Authoress Inspired

Learning Irish...in Middle Tennessee?

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaOne of my goals for 2012 is taking a class to learn another language. I have an aptitude for languages, generally speaking, and after visiting Ireland in August, I chose Irish as my language to learn. Not only do I have some family history there, but I fell in love with the country and its people, making me all the more eager to learn more about the country as a whole.

After returning from our trip to County Kerry, which is an Irish-speaking area of Ireland, I started doing some online searches for local Irish classes. To my dismay, none immediately became apparent. I found places where you can learn online, though, and I started to consider that. But one day, after yet another Google search, I saw an article from a local newspaper featuring an interview with Éilís Crean, a native of Co. Roscommon, Ireland. She planned to offer Irish Gaelic classes locally soon, and thus I began an email correspondence with her to find out more about the classes. Fortunately for me, Éilís (pronounced Ā-lish) is a patient woman and tolerated my myriad questions. :)

Tonight, the first official class begins. Since I would love to use some of the language in an upcoming novel, this is a perfect opportunity for me. And if you're just interested in Irish culture and language, this would be a perfect opportunity for you as well. You can find out more about the classes here. We're using Micheál Ó Siadhail's book Learning Irish, so come along with us! It doesn't matter where in the world you're located since it's available via Skype. We have people from all around joining including Northern Ireland, Atlanta, and Boston. It should be a lot of fun for all.

Holiday Movie Favorites

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:30:00 +0000

There are a couple of holiday movies that make me smile every year. I can watch them on endless loops because, really, who gets tired of holiday movies? Christmas music is another story. Christmas music should never, ever start until after Thanksgiving is over. Never. If it does, I'm way over it by the time Christmas rolls around. So with that in mind, here are some clips from some of my favorite Christmastime movies. Enjoy!

Elf

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

The Holiday

Making 2012 Goals

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Image via Wikipedia"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." -Les Brown

It's almost that time of year again. You know...resolution time.

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. For me, they're that pie in the sky I'll probably never reach because they're too lofty and unattainable. Instead, I set goals. I set them high enough to be within reach but still a challenge. For instance, in 2011, I set a goal to read 50 books. As of today, I've read 37. I'm working on #38 now. While I won't hit 50 books this year, it was a challenge to read as many as I did, and within those 38 books, two were 600–800 pages each (the first two books in Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series). I'm proud of myself for getting so close to that goal. That's approximately three books a month.

So what am I shooting for in 2012? Here are some ideas I have:

Meal planning and eating out less. I'm terrible at this one. If I have an Achilles' heel, it's eating out. I come home tired and hungry, and if Will is home, he's my enabler when it comes to eating out. It's part of the reason I've packed on some extra pounds. It's time to get it under control, which should correlate to getting my weight under control again.
Finish another full-length novel. What's considered a novel? It means 80,000+ words. Here we go again.
More quality family time with Will. Since Summer 2010, he's been working 50+ hours/week and taking classes toward finishing his degree. This means we've had less quality time together, and since he's set to graduate in May, that's soon coming to an end.
Attend more MCRW meetings. I've been a terrible member all year, attending meetings when I felt like it. My writing chapter is a wonderful place to learn and grow as a writer, and I haven't given it nearly the attention it deserves.
Get over my fear of query letters. I stopped at about #16, which is kinda pathetic.
Continue working out 3-4 times a week. My health will thank me.
Read 50 books. I will make it this time!
Finally travel to New York City. I've wanted to visit there since I was a kid. I think I've talked Will into it.

How about you? What are your goals for the upcoming year? What do you hope to accomplish? What would you like to be different for you in 2012?

Welcome to the Holidays

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 17:30:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaI turn into a Grinch this time of year. So...I'm apologizing for my absence from the blog. The traffic, the "gimme gimmes," the general commercialization of Christmas...it all sends me into hiding. I've been hiding from social media, from my blog, even from my (*gasp*) writing. Our offices at work are right across from a large mall, and there's an added 10-15 minutes to my commute time each evening now, which only adds to my holiday frustration. As a society in general, I feel we've forgotten what Christmas is really all about, and it saddens me. It makes me feel as though all the joy has been sucked out of Christmas.

I hope life will return to semi-normal after the holidays. And since Will's final tuition payment arrived in my inbox yesterday, I (hopefully) won't feel broke anymore! We haven't had debt since July 2007, but making those tuition payments for the past two years has felt like debt hanging over our heads. We've cash flowed every bit of it, and with multiple visits from Murphy, I am so over college tuition.

Merry Christmas (bah humbug)! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. And if you don't hear from me, I'll be back in the New Year...writing.

Plans Change

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Financially speaking, the last couple of years have been difficult for me and Will. We've battled off multiple attacks of Murphy, paid several tuition bills in full, and took a trip to Ireland. (Okay, so the trip to Ireland was by choice, but Murphy and tuition? Those were kinda necessary.) And we still have one more semester of tuition to go before we're done with that.

We'd hoped to start an adoption this fall. We even filed a pre-application, sure that we would move forward as soon as we returned from Ireland. But...we haven't. Finances are one glaring reason, but there are others, too, that I prefer not to share. So for now, we're holding off. We know kids are in our future. If anything, we're more sure of that than ever. We're fairly certain God is leading us toward adoption. Still, the timing seems not quite right. We feel as though maybe we're getting a message that we're not there yet. And so we wait.

That's where we are. It feels like a good decision despite that pesky personality trait of mine that's always raring to go at full speed ahead. One thing I can be sure of is that God's timing is perfect even when ours isn't. I take great comfort in that.

The Hunger Games

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 14:15:00 +0000

Have I told you I love the book series The Hunger Games? No? Consider yourself told.

The trailer for the upcoming movie starring Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss was released this week, and I am stoked. I read the entire series earlier this year in just a couple of weeks, completely enthralled with this dystopian fiction, which I normally don't care for. One thing I'm happy about is how different it is from the other hot young adult novel series...Twilight. In my opinion, the Hunger Games series has much more depth and a lot more layers. While it was initially geared toward the YA crowd (i.e. teenagers), as a 30-year-old adult, I found it to be vastly entertaining. I think you will, too, and I hope the movie doesn't disappoint. Judging by the trailer, it won't.

NaNoWriMo

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 16:30:00 +0000

National Novel Writing Month has begun, and I'm hiding.

You see, every year, about 101 of you ask me if I'm participating. Ha! You're funny. All of you.

I'm a slow writer, and NaNoWriMo strikes a fear in my heart like that of a stunned deer standing in the oncoming headlights. Or, if you prefer a Dave Ramsey reference, I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. Every year, I toy with the idea of signing up, and every year, I back away from the website like the vicious anaconda that it is.

It took me about two years to fully complete The Stolen Lady. And I'm sporadically working on my new contemporary novel—in first person, no less—and while I'd love to tell you that the new project is trucking right along...it isn't. I'm really struggling with my creativity right now, particularly plotting, and that makes moving a project forward rather difficult. But just like I did with TSL, I'll get there with the new (untitled) work.

Speaking of TSL, when I attended a Bob Mayer writing workshop with my local RWA chapter recently, some of my writerly friends told me I need to start querying again. I queried a bit heavily for a while, and I managed to send out 16 of them. But after 16 (apparent and not-so-apparent) rejections, I fizzled out. They encouraged me to get back in the game because with the positive rejections I've received, surely the right agent could be out there waiting for me to submit. So I may start that up again. We'll see.

One of the things I really took away from Bob's workshop was the need to work on your weakest areas. This should be an obvious assumption, but I really needed to hear it. My strongest point is character development. Often, I can actually hear the characters talking in monologues in my head...or even having conversations with one another. (No, I'm not crazy. I promise.) I obviously have no problem envisioning exactly who I'm going to write about; it's the what I have trouble with.

Bob also emphasized the importance of knowing whether or not you're a pantser or a plotter. What's the difference? Well, I'm your classic pantser. Basically, I don't know what I'm going to write until it appears on the page. As the story progresses, it meanders and wanders and often surprises the heck out of me because I didn't see this or that coming. A plotter plans the story out from beginning to end, often making full character sketches, outlining the plot, etc. Ideally, I'd like to fall somewhere in the middle. This is an area I simply must work on in order to get better.

By the way, if you ever have an opportunity, go listen to Bob speak. You can find his books on Amazon.com and BN.com, and he speaks all over the country at writing conferences, including the Romance Writers of America national conference.

Guest Appearance!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:30:00 +0000

I made a guest appearance today on The Real Dealio. Over at The Real Dealio, you can find all of today's latest and greatest local deals, including those from Groupon, LivingSocial, and more. Each day, a different blogger takes the stage to tell a story and integrates the daily deals into the story. What a creative way to keep up with our Nashville deals! It's also a fun way to keep writers on their toes. I had to improvise quickly and efficiently while figuring out a way to integrate all (or some) of the deals into my post. And I had a lot of fun doing it.

You can check out my own contribution here.

If I die young...

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Here's yet another one of my current song obsessions for Friday fun. If you haven't caught on yet, I have sort of a thing for crossover country. There's a unique sound you don't get in pop or in pure country. I also love the balladic quality they often exhibit. This one is called "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry.

Books Hiding Under Your Bed

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Sometimes, as writers, we must come to some painful realizations. And sometimes, that means the books we've treated as our children—often spending more hours with them than with our own families—turn out to be "practice books." As one writer friend of mine put it, we all have books we hide under the bed never to see the light of day again.

I'm starting to think The Stolen Lady may be one of those books.

I put a lot of love and time and blood and sweat and tears into that book. And yet, what I'm hearing over and over again from the agents I've queried is that while the writing is good, it just doesn't "fit" into today's competitive market. One told me the book was "old-fashioned." I'm not insulted. It probably is a bit old-fashioned. I prefer a book to be character driven rather than plot driven, and many romance novels on the market today are plot driven. It's what's selling right now. But styles and reader preferences change, so at some point, maybe TSL will see the light of day again.For now, though, I think I'm going to focus on something else.

I've been quietly working on a new novel, one I've already written a couple of chapters for and scrapped because the beginning just wasn't right. Now, I'm trying something new: first person perspective. This will be a challenge because I won't be able to get into the heads of the other characters. I'm pretty much stuck in my heroine's head. I'm okay with that given the success Kristan Higgins has had with it. I've seen how it can work.

I'm notoriously bad at getting a novel started. I'm what other writers call a "pantster," so I usually have no idea where the book is going until I'm deep into the story. And then I fly by the seat of my pants until the end. This time, I'm going to loosely outline as I go and see where that leads. What I'm hoping it will do is give me something to refer back to as I write and not forget where I was going in the first place.

So...here we go with the writing updates again! I hope you enjoy the roller coaster ride with me.

Some More Irish Photos

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:00:00 +0000

As promised, here are a few more memories from our trip to Ireland. I can't believe it's been over a month now. The time has flown by, and I miss it. There was a food festival in Dingle this past weekend, and it's shameful that I missed it!

I apologize for the lack of videos. I tried to upload a couple, but unfortunately, I got a "server rejected" message. Boo! If I can get them up on YouTube, I'll share them from there later.

Celtic cross tombstone.

Sheep crossing!

A Kerry horse.

Dingle's harbor.


A church in the Kerry countryside. The lighthouse on Inishtearaght.

Whoops!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:19:00 +0000

I haven't posted those photos and videos yet, but I will! I haven't forgotten. Life was a little crazy this past week, and it slipped my mind. I'm still here!

Exploring the Dingle Peninsula

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 13:30:00 +0000

If you spent every waking moment of your vacation on the Dingle Peninsula, you wouldn't run out of things to do. There's always someone new to meet, a new pub to check out, another historic site to visit, and yet another spectacular view to take in. This part of Ireland is particularly known for its vast number of untouched historic sites, including the famed beehive huts, Gallarus Oratory, and the Blasket Islands only minutes away by boat. And let's not forget all of the famine cottages dotting the Irish countryside. (The cottage we stayed in was actually one of these completely restored.) Oh! And the beaches! The beaches are amazing if a bit too cold for this Southern gal to hop in for a swim.

One thing about this vacation: Will and I didn't feel the need to be constantly busy. The more we travel, the more we're learning that staying busy doesn't necessarily mean you're having fun—and you may be missing some of the more interesting parts of your trip by staying on the move. If you stay on the tourist trail, you'll never get to know any of the locals or come back with interesting stories from your travels. We decided to take each day as it came. If it was raining when we woke up, we decided to eat some breakfast, hop in the car, and find something to do indoors, such as the day we took a shopping trip to Killarney (where I bought a Celtic cross necklace and a claddagh ring) and visited Ross Castle. Most days, by noon or so, the rain cleared, and since Ireland is so far north, we had daylight until 9:00 PM or so even in late summer.

One of our favorite treks off the Dingle Peninsula was our day spent at the Cliffs of Moher and the medieval banquet at Bunratty Castle we did afterwards. A medieval banquet, in my opinion, is super cheesy and definitely a tourist trap kind of thing to do. But we'd never been to one before, and since it's done in an actual castle, it had more appeal than your average medieval banquet (think Medieval Times here in the States). We got to try mead! How cool is that? But that stuff is strong, and it's definitely one of those things where less is more.

A bed and breakfast called Slea Head Farm was just across the road from our cottage. One evening, as we were arriving back at Couminole Cottage after a day spent exploring, a woman and her daughter happened to be walking by from the B&B. We said hello, struck up a conversation with them, and made fast friends. As it turns out, the woman is an author named Anita Fennelly. She and her daughter spend some time every summer on Slea Head, and they stay at this same bed and breakfast every year. They were from Kilkenny, and several years ago, Anita spent a whole summer on the Blasket Islands, staying in a dilapidated barn there. After her experience, she wrote a book called Blasket Spirit: Stories from the Islands. We met she and her daughter Holly in Dingle one day as she went to the bookstores to sign her books. (In a town as small as Dingle, you're bound to see some familiar faces.) They were charming and friendly, and we adored them both. When we return to Dingle one day, I hope we run into them again.

The food! You wouldn't expect Ireland to have great food. On the contrary! Even the pubs serve up a delicious bowl of chowder, and almost every meal comes with a slice of Irish brown bread. But our best meal—and our favorite—was at Out of the Blue. It's a Michelin starred seafood restaurant on Dingle's main drag. The menu varies every day, depending upon what sort of catch the fishermen brought in. (How's that for fresh fish?) We'd been advised by a local that Out of the Blue or the Half Door were good places to go for fresh seafood even though they were a bit pricey. So we treated ourselves and went for it. We weren't the least bit disappointed, so if you find yourself in Dingle, go to Out of the Blue! Unless you're a fisherman, this will probably be the freshest and fanciest fish you've ever had.

Finally, for my last little story, I'll mention the evening we spent at Dick Mack's Pub and An Droichead Beag (The Small Bridge). We decided to spend some time listening to traditional Irish music the Friday evening before we left, and while Dick Mack's doesn't have music, we wanted to check it out. After all, this was the pub where Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, Robert Mitchum, and more had been. What was special about this place that it drew celebrities? One word: atmosphere. It's a lively place with an old vibe. It's also a place where a lot of young people in Dingle and the surrounding areas start their weekends. While we were there having a drink (Will had Guinness while I had Bulmer's Irish Cider), a hen party (bachelorette party) showed up! A couple of guys from Cork chatted us up, bought us a drink, and told us they'd meet us down at An Droichead Beag. We really didn't expect to see them again. Things got a little rowdy at the pub with the hen party there, so we moved on to An Droichead Beag, knowing the music we were looking for had already started. We settled in, and the musicians were already hard at work.

A little later, despite not expecting to see Collum and Sean from Cork again, we were surprised when they did show while we were chatting with some guys from Australia. We also recognized some faces from Dick Mack's earlier. By the time the evening was over, we wandered out of the pub as a line of taxis showed up outside to carry the drunkards home. And drunk they were! We'd heard Ireland has a problem with alcoholism, but it wasn't until we saw the staggering, glassy-eyed people stumbling out of the pubs that Friday evening that we understood. The only explanation we can come up with is that there just isn't much to do in a community that thrives on agriculture and tourism, so the populace drinks as entertainment. It's the dark side of small town living.

I'll post some pictures and videos for your enjoyment next time.

Just a Kiss

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 02:45:00 +0000

I'm breaking my series of Irish posts just for tonight because I had to share my new song obsession, "Just A Kiss" by Lady Antebellum. Look for more of my Irish journey shortly, but in the meantime, enjoy!

Dingle

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 13:30:00 +0000

Dingle is a funny name, isn't it? In Irish, though, it's An Daingean. It's been Anglicized so that people like you and I can read it. Despite the funny name, this part of Ireland is known to be one of the most beautiful in the entire country. And because the Dingle Peninsula is less inundated with visitors than the famed Ring of Kerry, it means that as a visitor, you'll enjoy your time there a whole lot more than those trying to dodge tour buses on the Ring of Kerry just a bit farther south, which is exactly why Will and I chose to visit Dingle.

Dingle is a colorful little town with a population of about 2,000 year-round residents. Known for its fishing and a friendly bottlenose dolphin named Fungi, it is exactly the sort of place you'd think of when you think of small-town life in Ireland. Many of the locals speak the Irish language, their accents a bit more careful and lyrical than you'll find in the rest of Ireland. It's a Gaeltacht as I mentioned in my previous post, which means it's one of the few areas in Ireland where you're likely to hear the native language. Everyone speaks English, but every child in Ireland is required to learn Irish. It's an attempt to hold on to their culture and their history even when English is the predominant language in every part of their lives.

As the bays of the Dingle Peninsula slowly turned into harbors of the Atlantic Ocean, my breath caught. I was practically dizzy with excitement. This was the Ireland I wanted to experience. This was the Ireland I knew my ancestors must have known. And when we finally reached this little town situated on the Atlantic, I knew I'd never forget it...never retrieve that little piece of my heart. It was everything I could have imagined and more. With a bronze statue of Fungi in the center of town and only steps from the docks where fishing boats moored, the main strip of town is cheerfully painted all different shades of the rainbow. Office buildings and homes in pastels greeted us as though waving hello to long-lost friends. Even our favorite pub, An Droichead Beag (The Small Bridge), was colored a vibrant yellow.

Despite our reluctance to leave town, we were ready to find our cottage after four hours on Ireland's winding roads. We started down Slea Head Drive, which is certainly an adventure within itself if you consider it's tight lanes with room for only one vehicle to pass in particular spots. Wildflowers—thousands upon thousands of them—lined the road. It almost felt as though we were passing through a tunnel of them. And though we'd done this route on Google Maps several times before we ever left Nashville, we were still surprised when we had to drive through a stream on Slea Head Drive! Only in Ireland would you find a stream running directly over the road and straight down the side of a sheer cliff.

Finally, at last, we found it. Just over the hill and around the bend, past the life-sized crucifix, the Ryan's Daughter roadside marker, and the cafe, the little Irish cottage with the blue trim awaited us. And oh! What a view! The Blasket Islands, Coumeenole Beach, and fields full of sheep and horses greeted us, the sounds of farm life like a joyful symphony of the countryside.

How much more home could I be?

A stop on our trip from Dublin to Dingle not far outside of Dublin.

The view from the cottage on the first day.

Couminole Cottage at sunset.

Slea Head Drive.

The stream running directly across Slea Head Drive.

The beautiful crucifix.

I Fell In Love

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 13:00:00 +0000

I've fallen in love, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to retrieve my heart. I left a big piece of it in Ireland.

Our first day in Ireland was spent in Dublin. We toured St. Patrick's Cathedral, ate at Harry's on the Green (where I had my first taste of an Irish Guinness), visited the historic Guinness Storehouse, and hung out on Grafton Street—dodging in and out of awnings and buildings to avoid the sporadic yet persistent drizzle. We were exhausted from our red-eye flight but determined to experience some of what Dublin had to offer. But by 8:00 PM, we were in our room at the Roxford Lodge settling in for a long slumber despite the fact that the sun hadn't yet gone down.

At Harry's on the Green

Inside the Guinness Storehouse

The famous barrels inside the Guinness Storehouse

St. Patrick's Cathedral

The chaos known as Grafton Street

Our second day, we rose early (for us), had breakfast at the hotel, and then began meandering toward the Dingle Peninsula, which was our primary destination. Along the way, we stopped for photos and had planned to visit Glendalough until we got there and realized our luggage and belongings would be fully exposed in our car while we explored. So much for that plan. Shrugging off that disappointment, we continued our journey.

As we approached Dingle and began to catch glimpses of the bays and Atlantic shoreline, my heart raced. We were about to be in County Kerry, rumored to be the most beautiful county in all of Ireland. Not only that, in my research, I'd discovered the Dingle Peninsula is a Gaeltacht, an area where the native Irish language is spoken. Would we hear Irish?

Stay tuned for the next installment!

SEVEN!

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaIn seven days, Will and I will leave for Dublin. We'll be checking into this hotel. Then, after one night in bustling Dublin, we'll head on to this cottage about four and a half hours away on the southwestern side of Ireland—the very end of the Dingle Peninsula in County Kerry. County Kerry is a Gaeltacht, which means it's an Irish-speaking region. We can expect to see signs in both Irish and English as well as hear the Irish language spoken. I love the idea that we're going to see a portion of traditional Irish culture instead of the typical tourist traps.

On our way to Dingle, I have some sojourns planned, so I expect it will take us longer than four and a half hours to get to our cottage, but that's as it should be. We'll stop first at Powerscourt Estate, meander over to Glendalough, and finally we'll end our tour at the Rock of Cashel before driving straight through to Dingle.

I can't believe it's almost here! It seems like I've waited and waited and waited, and now I'm going to get on a plane and do it. My heart is indeed happy.

Watch Your Words

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 18:00:00 +0000

I don't mean this to turn into simply an adoption blog, but I have to get something off my chest. Today, I was looking through my Google news alerts, and I came across this article. I normally don't read article comments, knowing they're rife with vitriol and uneducated (or uncaring) attitudes. But I did for this article, and boy, did I regret it.

Most of the comments were directed at parents who choose to adopt internationally, saying that they shouldn't get tax credits and that their choice to adopt internationally must have something to do with a current Hollywood fad. Obviously, most of the commenters are not adoptive parents nor ever will be since their ignorance was shining through. So let me set something straight because I'd rather get angry here than in a face-to-face conversation with someone who really doesn't know the first thing about adoption.

Our kid is in South Korea. You really can't argue with that. We're doing what we feel compelled to do both by God and by our hearts. Adoption is an incredibly complicated process with more winding roads than you can imagine. It's emotional and heart-wrenching and beautiful and heartbreaking. No one comes to the decision to adopt lightly, and as I've said over and over, you can't "accidentally" adopt like you can "accidentally" get pregnant. And it is a decision, no matter how you choose to do it. It's a long and expensive process. A private domestic adoption is approximately the same cost (perhaps a little less) of completing an international adoption. OK, if that's the case, then why choose an international adoption?

We looked over our options. There's foster care, with the ultimate goal of placing the child back with his or her biological family. There are foster-to-adopt programs, but did we really want to go through the possibility of it falling through? A relative stepping forward and offering to adopt instead of us? The emotional upheaval would be tremendous. Domestic adoption, while an attractive option for some, is not a good fit for us. Most domestic adoptions are open adoptions these days, and while some families can handle that delicate situation with the care it needs, we are not prepared to go down that road. As first-time parents, the emotional complexities of those relationships seem too much for us at this point. Up until the child is born and the paperwork signed, the mother has the option to back out. Could we handle that? Could we really walk away from that child after preparing for his or her birth and making plans? Or, in those rare cases, what if the birth mother or birth father changed their minds at a later date and decided to fight to get their child back? And then there's the "marketing" aspect of a domestic adoption. Personally, at this point, I'm not comfortable with creating a profile book for a birth mother to look over, trying to decide based on photos and stories about us if we're the right parents for her child.

Then we looked to international adoption. Since we've always talked about adoption and sort of knew that might be where are lives would eventually end up, it felt like the natural choice. At the end of the process, we're almost guaranteed to bring a child home. There's still a waiting process, but the timelines are more stable. We know for sure what the costs will be. And—for better or for worse—there's no birth family to contend with, possibly revoking the decision to place the child for adoption at the last minute. The children available in Korea have already been relinquished; they're just waiting for their forever families.

I don't look down on anyone who chooses to form their family the way they see fit. I ask the same in return. No one has to live with our family decisions but us. It's hard enough to answer questions from well-meaning family members and friends and coworkers and acquaintances and... Be kind. Don't ask me in the checkout line how much my kid cost me. Don't try to connect our adoption to some political agenda. And please don't ask me to explain my choice to a stranger. Our family may not look the way you expect it to or even want it to, but that doesn't make it any less of a family.

MIA?

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 16:45:00 +0000

Image via WikipediaYeah, I have been. Life is busy and crazy lately, which means the blog is suffering. I'm sorry! I'll try to do better come fall.

So now we're three weeks and one day from our Irish expedition. I have a housesitter/petsitter in place (thanks, Hayley!), and we've bought tickets for everything from a medieval banquet at Bunratty Castle to a Guinness Storehouse tour in Dublin. The euro is kicking the dollar's tail right now, so I'm buying tickets ahead of time to take advantage of the small but helpful discounts offered online. I'm feeling a little iffy about the castle banquet because we typically avoid cheesy tourist traps like the plague, but I've heard this one is pretty good, so we're gonna give it a try. We're spending most of our time in the southwest area of Ireland, and we're staying on the Dingle Peninsula, so we plan to do a lot of driving and get to know the area.

The end of summer and the close of our vacation also means something else. It's a marker in time. When all of this is over, we'll start our official paperwork for a Korean adoption. And if there was one of us in this marriage who would back out, it's likely me—not because I don't want kids but because the prospect of it terrifies me. I mean, am I even old enough to be a parent? What a ridiculous question, right? But yeah, that's a big one running through my head right now. My anxieties are all wrapped up in this process, and most of them seem to be formulating around the cost of it. We're looking at approximately $30,000 to finish the whole deal, and while I'm sure we can swing it, it's overwhelming. It's not like being pregnant and your health insurance covers the majority of the cost. Oh, no. This is a whole different ballgame, and my mind is reeling.

As for my writing, I'm still suffering a bit of writer's block, but once again, I've shifted focus to a new book, and it seems to be smoother sailing. This book is a historical, which tells me that perhaps I'm not cut out for contemporary writing after all. Historical romance is what I love and know, so maybe it's only a natural leap to write it as well. I haven't shut the door on writing contemporaries, but it won't be my focus. I'm going to focus on Caroline and Benjamin in Regency England and see where this path leads me. I should probably restart my query letters again, too, but after querying in the spring and not getting past a partial manuscript request, my flame sort of died out. I need to relight it.

There you have it! That's my crazy recap of life at the moment...and I can't believe we're already approaching the end of July. Crazy!

Halfway Through the Year

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 16:30:00 +0000

We're officially halfway through the year, which means I am a little over a month away from traveling, traveling, traveling! Do you hear the call of the Emerald Isle? I sure do! Last night, Will made the observation that it's completely appropriate for us to live in a flight path. Ha ha, honey.

June flew by for us. We blinked, and the fireworks were going off for Independence Day. Not only is our trip starting soon, but this also means we'll be filing adoption paperwork soon. (Pardon me while I bite my nails with anxiety.) Financially, August/September works well for us to file the paperwork. But if one of us is more nervous than the other, it's definitely me. I'm the nerd, which means I am the one who worries more about money, looks at the numbers frequently, and generally drives myself nuts trying to figure out how something will turn out that only God knows the answer to. I'm also somewhat apprehensive about the idea of raising a little person, being mature enough to be a parent, and molding this little person into a productive member of society. Then again, what parent doesn't worry about screwing up their kid for life?

As far as writing goes, it's slow. I had hoped to be halfway finished with my new book by this point in the year, but I've been suffering a bit of writer's block. I sit down, write anywhere from 250–1,000 words, and then it dies. During my last book-writing frenzy, I could pump out as many as 6,000 words a day. I wonder if some of my writer's block isn't due to the million and one things going on in my head, but I am trying—even if it's only a couple of words on the page. It's something, right?

The Whole Foods Parking Lot

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 16:30:00 +0000

I openly refer to Whole Foods as "Whole Paycheck." Every time I've been in there, I come out with a way lighter wallet than I do when I shop at Wal-Mart, Publix, Kroger, or basically any other grocery store on the planet. So when someone showed me this video this week, I had to share. Enjoy!

God's Lessons in Humility

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 14:00:00 +0000

It's June 1st, which means we're headed on a trip soon. But it means something else, too. The closer the trip gets, the closer we come to stepping over that line of "young and carefree" to "responsible and parental." Because, as soon as we return from Ireland, we're going to file our initial adoption paperwork.

Will and I aren't getting any younger. I'll be 31 later this year, and he'll be 31 early next year. As I've said before, we don't want kids in the house when we're 55, so we need to get the ball rolling. And my sister-in-law laid down the law with me the other day when she told me I needed to stop talking about it and make a decision one way or another. The decision is made, but I'm finding moving forward more difficult than anticipated.

Sometimes, God likes to give us little lessons in humility—or lessons in anything, really—since we can't grow as people without new experiences and emotions and ideas. One thing we've been struggling with is how we're going to finance this adoption. It's not a cheap process (we're facing about $30,000 to get it done), which means we're also facing some decisions about ourselves.

Admittedly, we have a lot of pride. We don't ask anyone for anything. But as more and more friends ask questions about our plans and what they can do to help, I'm starting to think maybe this is God's way of helping us learn a little humility. After all, most adoptive families do fundraisers or projects of some kind to help raise money. We've been absolutely determined to do it with no assistance at all. Maybe that's the wrong way to approach this process.

A friend of mine, who happens to be an adoptive dad, recently told me that most people realize how wrenching this process can be...and how expensive. He reminded me that we should never remove the joy of giving from someone who wants to be a gracious giver, who wants to help us in this process. It's their way of showing love and appreciation of what we're doing. I hadn't thought of it in that light—hadn't thought we could be denying someone the joy of seeing us bring a child home who needs a family. And if God places it on someone's heart to throw in a bit of assistance, is it wrong of us to turn it away? Is it like a slap in the face to Him?

I don't know the answers to all of those questions. I am learning to explore the idea of some kind of fundraiser. I don't know what it will be, but if we go that route, I'm thinking we'll do something online. It's what I'm best at and where I feel most comfortable. There are a lot of lessons to be learned as we move through this process, and I keep praying for my heart to be open to them all. And I can't help but laugh when I think of Him looking down at me and saying, "Jen, suck up the pride and learn when to ask for assistance. Pride only gets you so far."

I'll let you know where this leads us.

The Right Choices

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Wed, 25 May 2011 16:45:00 +0000

It's hard to know if our choices are ever the right ones. It's only after we've made them that we can have the 20/20 hindsight and understand what we might or might not have done differently. I don't live with regrets but sometimes wonder if I could have taken a different path.

As I've been blogging, we plan to file adoption paperwork this year, and it's looking more and more like it will be this fall shortly after we return home from our trip to Ireland. Frankly, the closer we get, the more terrified I become. Am I making the right decision? Are we going to regret giving up our freedom to become parents? What if I have to give up the travel I love so much? Can we really afford another person in our household?

Most of those questions are the voice of fear. I know this deep down in my soul. But that doesn't make the little niggling doubts go away.

One of the biggest concerns for me is how to fund the adoption. Yes, I know you can do fundraisers and bake sales and car washes and... However, even with all of that, there are no guarantees. The good news is we know how to save. We know how to do a budget. We know how to create a plan. The bad news is money doesn't grow on trees. It has to come from somewhere, which means making some sacrifices on our part. On the one hand, I know it's totally worth whatever sacrifice we need to make to bring our kid home. But the other part of my brain is screaming at me, "Don't do it! Don't! What if you regret it? What if this is the biggest mistake of your life?"

The truth is we probably won't have kids any other way. With my health issues and Will's unwillingness to risk my vision with a pregnancy, adoption or no children at all are our options. We don't want to be "old" parents, either, meaning we want to have the kids out of the house by the time we're somewhere in the 50–55 age range. We also realize we want to leave a legacy. After all, what's the purpose in building wealth and preparing for a future if there's no one to share it with down the line in the family tree?

I've been told every parent-to-be has these doubts, these worries, this apprehension and anxiety. Will has promised me we'll continue our travels, and we'll introduce our kid(s) to the world. When I imagine it, I smile. The fear, though...it's always there.

Become a Local

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Mon, 23 May 2011 13:00:00 +0000

When we travel, we try to become like the locals. We eschew the typical American fast food joints like McDonald's, preferring to hit up a café or pub or street vendor instead. We talk to the locals, learning about the sites we shouldn't miss visiting or something off the beaten path most people miss. Usually, this method pays off in one way or another. We end up having a travel experience we can share and laugh about months or even years later.

I never want to be seen as a "tourist." My goal in traveling is to truly experience another part of the world the way those who live there experience. I want to soak in the culture, the vibe, and the surroundings with the eyes of someone who can appreciate what she's seeing—not just checking a place off her to-see list. That isn't to say I don't have a to-see list; it just means that I want to feel as though I live there rather than hitting all of the "must dos." We often skip those "must dos," instead driving along a forgotten road to stumble across a ruin of some sort, like the time we discovered the Notre Dame de Gratemoine in France. Or last year when we were strolling through downtown Ketchum when we walked right into the Ketchum Farmers Market.

This year, when we travel to Ireland, I'm looking forward to becoming a local for a couple of weeks. And in my research, I've found a festival I think Will and I are going to check out taking place only a few miles from our rental cottage. It's called the Dingle Regatta, and after the traditional naomhóg race is over, the town celebrates. It's a great opportunity to mingle and learn more about the culture of the area. It's one of my favorite ways to spend a vacation, and I'm counting down the days!

Ever feel like a fraud?

noreply@blogger.com (Jen) — Thu, 19 May 2011 18:45:00 +0000

Image by Kodamakitty via FlickrWriting has been my passion for many years. I started as a teenager, and I've written off and on since then. When I haven't been writing, I've been living...meaning life hasn't always coincided with my writing. Rather, it hasn't until I made it a priority.

The last few weeks have been rough on me both emotionally, physically, and financially. Financially, we've been juggling several goals, and I've been driving myself nuts trying to figure out how we'll meet them all. We will, but it means buckling down on the budget a little bit more. Fine. Okay. We can handle that. Physically, I've been sick this week, but I've been doing a fairly good job of working out three times a week and losing a little bit of weight in the process. Emotionally? My uncle just died. It's drained me, and tomorrow, I get to make a long drive twice in one day for his funeral. I'm getting up at 4:00 A.M., and I am not a morning person. Repeat, not a morning person.

With all of the combined life events happening seemingly all at once and conspiring to take over my world, that's left little time for writing. And when I have had time to write, my mind just won't go there. In a way, I feel as though I'm sabotaging myself. I've written two complete novels (one of which will never see the light of day), and queries were going well...until I stopped querying. I seem to have lost some vital steam in the process, and I'm not sure how to get it back exactly. When I get home in the evenings, all I really want to think about is the budget, do some reading, work out, and head straight to bed. It's probably not healthy considering writing is a huge outlet for me. That said, though, thinking about happy characters falling in love on the page just hasn't been in me lately. Maybe it's my brain telling me I need to take a break. I don't know, but whatever the problem is, it makes me feel like a fraud. When I say I'm a writer, if I'm having trouble writing, does that make me a fraud? Am I lying to myself? And I'm so happy for all the successes of my writer friends happening all around me. I can't help but think that if I'd just work a little harder, push a little harder, it could happen for me, too. Where did my energy go? Where is the pit bull tenacity that so defines who I am as a person?

Over this past weekend, while I was down sick, I did manage to write 2,200 words on the contemporary novel I've been working on. I'm still not happy with the direction it's going, and I can't seem to move past chapter three without rewrites. I think I'm just going to have to decide revisions can come later and put the words down on paper. The lingering self-doubt isn't getting me anywhere.

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