AtlanticVamp's Gotta Launder my Karma

At least I'm not June Holler

2012-01-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

This is June Holler, mother of Alana, from Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC. She lives in McIntyre, Georgia, and even though she weighs probably 30 or so pounds less than I do, has no neck. She also feeds her daughter Mountain Dew to "amp her up" for pageants, and threatens to "nut up" (I'm guessing, lose her temper?) on anyone who dares criticize her daughter. She's also an extreme couponer, which is her only (in my mind) redeeming quality. (Hey, I like to save money!)

Sometimes, you just have to watch things on television, or online, or in a book, and think, "At least I'm not THAT bad," whenever you're having a rainy day. June Holler is my personal rainy day example. Enjoy. (Photo from BestWeekEver.tv; screencap from the original broadcast of Toddlers & Tiaras.)

June Holler: Sparkle, baby!

Freebies 2011 Review: A look back

2012-01-13T10:06:00.000-08:00

After a particularly fruitful 2011 where freebies were concerned, including a nearly free Christmas, and more freebies than you can shake a stick at, 2012 is here, and I look forward to another year of freebies!

Over 2011, I learned a few things about signing up for freebies. I learned there are some things you can live without. For instance, I signed up for a subscription to the Wall Street Journal. Little did I know it's the same news as every other national news paper and if I had already checked Yahoo! News, I had already read about it by the time it arrived in my mail box. However, it arrived every day, including weekend editions and other special editions, and papers soon piled up all over the house. I eventually chucked it all in the recycling bin, and kept it moving. I'm probably going to use more discretion about my subscriptions in 2012. It's not a resolution, as much as a guideline.

Another thing I learned is that sometimes too good to be true, is. I kept lists posted on my wall of all the freebies I signed up for. However, out of all the offers I signed up for, I received only about 75-80% of all of them. That's not bad, until you consider that I was glued to Facebook, Twitter, Shoptext, and other media outlets for most of 2011! Some were scams; some offers were expired and the webmaster hadn't updated the page. Now, I stick to manufacturer's webpages, and give myself room to breathe.

Finally, I had to accept that some things were not useful. I have no use for a inhaler holster, but I have one. I now try to make sure that I actually need the item before I input my information. It's a pretty simple rule of thumb. When in doubt, pass it up.

Below, I'm linking to all the freebies articles I posted last year. (Note: these are not all the freebies I received, just all I blogged about.) Maybe it will inspire you to keep your eyes peeled for freebies!

These are listed chronologically.

AV's First Big Freebie Haul!
The Second Day's Haul
Surprise Freebies
Another Great Freebie Haul!
More Freebies
Freebie Haul #5: The Freebies Strike Back
Freebie Haul #6: Some very "adult" freebies!
Freebie Haul #7: Grown folk stuff, but not "adult"
Freebie Haul #8: WINNING!!!!!
Freebie Haul IX!!!
Freebie Haul X: Some truly awesome stuff!
Freebie Haul XI: Books 'n mags
I won...Cover Girl!
Freebie Haul 12: No more Roman numerals, mmmkay?
Freebie Haul 13: Free, free, and Happy Easter!
Freebie Haul 14: Redenbacher, Playtex, and Dannon!
I won a TRUCK from Herr's Snacks!....sort of
Freebie Haul 16: Freebies, and an Oopsie
Freebie Haul 17: Kotex, candy, Physician's Formula, and Uncle Ben's!
Freebie Haul 18: International Delight, Shout, and Fiber Choice!
Freebie Haul 19: A cup, a cup-- Keurig, and New England Coffee!
Freebie Haul 20: John Frieda, Invisible Glass, and Clean & Clear!

(Don't ask why it jumps from 20 to 22; I'm not sure what happened!)

Freebie Haul 22: Gillette, Downy, Cottonelle, and more!
Freebie Haul 23: T-shirts!
Freebie Haul 24: ...and I'm wearing it now!
Freebie Haul 25: Feelin' Girly!
Freebie Haul 26: FREE Salad, trash cans, and a Caboodle!
Freebie Haul 27: Birthday freebies, and more!
Freebie Haul 28: Birthday E-Freebies!
Freebie Haul 29: Suave, John Frieda, and Oscar Meyer!
Freebie Haul 30: Wall Street Journal, Twix, and Garnier!
Freebie Haul 31: All my magazines (so far)
Freebie Haul 32: Special pre-Black Friday edition!

Before you click links in any of these entries, most of the offers are expired; don't say I didn't warn you!

As I mentioned before, I haven't posted all my freebies. Some things, like feminine hygiene products, lotions, and hair care products, tend to offer samples frequently throughout the year, and I signed up each time they were offered. Subscriptions are usually only mentioned once, and most were in my subscriptions entries. When you factor all of these things in, you begin to realize that I have gotten something free in the mail (or UPS) at least once a week since March 15, 2011! I have saved a lot of money and hope to continue to do it in 2012!

Happy saving!

Night and Day, Interrupted

2011-12-30T03:31:00.000-08:00

Since October, I've been working on the night shift (11-6, sometimes 7), and have had to figure out how to cope. Worse, I've had more family members move in, and not all of them understand the meaning of the word "quiet". Plus, even when I did get to sleep, those nights off became a bitch, too. Sure, I'd catch up on sleep, watch TV, and do some chores, but then I had to figure out how to fill the remaining five or six hours a night. That in itself became a problem.

No one tells you when you accept a job on the graveyard shift that you risk a crippling depression. You have little exposure to sunlight, and when you do, you're even more sensitive to it, mostly because you're no longer used to that. So, you find yourself slowly shutting in. You don't see any natural light, and you slowly lose Vitamin D, which aids in, among other things, bone density, and your overall mood. You lose contact with a lot of your friends and family, owing to the new set of hours. Things seem to move on without you. Then you feel even worse.

Plus, the only person who was helpful was three counties away, "T". He used to work this very shift, and he had some suggestions: Get plenty of sleep. Take vitamin supplements. Get sunlight whenever you can. Watch funny stuff on TV on your nights off, to alleviate the boredom and the depression. Fill your time. Some of this helped; some didn't.

I'm now supposed to go to the local non-profit mental health clinic, after a recent outburst. I began to express intense rage at my own family (don't get me wrong; some of them have it coming---get a job, assholes, or else shutdafucup), and I checked myself into the hospital. I missed a couple of nights at work, one of them at the behest of my boss, who only heard, "Police...ambulance...hospital..." whenever she called to speak to me when I called out. I was in hysterics, incoherent.

Then I was sitting in the ER, with a perky blonde nurse staring at me. She sat in pastel scrubs, legs daintily crossed, utterly bored. I stared back, slumping in my favorite oversized sweat shirt, nose running, slightly offended that Nurse Barbie was the one who drew the short straw. Hell, in "Girl, Interrupted", Winona Ryder got Whoopi Goldberg to watch her! Where was my Whoopi?

The EMT told me that there was TV in my ER room (a recent addition to the local hospital, to trick patients into not realizing how long they'd been there---I ended up there over six and a half hours, myself), so I grabbed the remote...which didn't have batteries. I consigned myself to manually turning it on, but because there was no panel on the TV, it was stuck on the last channel, VH1. The show was "40 Funniest Fails", with a low-rent comic and a puppet commenting on YouTube clips that I had already seen on "Tosh.0". No matter: It beat the staring contest with Nurse Barbie.

Eventually, the counselor on duty came in, told me a shit load of stuff I already knew, but then added an extra-- If I came in again anytime soon, and I hadn't gone to the local non-profit mental health clinic, I'd be remanded to 72 hours observation. Great. So, my options were a) don't go crazy again, or b) don't come here if I did. Or else. The non-profit held no appeal to me, as my parents both go, strictly for pills that keep them numb. Not happier, not calmer, just numb.

But the counselor also mentioned "boundaries". As in "you need to learn to set some boundaries". She felt that, because I allowed nearly 3/4 of my family to come and live with me, that I had poorly defined boundaries. No shit, lady. The only thing keeping me from swallowing a handful of pills at present is that I give myself little goals: my oldest son is 17, and will be 18 in August. My younger son will be 18 in 2015. That leaves me and my daughter, who won't be 18 until 2020. My sister, who moved in in September, has two young children, and has no financial support from their father whatsoever. My parents are elderly, and rely on Social Security. So, they all rely on me. Pesky boundaries.

I have other little goals, little "treats", like trips to visit "T", or whenever I get my income tax refund, or seeing those little red Netflix envelopes. Freebies. I was never much of a drinker, or a drugger; my "big foray" into drug use was marijuana in my early twenties. It put me straight to sleep, so I don't get the whole munchies or horny angle. However, all of these little "treats" make me feel like a rat in a maze. "Go, little rat, find the cheese!" Only there's almost never enough cheese to make the trip through the maze worth it.

Maybe it will change one day. I can hope, can't I?

So what have I learned?

2011-12-28T04:45:00.000-08:00

There are only a few more days left in 2011, and I think I've learned a lot this year. As dark as it all started out, I think I've come out in a lighter place. (I hope.)

I learned that a divorce isn't the end of the world. Though "T" and I began the year in divorce court, we are, in some ways, closer than ever. Without the threat of losing the "institution" of our marriage, we learned to be honest with each other. I also learned not to take every thing he said that I didn't like so hard. We still hang out sometimes, and talk every few days on the phone. I don't feel so lonely, and because he and I still communicate, I don't feel quite so much like I've lost something.

I learned that if work isn't paying all the bills, find other ways... The beginning of the year was me working in a hellish office job, phones ringing non-stop, computers crashing, and no job stability. Because of poorly-explained work policies, I spent half my time believing I was being fired, and the other half being sent home early with about twenty or thirty co-workers, due to lack of business. AND I was getting divorced. I had the time on my hands, so I began to look into other ways to make the ends meet. One was learning effective use of grocery coupons; another was finding freebies online. The big payoff: a nearly free Christmas, with plenty of presents for everyone! The bills stayed paid, even when I took a lower-paying job in the spring. I'm spending less money, and I feel better about it.

...but keep a wary eye on "too good to be true" offers. I figured out that freebies that required a credit card number, or coupons for items that are more expensive than they're worth, even with a coupon, are best left alone.

I'm happier being single than I thought I would be. I figured this out whenever my co-workers began to try and fix me up. It ended up being a waste of time, with unaware suitors being led into awkward situations---and I wouldn't have chosen them, anyway! Being single, I figured out how to get back to knowing what I like, and what makes me happy. (It's cheaper, too...)

I miss cartoons. The first thing I noticed whenever "T" moved out was that I suddenly wasn't watching cartoons. I used to complain about this a lot, but when I finally had control of the remote, I couldn't figure out what to watch. Ironically, I still don't watch cartoons, though. I'd rather "T" still had the remote. I make up for this by letting the kids come in a watch them in my room. Though it's still not "T" or his selections, it makes me feel a little better.

I'm optimistic about a future romance, but I'm not in a hurry. The co-workers trying to fix me up gave me the first indications about not needing someone right away. In my youth, I felt like such a loser if I didn't have boyfriend, and got my head and heart messed with a lot. Now, I just want to have it happen organically. Just not right away.

My kids are almost grown. My oldest son is now seventeen. My middle son will be fifteen at the end of January. My "baby" is now a "tween", almost eleven. I have a limited time left with them, and I want to see them finish growing up and getting a start in their adult lives. I won't get these years back, so I have to get what I can with them, while it lasts.

My parents are getting older. My dad just turned sixty. My mom is going to be fifty-eight in January. I don't know how much longer I have with either of them, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I almost lost my mom during "Summer of Hell '10", thanks to a spinal infection, and yet the only thing keeping me from falling apart was being angry at "T" for his indiscretion. Gotta get what I can there, too.

So, this is what I've learned. Hopefully, I'll keep learning in 2012.

The Best Gift I Could Give

2011-12-11T00:42:00.000-08:00

T's mom and I are still close and I still go to their house about once a month, or every other month to spend time with her and with T. She's a sweet lady, and would give you anything she has, but that tends to get her into trouble. It gets her into trouble, because she collects tons of stuff thinking it would be useful to someone else, and it gets out of control. I stop just short of saying "hoarder", because it's not about a need to have things for herself, but for others. Her heart is in the right place, but it takes over her entire home. She and her husband were sleeping in the living room, because their bedroom was being used for all these items. It was so full, it was almost inaccessible. Some of it spilled into T's room, making it limited as to where he could store his own stuff.

I have offered to help her clean and organize and this past week, she finally gave me and T the go-ahead to get in and to clean it up. I took several of my off-days from work, got my boss to group them over two pay periods, and went to her home. I was ready to tackle the enormous chore ahead, and curious to see what was in the mix. I knew it was a ton of stuff in a two-bedroom walk-up apartment, with exterior stairs, but there were more obstacles coming.

One challenge I knew was coming was T himself. T insisted on being in charge of the clean-up, and his personality (flaw?) revolves largely around his belief that he's got the best idea of how to proceed in most situations. His idea in this particular situation, however, was not the one I would have used: he wanted his mother completely out of the house, for several hours, tossed out what he deemed disposable, then allowed her to come in and decide what needed to stay and go. Though there were a lot of items that was discarded, and there was indeed trash in the mix, it would have been horrifying to just discard the things he would have, as there were things like prescriptions, important documents, and other useful items mixed into the trash. So, his mom needed to be there. T fussed about this, but we proceeded.

Another challenge was T's mom's need to have many items go to specific beneficiaries. In other words, she bought these things to go to someone; that someone needed to have it, in her mind. Luckily, most items were for my family, so I took them into T's room. Problem was, I was sleeping in T's room, which had other things that she was storing, which made for a claustrophobic sleeping area. But we drove on.

One thing I didn't anticipate were the sheer amount of empty boxes, both designated for storage of these items, and from shopping at a warehouse club. Don't get me wrong; I love Sam's Club, and shop there when I can. But why hold onto the product boxes once they're empty?

Which brings me to the biggest challenge: disposal. As we went along, T's mom discarded tons of stuff, all actual garbage. The problem was, they only had literally half of a household dumpster, assigned to their building---which they shared with their downstairs neighbor. So, the garbage was piled into their laundry room, until it could be hauled to the dump. Donated items were collected into one or two bags or boxes, and taken immediately to the Goodwill drop-off. Some things, like designer handbags and shoes, were collected in a separate box for consignment. T and I offered to sell some stuff for her, and she allowed us to try and sell a few things--no takers. But the biggest downside was that we could only work at night, while T's mom's husband was at his night shift hospital job. So, our ability to get things out of the house was definitely limited by the times the places we could take things were actually open.

But, by the end of the my stay, the room was completely accessible, and the floors were cleared. Thanks to the night issue, we still had trash in the laundry room, but T and his mom's husband were taking the stuff while I was on my way home. I took almost a complete car load of clothing, accessories, and toys home, which opened up T's room, and completed T's mom's task of getting these things to their designated recipients. She did say that she would think twice from now on about accumulating things, considering how long it took to get it all out of the apartment. Her husband was excited at the prospect of getting things out of the room, and the potential of being able to sleep in a bedroom again. T himself was happy that he might be able to get his room back, if his mom could get the stuff she was storing out of there.

And me? I felt good, having helped, and having it happen now was sort of just "gravy". Sure, I got some clothes and other items, but I feel better now that their living area is cleaner and easier to use.

DO NOT CONTACT IF

2011-11-29T10:15:00.000-08:00

To Whom It May Concern:

I was recently contacted by someone claiming to be a producer for a news program "about your blog". While my caller ID displayed a phone number with a 212 area code, and looked legit, I was speaking to someone who seemed distracted, and instead of talking about the blog, he wanted to ask about someone I don't normally talk about on this blog: my parents. Most disturbing was how he got my home phone number, which is unlisted. I quickly ended the conversation.

For future reference, if someone wants to contact me about this blog, please use my Twitter or Facebook. If you want to talk about freebies, couponing, or other things I've covered more than once or twice on this blog, by all means do so. Any other topics are at my own discretion.

Thank you,
Wendy Mixon
"AtlanticVamp"

Freebie Haul 32: Special Pre-Black Friday Edition!

2011-11-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

This is the week before Black Friday, and many folks are planning to raid their local retail outlets after awakening from the gluttony of Thanksgiving. I am a different kind of Christmas shopper, as I like to have most of it done well before Thanksgiving.

How'm I doing so far this year? Almost done, give or take a couple of nieces and nephews, the requisite work Secret Santa gift, and stocking stuffers. How much have I spent? Less than $20. Seriously.

No, really.

How'd I do it? Simple: I used my access to surveys, giveaways, and MyCokeRewards.com. My stash is already wrapped, and I don't want to accidentally give away what my children got. However, I can give you links to what I used to pay for it, including the link in this paragraph to MyCokeRewards.

The list:
Swagbucks- Several $5 Amazon gift cards.
Synovate- Several $5 Amazon gift cards.
MySurvey-Several $5 Amazon gift cards.
Wendy's Facebook page- "Where's the Beef?" T-Shirt
MyCokeRewards.com- Several Clothing items, Nike gift card.

The rest was carefully planning and judiciously spending the few dollars I have spent.

How cool is that? To actually be able to enjoy the holiday? Here's hoping I actually can!

Where have I been?

2011-11-17T07:08:00.000-08:00

Last anyone heard from me (at least on this blog), was a month ago, two weeks before Halloween. Then I just sort of disappeared.

Where was I?

I was trying to plan an awesome Halloween for my kids, which mostly happened. We trick-or-treated in the nicest neighborhoods, got no cheapie gum or Tootsie rolls, had pizza---a blast! My daughter actually got about three times the Halloween her brothers did, having been to a party in her classroom, a "Harvest Festival" at her church, and a 5th grade dance a few days afterward.

I also have been working my tush off at my new shift, 11 pm to 6 am. It's been a weird adjustment---sleeping in the daytime. But I'm slowly getting the hang of it.

Let's see, what else?

T has been in my life, here and there. We talk a lot on the phone and I went up to his place to see him last week. I slept most of the time, but also we went shopping and ate out a couple of times. We always have a good time together.

Christmas is coming soon, and I am looking forward to actually having a good time with my family this year. Most of my shopping is done (gotta love the internet!) and I'm just happy to have things to give, and my whole family to give those things to.

All caught up. Hopefully, I'll have more to say in the future.

AV's Halloween Countdown: 14 Days- Horror Lit 101

2011-10-17T09:09:00.000-07:00

Usually, Halloween makes us all think of visuals: orange pumpkins, white full moons, bags of rainbow-colored candy, masked/costumed children, images from horror movies, and the like. We don't usually think in terms of books, which is sad, because there are literally tons of books, for all ages, just for the Halloween season.

Why, there's Goosebumps books for the kids, Stephen King and Laurell K. Hamilton for the adults, and any number of books in between! Horror novels range from merely spooky to really horrifying, can be found for free in the library, or for nearly any price at the local bookstore. It's a nice change for those who want to read instead of something to watch, so it's worth a try.

Here are a few of my favorites, from several different genres and authors:

School-age kids' books:

The Goosebumps series would be great for kids Grades 4 and up, and the stories vary from book to book. Don't like ghosts? We have werewolves! No? Try something with witches!
"The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" by Washington Irving is a great piece of American literature that can be enjoyed by ages 8 and up. I personally have loved this story since I was little, and also own the Tim Burton movie on DVD.

Teens:

I'm a fan of Stephen King, and I started on his novels in high school. My favorites are his older stories, including Carrie and Christine. Both are appropriate for older teens.
For some classic English literature, try my personal favorite, "The Portrait of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde. Nothing like a narcissist who wishes he could be young forever---and lives to regret it. It's more appropriate for high school aged teens, but if you have a REALLY REALLY mature middle schooler, it might be okay...with some parental guidance.
It might seem like homework, but such works as Bram Stoker's "Dracula", Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" and H.G. Lovecraft's short fiction might spark the interest of some teens.

Adults-only:

Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series is a great read, but the gratuitous sex, graphic violence, and police procedurals are adults-only. But, some of the love (?) scenes are great for a hot night in...!
Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse books are also adults-only, but the down-home feel and the romantic angles are great for even a casual romance novel reader. Basis for the "True Blood" series on HBO.
Jemiah Jefferson's "Wounds" is a great book for a gritty turn on what Twilight and True Blood have ignored: Vampires are monsters, and sociopaths, whether they look human or not. However, humans can be the bigger monsters, by their very nature. Her other books share this grimy urban feel.
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Yeah, I know it's trendy, but it's funny to picture these English debutantes being trained by their father in zombie killing, while their mother is still trying to steer them to a socially acceptable husband.
Here's an oldie but a goodie: "Ghost Story" by Whitley Strieber. Four old men remember the girl that got away....or did she?

Feeling like reading up on a good scare?

AV's Halloween Countdown 15 Days- McDonald's Halloween Commercial from the 80s

2011-10-16T05:00:00.000-07:00

By now, most adults under the age of 40 know the phenomenon of a fast food kids' meal. It's been a big part of growing up, for better or worse, for the past 30+ years. That tradition has included changing things up for the holidays, and I wanted to share this with you: a McDonald's commercial from the 80's, titled "Scared Silly" which I got off of X-Entertainment.com, some years ago. It's a fun look back on what the commercials looked like then, versus now!

Enjoy!

AV's Halloween Countdown: 19 Days--Horror Movies I Own

2011-10-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry there have been so many gaps between Halloween entries, but new hours at the job, etc. have left me with some adjustments to make!--AV

Halloween is coming, and scary movies are almost a necessity to celebrate the 31st. While I have definitely added some horror movies to the old Netflix queue, I have also had a stockpile of flicks to keep me in the Samhain spirit, just in case mailings don't come often enough. What do I have, you ask? Here's the list! (Titles with green numbers are all from the same "50 Horror Classics" box set.)

Lisa and the Devil
The House of Exorcism
Interview with the Vampire
Vampires Suck (Okay, but still...)
Underworld
Underworld: Evolution
The Final Destination
The Ring
Hellbent
My Bloody Valentine 3D
Sleepy Hollow
The Wicker Man (1973)
House of Wax (1953)
Halloween (1979)
Halloween: 25 Years of Terror (documentary)
The Blair Witch Project
Ju-On (Original version of "The Grudge")
Scream
Bluebeard
The Corpse Vanishes
Night of the Living Dead
Doomed to Die
Carnival of Souls
Atom Age Vampire
Creature From the Haunted Sea
Nightmare Castle
Hunchback of Notre Dame
Nosferatu
Phantom of the Opera
The Indestructible Man
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Return of the Vampire
The Breed
Queen of the Damned
Batman vs. Dracula (I know...)
Horror of Dracula
Dracula Has Risen from the Grave
Taste the Blood of Dracula
Dracula A.D. 1972
Vampire Secrets (History Channel...I know...)
Simpsons Treehouse of Horror

So, this is my collection. Hope you found something inspiring, or maybe my list will inspire you to dig through your own collection!

AV's Halloween Countdown: 24 Days- Rockwell "Somebody's Watching Me"

2011-10-07T04:50:00.000-07:00

Paranoia. Shower aversion. Michael Jackson's backup vocals. Must be Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me"!

My favorite thing about this song is not that it was spooky, or that it recalled "Psycho" in the video's shower scene, but that everyone was up in arms that Michael Jackson was doing back-up vocals. The general opinion was that Michael Jackson was singing backup on a relative unknown's single, and was too famous to be doing so, having just release "Thriller". Maybe it helped that Rockwell was actually Kennedy William Gordy, aka, son of Motown founder Berry Gordy? BTW, Rockwell got his record deal without his dad's knowledge, and used the name Rockwell to avoid accusations of nepotism.

Enjoy!

AV's Halloween Countdown: 26 Days- WWE Smackdown! 2002 Halloween episode

2011-10-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

Just about every TV show has special holiday episodes, and the WWE is no exception. Though this episode of Smackdown! from Halloween 2002 had everything from a costume party with John Cena dressed as Vanilla Ice, the Boogie Man eating worms (that wasn't for Halloween...he did it on every appearance), and a Divas Trick or Treat match in which the Divas wore Halloween costumes and wrestled in chocolate milk...ick...

...sorry.

Anyway, in spite of all of that, a lot of nightmares were started with one particular instance of borderline pseudo-incest between former WCW president-turned-WWE Raw GM Eric Bischoff and Vince McMahon's daughter, Stephanie. Eric wore a "Vince McMahon" costume, and at the time, Stephanie had just gotten married to HHH in real life. (Their TV nuptials ended in earlier that year.) For WWE fans who hated what Bischoff did during the Monday Night Wars, including giving away spoilers of WWE programming during WCW broadcasts, this was almost like Dracula claiming a victim. For the rest, there was the uncomfortable notion that ERIC DRESSED LIKE VINCE TO TRY AND SEDUCE STEPHANIE!!!

Er...Happy Halloween?

AV's Halloween Countdown: 30 Days- Horror Movies I WILL NOT watch

2011-10-02T05:10:00.000-07:00

*Note: I walked into a pawn shop in which the employees were watching a Faces of Death video, and Dwyer's suicide was included. I did not seek it out, nor do I wish to see it again. I do not endorse suicide, nor trivialize it.---AV

I have seen hundreds of horror movies in my lifetime, from "Nosferatu", to the original cinematic "Phantom of the Opera", to "Nightmare on Elm Street", to the 'Saw' and "Hostel" franchises. I've seen ghostly, long-haired girls crawl out of TVs; women being molested by living vines, and a decapitated head; and watched R. Budd Dwyer's suicide* .

In short, I have seen many horrific things committed to celluloid. However, there are things that even I won't watch, and I felt like I would share them with you. Maybe I'm being a baby, maybe I'm being overly sensitive about certain topics and visuals, but these are not going to be in my DVD player, streaming on my computer, or anything else I would put effort into seeing. Some are things I am offended by, some things I am actually scared by, or otherwise just can't deal with. Though I will list a few examples on each subject, there are many other, similar, titles I will not watch.

Without further ado and in no particular order...

Horror movies about rape- I include movies such as "Last House on the Left", "I Spit On Your Grave" (both their original and remade versions); "Teeth" (which includes emasculation, as well as attempted rape), and the original and remake of "Straw Dogs". Though I know logically they are just movies, I can't bring myself to watch them. I'm not sure whether it's fear, revulsion, or just indifference to the genre, I simply won't watch them.

Children in Peril- This differs from movies in which children are the villains. I can't take watching a child being hurt or killed. For example: I watched "Feast", and though I thought it was an awesome flick, I couldn't forget that one of the first killed was a little boy. I couldn't put "Audrey Rose" out of my mind, whenever I knew that little (fictional) Audrey Rose burned to death in a car accident. Ditto "Silent Hill", which was double trouble for me, because a) I saw it in the theater, b) T went with me, and knew it was going to happen and didn't tell me, and c) the little girl died horribly after living an equally horrible life. Being a mother myself, I hate seeing these things happen to a child, when I think that it could happen to my child.

Overly-hyped movies- I hate being told THIS IS THE MOVIE OF THE YEAR! THE SCARIEST THRILLER THIS SEASON!!!!! or YOU MUST SEE THIS!!!!...in any genre. I managed to not see "Titanic" until years after its home video release (and it was not worth the wait, in my opinion), still haven't seen "The Notebook", and a lot of the videos I mentioned above (including "Saw" and "Hostel"), were watched on cable, not even worth the price of a rental. Call me cynical, but often the movies just don't live up to the hype. Worse, I feel as though someone's trying to push it on me. One exception: "The Blair Witch Project", which I did wait until home video to see, but I was right there to see it as soon as it came out on video, and was---and still am---thoroughly entertained by it. However, it was original, and though it was hyped to hell and back, it was worth it. Most of the time, however, extra hype equals a usually mediocre movie.

Now, I'm sure you were expecting a list, but I was most interested in explaining what I don't like overall, versus demonizing particular individual movies. Thanks for reading.

AV's Halloween Countdown: 35 Days--Outkast "Dracula's Wedding"

2011-09-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, Outkast came out with "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below", two discs packaged together, one of Big Boi's stuff, and one of Andre 3000's. Andre's disc was more experimental...obviously. It gave us the peppy "Hey Ya!" and this particular entry, "Dracula's Wedding". If you think it sounds strange, keep this in mind: I almost chose Aqua's "Halloween" instead.

There is no official music video, so I chose a fan video on YouTube. Couldn't you picture coming to a Halloween party, hearing this when you walk in? Beats "Monster Mash"!

I was a divorced douchebag

2011-09-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

Recently, Real Housewives of DC member and alleged White House party crasher Michaele Salahi allegedly made her husband, Tareq, believe she had been kidnapped, only to reveal she had run off to be with Neal Schon from the band Journey...who was also married. Not only was Schon married, but only recently had gotten married. Whoops.

Michaele and Neal hadn't even gotten divorced, but had already gone and committed the stereotype of becoming divorced douchebags.

A lot of people become douchebags when they get divorced. It's a response to the combination of new freedom and fear of being alone. Symptoms include a complete change of wardrobe, odd haircuts, bad behavior, and/or new or increased substance use. There may be a new romantic partner, or even a return to partying with old, single, friends. Usually it wears off within a couple of months, but sometimes it becomes a permanent condition.

When I think of divorced douchebags several folks come to mind. Meg Ryan, whenever she cheated on Dennis Quaid and left him to be with Russell Crowe. It's when her lips swelled to blowfish proportions, her face stretched to wind tunnel tightness, and she was no longer willing to deal with the press.

I think of Jon Gosselin, of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame. He suddenly had several tabloid-hungry girlfriends in a row. He began calling his ex, Kate, out in the press, and began wearing Ed Hardy clothing, the hallmark of a true douchebag. I give Jon a pass, however,because after a few months of this behavior, he ditched the ugly clothes, and began to keep a lower profile. He's now the more tolerable of the Gosselin spouses, now that Kate has announced that even though her show Kate Plus 8 tanked, she wants more reality shows.

I also think of myself.

I've been married and divorced twice. The first marriage ended in divorce when I left my first husband and began a new relationship with spouse of my ex's lover. The relationship lasted exactly one calendar year, from May 18, 1999 to May 18, 2000. I was a douchebag of epic proportions.

I flaunted my new man around town, and I couldn't speak in a normal volume in public. "THIS IS MY NEW MAN, AND I AM SO HAPPY! HE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MY EX-HUSBAND!!!!", I would call out. I took him to divorce court with me, to face Hubby1.0. I began attempting to wear sexy clothing (that didn't fit my body or personality), grew my normally chin length hair to past my shoulders, and would talk crap about my ex to anyone who would listen. I would also dish my sex life with the new guy to anyone who would ~~put up with it~~ listen. I was pretty gross about it. Eventually I had very few friends left, because I was so outrageous about it.

All of this made it doubly hard when he dumped me.

So, when I met T, I was pretty excited, because I thought, "This is it!". I didn't realize that we would have some problems that we would fail to work out that would affect our future together, including an overlapping relationship, interference from my family, our living situation, and his relationship with my children. Though we lived together semi-comfortably for four years prior, our marriage only lasted two years, one year of it estranged. When we got divorced, I knew it was coming, I knew he wasn't happy, and I thought I was prepared. I wasn't, and it hit me like a ton of bricks, when it finally happened.

I haven't been too much of a douche this time. I'm still me. I don't talk about it much, except with T. I haven't changed my clothes or my hair, or show off anyone, because I haven't started any new relationships. I'm just dealing with it, by keeping busy and being quiet. I watch TV, DVDs, find free stuff on the internet. I take care of the house, the kids, the bills, and the job.

And, I'm okay with it. Not thrilled, or necessarily happy, but okay.

But I get the douchebag situation. When you divorce, you just want to assert yourself, express yourself, do whatever you thought you couldn't do before. Eventually, you calm down, but some of us just act out publicly. Those were the days...I'd like to forget.

AV's Halloween Countdown 37 Days- Ask, and Ye Shall Receive...sort of

2011-09-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

In my last post, I mentioned my desire to try the Pumpkin flavored Kellogg's Pop Tarts. I woke up this evening (working nights, remember) and checked my Facebook, and X-Entertainment mentioned "Halloween" Pop Tarts!

I clicked excitedly, only to learn they were...chocolate. With sprinkles. Oh, joy.

As much as I like chocolate, have you tried a chocolate Pop Tart, of any type? It's kind of an odd taste. The closest thing I can compare it to is instant chocolate pudding.

But THEN!

X-Entertainment mentioned, toward the end of the post, that Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts WERE available! So the search continues!

X-Entertainment's 2011 Halloween Countdown! The NINTH Annual!

AV's Halloween Countdown: 38 Days--Addams Family!

2011-09-24T05:25:00.000-07:00

Kind of tired from another overnight at the c-store, but saw this and thought it was cute. It also made me think about adding "The Addams Family" to my Netflix queue. Maybe you will too? If you want, get the movie with Christina Ricci and Raul Julia, but if you want to get the real taste, get the original series!

see more Go Cry Emo Kid

AV's Halloween Countdown: 39 Days- Trick or Treats!

2011-09-23T01:55:00.000-07:00

During a shopping trip to Walmart, I came upon Little Debbie's Pumpkin Delights. They are similar to the Little Debbie Apple Delights/Smiles, and I had thought they were some kind of Halloween urban legend. I could never find them before, and here they were! (Note to the reader: if you know where to find Kellogg's Pumpkin Pop Tarts---if they were released this year, they were last year---in the 31525 zip code, gimme a holler!)

I also found the "Fall Colors" Peanut M&M's. I already got into the bag (hence, the Ziploc), and they're orange, rusty red, gold and brown, like fall leaves. I think this is a vast improvement to the usual orange and black "Halloween" M&M's. I'm a big Halloween fan, but that color scheme of candy isn't appetizing! So this year's "Fall" M&M's were a nice change.

Finally, I got the Reese's peanut butter Pumpkins, which were sent to my work. As soon as I opened the carton, I had already decided to buy one. When I clocked out for the night, I bought two.

Closer and closer...just 39 days!

AV's Halloween Countdown 42 Days: The Lonely Island ft Nicki Minaj "The Creep"

2011-09-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

Creepy it is.

The Lonely Island is a recent obsession, but I wasn't aware they might do something that might be a little creepy-n-spooky until I saw "The Creep". I also didn't hear much about Nicki Minaj----saw her in tons of magazines, but never heard her stuff---until I saw this.

This is the perfect storm of funny and spooky, complete with the cameo from director John Waters. Couldn't you imagine hearing this at a Halloween party, or coming from someone's house during trick-or-treating?

A couple of personal notes: Nicki Minaj's look and attitude were me, circa eighth and ninth grade. Also, I had a "John-Waters-esque" boyfriend at one time, complete with the slicked hair, pencil moustache, and suits. That, and the spooky slant, are where my love for this song comes from!

AV's Halloween Countdown: Morrissey- "Ouija Board"

2011-09-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

I can hear it now: Shouldn't you use "How Soon Is Now?", another Morrissey tune (well, The Smiths, of which Morrissey was a member), remade as the more popular "Charmed" theme, instead?

Nope. I like my Halloween-y tunes a little quirky, a little funny, and still spooky. It's why I prefer Rob Zombie to Marilyn Manson, why I like "Ouija Board" better than "How Soon Is Now?", and why the ringtone on my old phone was "I Put a Spell On You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins---funny/spooky trumps all, or at least it does in my mind.

I'm also including a "Halloween Remix" by DJ Cheekyboy beneath the original. It does actually include "How Soon Is Now?" in the mix, along with the "Halloween" theme, a track by rap group Gravediggaz, and some horror dialogue (including "Rocky Horror Picture Show"!). Enjoy!

AV's Halloween Countdown: 44 Days-Sequels and Remakes

2011-09-17T15:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a stickler for "original" movies, and normally "sequel" and "remake" are dirty words to me. I think that Hollywood cannibalizes older movies a little too often, and is becoming bereft of original material. I also think they're ignoring good material, because it isn't "proven".

However, there are a few random flicks that are better than their predecessors, and I thought I would share them here with you.

2001 Maniacs!- (Two Thousand Maniacs 1968; 2001 Maniacs 2005)- I realize it's cheating to mention a movie that has already been included in the countdown, but it has to be said that 2001 Maniacs is actually better for several reasons. For starters, the sight of dozens of rebel flags waved in an almost documentary-style movie that the original was made me uncomfortable. Also upgrades in camera work and casting made the remake a much better-looking movie. Finally, the kills in 2001 were much more creative---the hallmark of a good horror movie.

Scary Movie 2 (Scary Movie 2000; sequel 2001)- Though not actually a horror movie, this parody of haunted house movies far exceeded the first movie. I loved how cohesive SM2 was, a smoother flow that seemed like a complete storyline, but was still its own movie. Compare that to the line-by-line copy of "Scream" that the first one was, and it's no contest.

My Bloody Valentine (1981 original; 2009 remake)- The original movie is a great little "boo" flick, perfectly encapsulating the late 70's to early 80's, but was hacked mercilessly by the MPAA until it was little more than a re-enactment of the actual movie. Almost thirty years later, My Bloody Valentine 3D came out and packed in the scares, created a better version of the "boy who came back" storyline, and even managed to put in a couple of good laughs. Though putting in one of the Winchesters from "Supernatural" is a little too referential for my taste, I dug the remake a lot.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984 original; 2010 remake)- I'm a little torn about this one. I initially didn't like the "realistic" slant (so to speak) of the remake, but then I actually re-watched the original. Some of the sight gags and lines didn't hold up well after time, even though it was state of the art at the time. Though there is still one plot point I'm not happy with in the remake---no, I'm not going to spoil it, if you haven't seen it. I do believe this deserves a watch.

So, fire up your DVD player (or your Netflix streaming device...) and try something (sorta) new!

AV's Halloween Countdown 45 Days- All in the Family

2011-09-16T18:04:00.000-07:00

Whenever you think Halloween, family often comes to mind. You get your siblings to bring their children, go to see the grandparents so that they can take pictures of the kids' costumes. Maybe you get together with your family for a church "fall festival", or a night of football (Go Dawgs! ....damn Gators...).

However, some families are just creepy.

You know the family, who lives at the end of the street. Their house is always shadowy, dank, and dark, even in broad daylight. You never see them, but you sometimes hear them. Something's just not quite....right. So, for your 45th day before Samhain, here's a little "family" drama.

House of Usher- If you've read any Edgar Allen Poe, you know the story of a "cursed" family who stay holed up in a castle, reticent to join the rest of the world for fear of passing on their problems. Vincent Price stars in this film, as the brother to a younger sister who wants to marry.. Price's character is intent on running off her sister's fiancé, but is it because of the curse, or is it something else? Crypts, cobwebs, and evil abound!

Spider Baby- A bunch of "kids"--actually young adults with a genetic affliction-- are orphaned, taken care of by their chauffeur, played by Lon Chaney, Jr. They are about to be displaced by relatives, who have claims to the home. Their natural survival instincts kick in, and murder and mayhem ensue. If you ever wondered what a bunch of kids would do, growing up in an otherwise abandoned mansion, this may be your answer.

Flowers in the Attic- O.M.G. That's all I can say. If you read the book, you already know the ~~completely inappropriate and gross~~ story of upper-class family secrets, and the attempt to make a whole branch of someone's family go away. If not, the movie is shocking not for gore and guts--it has almost zero blood--but for the lengths some folks will go, and for what cost. This was, ironically, a popular book, written by V.C. Andrews, when I was in high school. A pre-'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' Kristy Swanson plays one of the siblings.

This is where I will stop. There are tons of "families" in horror, from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" to "The Hills Have Eyes", to (should I mention this?) "Twilight". I'm only giving you a little direction, a little something of those so-called forgotten titles.

Watch them with someone you love!

AV's Halloween Countdown 47 Days- Count Chocula!

2011-09-15T01:50:00.000-07:00

It's a thing of beauty, whenever those brown boxes start gracing the shelves. A late night run to the bank to get bill-payin' money led me to Walgreens, where I noticed they had soda on sale. As I approached the checkout, I saw the boxes of sweet Count Chocula goodness. I grabbed one, almost like a reflex, and checked out.

And here it is. Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year...

AV's Halloween Countdown: 47 Days- Those Darn Kids!

2011-09-14T23:52:00.000-07:00

When you think of Halloween, you tend to think of children. Children putting on face paint, running up and down suburban sidewalks, trick-or-treating, these memories are precious to us. We think of those sweet times of kids on their last few houses on Halloween night, sleepily being carried into the house.

Or, they can be creepy little devils, and that's okay. It's Halloween, and it's appropriate. Here are a few of my favorite scary kid flicks. As usual, I'm avoiding the popular choices, like Kirsten Dunst (who's already been mentioned), or the kid in "Orphan". It's time to check the classics, and try some stuff outside the box. Get some treats, and settle in with a blankie...just like when you were a kid.

NOTE: THESE ARE NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN!!

The Bad Seed - So, a pretty little girl in blonde braids is terrorizing her neighborhood. So far, sounds like the bully who picked on us in grade school. This little bully, however, is killing her neighbors, in swift and frightening ways. It's enough to make you do a double take at the kid trying to sell you Girl Scout cookies!

Village of the Damned/Children of the Damned- Possessed kids, who control and kill their parents and can read your mind? Sounds like a great flick! If you can find them both together, make it a double feature! Village of the Damned was remade by Christopher Reeve and Kirstie Alley in 1995, but the black and white original is definitely better.

The Omen- It's Damien, son of Satan, probably the most famous evil child, next to Stewie from Family Guy. We all know the story: creepy little kid with a sweet face and he already has minions willing to to kill themselves and others in his name. Some very creative killings take place, and the explanation of Damien's origin is over-the-top at best. Do yourself a favor, and get the 1976 original. (Can't help it; I'm a stickler for the classics.)

Children of the Corn- In a Midwestern town, the children are sacrificing the adults to the corn god, to keep the crops growing. Starring Linda Hamilton, and a cast of dozens of kids, it might make you drive just a little bit fast through those farm towns...this begat a ton of sequels and one SciFi Channel remake.

The Good Son- The Bad Seed was remade with Macauley Culkin (Home Alone) as the leading kid, and Elijah Wood as his young cousin. There are truly heart-stopping moments, and will make you question your morals. (By the way, if you are worried about putting "The Good Son" and "The Bad Seed" in your Netflix queue together, don't. They have different endings...!)

Let the Right One In- (Baby vampires...oy. You knew it was coming.) This Swedish flick involves a child-like vampire bonding with her neighbor, a boy who's been picked on by his classmates. The vampire responds by teaching him how to stand up for himself, and they grow close. However, she's still a vampire, and blood will be spilled, bodies will pile up, and their friendship will be tested. Still, in parts, it can actually be kind of sweet. In Swedish, but was remade a couple of years ago for American audiences as "Let Me In".

Makes you feel like a kid again, doesn't it?