• Visiting Amanda Oaks in Pennsylvania
• Visiting Liz Patt in Maryland
• The ramp! Thank you soooooo much!
• We’ve actually got a lot to say about this couch.
• Our first house rule

Thanks for listening to Wild Crazy Meaningful Life! If you enjoyed this episode, please review us on iTunes and send your friends to WildCrazyMeaningfulLife.com.

That’s also where you can download my free eBook, Find Your Path Now. It’ll help you stop living on autopilot and start living the wild, crazy, meaningful life you were meant to live!

The following audio was automatically uploaded September 30, 2015 at 08:03PM via MEM’s Soundcloud & IFTTT.

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Ginger Lapid-Bogda points out the most common myths and misconceptions about the Enneagram, and tells you how you can avoid those pitfalls.

• “The Enneagram is not a tool, it’s a map.” -Ginger Lapid-Bogda
• online tests
• resources
• charlatans
• subtypes
• a false dichotomy between spirituality and psychology

Links:

• The Enneagram Made Easy by Liz Wagele
• Know Your Type app by Ginger and her team
• conscious tv

You can find Ginger at theenneagraminbusiness.com.

If you enjoyed this episode, would you be so kind as to leave us a review? You can find us by going to the Podcast page in iTunes and searching for “wild crazy meaningful enneagram”. Thanks! Your review helps more people discover the awesomeness of the Enneagram.

And if you’d like to discover how the Enneagram could help YOU, sign up for an Enneagram Exploration! The Enneagram Exploration is your opportunity to talk with me one-on-one about how the Enneagram can help you live a wild, crazy, meaningful life. If that piques your curiosity, you can find out more at EnneagramPodcast.com.

We’re here every Wednesday morning, so we’ll see you next time!

It’s a very human thing to do. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I just wanted to point one thing out:

That false face you’re presenting to others is like a mask that covers your true face.

When others love “you,” they’re not loving the real you.

They’re loving the mask.

You’re trying to get love, but the love isn’t getting through the mask. It’s love for a fake you: fake love.

The only way to get real love…

Is to be the real you.

Highlights:

• Granny Weatherwax
• “You can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality”
• When others call you “silly” or “crazy”
• Accidentally putting our lives in hold
• Gurdjieff’s Law of Three, aka the Hegelian Dialectic

Links:

• WCML 002: Live a crazy life!
• WCME 011: The Enneagram as a tool for Fourth Way study, with Aine Ni Cheallaigh
• The Shepherd’s Crown by Terry Pratchett

Thanks for listening to Wild Crazy Meaningful Life! If you enjoyed this episode, please review us on iTunes and send your friends to WildCrazyMeaningfulLife.com.

That’s also where you can download my free eBook, Find Your Path Now. It’ll help you stop living on autopilot and start living the wild, crazy, meaningful life you were meant to live!

We talk with Kelly about her experience of being a Seven.

Thank you, Kelly, for sharing what it’s like to be you!

If you enjoyed this episode, would you be so kind as to leave us a review? You can find us by going to the Podcast page in iTunes and searching for “wild crazy meaningful enneagram”. Thanks! Your review helps more people discover the awesomeness of the Enneagram.

And if you’d like to discover how the Enneagram could help YOU, sign up for an Enneagram Exploration! The Enneagram Exploration is your opportunity to talk with me one-on-one about how the Enneagram can help you live a wild, crazy, meaningful life. If that piques your curiosity, you can find out more at EnneagramPodcast.com.

We’re here every Wednesday morning, so we’ll see you next time!

p.s. Kelly said she was cool with leaving the long pause in, because it shined a spotlight on the feeling of “I can’t even be silent for ten seconds”.

What we’ve learned from having arguments with reality, experiencing spiritual art, and living in someone else’s home for a week.

• Kyeli’s hip injury and accepting your limitations
• “Having an argument with reality”
• Kyeli’s adventure at the Renaissance Faire
• The pieces that most moved us at The Detroit Institute of Art
• Don’t underestimate the importance of the little things in your home environment and your routine
• What are you optimizing for?

Thanks for listening to Wild Crazy Meaningful Life! If you enjoyed this episode, please review us on iTunes and send your friends to WildCrazyMeaningfulLife.com.

That’s also where you can download my free eBook, Find Your Path Now. It’ll help you stop living on autopilot and start living the wild, crazy, meaningful life you were meant to live!

• MBTI (Myers-Briggs) and Carl Jung’s cognitive functions
• Who’s in the driver’s seat, who’s in the passenger seat, and who are those 3 and 10 year olds in the back seat?
• Myers-Briggs + Enneagram predicts that Pace struggles with filling out forms and Kyeli struggles with systems
• How astrology relates to the Enneagram
• “If it’s not resonating, let’s retype you”
• A brief overview of the 8 cognitive functions
• “The Enneagram is about how we feel, the cognitive functions are about how we think, and astrology is about what we’ve come to do.” -Kelly Crowther

And here are all the resources Kelly discussed on the podcast!

You can find Kelly at enneagramdepot.com.

If you enjoyed this episode, would you be so kind as to leave us a review? You can find us by going to the Podcast page in iTunes and searching for “wild crazy meaningful enneagram”. Thanks! Your review helps more people discover the awesomeness of the Enneagram.

And if you’d like to discover how the Enneagram could help YOU, sign up for an Enneagram Exploration! The Enneagram Exploration is your opportunity to talk with me one-on-one about how the Enneagram can help you live a wild, crazy, meaningful life. If that piques your curiosity, you can find out more at EnneagramPodcast.com.

We’re here every Wednesday morning, so we’ll see you next time!

“How was work today, sweetheart?” Kyeli asked me when I arrived back at home.

“Oh, it was fine,” I replied while taking off my shoes.

“You say it’s fine, but you don’t sound fine,” said Kyeli.

Something snapped inside of me. I threw up my hands, and this is what came out of my mouth:

“What is my problem?!?!

I get to use everything I studied in school. I get to work on really interesting problems. My coworkers are, for the most part, great to work with and generally awesome people.

The project I get to work on is basically my dream project where I get to do all of the really cool stuff with none of the bullshit.

I get to work from home part-time! And I make butt-tons of money! There are people who would kill to have my job.

There is nothing wrong with this job, so there must be something wrong with me.

What is my problem?

Why can’t I just be grateful for what I’ve got?

Why can’t I just be happy?”

Kyeli held me as my rant softened into sadness. She looked me in the eye and turned my question around: “What is your problem, Pace?”

I replied, “My problem is that my heart isn’t happy. On paper, this job is perfect. But my heart doesn’t care about paper. My heart isn’t logical. My heart isn’t efficient. My heart doesn’t care about job security or money or solving interesting problems. My heart wants to love and to be of service. My heart wants to help people.”

Kyeli asked, “But isn’t the work you’re doing helping people?”

I said, “Sure! Maybe. Sort of, eventually. But it doesn’t feel like it. I can make up a story about how I’m helping people, but that story is in my brain and my heart is like, ‘whatever.’ My heart wants to feel the feeling of helping people, not just hear the story.”

Kyeli took my hand and said, “Then you need to follow your heart, Pace.”

I said, “You’re right. I need to follow my heart.”

The next day…

I went back to work.

All the intense emotions of yesterday had faded down to a pale yearning.

I worked.

It was fine.

This job is really a great job, when you think about it.

Several months passed.

I convinced myself that “good enough” was as good as it gets, at least for now.

I said, “I’ll follow my heart as soon as I have enough of a nest egg saved up.”

But what I really meant was, “I’m afraid. It’s so scary to uproot everything and make a big change.”

Numbness became a habit.

And then I got a second chance.

One day, I watched a really awesome movie, and my heart spoke up again.

“I need to follow my heart,” I said to Kyeli.

“I hear you and I support you,” she replied. “And I also remember that you’ve felt this way before, but it slipped away. What happened?”

I said, “I was too afraid. It’s like, if we go to the store and bring home a bunch of junk food, I’m gonna eat it. It’s just too easy when it’s right there. But if we don’t buy the junk food in the first place, then I only have to make one good hard decision instead of deciding multiple times every single day.”

Kyeli said, “So your day job is like the cheese factory?”

I said, “Exactly. What I need is one of those lap bars, like on a rollercoaster. The lap bar comes down and BOOM, you’re committed. It’s too late to get off this ride. You can scream and shout, but you might as well put your hands in the air and enjoy the ride. There’s a kind of freedom in commitment.”

Kyeli said, “I know you have a plan, to wait until you have a nest egg and then quit your job. But what if we didn’t wait? What if you quit your job, we sold all our stuff, and we moved into an RV and traveled the country?”

I said, “That would be one hell of a lap bar.”

So we did it.

I quit my day job. We sold 95% of our possessions. We bought an RV and moved into it. We traveled the country.

It was a big change; I did plenty of screaming and shouting as I strugged to adjust.

And then I put my hands in the air and enjoyed the ride.

What’s your lap bar?

When you feel the calling of your heart, don’t let it slip away.

Make a commitment to honor your heart over your habit.

It’s difficult (if not impossible) to uphold that commitment on your own.

That’s why I’m gathering this Pathfinding Group.

You’ll be supported by me, plus a small circle of people who all want to learn how to listen to their hearts.

You don’t have to slide back into the habit of numbness, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Click here to examine the lap bar.

Reminder: Registration for Pathfinding Group closes tomorrow!

• “I don’t want to be a spectator; I want to be a witness.” -Kyeli
• “There is room in our hearts for both sorrow and joy.” -Pace
• Smuggling our cat into the mall
• Honey Boo Boo Crack Hotel
• “Everything is either awesome, or is going to make an awesome story.” -Pace

Thanks for listening to Wild Crazy Meaningful Life! If you enjoyed this episode, please review us on iTunes and send your friends to WildCrazyMeaningfulLife.com.

That’s also where you can download my free eBook, Find Your Path Now. It’ll help you stop living on autopilot and start living the wild, crazy, meaningful life you were meant to live!

Path #8: The Jewel in my heart is Strength. When my Jewel shines clearly, I reflect Strength into the world like Martin Luther King, protecting those I care about. When my Jewel is obstructed by fear of being taken advantage of, my essential Strength can come across as aggressiveness or vindictiveness. I’m trying my best to find Strength, and I need to remember that I can’t get that by seeking out intensity for intensity’s sake; I can only find true Strength by being strong enough to be vulnerable.

• fear of being controlled
• desire to protect and be protected
• “you’re in or you’re out”
• the Jewel of the Eight
• what physical intensity looks like and feels like
• how you can harness your personality instead of trying to repress it
• comparing and contrasting One and Eight
• comparing and contrasting Four and Eight
• vulnerability leads to invincibility
• The Eight’s stress and security points
• Why Eights are needed
• Divine Strength: be the garden hose, not the hammer

Links:

• A conversation with Dyana (an Eight) about what it’s like to be her

If you enjoyed this episode, would you be so kind as to leave us a review? You can find us by going to the Podcast page in iTunes and searching for “wild crazy meaningful enneagram”. Thanks! Your review helps more people discover the awesomeness of the Enneagram.

And if you’d like to discover how the Enneagram could help YOU, sign up for an Enneagram Exploration! The Enneagram Exploration is your opportunity to talk with me one-on-one about how the Enneagram can help you live a wild, crazy, meaningful life. If that piques your curiosity, you can find out more at EnneagramPodcast.com.

We’re here every Wednesday morning, so we’ll see you next time!

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Would you like to help? If you feel it would be rewarding for you to transcribe or summarize this audio in a comment, please do!
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* * *  Ideaschema’s audio feed is evolving.  * * * 
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(Stephen Colbert’s interview with GQ is here, if you want to read it too. It’s great.)

Marty and I have been using Asana​ for almost two years now. We started the month after I got sick — before I had any clue that I would be sick for, well, years.

Although there have been some health-related setbacks in recent months, my recovery process is still proceeding, and Asana has recently become a really neat part of that.

As I regain physical energy and mental clarity, learning to work with Marty again is important to me. Man, we are rusty! This week and last week, Asana has represented the first major step in Marty and I coordinating our workflow together — me in little bits, when I am able, and him for his whole work schedule.

Several mornings now, we’ve followed a similar routine. Marty does it every day, and I join him when I feel like I can. It looks like this: Meditation, reflective writing, updates to the income generation list and organization of finances, Asana.

That last piece is where we sit down together and learn to use Asana together more effectively — and it’s also been where I’ve been getting sparks of energy and clarity and creative vim, because coordinating our brains and efforts is opening up space for me to feel like I can contribute in some meaningful way.

That feeling of capacity to contribute has been a big deal for me. Most of the time I’ve been sick, I wasn’t able to do much at all. As the situation improves, I am aching for an outlet, and to reconnect with the work that matters to me.

Asana was totally usable before, when we were just wingin’ it. We never really learned how to use it well, but it was very intuitive. It worked great for us, though sometimes either or both of us fell off the wagon and forgot to keep it updated.

Now that we’re taking the time to look up information, and test approaches together, and learn together, it’s becoming apparent what a great piece of software Asana is for us. Especially at a time in my life where it has felt impossible for me to do anything reliably… or be organized… or even just get my head on straight… this is a pretty amazing thing, to see that something is working.

The result is immense gratitude for the discovery, and utter delight at how much good fuel it’s giving me for self-care, and for patience with the gradual recovery of my functions. The Healthification of Me has been slow-going, but since we started coordinating this way, the progress and results are becoming a lot more clear.

Yesterday I struggled to write a health update to Patreon that was reasonably organized and made some sense, and I made my peace with its flaws in order to get it out there.

This morning I’m busting out a post about Asana, on the fly, with a fairly relaxed and clear brain, because I feel inspired by my meeting with Marty this morning.

How freaking awesome is that?

<3

The last few months for me have been a  journey deeper into the great unknown, harvesting courage, strength, faith, clarity and love like I have never known.

I have been training and deepening in a revolutionary new type of intentional creative energy work that I feel called to integrate into the Fire Tree Method ™ and our approach to creative transformation and full self-expression.

We are multi-dimensional beings and intuitive painting is a multi-dimensional experience, where we can access the full expression of ourselves in EVERY DIMENSION.  Beyond just the obvious physical, emotional and spiritual bodies, there are 8 different body’s of our experience, such as the Body of Will, The Body of Love and the Etheric Body, for example.

This means we can affect, through painting, every level of our well-being and free our creative potential in this lifetime.  This is very exciting and tremendously empowering!  There is no other modality that I know of that allows a person to access this level of self-actualization in every dimension,  doing the work themselves!

So stay tuned for more coming from me on this very exciting ground breaking work.  I think it is so potent that it could revolutionize healthcare.  Grandiose thinking? Perhaps.  But what do you expect from a soul set aflame? Especially when you realize that everything –all dis-ease starts on an energetic level and we are creator beings, you begin to see how this could impact our world, from the inside out and liberate us from old dysfunctional toxic energy patterns and ways of being and creating in the world.

*The Abundant Creative: Ignite your Creative Power, Breakthrough Blocks and End the Starving Artist Myth Forever! 

If you want a breakthrough around money then this is it.  IF you are looking for the courage, the trust, the passion and the creative financing to do your thing and go for your creative dream or calling this is for you!  A customized retreat will depend on your needs and purpose and start with a remote session to design your retreat, which could be 1-7 days in length, depending on your intentions and readiness.

If you are feeling STUCK in any area of your life or business this is for you.  Together we will co+create your retreat to reflect what is most important for you to have a breakthrough to passion at this time, you will leave the retreat with a clear vision and action/accountability plan for making your dream a reality. We will also look at what it would be like if you were to really flow, what part of you is holding back.   A customized retreat will depend on your needs and purpose and start with a remote session to design your retreat, which could be 1-7 days in length, depending on your intentions and readiness.

*The Phoenix Rising Experience. Breakthrough to Passion, Purpose and Prosperity. 

If you are feeling lost, dispassionate, depressed, stuck and/or bored AND you have a sliver of a sense there is some larger purpose to your life, some contribution or calling that you feel compelled to discover, this is for you.   Together we will customize your Phoenix Rising Experience and you will move through the stages of Awareness, breaking through blocks and limiting beliefs and patterns, freeing yourself from these so you can clearly identify your soul’s purpose and move forward with a clear vision for your life and a plan to implemented in the world, that is honoring and supportive of you.  A customized retreat will depend on your needs and purpose and start with a remote session to design your retreat, which could be 1-7 days in length, depending on your intentions and readiness.

MARTHA’S VINEYARD.

After spending the last 9 months on the island, and surviving my first winter here, I have never been more clear about how much I love this magical, mystical and mysterious place. It is potent for creativity, transformation and breakthroughs.  As I rise from the ashes of my own Phoenix Rising I know how a journey here is rich and deep experience that can change your life forever as it continues to impact mine.

THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS.

A few weeks ago, I completed a private intensive for The Phoenix Rising Experience and I realized yet again, that the power of this work lies in the cocoon of relationship.  These days there is a ton of information online, you can get instant wisdom gurus and data, tools and videos online.  However, the power of coming together with intention and heart and being witnessed as you crack open, breakdown and breakthrough to your authentic self, soul’s purpose and creative potential is incredibly profound.  That is the heart of The Fire Tree Method ™.  It is a framework where you can travel with a compassionate and fierce guide through to your next evolution in a unique, sacred, creative way that supports you in liberating your best self

CREATE. WRITE. PAINT. REPEAT.

Being on the island has also called me deeper into my own creative work, I started a book about the island this winter and it has been so much fun researching and developing the story and seeing it evolve over time…where life becomes art! I also have a acrylic painting series I am working on here as well and also coninting to dive deep into creative transformation with my clients, which is what I love to do!

The post Love Expands. appeared first on Fire Tree Studios.

I was feeling blocked.

Honestly speaking, I have been feeling stuck in writing this blog, these newsletters. They for me, have felt flat, predictable, repetitive, boring and somewhat lifeless for me.  I have been writing them for 7 + years. I realize that some of you disagree and I thank you for your constant feedback and encouragement, but for me, and my creative process- they have felt more stagnant than fluid as of late and I have felt boxed in.

Sure I can blame it on being busy, modern day distractions– and all that may be true, but really when it comes down to it– a new level of honesty and self-expression for me, is yearning to find the light of day.

The old model of trust, how we trust ourselves, each other, our creative process, life–is shifting into something new. I can feel it. 

A new level of honesty, truth and self-expression is being born.

I became aware that I was holding up some ideal model of who I thought YOU wanted me to be.  Who I thought I wanted to be, needed to be,  in order to gain your trust, inspiration and approval so I could have the privilege of inspiring you to create life on your own terms, transmute your passion into action by the fuel of your authentic expression.  (my soul’s purpose)

This limited belief in my own thinking,  honestly, was blocking my own authentic expression–my joy.  It was keeping me from being fully vulnerable and transparent about what was really going on for me.

So sitting on a plane here, flying back to Texas from Martha’s Vineyard to care for my mother post foot surgery, it all came flooding into consciousness for me.

I have been stuck with my writing and in my own mind.

When we are stuck there is usually some level of truth and honesty that is begging to surface and some limited belief that is holding us back.

I realized these newsletters have felt stuck because I am holding back my own truth and have been writing from the voice of one who was playing it safe. Once I started to write this everything flowed, it is if the flood gates were open and the letters were free again to dance on the page in full flow and liberation.

So here is the truth that is bubbling up for me, in the vortex of my own creative life design:  I have decided to move to Martha’s Vineyard, full-time for now, to write my novel, teach, mentor and create a home base on the island. I will still call Austin home too, but right now, the island is calling me.

I am so grateful that I have created a flexible business model, based on my soul’s purpose and passion doing what I love that supports my lifestyle AND my calling to be of service.

Is this something you are wanting too?  <If so…join us in January for

The 2015 Phoenix Rising Experience>

Here is my new home on the lagoon on Martha’s Vineyard- for now (view from the cottage above).

Leaping is required to fly.

You can’t only leap once!  Of course as with any transition and creative journey, we must face our fears and take a leap!  I don’t have it all figured out.  I don’t know exactly what it is going to look like…there are a lot of unknowns.  I am swimming in uncertainty and rather than sinking I am choosing to open up to the mystery and adventure of it all.

• What I do I know is that this where the real growth happens.  This is where we learn to trust, miracles occur and dreams realize.

 

• What I do know is that my vision is calling me forward and that it is undeniable, and this I have learned to trust deeply. Leap after leap.

 

• What I do know is that my soul is calling me to the island, my creative and spiritual home for deep nourishment and inspiration.

While on the island, the leaves and the waves and the birds in the trees have all been whispering to me pages of this book.  I need to write this story. My story– my story of the island.

I do believe in soul-mates of various kinds and I also believe that certain places act like soul-mates too.  Martha’s Vineyard in many ways is one of my soul-mates.  No other place in this planet has support me, inspired me and catalyzed my full self-expression and joy like this island.  It is purity and magic… and the connection I feel when there is a potent lifeline of creativity and miracles.

One thing I know is that rational thinking is only one part of the equation, this must come from the heart knowing. I must answer this call and walk boldly, confidently, towards the dark void of the blank white canvas and see what, life– like a painting, a book—this canvas, this chapter– has to tell me.  It is writing and painting itself and I know I am the steward of its great reveals.

And now that I have fully committed to this vision, the whole world is conspiring to support me in living it.  I feel totally supported.  But first I had to leap into the unknown.

This is the true joy in life, to answer the call of the soul.  If not now, when?

Where can you be more honest and truthful with yourself and others?

What is your soul yearning for?

Are you willing to take the journey live your true joy?

If so, join myself and Pam Simich January 2015 (program starts on the 30^th) to answer that call with inspiration, structure, accountability, tools and support so you may…

1. Make peace with your past
2. Discover your soul’s purpose
3. Ignite your vision into action

….in a sacred creative community that will guide you to rise into your greatest life.

Click here to apply.  Early Bird Investment ends December 15^th, 2015. Act now and receive up to 18% off!

Are You Ready to Rise and Fly Like the Phoenix?

Act now, and take the journey of the Rising Phoenix of your full potential, with passion and practicality.  Let go of your past.  Claim your Future and receive the structure the guidance and support to live it boldly, with an intimate group in a solid framework that will launch you in the flight of your best life!

with love

and creative expansion,

The post Liberate with Honesty. appeared first on Fire Tree Studios.

 

I don’t know about you but I have been feeling the emotional intensity of the last few days, the new moon, the eclipse and mercury retrograde.  In my world everything is changing and shifting and I have had to practice a lot of love, presence, compassion and letting go!  It has required a strong act of surrender, trust and faith in myself, others and my VISION!

So where can you more deeply surrender to your dreams, visions and creative process?

The post Sweet Surrender. appeared first on Fire Tree Studios.

I could not have done it without the support of others, or trusting my vision and my gut to just go for it even though we didn’t have all the details worked out entirely. I had to trust the creative process and go with the flow! Pura Vida!  No one has ever done a paint, surf and yoga retreat in Costa Rica.  What a fun, colorful, inspiring 5-days.

Do you know the one thing that you need to create the life and business of your dreams? 

COMMITMENT.  You need to be clear on your intentions, commit to seeing them through and to surrender to the creative process.  You gotta show up.  Face your fears.  There will be challenges.

It will bring up any doubt and purify your vision.  And you will be all the better for it.  Say no to distractions, toxic people, behaviors and patterns that test your commitment to your vision. What you focus on expands. That heat and pressure you feel? Don’t’ sweat it.  It is magic in the making.  Its the alchemical creative fire. It is what transforms, what was just an idea into a real tangible experience of your vision in action.

Where are you hiding out?

What can you commit to?

Where do you need to say no to other peoples expectations of you?

Where can you say yes to your heart?
Are you willing to take the journey to what you want?

There is still time to join me on Martha’s Vineyard next month!  Join me for seven days of painting, movement, opening up to live transitions with clarity, grace and ease while unlocking your creativity, authentic voice, freedom, power and potential.

from my fiery heart to yours,

The post Commitment Creates. appeared first on Fire Tree Studios.

One of the things I heard most during my travels was…”Wow, Melissa your courage to go for your dream is so inspiring. How do you do it? You had a vision and you just …did it!”

Well my beloveds, it hasn’t always been easy.  I attribute my mindset and outlook to my Dad… who always told me I could do whatever I wanted if I put my mind to it…and that has been the foundation for my attitude and perspective.  The rest has been learning to trust myself.  And this has required learning to take risks, experiment, make mistakes, be comfortable in the unknown with a huge dose of self-compassion while being incredibly committed to my vision.

Another question I hear a lot is…How do I trust myself?  For me, it is an ongoing practice. Here are some tips that can support you in your own courage to live your life to the fullest:

1. Know yourself.  If you know who you are and what you want (rather than what other people want for you…) then it is easier to be congruent with your choices. In harmony = self-trust.
2. Grow your self-confidence.  Self confidence is related to #1.  If you know what is true for you, what you are passionate about,  then it is easier to trust yourself and your choices vs societal or familial conditioning.  Doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, it means that you trust you can handle whatever life experiences come your way.
3. Take risks.  Whether it is a radical new color in a painting, a travel adventure without a set plan or a new program idea…this is how I have learned to trust myself. I love to be out of my comfort zone in new cultures, environments, creative mediums and experiences.  It mixes up my everyday perspective, habits and routine up a bit and allows the genius of our imagination and spontaneous expression to kick-in and work its magic.  Obviously it doesn’t always produce the desired outcome, but when we can see the fruitfulness of our actions we can trust our instincts and intuition in a much deeper way and know that a greater plan is at work.  One that is bigger than our little minds can conceive. This builds the foundation for the next opportunity…and the next one…and the next and pretty soon we have created something pretty incredible, including a deeper trust in ourselves.
4. Listen to your intuition and act on it.  We all have this magical guidance system within, a B-Line to the great cosmic source of the Universe.  Let’s use it shall we?  When we create focus and attention toward our gut feelings, hunches and inner knowing we create a relationship with this aspect of ourselves that can tap into a greater intelligence that can guide us out of the trickiest situations and into a life of our dreams.
5. Take full responsibility for your current reality.  Coming from a victim mentality does not support trusting yourself. In fact in harbors dis-empowerment, by giving your power away to someone or something outside of yourself.  The more you own your power and the fact that you are a powerful creator, the more you will begin to trust in yourself and your creative abilities to handle any and every opportunity that is on your path to greatness.
6. Stop abandoning yourself.  Honor your boundaries, follow through on your word, create space for your true feelings and desires and you will build this relationship of self-trust, knowing that you are always there for you.
7. Say NO! and Say YES! when you mean it.  This is pretty straight forward and for those of us that grew up as pleasers, denying our own needs to take care of those around us, it is so important to stand up and say what you really mean and mean what you say.  You will trust you and others will in turn respect and trust you more too.  Who loves being around people that are honest and forthright in their communication, even if it isn’t what we want to hear? I know I do.  Because it makes me want to trust them.
8. Let go of what other people think of you.  Trust that you will make decisions for yourself that are in integrity with your heart.  People may come and go.  At the end of the day, it is you who you get to be with always, so you better be true to you.  And being true to you is the foundation for self-trust.
9. Own your Value.  This one has taken me a while and it shifted for me when I realized no one is going to honor my value unless I do.  Once I started standing up for my worthiness in my relationship to myself by practicing all the steps mentioned above did I see a shift in the outside world.  It had to come from within first.
10. Take action everyday toward your dreams/desires.   By taking action everyday, even if it is just a few steps or an hour or so, you are communicating to yourself and the world around you with your behavior that you are committed towards creating a life that is rooted in your own values.  This builds self-love, trust and respect.

While I by no means have mastered this list, I see it as something to practice daily. Am I perfect at it…? Of course not. What makes me successful is that I get up everyday with a fire in my heart to keep practicing; to commit deeply to keep knowing myself, taking risks, growing my confidence learning how to stay with myself even when it is uncomfortable, to say what I mean, to let go of other people’s opinions and to own my own value by learning to love myself.  And this is how self-trust is cultivated. This is how I tend my own garden, that is the soil of my life.
with love and a big fiery heart to you,
xoxo

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I leave for California tomorrow and I am sooo excited to be on the road again and going back to Cali to share my love and passion for the power and magic of intuitive painting. 

However, a couple of days ago, I was feeling a ton of resistance. I have been soo busy with many projects, speaking engagements and growth opportunities and I was thinking to myself…‘ I don’t know if I can go.’  My inner critic was…up!  I am expanding out of my current comfort zone.  Things weren’t lining up in a way that made me comfortable about getting back on the road.  There were many balls in the air.  Many unknowns yet to be revealed.  And then I saw this quote…

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, a chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.”

And with this all became clear!  And I recommitted to my vision and  my purpose which is to inspire creative transformation in order to catalyze Universal Joy, Freedom and Abundance!

And then as the Universal Law allows, once I was fully in, things started to line up.

Of course there is resistance, resistance is very much part of the initiation inherent in our creative process, it is what will give you the inner strength to see your vision through to fruition and this leap of faith is what will carry you to greater confidence in yourself.

I find myself saying, TRUST YOUR RESISTANCE  If there is a lot of healthy resistance, it tells you that you are on the right path!  You intuitively know the difference if its healthy or not—more anticipation of the great unknown,  rather than anxiety that this doesn’t feel right.

So is there something in your life that you are resisting? Is there an opportunity to take a leap out of your comfort zone?

Remember it is all part of the process of learning to trust yourself and you don’t need to do it alone!

Click here to register for our SUMMER Special Kick Starter Mentoring Package!

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– Bruce Lee

Today I wrote a love letter to those of you brave to enter the client kingdom of creative transformation that is Fire Tree Studios.  After 10 years of coaching, mentoring, teaching, facilitating and training clients and students I have evolved the most effective way to engage with me at Fire Tree… and to get the very best of me and what the Fire Tree Method has to offer.

This letter is also inspired by my longtime mentor, Dorothy Divack, my work with Randi Buckley in her incredible course, Healthy Boundaries for Kind People.   Her next session starts Friday!  (to listen to my interview with her on Fire Tree LIVE click here) And also Leoni Dawson’s brilliant blog post on How Not to Get Fired as My Client which I found equally hilarious… as inspiring.

Please know that this love letter’s purpose is to serve you in the highest loving context and comes from the depths of my heart and soul and will be required reading for all current and future clients in any of my programs:

The post A Firey Hot Love Letter to My Clients. appeared first on Fire Tree Studios.

Fret not the baptism of your tears!

For they are the watering of your flowering Soul.

 – Melissa D’Antoni

Last week I found myself bulldozing through some uncomfortable emotions that made me literally crawl in my skin.  Nothing I could do could distract me me enough from feeling their intensity and the messages that were communicating.  You know the slippery ones that percolate grief and anger and challenge all your beliefs about yourself…perhaps of others and cause extreme discomfort and pain. It was so gut-wrenchingly painful I did not want to be in my body. For a few days I felt a huge hole in my heart and traveled through a darkness I that while in it felt like I had never known before.  I was able to witness myself squirm around, wanting to intellectualize (which is where I go when emotion feels to overwhelming) make a story of it…analysis paralysis and even turned to all my trusted tools and practices for self care.

Nothing was working. The grief grew in size like a dark black hole that seemed to swallow my insides and want to spit me out into a world I unwillingly was destined to go.  That is what it feel like to be taken by the wave of deep despair and what I realized is that no story, no spiritualist mantra, nothing I knew could keep me from feeling this pain.  The only way out is through.  Funny that the week before a client sent me a new acronym for fear that she heard:

F E A R… Feel Emotions And Rise!

I had to be still…to surrender to it’s invitation, silently beckoning me to feel it all and then trust that I will come back up again, revived and renewed from a very different place.  So I sat and cried for a few days straight. I let myself wail like a sobbing child, giving myself the freedom to exaggerate it as much I could to be sure that I expressed every tear, every cell of grief that I had just tapped into.  Fully surrendering, not knowing when it would end, how long it would last or where it would take me. I just felt all of my feelings….and then after a few days of totally surrender…it shifted. As if I had cleared years and layers of unprocessed grief, anger and despair that finally after years of chipping a way and opening up the flood gates of my emotional body…were ready to be set free ..and opened up to a new me.  Here is a painting I expressed as the tide of grief began to shift…

I began to feel lighter, more clear, more empowered as I opened up to even more joy within myself. My physical body rushed with life-force as if every cell of being danced…thank you! We can move again. My heart physically felt as if it had cracked wide open and I felt the fresh wound in my chest of a heart that was expanding.

This baptism of tears, brought on a new level of awakening, of forgiveness, of compassion for myself and others, for our fragile life experience and the tender hearts that we carry.  This live is so amazing, so precious and so divinely orchestrated that I will never doubt, not for a moment why we experience what we do and the purpose that lies within as well as the thread of miracles that guides us through.  Never.

It still comes in waves as it lightens and flows.  And how perfect that on the cusp of Spring I am given this beautiful reminder to feel it all or loose it all.

We resist pain in our modern culture and are mostly numb to it out of habit and legacy.  Due to conditioning yes, and partly just part of the human experience.   I know this very truth even years after exploring the expressive arts that our feelings are our well of insight, they are our intuitive guides taking us within and leading the way toward our self-realization one breath at a time.

So do you seek freedom? Joy? Abundance? Love? Flow?

Give yourself the greatest gift of all which is the courage and bravery to go into the unknown well that is your self and feel your way through to a brighter, newer more freer you.

with all my love…

XO

Join me on The Freedom Of Expression Tour!  and paint your way to freedom & passion. Coming to a city near you…

The post Feel Your Way to Freedom. appeared first on Fire Tree Studios.

It’s OK the be scared. It’s OK not to know. And I know it is uncomfortable. (I know it well!) And this is where we meet ourselves when there is nothing to cling to.  This is the point of wild aliveness that we all crave and often run from…

Your ego will throw a tantrum. Your critic a hissy, and just do it anyway, there IS light on the other side.  In our crazy alpha left-brain dominated culture, obsessed with do-do and achieve achieve achieve it is sometimes hard to get beyond the addiction to having it all figured out, looking ‘good’ and just put a happy FACEbook on it!  And this is the trap.  The cage.  The lie.

In so many ways this is what the intuitive painting process teaches us… how to let go, be in the unknown, trust the process, be comfortable in the chaos and run free in the mystery of it all.   This is secretly what every human soul craves.  To traverse these waters.  To tap into the wildness of the creative animal that runs through our veins dying to be set free.

Yet most of us in our modern day life set out down misguided paths looking to external things which we hope will satiate our hunger only to perpetuate more pain and disillusionment.  Until we find our way back home.

5 Simple Steps to Get in the Flow.

1) Let go.

2) Release resistance to what is (what is showing up in your life, in this present moment)

3) Just be with it.  LOVE it. Thank it.

4) Allow. 

5) Trust that it has a gift for you.  (and this too shall pass)

Letting the Creative Spirit do the work… I have found is paramount. Surprising and delighting along the way. Like a river running through our veins it wakes us up. Full of paradox and messiness …and bringing all our shit up to the surface.  Everything that is not authentically, truthfully…YOU. Everything that you have been told that is you, that is false. Shared out of fear.  Out of generations of control, manipulation of disconnection. Out of PAIN. Out of innocence. Every nook and cranny where you adapted to someone else’s expectation of you, someone else’s wound, in order to receive love.  To feel accepted.  To feel seen, approved of and included.  Yeah that part.  Let that go.  Let it wash off your shoulders like water off a ducks back. You are free now.

When we connect to our Creative flow is often so freeing and frightening that we don’t know what to do with all that energy.  It is easy, it takes over us.  All that life force pulsating through our veins, in truth… is where we feel breathlessly alive!  It is this place where I find we are afraid of our true potential.  Of being seen.  Of seeing ourselves in all of our light. Of letting go into the unknown.  Who would I be with out being in control?

It kinda reminds me of being held in a headstand in yoga.  You know that place–those of you that are yogis–where your feet and legs are almost being lifted from your hip sockets by the higher realms. For me, it is as if the angels are lifting me up by my feet and it is an invisible force of ease, and grace where my body just relaxes into nothingness …as if to almost fly.  And it is also terribly frightening to just let go. To trust that I will be held, that this invisible force, which is beyond my control will keep lifting me higher and keep me steady if I just stay connected to how I feel and trust it.

So when you feel afraid or scared, in your life, your business, or on the canvas or the page– don’t give up or abandon your dream (your heart), know that this is the next step.  Its OK not to know.  Go into the space of the great unknown.  Here in lies the lawn of your initiation. What you will find will be yourself.  What you discover will be the greatest gift you have ever known.

with great love on the grand adventure that is you!

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Greetings Creative Ones!

Wow, it feels as if we have all been in a pressure cooker…am I right?  And with the Chinese Year of the Snake shedding its final skin last week and welcoming in the year of the Horse on Feb 1st things have gotten a little…well INTENSE?  Can you feel it?

I know I can.  Phew!  Things are brewing in all directions.  Are you ready?

The first thing I do when things get fiery is to B R E A T H.  Sometimes it even helps to put my hand on my heart to connect with my Creative Source.  I then speak a mantra to myself that pulls me back into the present moment, such as:

What is true in this moment? or on of my favorites from Louise Hay:

‘All is well.  Out of this situation only good will come.  I am safe.’ 

A great one to bring us back into Truth and out of F E A R

(false. evidence. appearing. real.) 

5 Steps to shift Your Point of Creation from Fear to Love:

This is great for on the canvas, or in your life.  Here is my personal formula for making a shift out of fear and into love in every moment:

1) Detachment.  Detach from trying to control the outcome. Let go of what you think SHOULD be happening.

2) Acceptance.  Trust that what is happening is supposed to happen!  Because…it IS happening!

2) Non-resistance.  When we let go of resisting what is…  we are more open AND AVAILABLE to a world of possibility in the creative moment.

3) Love – love relaxes and releases.  When we love what IS we surrender to the flow of life force moving through us and for us.

4) Create.   From this new point of connection, creation and potential.

5) Trust the process.  When we shift from fear to trust, we gain momentum and inspiration that fuels the possibilities and ignites action in every moment. So I hear you now thinking…OK give me an example… a real life example on how you can use this process to create a shift.

Funny because I used it while writing this email…

For example, I started off inspired to write on a particular topic,  around commitment, and then as the creative process flows, the topic moved into value and then to this process of shifting from fear into love.  I had much more energy for sharing this formula with you, than my originally planned topic on commitment. 

Therefore I had to detach from what I thought should happen although my inner critic wanted to stay on target as planned and then judged me for having too many ideas and getting off point… when I realized what was going on…I chuckled to myself at the lovely irony of it all.  I then accepted what wants to happen without resistance moved into a place of loving what is happening  which frees up our creative potency and continued to create from this place, trusting my process and staying connected to my intention which is to provide value and inspire all the while enjoying the process.  Make sense?

I needed it just earlier today too when we realized that non of these lovely email musings or blog posts have been posting to our website for the last year!  Arghhhh. Something happened when we upgraded on WordPress. I almost went into the throws of despair and then realized that I had a CHOICE. I could freak out and resist the reality of what had happened or I could use that energy to refocus on a creative solution and next steps. This kind of shifting takes mind management. Our minds are a muscle and direct our creative flow and it requires discipline to be a conscious creator.

I took myself through this process.  I trusted that there was a reason for this or it wouldn’t have happened, loving that opened me up to the insight and then instantly began to shift into what am I going to create given this moment.

I would love to hear about your experiences with this.  Did you find it supportive? Please post your comments below~  xo Melissa

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This is a cut from the video recorded at September’s North American Festival of Wales Concert Banquet, courtesy of Josh Miller. The wonderful pianist is Alan Thomas, and “My Little Welsh Home” is a piece by W. S. Gwynn Williams.

This song was music therapy for me, and I wrote it about a month ago. The first few lines were in my head as I woke up, and it was finished before I went to bed. Words and ukulele are both mine.

Disposable Friend was most enjoyable because the conflicted emotions that spawned it had resolved themselves years before the song was written, and putting it to cheery music made it a happy historical item. But the song below was directly relevant to me right away, and it helped me to resolve emotions I was experiencing right then. Finishing it helped me understand myself better, and helped me explain to someone else how I felt, too. Points for self-expression!

This person is very important to me. He isn’t really all that far away in the scheme of things… but he’s far enough for me to feel it. And write a song about it, apparently. ;}

This is a preliminary note until I can make a full update:

Yes, I have a CD now! The album is a wonderful collaboration between myself and Marge Adler, a genius arranger and pianist in Cleveland. There’s a little more information about the CD here, but here’s the important part!

If you want to be notified as soon as you can buy a copy, sign up for notifications here.

My interview with the fascinating Gaabriel Becket, with whom I conversed about topics infinite and diverse after we serendipitously discovered one another in the NAFOW marketplace one lovely morning.

Gaab’s original post is here.

The Crown Plaza Hotel is the scene of this year’s North American Festival of Wales, where I’m singing at tomorrow’s concert banquet. It’s a lovely place to stay, and today I walked down to the pier. Lake Erie is stunning. People make casual jokes about Cleveland being Cleveland, grey or dreary or whatever it is — but maybe they haven’t visited the right parts. That’s what I’m thinking.

BBC Wales Interview Set by MeganElizabethMorris

I just added a third Roy Noble interview to my SoundCloud set; the first is with Alan Upshall, the second with myself in 2009, and the third was recorded live on the Maes shortly after I competed in 2010. (Marty and his kilt make a surprise appearance.) ;}

Enjoy!

I know that up until this point I enjoyed my retelling of the Wales adventures quite a bit. I love having the time to sink into a story and pull out all the little details. And I’m certain that, in part, my lapse has been about not having enough time.

But mostly, it’s about winning.

It’s not an accident that I started feeling stuck just before telling you about how I made it through preliminaries. They passed me and one other woman through to the mainstage competition. I felt relief and a number of other complex emotions — including, yes, a sense of pressure that I did my best to dissipate. What use is pressure? Pressure kills cognition.

I prepped for the mainstage like mad. I met again with the accompanist and he insisted that I be fully prepared to win the mainstage competition, along with the alternate piece that I would perform should that come to pass. I sang a lot. I video’d myself, and watched the clips. And then I sang some more.

The environment was relaxing at Park Place. The Maes was muddy. The entire experience was thrilling. And in the end, I had second; first place went to Angharad, whose performance was beautiful.

There are so many facts and opinions and emotions that go into this, I admit it: I don’t know how to sort through all of them. But I know that it was a truly relishable experience, and you can believe I relished it.

So what happens next, do you think? I haven’t kept you up-to-date, and I have much to report! I’ve been working extensively with Marge Adler, and we recently finished putting together a series of recordings. The album I’ve been trying to put together for the last six years? It’s on its way.

If you’re lucky enough to be headed to the North American Festival of Wales this week, you can even get your hands on a copy! Nice, right?

Thank you for listening, friends. :}

The church, as you can see, was beautiful.

We found West End Chapel with Kev’s help, and I don’t know how we would have done it otherwise — most of the people we asked weren’t entirely sure where it was. We did find it, though, and so did the Seattle contingent who arrived to cheer us on.

This is so difficult to describe — and you shouldn’t wonder that the break in posting happened before this one, because this part is particularly strange for me to try and put across to you. Inside my head, it’s very quiet. There’s no sense in thinking too much; it’s just a matter of keeping my body and my brain calm, soaking in my surroundings, waiting for my turn.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve noticed that my energy levels and alertness take a serious dive right before a performance. This happens much more dramatically before something important; it happens most impressively on opening night, for instance, and when there’s a lot riding on my success. It happened in 2006, and it was happening now, not long at all before Preliminaries.

Here’s what it feels like: My eyelids get very heavy. I feel like a blanket has drifted down and settled over me. I feel warm and slow, like almond butter. The world around me moves at whatever pace it likes, but I take my time. It’s an alternate reality — a somnolent, slumbering one. Barely awake, though I don’t know that anyone else can tell.

I didn’t really speculate on why this happened to me until fairly recently. It does make sense, though; if I’m expecting to expend a great deal of energy and adrenaline, maybe my body knows it — and gears up for the effort several hours in advance. It’s probably a very predictable reaction; I think it’s very possible that I could time it from the moment it began and find that it happened in about the same way over about the same period of time before any really significant performance. (And maybe I will, sooner or later!)

Once we had arrived and settled in and looked around, there was one very pertinent question: Sing down on the floor, near the piano… or up high in the pulpit?

You can see the piano down there on the left, and my biggest concern was that from the pulpit, it would be confusing to keep time with the piano. The judges would be sitting in the balcony above the congregation, so they’d be able to see me most clearly — and probably hear me most clearly — if I stood in the pulpit. I knew I’d be more comfortable down on the floor by the piano, but I could easily imagine it either way and I hadn’t a clue how to make the decision.

But I had 3G, in Capel West End, so I could ask the internet. ;}

I shot an email off to my parents, my cousin the professor of voice, my dearest Natalie, a few others. And sitting in the wooden pew next to Marty, armed with my trusty smartphone, I started Tweetin’.

And I got responses.

This part is so exciting for me, just as exciting as performing in the Preliminaries were in the first place! I haven’t done a whole lot of crowdsourcing experiments, but this was fascinating. I was in Wales, thousands of miles away from most of the people I interact with on a daily basis. But because of my connection to the web, because of email and Twitter and my habit of chatting with those same people on a daily basis, I wasn’t isolated from the feedback I’d come to expect and appreciate. All those people were right there with me. The connection was slow, it was tiny on my phone’s touch screen, but it was there. And those same people were more than willing to help — they Tweeted me back, sent me private messages, sent me emails.

So I had an overwhelming consensus (the pulpit) — but the exciting part was that we had all deliberated together in the first place. They helped me decide. YOU helped me decide.

I have no idea if I’ve successfully put across how cool that is. How wonderful that the Preliminaries happened in the late afternoon, which was lunchtime back home. How wonderful that I have cultivated friendships with so many sharp and caring people. How wonderful that we have the internet at all — and that I had a decent signal in Blaenau Gwent! ;}

Much of the rest is a blur. I sat very quietly while the competitors sang. One by one they stood, walked to the front, and made their decision — floor or pulpit. Gareth played for them all. I was near the end, and there were at least six or seven competitors before me; one or two didn’t show up, and so instead of nine we had seven — maybe eight. Katherine Nash sang in the 2009 National and won first prize on the main stage; she was sitting in the pew in front of me, and she sang right before I did. Many of them sang “gih-dah” instead of “guh-dah”, but I was determined not to waver. I would sing both pieces as I’d rehearsed them, based on Joan’s pronunciation, and I wouldn’t change my mind at the last minute. That was an unwinnable mind game that I didn’t want to participate in.

It was hard not to listen when someone else was singing, even though I knew that listening was going to get the gears turning in my head. I wanted my gears to relax. They could turn later — they could chug all they wanted after all of this was over. Right now, I didn’t want to think. Easy in concept, but not in practice. I did my best to stem the stream of questions and judgments running through my head. I focused on the wooden pew in front of me. The hymnal. The floorboards. The toes of my shoes. The clean red edge of my iPhone case. And I occasionally, silently, checked Twitter — because having those friends hanging on, watching and waiting, was like having them sitting behind me with a hand on my shoulder. Solidarity, people.

Here’s what I think happened next.

The very kind woman in charge of organization and time said something in Welsh, and then my name. I stood up and went to the front. I started each piece with Gareth to be certain of time, and reminded him of a particular passage where I’d asked him to take a certain tempo. I took my time. I walked up the steps. I stood in the pulpit and surveyed my territory — is the chair too close? No nudging required. The front of the pulpit looked comfortable and welcoming; it was nice to have it right there, so that I could lean forward as much as I wanted. The judges were right in front of me, maybe 30 feet away. There were windows all around. I picked out the spots to focus on.

I waited until the judges were ready, and I nodded to Gareth, and we sang.

I remember that it was exciting and I remember that it felt good. I waited between pieces for them to finish writing and give me a nod; then we sang Carmen. I remember setting my hands on the edge of the pulpit and leaning forward, using it as a prop, emoting and flirting and pressing myself through the shape of the music. I remember that there were two adjudicators and that I couldn’t see their faces well, and I remember that it didn’t matter. I zoomed. Applause, smiles from the people seated in the pews. And then it was over.

I walked down the stairs, and back to my seat. You couldn’t have seen my knees trembling, but they were — just a little.

While you’re waiting on the rest of the story… you might want to check out the booklet we put together about our trip to Wales. It gives away some of the details and should serve to properly whet your appetite! (Especially the parts about the food. Yum yum!)

Marty and I had some time to kill before the Cymru A’r Byd reception, so we settled into a nice restaurant tent, cafeteria style, and he went off to find some food. For a few minutes, I talked myself through Min y Mor as promised to Gareth, wondering if I would be able to memorize it well enough in the little time I had without messing with my other memorization. Ultimately I let it go, because it didn’t feel right to work on it too much then — I was a bit tired, a bit hungry, and I needed to do something else.

A lovely elderly couple asked (in Welsh, then in English) if the seats next to us were free, and we amiably bade them to sit down. I was by then experimenting with tethering my smartphone’s 3G connection to the tablet, and the results were mixed. We ended up in conversation — in English! — with Gerald and his wife about all manner of things; the Eisteddfod, Welsh heritage, where various groups of settlers had put down roots after going to the States. We talked about the Welsh language quite a bit and, in fact, they praised our diction. Not just mine — Marty’s, too! It was very pleasant, and we left there feeling thrilled with the friendly mojo of all the Welsh (and well-fed, too).

Indeed, I can’t remember an instance where a friendly smile was disregarded; we felt like we could start a conversation with any stranger in Ebbw Vale and thereabouts, and end up with wonderful new friends. In Wales, well… of course.

At the Cymru A’r Byd booth we found Alan Upshall, Bryan Jones and company, standing and talking, waiting for everyone to arrive. The reception, we found out, would be elsewhere — but the plan was to meet at the booth and then trek, all together, to that location. Marty and I smiled and met people and tried to memorize names, since most (including ourselves) were wearing handy-dandy name tags for reference (and probably wouldn’t be later that week).

In the end, our trek ended right back where Marty and I had begun: At the restaurant near the middle of the grounds, to one side of the tent where an area was closed off. Serendipity! I tried not to think too much about the walk we might have saved and the way my shoes were pinching, because we were surrounded by smiling faces and amicable company. Who cared if we had walked awhile? This was the last stop of the day, and it was going to be fantastic.

In fact, it was fantastic. We sat with Alan Upshall, the Baron Roberts of Llandudno and several others who happily joined in conversation. There was a bright, precise young woman playing the harp. Welsh cakes and tea were served at one end of the reception space. Marty and most of the others queue’d up to bring some back to the table, while I waited — no wheat or caffeine for me, I’m afraid, two days before competing! But Marty told me later that while he was in the queue, he had seized on the opportunity to use his hard-practiced Welsh phrase.

For Lord Roberts had walked up to him, clapped him on the shoulder, and began a perfectly normal conversation with him (in Welsh). Marty waited for him to finish the sentence, and then — delighted, I’m sure, to have the chance to give it a shot! — responded with: “Mae’n ddrwg gen i — dwy ddim yn deall.” I’m sorry — I don’t understand.

Lord Roberts responded, Ah! and launched into what must have been a sort of explanation… in Welsh!

This, we decided later, was the real flaw in our plan. We should have taught ourselves to say, “I’m sorry — I don’t speak Welsh.” Uh… right.

Live and learn.

After a moment, Marty explained (in English this time) that he actually didn’t understand Welsh. Oops, ha ha. Lord Roberts paused, perplexed: But just a moment ago, you were saying something in Welsh…? And Marty repeated the phrase. Lord Roberts has a big, friendly laugh and a brilliant sense of humor. They talked for little while after that — in English! — about what Marty did, why he was here (tagging along with me!), and so on. When Marty told me later, the story cracked me right up.

That afternoon there was much Welsh discussion, and many Welsh announcements. I kept my ears open and my brain focused to catch words I knew, which weren’t many. Cymru A’r Byd, Wales International, is an organization dedicated to connecting people of Welsh descent and friends of Wales throughout the world — so a few people spoke in English as well, and it was clear that other languages would also have been welcomed. Lord Roberts is its president, and although I’d heard about the organization fleetingly at other events in the States, this was my first opportunity to truly understand what they were up to. I daresay, it was lovely.

As we got ready to leave and many people were filtering out of the tent, I stopped to meet the harpist. I’d had this mad urge, ever since seeing a booth on the Maes filled with huge, beautiful harps for sale, to ask a harpist to play Dafydd y Gareg Wen with me — off the cuff, randomly, to see what might happen. This harpist’s name was Harriet if I’m remembering it right, and she grinned at me when I asked. “Sure, if you can sing it in this key!” she answered, setting fingertips to strings.

And I did.

There’s nothing like meeting another musician for the first time and making music together. It’s something Gareth had mentioned briefly when we rehearsed earlier that day, enchantedly, delightedly. Harriet’s grin and my own high-flying glee said that this was the same, regardless of how low the key was for me. Who the hell cares about the damn key? Ten or so reception-goers stayed to listen to us, and we laughed and talked and I thanked her for humoring me. Bryan Jones — I believe! — snapped the above picture for an article that sounded like it was headed for the Ninnau, or another Welsh publication. Then Marty and I talked to Alan for a few minutes, determined that we would see him the next day at the preliminary tests… and we headed out.

After all, I had Min y Mor to memorize.

The rest of that evening is a very tired blur. I was energized by my rehearsal with Gareth, but exhausted by all the walking we’d done on the Maes (in pinchy shoes, no less). It had been windy and damp, and walking on rocks is hard! Tuckered out, we decided to eat at the Vine Tree before I changed my mind and went to bed instead. And at the Vine Tree, waiting for our food, I recited Min y Mor.

Again and again and again, a tumble in my brain.

Gwelais long ar y glas li… Yn y gwyll yn ym golli… Draw yr hwyliodd drwy’r heli, a Rhywun hoff arni hi. Over and over and over, until the next table looked at me kind of funny out of the corners of their eyes. I didn’t have a word-by-word translation, but it’s love poetry — it’s beautiful. I turned it into rote mathematics for the purpose of memorization so that later it could truly be poetry. 2×1=1. 2×2=4. 2×3=6. 2×4=8…

The food was delicious, but I wasn’t paying a lot of attention.

I thought, I might be able to do this thing. And the part of me that was still afraid ceded some valuable territory to the part of me that had real respect for what I was attempting… and real hope for my likelihood of succeeding. Marty looked proud, I think.

We finished our food. The lamb at the Vine Tree was incomparably tasty. Enough to (finally) turn off my brain, because I would need the rest. Tomorrow was preliminaries.

We went home, and went to bed.