Authentic Parenting

And the WInner Is...

2012-01-30T15:05:00.000+02:00

The winner of the Wild Dill giveaway is Michelle. Michelle will be receiving a 35 USD gift certificate to the Wild Dill webshop. Congratulations Michelle!

Eco-Friendly Alternatives to Common Birthday Features

2012-01-30T07:24:00.000+02:00

content provided by Alex S.

Image: Sakura Mutsuki on Flickr

If you have two or more kids in your home there's a good chance there's a birthday coming up in the next few months. That probably means a party, which means preparation. If you're a parent that's even a little bit concerned about the environment, a child's birthday is a good opportunity to explore green ways to go about such family and friendly festivities. Otherwise, you'll be making a big contribution to your carbon footprint. On such an important day, who needs that kind of karma for their kid?

Here are five ideas when it comes to planning a green birthday party for your kid:

Paper bags instead of wrapping paper: You'll probably be making a run to the grocery store in addition to gift shopping. While there, opt for paper bags and re-use them as wrapping paper. Online guides exist that can show you how to cut the bags for a proper fit, and you can spice them up by decorating them with stencils or glitter.

Sky lanterns instead of balloons: Everybody knows how bad balloons are for the environment. But we also know how much kids love them, so what's a parent to do when a birthday arrives? A great option are sky lanterns, which are essentially giant Chinese lanterns that hover with the heat of a flame like a hot air balloon. They are 100% biodegradable while also being 100% fireproof. They come in several colors and even in the form of an alien head, and are going to look way cooler than any ordinary rubber balloon.

Send E-invitations instead of paper ones: Depending on your child's age either you'll be handing out the invites to parents or they'll be handing them out to their friends themselves. But in both cases there's a good chance you can opt to send an email or another form of electronic invite instead of traditional cards. An email can be decorated to look as enticing of an invite as a pre-made invitation card, but unlike cards they can be sent all at once instead of labeled and snail mailed.

Stick to real plates and utensils: It's tempting to skip the mess in favor of easily-disposable Styrofoam or paper plates and plastic utensils, but it's also pretty bad for the environment. If you have enough plates, cups, and utensils for everyone, then use them instead. You can label cups ahead of time with names written on tape on the side. It's more work for you, but less of an impact on the environment.

Image: andymangold on Flickr

Encourage eco-friendly gift-giving: Going about this is key since not every parent or friend of your kid has the time or the know-how to select a green gift. But if you can encourage guests to pick eco-friendly gift options through your invite, then do so. State that any gift is of course warmly welcomed and will be used and appreciated, but that things like iTunes gift cards and items that use minimal plastic packaging are preferred.

Before making plans for a child's upcoming birthday celebration, stop and think about the amount of trash and waste that gets generated at these events. You won't be able to prevent all of it, nor should you expect your child to suffer a lousy party for the sake of a cleaner planet, but small measures to pull off a greener get-together will certainly lead to a bigger reduction of your carbon footprint.

Sunday Surf

2012-01-29T14:32:00.000+02:00

I've teamed up with Lauren from Hobo Mama to make Sunday Surf even more interactive. From now on you can link up your Sunday Surf at the bottom of my weekly Surf, or over at Hobo Mama. The linky will go live every Sunday and you can add your link at any time during the week.

Parenting

Great post about children's natural tendency towards honesty on Let 'em Go Barefoot.
Interesting article on how control backfires, on Family Matters.

If you're surfing, add your post to the linky at the bottom of this Sunday Surf. You can do that here or at Hobo Mama, your link will show up on both sites. Make sure to grab the new button either from the left sidebar or the Sunday Surf page, where you'll also find a little blurb about Sunday Surf you can copy for your post.

The Unassisted Birth of the Little Buddha

2012-01-27T07:18:00.004+02:00

Welcome to the first edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama!
In the month of January, we start afresh, a new year, new ideas. Hence, our participants have looked into the topic of “Birth and New Beginnings”. Take a look at the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants.

***
This time around, I had sworn I would write my baby's birth story straight away, as it was still fresh in my mind. My baby is now over three weeks and I have not yet written one word. I am making myself write his story for this carnival, because I fear otherwise the memory will fade too much, as it probably has become rather fussy already. The fact is that I am reluctant to write his birth story, because I can't face his birth and ignore the aftermath, the feelings of powerlessness, fear, pain and anguish that brings...
But maybe it's a good thing. Maybe that's a first step towards healing and it will break this pattern of ignoring what happened. If I write this now, it will also be a first step towards mourning. Mourning that we did not get the birth and babymoon I had envisioned, and mourning the fact that this sweet little creature is no longer a physical part of me. Birth - as I see it - is always a little mourning, as it is a transition from one state of deep physical connection to something else.

On Sunday morning, the first of January, around ten AM, I noticed that the contractions I had been having off and on throughout the previous couple of months had actually become regular, at half an hour intervals. I was four days past my due date. I was still in great shape, but getting tired of people's nagging that my baby "wasn't out yet" and that "I shouldn't go too long overdue" and "I might want to go see my OB".
I must have known it wouldn't be a quicky birth, because we called the inlaws to take our daughter to the serpentarium for the day. I had already had a false alarm a week prior to this, so I didn't want to just stay put only to be disappointed, I guess.

During the day, I kept having contractions, and they gradually came closer together. By seven PM, when my daughter came home, they were at 15 minute intervals. They weren't very intense and not painful whatsoever. Actually I welcomed them, because now I knew baby would make his appearance sooner or later... While my daughter was away, my husband and I had taken a long and invigorating nap, so we were ready to face whatever this labor threw at us.

So things went their regular path. We wondered if the baby would still come on the January first or not, but it seemed as if he wasn't ready yet. I put on a tv show and watched a little, while my husband grilled some bread with cheese for me.
We knew that it was serious, because I was this tornado of activity, getting everything ready for the baby's arrival. Organizing the table, making my after birth bed, making a wipe solution and a perineum spray and my labor tea.

Around ten PM contractions intensified and I walked through them, swaying when they peaked. I did lots and lots of trips to the bathroom, as I seemed to have to pee every five minutes. We had filled the tub and my husband suggested getting in. My daughter had had her fun playing in it. Birthing waves were about five minutes apart and the baby was moving down, slowly.
I did get in and my daughter came back with me for some cuddles, but went away when the birthing waves became too intense. I relaxed in the tub for a while, until I got bored of it, and I tried to get some sleep.

By then, my daughter had become tired too and was sleeping on the couch, since she wanted us to wake her when the baby came. I ended up resting a little and was woken by a small pop and a release of fluid. My water had broken and things really picked up. From the moment my water broke, contractions did become a little more tricky to handle, and I really felt the pressure of my baby trying to get down. I went to check the time and drink some more tea, and then hopped into the bath again, as it was really helping me to manage, as walking and swaying and hopping didn't work anymore. It was about three AM by then.
I needed my husband by my side as birthing waves were really intense and I really felt that things were picking up. He sat beside the tub and held my hand, gave me sips of tea when I asked for it and wiped my face when I needed it. I groaned and moaned through contractions.

When it became really strong, my husband asked if I wanted him to come in, and I did. He sat beside me as I was kneeling forward and holding the rim of the birth pool, still swaying my way through contractions, now helped by the weightlessness and gentle warmth of the birthing pool.
But this was really hard work. I felt the baby move down, and - since I knew what transitions felt like - I wasn't scared by it. It actually felt good to know birth was imminent.
But not all of it felt good. I kept repeating myself to trust my body and allow my body to push, not to force anything. That my body would know what to do and when to do it.
I moaned some more and at one point the moaning turned into screaming and it woke my daughter, who quietly came to sit beside the birthing pool, still drowsy. She laid herself onto the floor next to the pool, waiting for her sibling to arrive.

The sensation of my baby moving down the birth canal was extremely intense and felt nothing like what I'd felt with my daughter. It seemed to last forever and at one point I wasn't sure if I could do it. It seemed to take forever.
Then I felt the head and had to remind myself again to just let my body do the work. I supported my perineum through pushes and tried to rest between them. I switched positions a number of times, as it took an enormous amount of pushes to get this baby out. Even after the head was born, I still had quite some pushing to do. By this time, the baby kicked me, or convulsed, between pushes. This combined with the time it took me to birth the body had alarm bells ringing in my head and obviously that slowed down contractions. Times between pushes seemed eternal, and I was getting exhausted. I asked my husband to give the perineal support, but that wasn't quite as effective as doing it myself.
I had asked my husband what he saw, what was going on, if everything was alright, something seemed wrong. He said he couldn't see and wanted to get the lights.
After the head was born, I had switched positions to a semi squat an felt something popping out. I thought it was the body, but it were the arms (we learned later that Little Buddha probably had a nuchal hand).
I needed two more pushes to birth the body and it really seemed like forever.
By then, my husband was out of the tub, and had turned the lights on a bit more. I had put my baby to my stomach and he was just limp.

"The baby is not responding" I said to my husband, while patting the little newborn on the back, caressing him - I had seen it was a boy - talking to him. I saw my daughter's head over the rim of the tub, she was asking me in a shaky voice if the baby was ok. I said I didn't know. I was starting to freak out, black thoughts rushing through my head, and the fear...
My husband asked me if he had a pulse and I told him I couldn't feel it (because my heart was racing), he asked me if he should call paramedics and I said yes.
It was about quarter to five in the morning of January second.

I got out of the tub and sucked his little nose, held him upside down, patting him on the back. He had not made a sound or movement until then. I had come into the kitchen and my husband threw a towel over me. I was bleeding all over the floor. My daughter was in front of me asking if the baby was ok? If he
was dead?

Baby started making gasping sounds, still quite limp. Paramedics arrived (8 minutes after our call and my husband had been on the phone with the central all the time). The checked his stats and both his pulse and oxygen levels were ok.
They cut the cord and decided to take us to the emergency room to make sure everything was fine. By then I was in such a daze, shivering from the adrenalin, I just went along.

The placenta was delivered about an hour after birth in the hospital. They told me the baby weighed 4kg710 and at first I thought they were joking, though that did explain why I felt like he was huge all the time during the birth.
The whole hospital story would be too lengthy to share for the sake of this post. Both baby and I were well, and in the end, it seems as if he just needed a little more time, and probably his cord had gotten stuck during the birth.

We're both fine now and Buddha is a happy, healthy little baby.

***
Visit Authentic Parenting and MudpieMama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon January 27 with all the carnival links.)

Becoming Intentional with My Time Valerie at Momma in Progress shares the beginning of her year-long journey toward more intentional living.
Alirik’s Birth Story: Sweet Surprise Lauren at Hobo Mama tells the sweet surprise unassisted home water birth story of her second child.
My Rebirth: An Honest Look Darcel at The Mahogany Way talks a little about some of the fear and insecurity she's felt over the years since starting her parenting journey and her blog.
Trusting My Body: Ailia’s Birth Story After a very challenging birth with her son, Dionna at Code Name: Mama was nervous about having another natural birth. But practicing relaxation techniques and birth affirmations proved to be just what she needed to have her perfect, peaceful, unassisted homebirth.
My Homeschool Philosophy Paige a Bay Dust Diaries shares her new year's resulution about homeschooling.
Yet Another Resolutions Post... Zen mummy's resolutions for a better 2012
Renewing Green Passions in the New Year Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction talks about renewing a passion for green living in the new year
Birthing and New Beginnings... And Better Mothering Sheila at A Living Family shares her first ever New Year's resolutions to be a more mindful, compassionate and respectful mother to her two-year old daughter after the recent birth of her son.
An Open Letter to MTV Regarding 16 and Pregnant Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama delivers a pointed message to MTV about how they misrepresent birth and parenthood on 16 and Pregnant.
Setting Intentions Megan at The Other Baby Blog shares another way to ring in the New Year.
Spencer's Birth Story Momma Jorje shares her family's story of birthing her son with Down syndrome.
Looking Forward, Looking Back Erica @ ChildOrganics shares how she is able to look back at the loss of their daughter and yet move forward with her family at the same time.
Unique unto Itself. Melissa of Vibrant Wanderings has chosen a word for her second child's birth: awareness.
The Unassisted Birth of The LIttle Buddha. Laura at Authentic Parenting shares the birth story of her new baby
Birthing and Resolutions: Keeping Good Things in Motion. MudpieMama shares her VBAC story and why she skipped making resolutions in the traditional way.
The Birth of a New Era by Mandy from Living Peacefully With Children

Preventing and Dealing with Aggressive Behavior in Kids

2012-01-25T07:49:00.002+02:00

written by Ellen Spencer

Image: Slollo on Flickr

Aggressive behavior such as hitting, biting, kicking and scratching are very normal in toddlers. These behaviors have reasons associated to them; have you ever tried to find out why your child is getting aggressive, or why is she/he showing that behavior. These reasons can be anything like self-defense, lack of routine, anger and frustration of being placed in a situation full of stress, inability of communicating properly, tiredness, hunger, no adult supervision, behavior of other kids and adults around them. This behavior needs to be controlled, however in the right way. A few tips given below will help you better.

Identify the cause of the behavior
At times your child is just tired or hungry and thus displays such behavior. When in a situation like this, your child can’t let you know what is happening to him and thus starts hitting you or biting, kicking and even scratching. Give your child what he needs first, which means necessities not invalid demands. Then sit down with your child and explain that he needs to either tell you what is happening to him or ask you if he wants something. The cause of your child’s behavior can be anything besides hunger and sleep, identifying the reason is very important before you try to deal with it.

Patience
Your child is growing up and learning from people around him. Hence if you portray aggressive behavior; your child will adopt it. Be patient when your child shows these forms of behavior in a low but a firm tone, ask him to stop misbehaving. Slowly and steadily he will get used to it. Sometimes, an angry reaction to a situation will paradoxically encourage a child to do it again, as he is looking to get a reaction - any reaction, so make sure to spend lots of time with your child when they are playing 'nice', too.

Divert your child
When your child is young, it is very easy to divert him from his aggressive behavior. To divert your child when he is misbehaving or acting stubborn; you can simply tell him a story, talk or play with him or start singing a song.

Communication
The best solution to any problem with your kid is communication. Every time your child displays aggressive behavior, talk to him and tell him how much it hurts the people he does it too, and how it affects his environment (i.e. "See, the little boy is crying now and doesn't want to play with you anymore). You don't need to exaggerate the situation, just point out the obvious effects of his behavior. Start communicating at home, the first time your child raises his hand, bites or even scratches, even if he is playing, stop him at once.
Remember your child is learning from situations and people around him. To change your child’s aggression, you will also have to control yours. And remember: this too will pass and is a normal part of toddler development.

About the author:
Ellen is a blogger by profession. She loves writing on latest technologies. These days she is busy in writing an article on Wireless Outdoor Speakers. Beside this she is fond of shoes. She recently bought a pair of Designer Shoes from a fare.

Post Partum Pad Galore: Moon Times (EU, 1/14)

2012-01-24T07:39:00.001+02:00

About Moon Times

Moon Times is a UK based store selling menstrual products for all needs and desires. They are the only manufacturers of handmade organic menstrual pads in the UK. They carry both fair trade organic cotton and patterned cloth pads in organic cotton flannelette. All pads are free of bleach, chemicals and other irritants. The pads are all of the shell and insert type, inserts are available in organic cotton, hemp and toweling.
The shop also carries other menstrual products like the menstrual cup and menstrual sponges, and has a selection of baby products too.

Review

I received two postpartum belted pads. These pads are worn as is, with the belt slipped through the loops at either end, as a sort of G-string.

Before trying these, I was a bit weary, as they look rather thin and I wondered if they would work, without the underwear. They are indeed less straightforward then the other types of pads I reviewed.

Even though the thong system kind of scared me at first, it's actually quite simple and does the trick. The flannel is very soft and you hardly feel you're wearing anything with these pads.
The pads are come in an outer shell with a cotton towelling lining. The system works perfectly and the pads endured washing very well.

BUY IT:
A patterned belted postpartum pad set from Moontimes is 14GBP

COUPON:
Adding the MT10%OFF code to your order will give you 10% on any purchase from Moontimes.

Giveaway

Moon Times is giving away a post partum pad set (2 pads with belt, inserts and tub). Ideal for ‘after birth’ use as they are long, really absorbent and comfy! Perfect for new mums who need soft cloth against their delicate tissue after birth and women who are heavy at night time. Pads are patterned and have a thick towelling insert.
We recommend spraying pads with some water and a few drops of soothing essential oils added (lavender, chamomile, calendula or rose) and putting pads in the freezer before use- a cool pad against swollen delicate skin is very soothing.
Moon Times Pads are really easy to use! Thread the belt through the loops at each end & wear like a g-string. If you are using cloth pads in hospital you will need your partner/friend to take your pads home and wash. Make sure you have enough as you can bleed heavily after birth and use as many as 4-6 pads a day in the first few days. Be sure to have some spare pads as a back up.

WIN IT:

To win a postpartum pad set, enter by leaving a comment and using our new Rafflecopter system below.

Contest is open to European addresses only.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Visit Moon Times and tell us something you have learned! You must enter your name and email address in the Rafflecopter entry system for your entry to count, after leaving a comment on the blog post.

Leave a valid email address so we can contact you if you win. Email addresses in Rafflecopter are not made publicly visible. Please leave the same valid email address in your mandatory comment so we can verify entries.

BONUS ENTRIES:

See the Rafflecopter entry system for bonus entries to increase your chance of winning after completing the mandatory entry. All bonus entries are entered directly into Rafflecopter. Just click "Click for instructions" for guidance and then "I did this" — any comments or extra information such as URLs can be entered into the "Extra Info" box. Give it a try or visit the Rafflecopter tutorial, and email or leave a comment if you have any questions!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Post Partum Pad Galore: Party in My Pants

2012-01-24T07:13:00.001+02:00

About Party in My Pants

Party in my Pants is situated in Wisconsin and owned by sister duo Lucy and Lydia Daum. All pads are handmade. They come in 10 sizes. All pads are available in three fabric choices: cotton, flannelette and organic, and each have numerous designs. The pads cores are made from 100% cotton and have a leak resistant nylon shield and nickel free snaps.

Their store also holds breast pads, wet bags and bath products.

Review

For postpartum bleeding, the queen and Overnight pads are recommended. I received the Mama Mini Kit, which included 2 queens, 1 overnight and 2 honeysuckles (breast pads). I got to pick the designs and fabrics, and picked one in each fabric option, to give you the best impression of their range. The top pad is the flannelette one in Valentine, the middle pad is organic in Queen Anne and the pad on the bottom is a cotton pad in Kanari. The nursing pads are in organic with the pattern Harmony.

The pads have an extremely luxurious look and are the slimmest ones I received. They are absolutely beautiful, and there's a multitude of fabrics to choose from. They're very slim, but I did not experience any leakage. These postpartum pads are the most 'full coverage' ones I tried. They wash beautifully, without staining or shifting. I would certainly recommend these pads!

BUY IT:
The Mama Mini Kit goes for $42,99.

Giveaway

Party in My Pants is giving away a $50 gift certificate to the winner of this contest, valid on their entire selection, so you can choose whichever your heart desires.

WIN IT:
To win $50 of cloth luxury, enter by leaving a comment and using our new Rafflecopter system below.

Contest is open Worldwide, the offer does not cover shipping fees, so contestants outside US should calculate 9,99USD standard shipping.

MANDATORY ENTRY: Visit Party in My Pants and tell us what you would buy with your $50 credit! You must enter your name and email address in the Rafflecopter entry system for your entry to count, after leaving a comment on the blog post.

BONUS ENTRIES:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And the Winner Is...

2012-01-23T16:21:00.000+02:00

The winner of the Happy Cow giveaway, as drawn by Rafflecopter, is Andrea Keeton. Andrea has won a recycled leather hip bag of her choice. Happy Cow has already been informed.
Congratulations Andrea!

Our School is Everywhere!

2012-01-23T07:06:00.001+02:00

Some of Kieran's favorite books are the Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne. In #18, Buffalo Before Breakfast, the series' main characters - Jack and Annie - are transported via the Magic Tree House back to the 19th century Great Plains, where they encounter a Lakota community.

They befriend a boy named Black Hawk, and Jack gets the chance to ask him some questions about his tribe's life on the plains. One of the exchanges between Jack and Black Hawk made me smile:

"What about school?" said Jack. "Don't you have to go to school?"
"What is school?" Black Hawk said.
"It's a place where kids go to learn things," Jack explained.
Black Hawk laughed again.
"There is not only one place to learn," he said. "In camp we learn to make clothes, tools, and tepees. On the plains we learn to ride and hunt. We look at the sky and learn courage from the eagle."
Jack wrote:
Lakota school is everywhere. (1)

Kieran and I stopped to talk about how we have school everywhere too. We brainstormed a few ways that we learn every day (these are his responses):

We can learn what penguins eat and where they live when we visit the zoo.
At the park we can learn about different trees and how to slide.
At the Peace Pavilion I learn how to be a superhero and fight crime. (2)
When mama was pregnant, I learned that when the head was coming out and mama was saying "ow ow ow ow ow," that she stopped when I rubbed her head.

As Kieran and Papa relax near me right now playing dominoes, I notice how Kieran is learning sequencing, matching, number recognition, taking turns, and new vocabulary words.

Because Kieran is home helping me with a newborn, he is learning to care for a baby, to contribute to a healthy family by helping out more around the house, to respect the needs of others, and to adapt to the changes that life sometimes brings.

In the past few weeks, we've had several co-op classes:

Kieran has made homemade bread and butter (reading and math - learning how to read a recipe, follow directions, measure);
he has learned new games in an outdoor gross motor games class (motor and social skills - learning game rules, taking turns, using motor skills through running, jumping, kicking);
he has learned how to make almond milk (science and math - learning how matter changes, how to follow directions);
and he has learned how to make vinegar and baking soda volcanoes and rockets (physics and chemistry - learning how matter changes through chemical reactions, how those chemical reactions can affect other objects).

We don't just "homeschool."

Our school is everywhere.

_________________________

Dionna is a lawyer turned work at home mama of her amazing son, Kieran, and a beautiful new daughter, Ailia. You can normally find Dionna over at Code Name: Mama where she shares information, resources, and her thoughts on natural parenting and life with little ones.

1. Buffalo Before Breakfast at 62.
2. Ok, this response made me laugh, since the Peace Pavilion (a local non-profit children's center) is all about resolving problems peacefully.

Sunday Surf

2012-01-22T16:32:00.000+02:00

Couple reveals their child's gender after 5 years: "(...)as parents well know, bullying is hard for any child to avoid. It's more important to raise someone who's confident enough in himself to overcome peer pressure."
Another interesting article about a Swedish school trying to be gender neutral.

Parenting through a Crisis: 5 Steps to Navigate the Stress (Rerun)

2012-01-21T15:45:00.000+02:00

This past week, returning from a lovely vacation our family van broke down on the highway in Italy. The inconvenience of a non functioning vehicle aside, the sheer fact that we were now stranded on the side of a busy road at 8PM with a baby and two small boys, 280 kilometers from home was well, scary.

The emotional intensity of a family crisis has a way of bringing families together or tearing them apart. In our case we rallied together and somehow ended up full of good memories despite the stress, anger and fear that we all went through. In reflecting our experience there are the five steps we took to get through:

Assess the Situation: Knowing what needs to be done to handle your crisis goes a long way. Granted crises are unexpected, even in the moment, taking the time to assess what needs to be done can only help. As my husband announced that the engine had stopped, I immediately looked at the highway signs. I wanted to know where we were, the highway marker, the nearest exit and town. My husband set up the emergency triangle and I made sure everyone stayed in their safety seats and buckled.

Get Help: Depending on the nature of the crisis, reach out for help. In our case, I called the highway patrol while my husband called the roadside assistance company.Maybe you need a lawyer or a counselor, whatever it may be don't be afraid to reach for help.

Avoid blame: Regardless of the crisis, looking for cause and fault often can lead to arguments and unnecessary stress. As the tow truck driver was asking questions, he wondered if our diesel tank had been filled with the wrong fuel. I could sense some defensiveness from my husband (he had just filled our tank ten minutes prior) and immediately assured my husband that nobody was blaming him and that the tow truck driver was just trying to eliminate possible causes for the breakdown. (For the record, it was not the wrong fuel!) Instead of figuring out why something has happened, focus on finding solutions.

Communicate: Clearly communicating with the whole family during the duration of a crisis can reduce a lot of stress. As we were broken down waiting for the tow truck, our boys started asking what had happened. I told the boys our car was broken and we were waiting for “Mr. Fixit” to arrive. My three year old smiled and said, “I’m not worried, you always find solutions mama.” His words were so fantastic and trusting! I did end up crying a bit and then told the boys I was a bit scared but that it was really ok to be scared even if a solution was around the corner. Each step of the way we told the children what to expect and to the best of our knowledge how long things would take. We even made things into games, calling our ride on the tow truck “a rocket ship to the moon" for example. The boys were eager to help and more than cooperative in all of the twenty hours it took for us to return home.

Connect: Maintaining harmony in a crisis can be difficult, but as a family leaning on each others strengths and remembering to stay connected can truly make a difference. Since our car wasn’t going to get fixed at 9 PM, the tow driver found us room at a local bed and breakfast. We kept our bedtime routine although it was already 11pm and then spent the night co-sleeping something akin to “musical chairs” with the children coming and going from whatever parent they wanted to be close to for reassurance. We took the time to eat breakfast together and even played with the resident parrot before heading back to the mechanic who had somehow managed to fix our car. As we drove back my husband and I often held hands in the car, we were going to get home safe, we knew we would, and we did.

In the moment, being broken down was very scary, however upon reflection I can see as a family we really have learned to rally together and support each other, and that is really priceless.

Have you had to handle a crisis lately? What got you through it?

Peace & Be Well,

MudpieMama

About the author

Ariadne - aka mudpiemama has three children and two dogs. She practices peaceful, playful, responsive parenting and is passionate about all things parenting and chocolate. She believes parents and children should try to have fun everyday and love life.

Sleepy much? 10 Ways to Resist Going Down The Crying it Out Path

2012-01-20T09:30:00.007+02:00

So, does your baby sleep through the night? Why don't you just let her cry? Sleep and nighttime parenting is one hot topic when it comes to newborns and babies and even into toddlerhood, and sleep is somehow something that is magically connected to “good” or “bad” parenting. No matter how much I wish for my child to sleep longer streches, I have choosen not to go down the CIO path - it's not for our family, based on instinct and backed by science, it's just not what we are doing. Is it tempting? Sure, everyone needs a good night of sleep.

But I’m not going there - this is not a post on tips for sleep training, or intended to start war on nighttime parenting choices, it’s just about one tired mama sharing how to resist going down the crying it out path.

1.Forget what everyone else’s baby is doing: It’s hard not to compare notes and find out from other parents what their children are doing. I confess I had “sleep” envy at times. My first only gave up night time nursing around 13 months. At that point he slept 10 hrs straight, although still occasionally woke and sought comfort before going back to sleep. In the end, I learned not to worry about what other babies were doing but to care for my baby in the way he needed me to.

2.Invest in yourself: I worked two jobs and went to college at one point and I was always “tired” – but it was nothing, and I mean nothing compared to the exhaustion of sleep broken nights with a newborn. Getting naps in, lounging on the couch guilt free, eating healthy foods and snacks and prioritizing my energy was in my eyes an investment in myself and my children. If you can afford a sitter or have family that can help even better, take long naps while someone else watches baby or takes care of the house. That renewed energy will help you get through the next night.

3.Dishes and dust bunnies can wait: On occasion (ok more than on occasion) my sink sat full of dishes and the corners had dust bunnies, did I feel lazy and guilty, yes, sometimes I did. Most of the time, I remembered I was storing energy for what to me and my child would really matter down the years: breastfeeding and night time parenting.

4.Change the routine: I have always made breakfast but one morning due to broken sleep, handsome hubby stepped in and took over making breakfast which allowed me to sleep in a bit. It worked so well we changed our morning routine more permanently. Explore similar alternatives that can maximize the sleep time you get.

5.Adjust ideals: A tired mama made for a not very fun mama so when my third came along I learned that it was alright to let my two older ones watch a children’s show while baby and I napped for 30- 40 minutes. This went a bit against my original ideas on TV viewing, but rested I also felt ready to tackle walks in the forrest and playground trips so it was a short term trade that worked for all of us.

6.Drop the resentment: At the end of the day, being tired and not looking forward to another night of broken sleep is not an ideal frame of mind. Instead, I started to focus on the beautiful stillness of the night, the outline of my babies face in the glow of the nightlight, the inspiring shadows on the wall from the garden and even hearing the sweet sleep of my older boys. Yes, by now they both sleep peacefully through the night,( barring any illness or the rare monster invasion.) Changing my mindset gave me peace and a way to cherish these overnight parenting moments.

7.Chant Lalalalala and nod: Nothing like chanting some tunes while pretend listening to well and not so well meaning sleep advice to keep focused on the end goal. It’s not that I was intending to be rude or mean, it just got really difficult to hear “Get in the shower at bed time;” “Plug your ears with an Ipod;”and “You are doing this to yourself, just let her scream a few nights.” I knew CIO was not for me so I chanted “Lalalalala” in my head and tried not to lull myself to sleep while doing it.

8.Load up on patience: Waiting an eternity for baby to fall asleep can be difficult,but in the end the waiting is not wasted time. The time I spent laying next to and waiting for my babies to babble and toss and turn and process the days happening and to finally drift to sleep have turned out to be the perfect time for me to meditate or plan meals, day dream about the future and even catch up on some sleep.

9.Find a support network: Surrounding yourself with like minded parents and a supportive pediatrician can be very encouraging and a great not to feel alone in your choices. I haven’t met many families that haven’t tried CIO, and I get it, not sleeping is horrible – some pediatricians unfortunately still even recommend it and the sleep training literature is multiplying but there are moms and dads out there opting for gentler paths. In my experience, natural and attachment parenting websites have been a good place to connect with other parents.

10.Know that it gets better: When the nights get long and the morning seems to arrive all too fast, take heart that eventually you and your baby will be sleeping if not through the night, at least longer stretches at a time. My five and three year olds go to bed with smiles on their faces, drift to sleep on their own after some serious cuddling and wake up 11 – 13 hrs later with smiles on their faces. My 20 month old – not yet – so yes, I’m one tired mama – but I know with time, it will get better.

Peace & Sleep Well

Are you finding the support you need to get some sleep?

Thoughts on Tandem Feeding

2012-01-19T07:38:00.000+02:00

Written by Susan

When I fell pregnant with my daughter, my son was a little over 19 months old and still primarily breastfed. I had no intention of having him stop breastfeeding before he was ready, despite the crawling-out-of-my-skin sensation that accompanied breastfeeding during pregnancy. I challenged a GP and midwife when they told me to wean without good reason, though my own midwife seemed supportive of it. To me, it was just natural, and since the pregnancy was straightforward, there was no reason to wean Kieran. He did drop off on his feeding towards the end of the pregnancy, when the milk was all but gone, but he never completely gave it up.

I'll be honest in saying I didn't research tandem feeding, but I had some friends who tandem fed their babies and toddlers, so I figured we'd just figure it out without a problem. For the most part, that was the case. I gave birth to Charlotte with a peaceful homebirth; Kieran was 2 years and 4 months old at that point. Charlotte latched on beautifully. My husband took Kieran to Mass and for a walk so that Charlotte and I could snuggle and have that initial bonding time together. It was wonderful.

Later in the day, Kieran came up to my room, where Charlotte and I were ensconced in the bed. Charlotte latched on, and Kieran wasn't exactly keen on that at first. In fact, he pushed her off the breast. But I relatched her and then let him have milk on the other side. It took a little getting used to, with supporting her in one arm and having Kieran on the other side, but after that initial tandem feed, both did well with it.

It became a bonding time for all of us, but especially for them. It showed Kieran that he was still my little boy, even if he shared me with a sister now. I really think it helped with any jealousy issues. That's not to say that all such issues were avoided, but it certainly helped. Even now, at the ages of 4 and 21 months, Kieran will sometimes ask for “two monkeys to have milk”, meaning that he wants them to tandem feed. I don't often grant that request now, simply because Charlotte then ends up bothering Kieran and it becomes awkward, but it's sweet that they have that bond and still want it.

If Charlotte is still breastfeeding when I fall pregnant again and have another, I won't hesitate to tandem feed again, if that's what she wants. In a way, this is one of the tragedies of many not breastfeeding full-term, in that many don't get to experience that bond between the toddler and the newborn like that. Of course I understand why some don't tandem feed, and I'm not at all looking down on those who choose not to tandem, but in my experience, it is a beautiful, and occasionally silly, time of bonding.

About the author:
Susan (Archaeology cat) blogs over at From Hearth to Eternity, where she chronicles her adventures in parenting her two monkeys and trying to live a life of faith.

The Silver Lining

2012-01-17T07:00:00.000+02:00

Written by Heather Von St.James

In August of 2005, I gave birth to my reason for living. Many people say this, but unbeknownst to me it would shortly hit a little closer to home. At the time, I was simply grateful for an uncomplicated pregnancy and mesmerized by the beautiful little person my husband and I had brought into this world. As fate would have it, our happiness was soon to be shattered by a devastating event. It would forever alter the course of our lives.

About a month and a half following the birth of Lily, I started feeling tired, lethargic, and breathless. At first, I thought I was experiencing the fatigue that frequently accompanies being a new mom and working to boot. Then I started to lose weight- anywhere from five to seven pounds weekly. By November, I knew that something was wrong and I went to see my doctor.

I underwent a battery of medical tests. On November 21, just three and a half months after Lilly was born, I had my diagnosis. Malignant Plural Mesothelioma, a cancer caused by asbestos exposure, had invaded the lining of my lung. Without treatment, I was given 15 months to live.

Even with treatment, the outlook was bad. My first thoughts were about my daughter growing up without her mother. My husband and I chose the most aggressive treatment option that was offered. On February 2, I underwent a dramatic surgery.

My left lung, surrounding tissues, lymph nodes, and the left side of my diaphragm, one rib, and the lining around my heart were removed. My chest cavity was washed with chemotherapeutic drugs to kill any cancer cells that were missed. After an 18-day hospitalization, I had two months to recover before the second plan of attack was put into motion. I then underwent chemotherapy, followed closely by radiation treatments.

There is an old saying that it takes a village to raise a child. A multitude of family and friends pulled together to help us care for Lily during this tragic time. Another adage says every cloud has a silver lining. For me, this is especially true.

Our lives have changed. Today, I am cancer-free and a stay at home mom. My husband and I fully embrace the idea that our faith and hope allowed us to do much more than merely survive. We have learned to live fully and be mindful of each moment that we have together.

About the author:
Heather Von St James is a mesothelioma survivor and a guest blogger for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance. Her story is one of hope and inspiration and she hopes to spread her message to anyone who may be going through similar situations to her own.
Check out Heather’s story on the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Blog.

Homestead Emporium Review and Giveaway

2012-01-16T10:17:00.000+02:00

About Homestead Emporium

Homestead Emporium is a mom operated brand. They sell lots of reusable cloth options for your family, like cloth menstrual and postpartum pads, diapers, cloth cotton discs, wipes and so on. They really have a very large selection of cloth items.
All pads at Homestead are All in One and they all have snaps to secure them.

Review

I received two panty liners for review from Homestead Emporium, one panty wrap and a Tiny Liner. I was already using panty liners from a WAHM brand from Belgium, so I was familiar with the concept.
I much prefer cloth panty liners to disposable ones for a number of reasons:

less waste
softer to the skin = no irritations
you can get any design you want
no glue marks in your underwear!

Both liners are incredibly soft to the skin and hold very well in place. I seriously did not feel like I was wearing them, whereas I do when I use the other ones.

They have snaps on the bottom which you can adjust to the width of your knickers. They give great daily protection and with the hand dyed top fabric, you don't even notice any staining. They also wash really well.

My personal favorite is the Tiny Liner, since it really sits beautifully in my underwear and doesn't deform them.

BUY IT:

the panty wrap goes for 6,35USD

the tiny liner is 7USD

Giveaway

Homestead Emporium is giving away a $10 gift certificate to the winner of this contest, valid on their entire selection, so you can choose whichever your heart desires.

WIN IT:
To win $10 of natural gear for your little ones, enter by leaving a comment and using our new Rafflecopter system below.

Contest is open to Worldwide (though shipping beyond continental US is rather high and may not entirely be covered by the gift certificate).

MANDATORY ENTRY: Visit Homestead Emporium and tell us what you would buy with your $10 credit! You must enter your name and email address in the Rafflecopter entry system for your entry to count, after leaving a comment on the blog post.

BONUS ENTRIES:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sunday Surf

2012-01-15T10:22:00.001+02:00

5 healthy changes to make for your family on Job Description: Mommy
20 Things That are More Dangerous to Your Child Than The Lead Paint in Mattel Toys, very interesting list on NaturalNews.
5 Ways to Restore Trust in the US Vaccination Program, on Baby Dust Diaries.

Parenting

An inspiring post on Teacher Tom about allowing your child to fail

Breastfeeding

Great video on Facebooks moronic policies about breastfeeding pictures.

Unschooling

Can your kids play too much video games? Must we limit our kids' screen time? Peter Gray answers this question. "Children are suffering today not from too much computer play or too much screen time. They are suffering from too much adult control over their lives and not enough freedom."

I Am a Cleaning Robot. Beep! Beep! (Rerun)

2012-01-14T14:12:00.001+02:00

Clean up time can be a real hassle sometimes. I feel overwhelmed by the mess very quickly and that got me thinking, if I’m overwhelmed then a 2yr old and a 4yr old are probably even more so!

Our solution: make it into a game. In general, clean up time works best for us when I am very specific about what should be picked up and where it should go. I try to avoid general statements like “clean everything up” or ” pick up the toys” keeping that in mind I then like to add some fun to the mix.
Here are the top 5 favorite games we play that give us a clean playroom.

1. Elbows, Knees and Toes

In this game we pretend our hands are too tired to lift anything so we have to use other parts of our bodies. . We usually get started with my asking everyone to do one task together and then take turns asking each other to try something. The kids come up with the silliest and trickiest assignments sometimes!

-Everyone try to use your elbow to put lego’s in the lego box-

-Mommy try to use your toes to pick up that doll-

-Johnny can you try using your chin to carry that book to the shelf?-

2. Zoo Keeper

The Zoo Keeper game works really well with our stuffed animals. We happen to keep most of our stuffed animals on a mesh hammock (aka the ZOO) that hangs on the wall. The boys often take them all down and scatter them around the house. When we play Zoo Keeper I send them on assignment around the house looking for stray animals. Again I like to be specific:

-Zoo Keeper Johnny, the blue monkey is on the sofa can you bring him back to the zoo?-

-Zoo keeper Johnny, the pink piggy is hiding by the fireplace, can you bring him back to the zoo?

3. Dump it here

My boys love dumping – actually I’ve never met a child that didn’t find dumping stuff out of containers absolutely fabulous! This game is a play on this feeling. Together I encourage each child to help load toys onto a container lid or a smaller container and then dump it into the bigger container where the toys belong such as the lego box or the toy box. Big giggles are sure to follow by saying “DUMP IT HERE” each time.

4. Grand Nabber

My two year old invented this game – I believe he was inspired by the grand nabbers from the rocket ship from the Little Einsteins. He likes to wear my giant oven mitts, grab toys however he can and then take them to their place. It’s a bit of a clumsy game but my son is two and he is helping so I think it’s great.

5. Robot

Image: morguefile

I usually take the lead on this game and just start cleaning and saying silly things in a robot voice. "I am a cleaning robot. I can put this book on the shelf. Beep Beep."
The boys find this so funny – and they want to imitate which means we all clean up together.

In the end of course I am doing the majority of the clean up but in my eyes that’s still my job as mom for the next few years. I would like to believe I am creating a sense of cooperation and enjoyment for a task that is not usually regarded as fun. Sometimes the boys will surprise me and start playing these games on their own and tell me when they have cleaned up – and that is so cool…

Do you have any fun clean up games you like to play? What tasks do you find a hassle or do not look forward to?

Peace & Be Well,

MudpieMama

Feelings Are Like A Compass

2012-01-13T09:30:00.002+02:00

Feelings are like a compass, a tool for inner guidance. With practice we can learn to acknowledge them and learn from them, no matter how fleeting they may be. Processing our feelings, listening to them and reflecting, allows us to move through and beyond them, into restoring peace between mind and body. -from my journal

Recently, on a bike ride, something upset my five year old. It was bad enough that he said he would never ride his bike ever again, except, riding a bike is something he loves, so much so, he figured out how to pedal a bike, without training wheels, before his fourth birthday.

Frustrated, tears surpressed, he climbed off his bike, then he got really upset and started yelling: “I hate you. I hate this bike, Put it back in the car. I hate that you made me come on this stupid bike ride.”

I tried to project calmness and speak in a nice way: “I can see you are very upset.”
On the inside though, I felt some anger and frustration surfacing. My child was yelling, loudly. Yelling that he hates me and his bicycle! People were stopping and looking too. (As expats, speaking english as opposed to the local language -Italian-and being a large(ish) family we inadvertently attract a bit of attention.)

Before addressing the yells, I took a huge breath and started to acknowledge my own feelings. My inner monologue went a bit like this: I am sooo frustrated right now. My stomach feels hot and I want to throw something, far far away. This is so annoying. Breathe. Breathe again! Then I re-focused back as he continued:
“I’m going to break this bicycle and stuff all the pieces into a trash bag and put these stupid new boots in there with it. “ “I want to spit on you” he went on. “and spit on these boots.”

He started to froth his mouth so I stepped out of the way; the spit landed on the ground. My inner voice again: Are you kidding me! You have a top of the line bike, brand new boots and no clue how much this stuff costs and you just want to throw it away and spit on me– GAAH this makes me livid!

I didn't react, instead I stood there and asked myself why I was feeling what I was feeling. Listening to his yelling made me realize I was feeling guilty and tired because where we live, bike riding is an ordeal. Loading the car with everyone and all the bike stuff and driving down the mountain, just to get to a bike path with three kids and two dogs is exhausting – and now the ride was not even going well.

“PUT MY BIKE IN THE CAR” he yelled.

I tried to listen to my feelings again. I knew I had to focus, not yell back, it would not help, at all, although part of me really, and I mean really wanted to.
“Do you want to talk about what is upsetting you or do you need time?” I replied.

“I want to be alone with these stupid boots. Go away.” He said.

“Alright. I will sit right over there.” I pointed to a wall where I could sit but still be close by. “I will listen to you whenever you need me.” As I started walking I realized, the problem might be the new boots but I didn't say anything.

Within a minute I heard “I need you now.” As he said it, big tears were streaming down his soft face. “The boots hurt my feet. But I want to like them because they are like Papa’s.” he explained. “So I am so mad right now.” he continued.

We hugged, I kept listening, he asked for the bike to be put away so we packed it back into the car. I explained that his siblings were waiting to get into the path and although he wasn’t all smiles yet, we eventually started walking. As we walked, more hurtful words about the boots and the bicycle came up: it was emotional throw up* and there was a lot of it. So I listened, and held his hand when he wanted it. I reflected back some of the things he was saying and he started to relax.

He asked for a piggy back ride and that helped him move on from hurt back into happy. Mid laughter he told me he was sorry about trying to spit on me "that would have been so gross, sorry." and I smiled. "Yes, it would have been gross." My inner voice at the end there: Phew, that was not easy!

Peace & Be Well,

Do you use your feelings to guide you? Have you been able to navigate yourself out of a trap of reaction?

*Thank you to Cathy Cassani Adams for such a great way to describe this outpour of feelings.

And the Winner Is...

2012-01-12T18:41:00.000+02:00

The Winner of the Annee Matthew Giveaway is Chloe Chrysanthus. Chloe has won 50SGD worth of shopping credit on the Annee Matthew eshop.
Congratulations Chloe!

Budgeting For a Single Mom: Can It Be a Reality?

2012-01-12T07:26:00.001+02:00

Written by Alia Haley

Being a single parent with a single income makes for a very difficult budgeting experience and can be quite trying. Keeping aside the thought of making it through the month, you also need to be prepared for unforeseen contingencies like college fees, health care or unexpected purchases. It is only a very rare individual who can handle and budget all these on a single income. However, with a few pointers anyone can learn how the money is being spent and to balance the budget.

1. Noting down expenses

RambergMediaImages on Flickr

You can do this on the computer or just note down in a book the various expenses of the day, no matter how trivial. Note down every single penny and it does not matter under what category the money falls. You can do this exercise for about a week and then you can start categorizing the expenses in a way that makes sense to you. Mix and match categories to reflect your actual thinking about expenses otherwise it will not work. Carry on with this exercise and when you have a month’s expense data, look over the expenditures for the entire month. At this point, you would have paid the mortgage, rent and credit card bills and these should be included in the expense list. For the fixed expenditures, there is nothing you can do as they stand fixed.

2. Categorizing percentage wise
This is when you try to find a good combination for your essential expenses which can be apportioned out for various needs. You can use the 30-15-15 combination. This means 30 per cent for your rent, utilities, mortgage and maintenance, 15 per cent for food and 15 per cent on fuel, insurance, maintenance and car payments. This leaves you with 40 per cent to take care of medical, debt repayment, clothing, entertainment and miscellaneous. The last can be used as some kind of savings if it is not utilized.

3. Detecting the expenses
After this, if you find that you are paying more than 30 per cent for housing expenses, then you drastically need to take steps to cover this. You can take in boarders, ask assistance from the housing programs or move in with family. If your expenses on food is more than 15 per cent, then you need to curb this by changing your family’s food habits which means cutting back on junk food.

4. Saving the money
You are completely average if your expenses measure to the percentage combination. Now you can start cutting down on expenses that you really do not need and rather save the money for a better cause. You can always find a computerized budgeting tool to assist in your daily record if you are computer savvy. This way, you can check all your expenses at one time instead of having to compare notes and rack your brains at where you stand at the moment.
There is always a point where one has to cut back expenses and this can be achieved by enlisting the help of your children, by making them understand that the family budget can only take this much. There may be some complaints in the beginning but once they understand the importance of cutting down expenses, it should be fairly comfortable for everyone.

About the author:
Alia Haley is an avid blogger who is herself very family oriented. She frequently comes out with unique and interesting topics like Health food, children relationship, teenage fads and tips for dealing effectively with young age. These days she is busy in writing an article on cancer prevention.

When Gentle Parenting Doesn't Work

2012-01-11T12:18:00.000+02:00

I often get questions like the following: "I have tried all the tricks in the book, but gentle parenting just doesn't seem to work for us. What do I do?"
Indeed sometimes it seems like we get stuck with gentle parenting and it doesn't yield the results we seek. The alternative can seem very enticing. So what to do when you get to this point?

Reframe the way you think about your child's behavior
It's easy to see your child as defiant, since that's the way we are programmed to see a child who doesn't cooperate with our every desire. If we try to see through what we think is defiance, we might find a happy and confident child who is just trying to find its way in the world.

Consider the words you use about your parenting

Image: Ha-wee on Flickr

"I can't handle my kids.", "They never listen.", "How can I get them to do X?", ...
If we analyze how we think about our parenting, it can become very clear that we're acting out of a position of dominance and coercion instead of one of nurturing and equality. We'll see that we are only trying to get them to do what we want.
Gentle parenting is about fostering authentic choice and individualism, which we can't reach when we act dominantly. Our children's authentic choices don't need to coincide with ours, quite on the contrary. We are only there to guide them on their path and help them along to make sound choices for themselves when they need us.

Step back and look at the big picture
It's very easy to get overwhelmed by the little things every day: your child doesn't want to get dressed, they wear mismatched shoes to grandmother's birthday party, they pull all of your neatly ironed clothes out of the closet. The little things can get the best of us... but it is important to see how futile they are.
If you take a moment to relax and look at the entire day, the week, or the year, you may find that you're actually doing quite well. That you are getting along fine and that most of the time you can find ways that please everyone.

Make sure your engine is fueled too
Probably one of the most important, but equally undervalued parts of peaceful or gentle parenting is making sure that you are fine too. A crippled horse can not draw a cart, so there's no way you can parent gently if you're broken, tired, hungry, depressed, lonely or what not.
By caring for yourself, you're not only doing yourself a favor, you're setting a great example for your child and you'll be more peaceful too. Find more about how to nurture yourself in these posts.

Remind yourself of your goals
If your child isn't cooperating with you, if every day seems like a drag, ask yourself what you're going for in the long run. Do you want to raise an obedient child, or a creative thinker? A follower or a leader? Someone who crumples at the sight of authority or someone who follows their dream?
Individualism can only be reached through error, so allow your child to make them, and create a safe environment to make them in.
Maybe a bit of 'defiance' and 'rebellion' or hardship is a small price to pay for raising an individual.

And when you do fail?
Sometimes even the nicest person can lose it. Kids tend to get under our skins and trigger all the painful emotions and unwanted reactions can happen. Maybe you yell, maybe you call your child something you regret, maybe you become aggressive or spank...
Peaceful parenting is not about being the perfect parent, it's about trying to get better at it. Working to overcome the hardwiring, change and daily practice. When we fail, the most important thing is to move on and try again, and not get sucked in a spiral of conflict and coercion. Every small effort is a step in the right direction, and this parenting gig is about the journey, not the end.
Read more about dealing with your mistakes.

Book Review: Petey’s Listening Ears by L.R.Knost

2012-01-10T07:56:00.002+02:00

Article first published as Book Review: Petey's Listening Ears by L.R.Knost on Blogcritics.

It has taken me a while to find the words to review Petey’s Listening Ears. I have it laying on our nightstand for a chile now and have read it multiple times. Yet still, I remain ambivalent about this little children’s book.

The story talks about this little boy who - like any self respecting little boy - makes amok, even though he is told that he’d better not do the things he’s planning. He plays with his toy box, and even though his mom tells him not to take out all of his toys, he does and ends up having to clean up all morning.
After a pretty unhappy morning of having been told not to and doing it anyway, his daddy asks him what’s going on. After listening to the little boy’s annoyances, Dad asks if Petey has been listening to what the other people were saying.
Petey admits he wasn’t and spends the afternoon doing as he’s told, and ends up having a great day after all.

The story is illustrated by Derek Knost, with marker drawings in bright colors. The drawings, even though they are rather simple, do work well with the story.

I generally don’t like moralizing books, as I think that children's books should be about wonder and marvel and story line, not about ‘trying to teach them something’. The reason I have spent so much time pondering on this book is wether or not it is actually coercive.
Most of the situations Petey is not happy about would not arise in my household, because we wouldn’t force our daughter to clean up, if she’s put make-up all over herself and doesn’t immediately want to wash up, we won’t force her into the bath...
So in a way, this book does not promote the most coercion free style of parenting.  However, I can find myself in the frustration that my child ignores my well meaning advice, even though I have her best interest in mind, and I think that’s mainly what the book is about.
The second part, where Petey does have a good time, sits rather well with me. For example, his sister asks him to put on his jacket, and as he does, they’re able to go to the park to play.

It is an interesting little book to show your child that actions have consequences, and that parents and caregivers do have the best intentions when they’re telling the child something he doesn't really agree to immediately...
It’s not the best book on my shelf, but for parents looking to deal with this kind of situation, it can give a gentle way of handling the issue.

Find out more about the book on Crossbooks.

Call for Submissions - Authentic Parenting Carnival January 2012

2012-01-09T22:04:00.005+02:00

Authentic Parenting has teamed up with Mudpiemama to host a monthly carnival. The carnival will take place every last Friday of the month, the submission deadline is the Friday before last of every month.

To enter, write a new post on the chosen topic and email your full text to mamapoekie {at} yahoo {dot} com and ariadne {at} brillweb {dot} net no later than 11PM GMT on January 20th 2012.

This months Topic is : Birthing and New Beginnings

January is the month where we start afresh, take the plunge again and leave the old. What are your new year's resolutions? Maybe you will be welcoming a new baby (or have done so recently). Share all your insights about birth and starting afresh in this very diverse carnival.

Submission date: January 20th.
Carnival date: January 27th.

Please fill out the form below to enter and then email your submission.

Peace & Be Well,

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10 Things Dads Can Do to Be a Part of Their Baby's Life

2012-01-09T07:42:00.004+02:00

Written by Ellen Spencer

Both parents are a very important part of their child’s development. The child is automatically attached to her mother because she does all the big and the small work for her child happily. However, fathers are generally left out and are unable to share a similar feeling with their child. We have a few tips to help fathers become an important part of the child’s life.

1. Spend time with your baby from day one
Get rid of the fear of your child getting hurt. Just get the knack of holding a baby right. There you are all set to carry your baby and spend some awesome time with your little one.

2. Look into your baby’s eyes
Studies say that babies not only look into your face, they look into your eyes, when you talk to them or play with them. So when you decide to spend time with your baby look into the eyes of your little one to get a better response and make a difference.

3. Common baby sounds
Common baby sounds such as Pa pa, Ma ma, Ba ba, etc. are very famous with babies. Babies learn to make these sounds because these sounds are easy. As you talk to your baby make these sounds to help your baby get quick control over her talking skills. This will enhance your relationship with your little one.

4. Get into some action
Cuddling, jiggling, holding, swaying, etc. fascinates your baby. They love these actions and always want more of it. While you play with your baby give her the security she needs and there you are creating that magical relationship with your little one.

Image: Pierre LaScott on Flickr

5. Diaper changing time
When you change your baby’s diaper, you're not only doing a great job as a father you also do a great job as a husband. Both your baby and you wife will know how much you love them and this will strengthen your relationships.

6. Play a caretaker’s part
Fix a day or two in a week to be the only caretaker for your baby - as far as your baby's feeding pattern will allow. By doing this your baby will learn to spend time with daddy alone. This activity of indulging in bringing up your baby will also give your wife sometime to relax.

7. Work as a team in bringing up your baby
Your baby needs the both of you. Help your wife in breastfeeding the baby; bottle feed your baby the pumped breast milk. Change her diapers and do every small thing to be an important part of her life.

8. Promise small things and stick to your promise
From the day your baby is born she becomes a very important part of your family. Make small promises like taking her to the park, playing her favorite game, etc. Do not forget to live up to these promises. These little promises are a very important part of your relationship.

9. Respond to your child
Weather an infant or a bigger child every time the child looks at you or calls out to you make it a point to respond to her call. By each small response you assure your child that you are listening to her and you are right there.

10. All the love possible
Your baby is too small to understand the material aspects of life and hence all she needs is love. You love your baby for sure, but expressing it is also very important, so express to let her know you love her.

About the author:
Ellen is a blogger by profession. She loves writing on parenting and luxury. And her intense desire is to have a showroom of changing table. She is a health freak and very environmentally aware. These days she is busy in writing an article on inflammatory bowel disease.

Sunday Surf

2012-01-08T13:10:00.001+02:00

Very short surf this week since I just got home from an unexpected hospital visit with my new baby boy. I've teamed up with Lauren from Hobo Mama to make Sunday Surf even more interactive. From now on you can link up your Sunday Surf at the bottom of my weekly Surf, or over at Hobo Mama. The linky will go live every Sunday and you can add your link at any time during the week.

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