August Daze

New Website!

2011-08-24T18:26:00.000-07:00

17 Mag

2010-03-30T13:04:00.001-07:00

Holidaze

2009-12-22T19:17:00.000-08:00

I wish I had taken more photos but these will have to do. The night was amazing, we sipped on white Chardonnay and baked gooey delicious cookies. We watched the animated film Up and talked about our typical weird girl stuff.

Some of the photos Gunes took!

Happy Holidaze! ;)

Going Public

2009-12-21T23:29:00.000-08:00

Ma Twittah is private no more!

http://twitter.com/lautoir

Enjoy kiddies,

The Butterfly Effect

2009-12-19T01:10:00.000-08:00

Looking through a celebritiy's Twitter feed brought me to her wedding photographer's web site. Kusha Alagband's photos are aesthetically heartwarming, but what affected me more were the three songs she chose for the web site. I'm completely enamored by them, and when I've felt down lately, they seem to be the only thing that can make me feel calm again.

My favorite

Reflection

2009-12-18T23:51:00.000-08:00

When I am inspired to write, I must write.

I'm free in 72 hours, but it still feels like forever. Yet, this impending freedom which my soul craves so much now feels attainable since I've made progress. The other day on the subway I thought, I feel free now that I have one less thing to worry about, but I can't feel completely at peace until Monday. When imprisoned by anxiety, it is nearly impossible for me to reach a state of peace, even though I know it's technically possible. Anxiety is probably the one emotion that has complete control over me; that I surrender to whenever it stops by and takes me for a ride.

I've still yet to learn the process of healthfully coming down from periods of overwhelm. It's too easy to go for the familiar. When you're in that state all you can think about is reacting on auto-pilot. I'm not sure why I just thought of this, but ever since I was younger I always wanted to find something wrong with me. I was the kid who wanted the braces, the glasses. I somehow found those things desirable and to some extent those quirks still exist in my personality.

I spent all day in the darkroom and fortunately, determination granted me an early departure. It was maybe the first time this whole semester that I was able to surrender to the process of printing and really work with it. My enlarger was a piece of shit but I worked with it and when it really fucked up I forgave it, I handled it more gently. And in the end it gave back to me and helped me produce several photos I'm actually proud of. Oddly enough I think this final assignment, a simple still life of all things, pushed me past that learning curve and showed me not only what I'm capable of in terms of growing with an open mind and exploring new terrain, but it's like all the gears in my head that have been continuously churning throughout this class have finally clicked; it's like I get it now. I get what Jane has been trying to teach us all along. Although these are not my favorite photos, I actually feel like I have a grasp on how to produce a good black and white photo, and at the end of the semester that's really all I could have hoped for.

I treated myself to some Boloco Mexican food, I'd been craving Mexican after reading a blog post Tim Ferriss did a while ago regarding the diet he's had for several years. I'm totally engrossed by his blog and mind. I've always admired people who think differently. I mean yeah he's obviously very smart but sometimes smart people are annoying. But he thinks in a way that I wish I could think in. I love the fact that he does all sorts of mini experiments on himself and is always pushing his mind and body to greater heights. It also made me think about things I've done in the past that have only turned out to be phases, i.e. raw foods, but if I think about those phases as experiments of sorts, I can actually shift my perception of them and not beat myself up for not sticking to something that I had hoped would become a long-term thing. I think it's good to experiment with new things and see what works for you. I've also lately realized that I can be whoever I want to be. As it is, who I perceive myself to be in this moment is purely based on the accumulation of self-beliefs as well as projected beliefs about myself from others since I was born. I can't say which beliefs have been more influential on who I am today, but I can be whoever I want to be at any given moment and it's fun because lately I haven't felt like I have to be the person others expect me to be, I've been the person I want to be today. It's such an unfamiliar frame of thinking for me but so far I love it.

I keep trying to pinpoint what has sparked this sudden inspiration lately, I truthfully have no idea. Something has just made me realize that I used to be someone who worked with the laws of the universe to make my life work for me, and somewhere within this past year I abandoned that and purposefully sabotaged my life because I didn't care and created many misconceptions about the universe; mainly not understanding why my last relationship ended when it did, and how I ended up in a mini one shortly after which was NOT a good idea by any means. I've realized how important it is to be self-reliant and to be independent. How important it is to build a good relationship with yourself because it's the most important one you'll have in your entire life. I've somehow found the motivation to be reconnected to my genuine self and be-friend the laws of the universe again. I've already noticed how much easier my life has become since I've allowed positive energy enter my life. So many good things have been happening, too many to even mention. I watched a video last week on how at the center of every human is pure joy, love, etc.. and the only thing preventing that from you always being that way are certain blocks in your life like the beliefs you have about yourself or anything that is limiting you. But if you can identify those blocks (usually just takes some self-examination), and shift your beliefs to dissolve them, you return to that naturally peaceful state. In a nutshell that's exactly what I've been doing lately, and to be honest I haven't felt this sense of peace in a while. I'm not at Zero yet, but I feel appreciative of where I am now and so grateful already for where I'm headed because I know it's good, real real good :)

So before I part, I have just a few questions for you all to think about:

1. If your life could be EXACTLY how you wanted it to be, what would it look like in one year?

Where would you be living? What would your job be? How would your lifestyle be different? Would you have the same friends? More, less? What would be the top priorities in your life and why? How would you make sure that you continued to live this life of your dreams?

Here's my answer:

If my life could be exactly how I wanted it to be in one year (December, 2010), I would live in Melbourne, Australia in a modern, cozy, homey apartment located in a beautiful, quiet urban neighborhood, with a very special someone. Everything I would need would be at my convenience, whether it be a go-to café or local bookstore. I would have a few jobs, the primary one being in Melbourne working within the fashion industry; preferably working for an Australian fashion designer at his or her studio. On the side I would also run a freelance photo retouching web site with a steady clientele base. I would also be open to modeling and being a freelance photographer; mainly shooting head shots. I would be wrapping up my contract with Seventeen Magazine as a Style Council member. Lastly and also most dearly, I would run a business with my very special someone that would be our heart and soul, something we're both passionate about that we think would appeal to a lot of people. I'd love for that project to be really enjoyable to develop and evolve and the outcome of creating that business together would enable us to travel several times a year, for at least two weeks at a time. It would also create a lot of financial stability for us, which leads into lifestyle changes :)

I don't see a need for my lifestyle to change much other than feeling financially free and independent, therefore being able to travel a lot as well as enjoy quality experiences like upscale restaurants, weekend trips and massages. The life I envision for myself is one where I never think, "I can't do that because it's too expensive." Not that I need a lot of money to be happy. I'd like my mindset to shift in ways to spend money efficiently without sacrificing quality, which I know is possible. As a side note, traveling would also include taking a trip alone to a foreign country where I would totally immerse myself. I think it would be a great experience to learn more about myself and gain perspective on my life.

Although my friends will be totally new, I would expect them to posses the same qualities my current friends in Boston have; being really down to earth, genuine, caring, silly, insightful, stylish and just fun to be around. I'd like to have a core group of girl friends whom I feel connected to beyond a superficial level and ones that I'd want to keep in contact with after I move back to NYC with said special someone :)

The top priorities in my life would be my relationship, career (& other projects), and my well-being, really taking my life to the next level in terms of what I can create with my life when I maximize the amount of free time as much as possible. It's something I've never had a reason to do before so I think it would be exciting. I also eventually want to create a large-scale business and I think that if I can begin to implement organization and time management now, it will make it so much easier to adjust to a busy lifestyle a few years from now. The last question is harder than I thought! First of all I would need support, from a mentor or life coach. Secondly I need spiritual guidance, usually in the form of a book or mediation. Thirdly it's important to assess your life every month at least to see what's working and what's not, that way you're always on top of your goals--keeping short and long-term goals is a must as well. Remaining open will be paramount because living in another country, although the cultures are similar, is still an experience to adjust to, and without an open mind it's very easy to isolate yourself.

If I think of more I'll add them later :)

Peace out kiddies xx

stepping stone

2009-12-17T21:35:00.000-08:00

This poem arose from being utterly grateful for a past experience. Everything in life is a lesson, from failing to having a car accident to losing a loved one, and I truly believe that relationships teach the most important ones.

Through this poem I wish to acknowledge that my life at present would not exist had I not had a specific past experience, and I am so thankful for that experience because my life is such a dream right now. Most often you only realize the most important lessons in life in retrospect, once they no longer hold significance, and to be truly grateful for those experiences is something that takes even more time. For some, it can be the beginning of healing and completion.

stepping stone

I opened my heart as wide as I could

Like expanding my lungs to its highest capacity

And ever since it cracked it hadn't been the same

Until he put the pieces back together

Because of you,

I met him

So now

I thank you

For being a stepping stone

And helping me take flight

To the one who now completes my life

Pure Thought

2009-12-11T00:09:00.000-08:00

Watch this, you won't regret it :)

It speaks true to me on a personal level because I've always associated visualization with The Secret. Although I find flaws in how The Secret has been produced and mass-marketed to the public, I strongly believe in its core principle because it has always worked in my life, and I've witnessed its manifestation in the lives of others.

“Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings - that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.” — Buddha

68 Seconds of Pure Thought reminded me to always seek knowledge, always question. For the past few months I've been in a "visualization rut" so to say, because I was SO attached to the outcome. I was really only doing it just so I'd get what I want, and EVEN THOUGH I did get what I wanted (the relationship of my dreams by the way), I lost touch with the fun of visualizing just for the sake of it. Just because its entertaining, like watching a movie as the narrator says. To go a bit deeper I would go as far as to say that this small, yet powerful distinction--visualizing for an outcome vs. for the pleasure of it-- is what differentiates the mind of a child from that of an adult. Children are always imagining for the joy of it; they have the most amazingly uninhibited imaginations. But as we grow older, notice how rigid and structured the mind becomes. Over the years the mind becomes a stranger to spontaneity and we slowly filter out the wonder in everyday life. After watching this clip I feel as though a part of me has been reconnected to that inner child, and I hope that whomever finds this will relate to it as well.

xx F

Wednesday Blues

2009-12-09T18:06:00.000-08:00

I'm not a fan of The Fray per se, but something about a few of their songs has touched me to the core. Never Say Never was featured in the Brother's movie trailer and it just fit my mood perfectly right now.

Am I the only one who's mood is totally dictated by weather?? I swear every time it rains it's just the dullest day ever. The only thing that seems to cure these Rainy Day Blues is curling up to a Netflix movie, or reading a good book.

In other news, I recently decorated my living room and bedroom with Christmas lights. I love how much more cozy a simple gesture like that has transformed my living space, and I can't wait to possibly entertain my friends for our Christmas tea party! We're planning on watching Love Actually over hot chocolate and baked goodies, mmm :)

I just read somewhere that oolong tea is supposedly really good for you, similarly to green tea, interesting. I've never tried it before but I might have to pick some up tomorrow after class.

And lastly, I am totally against this whole Kindle/eReader revolution, but my curiosity cannot help but be aroused by the impending release of Barnes & Noble's Nook. It just looks so cool man, like a giant iPod for reading books! I admit, I'm a total technological nerd. As justification, i'd only buy a Nook for travels sake--lugging several books around can get tiring after a while! Unfortunately Nook won't be an option for me, not yet at least, since they're totally rendered useless overseas :( :(

Zat eez all for today my little ones,

xx F

Holidays

2009-12-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

Sweet Sweet Memories

2009-12-06T16:34:00.001-08:00

Alive

2009-12-06T13:55:00.001-08:00

August Daze is still alive and kicking but I decided to change it up a bit, using it more as a space to just share what ever I want :)

Last night I saw the film Ghostown. I'll hold my tongue because I'm writing a review on it for my other blog, but I had to share the funny coincidences I found throughout the movie, all which will only make sense to one person in the entire world.

1. The movie takes place in NYC

2. In the first scene Greg Kinnear mentions buying an apartment in the West Village

3. Téa Leoni's boyfriend cooks curry

In other news, yesterday I bought the most divine tea I've tasted in a while. Guayaki's Chocolate Yerba Maté has a rich, warm, full-bodied flavor with hints of cocoa, nutmeg and cinnamon that makes it so smooth and a perfect Holiday drink. I drank it with milk and stevia and tasted like I was actually drinking chocolate!

I started drinking yerba maté a few years ago because of the health benefits. Even though it contains caffeine, it's natural caffeine and much healthier than drinking Coffee. It also contains vitamins like A, C, E, B1, etc... as well as the minerals calcium, iron, zinc, etc.., and antioxidants. It contains more caffeine than green tea so I wouldn't recommending drinking this past 2pm, but for me it's been really great for keeping my energy levels high and steady in the morning.

I was just paroosing newspapers in Central Massachusetts for a group project and came across an article on a metal band named Raised by Falcons. First it was Potential Falcon, now this? I wonder which band will be next to incorporate my name into a ridiculous title.

Back in Beantown

2009-10-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

Sadly the previous post was the last of my summer adventures in New York. This next batch are now from Boston, taken right before the beginning of school. Beginnings are my favorite periods of time because along with beginnings comes a natural fresh air. I find it's during such periods of transition that can often be the most exciting, so many random things can seemingly happen in the span of just one week.

I'm not quite sure where to go after the post after this. Last weekend my friends took photos with my camera (I took a few as well). I plan on posting a few of them, but beyond that I'm not quite sure where this blog now fits into my life. If I find space for it, which I'm hoping I will, then I'll continue to update, but if not then this will forever be immortalized as the Summer of 2009.

G e r m a n t o w n

2009-10-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

On the way back from Woodstock we stayed with family friends of ours at their weekend home in Germantown, NY. This is yet another place that holds dear memories; building giant bird nests with Alanna, climbing down to the train tracks, eating freshly picked strawberries from the backyard, picking fresh onions for dinner that night...

Thinking about childhood memories reminds me that everything is impermanent. My childhood seems like several lifetimes ago. As real as my life seems right now, I know it will be drastically different in 10 years. When I was in High School adults would always advise me to enjoy college as much as I can because it's the last bubble you experience before hitting "The Real World." Well truth be told I already feel prepared to deal with this so called "Real World," and I have several people to thank for that, but in the meantime I want to appreciate what's left of this wave of life as it's still washing over me, because before I know it it'll recede back into the horizon.

W o o d s t o c k

2009-10-11T21:26:00.000-07:00

At last, at last, at last.

I lived there once, that place in the woods.

We would drive there on the weekends, I would watch the rocky hills from inside the car window.

It was ok then, everything was.

Re-visiting Woodstock, and my most cherished childhood memories, was a truly moving experience. I hold this place so close to my heart, and I always will. Maybe one day I'll be able to create new memories there with someone special, just like my parents did so long, long ago.

Without further ado...

* Click on photos to enlarge *

Out-Back

2009-10-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

One of the things I loved most about summer was spending my morning with my cat, Tiger. He doesn't get much time outside due to his penchant for running away, but during the mornings, in between breakfasts and my morning jog usually, I would have the patience to spend time with him in my backyard so he could enjoy the fine weather as well.

As you can see I was also really into the whole raw foods thing. That green juice is pure vegetable juice, and I'm not going to lie, it didn't taste amazing except I did have one, a beet and carrot juice blend which actually did taste great (OK with the help of some stevia). The last photo is a raw blueberry pie. Not to toot my own horn but it's sooooo good, courtesy of Ani Phyo! Her raw dessert recipes are seriously the BEST. I even got my dad obsessesd with the blueberry pie.

Look out for an awesome post tomorrow ;)

New York City

2009-10-04T19:32:00.001-07:00

Self-portraits in my room, exploring my neighborhood, exploring Manhattan from the outside. I can't help but get extremely nostalgic looking back on these photos, this summer was truly amazing and held a significance that I can only realize now as I reminisce and long for what once was.

Lesson of the day: Be grateful for your life as it is right now, you never know when you might look back and wish you had realized how amazing the ups were, and how insignificant the rest was.

Faux-Hipster Mania

2009-10-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot that I haven't been posting in chronological order. The Philly photos actually follow the next three posts I'm doing, oopsie!

Attending this Girl Talk event in Williamsburg was totally spontaneous, one of those days I dove into not knowing what to expect. If anything the experience was worth while for the abundance of people watching. It was impossible to hold a conversation without my eyes darting back and forth in the background, over-stimulated by everyone around us. As Sinead had said, "All the faux-hipsters are all concentrated at this one event, essentially." So true.

In other exciting news, a few of my friends and I are thinking about creating a blog for the artsy-fartsy photos we take during our last year of college. I'm not sure how I would separate them from this blog, but on the other hand I wasn't planning even on continuing this blog past August, so I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Without further ado...

F I N A L L Y!!

2009-10-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

Summer is dead.

Leaves are browning, school is blooming. Air is chilling, stress unnerving. I'm afraid it's that time of year again, I never realized how sensitive I am to the change of seasons. Not in a physically get-ill sort of way, but mentally, emotionally. I miss summer already; waking up to warm mornings, running in the park and the heat tanning my face. Don't get me wrong, fall has it's romanticism as well, but it takes more effort to recognize the beauty in these upcoming chilly months. In proper fashion I'm going to make an impromptu inspiration list regardless of my cynicism:

What I love about Fall

* An excuse to drink hot chocolate and warm apple cider

* (Although I can't use mine) Fireplaces

* Cuddling under warm throws

* Scarves & earmuffs season, 'nuff said ;)

* Viewing Fall 09 collections & buying favorite pieces

* Hearty meals (Soups, stews, meat pies)

* An excuse to ride the T (subway) everywhere

* Pumpkin & apple picking!

* Halloween!

* Thanksgiving (Let's rattle off all the holidays shall we?)

Due to the massive time lapse between my last update, I have a shit ton of photos to post! I'll just have to bang them out haha. This first set is from Philly, I took a train down with my dad and brother to visit my dad's friend, Nicole. Well here goes, and just as a heads up--yes, that's her pet iguana below. Enjoy :)

* * *

L <3 V E

2009-09-05T23:54:00.000-07:00

Let's take a trip back in time, shall we?
This is what happens when you do Spring--err, Summer cleaning...

In other news, I have a new definition of love. I forget where it came from but I realize that love is pure consciousness. That's the only state you can be in when you're truly in the moment, the past or future doesn't exist/doesnt matter, judgements and resentments cease to exist, there's no such thing as anger, hatred, jealousy. No insecurity. I think that "love" isn't an emotion, it's actually what underlies every emotion in any given moment. It's always present if you listen for it.

I have so much to post, watch out for it this week!
xx
F

To You

2009-08-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

I have no idea where my life is heading,
And I absolutely love it.

Thank you for your music; your passion manifested as sound waves. Washing over my body, it sends shivers down my spine. It places me ever so gently in to the present moment of being. It transports me to the middle of midnight on a vast desert, next to a warm bonfire, the wind breezing, coyotes howling. I feel like Pocahontas with feathers in my hair, draped in a tan suede dress with fringe swinging as I dance barefoot under moon light, my feet kicking up the soft sand beneath me, drinking homemade spiced liquor, feeling like my life is a movie but this version is so much better. Oh how I'd love to share this night with you.

When I listen to your songs it makes me forget everything around me. My heart feels like a jelly fish; tender and relaxed. It's now time to sleep, time to rest my soul.

xx
F

May 25th 2009

2009-08-27T00:52:00.001-07:00

(From my journal)

If I were to describe this moment,
It would be like waiting on line for a rollercoaster
My mind is alert, yet calm like the sea that lay before me, us.
It's stretching the moment like molasses leaving the edge of a spoon
I can feel every blow of air, I can see every sparkly of light,
I feel the rumble
I'm ready
I'm doing this why? You ask
I'm doing this because I believe
In us.

As important as it is to look into the future, you mustn't forget where you came from. This entry encompasses this notion.

Goodnight :)
xx
F
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Tomorrow on the Runway

2009-08-27T00:07:00.001-07:00

Discovered this song tonight, made me realize how out of touch I've been with music the past few weeks. This song is beautiful, it touches me.

xx
F

2009-08-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

The latest update: My MacBook will be fixed by Thursday, yay! Which means I can post photos on Thursday, yay! And hopefully by the end of the week I will be able to reveal a very special surprise :)

Stay tuned...

xx
F

2009-08-24T00:31:00.001-07:00

It's worth writing about. The feeling I get from experiencing things unsual to the circumstance of my every day life. Being surounded by sub-culture clones; all different, yet all the same.

Inked sun-bleached tan leather skin, an aura of sweat lingering above steaming heads. Slapping on neon green bracelets; our rites of passage. We've finally made it, we've finally grown up. Not taking advantage of this privilege, but observing them sucking down hot foaming plastic cups of beer with blue branding printed on the exterior. Sitting on grass. Sitting on grainy cement. Wondering who I would run into. Running into her ex. Growing impatient, wanting to propel time.

The sun is sucking the moisture from my tongue and body like a magnet and turning it into beads of sweat that evaporate into the heated atmosphere. Eyes stimulated, flickering at the passing bodies as if they were observing trees pass from a train's interior. Denim cut off shorts, chain linked purses, flip flops, ray ban wayfareres, blond wavy hair, black bike shorts, rompers galore, the 80s, grandpa eyeglasses, too-tiny Lennon-esque sunglasses, afros, dreadlocks, it's so in, it's so out. Too much Urban Outfitters. Confetti and toilet paper shooting into a crowd of screaming fans with flailing arms and bouncy fans dancing on stage crowded around the man of the night. Loud music and wanting to dance on stage but not sure if that's true and almost going on stage but being told to STEP BACK and taking pictures of nothing but wanting to take pictures anyway, and crazy girls testing their boundaries and fans being kicked off stage and a girl hitting the cameraman with her purse, and a gay boy and a straight girl dancing, almost grinding, and does she realize he's gay? And then our stomachs start growling even though their full of Smart Water and the sun has begun to set so our skin is cool but our skin is tan and the rain starts trickling but barely at first and then it grows and we want to get to the other side but we don't know how. The nets are everywhere, the guards are everywhere. We text and call and I check out everyone incognito through my sunglasses and surveing the fashion: some terrible, most people don't realize how to dress themselves, but some do and they look really good but not too good, it's all the same and we're walking toward a net and we say fuck it lets climb this so we climb it and I hide under the umbrella as if it will become an invisibility cloak and we rush to the food stand but they tell us it's closed and we've tried so hard but they've told us it's closed and sorry but we're almost out -- what do you mean almost out? And we begin to give up, our spirits dissolve slowly like the sweat rising in the air mixing in the misty rain even though I wasn't that hungry I was still dissapointed from limitation and we walk toward the exit as we see people in apartment buildings across the street holding signs against the glass window -- Wait. Is she naked?
Um? No.
What does it say?
"Show us.. Show us your cocks..?"
No no that's not it. We exit and walk for survival, walk for food and we pass that window and I look up and see the sign.
"Jump the fence." And another.
"Fuck em." Whatever.
And as I walk through the streets I soak up the culture, the ambience, the life, the energy, and I try to imagine living here one day and not knowing if this is too much of a bubble if it's too far, if rent is too expensive -- goddamn everything is too expensive -- my arm is soaking so I wipe it on my romper and know it's futile because it will get wet again in two seconds, and four blocks later we still hear the speakers booming and we finally find the street, the magical street I always find when I venture here and all of a sudden things get brighter and hope floats into my head and we find shelter and witness a random girl asking a random man for a bite of his gigantic over-stuffed pizza slize and he looks stoned and he says Why not? She takes a bite and laughs and we all laugh, at her ridiculous request and his ridiculous answer and the pizza looks appetizing the more I look at it but I suppress these thoughts and we walk along the rain-painted streets as the rain dies down and that word floating in my head starts to get stronger and stronger by the minute.