Atlanta Counseling and Therapy Services

Mud Moments in Earth School

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 19:22:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read this brief essay on life's messy lessons. It has been moved one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit. Thanks. -------

Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT is a well seasoned Atlanta-based counselor and psychotherapist who helps individuals and couples live fuller, happier and more meaningful lives. In addition to working with a wide range of adult clients, Mr. Herring is a nationally recognized specialist on helping good people maintain consistent, safe and ethical sexual boundaries. More info at billherring.com

The 20-60-20 Rule for Maintaining a Positive Attitude

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sun, 27 Jul 2014 01:08:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read my advice about how to use the "20-60-20" rule to increase your happiness on a daily basis. I've moved it one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit to read it and many of the other essays and observations I've written to help you along your journey. Thanks!

Heal Your Wounds, Honor Your Scars

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sat, 19 Jul 2014 23:11:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read this short observations about healing from emotiona wonds. It has been moved one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit now. Thanks!

Pigs and Chickens

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 15:54:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Pigs and Chickens", a parable about gratitude and perspective, written by Atlanta therapist Bill Herring LCSW, CSAT. It has been moved one quick click to www.billherring.com.

Ten Steps to Better Emotional Health

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sat, 12 Jul 2014 15:32:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Ten Steps to Better Emotional Health", a list of simple tips to bring greater balance into your life. This short article has been moved one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit now. Thanks,
Bill

70 Plus 70 Equals 100

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 05:41:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "70 Plue 70 Equals 100", a short observation about the need in a relationship for both parties to do more than "meet in teh middle". It has been one one quick click away to Bill Herring's website.

Confusion Is Progress

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 16:22:00 +0000

Thanks for wanting to read "Confusion Is Progress", a short observation about the value of remaining teachable. This post has been moved one quick click away to my primary website.

"No" Is a Complete Sentence.

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 27 Aug 2012 03:20:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read my short essay " 'No' Is a Complete Sentence". I have moved this one quick click away to my primary website. Thanks!
-Bill

Time Trip Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 00:42:00 +0000

Thanks for wanting to read "Time Trip Tips", a short reflection of the value as well as the difficulty of stay "in teh now". I have moved it one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit. Thanks.

Thermometers and thermostats

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 03:44:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read this brief observation about managing emotions versus merely reacting to them. It has been moved one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit.

Is It Really Just?

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 04:30:00 +0000

“Just” has the potential to be a dangerous word.

“Just” is the sound of a camel getting his nose into the tent: his body will soon follow. “I’m just going to have one drink”. "It's just a little lie." "I just couldn't help myself."

“Just” is a Trojan horse bearing excuses. “I was just…..” are three little words that can defend against almost any charge or accusation. In adult relationships, when someone explains their relationship with another person by saying "we're just good friends", chances are they're more than that.

"Just" has its place, but not as much as it wants. It is a word that can make anything relative, and some things don't work that way. A classic example is someone who is “just a little pregnant”.

"Just" shares a root with "justification". It can be used to justify all kinds of shenanigans. Some people utter it like a magical incantation to minimize the significance of almost any event or action.

"Just" can distort reality to a person's wishes. “I’ll just be five more minutes on the computer” often turns out to be half an hour. It keeps people from having to say exactly what they mean.

"Just" is not always just.

Just do it? Sometimes, but not always.
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Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT is a well seasoned Atlanta-based counselor and psychotherapist who helps individuals and couples live fuller, happier and more meaningful lives. While working with a wide range of adult clients, Mr. Herring is a nationally recognized specialist on helping good people maintain consistent, safe and ethical sexual boundaries. He is available for in-person and online consultation and counseling, and may be easily reached by phone or email .

The Wisdom of a Hammer

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:11:00 +0000

Generally the wisest of all statements are so short as to seem almost childishly simplistic. A truly profound comment is often met with a disappointed “well sure, I knew that one already. Is that all?”

One example is “this moment is all you have; there is only now”. This is a truism that is simple to acknowledge but not easy to remember. If we could truly live this sentiment we wouldn’t be constantly swinging back and forth between the past, where sadness and regret reside, and the future, the home of all fear.

One of the greatest sources of wisdom is that which is found inside of a paradox, two statements that are true but which contradict each other. The quantum physicist Neils Bohr famously stated that “the opposite of a correct statement is a false statement, but the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."

In support of this statement I can point to many of the aphorisms heard in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, such as “you have to give it away to keep it”, and “admitting you don’t have power is the source of true power”. The Bible has another famous example: “when I am weak I am strong". (2 Cor 12:10) A personal favorite of mine for years has been “the way up is down”, which to me means that reaching down into our imperfections is the way to find real and lasting peace in who we are.

But if paradox is like a pair of scissors that uses two sharp edges to cut a line, a simple profundity is truth’s hammer. One hit is enough to command attention. Again, Alcoholics Anonymous has a number of these “simple rules for complicated people”, and from time to time a person lost in confusion (generally self-imposed) has a moment of clarity upon hearing a curt comment that is both laughingly humorous and deadly serious, such as “if you want to get sober you have to stop drinking”.

Similarly, I try to remind people (and personally remember) the advice that “if you want self-esteem you need to do esteemable things”.

All of this came to mind after I stumbled over a quote from a guy named Ramakrishna, 19^th century Indian mystic. This sage once intoned to his devoted followers: “if you want to go east, don’t go west.”

Well sure, I knew that one already. Is that all?
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Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT is a well seasoned Atlanta-based counselor and psychotherapist who helps individuals and couples live fuller, happier and more meaningful lives. While working with a wide range of adult clients, Mr. Herring is a nationally recognized specialist on helping good people maintain consistent, safe and ethical sexual boundaries. He is available for in-person and online consultation and counseling, and may be easily reached by phone or email .

Or?

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 08:57:00 +0000

In 2009 I wrote a piece about how the simple word "and" has tremendous therapeutic potential. I still begin some counseling sessions by just gently saying to my client: ".....and?" It acknowledges that all stories are ongoing, that endings are often merely pauses, and that each moment is always ripe for development. I also pointed out how "and" can serve as a marvelous replacement for the word "but". Try it and see!

A little over a year later I wrote a follow-up reflection on how the phrase ".....and yet?" helps to draw out healthy alternative perspectives on any issue at hand. It's a way of asking "what's on the opposite side of the coin?" As I wrote then:

Sometimes I will simply alternate between asking "...and?" along with "...and yet?" in a friendly fashion. Rocking gently back and forth between these two simple questions can lead to a great deal of consideration of the relative merits of any position, decision or course of action.

It's now time for my yearly comment on another therapeutic conjunction, and this year's candidate is "or". This is a true powerhouse of a word for therapeutic change, for its job is to bring choice into the forefront of consideration. Without choice freedom doesn't exist and real consciousness is reduced to a merely mechanical process. As an example, there's no "or" for an engine: it just does the job it's built to do. Choices are the domain of the driver who determines which way to go. If you're not consciously considering what your choices are in this moment you're not really driving your life. And there's no choice without the concept of "or".

This may seem like meaningless wordplay, but there are times when the absence of "or" is serious business. An addict experiencing a powerful compulsion has the "or" squeezed out of him, leaving nothing but more of the same familiar pain ahead. Couples get locked into the same no-win conflicts because they lose the ability to make truly mindful choices when the heat is on. Part of a successful therapeutic experience is building more "or" into any sequence of behaviors.

"Or" is the sound of freedom. It's absence is inevitability.

I'm already wondering what conjunction will be up for examination a year from now. My prediction is "yet". Stay tuned.
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Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT is a well seasoned Atlanta-based counselor and psychotherapist who helps individuals and couples live fuller, happier and more meaningful lives. While working with a wide range of adult clients, Mr. Herring is a nationally recognized specialist on helping good people maintain consistent, safe and ethical sexual boundaries. He is available for in-person and online consultation and counseling, and may be easily reached by phone or email .

Nice vs. Good

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 04:52:00 +0000

Thanks for wanting to read "Nice versus Good", a short observation about honesty in communication. It has been moved one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit for that and many other topics related to personal growth and human development. Thanks!
Bill

Fueled By or Ruled By?

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 04:37:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Fueled By or Ruled By", and short description of the difference between motivation and obsession. I have moved it one quick click away to my primary website. I hope you will visit it now!

Participate, Don't Anticipate!

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 13:23:00 +0000

A natural function of the human brain is to consider how any particular situation is going to play out. Being able to predict the outcome of an action or event is crucial not only for survival but for happiness. The earliest humans undoubtedly regularly anticipated the future to insure successful hunting of prey: which way will dinner go?

Predictive ability is therefore an evolutionary skill. And yet this ability can turn into a liability when taken to extremes. As an example, one characteristic of people who are prone to excessive anxiety is to spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on what might happen. This is the wellspring of what can grow to become an unhealthy obsession. Planning to achieve or avoid a certain outcome can become so consuming that it prevents actively being “in the moment”. This is a case where “if”prevents “is”. Before long fantasy (imagining something that will only exist in the future, if at all) takes time and energy away from reality (obviously, what actually exists in the present).

Fantasy is often unconsciously used as a way to deal with anxiety. This is why I recommend becoming skilled at:

noticing periods of intensified fantasy (as measured by how often it occurs, how intense it is and/or how long it lasts, i.e. frequency, severity, duration) and then to take two more related steps:
coming back to the “here and now”, and
reflecting on what thoughts, feelings or events were just occurring immediately prior to the flight into fantasy, in order to deal with them in a healthier, more direct manner.

Staying engaged in the present moment is helpful in reducing anxiety and letting go of preconceived notions of how something should work out. Rather than attempting to anticipate how a course of action will unfold, endeavor to simply participate in the moment without “future tripping”. This creates a haven for happiness that does not depend on the future.

This strategy is consistent with what I consider to be two important principles: (a) we often don’t really know what kind of future is best for us, and (b) basing the worth of an action on a specific outcome takes us away from basic principle or serenity, i.e. being ok in the moment. Focusing on an outcome rather than a process turns us once again from human beings into human doings.

Of course this does not mean that we should not prepare for our future by thinking ahead. Fantasy is not the same as planning or vision. Obviously it’s important to chart a course through life based upon certain realities, i.e. we will get older and our needs will change. Also, a vision or quest for our higher self allows us to find the best opportunities for growth. We may not reach it, but as Goethe wrote "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's heaven for?"

Future tripping is only one of a number of ways we can overuse fantasy like it's cognitive junk food. I hope to eventually to eventually write a series of articles on what I consider to be the inherent danger of “fantasy addiction”, such as re-imagining our past based on what we wish we had done, projecting our insecurities onto other people by “comparing our inside with their outside”, and so forth.

So remember, rather than overly anticipating where your life will head, fully occupy this moment by participating where you are.

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If you like this post (and I hope you do) please visit my primary professional website for related articles on emotional growth and development, individual and couples counseling, tips for successful living, trends in the field of mental health, addiction treatment and many other interesting and useful topics.

Flooding vs. Washing

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 12:50:00 +0000

A flood is not just about what happens when a river exceeds its banks. It can also refer to what happens when a person is subjected to more intense stimulation than he or she can effectively handle. Some brief comparisons between the natural world of geography and the inner experience of the mind will illuminate this point.

Whenever a person is overwhelmed by more cognitive or emotional input than the brain can effectively process, a kind of neurological flooding occurs. The nervous system can only handle so much before it starts to withdraw from the source of stimulation. This is when people begin to compensate in a number of ways: the ability to pay attention diminishes or emotional responsiveness begins to ‘numb out‘.

In more drastic situations a person who is flooded with intensely unpleasant emotional stimuli can start to shut down along several dimensions of healthy functioning. Reactions become either blunted or excessive, a sense of emotional security can begin to wither, and a person’s overall ability to cope with even minor events can falter. Once effective neurological processing ceases to keep up with the excessive demands placed upon it, long-term traumatic repercussions can develop. Just as in nature, the damage caused by flooding can continue long after the waters recede.

But the amount of water that falls is not the only reason why a flood occurs. How the land is contoured can make all the difference. A well-irrigated field can handle a lot of water, and even benefit from it, while a barren plain has no place for the water to go. Similarly, good drainage goes a long way toward keeping the current moving without backing up to cause even more extensive damage. Ground that is already saturated can’t absorb any more. And finally, the strength of the barrier between water and land is as crucial as anything else. The flood doesn’t happen unless the levee breaks.

All of these variables have correlates within the human coping mechanism. Based upon the above, it’s possible to be as prepared as possible to prevent emotional flooding when a deluge of stress occurs in life.

For instance, are you well-irrigated or barren? This is determined by the extent to which you have ways to expend the energy of anxiety in the most effective ways possible. Exercise, hobbies, creative outlets, adequate sleep and diet, spiritual and philosophical sources of support and other aids to the development of resiliency all help to dissipate and even productively utilize some measure of stress in productive ways.

What does it mean to have good psychological ‘drainage’? This is achieved by having trustworthy people to confide in about the full range of your emotional experience. This is why friends, healthy family members, support group peers and even counselors and therapists are so important. This helps your emotional ground from becoming so saturated that you can’t handle any more difficulties constructively.

Self-awareness can’t be over-emphasized. Remaining mindful of your entire state of being is crucial to insuring the health of your intellect, emotions, body, relationships and spirit. This is the equivalent of monitoring the levee when the waters rise and insuring that areas of ‘high ground’ remain fully tended. This is not the time to realize you have holes in your boat, no oars and no provisions to use until help arrives or the waters recede.

This whole extended metaphor emerged from a simple reflection in a therapy session about the distinction between ‘flooded’ and ‘’washed’. To finish the analogy, this is the benefit of keep all gutters and drains free of emotional debris so that they can effectively carry the stress away. With these characteristics, you can withstand the inevitable deluges of life stress to come into and go out of your life in the best way possible.

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If you like this post (and I hope you do) please visit my primary professional website for related articles on emotional growth and development, individual and couples counseling, tips for successful living, trends in the field of mental health, addiction treatment and many other interesting and useful topics.

Place and Pace

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 04:10:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Places and Paces", a brief observation about the balance between similarities and differences that characterize many healthy relationships. It has been moved one quick click away to my primary website.

Explain vs. Explore

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 06:59:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Explain vs. Explore", a short reflection on the differences between these two concepts. It has been moved one quick click away to my professional website, which I hope you will visit for it and many other articles related to personal growth and human development.

Presence of the Negative vs. Absence of the Positive

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 04:18:00 +0000

Thanks for wanting to read this brief reflection on the difference between eliminating negative influences and adding positive influences in your life, and how this relates to happiness. I've moved this entry one quick click away to my primary website, which I hope you will visit now. Thanks.

Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT.

Intentional vs. Invitational

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 02:43:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Intentional vs. Invitational", a brief observation about the distinction between these two important concepts. It has been moved one quick click away to the website of Atlanta psychotherapist Bill Herring, LCW, CSAT.

Breaking Newton's Law

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 05:37:00 +0000

Anybody who studied introductory physics in high school will recognize Newton’s “first law of motion”, which basically says that a body at rest will remain at rest while a body in motion tends to stay in motion.

This rule is obviously true for humans as well: we tend to build up a momentum in whatever we are doing – and whatever we are not doing. A person who starts exercising is likely to continue to do so once the rewards of this habit begin to show themselves, such as increased vigor, a healthier body, reduced stress, etc. Similarly, lethargy works the same way: below a certain point of momentum it’s just hard to “get going”. I’ve previously written about the fact that a plane doesn’t fly at 40 miles an hour. Below a minimum speed it’s impossible to achieve enough “lift”. In human motivation this is sometimes called laziness, but I prefer to think of it as simply a lack of momentum.

As in so many things, an extreme at either end of the spectrum carries a certain amount of risk. Once lethargy becomes a lifestyle little is accomplished, which contributes to a lack of meaning in life which in turn opens the way for emotional difficulties to slowly develop. This is when it is time to heed the warning to “don’t just sit there, do something!” On the other hand, a person who is rigorously exercising needs to take an occasional day off to let the body rest and heal. Some people are practically workaholics and struggle to take care of themselves. Their need is to relax, unplug and "don't just do something….sit there!”

But there is another level of human behavior where Newton’s law doesn’t apply. It’s the reality that all people are constantly shifting from one state of activity to another. It doesn’t take much reflection for this to become readily evident. You eat when you are hungry and stop eating when you are full. When you grow tired it’s time for sleep and wake up when you are rested. When the world intrudes it is natural to seek some solitude for awhile until the inevitable point when the desire returns to re-engage “life on life’s terms”. From this perspective, day-to-day existence is a constant shift between starting and stopping.

I’ve previously discussed that one measurement of sanity is appropriate use of limits and boundaries. Sometimes people need a lot of practice and assistance to stop acting, thinking or feeling a certain way. At other times the greater challenge is to take our foot off the brakes and charge as fully as possible into new frontiers. In either case there comes a strategic time for defining the direction and form to the change that is bound to happen.

The way to guide this transition as productively as possible is to practice continual self-awareness. It is so easy to mentally “check out” and let the inevitable energy shifts just ebb back and forth like the tide without sailing across the water to a desired destination. Developing conscious mindfulness is the way to manage and adjust the inevitable shift of energy between one state and another.

Some type of 'jolt' to the system is almost guaranteed to engage the gears in a new direction. This may be as small as a conscious decision to set the alarm clock fifteen minutes earlier than usual in order to meditate on the day ahead. On the other end of the spectrum, a crisis that disrupts the foundation of your life can be the impetus for an entirely new way of living. The trick is that it’s not the event itself that changes the flow of energy through you. It’s the decision that comes from within that makes all the difference in the world and stands Newton on his head. This is the time when “hitting bottom” can lead a person to the crucial crisis of meaning that is capable of changing an entire way of life.

But the impetus for shifting direction doesn’t have to be so dramatic. The only action that is necessary is the simple decision to do something different. It hardly matters what it is. Any change in a part of a system will influence the system itself. All it takes is finding the “difference that makes a difference.” The conscious decision to "lean in the opposite direction" can cause an object at rest to rocket into another dimension.

Some laws are made to be broken.

Are You Walking A Maze or Labyrinth?

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 06:49:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read this short essay. It has been moved one quick click away to my professional website, and I hope you will follow the link there.
Bill

Make Your Bed

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 22:48:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "Make Your Bed", a short observation about the value of being orderly without being overly regimented. It has been moved one quick click away to my professional website, which I hope you will visit. Thanks!

You're Not Upset

noreply@blogger.com (Bill Herring) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 04:05:00 +0000

Thank you for wanting to read "You're Not Upset", a brief essay on what the word "upset" whould seldom be used. It's been move one quick click away to my promary website, which I hope you will visit! Thanks.