage years about how once a girl gets married her husband is to be her closest male friend. she strongly believed and encouraged friends, rather than committed relationships, with the opposite sex while we were too young to get married. but she warned that close friendships with the opposite sex were for before marriage and not to give close confidence to other men after marriage that was meant for your husband. she married her best friend and encouraged each of us to do the same. i took this all to heart. she showed me that marriage is for life, not for when it is convenient, and the example she and my dad have given about faithfulness and covenant has been a gift beyond what she may ever fully know.

like a broken record she hammered forgiveness into us as we grew up. she told me the most important thing i will ever learn is how to forgive. she didn't have an inflated view of herself, but in humility told us that we would someday have to forgive even her, though she always tried to give us the best she could and knew how. as i raise my own kids, i remember that i will not be perfect, though i really desire to be good. i remember her example to humble myself to my own kids and admit my imperfections. i work to pass on the high value for forgiveness - the greatest gift Jesus gives us and the most important gift we give to others and to ourselves.

in a hard stretch of time between me and my siblings, when i was much too consumed with friends and not kind enough to the ones God had chosen for my family, she reminded me again and again that my siblings would be my best friends when i grew up. she was right. i am thankful that she had vision to see what God would do in our relationships when i could not see. i too tell my boys to remember that friends will come and go, but their brothers will be there forever as their best friends.

she has modeled generosity and servanthood again and again and again. putting her own needs aside, she has given and loved in the most real practical way those around her who are hurting or in need. she has become the armor bearer to those who are in enormous personal battles. she is compassionate, wise, and kind - an amazing support when support is what is needed most. she is a friend when it is most important to be a friend.

she has so much deep inside of her that is so beautiful, waiting to come out. she isn't ambitious to make herself known, but happy to serve the Lord wherever He places her. she has shown me that it is right to trust the Lord to open the doors and show what He has for me right now... that we love and worship the Lord in whatever He has put before us for this season of life.

she is my mama.

i am incredibly blessed to be her daughter.

charis

the number 1 distraction to knowing God

2012-05-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

word for the day: identity

start.

we are all so consumed these days with finding out who we are. it is supposed to be empowering, but i think many times, if not most times, it is both distracting and debilitating.

"who am i? what should i be? what is my calling? my passion? my dream?"

we get so wrapped up in self-discovery that we lose sight of what is supposed to be our main focus:

knowing Him.

st. augustine said,

love God and do whatever you please: for the soul trained in love to God will do nothing to offend the One who is Beloved.

the apostle paul said,

with good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free. ephesians 6:7-8

all this search for identity and significance is distracting from our pursuit of the knowledge of God... it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we do it as an act of worship to the Lover of our soul.

sure it sounds great to know who we are and be living the dream, but in reality if we use more time in pursuit of knowing ourselves rather than time getting to know Him, it is merely a distraction from the only thing that matters in the end:

loving Jesus.

stop.

want to join in? it is easy.

5 minute friday rules:
1. write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2.link back here and invite others to join in.
3. please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always, i love to hear from you.

charis

15 things that i love

2012-05-07T05:23:00.000-07:00

in honor of the day of my birth, i want to share with you a few of my favorite things. though not an all inclusive list, these are some things i truly do love (not necessarily in any order, though the hubby does get the top billing that he is due).

1. my wonderful hubby bill. yes, i think we were wiping my kiss off, or was it my lip gloss? regardless, my purple hair rocked and so does my husband of ten years.

above two pictures by myriah grubbs photography

2. baby feet. i love them. like, maybe way too much. maybe that is why i keep having babies. (wink, wink)

3. the ocean. pretty much any body of water will do something inside this heart of mine, but there is something extra special about the ocean.

4. this lovely instrument called a piano. my mom made me take lessons when i was a kid, through me liking it then not liking it, practicing then not practicing, wanting to quit then so thankful that i didn't!!! (thank you mommy!!) these beautiful ivories are my connecting place with the Lord more often than not.

5. the Word - and i love that i have a bible that is in english and spanish... and that it was a gift from my husband when i first met him.

6. baby lips. kissable. loveable. eatable. baby. lips. tell me you can't resist either.

7. homegrown tomatoes. my homegrown tomatoes. i love gardening and eating from the garden.

8. knitting. there is something soothing in the rhythm. i also always remember that when i read a tale of two cities my sophomore year of high school i decided i wanted to knit. it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

9. singing. writing music. recording my music. someday i will record a cd of my music for you to enjoy.

10. tulips. my favorite flower. then comes roses and calla lilies as close seconds. but there is just something about a tulip that gets me every time.

11. fireworks! i love the crash. i love the lights. i love the glitter falling from the sky. i hoped simeon, who was due in july, would be born on the 4th so i could tell him that the fireworks were for his birthday every year. he waited and was both the 16th. oh well! but... he did start walking on the 4th of july. i told him the fireworks were in honor of him walking. we will go with it til he is too old to believe me. aw, beautiful fireworks!

12. creating. i have had so much fun finding a new creative side of me that i didn't know i had... i have always been a musician. i have been an actress. i have been a writer. i have been a painter. i have been a cook (an artist in the kitchen you may say since i can't follow a recipe but have to make it my own and create as i go). but to create with my hands and a bit of yarn? well, this is still fairly new to me and i am loving it.

13. did i mention that i love baby feet? aw, the love is welling up inside right now.

above picture by myriah grubbs photography

14. i love blogging. i love my readers - those who comment and those who just read that i may never know.

15. much much more! i love my family, my kiddos (all 5 of these boys!), my church community, my Savior, and all that God gives me every single day. i am incredibly blessed and celebrate another year of knowing the goodness of God. there is so much to be thankful for!

still counting gifts to 1000...

629 - 653:

629. fun new colorful yarn to make a gift for a friend.

630. tandem nursing going well.

631. hubby working hard to clean the tons of pollen from our roof, driveway, yard, and street - it looked like tumble weeds.

632. wednesday night date nights with or without a babysitter... kids in bed and blackberry cobbler in the oven.

633. the bad dream was only a dream and not real life.

634. the opportunity to use a very broken area of my life to encourage a friend who is struggling.

635. fresh squeezed orange juice.

636. time to celebrate my siblings birthdays.

637. learning psalm 5 as a family and getting to teach the boys the old chorus that is the 1st couple verses.

638. brightly colored flowers blooming on the front porch.

639. a freshly mowed lawn.

640. the hens started laying eggs again after mourning their lost sister.

641. reading the book of acts and having the stories come alive.

642. listening to my little ones go to sleep listening to the book of the revelation of Jesus on cd.

643. God's provision for us.

644. clean water to drink whenever i want.

645. cuddles with my simeon.

646. a kitchen to create in.

647. the pinched nerve in my shoulder is finally loose. feels so much better.

648. cute new baby clothes - feels like i am dressing up a baby doll.

649. a garden in a pot - a thoughtful gift from a gardening friend who knew i haven't had time to plant my garden this year.

650. more meals brought by friends and leftovers for lunches.

651. another year and more thankful than ever before.

652. bbq at the lake with family.

653. grace to memorize the Word.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can to the upper right of this post. i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

first things first

2012-05-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

in the morning, o Lord, You will hear my voice;
in the morning i will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch. psalm 5:3

often i spend my time with the Lord in the afternoon while the kids nap or in the evening after they are in bed. but i have been memorizing psalms 5 with my family and i am reminded once again the value of meeting with the Lord, even if it isn't for a long extended period of time, first thing in the morning.

first thing in the morning to talk with Him in prayer...

first thing in the morning to greet Him with my voice...

first thing in the morning...

... and then watch for Him to be active in my life throughout the whole day.

- eager expectation of God to show Himself real to me, close to me, intimate with me -

i think king david knew what he was talking about.

i am linking up with barbie this week for fresh brewed sundays.

do you like this post? consider subscribing to this blog and/or liking our facebook page to stay connected.

i would love to hear from you in the comments below!

charis

mostly human

2012-05-04T09:28:00.002-07:00

word for the day: real

start.

my head hurts from allergies. i didn't sleep well last night due to a sweet nursing baby. i look around a messy dirty living room and feel overwhelmed.

everything inside of me feels ready to scream. i easily can blame the angst on my circumstances. if only...

if only i didn't have a headache. if only i had a full night sleep and was well rested. if only i had a clean house.

then i would feel different inside. right?

it is so easy to blame the circumstances. in the ideal world, i would always feel right, always think right, always respond right.

but what if this way i am swirling inside is how i really am?

what if my ideal self in the ideal circumstances isn't reality, but the brokenness i experience when all the props are taken away is what is real?

what a sobering thought.

no wonder i need to lean on my Beloved.

for if it was all up to me and the strength, or lack of it, inside i would not be a fun person to be around. most. of. the. time.

the world wants to tell us we are mostly together, mostly great people, most of the time.

what is reality is we are mostly broken, mostly selfish, mostly human all of the time.

and we have a big blaring need for Him to encounter our broken hearts every day.

stop.

want to join in? it is easy.

5 minute friday rules:
1. write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2.link back and invite others to join in.
3. please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always, i love to hear from you.
charis

simple woman's daybook 5.3.12

2012-05-03T13:12:00.001-07:00

for today:

outside my window... the sky is gray and the wind is blowing the new green leaves on the tree and the last of the pollen is falling to the ground.

i am thinking... about all the mess in my house! with a new baby and 4 other kiddos, things get messy very quickly.

i am thankful... for my new little hosea justus. he is such a sweet little baby and is fitting into our family so nicely.

remembering... to give thanks for all the Lord has given and is giving me. i want to live from a thankful heart.

from the learning rooms... right now we are working with david (4 years old) on learning the very basics of reading 3 letter short vowel words. he wants to read so badly and is ready already knowing all his letters and sounds. bill found a great little game on his ipad for david to play that practices blending 3 letter words... i think we will have a 3rd amazing reader in no time.

from the kitchen... we have been incredibly blessed by friends and family bringing us meals to help the adjustment to the new baby in the family. our refrigerator is full of leftovers that i have been eating for lunches quite happily. i am simmering on the stove a stock pot of new chicken stock getting ready to fill the freezer so it will last hopefully through a good chunk of the summer. we are still enjoying our csa produce boxes and finding ways to get lots of veggies into our diets. i love trying veggies i wouldn't normally buy in the produce aisle and experimenting with new recipes.

i am wearing... a long sleeved black shirt and jeans. it is supposed to rain today and be in the mid-sixties.

i am creating... the cutest baby legs for a gift. i made some for hosea that are very boyish and i love putting them on him with a onesie - makes for easy diaper changes. i am thinking about listing some in my etsy store. would you be interested if i did?

i am going... to an appointment with my midwife today. seems a bit early for an appointment to me, but i guess she likes to do 2 postpardum appointments.

i am reading... a book called poised for harvest, braced for backlash by timothy miller. great book so far that is sort of an autobiography of his overseas missions and sort of a teaching book on what is the gospel.

i am hoping... to settle into life routines again soon. the transition with a new baby always adds so much and subtracts energy!

i am hearing... hosea's cute little sounds.

around the house... is a bit of a mess. okay, so it is more than a bit! i am glad you can't see through the computer screen into this room!

one of my favorite things... is a new baby. i love their sounds, cuddles, newness... hosea is so fun right now!

pondering... how to grow in perseverance in prayer.

a few plans for the rest of the week: we are going to the lake on saturday to celebrate my birthday (a bit early) with my family. it is supposed to be a beautiful day and i kinda have a lake bbq birthday tradition.

picture for the day:

i am linked up with other lovely ladies at the simple woman's daybook.

charis

i wouldn't trade it

2012-04-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

what a week and a half it has been! even with all the tiredness and blurred together days, i wouldn't trade it for the world!

still counting gifts to 1000...

602 - 628:

602. nice weather to go on a walk.

603. flowers starting to bloom.

604. a clean bedroom and organized closet.

605. my rocking chair is finally fixed.

606. two beautiful sour dough loaves fresh from the oven.

607. the boys playing football in our front yard.

608. the gentle coo of the mourning dove.

609. God's patience with me.

610. red tulips.

611. my new baby boy.

612. the best of my 5 labors.

613. water birth.

614. meals made with love and brought to us by friends and family.

615. help cleaning the house - humbling and yet such a practical gift for the tired mama.

616. fresh flowers in vases in the living room.

617. blue skies and warmer weather.

618. time to celebrate hosea's birth with people i love.

619. i called on Your name, o Lord, out of the lowest pit. You have heard my voice, "do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help." You drew near when i called on You; You said, "do not fear!" lamentations 3:55-57

620. in the midst of the hard stuff, you draw near to me and trade my fear for peace.

621. a good doctor's report for a loved one - an answer to prayer!

622. an old praise song i haven't heard for 20 years coming to mind in a hard moment - the Holy Spirit turning me once again towards worshiping Jesus.

623. a helpful husband in the midst of a huge transition.

624. an amazing nurse for labor who was not only a believer, but goes to my church!

625. the kids are making the transition with the new baby well and have made room in their hearts to love our new little one - even simeon!

626. baby feet.

627. baby lips.

628. baby sighs.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can to the upper right of this post. i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

how to pray with boldness

2012-04-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

we are in a series on growing in a life of prayer. in the intro, i invited you to give feedback on what you want to grow in and learn about prayer. one area i think we all could agree that we need to be encouraged in is how to have boldness and confidence when we pray.

did you know that you are supposed to have confidence when you talk to God? it is true. however so many times we don't come to Him boldly, but we come sheepishly and full of doubt and unbelief that He hears us or even cares.

this is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. and if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him. 1 john 5:14-15

i know that personally this has been an area that i have realized over the past year to be a real weakness. as much as i desire to trust that He not only hears me but will answer, so often i find myself questioning if my time in prayer is fruitful. i find myself wondering not only if God hears me, but if He cares about my needs and desires. i even have found the question popping up in my head if He really is real, or if maybe i need to make things happen for myself.

what a confession, right? prayer is what we do. but the more i do prayer, the more i find out where my heart really is at and how much i need to grow in faith.

these are just a few ways i have found that help me approach a life of prayer with confidence that i am talking to a God who cares and who answers my prayers.

1. pray according to the will of God

the apostle john said that we can have confidence when we pray if we ask according to His will. so the natural question that follows would be, "what is the will of God? how can i know what His will is for me?"

andrew murray has a great perspective on knowing the will of God. he said,

the great mistake here is that God's children do not really believe that it is possible to know God's will. or, if they believe this, they do not take the time and trouble to find it out. what we need is to see clearly how the Father leads His waiting, teachable child to know that his petition is according to His will. through God's holy Word - taken up and kept in the heart, the life, and the will - and through God's Holy Spirit accepted in His dwelling and leading we will learn to know that our petitions are according to His will. (added emphasis is mine)

i don't know about you, but i have struggled with exactly this. i have had the accusation that i cannot know for certain if what i am praying is the will of God. this is a lie from the enemy meant to discourage me from approaching the Lord and opening my heart to Him. He speaks to us through both His Word and His Holy Spirit and we can know what His will is for us. God is not trying to be mysterious and keep us guessing. His desire is, and always has been, to draw near to us and make Himself and His will known.

the problem for me, and probably for many of you, has always been i have not been willing to take the time to wait on Him to find out. sometimes i am just impatient. other times i am afraid of the answer. regardless of the reason i find to not take the time, the problem is not that God is unwilling to reveal His will, but rather that i am unwilling to come to Him and wait.

2. check with both the Word and the Holy Spirit

sometimes the will of God is plainly stated in the scriptures. one example of this is where the apostles prayed specific things over the churches they oversaw.

for this reason i too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. i pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. ephesians 1:15-19

we know that what paul prayed for the new testament believers is also for us. but what about situations we are going through that aren't clearly addressed in the bible?

God gave us His Holy Spirit. the purpose of the Holy Spirit is to remind us of the words of Jesus and to teach us about Him. He will never contradict the spirit of the Word, so we can be confident to follow His leading and check it against the Word to find confirmation with the nature and revelation of God. Jesus is the perfect revelation of the nature of the Father and the Holy Spirit is the One who teaches us about Jesus. in using both the written Word and the Spirit of God, we can know if our prayers are in alignment with the will of God.

3. perseverance in prayer when the answer doesn't come quickly

there are times when the answer to our prayers comes quickly. i remember one time when my husband and i prayed for provision and a few minutes later an unexpected check arrived in our mailbox. the crazy thing was that the person who sent the check obviously mailed in a few days earlier, not knowing our need. but the Lord allowed us to cry out to Him and be wowed by His quick provision showing up moments after our prayer!

these quick answers are always so encouraging to our hearts, but many times in our prayer lives the answers do not come quickly. many times in prayer we have to learn to use the muscle of perseverance. perseverance involves pain and i think many of us give up too quickly because we don't like the pain that our struggle with perseverance exposes in our hearts. i think that as americans, especially, we are a "fast food" generation and we don't like to have to wait or endure to get the answer. james, the brother of Jesus, encouraged believers:

consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. but if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. james 1:2-5

endurance. perseverance. such huge words that have so much meaning to our prayer lives.

did you know that God gives us permission to ask Him for the grace to persevere in prayer when we are weary? He longs to strengthen us when we are weak.

in luke 11 the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. He told a story about man who gets what he wants from his neighbor because he was plain annoying in his perseverance. He then spoke of His own Father's desire to give the Holy Spirit to us (not just because we are annoying Him).

then He said to them, "suppose one of you has a friend, and goes to him at midnight and says to him, 'friend, lend me three loaves; for a friend of mine has come to me from a journey, and i have nothing to set before him'; and from inside he answers and says, 'do not bother me; the door has already been shut and my children and i are in bed; i cannot get up and give you anything.' i tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will get up and give him as much as he needs.

so i say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. for everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened.

now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? if you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" luke 11:5-13

i have heard that a better translation of the greek in this passage is to say: ask and keep on asking, seek and keep on seeking, knock and keep on knocking. He wants us to not give up. He desires for us to wait upon Him as long as it takes to get the answer.

4. give thanks for the ways He has answered in the past

it always encourages me to have confidence in prayer to remember the ways He has answered in the past. it helps to write these answers to prayer down so that when we are discouraged in our prayer lives we can go back and recall all that He has done for us and that He really does hear and care.

in the old testament the israelites had remembrance stones that they would set up to remind them of the battles the Lord won for them. even the celebration of passover every year was meant to remind them of the Lord's care for them and mighty deliverance lest they forgot and started following after false gods. they were commanded to regularly recall all the Lord had done for them and to tell their children all the Lord had done. we really do need to do the exact same thing so we do not grow weary in our own faith.

what has He done for you in the past? how has He answered your prayers in ways that surprised and excited you? start talking about it and thinking about it and i assure you it will give you the courage to approach Him again and expect Him to answer.

in closing, i wanted to share with you a beautiful illustration of the purpose of the prayer of faith in the life of a believer:

our prayer is like pipes, through which water is carried from a large mountain stream to a town some distance away. such water pipes don't make the water willing to flow down the hills, nor do they give it its power of blessing and refreshment. this is its very nature. all they do is to determine its direction.

in the same way, the very nature of God is to love and to bless. His love longs to come down to us with its quickening and refreshing streams. but He has left it to prayer to say where the blessing is channeled. He has committed it to His believing people to bring the living water to the desert places. the will of God to bless is dependent upon the will of man to say where the blessing goes. andrew murray

you can boldly approach God in prayer. you can have confidence that He both hears you and cares for you. you can have boldness to expect an answer and the grace to wait until the answer comes.

friends, let us pray and not grow weary. He really does want to answer our prayers and He is a good Father.

charis

introducing...

2012-04-20T20:57:00.001-07:00

the wait is over...

introducing

hosea justus

4.18.12

1:29am

9 lbs 4 oz

21 in

perfectly perfect.

charis

the waiting place...

2012-04-11T17:27:00.000-07:00

so, i have kinda been absent from this wonderful place for good reason - nesting. however, with all of this "hurry up and get ready to wait" business, i have had the words of one of my favorite authors come to mind over and over again. now, if you have read more than 2 posts on this blog you know what i am all busy waiting for - i have a feeling, however, that this may relate to many of you on different levels in your own lives:

you can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, i fear, toward a most useless place.
the waiting place...

...for people just waiting.
waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a yes or a no
or waiting for their hair to grow.
everyone is just waiting.

waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake
or a sting of pearls, or a pain or pants
or a wig with curls, or another chance.
everyone is just waiting. -dr. seuss

anyone else there with me? i know this waiting game will not be forever, but sometimes it can sure feel like it.

i hope whatever you are waiting for comes quickly.

charis

starting a new series on prayer!

2012-04-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

i am starting a series on prayer. i find in the normal christian life prayer seems to be a bit mysterious and intimidating to a lot of people. though i am by no means an expert on prayer, i have devoted the past 3 years to being a full time intercessory missionary (that means someone who in devoted to growing in prayer and growing a community in prayer as a full time vocation and lives off missionary support) and the past 14 years purposefully learning and challenging myself to grow in a life of prayer.

i asked on our facebook page what areas of your prayer life you would like to be encouraged in and there were great responses. i also already had a few areas on my heart i wanted to share with you. hopefully this will be a very encouraging series for you and all this talking about prayer will encourage all of us to really pray!

i have written a couple posts devoted to growing in prayer in the past and i encourage you to check them out if you haven't read them yet.

why do we pray?
a heart that is alive
more than just a good ole "Lord, bless them."
it counts big time
how to grow in a life of prayer
even them? you have got to be kidding me.

i also would love you to share in the comments below some questions or hurdles you have faced in your own prayer life. hopefully we can dig into an area that will encourage you as we take this journey together in learning how to pray.

charis

a little bit of real life (and my 37.5 week maternity pics!)

2012-03-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

i am sitting at starbucks studying the bible, working on some blog posts, and basically avoiding all the germs in my house that are swirling around my family right now. and because of this... you get to enjoy a blog post from me filled with my maternity pictures. enjoy.

i was kicked out of the house this morning by my caring and thoughtful husband. he took the day off to care for our 3 sick kids (and the lone non-sick one). he knows how prone i am to catch stomach bugs and doesn't want me to catch this one with being so close to having our new little one. three weeks ago i had food poisoning and it induced painful contractions that i prayed to go away. this is not the way i would like to go into labor. God, i am trusting Your perfect timing and that You know all things. when i do not understand the timing, i trust that You know the timing and Your hand is upholding me and those i care about.

though i am still 2.5 weeks out from the due date, the impending arrival of this new little guy is all so real due to my sister-in-law's waters breaking 2 weeks and 5 days early this past week and her having her beautiful little daughter much earlier than she was anticipating. wow. we were only due 2 days apart! i could have this little guy anytime now really, though so much of me doesn't feel ready and would like him to wait. just wait until this sickness is out of my house, please!

my wonderful sister took maternity pictures of my 37.5 week belly yesterday during a brief pause in the pouring rain that has been here for about a week and will stay a week or so longer. she did a great job and i love the documentation of this 5th pregnancy. though she is not a professional photographer, i would say she is pretty good at it. but, then again, she is pretty good at anything she puts her hand to - she is just like that in being creative and all.

you want to know something? real life is not always fun and exciting. sometimes it is drudgery and full of sickness and a lot of no fun things. i remind myself to keep my eyes on Him and to acknowledge His activity and upholding of my life. He really is so faithful even in the midst of the hard things we go through and the difficult days. we just have to choose to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them back on Him. (please tell me i am not the only one who needs this reminder so often?!)

dark can give birth to life, suffering can deliver grace, the ugly can be beautiful. God transfigures everything for His glory. ann voskamp

so, what do you think of the maternity photo shoot?

i am enjoying these pictures while i can because sooner than later i will be posting some newborn pictures for all of you to enjoy! isn't that wild?

still counting gifts to 1000...

584 - 601:

584. tears before the Lord during prayer for His help. He cares.

585. warm tea and honey for a sore throat.

586. practice contractions.

587. clean laundry to process.

588. uriah's 1st piano lesson.

589. garlic oil for little hurting ears.

590. a new niece born this week 2 weeks and 5 days early... and perfect.

591. all the kids' books newly organized (by the hubs and the kids).

592. a wonderful husband who sent me away while the stomach flu took over our house and is cleaning everything to try to protect me and the unborn baby from these germs.

593. my sweet and talented sister (not sister-in-law this time, she was the one who had the early baby!) who took my maternity pictures for me at 37.5 weeks along!

594. growing anticipation to meet this little one within me.

595. the Lord's perfect timing and that i can trust Him though i do not understand.

596. surviving the 1st soccer game in the freezing rain and the 1 year old screaming for 40 minutes straight (my 1 year old).

597. reading isaiah 37 and being blown away by the Lord's deliverance of His people. when He was so faithful to literally fulfilling the short term prophesies, we can trust Him to be faithful to literally fulfill the long term ones we haven't seen come to pass yet! so exciting!

598. listening to kevin prosch in starbuck in my ear buds.

599. the best midwife that i trust to take care of me when i have this baby.

600. a washing machine to clean all the germy articles in my house.

601. forced time to be by myself.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

if you haven't liked this facebook page, you can to the upper right of this post. i would love to keep in better touch with you!

charis

peace. be still.

2012-03-23T08:34:00.001-07:00

word for the day: loud

start.

it all started with a sharp word towards one of my kids, for what reason i really cannot remember. a heated impatience threatening to boil over and consume everyone within its immediate range, i gave a look at my husband.

"what's wrong?" he asked.

it isn't what is wrong. there really isn't much that is wrong. actually, if i would take the time to step back and give an honest look at life around me a lot is very right.

it is just too loud inside my head.

sometimes i wish all the noise in my brain would stop. be quiet. give me some space to really think.

sometimes i know that i am being driven by some primal urge to make the noise just go away - to shut off the loud and replace it with quiet. this animal-like instinct can unfortunately wound those around me and there is no one left guilty for any crime except me.

when Jesus said to the storms, "peace. be still," i wish He would come say it to my internal life. i am tired of the storms inside that affect the way i act on the outside. i despise that i take my stress and unrest out on those i love the most. i long to act from a place of peace rather than a place of irritation.

finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. philippians 4:8

what i fill my mind and heart with is surely going to affect what comes out, right?

be still, and know that i am God. psalm 46:10

i long to be still. i long for quiet in my soul. Lord, make the loud noises stop.

stop.

want to join in? it is easy.

5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always, i love to hear from you.
charis

randomness

2012-03-19T13:39:00.000-07:00

we were having fun at a wedding

doesn't it feel like it is time for a random list of thoughts again? i thought so. here are some random things on my mind at this very moment.

my sweet thumb sucker - i was a thumb sucker too

1. it is one of those grey days outside. it is ok though because we are battling colds around here. i even got this one! oh my. pumping up on citrus and all the good for you stuff to get this out of the house and all of our systems before the new baby comes. about 3.5 weeks left til the due date, but my babies have ranged between 2 weeks early and 1 day late, so we will see when this new little guy decides to make his arrival.

2. i have always been pregnant with a family member. (crazy, right?) my incredibly talented sister-in-law (her work is featured on my blog a ton!) is due only 2 days before me with her 3rd kid - 1st girl! i have feverishly been trying to get stuff ready for her baby shower this weekend. i am so excited for her! i can't wait to meet my new little niece (#13!!). i am making the popular salad that i blogged about last week at barbie's for the shower - mmmmm good!

3. simeon and this new little guy will be my closest two kids in age. my first three had due dates within 4 days (guess we are fertile a certain time of year every other year??), and ended up having birthdays within 2 weeks of each other exactly 2 years apart. then we had a 2.5 year gap between david and simeon which was amazing - who knew how much a difference just 6 months makes in the maturity of a 2 year old! now this will be our closest two right after our furthest two... simeon is just 20 months and the baby literally could come at any time. so, they will be around 20-21 months apart and it feels so much closer. i really don't think simeon has a clue that a new baby is coming. i am soaking in the last days and weeks of him being my littlest baby. i told the family i am still calling him my big baby. baby doesn't end til around 2, in my opinion.

4. prayer request: i would appreciate prayer for two things about this baby's arrival.

we need to settle on the right name. i feel like the Lord guided us so much with our 1st 4 boys' names and i am really wanting the perfect confirmation for this baby's name as well. we have ideas we like, nothing we have agreed on, but also haven't had the confirmation my heart needs yet.
i would like prayer this baby would arrive at the perfect timing. my midwife missed my birth with simeon and i would really like to have her deliver this time around. she brings so much peace with her and makes me feel very safe. i also would like all of us well before the new little guy arrives - i have done sickness in the house with a newborn and it is no fun!

5. i made beet sourdough pancakes this late morning. sounds gross? oh, my friends, it is soooo not gross! amazing is more the word i am looking for. you should definitely check out the recipe at my friend katie's blog. (check out some of her other recipes while you are at it - she has great ideas that are healthy and yummy at the same time!)

36 weeks pregnant!

still counting gifts to 1000...

571 - 583:

571. listening to john thurlow play my heart's cry on the piano keys.

572. fresh flowers in vases in my living room.

573. replacement parts for my broken rocking chair are ordered...and will be here before the baby is born!

574. found the perfect yarn for the new baby's blanket.

575. learning to knit something new and turning frustration moments into learning opportunities.

576. borrowed bradley books to brush up before labor.

577. my sister's homemade tiramisu.

578. herbs and herbal teas to prep my body for the big day.

579. thoughts of possible names swirling in my head... knowing the Lord will show us the right one.

580. pink pancakes.

581. a beaming bride walking down the aisle.

582. dancing with my 4 boys on the dance floor - watching childlike abandon.

583. soaking up the days left of simeon being my youngest.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

charis

being brave

2012-03-16T20:47:00.002-07:00

word for the day: brave

start.

the time is coming soon, whether i am ready or not.

i better get ready.

it is completely natural and yet the most intimidating thing i have ever done and will ever do again.

i have to be brave. being brave doesn't mean that you aren't a bit nervous on the inside. being brave doesn't mean you are ignorant of what is coming. actually being brave is counting the cost and going into it fully aware of what it will take and what it will look like.

and no one knows for sure the day or the moment that it will start, but God has left that mystery up to Himself. but i do know it is coming and i need to prepare.

in so many ways, as i write, i think of the parallels to the time before the return of Jesus. i mean, they call it birth pains, right? and here i am, thinking and reading and planning for very real, very physical birth pains in just a matter of weeks. part of me is nervous. part of me is excited.

but i know, most of all, what it will take is all of me being brave.

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a Spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. 2 timothy 1:7

He has been my Rock to navigate me through 4 births already, and i know He will be my Rock once again. even when things get more intense and the contractions get stronger, i don't have to be a hero. no, i just have to keep my mind steadfast and look at the One who is my Hero and He will guide me through.

He is always faithful and there will be such a great prize waiting for me on the other side - my baby.

someday He will be the One waiting for me on the other side and that will be the best prize for being brave.

stop.

want to join in? it is easy.

5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always, i love to hear from you.
charis

amazing asian chicken salad

2012-03-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

today i am sharing at my freshly brewed life in the spring in my step series!

i am sharing an easy recipe for one of our favorite main course salads – asian chicken salad. as you know, we love to eat healthy, real food and love to save money while doing it! this salad is fast and easy to put together - a healthy meal everyone will love! (i was just requested to have this salad at an upcoming baby shower).

here is a little excerpt of facts i share on why to eat more cabbage:

since our star ingredient is cabbage, i would like to list some of the health benefits you get from eating more cabbage:

rich in vitamin c, iodine, calcium, vitamin e, magnesium and potassium

aids in treatment of constipation, headaches, excess weight, heart diseases, arthritis, eczema, among other ailments!

ranks up with broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts with the reputation of fighting cancer

rich in fiber

½ cup chopped only has 16 calories!

come over and read the rest of my post and recipe - i would love to hear you stopped by!

charis

10 years

2012-03-12T17:11:00.004-07:00

we had a wonderful time celebrating our 10 year anniversary this past friday. my husband wrote me a song and recorded it - how romantic is that, right?! flowers in bold beautiful oranges and reds grace my living room. we spent time my the river watching our 4 boys throw rocks in and took pictures in the same spot we had wedding pictures taken ten years ago. (the above picture is from my phone taken by one of my kiddos). we went to our favorite little italian restaurant for dinner and watched a movie.

the very best part was just simply being together.

there is so much i could write about marriage, but i will save that for a later date.

God is so faithful and has used marriage to shape and refine me. looking at how much i have changed and grown over the past 10 years, i can't wait to see how much He shapes me over the next 10 years.

the better and the worse - it is all used for His glory.

still counting gifts to 1000...

542 - 570:

542. singing a worship song with the kids when i thought i was too tired.

543. long day of taking care of kids alone when the hubby isn't feeling well.

544. hot flax wrap on my achy tired back.

545. being stretched in my patience.

546. pink cherry blossoms everywhere i look.

547. "this too shall pass."

548. 10 years of marriage. guess we aren't newlyweds anymore?

549. eucalyptus oil in the humidifier.

550. anticipation of giving a gift to my husband who gives me so much.

551. reminders that i will never please everyone.

552. my boys laying hands on me and praying for me.

553. the desire to create.

554. little feet tap dancing in my belly.

555. an encouraging email from a friend at just the right time.

556. remembering the words in our vows.

557. sourdough starter covered waiting to make bread.

558. newman's organic peppermints.

559. tomorrow is a new day. His mercies are new every morning.

560. He is not intimidated by my weakness.

561. starting to feel peace in anticipating labor.

562. favor in the craziest ways.

563. a very surprising phone call that someone we haven't talked to in a long time wanted to bless us big time.

564. my grandma and my kids putting a puzzle together.

565. meyer lemons off grandma's lemon tree.

566. meeting new people.

567. the opportunity to share at barbie's one of my favorite recipes and on eating more raw fruits and veggies.

568. buying fun new yarns.

569. God wowing me with His faithfulness and provision.

570. a wonderful day celebrating the past 10 years.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

charis

6 keys to dealing with emotional funks

2012-03-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

image by mee lin woon

i was asked a couple weeks ago by one of the members of the facebook page for this blog if i could write a bit about how to deal with emotional funks (and even specifically hormonal emotional funks).

i think this is a great question and it has had me thinking for the past couple weeks and even gathering insight from others in our at the gate called beautiful community. how as christian women are we to deal with the very real emotional swings in life, in the month, or even in the day? (this could apply to men too! i know women are not the only ones that struggle with emotions).

1. worship. it has to be my number one go-to fix for broken emotions. remember, emotions are not good or bad, but they are an indicator of the health of your heart. if your heart isn't doing well, chances are the emotions are going to give you little warnings so that you can do something about it. (kinda like pain giving indications of something wrong in the body).

a bird doesn't sing because he has an answer. he sings because he has a song. unknown

i happen to be a worship leader and a musician, so the most natural place for me to worship is at my upright piano in my living room. my favorite times to worship are the few times i can get where no one is around to hear me, especially when i am very broken emotionally. with a husband and 4 little ones, sometimes i have to stay up extra late at night to make this work.

i find crying out to the Lord in the form of song to be one of the most pleasurable experiences of life. it doesn't matter what funk or pit i come to Him in, my vision is always realigned to gazing on the beauty of Him. every time i gaze on Him i cannot help but be changed.

but we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 corinthians 3:18

every time.

nothing changes in my circumstances. everything shifts on the inside and the raging emotions, the surging hormones, just seem to melt - often into a puddle of tears. (one of the reasons i love to do this specific type of worship time alone). i cannot tell you how many tears have fallen on the broken keys of my 1900 upright baldwin piano. i cannot tell you how many times my voice has cracked and gone off key as i could barely get out the words of a simple chorus. i cannot tell you how many times i felt Him, really felt Him, meet me in the midst of whatever it is i was feeling so strongly and bring me peace.

you might not be a musician. that is okay. you can crank up your favorite Jesus culture you tube video or blast your favorite worship album in the car or on your ipod. you don't have to sing well to worship well. worship is the heart posture that says,

i will love You no matter what is going on in life. i will lift you high and say that You are good. i will believe the truth and not my emotions because You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

dance. sometimes this is the only way to break free from the emotional chains - stomp them down and look like a fool. i seem to remember a very famous king who did this very thing and God said he was a man after His own heart. (2 samuel 6:14)

2. cry out to the Lord. one of the gals on our facebook conversation said she sometimes just prays, "help me, please, please, help me!" i cannot tell you how many many times this has been my exact prayer. did you know it is legal to pray for yourself? it totally is legal!

when we ask the Father to send the Holy Spirit to help us, He always does. always. (you can stand on that one.) our prayers don't have to be fancy or long or even coming from a place of knowing exactly what it is that we are needing. just asking Him to help is enough.

if you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him? luke 11:13

3. tell your emotions to stop all their noise!

why are you downcast, o my soul? why so disturbed within me? put your hope in God, for i will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. psalm 42:5, psalm 42:11, psalm 43:5

emotions = soul. we can speak to our emotions and tell them to get into order. king david did this all the time. emotions are great indicators and lousy leaders. do not let them lead you. tell them to follow what you choose to do.

He isn't surprised by the raw ugly state of our emotions - He chose to love us with full disclosure of our brokenness. we can come to Him and hope in Him, no matter how ugly our emotions may look at the current moment.

4. let the small things really be the small things and focus on what really matters. it really is simple but feels like a hard thing to do. if the laundry is piled up, there are tons of errands to run, bills unpaid, calls to make... remind yourself, what really matters in eternity? for one day, or for even a couple hours in one day, you can let these things that seem so important wait. take the time to get your heart aligned and these mountains will shrink in their size. everything does not have to get done right now and you probably won't do a great job at doing them in your current emotional state anyways.

5. ask for prayer. let yourself be vulnerable with other women (or your husband even!) in the body of Christ. we are here to be a support for each other. although it is so hard and humbling to admit our weakness and admit we don't have it all together all of the time, it is so amazing to have someone pray for you. if you can, have them pray with you right then and there. i have ended up in a mess of tears and felt the heaviness lift when i have taken the step to do this with women i know.

we think people are judging us for not having it all together. they usually aren't. actually showing our weakness and asking for help can encourage someone else who also has bad days. you can give another woman the courage to ask for prayer when she needs it if you step out first yourself.

6. eat right and sleep well. this simple reminder can make a world of difference. when emotions are crazy, it is so tempting to splurge on all sorts of things that won't really make us feel better. take time to take a nap. take a walk. drink some calming herbal tea. eat something nourishing to your body. take care of these little things and it will help you focus on the big things.

in what ways do you deal with emotional or hormonal funks?

what have you found to help pull you out of the pit?

charis

starting to feel better

2012-03-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

i am missing this sweet little face right now. it is sunday night (as i write this though i will post it tomorrow), and i have battled an intense food poisoning all day - in the worst way if you know what i mean. i will spare you the details.

my sweet husband whisked the 4 boys off to church this morning then took them to my mom's house, so i could be sick in peace. they have been gone all day so mommy could be sick and not be tending to little ones.

i am finally starting to feel a bit better. now sitting here in a quiet empty house is seeming a bit lonely compared to life that usually fills it. i must be feeling well enough to notice.

just reminded once again how blessed i am in so many ways. my just normal everyday health is one thing i take for granted so often until something like this stomach thing hits.

so happy these little ones and my thoughtful husband will be walking in the door any minute.

so thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

still counting gifts to 1000...

526 - 541:

526. a husband who took the kids away for a day while i battled intense food poisoning.

527. starting to feel better.

528. rehydrating... lots of early contractions were a bit scary at one point.

529. my wonderful kids - missing them gone all day.

530. hearing this song again... i would have to say the 3rd, and often unknown, verse is my favorite.

531. the relaxing rhythm of knitting.

532. reading a book on planning for birth.

533. messes all over this house.

534. my grandma comes home from the rehab place this week.

535. 10 years of marriage with my husband this week.

536. prayers when i don't feel well.

537. friends.

538. the nearness of the Lord.

539. a sweet worship time.

540. uriah lost his first tooth.

541. simeon's first haircut.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

charis

ache

2012-03-02T23:01:00.000-08:00

word for the day: ache

start.

i have never met you, but i think about you often. sometimes, when it is late at night and i am lying awake in my bed or when i am walking around the quiet neighborhood by myself and my mind is allowed to silently wander, i think about all our days together. i know that you are not perfect, for of course you are only a broken human just like me. but there is something about you that will not let my heart go.

when i think of you my eyes fill with tears. my throat chokes and words are pointless. my heart and my arms ache.

you are right beyond the horizon. i believe you wait for me and i try to wait for you. it is hard sometimes. i can almost see your eyes looking into mine at times and i have so many unanswered questions that seem left hanging.

when?

my heart joins with the cry of hannah and i say, Lord, when? when will you give to me...?

and i walk the tight rope of living a life thankful for what i have right before me and a heart that aches for what i cannot let go of - the hope of you.

someday i hope this ache will be filled with tears of joy at seeing your face after such a long time of waiting.

i love you.

stop.

want to join in? it is easy.

5 minute friday rules:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them.

as always, i love to hear from you.
charis

dreaming of a getaway

2012-02-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

this is where i would love to be right now - somewhere with an ocean view off on a little getaway trip with my babe. did you know that we are almost to our 10 year anniversary?!

the plan was to do something big to celebrate, at least consisting in a night or two away to fall in love all over again. instead, God's plans for us would be that i would be in my last month of being pregnant with our 5th child and celebrating this milestone at home. God has His own ideas, doesn't He?

even if we aren't going to do what i had hoped for our big 10 year, i choose to be thankful right where God has me. sometimes that is easier said than done (i know you are with me on this!). sometimes we all get into that funk where we only have eyes to see what we don't have and what we aren't doing and all the gifts God has given us that make up our life just don't seem like enough. self pity sets in and then we really are in a mess of our own making.

i don't want to mess with any of that nonsense.

God has given me so much. for one, i have a husband that i am more in love with now than this time 10 years ago when we were less than 2 weeks out from our wedding bursting with anticipation of marital bliss. i have 5 wonderful kids that the Lord has blessed me with (one who i have yet to meet in less than 2 months!) in His abundance. i have a constant awareness of the Holy Spirit's activity in my life and really do feel His response to my many times a day cry for help!

and even in the midst of trials and hardship in various forms, i have far more joy than i could have ever imagined 10 years ago.

He is so good to me.

little ocean getaway... i will be looking forward to you someday. it may be a while, but the waiting now will make the time with my sweetheart all by ourselves then that much more sweet!

still counting gifts to 1000...

510 - 525:

510. a productive afternoon.

511. putting clothes the boys grow out of aside to store for hand-me-downs.

512. an out of town overnight guest.

513. opportunities to grow in patience.

514. uriah singing at the big fundraiser night for his school billed right up there with kim walker smith and william matthews.

515. cooking with leeks.

516. being able to bring comfort to sick kiddos.

517. He is always faithful to give me grace to follow Him when i ask.

518. beautiful bridal shower for a beautiful friend.

519. listening to asher practicing piano.

520. sunlight and a walk around the neighborhood.

521. a bunch of greens to juice this week.

522. time to think and ask Him to speak to me.

523. chirping birds and blooming flowers - signs of an early spring.

524. typing one-handed because of a sick baby on my chest.

525. the cross of Jesus.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

charis

never too old to learn something new!

2012-02-20T10:58:00.000-08:00

i thought you all might like a little peak into part of my life that i don't usually write about on this blog. sound like fun? okay, well here we go!

i have been really into making things the past couple years. now, i haven't been someone who has been super talented in crafting my whole life. no, no, no! i had 3 different people try to teach me how to crochet when i was a kid to no avail! i am a leftie, and they were all righties, so it just never clicked more than being able to make a simple long chain.

fast forward to just a couple years ago. my sister had recently learned how to knit. i was actually there when she first learned, but i didn't have interest in learning for myself. i think i was probably discouraged from the fact that i could never learn how to crochet, so i didn't even have interest in trying.

but about a year after my sister learned, i went to her and asked her if she would try to teach me how to make a very simple scarf. even though she is right-handed, somehow she just knew how to teach me how to do it and it did click for me! i successfully made a few scarves and was having so much fun doing it.

the following year a friend told me that she learned to crochet a hat by watching a you tube video. i thought that sounded completely crazy! she told me i should try it, but since people couldn't even teach me in person i wasn't sure how it would work to just watch a video on the internet. the more i thought about it, the more curious i became as to whether it would work for me or not. i finally took the plunge and started searching for online videos to teach me how to crochet. i didn't know a thing, so i had to watch and learn everything from the simplest first step, but in the end i successfully crocheted my first hat! a video or two (or ten) were able to teach me what no one could teach me in person in the past.

we didn't have very much money for christmas gifts that year, and my family always does a big gift exchange, so i started feverishly trying to learn how to make more and more. i decided to try to do a homemade christmas. i wasn't the fastest crocheter, and probably had bad technique as well, but i did it! i was able to give everyone gifts i had made.

i cannot believe how quickly i learned as an adult when it so difficult as a child... i really have to credit it to my sister teaching me how to knit because i think it made even crocheting make more sense. very soon after learning how to do a simple hat, i started making up my own patterns and making things i just thought of in my head like coffee mug sleeves, leg warmers, gloves, and iphone covers.

however the love of knitting - the craft that i was interested in first - never went away though most people can crochet so much faster and easier. so i have slowly plugged away at teaching myself new stitches in knitting and trying to learn how to read a pattern.

just recently i decided, since i have enough time til our new baby is born to do something slowly, to knit a more complex hat for our little one. i looked for a pattern idea on ravelry and went to michael's to get the right size needles to do the job.

*money saving tip - don't ever buy anything at michael's without a coupon. you can print them online or they also have an app for the iphone that they will just scan the coupon directly from your phone. brilliant!

so, here is the little aviator hat that i knit for my new baby. it is by far the most difficult thing i have ever knit and i had quite a bit of frustration trying to figure out how to even read the pattern and look up what they different stitches were that the gal was referring to in it. but it worked! and it is cute! i am starting to feel like a legit knitter!

sorry for the low quality pics - i just took them quickly with photo booth on my computer so i could post them on facebook as soon as it was finished. oh, and sorry for the deformed looking baby doll! ha! i have no idea where this baby's clothes are and he really doesn't look that funny, it was just the way i was holding him up for the camera.

the moral of the story: it is never too late to learn something that you don't know how to do! even if you failed at learning it before, maybe if you try now it will click. it happened for me. i teach piano and have had students from 5 to 75... and usually my adult students are my most disciplined and make progress the quickest. it is so silly to think that we are only able to learn well when we are young though i admit i have thought the same thing about myself.

if there is a desire on your heart that you have never explored, maybe today is the day. you will never know what you can do until you try!

go try something new!

still counting gifts to 1000...

493 - 509:

493. money He provided to pay the bills... yet again.

494. our internet is working better!

495. sweet friends who surprised me with my favorite chocolate and tea for heart day.

496. 12 jars of blessings from a dear friend - encouragement right when i needed it.

497. a great worship set - the Holy Spirit stirred my heart once again towards falling more in love with my Jesus.

498. the warmth of my comfy bed.

499. laughing and laughing with bill.

500. walking with my kids and hubby while they ride bikes on the river trail and enjoying the nice weather.

501. the cute little strut of my 18 month old simeon was he walks across the sun dial bridge feeling like a big boy.

502. watching david dance his heart out like no one else was in the room during our family worship time.

503. late night talks and asking questions... still getting to know my husband better as we approach completing ten years of marriage.

504. all three of my older boys earning a dollar a piece for reciting psalm 3 to my mom. i love that they are hiding His Word in their hearts.

505. hearing some good doctors' reports for a couple different people i have even praying for these past couple weeks.

506. the opportunity to give our tithe to the Lord and the reminder of how much He has provided for us every step of the way.

507. the way simeon plays with my hair as he sucks his thumb and cuddles.

508. a new tiny grey wool hat that i knit for our new little one in the belly.

509. a little more drizzles of rain today - we need it. i love that God is watering our earth, but also love that it hasn't been solid rain either.

i am linked up at a holy experience.

if you have a blog, let me know if you have a list of your grace gifts so i can visit! if you don't, write something you are thankful for in the comment section. i love hearing from you!

charis