Authentic Parenting

Seven Parenting Mistakes Transformed (rerun)

2013-05-18T12:14:00.000+02:00

Parenting is an amazing, joyful, yet, long and at times frustrating journey. No matter how dedicated or informed we are, along the way we are all bound to make mistakes. These mistakes don’t have to be a source of judgment and guilt, they can be an opportunity to reflect, learn, change and move forward. A chance for a second take.

Here are seven common parenting mistakes and ideas for reflection and transformation:

Facebook vs. Face Time
Parents and children alike are spending more and more time connecting on their various devices than with each other. Too much device connection, not enough human interaction. Have you caught yourself saying “yeah, uhm..uhm..” while looking at a screen and missing a really awesome moment or a question from your child?
Transform
Make spending meaningful, joy filled, connected time together and building relationship a priority. Setting yourself office hours, avoid devices during meals, morning and evening routines and keeping special time 100% device free are great ways to get back to the important kind of connecting.

Reactive vs. Pro-active
Tempers flare, children do the most unthinkable things, we get tired, frustrated and angry. Knee jerk reactions, yelling and berating is often the auto-pilot of anger speaking and it is just not a productive way for families to solve problems or manage unwanted situations.
Transform
Learning to recognize stress triggers, taking a parental cool-down time, counting to one hundred, making routines are just some of the ways we can regulate ourselves and start to be pro-active instead of reactive when things are going less than stellar.

Scaring vs Caring
Ever get so frustrated and utter the words “you are gonna be in big trouble” or “Just stop it or else!” to get some compliance? Sometimes interactions can be so frustrating; maybe the words trickle out faster than we think but it really is scary to hear such treats.
Transform
If a child is resisting something, it is likely that there is an unmet need. Discover and meet that need first, then continue with the original task. Aiming for cooperation and taking my child’s point of view really helps me focus on being caring and not using any scare tactics.

Shame vs. Respect
Pants get soiled, juice gets spilled, homework is forgotten, all of sudden a child hears “how could you”, “what is the matter with you”, “can’t you think?” Such statements can really make a child feel ashamed, ridiculed and can have a lasting effect on their self-esteem.
Transform
Allowing children to fix their own mistake (mop up the floor, carry the clothes to the laundry room) or to simply live with the natural consequences of their actions gives a child a chance to learn through experience, which is respectful and valuable in the long run.

Comparing vs. Appreciating
Sometimes parents compare notes on milestones and accomplishments just to share and connect. Other times it can become a bit of a competition that can leave everyone feeling a bit on edge, stressed, worried or upset. Parents also sometimes compare their children against one another creating a whole lot of tension between siblings.
Transform
Appreciating the uniqueness of each child is a really amazing experience. Children excel at all sorts of different things, hit milestones at difference paces and have different interests, likes, dislikes and quirks. Aim for getting to know each child for who they are and what they are doing and not what the charts say they should be doing.

Control vs. Creativity
How often do you say “not like that”, “let me make that for you so it’s not wrong”, “that is not the way to do that” in an effort to control the outcome of some project, craft or activity? Sure we may mean well, but what message are we really sending to our child?
Transform
Children have an incredible sense of creativity and wonder. From what they wear to how they create, respecting their inner artist is so important. Instead of taking over, try to observe, take a back seat and trust the process. Reminding myself that an art project belongs to my child or that the only one afraid of what “people” may think of a certain outfit is me really helps me stay out of it and just watch the creativity unfold.

Wavering vs. Consistency
Do you ever go back and forth between decisions and inadvertently confuse your child? For example, jumping on the couch is totally okay one day but then suddenly it’s not ok anymore and you get mad and your child gets confused?
Transform
Choosing a path and sticking to it can be tough at times, yet, being consistent with certain limits and guidelines really is important for children. Brainstorming and knowing what your non-negotiable are and being consistent with them helps you and your child gain self-discipline.

Have you made any of these mistakes?

I know I have been reactive at times and definitely tried to meddle in creative processes…that’s why I say I “practice” parenting, because there will always be mistakes.

Much like engineers need to review the best laid out plans, computer codes get updated and revised and actors get second and third takes, as parents we can also stop, check and create new starts. So forget the guilt, or since it tends so show up no matter what, try to let it hang out only for as long as it takes to help you see you are ready for a change.

Peace & Be Well,

Please come join me at Positive Parenting Connection on Facebook for daily inspirations, ideas and resources. See you there!

Image: FrameAngel / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Parenting – 5 Songs That Get It Right (rerun)

2013-05-17T10:15:00.000+02:00

Written by Alayna Frankenberry

Being a parent is a bit like skydiving – not just because of that sensation of free-fall that all parents feel from time to time, but because it's just one of those life experiences you can't fully explain. You can't truly understand what being a parent means until you're one yourself, and even then it's hard to put into words. Then one day the radio serves up a song that gets it so right that you wonder if the singer's been peeking through your kitchen window or listening in on your long-distance phone calls. Sometimes these songs make you laugh and sometimes they make you cry, but they always remind you that you're not alone in this delightfully messy thing called parenthood. The next time you're feeling emotions you can't quite explain, just turn on one of these songs and sing along.

1. “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash – At first listen, “A Boy Named Sue” seems an unlikely candidate for Parenting Song of the Year, but if you stop and think about it, it's a song that hits pretty close to home. Growing up, we all have things we blame our parents for, from giving us unique names that act as bully magnets to dressing us up in hand-me-down overalls or conducting lengthy interviews with our terrified teenage boyfriends. When we become parents ourselves, we start to understand the method behind their madness. Sometimes we even adopt the same parenting strategies for our own children. Or, as with Johnny Cash's tormented protagonist, we swear not to let history repeat itself.

2. “Cat's in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin – Known for its ability to turn a grown man into a weeping child in under four minutes, “Cat's in the Cradle” is not for the faint of heart. Unfortunately, no parent-child relationship is perfect, and sometimes we don't realize how quickly the time is passing until it's too late. This is a truly heartbreaking song, but there's a silver-lining. When heard at just the right time, this song can serve as a wake-up call for neglectful parents. It can help them repair a distant relationship before it's too late.

3. “I Hope You Dance” by Lee Ann Womack – If you've been to a wedding in the last decade, there's a pretty good chance you've heard “I Hope You Dance.” A favorite of father-daughter dances, this country classic details all the hopes a parent holds for their child's future, from finding love to keeping faith. Sure, some of life's curveballs are unavoidable, but this song isn't so much about wishing for a perfect future for your child. It's more about hoping they have the strength to weather the storm and to live the full breadth of life, not just the length. Or, as Womack puts it, “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance – I hope you dance.”

4. “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle – There are few relationships as special, or as hard to put into words, as the one between a father and his daughter. Bob Carlisle paints a perfect picture of the father-daughter bond in his 2005 hit. The song examines the relationship between a father and his daughter from the time she's a little girl to the day he walks her down the aisle, and Carlisle perfectly captures that feeling of dumbstruck wonder that comes along with being a parent, with watching your child grow and change. “For all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right.” For such a simple sentiment, it says so much about what being a father really means.

5. “She's Eighteen” by Etta Britt – Being a parent isn't always easy, especially when your child hits their teens. But while you're sure to experience your fair share of arguments and even a full-fledged fight or two, sometimes the chaos is a blessing in disguise, an opportunity to see your son or daughter for who they really are and who they want to become. Those growing pains can be tough to handle, and Etta Britt from Wrinkled Records does them justice in her new blues rock hit “She's Eighteen.” The mother in the song stands at a crossroads as her daughter leaves home for the first time. Etta's plaintive voice echoes what so many parents feel as they watch their children mature: “I wish I could lock that door and throw away the key, but she needs to be free.”

How can you explain what it's like to be a parent? You can't – not really. Like sky-diving or that first special kiss, being a parent is something you have to experience yourself to truly understand. In short, it's complicated, and words are clumsy tools. But when you set those words to evocative chords and a delicious melody, something magical happens. Great songwriting has the power to unlock one's own emotions about being a parent or to conjure them in the heart of a bachelor. So the next time your life as a parent triggers emotions you can't quite describe, just play one of these songs and let the singer do it for you. And unless you're chaperoning a van full of teenagers to the mall, feel free to sing along.

About the author:
Alayna Frankenberry is a freelance writer who lives in Pittsburgh. She still cries every time she listens to 'Cat's in the Cradle."

Parenting from the Inside Out

2013-05-15T21:10:00.000+02:00

written by Paige Lucas Stannard

I don’t remember the exact moment I realized that gentle parenting was for me. The idea that “children are our future” touted in public didn’t seem to be practiced in reality.

In reality, putting children on the “naughty step” and letting them cry out for comfort without any emotional response from their parent seemed to be the best advice for living with children.

I just knew that felt wrong to me. Finding a community of other parents that believed the radical idea that children are people was so comforting. Here were other parents who were letting go of power and control and parenting from a place of love.

I’ve been very blessed to be part of this movement through Parenting Gently and the annual Carnival of Gentle Discipline. Getting the word out that there is another way to parent and that it works has been very rewarding.

I’ve also been humbled by the parents who come to me for advice on how to handle situations with their children in a gentle manner. I know how much these parents love their kids so to be trusted with helping them is really an honor.

Do you remember the first time you tried a gentle discipline technique and it worked? Did you have that aha moment?

Gentle parenting is kind of like a drug. That first hit is like “wow! I had no idea parenting could be this fun!” and then you’re hooked.

But, do you sometimes feel like you are still speaking a foreign language? That your initial reaction is always punitive and you have to translate or shift gears into “gentle” mode to react like you want?

Maybe in moments of stress you revert back to your old parenting paradigm and later you feel upset about they way you handled a situation?

Plus you might be getting naysayers from all sides telling you “you’re doing it wrong!”

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the gentle response be the first response that pops into your mind? So that without even thinking about it you can handle any issue in a peaceful manner? So that regardless of the opinion of others you feel confident in your choices?

The thing I realized about gentle parenting is that it isn’t just about gentle alternatives to punishment like spanking and time out. Instead, it is a fundamental shift in how you relate to your kids. A fundamental shift in how you relate to everyone. And a shift like that doesn’t come from constantly having to translate every situation into a gentle alternative. Sometimes, that can be even more stressful!

When you can find your own authentic voice and drive your parenting from the inside out, suddenly you’re not struggling to translate each situation into a gentle framework.

You find yourself connecting with your kids more and connecting with yourself more. You smile more and feel stressed out less.

Parenting is fun. Life is fun.

It is just pure awesomeness! I want everyone to experience this personal transformation!

What if I could help you look inside and find your own authentic parenting voice and use that to make your parenting choices?

I mean most of us aren’t parenting from deep inside of us. We are parenting on the fly as situations arise. Struggling with subconscious assumptions built on our own upbringing, our own personality and fears, and the silent societal messages about what parenting should be.

You can use alternatives to time out, spanking, or other punishment everyday and never find that comfortable, joyful parenting groove.

That groove that comes from parenting that is rooted in your own values and goals. After all the best parenting is your own authentic parenting.

This is why I’m so excited to be partnering with Everyday Feminism to offer the first ever Transformative Parenting: Finding Your Authentic Parenting Voice online course.

Everyday Feminism is all about transforming your life through feminism and that fits just perfectly with this idea that through self-transformation we can become the best parents we can be.

This online course won’t be hitting you on the head with feminist theory or with gentle parenting doctrine. You don’t need more external lists of do’s and don'ts.

Instead I will walk you through a process of self-exploration that will help you align your parenting choices with your deepest core values.

We’ll look at:

The cultural messages we receive and internalize about parenthood
How our upbringing and personality shape our parenting
How to break out of the cycle of parenting from a place of fear
Finding your own core values and goals for your children and translate them into daily action
How to communicate with compassion even in times of conflict
How to work with your feelings and needs and help your children do the same
And more!

All in a supportive community of fellow parents who want to break the old habits of parenting we see in our society and forge new, connected bonds with our kids.

I know that parenting is a busy task. I’ll use several different methods of delivery so you can find what works best for you. Each lesson should only take 1-2 hours a week and not all at once!

So you can break it up to fit your schedule.

I hope you’ll join me! You won’t regret the time spent on your own self-improvement and you will notice a profound change in your daily life with your kids.

Emergency Preparedness in Sub-Saharan Africa

2013-05-14T15:56:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the May 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Emergency Preparedness
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared their plans to keep their families safe. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***
Emergency preparedness is not just a fictional concept for a family living in Africa. Having already been evacuated out of Ivory Coast after the troubles following their latest elections (where Ouatara took over the power from reigning president Laurent Gbagbo), and living through a forced period of self sufficiency out of sheer lack of food, being prepared for just about anything is second nature.

So what do we do differently?

We always have a large supply of food. We only shop once a month, so we make sure that we have a full freezer and pantry and that we have nice and nutritious food available, even in the event that we aren't able to go for our monthly shopping trip. We try to find local grown greens to have fresh food available, but also freeze vegetables whenever possible.
I used to have extensive gardens, but since it was absolutely necessary in the Congo, since we couldn't get vegetables anywhere else, it's been overkill for me and I now content myself with just the odd crop and some sprouted seeds.

We also have all of our travel documents and some money in one place and generally have a ready packed evacuation bag.

We have two big dogs. They're our alarm system and they also keep unwanted visitors off our turf.

When we were living in Ivory Coast, my husband received a security training, and eventually ended up having to use it to organize our evacuation. As a result, we always have some 'flight plans' in our heads.

This may all sound pretty stressful and scary, but on a day to day basis, we're leading very relaxed and normal lives. I would even argue that living here is safer than say, in Europe. We just have to remain vigilant, be careful when the turmoil presents (fe around elections and strikes) and use our common sense.

***
Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon May 14 with all the carnival links.)

Be Prepared for Emergencies — Becky at Crafty Garden Mama is reviewing Angela England's new ebook, The Untrained Housewife's Guide to Getting Prepared. See what measures she is learning to adopt in her family.
Prepare to Expect a Safe and Beautiful Natural Birth — What do you need to have prepared so that you can have a nice and relaxing birth at home? Lisa at The Squishable Baby shares her list in a guest post at Natural Parents Network.
Fire Boxes for Emergency Preparedness — Jana of Jananas tells why she bought a fire box to store important documents and what is stored in the box.
Firefighter Training Homeschool Curriculum — Kellie at Our Mindful Life helped her homeschooled kids prepare for emergencies through a Firefighter Training unit.
3 Secrets to a Royal Emergency — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep tells the secret to living like kings during a storm-induced power outage.
Is Your Family Prepared for an Emergency? — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares an overview of what her family has done to become more prepared for emergencies.
What to Do in an Earthquake — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It gives instructions for staying safe in the event of an earthquake as well as tips for teaching your children to keep safe and where to find information online after an earthquake.
Spring Cleaning & Preparing, Part 2 — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger organizes and replenishes her emergency supply every spring and is learning to add to the food stockpile by preserving year-round.
15 Must-Haves For The Natural Minded Family When Disaster or Emergency Strikes — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she prepares for disaster or an emergency as a natural minded mama. Learn what 15 natural items you should consider having on hand!
Emergency Preparedness: Cosleeping, Cheezits, Chocolate — Kristine at All the Things in the World was happy to have cosleeping in her emergency tool kit during Hurricane Sandy.
Being Prepared For Personal Disasters — Luschka at Diary of a First Child draws on her own recent experiences and considers five things every parent should have in place to ease the burden when sudden disaster strikes.
The Natural Emergency Kit That I Always Carry in My Diaper Bag — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares the four green and natural items in her emergency kit that she can't do without when she's out and about with her little ones.
Prepared... or not? — Is it dangerous to not prepare? Jorje of Momma Jorje shares whether her family prepares…or not.
Pack a car safety kit — Whether you're out for a leisurely drive or fleeing a disaster, Lauren at Hobo Mama offers tips on stocking your car with emergency supplies that will tide you over if you're stranded.
Teaching My Children About Tornados — Destany at They Are All of Me writes about preparing her children for tornado season.
Preparing our children for emergencies — Preparing for emergencies means preparing your children, and Robbie at Going Green Mama shares ways on how to empower kids when it comes to emergencies.
Emergency Preparedness in Sub-Saharan Africa — After living in Sub-Saharan Africa for 7 years, emergency preparedness is not just a concept any more to Laura from Authentic Parenting.
Five Ideas to Keep Babies and Toddlers Safe from Choking — Do you have a baby or toddler who likes to put everything (and I mean *everything*) in her mouth? Dionna at Code Name: Mama does, and today she's sharing a story and some tips on how to keep your little ones safe from choking.

'No Artificial Light After Dark' Challenge

2013-05-13T16:26:00.000+02:00

At the start of December, my family and I started a No Artificial Light After Dark challenge. I know December is far gone now, but I still wanted to write about this, who knows I might inspire one of you.

I felt we were watching too much television at night and that we started lacking connection, specifically with my husband, since he's only home on the evenings, and typically, we'd make dinner and have it in front of the tv. And what better time then around christmas to seize an opportunity to connect as a family.

The rules were pretty clear: no lights, no screens, no games. The exception was candles and the

No artificial lights after dark challenge, image: colorfoxes

christmas lights (we didn't have a tree last year).
It was also clear that our daughter could opt out when she wanted, given that it was us who undertook the challenge.

The first night, my daughter wasn't won over by the idea AT ALL! She demanded to watch something and we let her watch a movie on the Ipad. She did like that we had lots of candles.
The next night, she must have been won over by our joyfulness and togetherness, because she never asked for tv at night again for the whole rest of the challenge.

I must admit that my husband and I cheated one night to look at tile for our house after our kids had gone to sleep. And there was one time we had to turn on the lights to clean a poopie diaper, but all in all, we didn't feel the need to cheat very often. Even though it does get dark here at seven in the evening.

We spend lots of time talking to each other, playing board games (we hadn't done that in a while!), taking baths… No artificial lights never was a problem and we did reconnect. We also slept better and earlier.

I could certainly recommend it to anyone who wants to reconnect to their inner clock and each other, and I think I might make it a yearly challenge.

Has this inspired you to do a challenge of your own? Check back to tell me how it goes!
Have you ever done this? What were the results?

5 Drawing Tips For You And Your Child

2013-05-13T10:26:00.000+02:00

Although drawing is easy to pick up for any child, like anything that requires effort and practice it can also be a source of frustration as your child starts to set standards for him or herself that are difficult to meet. Fortunately, they have you there to help them get past their blocks! Today we have a few suggestions to help you – and ultimately, your child – on your way.  

1. Don’t be afraid to help with the basics. As long as you show a little restraint – don’t start drawing

Drawing with children (US Navy Imagery)

for your child, or forcing them to draw a certain way – teaching them a few basic techniques can help make things much easier for them. Teach them to break things down into shapes, for example, or to use different amounts of pressure when they color different areas to get different shades of the color they’re using.

2. Give your child the chance to experiment. There’s a lot more to drawing and coloring than pencils and crayons. You don’t necessarily need to go out and spend hundreds of dollars on a fine charcoal set and easel for your little one, but letting them experiment with pens, markers, colored pencils, or even paint can breathe new life into drawing for your child. It can’t hurt to try it yourself, either!  

3. Help them find references. Many children are content to draw from their imagination, but for those that want to draw real, tangible things, this can be a huge help. If your child prefers drawing animals, help find them pictures of lions, or tigers, or bears. If they like to draw people, why not dig out a photo album? If they enjoy drawing trees and flowers, go to the park together and take pictures, or maybe even start a flower garden together. If all else fails, find pictures to use on the internet! References are everywhere. 

 4. Give them some structure. While it’s good to allow your child the freedom to pursue whatever they want when they draw, sometimes children start to lose focus on or confidence in even the things they really enjoy. Once in a while, try giving your child an assignment – ask them to draw their favorite animal for you and tell you why they like it, or have them make up a story for you to go with their drawing. This can go a long way in helping you understand your child’s feelings, as well as giving them a direction to go in.  

5. Encourage your child. The old saying ‘practice, practice, practice!’ applies to any art at any age – for your child to get better at drawing, they need to keep at it. Perfection won’t come easily, so it’s your job as a parent to cheer them on if your child becomes tired or frustrated at a lack of success. If they feel like they’re failing, encourage them to keep trying. If they do well, tell them what a good job they did. If they think they did badly, show them what they did right, and help them to find out how to fix their mistakes.  Drawing well takes time, and it will likely never become more than a hobby for most children. Still, it has a number of psychological and developmental benefits for any child, and even a little effort from you can go far in helping your child’s self-confidence, and maybe even their future career!

About the author
I'm Kathy, and I'm all over the place, but right now I'm at We Draw Animals - if you and your little one(s) are into drawing animals for all the odd reasons - come and check the tutorials I (strive to) add each week!

Unschooling: An Introduction (rerun)

2013-05-10T12:40:00.000+02:00

Originally published at Child of the Nature Isle

I’ve written lots of articles throughout my blogging ‘career’ about unschooling, but I’ve never tackled the basic questions, like “What is Unschooling” or “Why Unschool”, or “How Do You Do It?”. I probably hinted at these topics, but I’ve never sat down to write an introductory article about unschooling, for people who are infamiliar with the topic. Basically, because I’ve always assumed that the readers of my blog are familiar with the topis.

What is Unschooling?

If you ask unschoolers for a definition, you’ll probably get as many definitions as you find people to

Unschool yourself, orion pozo

ask this question too. If I’d take a sling at a definition it would be something like this:
Interest led, lifelong, self driven learning.

The idea behind unschooling is that learning is a natural phenomenon, that children want to learn and that they learn the things they need when they need them. There is no need to impose the required knowledge or force them in any direction. Thus, unschooling happens without any form of curriculum or teaching, unschooling does not take the classroom home, but banishes the classroom idea altogether. Instead, it offers children the opportunity to learn from life itself in the same way as all children learn to walk and talk on their own.
The term itself indicates that unschooling takes a stance against schooling as the formal, institutionalized system we know. Generally, unschoolers belief that children can acquire all the knowledge they need at home (in the large sense of the word, because unschoolers are far from being hermits), with the guidance of their parents or other people close to home.
There are lots of reasons why unschooling opposes schooling, but they are too diverse and elaborate to get into for the sake of an introductory article.
Unschooling is known under lots of other terms too, like life learning, interest based learning or holistic learning, only to name a few.
Unschooling is not just about learning, it’s a way of life. This holistic take on life and parenting is often called radical unschooling, and includes all interaction and action of the household.

Why Unschool
The answer to why one should unschool could fill a book in itself, but for the sake of this article I will try to keep it short. Unschooling allows the child to develop his or her passions, without crushing his/her thirst for knowledge. It does not strive to conform or break children by imposing arbitrary rules and factory like patterns. There are no boundaries or requirements and there is no judgement. Children are incited to be themselves and develop their interests. It is by far the superior learning system for personal development.

How Do You Do It
Even though it may seem chaotic and undisciplined when you first hear about this manner of learning, there are some requirements for unschooling to ‘work’ or even be possible at all.
Unschooling requires at least one involved parent or guardian to guide and stimulate the child.

The physical and mental safety of the child should be ensured.
The basic needs (food, clothes, shelter) of the child should be fulfilled.
The child should frequent stimulating and rich environments
The parent’s job in unschooling is to be present, follow their interests and help them seek the information they require. The creation of a rich and stimulating learning environment is also something a parent should ensure, especially as long as they are underage.

Unschooling is not a hands-off method of learning for the parent or caregiver, he is to be there to answer questions, get the right material and even anticipate educational needs.

Where do you go from here?
If this unschooling gig has caught your interest and you want to find out more, there are lots of ways to get informed.
You click the unschooling tag to read lots of articles
Another great source of information is The Natural Child Project
Sandra Dod’s site is often quoted as a great ressource
You could join one of the unschooling groups on Yahoo!, like Always Unschooled
Facebook has lots of unschooling pages, “Unschooling” is just one of them
Join the Radical Unschooling Network to connect and learn about unschooling

3 Tips for becoming a “Green” Parent

2013-05-06T15:00:00.001+02:00

content provided by Alex S.

In my early 30s, I left my lucrative job as an attorney in favor of "greener" pastures. That's "green" in a
literal sense in case you didn't catch the pun. More and more, parents across America are looking for ways to go green around the home and I thought it was time to combine my environmental interests with my parental interests in exchange for the not-so-lucrative career field of being an environmental consultant.

My love for all things green began when a worried mom called me one fateful day looking for a school bus accident attorney after a bus accident left her feeling the driver was negligent. I took the case, and we hit it off right away. We shared coffee, and I instantly started to admire her for doing what she wanted to do.

She was an energy consultant, and she specialized in saving families money by making a more efficient home. I had always dreamt of a career in environmentalism, and she gave me just the spark I needed to drop the day job and chase what I was passionate about, environmentalism.

Long story short, now I've dropped the 70 hour weeks in favor of something I feel makes a real difference. I want to share some easy tips with you on how to "green" your lifestyle while reducing expenses. Below are 3 great tips for incorporating a greener lifestyle into your parenting approach, at no charge.

Have a clothing swap.
Most children grow quickly, especially when they are young. If you’ve got siblings that are the same gender as you, you might remember your mother passing your older sibling’s clothes down to you or your clothes being passed to your younger sibling. Clothing swaps and hand-me-downs are a bit of a lost art. More recently, a trend among mothers with multiple children has been to trade clothes for their children. Say you’ve got a ten year old son and have just had a baby girl and you’ve got a friend who’s got a son who’s a little younger than yours and a daughter who’s a little older than yours.

This is the perfect opportunity to swap some of your son’s older, still-good clothes for some of your friend’s baby girl clothes. Because kids grow so fast, their clothes use usually in great shape when they’ve outgrown them—don’t let these perfectly fine clothes go to waste! Swap them!

Go second-hand.

buy second hand, net effect

Just like clothes, many of your children’s items will be in great shape by the time your son or daughter is through with them. Take a look around your child’s playroom or play area for toys that she or he no longer uses. There’s a great chance that these items are still in relatively good shape. When your child outgrown a height chair, crib, or any of the various other large (and sometimes expensive) items, see if you can find someone who needs these items.

Or, if the tables are turned and you are the one looking for items for your baby, see if you know anyone who is getting rid of a baby rocker, car seat, or whatever it is you need. By recycling these items, you can make a small dent in how much of our natural resources are used to make these items.

Encourage outdoor play.
This tip has a three-fold positive effect. First, it gets your children out of the house and into nature. One of the sad trends among today’s youth is limited interaction with the outside world and other children.

Second, it gets your children out of the house and away from TV, video games, and the computer. When you child sits in front of these electronics for hours on end your energy bill grows larger and larger. And third, it gets your children out of the house so that you can have a little peace and quiet for a bit. Your kids are great, there’s no denying that, but everyone needs a break once in a while. When your kids are outside enjoying nature, take a minute to catch your breath—you deserve it!

There you go—implement one or all of these tips in your life and you’ll be that much closer to living a greener life! Green parenting is a way to make sure that your kids’ needs are met and that we have a more sustainable planet!

May Simply Living Carnival: Call For Submissions

2013-05-02T07:30:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. We hope that you will join us on the third Tuesday of each month as we share posts about simple living in our lives. Submission deadline will be the second Tuesday of each month.

Daily Lives

Everyday life can be hectic. Talk to us about how you keep everyday things from overwhelming you. Are you an organizer or declutterer? Do you avoid shopping like the plague? Perhaps you treat yourself to picking up dinner for your family sometimes. What in your daily life helps keep things simple?

To submit an article to the blog carnival, please e-mail your submission to mandy{at}livingpeacefullywithchildren{dot}com anddelilahfineandfair{at}gmail{dot}com, and fill out the webform by May 14. Please write a new, unpublished piece for the carnival. We will e-mail you with instructions before the carnival date. We ask that you publish your post on May 21.

We want you to use creativity and to express yourself as you see fit. To that end, you are welcome to post at your discretion with a few guidelines in mind. Please be respectful in your posts. Avoid excessive profanity and poor grammar or spelling. As the co-hosts of the carnival are all advocates of peaceful living and gentle parenting, we ask that you not post about non-gentle practices or violence toward others. While we will not be editing your articles, we do reserve the right to not add your post to the carnival if it is not on topic, is poorly written, or goes against the guidelines which have been set forth.

Blog carnivals are a great way to generate blog traffic and build a supportive community. Your blog will receive links from many other blogs and you and your readers will have the opportunity to discover other blogs with similar goals in mind. Please join us as we embrace Simply Living through Simple Living! We hope you will consider joining us every month as we discuss ways we simplify our lives.

Teaching Kids How To Be Thankful For Gifts

2013-05-01T12:22:00.000+02:00

content provided by Alex S.

Kids today get a lot of gifts and a great way to combat the entitlement mentality is to teach them to be thankful. While appropriate responses come naturally to some children, many need specific, practical guidance.

Being thankful, WoodleyWonderWorks

Model it

Role modeling is one of the best ways our children learn anything—how to react to disappointment, how to relate to other people and how to show gratitude. Take every opportunity you can to model for your children how they should respond when receiving gifts and you’ll find them mimicking your attitude, words and body language.
You probably get gifts all the time from your children—handmade drawings, a pretty stone they picked up at the park, or a specially made cookie. These are great opportunities to demonstrate what thankfulness sounds like and feels like. What words do you use to express your appreciation for the gift? Do you give a big hug or pat on the back?
Also, be sure your kids do not hear you saying negative things about gifts you receive—like lamenting the horrible clothing your mother gives you every year. Be cautious about how you talk about re-gifting unwanted items. Remember, your kids are always listening to you so be careful what their little ears hear.

Appropriate responses

Kids tend to say what’s on their mind, so sometimes they need to be taught and prompted to be gracious. Before any occasion where your child will receive gifts, like Christmas and birthdays, role-play with them appropriate responses to different scenarios.

What will you do if Grandma gives you that remote control car you’ve been dying to have? Say: “Thank you. I love it!” A big hug might be in order as well.
What will you do if Grandma gives you socks and underwear? Say: “Thank you so much, Grandma!” The same big hug is probably still in order.
What will you do if your cousin Abby gives you a Barbie doll you already have? Say: “Thank you!” with a big smile.

Explain to your child that you and she can discuss how to handle the gift later. Be sure to explain that even if they don’t like the gift they receive, someone has spent time and money on it because they care about them. So, even if they don’t like the gift, they can be thankful for the thought behind it. This is a concept your children will understand more and more as they get older.

Thank you cards

Thank you cards seem often neglected these days, but they are an important part of expressing gratitude for gifts. Sometimes thank you cards for Christmas or birthday gifts can seem totally overwhelming—so skip the personal handwritten notes by the child and opt for something more manageable.

Take pictures of your child with each gift. Or, take a group picture—all the birthday party guests and birthday child in front of the cake, or your child (or children) in front of the Christmas tree before opening gifts.
Upload the photos to an online photo processor.
Print the pictures as custom holiday photo cards or prints. Add printed text like, “Thanks for coming to by Birthday Party!” or “Thank you! I love it!”
Have your child (or children) sign each card or picture. (A fine tipped permanent marker works best.)
Mail as thank you cards to each person.

Doing thank you cards this way is quick, inexpensive, and painless. And, everyone will love receiving

Receiving presents with grace, MissMessie

a picture of the event with your child’s signature!

Taking the time to help your child develop polite and appropriate thankfulness habits will serve them well as adults. It’s also sure to save you from some very awkward and embarrassing moments!

Separating Families for Birth - The Modern Way of Birthing (rerun)

2013-04-30T10:37:00.000+02:00

Originally published at SQUAT! Birth Journal

As we are planning a homebirth this time around, I got to thinking how I would have done if I were to birth in the hospital. With my daughter being our first child, childcare during labor obviously wasn’t an issue, but now, if I had chosen that route, it would have been.
How would we have managed? Would we have been able to find someone who was ready at any time - day or night - to take care of our daughter?
And it got me thinking about something else... Sibling jealousy and the medical system’s separation of families during childbirth.

Before hospital birth was common, there would always be children around the birthing woman. They might be tactfully guided to the neighbor or a female relative, but not everywhere. Having children around and aware - to some degree - of what was going on, was normal and natural. Yet nowadays, hospital birth and it’s separation of families has become such a normal, integrative part of our culture that we don’t think about this anymore. More so, having children around the birth space is considered odd at the least and detrimental to the child at the worst. Even when discussing homebirth, the question will inevitably be:
- “What will you do with the older child”.
When I went to visit with my midwives, they asked that exact question. At that time, we didn’t have any means of childcare, beside ourselves, so I said that she’d be fine assisting the birth, and she would be free to go or come as she chooses. She’s very much interested in birth and claims to want to catch the baby.
- “But what if she doesn’t want to be there?” was the next question.
Now personally, I don’t have any issue with my daughter coming and going as she chooses and at three and half, she can manage herself in the house, so that was just a non-issue for me. But their policy was to have someone else around for the child at worst, or to drop off the child with a relative at best.
When I uttered that my husband was perfectly capable of taking care of our daughter if need be, and that it didn’t bother me to labor alone - I might actually prefer it - they looked at me cross-eyed.

So here are some of the things I would like to address on this topic:

Image: Oana Hogrefe Photography

I think it is normal and natural and even healthy for children to witness birth. This way they see that birth is just a part of life and might learn to fear it less than those generations who where kept from it (there’s always a certain mystique to the unseen)
I think the modern system of separating families is detrimental to the relationship between siblings. Older siblings get dropped off, because it’s the babies time, only to get picked up again, after long hours, for a short hospital visit, where mommy obviously has fallen in love with this tiny new creature. The older child can’t help but wonder if (s)he is still to be a part of the family, as they went off to have this baby on their own, and mommy and daddy seem to be too distracted to take care of their needs. Of course, this is an extreme, but it is often what happens, and with a hospital birth, the father is often overwhelmed by the responsibilities and running around he has to do, and the mother is stuck at the hospital with the new baby. The older siblings are somewhat left adrift, even in the best of situations.

There is nothing more natural then birth, and having the older siblings around (obviously with the freedom of choice to leave the room if possible, and perhaps a caretaker around to help them out a little if it’s all too overwhelming) is only natural, healthy, and good for family relationships. Birth should not be a time of separation and discontinuity, it should be a celebration of a growing family, where nobody is left out of the marvel and wonder of the event.

10 Ways to Train Your Pelvic Floor Without Exercise (rerun)

2013-04-29T10:00:00.000+02:00

There has been some wind that Kegels aren’t the magnificent exercise they are believed to be.

A kegel attempts to strengthen the PF, but it really only continues to pull the sacrum inward promoting even more weakness, and more PF gripping. The muscles that balance out the anterior pull on the sacrum are the glutes. A lack of glutes (having no butt) is what makes this group so much more susceptible to PFD. (1)

The answer to a healthy pelvic floor, ready for birth and a speedy recovery and apt to avoid incontinence is quite simple: squats. Modern women hardly ever squat, toilets, chairs, comfortable sofa’s have made this movement nearly obsolete. But in forsaking the squat, we may have lost more than we have gained. 
In this article, I want to give you ways in which to integrate squats into everyday life again. By making squatting a habit again, you are toning your pelvic floor without tedious exercise. These are regular everyday situations, in which you can just as easily squat instead of sitting your butt on the floor or kneeling (which is detrimental to the knee joint).

Image: Moriza on flickr

Filling and emptying the washer and dryer
playing with your toddler or infant
comforting your toddler
pee in the shower
gardening
picking things of the floor
cleaning - various cleaning situations can be done squatting
go camping
build a barbecue pit instead of a barbecue that requires you to stand up (this is also much more convivial)
filling lower cupboards

You might find that at first, the squat is uncomfortable, and you can’t hold it long. That’s not a problem and you should avoid straining at all cost. When you feel an uncomfortable stretch in your pelvic area (which is specifically common when you are pregnant), cease the squat and sit back. If your legs feel tired, stop. You have to rediscover these muscles, so don’t ask for everything at once.
Other ways to get some bootylicious are yogic squats and any type of dancing.

How do you incorporate squats into your daily life?

(1) Pelvic Floor Party: Kegels are not Invited, on Mamasweat

Peaceful Parenting Applied Link Up

2013-04-27T13:30:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the Authentic Parenting Link Up hosted by Laura at Authentic Parenting and Mandy At Living Peacefully with Children. As part of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, we want to give bloggers a chance to link up all of their posts on peaceful parenting in practice in order to support and help other parents as they strive to be peaceful parents. Do you have posts about peaceful parenting? Share them here so that others can read about them! Be sure to check out this month's Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival all about Peaceful Parenting Applied! Consider joining us next month as we talk about Self-Love!

Peaceful Parenting in the Light of Big Emotions

2013-04-26T19:15:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the April 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Peaceful Parenting Applied This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. We hope you enjoy this month's posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Peaceful Parenting Applied.

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It can be hard to remain cool in the light of strong emotions as a parent. Especially the ones we perceive

Dealing with strong emotions in your child

as negative. Anger, grief, pain, fear, sadness... Most of us have been quickly 'corrected' when we were younger and showed any of those emotions, and it is hard to refrain from doing so when we are faced with them in our child.

Yet there are a couple of good reasons not to 'correct' emotions, even when they are overwhelming.

Processing their emotions will cause less stress in the long run
All emotions are part of life, and should be allowed to run their course (allowing emotion doesn't mean acting upon them though)
Children need to learn they are the ones controlling their emotions, not anyone else, and they can only learn that by teaching themselves to gain control
At a young age, children aren't capable to control their emotions yet, so expecting them to do so sets both of us up for a lot of frustration

What to do instead?

Show empathy, but don't get sucked into the vortex
Step out if you can't handle it any more, take a moment to breathe and come back when you've regained your composure. If you have a second caregiver available, discuss this with them and make sure the other can step in when you're getting overwhelmed.
Talk it through with your child after the emotional outburst is done. Make sure your child knows that these emotions are normal and natural and it's ok to let them run their course, but that it's not ok to lash out. Talk about emotions as a natural part of conversation.
Protect your child. Some children can get violent towards themselves or others when they feel emotionally overwhelmed. You are the one to protect them and to hand them different solutions to handle their feelings.

Have you blogged about this topic? Come back tomorrow and link up your post on the Peaceful Parenting Applied linky

Image: rolands lakis

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Visit Living Peacefully with Children and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in next month's Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, when we discuss self-love! Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Dealing with Whining Compassionately - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses ways to deal with whining when it is getting on your nerves.
Peaceful Parenting in the Light of Big Emotions - Laura from Authentic Parenting wonders how to resist being swept away from the storm of emotions in a sensitive child.
How a peaceful parent speaks -Will the truth set you free? Shonnie at Heart-Led Parenting tells how being truthful (and more) in the way she talks to and about her daughter has helped create more peace and joy in her home.
To Sleep, Perchance to Sleep - Mercedes at Project Procrastinot expounds on the difficulties of sleeping when you've got new twins by your side.
Hitting and Peaceful Parenting - Susan May at Together Walking writes about her son's recent "hitting phase" and how they were able to navigate it without punishing him.
Peaceful parenting in action: the importance of realistic expectations - Tat from Mum in search shares a few examples of how knowing what to expect from your children can make your day a whole lot more enjoyable.
Success Through Encouragement - At The Squishable Baby, Lisa discusses how she helps her child be successful through encouragement.

Do you have blog posts about peaceful parenting or are you looking for some tips? This month, Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children are hosting an Authentic Parenting: Peaceful Parenting Applied link up! Check it out and help build a resource for parents striving to parent more peacefully.

Why Punishment will not make children Behave (rerun)

2013-04-23T12:35:00.000+02:00

Parents often say they want their children to behave. Unfortunately, many a parent and so called experts believe that to make a child behave you must punish them. Looking at the word behave though it means: to conduct oneself in a specified way.

As parents, then it follows that if we really want our children to behave we need to help shape and specify what way that is. One could argue that punishing a child is specifying the way. Children should simply follow what we tell them, and punishment will reinforce this. Now if specifying their behavior would be so easy as one command, one punishment, deal done, then for one, we would be grossly overlooking the fact that children are intelligent, capable and complex individuals, not drones that simply need programming.

Secondly, If children could just learn with one simple command, followed by punishment for non compliance, we wouldn’t be researching the inner workings of child development, long term impact of violence and aggression, the role of resilience, communication, attachment and so the list goes on and on… and it would bring to question why is generation after generation turning to parenting books, educators and experts for help to shape our childrens behaviour.

Choosing physical punishment, threats and pain as a means to make children behave might bring a short term sense of accomplishment, but at a big cost. In the grand scheme of things, to punish a child with a spanking, or incessant yelling it is simply demonstrating lack of control, aggression and disrespect. It is showing in essence exactly how society does NOT want them to behave.

Punishment does not teach respect: Punishment can make a child feel disrespected and confused. If we yell at a child and threaten to punish them as a means to get what we want, we cannot expect them to learn how to ask for what they need in a respectful way.

Aggression begets aggression: When we hit , strike, smack, swat a child we are showing them exactly how to use physical aggression to get their way. The shock value might temporarily work for some, yet have you ever seen a parent smack a childs hand and tell them “don’t hit your friend” and not too much later they hit again?

Punishment does not teach self-control: When a parent loses it on a child, yelling, hitting, spanking, yanking at it, they are not modeling how to effectively overcome stressful emotions. As stressful situations and highly charged emotions are pretty much a given in this parenting gig modeling is key. From toddlers to teens alike, making a child "shut up" their emotions by isolating them or hurting them will not help them overcome, process or learn. Watching us on the other hand, will.

Keeping cool, choosing words over confrontation, seeking alternatives over punishment, peace over violence: it can be difficult, it can take a lot of practice, it is a process. But that’s just it, parenting just like growing up and learning to behave, is a process.

What are you doing to model the behavior you wish to see in your child?

Next week on positive parenting connection I will be exploring the question: "If not punishment, then what?"

Peace & Be Well,

Image: Arvind Balaraman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Eco-Friendly Alternatives to Common Birthday Features (rerun)

2013-04-22T11:12:00.000+02:00

content provided by Alex S.

Image: Sakura Mutsuki on Flickr

If you have two or more kids in your home there's a good chance there's a birthday coming up in the next few months. That probably means a party, which means preparation. If you're a parent that's even a little bit concerned about the environment, a child's birthday is a good opportunity to explore green ways to go about such family and friendly festivities. Otherwise, you'll be making a big contribution to your carbon footprint. On such an important day, who needs that kind of karma for their kid?

Here are five ideas when it comes to planning a green birthday party for your kid:

Paper bags instead of wrapping paper: You'll probably be making a run to the grocery store in addition to gift shopping. While there, opt for paper bags and re-use them as wrapping paper. Online guides exist that can show you how to cut the bags for a proper fit, and you can spice them up by decorating them with stencils or glitter.

Sky lanterns instead of balloons: Everybody knows how bad balloons are for the environment. But we also know how much kids love them, so what's a parent to do when a birthday arrives? A great option are sky lanterns, which are essentially giant Chinese lanterns that hover with the heat of a flame like a hot air balloon. They are 100% biodegradable while also being 100% fireproof. They come in several colors and even in the form of an alien head, and are going to look way cooler than any ordinary rubber balloon.

Send E-invitations instead of paper ones: Depending on your child's age either you'll be handing out the invites to parents or they'll be handing them out to their friends themselves. But in both cases there's a good chance you can opt to send an email or another form of electronic invite instead of traditional cards. An email can be decorated to look as enticing of an invite as a pre-made invitation card, but unlike cards they can be sent all at once instead of labeled and snail mailed.

Stick to real plates and utensils: It's tempting to skip the mess in favor of easily-disposable Styrofoam or paper plates and plastic utensils, but it's also pretty bad for the environment. If you have enough plates, cups, and utensils for everyone, then use them instead. You can label cups ahead of time with names written on tape on the side. It's more work for you, but less of an impact on the environment.

Image: andymangold on Flickr

Encourage eco-friendly gift-giving: Going about this is key since not every parent or friend of your kid has the time or the know-how to select a green gift. But if you can encourage guests to pick eco-friendly gift options through your invite, then do so. State that any gift is of course warmly welcomed and will be used and appreciated, but that things like iTunes gift cards and items that use minimal plastic packaging are preferred.

Before making plans for a child's upcoming birthday celebration, stop and think about the amount of trash and waste that gets generated at these events. You won't be able to prevent all of it, nor should you expect your child to suffer a lousy party for the sake of a cleaner planet, but small measures to pull off a greener get-together will certainly lead to a bigger reduction of your carbon footprint.

Keep clutter away with a great bunk bed

2013-04-18T11:00:00.000+02:00

Written by Camille

Bunk beds are very versatile pieces of furniture that work wonders for furnishing a shared space but are also great when used to keep a kid’s bedroom tidy. Although a bunk bed is generally the go-to-choice for parents when they have to accommodate two siblings in the same bedroom, there are now fabulous bunk designs that come with storage options, allowing you to make the most of a limited space.

Bunk Bed with storage

Look for a bunk bed with storage options such as shelves or drawers, as in the example above. Drawers are a great way to save space by expanding your storage space without compromising any more floor space. They allow you to tuck all the toys away underneath the bed leaving the space clear of clutter when playtime is over.

Three Sleeper Bunk Bed

If the space is very limited and the two kids are far apart in their ages, a three sleeper bunk bed is also a good choice. The top bed can accommodate a single bunk bed mattress whereas the bottom has a double mattress, offering a larger sleeping area for the older child. A three sleeper bunk bed also comes with more spacious drawers so that you can really make better use of the small bedroom space.

L-shape twin sleeper

This type of bunk bed features a perpendicular arrangement of the bunks, allowing you to place a wardrobe or desk as well as a bed underneath the top bunk. This arrangement is perfect for two children close age sharing a room but also works well as a spare bed for friends staying the night.

Futon Bunk Bed

Furnishing a kid’s bedroom with a futon bunk bed is one of the greatest space saving solutions. The space underneath the top bunk bed is used to accommodate a study space composed of a desk, a chair and a futon chair that can be turned into a bed when having friends to sleepover.

About the author
Camille is a home furniture enthusiast and is happy to share her decoration and home improvement ideas with the community of interior lovers. Camille is writing on behalf of Wedo, an online retailer specialising in beds and bedroom furniture.

Five Easy Ways to Create a Safer Home (rerun)

2013-04-17T09:35:00.000+02:00

Content provided by Alex S.

It is common to hear a news story every evening about a home lost to a fire or a home that was burglarized or invaded by criminals while the owners were vacationing. When homeowners hear those stories, they want to take steps to improve safety in and around their own homes, but they are often at a loss on how to get started.

Keeping your kids safe in your home, image: LouisvilleUSA

1. Check the Perimeter
A simple walk around the home outside will reveal different things that could easily become a safety hazard. Take a pen and notebook and write down things while asking pertinent questions. Is it too dark along a sidewalk or stairs at night? Are there any motion lights to illuminate both guests and intruders? Are there bushes or hedges that need trimmed to eliminate hiding areas for criminal activity?

2. Check Inside the Home
Ask the same questions used for the perimeter check along with ones specific to indoor security. Are the locks on the doors adequate to deny access to a determined intruder? Could a person just break the glass on a door and unlock the lock from the inside? Is there a carbon monoxide detector on every level? Does each floor and every bedroom have a working smoke detector? Do family members know how to safely answer the door and even the phone?

3. Addressing Specific Hazards
Are there any electrical hazards such as overloaded outlets or lack of ground fault circuit interrupter (GFCI) plugs for outdoor outlets and bathrooms? What safety protocols are rigorously followed for burning candles in the home? Is there a fire escape plan implemented with regular fire drills?

4. Addressing Community Hazards
Is the home in an area where there are climate, geological or man-made threats? Some homes have nearby railways that transport dangerous chemicals thus requiring an evacuation plan for the home's occupants. Some may live close to a nuclear reactor or chemical plant that has specific instructions for residents in case of an emergency. Earthquake, tornado and hurricane zones have their own safety protocols.

5. Home Security System
Last but definitely not least is the early warning potential of a new wireless alarm such as the ones available at www.wirelessalarmsystems.com. Statistics have proven that homes with monitored alarm systems are safer. The system can include perimeter protection, smoke and carbon monoxide detection and even wireless security cameras.

The latest features allow control of the system through a smartphone with the ability to see what the security cameras at home see. The new systems offer great peace of mind, especially for those who must leave pets at home or have children who get home before Mom and Dad do. A few simple steps can make any home safer.

Green Renovating: A Lot, A Little, Not So Much

2013-04-16T10:16:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the April edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Going Green cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month, we write about going green and environmentally friendly living. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

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Eco renovating series

When you decide about green renovating or building, there are a couple of things you have to take into consideration. The major components in an environmentally friendly renovation project are time, style, price, health and environmental impact.

Obviously time, style and price are very personal, and I won't go into those with this post.

I wanted to talk about healthy versus environmentally friendly.

Contrary to what many believe, they are not one and the same. Sometimes environmentally friendly products can be bad for you health.

Think about products using recycled content. Great for the environment, doing something with waste instead of just having it lay there, but the toxicity of the initial content didn't diminish, just by being recycled.

The same thing goes with using 'environmentally friendly' products.

When making a decision one must take the time to look very closely at the products you are about to use. What part of the process is environmentally friendly? Is it also good for your health? What substances does your product contain?

It also has to be noted that even natural substances can be toxic to man and impair the air quality in your home. Certain toxins can be filtered out by using plants, but it's better not to invite them into your home in the first place.

This is all very superficial, I know, I just wanted to write something general before I go in depth in further posts, because you really have to go look at every specific material in depth and it will take several posts to go into this.

When you go beyond the very basics of materials that have always been used by man since time immemorial (earth, plant, untreated timber), there will always be toxins involved. In order to live completely toxin free, one should have an idea of every step in the production process of every product one is about to use, and in a complex global market, this is hardly ever the case.

In a renovation project, you're bound to have to use products that work for the existing structure, and you often will not be able to only use the basic unspoiled materials.

For us, health and time were two important factors in our renovation project, which means that at some points, we had to use materials that were less 'green' than what I would pick if I had full options, and at some points, the greener alternative just turned out to be less healthy.

I find solace in the fact that at least I am trying to make an effort.

Image: StockMonkeys.com

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Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. Read about how others are incorporating eco-friendly living solutions into their every day lives. We hope you will join us next month, as the Simply Living Blog Carnival focuses on Going Green!

Green Renovating: A Lot, A Little, Not So Much - Laura at Authentic Parenting ponders about the many things that have an impact on eco-friendly renovating
Growing Native in My Flower Beds - Destany at They Are All of Me takes the guilt out of her flower habit by switching from high maintenance flowers to native plants which not only lessens her gardening load, but also benefits the local wild life.
Baby Steps - Kellie at Our Mindful Life shares how her family became more sustainable, one step at a time.
A Greener Holiday - Sara from Family Organic discusses the overwhelming amount of "stuff" that comes with every holiday and talks about how to simplify instead.
Forcibly Green--Obligatory Organic - Survivor at Surviving Mexico talks about her family's evolution from passive to active green and sustainable living.
Giving It Away - Juliet Kemp of Twisting Vines writes about the role of Freecycle, the giant karmic lending library, in her simple and green living.
Simply Sustainable - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses her family's attempts to live in harmony with the earth by living simply and more sustainably.
How Does Your Yarden Grow - Alisha at Cinnamon&Sassafras writes about an ongoing permaculture project, converting her grass lawn into a mower-free paradise.
Green? - Is it about ticking the boxes? sustainablemum shares her thoughts on what being green means in her life.
Using Cloth Products To Reduce Household Waste - Angela from Earth Mama's World shares how her family replaced many disposable household products with cloth to reduce their household waste.
Going Green in Baby Steps - Joella of Fine and Fair shares some small, easy steps to gradually reduce your environmental impact.
Are You Ready To Play Outside?! - Alex from AN Portraits writes about gardening, and playing in the dirt, and how it's O.K. to get dirty, play in the dirt, play with worms, for both adults and kids.

The Perfectly Imperfect Art of Handmade

2013-04-13T11:00:00.000+02:00

Written by Darcel

If someone would have told me 10 or even 5yrs ago that I would learn to knit and actually enjoy it, I would've rolled my eyes and laughed in their face. I thought doing things like sewing, crochet, embroidery and knitting were for old women to do in their rocking chairs. My mom can sew and crochet, her mom did the same....I'm sure it was something that's been passed down through the generations. I can admit when I'm wrong, sometimes. I learned to knit last year, I was 32 and have been in love every since. I learned from knittinghelp.com and YouTube videos. Many of my friends are very crafty and I love reading blogs by other crafty people. I can knit and crochet, but I prefer to knit....I like the feel of knitting and the way the stitches look.

Why didn't someone tell me how therapeutic knitting is!? I joke all the time that it's my therapy - but it really is. I love how my body relaxes and my mind starts to wander. The repetition and the feel of the yarn(especially if it's wool) gliding over my hands. Dare I say that knitting is almost as good as chocolate? I've come to many decisions after a good knitting session. I love how portable it is and if I don't get much of anything else done during the day, if I was able to get in a little knitting then I feel like I accomplished something.

My kids like to get in on the action every now and then. I made them a yarn basket filled with scrap yarn, crochet hooks and a set of knitting needles. My oldest daughter is eight and she prefers to crochet. At the moment she's still getting the hang of making a chain stitch. My middle child is five and she prefers to knit. This is the cast on method that works best for her. Both girls enjoy playing on the looms and finger knitting My 2yr old son enjoys jabbing the yarn with a giant crochet hook or cutting up the yarn with scissors. The girls get frustrated when they have to start over but I keep reassuring them that I have to start over after doing this for a year, and there are people who have been knitting for 20+ years that need to start over from time to time.

Last October I decided to open my store on Etsy after several people suggestion I give it a try as a way to make extra money. The process has been fun and challenging. I try to update the shop with new items once a week, and I'm looking forward to getting out to the Farmer's Markets and Craft Fairs this spring/summer. Anything you see in the shop can be custom made in your choice of colors...if there's something you don't see in the shop but would love to have I'm also open to doing customs that way as well. There's nothing like creating something for yourself or as a gift to someone with your own two hands. I get where the love for handmade comes in now, especially in this machine produced society we live in now. When something is handmade it's perfectly imperfect and I love that. Every person has their own style, their own process, and that's part of what makes handmade items so beautiful and treasured.

If you're thinking of taking up a hobby but your worried that you might be too old, or that something like knitting is for old women, I say give it a try...you might surprise yourself. Knit and crochet is great for helping kids with fine motor skills, learning and working with math, children with Sensory Integration Disorder, relieving stress and anxiety in adults, and it's fun!

~Darcel~

About the Author:
Darcel is a Mama to three children. She has a passion for and often writes about Motherhood, Birth, Breastfeeding and Unschooling.

April APBC - Call For Submissions - Peaceful Parenting Applied

2013-04-12T13:39:00.000+02:00

Welcome to the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children and Laura at Authentic Parenting. We hope that you will join us on the last Friday of each month as we share posts about simple living in our lives. Submission deadline will be the Friday before last.

Peaceful Parenting Applied

This month, we would like to focus on practical solutions for maintaining the peace. Many parents struggle with implementing positive parenting theories in real life, so we want to hear from you about tactics, tips & tricks and solutions. Gentle parenting is not just a theory, and we want to prove that to our readers.
Submission date: April 20th
Carnival date: April 27nd

How to join in?

To submit an article to the blog carnival, please e-mail your submission to mandy{at}livingpeacefullywithchildren{dot}com and mamapoekie{at}yahoo{dot}com, and fill out the webform by April 20. Please write a new, unpublished piece for the carnival. We will e-mail you with instructions before the carnival date. We ask that you publish your post on April 27.

Please do:

Use your creativity
Write an original, previously unpublished post on the given topic
Be respectful
Spell check your post

Do Not
Use excessive profanity or promote violence against others

As the co-hosts of the carnival are advocates of peaceful living and gentle parenting, we ask that you not post about non-gentle practices or violence toward others. While we will not be editing your articles, we do reserve the right to not add your post to the carnival if it is not on topic, is poorly written, or goes against the guidelines which have been set forth.

Why Participate?

Blog carnivals are a great way to generate blog traffic and build a supportive community. Your blog will receive links from many other blogs and you and your readers will have the opportunity to discover other blogs with similar goals in mind. Please join us as we embrace Authentic Parenting! We hope you will consider joining us every month as we discuss ways to live and parent authentically.

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10 Things I've Learned about Eco Renovating

2013-04-08T07:52:00.000+02:00

As you might remember, we bought a house a year ago and were keen on renovating it, ecologically. It has been a year (well, less than a year since we started renovating) and what have I learned?

this is what the living room looked like, originally

Healthy and environmentally friendly aren't one and the same. At certain points, you'll have to make choices. For us, the health aspect comes first.
In a market where environmentally friendly renovating is a very new concept, such as Belgium, the few contractors who do are overbooked and overpriced.
In renovating, it is often the house that will decide for you. Many things are just not possible because of what you have to work with. We decided to put in a new floor on the ground floor and thought we had lots of options. Yet when push came to shove, all we could put in was ceramic tile (something I was fiercely against) because we couldn't go deeper than the existing tile level.
You can't really plan your renovation, there will always be things that come up and distort your plans. We had wood panelling that turned out not to be wood panels, but asbestos! We had a solid wood floor that turned out half eaten by some bug. We tore down casings and found great industrial strength beams...
Research is key. Everyone and their grandma will have opinions for you, quite often contradictory, so you really need to research things yourself. Contractors will often have their own agenda for telling you what to do, so the only way to find out is get online and read read read until you get a grasp of the subject.
Use what you have. Most contractors will try to have you do the newest thing which often means breaking down more than you'd like. Consider this well before you embark. Breaking down stuff means more time and more money and often it's not even the best option, it's just the easiest option not to have to work around the existing things. We were told we had to take off the entire roof because the way it was done in the fifties isn't the way it's done now (from an isolation perspective). Quite hesitant, we talked to many people who had some experience with roof isolation and found out it was possible to isolate without renovating the roof, and that the roof is actually quite sound and still has many years in it.
Be prepared to make compromises. Even if your budget was limitless - which most often it is not - the house will put restrictions on what you can and cannot do. See point 3. And then obviously the budget comes into play and will rule out many things for you.
Make smart budgetary choices. Sometimes, you have to spend some extra money to get a really good feature, at other times, you can go for the cheaper choice. It's up to you to make the right decisions here. We went for windows that were more expensive than what we could have put in, as we chose windows with separations, but they add a lot of value to the house and a plain window wouldn't have looked right for the period of the house (built in 1950). On the first floor, I chose the cheaper fiberboard doors. Less environmentally friendly and not solid wood, but they still look great and don't devalue the property.
At a certain point, you'll just have to get cracking. This again may need some compromise, because you just need to get a move on and you'll have to do with what you've got.
Don't fear the initial mess. You'll come to a point, somewhere along the breaking down, where you'll wonder if you've just ruined the place. Everyone gets there :) Don't worry though, mostly, you're very close to the build up at this point. Just don't bring in family to see your house at this point.

Our hallway, at that point where we thought we'd broken the house

We've now finally arrived at the point where we can start building up again, so the end is near and the fun work can start. I promise to go more in depth about certain choices and options when I have pictures to illustrate.

Emotions Aren’t a Parenting Tool (rerun)

2013-04-05T18:13:00.000+02:00

Most of us have grown up with emotions being a dictate for our behavior... Not only our own emotions, but also the emotions of others. Fearfully rowing between the rocky waves of the anger, the guilt, the joy and sorrow of parents and caregivers, what have we learnt?
Nothing much, except that we should always, ALWAYS put other people’s emotions before ours, that emotions are scary and how to use our own emotions to manipulate others.

You know how people say that children are manipulative creatures? We are the ones teaching them to be.

Every time an adult tells a child not to do X or Y or “mommy will get mad”...
Every time we use our emotional outburst to sanction children...
Every time we yell at our children...
Every time we physically assault children (call it spanking or whatever)...
We are showing our children how to do the same. Yet emotions aren’t a good disciplinary tool, quite the contrary.

Obviously, all of us are entitled to our emotions, and it is healthy to feel them, but they should never be used to get a reaction from another person. Emotions are just your body’s response to a situation, nothing more. Pinpointing your emotions and working through them is a good thing. Finding out why you are feeling this way is good to.
Instead of telling your child not to do X because you’ll get angry, tell them the exact reason why this situation is ticking you off.
E.G. "Don’t tear down the wallpaper. I really like it this way. I spent a lot of time decorating the room. Let’s keep it nice the way it is.

Not giving full disclosure of why things make you angry or sad is pretty confusing for a small child. Give them the credit they deserve and don’t take the short cut telling them you’ll get angry. When you are feeling angry, do tell your child, but realize it is not them making you angry, it is the reaction your body and mind chose to come up with.

Chance or Choice (rerun)

2013-04-03T14:53:00.000+02:00

Written by Cindy Crosby and originally posted on Birth Smart

Many people believe that birth is very uncontrollable and the kind of labor you have is “luck of the draw”. And while that is true in a sense, I also KNOW that there are specific practices that can reduce a woman’s risk of various complications happening (like good nutrition, exercise, or not hiring the Dr. with the 70% c-section rate . . .). Birth is an experience of a lifetime and has emotional and physical challenges no matter how the birth story unfolds, but in my work, I am constantly reminded that women have more power than they realize to create the birth experience they desire. Three women I have recently helped to support illustrate this concept well.

I.

Marian . . . a very average-sized woman . . . recently woke up during the night with a contraction and less than 2 hours later calmly pushed out a 9 lb 4 oz baby. Things went very smoothly and, frankly, she made it look easy. Most importantly, she was ecstatic to finally hold her healthy new baby in her arms and provide him a safe and peaceful entrance into the world.

Her birth had uncanny similarities to one of my own (and Kristin and Beth who I recently worked with) and I can just imagine that she will soon hear the same common phrases: “Wow, you were so lucky to have that fast/easy labor” or “I might have gone natural too if I had a labor like that”.

There’s a lot more to Marian’s story, though, than a 2 hour labor. First, I know that she was committed to avoiding medical interventions unless they were truly necessary, including induction. I also know that she carefully chose a doctor who would support this view. Her labor actually started with contractions on and off for weeks, a lot of late pregnancy discomforts, daily exercise, and several instances of “almost active labor”. The afternoon prior, she had five hours of consistent contractions that she suspected was her labor. When they stayed steady, but did not progress, and then eventually stopped, she knew it was not yet ‘the real thing’. Though this was her 4th baby, it was her longest pregnancy and every day that she went past her expectations (about a week longer than any of her others) was a trial of her faith in the belief that her body would birth her baby when he was ready to be born. Knowing that one of her previous babies had been 10 lbs nagged on her faith a bit as well, as I’m sure you can imagine.

So it certainly wasn’t easy . . . physically or emotionally. But it was the price she chose to pay for her “easy birth”.

II.

Tamra recently gave birth to her second baby. Her first birth was about three years ago, and while it was a positive experience overall, she had a few bumps in the road that she did not want repeated (namely: an allergic reaction to epidural and assisted delivery). So this time, she approached her birth with the intention to avoid interventions, if possible, and set herself up for success by choosing a birth location and midwife that seemed supportive of her goals.

She was very successful. In fact, she gave birth to baby number 2 without any problems whatsoever . . . and guess what? This baby was A FULL POUND HEAVIER (almost 9 lbs) than her first baby who required a forceps assist to be born.

Before you start thinking her birth was easy, let me tell you about the days leading up to it. As a working mother, Tamra had a lot of pressure on her and was exhausted with the end of pregnancy discomforts. She knew the risks of induction and wanted to avoid it unless it became medically necessary. Unfortunately, this was easier said than done when the OB backup for her midwife started to pressure her to induce. There was some question about her due date and though she knew she had barely passed her true due date, the doctors put her at 41+ weeks. She was monitored closely and all signs indicated that the baby was doing very well, but their standard of practice was to induce at 41 weeks (despite ACOG defining term through 42 weeks). They threatened to pull her midwife off the case if she did not consent to induction. She reluctantly scheduled the induction, but did not feel good about it (and the fact she was bullied into it). She called back and made her case for letting labor begin spontaneously. After consulting with the midwife and backup OB, they finally agreed to her request to postpone the induction and retain the midwife for her care.

Interestingly enough, she ended up going into labor the day of the scheduled induction. She was thrilled, relieved, and proud that her body initiated labor on it’s own. She was able to labor in water and give birth on a birthing stool with support from her husband, midwife, and doula. She was surprised when she realized how big her baby was, but she had been telling herself all along that her baby would be the perfect size for her.

She was right.

III.

Vanessa, a first time mom prepared well for her birth by choosing a supportive provider and committed to avoid induction without a medical reason (are you seeing a pattern here . . . ?) She had her own emotional and physical challenges during pregnancy and as time went on, there were some concerns about her baby. Her midwife kept a close eye on the baby and eventually determined with Vanessa that a medical induction was warranted. Vanessa was frustrated because she knew that induction brought increased risks to her and her baby (higher chance of fetal distress, c-section, etc.), but as she carefully weighed the benefits and risks of continuing the pregnancy vs. inducing, she felt that induction was the best for her baby. Though it wasn’t what she had planned and hoped for, she could feel confident that she wouldn’t have regrets . . . knowing that she made an informed decision.

When she arrived the next day for her induction appointment, the midwife checked in on how the baby was doing and she showed some very positive signs of improvement. At that point, they reevaluated the situation together and decided to cancel/postpone the induction. I know Vanessa and her family counted this as a miracle. And it was. But I also see the miracle that occurred months earlier as Vanessa chose a provider who supported her choices and shared her values.

In all my experience, I don’t think a provider cancelling a scheduled induction is a very common practice. In general, our maternity care system sees very little risk (if any) to induction.

About five days after the would-be induction, Vanessa gave birth to a tiny, perfect little girl who came on her own time. Her mama was well prepared for the long but unmedicated labor that brought her into the world and so grateful to hold that loved baby in her arms for the first time.

So . . . chance or choice?

I am confident that these three women made choices along the way that made huge positive impacts on their birth experiences. Though we can’t know what would have happened if different choices had been made, I firmly believe that the outcomes could have all been very different.

I constantly hear women say that “their bodies just didn’t work”, “they couldn’t dialate”, or “their doctor MADE them get induced/have a c-section”. But what if they really did have a choice? What if they could have given their bodies more time to prove that they really did work? Or what if they communicated more effectively with their provider about their preferences? Or what if they changed providers when they discovered incompatibility? Or what if women who chose to be induced owned that choice by saying, “I chose to follow the recommendation to be induced”. Even that simple shift in language, shifts the power in our experience. If we don’t believe that we have choices, our births DO just happen to us and it is “luck of the draw”

. . . But if we want a birth experience that isn’t based on chance, we can learn about and start to recognize the many choices available to us.

Cindy Crosby was an ESL teacher whose life changed forever when she picked up her first pregnancy book almost 9 years ago. Ever since, she has studied and experienced all things birth and along the way become a certified doula and childbirth educator. She is an expert at supporting and communicating with women right where they are. She blogs and provides online childbirth education resources at www.birth-smart.com. She has enjoyed many wonderful opportunities and life experiences, including living abroad twice, and currently lives with her husband and three children in Derby, Kansas, USA.

April Simply Living Carnival: Call For Submissions

2013-04-02T07:30:00.000+02:00

Going Green

Just as simple living and voluntary simplicity have become catch phrases, so too has the phrase going green. How do green practices affect your decisions? Do you find that your simple lifestyle is in tune with environmental issues? Perhaps you have a practice or product which simplifies your life. Submission deadline: April 9. Carnival posting: April 16.

To submit an article to the blog carnival, please e-mail your submission to mandy{at}livingpeacefullywithchildren{dot}com anddelilahfineandfair{at}gmail{dot}com, and fill out the webform by April 9. Please write a new, unpublished piece for the carnival. We will e-mail you with instructions before the carnival date. We ask that you publish your post on April 16.

We want you to use creativity and to express yourself as you see fit. To that end, you are welcome to post at your discretion with a few guidelines in mind. Please be respectful in your posts. Avoid excessive profanity and poor grammar or spelling. As the co-hosts of the carnival are all advocates of peaceful living and gentle parenting, we ask that you not post about non-gentle practices or violence toward others. While we will not be editing your articles, we do reserve the right to not add your post to the carnival if it is not on topic, is poorly written, or goes against the guidelines which have been set forth.

Blog carnivals are a great way to generate blog traffic and build a supportive community. Your blog will receive links from many other blogs and you and your readers will have the opportunity to discover other blogs with similar goals in mind. Please join us as we embrace Simply Living through Simple Living! We hope you will consider joining us every month as we discuss ways we simplify our lives.