Auriela McCarthy's Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:53:00 +0000

"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Hello, dear friends,

Good to be connecting with you again!

The last few weeks seem to have just flown by.

I loved talking in Santa Rosa on May 3d. A wonderful group of people.
Very warm response. I enjoyed every minute! Judging by the nodding heads all the way through the talk I knew the topic hit a nerve.

I was talking about feelings...what happens when we suppress the "difficult" ones. Deny our anger, refuse to feel rage, avoid and deny hate...?

(Did I say "hate"? Yes, I did. Hate comes up, for all of us. Just read the news sometimes. Read about what goes on in some places in Africa, see the photos. learn the facts...)
We don't need to justify and explain what we feel, we just need to feel.

And - let go.

Which is easier said than done, because most people have spent their lives teaching themselves the opposite:
trying to manage life while avoiding their feelings.

Of course, it comes with a very high price:

Needlessly long suffering, physical illness, chronic fatigue, struggle, lack of success or lack of lasting success... And also with lack of clarity, inability to make decisions or act on the decisions made...loss of relationships ... The list is long.

We needed to be taught this starting with kindergarten. But we weren't. It wasn't on the curriculum in grade school either. And yet - knowing what to do with the feelings we feel is one of the essential skills for life.

I am going to speak about it again, live.
On the evening of Thursday, May 31st, in Mill Valley, Ca.

If you live around here, do come and do bring your friends. I promise it will be worth your while! You will leave with at least 3-4 things you can begin to use right away. Probably more.

When I talked in Santa Rosa, people left with pages of notes.

The talk is called:

"Using the Phenomenal Power of Your Feelings for Unstoppable Success."

click here for details

For those of you who don't live in the Bay Area of San Francisco - worry not! I have decided to follow my intuition (and your emails) and teach an 8 Part telephone class:

"A Step by Step Map to Clarity, Prosperity and Peace."

If you decide to join me in this 8 weeks class, get ready for your life to improve in ways beyond what you can imagine. Yes, it's true.

We will start in mid June and everything will be recorded. Watch your inbox for my emails and I will send you the details soon.

* * *

And now, as always, this week's Food for Thought.
A story.

I went on a couple of trips this month, among them, one to Portland on a family matter, where I also had a chance to hang out with my old clients and friends I haven't seen in 5 years.

I got to spend time in one of the most amazing book stores I have ever seen, I went to a 2 pm dance on a Sunday to accompany a dear friend where I saw people in their late 70ies and 80ies kick it up on the dance floor with such pizzazz and grace it made my heart sing!

Watching them dance I couldn't help but notice a beautiful woman whose every movement and every smile seemed to emanate light. She looked to be in her late 60ies, maybe early 70ies.

As luck would have it, we were introduced. She pulled me into her embrace, wrapped her strong arms around me and held me for a few seconds. We smiled at each other. We began to talk. Before long, she was telling me her story.

She was 84 years old, a widow 3 times, she had been coming to this club for over 15 years, and...she had lost her daughter to cancer but a few months ago...

I gasped, but she waved away my "I am so sorry...",
a genuine movement, not a fake one.

"My daughter had such a great life! she said.
"She did EVERYTHING she wanted to do. Everything. She just went for it. She traveled everywhere she wanted to go, she didn't let anything stop her...

"And she was a great person. She touched many lives. I am so proud of her. There were several hundred people at her memorial service, so many people brought cookies..."

At this, she broke into laughter and proceeded to tell me more about the cookies...

I did a double take.

Was this conversation for real? To be talking about cookies at the memorial service while having just lost a daughter you loved so dearly? To have her be taken from you by cancer so early... and...to be so filled with joy?

Was it denial, the first stage of grief? Was it the way the woman was coping with her unimaginable loss?

Or was her light-heartedness real? Coming from a place of deep peace, a sensing of a deeper mystery behind everything?

The more I listened and watched, the more real she felt to me.

Was it truly possible to transcend your grief that fast?

She invited us to her home and I had a chance to spend more time with this remarkable woman.

Yes, she was genuine, and yes, she WAS celebrating her daughter's life. There was no sadness, no quickly brushed away tears, no suffering, no hidden sighs.

In fact, she was celebrating LIFE, pretty much all the time. Without effort, without reminders to self to focus on the positive.

She simply saw her life and ALL LIFE as a miracle, and she was grateful for every moment.

She was 84 years old, vibrant, alive and fabulous.

She was saying YES to everything.

There is no moral to this story. I know that each one of you will draw your own conclusions.

For me, two things stand out.

1. How much joy she drew from the fact that her daughtergot to do and to experience everything she had set out to do.
That she had said "yes" to herself, took risks, had adventures, acted on her dreams, had courage to pursue them and did not postpone anything.

2. The true joy this amazing woman has been exuding with her very breath. And not in spite of adversity, but as a state of being.

Here is something I learned:

If you want to experience Joy, real, effervescent, contagious joy, you have to allow yourself to feel (and to feel deeply) everything else that also comes your way.

You can't numb the so-called "difficult" feelings in favor of the "good" ones. It doesn't work this way.

If you avoid feeling something that's hard to feel, for example, anger, rage, hate, hurt, pain...if you stuff them or deny you even have them, this denial will spread to all else.

And it will be impossible to feel deeply happy, serenely peaceful, joyously loving...and all the rest of the wonderful, fabulous, amazing emotions available to us, human beings, to experience.

I am certain that this 84 year old, 3 times widowed mother of a daughter who has just died of cancer stumbled on this truth long ago.

When hit by loss, she felt the pain of loss, when hit by rage - she felt the fury of rage...

But she didn't stay there. That's how she was able to get to the other side. That was the secret to her happiness.

The difficult feelings are ALWAYS followed by the light ones.
That's why we have a saying "there is light at the end of the tunnel."

Think about it. Come to the talk, if you can. Here is the link to the flyer one more time. just click here

If it feels right, please, forward it to your friends and family.

All for now,

Love and blessings,
Auriela.

Auriela's Links

Visit The Power Of The Possible Site Here:
www.PowerOfThePossible.com

About Auriela McCarthy

Auriela McCarthy is the author of an Award- Winning book

The Power of the Possible,

a book of Hope and Inspiration.The book's Foreign editions include India, South Korea, Turkey, Denmark, Nigeria and Italy.

Often called a Modern-Day Spiritual Dear Abby, Auriela is a mystic, with both feet planted deeply in the common sense. She has been helping people from all walks of life as a spiritual mentor, a teacher, a guide and a relationships expert for over 15 years.

In 2008 Auriela originated the movement: The World Wide Call to Forgive.
This call is sounded once a year on the International Day of Forgiveness, when thousands of people around the world join in to synchronized Forgiveness Meditations.
www.AurielaMcCarthy.com

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 20:58:00 +0000

Hello dear friends,

This time, I'm posting a short blog post, as an invitation to those of you living in the Bay Area to come hear me talk a week from now, onThursday May 3 at the Healing Flower Place in Santa Rosa, California.

just click here to see the flyer

I will be talking about something near and dear to my heart, something I haven't yet spoken about publicly and to the extent I plan to do it now.

I wrote about it in The Power of the Possible, in many places throughout the book, in Chapter Five: "To Stay or to Leave? Forgiving the Unforgivable" on pp.115 and on then on pp. 150, 227 and 251.

I often talked about this when I was doing my radio shows. But never specifically and never with the singular focus.

You might be wondering what it is already and why the suspense?

I just can't help it, I guess. Whenever I get excited about something I am about to tell, I tend to lead with the long introduction.:). Forgive me:), this must be the story-teller in me taking over.

What I will be talking about is the incredible, amazing, phenomenal power that each of us has. This Power is our ability to feel.

Is that all???

Yes, dear friends, that's all...and that "all" is an immense, all-encompassing learning that we can spend the rest of our lives unraveling.

Each one of us is born with this ability, or rather, this gift.
To be able to experience the full range of feelings, from the lowest and darkest ones like hopelessness, loneliness, despair...to the lightest and the most expanding ones likelove, happiness, well being, optimism... And everything in between of course.

So what's the big deal? It's common knowledge, isn't it?

Yes and no. More "no" than "yes" I would say. Unfortunately.

What's not common knowledge is what having this power, (something we are born with and therefore take for granted) can do.

Because the extraordinary power of our feelings comes with the double edge:
it can save your life AND it can destroy it.
It can do either. And it can do both.

It is not a question of whether or not it will do it.
The question is "how" it will go about it and whether or not you want to be conscious and in charge of the process and the outcome.

That's why I am so excited to be sharing this information.

It is fair to say that I have spent the last 25 years exploring, learning and experiencing on my own skin the power of feeling (and - of not feeling.)
I plan to share a few of the most devastating moments of my life and also a few of the life-changing, liberating ones.

This is why I chose "How to use The Phenomenal Power of Your Feelings, a Way to Happiness" as the topic of my first public appearance in 2 years.
Because it's time. And because we are all ready.

I won't write more about it now since I intend to record the talk and (provided the equipment works) will put a link to it here, in my next newsletter.

I know that a great number of you live all over the world, bless your hearts, it moves so deeply, every time I look at all the places of the globe you come from. Sorry, I am not yet equipped to do live simulcast, I plan to be able to offer it soon.
Watch for the next post and you will be able to listen to the recording.

here again is the link with the invitation to the talk

Click on it regardless of where you live and whether or not you can come in person.
There are some intriguing points that will peak your curiosity and make you think.

If you have friends or family in my area, please, forward it to them, the things I will talk about are vital for everyone who is living in today's world.

All for now.

With Peace and Blessings,

Auriela McCarthy

Crabs in the Bucket

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 13:42:00 +0000

It was my birthday this week, and I am feeling so happy! So grateful for my life!
I spent the morning just basking in gratitude. It was a wonderful day!

Thanks to all of you who know me personally (or through FaceBook), and have sent me the Happy Birthday wishes. I was answering the phone and emails all morning on Wednesday and it dawned on me the way it never did before - we are all SO CONNECTED! We are more connected than we can even comprehend at this time. I am beginning to get a glimpse of it. WOW!

My dears, in case you'd like the links I sent in the last blog again, I'm putting them in this blog, too.

Here is the link to the recording of my talk at the New SuperWoman Summit:

go here to listen

This recording teaches (among other things) a very powerful and effective way to get out of feeling overwhelmed (if and when it happens.) And it does, to all of us:).

You will also learn what you can do to quickly get yourself in shape emotionally if you are, say, on the way to an important meeting, or a date, or a job interview and are feeling anxious, or scared, or terrified...not the way you want to show up.

These are the techniques I have been using in my own life, endless times over the years. They work!

If you are at a place where you need help with direction, a bit of guidance as to how to move on, clarity about the next step in your life... pretty much anything that can be covered within an hour's time - do fill the application below.

They call me the Spiritual Dear Abbey for a reason:):):)...
I can't take many of these calls simply because of time, but I will do my best to make it happen for you. People often have amazing Miracles right on the call. Like getting a set of new eyes. Suddenly, doors open, new opportunities show up. I extend you my invitation!

click here to see the application

And now this week's Food for Thought.

I have been working with a client who has recently taken a few courageous steps towards expanding her business and as a result is having wonderful success. The success however came with the price she didn't expect.

It feels like a painful price to pay, and it is.

Let me explain.

A life saving surgery is painful.
Telling your adult child who has comfortably settled "back at home" to get his own place and make his own income is painful. A long overdue break up of a relationship that's not working is painful...
The list is long. You know what I am talking about.

There are many things we have to do at times that are difficult, but right. Looking back, we often see them as "the best thing we did." My client was dealing with one of those situations. In her case, it was the old "crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

I wrote about it a few year back. When I mentioned it to her she had no idea what I was talking about.

There and then I pulled up my old blogs.
We read the blog together and it was so right on I decided to publish it here again.

Enjoy!

I am sure there will be a situation or two in your life where this applies ( or did in the past.) Or you may know someone who is dealing with this right now. Please, pass on this newsletter. Just click the "Forward" link at the very bottom. You will find many people thanking you for it.

Here is to your success and happiness!

Today's Food for Thought is about "Crabs in the Bucket."

A true story.

A friend of mine who has been able to move past the hurt and anger and rage she had been feeling about the way her relationship with her lover ended is beginning to feel good again.

No longer is she hating the man's guts every waking moment, no longer is she burning with the need for revenge...no longer is she dwelling in the past, clenching her fists, remembering how awfully she has been treated...

Instead, she is suddenly - very happy. She feels free again, she is able to focus on the future, she is feeling gratitude for so many wonderful things in her life. She is even thinking of quitting her job, perhaps starting her own business.

After so many tears and sleepless nights, is feels like such a miracle not to be in pain any more! She is overjoyed, thrilled with how she is feeling. It's been a very long time since she felt so happy. But when she shares with her fiends, their response is - silence.

They don't believe her.
They think she is lying to herself and that she needs to tell herself and them "the truth": how badly she really feels.
"You need to vent," they tell her. "Go ahead, keep venting, don't hold back, we are here for you."

Venting. Such a charming word. A euphemism for blaming and for staying in righteous anger.

They all met for lunch the other day and this is where that conversation took place.

My friend left feeling frustrated and lost. And angry at her girlfriends, women she had know all her life.

She doesn't want to see them anymore, she is also torn...

Why am I telling you this?

Because what I have just described is not uncommon.

"The crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

Have you ever seen people gathering crabs on the beach? Do you know that they never put a lid on the bucket where they keep their crabs?

They don't have to.

Because as soon as the second crab is inside the bucket, one of the crabs will make sure the other one stays put by pulling it down every time it tries to get out!

Now imagine there are more than just two crabs at the bottom of this bucket. Say, now there are 5 or 10...or perhaps a whole bunch of them crawling around, bumping into each other, unable to get out.

Is it a happy place? Is this where they want to stay?
Well, you may say, they have company, they are no longer alone, they belong, they can make friends, share their stories...

Yes they can.
And they can whine and complain about how they hate people who put them there, how they hate being in the box, how unfair life is to crabs.
And guess what? They will always find a sympathetic ear as long as they are in that bucket.

And as they cry and complain, they distract themselves from what comes next: a slow and painful death.
Because they are all on the way to being cooked, aren't they?
Or sold and then separated and then - cooked?

Denial is a powerful mechanism. Even crabs are using it. Denying the fact that they have lost their freedom as soon as they found themselves in that bucket.

And now imagine that one of these crabs decides: enough! I can't breath in this crowded place. There is not enough light and not enough space for me to move. I will get out of here! I want my freedom back.

What do you think is going to happen as this crab begins to crawl up, muttering on its way: "Sorry guys, I love you, but...I no longer fit here."
Immediately, the remaining crabs will move together to pull it back down! "Not so fast! Who do you think you are? We are not good for you anymore?!"

The crab metaphor is obvious.

If you've made friends with people who like to bitch about everything and everyone, if you have joined their club and have been "happily bitching along" about how life is unfair, the boss is a jerk, how you can't trust men, or women, or anyone for that matter, how it is "impossible to make money these days"...what happens when you suddenly wake up?

Suddenly, you are not fun anymore.
Not only are your "friends" not interested, they mock you, they don't want to listen, they encourage you to go back to the way you were.

Why?

Because you no longer fit with them. And they will try to do everything they can to bring you down to be your old miserable self again.
Just like crabs in the bucket do. Miserable, but together.

But let us give these friends the benefit of the doubt.
Because often times, they are not bad or malicious people. They are simply people in pain. They have not yet found the way out of that prison, and they are scared of losing you.

Also, your courage to change and to lift up to a higher resonance is a reminder of what they won't deal in themselves. And so - they pull you down.

This is what is happening to my friend.
And now she has 2 choices:

Leave the friends she no longer fits with and step into the scary, unknown territory of a new life

or - go back and keep the so-called friends and continue as she was.

The former takes courage, and trusting yourself.
The latter is simpler. It does not require much, except you - giving up on yourself.

But Auriela, isn't it so cold? So unfeeling? How can you suggest that she leave her friends? They might have been there for her all her life?

My answer is this.
If they are really good friends, they will change their reaction and support her in her growth. And if they won't, perhaps it is time to leave them behind.

Is it cold and unfeeling? Hardly.
There will be sadness, there will be grieving and there will be loss... And she will feel what comes for her - and she will let it go.

She may be alone for a while. There are no guarantees in life.

Keeping these old friends that keep pulling her down comes with a price. Too high a price, in my opinion.
That price is self-abandonment.

Is it worth paying?

You tell me.

Here is the quote I love:

"There are always risks in freedom. The only risk in bondage is breaking free." Lazaris.

Breaking free can be really scary.

There are no guarantees you will ever make new friends, that your new life will work, that you will get what you wanted...
It is much safer in the bucket. "It may be hell, but it's home."

Would anyone want to leave security for the dangerous, unknown terrain of freedom?

Just look around you. Think of the people you admire most. Every one of them has done it. And every one of them has been afraid at times. Sometimes - more than other times. Still they acted!
They went ahead even when they didn't have all the answers. And they have built the lives they dreamed about, blazing their trial for the rest of us.

They forged their own course and in the process - found themselves.

And the moral?

You are not here to get everyone's approval, nor are you here to be liked by everyone.

What are you here for?
The answer is yours to find.

I will give you a hint: You are here to find happiness, to create it for yourself, consciously. You are here to learn how to have fun! And to live the most amazing and joyous life.

A life-long journey. The most unselfish and loving thing you can do.
How come? Think about it. Find the answers. They will be life-changing for you.
Or - you and I can talk about it. It will be especially meaningful if you happen to be facing a life-changing decision. (click on the link at the end of this letter and I will do my best to make it happen. hopefully the link works this time:).)

Also, do write to me, share your stories, ask your questions. I want to know you, I want to see how I can serve you more.
There are many people who are subscribing to my newsletter. This touches me, and it is my great wish to get to know you personally. It may take me a few days to respond, but I always do.

All for now.

With Blessings and Peace,
Auriela.

P.S. Just a reminder:

Here is the link to the recording of my talk at the New SuperWoman Summit.

click here to listen

And here is the link to apply for a complimentary directional talk with me.

click here to apply

P.P.S. If you are enjoying this newsletter, please, forward it to your friends and family, to those who you think is looking for this information.

Auriela's Links

Visit The Power Of The Possible Site Here:
www.PowerOfThePossible.com

If you would like to join our mailing list
just click this link:

I would never give your information to anyone.
About Auriela McCarthy

Auriela McCarthy is the author of an Award- Winning book

The Power of the Possible,

a book of Hope and Inspiration.The book's Foreign editions include India, South Korea, Turkey, Denmark, Nigeria and Italy.

Often called a Modern-Day Spiritual Dear Abby, Auriela is a mystic, with both feet planted deeply in the common sense. She has been helping people from all walks of life as a spiritual mentor, a teacher, a guide and a relationships expert for over 15 years.

In 2008 Auriela originated the movement: The World Wide Call to Forgive.
This call is sounded once a year on the International Day of Forgiveness, when thousands of people around the world join in to synchronized Forgiveness Meditations.
www.AurielaMcCarthy.com

With Peace and Blessings,

Auriela McCarthy

The New SuperWoman Telesummit I spoke at

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 04:03:00 +0000

A lot of you joined me on the call at the New SuperWoman TeleSummit on March 16 where I gave my Unique 4 Step Formula: From Overwhelm to Empowerment.

Thanks so much for joining me. Wasn't it fun?!!!

I also want to thank all my new readers and listeners, so many of you, who signed up for my newsletter after the call. I may need to use my formula myself because your response has been so overwhelming!:).

To those of you who couldn't be there, here is the link to the recording of it.

http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=27489576.

You may want to download it so it is easily available because there is a technique for handling your emotions I shared on the call that you don't want to miss.

And here is the link to apply for a complimentary assessment session with me: http://aurielamccarthy.com/assessment/

Here is something I want to talk to you about.

It is both Food for Thought and an Invitation.

This may not be for everyone, but please, read it anyway. If it is not for you - then it is great news!

Perhaps you know someone who can benefit from what I am about to say. If so, forward it to them, please.

So here we go.

This letter is for those of you who have tried and failed and tried and failed to make your love life work.

For those of you mystified by "love passing you by..." watching your friends' happy marriages, wondering "why not me?"

Are you still hurting?

Are you afraid to have your heart broken one more time?

Not sure you can trust again?

Holding yourself back, waiting for the soul mate who never shows up?

If you ever had a love relationship go wrong, this letter it for you.

If in the course of your life, one after another, every one of your relationships ended badly, this letter is for you.

If you are currently in a relationship or marriage that is not making you happy, this letter is for you.

This is for you if you are thinking about leaving.

If you have been thinking about leaving for as long as you can remember yet have done nothing about it.

If you are not sure what to do, and feel lost, stuck, angry or depressed.

If you believe your great love story happened "back then"... in college, (or high school) when you were young...

Does any of this describe your life?

Are these the questions that are keeping you awake at night?

If so, listen.

I am speaking to you.

Many a sleepless night you have wondered why...

Told yourself you were better off on your own because what's the point? It never works anyway and it's too damn hard..

There were even times you believed these thoughts...for a few moments...

But the ache in your heart remained.

The longing remained.

And also - the questions.

Why?

Why did it happen to me? Why does it continue to happen, each and every time?

What am I missing?

What am I doing wrong?

Hold it right there.

If these are not rhetorical questions and you do want to find out - read on.

One thing is obvious. There is more to LOVE than falling in love.

Figuring it out, figuring out your own personal dance with LOVE so that you can dance it better...it is a challenge, isn't it?

It also happens to be the main reason we are all here.

Have you ever watched a professional dance competition? Couples doing a waltz, gliding across the floor in one smooth motion?

It looks so effortless and easy, doesn't it? A thing of beauty, it catches your breath, brings tears to your eyes, moves you beyond words...

Inspired, you decide to go dancing as soon as you can.

But when you and your partner step on the dance floor and the music starts...unless you are a practiced dancer, what happens?

Do I even need to describe it?

What looked so easy and effortless is hardly so.

You step on each other's toes, you don't dance to the music, your instincts ( the ones you were sure would be enough) are all wrong, you keep missing the beat, one of you can't lead well, the other one can't follow, it's probably your partner's fault, not yours, right?

If you only had a different partner, the one who could actually dance (!!!)...embarrassed, angry you leave the dance floor. Who needs that!....Maybe with a different partner...???

Forgive me for simplifying. But what a good analogy.

The dancers that glided on the floor so smoothly... They did take lessons. They wanted to dance well, they made it important, they made it matter.

And so they put themselves out there, they studied, they worked with dance teachers, attended dance classes, they practiced learning the steps, being patient, correcting their posture, learning how to step in sync, how to follow and how to lead...

How silly it would be for anyone who never took dance lessons to complain about being a poor dancer.

You want to dance well, go take lessons and learn how.

In view of this analogy, (forgive me for pointing the obvious yet again) how crazy it is to expect to be good at loving,

to be good at something so complex, so intricate and so multidimensional WITHOUT LEARNING HOW???

And yet, it is an expectation, isn't it? And if you fail at it, it hurts like hell.

It hurts more than you could ever imagine, doesn't it?

Ever wondered why? No, this is not obvious either. There are many other things we fail at that don't hurt as much.

What you may not know is that Loving and Being Loved is humanity's deepest, Core Need.

It is a High Need, not a needy need.

The Need to Love and Be Loved lies beyond Maslow's hierarchy of needs, and it feeds all of them.

That's how we have set it up on this planet. That's why it is important to learn to do it well.

And that's why failing at it hurts so deeply.

We all need love, like we need air and water and food. It is not a preference.

We need love because it feeds our Souls.

Romantic one-on-one love is just one expression of this need. Not everyone chooses this expression. Some do, some don't.

We have a choice here. Where we don't have a choice is whether or not to need love.

Every soul on Earth needs to have love in their lives.

That's why ANY break in love cuts deep.

Your adult daughter not taking your calls...

You, unable to fall asleep after a fight, a knot in your stomach, your back to your husband or wife...

You, still seething at the very mention of your mother...and it has been 10 years since you last saw her...

You again, still clenching your fists at the very thought of your ex...

I am not saying take them back into your life, become lovey-dovey, if you have reasons not to.

I am saying: learn how to truly leave this behind and walk away free, so that your past doesn't pollute your life, because it does, as long as you still carry it...

Learn how to forgive, learn how to let go...and ACT upon your learning.

More "obvious" things, I know. But have you done it?

Can you honestly say there are no skeletons in your closet that keep you on your proverbial toes? Making you careful about that thing called "love"? Affecting your spontaneity, your trust, your courage to start again?

Here is the thing:

Yes, starting again can be scary. As is - not starting again. Neither will work as long as you are motivated by fear.

Instead: Resolve to learn how to love.

There is nothing embarrassing about it. Has any one of you been really taught how to do it and taught well?

Did you have good role models?

So go to school. Find someone who can show you the ropes, someone who can teach you things you may not yet know about love. So that when it comes again you can dance with it differently.

Just the other day I witnessed yet another couple end their relationship.

By the time they turned to me for advice the rift between them had gone too far. Sadly, I too saw that it was over.

Sometimes, things that go wrong are allowed to go wrong for way too long.

Too much hurt happens, often for both people. And they lose their way to each other.

Too many tears are shed, too much anger gets swallowed...

Too many fights or arguments that lead nowhere never get resolved...

And suddenly - it's over.

Too late to fix or change anything. Something snapped.

Somewhere in the midst of all the fights and all the silences something very important died.

And all the kings horses, and all the kings men can't put this Humpty-Dumpty back together.

Listen.

There really is a way to prevent this or - not to repeat it yet again.

I wrote about this in great detail in The Power of the Possible. Specifically in the last Chapter: When Love is not Enough,

p.240 and on. I have always thought this last chapter is the most important one in the entire book.

An interesting fact about Self Help books (even though The Power of the Possible is technically not of this category) is that regardless of how great the book is, the last chapters often don't get read.

If this is the case with you and you have the book on your shelf, hurry up and read this chapter. (ou can always get the book on Amazon.com if it's not yet in your library.)

You may find the ideas illuminating. Especially where I talk about the 3 Fears that come with any relationship. These fears are very destructive and - you can't escape them. But you can learn what to do about them so they dissipate.

Those of you who know me know that for at least 25 years I have been on what can be called a Love Quest.

When it comes to most any issue around love, I have touched it, felt it, tasted it, lived it...and I learned, learned and learned.

The learning of course never ends. In the process, I have gained a lot of wisdom around love.

And because my life today is steeped in the most exquisite expression of love I have encountered,

I continue to follow my bliss, and - my blessing.

By sharing what I came to know.

Sometimes all you need is the right information. A new understanding that will change everything.

It is my firm belief that having the right teacher or guide to help you understand the information better is essential.

I have always made this my priority and I have been blessed to learn and to keep learning from the very best Masters.

I want to extend you an Invitation.

Watch your inbox for my newsletters.

Very soon you will be receiving an invitation to a TeleCourse I will be teaching on line:

The working title is When Love is in the Air... (I suspect the title will change.)

It is a step-by-step weekly course that will be an eye-opener and a life-changer. It will run once a week for 3 months.

90 days is not a long time. And yet the difference these 3 months will make in your life will be mind-blowing.

You've sighed and wondered and asked and doubted and hoped for way too long.

Stand up now. Show up for your life!

Show up for Yourself!

Stop waiting for the Soul Mate.

You've closed that door long ago and threw away the key.

Let me show you a secret. The secret that has been hidden in plain sight all your conscious life. So you can thrust that door wide open without ever needing the a key...

Exciting? Oh, yes. It is so exciting to me I have been teaching this class in my dreams. No, I am not kidding.

There are still some technical pieces to be put in place so that everything gets recorded, transcribed and is easy to access and download. You will be able to join and follow regardless of your time zone.

In the mean time, for those who would like some one-on-one contact with me, there is an opportunity to apply for a personal complimentary assessment consultation.

It is NOT a personal consultation. But it is a time on the phone with me directly to help you determine what would serve you best at this time in your life. I am only able to offer this for a limited time and to a few people. To apply and to make the most of your time with me, you need to fill the application.

Here is a link to it: http://aurielamccarthy.com/assessment/

As you know, I am known to many as the Spiritual Dear Abby. Jean M. House, formerly of NBC-TV, gave me this knickname and it stuck. If you and I get a chance to talk, you may just find out why:)!

I want to show you a different dance of Love. A dance with Love that doesn't end in another heartbreak.

There really are a few quite clear rules (for lack of a better word) that if followed will redeem even the worst love dancer,

and if not followed will lead to disaster. Every single time.

More often than not, these dos and don'ts are again - not obvious.

I will show them to you, if you let me. The rest will up to you:).

All for now,

With Blessings and Peace,

Auriela.

P.S. Just a reminder:

Here is the link to the recording of my talk at the New SuperWoman Summit: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=27489576

And here is the link to apply for a complimentary assessment session with me: http://aurielamccarthy.com/assessment

P.P.S. If you are enjoying this newsletter, please, forward it to your friends and family, to those who you think is looking for this information.

The Power of the Possible is Published in India

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 18:41:00 +0000

The beautiful new cover of my book as it is published in India:

Isn't It Important To 'Communicate' My Feelings ???

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 22:44:00 +0000

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Today, Tuesday March 30, 2010
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions
Classes are held in Southern Marin
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs,
so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start
promptly at 7pm

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

It looks like you are getting sick and tired of people not acting the way you would like them to!
Tired of friends or lovers not hearing what you are saying... Not changing the way you have asked them to change!!..

So many of you are writing to me, at a loss.
What to do? you are asking. How to get them to understand?

I have written the entire book, The Power of The Possible on this very subject, but sometimes it takes hearing the same thing again and again, until it suddenly clicks.

You are exasperated with how they won't listen...while if they only would... if only they'd stop being defensive and really "get" that what you are saying makes perfect sense, everything in your life (and theirs) would finally work...!!!!

Well, I have news for you. (which, if you read The Power of the Possible isn't really news at all.) It will never happen.

They will never, I repeat, NEVER change they way you want them to change as long as you insist that they do.

How does it work?

What is it I am saying exactly? Are you to throw in the towel? To give up on ever having your needs met?

No. That's not what I am saying at all.

What I am saying is that all the problems you are having with other people have to be resolved internally, within you. Then, and only then you can expect to be heard, understood and have your needs met.

Because -#1: YOU will meet your own needs ( no other person can)
and #2: by letting go of pushing the person you expect to change ( however overtly or subtly you go about it) you will have removed their need to resist you, which is usually (an unfortunately) a knee-jerk human reaction to being pushed - however subtly or overtly, even if you don't say a word and all you are doing is thinking it.
Oh, yes. Haven't you heard of "silence that screams?"

I will give you one example of it, not to make this letter too long. And you can read more in The Power of the Possible, especially in the first five chapters, starting with Chapter One: What Can I Do to Get Him To Change?

Here is today's story:

A good friend of mine told me that her boyfriend was suddenly distant and cold with her.

"The more I ask him what's wrong, the more I feel him closing me off," she said.
"I try to be nice, I offer to make him coffee or food, I make sure he knows I am there for him if he needs me...I went to see him at work and he was visibly annoyed...I don't know what I did wrong and he won't tell me and I am going crazy here. I cried all last night and when I called him I couldn't help it and started crying again..."

"Why don't you just let him be," I suggested, "and have a good time on your own?"

Incredulous, she looked at me as if I was saying she must fly to the Moon tomorrow.

"But how??!! How can I have a good time when he is this way with me?"

"There is nothing you can do about it," I said. "But you can do something about how you are. Refocus! Drop this obsession. Go out with friends. Start living. Stop pursuing him. The more you pursue him, the more he wants to withdraw. So, stop it. And get happy again. Happy people are fun to be with. Needy people are not."

"But what if he is in trouble?"

And then I said something revolutionary. ( just kidding.):
"You are NOT his mother. Stop taking care of him."

And she got it! And did just that. (Believe me, it is possible! Entirely and totally possible, as soon as you take a step back, get perspective, clear your head, become present.)

He called her the next day!

"I am so sorry, he said, I was having problems at work and I didn't feel like talking about it. Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

"But Auriela, come on! Surely at dinner she told him how she had felt, "they communicated," he saw that he wasn't treating her well, she admitted that she was pushing too much, they cleared it out..."

No, dear readers, they did not "communicate" in this way.

They just had a wonderful evening, starting fresh as if the last few days didn't happen.

You see, she called me prior to going out to dinner with him, planning to talk and 'communicate,' just like you are suggesting.

"Don't," I said. "Are you still angry?" -
"No."
"Did you learn something out of this about yourself and what works and what doesn't?"
"I learned tons," she said.
"Then drop it. Don't revisit what didn't work. Just do your best to start living what you have learned. He apologized. You accepted. LET IT GO."

I know reading this will ruffle many feathers on many people's backs.
All I ask is that you think about what you just read.

Communication is an art form. And a very complex one. Just because you can talk and have feelings doesn't mean you are able to communicate them without messing things up more.

Remember: "Nothing changes until YOU do." Which means - Everything has to be resolved internally. And once you do, you may discover - there is no need to go back. You are different - and so is your reality, and so are the people in it, including that special one.

Take back your power and give it to yourself!

Decide to be happy, don't wait for others to change so you can have what you want.

It is extremely powerful sometimes to just LET GO.

Letting go is a skill.

How do you do it? I am often asked.

You don't "do" it. It's not something that can be "done."
Start practicing. Find out for yourself. This may be one of the greatest secrets that has been hidden in plain sight all of your life.

Uncover it - and you will never be the same.
Master it, and your life will sparkle!

All for now.

"See" you on the call on April 7th at 5pm PDT (8pm EST) AskAurielaAndBarnet.com

Much love,

Auriela.

P.S.
If it feels right, and you enjoy reading this blog, please, forward it to your family and friends.

Ask Auriela And Barnett, April 7th, 2010 5pm PDT

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 05:29:00 +0000

Hello, Dear Friends

I know you haven't heard from me for such a long time. I want to thank many of you who wrote to me concerned, wondering if I was OK. Your caring touched me deeply.

As this year began was, it felt right for me to take a pause. Family circumstances required my attention, I felt a strong pull go inward. I knew that before I could write again I had to go through this process and honor it. And so I did.

Then, quite suddenly, the energy shifted. I woke up one morning and felt like my old energetic, enthusiastic self again: ready to write, to re-connect with my readers, answer your questions, share my thoughts in the Food for Thought.

I am also ready to offer you something new, something I am very excited about:

Here it is:

You know I haven't always been able to respond to all the emails I get, so here is something that may work even better: we will talk on the phone!

We will be able to dialog, you will hear my perspective on your question AND not just mine. (!) My good friend Barnet Bain, will join me, and you will hear not just my perspective on things but also his.

A few words about Barnet:

Barnet is an award winning Hollywood producer and director and an in-demand success coach who has inspired millions of people around the world. Among his films are Oscar winner What Dreams May Come, The Celestine Prophecy, Jesus, and triple Emmy Award nominee, Homeless to Harvard. His upcoming productions include Richard Bach's Illusions and Milton's Secret by Eckhart Tolle and Robert Friedman. Barnet is also a regular contributor to Findbliss.com.

Having both of us on the phone with you at the same time is bound to spice up the conversation since men and women often see things quite differently especially when it comes to relationships issues.

Our first call is on April 7 at 5pm PDT (8pm EDT)

Here is what to do to get on the call:

Send us your question by going to the special Ask Auriela And Barnet page we have created. You will be sent a telephone number and all the specifics of the call.

Here is the link: AskAurielAandBarnet.com

Just go to the site and enter your question.
There is no cost for the call, just send your question and then - dial up on time and listen.
Some of you will also have a chance to talk to us live at the end of the call.

If the timing doesn't work for you, you'll also get a link with the recording of the call so you can listen later, at your convenience.

Another thing to remember is that very often you get a lot more value out of listening to someone else's question and answer.

Why?

Because we all experience the same difficulties and deal with similar issues, even if the circumstance look quite different.

I am very excited about this! I think we will have a lot of fun and you will find it very helpful, especially in these highly uncertain times when everything seems to be happening so fast, and when the old ways of responding to things work less and less.

At this point Barnet and I plan to do these calls regularly.
To be part of this, just click on this link, AskAurielaAndBarnet.com or paste it to your browser, then submit your question and make sure you don't miss the call or the recording of the call.

Please, forward this blog to your friends who you think may benefit from being on the call.

"See" you on the call
on April 7th at 5pm PDT (8pm EST) at AskAurielaAndBarnet.com

Much love,

Auriela.

P.S.
If it feels right, and you enjoy reading this blog, please, forward it to your family and friends.

Who is the ME that is Running My Life?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:49:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

A few announcements first:

Starting with February 15th, for six consecutive Tuesday evenings I will be teaching a course:

The Journey Back to Yourself: Your Journey Home

I will also teach this in New York City starting in March. The first introductory evening ( free) is on March 3d. Write to me for me details.

I have taken some time to get clear on this next step.
Let me describe what I have in mind the best I can, but in broad brush strokes.

* * *

Deep amid the vastness of All that YOU Are, there is a YOU who has all the answers, all the knowing and all the peace you have been seeking.

That You has always been there, every time you felt expansive, happy and free. Every time you were inspired and felt the immensity of what's Possible.

I want to help you return to that YOU. I want you to fall madly in love with that part of yourself, to surrender to its innate wisdom, and to let that YOU guide you forward.

This is the You that has the key to your passion, to your utmost, intimate heart's desire. That You does not long for anything... it is already full, complete and drunk with the adventure of life.

That You - is ALWAYS growing.

There have been times when you've felt it profoundly. And you loved it, and hoped it would never end...

But then you'd "lose" it and step back into your smaller self.
You would reach for the "familiar," for the "safe," even though in truth - you knew: that "safety" was false safety...

I want to help you reconnect to that very Real part of yourself consciously.

You are ready to go deeper now. Besides, right now as the years unfold, reuniting with that You becomes imperative.

This is life-changing work. The work that answers your quest for meaning. It is - your life-changing journey Home to Yourself.

(Read more about it in the Food for Thought below.)

* * *

The next two evenings,
Tuesday, the 2nd of February and Tuesday the 9th of February,
I will be teaching the Enneagram. Even if you are familiar with it, you will learn it like never before, and if you are not - you are in for a real treat!
Understanding the 9 different personality drives, discovering your own and - more importantly - learning how to apply this knowledge in your every day life way will make all the difference in the world!

It will also prepare you for the following course:

The Journey Back to Yourself

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday February 2nd, 2010
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin

email Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com
I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Food for Thought

Who is the ME that is Running My Life?

You have most certainly noticed that too much of what used to work for us in the past does not anymore.

The smaller parts of you that "knew what to do," how to "handle" things - can't take you much further.

And that's good news.
Because the Real YOU, the True YOU is waiting.

That YOU not looking for security. It wants adventure.

It has the Trust that to the smaller you seems unfathomable.
Yet - when you live from that You - this level of trust in yourself is organic, the only thing you know...

In our world today,
The Two Paradigms of Being are coming face to face.

The Old Paradigm, in its death pangs, is fighting for survival at all cost. A bloody, tooth and nail battle.

The New Paradigm is not fighting at all. It is not its way. It just IS. It is already here. You can step into it any time or wait until the time is right.

It is pulling you in. It won't go away. It is the New Way.
In it - possibilities and future more incredible than anything you could ever imagine.

There are no maps to get there. The new maps are being made as we speak. By people who dare to make them.

We are not supposed "to go it alone." Ever.
At every step of your growth, as soon as you were ready, the guide, the teacher, to book, the mentor appeared.
Just like right now - you are leading this letter.

Look at your life. Focus on the areas where you are experiencing difficulties.
It may be just one small area, or - several areas, or for some - it may be all across the board.

Notice how you are trying to solve what's going on the way you always have. Desperately needing for things to change, and quickly. Like, for example:

"I need money right now! What do I do??!!!"
"He (or she) better change and soon, or - I am out the door!"
"I just don't know what to do anymore, I have tried everything and nothing is working!"
"I need answers here, I just can't go on like this...Somebody, give me the answers!"
"What's the point? My life is meaningless...I have no purpose..."

I can go on, but by now you have probably added your own thoughts to this desperate litany.

What's going on for everyone is this:

You cannot solve the problems the way you used to solve them in the past.

It simply does not work. If it does - it works short-term, like a band-aid, and soon - the problem returns, full force.

One way or another, all of us are being forced to face the same issue.

We must surrender our stubborn insisting on "getting our way," on "being right" in our opinions...

We must surrender our tremendous need
to always be in control and to know the outcome.

We are being asked to trust the Unknown.

If you stop here for a moment and think and feel about what you've just read and then imagine doing it... you will notice something happening in your body. A movement, a tightening, a spasm...

The fear. Not just the fear, the utter terror and dread at the very possibility of living without "the knowing" of what to expect... Yes, this is way too scary...

And now, take a breath and think again. Think about something else.
Do you really ever know what's to come? Do you really ever have that 100% certainty about your life? Do you?

No, you don't. No one does.

Here is an example:

The fear of loss always accompanies love.
You don't feel it always, but it is there, and now and then - it grips you hard. The deeper your love is, the deeper the fear of losing it.

I wrote about it in The Power of the Possible, in the Chapter: When Love is Not Enough, on p.p. 240 -245.....where I also gave some very effective ways of handling it.

You can handle this fear, but it will never go away completely. This fear is love's dark companion. It comes with it. But does it stop you from loving?

Sadly, for some of - it does.
You choose "the certainty" of not being hurt over the risks of what comes with being in love. It doesn't work, as you have discovered. Closing your heart, shutting down the flow of passion and the depth of feelings come with the price.
And the only "certainty" you do get is - the feeling that something is always missing.

What's the way out? How do we live without the need for this "certainty?"

We must learn to trust.

Trust who?

Trust YOURSELF. Trust You.
But which You? You have so many you(s) operating simultaneously.
Precisely.

You must learn to identify those parts of yourself, help some of them heal, make peace with the others, and discover the bigger YOU who is so expansive and free and unafraid, it will take your breath away.

That bigger YOU needs to get into the driving seat of your life.
All the other you(s) need to be given the relief papers.

"...But Auriela, how can I do it? What if it won't work? What if I lose everything? What if...?" "What if...?" I need to KNOW!!!! Before I let go and trust....!

And this is precisely where the pain is.

WHO needs to know?
WHO cannot trust?
The parts of you who long ago learned that in order to survive they need to be in control of things. The younger parts of you, that are still alive inside, and are still active.

Those 'you(s)' learned to suppress the innate wisdom and knowing the bigger YOU always had. Trusting yourself became "unsafe." Controlling life and people became a must.
It never worked of course.

And if you are honest with yourself and care to look back, you will see that every time your life did work it was because you didn't act out of these other you(s) and let the bigger YOU take the lead.

We have a saying: "There is Light at the end of the tunnel." And that's true.

We have all entered the tunnel.
And it is dark, and winding and uncomfortable as all get out. And we must keep moving forward if we ever want to get to the other side.

The light that shines from the other side is illuminating all the dark places in us and pulling them out into the open - to be seen, heard, loved and healed.
This light that will accept nothing less.

So come along. Join me on this adventure.

If you are not living in the Bay Area, in March I am starting to teach in New York City as well. The first introductory evening ( free) is on March 3d. Write to me for me details.

All for now,

With Love and Light,
Auriela.

Auriela McCarthy is the author of an Award- Winning book The Power of the Possible, a book of Hope and Inspiration. The book's multiple Awards include the 2008 USA National Best Book's Awards Finalist, Reader's Views Award and Mom's Choice Award. A modern day mystic, with both her feet planted deeply in the common sense, Auriela is a spiritual teacher, a metaphysician and a relationship expert. She hosts a radio show The Power of the Possible available 24/7 globally, ( see links above.) Auriela is the Founder of the School of Hope and Inspiration and is writing her next book. She lives in California with her husband Mykaell.

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Life at a Time of Chaos

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 07:18:00 +0000

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"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Hello, Dear Friends,

I am sure by now you've all noticed that there are some very volatile energies at play in our world at this time. The horror and tragedy of the situation in Haiti is a powerful example. So much pain, so much devastation, the chaos, the loss...the utter nightmare of it... .

This pain and destruction are the outer manifestations of what's going on for so many internally, right now, in their own private lives. You know what I am talking about. Things are not smooth, they haven't been smooth for quite a while, and because we are living at the time of great change, at a time of the monumental shift in Consciousness, we can expect more upheaval and more chaos and more change and the years unfolds.

The birthing process is not an easy one. The woman in labor is not a "happy camper." How about the World? Because this is exactly what's happening. We ARE birthing the New World. And since we have all been born and are living at this time, we might as well fasten our seat belts and get to work. Learn how to ride this wave of change with dignity.

"But Auriela, why are you saying these things? Why frighten us? You are the one who is always so positive and optimistic about the future...It's hard enough, Auriela, where is the hope? Where is The Possible you always talk about?"

This is precisely why I am writing this letter.

To shed some Light on chaos and crises and change, to share with you some productive ways of handling them, or better said - of harnessing them.

These changes are not "punishment from God" as some would have us believe. The Past is dying, regardless of our opinion on the matter. The old ways of being, of acting, of responding to life are not working too well and will work less and less. Dominating, controlling, overpowering, plowing through... is not going to do it.

This is what we will be working on this Tuesday night, January 18th, at the School of Hope and Inspiration. The understanding of chaos and crisis, and the technique to handle them. If you have been planning to come but haven't quite made it here, this might be the evening you don't want to miss.

And for those who live far away and can't join us, read the Food for Thought below. It will give you the Perspective and the Hope and the connection to the Power of the Possible and the Power of the Future, so you easier can navigate your way through.

A few words about the New Year's Resolutions, and what's wrong with the whole idea. I promised to write about it, but then I remembered that I already did, 2 years ago, in my blog. Here is a link to it.

You can return to here after you finish reading.

The Dangers of New Year's Resolutions

Here are the pages in "The Power of the Possible" that will help you handle change better. Just reading them will immediately shift your energy to a higher vibration: P.p. 26 -27; and p.p.32-37

To connect to Hope and to understand the Resonance of America, read p.p.32-36 and p.p.37-41

Also: the last Chapter: In Conclusion, p.p.255-258.

Food for Thought

Chaos always precedes Change and follows Change.

Positive or negative, chaos and change create disruption, break the routine, and having an established routine makes life easier, even if it is the routine you don't like.

This is one of the main reasons why change is frightening for so many: because of the chaos that surrounds it.

Here are some mundane examples:

A move, a job change, a marriage, a divorce, a promotion, being laid off or fired,
a birth of a child...I can go on and on. There is chaos before the event - and chaos after it.

Since our world is changing so dramatically, the chaos is unavoidable for all of us.

What is chaos?

It is something that has no order and no predictability.

Suddenly, things that were certain, like your job, or your relationship, or your health, or your living situation - are not. Learning how to live with the Uncertainty is the lesson we are all learning.

If you fight it - you will lose. ( this is the one thing that IS certain.)

If you flow with it and learn to trust in the Possible, in the good outcome, even if you can't see it, the Uncertainty will become your friend, and it will take you to the other side.

And this is where Hope comes in.
Hope: one of our MOST POWERFUL tools.
I cannot stress this enough.

Teach yourself how to hope, if it is not something that comes naturally. And take it seriously.
Regardless of how things look, hope for the good outcome, even against all odds.

Hope for the amazing, new and expansive Possibilities without trying to define them.
Allow yourself to be surprised by them, for they will always be more that what you can imagine.

Connect in this way to the positive, incredible Future, that you can't yet see from where you are, while in the midst of chaos and change.

It is a proven fact that people with serious maladies, those who have lost hope and therefore cannot imagine a positive future outcome for themselves, don't heal.
But as soon as they connect to the Possibility, to the Future, they begin to get better.

What gets them there? Hope.

And so will Gratitude.

If in the midst of chaos, you can find a way to feel grateful - you will begin to shift.
It is impossible to continue to feel unhappy if you touch gratitude.
Such an elegant way to change. To consciously remember something or someone you are grateful for. As soon as you do, you will feel lighter.

In the midst of chaos, understanding what's happening and why you feel the way you do is often enough to shift you to a better place.

Add to it Hope and Gratitude and Trust in the Future with a positive outcome, do it consciously- and you will have magic!

Here is an idea:

Write a little note to yourself, a reminder, and carry it in your pocket.

Put a post-it with these words on your mirror or on your dashboard.

This is not silly. This is - taking charge of your life. The opposite of controlling and overpowering.

Why make a note?

So you don't forget what to do, how to help yourself when you begin to spiral down. Because in the midst of emotions, gripped by fear or doubt, it is very hard to have a clear mind. So have the humility, put reminders around your space, until turning to Hope becomes automatic.

This is another step to living consciously.
YOU are the navigator of the ship called "My Life." Be a good captain. When going through the fog of chaos and change, turn to the Possibility, let the Positive Future pull you towards it.

Fear won't get you there. Feeling sorry for yourself won't either, nor would the good old fall-back - blame.

Hope and Trust and expecting that something good is on the way - will.

All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday the 18th.

Much love to you, always.

Auriela.

P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my newsletters, please, forward this blog to your friends and family. Better yet, suggest that they sign up to receive it.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
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Pause??? But I Have So Much To Do!

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 19:20:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Happy New Year!!!!

I know you haven't heard from me for a while.
It wasn't because I've been too busy with the Season or New Year's celebration.
For one reason or another, right in the midst of this usually very active time, I entered a very quiet phase.

It began somewhere in the middle of December and it is still going on to a degree, though I seem to be ready to come out of it.
During this time, to do anything but what was absolutely necessary - I would have had to force myself. Even writing this letter that I so love to do felt like too much effort...
Everything slowed down and stopped. I slowed down and entered a pause.
In this pause, in the depth of winter, I turned inward.

Read more about this in my Food for Thought below.

To my dear students-teachers who come to the Tuesday night classes, and to those of you who have been considering joining us for a while now, yet haven't quite made it:

This coming Tuesday, tomorrow night, we will be talking about what we will do this year. Bring your thoughts, bring your desires and your questions. This is a time of deepening. I can feel in my bones. I also know: you are ready.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Food for Thought

Not much can be "accomplished" during the time of pause.
I put the word accomplished in quotation marks because in our culture, the word stands for tangible results. "Show me the money." "What have you 'done?' "

Not many people realize that any true achievements and accomplishment always start within.

Internal change precedes external results.
Choice always precedes action.
Forgiveness always precedes change. Never the other way around.

I don't have the tangible results of my time of pause.
I don't have more pages and pages of my new book written.
Not yet.

I attempted writing my weekly letter to you, several times, but nothing came out. It was the same with the book I had been writing, that had until then been so wonderfully all consuming.
I only had one or two bursts of creativity during that entire time...

No, this was not "a writer's block." I don't believe in writer's blocks.
To me, what people call "writer's blocks" are usually either self-pity or a time when you are simply not inspired, you can't find your creativity.

The answer to both is - to write anyway.
Because as you do, you will break through this state. You will step out of self-pity ( if this was the case,) and even if it wasn't, you will find your voice again, the creative juices will start flowing even if the first number of pages you write is only good for the waste basket.

You will break through. Then you can just discard these pages with gratitude and a chuckle. How often, since I had begun writing have I been grateful for the "delete" button on my own key boardJ!

So why didn't I follow my own advice and write then?

Because it was not what was going on with me.
I haven't been "blocked", nor was I sorry for myself. Something was pulling me inward, into deep introspection, into a deep pause.

And I honored it.
I honored myself in it. And frankly, I didn't have much choice in the matter.

Swimming upstream is hard. Fighting 'what is' is not just hard, it is pointless. And so I embraced it. I gave myself permission to flow with it, however long it took.

* * *

Life didn't stop of course.
I still worked with my private clients, I still taught on Tuesday nights at my School of Hope and Inspiration.
To show you how elegant life is, doing these things had not been an effort at all, but a pleasure and fun as it has always been.

A paradox, it seems, but something I could understand, because once I was working with people, the 'me' that was introspective and quiet would step aside, so I could be there for others with the same caring and awareness I had been before.

I am sharing this with you for two reasons mainly.
One, because I have always been intimate with you, my readers. I don't really know how not to be this way in anything I do - in by books, in my radio, in these letters, in one-on-one interactions.

If I can't share myself and be real, I'd rather not do it at all. And also, because I think reading about my quiet time may help you when your own quiet time comes, as it always does.
So that you recognize it, don't judge it or yourself, give yourself all the time and space you need.

Sadly, we live in a culture where you don't have the permission to do this. You are supposed "to buckle up," ignore your soul's call to pause, fight yourself and work harder. Which is never a good idea, of course, because you will slow down anyway, even if it takes getting a cold or a flue or worse.

Don't do it. Instead - you, give yourself permission to honor the pause when it comes.
Don't ignore it, don't force yourself to do more than absolutely necessary. Don't "plow through it."
Do what you need to do, continue to be responsible, don't let people down and don't sabotage yourself.

And at the same time - don't miss this great opportunity for growth and healing.

When a deep slowing down happens to you, it doesn't come out of nowhere, though it may often seem so.

Consider that perhaps - it is your soul calling on you, asking you to pay attention, to trust it, and not your ego that is telling you once again that something must be wrong with you.

Consider that perhaps something is very right, and respect this time of pause as your sacred time. A time when you integrate what you've learned, a time of deepening. Trust it, even if you don't know what exactly you are "integrating" or deepening. Your soul knows. And in time, you will too.

This phase won't go on forever. It will end, and you will emerge back into the light with new insights and deeper understandings. Be patient with yourself. You want to be more self-loving? This is how to do it. Besides, none of us have ever been too successful with overpowering the soul.

How much more elegant - to listen and to give it voice rather than fight it and get yourself sick - forced to stop because you refused to listen to 'whispers,' so they turned into 'shouts?'

The soul will get your attention either way. Because it knows the truth: the only reason you are here is to grow. Grow as a human being, grow spiritually.

Pausing and going inward is an essential part of growth.

Think about it.

* * *

I will write about the New Year's resolutions and what's wrong with the whole idea in my next letter.

I am sending you all my love. Thanks for being there, in cyberspace and in my life...being able to write to you is such a gift. What magic - to click a button and send my thoughts into the ethos. And to have someone there I may never know or meet read them and be touched by them.
My heart is overflowing.

All for now.
See some of you tomorrow,

Auriela.
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Why Forgive?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:14:00 +0000

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"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Ask not what it will do for the perpetrator.
Ask what will it do for you.

Hello, Dear Driends,

I am writing this on the plane, flying home to San Francisco after a very short and the most fulfilling trip to New York.

My talk about the Mystery and Controversy of Forgiveness at the Reform Temple of Forest Hills was an extraordinary experience. It was a wonderful and warm group pf people, open-minded and welcoming.

I was asked excellent questions, among them - the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, what to do when the offenders do not express regret for their actions, and what it means "forgiving is for you, not for the abuser, while it is the abuser who has inflicted the pain."

I will touch upon these below, in this week's
Food for Thought.

* * *

The Holidays are upon us! I know that many of you have been continuously buying and giving The Power of the Possible to your friends and family members.

Here is what I'd like to do.
Holidays can get expensive and everything counts, especially these days.

I have a Holiday Offer available at my website, ThePowerOfThePossible.com.

Buy 2 copies of The Power of the Possible and I will include another wonderful book - Peak Vitality, with chapters from Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, John Gray, Marianne Williamson and also - yours truly:).

If you'd like me to, I will sign and inscribe each of the books to the person you are giving it. All you need to do is drop me a line after you have completed the purchase.

I am also offering a Holiday Coupon Special to my Blog and Newsletter readers.

The Award-Winning 10-CD Unabridged Audio Book of The Power of the Possible, recorded by me and normally priced at $79.95, will be available for $45.00!

Use the coupon code HOLIDAY DISCOUNT when you purchase the Audio Book 10-CD Set to receive my special holiday price of only $45.00.

This Audio Book will make a great gift for someone who spends a lot of time in the car or for anyone whose life doesn't leave them much time to snuggle with a book.

I will also include Peak Vitality with the Audio Book. By the way, the only place the Audio Book is available is my Website.

I also have a very few of the collectible books - the unedited version of The Power of the Possible, issued prior to publication. It includes a CD with the excerpts from the book, again - recorded my me.
This will be on the first come - first serve basis. I have never offered any of it to anyone. You can have it for the same price as the regular book (including the Holiday Offer.) Just to drop me a line saying that to send you this one and not the regular edition.

"Revenge is the poison you drink hoping that it will kill you enemies."
- Nelson Mandela.

This week's Food for Thought are my answers to the questions I posed for you in the last letter:

1.-Why forgive?

So that you can finally find peace.

The person that is at peace with himself does not want to start wars, he doesn't want to kill, to get revenge, to prove himself right...

When you are at peace with yourself - you accept yourself, you don't try to be perfect (which it impossible and so you always fail at it.) You accept other people, you are able to set proper boundaries, you are much more capable to help others...

Do you want to do good in the world?
Do you want to be loving and kind and giving to your family and loved ones?
Do you want to not be judgmental and to be compassionate instead?

- Become a forgiving person.

Otherwise, regardless of your very best intentions - you will continue to snap, or loose your temper, or be hurtful, or punish by pouting and withdrawing into silences, or whatever else it is you do. (Not sure? - Ask the ones who love you and put up with it. They will tell you, if you promise not to argue back and not to punish.)

- Become a forgiving person.

Do it for YOURSELF, so you can begin to live free from pain - and if this is not enough of a motivation - do it for the ones you love. How much more will you be able to give to them! How much better you will be able to love them!

Think about it.

Imagine a world populated by people who have found peace through forgiveness and through self-forgiveness? What a different world it would be.

And it doesn't mean you are now to take the ones you forgave back into your life. Not at all. Not unless you want to.

Forgiveness does NOT mean Reconciliation. You forgive pragmatically. For yourself. It does not take away their responsibility and accountability. But it is no longer your business.

Let the proper authorities deal with it, if it applies. As for you - you are setting yourself free from all that happened.

Nelson Mandela's words ring so true: "Revenge is the poison you drink hoping that it will kill you enemies."

Stop drinking it. It is killing YOU.

2.-Who deserves forgiveness, and when do they deserve it?

It is not about 'deserving' or 'not deserving, nor about 'when' do they deserve it.

Who deserves forgiveness? YOU do! If you were hurt or abused - do you now deserve to live with this pain forever????

You are the one who has all the power. You have the POWER TO FORGIVE! No one can give it to you and no one can take it away.

Discover it! Use it to set yourself free.

This is also true if you are the perpetrator of someone else's pain and if the person you need to forgive is yourself.
Read answer to question #1.

And if you want to make sure you never do anything like that again, the only way to ensure it is to forgive yourself for it.

Not easy, I know.

But possible. Absolutely possible.

The Forgiveness Meditations I have on the Home page of my website ( center page, to the right) work! Download them. They are my gift to you. Just like I once received them as a gift. Use them. They do work!!!!

3.-Is forgiveness for the victim or for the perpetrator?

For the victim! Of course for the victim. If the perpetrators are changed by your forgiveness of them - good. But their crime is between them and their conscience. Between them and God.

Don't wait for an apology to become free. If the apology comes - good, if it doesn't - are you going to give THEM the Power to set you free?

What if they don't care? What if they are dead?...Do you see how absurd it can get?

4.-Which (if any) conditions must be met before we can forgive?

None. Read the answer above.

Develop the awareness and the understanding of why you need to do it. That's all. Read this letter a few times, on different days perhaps, and - let it in.

5.-Is there a crime that is "unforgivable"?

In truth - not. But there are things we as society and individually have deemed to be beyond forgiveness. It is a long and painful list - murder, cruelty to children, incest, genocide, rape...I do not need to finish the list. It is endless. And yet - here lies the Paradox of Forgiveness.

Even these crimes must be forgiven if we are to stop them from happening and - if we are ever to be free from that pain.

But how? you ask. I wrote about it so much...on pp.119 to 126 in The Power of the Possible. You are going to have to read it, again or for the first time, if you want to understand this deeper. I really can't go into more in the format of this letter.

6.-Do only people who have met the conditions deserve forgiveness?

See the answers above.

7.-How do you forgive yourself when you don't believe you deserve forgiveness?

Tell yourself the truth about what you did and let yourself feel what comes. Not your self-hate, but your remorse. This takes courage and strength. If you let yourself - you will know the difference. Why should you? Read answer #1.

8.-Why is remorse often the hardest thing to feel?

It is much easier to judge yourself as unworthy. You've done it most of your life. Everyone has. And - it is too scary to honestly look at yourself. You are too afraid you will discover something ugly. Amazingly, what you will discover if you stay with your feelings and don't cut them off, is how beautiful and human you actually are. This alone is worth giving it a try!

9.-Is forgiveness an act of will? A choice? Or is it Divine Grace?

It is all of the above.

You have to be willing to end the pain, make the choice to do it, and take the steps to forgive.

And with it -
the Ultimate Forgiveness can only be received. It is one of the greatest mysteries and will always remain that. Forgiveness is a gift, the Diving Grace. You must to your part. Then - you will receive it. A sacred gift, it will change your forever.

If this touches you - you can read more on p.124 of The Power of the Possible.

10. - Why no change is possible without forgiveness happening first?

If you've tried changing your behavior patterns or your life without forgiving what had brought you to being this way in the first place, you have no doubt discovered that simply making a decision to be different was not enough.

Forgiveness always precedes all change.
Change is the by-product of forgiveness. Forgive, and your life will change. Forgive - and you will begin to see everything through different eyes, truer eyes. Forgive - and reap the bounty. Don't' forgive, fight for your right 'to be right' - and nothing will change. Both you and your life will remain the same

You are a being with free will. As am I, and as is everyone else on this planet.

To forgive or not to forgive?
The choice is yours. Choose freedom!

All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday the 18th.

Much love to you, always.
Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.

P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my blog, please, share it with your friends and family.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
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"Love Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry?????"

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 00:13:00 +0000

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"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

"Love means never having to say you are sorry?????"

Hello, dear friends,

A few announcements first.

For those of you living in New York City or close by.

Please, join me on Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 10:00am at The Reform Temple of Forest Hills, New York. I will be speaking at their Life-Long Learning Annual Brunch. The topic I chose will not surprise you:

Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds, Forgiveness Will.
The Controversy and Mystery of Forgiveness.
Here are the details:

The Reform Temple of Forest Hills
71-11 112th St Forest Hills, NY 11375
(718) 261--2900; www.rtfh.org
Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 10:00AM

It would be great if you could make it!
If so, call them for reservations. The event is free, donations are appreciated, and everyone is welcome. If you do come, make sure you come over and say hello.

For those living in Sonoma County, (North of the Bay Area) mark your calendars for December 17th, 2009 at 7:30 pm.

I will be speaking at Many Rivers Books and Tea in Sebastopol. The topic? ....Forgiveness.
Yes - again.
I don't think we can ever speak enough about it. More - in The Food for Thought below.

Many Rivers Books & Tea
130 S. Main Street, Suite 101
Sebastopol, CA 95472
(707) 829-8871
www.manyriversbooks.com
December 17th, 2009 at 7:30 pm.

Today's Food for Thought.

Both in my life and in my work, I come across so many misconceptions around forgiveness.

Think about the famous line from the book and the movie
"Love Story." "Love means never having to say you are sorry."

I can't even begin to imagine what it means.... How many times have I heard it quoted?!

Why? Because is sounds romantic? Does it?

First of all - it is simply not true.
Loving means (among other things) being responsible to the person you love, and so - if indeed you did something you regret, something hurtful and wrong, you need to feel it and then - to say you are sorry - genuinely. It is the least you can do.

Saying you are sorry and - being forgiven, however, are two very different things.

As is - saying you are sorry and - forgiving yourself for what you did.

To forgive yourself - you have to know what you are forgiving. In other words, feel remorse for your actions. Otherwise, what is there to forgive if you don't really regret it?

If all you are doing is - saying the words, you will never feel forgiven. Even if the other person forgives you.

And yet - feeling remorse remains one of the hardest things to feel.

Self-hate is easy. Self- recrimination? No problem. Self-judgment - easy again. You've done it all your life.

But remorse?

To let yourself really feel the sadness of having done something you cannot undo? Quite another story, isn't it? And there is no circumventing it. No short-cuts way to get to the other side.

"But, Auriela, why should I even bother, if it is so hard?"

Where to begin to answer that?

Let's look at another line that is thrown about so much these days: "Just love yourself." Or: "I am just going to love myself."
Meaning - if you want to have love work in your life, you must learn to love yourself.

Which is correct. This IS the truth. Except, as many have discovered, it's easier said than done.

Because unless you are able to forgive yourself for the things you've pushed under the rug and pretended to have forgotten - loving yourself simply won't happen.

Life is about growth, whether we like it or not. That's why we have no short-cuts to avoid feeling remorse.

Just the other day a friend shared with me something that may or may not surprise you. A couple of months ago she ended a relationship with a man after she had discovered a rather ugly betrayal. (An oxymoron, I know.)

She has been working with healing the pain and regaining herself and she is making beautiful progress. She is ready to look at forgiving herself and forgiving him for what had happened between them, so she can begin to let go and to allow deeper healing.

But her friends are up in arms. "Forgive him???!!! Are you crazy? You should never ever forgive that bastard!..."

We spent a good hour or more on the phone today just talking about it.

The "Crabs in the box" phenomenon, yet again. Remember that one?

I wrote about it here not that long ago. If you haven't read it, you can find it in my blog, just go back to earlier posts. It's worth it.

Her friends' reaction is a good illustration of the lack of understanding around forgiveness. That's why I am calling my talk : The controversy of forgiveness.

Here is something I want you to think about - to ask yourself and to answer.

Take the time, please. Don't rush even if the answers appear obvious, and especially if they are not. The better and deeper you can explain your answers to yourself the clearer you are going to be.

-Why forgive?
-Who deserves forgiveness, and when do they deserve it?
-Which (if any) conditions must be met before we can forgive?
-Do only people who have met the conditions deserve forgiveness?
-Is forgiveness for the victim or for the perpetrator?
-Is there a crime that is "unforgivable"?
-How do you forgive yourself when you don't believe you deserve forgiveness?
-Why is remorse often the hardest thing to feel?
-Is forgiveness an act of will? A choice? Or is it Divine Grace?

And finally: Why no change is possible without forgiveness happening first?

The last question is my invitation to think and to imagine:
What life would you be living if your past didn't hold you back?

Not sure abut the answers?

I have written about this so much in The Power of the Possible. It is on pp. 96-98, 98-101, it is in the chapter
To Stay or To Leave, Forgiving the Unforgivable - pretty much through the entire chapter, especially from pp.115 -126, and you haven't read this chapter before, read the whole thing, you will do yourself a disservice by reading just these pages.
Also on p. 231 and on, in the chapter When Love Is Not Enough, where I explain remorse and why it is one of the hardest things to feel.

Read these passages, even if you have read them already. Your will read them with different eyes this time because you have grown and you have changed and your ability to understand has deepened.

It is always like that, with any book. That's why we experience them differently at different times. It is not the book that changes with time, but you.

* * *

On another subject: So many of you responded to my request in the last letter and sent me your lists of qualities you are grateful for in yourselves! THANK YOU! You have inspired me so much! An I know - you have inspired yourselves!!!

If space permits, I will share some of your responses in the next letter.

All for now.

Hope to see some of you on Sunday in New York!
And of course, - here in Marin, tomorrow night.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.
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Don't You Just Love this Wonderful American Holiday?!

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 00:26:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Thanksgiving!

Don't you just love this wonderful American holiday?!

A holiday dedicated to giving thanks, feeling grateful!

Not every country has this tradition.
But we do.

It is so easy to take it for granted. Let's not do that.

Let's talk about it instead. I have a story to share with you.

It is this week's Food for Thought.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

This Tuesday November 24, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM - Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

email an RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

A story from my own life.

A few years ago I felt like throwing an elegant party my birthday.

I decided to do it at a wonderful local restaurant, in a cozy and comfortable banquet room that felt just right.
I believe we had about 25 people at the party, seated at four tables, 6 people per table or so. It was an intimate gathering of friends, where most people knew each other very well.

Dinner was served, then desert. "Happy Birthday" was sung and I blew out my candles. The toasts were about to start, when I got up and said something unexpected.

"Let's do something different tonight," I said.
"I want to dedicate this evening to gratitude. I want everyone to take turns and to speak about what you are grateful for in yourself."

Their eyebrows raised, my friends were shifting in their seats. What????

I continued.

"No, not the things you have achieved, like a great family, friends, success at work, a wonderful house you bought or built because of your accomplishments, not the car you love, not your good health ...
These all wonderful, and clearly something you are grateful for.

"But instead of talking about them, tell us about the qualities in you that are grateful for. What you like about yourself as a human being. Like kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, ability to forgive, hunger for spirituality, pursuit of personal growth..."

The longer I spoke, the more inspired I felt. I was getting so excited it was contagious, I could see my friends getting
excited as well. The temperature in the room was rising high.

"But Auriela, how could you? Don't you know how immodest it is to brag about yourself? Wouldn't they then be in their ego? How can you just ask people to praise themselves? Someone else has to do it..."

I beg to differ.

You are only in your ego if you speak from your ego.
Only if by acknowledging the beautiful things in you, you mean that you are somehow superior. Better than others.

Owning your light is not bragging.
It is simply standing in your power and refusing not to be who you are.
It is admitting the truth to yourself: Yes, I am that powerful, that loving and that kind. Or - I am that forgiving and accepting of others and I am also a helpful friend. (If these are your qualities.) And if they are not - admitting the ones that are.

If you won't own them in yourself, how can you expect others to do it?
Acknowledge them, feel grateful for having them. Some of them you are born with, others you have developed.

There is tremendous power in owning your light. And this power scares you.
What will be asked of me? Worse, what would be expected or demanded of me?
And what if I fail? What if I can't deliver? ...

Scary? Yes. Powerful and exhilarating? You bet!

You see the beauty in other people. You often tell them about it. What about your own beauty?

This is what I wanted to do at my birthday party. To have my friends look at themselves with gratitude and then - to speak out loud about what they saw.

Speak it and be heard and witnessed, thus - grounding it, making it real.

The room was suddenly quiet. I was so excited I could barely contain myself.
Once again I repeated my request. Once again I clarified it.

"Who wants to be first?" I asked.

There was a pause...And then - it began.
One by one and without particular order my friends rose to the occasion and met themselves!

A single mother spoke about how grateful she was for her courage, and for her incredible perseverance...
A man in his 40ies spoke about how loving he was and how natural it was for him to just let go and to not hold a grudge...
Another man shared how happy it made him to know that he was always there for his family and that they could always count on him...
A young woman spoke about being a loyal friend.
Another spoke about her passion for living, and how grateful she was that she never lost it, no matter how hard life used to be.

What can I say?

It was unbelievable. Each person held a mirror for another.
We forgot about the cake, we forgot about time. The waiters, sensing something sacred was going on, stood motionless, as if in reverie. The magic in the room was palpable, everyone's face was lit, more beautiful than I've ever seen.
It was electric, the energy rising with each sharing.

I was the last one to go.

"I am grateful for being me," I began.

I said a lot of things that were true for me then, and just like with everyone else that evening, acknowledging them out loud made me feel as if I suddenly had eagle wings.
Some of the things I said I remember, some I don't.

I will tell you what I am grateful for in myself today.
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And in return, would you do the same thing?
Write your own list. Thanksgiving is in 3 days. What better time than now?
Do it for you. Give yourself this gift. It will change your life in ways you can't even imagine right now.

I will be honored if you share it with me and I will keep it like a very precious gift.
I will be happy to print it here in the next letter if you give me permission, (with your name or without, whatever you say.)

Or share it with someone who is trustworthy and will support you. And if you don't have such a person - don't share it until you do.

Here is my partial list, the real one is too long:

-I am grateful for the gift of being able to love so deeply.

-For my incredible imagination.

-For my ability to think well, and to feel with the richness and depth,
and to have perspective, to no longer be run by my feelings.

-I am grateful for my trust that is unshakable, for my knowing that the good will always prevail, that there is higher order and a bigger picture and that I am never alone...

-I am grateful for my gift to inspire, especially - to inspire myself, for without it I cannot live.

-For my always reaching for freedom, regardless of the circumstances.

-For never giving up, for my ever present hope that is part of who I am.

-For knowing what matters and what doesn't
-For being clear on my most important priorities
-For being born with a happy disposition, for my innate optimism.

-For the courage, that is so much a part of me,

-For my spirituality, so rich is so real, and so all - encompassing.

A partial list, like I said. Why then am I so moved?
Write your own, and you will experience it too.

It was an amazing party that I will never forget. We didn't want it to end and we took its magic home with us.

Perhaps you will be inspired to try it this Thanksgiving, or at another time that feels right.

All for now.

See some of you this Tuesday.

Thank all of you for reading my long letters, and for your wonderful and loving support.
I treasure it and never take it for granted.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!

Auriela.

P.S. If it feels right, forward this blog to your friends and family.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.

It's Not The Old Age That Ages You!

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:32:00 +0000

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"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Hello, dear friends,

Another week has gone by...
In 8 days we will be celebrating Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday!

Isn't it wonderful that in this country, we have a national holiday designated to feeling grateful.
What a fabulous tradition!

And once again I am overwhelmed with gratitude for you, my readers and listeners... and I am deeply humbled. With all the available sources of information that are competing for your time and attention, you choose to read my Food for Thought emails and to listen to my radio shows, and so many of you do it regularly...when I let it in, I am close to tears.

You might have noticed that I haven't put up any new radio shows for a couple of weeks now. Here is why.

Webtalkradio.net has invested a lot of money into completely redoing their website. The new one will be fabulous and will be up and running very shortly.
So here is something you might be interested in.

If you have a business that can use consistent national and international exposure to targeted audience, I am now able to offer you something amazing.

Around 30,000 plus people are downloading my show every week, consistently, for a very long time. Think about it. 30,000 people or more. (!)
These are not random listeners, who are in their car when the show is on. These are the people who consciously take time every week to listen and to re-listen to the show.

That means they WILL hear about your business if we tell them about it.

Internet radio advertising is ridiculously inexpensive in comparison to broadcast radio. If you want to advertise on my show, I can do it for you starting with $50 a week (!) yes, you read it correctly.

$50 to $100, to $200-300 a week tops, depending on the options. But even with $50 you get a lot! A consistent exposure to an audience that is growing all the time, who often forwards the podcasts to their friends.
Another the beautiful thing is that once the show is recorded, the information about you and your service remains there! Whether you still have a contract or not. Your banner, your logo, your voice or mine, telling them about your business...

I can take 3 or 4 advertisers, no more. I also need to do it, because the cost of running the show without advertisers has become too high.

If you are interested, send me a quick email and I will send you all the details. Then you can decide if it makes good business sense for you or not.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Today, Tuesday November 17, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin
email Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com
I appreciate if everyone RSVPs,
so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

Back to Thanksgiving.

What better time to be talking about Gratitude - my favorite subject?

Yet something else is coming through, and when it happens, I listen.
So here it is.

The holiday season is upon us, and with it - for many - the dreaded "obligation" of having to be around someone you've been successfully avoiding all year.
In other words - having to see people with whom you still have "unfinished business." Unfinished emotionally.

You are still hurt or angry or resentful about what happened between you in the past and this past is still very much alive in you. You have not let it go.

This unfinished business is not something benign. And therefore not something you can continue to ignore. Because it is draining your energy.

Here is how it works.

As long as you have strong feelings about a person: feel they have hurt you, are angry at them or hate them, "can't stand them", etc. etc. you remain energetically connected to them.
There are invisible cords that are holding the two of you together, the cords that stretch indefinitely, because when it comes to energy, distance and time lose their meaning.

As long as you keep these feelings alive, the cords between you are alive a well.

Why should you worry about the stupid cords that you can't even see?

For starters, because they cause you to lose your energy.

Thank God you have been born with a lot of it, otherwise you would have been depleted long ago.
But you are leaking it, energy that is - your life force. The force with which you build your life, create your dreams, make things happen...

Why do you think kids have so much energy? Adolescents as well? They haven't yet leaked enough of it out.
It is a myth that we have less energy because of age.

We have less energy because of age-old resentments.

Haven't you seen some amazingly beautiful, radiant older people, who are simply bursting with life? They seem so free, and so wise. And in their wisdom - so innocent. How did they get there? What's their secret?

They have let go of their painful past.
In one lump sum, or piece by piece.

One way or another, through innate wisdom or inner work - they have been able to let the past be the past.

They have set it down by the side of the road and - walked away.

They stopped carrying it on their back. That's why they are not bent like so many other people their age. They have amazing posture, and - they laugh a lot. So old - and yet, having so much fun? How totally against everything you have been taught to believe...

Because it is not old age that break's your back. It is age-old resentments that do it.
And - your resistance to letting them go.

I know you've heard all this before. Too many times. So many, that you have stopped hearing the truth behind these words.

The truth is: You are the one with the key to your prison. Not the person who hurt you. But - you.

Is it worth it to lose your life to whatever happened a long time ago?
Is it worth it to keep leaking and leaking your energy?
Until you've lost so much of it, it's past the point of no return?

Of course not.

Listen.

There is so much wonder that lies ahead! So many new possibilities!
Let these holidays be the time you start fresh.

Release all the people that caused you pain, whether they are alive or dead.
And release yourself from the pain of what you've deemed "unforgivable" in you.

Say: Enough.
Make that choice.

Like one incredible woman who had survived Auschwitz said:
"Hitler got 4 years of my life. I am not giving him one more day!"

If she could do it, so can anyone. Including you!

"But Auriela, you don't know what happened to me...besides I already tried to let go...and it didn't work."

Sorry, but I am not buying it.
Are you?

You might have tried, but you have never really made the choice to be done.

Come on, it's just you and the computer page. No one is listening. Not even I, the one who wrote that page. Right here, right now - tell yourself the truth.
And then - forgive yourself for keeping yourself prisoner to that past.
Forgive yourself for wanting vindication, or apology or whatever else it would be really nice to get...

You don't need it. Not really. Your ego does, but not you. What you need is your freedom. So give it to yourself - and be surprised:

It is not just possible to let go and move on, it may turn out to be easier than you can imagine.

If you read The Power of the Possible, remember the Chapter: The Son Who Forgave His Father? Or the Chapter: The Wife of an Alcoholic? These are true stories, of people like you and me.

Let their lives be your inspiration. Read these Chapters again, even if you have read them already. Read them with new eyes. They may change your life.

Watch my video on forgiveness on YouTube, download the 2 forgiveness meditations from the Home page of my website - and do them. (all the links are below.) They work! I have endless testimonials from people whose lives were changed by them.

It is a choice: To hold on to the past or - to drop it.
Holding on comes with a lot of juicy stuff: you can keep blaming, you can keep "being right" you can keep explaining away your unhappiness...
The juicy stuff is poison. Throw it out.

Don't wait for the New Year and another set of New Year's Resolutions...
Right here, right now - let this Thanksgiving be your New Beginning.
Celebrate yourself and your Power to Choose! You were born with it, even if you didn't always know it.
You do now. Contemplate this miracle. Let it fill you with Wonder!

All for now.
See some of you today, Tuesday the 17th.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.
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How Can A Good Book Be Bad For Me?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:48:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Last night I finished reading yet another beautifully written book that had made me feel bad.

What do I mean by bad? - Hopeless.
And it takes a lot to make me feel this way.

It didn't last of course, because it is so foreign to who I am. Still, I was affected. I had to consciously shift out of this energy by remembering the truth: That goodness, beauty and truth always prevail.

Then I thought about the love I have
in my life and all the beautiful things I am grateful for.

After that - I sat down to write this email.

This is the third book I read recently that was filled with lonely people and "no way out," where the author touched the depth of human pain and found so little hope for the future of the human condition.

I could not put the book down because the story was gripping and very well written.

Because as I writer- I take such deep pleasure in well-written prose (poetry too, of course.) For me it is an aphrodisiac, food for soul, an awe-inspiring experience - reading good literature. And because I was hoping that in the end I will be lifted out of the dreary darkness into the light of hope and possibility.

Alas, it did not happen.

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

When you read a book, you get the author's perspective on life, and if the author is pessimistic by nature, no matter how well the book is written, you will be affected by this energy.

That's why, by the time I put each of these books down - I was overcome with immeasurable sadness.

Not the sadness you feel because you love the book so much you wanted it to go on forever. But the overall sadness about life. As if human beings are destined to live in pain, unable to express their deepest longings, unable to ever be understood by the ones they love.

Luckily I know better, and I know this is not true.
Luckily I am strong enough not to buy into this paradigm and it didn't take me long to shift back to my normal self.

But what about the readers who are more susceptible to hopelessness?

It will just "confirm what they already know," wouldn't it?
Bring them down, contribute to their unhappiness, create a chain reaction of things not working out...(read on, I will explain what I mean.)

You notice I am not mentioning the books' titles here.
I do not want to promote this way of seeing the world.
I have never subscribed to it. And I also I know it is not true.

Hopelessness never had any appeal for me. Even at those times when I had no logical reason for hope of any kind. And I had those times in my life. Just like you did. Just like everyone living on this planet did.

It was the grace of God that somehow, in ways I could never find words to describe at the time, I always knew that something better was possible and that it was possible for me too.

I was lucky to have that. To be born knowing this innately.
Back in the former Soviet Union, my old English teacher used to call me "a butterfly", implying someone not "deep" enough to see "the gravity of life."

Little did we both know that in its mysterious ways the Universe was giving me a wink. A butterfly: a symbol of transcendence. Not transformation, because the butterfly is not a better, improved version of a former caterpillar but a different species all together.

A species that has transcended the form and conditions where it was doomed to crawl and - grew wings, and a colorful body and became something entirely new, something that would discover the beauty of flowers and the freedom of flying to the sky.

Why am I writing about it today, and why did I start with mentioning the books I read?

Remember the Law of Resonance? I talked and wrote about it so much, in The Power of the Possible, in my radio shows and in one of these newsletters as well.
I will continue to talk about it for years to come, because more and more - our world is moving into
resonant reality causation.
More and more, and faster and faster.

Think about it.
Resonant reality causation. Now that's a mouthful. Indeed, it is. But what does it mean???

In a few words: Like attracts like. Which is nothing new, except in this fast-changing world it is not something you can continue to ignore. Like also generates like. Multiplies it, attracts it.

Watch a movie with a dark, negative message showing you that things never work out... spend even 10 minutes with a pessimistic, cynical person listening to them blame and complain...read a book, even a well-written one that shows you that you "live alone and you die alone"...and see
what happens to how you feel.

And once you feel low, unhappy, irritable -
watch things beginning to fall apart all around you:
a fight with a loved one, a business deal canceled, a telephone call with bad news...

Think it is a coincidence?
Come on. Even school children today know better than that.

Now - go spend an hour walking on the beach, or go dancing, or watch a good comedy, or call a friend who always makes you feel good because of his or her positive, optimistic attitude. And - notice how you feel.
Then - go and make that business call, ask for that deposit on a sale, call for ticket to a sold -out concert - and see what happens!

That's what Resonant Causation means.
Your resonance - creating your reality for you.

The sum total of the energies your carry ( which are all - vibrational frequencies), the entire spectrum of them, from hopelessness to joy - that form a standing wave of energy: Your own Personal Resonance.

If you want to understand it deeper - it is on pages 32 to 38 in The Power of the Possible. If the book is on your book shelf - pull it out and read theses few pages.
Even if it is nothing new to you.

Understanding this and living from this place is so important, it needs to becomes second nature to you. So that you leave the conversation as soon as you hear about "doom and gloom," so that you recognize when you yourself are not in a positive place and so DON'T make an important call, DON'T go on that important date...until you consciously shift into a different resonance.

I wrote about it in Chapter One of the book, because I wanted to set the tone for rest of it. It is that important. If you don't have the book yet, get it and read these pages. Understand how it works. It appears simple, yet it is very complex. Take it seriously.
A short while from now this truth will become common knowledge.

The better you understand it and live by it, the better your life will work and the happier you will feel.

But Auriela, why did you read three books in a row that have a negative message?

Guilty as charged. Lesson learned yet again!
I was drawn in, because they were so well written.
I hunger for good literature and I was hoping for a different ending.

If your read something wonderful lately, please, share with me, I would really appreciate it.

All for now.

P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my blog, please, forward this to your friends and family. Better yet, suggest that they sign up to receive it.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
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Being Busy Doing What You Love....What's the Problem?

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:31:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Thanks to everyone who confirmed receiving my newsletter. Thanks for your warm and wonderful responses! I will be asking this a couple more time to make sure most of you read it.
Please, send me a few words telling me that these emails reach you. Because many are still being lost in cyberspace and I am trying to figure out how many and if it is something I can fix on my end.

On another, somewhat related subject: I love responding to all your emails. I love receiving them and love writing back.
When it takes me longer to do it, please, forgive me. Know that as soon as I read your email I want to stay at the computer and write you back.
My brain is filling with answers to your questions and if I don't exercise some discipline, I can spend a few hours a day doing that.
Often, I don't have these too hours. Which made me pause and think. And became Today's Food for Thought below.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, Novemeber 10, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM Class: 7PM - 9:30PM
(notice: no class on November 3.)

RSVP for address and directions
Classes are held in Southern Marin

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
email Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

Not that long ago I wrote about the importance of knowing your Priorities and having them in the right order.
Knowing what comes first, what comes second and so on.

I suggested making a list. Sitting down with pen and paper, thinking about what matters, and writing it down, in a column.
Then - analyzing your list, and arranging it in the order of importance.

Why is the order important?

Because of The Law of Priorities.
Because if your priorities are out of order, you don't get to have them.
You may get a few here and there but no more.

The good news is:
if your priorities are in order, you will get all of them,
or at least - most of them.

Last week I decided to take a look at mine, again. I made my list.
And looked at it long and hard.
And then I laughed.

No wonder I was not feeling like myself.
As if something was missing.
Nothing was missing. On the contrary -
I had too much on my plate!

All of it - wonderful, a feast, a celebration...and still - too much. As if I've come to the banquet with a fabulous buffet, tables loaded with delicious foods I love to eat, and instead of wisely taking some and passing other offerings - in my excitement, I kept on loading my plate.

Few things feel better than suddenly getting clarity.
This is why I laughed when I saw my list, written in my own hand, staring back at me.

What am I talking about?

Read on. Today's newsletter is about me.

If you see the similarities with your own life - great.
Hey, haven't we always hoped to learn from other people's mistakes?

It might actually work in this case because many of you are probably in the same boat.

Here is what I discovered looking at my list of priorities.

I have allowed myself to get too busy.

Busy doing the things I love to do, that's true.
Just too many of them.

As a result, there was always something I wasn't getting to. Too often I was behind on many things...I was staying up late, trying to catch up...And it didn't feel good.

"But Auriela, didn't you just say that you are busy doing the things you love to do? Aren't you lucky? So many people hate their jobs...don't you know that?"

I do. I am very aware of this sad fact. I think hating your job and staying there year after year is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.
I believe you must either change the way you feel about your job ( if it is possible) or get out. Get out without sabotaging yourself, but thinking it through, preparing and then - going for it!

To continue doing what you hate - is like signing your own death sentence. No overstatement.
This subject is very important and deserves its own newsletter. Another time perhaps.

Yes, I am doing what I love to do. And I am so very grateful for the life I have.

It hasn't always been so.

It took a few powerful and difficult choices and a lot of guts.
Acting in spite of my fears and trusting myself even when I didn't have the answers...

It took being willing to make mistakes and refusing to give up. Refusing to settle for a life that might have fewer risks, but would require my giving up on my dreams.
And - on myself.

It took never loosing hope, even in the darkest times...
If you read The Power of the Possible, I have written about it intimately, not holding back.

The life I am living now didn't just happen.
I know how I got here.

I also know how it happened that I am involved in so many things, loving all of them...

It has been an amazing journey and I am right in the midst of it now...

And yet - it is time to pause.

To prioritize.

To choose which of my activities to keep, which to put on hold and which to let go of.

Because I have become so busy I started to lose my enthusiasm.

And it is my natural state, an essential part of who I am.
When I don't feel it - I am not myself. It is a sign that something is off.
Feeling enthusiasm about life - feeling inspired, excited, lifted by something that is beyond words - is among the best feelings in the world.

For me, it is a priority.

What happened?

I have bitten off more than I can chew.

Here is the partial list:

-I record a weekly one hour-long radio show, which I love.

-I write a weekly newsletter ( the one you are reading now.) I love doing that too.

-I receive emails from the readers of The Power of the Possible, and I try to respond to each one of them, in depth, the best I can. I love doing it and I very much want to.

-I have A School of Hope and Inspiration with weekly evening classes, and occasional one-day workshops...I love this work.

-I work with private clients - in person and long-distance, on the phone. I love doing that.

-Now and then I have a speaking engagements -I love that too.

-I am writing my next book, which is sweeping me away, into a different world and other dimensions...Do I love writing it? I LOVE it!
( this list is not in order. Otherwise, WHY is the book at the end of it?!!!???) Good question.

-And -I still have my fine art business, and there are parts of it that I love too.

-And oh yes...I am in a relationship with a magnificent man, my husband, and I love being with him. (this IS always on top of my list, blessedly I never forget it.)

- I have a tiny grand daughter - 4 months old, in New York and I try to go there often, for a few days so I can see her grow. I am in love with her.

-I am blessed with wonderful friends and I love to be able to spend time with them.

-I love to hike or go on walks, to get lost in a book, to see movies, to take time for myself, to simply do nothing - such a wonderful thing...
-I like to have time to exercise. And I love how it makes me feel afterward.

All this - AND the every day business of living, with every-day things coming up and needing attention.

What I don't like is being so busy!
Busy - yes, but not all the time. Too busy - no.

Do you see why it was time to prioritize?

And guess what went to top of my priorities, right after my marriage and my health?

My new book!
Writing The Power of the Possible was bliss. The best time of my life in so many ways.
Why then did it take me so long to get to writing the next book?

See what I mean? Why the list and order of priorities are important?

When you make yours,
make sure there are no more than 10.

And don't forget your Spirituality. Make it #1. All things flow out of it.

At some point - it becomes your only priority. Above #1, including, embracing and feeding all the other ones. It doesn't need to go on the list. It's who you are.

It is your connection to Something More. Feeling the Mystery of life, knowing you are not alone.

This connection is unique to everyone one of us.
It is your relationship with the Divine.

You experience it when you feel gratitude, when your heart overflows with love, at moments of passion when you are lost in creativity,
or touched by nature...in meditative altered states, through bursts of sudden joy.
Looking at a rainbow...Or - very directly.

I left the best part of this letter to the very end, didn't I?
And if you did read that far - I have written it for you.
A wink. A reminder of something you know well.
A reminder, that - if it is not already so - to make you spirituality - your priority!
Everything changes, once you do.

All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday the 10th.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!

Auriela.
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P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my blog, please, forward it to your friends and family. Better yet, suggest that they sign up to receive updates in Newsletter form.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
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You Can Change Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:01:00 +0000

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A School of Hope and Inspiration
Tuesday October 27, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM Class: 7PM - 9:30PM
RSVP for address and directions
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

Classes are held in Southern Marin
I appreciate if everyone RSVPs,
so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Here is this week's Food for Thought

As an author, I get regular emails from my readers. Lately - predominantly from US and India. Men and women of different ages, thanking me for The Power of the Possible, telling me how the book helped them with their lives and relationships...

And just as I am getting happy reading an email like this - a question comes:

"Auriela, can you please tell me what to do with my...husband, sister-in-law, daughter, mother, wife, friend...???"

Whoever it happens to be - is not acting they way my reader wants them to act. Doing something that "must be stopped." And they are asking me to show them how to stop it.

This is when I do a double-take.

Haven't you just read my book?

Haven't you just written to me to thank me for it?

How then did you manage to have missed the book's entire message:

Nothing changes until you do?

Every story ( true story, by the way) in The Power of the Possible shows - through other people's experiences, why trying to get another person to change doesn't work.
It explains why it is so, and why it will always be so.

It also shows that
people change when they want to change.
And only when they want to change. Never because we ask them or tell them to.

And so you read the book, you agree that you can't change other people, (in theory)- ...and then, when it comes to your own life - out the door goes this bit of wisdom and you are back to the same old fight: someone HAS to change.
And that someone is usually someone else.
Because YOU know what's best for THEM.

A fascinating thing, human nature. A fascinating thing also: how stubborn we are about "being right" and insisting that others see things our way.

Below are a my responses to a few of your questions.
And though they may not be what you hoped to hear, the truth does set us free, even if at first, to quote Gloria Steinem, it "will piss you off."

-Is there a magic technique that will make your lover stop flirting with other women?

No, there is not. If it bothers you - leave him. You can't change him.
But you can change yourself.

-Is there a way you can make your adult son change, so he gets a permanent job and moves out of your house?

Yes. Tell him he has to move out. And mean it.

-What? Kick out my son?

Absolutely. Give him notice (a short notice) and be firm. Didn't you say he was an adult? This is the best thing you can do for him - and for you. Stop trying to change him.
Change yourself.

-What can you do to get your mother to stop being rude to your wife?

Tell her that unless she acts differently, she can't come visit. Period. Don't ask her to change. Inform her about how it will be from now on. Change yourself.

-Should you ask for an apology from your sister-in-law with whom you have been refusing to speak for 7 years over "a trifle"?

Absolutely. To keep holding a grudge for 7 years?... Come on. It was "a trifle" - your words, not mine. Apologize. And be thankful if she doesn't turn out to be like you - punishing you for the next 7 years.

If these answers were self-evident (as they should have been) - bravo! I hope you got a chuckle or two.

And if they were not - hurry to Amazon.com or to my website and get The Power of the Possible and read it! What on earth are you waiting for?:)

All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.

Chauvinism and Its Impact On Our Life and Jealousy, Its Devastating Power.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:38:00 +0000

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Hello Dear Friends
Here Are The Topics For This Week's "The Power of the Possible" Radio Show:

Chauvinism and its impact on our life.

A man’s perspective.
Discussing this dark legacy with Franc Sloan, a Personal Growth Coach.

Exploring the crippling effect of chauvinism on both sexes and the way it destroys relationships.

Women and chauvinism.

Jealousy. Its root, its devastating power, and ways to end it.

Your “Dance with Love” and what you can learn from it.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:26:00 +0000

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Here is this week’s The Power of the Possible Radio Show:

Addressing the questions raised by readers of The Power of the Possible, a book of hope and inspiration.

Why “perception is not reality?”
Why does it mean: “powerlessness can be the most powerful state?”
The difference between resignation and surrender.

A powerful meditation of Self-Discovery: Your “Dance with Love” and what you can learn from it.

A Story That Is Happening Right Now To Someone I Know

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:34:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

Today I will start with a story. It is happening right now to someone I know and love.

A friend of mine who has been able to move past the anger she felt at her lover and at the way their relationship ended is beginning to feel good again.

No longer is she waking up hating the man's guts, no longer is she consumed by feelings of revenge...no longer are the thoughts of the past and how badly she has been treated consuming her every waking moment.

Instead, she is suddenly happy. Free again, excited about her life. She is even thinking of changing her job, as she sees new opportunities coming her way.

Read more below, after the Event Information:

School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, October 13th
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

Classes are held in Southern Marin
Please, be on time, we start promptly at 7pm
RSVP for address and directions.
email: Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

* * *
The School of Hope and Inspiration is deeply steeped in the understanding of the Mystery of Being, while at the same being deeply grounded in the common sense.
This unusual combination makes it unique and different among the various Self-Development programs.

The Tuesday night class continues, but it is closed to new participants.

Back to my story which is this week's Food for Thought.

My friend is thrilled with how she is feeling. It's been a very long time since she felt so happy. But when she shares her feelings with her fiends, she comes upon a strange reaction.

They don't believe her.
They think she is in denial and that she needs to go back and tell them how badly she feels.
"You need to vent," they tell her. "Go ahead, keep venting, don't hold back, we are here for you."

Venting. Such a charming word. A euphemism for blaming and for staying in righteous anger.

They all met for lunch the other day and this is where that conversation took place.
My friend left feeling frustrated and lost. And angry at her girlfriends, women she had know all her life.

She doesn't want to see them anymore, she is also torn...

Why am I telling you this?

Because what I have just described is not uncommon.
I have written about this in the past, but I feel it's time to talk about it some more:
"The crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

Have you ever seen people gathering crabs on the beach? Do you know that they never put a lid on the bucket where they keep their crabs?

They don't have to.

Because as soon as the second crab is inside the bucket, one of the crabs will make sure the other one stays put by pulling it down every time it tries to get out!

Now imagine there are more than just two crabs at the bottom of this bucket. Say, now there are 5 or 10...or perhaps a whole bunch of them crawling around, bumping into each other, unable to get out.

Is it a happy place? Is this where they want to stay?
Well, you may say, they have company, they are no longer alone, they belong, they can make friends, share their stories...

Yes they can.
And they can whine and complain about how they hate people who put them there, how they hate being in the box, how unfair life is to crabs.
And guess what? They will always find a sympathetic ear as long as they are in that bucket.

And as they cry and complain, they distract themselves from what comes next: a slow and painful death.
Because they are all on the way to being cooked, aren't they?
Or sold and then separated and then - cooked?

Denial is a powerful mechanism. Even crabs are using it. Denying the fact that they have lost their freedom as soon as they found themselves in that bucket.

And now imagine that one of these crabs decides: enough! I can't breath in this crowded place. There is not enough light and not enough space for me to move. I will get out of here! I want my freedom back.

What do you think is going to happen as this crab begins to crawl up, muttering on its way: "Sorry guys, I love you, but...I no longer fit here."
Immediately, the remaining crabs will move together to pull it back down! "Not so fast! Who do you think you are? We are not good for you anymore?!"

The crab metaphor is obvious.

If you've made friends with people who like to bitch about everything and everyone, if you have joined their club and have been "happily bitching along" about how life is unfair, the boss is a jerk, how you can't trust men, or women, or anyone for that matter...what happens when you suddenly wake up?

Suddenly, you are not fun anymore.
Not only are your "friends" not interested, they mock you, they don't want to listen, they encourage you to go back to the way you were.

Why?

Because you no longer fit with them. And they will try to do everything they can to bring you down to be your old miserable self again.
Just like crabs in the bucket do. Miserable, but together.

But let us give these friends the benefit of the doubt.
Because often times, they are not bad or malicious people. They are simply people in pain. They have not yet found the way out of that prison, and they are scared of losing you.

Also, your courage to change and to lift up to a higher resonance is a reminder of what they won't deal in themselves. And so - they pull you down.

This is what is happening to my friend.
And now she has 2 choices:

Leave the friends she no longer fits with and step into the scary, unknown territory of a new life

or - go back and keep the so-called friends and continue as she was.

The former takes courage, and trusting yourself.
The latter is simpler. It does not require much, except you - giving up on yourself.

But Auriela, isn't it so cold? So unfeeling? How can you suggest that she leave her friends? They might have been there for her all her life?

My answer is this.
If they are really good friends, they will change their tune and support her in her growth. And if they won't, perhaps it is time to leave them behind.

Is it cold and unfeeling? Hardly.
There will be sadness, there will be grieving and there will be loss... . And she will feel what comes for her - and she will let it go.

She may be alone for a while. There are no guarantees in life.

Keeping these old friends that keep pulling her down comes with a price. Too high a price, in my opinion.
That price is self-abandonment.

Is it worth paying?
You tell me.

Here is the quote I love:

"There are always risks in freedom. The only risk in bondage is breaking free." Lazaris.

Breaking free can be really scary.

There are no guarantees you will ever make new friends, that your new life will work, that you will get what you wanted...
It is much safer in the bucket. "It may be Auschwitz, but it's home."

Would anyone want to leave security for the dangerous, unknown terrain of freedom?

Just look around you. Think of the people you admire most. Every one of them has done it. And every one of them has been afraid at times. Sometimes - more than other times. Still they acted!
They went ahead even when they didn't have all the answers. And they have built the lives they dreamed about, blazing their trial for the rest of us.

They forged their own course and in the process - found themselves.

And the moral?

You are not here to get everyone's approval, nor are you here to be liked by everyone.

What are you here for?
The answer is yours to find.

I will give you a hint: You are here to find happiness, to create it for yourself, consciously. You are here to learn how to have fun! And to live the most amazing and joyous life..

A life-long journey. The most unselfish and loving thing you can do.
How come? Think about it.
This is this week's food for thought.

All for now.

See some of you on Tuesday night!

Much love to you, always.
And remember: NEVER EVER give up Hope!

Auriela.

P.S. Please, follow your intuition and if it feels right,
forward this to your friends or your family members.

P.P.S. If you don't live in the San Francisco Bay Area, stay with us through these emails and keep sending me your questions.
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Conversation with Dr. Francesca McCartney and Responding to Listeners’ Questions.

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:47:00 +0000

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Good morning,

Here is this week’s The Power of the Possible Radio Show:

Conversation with Dr. Francesca McCartney, author, medical intuitive and
Founder of Academy of Intuition Medicine: Learning how to work with your intuition; Preventing illness by working with the subtle energies; Opening your Life Force Energy; A powerful technique of grounding your body; How to stop being affected by other people’s energies; Kundalini.

Who Am I? Why Am I Here - The Ultimate Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:46:00 +0000

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Hello, dear friends,

I want to thank all of you, my readers, my listeners, my students-teachers...I feel so grateful every time I get a happy email telling me that reading my newsletters, thinking about the concepts and applying them is making a difference in your life. This is incredibly heart-warming to me, because I get as much out of writing them as you - out of reading them. Maybe more.

And your questions - I love getting them. Underneath them all - the age-old question that won't go away:
Why I am here? What's my purpose? What is it all about?

Just the other day, I got an email with the subject line: Who am I and why do I want to change? from a dear friend and client from the East Coast.

Let me share with you some insights on these most important of all questions.

To my Tuesday night class: we will look at this in depth this coming Tuesday.

To the those of you who live all over the country and the world ( the majority of my readers) - read my this week's food for thought below.

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

"Who am I?" and "Why am I here?"

The same question asked over and over, by people young and old, everywhere, throughout time.

Centuries pass, bringing changes beyond imagination... and still, the same question, asked again and again....

Why hasn't it been answered? By some of the greatest minds ever walking this earth?

It has been, though never fully.

Because the answers are shrouded in Mystery and mystery by definition can never be unraveled fully.

Because the answers are as unique as the person asking the question.
And also, because each person - each man, woman and child - must find these answers on their own.

No one can tell you who you are.
No one can tell you why you are here.

You won't believe it if they did anyway.

This is your own quest. A spiritual quest for meaning.
And it won't leave because at its essence is your hunger and thirst for the connection to the Divine.

You long to remove the veil of separation.
The separation that is humanity's Ultimate Pain...
The reason behind all seeking.

This is the Ultimate Human Drive.
Yours, mine and everyone else's. It always was and always will be.

Driven to find the connection, trying and failing, falling down and getting up, you seek to understand the Mystery of Life.
The Mystery of Being, the Mystery of Self and ultimately - the Mystery of God...

How could these Mysteries ever be uncovered?
They can't. They are not supposed to be.
But we grow and become more for having sought..

Because it is not about finding the answers.

It is about getting to the place where you are ready to ask the question.
Getting to where the question suddenly matters.

Realizing that ultimately - it is the only thing that matters. Because when it does - everything else falls into place and begins to make sense.

Then it is easy to see that the Ultimate Desire is Happiness.
And the Ultimate Need is to love: or rather - to be Loving.

Yes, you read it correctly.

Not your health, or wealth, or your success.
And not even - you being loved...

We all want them - to one extent or another. And of course, they are all important and wonderful to have.
And you will have a much greater chance of having them if you are clear on what ultimately matters.

Find what makes you happy - and cultivate it.
Is it spending time with a dear friend?
A walk in the wood? Crawling in bed with a good book? Dancing by yourself in complete abandon? Playing with your child? Loosing yourself in the creative project?
Find what it is -
And give yourself permission to do it. Be happy. Don't wait for others to give you this permission.
You, give the permission to yourself!

Then think about those you love. Immerse yourself into the feeling. How much you love them! (without - the "do they love me back?" or "why don't they love me more?")
Feel your love for them, and let the love take you over...

And then - ponder your own mystery. Become fascinated with you.
In the best sense of the word. Wonder at yourself.
Why did you say what you just said? Why suddenly - these tears? Why this feeling in your gut? Why the shutting off? Why anger? Why this burst of joy?

No self-judgment. Just wonder.
Start there. And take it deeper. Until the path opens up. The one that's right for you.
The one you will know to take...

Take it then. Take it as far as it goes. Then take another...

Driven by the only true drive - the Ultimate drive...delving deeper and deeper into the Mystery, the Mystery of You.

All for now.

See some of you on Tuesday night!

Much love to you, always.
And remember: NEVER EVER give up Hope!

Auriela.
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Responding to Listeners’ Questions

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:35:00 +0000

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On this week's The Power of the Possible Radio Show,
I am responding to listeners’ questions.

Why beating yourself up mentally and emotionally can never work.
Recognizing the ego’s voice And saying no to it.
Ending negative self-talk, taking responsibility for your life.
How do you date when you are a single mother?
How can I live in the present when I am terrified about the future?

The Negative Ego's Favorite Response

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 01:09:00 +0000

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Here is this week's Food for Thought.

Let me share the story of Jane. It is not her real name, of course, but it is her real story.
She is an old friend of mine and right now she is going through a crisis.
It is the same crisis she's been through before. Many times and for many years.

What do you think it is?

What are the obvious, repeated problems people find themselves in?
Usually they will cluster around these 4 areas:
Money, Career, Relationships and Health.

In my friend's case, it's money. Always, it is money and always she doesn't have enough of it.

And it is getting worse.

Before you hurry to point to the current economy as the reason for her troubles, wait.
My friend is so powerful she has successfully created the same crisis over and over again regardless of the state of the economy.

Did I say powerful? Yes, you read it correctly.

Because it takes a lot of powerful focused energy to continue to create constant financial disasters. To the point that it doesn't even matter how much money she makes. Her bills are always more than her income. "I am the one who never has enough money" has become her identity.

How does she deal with her situation?
A very good question.

This is what Jane hears in her head every time she runs out of money:

"You are no good. You can never manage money well. All the money you made in the past...where is it???? You've squandered it! You can't be trusted with money. You will always be a loser. You ARE a loser. Here you are again, calling people, begging for help. You should be ashamed. You will end up in the street, living under the bridge. And you deserve it..."

Relentless negative ego chatter, coming in the form of thoughts that are always putting her down.

And when she succeeds, gets a big check, gets a new project, does the job well, she hears: " You could have done it better! Sooner! Years ago! It won't last anyway. It never does. Don't keep your hopes up. It never happens to you. You are not good enough. Go spend some money while you have it. Have some fun...you deserve it..."

She can't win with this voice, can she?

No, she can't.

But she can always tell this voice to shut up!

"But Auriela, isn't this voice telling her the truth? Just look at her life..."

Not so.

The voice is not telling her the truth at all. The voice is using "what looks like truth" to bring her down, so she never gets up.

Because the truth is: She is not a loser, she is not a failure and she is not a jerk. And she is totally capable to live differently and to manage her money better. Just as she is totally capable to find a different occupation, the one that would come with a more stable income.

Why doesn't she do it then?

Because at a certain point in her life she had refused to think.
Because thinking for herself looked like too much work!

Too much work - to be evaluating, analyzing, looking at her life and her choices, taking responsibility for them, making different decisions...
It was easier to just look the other way, smoke a joint, get high, distract herself, avoid taking action...

So how does this relate to the Negative Ego?

Who do you think is whispering this self-destructive garbage in her ear?
Her Negative Ego, of course.

It is that voice in her head that interprets everything that happens in her life - in a way that is most devastating and destructive to her.

And she is so used to listening to it, she now believes it.

And the way out?

She needs to start thinking for herself.

As soon as a disparaging (or a self-aggrandizing) thought enters her mind - she needs to question it.

-Is it true that I am unable to take care of myself? -No, it is not.
-Is it true that I should go and spend the money I need to save? -No, it is not.
-Is it true I will never find a different career? -No it is not!

Why hasn't she started thinking for herself yet?

For the same reason she has let it happen to her in the first place: she has completely sold out to her ego.
To such an extent that she doesn't even recognize it.

That's why I said last time that the phenomenon is anything but benign.

Several things need to happen for Jane so she can break out of the cycle:

1. She needs to tell herself the truth without beating herself up.

2. She needs to start thinking and acting.

This won't happen without her also forgiving herself for all the "lost time," all the drama and all the pain.
But she already knows all this. We talked about it many times.

Will she do it?

It will depend on who she decides to listen to this time.
Her own critical thinking, or her negative ego.

Scary? Yes, it is.
The situation and where it can lead is scary. NOT the ego.

The ego would like you to believe that it is scary.
But it truth, it will be nothing but an empty voice, as soon as you take your life in your own hands.
Take charge of it! Toss the negative ego out and get yourself into the driving seat.

How can you apply this information to your own life?
Start thinking!

"But Auriela, I already am! How can you tell me this?..."

And this, my friends, is the ego's favorite, immediate response:

"I already do." "I've done this already. Got it, Handled it. Next...?"

Always question this thought.
If you are a thinking person, great. Then check your thoughts.
Teach yourself to think better, deeper, more.

Your ego will hate this idea, and will try to dismiss you, me and this letter.

Who will you listen to?

More On the Negative Ego

noreply@blogger.com (Auriela McCarthy) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:04:00 +0000

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Hello dear friends,

Last week I promised you to write about the negative ego and how it can mess up your life.

Here is what I wrote about it in The Power of the Possible, on pp. 158-160

"There is a voice inside our heads and it never ever tells us the truth. It plays the same old tapes over and over again...every time we allow it to speak, it lies to us. Every time we listen to it and obey it, it brings us destruction, suffering and pain. It is not overly intelligent. Quite the opposite. Our negative ego is dumb. Dumb but cunning and it is masquerading as our best friend.

"When we need to work harder it tells us we've done enough and need to rest.
When we've done a great a job it tells us we could have done it much better...
When someone pays us a compliment, it says it is because they want something from us.
When a friend gives us a constructive criticism, it tell us it is because they are jealous of our success...

"The negative ego has but one purpose: to bring us down and to destroy everything we have...
And yet we listen. Contrary to all common sense we don't just listen, we follow its advice...
And soon enough it all tumbles down: a valued friendship - broken, a career - damaged, a relationship - destroyed...."

There is a lot more in the book, with very good examples, and if you don't have it, it may be a good idea to get the book and to read about this in depth.
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