Author Kelly Talks

Attention Seeking Adult Survivors Of Abuse

2013-05-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

Many times when adults "survive" abuse, however without therapy or intervention, he/she doesn't realize the patterns and behaviors they developed and has grown with them into adult stage. Subconsciously we seek love and attention in all the wrong directions and with all the wrong behaviors.

I know for me after being physically, sexually abused and abandoned by my mother, I felt worthless, unloved, lost and betrayed. I wanted someone to love me, show me some attention or make me feel wanted. With that I had no idea of the behaviors I had developed.

One of the behaviors I developed was seeking attention and doing so in a way that was unstable. I dressed very distasteful and non lady like. I would literally wear clothing that partially exposed my ass or my nipples would be seen through a sheer bra and shirt; something very similar to what Naomi is wearing.

In essence I can say, this may have not been provocative, this was pure whorish. I was simply seeking what I was taught and what I lacked. Sex and Love.

This behavior is somewhat overlooked mainly because women and men like to look good and with that we connect looking good with fitted or revealing clothing. It's unfortunate some don't realize when dressing sexy or looking good, revealing or provocative is not always best. It brings unwanted attention and disrespect, bad perception, judgement and potential violation. Not to say in any way, shape, fashion or form that the way one dresses warrants being violated and please DO NOT misunderstand me.

I am simply stating that there is a possibility that you may be seeking and using your body as bait. This also applies to men. We see men in fitted shirts all the time and SOME use their bodies to bait women in, therefore seeking attention.

My question would be, why? Why does one feel the need to use their body to gain the attention of anyone. The shirt Morris Chestnut is wearing is definitely an attention GETTER.

Is your body your worth? Are the clothing you wear your worth? Have you been reduced to a body, flesh, skin, sex or are you a precious being with lots to offer a man or a woman? Here is my answer, after abuse and without therapy, GOD or intervention, more than likely the answer is yes. You have been reduced to skin and sex. This is what happens after abuse, this is all you know; sex, sex and more sex. You have been reduced to feeling worthless and unloved; this is also what happens after abuse. Make the connection.

Your value and worth was diminished the moment your innocence was stolen. Your truth and normal way of life was stolen. Your sense of reality, trust and faith were demolished before being developed. However, seeking attention will not bring reality, trust, love or faith in your life no more than the abuse did.

So the solution to this challenge is to make the CONNECTION.

Here are some of the steps in making the connection.

Seek Help- Therapy is NOT for crazy people, it's the exact opposite. Therapy is for people who are seeking answers. People who are aware of the challenges in their lives and want to make changes.
Break The Silence- Silence equals suffering; start talking, journal or simply GET IT OUT.
Pray- Prayer only works if you believe in GOD. Prayer will not work if you don't believe, have any faith or have an open heart.
Self Reflection- Doing time in the mirror and see the abnormalities or instabilities about self.
Acceptance- Accept the abnormalities as challenges that desire a solution. Don't beat yourself up and don't be mad at yourself.
Change- Change the way you dress.

Once we realize where these behaviors originate it is then that we can overcome the challenges. I really don't believe you actually like being disrespected based on the way you dress nor do I believe you like exposing your beautiful treasures. Yes we take great pride in our lovely physiques and we sometimes flaunt it, however make certain that when you decide to wear revealing or tight clothing, you are aware of the bad attention that might approach you and be prepared.

In essence, being abused as a child can be devastating to the psyche and with that we have to redefine ourselves as adults. If that means changing the way you dress, then do so, if that means changing your hair, then do so, whatever changes need to be made, I would encourage you to do so. This not only redefines who are, it also removes you from the victim and to the victor.

Remember

Men you are worth more than your pecs and penis.

Ladies you are worth more than your titties and a**.

Attention is only good attention when we're at ease.

~Kelly P. Turner

Thanks for reading, please subscribe, share and GET DRESSED.

Ten Inspirational and Empowering Stories of Abuse (V.O.C)

2013-04-10T16:50:00.001-07:00

Voice of Champions launched it's first seminar on January 27, 2013 and what an amazing seminar it was. Five men and five women shared their stories of abuse ranging from, sexual molestation, physical, verbal and mental abuse to incest. Each speaker had the opportunity to share, what happened, how it affected them and how they developed the courage to share their stories.

Mission: To empower victims and survivors of abuse to Stand Up, Speak Out and push the fear, shame and embarrassment to the side.

Vision:

We will provide hope for all victims, courage for survivors and knowledge for the unknown via testimonies education, awareness and prevention.
Founders- Kelly P. Turner and Patrick O. Turner

I personally shared my story of incest by a female family member and how that planted seed led me to a life a bisexuality. I shared that story mainly because some of us that live an alternate lifestyle have been molested and that includes men, however many refuse to speak about those past experiences and with that, they live the life that was definite betrayal. My goal was to encourage and empower others to make the connection and remove the behavior that they never asked for from their lives. It is unfortunate that many victims and survivors of abuse are still living with the shame, guilt and embarrassment and with that, fear prevents their deliverance. For more of this story, please visit this link Perfectly Planned.

I also shared with the audience how powerful forgiveness is and why it is important. These are the five steps I shared in regards to the process leading to forgiveness that is completely spelled out in Perfectly Planned.

Grieve- Be Sad

Grieving does not mean going into a depression. It means to have your days of sadness. Mourn for the child or victim. “RELEASE IT” Don’t hold onto the pain. Have your daily 5 minutes of self pity and keep going.

Accountability- Be Responsible for Your Own Actions

That “Little Girl or Boy” was accountable; accountable for NOT being able to save him or herself. (This person has to be forgiven)
Victims of domestic violence have to accept some responsibility; more than often signs are ignored and not only that, some stay even after the first ‘hit.” When you make a conscious choice to stay after the first hit, you become accountable. However, that only makes you human and you must forgive yourself.

Compassion- We Are All Sinners

WE are all sinners and the same compassion you want someone to have for you, is the same compassion and understanding you must be willing to offer.

Acceptance- What happened, has happened and WILL NOT Change

Accept the fact that you were deeply hurt and you may be left with scars. Accept the fact that it will be difficult to move forward, but you can. Accept the fact that life is filled with wrongdoers and as long as you live you will be hurt again. After you offer some compassion and understand that it is OKAY, you only have 2 choices; live bitter or happy. The choice is yours.

Learn From It- Find Something Positive.

One of the key elements of forgiveness is to learn from the pain. There is a lesson in everything we experience. It doesn't matter how bad, malicious or call us, there is a lesson. To learn from hurt is to gain strength. To learn from hurt is to gain knowledge. To learn from hurt is growing and maturing.

BET Comedian Spank "E" shared his story of not only being given up for adoption by his mother because his white grandfather refused to embrace a black child, his adoptive parents who were upstanding citizens in the community as well as CPS teachers physically abused him beyond our imagination. Spank E shared with us how he learned to read when he was 3 and from his earliest memory of his father, he was punched several times in the ribs because he didn't pronounce a word correctly. Spank E stated that this type of treatment continued until he was 17 and at that time he decided to leave and join the services. Spank E admitted being currently bitter about the abuse, however is moving forward in his life. Today Spank E is the Executive Producer of Designs & Punchlines Celebrity and Comedy Show.

Author and Playwright Shoya Bowman shared her story of verbal abuse by an ex-boyfriend who was named Justine in her book, "Goodbye Don't Always Mean Gone." Shoya explained how her ex made her feel bad about who she was by calling her names like stupid, worthless, fat etc. However, Shoya transformed all that negative energy into a positive when she wrote her first book of poems,

Issues: Dealing with Relationships & Every Life

Shoya didn't stop there; she decided to share her life story of Domestic Violence in her book "Goodbye Don't Always Mean Gone." During her presentation, Shoya developed courage and admitted she was "Stacy" in her book. She stated Stacy did some crazy things and never really wanted to share, however, Shoya is very happily engaged today and looks forward to empowering women who have dealt with or are in Domestic Violence Relationships.

Musician and Recording Artist Michael Baritone Harper shared his childhood story of the verbal and mental abuse afflicted upon him by his father and how he witnessed his father physically abuse his mother until the day she died. Michael shared how painful it was to watch his mother being beaten even while she was in stage 4 cancer. He said he feared becoming exactly what his father said he would and that was "You ain't gonna be nothing." Michael's mother eventually passed and today he dedicates his life to empowering women in transition. He stated he would like to help women gain the freedom that his mother never had the opportunity to do. Michael also shared a personal song from the eyes of an abuser, "B u llshit." For more information on Michael Baritone, please visit his Website,

Author LoveJoy Empowers discussed her experience with being sexually molested by an older female teenager who was hired to babysit her. LoveJoy stated this experienced left her mentally confused and lost. She shared how she was able to forgive the abuse and move forward in her passion. That passion is writing and has been since she was 16 years old. LoveJoy's first book entitled "You Don't Have to be A Celebrity to Be A Star." is a book about her experience with domestic violence, recognizing & celebrating your own celebrity.

Lynn Wakefield-Howard shared her experience on domestic violence and how she was physically abused for 7 years by her ex husband. She also stated how she witnessed her mother in the same situation when she was a child. Lynn eventually found her way to freedom and today she is married and the founder of Changin Faces Inc. , an organization dedicated to helping the scarred souls of those who have been victims of molestation & domestic abuse. For more information on Lynn, please visit her Website.

Terriel Williams shared his experience dealing with sexual molestation by a male. Terriel stated that his father, a Pastor, was focused on helping others, however the individuals he allowed to live in their basement caused a train wreck in his life. Not only that, Terriel stated how he became accustomed to the abuse and that led him to live a bisexual life. Today Terriel has found GOD and forgiveness. He has teamed up with the Voice of Champions so that he can empower other males to stand up and speak out. Terriel is married and also the owner of Twisted Balloons, a home-based company that uses balloons to create art.

Author Adam Jackson shared his experience dealing with being mentally abused by his mother. He stated that she literally killed many things in him as a child. His mother's addiction and carelessness led Adam to drop out of high school. Not only did his friends sell her drugs, but he also witnessed her having sex with men. Adam refused to allow this pain to stop him. Today Adam is the Co-Owner of Jimmy Jamm Sweet Potato Pies located in Chicago's Beverly area. He is also the author of "Speak It, Receive It, Achieve It." For more information on Adam Jackson please visit his Website.

Attorney Exavier Pope shared his experience on not just educational or physical abuse, he expressed how he "Took Charge of Abuse." Having been born in prison to a mother who was a prostitute and father as a pimp, Exavier was sent to a foster home. After being released from prison, Exavier's mother was ready to attempt being a mother again and she failed. Exavier decided at that time, he refused to be abused any longer. He took charge and decided he was not going back. Today Exavier is a Top Sport's Entertainment Attorney and the owner of The Pope Law Firm who can been seen on Channel 5.
(Exavier's mother is now a Registered Nurse who dedicates her life to helping women and children in Africa.)

Playwright Kenya Renee shared her experience on being sexually molested by an aunt who suffered with Schizophrenia. Kenya stated that she was afraid to tell her mother, however when she did, her mother (Ex-Black Panther) put her aunt in the hospital. She also stated that the abuse affected in her ways that would lead one to live as a bisexual, however Kenya never acted upon those thoughts. Today, Kenya is the owner of Fam Entertainment NFP, a theater company that focuses on achievement and motivation through entertainment. Her most recent project is the Deacon's Choice .

Promo Video for Voice of Champions/Silence No More Seminar

For tickets please click V.O.C/ Silence No More Seminar II.

To watch individuals videos of each speaker please visit You Tube

Thank you for reading and viewing. I hope I have inspired and empowered you to STAND UP and SPEAK OUT.

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Psychological Effects On A Son Who Witnessed His Mother's Abuse

2013-01-22T10:50:00.002-08:00

From what I have researched, I am almost certain that when a father allows his mother to abuse HIS child, he was abused by her as well. Not only that, he must have grown up watching her as a victim of abuse and didn't have a way to PROTECT HER. So now as an adult he protects her at all cost even when SHE is DEAD wrong.

As a matter of fact, mother can do no wrong. Mothers as such are incapable of living alone and her mentality is impaired because she is a broken soul since she refuses to forgive her abusers. She has a sick sense of responsibility to the adult son because she knows she has manipulated him all of his life. She views him as her husband, property and a little boy. She doesn’t believe he can think for himself, she has no faith in him since she didn’t instill any from the beginning. She wants to keep his love for herself. You see, the mother lacks confidence in being alone and she “THINKS” she needs a man. She was probably abused and degraded as a child, teen or woman and more than likely made to feel unworthy and have probably had several failed relationships. It’s unfortunate that her son will become the man that will never leave. He will give her the love and respect she yearned for from a man for many years. She will make sure no one gains more attention than she does. She will make sure, she is always first.

The son is currently mentally fractured due to the abuse he watched her suffer from when he was a child. He's still a little boy in mind and is still mentally the same age he was at the start of HER abuse. What's more, her son has a double negative impact on his psyche now because she does to him what was done to her. However, he protects her, but she is his demise and he is unaware. He only knows how to love his mother and his ability to trust or love any other woman is damaged and shattered. This is what was taught out of HER fear of being alone. Psychological abuse at its worse.

With that, if he’s unhappy with the man she dates, she might dismiss him at her son’s request. However, his mom will allow the boyfriend back and her son will view that as betrayal. He will feel the pain from this and will confront her for reasons. He will attempt to get rid of the boyfriend by making his life a living hell all while they live in the same house together. It’s normal for her adult son to live in the same house since neither of them holds the confidence, self-esteem or self-sufficiency to live alone.

This goes beyond the “Mamma’s Boy Syndrome.” This is a sick and twisted relationship where both parties have been psychologically abused to the point of no return to sanity. The son will never commit to one woman. He will almost always be a womanizer since he really doesn’t see the value of a woman. He doesn’t know his role as a man and he firmly believes he is a good man. No woman will ever be better than his mother and to stand up to his mother is grounds for dismissal even if she is wrong. Not only that, his mother will abuse his children the same way she did him and he will either protect or make excuses for her. Now it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that a man who loves his children will never allow ANYONE to cause them harm. This relationship is way beyond the “Mamma’s Boy” because he has no compassion, emotional concerns or empathy for his children. He has an emotional disconnect and is completely mentally unstable.

This cycle of abusive manipulations will continue, however the only difference is, all grand-kids born into this family will be forced to accept the abuse or ultimately be removed and prohibited from being around both parties, father and grandmother. The most important thing for the other parent to do is to discover and recognize the abuse and remove the children. This might be difficult because we know children love their parents unconditionally. So with that, the odds have to be weighed.

Either allow the child to continue to be abused and grow up dysfunctional and abusive or remove the child and enforce supervised visits. It is unfortunate that neither party realizes the damage that they are causing to others. They actually think their behaviors are normal and properly enforced. They are a team who wreaks havoc on children, women and whoever else that may appear to challenge or separate them. Eventually these people will turn your child against you. Your child will become a deceitful, manipulative, liar as they as are and will no longer trust you.

These are some of the effects on a child when he/she witnesses his/her mother being abused.

Emotional Problems: Poor self esteem, crying, anxiety and sadness, insecurity, confusion, anger (which can be directed toward either parent or other children, etc), depression, difficulty forming relationships, inappropriate relationships, (i.e. Dating someone under age) or troubled relationships, lack of empathy, suicidal behavior, nightmares, fears and phobias.

Behavioral Problems: Aggression, becoming troublesome at home or at school, withdrawing into or isolating themselves, regressive behavior (such as baby-talk, wanting bottles etc), lower academic achievements, poor development of basic skills and alcohol or drug abuse.

Physical Problems: Bed-wetting, nervous ticks, headaches or stomach aches, nausea or vomiting, eating disorders, insomnia.

In essence, growing up in such an environment is terrifying and severely affects a child's psychological and social development. The consequences of emotional child abuse can be serious and long-term. Male children may learn to model violent behaviors and female children may learn that being abused is a normal part of relationships.

As teenagers they find it difficult to trust, participate in and achieve happiness in relationships and resolve the complex feelings left over from their childhood. As adults, they may have trouble recognizing and appreciating the needs and feelings of their own children and emotionally abuse them as well.

If you are aware of your child being abused by the other parent/grandparent or anyone else, it is your responsibility to contact your local authorities and/or DCFS and report the incident. To allow these incidents to occur is against the law and you can be charged with a Misdemeanor or Felony depending on the severity of the abuse. I urge you to get involved in protecting your children.

Abuse is at an all time high and unfortunately Psychological Abuse is ignored and gone unrecognized until your child becomes an adult and then you as the parent begins to question, “Where did I go wrong?” “What happened to my child?” “Who are you”?

GET INVOLVED

STAY INVOLVED

KNOW YOUR CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOR

ASK QUESTIONS

KNOW THE SIGNS OF ABUSE

EDUCATE YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN

Thank you for reading, please follow and share...

The Great Men in My Life....

My Handsome Son Shemar

Voice Of Champions/ No More Silence

2013-01-06T15:29:00.001-08:00

The Voice of Champions was founded by Patrick & Kelly P. Turner.

A concrete platform where all victims, survivors and leaders of abuse can share their stories without guilt, shame and embarrassment. Husband and Wife, both Victorious Leaders in the area of abuse. They both survived some horrifying stories and coming soon Patrick will share his story in hopes of being the VOICE for men. Patrick hopes his story will provide courage for other men to step up, step out and push the fear to the side.

On Sunday, January 27.....5 Men + 5 Women will come together and share their stories of childhood abuse in an effort to empower the wounded souls.

The number 10 represents the divine order of perfection.

Some stories have been told and for some this is the first time. Join us in this MOVEMENT with Voice of Champions as we open our hearts and share our deepest emotions.

All individuals interested in speaking at the next event please contact Kelly Porter Turner either here with a message or via FB.

Thank you for reading. We hope to see you there.

See Flyers for date, time and location.

Pedophiles, Protecting and Educating our Children

2012-11-27T21:43:00.000-08:00

Author of Perfectly Planned Memoir-
Overcoming Incest, Rape & Sexual Abuse.
Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble
Paperback and E-Book

Please watch the video,
Parents have to be diligent about indulging in their teens lives and protecting them. Pedophiles are just as popular as Sex, Drugs and Alcohol.

We have to PROTECT our CHILDREN!!!!!

Thank you for watching

The more we reach, the more we teach....

Bean Soup Times/ A Modern Day Harriet Tubman, Leading others out of Captivity of Molestation.

2012-11-15T20:09:00.001-08:00

As Seen and Read in Bean Soup Times.

Kelly R. Porter…
now THIS is what a champion looks like. A champion has opposition, odds stacked against them, and challenges that make the average person weak at the knees. What a person has overcome determines if they are a champion or not. Kelly has overcome huge obstacles.
Kelly is a poet, published author, motivational speaker and weekly blogger. She is an overcomer.
Her story is so amazing. I can only hope that this interview does her justice. You really have to meet her in person to see and feel the power, energy, passion and grace that emanates from her being. Yes, it's like that.

You will want to read this entire interview and take a moment to look at the pics. Look into her eyes and understand that, if you need help. You can call her. If you need the courage to help someone else who YOU KNOW needs your help, then call her. She'll open your eyes. Real talk.

Perfectly Planned is her first book and it is not only inspirational and empowering, it is an amazing memoir that will provide hope for the abused, knowledge for the unknown and strength for the survivors.
She is a winner. Kelly is a graduate of Chicago State University, lives in Illinois and is currently working on the sequel to "Perfectly Planned, Celebrate Life After Abuse." She plans on obtaining her Master's in psychology at a later date. Toure Muhammad recently interviewed her and she has a message that everyone needs to hear.

Click the Link for the Entire Article

http://beansouptimes.com/home/2012/11/15/kelly-r-porter-a-modern-day-harriet-tubman-leading-others-ou.html

Perfectly Planned Book Discussion

2012-11-12T17:40:00.001-08:00

Overcoming Incest, Rape & Sexual Abuse
Make sure you all view the video
Perfectly Planned Book Discussion.
Overcoming Incest, Rape and Sexual Abuse
1 in 3 girls are abused....1 in 6 boys are abused.....before age 18
So there are many that need to view this video
LIKE + SHARE + TAG
The more we REACH, the more we TEACH

Overcoming Domestic Violence/ Love Shouldn't Hurt

2012-10-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and after kicking it off with the Phat Girls Show with Kat Blade, Melody Walson, Michael Harper and myself, we exhibited great strength and are wonderful examples of how one can overcome Abuse and turn the negative energy into something positive. Not only that we are all VOICES for the unheard.

From the mouth of Kat Blade, "Domestic Violence is Cancer." Kat feels it is as widespread as Cancer and is in desperate need of a Cure. Kat shared some of her experience and the one that really hit home was how she felt ugly and never wanted to take pictures. Her Ex-Abuser had severely damaged her emotionally and verbally to the point she didn't feel comfortable taking pictures. Well today, Kat is still the Beautiful Woman she ALWAYS have been. Today, Kat enjoys the reflection from the mirror and the Camera loves her.

She is no longer that Woman with low-self esteem, she is no longer that Woman who feels she doesn't deserve to be treated like the Queen she is. Kat has overcome many years of Emotional, Verbal and Physical Abuse and is an example of a what a VICTOR looks and behaves like.

Melody's story was quite interesting. It was the total opposite of most of the stories we hear about concerning the homes that Domestic Violence Victims grow up in. Melody came from a supportive and loving home. Based on her testimony, her parents were neither abusive towards one another nor towards her. She stated that she had never heard, nor seen an argument between her Parents. So how did Melody end up in an Abusive Marriage? According to Mel, she watched her siblings accept Abuse and by them being a lot older than her, she was under the impression that Forgiving the Abuse would be the answer. Melody explained that it was never that she provoked her Abuser, it was more so based on his bad decisions. Melody was his outlet for his steam. Her husband would become abusive if he was intoxicated or lose large sums of money from Gambling. Melody explained, even after the first few red flags, she still married him.

Today Melody is single and living for the Lord. She realizes at one point in her life, she didn't love herself nor understand her self-worth. Melody now dedicates her life to helping Women and Domestic Violence Victims. She too is what a Victor looks and behaves like.

Michael Harper was an inspiration to my soul, unlike many Men, Michael was brave and confident when he shared his experiences on growing up being Mentally abused by his father. The world would be a safer place if more Men took some time out to Look Back and understand what happened then Move Forward to LIVE. Too many Men are still influenced by their past lives and many of them are Abusers today. Well not Michael. Michael stated he watched his father abuse his Mother on several occasions and up to the day she died with Stage 4 Cancer. His father was still merciless and Abusive. I asked Michael, had he Forgiven his father and unsure of if he had or not, Micheal simply stated, "my Father's mishaps were his and my Mother's Death was her, why should I be mad at it." The point was Michael refused to allow the behavior of his Father and the loss of his Mother to control or prevent who he has become today. Who is that, a humble and brave Man who reaches out to Women and Charities in an effort to offer a helping hand.

Micheal is giving back to Woman and he says each one he talks and listens to, they all sound like his Mother. My personal thoughts, I wish Michael would empower more Men to speak out and live in today and not yesterday.

As for myself, I shared some experiences that were not included in my Memoir, Perfectly Planned. Even after forgiving my abusers, I found myself in 2 very Abusive Relationships, ranging from Emotional, Physical, Mental and Verbal. The really interesting part was that, I was completely aware of what Abuse was and even though I saw Red Flags, I stayed. However, my strength, knowledge and experience gave me the tools to make him realize he needed help. The man I dated before my husband had a strong dislike for woman and probably still does. Although he was never capable of breaking me, that still didn't say much for me for staying.

During this Abusive Relationship, I became exactly what he was. What's more, I still had anger in me toward Abusive men. I watched my siblings in extremely violent relationships and hadn't Forgiven those Men. So when my Ex began to show signs, I immediately used all I had to break him down and I did. I was trying to help him, but, that Abuse pissed me off and I FELT I gave him exactly what he deserved.

After on and off for 3 years, I walked away after he threw a cup of water on me. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I apologized to him for my bad behavior and moved forward. I remained single for some time so that I could self-reflect on what was inside of me or not, that I would allow myself to be abused again. I found that I had bitter anger inside of me and was Abusive. I had become what I never wanted to become and learning and recognizing that, gave me the opportunity to make the necessary corrections and what's more, keep GOD first.

Melody, Kathy, Michael and I are all rejoicing in the people we are today. We love who we have become and are adamant about helping others. You too can be and do the same. Have Faith, Love yourself and Trust in GOD and all else will follow.

Thank You for reading and Be Inspired.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

2012-09-28T21:26:00.001-07:00

Tune in this Tuesday at 8pm

www.intellectualradio.com

THE PHAT GIRLS SHOW WITH KAT BLADE

I will discuss my personal experiences on

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

A SNEAK PEEK TO THE SEQUEL OF MY

MEMOIR PERFECTLY PLANNED

EMPOWERING AND ALL WOMEN & MEN SHOULD LISTEN!!!!!

STATS FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STATISTICS SITE...

Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.

Around the world, at least one in every 3 women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.

Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.

Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.

Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

Ninety-two percent of women surveyed listed reducing domestic violence and sexual assault as their top concern.

Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.

Based on reports from 10 countries, between 55 percent and 95 percent of women who had been physically abused by their partners had never contacted non-governmental organizations, shelters, or the police for help.

The costs of intimate partner violence in the US alone exceed $5.8 billion per year: $4.1 billion are for direct medical and health care services, while productivity losses account for nearly $1.8 billion.

Men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.

DON'T FORGET TO TUNE IT..... www.intellectualradio.com

My First Healthy Relationship/ God Made Marriage

2012-09-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

Today I have been married for a little over 2 Months, however, we dated for about a year and a half prior to that. I must say, I have never been happier in my life. Even when I was single, I didn't experience this much joy.

This is the first Healthy Relationship I have ever experienced. All my prior relationships were Abusive, whether it was Verbal, Mental, Emotional or Physical, they were all UNHEALTHY. I was so confused with what Love was, I thought my relationship with my son's father was Healthy until I met Patrick. Patrick made me see that Love and a Healthy Relationship consist of the following list: There are more, however, I chose to list these.

Shared Responsibility - We do NOT make any decisions without consulting with the other first. We make family/relationship decisions together. We agree on a distribution of work that is fair to both of us. Patrick isn't Shemar's father, but we share the responsibilities and behave as positive, non-violent role models for Shemar, Pat Jr. and Will (My Step-Sons). We also share the same amount of domestic duties and I absolutely LOVE THAT.

Honesty and Being Accountable - We communicate openly and truthfully. We admit our mistakes and we acknowledge our past bad behaviors.We accept full responsibility for our actions. We don't blame each other for why we may have chose to misbehave. We apologize and move forward.

Trust and Support - We support each other's goals in life and respect each other's rights. We understand we are individuals and have our own feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. I attend school with Patrick and he attends my Private Lessons with me. We are our biggest FANS!!!

Respect - We value each other's opinions. We listen to one another, and not only listen, but, in a non-judgmental manner. Respect also involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions. Patrick is the first man I have ever respected. Without saying, he is the first Man that's ever respected me.

Negotiation and Being Fair - We are both willing to compromise, accept change, and seek mutually satisfying solutions to conflict. We agree to disagree and we never have a shouting match. This is something Patrick has taught me. He is a very humble and fair Man. I am the Negotiator. (-:

Economic Partnership - In our marriage we make financial decisions together. We make sure both of us will benefit from the financial arrangements. Now there are times when either of us may make a sacrifice and allow the other reap the benefit and we love that. We are both Givers. We were both conditioned to spending when we wanted too, however, after we married, it was no problem consulting with each other. I have been hard headed once or twice, but no-one was affected. I made a business financial decision and even though Patrick disagreed, it worked out for the both of us.

Non-Threatening Behavior - When we disagree, we talk and act in a way that promotes both of us to feel safe in the relationship. We both feel comfortable and safe in expressing ourselves and in engaging in activities. There is NO ABUSE AT ALL.

WE LOVE and BELIEVE IN GOD- We keep GOD at the Forefront of our Marriage. We pray for and with each other. GOD controls our Marriage.

Prior to Patrick, I was used to being called Stupid, Bitch, Whore, not trusted, no support for my dreams, lied to and the list goes on. I thought Love was buying me gifts, Good Sex and taking me out. Boy, was I wrong. I even mentioned in my Book, Perfectly Planned, that my son's father was a Good Man, well, I stand corrected.

Today, I have a GREAT Husband and I will never leave him. We believe in each other and we live by GOD's Laws according to Marriage. Most people will say, it's easier said than done, well WE will say this, I have done everything one can imagine. From sleeping with countless Men/ Women, traveling, spending enormous amounts of money, partying until we didn't remember anything, Menaje a Trois and of course the list goes on. So again, it's easy for us to say we will never part. Why would we, there is nothing left for us to do, but, Grow and Mature Spiritually, Financially, Mentally and Personally TOGETHER.

If you are married and would like to stay married, maintain the list, put GOD first and everything all other blessings will follow.
If you are Single and would like to Marry, know that list like the back of your hand, not only that BELIEVE IT and LIVE IT.

Thank You for reading. I hope you have enjoyed my Blog. Feel free to share your comment.

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"Love is only True Love when it is Given and Received."

Living In Your Passion/Finding Mine

2012-09-11T07:15:00.001-07:00

My entire life I always wanted to be an RN or Surgeon. I remember watching medical shows on Channel 11 when I was a young girl and was very intrigued with some of the things I saw. My father always told me to be an RN and I knew I wanted to help others, I just wasn't sure how I would satisfy that desire to help. I joined the Health Care Industry at 20 years old and began as a Medical Assistant/Phlebotomist and the Patient Care was very satisfying and I was very good at making others feel better. It was natural for me to connect with patients/ people etc. I still didn't have the courage to attend school for RN, so during my time as a Phlebotomist, I stumbled across a position through a Co-Worker called Medical Technologist. (MT) I attended school and today it has been 13 years since I worked as a Medical Technologist, giving me a total of 21 years in Health Care.

The Healthcare Industry has been very satisfying for me, however, I still felt like I was missing something so I decided to enroll in school for RN even after I received my B.S in Health Information Management. To make a long story short, I was no longer my priority, my son Shemar was and I didn't want to sacrifice him any longer, so I decided to leave school and focus on raising him.

As a Medical Technologist (MT), some of my day-to-day duties include complex analysis of microscopic, immunologic, biologic, bacteriologic, hematologic, chemical tests and their results. Some of my tasks might include:

Preparing cultures of tissue samples
Establishing and monitoring programs that ensure data accuracy
Microscopically examining slides of bodily fluids
Cross-matching blood for transfusions
Chemically analyzing blood or urine for toxic components
Analyzing lab reports for accuracy
Operating and calibrating equipment
Delivering test results to physicians, researchers or patients
Collecting and studying blood samples to determine morphology

To summarize this, I analyze body fluids in an effort to assist physicians in diagnosing and treating patients. Pretty complex, pays well and always something new to learn, but, not what my heart has desired all these years. However, as a MT, I have the opportunity to help save lives. In essence, "helping" has always been my passion.

Up until 4 years ago, I was still living with some sense of emptiness in regards to fulfilling my destiny, I knew there was something else I should have be doing. Back in 2008, I was introduced to Public speaking through a friend (Jerrie Mason) and I realized during that speaking engagement, I had a natural talent for speaking publicly and making a connection with others. There was no fear, no stage fright, just pure confidence and gratification. What's more, I didn't receive any monetary compensation and I was still satisfied. The next year in 2009, Perfectly Planned was written, published and released in 2010. My first book and has lead me to exactly what my heart has desired, Public Speaking and Inspiring others. Writing is fantastic, but Public Speaking, is the ULTIMATE HIGH for me. I have found my Passion.

What is Passion? A STRONG liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept. Notice the word 'Strong' is in Caps.

I enjoy writing and expressing myself, but I LOVE Speaking Publicly, making a connection with others, and by doing so, I have the opportunity to 'Help', 'Save a life' or 'Positively Impact Someone's Life'. In essence it adds up to me sharing my experience, knowledge and or life's lessons with others in an effort to Build, Encourage, Inspire and Empower others. I am Living In My Passion, or often referred to as having 'Found One's Calling'. How do I know this is my calling? Not only do I have a Passion for it, but I will do it for FREE. My reward is that someone's life has been enriched simply by me Speaking and Sharing my Life. No amount of money can compare to that emptiness in my heart that has finally been fulfilled. The gratification that I receive from helping others is what makes me who I am. I live to Enrich others. I live to Empower and Inspire, I live to Positively Change Lives. This is what GOD has given me, this is my GIFT, my Calling, my Passion, my Destiny. Some may not accept, believe it or even be interested in hearing me speak, but again, this is what the LORD has set for me.

Over these next few years, I will get better and my audience will become larger and I will Positively Impact a million lives. Sounds like too much? Not for GOD and Not for ME. I believe in me and my Passion for Writing, Speaking and Changing Lives for the better.

Many of us are no where near Living In Our Passion, we are simply doing what we stumbled across, or doing what pays well, or just doing. It becomes habitual or comfortable living in the position we are in. I believe if Jerrie Mason had not invited me out 4 years ago, I may not have ultimately found my passion. Who knows, maybe or maybe not, at any rate, I found what many people never find, DESTINATION or PASSION. We all have a purpose, destiny or calling in life and that is the Passion that GOD has given us, our TALENT or our GIFT. I must say it is a blessing to feel complete satisfaction after sharing my life via a Speech or Writing. I wanted to be an RN or Surgeon and I am, the only difference is instead of healing with my hands, I heal or help using my LIFE, HEART and SOUL and I am compelled to do it.

There are several signs to know if you are Living In Your Passion..

You will do it for Free
You eat, sleep and drink it
You have a complete sense of satisfaction afterwards
You are fulfilled
If you are paid, the amount doesn't matter
There is nothing more you would rather do
There is nothing else you want to do, other than elevate

If you experience several of the listed signs then you are LIVING IN YOUR PASSION, there are more signs, however, I chose to list those. The most important is number 1.
If you are not experiencing any of the signs, I suggest you listen to that inner voice, have faith and get started. Live out the dream that GOD has set for you, find yourself, this is all a part of your Destiny. Some of us are not meant to be Financially Rich, but we are ALL meant to Spiritually Rich, sometimes we just never accomplish it.

Needless to say, there are many famous, wealthy, rich individuals or otherwise in the world who are not Fulfilled, why, because Fulfillment has NOTHING to do with money, but it has everything to do with Finding Your True Self, Reaching Your GOD Given Destiny and Living in Your Passion. Today is your day, discover your PASSION and LIVE IN IT.

I hope you enjoyed my Blog, come back again and don't forget to follow and/or subscribe to updates.

Author Kelly Talks: WVON 1690 Interview with Kendall Moore

2012-08-29T16:51:00.001-07:00

Author Kelly Talks: WVON 1690 Interview with Kendall Moore: T une in THIS FRIDAY as I disc uss my Memoir, Perfectly Planned. I will be featured on WVON 1690, The Talk of Chicago with Radio Person...

WVON 1690 Interview with Kendall Moore

2012-08-29T16:48:00.001-07:00

Tune in THIS FRIDAY as I discuss my Memoir, Perfectly Planned.
I will be featured on WVON 1690, The Talk of Chicago with Radio Personality Kendall Moore.

Twenty years of Abuse, including Incest, Drugged and Raped, Sexual Physical and Verbal Abuse, Promiscuity, Abandoned by my Parents, attempting Suicide and being committed to a Mental Institution.
Years later meeting the One and Only KING that could save my life, The LORD GOD our Father, I learned to forgive and move forward.

However, the next 10 years of my life would consist of acting on Learned Behaviors and Patterns created and planted at the early stages of my life. Secrecy, Confusion, Co-Dependency, more Lies, Betrayal and Deceit. The Lack of Self-Love and Respect would cause me to live the next 10 years being Emotionally, Mentally and Physically Abused. Still confused about my Sexuality, I fed the Seed of betrayal and lived as a Bisexual Woman, being promiscuous and living precariously. Losing my ability to walk and Lack of Faith in the LORD lead to more Depression, Attempted Suicide and the birth of the sequel, Celebrate Life After Abuse. (Coming 2013) Rock Bottom again, only this time I have no-one to blame but myself. The choices I made may have stemmed from childhood, but, I WILLINGLY made these choices.

If you read Perfectly Planned, then you will pick up right where you left off and again, be taken into a world of abuse that only I would LIVE and TELL. Without any Shame and Embarrassment, I share my life again in an attempt to open eyes, free souls and in essence, Free Myself.

COMING 2013

Celebrate Life After Abuse (The Sequel to Perfectly Planned)

GET READY!!!

Thank You for Reading

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Author Kelly Talks: HIS PLAN

2012-06-10T23:08:00.001-07:00

Author Kelly Talks: HIS PLAN: I finally made it to a place of peace and happiness in my life and has been blessed with a wonderful son, great man and career. Howeve...

HIS PLAN

2012-06-10T23:05:00.003-07:00

I finally made it to a place of peace and happiness in my life and has been blessed with a wonderful son, great man and career. However, GOD has chosen me to follow his dream for me and that is to be an Inspirational Vessel for my brother and sisters. Minister his word and my faith to others and by sharing my Testimony. I have been told that I inspire thousands of women and I'm grateful that I have, I really am. I'm very humbled that GOD has chosen me, still am not sure why, but I'm grateful. I know my testimony changes lives and uplifts spirits and that is the best payment I can ever receive. My whole purpose in life has been to help, that is why I chose Health Care as a profession. I have been told that I am GOD's profit, one of his angels, (Don't believe all that). I have been told that my blessings will be in abundance for sharing my life in an effort to free souls. I have been told that I have a "GIFT", okay, well all I wanted to do was help Victims of Abuse understand Forgiveness, What child Molestation is, Teach them to move forward, Trust and Love again, among other things.

I know GOD will not give me more than I can handle, but, honestly speaking, I'm really drained by this dream GOD has for me, it's BIGGER than me and sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough, sometimes I feel like walking away, sometimes I feel like I wasn't supposed to write Perfectly Planned. For me, I have what I want now, My Health, Shemar, Patrick, Career, My Family, Peace and Love. That may sound selfish, but GOD's dreams are never easy to follow and I really feel like throwing the towel in. I NEVER WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK. The thing that keeps me going is my LOVE for GOD and the messages I receive from other victims of abuse, the messages that state, how I've helped or inspired them, how I made them feel better or keep blessing others with your story, or I Love You. Nothing else makes me even remotely want to continue on this journey, NOTHING.

This is the greatest challenge I have ever had to face and I am never a quitter, however, at this point in my life, I really want to walk away and live my life as it is, Shemar, myself and Patrick. Some people may say, it's difficult because I'm trying to do it all by myself, well that's not true, GOD is with me all the time, I'm never alone. Maybe when GOD places the right people in my life to assist me on this project HE gave me, then maybe, I will find my way in this. Prior to this I knew my way, Healthcare Professional, Mother, Girlfriend, now, I'm trying to figure out where I belong. This is BIGGER THAN ME. Most people don't even understand the purpose behind Perfectly Planned, it's just a book to them. Well, it's not, it's GOD's Plan. BIGGER THAN ME. Well, I pray I receive some answers soon and the guidance I need to continue on with GOD'S plan because I am drained.

I think it's time I step away and allow GOD to lead me into the direction I need to be, since right now, I'm not really sure of HIS next steps. The one thing I am sure of is, Perfectly Planned has been a blessing to many and I want many more to be blessed. It's time I tune in to my thoughts and focus on GOD's words and be quiet.

Thank You for Reading

Author Kelly Talks: The Box

2012-05-30T21:37:00.001-07:00

Author Kelly Talks: The Box: The picture to the right explores the history of the 1849 Henry Box Brown escape from slavery within the context of the 19 th century ab...

The Box

2012-05-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

The picture to the right explores the history of the 1849 Henry Box Brown escape from slavery within the context of the 19^th century abolitionist movement and the Underground Railroad, and the events that made up Henry Box Brown's life, from slavery to freedom, and what obstacles Brown faced in actualizing his unique and daring escape.

The reason I posted that picture is because Mr. Brown refused to remain a slave and continue being stuck in "The Box" and ultimately meeting his death. We all know Slavery was meant to use, control, break us and keep us broken. Well I will not entertain the idea of blaming Slavery for our behaviors today. Before I discuss those behaviors, allow me to introduce "The Box". The BOX is NIGGA BOX, the one that refuses to learn to new things, refuses to better themselves, refuses to listen to suggestions, the one that is CLOSE MINDED, the one that debates the unknown, the one that REFUSES TO CHANGE for the better without being defensive, the one that is STUCK in HIS/HER world and refuses challenge.

The Box is a place of complacency, and captivity. I know you have heard the term, "You can take a Nigga out the hood but you can't take the Hood out of a Nigga, well that statement is similar to "The Box, the difference is, I'm not comparing the GHETTO behaviors or lack of respect for others, it boils down to one who is so used doing NOTHING, that he/ she refuses to step out the Box and simply broaden his/her horizons.

Some of the behaviors one may exhibit when being stuck in 'The Box" are:

Weekend Drinkers- These individuals look forward to the weekend simply for a drink, whether it's go to a friends place or to the club. Doesn't Bowl, Skate, Attend Concerts, Non-Recreational, etc
Incapable of Surfing the Web for "Things to Do" - Has no idea of how to surf the web in order to find events to attend, limited to the neighborhood.
Rejects New Ideas- Before trying something new or giving it a chance, these people will shoot your idea down and remain limited to the neighborhood.
Doesn't travel outside of their area and simply visits friends- Neighborhood Frequent Flyers
Complacent with their current situation- Sometimes we all become complacent, however, individuals who are stuck in "The Box" doesn't even regard their situation as an issue and therefore will not attempt change.
Doesn't invite others to new places- The only place these people will invite you to is "The Box", he/she is dormant to LIFE and LIVING.
Lazy Brained- Refuses to learn different.

The examples listed are just a few of the behaviors exhibited by people living in "The Box", so here is the solution.

Instead of ONLY drinking on the weekends, attend a Spa Treatment, or have a Colon Cleanse. My point, stop poisoning your body and do right by it.
Learn to surf the web, teach yourself, read and don't rely on others to do it for you. Take a cruise in your car, you will be surprised what you might find.
Be Open-minded, just because you haven't tried it, doesn't mean it won't be fun. Don't change someone's plan because you aren't used to it.
Get out of the Neighborhood, your neighborhood is where you LIVE not where you should be LIVING. Step outside of the KNOWN and into the UNKNOWN.
Realize that your situation can be enhanced upon and work hard to make the necessary changes to better yourself.
Invite your significant other somewhere she/he has never been, introduce them to new adventures, find out what they like and DO IT.
Go out and learn something new, enhance your limited abilities and increase your awareness of what's happening the world and GET OUT of "The Box".

There are so many individuals alive and NOT LIVING at ALL. We have to step out and try things that we are not so used to. There is an entire world out here and since technology is relied upon, the computer is an easy way to learn and discover whats going on in the world. Have some courage and take on new projects, go where you have never been, start saving money and stop spending it on liquor. Liquor will be around longer that you so therefore, you will be missed, not it. There is plenty of entertainment in the world, so DON'T LIMIT yourself. Like Nike says....Just Do It. I have faith in you, step out "The Box" and enjoy life and please STOP MAKING EXCUSES.

I hope I have inspired you and Thank You for Reading,

One Book, One Read, One Life At A Time

2012-05-16T02:03:00.002-07:00

When I wrote my first book, "Perfectly Planned," I never thought really thought much would happen, mainly because I never planned to write any book. I always wanted to be an RN or Surgeon, so writing was never in my plan. I say that to say, it was all GOD's Plan and for that reason I titled the Book Perfectly Planned. Honestly, I never thought more than a few people would even be interested in purchasing it, so fame and fortune never even occurred to me and to this day, it still doesn't. There has been much sadness and happiness, discouragement and encouragement and several days I have wanted to walk away from this industry. The reason I stay and drive hard is simply because again, it wasn't my plan. GOD created my life so that I can use it to become his vessel and help others, One Book, One Read, One Life At A Time. Now for that reason, I refuse to give up, this is GOD's work as well as my calling and I love helping others, I just never thought it would be in this manner.

This journey has required much time, energy and money. The mere fact that I'm an unknown Author makes it very difficult to get my story out, especially if you do not have a Marketer with connections. Marketers are not inexpensive, I just thought I would add that. You have to brand yourself, your book and every outlet that spells you and your book. An image has to be created and you really have to live by it. This WAS NEVER in my plan. I have met some great people who have been willing to help and show me the way, and I have met individuals who have NOT BEEN so nice and weren't even remotely interested in talking to me. Some have judged my outgoing personality, some say I should tone it down and others just ignore me and that is fine, since I know GOD will place the individuals I NEED in my path for HIS OWN very reason. Everything is always about the bottom line, MONEY. Everyone wants to make money, and when people see a product that has potential, working with you becomes easy, only because it's a possible advantage for them. That's not to say that some individuals are not willing to assist just for the GOOD of it, there are plenty. Even with that, you should be willing to financially invest in YOU, just make sure the individual you work with understands your vision.

The energy received from my readers has been overwhelmingly positive. I realize how much my book is actually saving and changing lives and that is another reason I refuse to give up. My goals and dreams are being accomplished, CHANGING LIVES in a positive manner. There is no better goal.

I went into this Literary World, completely blind, and was unprepared for this new adventure.
I had no idea, how I would promote, market, purchase, sell or do book signings etc. None of these things ever occurred to me until the book was in my hand. But, I've done well for someone who has marketed herself, however, if I want to reach and change a million lives, it's time to invest more, talk more, spend more, cry more, dedicate more, write more and pray more. I know GOD would have not set me on this path if HE did not have a plan, so I must do my due diligence and make HIM proud. Up and downs are a part of everyday life and it is then that we must continue our journey, maintain faith and push harder. Nothing that comes easy is appreciated and it sure isn't worth much. The harder we work, the more we appreciate the greater outcome. So for all the writers abroad, NEVER GIVE UP, even if the majority says no, turns their nose up at you or turn their back on you, keep your head up and know that GOD will send the right people in your life to make HIS DREAMS come TRUE through YOU.

I do have a few people to Thank, the first being Kevan Ware for introducing me to Dwayne Hirsch, who then invited me to his networking event, (BSN) and there I met several people, who assisted in making my dream come true. Glenn Reedus (Editor). Dori Collins, who invited me to speak at her Mother's Day Empowering Women's Event and there I met Dr. George Williams who invited me to be a guest on his Cable Show. Octavia Richmond for inviting me to be a speaker at her Empowering Event, Celeta McCall, for inviting me to do a Radio Interview, Dawj Sangster for featuring me at her Feast 411 event, Kathy McClure, Internet Radio Interview, Earl Winfrey, Internet Radio Interview, and last but not least, Nicoh David who is now my Marketing Consultant and I'm so delighted to work with him. The list goes on and for those who I didn't mention, I Thank You as well.

This journey has just begun and there will be more ups and down, but I will not LOSE because I AM A WINNER. One Book, One Read, One Life At A Time.

Thank You for Reading.....

The Peace That Came With Writing Perfectly Planned

2012-05-05T08:24:00.001-07:00

Four years ago when I decided to write Perfectly Planned, up to that point, I never really had the opportunity to express myself regarding what happened, how it happened, who was at fault or why things happened the way the way did, I simply Forgave my abusers and moved forward. When and if I did attempt to disclose my feelings to my abusers, the only response I received was denial and continued blame. With the exception of my father, who listened, all the others were obnoxious or defensive. The sad part, since we were family, I figured I would have the opportunity to express myself, however I was sadly mistaken. Eventually my mother listened and we cried together, she finally understood the pain I felt about her Abandoning me and leaving me with a Child Molester. The others, I surrendered my attempt to express myself to them.

So after deciding to write Perfectly Planned, I finally had the opportunity to EXHALE, emotions that were within me for many years, I was finally able to release them, of course without anger. Sure I had forgiven my abusers, but for many, many years I wanted them to know exactly what they did to me and how badly I was mentally damaged for numerous year. In the beginning of my journey of writing Perfectly Planned, I received a lot of negative feedback from family regarding my book. All of a sudden I was supposed to care about my abusers reputation or their feelings. Hmmm, well let me be honest, that really struck a nerve within me. Why the hell would I be concerned about their feelings or reputation, when no-one cared when I was being abused. I was livid, all these hidden secrets within the family and finally someone has the courage to speak about it and all I got was "Don't do that" "What about our feelings" "Are you going to change names." Honestly, these conversations stirred up emotions in me that I thought were dissolved, these comments DISRUPTED my purpose and goal for Perfectly Planned, but, only for a week or 2.

I eventually had to distance myself from family so that I could continue on with my journey and that was to Inspire and Empower as many victims as I could with my story. I had to distance myself because I felt myself becoming very angry with my family and developing vengeance against them. At one point I wanted to use their real names and let the world know just the type of people they were. I wanted to ruin their reputation the same way they did mine. But, that's not what GOD had in mind. So with the distance came PEACE. With distance came my ability to focus on my goal, to empower and inspire, to encourage and uplift, to help and heal. I finally finished Perfectly Planned and the PEACE that came with it was overwhelming and calm.

I found my destiny and talent
I learned so much about me
I accepted the fact that some of my abusers would never admit fault
I finally released all those pinned up emotions
I realized that my mental age had caught up with my biological age
I realized my LIFE was a GIFT from GOD
I realized I was his Vehicle to help and heal
I was 100% at Peace with everything that happened to me

Writing Perfectly Planned closed the Chapter of that life and opened a NEW Chapter for me. I am now a Published Author working on my 3rd book. I've completed a Book of Poems, due out at the end of the year. (maybe) and I've began the Sequel to Perfectly Planned. I speak publicly about my experiences in hopes of inspiring other victims to Press Forward and Forgive their abusers. I write Poetry and share Spoken Word and so many other avenues have opened up for me since I got off my VICTIM potty and decided to be a VICTOR. What GOD has for me is FOR ME. Although GOD never wanted me endure that type of pain, HE was sure of the family he placed me in, HE was sure I would overcome and do exactly what HIS plan was for me in the beginning, use my GOD GIVEN LIFE to save others. I am pleased that HE uses me.

I know everyone doesn't have the patience, time or maybe even dedication to write a book, well for all victims of abuse, writing Perfectly Planned was very Therapeutic for me; writing PP and expressing my most HONEST emotions cleansed my soul. Writing Perfectly Planned has inspired and empowered thousands of women and maybe even men; writing Perfectly Planned made me take a look from the outside in and has made me understand that after all I have endured, there is nothing I cannot withstand today.

With that being said, start writing, whether you want to share or not, start writing and you will be surprised at the strength you develop from within.

My PASSION is to INSPIRE and My GOAL is to EMPOWER.

Thank You For Reading, please don't be afraid to comment or share.

Author Kelly Talks: Prejudice Pretenders

2012-04-29T02:58:00.001-07:00

Author Kelly Talks: Prejudice Pretenders: This particular behavior is exhibited by many individuals, but I will speak of us, Black people are Intelligent, have great Poise, Presen...

Prejudice Pretenders

2012-04-29T02:23:00.002-07:00

This particular behavior is exhibited by many individuals, but I will speak of us, Black people are Intelligent, have great Poise, Presentation and Power, however, why are we so so afraid to help or communicate with one other. We are all supposed to be headed in the same direction and working for the same cause. We are a race that other cultures frown upon. We are so blinded by our own ignorance, that we look down and humiliate ourselves to please others that don’t care about us or our situation.

In other words we pretend to be somebody we're not. This is a CAUSE and AFFECT. The (CAUSE) you try to manipulate and gain a strangers trust, the (AFFECT) we loose family and friends, because you are no longer recognizable to them. Black people are so Beautiful and Intelligent, however, it’s a shame that we change or pretend to be someone else in an effort to gain his/her approval. Why not just be who we are and open to meeting and greeting others without placing judgement. We all have heard the saying, "Don't judge a Book by it's Cover," well this is one saying that will probably never non-exist. Engaging in conversation with strangers may result in a new friendship, business partner or soul mate. When one refuses because he/she thinks they are better, or prejudging this person, you are simply pretending to be better than another. At the end of the day, NO-ONE is better than the next person.

But what ever the case maybe WE need to stop being jealous and start encouraging, stop pretending and be our authentic selves. We are suppose to be Progressing not Digressing, look and feel confident not timid. We shouldn’t settle for less and be proud of your success because we earn the right to be here and not PRETEND that others don’t exist. At the end of the day, a true friend or colleague will show themselves. They will not smile in your face and stab you in the back and they most definitely will not PRETEND that they like you. To appreciate others is to be inspired by their accomplishments.

I, like many have been pre-judged and has pre-judged others and when it comes back around it doesn't feel too good. The sad part is, you can feel it when one is judging you based on your friends, clothing, hair, past life, occupation etc., What that means is, this person THINKS he/she is better than you and/ or refuses to engage in you. Again, we all breathe the same air and bleed the same color, therefore, you are not better. Pretending to be someone else will always show in the end.To be INSPIRED by others is to appreciate their accomplishments. To be open to the unknown shows great strength and courage.

In essence, we have to be our authentic selves or in the end we will NOT KNOW who we are, don't pretend to be someone else or have more than you really do. Stop trying to keep up with "The Jones" and live within your means. We all have struggles, whether it's financial, relationships, family, weight, business etc, and it's perfectly okay, just be happy where you are and strive to be better and do better, but definitely don't be a Prejudice Pretender.

Thanks For Reading, Please Share your thoughts.

Author Kelly Talks: Relationship and Menage a Trois (3-Somes)

2012-04-15T01:32:00.001-07:00

Author Kelly Talks: Relationship and Menage a Trois (3-Somes): I don't need to explain what the picture to the left represents, but just in case, Menage A Trois. I experienced one YEARS ago, and is not ...

Relationship and Menage a Trois (3-Somes)

2012-04-15T01:31:00.000-07:00

I don't need to explain what the picture to the left represents, but just in case, Menage A Trois. I experienced one YEARS ago, and is not interested in engaging in that sexual activity again. Thank God, neither is my current man. At any rate, one who is on a relationship with should never entertain bringing another partner home to INDULGE in your partner. I know there are Swingers out here who wold disagree but we all have our opinion so allow me to state mine.

I can understand if one doesn't love their other half or is not in a committed relationship, then sure that is totally up to you. However, if feelings are involved you are simply setting yourself up for emotional failure. There are several reasons why this type of behavior will lead to a disastrous relationship ending in failure. Before I go into a few of the reasons, I will discuss my Menage a Trois.

Seeing as though I was forced to be with girls at 8, eventually I started to seek out those pleasures on my own. As an adult I actually initiated the act with my boyfriend at the time. Was I in for a world of trouble, honestly it wasn't too bad, but the act of watching your man, enjoy or get off on another woman is not pleasing at all. It almost ripped a whole through my heart. The cool part about it was, he was so excited he couldn't remain erected. Also, on the flip slip, he was upset about me enjoying her too much. I guess we both enjoyed the 15 minutes, however, we were both bothered by it and he became upset and left. At any rate, we may have enjoyed it, but it didn't turn out right. I began to cheat on him with this woman and of course he was cheating prior to, during and after this night. That relationship went NOWHERE, and Thank GOD it didn't. We dated 7 years afterward but NEVER did that again.

My point for sharing my story is, I have been there and speaking for MANY, it causes many problems and doesn't end right. That's not to say all relationships will begin to fail or fail, but if you decide to go this route, please be prepared if it doesn't work out and if it does, Kudos to you and yours.

Just a few of the reasons to stay away from Menage a Trois.

Cheating is Approved- If he/she will engage in sexual activities in your presence, then you better believe he/she will engage behind your back. He/She is basically cheating with your approval. Also, MEN do not think, that if you allow her to have sex with another woman in your presence, believe me, she's going to do it when you are not around. It's not too likely that a Man will allow his woman to have him and another man, but if this is the case, then know it's happening behind your back. I mean, in the end YOU are approving this behavior.
Secret Affair-What happens if your Man/Woman feels that the other individual is better than you are. You have just opened a can of worms. For men, if the other woman allows it, he and her will possibly begin a secret affair behind your back. More than likely if the other woman approved of sleeping with your man, with you, she will more than likely sleep with him without you. Don't be fooled by that, she's my friend, and she wouldn't go behind my back. You will be surprised what some GOOD D or Va j j, will do to a person. Seriously.
Develop Insecurities- Prior to your PARTY, were you questioning his/her every move? Were you screening phone calls? Were you asking him/her did you enjoy them more. Well then, if you were not, you have just caused yourself some insecurities about your man/woman. Guess what, you have no one to be upset at but yourself. I know you were just TRYING something out, but this is truly not the game to play. If you can't stand the heat, then you know what's next, get out the kitchen.
Partner Might Just Leave You For Her, Vice/Versa- Yes this has happened, you bring another individual in your bedroom and months later, you have been LEFT, for that person. Yes, this happens too often and I'm familiar with stories as such. But here is the thing. Be glad the relationship ended, because guess what, it wasn't going anywhere anyway. I can't imagine there being real LOVE behind this type of relationship.
Loss of Trust- This goes hand-in hand with insecurities. You no longer believe he/she is faithful. Common statements are, "If you did it with me, how do I know you won't cheat." "You want her now." Hmmm, You are probably right. It becomes difficult to trust your partner after this. Not for all, but for many, your mind starts to wonder. Once you lose trust, the relationship ends, originating from a Menage a Trois.

In essence, it's your decision to engage in a 3-some, just don't be mad when all Hell breaks loose. In situations as such, there should be an enormous amount of conversation, honest feelings should be expressed and if you DO NOT want to engage, then don't. Also, NEVER do it because your partner wants to. You will automatically be hurt since you were never in agreement.
Today, I personally do not agree with Menage a Trois and if my man were to ask me to engage then I would question his loyalty to me. When 2 people really love each other, inviting another man/woman in your bedroom is off limits. Pretending that you can deal with the emotional aftermath is unreal. No-one really wants to see the one they love intertwining with another individual, so don't pretend. Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few questions. Such as:

How am I going to feel afterward?
Will I trust him/her afterward?
Can I actually watch my man/woman engaging in sexual activities with someone else?
What if he/she enjoys it too much?
Will this affect our relationship?
How will this affect our relationship?

Those are simple questions to ask and again, be honest. In the end your honesty and ability to say no, or refrain from this activity may just save you some mental anguish. If he/she really loves you, they will not want you to be subjected to this behavior and they really wouldn't want to be with someone else. So if you have a good man/woman, don't invite this world into your relationship. Don't be willing to share your man/woman, otherwise, we know what the result can be, he/she would be more than willing to share with others.

Thank You for reading, please share your thoughts..

Author Kelly Talks: Wrongfully Accused (Author- Patrick Turner - Co A...

2012-04-09T15:08:00.001-07:00

Author Kelly Talks: Wrongfully Accused (Author- Patrick Turner - Co A...: H ow would you feel if you were being accused of something and you are totally innocent? You can explain it, BUT you CAN'T EXPLAIN it. For...

Wrongfully Accused (Author- Patrick Turner - Co Author, Kelly Porter)

2012-04-09T14:57:00.000-07:00

How would you feel if you were being accused of something and you are totally innocent? You can explain it, BUT you CAN'T EXPLAIN it. For example if you are in a relationship, a serious one, it takes a lot of trust, commitment, loyalty and honor. So in doing just that, if something that may seem like betrayal comes, and there is no trust, EVERYTHING you built has gone right out the window.

RIGHT NOW!! I can say the relationships I’ve been in, were nothing like the one I'm in today. The past relationship were chaotic, no structure, no trust and very little communication. Those are all signs of a failing relationship. To know you haven't done anything wrong but the circumstances around you show different, how would you handle it? I know in the past things were mistaken, misunderstood, misguided, being manipulated and without care, but WHO gets hurt in the process. The INNOCENT ONE. We have to learn to not let these things consume us or have that kind of power over us. We can’t live in bitterness and keep our hearts and mind closed from potential husbands or wives. We have to be able to trust, understand and listen to those we care for if we want a successful relationship. We were all victims at one point in our lives, SO TO LET GO OF THE PAIN IS TO LET GOD. HE will heal our hearts, and allow you to see to right through a person, if you are paying attention. We lose our blessings when we hold on to PAST HURT. Your blessing can be standing right under your nose, but when you accuse someone, even if the circumstance says otherwise, and he or she is NOT LYING, you will lose out. Mainly because you are afraid to over look a TRUE error. It's very painful when one is accused and KNOWS beyond a SHADOW of a DOUBT that he or she is INNOCENT. The sad part is in a relationship if you choose not to listen and you dismiss the WRONGFULLY ACCUSED, you may have just dismissed your BLESSING. Don’t allow the devil to steal your joy. But knowing this is also knowing, learning to trust your mate is a part of the growing stages toward building a strong relationship.

In essence, when you accuse an INNOCENT person, you cause an injustice to them and yourself. The truth always comes out and once you find out you wrongfully accused someone, what do you do? An apology may be acceptable, but sometimes the damage has been done.

However, please do not allow the wrongfully accused person to ridicule or make you feel bad for your error. If it wasn't for the presented evidence, you would have not made the accusation in the beginning. Also, if one has a genuine explanation, be willing to listen and follow your heart. That little whisper or inkling in your soul will guide you to the truth. Not to mention, if you find out later that he or she was lying, don't be hard on YOURSELF, be hard on them, by DISMISSING THEM immediately. It's okay to make mistakes and sometimes be wrong about your perception, but don't feel too bad. Just move forward and remain the trusting, loving person you are. We all make mistakes and no-one is perfect, but have an open heart and mind, when something looks suspicious, before you ACCUSE. You might actually be WRONGFULLY ACCUSING SOMEONE.

Thank You,

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