Auriela McCarthy's Blog

Being Busy Doing What You Love....What's the Problem?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:31:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Thanks to everyone who confirmed receiving my newsletter. Thanks for your warm and wonderful responses! I will be asking this a couple more time to make sure most of you read it.
Please, send me a few words telling me that these emails reach you. Because many are still being lost in cyberspace and I am trying to figure out how many and if it is something I can fix on my end.

On another, somewhat related subject: I love responding to all your emails. I love receiving them and love writing back.
When it takes me longer to do it, please, forgive me. Know that as soon as I read your email I want to stay at the computer and write you back.
My brain is filling with answers to your questions and if I don't exercise some discipline, I can spend a few hours a day doing that.
Often, I don't have these too hours. Which made me pause and think. And became Today's Food for Thought below.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, Novemeber 10, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM Class: 7PM - 9:30PM
(notice: no class on November 3.)

RSVP for address and directions
Classes are held in Southern Marin

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
email Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

Not that long ago I wrote about the importance of knowing your Priorities and having them in the right order.
Knowing what comes first, what comes second and so on.

I suggested making a list. Sitting down with pen and paper, thinking about what matters, and writing it down, in a column.
Then - analyzing your list, and arranging it in the order of importance.

Why is the order important?

Because of The Law of Priorities.
Because if your priorities are out of order, you don't get to have them.
You may get a few here and there but no more.

The good news is:
if your priorities are in order, you will get all of them,
or at least - most of them.

Last week I decided to take a look at mine, again. I made my list.
And looked at it long and hard.
And then I laughed.

No wonder I was not feeling like myself.
As if something was missing.
Nothing was missing. On the contrary -
I had too much on my plate!

All of it - wonderful, a feast, a celebration...and still - too much. As if I've come to the banquet with a fabulous buffet, tables loaded with delicious foods I love to eat, and instead of wisely taking some and passing other offerings - in my excitement, I kept on loading my plate.

Few things feel better than suddenly getting clarity.
This is why I laughed when I saw my list, written in my own hand, staring back at me.

What am I talking about?

Read on. Today's newsletter is about me.

If you see the similarities with your own life - great.
Hey, haven't we always hoped to learn from other people's mistakes?

It might actually work in this case because many of you are probably in the same boat.

Here is what I discovered looking at my list of priorities.

I have allowed myself to get too busy.

Busy doing the things I love to do, that's true.
Just too many of them.

As a result, there was always something I wasn't getting to. Too often I was behind on many things...I was staying up late, trying to catch up...And it didn't feel good.

"But Auriela, didn't you just say that you are busy doing the things you love to do? Aren't you lucky? So many people hate their jobs...don't you know that?"

I do. I am very aware of this sad fact. I think hating your job and staying there year after year is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.
I believe you must either change the way you feel about your job ( if it is possible) or get out. Get out without sabotaging yourself, but thinking it through, preparing and then - going for it!

To continue doing what you hate - is like signing your own death sentence. No overstatement.
This subject is very important and deserves its own newsletter. Another time perhaps.

Yes, I am doing what I love to do. And I am so very grateful for the life I have.

It hasn't always been so.

It took a few powerful and difficult choices and a lot of guts.
Acting in spite of my fears and trusting myself even when I didn't have the answers...

It took being willing to make mistakes and refusing to give up. Refusing to settle for a life that might have fewer risks, but would require my giving up on my dreams.
And - on myself.

It took never loosing hope, even in the darkest times...
If you read The Power of the Possible, I have written about it intimately, not holding back.

The life I am living now didn't just happen.
I know how I got here.

I also know how it happened that I am involved in so many things, loving all of them...

It has been an amazing journey and I am right in the midst of it now...

And yet - it is time to pause.

To prioritize.

To choose which of my activities to keep, which to put on hold and which to let go of.

Because I have become so busy I started to lose my enthusiasm.

And it is my natural state, an essential part of who I am.
When I don't feel it - I am not myself. It is a sign that something is off.
Feeling enthusiasm about life - feeling inspired, excited, lifted by something that is beyond words - is among the best feelings in the world.

For me, it is a priority.

What happened?

I have bitten off more than I can chew.

Here is the partial list:

-I record a weekly one hour-long radio show, which I love.

-I write a weekly newsletter ( the one you are reading now.) I love doing that too.

-I receive emails from the readers of The Power of the Possible, and I try to respond to each one of them, in depth, the best I can. I love doing it and I very much want to.

-I have A School of Hope and Inspiration with weekly evening classes, and occasional one-day workshops...I love this work.

-I work with private clients - in person and long-distance, on the phone. I love doing that.

-Now and then I have a speaking engagements -I love that too.

-I am writing my next book, which is sweeping me away, into a different world and other dimensions...Do I love writing it? I LOVE it!
( this list is not in order. Otherwise, WHY is the book at the end of it?!!!???) Good question.

-And -I still have my fine art business, and there are parts of it that I love too.

-And oh yes...I am in a relationship with a magnificent man, my husband, and I love being with him. (this IS always on top of my list, blessedly I never forget it.)

- I have a tiny grand daughter - 4 months old, in New York and I try to go there often, for a few days so I can see her grow. I am in love with her.

-I am blessed with wonderful friends and I love to be able to spend time with them.

-I love to hike or go on walks, to get lost in a book, to see movies, to take time for myself, to simply do nothing - such a wonderful thing...
-I like to have time to exercise. And I love how it makes me feel afterward.

All this - AND the every day business of living, with every-day things coming up and needing attention.

What I don't like is being so busy!
Busy - yes, but not all the time. Too busy - no.

Do you see why it was time to prioritize?

And guess what went to top of my priorities, right after my marriage and my health?

My new book!
Writing The Power of the Possible was bliss. The best time of my life in so many ways.
Why then did it take me so long to get to writing the next book?

See what I mean? Why the list and order of priorities are important?

When you make yours,
make sure there are no more than 10.

And don't forget your Spirituality. Make it #1. All things flow out of it.

At some point - it becomes your only priority. Above #1, including, embracing and feeding all the other ones. It doesn't need to go on the list. It's who you are.

It is your connection to Something More. Feeling the Mystery of life, knowing you are not alone.

This connection is unique to everyone one of us.
It is your relationship with the Divine.

You experience it when you feel gratitude, when your heart overflows with love, at moments of passion when you are lost in creativity,
or touched by nature...in meditative altered states, through bursts of sudden joy.
Looking at a rainbow...Or - very directly.

I left the best part of this letter to the very end, didn't I?
And if you did read that far - I have written it for you.
A wink. A reminder of something you know well.
A reminder, that - if it is not already so - to make you spirituality - your priority!
Everything changes, once you do.

All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday the 10th.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!

Auriela.
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P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my blog, please, forward it to your friends and family. Better yet, suggest that they sign up to receive updates in Newsletter form.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
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You Can Change Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:01:00 +0000

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A School of Hope and Inspiration
Tuesday October 27, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM Class: 7PM - 9:30PM
RSVP for address and directions
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

Classes are held in Southern Marin
I appreciate if everyone RSVPs,
so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Here is this week's Food for Thought

As an author, I get regular emails from my readers. Lately - predominantly from US and India. Men and women of different ages, thanking me for The Power of the Possible, telling me how the book helped them with their lives and relationships...

And just as I am getting happy reading an email like this - a question comes:

"Auriela, can you please tell me what to do with my...husband, sister-in-law, daughter, mother, wife, friend...???"

Whoever it happens to be - is not acting they way my reader wants them to act. Doing something that "must be stopped." And they are asking me to show them how to stop it.

This is when I do a double-take.

Haven't you just read my book?

Haven't you just written to me to thank me for it?

How then did you manage to have missed the book's entire message:

Nothing changes until you do?

Every story ( true story, by the way) in The Power of the Possible shows - through other people's experiences, why trying to get another person to change doesn't work.
It explains why it is so, and why it will always be so.

It also shows that
people change when they want to change.
And only when they want to change. Never because we ask them or tell them to.

And so you read the book, you agree that you can't change other people, (in theory)- ...and then, when it comes to your own life - out the door goes this bit of wisdom and you are back to the same old fight: someone HAS to change.
And that someone is usually someone else.
Because YOU know what's best for THEM.

A fascinating thing, human nature. A fascinating thing also: how stubborn we are about "being right" and insisting that others see things our way.

Below are a my responses to a few of your questions.
And though they may not be what you hoped to hear, the truth does set us free, even if at first, to quote Gloria Steinem, it "will piss you off."

-Is there a magic technique that will make your lover stop flirting with other women?

No, there is not. If it bothers you - leave him. You can't change him.
But you can change yourself.

-Is there a way you can make your adult son change, so he gets a permanent job and moves out of your house?

Yes. Tell him he has to move out. And mean it.

-What? Kick out my son?

Absolutely. Give him notice (a short notice) and be firm. Didn't you say he was an adult? This is the best thing you can do for him - and for you. Stop trying to change him.
Change yourself.

-What can you do to get your mother to stop being rude to your wife?

Tell her that unless she acts differently, she can't come visit. Period. Don't ask her to change. Inform her about how it will be from now on. Change yourself.

-Should you ask for an apology from your sister-in-law with whom you have been refusing to speak for 7 years over "a trifle"?

Absolutely. To keep holding a grudge for 7 years?... Come on. It was "a trifle" - your words, not mine. Apologize. And be thankful if she doesn't turn out to be like you - punishing you for the next 7 years.

If these answers were self-evident (as they should have been) - bravo! I hope you got a chuckle or two.

And if they were not - hurry to Amazon.com or to my website and get The Power of the Possible and read it! What on earth are you waiting for?:)

All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.

Chauvinism and Its Impact On Our Life and Jealousy, Its Devastating Power.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:38:00 +0000

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Hello Dear Friends
Here Are The Topics For This Week's "The Power of the Possible" Radio Show:

Chauvinism and its impact on our life.

A man’s perspective.
Discussing this dark legacy with Franc Sloan, a Personal Growth Coach.

Exploring the crippling effect of chauvinism on both sexes and the way it destroys relationships.

Women and chauvinism.

Jealousy. Its root, its devastating power, and ways to end it.

Your “Dance with Love” and what you can learn from it.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:26:00 +0000

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Here is this week’s The Power of the Possible Radio Show:

Addressing the questions raised by readers of The Power of the Possible, a book of hope and inspiration.

Why “perception is not reality?”
Why does it mean: “powerlessness can be the most powerful state?”
The difference between resignation and surrender.

A powerful meditation of Self-Discovery: Your “Dance with Love” and what you can learn from it.

A Story That Is Happening Right Now To Someone I Know

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:34:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Today I will start with a story. It is happening right now to someone I know and love.

A friend of mine who has been able to move past the anger she felt at her lover and at the way their relationship ended is beginning to feel good again.

No longer is she waking up hating the man's guts, no longer is she consumed by feelings of revenge...no longer are the thoughts of the past and how badly she has been treated consuming her every waking moment.

Instead, she is suddenly happy. Free again, excited about her life. She is even thinking of changing her job, as she sees new opportunities coming her way.

Read more below, after the Event Information:

School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, October 13th
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

Classes are held in Southern Marin
Please, be on time, we start promptly at 7pm
RSVP for address and directions.
email: Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

* * *
The School of Hope and Inspiration is deeply steeped in the understanding of the Mystery of Being, while at the same being deeply grounded in the common sense.
This unusual combination makes it unique and different among the various Self-Development programs.

The Tuesday night class continues, but it is closed to new participants.

Back to my story which is this week's Food for Thought.

My friend is thrilled with how she is feeling. It's been a very long time since she felt so happy. But when she shares her feelings with her fiends, she comes upon a strange reaction.

They don't believe her.
They think she is in denial and that she needs to go back and tell them how badly she feels.
"You need to vent," they tell her. "Go ahead, keep venting, don't hold back, we are here for you."

Venting. Such a charming word. A euphemism for blaming and for staying in righteous anger.

They all met for lunch the other day and this is where that conversation took place.
My friend left feeling frustrated and lost. And angry at her girlfriends, women she had know all her life.

She doesn't want to see them anymore, she is also torn...

Why am I telling you this?

Because what I have just described is not uncommon.
I have written about this in the past, but I feel it's time to talk about it some more:
"The crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

Have you ever seen people gathering crabs on the beach? Do you know that they never put a lid on the bucket where they keep their crabs?

They don't have to.

Because as soon as the second crab is inside the bucket, one of the crabs will make sure the other one stays put by pulling it down every time it tries to get out!

Now imagine there are more than just two crabs at the bottom of this bucket. Say, now there are 5 or 10...or perhaps a whole bunch of them crawling around, bumping into each other, unable to get out.

Is it a happy place? Is this where they want to stay?
Well, you may say, they have company, they are no longer alone, they belong, they can make friends, share their stories...

Yes they can.
And they can whine and complain about how they hate people who put them there, how they hate being in the box, how unfair life is to crabs.
And guess what? They will always find a sympathetic ear as long as they are in that bucket.

And as they cry and complain, they distract themselves from what comes next: a slow and painful death.
Because they are all on the way to being cooked, aren't they?
Or sold and then separated and then - cooked?

Denial is a powerful mechanism. Even crabs are using it. Denying the fact that they have lost their freedom as soon as they found themselves in that bucket.

And now imagine that one of these crabs decides: enough! I can't breath in this crowded place. There is not enough light and not enough space for me to move. I will get out of here! I want my freedom back.

What do you think is going to happen as this crab begins to crawl up, muttering on its way: "Sorry guys, I love you, but...I no longer fit here."
Immediately, the remaining crabs will move together to pull it back down! "Not so fast! Who do you think you are? We are not good for you anymore?!"

The crab metaphor is obvious.

If you've made friends with people who like to bitch about everything and everyone, if you have joined their club and have been "happily bitching along" about how life is unfair, the boss is a jerk, how you can't trust men, or women, or anyone for that matter...what happens when you suddenly wake up?

Suddenly, you are not fun anymore.
Not only are your "friends" not interested, they mock you, they don't want to listen, they encourage you to go back to the way you were.

Why?

Because you no longer fit with them. And they will try to do everything they can to bring you down to be your old miserable self again.
Just like crabs in the bucket do. Miserable, but together.

But let us give these friends the benefit of the doubt.
Because often times, they are not bad or malicious people. They are simply people in pain. They have not yet found the way out of that prison, and they are scared of losing you.

Also, your courage to change and to lift up to a higher resonance is a reminder of what they won't deal in themselves. And so - they pull you down.

This is what is happening to my friend.
And now she has 2 choices:

Leave the friends she no longer fits with and step into the scary, unknown territory of a new life

or - go back and keep the so-called friends and continue as she was.

The former takes courage, and trusting yourself.
The latter is simpler. It does not require much, except you - giving up on yourself.

But Auriela, isn't it so cold? So unfeeling? How can you suggest that she leave her friends? They might have been there for her all her life?

My answer is this.
If they are really good friends, they will change their tune and support her in her growth. And if they won't, perhaps it is time to leave them behind.

Is it cold and unfeeling? Hardly.
There will be sadness, there will be grieving and there will be loss... . And she will feel what comes for her - and she will let it go.

She may be alone for a while. There are no guarantees in life.

Keeping these old friends that keep pulling her down comes with a price. Too high a price, in my opinion.
That price is self-abandonment.

Is it worth paying?
You tell me.

Here is the quote I love:

"There are always risks in freedom. The only risk in bondage is breaking free." Lazaris.

Breaking free can be really scary.

There are no guarantees you will ever make new friends, that your new life will work, that you will get what you wanted...
It is much safer in the bucket. "It may be Auschwitz, but it's home."

Would anyone want to leave security for the dangerous, unknown terrain of freedom?

Just look around you. Think of the people you admire most. Every one of them has done it. And every one of them has been afraid at times. Sometimes - more than other times. Still they acted!
They went ahead even when they didn't have all the answers. And they have built the lives they dreamed about, blazing their trial for the rest of us.

They forged their own course and in the process - found themselves.

And the moral?

You are not here to get everyone's approval, nor are you here to be liked by everyone.

What are you here for?
The answer is yours to find.

I will give you a hint: You are here to find happiness, to create it for yourself, consciously. You are here to learn how to have fun! And to live the most amazing and joyous life..

A life-long journey. The most unselfish and loving thing you can do.
How come? Think about it.
This is this week's food for thought.

All for now.

See some of you on Tuesday night!

Much love to you, always.
And remember: NEVER EVER give up Hope!

Auriela.

P.S. Please, follow your intuition and if it feels right,
forward this to your friends or your family members.

P.P.S. If you don't live in the San Francisco Bay Area, stay with us through these emails and keep sending me your questions.
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Conversation with Dr. Francesca McCartney and Responding to Listeners’ Questions.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:47:00 +0000

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Good morning,

Here is this week’s The Power of the Possible Radio Show:

Conversation with Dr. Francesca McCartney, author, medical intuitive and
Founder of Academy of Intuition Medicine: Learning how to work with your intuition; Preventing illness by working with the subtle energies; Opening your Life Force Energy; A powerful technique of grounding your body; How to stop being affected by other people’s energies; Kundalini.

Who Am I? Why Am I Here - The Ultimate Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:46:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

I want to thank all of you, my readers, my listeners, my students-teachers...I feel so grateful every time I get a happy email telling me that reading my newsletters, thinking about the concepts and applying them is making a difference in your life. This is incredibly heart-warming to me, because I get as much out of writing them as you - out of reading them. Maybe more.

And your questions - I love getting them. Underneath them all - the age-old question that won't go away:
Why I am here? What's my purpose? What is it all about?

Just the other day, I got an email with the subject line: Who am I and why do I want to change? from a dear friend and client from the East Coast.

Let me share with you some insights on these most important of all questions.

To my Tuesday night class: we will look at this in depth this coming Tuesday.

To the those of you who live all over the country and the world ( the majority of my readers) - read my this week's food for thought below.

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

"Who am I?" and "Why am I here?"

The same question asked over and over, by people young and old, everywhere, throughout time.

Centuries pass, bringing changes beyond imagination... and still, the same question, asked again and again....

Why hasn't it been answered? By some of the greatest minds ever walking this earth?

It has been, though never fully.

Because the answers are shrouded in Mystery and mystery by definition can never be unraveled fully.

Because the answers are as unique as the person asking the question.
And also, because each person - each man, woman and child - must find these answers on their own.

No one can tell you who you are.
No one can tell you why you are here.

You won't believe it if they did anyway.

This is your own quest. A spiritual quest for meaning.
And it won't leave because at its essence is your hunger and thirst for the connection to the Divine.

You long to remove the veil of separation.
The separation that is humanity's Ultimate Pain...
The reason behind all seeking.

This is the Ultimate Human Drive.
Yours, mine and everyone else's. It always was and always will be.

Driven to find the connection, trying and failing, falling down and getting up, you seek to understand the Mystery of Life.
The Mystery of Being, the Mystery of Self and ultimately - the Mystery of God...

How could these Mysteries ever be uncovered?
They can't. They are not supposed to be.
But we grow and become more for having sought..

Because it is not about finding the answers.

It is about getting to the place where you are ready to ask the question.
Getting to where the question suddenly matters.

Realizing that ultimately - it is the only thing that matters. Because when it does - everything else falls into place and begins to make sense.

Then it is easy to see that the Ultimate Desire is Happiness.
And the Ultimate Need is to love: or rather - to be Loving.

Yes, you read it correctly.

Not your health, or wealth, or your success.
And not even - you being loved...

We all want them - to one extent or another. And of course, they are all important and wonderful to have.
And you will have a much greater chance of having them if you are clear on what ultimately matters.

Find what makes you happy - and cultivate it.
Is it spending time with a dear friend?
A walk in the wood? Crawling in bed with a good book? Dancing by yourself in complete abandon? Playing with your child? Loosing yourself in the creative project?
Find what it is -
And give yourself permission to do it. Be happy. Don't wait for others to give you this permission.
You, give the permission to yourself!

Then think about those you love. Immerse yourself into the feeling. How much you love them! (without - the "do they love me back?" or "why don't they love me more?")
Feel your love for them, and let the love take you over...

And then - ponder your own mystery. Become fascinated with you.
In the best sense of the word. Wonder at yourself.
Why did you say what you just said? Why suddenly - these tears? Why this feeling in your gut? Why the shutting off? Why anger? Why this burst of joy?

No self-judgment. Just wonder.
Start there. And take it deeper. Until the path opens up. The one that's right for you.
The one you will know to take...

Take it then. Take it as far as it goes. Then take another...

Driven by the only true drive - the Ultimate drive...delving deeper and deeper into the Mystery, the Mystery of You.

All for now.

See some of you on Tuesday night!

Much love to you, always.
And remember: NEVER EVER give up Hope!

Auriela.
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Responding to Listeners’ Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:35:00 +0000

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On this week's The Power of the Possible Radio Show,
I am responding to listeners’ questions.

Why beating yourself up mentally and emotionally can never work.
Recognizing the ego’s voice And saying no to it.
Ending negative self-talk, taking responsibility for your life.
How do you date when you are a single mother?
How can I live in the present when I am terrified about the future?

The Negative Ego's Favorite Response

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:09:00 +0000

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Here is this week's Food for Thought.

Let me share the story of Jane. It is not her real name, of course, but it is her real story.
She is an old friend of mine and right now she is going through a crisis.
It is the same crisis she's been through before. Many times and for many years.

What do you think it is?

What are the obvious, repeated problems people find themselves in?
Usually they will cluster around these 4 areas:
Money, Career, Relationships and Health.

In my friend's case, it's money. Always, it is money and always she doesn't have enough of it.

And it is getting worse.

Before you hurry to point to the current economy as the reason for her troubles, wait.
My friend is so powerful she has successfully created the same crisis over and over again regardless of the state of the economy.

Did I say powerful? Yes, you read it correctly.

Because it takes a lot of powerful focused energy to continue to create constant financial disasters. To the point that it doesn't even matter how much money she makes. Her bills are always more than her income. "I am the one who never has enough money" has become her identity.

How does she deal with her situation?
A very good question.

This is what Jane hears in her head every time she runs out of money:

"You are no good. You can never manage money well. All the money you made in the past...where is it???? You've squandered it! You can't be trusted with money. You will always be a loser. You ARE a loser. Here you are again, calling people, begging for help. You should be ashamed. You will end up in the street, living under the bridge. And you deserve it..."

Relentless negative ego chatter, coming in the form of thoughts that are always putting her down.

And when she succeeds, gets a big check, gets a new project, does the job well, she hears: " You could have done it better! Sooner! Years ago! It won't last anyway. It never does. Don't keep your hopes up. It never happens to you. You are not good enough. Go spend some money while you have it. Have some fun...you deserve it..."

She can't win with this voice, can she?

No, she can't.

But she can always tell this voice to shut up!

"But Auriela, isn't this voice telling her the truth? Just look at her life..."

Not so.

The voice is not telling her the truth at all. The voice is using "what looks like truth" to bring her down, so she never gets up.

Because the truth is: She is not a loser, she is not a failure and she is not a jerk. And she is totally capable to live differently and to manage her money better. Just as she is totally capable to find a different occupation, the one that would come with a more stable income.

Why doesn't she do it then?

Because at a certain point in her life she had refused to think.
Because thinking for herself looked like too much work!

Too much work - to be evaluating, analyzing, looking at her life and her choices, taking responsibility for them, making different decisions...
It was easier to just look the other way, smoke a joint, get high, distract herself, avoid taking action...

So how does this relate to the Negative Ego?

Who do you think is whispering this self-destructive garbage in her ear?
Her Negative Ego, of course.

It is that voice in her head that interprets everything that happens in her life - in a way that is most devastating and destructive to her.

And she is so used to listening to it, she now believes it.

And the way out?

She needs to start thinking for herself.

As soon as a disparaging (or a self-aggrandizing) thought enters her mind - she needs to question it.

-Is it true that I am unable to take care of myself? -No, it is not.
-Is it true that I should go and spend the money I need to save? -No, it is not.
-Is it true I will never find a different career? -No it is not!

Why hasn't she started thinking for herself yet?

For the same reason she has let it happen to her in the first place: she has completely sold out to her ego.
To such an extent that she doesn't even recognize it.

That's why I said last time that the phenomenon is anything but benign.

Several things need to happen for Jane so she can break out of the cycle:

1. She needs to tell herself the truth without beating herself up.

2. She needs to start thinking and acting.

This won't happen without her also forgiving herself for all the "lost time," all the drama and all the pain.
But she already knows all this. We talked about it many times.

Will she do it?

It will depend on who she decides to listen to this time.
Her own critical thinking, or her negative ego.

Scary? Yes, it is.
The situation and where it can lead is scary. NOT the ego.

The ego would like you to believe that it is scary.
But it truth, it will be nothing but an empty voice, as soon as you take your life in your own hands.
Take charge of it! Toss the negative ego out and get yourself into the driving seat.

How can you apply this information to your own life?
Start thinking!

"But Auriela, I already am! How can you tell me this?..."

And this, my friends, is the ego's favorite, immediate response:

"I already do." "I've done this already. Got it, Handled it. Next...?"

Always question this thought.
If you are a thinking person, great. Then check your thoughts.
Teach yourself to think better, deeper, more.

Your ego will hate this idea, and will try to dismiss you, me and this letter.

Who will you listen to?

More On the Negative Ego

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:04:00 +0000

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Hello dear friends,

Last week I promised you to write about the negative ego and how it can mess up your life.

Here is what I wrote about it in The Power of the Possible, on pp. 158-160

"There is a voice inside our heads and it never ever tells us the truth. It plays the same old tapes over and over again...every time we allow it to speak, it lies to us. Every time we listen to it and obey it, it brings us destruction, suffering and pain. It is not overly intelligent. Quite the opposite. Our negative ego is dumb. Dumb but cunning and it is masquerading as our best friend.

"When we need to work harder it tells us we've done enough and need to rest.
When we've done a great a job it tells us we could have done it much better...
When someone pays us a compliment, it says it is because they want something from us.
When a friend gives us a constructive criticism, it tell us it is because they are jealous of our success...

"The negative ego has but one purpose: to bring us down and to destroy everything we have...
And yet we listen. Contrary to all common sense we don't just listen, we follow its advice...
And soon enough it all tumbles down: a valued friendship - broken, a career - damaged, a relationship - destroyed...."

There is a lot more in the book, with very good examples, and if you don't have it, it may be a good idea to get the book and to read about this in depth.
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A Closer Look at My Priorities

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:33:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

In the last couple of weeks I noticed I was getting antsy. Not my usual, happy, high energy self, which is my normal condition. I wondered what it could be. It was time to pause and to look inward.
So I did.

I took a close look at my priorities. First, I wrote them down, then I tried to arrange them in the order of importance.

The Law of Priorities tells you that if you have your priorities in order, you have a very good chance of getting most of them, or even all of them.
And if your priorities are out of order, your success with creating what you want will be hit and miss.

Staring at my list, I could see it clearly. My priorities were out of order. I was doing too many things, taking on too many projects - all fun and exiting - but as a result, the things that were the most important were not getting the time and attention they needed to get.

For example, I barely had time for writing. No wonder I was feeling so antsy. The new book is trying to come through, I am feeling an insistent call to go back to writing, it gets so intense at times, I can hardly breathe...yet with my current schedule I can't make enough time for it.

I looked at my list and put the book on the top of my priorities.

It is amazing how much you can learn just by putting your list of priorities in order.
It explained to me my ambivalence about adding another night a week - a Wednesday night class, to my schedule, even though I did announce it. And of course it explained the fact that registration for that class has been so uncertain.
The Universe was responding to my own uncertainty.

Does the Wednesday Night Class stay?
I am still not sure. I had a different idea for now.

The Tuesday Night Class continues, of course.
I LOVE doing it and I LOVE my students-teachers.
Not long ago I closed this group to new members.
And yet, last week once again I was reminded of the truth behind the words
"if you want to make God laugh, tell Him YOUR plans."

I was clearly being shown that I needed to be flexible with this decision.

So I re-thought it.
I decided that if the fit is right, occasionally new members can join us.
Growth has no prerequisites, and this work is so Choreographed and guided and has been from the start.

Not by me.
By something much More and Greater.
So with humility, I step aside and trust that the right students will always be part of this group, just as they have been so far.
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Negative Ego - Life Destroyer

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:50:00 +0000

Here is some Food for Thought.

At our last Tuesday Night Class - we looked at your Negative Ego and how it goes about destroying your life.

I am talking about that voice inside your head that interprets everything and gives it its own spin.
The spin that is the most destructive to you.
The the scariest things is that you don't even know it. You are so used to this voice you think these are your own thoughts.

Without going into detail - this will be for the next letter, I will tell you this.
It was the first evening ever where absolutely everyone fell asleep during the
meditative journey to meet their ego face to face(!).

Yes, it's true. Every one of my beautiful, conscious, powerful students was "gone" as soon as the Ego showed up.

Have I gotten your attention?

Yes, this is exactly how the Negative Ego works.
And it is perfectly capable of turning on sudden "brain fog,"
if this will distract you from exposing it.

The good news: Your Ego has no Power unless you give it to it.
The bad news: you have given it way too much of your Power.
More good news: Since it is Your Power, you can always take it back!

With a caveat: to do this you need to understand the mechanics of how it works.

If you are still reading this - again, good news.
It means not all your power has gone to the ego.
If you think I am joking, let me assure you, I am not.
There is nothing even remotely benign about the subject.

MORE -in the next blog, with examples and explanations.

Make sure you don't miss it, and if you are living in the Bay Area within the driving distance from Southern Marin, consider coming to tomorrow night's class.
Understanding how the ego works and what you can do to take your power back from it is crucial, life changing information.

Conversation with Elizabeth Grant, Spiritual Mentor and Transformation Coach.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:44:00 +0000

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A deeply personal and empowering story of an awakening to your true power.

Moving from a life of depression, panic attacks and fear to a life filled with joy laughter, and compassion.

The principles of Living in the Present.

Wealth Consciousness. How to develop it and what stands in the way.

What do you say waking up in a hospital and seeing the Future?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 00:16:00 +0000

The doctors said he needed a heart-transplant.

35 year-old Bret Simister had a different idea. What do you do when “out of the blue” your heart expands to twice its size?

What do you say waking up in a hospital ...and seeing the Future you, standing there, ready to talk?

You think you may be dreaming but you are not.

“What do you want to do?” he asks. The true story of an amazing recovery against all odds.
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2 Ways To Live A Life & New Wednesday Class

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 01:12:00 +0000

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Here is this week's Food for Thought as well what to expect from the new Wednesday Evenings.

These are two of my favorite quotes. Both are by Einstein:

"There are 2 ways to live a life.
One, as if nothing is a miracle, and another - as if everything is a miracle."

And

"You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.
You must learn to see the world anew."

Think back on these words as you read this letter.

I won't be telling you anything new if I say that we are living at a time of change.

The visible change may feel exciting or disconcerting, frightening or hopeful, depending on your point of view.

This is not the change I am talking about.

Listen.

Something amazing and grand that has never happened in the history of humanity is also happening right now, and if you are not yet aware of it, it is simply because you are in the midst of it.
You are so much a part of it that you don't notice.

I want you to notice.

What I am talking about is a change in Consciousness.
People everywhere are waking up as if from a deep sleep.
Re-evaluating everything, asking questions they never did before.
Going through a profound change in their value system.

Let me quote Michael Beckwith, speaking on Oprah, saying the same thing:

"People want to know about their purpose, why are they here on the planet?
It's the question that won't go away, because the answer reveals that we are here to wake up, to discover our true nature - our gifts, talents and capacities - and to express them. That's why we're here."

For this, you need to be able "to see the world anew."
Einstein knew this decades and decades and decades ago.
He was, afer all - Albert Einstein:).

Did he also know that the time would come when seeing the world anew would become imperative?

"But Auriela, here you go again. Can't I just 'be,' please?
I have enough on my plate as it is..."

In a word, No.

You can't just be. You could - in the past.
Not anymore.

So you can drag along kicking and screaming or - you can have fun with it!

Because it is already happening!

Think back a few years.
Notice the difference between then and now.

What once had been so "out there," and "weird" has become main stream thinking.

Here are but a few examples:

People talk about beliefs and the need to change them in the most mundane way...
People talk about The Law of Attraction fully expecting you to understand.
They talk about thinking positively and about focusing on gratitude...

They talk about forgiveness they way they never did before.
"Normal" people, not people like me who have been talking about it for decades.

No longer are we weird, "too much," too "New Age"...
These day I am asked to explain these concepts in depth on the radio.

The same people that used to laugh at the idea of creating their own reality,
are now accepting it, saying things like "there is no such thing as an accident..."

Yes, something very different is going on.
Something as monumental as an Awakening of Consciousness.
And it is sweeping the planet and reaching everyone.

Suddenly the person you'd least expect is saying to you: "just give it over to the Universe," and you do a double-take. Did you hear correctly? You did. Not only did he say it, he said it matter-of-factly.

You also notice that you are wanting more from your life.
Caring about things you didn't think "you had time for" before.

You are reaching for meaning, for purpose, for Self-Discovery.
You know that your relationship with YOU is what will determine
how happy, how successful and how much love you will have in your life.
Regardless of how it "appears" to everyone else.

Think about it.
This is very new. Not new for "seekers." They have existed throughout history.
Philosophers, monks, metaphysicians ...A handful of them, really.

But the "regular guys and gals" who are busy working, raising kids, paying bills, mortgages, insurances, caring for the aging parents. Those who "had no time" to look inward - now find the time.

This is change at your very core.

A fundamental change in your values.

You have no measuring devices to quantify the extent of it.
You couldn't see the exact moment it had begun. Such is the mystery of change.
All you can see is the result of it.

And right now, all of us, every human being on earth is experiencing this change.
Compelled to wake up. Compelled to become more.
It is a continuous process, far from complete, taking place at this very moment.

Where can this change take us?
To the most incredible, positive, fantastic, beyond imagination, fabulous future.

Did I scare you?

Worry not. It's a gradual process. Gradual precisely because it is so frightening.

How can a great future be frightening?

Easily. Haven't you heard about "the devil you know"...that is better than the one you don't know?

Change can be frightening because the Unknown is frightening.
The Chaos that accompanies change is frightening. The uncertainty of it.

But frightening or not - you cannot stop it.
You cannot control it. Not you, not me, not anyone.

Not this change.

Imagine a huge wave coming at you as you are swimming in the ocean.
If you fight it, it will just crash you, if you try to swim away from it, it will catch up with you in no time.
The only way for you to make it - is to ride it!

Except:
You can't ride this wave while also pulling your old baggage behind you.
The wave will break it apart.
And if you don't let go, it will destroy you as well.

For anything New to be created something Old has to be destroyed.
It's a non-negotiable Law of how things work in our reality.
Think about it and you will find plenty of examples.

Here are some:

-For forgiveness to be real, the old hatred has to die.
-For a child to be born, the pregnancy must end.
-For the new leaves to come out in spring, the old leaves must shrivel and fall off.
-For you to be happy, your addiction to being sorry for yourself must go.
-For you to be successful, your desire to punish your parents or your ex by showing them how they messed up your life must die...

If you want to keep the old baggage, you can't make the change to the New World.

Is such high price worth paying?

And what's so precious in this baggage anyway?

Your old hurts and disappointments?
Suffering and struggle?
Painful memories and righteousness?
Your addiction to blame?
Your sorrows? Your rage...?

The past is receding. Losing its potency. It takes more and more of your energy to work at keeping it alive.
The energy you can use to create an amazing future.

I want to show you the steps, so you can do it safely.

The pain can end.

It can be healed. And then - left behind.
The past can be forgiven and then - let go of.

Many have done it. You can too.
I know it because I've been there.
If I hadn't healed so much of the pain, I would not be here to write this letter.
I would have no right to write it.

Listen.
There is a Future waiting for you that will blow your mind!
With miracles, small and large, that will astound you and make you weep.
But you have to be willing to have them.
And you have to be here to experience them.

The old is dying. And with it - the old ways.
The old ways of being, of solving problems, of dealing with life.

They don't work anymore.
Or haven't you noticed it already?

I opened the School for you.
For people like you who are ready for the Next Step.
Who are ready to uncover the Mystery. The Mystery of You.
And with it, The Mystery of Life and The Mystery of Each Other.

I also opened the School for myself. I was responding to my Soul's call.
Doing this work feeds my Soul beyond anything I can say.
Being there for your "aha" moments. Seeing your eyes after a meditation.
Seeing the light that hasn't been there before.
The light that stays!

It is Your light, and it scares you more than your darkness.
Yet, you go for it anyway!
This takes my breath away.

I opened the School of Hope and Inspiration for those of you, ready to say YES to life.
Ready to embrace your Power, and to stop pretending that you don't have it.

If this speaks to you, then come. Follow your gut, come and have the experience.

What happens at the School?
It's different very time. Because it is tailor-made for you.

The result?

-Your life will become more and more magical.

-Your spirituality will sparkle and you won't question it.

-Your successes will be brighter and more fulfilling.

-Your happiness will be more real.

-You will learn to love better and you'll bring more love into your life.

-Your trust in yourself will heal.

-You will learn to consciously create miracles (oh, yes.)

-You will build back what you've lost of yourself through the living of your life.

-You will stop holding yourself back.

-You will uncover the Secrets of Yourself that have been waiting for you, hidden in plain sight all of your life...

And you will make the transition we are all going through gracefully, elegantly, with ease.

And if you are still reading this long letter,
then I have definitely written it for you.

My Tuesday night students - see you on the 15th!
My new students, I look forward to meeting you in person on Wednesday, the 16.

Take a chance, take a plunge. What have you got to lose?
How else will know if the fit is right or not?

To my out-of-town readers:
I am incredibly sorry for the delay with the teleclasses.
It looks like by the end of September we should be ready to start.
Stay tuned.

All for now,

With Love and Hope,
Auriela.

P.S. Follow your intuition and if it feels right,
forward this to your friends or your family members.

P.P.S. If you don't live in the San Francisco Bay Area, stay with us through these emails and keep sending me your questions.
I am planning to do this work via Internet at some point.
I will of course let you know when it happens.

Taking Time Off to Enjoy

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:53:00 +0000

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This week's Food for Thought.

It's Labor Day Weekend...I hope you took time off work and had a great time! Especially those of you who are working for yourselves. You know what I am talking about :). You never seem to catch up, something always remains undone. The best time to do it is during the holiday weekend, right?
Wrong.
Taking time off to enjoy yourself and to have fun is one of the most underrated things in our world. Yet, if you don't do it, how easy it is to slide into the "overworked, underpaid, unappreciated" state.

You need rest, you need to have fun and to learn how to do it consciously. And how wonderful it is that - if you haven't yet learned how to give yourself permission to do it - our world gives you the official "go ahead" on the few designated days we have come to call "the holidays." So enjoy!

And as for never being able to catch up with things - I know the place only too well.

Here is how I learned to deal with it.

One day, faced with the never ending to do list, I simply stopped.
A light bulb went on in my head. It was never going to happen, this "catching up" thing, I told myself. There will always be more "things". It was a simply a fact of life.

This sudden realization changed everything.
I relaxed, I laughed to myself, and then - I accepted it.
It was the way it was. No longer a problem.
Now, as long as I am not letting anyone down, and as long as I am not on a deadline, I don't drive myself crazy. I do things in stride. And I hardly ever rush. Yes. It's true. I hate rushing, in fact I am convinced I am allergic to it :).

What about you?

All for now.

Love, Auriela
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Book Talks and New Releases - Italy

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 20:44:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

I will start with a Reminder:

This Wednesday, September 9th, at 7pm I am speaking at

the Book Depot café and bookstore in Mill Valley

I know I mentioned this before, but in our busy world, a reminder is good thing. So if you live in the Bay Area, and especially if you live in Marin County, please, come!

What will I talk about? The Power of the Possible, of course.

I will share with you how the book came about and what it was like writing it, I will tell you a few stories from my life you probably don't know, I will tell you what I mean by the Power of the Possible ( and it is NOT what you expect.)

I will tell you how I keep coming up with such counter-intuitive things like:
"don't 'communicate,'" " 'the right time' to talk is - the wrong time," "destroy your list for 'soul-mate' qualities," "even if you are right, so what?"... all this and more - with an explanation of course ;).
I will answer any of your questions and if you are among the several lucky ones, you'll be able to win The Power of the Possible, 10CD Audio Book, read by me.

And please, if it feels right, tell your friends about it!

In the mean time, The Power of the Possible, a book of hope and inspiration, continues to have a life of its own. Mysterious sales spikes on Amazon.com keep happening. Word-of-mouth is an amazing thing.
The publisher just sold another Foreign Rights to the book - this time to an Italian publishing company. They are going to translate it. This is the book's 6th Foreign edition...more are on the way.

A friend came upon a site, BookCrossing.com, that tracks books that people have registered and then "released into the wild." It turns out the The Power of the Possible has been registered as such book.
The woman writes that she is about "to release it into the wild", which tells me she is not finished reading it yet. Whatever the "wild" means, it does sound like fun, doesn't it?

The Power of the Possible at BookCrossing.com
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Are You in a Co-Dependent Relationship?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:54:00 +0000

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Hello Everyone and here is this week's radio show

Taking a look at Co-Dependency

Are you in a co-dependent relationship?

Demystifying co-dependency:
The 3 questions to ask yourself – and to answer. 3 distinct behavior patterns to uncover and to end.

Responding the listeners’ questions:
Siding with the children instead of your spouse; Anxiety – its origin, what it masks and the technique to alleviate it. Old boy friend returns – and with him, the old pattern. What to do?

Conversation with Elliott Katz, "Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants"

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 00:51:00 +0000

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Hello Everyone and here is this week's radio show

“But I just wanted to make her happy?...” Did you? Are You Sure?

Conversation with Elliot Katz, author of "The Strong Man a Woman Wants".

Ahh...relationships! A different, much needed look at the man’s role in a marriage.

- what type of man are strong women longing for? A strong man.

- what does it mean “to be a man?”

- taking responsibility for your relationship means changing yourself

Food For Thought

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:12:00 +0000

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Here is this week's Food for Thought

I am writing this from New York - a quick 3-day trip to visit my little baby granddaughter. She is now almost 2 months old, what a difference since the last time I saw her at 9 days old. Now, she is a little person. And a very serious little person :). When I hold her close to my chest, the rest of the world disappears.

I love watching her. What is it like, being in such a tiny body...
She keeps looking around with her big blue eyes, trying so hard to figure out where she is. Her entire body gets so intensely focused :). From time to time, she furrows her brow...(yes, she does!) imagine that (!) "Why am I here? What is this new and different world all about?"
You think I am exaggerating, letting my imagination go wild...I really don't. The last thing I expected was to find such amazing concentration in a tiny infant. It's been quite a while since her father (my son :)) had been an infant. I was too overwhelmed and way too young to have the luxury of being an observer.

You can learn a lot from being with a baby, if you let yourself.
How do they make sense of things while still "pre-language?"
All they have is what they feel, what they sense and what their instinct tells them. Though I bet you it's right on the money.

You can't fool a baby. Because they absolutely 'get' who you are and what you are about.
Also, they haven't yet learned to pretend and to mask their feelings.

It's an amazing state, before the conditioning happens.
Before they've been taught to discount their feelings and to dismiss what they know instinctively, because the adults tell them to do so.

Tiny babies have no screens to filter the incoming information.
They have not yet learned to rely on their ego to "interpret" what's going on.
They make no projections, they have no previous painful experiences.

They haven't yet learned to doubt themselves.

But you don't remain a baby forever. And that's a good thing. You grow up.
Life happens. And with it - wonderful things and painful things happen as well. And when life throws you a few curved balls, which it always does, because that's the entire point: so you will learn how to duck, how to respond, how to heal and to change out of the experience - you begin to ask the right questions and you begin to grow.

At least that's the way it was intended. That's what was supposed to take place.
Too often, it did not.
It did not, because there wasn't anyone who could point the right way.
And because those who needed to do it, didn't know the way either.

So it became up to us.
Up to each and every one of us - to find the way out of the maze of doubt, pain and disappointment. Not babies anymore, not children either, we had to learn how to become Spiritual beings. Adults.
A long time ago, I had a sheet of paper on my refrigerator that someone had given me. It said: "This life is just a test. If it had been a real life, you would have been given instructions where to go and what to do." I put it up because I thought it was funny.

Do you live your life as if this were true?
Because in truth, it is not just a test. You are living this life for a reason.

I had an interesting conversation with my son last night about life and what matters, which echoed a recent survey made by my friend, a self- development teacher. She asked her subscribers (over 3,000 of them) to pick what they wanted to focus on most in the next course she would offer. The responses were fascinating.

Over 80% of people, both men and women said they wanted to learn about how to live a life filled with meaning and purpose, how to make their lives matter, and how to be happy doing it. They chose this over courses on "Creating Financial Success and Abundance," and on "Making Your Relationship Work."

Think about it.

And in case you've you been wondering "where is this world going?"- it is going in the right direction! And it is changing - positively, even though outwardly, to many, it may still look that it's all falling apart.

No, the old ways are no longer working.
And - Yes, all of it has to come apart.
So that it can then - come together, in a new and better way.
And you are already sensing it, aren't you? You do feel it, or - know it, otherwise you would not be reading this letter, you would have stopped long ago.

Only recently, workshops on Financial Success or Relationships would have been the most attractive. Today, while these issues remain very important, more and more of you realize that unless you discover a way to make yourself and your life matter, you won't be able to truly enjoy the financial success. Today, you know you need to find a way to feel good and to be happy regardless of the external circumstances.

You also realize that unless you create a beautiful relationship with YOU, no relationship will another will ever work.

In the past you could say "I know I need to make time to look at my life, but right now I need to make money first," or "As soon as I meet my love, I will look at everything else"...today, you no longer feel this way.

And this makes my heart sing. This touches me so deeply.
In my work at the School and also with private clients, I see people taking such huge leaps. So bravely unraveling "the baggage" that was tying them to the past and letting it all go, letting their Light shine...
Such courage, so inspiring. People of different ages - from 22 to in their 60ies, coming from different religious backgrounds and different belief systems...doing the work and changing SO fast...If I wasn't witnessing it, I would have a hard time believing it myself.
Truly - The stuff of Magic!

I am so grateful to be part of this. As I said before and will always be saying, I get as much or more out of the experience....

All for now.

My old students, see you on Tuesday night!
My new students - see you on Wednesday, the 16th.

Love, Auriela
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Class Schedule Announcements

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:39:00 +0000

A School of Hope and Inspiration

The ongoing Tuesday night group is now closed for new members.

The New Group Will Begin Wednesday, September 16th
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com
Classes are held in Southern Marin

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm.
So many of you had a schedule conflict and asked for a different evening. Here it is!

Tuition: Sliding scale: $40 - 55.
At the same time, no one is turned away at the door because of financial difficulties. (If this is your case, see me separately or write to me. I am also looking for volunteers to help with various School projects.)

The best way to decide if this work is right for you is to experience it. So come!

The Book Depot Talk in Mill Valley, California

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:23:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

First a reminder:

Wednesday, September 9th, 7:00pm

I am speaking at the Book Depot in Mill Valley

about The Power of the Possible, a book of hope and inspiration.

I hope you can come and join me and also bring your friends! I am looking forward to a fun evening and to meeting many of you, who I only know through correspondence, in person!

I will also bring a few 10-CD Audio Books of The Power of the Possible with me. They are read by me and are only available from my website.

If you are among the several lucky ones,

You Can Win

a 10-CD Audio Book, The Power of the Possible!

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"The First 30 Days" Conversation with Ariane de Bonvoisin

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 00:09:00 +0000

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Hello, everyone

Here is this week’s show title:

Conversation with Ariane de Bonvoisin,
author of "The First 30 Days" Your guide to making any change easier.

- the change guarantee
- fighting change is like swimming upstream
- learning to make friends with change, developing the "change muscle"
- "you are stronger than you think"
- accepting change, ending the resistance
- feeling your feelings; telling yourself the truth
- giving yourself permission to be happy
- "from this situation something good will come"
- becoming “the change optimist”

Making change a spiritual experience.

The Question is Often More Important than the Answer

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:11:00 +0000

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And now my thoughts on the subject of the last 2 letters:

As I always say, the question is often more important than the answer.

I have posed to you two questions.
"Sex...doesn't she owe it to me?"
and
"At what point it is OK to say no to your lover?"

Many of you were outraged by these questions. Some were puzzled, some remained "undecided..."

As one of you wrote to me: "Auriela, surely these are trick questions..."

Sadly, they weren't.
The questions came from real people. They came from people in pain.

Yet, in order to find the answers, the right questions had to be asked first.

So here is this week's food for thought.

Let's take it beyond sex.

Let's start with the second question posed: When is it OK to say no to your lover?
Here is the answer: Always.

If it is not OK to say no to a request, then it is not really a request at all, is it?
It is an expectation. It is a question with a built-in obligation to say yes.

When this is what takes place between two people, let's not pretend that it is something else.
The question would not even arise had the relationship been a healthy one.

To this point, read on.

Let's look at owing things to each other.

In my opinion, the very concept of "owing" something to another has no place in love or in friendship.
In business, perhaps. In love - no.

Owing means having an obligation.
It usually presupposes a debt of some kind.

Think about the people in your life that you love. Friends or your loved ones.
Whatever you do for them, you do it because you want to, don't you?
You love these people, you care about them, it is only natural that you want to be there for them, right?

Now how would you feel if they were to start pressuring you into doing things for them?
Would you still want to do them? Will you still have the same enthusiasm and desire? Certainly not.
You were doing them gladly, now - they expect it, now - you are obliged to do them.

Suddenly- there is a creepy feeling inside you chest...what is it?
Resentment.

You are being made to give what you were giving freely and that doesn't feel good.

As soon as the expectation of something being owed enters your relationship, you step onto a very dangerous ground.
And if you don't catch this soon, you are well on the way of losing what you once had with each other.

When you start doing anything in your relationship because you feel obliged to do it, it's time to take a good look at the relationship itself.

It's the time to ask the right questions:

-Why am I with this person?
and
-Do I still want to be there?

If the relationship is healthy, you will want to be there for each other 100% in every way, and in every area.
Why would it be different when it comes to sex?

And if your sexual needs differ, together you find a way to work with this and to resolve it. It is that simple.

If you don't, it is usually because there are other things that are already seriously wrong between you, things you have been avoiding dealing with.

Often, it happens like this:

You've had too many fights where nothing had been resolved, or - if you are not a fighting kind, too many hostile withdrawals and silences.
All of this led to resentments.

And when resentments entered your relationship they weighted it down. Took the spark out of it.
All the unexpressed, unaddressed, undealt with angers, hurts, fears, disappointments...clouded the energy between the two of you and made it murky.

And with resentments came the walls.

The invisible walls one or both of you had put up, so as not to deal with the pain.
And the longer this went on, the harder it seemed to undo it and the more it began to feel like "too much work."

So how much fun would it be to have sex under the circumstances?

Not that much. Easier to simply - forget about it.

But sex is a physical need, clearly. For many people, a very strong physical need.
Sexual energy, the primal energy, so powerful it creates life...why would you voluntarily say no to it?

Often because it is easier to just "settle." Often because you feel that "your partner is shutting you out."
Which in itself is rage-producing...And the relationship spirals down, and after a while - you tell yourself "we are good friends and that's enough" ( and even believe it)
or - the two of you turn into room mates, living parallel lives...
Sex? What sex?

Beware of your resentments.

"Resentment is the poison that kills." I wrote this once, in The Power of the Possible. Resentments are like tiny seeds of hostility swallowed whole.
And as they sink deep inside you - inside your body and inside your heart, they begin their destructive work, undoing the love, undoing the closeness...and suddenly you are polite with each other, instead of real. Polite, so as not to upset the fragile and false "peace."

And the distance between you grows. And making love is suddenly really "too much work," not at all what it once was. Imagine what you have to wade through to even begin?
"Don't touch me" becomes the message, whether it is spoken out loud or not.
Leading to more anger...leading to more resentment...

Add to this mix your sexual dissatisfaction and you have a real potent recipe for disaster.

At times, you find yourself wanting to have sex regardless of the state of your relationship, but your partner does not.
In your anger, and not knowing how to deal with this, you begin to demand it.
Acting as if it's owed to you!

But the more you push, the more you meet with resistance.
The more resistance comes your way, the angrier and more frustrated you get.

And it goes from bad to worse real fast.

In a situation like this - having or not having sex with each other is the least of your problems.
Your entire relationship is at stake.

Unattended, this becomes the status quo.

And that's how it happens that such an enormous number of married couples end up not making love to each other.

Not a happy picture. Sadly, it is a very common one.
If this is yours, then start with the right questions. The questions will point the way.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. There truly is. It starts - like everything - with the choice.
The choice to make yourself matter. To make your life matter. To make being happy - matter!
And with the choice - come the possibilities. The new road opens - and you take.
It is never too late! And when the student is ready - even the stones will speak.
The right book appears, the right class, the right seminar, the right teacher....

And if working with me feels right for you - then please, write to me, get in touch.

In the fall, I will be starting a new course on Making Love Work in Your Life.
On line, and also in person, here in the Bay Area.
Watch this newsletter for details or write to me.

All for now.

With love and hope,

Auriela.

Saturday, September 9th at the Book Depot, Mill Valley

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:03:00 +0000

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Don't ask what the answer is. Ask the right question first..

Hello, dear friends,

Those of you, who live in the Bay Area, California,

Please, mark your calendars for

Wednesday, September 9th, 7 pm.

I am speaking at the Book Depot in Mill Valley
and
I would be so happy if you could join me!

Do come, and please, tell your friends about this so I don't have to speak to empty chairs :)
It will also be an opportunity for us to meet in person, if we haven't yet, and for you to get a signed copy of The Power of the Possible.
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